1 00:00:04,995 --> 00:00:06,593 Oh, my God! What is that? 2 00:00:06,605 --> 00:00:08,822 I don't want to hear it, okay? My mother sent it to me. 3 00:00:08,847 --> 00:00:09,952 It belonged to my father. 4 00:00:09,988 --> 00:00:11,221 We have the same exact butt. 5 00:00:11,236 --> 00:00:13,602 - What are you wearing? - What are you wearing? 6 00:00:13,627 --> 00:00:16,470 I'm dressed for my Booty Burn Boot Camp class. I know what you're thinking. 7 00:00:16,494 --> 00:00:18,702 It's not because I need it. I go to inspire the others. 8 00:00:18,751 --> 00:00:20,970 Please take that thing off. You look like a homeless pencil. 9 00:00:20,995 --> 00:00:22,581 I will not take it off. I have a pass. 10 00:00:22,593 --> 00:00:25,464 - A pass? What kind of pass? - A Dead Dad Pass. 11 00:00:25,572 --> 00:00:27,462 Which means I can do what I want when I want 12 00:00:27,480 --> 00:00:29,036 and no one can say anything about it. 13 00:00:29,053 --> 00:00:32,429 Like right now, I want to tap dance, and you, Jess, 14 00:00:32,448 --> 00:00:34,833 you cannot tell me that this isn't tap. 15 00:00:39,937 --> 00:00:41,453 Nick, that's just not tap! 16 00:00:41,465 --> 00:00:43,693 - My dad died! - I'm sorry. It's just not. 17 00:00:43,724 --> 00:00:46,738 Hey, y'all. Look at these fancy invites. 18 00:00:46,769 --> 00:00:49,594 Do you think it's to a gala event? I've always wanted to go to a gala event. 19 00:00:49,633 --> 00:00:51,814 - Yeah. - What the hell are you wearing? 20 00:00:51,857 --> 00:00:54,741 - Dead Dad Pass. - Oh, my God! It's Cece's wedding. 21 00:00:54,782 --> 00:00:55,899 Wait a minute. 22 00:00:56,216 --> 00:00:58,003 It's in three weeks? 23 00:00:58,207 --> 00:01:00,831 - She didn't tell me it was in three weeks. - Cece didn't give me a plus-one. 24 00:01:00,850 --> 00:01:02,358 How dare she not give me a plus-one. 25 00:01:02,374 --> 00:01:04,409 You can't invite an ex to a wedding and not give him 26 00:01:04,427 --> 00:01:07,337 the dignity of consolation sex. Girl better recognize. 27 00:01:07,357 --> 00:01:09,188 Schmidty gonna go get his plus-one. 28 00:01:11,018 --> 00:01:13,479 Ew, Nick, what are you doing? 29 00:01:14,191 --> 00:01:15,643 Dead Dad Pass. 30 00:01:16,103 --> 00:01:18,736 d Hey, girl 31 00:01:18,780 --> 00:01:20,747 d What you doing? 32 00:01:21,549 --> 00:01:23,851 d Hey, girl 33 00:01:24,257 --> 00:01:26,438 d Where you going? 34 00:01:26,456 --> 00:01:29,138 d Who's that girl? d Who's that girl? d 35 00:01:29,154 --> 00:01:30,622 d Who's that girl? 36 00:01:30,631 --> 00:01:33,150 d Who's that girl? d d It's Jess. 37 00:01:33,175 --> 00:01:37,191 2x22 Bachelorette Party 38 00:01:37,594 --> 00:01:40,463 I have not technically been asked to be maid of honor, 39 00:01:40,499 --> 00:01:44,423 but I am throwing Cece's surprise bachelorette party here tonight, 40 00:01:44,441 --> 00:01:46,857 and the only males invited are strippers, 41 00:01:46,881 --> 00:01:49,266 so oil up or get out, guys. 42 00:01:49,975 --> 00:01:52,094 Seriously though, this is a really big deal for her. 43 00:01:52,106 --> 00:01:54,040 Some girls plan their weddings, 44 00:01:54,100 --> 00:01:56,000 Cece planned her bachelorette party. 45 00:01:56,033 --> 00:01:58,661 I want to have the dirtiest bachelorette party of all time. 46 00:01:58,673 --> 00:02:00,863 Then you better have it in a pigpen. 47 00:02:02,696 --> 00:02:05,408 No, I mean I want strippers and a mechanical bull 48 00:02:05,427 --> 00:02:07,162 and balloons in the shape of ding dongs, 49 00:02:07,264 --> 00:02:09,895 and I want to wear the kind of underwear that goes between your cheeks. 50 00:02:10,603 --> 00:02:11,933 I'm also gonna need your help. 51 00:02:11,944 --> 00:02:13,519 - Oh, God. We could've left. - See. You know what? 52 00:02:13,543 --> 00:02:14,698 We had ample opportunity to leave. 53 00:02:14,728 --> 00:02:16,452 - I saw it coming miles away and did nothing. - Me, too. 54 00:02:16,473 --> 00:02:19,604 No. I just need you to kidnap Shivrang so I can get Cece alone. 55 00:02:19,617 --> 00:02:21,440 Roughhouse him a little bit, drop him off in the desert 56 00:02:21,464 --> 00:02:22,811 till he don't breathe no more? 57 00:02:23,642 --> 00:02:25,226 What?! 58 00:02:26,103 --> 00:02:28,109 I'm so happy you guys could come help. 59 00:02:28,171 --> 00:02:29,790 All the way from India. 60 00:02:32,400 --> 00:02:35,075 Aw, look at all the ladies bonding. 61 00:02:35,326 --> 00:02:37,871 This is so exciting. You know, Grandmother 62 00:02:37,902 --> 00:02:40,460 and Ankita Auntie just couldn't wait to meet you. 63 00:02:40,645 --> 00:02:41,728 Yeah... 64 00:02:43,325 --> 00:02:44,597 Just a little overwhelmed. 65 00:02:44,622 --> 00:02:46,562 - I'm gonna take a... - I know. 66 00:02:47,292 --> 00:02:49,336 Wait, listen. Look, babe. 67 00:02:49,451 --> 00:02:50,508 Just think. 68 00:02:50,539 --> 00:02:53,816 When all of this madness is over, you and I will finally get to, you know... 69 00:02:55,240 --> 00:02:56,877 What are you doing? 70 00:02:56,927 --> 00:02:59,069 - Freaking me out. - You know, make love. 71 00:02:59,088 --> 00:03:01,398 Which I am personally looking forward to greatly. 72 00:03:01,431 --> 00:03:03,392 And we'll already be married forever. 73 00:03:04,382 --> 00:03:06,226 I'll-I'll get it. 74 00:03:07,742 --> 00:03:09,797 Hello... Shivrang? What are you doing here? 75 00:03:09,828 --> 00:03:11,754 I, uh... You stole my question. 76 00:03:11,778 --> 00:03:14,690 Hi. How are you doing? My invitation didn't have a plus-one. 77 00:03:14,709 --> 00:03:16,381 If this is a mistake, I would just like an apology 78 00:03:16,406 --> 00:03:17,572 for the pain that you've caused me. 79 00:03:17,590 --> 00:03:19,449 Also reimbursement for all travel expenses. 80 00:03:19,466 --> 00:03:21,372 Not a mistake. There's no plus-one. 81 00:03:21,384 --> 00:03:23,294 - Who is this? - I'm Gérard Depardieu. 82 00:03:23,323 --> 00:03:25,055 Do you think I am, lady? I'm Schmidt. 83 00:03:25,069 --> 00:03:28,150 - Get in my room right now, Schmidt. Move. - I'm going to your room right now. 84 00:03:30,338 --> 00:03:32,394 Hey, you listen to me. That is my future family, okay? 85 00:03:32,419 --> 00:03:34,392 You cannot speak like that in front of them. 86 00:03:34,420 --> 00:03:37,877 And, no, you cannot have a plus-one. 87 00:03:37,902 --> 00:03:39,713 This wedding has a budget. 88 00:03:39,739 --> 00:03:43,868 Plus-ones are for spouses and serious partners only. 89 00:03:43,887 --> 00:03:46,343 So you just assume that I won't have a serious partner by then? 90 00:03:46,362 --> 00:03:49,074 I know for a fact you won't, okay? You're not a relationship guy, and that is fine. 91 00:03:49,093 --> 00:03:50,606 I can do anything I put my mind to. 92 00:03:50,618 --> 00:03:52,432 I once figured out Alyssa Milano's phone number 93 00:03:52,444 --> 00:03:54,034 just by randomly choosing numbers. 94 00:03:54,075 --> 00:03:56,278 Every girl that I've ever slept with 95 00:03:56,290 --> 00:03:58,299 wants to be my girlfriend. It's just the way that it is. 96 00:03:58,323 --> 00:04:00,850 If you have a real girlfriend by the time of the wedding, 97 00:04:00,875 --> 00:04:02,725 - I will happily give you a plus-one. - Challenge accepted. 98 00:04:02,751 --> 00:04:05,156 - Not a challenge. - Time to go make some dreams come true. 99 00:04:05,174 --> 00:04:06,828 I... 100 00:04:06,950 --> 00:04:08,198 Hey, ladies. 101 00:04:08,216 --> 00:04:10,882 I just want to thank you all for coming on such short notice 102 00:04:10,900 --> 00:04:13,584 - for Cece's last night of freedom. - Hi, models. 103 00:04:13,602 --> 00:04:15,271 - Hi. - Hi. - I'm a lawyer. 104 00:04:15,301 --> 00:04:16,231 Hi. 105 00:04:16,254 --> 00:04:18,044 I'm Sadie. I'm a lesbian. 106 00:04:18,069 --> 00:04:19,455 - Hey. - Hi. - Hi, lesbian. 107 00:04:19,467 --> 00:04:23,128 I'm 39 weeks large right now. 108 00:04:23,153 --> 00:04:25,481 I can't stand for more than 60 seconds 109 00:04:25,487 --> 00:04:28,956 but just wanted to say I'm-I'm so excited to be raging 110 00:04:29,042 --> 00:04:30,448 with you all. 111 00:04:30,481 --> 00:04:33,806 So bring on the cranberry juice, right? 112 00:04:33,914 --> 00:04:36,382 - I need this. - It's really weird. 113 00:04:36,842 --> 00:04:38,142 You're acting really weird. 114 00:04:38,176 --> 00:04:41,259 - So many models. So many. - I know. I know. 115 00:04:41,277 --> 00:04:43,159 You can look. Don't touch. 116 00:04:43,181 --> 00:04:45,418 One more thing? I am a doctor 117 00:04:45,437 --> 00:04:48,221 if anyone's got any areas they want... looked at. 118 00:04:48,237 --> 00:04:50,468 I'm fine to take a peek. That's too much. 119 00:04:50,480 --> 00:04:52,564 Don't make me call your wife. 120 00:04:52,669 --> 00:04:54,144 Oh, my God! Oh, my God! 121 00:04:54,163 --> 00:04:57,908 Cece's here. Everybody assume surprise positions! 122 00:05:01,418 --> 00:05:03,870 She's coming. Cece'soming. 123 00:05:04,121 --> 00:05:05,864 I don't get what's happening. 124 00:05:05,926 --> 00:05:08,816 I'm just gonna run upstairs and quickly grab a CD from Jess. 125 00:05:08,835 --> 00:05:11,844 - I'll come, too. - That's okay. I... I'll be really fast. 126 00:05:11,868 --> 00:05:13,442 I want to see what your friends are like. 127 00:05:13,467 --> 00:05:15,039 - Have fun. - Okay. 128 00:05:15,063 --> 00:05:17,899 - It's gonna be great. It's just Jess. - Okay. 129 00:05:18,657 --> 00:05:20,125 Bye. 130 00:05:20,516 --> 00:05:22,206 I-I'll be right here. 131 00:05:26,261 --> 00:05:27,628 - Hey. - Whoa. 132 00:05:27,646 --> 00:05:29,661 Hey, Nick. Sorry, I thought you were Jane Lynch. 133 00:05:29,685 --> 00:05:32,341 - Jane Lynch. Nice... nice wheels, man. - Yeah, thank you. 134 00:05:32,366 --> 00:05:35,544 - I'm a bit of a car man myself. Well, you know I decided to... - Right on. Good for you. 135 00:05:35,571 --> 00:05:37,972 Too far! 136 00:05:37,990 --> 00:05:39,640 - Oh, take the car. Take the car. - Winston! 137 00:05:39,658 --> 00:05:41,776 I'm gonna beat your ass with an athletic stick, boy! 138 00:05:41,791 --> 00:05:43,817 Winston! Winston! 139 00:05:43,823 --> 00:05:45,925 Jess said to kidnap him, so that's what I'm doing. 140 00:05:45,943 --> 00:05:47,741 It's a figure of speech, you idiot. 141 00:05:47,778 --> 00:05:49,428 - You nervous? - Uh-huh. 142 00:05:50,835 --> 00:05:53,223 - Surprise! - Surprise! 143 00:05:53,988 --> 00:05:55,198 It's your bachelorette party! 144 00:05:55,217 --> 00:05:57,275 - Jess, I... - Love it? I know. 145 00:05:57,294 --> 00:05:58,986 Complete with your favorite game, 146 00:05:58,998 --> 00:06:00,815 Pin the Dong on the Shivrang! 147 00:06:01,191 --> 00:06:05,504 Pin the dong! Pin the dong! 148 00:06:05,814 --> 00:06:07,681 - Oh. Hello. - Oh. 149 00:06:07,751 --> 00:06:10,989 Um, Jess, this is Ankita-ji, 150 00:06:11,005 --> 00:06:14,411 Shivrang's aunt all the way from India. 151 00:06:14,526 --> 00:06:15,651 Hello. 152 00:06:15,664 --> 00:06:17,421 Ankita-ji, this is Jess, 153 00:06:17,452 --> 00:06:19,423 my non-blood related best friend. 154 00:06:19,639 --> 00:06:21,280 Welcome... 155 00:06:21,579 --> 00:06:23,209 to California. 156 00:06:23,648 --> 00:06:25,286 May I please use your restroom? 157 00:06:25,304 --> 00:06:26,834 I need to wash my hands. 158 00:06:26,869 --> 00:06:29,145 Yes, of course. It's down the hall. Um, also 159 00:06:29,170 --> 00:06:32,326 there's a very sexually aggressive message on the mirror 160 00:06:32,345 --> 00:06:34,109 and I apologize for that. 161 00:06:36,216 --> 00:06:37,941 Pin the dong. 162 00:06:37,997 --> 00:06:39,513 - Pin it. - I can't. 163 00:06:39,531 --> 00:06:41,685 Come on, Cece. Get the bull's-eye. 164 00:06:42,914 --> 00:06:44,607 I haven't seen Shivrang's penis. 165 00:06:48,276 --> 00:06:49,139 Oh. 166 00:06:49,157 --> 00:06:50,749 It's that small? 167 00:06:52,087 --> 00:06:54,647 You still know where it goes though. 168 00:06:57,358 --> 00:06:58,533 It just hit me. 169 00:06:58,549 --> 00:07:01,149 I'm about to commit the rest of my life to a man that I have never seen naked. 170 00:07:01,179 --> 00:07:03,253 Cece, chances are he has, like, 171 00:07:03,265 --> 00:07:06,044 a standard garden-variety penis. 172 00:07:06,220 --> 00:07:08,822 And if we're all really honest with ourselves, 173 00:07:08,847 --> 00:07:11,330 isn't it all about the gonads? 174 00:07:11,454 --> 00:07:14,239 - Am I right, ladies? - No. - No. 175 00:07:14,289 --> 00:07:16,091 : I'm trying to make her feel better. 176 00:07:16,122 --> 00:07:18,999 And Ankita cannot hear anything about this, all right? 177 00:07:19,024 --> 00:07:21,668 She will not understand. You guys have to promise 178 00:07:21,693 --> 00:07:23,897 to keep it G-rated tonight. 179 00:07:23,922 --> 00:07:25,955 Cece, you've dreamt of this party your whole life. 180 00:07:25,975 --> 00:07:28,413 - I wouldn't want to change it. - - No. 181 00:07:28,832 --> 00:07:30,279 - Really? - I can't. 182 00:07:30,354 --> 00:07:32,411 - Really? - I can't. 183 00:07:33,948 --> 00:07:36,892 - Okay. - Cece, what if it looks like an old carrot? 184 00:07:37,148 --> 00:07:38,736 What if it's curly? 185 00:07:38,760 --> 00:07:40,487 - Oh, God. - If he's using it right, 186 00:07:40,511 --> 00:07:43,082 no one's seeing his penis. 187 00:07:43,844 --> 00:07:46,318 Okay, I'm gonna fix this. 188 00:07:46,446 --> 00:07:49,676 So, if Jess is throwing Cece a surprise bachelorette party, 189 00:07:49,698 --> 00:07:52,135 does that make this my surprise bachelor party? 190 00:07:52,147 --> 00:07:53,765 You shut that pretty mouth of yours, Romeo, 191 00:07:53,789 --> 00:07:55,171 before I fill it with fire! 192 00:07:55,195 --> 00:07:57,446 Hey, you got to ease up, Winston. 193 00:07:58,550 --> 00:07:59,537 I got to go. 194 00:07:59,561 --> 00:08:02,502 - Oh, no, no, no. No, don't. Please. - I got a call. 195 00:08:04,639 --> 00:08:07,358 I need a picture of Shivrang's penis. 196 00:08:07,371 --> 00:08:10,660 - Dead Dad Pass! New topic! - Cece's really freaking out. 197 00:08:10,685 --> 00:08:13,324 - She hasn't seen his penis. - For the love of God, 198 00:08:13,430 --> 00:08:14,483 Dead Dad Pass. 199 00:08:14,488 --> 00:08:17,292 And I need it to scale, so please put, like, 200 00:08:17,319 --> 00:08:20,002 a nickel or a big toe 201 00:08:20,046 --> 00:08:22,882 or a golf pencil in there for reference. 202 00:08:22,909 --> 00:08:24,455 It's not gonna happen! 203 00:08:24,474 --> 00:08:25,961 One picture and you can come home. 204 00:08:25,979 --> 00:08:28,013 Give me 20 minutes. 205 00:08:28,853 --> 00:08:31,596 If you want to end this, we need to get a photo of Shivrang's penis. 206 00:08:31,761 --> 00:08:33,111 There it is. 207 00:08:33,173 --> 00:08:34,011 Cool. 208 00:08:34,032 --> 00:08:36,950 Hey, Shivrang! We're liars, man! 209 00:08:36,962 --> 00:08:41,168 We are throwing you a good old-fashioned American bachelor party! 210 00:08:41,186 --> 00:08:42,535 - Whoops! - Yeah! 211 00:08:42,554 --> 00:08:43,685 Bachelor party! 212 00:08:43,911 --> 00:08:45,914 Whoa! Whoa! Hey! What are you... 213 00:08:47,264 --> 00:08:48,495 What is wrong with you?! 214 00:08:48,696 --> 00:08:51,297 d Come on, come on d Yeah... d 215 00:08:51,848 --> 00:08:52,751 I know. 216 00:08:52,782 --> 00:08:54,779 Why don't we talk about some of the things 217 00:08:54,803 --> 00:08:56,472 that we love about Shivrang? 218 00:08:56,735 --> 00:08:58,186 I'll start. Um... 219 00:08:58,363 --> 00:09:00,131 he has really good taste in magazines. 220 00:09:00,145 --> 00:09:02,396 - This sucks! - Boring! 221 00:09:02,426 --> 00:09:05,444 - So lame. - Jess, let's put in the slideshow that you made for Cece. 222 00:09:05,463 --> 00:09:06,886 No, I don't think that's a good idea. 223 00:09:06,898 --> 00:09:09,383 - Yes! Time for porn cinema. - No! 224 00:09:10,205 --> 00:09:11,368 Oh, my God, no! 225 00:09:11,405 --> 00:09:14,349 - Oh... - Oh, my God. No. Guys, guys... 226 00:09:15,444 --> 00:09:17,774 How are we gonna get a picture of Shivrang's junk? 227 00:09:19,498 --> 00:09:21,228 Well, spoiler alert: 228 00:09:21,268 --> 00:09:22,893 - Women are liars. - Yeah. Yeah. 229 00:09:22,905 --> 00:09:24,998 They're supposed to want commitment, right? 230 00:09:25,413 --> 00:09:28,057 But then I offer it to them on a silver platter 231 00:09:28,081 --> 00:09:30,176 and they throw it back in my face like a comedy pie. 232 00:09:30,242 --> 00:09:32,303 I know this is awkward because we slept together, 233 00:09:32,315 --> 00:09:34,913 and I never returned any of your phone calls, 234 00:09:34,938 --> 00:09:37,208 so this might come as a shock to you, but... 235 00:09:37,932 --> 00:09:39,887 will you be my girlfriend? 236 00:09:40,085 --> 00:09:41,690 Oh, God. 237 00:09:41,776 --> 00:09:44,883 I thought you had herpes. 238 00:09:45,154 --> 00:09:47,923 But no to the girlfriend, you dick. 239 00:09:49,240 --> 00:09:52,771 Do you remember two years ago when we were watching coverage of the BP oil spill 240 00:09:52,789 --> 00:09:54,553 and doing it during the commercials 241 00:09:54,576 --> 00:09:56,565 and then you asked me if I wanted a serious relationship 242 00:09:56,585 --> 00:09:58,816 and I laughed in your face? 243 00:09:59,573 --> 00:10:01,398 Well, my new answer... 244 00:10:01,454 --> 00:10:03,171 is yes. 245 00:10:05,407 --> 00:10:06,346 Be my girlfriend! 246 00:10:09,627 --> 00:10:11,611 What's that all about? 247 00:10:13,353 --> 00:10:15,093 Cream cheese in bulk? 248 00:10:15,245 --> 00:10:16,983 I mean, it's possible that Cece's right. 249 00:10:17,008 --> 00:10:18,475 I mean, maybe I'm just not 250 00:10:18,515 --> 00:10:20,533 a serious relationship kind of guy. 251 00:10:20,551 --> 00:10:21,877 What are you talking about? 252 00:10:21,913 --> 00:10:23,838 You dated Elizabeth for, like... 253 00:10:23,857 --> 00:10:25,455 - for years. - Yeah. 254 00:10:25,468 --> 00:10:26,844 Elizabeth? 255 00:10:26,956 --> 00:10:28,907 Yeah, but Elizabeth doesn't count. 256 00:10:29,083 --> 00:10:30,703 She was during my "Big Guy" period. 257 00:10:31,916 --> 00:10:34,321 So you like the foot rub? Softer? Harder? 258 00:10:34,339 --> 00:10:36,239 That's perfect, Big Guy. 259 00:10:36,345 --> 00:10:37,875 Look at all these little toes. 260 00:10:37,938 --> 00:10:40,705 All my little toesies feel so good when you rub 'em, though. 261 00:10:41,599 --> 00:10:43,705 This little... this little one went to market. 262 00:10:43,982 --> 00:10:45,195 If Elizabeth doesn't count, 263 00:10:45,219 --> 00:10:47,751 then why is it seared into my brain forever? 264 00:10:47,807 --> 00:10:49,982 - You were awfully salty about that. - She counts. 265 00:10:50,006 --> 00:10:52,861 We need to make Cece jealous, and I don't think that's the route we want to take. 266 00:10:52,908 --> 00:10:54,279 Then go to the wedding alone. 267 00:10:54,291 --> 00:10:55,984 - Oh. - Well, then, go with Elizabeth. 268 00:10:56,009 --> 00:10:57,999 Great idea, Winston. I'm gonna ask Elizabeth. 269 00:10:58,024 --> 00:10:59,837 Yeah. You were of no help to me, Nick. 270 00:10:59,871 --> 00:11:01,500 That's what... my whole thing about the whole thing 271 00:11:01,525 --> 00:11:03,153 with Elizabeth was that I was also suggesting... 272 00:11:03,177 --> 00:11:05,650 - Thanks, guys. - You're an idiot, dude. - You're the worst. 273 00:11:05,710 --> 00:11:07,535 - You guys were... - How did you know we were here? 274 00:11:07,547 --> 00:11:10,056 Oh! Oh, I just couldn't decide. 275 00:11:10,150 --> 00:11:12,435 Your country's refusal to embrace Robbie Williams 276 00:11:12,447 --> 00:11:13,504 will forever baffle me. 277 00:11:13,535 --> 00:11:14,998 Well, I got to say, we're really glad 278 00:11:15,016 --> 00:11:16,776 you're back at the table with us, Shivrang. 279 00:11:16,794 --> 00:11:18,539 - Shivrung. - Let's play a classic 280 00:11:18,564 --> 00:11:20,778 - bachelor party game right now. - Mm-hmm, all right. 281 00:11:20,790 --> 00:11:22,982 - I'm gonna take a photo of my junk. - Oh, no, you're not. 282 00:11:23,004 --> 00:11:25,506 - Yeah, I am. 'Cause this is what we do in America, Shivrang. - What? 283 00:11:25,524 --> 00:11:26,755 Oh, you guys... 284 00:11:26,775 --> 00:11:29,332 - I work here. It doesn't matter. They're not gonna fire me. - Oh, okay. 285 00:11:29,362 --> 00:11:31,134 - Yeah, yeah, it's fine. - Okay. 286 00:11:31,655 --> 00:11:33,798 - That is my junk in a photo. - Yup. - Just... 287 00:11:33,829 --> 00:11:35,546 Okay. It's your turn, Shivrang. 288 00:11:35,570 --> 00:11:37,109 - Take a photo of your junk. - Oh, no. No, thanks. 289 00:11:37,136 --> 00:11:38,835 - We're all doing it. - No, it's not... Absolutely not. 290 00:11:38,847 --> 00:11:40,942 - I'm begging you. - But I will get us another round of drinks. 291 00:11:40,955 --> 00:11:42,337 - Take the photo... - Take the picture, Shivrang. 292 00:11:42,355 --> 00:11:43,842 Who fancies a shandy? 293 00:11:43,876 --> 00:11:45,885 - What the hell is that? - It's a drink. 294 00:11:46,826 --> 00:11:49,778 Two for you guys coming right up. 295 00:11:50,381 --> 00:11:51,999 Cece actually designed that toilet. 296 00:11:53,063 --> 00:11:55,239 Cece was a volunteer nurse, and, um... 297 00:11:56,110 --> 00:11:57,644 No bottoms? 298 00:11:58,464 --> 00:12:01,526 You know, what-what happens in Orlando stays in Orlando. 299 00:12:01,929 --> 00:12:04,245 Nadia, seriously, turn it off. 300 00:12:05,712 --> 00:12:08,593 Cece, is this how you like to spend time with your friends? 301 00:12:08,636 --> 00:12:10,305 Is this the kind of wife you want to be? 302 00:12:10,317 --> 00:12:12,114 No, no. It's not at all, okay? 303 00:12:12,133 --> 00:12:13,764 I didn't even know this party was happening. 304 00:12:13,776 --> 00:12:15,451 It was a surprise. 305 00:12:15,570 --> 00:12:18,282 I promise you, this is so not me. 306 00:12:18,317 --> 00:12:20,885 I didn't want any of it. 307 00:12:25,430 --> 00:12:28,695 Cece, you wanted a bachelorette party ever since I've known you. 308 00:12:28,749 --> 00:12:30,552 Why do you have to pretend to be somebody you're not? 309 00:12:30,571 --> 00:12:33,819 - What are you saying? - I'm just saying, this is all moving really, really fast, 310 00:12:33,831 --> 00:12:35,750 and maybe you need to get to know Shivrang a little bit more, 311 00:12:35,768 --> 00:12:38,777 and maybe you need to slow this down so he can get to know you. 312 00:12:38,804 --> 00:12:40,125 I'm getting married in three weeks. 313 00:12:40,137 --> 00:12:43,037 - Are you saying that I shouldn't get married in three weeks? - No. I'm just saying 314 00:12:43,055 --> 00:12:44,555 that maybe you should... - I knew it! I knew it! 315 00:12:44,579 --> 00:12:47,436 You have been against this wedding from the beginning. 316 00:12:47,459 --> 00:12:50,407 Fine! I don't think you should marry Shivrang 317 00:12:50,438 --> 00:12:53,168 if it means you have to change who you are. - 318 00:12:55,815 --> 00:12:57,897 Yeah, well, I don't need to take relationship advice 319 00:12:57,922 --> 00:12:59,777 from a girl who's in the middle of a seventh grade debacle 320 00:12:59,789 --> 00:13:01,222 with a boy across the hall! 321 00:13:01,250 --> 00:13:03,862 - Oh! - "Oh, I'm a single adult, and I kissed another 322 00:13:03,878 --> 00:13:06,141 "single adult. What's gonna happen? 323 00:13:06,160 --> 00:13:07,116 "Does Nick like me? 324 00:13:07,128 --> 00:13:08,745 "I better go pick out a party dress. 325 00:13:08,783 --> 00:13:10,845 - I wear pajama sets!" - You question 326 00:13:10,864 --> 00:13:13,309 my pajamas, you make me question our entire friendship. 327 00:13:13,321 --> 00:13:15,892 - Let's say it, Jess! - You never asked me to be your maid of honor. 328 00:13:15,911 --> 00:13:17,276 It's awful hot in here. 329 00:13:17,294 --> 00:13:19,389 Who wants to cool down with a double scoop 330 00:13:19,408 --> 00:13:20,942 of Alfredo? 331 00:13:21,091 --> 00:13:23,504 - Not now, Alfredo! - Seriously? 332 00:13:23,950 --> 00:13:26,022 d I'll take you to the candy shop d 333 00:13:26,405 --> 00:13:28,849 d I'll let you lick the lollipop d 334 00:13:28,873 --> 00:13:31,057 d Go ahead, girl, don't you stop d 335 00:13:31,313 --> 00:13:32,832 d Keep going till you hit the spot. d 336 00:13:35,378 --> 00:13:37,646 Congratulations, Cece. 337 00:13:40,702 --> 00:13:42,863 Well, chaps, I guess we'll just have to make our own. 338 00:13:42,885 --> 00:13:45,203 But first, I have to use the bathroom. 339 00:13:45,294 --> 00:13:47,819 See you in a minute. This is fun. 340 00:13:47,845 --> 00:13:49,415 Are you thinking what I'm thinking? 341 00:13:50,081 --> 00:13:51,164 Yeah. 342 00:13:52,199 --> 00:13:53,945 - Fire...! - Oh! 343 00:13:53,957 --> 00:13:55,938 - Real fire. This fire is real. - Fire! 344 00:13:55,950 --> 00:13:57,519 - Whoa! - What are you doing? 345 00:13:57,544 --> 00:14:00,438 - You were supposed to take the picture. - Aah! It's burning so fast! 346 00:14:00,450 --> 00:14:02,010 Go put it out! 347 00:14:02,035 --> 00:14:03,229 You... Oh! 348 00:14:03,248 --> 00:14:05,370 Look, you guys are acting really, really peculiar. 349 00:14:05,382 --> 00:14:06,238 What is going on? 350 00:14:06,260 --> 00:14:08,327 What is going on... 351 00:14:08,533 --> 00:14:10,180 is that, uh... 352 00:14:10,532 --> 00:14:12,581 recently I've been one-half orphaned. 353 00:14:12,735 --> 00:14:15,379 - I'm sorry. - My-my dad passed away. 354 00:14:15,403 --> 00:14:18,247 - We orphans, man! - And it would mean the world 355 00:14:18,265 --> 00:14:20,400 to us-- not so much-- 356 00:14:20,433 --> 00:14:22,195 - if, uh... - I miss Walt so much. 357 00:14:22,220 --> 00:14:23,792 If we can get a photo of your penis. 358 00:14:23,827 --> 00:14:25,071 Wait. What? I'm sor... 359 00:14:25,084 --> 00:14:26,899 It would help with the grieving, it would just... 360 00:14:26,911 --> 00:14:28,805 - For Walt, man. - All right, all right, enough! 361 00:14:28,830 --> 00:14:30,099 Okay. 362 00:14:30,254 --> 00:14:32,828 We need a photo for... 363 00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:34,503 for Cece. 364 00:14:34,619 --> 00:14:37,430 - Cece? - Yeah. She's freaking out 'cause she's never seen you naked. 365 00:14:37,442 --> 00:14:39,402 And she's afraid it looks all funky. 366 00:14:39,420 --> 00:14:42,177 So just show us that it looks regular, and we all go home. 367 00:14:42,221 --> 00:14:43,855 She's freaking out? 368 00:14:43,926 --> 00:14:46,392 Look, guys, I've-I've got to go. 369 00:14:46,410 --> 00:14:47,993 I have... I have to talk to her. 370 00:14:48,018 --> 00:14:50,635 Oh, you're... We're all in the same car. Ugh! 371 00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:53,064 - You know, I'm gonna take care of this. - How are you gonna take of this? 372 00:14:53,089 --> 00:14:55,717 Crop, rotate, rotate... and send. 373 00:14:55,726 --> 00:14:57,001 - What are you doing? - I mean, this. 374 00:14:57,014 --> 00:14:58,742 - I just send a picture of your penis to Jess... - No! 375 00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,267 - ...and told her it was Shivrang's. - No! 376 00:15:00,289 --> 00:15:02,435 - So now, we good. - You did not just do that. 377 00:15:02,611 --> 00:15:04,045 Oh. 378 00:15:04,789 --> 00:15:07,532 - Shivrang. - What, Shivrang? Shivrang, what? 379 00:15:07,558 --> 00:15:09,335 - What? - No, nothing. It's nothing. Don't. 380 00:15:09,354 --> 00:15:11,096 - Oh, my God. - "Shivrang's Shiv"? 381 00:15:11,119 --> 00:15:13,300 You got your idiot roommates to kidnap 382 00:15:13,325 --> 00:15:15,481 - my fiancé to take a picture of his penis? - Well, you were freaking out! 383 00:15:15,512 --> 00:15:17,712 Well, see... Three more weeks of winter. 384 00:15:17,722 --> 00:15:19,029 Oh, my God. 385 00:15:19,563 --> 00:15:21,814 - What are you doing? - : Get out! 386 00:15:21,838 --> 00:15:25,141 Sorry. I'm so sorry. I immediately regret that. 387 00:15:25,151 --> 00:15:26,911 - Show me! - Okay. 388 00:15:34,704 --> 00:15:38,671 You are scared because you haven't seen your future husband's manhood? 389 00:15:39,041 --> 00:15:42,394 Where I come from, women cry about this for days. 390 00:16:03,191 --> 00:16:04,472 This is real. 391 00:16:04,526 --> 00:16:06,261 This is not a dream. 392 00:16:07,410 --> 00:16:09,442 Look, I've kept off the weight. 393 00:16:09,641 --> 00:16:13,844 You knew me when action sandals were my necessary footwear. 394 00:16:13,939 --> 00:16:15,958 - What do you want? - Why do you think I want something? 395 00:16:15,977 --> 00:16:17,564 Because I dated you for four years. 396 00:16:17,576 --> 00:16:19,956 I know when you want something. What do you want? 397 00:16:19,968 --> 00:16:22,635 I would like to take you to a wedding, because I miss you so much... 398 00:16:22,654 --> 00:16:25,998 No, I can't take you seriously when you're wearing such tight pants. 399 00:16:26,329 --> 00:16:27,466 Get to the point. 400 00:16:27,505 --> 00:16:31,529 Okay, look, my model ex-girlfriend 401 00:16:31,554 --> 00:16:33,795 is getting married to some small little Indian man 402 00:16:33,814 --> 00:16:35,492 who I just don't understand. 403 00:16:35,605 --> 00:16:38,882 Okay, and I want you to pretend to be my girlfriend 404 00:16:38,913 --> 00:16:41,055 so she gets very sad, and then, breaks off the wedding, 405 00:16:41,080 --> 00:16:42,243 and then, runs away with me. 406 00:16:42,266 --> 00:16:43,594 - No. Not a chance. - No? 407 00:16:43,958 --> 00:16:45,414 Wait, wait, wait, please. 408 00:16:45,493 --> 00:16:47,956 - Elizabeth? - I'm only gonna say this once. 409 00:16:48,266 --> 00:16:50,797 You were the greatest boyfriend. 410 00:16:50,973 --> 00:16:52,604 I loved Big Guy. 411 00:16:52,708 --> 00:16:56,408 But then, you lost weight, and you got mean. 412 00:16:58,270 --> 00:17:00,039 You stopped listening to me. 413 00:17:00,061 --> 00:17:01,811 You changed completely. 414 00:17:02,133 --> 00:17:03,968 You stopped paying for my dinner. 415 00:17:05,672 --> 00:17:07,437 Elizabeth, to be fair, 416 00:17:07,453 --> 00:17:10,241 at that point, you were eating the lion's share of the food. 417 00:17:10,266 --> 00:17:12,739 And you were sitting there eating one basil leaf, 418 00:17:12,751 --> 00:17:14,650 looking like an idiot panda bear. 419 00:17:14,683 --> 00:17:17,952 - Well... - Look, I loved Big Guy 420 00:17:17,970 --> 00:17:19,490 with all my heart. 421 00:17:19,573 --> 00:17:23,579 But I have no interest in helping the guy who's standing in front of me now. 422 00:17:24,212 --> 00:17:26,126 I hate your hair. 423 00:17:27,216 --> 00:17:31,111 And I looked, and I looked, and I couldn't find it. Where is it? 424 00:17:31,223 --> 00:17:32,606 And then, I realized, 425 00:17:32,897 --> 00:17:34,580 uh-oh. 426 00:17:34,783 --> 00:17:36,296 That is not his leg. 427 00:17:40,339 --> 00:17:42,939 Oh, hey, uh, Jess, uh, please tell me... 428 00:17:42,970 --> 00:17:44,950 that nobody's looked at your photos in your phone. - Hey... 429 00:17:44,962 --> 00:17:46,208 Um... 430 00:17:46,402 --> 00:17:47,439 you're too late. 431 00:17:47,481 --> 00:17:48,525 Cece looked at it. 432 00:17:48,556 --> 00:17:50,441 We all looked at it. 433 00:17:51,441 --> 00:17:52,623 Prize hog, Shivrang. 434 00:17:52,647 --> 00:17:53,908 - Yeah... 435 00:17:53,940 --> 00:17:56,248 - I'm so sorry they made you do it. - Oh, it's okay. 436 00:17:56,265 --> 00:17:58,372 Actually, it wasn't mine. 437 00:17:58,378 --> 00:17:59,922 - What?! Whose was it? - What?! 438 00:17:59,951 --> 00:18:01,177 It was mine. 439 00:18:01,196 --> 00:18:03,268 What?! No way! 440 00:18:03,293 --> 00:18:05,224 - Yeah, it was, uh... Those were my privates. - Are you serious? 441 00:18:05,249 --> 00:18:07,972 I'm serious. Give me my phone. I want it back now. 442 00:18:08,003 --> 00:18:08,891 I have a Dead Dad Pass! 443 00:18:08,908 --> 00:18:10,396 - I have a Dead Dad Pass! - No! No! It's my property! 444 00:18:10,415 --> 00:18:13,898 What is going on here? And why is Alfredo crying in the elevator? 445 00:18:13,971 --> 00:18:16,850 - Hello, Jew. - What's up, Nadia? 446 00:18:19,310 --> 00:18:20,529 It's just... 447 00:18:20,594 --> 00:18:22,800 it's just that there's so much we don't know about each other, and I... 448 00:18:22,820 --> 00:18:24,523 It's fine. That's it. I'm showing it to you. 449 00:18:24,541 --> 00:18:25,971 I'm showing you my software. 450 00:18:25,996 --> 00:18:27,808 No, no, no! No, no! 451 00:18:27,834 --> 00:18:29,244 - It's called hardware, Jack. - Yeah. 452 00:18:29,262 --> 00:18:30,863 If it run, I catch it. 453 00:18:30,882 --> 00:18:32,251 I mean, I don't want to see it. I do. 454 00:18:32,269 --> 00:18:34,849 - Okay. - But not-not... not here. 455 00:18:35,582 --> 00:18:37,002 I'm sorry. 456 00:18:37,152 --> 00:18:39,074 It's just, you know, I-I... 457 00:18:39,092 --> 00:18:40,849 Sometimes it feels like we're just moving so fast, 458 00:18:40,855 --> 00:18:43,104 and I feel crazy that we're just... 459 00:18:43,407 --> 00:18:46,076 jumping in blindly. 460 00:18:46,878 --> 00:18:49,663 But maybe that's what makes this special. 461 00:18:50,587 --> 00:18:53,014 It's just a real leap of faith, Shivrang. 462 00:18:53,428 --> 00:18:55,560 Yeah, uh, but look, the first thing 463 00:18:55,578 --> 00:18:57,498 that you need to know about me is 464 00:18:57,517 --> 00:19:00,589 that it's actually pronounced Shivrung. 465 00:19:00,607 --> 00:19:03,295 - I don't know how to pronounce your name?! - No, no. 466 00:19:03,307 --> 00:19:05,128 You were just so pretty, I didn't want to correct you. 467 00:19:05,140 --> 00:19:08,676 But look, the most important thing is that I am gonna do my best 468 00:19:08,688 --> 00:19:11,805 to make you the happiest woman on the face of the earth. 469 00:19:19,661 --> 00:19:21,879 Shavvy's getting nasty. 470 00:19:22,588 --> 00:19:24,005 Shavvy a dog. 471 00:19:24,070 --> 00:19:25,204 Shavvy? 472 00:19:25,265 --> 00:19:26,642 We're friends now. 473 00:19:26,713 --> 00:19:28,380 Dead Dad Pass. 474 00:19:32,727 --> 00:19:33,734 Hey. 475 00:19:34,929 --> 00:19:36,847 Look, Cece... 476 00:19:37,064 --> 00:19:38,645 I just wanted to say that 477 00:19:38,657 --> 00:19:40,904 if I was ever selfish in our relationship... 478 00:19:40,923 --> 00:19:44,133 What do you mean, "if," and what do you mean, "relationship"? 479 00:19:44,498 --> 00:19:46,998 That's fair. Um... 480 00:19:47,244 --> 00:19:49,318 if I was... 481 00:19:49,590 --> 00:19:51,787 I sincerely apologize. 482 00:19:52,151 --> 00:19:55,675 So, challenge unaccepted. I don't want a plus-one. 483 00:19:57,088 --> 00:19:58,664 I'm really happy for you. 484 00:19:58,699 --> 00:20:00,358 Thank you. 485 00:20:04,572 --> 00:20:05,924 Good night, Schmidt. 486 00:20:05,976 --> 00:20:07,666 Schmidty out. 487 00:20:08,902 --> 00:20:09,915 - Hey. - Hey. 488 00:20:09,927 --> 00:20:12,535 I just want to say, um, I'm really sorry about... 489 00:20:12,554 --> 00:20:15,075 No. I'm-I'm... I'm sorry. 490 00:20:15,725 --> 00:20:16,959 And there's, uh... 491 00:20:17,408 --> 00:20:19,410 There's something I've been wanting to ask you. 492 00:20:19,519 --> 00:20:23,082 It's not traditional in Indian weddings to have a maid of honor, but... 493 00:20:23,870 --> 00:20:26,371 I would really love it if you would be mine. 494 00:20:27,133 --> 00:20:29,282 Yeah. I mean, I don't know... 495 00:20:29,313 --> 00:20:30,548 What?! 496 00:20:30,612 --> 00:20:34,732 Yes! Oh, my God, thank you so much for asking me! 497 00:20:37,114 --> 00:20:39,702 I paid. All yours, no judgments. 498 00:20:39,721 --> 00:20:41,113 Why'd you come back, Schmidt? 499 00:20:41,131 --> 00:20:42,697 The Big Guy is... 500 00:20:42,743 --> 00:20:45,506 Well, he's still somewhere inside this... 501 00:20:46,284 --> 00:20:47,972 perfect body. 502 00:20:48,212 --> 00:20:50,415 He needs you to coax him out a little bit. 503 00:20:50,496 --> 00:20:52,293 Please tell him what to do next. 504 00:20:52,394 --> 00:20:53,474 Eat the pizza. 505 00:20:53,530 --> 00:20:55,313 Eat all the pizza... 506 00:20:55,467 --> 00:20:57,968 while I watch... right now. 507 00:20:59,686 --> 00:21:01,138 Okay. 508 00:21:02,913 --> 00:21:04,711 Oh. It's so greasy. 509 00:21:04,968 --> 00:21:06,389 So many carbs. 510 00:21:07,288 --> 00:21:09,509 Hey guys... Oh boy. 511 00:21:11,235 --> 00:21:14,037 Welcome home, melted cheese. 512 00:21:14,446 --> 00:21:16,121 Oh. 513 00:21:20,003 --> 00:21:22,362 I don't even know what pepperoni's made of. 514 00:21:22,630 --> 00:21:24,383 It's so good. 515 00:21:24,753 --> 00:21:26,472 Is that your happy dance, big boy? 516 00:21:26,491 --> 00:21:28,139 I love it. 517 00:21:28,577 --> 00:21:30,645 - Oh, there he is. - Yup. 518 00:21:30,676 --> 00:21:32,428 There's my big guy. 519 00:21:32,459 --> 00:21:34,685 It's like waking up from a bad salad dream. 520 00:21:34,742 --> 00:21:36,810 d Big guy in the house. 521 00:21:36,893 --> 00:21:41,893 Resync for WEB-DL by Norther