1
00:00:03,912 --> 00:00:05,279
Damn, man.
2
00:00:05,314 --> 00:00:07,048
You look tired.
Your eyes are puffy as hell.
3
00:00:07,082 --> 00:00:09,884
I'm unwell, Winston.
(Sighs)
4
00:00:09,918 --> 00:00:12,453
I'm just torn up about this
whole Cece and Elizabeth thing.
5
00:00:12,487 --> 00:00:14,889
I feel so guilty, I can't even
look at myself in the mirror.
6
00:00:14,923 --> 00:00:16,390
Do you think that I'm good person?
7
00:00:16,425 --> 00:00:18,292
I'm gonna...
8
00:00:18,327 --> 00:00:19,560
Hey, guys, do you guys think
that I'm a good person?
9
00:00:19,595 --> 00:00:20,561
You're a terrible person.
10
00:00:20,596 --> 00:00:23,231
- It's hilarious.
- You cheated on my best friend, Schmidt.
11
00:00:23,265 --> 00:00:26,234
F-Fair enough. Okay.
Well, I'm better than Winston.
12
00:00:26,268 --> 00:00:28,636
You're better at things than Winston,
but he's a better person.
13
00:00:28,670 --> 00:00:31,036
- Winston freakin' stinks!
- Okay, why am I being dragged into this?
14
00:00:31,063 --> 00:00:32,969
Because I'm mad, Winston.
15
00:00:33,467 --> 00:00:35,911
And I'm tired. And...
16
00:00:35,982 --> 00:00:37,486
I'm a good...
17
00:00:37,758 --> 00:00:39,414
I'm a good man.
18
00:00:39,546 --> 00:00:41,222
Are you crying?
19
00:00:42,082 --> 00:00:43,783
(Knocking on door)
20
00:00:46,787 --> 00:00:48,388
I got a package for Nick Miller.
21
00:00:48,422 --> 00:00:50,935
There's nobody here
by that name.
22
00:00:51,392 --> 00:00:53,359
(Whispers):
I got this.
23
00:00:53,394 --> 00:00:55,361
I saw that.
24
00:00:55,396 --> 00:00:56,996
- Run, Nick! Run!
- Aah!
25
00:00:57,031 --> 00:00:58,302
What?
26
00:00:58,337 --> 00:01:00,665
Relax, I'm with your late father's estate.
27
00:01:00,868 --> 00:01:02,402
- Pop-pop?
- This is for him.
28
00:01:05,906 --> 00:01:08,007
What's in there?
29
00:01:08,042 --> 00:01:09,509
It's a hand, isn't it?
Just tell me if it's a hand.
30
00:01:09,543 --> 00:01:11,077
Oh, my God!
31
00:01:11,111 --> 00:01:13,513
- It is a hand.
- It's a... I knew it.
32
00:01:13,547 --> 00:01:15,548
It's a hand.
What does that mean, though?
33
00:01:15,582 --> 00:01:17,917
Full of dollar bills, y'all!
34
00:01:17,951 --> 00:01:19,952
You are rich, man!
35
00:01:20,087 --> 00:01:22,889
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
36
00:01:22,923 --> 00:01:24,390
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
37
00:01:24,425 --> 00:01:26,092
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
38
00:01:26,226 --> 00:01:29,228
I can't believe Nick's dad
left him $8,000.
39
00:01:29,263 --> 00:01:31,731
I've never seen someone
burn through money so fast.
40
00:01:31,765 --> 00:01:33,866
- (Laughs)
- I should say something.
41
00:01:33,901 --> 00:01:35,268
Some of these shoes
aren't even his size.
42
00:01:35,302 --> 00:01:38,037
Look, Jess, you don't want to talk
to Nick about money, okay?
43
00:01:38,072 --> 00:01:40,273
It is a very touchy subject.
44
00:01:40,307 --> 00:01:42,241
I'm gonna check out
this fancy picture place.
45
00:01:42,276 --> 00:01:44,744
Seems like rich guys always have
pictures of themselves.
46
00:01:44,778 --> 00:01:47,847
My man. Do you, baby.
(Chuckles)
47
00:01:47,881 --> 00:01:50,249
I'm gonna be honest with you.
Nick owes me
48
00:01:50,284 --> 00:01:53,519
1,900 bucks, so this here
is my opportunity to get it back.
49
00:01:53,554 --> 00:01:55,555
JESS: How are you expecting
to get your money back
50
00:01:55,589 --> 00:01:57,523
if he blows it all on stupid stuff?
51
00:01:57,558 --> 00:01:59,625
WINSTON: Oh, don't worry, Jess.
I have a plan.
52
00:01:59,660 --> 00:02:01,227
Hey, listen, you know you
don't have to con him
53
00:02:01,261 --> 00:02:03,863
if he actually owes you money.
You can just ask him.
54
00:02:03,897 --> 00:02:08,735
(Laughing)
55
00:02:08,769 --> 00:02:11,571
I just told you to ask him
for the money.
56
00:02:12,573 --> 00:02:13,539
Smile...
57
00:02:13,574 --> 00:02:14,707
(Laughing)
58
00:02:14,742 --> 00:02:16,909
NICK: Do the crystals make it
look too glamorous?
59
00:02:16,944 --> 00:02:18,282
It's really glamorous.
60
00:02:18,369 --> 00:02:20,083
I don't even know.
I don't know what's cool anymore.
61
00:02:20,118 --> 00:02:22,148
It could be a good time
to start a bank account.
62
00:02:22,182 --> 00:02:23,950
Yeah, or I could just flush it
down the toilet.
63
00:02:23,984 --> 00:02:25,518
It's not really the same thing, but...
64
00:02:25,552 --> 00:02:28,654
A bank is just a paper bag
but with fancier walls.
65
00:02:28,689 --> 00:02:31,524
That's all it is. I'm gonna keep
my money where my mouth is.
66
00:02:31,558 --> 00:02:33,960
Um, under my nose.
67
00:02:33,994 --> 00:02:36,429
That saying actually does work.
68
00:02:42,236 --> 00:02:44,137
- What is that?
- This is my box.
69
00:02:44,171 --> 00:02:47,340
It's where I keep all my junk
that I don't feel like dealing with.
70
00:02:47,374 --> 00:02:49,909
That looks like a lot of bills.
It's... mostly bills.
71
00:02:49,943 --> 00:02:51,444
Like I said, it's junk.
72
00:02:51,478 --> 00:02:53,012
You know,
I'm just brainstorming here,
73
00:02:53,046 --> 00:02:54,447
but what if you paid some
of those bills
74
00:02:54,481 --> 00:02:56,048
with the money you just got?
75
00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:58,951
(Laughing):
Yeah. I'm gonna "pay my bill."
76
00:02:58,986 --> 00:03:02,221
And what's next? I'm gonna go
to the doctor and get a checkup.
77
00:03:02,256 --> 00:03:04,424
Give them $500 to check my bones.
78
00:03:04,458 --> 00:03:06,058
You're being funny.
79
00:03:12,933 --> 00:03:15,168
So, yeah, I was dating both
of them at the same time.
80
00:03:15,202 --> 00:03:18,571
I'm a mess. I can't sleep.
I urinate constantly.
81
00:03:18,605 --> 00:03:21,841
I cried the other day listening
to a techno song.
82
00:03:21,875 --> 00:03:23,743
My tweets have been extremely literal.
83
00:03:23,777 --> 00:03:25,478
Were the girls Jewish?
84
00:03:25,512 --> 00:03:27,480
One Indian, one regular.
Do you want to see a picture?
85
00:03:27,514 --> 00:03:29,315
I-I don't even know why you're here.
86
00:03:29,349 --> 00:03:31,784
You come in and say,
"Do you have a minute?"
87
00:03:31,819 --> 00:03:33,686
Okay, I'm-I'm sorry, Rabbi.
It's just that...
88
00:03:33,720 --> 00:03:36,689
Okay, it's much more simple.
(Sighs)
89
00:03:36,723 --> 00:03:38,524
How can I be a better person?
90
00:03:38,559 --> 00:03:40,460
Oh.
91
00:03:40,494 --> 00:03:42,862
Well, you seem awfully concerned
with yourself.
92
00:03:42,896 --> 00:03:45,932
You might want to start thinking
about the needs of others.
93
00:03:45,966 --> 00:03:47,333
I think about others all the time.
94
00:03:47,367 --> 00:03:49,969
What-what I can get from them,
how they can give me pleasure,
95
00:03:50,003 --> 00:03:51,137
do they have a silly little walk
96
00:03:51,171 --> 00:03:53,072
- that I can make fun of?
- No, th-that's...
97
00:03:53,106 --> 00:03:56,809
It's where you actually care
about somebody else.
98
00:03:56,844 --> 00:03:59,545
You put their needs ahead of your own.
99
00:03:59,580 --> 00:04:01,547
This is one of the few times
that I wish I was Catholic.
100
00:04:01,582 --> 00:04:04,116
Couple Hail Marys
and I'd be off the hook.
101
00:04:04,151 --> 00:04:05,785
Huh?
102
00:04:07,488 --> 00:04:08,521
(Car horn beeping)
103
00:04:08,555 --> 00:04:10,556
(Tires screech) (Woman screams)
(Bike clatters)
104
00:04:13,460 --> 00:04:15,094
Oh, God. Whoa.
105
00:04:15,128 --> 00:04:17,163
Are you choking?
You're choking. Okay.
106
00:04:17,197 --> 00:04:20,233
Uh... What, are you biking and eating?
107
00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:22,335
All right, I got you, I got you.
108
00:04:22,369 --> 00:04:24,403
(Grunts)
Come on! Live! Live!
109
00:04:24,438 --> 00:04:25,805
Live, biker!
(Gasps)
110
00:04:25,839 --> 00:04:27,640
- Ew. Yeah!
- Thank you.
111
00:04:27,674 --> 00:04:28,941
You saved my life.
112
00:04:28,976 --> 00:04:30,510
What?
113
00:04:30,544 --> 00:04:31,811
You saved my life.
114
00:04:33,347 --> 00:04:34,413
You saved my life.
115
00:04:34,448 --> 00:04:36,082
(Panting)
116
00:04:36,116 --> 00:04:40,086
- I did. Yes. Yes.
- Thank you... Thank you...
117
00:04:40,120 --> 00:04:42,822
Yes! Dude!
118
00:04:42,856 --> 00:04:45,758
This is exactly what I needed.
Oh, my God.
119
00:04:45,792 --> 00:04:47,994
Let us rejoice in song.
120
00:04:48,028 --> 00:04:50,663
♪ Sh'ma Yis'ra'eil ♪
121
00:04:50,697 --> 00:04:52,843
♪ Adonai Eloheinu ♪
122
00:04:52,882 --> 00:04:55,663
- Please call 911. I'm hurt.
- Oh, yeah, no, that's a great idea.
123
00:04:55,802 --> 00:04:57,336
I'm gonna call 911.
(Moans)
124
00:04:57,371 --> 00:04:58,971
I hope you don't have
a dance recital later.
125
00:04:59,006 --> 00:05:00,840
I'm just kidding.
Don't look at your legs.
126
00:05:00,874 --> 00:05:02,275
(Moaning)
127
00:05:02,309 --> 00:05:05,511
(Quietly): That's, uh, $900
to the Parking Authority of Los Angeles.
128
00:05:05,546 --> 00:05:08,848
Oh, is it okay to mail cash?
129
00:05:08,882 --> 00:05:11,817
I'm gonna do it anyway.
All right, it's on its way.
130
00:05:18,692 --> 00:05:20,493
- Sliders are beautiful.
- I know, man.
131
00:05:20,527 --> 00:05:22,828
- I knew you would think that.
- I love 'em, dude.
132
00:05:22,863 --> 00:05:24,163
That's why I made 'em.
133
00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:27,700
What is that?
134
00:05:27,734 --> 00:05:30,202
Brotherhood.
Brotherhood, man.
135
00:05:30,237 --> 00:05:32,405
All right, man. I respect you, man,
no matter what.
136
00:05:32,439 --> 00:05:35,408
That's what it's about, man.
Yeah, and, um...
137
00:05:35,442 --> 00:05:37,410
in the spirit of brotherhood...
138
00:05:37,444 --> 00:05:39,312
just 'cause we on that level right now...
I was just thinking
139
00:05:39,346 --> 00:05:42,148
- maybe, I don't know, um...
- Anything, man. Shoot.
140
00:05:42,182 --> 00:05:43,916
Oh, man.
141
00:05:43,951 --> 00:05:46,619
Maybe you can just pay me back
that money that you owe me.
142
00:05:46,653 --> 00:05:48,621
Remember?
'Cause you owe me that money...?
143
00:05:49,990 --> 00:05:52,892
- Uh, Nick? Nick?
- Oh...
144
00:05:52,926 --> 00:05:56,896
- Nick? Nick? Hey, Nick.
- Oh, you stink!
145
00:05:56,930 --> 00:05:59,332
- Um, can we...?
- You son of...
146
00:05:59,366 --> 00:06:02,301
- You son of a bitch, Winston!
- Can we... can we...
147
00:06:02,336 --> 00:06:03,402
That's what this is about?!
148
00:06:03,437 --> 00:06:06,172
Nick, it's my money, okay?!
Give it back to me!
149
00:06:06,206 --> 00:06:08,107
I make a little bit of money
and you come
150
00:06:08,141 --> 00:06:09,642
slipping out of the "woodword"!
151
00:06:09,676 --> 00:06:11,444
You mean "woodwork"?
152
00:06:11,478 --> 00:06:12,645
What is "woodwork"?!
153
00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:13,646
What's "woodword"?!
154
00:06:13,680 --> 00:06:15,147
Wood! Word! Wood! Word!
155
00:06:15,182 --> 00:06:17,583
(Groans) That's where people like you
come crawling out of
156
00:06:17,618 --> 00:06:19,018
when people like me have money!
157
00:06:19,052 --> 00:06:20,987
- But you owe me that money!
- Stay out of my damn box
158
00:06:21,021 --> 00:06:22,922
- is the point, man!
- I'm not in your box!
159
00:06:22,956 --> 00:06:25,091
Jess gets it, right?
160
00:06:25,125 --> 00:06:26,993
Yeah, what's...
What the hell, dude?
161
00:06:26,994 --> 00:06:28,894
I'm gonna go to the bar
to blow off some steam.
162
00:06:28,962 --> 00:06:30,463
That's a great idea.
Go get loaded.
163
00:06:30,497 --> 00:06:32,298
You deserve it. Black out.
164
00:06:32,332 --> 00:06:34,567
You are the only one
that I trust around here.
165
00:06:53,353 --> 00:06:54,954
Oh...
166
00:06:54,988 --> 00:06:56,989
(Hoots)
167
00:06:57,024 --> 00:06:59,258
You went through Nick's box.
168
00:07:03,030 --> 00:07:06,030
Look, it was so much worse
than I thought.
169
00:07:06,065 --> 00:07:07,899
- (Chuckling)
- Why does he have the deed
170
00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:10,568
- to an old Mercury Cougar in there?
- Oh, yeah, he lost that.
171
00:07:10,603 --> 00:07:12,403
For crying out loud, where is it?
We've been looking for hours.
172
00:07:12,438 --> 00:07:14,606
- It's done.
- What about your car, Nick?
173
00:07:14,640 --> 00:07:17,524
I said it's done.
174
00:07:17,675 --> 00:07:19,068
I'll just get the money back.
175
00:07:19,106 --> 00:07:21,082
Bill collectors are reasonable people,
right?
176
00:07:21,153 --> 00:07:24,082
- That makes sense.
- You better keep your mouth shut!
177
00:07:24,116 --> 00:07:26,284
I'll make you a deal.
I'll keep my mouth shut
178
00:07:26,318 --> 00:07:28,453
if you pay me the money
Nick owes me.
179
00:07:28,487 --> 00:07:31,823
Are you trying to blackmail me?
180
00:07:33,392 --> 00:07:34,592
(Grunts)
181
00:07:34,627 --> 00:07:37,061
You don't scare me, Jess.
182
00:07:37,096 --> 00:07:38,997
(Shouting)
183
00:07:39,031 --> 00:07:41,432
(Both shouting)
184
00:07:42,801 --> 00:07:44,302
How much does Nick owe you?
185
00:07:44,336 --> 00:07:47,739
$1,900.
(Splutters)
186
00:07:47,773 --> 00:07:50,241
But what is money anyway?
187
00:07:50,275 --> 00:07:53,344
You know, it's just paper
that some king on the mountains
188
00:07:53,379 --> 00:07:55,613
said was worth something.
189
00:07:55,648 --> 00:07:58,249
You know? Gold, I understand.
190
00:07:58,283 --> 00:08:01,819
It's shiny and you can make
jewelry out of it.
191
00:08:01,854 --> 00:08:03,755
Silver?
192
00:08:03,789 --> 00:08:06,958
Put a werewolf in front of me,
he's dead.
193
00:08:06,992 --> 00:08:10,128
Brass creates the bells
194
00:08:10,162 --> 00:08:13,031
that make sound
throughout the land.
195
00:08:13,065 --> 00:08:16,701
But we kill each other for paper.
196
00:08:16,735 --> 00:08:19,303
I gotta tell you, man, that's sad.
197
00:08:19,338 --> 00:08:22,840
You give me $50,
I'll show you my private parts.
198
00:08:22,875 --> 00:08:25,643
(Laughs, splutters)
199
00:08:27,312 --> 00:08:29,280
Nicholas, good yontef.
200
00:08:29,314 --> 00:08:31,649
- Are you well?
- No, but good yontef.
201
00:08:31,684 --> 00:08:33,017
You know, I'm all steamed up.
202
00:08:33,052 --> 00:08:35,386
This money thing is
tearing me apart, Schmidt.
203
00:08:35,421 --> 00:08:37,655
All right, if it's bothering you that much,
why don't you just give it away?
204
00:08:37,690 --> 00:08:39,157
Son of a bitch!
205
00:08:39,191 --> 00:08:41,059
Not, not to me, Nick, to charity,
206
00:08:41,093 --> 00:08:42,994
or tzedakah as my people call it.
207
00:08:43,028 --> 00:08:44,629
- That's what your people do?
- Yeah.
208
00:08:44,663 --> 00:08:47,031
- You beautiful genius.
- (Laughs)
209
00:08:47,066 --> 00:08:49,467
I like that.
That frees me of my worries.
210
00:08:49,501 --> 00:08:51,169
Oh, look at that! Another mitzvah!
I'm two for two today.
211
00:08:51,203 --> 00:08:53,471
- Yeah! Mitzvah!
- I saved a man.
212
00:08:53,505 --> 00:08:55,239
You know, there was a lowly
bike messenger.
213
00:08:55,274 --> 00:08:57,075
Was just riding along,
choking on his gum.
214
00:08:57,109 --> 00:08:59,977
And I performed Heimlich's
maneuver on him, rescued him.
215
00:09:00,012 --> 00:09:01,479
- Great.
- Yeah, who's the good man now?
216
00:09:01,513 --> 00:09:03,566
You're almost forced to admit it.
217
00:09:04,516 --> 00:09:07,351
Almost...
You're almost forced to admit it.
218
00:09:07,386 --> 00:09:09,220
- Yeah, I know.
- I'm a hero, Nick, now...
219
00:09:09,254 --> 00:09:10,555
Just tell me that I'm a good man.
220
00:09:10,589 --> 00:09:11,923
I really need to hear it.
221
00:09:11,957 --> 00:09:14,292
I don't even know if I'm a good person.
I'm not the guy to ask.
222
00:09:14,326 --> 00:09:16,227
- I have my moods.
- But we're not talking about you.
223
00:09:16,261 --> 00:09:18,463
We're talking about me right
now and how I'm a good person,
224
00:09:18,497 --> 00:09:20,031
so it'd be really nice
if you could say that.
225
00:09:20,065 --> 00:09:21,099
- I'm ready to do a tzatziki.
- Tzedakah.
226
00:09:21,133 --> 00:09:22,800
This is not about tzedakah right now.
227
00:09:22,835 --> 00:09:24,902
This is about me being a good man
and you telling me that.
228
00:09:24,937 --> 00:09:26,738
- Absolutely.
- So, well, say it.
229
00:09:26,772 --> 00:09:29,040
- You got it.
- S-Say that I'm a good man.
230
00:09:29,074 --> 00:09:30,575
I'm giving away my money.
I've been trying to listen
231
00:09:30,609 --> 00:09:31,876
- to you this whole time!
- Damn it, Nick,
232
00:09:31,910 --> 00:09:34,245
you are so drunk right now
233
00:09:34,279 --> 00:09:35,780
- and at the bar you work at, no less.
- Yeah.
234
00:09:35,814 --> 00:09:37,048
What happens with
the rest of your day?
235
00:09:37,082 --> 00:09:38,282
Do you even think about that?
236
00:09:38,317 --> 00:09:40,251
You don't understand drinking at all.
237
00:09:42,521 --> 00:09:43,955
Don't go.
238
00:09:44,990 --> 00:09:47,091
Heathcliff.
239
00:09:47,126 --> 00:09:50,728
Hi, I'd like to unpay
some parking tickets.
240
00:09:50,763 --> 00:09:52,430
- Excuse me?
- Well, I sent in a payment
241
00:09:52,464 --> 00:09:54,132
earlier for some tickets
242
00:09:54,166 --> 00:09:56,634
and I decided I don't
want to pay them.
243
00:09:56,668 --> 00:09:57,969
Well, just cancel the checks.
244
00:09:58,003 --> 00:09:59,670
Can't do that 'cause I paid cash
245
00:09:59,705 --> 00:10:01,606
'cause my boyfriend
doesn't believe in banks.
246
00:10:01,640 --> 00:10:03,407
It's early in the relationship.
247
00:10:03,442 --> 00:10:05,676
Still shaving above the knee
if you know what I mean.
248
00:10:05,711 --> 00:10:07,278
Mm-hmm.
(Clicks tongue)
249
00:10:07,312 --> 00:10:09,781
Let me get this straight...
You want me to watch the mail
250
00:10:09,815 --> 00:10:12,250
and let you know if I see
anything from your boyfriend.
251
00:10:12,284 --> 00:10:14,952
- Exactly.
- Fantastic. Should I call you or...?
252
00:10:14,987 --> 00:10:16,420
- Text, text would be great.
- Perfect.
253
00:10:16,455 --> 00:10:20,124
Let me put your number
into my phone.
254
00:10:20,159 --> 00:10:23,027
- I didn't give you my number yet.
- Oh, I think you did.
255
00:10:24,363 --> 00:10:25,596
NICK:
It's your lucky day, old friend.
256
00:10:25,631 --> 00:10:26,597
I had an interesting
talk with Schmidt,
257
00:10:26,632 --> 00:10:28,533
and I've decided
to give away my fortune.
258
00:10:28,567 --> 00:10:30,101
So, what do I owe you?
259
00:10:30,135 --> 00:10:32,870
- How much money d...? Uh...
- Hey, guys, what's going on?
260
00:10:32,905 --> 00:10:34,472
Hey, Jess, um...
261
00:10:34,506 --> 00:10:35,606
It's tzatziki is what it's called.
262
00:10:35,641 --> 00:10:38,342
It's a Jewish charity.
263
00:10:40,345 --> 00:10:43,548
Nick was just about to pay me
the money that he owes me.
264
00:10:43,582 --> 00:10:45,750
Wait!
265
00:10:53,392 --> 00:10:54,392
Come on, what are you doing?
266
00:10:54,426 --> 00:10:57,662
I'm, uh, I'm lubing up, Sally...
267
00:10:57,696 --> 00:10:58,863
From ankles to ears?
268
00:10:58,897 --> 00:11:00,832
The door's locked...
You want me to bust in?
269
00:11:00,866 --> 00:11:03,734
Son of a...
270
00:11:03,769 --> 00:11:05,002
It opened!
271
00:11:05,037 --> 00:11:07,371
Where are you?
272
00:11:07,406 --> 00:11:11,175
Um, I just was hot,
I wanted some shade.
273
00:11:11,210 --> 00:11:12,844
Oh, done that.
274
00:11:14,680 --> 00:11:16,314
He take my money?
275
00:11:16,348 --> 00:11:17,682
Winston!
276
00:11:17,716 --> 00:11:19,183
It was me, it was me, it was me.
277
00:11:19,218 --> 00:11:21,552
I'm so sorry,
I went through your box...
278
00:11:21,587 --> 00:11:23,187
I just couldn't help it...
and I paid some
279
00:11:23,222 --> 00:11:25,823
of your bills, and I'm so sorry I...
280
00:11:25,858 --> 00:11:28,593
Hey, Nick...
281
00:11:28,627 --> 00:11:30,494
You gonna leave me here?
282
00:11:30,529 --> 00:11:33,076
Nick... That's fair.
283
00:11:36,007 --> 00:11:38,361
There he is, alive and well.
284
00:11:38,396 --> 00:11:38,947
Yeah.
285
00:11:38,982 --> 00:11:39,948
Mazel.
286
00:11:39,983 --> 00:11:40,983
I br-brought you these.
287
00:11:42,185 --> 00:11:44,286
How's my brave little soldier doing, huh?
288
00:11:44,320 --> 00:11:46,221
Not great.
289
00:11:46,256 --> 00:11:48,724
They said that I'm never gonna
be able to ride a bike again,
290
00:11:48,758 --> 00:11:50,792
- so there goes my job.
- Sure, sure.
291
00:11:50,827 --> 00:11:52,461
Do you think that I'm a good person?
292
00:11:52,495 --> 00:11:56,231
I... I don't really know you.
293
00:11:56,266 --> 00:11:57,766
Well, what more do you need to know?
294
00:11:57,800 --> 00:11:59,668
If not for me, you probably
would have died today.
295
00:11:59,702 --> 00:12:01,503
Well, somebody probably
would have come along.
296
00:12:01,537 --> 00:12:03,171
Just say that I'm a good person.
297
00:12:03,206 --> 00:12:05,207
- Well, I mean...
- Why is that so hard for you to say?
298
00:12:05,241 --> 00:12:07,542
- Ow!
- I'm sorry. I am so sorry.
299
00:12:07,577 --> 00:12:09,511
- You're, you're a good person.
- I am? You really think so?
300
00:12:09,545 --> 00:12:10,846
Very good.
301
00:12:10,880 --> 00:12:11,847
Thank you for saying that.
302
00:12:11,881 --> 00:12:13,148
- Yeah.
- That really means...
303
00:12:13,182 --> 00:12:14,716
It means a lot.
(Chuckles)
304
00:12:14,751 --> 00:12:16,985
I finally feel
like I can breathe again.
305
00:12:17,020 --> 00:12:18,820
Good.
(Sighs)
306
00:12:18,855 --> 00:12:20,555
What happ...
What happened to him?
307
00:12:20,590 --> 00:12:22,991
Well, he got smoked by a bus
while he was having a bake sale
308
00:12:23,026 --> 00:12:24,559
for cancer kids.
309
00:12:24,594 --> 00:12:26,495
For, for canc... for cancer kids?
310
00:12:26,529 --> 00:12:29,097
- Yeah.
- But he-he's, he's a great person.
311
00:12:29,132 --> 00:12:31,366
Bad things happen to good people
all the time.
312
00:12:32,402 --> 00:12:34,670
Of course they do.
313
00:12:34,704 --> 00:12:36,738
What am I even chasing here?
314
00:12:36,773 --> 00:12:39,041
What is the point
of being a good person?
315
00:12:39,075 --> 00:12:42,344
Some say moral integrity is
the cornerstone to humanity.
316
00:12:42,378 --> 00:12:44,846
What do you know, you idiot?
You choked on a piece of gum today.
317
00:12:44,881 --> 00:12:47,015
Hey, man, don't shoot
the bike messenger.
318
00:12:47,050 --> 00:12:49,451
That is a terrible joke!
319
00:12:49,485 --> 00:12:51,486
And none of this makes any sense!
320
00:13:03,466 --> 00:13:05,400
Hey, Nick.
321
00:13:05,435 --> 00:13:07,402
(Sighs)
Look,
322
00:13:07,437 --> 00:13:09,972
I know you're really angry
and you have a right to be.
323
00:13:10,006 --> 00:13:11,473
I have the right to be?
324
00:13:11,507 --> 00:13:13,875
I mean, why do you feel
like you need to fix me?
325
00:13:13,910 --> 00:13:15,544
It's like you think you know better.
326
00:13:15,578 --> 00:13:18,547
Well, I m... I might know
better than you.
327
00:13:18,581 --> 00:13:20,749
(Scoffs)
Did you start a corporation?
328
00:13:22,418 --> 00:13:24,786
- Was it Fat Face?
- I think so.
329
00:13:24,821 --> 00:13:26,254
Yeah.
330
00:13:26,289 --> 00:13:27,889
Well, you're getting taxed like crazy.
331
00:13:27,924 --> 00:13:29,424
Well, that's because I thought
I was filing a patent.
332
00:13:29,459 --> 00:13:31,059
Fat Face is an invention?
333
00:13:31,094 --> 00:13:34,463
Kind of... in its intention
It was suppo... it... (Grunts)
334
00:13:34,497 --> 00:13:37,632
- Are you a lifeguard?
- No, that is a false certificate.
335
00:13:37,667 --> 00:13:39,334
Just a classic beach prank.
336
00:13:39,369 --> 00:13:40,469
That seems dangerous.
337
00:13:40,503 --> 00:13:42,671
It's funny, 'cause I...
I can't swim.
338
00:13:42,705 --> 00:13:45,317
Everyone was watching me, and
I'm like, "I don't know..."
339
00:13:45,475 --> 00:13:46,842
I was 13!
340
00:13:46,876 --> 00:13:48,210
I was 26.
341
00:13:48,244 --> 00:13:50,679
This is the problem with the box.
It's my private stuff.
342
00:13:50,713 --> 00:13:53,682
You've never once done
jury duty or paid your taxes.
343
00:13:53,716 --> 00:13:55,584
Not until gay marriage
is legal everywhere.
344
00:13:56,386 --> 00:13:58,687
I stand by that.
345
00:13:58,721 --> 00:14:01,456
And I don't want to do
jury duty or pay taxes.
346
00:14:01,491 --> 00:14:03,792
Nick, you're in so much debt,
it's crazy.
347
00:14:03,826 --> 00:14:07,863
- You have to deal with this stuff.
- No, I don't, Jess, it's in my box.
348
00:14:07,897 --> 00:14:08,930
That's not true, though.
349
00:14:08,965 --> 00:14:11,700
It's not a perfect system, Jess,
350
00:14:11,734 --> 00:14:14,236
but it's mine, okay?
And it's private.
351
00:14:14,270 --> 00:14:15,937
Well, I'm sorry I went
through your damn box,
352
00:14:15,972 --> 00:14:17,472
but I was just
trying to help you, Nick.
353
00:14:17,507 --> 00:14:18,807
So maybe I'll try to help you.
354
00:14:18,841 --> 00:14:20,442
What if I went into your box?
355
00:14:20,476 --> 00:14:21,810
Not that.
356
00:14:21,844 --> 00:14:24,679
- Stop it!
- I like that box, but I'm mad at you...!
357
00:14:24,714 --> 00:14:25,981
(Snaps fingers)
358
00:14:26,015 --> 00:14:28,116
I'm back to "You disrespected me."
359
00:14:28,151 --> 00:14:30,037
- I was just trying to help.
- Well, then, how about this...
360
00:14:30,072 --> 00:14:32,181
Two can help. Okay?
361
00:14:32,216 --> 00:14:34,322
And if two are going to help,
then I'll be one of them
362
00:14:34,357 --> 00:14:36,658
'cause two can tango
on this dance, okay?
363
00:14:36,692 --> 00:14:39,928
So, you want to waltz?
Well, you picked the wrong dance partner.
364
00:14:39,962 --> 00:14:41,263
Two can play.
365
00:14:41,297 --> 00:14:42,831
What? It's not a...
366
00:14:42,865 --> 00:14:45,634
Who needs changing, huh,
who needs fixing?
367
00:14:45,668 --> 00:14:47,969
I'm gonna go through
your personal drawers
368
00:14:48,004 --> 00:14:50,305
and see what needs changing.
369
00:14:53,709 --> 00:14:55,043
What are you, a zoo elephant?
370
00:14:55,078 --> 00:14:56,144
Those are my night peanuts.
371
00:14:56,179 --> 00:14:58,280
There shouldn't be day peanuts
and night peanuts!
372
00:14:58,314 --> 00:14:59,614
They're just peanuts!
373
00:14:59,649 --> 00:15:01,316
I'm sorry, why is that weird?
374
00:15:01,350 --> 00:15:03,718
You just have a bunch of boxes?
I would change that.
375
00:15:03,753 --> 00:15:07,322
- Oh, you have a bunch of metal toothpicks.
- They're bobby pins.
376
00:15:07,356 --> 00:15:09,291
- What's a bobby pin?
- It keeps your hair back.
377
00:15:09,325 --> 00:15:11,026
You need Bobby's pins
to put your hair up?
378
00:15:11,060 --> 00:15:13,829
It's bobby pins, not Bobby's pins.
379
00:15:13,863 --> 00:15:15,831
- What is this?!
- Yarn.
380
00:15:15,865 --> 00:15:17,499
What are you knitting,
a mansion?!
381
00:15:17,533 --> 00:15:19,734
Oh, look at this.
What do we have here?
382
00:15:19,769 --> 00:15:21,636
A bunch of beat-up old sacks.
383
00:15:21,671 --> 00:15:23,805
- My vintage purses.
- Well, you know what?
384
00:15:23,840 --> 00:15:27,309
- They could be sexier.
- You want my purses to be sexier?
385
00:15:27,343 --> 00:15:29,211
Would it kill you to
get something sleek,
386
00:15:29,245 --> 00:15:30,745
covered in gems for once?
387
00:15:30,780 --> 00:15:33,748
You want my purses
to be covered in gemstones?
388
00:15:33,783 --> 00:15:35,917
All guys do!
That's what we think is sexy!
389
00:15:35,952 --> 00:15:37,986
We want to be playing a
saxophone in an alley
390
00:15:38,020 --> 00:15:41,323
and have you walk by
in a miniskirt with a purse with gems.
391
00:15:41,357 --> 00:15:43,692
- But you girls don't listen!
- What?!
392
00:15:43,726 --> 00:15:45,994
- Changing!
- No! Nick, no!
393
00:15:46,028 --> 00:15:48,563
- This all is changing.
- No, no, stop! That's disrespectful!
394
00:15:48,598 --> 00:15:50,031
- Gone!
- Nick, stop it!
395
00:15:50,066 --> 00:15:52,734
No! This is the grossest thing
I've ever seen in my life!
396
00:15:52,768 --> 00:15:54,736
- I got that for a nickel.
- It's disgusting.
397
00:15:54,770 --> 00:15:56,338
You're just trying
to get a rise out of me.
398
00:15:56,372 --> 00:15:58,240
Oh, my God!
399
00:15:58,274 --> 00:16:00,308
I've gotten a lot
of compliments on that one.
400
00:16:00,343 --> 00:16:01,309
- Gone!
- Nick!
401
00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:02,777
What?
402
00:16:02,812 --> 00:16:05,413
Stop it! Look, I like you
the way you are.
403
00:16:05,448 --> 00:16:07,582
I'm just asking you to grow a little.
404
00:16:07,617 --> 00:16:11,219
Are we ever gonna get to a point
where you stop working on me?
405
00:16:11,254 --> 00:16:14,222
Instead of changing me,
406
00:16:14,257 --> 00:16:17,792
maybe once, Jess, see it my way.
407
00:16:17,827 --> 00:16:20,502
Well, your way's crazy and illegal.
408
00:16:20,537 --> 00:16:22,960
This is me, take it or leave it.
409
00:16:22,995 --> 00:16:25,736
I'm not changing for anyone.
410
00:16:28,938 --> 00:16:31,072
Hey, where are you going?
411
00:16:31,107 --> 00:16:32,574
If you have something to say,
just say it.
412
00:16:32,608 --> 00:16:33,975
Don't write me a note or...
413
00:16:34,010 --> 00:16:35,477
(Sighs)
414
00:16:37,013 --> 00:16:39,314
That's the money I spent.
415
00:16:39,348 --> 00:16:42,150
Do what you want with it.
416
00:16:42,185 --> 00:16:44,319
Thank you.
417
00:16:46,956 --> 00:16:49,224
Couple of best friend horses.
That's neat.
418
00:16:49,258 --> 00:16:51,259
What else can you get on...?
419
00:16:53,362 --> 00:16:55,931
(Sighs)
420
00:17:01,864 --> 00:17:03,198
It doesn't make any sense.
421
00:17:03,233 --> 00:17:05,868
Can you not see I'm in the middle
of a bar mitzvah class here?
422
00:17:05,902 --> 00:17:07,269
Yeah, well,
they should hear this.
423
00:17:07,303 --> 00:17:10,405
A man helping cancer kids
got creamed by a bus today.
424
00:17:10,440 --> 00:17:12,908
Everything happens for a reason.
425
00:17:12,942 --> 00:17:14,576
But what if it doesn't happen
for a reason?
426
00:17:14,611 --> 00:17:16,912
Maybe... Maybe there aren't
any good guys and bad guys.
427
00:17:16,946 --> 00:17:18,947
Maybe there are just winners and losers.
428
00:17:18,982 --> 00:17:21,116
I was beating myself up,
but maybe I should... (Laughs)
429
00:17:21,150 --> 00:17:23,085
Maybe I should have been celebrating.
430
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:26,054
- Have you ever dated two women at once?
- What are you talking about?
431
00:17:26,089 --> 00:17:28,357
I went to camp...
They used to call me the Octopus.
432
00:17:28,391 --> 00:17:30,603
- Clearly, you have not, sir.
- That's enough.
433
00:17:30,642 --> 00:17:32,064
You get out of here right now!
434
00:17:32,095 --> 00:17:33,729
- Out.
- Don't you "out" me.
435
00:17:33,763 --> 00:17:35,397
- Get out, get...
- Getting a little handsy there, Rabbi.
436
00:17:35,431 --> 00:17:36,899
- Get out!
- You know what I realize?
437
00:17:36,933 --> 00:17:38,600
Nothing matters, and that's great.
You know why?
438
00:17:38,635 --> 00:17:41,401
Because if nothing matters,
we can do whatever we want, Rabbi.
439
00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:43,972
- (Laughter)
- Avram! Julio!
440
00:17:44,007 --> 00:17:45,140
Get away from me, man.
441
00:17:45,174 --> 00:17:46,441
Kick his ass!
442
00:17:46,476 --> 00:17:48,477
All right, okay.
443
00:17:48,511 --> 00:17:50,479
YOLO! YOLO!
444
00:17:50,513 --> 00:17:52,347
Nick's right.
445
00:17:52,382 --> 00:17:54,283
I have too many purses.
446
00:17:54,317 --> 00:17:55,717
You're addicted to purses.
447
00:17:55,752 --> 00:17:59,321
I'm addicted to development fluid.
I get it.
448
00:17:59,355 --> 00:18:01,723
This one's for meat,
and this one's for shells.
449
00:18:01,758 --> 00:18:03,325
You know what?
450
00:18:03,359 --> 00:18:06,795
- Keep them. They're yours.
- Okay, thanks.
451
00:18:06,829 --> 00:18:08,630
Also, heads up...
The ass of your pants is missing.
452
00:18:08,665 --> 00:18:10,299
It's for the kitty cats.
453
00:18:10,333 --> 00:18:12,401
(Phone ringing)
454
00:18:12,435 --> 00:18:14,236
- My phone's ringing.
- Sure.
455
00:18:14,270 --> 00:18:15,671
- (Laughs)
- Hello?
456
00:18:15,705 --> 00:18:18,206
I'm like a pretty lady.
457
00:18:18,241 --> 00:18:20,575
What's happening?
458
00:18:20,610 --> 00:18:22,077
I'm sorry to bother you, Miss Day,
459
00:18:22,111 --> 00:18:24,046
but this man was trying
to open an account
460
00:18:24,080 --> 00:18:27,015
with a check in your name
and a paper bag full of money.
461
00:18:27,050 --> 00:18:29,518
Would you please stop hovering?
I'm being cooperative.
462
00:18:29,552 --> 00:18:30,719
It's fine. He's okay.
463
00:18:30,753 --> 00:18:31,987
Thank you, though.
464
00:18:34,891 --> 00:18:37,225
Opening a bank account, huh?
465
00:18:37,260 --> 00:18:39,161
Yeah, I, uh...
466
00:18:39,195 --> 00:18:41,296
- I realized something.
- What?
467
00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:45,167
I'd do anything for you, Jess.
468
00:18:45,201 --> 00:18:47,602
Hey.
469
00:18:49,372 --> 00:18:52,307
Thank you.
470
00:18:52,342 --> 00:18:56,078
All right, Mr. Miller,
your checking account is good to go.
471
00:18:56,112 --> 00:18:58,447
Oh, there's just
an eight dollar processing fee.
472
00:18:58,481 --> 00:18:59,214
Eight dollars?
473
00:18:59,248 --> 00:19:02,316
That's a very specific amount.
474
00:19:06,356 --> 00:19:08,724
That's fine...
It's your world, your rules, so...
475
00:19:08,758 --> 00:19:09,791
Excellent.
476
00:19:09,826 --> 00:19:12,160
You go to the castle,
you got to pay the king.
477
00:19:15,198 --> 00:19:18,066
What is processing?
What does that mean?
478
00:19:18,101 --> 00:19:21,570
It's just a word you use
to make more money off of us.
479
00:19:21,604 --> 00:19:23,705
- That makes me mad!
- Me, too, yeah.
480
00:19:23,740 --> 00:19:25,874
Hey, how about this?
What's a bank?
481
00:19:25,908 --> 00:19:27,242
- Yeah.
- It's just a paper bag...
482
00:19:27,276 --> 00:19:28,944
- That's right. Yes!
- ...with walls.
483
00:19:28,978 --> 00:19:31,947
You're making some really,
really, really good points, ma'am.
484
00:19:31,981 --> 00:19:34,549
You are the puppeteers
that puppet the world.
485
00:19:34,584 --> 00:19:35,751
NICK:
No more banks!
486
00:19:35,785 --> 00:19:37,085
Or some banks... I don't care!
487
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,754
But I want my money on a boat!
488
00:19:38,788 --> 00:19:40,188
JESS:
I understood at least 30%
489
00:19:40,223 --> 00:19:41,590
of the financial crisis,
490
00:19:41,624 --> 00:19:43,025
and guess what I got from that?
491
00:19:43,059 --> 00:19:45,327
- You... suck!
- Yeah.
492
00:19:45,361 --> 00:19:47,696
You suck so hard.
493
00:19:47,730 --> 00:19:50,098
And now, I'm gonna process
this man's face,
494
00:19:50,133 --> 00:19:52,234
'cause I think he's great.
495
00:19:52,268 --> 00:19:55,237
And I'm crazy about him.
496
00:19:56,739 --> 00:19:58,607
Fine, I'll waive the fee.
497
00:19:58,641 --> 00:20:00,275
Yeah!
498
00:20:00,309 --> 00:20:02,210
We won eight dollars!
499
00:20:02,245 --> 00:20:03,678
Just wait till you have children.
500
00:20:03,713 --> 00:20:05,981
(Bitter laugh)
You'll never touch each other again.
501
00:20:06,015 --> 00:20:09,084
- (Wry laugh)
- JESS: Banks suck! Banks suck!
502
00:20:09,118 --> 00:20:10,052
(Nick guffaws)
503
00:20:12,788 --> 00:20:14,322
What the hell happened to you?
504
00:20:14,356 --> 00:20:16,658
Got beat up by some rabbis.
505
00:20:16,692 --> 00:20:19,327
Well, Winston, we're all alone.
506
00:20:19,361 --> 00:20:21,596
Nothing matters.
507
00:20:21,630 --> 00:20:23,464
But you know what?
Look Schmidt, stop, all right?
508
00:20:23,499 --> 00:20:25,233
You're a good man.
509
00:20:25,267 --> 00:20:27,735
You did a bad thing...
doesn't make you bad.
510
00:20:27,770 --> 00:20:31,272
We just have to try to be better,
you know?
511
00:20:31,307 --> 00:20:34,309
Been waiting all day for
somebody to tell me that.
512
00:20:34,343 --> 00:20:37,278
I... I really appreciate it.
Thank you.
513
00:20:37,313 --> 00:20:38,880
I want you to have something.
514
00:20:38,914 --> 00:20:41,249
Winston, literally,
a gift is the last thing I des...
515
00:20:43,252 --> 00:20:45,320
- This is...
- There you go.
516
00:20:45,354 --> 00:20:47,589
This is a candelabra.
517
00:20:47,623 --> 00:20:49,057
Yeah.
518
00:20:49,091 --> 00:20:51,125
I bought it with the money
that Nick owed me.
519
00:20:51,160 --> 00:20:53,394
- This is what you spent it on?
- And now it's yours.
520
00:20:53,429 --> 00:20:56,664
Uh-huh.
May it illuminate your path
521
00:20:56,699 --> 00:20:59,434
and lead you...
out of the darkness.
522
00:20:59,468 --> 00:21:02,136
That's what it says on the bottom.
523
00:21:02,171 --> 00:21:04,606
May it illuminate your path,
lead you out of darkness.
524
00:21:04,640 --> 00:21:07,475
Uh, uh, thank you for this... really.
525
00:21:07,509 --> 00:21:10,144
Look at it every single day
and tell yourself...
526
00:21:10,179 --> 00:21:12,814
"I'm a good person," 'cause you are.
527
00:21:12,848 --> 00:21:14,115
You know what I might do, though?
528
00:21:14,149 --> 00:21:15,783
And it might seem like
the opposite, but...
529
00:21:15,818 --> 00:21:16,918
what I'm actually thinking is,
530
00:21:16,952 --> 00:21:18,486
maybe I'll just put it
away somewhere, like in...
531
00:21:18,520 --> 00:21:20,355
I don't know...
in the back of my closet...
532
00:21:20,389 --> 00:21:21,756
so to keep it away from thieves.
533
00:21:21,790 --> 00:21:23,324
- Oh, yeah, yeah.
- Yeah.
534
00:21:23,359 --> 00:21:24,759
- Can you be honest with me real quick?
- Mm-hmm.
535
00:21:24,793 --> 00:21:27,161
How many times did you rub this thing
and think a genie was gonna come out?
536
00:21:27,196 --> 00:21:28,630
I ain't gonna lie to you man.
537
00:21:28,664 --> 00:21:30,398
- I rubbed it, like, three times.
- Yeah.
538
00:21:30,432 --> 00:21:32,053
- I thought so.
- You know, I'm not...
539
00:21:32,088 --> 00:21:34,608
If a genie did come out,
what would you wish for?
540
00:21:35,011 --> 00:21:37,563
- More candelabras.
- Yeah, I bet.
541
00:21:37,964 --> 00:21:42,540
Sync and corrected by ScreamingPanda
www.addic7ed.com