1
00:00:02,322 --> 00:00:04,391
Oh! It's Coach!
2
00:00:04,403 --> 00:00:06,922
- Coach, our old roommate?
- He wants to hang out tonight.
3
00:00:06,957 --> 00:00:08,490
- What?
- He just texted me.
4
00:00:08,518 --> 00:00:10,987
Oh, man, you better give
Power of Attorney to a loved one,
5
00:00:10,999 --> 00:00:12,453
'cause it's about to get crazy.
6
00:00:12,472 --> 00:00:14,973
When Coach has the dice,
every roll's a seven.
7
00:00:15,190 --> 00:00:17,514
♪ Here I am ♪
8
00:00:17,525 --> 00:00:20,451
♪ Rock you like a hurricane ♪
9
00:00:20,474 --> 00:00:22,868
Nick, trumpet solo.
10
00:00:22,886 --> 00:00:25,605
- Yeah!
- You're ruining my wedding!
11
00:00:26,375 --> 00:00:28,214
You know, I bet this means
he broke up with Malia.
12
00:00:28,236 --> 00:00:30,792
I mean, that's his thing. He finds
a girl, he just disappears.
13
00:00:31,288 --> 00:00:33,063
Holy crap in a hat! Schmidt!
14
00:00:33,095 --> 00:00:35,162
- How long have you been out there?
- Oh, relax.
15
00:00:35,184 --> 00:00:37,146
Just bringing my chimes
over to the new loft.
16
00:00:37,176 --> 00:00:40,104
Damn it, Schmidt! You're here
all the time taking our stuff.
17
00:00:40,128 --> 00:00:42,241
You decided to move
out, so get new stuff.
18
00:00:42,259 --> 00:00:44,593
Oh, I'm sorry that I'm more into
material possessions than you.
19
00:00:44,613 --> 00:00:47,180
Schmidt, you stole my toothpaste
while I was using it.
20
00:00:47,208 --> 00:00:48,214
That's vindictive.
21
00:00:48,222 --> 00:00:49,503
- That's who took the toothpaste?
- Yeah.
22
00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:51,935
Uh-oh, you better watch out,
break of, break of dawn,
23
00:00:51,947 --> 00:00:53,948
because I'm about to
party all up in you!
24
00:00:53,969 --> 00:00:55,453
- Coach texted you, too?
- Yeah, man.
25
00:00:55,465 --> 00:00:58,132
Well, I guess he doesn't realize you're a
dill weed who doesn't live here anymore.
26
00:00:58,146 --> 00:01:00,981
Well, I guess he doesn't realize
that you're a dill weed who...
27
00:01:01,504 --> 00:01:02,992
who still lives here.
28
00:01:03,013 --> 00:01:05,282
Remember when you got those
chimes, and there was that girl?
29
00:01:05,308 --> 00:01:06,612
Yeah.
30
00:01:07,585 --> 00:01:09,314
- What's happening?
- I don't know. I don't get it.
31
00:01:09,325 --> 00:01:11,374
- I had so much sex on patio furniture.
- A lot of fun.
32
00:01:11,392 --> 00:01:12,343
The best.
33
00:01:12,369 --> 00:01:14,672
- I'm still mad at you.
- I'm mad at you, man!
34
00:01:15,959 --> 00:01:18,127
I need everyone to shut up
35
00:01:18,179 --> 00:01:21,759
and answer
one... simple... question!
36
00:01:23,042 --> 00:01:26,069
You sons a bitches
ready to party?
37
00:01:26,087 --> 00:01:27,163
Yeah!
38
00:01:27,465 --> 00:01:30,221
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
39
00:01:30,245 --> 00:01:31,618
♪ Who's that girl?
40
00:01:31,636 --> 00:01:33,701
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess ♪
41
00:01:34,324 --> 00:01:36,136
It's good to have
you back, old man.
42
00:01:36,227 --> 00:01:37,783
So, what, uh, you
and Malia broke up?
43
00:01:37,812 --> 00:01:40,971
Oh, yeah. She got real fat on
me, so I was, like, "Ew. Bye."
44
00:01:40,992 --> 00:01:43,136
I guess her gain is our gain!
45
00:01:44,098 --> 00:01:45,300
Who are you?
46
00:01:45,904 --> 00:01:48,152
- Hey, come... Come on, man.
- It's me, Jess.
47
00:01:48,177 --> 00:01:50,741
- Ah, yeah, no.
- We lived together for, like, two weeks.
48
00:01:50,754 --> 00:01:52,229
We shared
some pretty big moments.
49
00:01:52,388 --> 00:01:55,957
- Yes! We got Bin Laden!
- SEAL Team 6, bitches!
50
00:01:56,091 --> 00:01:57,860
Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!
51
00:01:58,094 --> 00:01:59,250
Huh.
52
00:01:59,662 --> 00:02:01,691
- I thought I was alone for that.
- You weren't.
53
00:02:01,809 --> 00:02:05,451
Anyway, I'm single, and me and my
boys are gonna get crazy tonight!
54
00:02:05,572 --> 00:02:06,894
Huh?
55
00:02:07,268 --> 00:02:08,915
You know what I'm talking about,
Shrimp Forks.
56
00:02:08,955 --> 00:02:10,279
- Oh, man.
- Oh, no.
57
00:02:10,291 --> 00:02:11,449
What's Shrimp Forks?
58
00:02:11,468 --> 00:02:14,137
It's a name I gave Winston
when we played hoops.
59
00:02:14,155 --> 00:02:16,854
The ball used to always slip through
his little, small girly hands.
60
00:02:17,057 --> 00:02:18,717
Winston Bishop, point guard...
61
00:02:20,343 --> 00:02:22,416
Winston Bishop,
point guard, R...
62
00:02:22,542 --> 00:02:23,836
Point guard, R...
63
00:02:23,945 --> 00:02:26,772
He couldn't palm an apple.
Old Shrimp Forks.
64
00:02:27,008 --> 00:02:28,637
So, I'm thinking strip club tonight?
65
00:02:28,681 --> 00:02:31,709
- Hmm?
- Oh, fun, fun! Fun! Fun!
66
00:02:31,739 --> 00:02:35,026
Uh, Nick, can I talk to you in
the other room alone for a sec?
67
00:02:36,008 --> 00:02:37,993
Should I close the door,
or do you want to just do it quietly?
68
00:02:38,015 --> 00:02:40,137
- We're not having sex, Nick.
- No, I know that.
69
00:02:40,155 --> 00:02:42,012
- You wanted to come here and talk.
- Yeah.
70
00:02:42,041 --> 00:02:44,094
A strip club on a Tuesday night?
71
00:02:44,114 --> 00:02:46,532
No, I know, I know, but this is
just what we always used to do.
72
00:02:46,544 --> 00:02:49,949
I don't want to be one of those girls, but
I feel kind of uncomfortable about it.
73
00:02:49,965 --> 00:02:51,890
- I totally get it.
- Let's go, Nick.
74
00:02:51,909 --> 00:02:54,040
These dollar bills aren't gonna
stick themselves in a thong.
75
00:02:54,065 --> 00:02:56,335
- I'm coming, my man.
- Right on.
76
00:02:57,157 --> 00:02:58,745
I might... I might
be coming, my man.
77
00:02:58,761 --> 00:03:01,645
- Oh, I get it. You're whipped.
- No, I'm not.
78
00:03:01,664 --> 00:03:03,373
I know you had to check
in with your girlfriend.
79
00:03:03,398 --> 00:03:05,160
We haven't even discussed
the girlfriend-boyfriend thing.
80
00:03:05,178 --> 00:03:06,757
Oh, cool, man. Let's go.
81
00:03:08,001 --> 00:03:09,448
What?
82
00:03:11,804 --> 00:03:12,623
What a...
83
00:03:12,634 --> 00:03:14,722
- I'm sorry, what did I just hear?
- What I...
84
00:03:14,747 --> 00:03:17,349
All I said was we haven't had the
girlfriend-boyfriend discussion,
85
00:03:17,367 --> 00:03:19,218
- which we haven't.
- You don't think you're my boyfriend?
86
00:03:19,234 --> 00:03:20,830
No, I never said that.
87
00:03:20,853 --> 00:03:23,322
I'm just talking terminology.
We've never had the terminology.
88
00:03:23,348 --> 00:03:24,948
- We've never had the terminology.
- What?
89
00:03:24,970 --> 00:03:26,264
We've never used
the terminology.
90
00:03:26,289 --> 00:03:27,759
It's funny you act like
you're my boyfriend,
91
00:03:27,777 --> 00:03:29,534
you have all the "privileges"
of being my boyfriend.
92
00:03:29,557 --> 00:03:30,409
I enjoy them.
93
00:03:30,421 --> 00:03:33,509
- Would like me to revoke those privileges?
- No, you're twisting my words.
94
00:03:33,536 --> 00:03:37,389
What I'm saying, Jess, is we've
never had the boyfriend-girlfriend,
95
00:03:37,408 --> 00:03:39,086
seeing other people conversation.
96
00:03:39,108 --> 00:03:41,774
We haven't had the seeing
other people conversation?
97
00:03:41,859 --> 00:03:44,642
- You're seeing other people?
- No, I'm not. Are you?
98
00:03:44,653 --> 00:03:46,200
- No.
- Jess, I'm just...
99
00:03:46,212 --> 00:03:49,358
We haven't had the
conversation is all,
100
00:03:49,370 --> 00:03:53,229
and it's a conversation that I,
personally, would love to have.
101
00:03:53,250 --> 00:03:55,314
Uh, dude, let's go.
It's gonna close.
102
00:03:55,320 --> 00:03:57,078
Geez, is she not letting you go?
103
00:03:57,100 --> 00:03:59,744
I'm just telling her what
kind of cake to bake me, son.
104
00:03:59,759 --> 00:04:02,573
Oh. Damn!
105
00:04:02,600 --> 00:04:04,807
That's right. All right.
106
00:04:05,897 --> 00:04:07,741
- What are you doing?!
- I don't know.
107
00:04:07,765 --> 00:04:10,202
- What are you doing?!
- Jess, it's when Coach is here,
108
00:04:10,237 --> 00:04:11,999
- I just...
- No.
109
00:04:12,229 --> 00:04:13,663
Nick!
110
00:04:14,217 --> 00:04:17,192
- I'm really sorry.
- Guess what, Nick?
111
00:04:17,217 --> 00:04:20,136
I'm going out tonight because we haven't
had the boyfriend-girlfriend talk,
112
00:04:20,162 --> 00:04:22,581
and we haven't had the
seeing other people talk,
113
00:04:22,620 --> 00:04:25,603
and I'm gonna bake a cake, a
pineapple upside down cake.
114
00:04:25,621 --> 00:04:27,551
- In terms of the metaphor, I'm really...
- Don't!
115
00:04:27,573 --> 00:04:30,244
Go to the strip club, Nick.
Knock yourself out.
116
00:04:30,319 --> 00:04:33,522
- Oh, don't wait up, Jebecca.
- Yeah, it's Jess.
117
00:04:33,551 --> 00:04:34,618
Right on.
118
00:04:37,452 --> 00:04:39,265
Men suck.
119
00:04:39,291 --> 00:04:41,311
- Nick isn't even a man.
- Mm-mm.
120
00:04:41,383 --> 00:04:45,475
He's like some man-boy,
man-child hybrid.
121
00:04:45,508 --> 00:04:48,728
The other day, I had to tell
him not to pull a dog's tail.
122
00:04:48,775 --> 00:04:50,324
I shouldn't have to do that.
123
00:04:50,337 --> 00:04:54,105
If a guy wants to play games, Jess,
you got to play them right back.
124
00:04:54,127 --> 00:04:55,702
- Right, good.
- Yeah.
125
00:04:55,714 --> 00:04:57,207
What does that mean?
126
00:04:57,235 --> 00:04:59,466
- I'd make him jealous.
- Yeah, right, yeah.
127
00:04:59,494 --> 00:05:02,349
And there are a lot of guys out there
that want to hook up with you.
128
00:05:02,368 --> 00:05:05,968
There is this one guy, Artie, from
the coffee shop who asked me out.
129
00:05:06,026 --> 00:05:07,539
Oh, actually, you
have my number.
130
00:05:07,557 --> 00:05:09,935
So give me a call. Maybe
we can go out sometime.
131
00:05:10,048 --> 00:05:11,979
Shut your face!
132
00:05:12,199 --> 00:05:14,733
You should maybe give this
guy, Artie, a call and see...
133
00:05:14,756 --> 00:05:16,319
No, that's too real.
134
00:05:16,358 --> 00:05:17,646
That's just way too real.
135
00:05:17,663 --> 00:05:19,126
Then why do you have his
number in your phone?
136
00:05:19,139 --> 00:05:20,487
I just like looking at it.
It's not weird.
137
00:05:20,511 --> 00:05:22,578
- No.
- But it has, like...
138
00:05:23,038 --> 00:05:25,606
a lot of fours in it.
139
00:05:26,484 --> 00:05:28,222
You know, you know what I mean?
140
00:05:28,263 --> 00:05:30,097
No, I don't.
141
00:05:33,116 --> 00:05:37,867
Oh, which one of y'all want a lap
dance, because WB just hit the ATM.
142
00:05:37,885 --> 00:05:40,096
- Oh, hold up.
- Mm-hmm.
143
00:05:40,152 --> 00:05:41,769
Shrimp Forks, why'd you get
so much Bunny Money?
144
00:05:41,784 --> 00:05:44,048
- What is Bunny Money?
- That is Bunny Money.
145
00:05:44,076 --> 00:05:46,477
That's not real money.
Look at the bill.
146
00:05:46,555 --> 00:05:48,936
President Rabbit with
two big ass jugs.
147
00:05:49,472 --> 00:05:50,756
Damn, man.
148
00:05:50,845 --> 00:05:52,983
It's fine. As long as you didn't
take out too much, you're okay.
149
00:05:53,000 --> 00:05:54,657
Hey, Schmidt,
I took out $2,000.
150
00:05:56,819 --> 00:05:59,242
You keep making
mistakes, Winston.
151
00:05:59,406 --> 00:06:00,831
Oh, isn't this great, guy?
152
00:06:00,848 --> 00:06:02,179
- Awesome.
- Yeah, man, the best.
153
00:06:02,198 --> 00:06:03,599
And it's gonna keep
getting better,
154
00:06:03,621 --> 00:06:06,201
because we're not leaving here
until the sun comes up.
155
00:06:06,213 --> 00:06:08,393
- Whew.
- Hey, yo, brick top!
156
00:06:08,411 --> 00:06:10,033
We about to get it popping.
157
00:06:10,344 --> 00:06:12,664
Whistle while you twerk!
158
00:06:12,679 --> 00:06:15,050
- That man has so much confidence.
- It's amazing.
159
00:06:15,073 --> 00:06:17,511
Until the morning? I can't do this,
Schmidt. I'm having anxiety here.
160
00:06:17,524 --> 00:06:19,128
I have an 8:00 a.m. presentation.
161
00:06:19,153 --> 00:06:21,614
That means I have to get there at
7:45 to lower everyone's chairs.
162
00:06:21,623 --> 00:06:23,569
Jess hasn't texted me back.
I'm starting to freak out.
163
00:06:23,594 --> 00:06:24,644
Here's what I think we should do.
164
00:06:24,663 --> 00:06:26,962
I think you should be the one to just
kind of tell him that we want to leave
165
00:06:26,993 --> 00:06:28,982
and that maybe you want to leave
and then we'll all go together.
166
00:06:28,998 --> 00:06:31,298
- Why do I have to be the heavy?
- All right, fellas!
167
00:06:31,325 --> 00:06:33,517
All right, he's back!
168
00:06:33,616 --> 00:06:36,928
So I got dancers for each of us,
plus one floater to play the zone.
169
00:06:36,953 --> 00:06:38,753
Oh, defense!
170
00:06:39,677 --> 00:06:41,594
- Yeah!
- Here's a crazy idea.
171
00:06:41,613 --> 00:06:44,332
- Shoot, man.
- What if we got out of here,
172
00:06:44,623 --> 00:06:46,298
went back to the loft
and just hung out?
173
00:06:46,314 --> 00:06:48,552
You're going through a big breakup.
Let's talk it out, man.
174
00:06:48,571 --> 00:06:51,483
Yeah, yeah, let's just, um,
go home and talk feelings.
175
00:06:51,516 --> 00:06:52,847
- No.
- Mm-mm.
176
00:06:52,866 --> 00:06:56,260
I was with Malia, now I'm not.
There, we talked about it.
177
00:06:56,286 --> 00:06:58,842
Oh, look at the time.
It's butt o'clock.
178
00:06:58,864 --> 00:07:00,486
- You whipped.
- Shut up, Schmidt.
179
00:07:00,514 --> 00:07:01,927
- You whipped.
- Straight-up whipped.
180
00:07:01,939 --> 00:07:03,589
- I'm not whipped.
- Whipped like cream cheese.
181
00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:05,270
- Yeah, you are.
- Whipped like cream cheese.
182
00:07:05,282 --> 00:07:05,939
Whipped!
183
00:07:05,958 --> 00:07:08,260
So, Cece, I'm thinking
of firing off this text to Nick.
184
00:07:08,312 --> 00:07:10,113
"Loving single life."
185
00:07:10,303 --> 00:07:12,542
Should I add a "whoo-hoo"
or is that too bitchy?
186
00:07:12,562 --> 00:07:14,362
Look who I called.
187
00:07:14,922 --> 00:07:16,586
Hey, Jess.
188
00:07:18,090 --> 00:07:20,109
Shut your face.
189
00:07:21,183 --> 00:07:22,346
What?
190
00:07:24,325 --> 00:07:26,804
Oh, looks like you
could use a new drink.
191
00:07:26,821 --> 00:07:28,041
Barkeep,
192
00:07:28,066 --> 00:07:30,204
can I please get
a Shirley Temple
193
00:07:30,232 --> 00:07:34,301
with a finger of coconut
rum and a lemon squeeze?
194
00:07:34,329 --> 00:07:37,967
I call it a Temple Grandin because
it makes friendly and compassionate.
195
00:07:39,491 --> 00:07:42,122
- I have a boyfriend.
- No, she... No, she doesn't.
196
00:07:42,128 --> 00:07:43,427
Yeah, I do. She do.
197
00:07:43,457 --> 00:07:45,354
- No.
- Obviously, this is a bad time,
198
00:07:45,367 --> 00:07:47,501
and, uh, you're involved.
199
00:07:47,534 --> 00:07:50,075
- In some shape or other.
- No, no, no. She's free as a bird.
200
00:07:50,099 --> 00:07:50,869
Cece.
201
00:07:50,887 --> 00:07:54,112
All right, well, he's a very lucky man.
I hope he realizes that.
202
00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:56,405
Oh, don't move.
203
00:07:56,503 --> 00:07:58,263
You've got an eyelash.
204
00:07:58,448 --> 00:08:00,033
There we go. Make a wish.
205
00:08:00,044 --> 00:08:02,004
I'm afraid to.
206
00:08:02,186 --> 00:08:04,036
All right, take care.
207
00:08:05,468 --> 00:08:07,878
- Big mistake.
- I shook his hand. I had my fun.
208
00:08:07,896 --> 00:08:12,604
Do you think that Nick is in the strip
club right now shaking hands? No.
209
00:08:12,689 --> 00:08:14,656
Because he is a man.
210
00:08:14,772 --> 00:08:15,829
You can't trust them, Jess.
211
00:08:15,847 --> 00:08:20,207
Okay? The moment you let your guard
down, they just walk all over you.
212
00:08:20,231 --> 00:08:22,867
Tonight is the night to beat
them at their own game.
213
00:08:25,657 --> 00:08:28,217
Hey, Artie! Bet you
can't lift me!
214
00:08:30,746 --> 00:08:32,981
Uh, all sales of Bunny
Money are final.
215
00:08:32,990 --> 00:08:36,334
How am I supposed to
spend $2,000 on dancers?
216
00:08:36,360 --> 00:08:38,248
Oh, no. Our dancers
don't take it.
217
00:08:38,367 --> 00:08:41,375
- What? - However, uh, Bunny
Money is redeemable at the bar,
218
00:08:41,390 --> 00:08:44,455
our gift shop and our sister
club in Fort Myers, Florida.
219
00:08:44,886 --> 00:08:45,636
What?!
220
00:08:45,667 --> 00:08:47,141
Body shot.
221
00:08:50,455 --> 00:08:52,803
You taste delicious, do you know that?
What is that? An aftertaste?
222
00:08:52,825 --> 00:08:54,727
- Probably baby formula.
- Oh...
223
00:08:54,752 --> 00:08:58,253
- Tuesday nights!
- Girl, you are a pistol.
224
00:08:58,535 --> 00:09:03,976
I'll tell you what, how 'bout you and me
go back and I dance on you this time?
225
00:09:05,818 --> 00:09:07,374
Oh, man.
226
00:09:08,348 --> 00:09:09,701
Tuesdays nights.
227
00:09:09,713 --> 00:09:11,470
You know, for a chub,
you're a terrible heavy.
228
00:09:11,512 --> 00:09:14,681
Let's just get Coach really
drunk until he passes out.
229
00:09:14,699 --> 00:09:16,842
Then we take him home.
Shot contest.
230
00:09:16,871 --> 00:09:18,709
Like in Raiders of the
Lost Ark, Schmidt.
231
00:09:18,715 --> 00:09:20,546
I'm not ripping a page
from that pro-Nazi film.
232
00:09:20,565 --> 00:09:22,115
- It isn't pro-Nazi.
- Of course it is.
233
00:09:22,133 --> 00:09:24,464
It might as well be an
SS propaganda movie.
234
00:09:24,486 --> 00:09:27,093
- No, everybody in a Nazi uniform
literally dies. - Yeah, the...
235
00:09:27,486 --> 00:09:29,857
- When she puts the hand into the, uh...
- The heart.
236
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:32,849
No, not... Well, that happens, too.
Nazis.
237
00:09:32,920 --> 00:09:34,398
I don't think that makes you a Nazi.
238
00:09:34,423 --> 00:09:36,468
They ate the monkey brains,
and there was all the bugs.
239
00:09:36,493 --> 00:09:38,004
Nazi, Nazi.
240
00:09:38,022 --> 00:09:39,397
Nick's at a strip club,
241
00:09:39,416 --> 00:09:41,811
but he's just being a normal
guy in his 20s that wants
242
00:09:41,829 --> 00:09:43,786
to hang out with other
guys in their 20s.
243
00:09:43,812 --> 00:09:46,068
They're all in their 30s.
244
00:09:46,252 --> 00:09:48,637
- Hmm.
- Yeah. Enough about Nick.
245
00:09:48,655 --> 00:09:51,567
What do you do when you're not
making coffee at the coffee shop?
246
00:09:51,590 --> 00:09:54,171
- Well, actually, I own the coffee shop.
- What?
247
00:09:54,196 --> 00:09:55,724
It's not as glamorous
as you may think.
248
00:09:55,736 --> 00:09:59,652
It's a lot of spreadsheets and jetting
off to Brazil at a moment's notice.
249
00:09:59,728 --> 00:10:01,494
Nick's never been to Brazil.
250
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:03,343
Maybe you should step away.
251
00:10:03,528 --> 00:10:06,149
You know, call Nick up
and hash things out.
252
00:10:06,173 --> 00:10:09,107
Hmm-mm, can't call Nick 'cause then
he'll know I'm thinking about him.
253
00:10:09,138 --> 00:10:10,504
- Ah.
- And then he wins.
254
00:10:10,527 --> 00:10:12,211
Maybe you both win.
255
00:10:12,349 --> 00:10:13,900
Say Brazil again.
256
00:10:14,042 --> 00:10:16,234
Brazil.
257
00:10:17,055 --> 00:10:19,169
Say "rubber baby buggy bumpers."
258
00:10:19,189 --> 00:10:22,339
- Rubber babby buggy bumpers.
- Oh, my God!
259
00:10:23,016 --> 00:10:24,861
Shot contest isn't working.
260
00:10:24,902 --> 00:10:26,369
It's only making him stronger.
261
00:10:27,331 --> 00:10:28,819
It's Jess.
262
00:10:29,234 --> 00:10:31,565
Hey, Jess, I'm so
glad you called!
263
00:10:31,585 --> 00:10:33,585
Nick, can I talk to
you for a second?
264
00:10:33,606 --> 00:10:36,341
Oh, is that, uh,
Notorious N.A.G.?
265
00:10:36,382 --> 00:10:38,485
- Hey!
- Is that Naggie Gyllenhaal?
266
00:10:39,003 --> 00:10:42,243
Hey, I don't need your
help checking my woman.
267
00:10:42,261 --> 00:10:44,040
You're checking your woman?
268
00:10:44,203 --> 00:10:45,490
Wait, how did you hear that?
269
00:10:45,508 --> 00:10:47,921
You were covering
the listening part, dummy.
270
00:10:47,950 --> 00:10:50,041
Yeah, but they look the same.
I'm too drunk.
271
00:10:50,091 --> 00:10:53,061
Well, I'm way drunk,
too, and I'm with a man.
272
00:10:53,336 --> 00:10:54,033
What?
273
00:10:54,051 --> 00:10:57,620
He owns a business,
and he goes to Brazil.
274
00:10:58,829 --> 00:11:00,442
- Nick?
- Oh, it's a coin flip.
275
00:11:00,535 --> 00:11:02,804
Hello?
He's so immature.
276
00:11:02,916 --> 00:11:04,270
Jess!
277
00:11:05,065 --> 00:11:06,221
Jess, I got it.
278
00:11:06,247 --> 00:11:08,003
Hey, I think you guys
have had enough.
279
00:11:08,036 --> 00:11:10,624
- Why don't you let me give you a
ride home? - Wait, you weren't drinking?
280
00:11:10,643 --> 00:11:13,626
- Oh, no, no, no, I don't drink.
- I got to get a jump on the morning.
281
00:11:13,651 --> 00:11:15,849
Well, you really
have it together.
282
00:11:15,930 --> 00:11:17,987
I bet you can use a phone, too.
283
00:11:18,018 --> 00:11:20,928
Your bar for having it
together is set pretty low.
284
00:11:21,029 --> 00:11:22,427
I don't think this
is such a good idea.
285
00:11:22,451 --> 00:11:25,438
- We can just grab a cab home.
- Cece, this was your idea.
286
00:11:25,683 --> 00:11:27,525
Artie, can we take your jet?
287
00:11:27,554 --> 00:11:30,233
Oh, it's just one coffee shop.
288
00:11:30,257 --> 00:11:32,323
Wouldn't you like to know?
289
00:11:32,591 --> 00:11:35,075
All right, guys,
give it up for Candy!
290
00:11:35,110 --> 00:11:36,486
Is that lobster gray?
291
00:11:36,504 --> 00:11:38,336
Most expensive thing on the menu.
292
00:11:38,893 --> 00:11:40,493
- I got to go.
- What?
293
00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:42,356
Jess is drinking
and talking to some guy.
294
00:11:42,378 --> 00:11:45,448
Forget her, dude.
Relationships are prisons.
295
00:11:45,610 --> 00:11:47,335
How often do we get to
hang out like this?
296
00:11:47,356 --> 00:11:50,812
- I haven't seen you in two years.
- Strippers and booze forever.
297
00:11:50,840 --> 00:11:53,321
- There it is. - Hear, hear.
- No, stop, no, no.
298
00:11:53,924 --> 00:11:56,150
Relationships are not prisons,
299
00:11:56,167 --> 00:11:58,428
and Jess is amazing.
300
00:11:58,957 --> 00:12:00,601
She's sexy
301
00:12:00,626 --> 00:12:03,702
and sweet, and I can't lose her.
302
00:12:04,812 --> 00:12:06,184
So I'm going home to see her.
303
00:12:11,475 --> 00:12:14,110
Why are you crying? We can
see each other tomorrow.
304
00:12:14,137 --> 00:12:16,776
I didn't break up with
Malia, all right?
305
00:12:17,519 --> 00:12:20,590
- She broke up with me.
- Why didn't you say anything, man?
306
00:12:20,627 --> 00:12:22,899
'Cause I was
embarrassed, Winston.
307
00:12:23,925 --> 00:12:27,633
I lost her. I was just trying to fill
a void with all these naked chicks.
308
00:12:27,661 --> 00:12:30,844
I don't want to be here.
I want to be in love.
309
00:12:31,037 --> 00:12:33,270
Oh, Coach, this is so pathetic.
310
00:12:33,288 --> 00:12:36,887
Now she's dating some
dude named Derrique.
311
00:12:37,566 --> 00:12:38,504
Or Derek.
312
00:12:38,527 --> 00:12:40,929
Coach, you need to go home,
and I need to go home, too.
313
00:12:41,032 --> 00:12:42,521
You're right, man.
314
00:12:42,841 --> 00:12:44,423
You have to fight
for your relationships.
315
00:12:44,458 --> 00:12:46,236
- Freaking Derrique.
- Let's go.
316
00:12:46,247 --> 00:12:48,069
Mm-mmm, guys, guys,
you cannot leave.
317
00:12:48,091 --> 00:12:50,191
Dude, I was just crying. I
want to get out of here.
318
00:12:50,203 --> 00:12:51,787
It's embarrassing. He
cried in a strip club.
319
00:12:51,791 --> 00:12:53,278
All the dudes saw me cry.
Dude, I want to leave.
320
00:12:53,291 --> 00:12:56,287
Man, I got Bunny Money
coming out of my pockets.
321
00:12:57,874 --> 00:13:00,243
Wait a minute, this
ain't the way home.
322
00:13:00,352 --> 00:13:02,594
Yeah, we're just gonna
make a quick stop.
323
00:13:02,750 --> 00:13:05,478
We're gonna kick Malia's
boyfriend's ass.
324
00:13:05,505 --> 00:13:07,032
Wait, this is a police station?
325
00:13:07,051 --> 00:13:10,526
- Uh-huh, that's where he works.
- You want to drunk fight a cop?
326
00:13:10,545 --> 00:13:12,826
He stole my girlfriend.
327
00:13:12,844 --> 00:13:14,634
Did you hear the joke
about the two black guys
328
00:13:14,653 --> 00:13:17,184
and two white guys who walked
into a police station?
329
00:13:17,561 --> 00:13:19,736
- The two white guys came out.
- I'm with Winston.
330
00:13:19,762 --> 00:13:20,780
- Winston?
- Mm-hmm?
331
00:13:20,803 --> 00:13:23,909
I got two of these, and you
got one more of those.
332
00:13:23,940 --> 00:13:25,525
- Put that away.
- Coach!
333
00:13:25,553 --> 00:13:26,605
Coach, let's do it.
334
00:13:26,617 --> 00:13:28,060
- Coach, no!
- Let's get raucous.
335
00:13:28,078 --> 00:13:29,779
- I'm ready.
- We're not ready!
336
00:13:31,957 --> 00:13:34,687
- He is pure life force.
- He's a lunatic, man.
337
00:13:34,706 --> 00:13:36,849
- I got to get out of here.
- I want to go, too. I got a work thing.
338
00:13:36,875 --> 00:13:38,969
- Well, I got a girl thing, dude.
- Work trumps girls.
339
00:13:38,988 --> 00:13:40,782
Girls are replaceable.
Jobs are forever.
340
00:13:40,813 --> 00:13:43,060
I bet I get left with the fare.
I just bet...
341
00:13:43,090 --> 00:13:44,840
Hey, driver, let me
just ask you something.
342
00:13:44,874 --> 00:13:46,605
Do you like strippers?
343
00:13:46,693 --> 00:13:48,798
Do you also like the
deal of a lifetime?
344
00:13:48,824 --> 00:13:50,512
I wanted to leave first.
345
00:13:50,578 --> 00:13:53,425
I've been saying that the whole night,
and none of you guys can stop me.
346
00:13:53,447 --> 00:13:56,122
You think that you can...
you can...
347
00:13:56,621 --> 00:13:59,321
beat me in a physical
altercation of fisticuffs?
348
00:13:59,374 --> 00:14:01,506
I will beat you in a way
349
00:14:01,629 --> 00:14:04,431
that you've never
been beaten before.
350
00:14:05,489 --> 00:14:06,652
Ooh.
351
00:14:06,678 --> 00:14:07,577
Damn it!
352
00:14:07,607 --> 00:14:10,866
- You got hit in the face, son.
- Hit me again.
353
00:14:11,201 --> 00:14:14,439
'Cause I swear you'll be...
I'll be...
354
00:14:14,573 --> 00:14:18,036
Loosen up your neck so I can put you
into the headlock of a lifetime.
355
00:14:18,086 --> 00:14:19,861
Guys, it's escalating, look!
356
00:14:19,893 --> 00:14:24,043
- I'm a cop, pew, pew, pew.
- No, no, no, no, no.
357
00:14:24,260 --> 00:14:26,127
Thanks for the ride, Artie.
358
00:14:26,743 --> 00:14:28,993
Bathroom's down the hall. It's
the one with the urinals.
359
00:14:29,011 --> 00:14:30,657
I do live with men.
360
00:14:30,705 --> 00:14:32,426
Nay, boys.
361
00:14:35,225 --> 00:14:38,570
Look, if he can pee in Brazil,
he can pee at my house.
362
00:14:38,573 --> 00:14:40,177
- Do you actually like this guy?
- What?
363
00:14:40,214 --> 00:14:42,462
No, no.
364
00:14:42,547 --> 00:14:46,920
Nick couldn't call me his
girlfriend, and that hurt.
365
00:14:47,255 --> 00:14:50,697
Now I want to hurt him
back with some long,
366
00:14:50,921 --> 00:14:52,696
hot conversation.
367
00:14:52,708 --> 00:14:54,602
- That's what you really want to do?
- Yes.
368
00:14:54,632 --> 00:14:57,620
- Men suck, remember?
- I'm sorry about saying that,
369
00:14:57,645 --> 00:14:59,845
because I put that
on you, all right?
370
00:14:59,858 --> 00:15:03,301
That's because I'm going through
something right now with Schmidt.
371
00:15:03,340 --> 00:15:05,558
- You have Nick.
- Nick's a child
372
00:15:05,575 --> 00:15:07,354
who drinks on Tuesdays.
373
00:15:07,378 --> 00:15:09,359
You're drinking on a Tuesday
and you are a teacher.
374
00:15:09,378 --> 00:15:11,969
Those kids are watching
a movie tomorrow.
375
00:15:12,006 --> 00:15:14,086
Look, Nick doesn't
have a life plan.
376
00:15:14,116 --> 00:15:15,659
He doesn't have a day plan.
377
00:15:15,677 --> 00:15:19,845
I once found a note he wrote to
himself that said "Put on pants"
378
00:15:19,940 --> 00:15:22,241
followed by a question mark.
379
00:15:22,352 --> 00:15:24,768
That means it read,
"Put on pants?"
380
00:15:24,791 --> 00:15:27,927
Also, he throws
pizza at seagulls,
381
00:15:29,117 --> 00:15:32,424
which I guess is kind of nice
because he's trying to feed them.
382
00:15:33,478 --> 00:15:36,070
And he's a really,
383
00:15:36,100 --> 00:15:38,231
really great kisser.
384
00:15:38,286 --> 00:15:40,787
You have something really good.
385
00:15:42,220 --> 00:15:46,203
Just go get Artie and tell
him to leave, all right?
386
00:15:46,331 --> 00:15:48,244
Can you just get Derek?!
387
00:15:48,269 --> 00:15:49,084
Hey! Hey!
388
00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:51,723
He's gonna get the whole precinct!
This is a high-income area.
389
00:15:51,735 --> 00:15:52,990
They're very bored in there.
390
00:15:54,085 --> 00:15:56,724
Oh, my goodness, this jacket
smells like gasoline.
391
00:15:57,207 --> 00:15:58,946
Guys, come on.
392
00:15:59,248 --> 00:16:01,497
Come on, man, we're
too old for this.
393
00:16:01,542 --> 00:16:04,386
- We're too old for this whole night.
- What?
394
00:16:04,404 --> 00:16:07,010
Life changes. You
got to grow up.
395
00:16:07,036 --> 00:16:10,238
I did. I'm in a relationship,
and I'm happy.
396
00:16:10,301 --> 00:16:13,901
- Schmidt moved out of the loft,
and he's happy. - I'm miserable!
397
00:16:13,924 --> 00:16:15,742
- It's your fault.
- What are you talking about?
398
00:16:15,761 --> 00:16:17,559
I'm in a vacancy room!
399
00:16:17,578 --> 00:16:20,123
- A room of vacancy! Empty nest!
- By choice! By choice!
400
00:16:20,142 --> 00:16:21,792
Let me tell you something,
when I'm done with you,
401
00:16:21,807 --> 00:16:24,849
your face is gonna look all melted like
the president at the end of Raiders.
402
00:16:24,866 --> 00:16:26,665
He wasn't a president!
You saw a different movie
403
00:16:26,690 --> 00:16:28,681
- than everybody else in the world!
- I'll kill you!
404
00:16:28,705 --> 00:16:30,214
- He wasn't a president.
- Guys, guys!
405
00:16:30,226 --> 00:16:31,626
Kick you in the butt!
406
00:16:31,836 --> 00:16:33,492
- Don't! You touched my penis!
- Hey, hey!
407
00:16:33,516 --> 00:16:36,108
- Don't touch my penis!
- Stop! Stop it!
408
00:16:36,265 --> 00:16:37,653
- You just touched my penis!
- Hey! Hey!
409
00:16:37,859 --> 00:16:39,373
You touched my...
410
00:16:40,593 --> 00:16:41,867
You guys, grow up!
411
00:16:41,884 --> 00:16:44,790
- You grow up. Grow up!
- Coach? What are you doing here?
412
00:16:47,111 --> 00:16:50,415
- Is this about Malia?
- Yeah, it's about Malia.
413
00:16:56,892 --> 00:16:58,390
Take care of her, man.
414
00:16:59,420 --> 00:17:01,280
Yeah, I will.
415
00:17:02,065 --> 00:17:03,603
I'm a cop,
416
00:17:03,643 --> 00:17:05,277
not some drunk loser.
417
00:17:05,862 --> 00:17:07,679
Get out of here.
418
00:17:12,425 --> 00:17:14,320
Should we grow up
tomorrow night?
419
00:17:16,038 --> 00:17:17,201
Yeah.
420
00:17:17,224 --> 00:17:18,268
Muscle time!
421
00:17:18,299 --> 00:17:20,099
- Get on the ground!
- Muscle time!
422
00:17:20,224 --> 00:17:21,913
- I'm a cop!
- Back up!
423
00:17:21,943 --> 00:17:23,993
- I got a badge and a gun!
- Arrest me, dude!
424
00:17:24,478 --> 00:17:26,291
He's got backup! Go! Go!
425
00:17:26,311 --> 00:17:27,811
- Go! Go!
- Go!
426
00:17:28,833 --> 00:17:30,283
Serpentine!
427
00:17:30,893 --> 00:17:32,294
Serpentine!
428
00:17:38,014 --> 00:17:40,372
Artie, I have to hit the hay.
429
00:17:44,430 --> 00:17:46,086
- Oh, dear!
- Don't worry.
430
00:17:46,117 --> 00:17:48,313
I'm gonna make you
coffee in the morning.
431
00:17:54,750 --> 00:17:57,616
It's been a really great evening,
what a treat it's been,
432
00:17:57,635 --> 00:18:00,072
but I think somewhere
along the way,
433
00:18:00,123 --> 00:18:01,748
some signals got crossed.
434
00:18:01,773 --> 00:18:03,794
Signals could not have
been any clearer.
435
00:18:04,123 --> 00:18:05,569
Come on in.
436
00:18:05,997 --> 00:18:07,813
The water's warm.
437
00:18:09,344 --> 00:18:12,098
- Are you splashing me?
- I'm fixing to mix you up.
438
00:18:12,325 --> 00:18:13,664
Seriously?
439
00:18:13,697 --> 00:18:15,741
Oh, men are such dicks.
440
00:18:21,030 --> 00:18:22,674
All right, guys, second wind.
441
00:18:22,803 --> 00:18:25,187
You got an old TV?
Let's throw it off the roof.
442
00:18:25,229 --> 00:18:27,532
Come on, you're
crashing with me.
443
00:18:27,598 --> 00:18:30,771
And you, go talk to
your girlfriend.
444
00:18:31,066 --> 00:18:32,500
Thanks.
445
00:18:32,634 --> 00:18:34,444
Hey, it was a fun night.
446
00:18:35,328 --> 00:18:37,178
- All right, guys.
- Let's go, Shrimp Forks.
447
00:18:37,198 --> 00:18:39,684
Coach, Shrimp Forks?
448
00:18:39,749 --> 00:18:42,930
Come on, man, that makes no sense.
I played professional basketball.
449
00:18:43,018 --> 00:18:44,485
You got to stop calling me that.
450
00:18:44,563 --> 00:18:46,030
I'm sorry, man.
451
00:18:46,615 --> 00:18:48,624
Hop along, Bunny Money.
452
00:18:48,749 --> 00:18:50,073
Better than Shrimp Forks.
453
00:18:50,110 --> 00:18:53,498
- I'll take that.
- Fantastic. It only cost you $2,000.
454
00:18:53,533 --> 00:18:54,933
It did, didn't it?
455
00:18:54,955 --> 00:18:58,878
The Brazilians have the same word
for making love to one woman
456
00:18:59,062 --> 00:19:01,497
as they do for
making love to two.
457
00:19:02,483 --> 00:19:04,517
Mah-gaa-leesh.
458
00:19:05,886 --> 00:19:07,374
Take off your tops
and say it with me.
459
00:19:07,398 --> 00:19:08,328
Jess!
460
00:19:08,679 --> 00:19:10,121
Oh, my God, that's Nick!
461
00:19:10,137 --> 00:19:13,406
Okay, okay, you-you just get him dressed.
I will stall Nick.
462
00:19:13,424 --> 00:19:16,612
- I am really good at this kind of thing.
- Oh, my God.
463
00:19:16,642 --> 00:19:18,317
Nick, hey, great.
464
00:19:18,341 --> 00:19:20,013
I've been wanting to talk to you
about this side table.
465
00:19:20,040 --> 00:19:22,088
What kind of wood is it made out of?
Jess, I failed!
466
00:19:22,113 --> 00:19:23,657
Jess.
467
00:19:24,913 --> 00:19:26,631
Welcome, brother.
468
00:19:26,843 --> 00:19:28,113
Oh, my God.
469
00:19:28,128 --> 00:19:31,422
Nick, I can't imagine what you
must be thinking right now.
470
00:19:31,713 --> 00:19:33,504
Actually, I can. This is
your worst nightmare.
471
00:19:33,528 --> 00:19:36,063
There's a very good-looking man
in my bed, and he's naked,
472
00:19:36,094 --> 00:19:37,838
and I'm flushed,
and I'm flustered.
473
00:19:37,858 --> 00:19:41,170
I might as well just spray paint
"Jay Cutler sucks" on the wall
474
00:19:41,182 --> 00:19:42,783
and just round
out the whole image, right?
475
00:19:42,792 --> 00:19:48,717
But, Nick, nothing happened, and
nothing was ever going to happen,
476
00:19:48,964 --> 00:19:51,550
and you have to believe me,
please.
477
00:19:52,002 --> 00:19:54,593
Say you believe me, please.
478
00:19:59,197 --> 00:20:00,900
I believe you.
479
00:20:05,093 --> 00:20:07,487
Do you have any questions?
480
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:09,639
Do you want me to
have questions?
481
00:20:09,655 --> 00:20:11,113
Well...
482
00:20:11,407 --> 00:20:13,007
Hey, Artie?
483
00:20:14,281 --> 00:20:17,704
I'm gonna need you to get out
of my girlfriend's bed, man.
484
00:20:18,859 --> 00:20:24,733
Well, uh, I'm naked and-and in bed, and
you're fully clothed and standing,
485
00:20:24,758 --> 00:20:27,560
so I mean, I hardly think
this would be a fair fight.
486
00:20:27,594 --> 00:20:29,757
Well, I'd like it
to be a fair fight.
487
00:20:31,625 --> 00:20:34,842
- Thank God for snaps.
- Men are so weird.
488
00:20:34,861 --> 00:20:37,411
I must warn you,
489
00:20:37,785 --> 00:20:39,740
while spending time in Brazil...
490
00:20:39,762 --> 00:20:42,112
Let get situated first before
we get into this thing.
491
00:20:42,129 --> 00:20:43,897
Oh, my God!
492
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:47,501
- Bye-bye.
- Don't die, big guy.
493
00:20:48,523 --> 00:20:50,372
- Hey.
- Hey.
494
00:20:50,744 --> 00:20:54,231
- You called me your girlfriend.
- Did I? I don't remember.
495
00:20:58,097 --> 00:20:59,686
Where's Winston with the food?
496
00:20:59,769 --> 00:21:01,571
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry.
497
00:21:01,596 --> 00:21:04,362
It was crazy at the V-Rab.
Bachelor party season.
498
00:21:04,385 --> 00:21:06,571
- I got a deep-dish gyrator, no mushrooms.
- That's me.
499
00:21:06,583 --> 00:21:08,608
Don't call it V-Rab.
500
00:21:08,790 --> 00:21:11,788
- Please.
- I got the main stage fish tacos.
501
00:21:11,806 --> 00:21:13,487
No regrets. Great order.
502
00:21:13,512 --> 00:21:14,993
Pour some sugar on meatballs?
503
00:21:15,016 --> 00:21:16,775
Oh, that's me. Thank you.
504
00:21:16,807 --> 00:21:20,345
Let's see, and I got the short
stack ass-clap pancakes.
505
00:21:21,250 --> 00:21:22,770
You want to switch?
506
00:21:23,201 --> 00:21:25,445
- Schmidt, you want a taco?
- No, I'm gonna take one of Winston's.
507
00:21:25,464 --> 00:21:27,470
- Take it if you want it, dude.
- I was just thinking maybe-
508
00:21:27,482 --> 00:21:29,385
maybe you guys could
chip in a little bit.
509
00:21:29,797 --> 00:21:32,347
- 'Cause it was expensive.
- You want one of Winston's tacos?
510
00:21:33,147 --> 00:21:36,149
I'll take 50 cents on the dollar,
I really would. I really would.
511
00:21:37,073 --> 00:21:38,482
Please?
512
00:21:38,766 --> 00:21:43,766
Sync and corrected by Elderfel
www.addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther