1
00:00:01,056 --> 00:00:03,904
- Nick! We need to talk.
- Winston stays. End of discussion.
2
00:00:03,927 --> 00:00:06,657
No, dude. I got your
Thanksgiving invitation.
3
00:00:10,428 --> 00:00:12,885
- Did you make this?
- Absolutely not.
4
00:00:13,035 --> 00:00:15,116
He's announcing Thanksgiving!
5
00:00:15,134 --> 00:00:17,688
With his little trumpet,
he's announcing the feast!
6
00:00:17,722 --> 00:00:19,396
It's so funny...
7
00:00:20,290 --> 00:00:22,663
We should name that
little guy Roger.
8
00:00:22,690 --> 00:00:25,112
When your testicles fell off,
9
00:00:25,122 --> 00:00:29,158
did you form lady parts, or is it
kind of like a Gonzo nose down there?
10
00:00:29,174 --> 00:00:31,053
- It's really interesting.
- Yeah.
11
00:00:31,079 --> 00:00:33,635
- You see, the thing is, my testicles
haven't fallen off... - Right.
12
00:00:33,653 --> 00:00:34,860
...it's just the morning.
13
00:00:34,892 --> 00:00:38,480
And my testicles do this really
unique thing of burrowing...
14
00:00:38,545 --> 00:00:40,222
when it's cold out.
15
00:00:41,447 --> 00:00:42,697
You're burning me.
16
00:00:42,721 --> 00:00:43,964
- I gotta be real with you.
- Please.
17
00:00:43,989 --> 00:00:47,683
I know how a guy can get,
like, lost in a relationship.
18
00:00:47,723 --> 00:00:50,982
I've been there, dude. You're snuggling,
you're snuggling, you're snuggling,
19
00:00:50,994 --> 00:00:52,138
and then, bam!
20
00:00:52,160 --> 00:00:56,350
Next thing you know, you're wearing a jean
skirt and a tube top with no panties on,
21
00:00:56,373 --> 00:00:59,479
because you guys said you were gonna
dress up like each other for Halloween.
22
00:00:59,512 --> 00:01:01,001
But she doesn't
dress up like you.
23
00:01:01,032 --> 00:01:04,232
- But you still go to the party.
- I could not be more sorry for you,
24
00:01:04,256 --> 00:01:06,600
- but that's not my story.
- Stand up.
25
00:01:06,637 --> 00:01:08,355
- Stand up?
- Yeah.
26
00:01:09,350 --> 00:01:10,778
Okay.
27
00:01:15,449 --> 00:01:18,466
- Are those Jessica's pajama bottoms?
- It's, uh...
28
00:01:18,493 --> 00:01:21,581
football player pants for, uh,
br-breast cancer awareness.
29
00:01:21,988 --> 00:01:26,188
Sync & corrections by wilson0804
www.Addic7ed.com
Resync for WEB-DL by Norther
30
00:01:26,584 --> 00:01:28,115
I like the way that
they hug my gronk.
31
00:01:28,541 --> 00:01:31,304
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
32
00:01:31,323 --> 00:01:32,735
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
33
00:01:32,752 --> 00:01:34,686
♪ Who's that girl? ♪
♪ It's Jess. ♪
34
00:01:34,943 --> 00:01:36,675
Camping on Thanksgiving?
35
00:01:36,699 --> 00:01:39,969
It might be a crazy Nick
idea, but I kind of like it.
36
00:01:39,995 --> 00:01:42,217
I thought you hated
camping and nature.
37
00:01:42,242 --> 00:01:44,284
You said you were
afraid a fly was gonna
38
00:01:44,302 --> 00:01:46,130
fly in your head and
learn all your thoughts.
39
00:01:46,156 --> 00:01:49,754
I am a man, and men
belong in wilderness.
40
00:01:50,271 --> 00:01:51,809
It really means a lot to me.
41
00:01:51,844 --> 00:01:55,232
The only thing I care about
is that we're all together.
42
00:01:55,263 --> 00:01:57,846
And that we can all sit down
together and have a nice dinner.
43
00:01:57,863 --> 00:01:59,432
I 100% agree.
44
00:01:59,451 --> 00:02:02,206
- I think everybody's gonna
love this idea. - Me, too.
45
00:02:02,243 --> 00:02:04,110
- Camping? What the hell?
- Like we're animals?
46
00:02:04,122 --> 00:02:05,460
Come on.
Hear him out.
47
00:02:05,485 --> 00:02:08,693
Let's face it. Our indoor
Thanksgivings haven't been so great.
48
00:02:08,712 --> 00:02:10,566
- Turkey!
- Dead body!
49
00:02:10,589 --> 00:02:11,883
I think I'm into your mother.
50
00:02:11,895 --> 00:02:13,380
So this can't be worse.
51
00:02:13,405 --> 00:02:15,420
- Thank you, Jessica, I got
it from here. - All right.
52
00:02:15,450 --> 00:02:17,064
This Thanksgiving,
53
00:02:17,077 --> 00:02:20,273
I want to honor the traditions
of our forefathers.
54
00:02:20,306 --> 00:02:25,378
The mighty Pilgrims and Native Americans
who came together in order to survive.
55
00:02:25,396 --> 00:02:26,515
Sure, yeah.
56
00:02:26,543 --> 00:02:29,176
The first chapter in
a proud history of cooperation.
57
00:02:29,200 --> 00:02:33,968
It'll be the ultimate test of
manhood and our survival skills.
58
00:02:33,999 --> 00:02:36,343
- It will? - How's this for
a test of our manhood?
59
00:02:36,361 --> 00:02:39,145
We stay at home, we drink
beer, we watch football.
60
00:02:39,170 --> 00:02:40,169
- Manhood.
- I like that idea.
61
00:02:40,184 --> 00:02:42,134
Winston, I'm talking
about real men.
62
00:02:42,159 --> 00:02:43,815
- Me, too.
- Men who fend for themselves.
63
00:02:43,847 --> 00:02:46,816
You're the laziest man I know.
Okay, Jess, be honest with me.
64
00:02:46,856 --> 00:02:48,337
Has he ever been on top?
65
00:02:48,383 --> 00:02:50,602
- Real men are on the bottom.
- No, they're not.
66
00:02:50,632 --> 00:02:53,532
- Guys, guys. It's Thanksgiving.
- You're on the bottom...
67
00:02:53,550 --> 00:02:55,924
We need to be together.
Who's in?
68
00:02:57,485 --> 00:02:59,404
- Come on, guys!
- All right, I'm in.
69
00:02:59,423 --> 00:03:00,862
- What?
- Yeah, Schmidt! - Yes!
70
00:03:00,885 --> 00:03:03,769
Look, my parents were super divorced
and they never took me camping,
71
00:03:03,792 --> 00:03:05,865
but I always thought
that I'd be incredible at it.
72
00:03:06,063 --> 00:03:06,826
Let's get ready.
73
00:03:06,841 --> 00:03:08,679
What the hell is on
your head, Schmidt?
74
00:03:08,697 --> 00:03:11,910
It's an exact replica of the hat.
Viggo Mortensen wore in Hidalgo.
75
00:03:11,938 --> 00:03:13,438
Knew you'd like it.
76
00:03:17,837 --> 00:03:19,901
Wow! Nice job, Miller!
77
00:03:19,925 --> 00:03:21,614
This spot's beautiful.
78
00:03:21,636 --> 00:03:22,869
I know.
79
00:03:22,930 --> 00:03:25,135
- Cece!
- Cece's here?
80
00:03:25,153 --> 00:03:26,929
I didn't know she
was gonna be here.
81
00:03:27,532 --> 00:03:29,488
Yay, I'm so happy you came!
82
00:03:29,507 --> 00:03:32,157
We're all together! It
makes me so excited.
83
00:03:32,182 --> 00:03:33,923
Of course! I mean,
what could be better
84
00:03:33,948 --> 00:03:36,036
than camping in the woods
with my ex-boyfriend
85
00:03:36,055 --> 00:03:37,406
and his friend I
just made out with.
86
00:03:37,431 --> 00:03:39,056
With whom you just made out.
87
00:03:39,100 --> 00:03:41,013
- Don't. You know I hate that.
- It's very important.
88
00:03:41,037 --> 00:03:43,131
- Don't. Seriously, don't.
- Grammar's important.
89
00:03:43,156 --> 00:03:45,080
If it get awkward,
I'll come save you.
90
00:03:45,106 --> 00:03:47,366
Happy Thanksgiving!
91
00:03:47,391 --> 00:03:48,400
Yay!
92
00:03:49,987 --> 00:03:52,337
- Hey, what's up, girl?
- Hey, Cece.
93
00:04:02,627 --> 00:04:04,995
Hey, I never, uh... had
a chance to ask you.
94
00:04:05,013 --> 00:04:06,170
How did the, um...
95
00:04:06,188 --> 00:04:07,590
How'd your guys' date
go the other night?
96
00:04:07,602 --> 00:04:09,046
- Oh, with Cece?
- Yeah.
97
00:04:09,073 --> 00:04:11,996
Uh... it was... I loved it.
98
00:04:12,040 --> 00:04:13,373
I mean, it was good.
99
00:04:13,779 --> 00:04:15,789
- It was cool.
- That's great.
100
00:04:16,744 --> 00:04:19,036
- Super.
- Super-duper.
101
00:04:19,697 --> 00:04:21,703
So where you thinking about
pitching, uh, pitching a tent?
102
00:04:21,728 --> 00:04:23,209
- Thinking over there.
- Oh, yonder?
103
00:04:23,234 --> 00:04:24,872
- Yeah, sure.
- Yeah. Yonder.
104
00:04:24,899 --> 00:04:27,793
Listen, I've been researching on
the Internet for the past 12 hours
105
00:04:27,805 --> 00:04:29,756
everything there is to
know about the wood.
106
00:04:29,781 --> 00:04:32,198
Now I'm a... I'm
a master camper.
107
00:04:32,779 --> 00:04:36,235
So if you need any help with anything,
just come to me and ask, okay?
108
00:04:36,533 --> 00:04:38,502
Thanks, man. I don't
know anything about the wood.
109
00:04:38,526 --> 00:04:40,903
- I know everything.
- I'm lost. What is that, a tree?
110
00:04:40,922 --> 00:04:43,933
If these trees were skyscrapers,
you'd feel very comfortable.
111
00:04:43,958 --> 00:04:47,200
Yeah. I'd be right at home.
Unfortunately, they're actual trees.
112
00:04:47,225 --> 00:04:49,669
- Yeah. You're the best.
- I love the hat!
113
00:04:50,087 --> 00:04:52,837
I'm sorry, is that a solar
cell phone charger?
114
00:04:53,072 --> 00:04:56,507
Yeah, I can't go more
than two days without it.
115
00:04:56,892 --> 00:04:59,362
Okay, hold on. Do you...
do you hate camping, too?
116
00:04:59,377 --> 00:05:02,720
Are you kidding me? I
absolutely hate camping.
117
00:05:02,745 --> 00:05:04,389
Then why are we here?
118
00:05:04,416 --> 00:05:07,099
Because I didn't get a say.
I never get a say.
119
00:05:07,105 --> 00:05:09,271
Whenever I want to do something,
they don't give a hoot.
120
00:05:09,372 --> 00:05:11,586
Guess who just got free
passes to a pottery seminar.
121
00:05:11,617 --> 00:05:13,163
- Get out of here.
- Winston!
122
00:05:13,200 --> 00:05:16,122
We could've made the
craziest mugs, man.
123
00:05:19,287 --> 00:05:20,437
- Hey, Nick?
- Yeah.
124
00:05:20,461 --> 00:05:21,518
There's just beer in here.
125
00:05:21,543 --> 00:05:23,711
That should last us for the
first few hours, actually.
126
00:05:23,736 --> 00:05:25,897
Where's the food? Where-where
are all the pies I made?
127
00:05:25,931 --> 00:05:27,654
Look, don't worry, Jess.
128
00:05:27,671 --> 00:05:29,571
'Cause the food is...
129
00:05:30,170 --> 00:05:31,483
right here.
130
00:05:32,007 --> 00:05:34,631
I'm... sorry. I don't
understand that gesture.
131
00:05:34,650 --> 00:05:37,529
We're gonna be hunting
and foraging for our dinner,
132
00:05:37,553 --> 00:05:40,155
just like the Indians
and the Pilgrims.
133
00:05:43,540 --> 00:05:44,844
But you brought beer.
134
00:05:44,860 --> 00:05:47,532
You can't forage for beer.
And that's a necessity.
135
00:05:48,030 --> 00:05:50,000
So this is Thanksgiving meal?
136
00:05:50,050 --> 00:05:52,620
- 96 warm beers?
- We can do this.
137
00:05:52,640 --> 00:05:54,326
Guys, we've gotten soft!
138
00:05:54,345 --> 00:05:56,988
With our antibiotics
and our sports creams.
139
00:05:57,006 --> 00:06:00,082
Do you think George
Washington had a pet cat?
140
00:06:00,108 --> 00:06:01,098
- Yeah. - No.
- He didn't.
141
00:06:01,121 --> 00:06:02,658
He hunted them.
142
00:06:02,682 --> 00:06:05,713
- What? - And he made milk
and butter out of their spoils.
143
00:06:05,738 --> 00:06:07,928
- That's terrible. - So you're saying
George Washington milked his cat?
144
00:06:07,947 --> 00:06:10,370
- Nothing is sounding accurate right now.
- Not at all. - Where'd you read this?
145
00:06:10,388 --> 00:06:13,050
I'm not saying it's gonna be easy.
It's gonna be hard.
146
00:06:13,078 --> 00:06:17,584
But we will emerge out of this
better friends and a tribe.
147
00:06:17,609 --> 00:06:19,207
I'm on board.
148
00:06:19,250 --> 00:06:20,537
Going old-school.
149
00:06:20,557 --> 00:06:22,388
- Men! Killing! Hunting!
- Men!
150
00:06:22,405 --> 00:06:24,036
Men! Men! Men! Men!
151
00:06:24,048 --> 00:06:27,849
Oh, my cowman's... my cowman...
my cowman's hat, my cowman's hat.
152
00:06:28,466 --> 00:06:31,105
Guys, look, I'm as much
a man as anybody here,
153
00:06:31,122 --> 00:06:33,050
but this plan is
straight-up dookie.
154
00:06:33,069 --> 00:06:36,450
- I need my sweets and I need my parade.
- Yeah, you know what? I'm out, too.
155
00:06:36,475 --> 00:06:39,236
Guys, guys, guys. Look.
156
00:06:39,461 --> 00:06:41,266
We're together.
157
00:06:41,323 --> 00:06:43,892
We're a family.
It's Thanksgiving.
158
00:06:43,917 --> 00:06:45,811
And I'm sure Nick has a plan.
Right?
159
00:06:45,828 --> 00:06:47,578
- Oh, yeah. I've got a plan.
- Great. - You got a plan?
160
00:06:47,596 --> 00:06:48,585
The man's got a plan.
161
00:06:48,632 --> 00:06:51,461
These wilderness guides right
here detail what plants
162
00:06:51,479 --> 00:06:54,381
are safe for eating and
what traps we can build.
163
00:06:54,404 --> 00:06:56,171
Unfortunately, I
ran out of money,
164
00:06:56,195 --> 00:06:59,033
so I couldn't print out the chapters
on gutting and skinning, but...
165
00:06:59,050 --> 00:07:01,474
we'll worry about that when we
get there. Pilgrim rules.
166
00:07:01,496 --> 00:07:03,438
Men, hunters!
167
00:07:03,614 --> 00:07:05,014
Women, foragers.
168
00:07:05,037 --> 00:07:08,129
I'm not hunting. The only Hunt
I want is Bonnie or Helen.
169
00:07:08,151 --> 00:07:10,343
- You know what I'm talking
about, Coach. - What?
170
00:07:11,428 --> 00:07:12,777
Nick.
171
00:07:15,688 --> 00:07:18,150
This is perfect.
Primal man in nature.
172
00:07:18,168 --> 00:07:20,989
Stalking prey. Who's basically
the lady now, Coach?
173
00:07:21,013 --> 00:07:23,675
I've seen that tree six times
in the past 20 minutes.
174
00:07:23,692 --> 00:07:25,838
We're definitely moving
in a small circle.
175
00:07:26,095 --> 00:07:28,345
Here's what I'm gonna do. I'm
gonna clear a path this way.
176
00:07:28,380 --> 00:07:30,343
We will travel
northbound, I believe.
177
00:07:30,361 --> 00:07:31,506
That's not north;
that's south.
178
00:07:31,533 --> 00:07:33,714
That is south? Then let's
travel southbound.
179
00:07:33,862 --> 00:07:36,090
I'm gonna clear a path. If something's
in there and you get injured,
180
00:07:36,109 --> 00:07:38,294
I promise you I
will kill you fast.
181
00:07:39,571 --> 00:07:41,565
Scat! Scat.
182
00:07:47,392 --> 00:07:49,505
- There's an animal nearby.
- Hey, Schmidt, that's a raisin, man.
183
00:07:49,530 --> 00:07:51,635
That's not a raisin.
This is scat.
184
00:07:52,231 --> 00:07:53,341
Okay.
185
00:07:57,503 --> 00:08:00,036
That's poop for sure. I was right.
In your face, Nick.
186
00:08:00,048 --> 00:08:01,575
- In your face, Nick.
- How so?
187
00:08:01,594 --> 00:08:03,724
I don't know, he put a...
put a turd in his mouth.
188
00:08:03,743 --> 00:08:04,881
- And that's in my face?
- Yeah.
189
00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:07,891
I don't think we should start eating
poo yet, Schmidt. Let's wait on that.
190
00:08:07,921 --> 00:08:10,471
- You want to chase that with some dirt?
- Does anyone have any gum?
191
00:08:10,516 --> 00:08:11,315
No.
192
00:08:11,340 --> 00:08:13,910
Not that I wanted any
in the first place.
193
00:08:16,305 --> 00:08:18,230
That's a mighty
big hole there, Nick.
194
00:08:18,259 --> 00:08:20,584
- You trying to catch a refrigerator?
- It's a bear hole.
195
00:08:20,606 --> 00:08:23,847
Bear falls in, other stuff falls in.
We take what the bear doesn't want.
196
00:08:23,876 --> 00:08:25,994
- Makes sense.
- Classic human/bear team-up.
197
00:08:26,020 --> 00:08:28,895
- I'm from Chicago. It's the best I can do.
- Yeah, bears love to share.
198
00:08:28,913 --> 00:08:31,147
What are you planning on doing with
that bear when he falls into the hole?
199
00:08:31,164 --> 00:08:33,937
Dude, I'm trying the best that I can!
We have no food.
200
00:08:33,960 --> 00:08:35,821
Let me explain something
to you, Nick.
201
00:08:36,217 --> 00:08:38,584
When you're building a trap, you
want to customize it to your prey.
202
00:08:38,603 --> 00:08:41,820
So, I don't know, if was trying
to catch, say a squirrel,
203
00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,743
I'd want think like a squirrel.
204
00:08:43,769 --> 00:08:45,629
Allow me to demonstrate
with this trap that I built.
205
00:08:45,652 --> 00:08:47,702
How do you get into the
mindset of a squirrel?
206
00:08:49,238 --> 00:08:51,088
I'm a squirrel... right?
207
00:08:51,117 --> 00:08:52,569
- You do that really well.
- Look at this!
208
00:08:52,586 --> 00:08:55,020
Oh, there's some nuts here.
Look at all these little nuts.
209
00:08:55,040 --> 00:08:56,392
You might not want to do that.
210
00:08:56,417 --> 00:08:58,658
If I needed your advice on how
to lead a spinning class,
211
00:08:58,670 --> 00:09:00,433
I'd ask you, but this
is my territory.
212
00:09:01,461 --> 00:09:03,248
- My scapula!
- Dude, are you all right?
213
00:09:03,266 --> 00:09:05,631
Aah! Aah, get it off! Aah!
214
00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:08,629
Get it!
215
00:09:08,822 --> 00:09:10,522
Get up.
Keep breathing, man.
216
00:09:10,540 --> 00:09:12,517
I don't mean to be laughing,
but are you okay?
217
00:09:12,541 --> 00:09:14,396
- I'm gonna make you a sling.
- You're gonna make me a what?
218
00:09:14,431 --> 00:09:16,531
- You don't know how to do that.
- Of course I do.
219
00:09:16,784 --> 00:09:18,975
What...? What are you doing?
220
00:09:19,224 --> 00:09:22,355
- I was an Eagle Scout. - What are you
talking about, you were an Eagle Scout?
221
00:09:22,599 --> 00:09:24,580
- Look.
- That's actually really good.
222
00:09:24,599 --> 00:09:26,905
I'm sorry, dude. You wanted
to be the best at camping.
223
00:09:26,930 --> 00:09:29,880
You were so excited about your hat. I
didn't want to get in the way of that.
224
00:09:29,905 --> 00:09:33,224
- Plus with the whole Cece thing or
whatever. - What are talking about?
225
00:09:35,201 --> 00:09:36,879
You're gonna let me
be the best camper.
226
00:09:36,901 --> 00:09:38,886
- I am the best camper!
- Yeah.
227
00:09:39,894 --> 00:09:41,662
I think this is chicory.
228
00:09:41,681 --> 00:09:43,362
It says you can eat the root.
229
00:09:43,871 --> 00:09:47,136
Or it's jasmine.
Which will kill you.
230
00:09:47,175 --> 00:09:48,780
Hmm.
What do you guys think?
231
00:09:48,799 --> 00:09:50,117
- I'm sure it's fine.
- Yeah, just eat it.
232
00:09:50,129 --> 00:09:51,953
Hey, raspberries!
233
00:09:52,088 --> 00:09:54,616
There... Ow!
: Ow.
234
00:09:54,700 --> 00:09:56,181
There are a lot of
brambles in here.
235
00:09:56,218 --> 00:09:58,196
- There's a country store
not far from here. - Ow!
236
00:09:58,244 --> 00:10:01,602
Three and a half stars. The reviews
say, "It's functional and dusty."
237
00:10:01,621 --> 00:10:02,952
- Ow!
- Sounds good to me.
238
00:10:02,971 --> 00:10:05,194
This is so fun.
Who wants to help?
239
00:10:05,225 --> 00:10:08,613
This plan is officially the worst.
We are starving.
240
00:10:08,649 --> 00:10:10,861
Just admit, you don't want
to do this, either.
241
00:10:11,476 --> 00:10:15,107
Okay, listen up. Only stuff we
can find in the forest, right?
242
00:10:17,654 --> 00:10:18,960
Look at that fish.
243
00:10:19,207 --> 00:10:20,145
It's perfect.
244
00:10:20,170 --> 00:10:21,709
- What?
- Oh, I'm gonna grab it.
245
00:10:21,727 --> 00:10:25,075
- I'm so hungry. Now we get to eat, boys.
- Dude, that looks dead.
246
00:10:25,097 --> 00:10:28,042
- Guys, stop being negative right now.
- Laying on its side means it's dead.
247
00:10:28,989 --> 00:10:30,452
I wouldn't get
in that water, man.
248
00:10:30,464 --> 00:10:32,177
You're gonna get beaver fever.
249
00:10:32,208 --> 00:10:34,264
Where are my testicles
now, Coach?
250
00:10:34,405 --> 00:10:37,650
When he catches that little critter,
I'm gonna show you how to scale it.
251
00:10:37,693 --> 00:10:39,216
- Ow.
- That hurts?
252
00:10:39,315 --> 00:10:41,706
Yeah, it hurts! A
boulder fell on my...
253
00:10:42,352 --> 00:10:44,532
Is all this 'cause I teased
you about the invite?
254
00:10:44,557 --> 00:10:45,868
Yes, it is! No regrets!
255
00:10:47,331 --> 00:10:49,289
- Aw!
- Aw, come on, Nick.
256
00:10:50,634 --> 00:10:51,753
- Yes!
- Quit it.
257
00:10:51,786 --> 00:10:54,095
You guys might be right!
It might be dead!
258
00:10:55,115 --> 00:10:57,222
In fact, it was dead!
259
00:10:58,199 --> 00:11:00,530
Smells fresh... enough!
260
00:11:00,710 --> 00:11:02,096
Oh, come on, Winston, what?
261
00:11:02,120 --> 00:11:04,524
You just get your nails done?
Get the apple dirty!
262
00:11:04,554 --> 00:11:06,578
Grind some dirt in it,
grind some dirt in it.
263
00:11:06,590 --> 00:11:08,851
- God, I'm so hungry!
- Hey, hey!
264
00:11:08,874 --> 00:11:10,441
- Hey.
- Look what the men brought.
265
00:11:10,467 --> 00:11:12,670
- Oh, hey! Hey, hey!
- The plan worked.
266
00:11:12,707 --> 00:11:15,473
- Hey, he looks like a fighter.
- He really was, kind of.
267
00:11:15,505 --> 00:11:17,456
- Oh, my God!
- Wow.
268
00:11:17,475 --> 00:11:18,607
- I mean, well...
- Whoa.
269
00:11:18,622 --> 00:11:20,993
- Like a smorgasbord.
- You guys did great.
270
00:11:21,005 --> 00:11:22,799
- Yeah, we did.
- Yep.
271
00:11:22,820 --> 00:11:23,852
Where'd you get the cashews?
272
00:11:23,883 --> 00:11:26,261
- Um, on a bush.
- Yeah.
273
00:11:26,557 --> 00:11:27,930
How about the beets?
274
00:11:28,436 --> 00:11:30,030
- Also a bush.
- That's right.
275
00:11:30,055 --> 00:11:32,054
- Yeah.
- The avocado?
276
00:11:33,157 --> 00:11:35,295
- Also on a bush.
- That's right.
277
00:11:35,321 --> 00:11:39,165
Well, look at us. Living off the
land, fending for ourselves.
278
00:11:39,195 --> 00:11:43,550
We got fish and fruits, and this is
probably gonna be the most delicious apple
279
00:11:43,559 --> 00:11:45,393
I've ever eaten in my life.
280
00:11:50,266 --> 00:11:51,978
"Product of Oregon"?
281
00:11:52,197 --> 00:11:54,060
We walked to Oregon?
282
00:11:54,072 --> 00:11:55,192
- What?
- What?
283
00:11:55,216 --> 00:11:56,847
- That's why this cramp...
- Yeah... This place...
284
00:11:56,872 --> 00:11:59,327
Come on, you think the three
of us are true dumb-asses?
285
00:11:59,347 --> 00:12:01,614
We're not. I kind of knew from the
beginning. I mean, there's no way.
286
00:12:01,624 --> 00:12:03,522
You just went to a store
and got all this?
287
00:12:03,555 --> 00:12:04,998
I think so.
288
00:12:05,267 --> 00:12:07,073
I think they definitely bought
everything from the store.
289
00:12:07,091 --> 00:12:10,171
The one thing I wanted was
for us all to sit down
290
00:12:10,196 --> 00:12:13,468
together and have dinner, and you
can't do that without dinner.
291
00:12:13,495 --> 00:12:14,645
We have dinner.
292
00:12:14,658 --> 00:12:16,587
That fish kind of looks
like hippo meat.
293
00:12:16,616 --> 00:12:17,616
Come on, man.
294
00:12:17,628 --> 00:12:20,010
Let's just sit down and eat
some delicious almonds.
295
00:12:20,025 --> 00:12:21,163
- And enjoy ourselves.
- Yes.
296
00:12:21,178 --> 00:12:23,230
And have a really nice
Thanksgiving together.
297
00:12:23,242 --> 00:12:25,289
- Come on, Nick, let's eat.
- Come on, man, let's eat.
298
00:12:25,304 --> 00:12:28,151
I feel like how they must've
felt on the first Thanksgiving.
299
00:12:29,018 --> 00:12:30,318
Betrayed.
300
00:12:30,342 --> 00:12:31,576
What?
301
00:12:31,912 --> 00:12:32,981
Happy Thanksgiving.
302
00:12:33,000 --> 00:12:34,428
- Oh, come on. Nick, come on!
- Don't do this.
303
00:12:34,453 --> 00:12:37,076
FYI, the first Thanksgiving
was the good one.
304
00:12:37,090 --> 00:12:40,495
Come on, Nick! These
avocados were expensive!
305
00:12:42,798 --> 00:12:44,027
Here we go.
306
00:12:44,059 --> 00:12:47,936
It smells so good. I can't wait till
it's ready. I'm gonna be so stuffed.
307
00:12:49,292 --> 00:12:50,679
Ooh!
308
00:12:50,698 --> 00:12:53,301
The eyeball fell off. That's
how you know it's good.
309
00:12:53,642 --> 00:12:56,025
They got to pop out
when it's ready, I think.
310
00:12:56,056 --> 00:12:57,643
Now that the cards are
finally on the table,
311
00:12:57,661 --> 00:12:59,931
I guess we can see who the
true camp master really is.
312
00:12:59,952 --> 00:13:02,186
- The answer's me.
- First one to make a flame wins.
313
00:13:02,215 --> 00:13:03,438
Let's do this.
314
00:13:04,453 --> 00:13:06,252
Now, check this out.
315
00:13:07,539 --> 00:13:08,689
This is how you make a flame.
316
00:13:08,701 --> 00:13:11,120
You go with two rocks.
One against the other.
317
00:13:11,138 --> 00:13:12,930
You create friction.
318
00:13:13,088 --> 00:13:14,488
- I'm done.
- What?
319
00:13:14,512 --> 00:13:16,931
- I'm done. - Well, that's
barely a flame, it's going out.
320
00:13:16,958 --> 00:13:19,713
Whoa! Well, goodness gracious!
What are you? A sorcerer?
321
00:13:20,874 --> 00:13:22,072
Damn it!
322
00:13:26,573 --> 00:13:28,378
Hey, mountain man.
323
00:13:28,415 --> 00:13:30,815
You want to come eat some
dirty vegetables with us?
324
00:13:30,851 --> 00:13:32,891
I should've known those beets
weren't from nature.
325
00:13:32,903 --> 00:13:34,662
Nothing purple grows in nature.
326
00:13:34,718 --> 00:13:37,530
Look, we didn't
come through, okay?
327
00:13:37,554 --> 00:13:39,279
You came through!
328
00:13:40,377 --> 00:13:42,025
Look, you caught a fish!
329
00:13:42,069 --> 00:13:45,048
That's really, really impressive.
How'd you do it?
330
00:13:45,638 --> 00:13:46,567
With my bare hands.
331
00:13:46,589 --> 00:13:48,683
- No way! You're so strong.
- Yeah.
332
00:13:48,700 --> 00:13:50,437
Yeah, it was... It fought...
333
00:13:51,825 --> 00:13:53,881
- What are you doing?
- I'm not doing anything.
334
00:13:53,899 --> 00:13:57,278
I think that's amazing.
You provided for us.
335
00:13:57,414 --> 00:13:59,763
- You're a man.
- Don't patronize me, Jess.
336
00:13:59,792 --> 00:14:03,280
I'm not. Ever since we
started dating, Jess,
337
00:14:03,320 --> 00:14:05,234
we've been doing a
bunch of girly stuff,
338
00:14:05,252 --> 00:14:07,692
and I like some of it
and you, but...
339
00:14:08,046 --> 00:14:11,980
my tolerance to alcohol has,
like, gotten really, scary low.
340
00:14:12,531 --> 00:14:15,731
I drank three beers, and I got,
like, all giggly and tired.
341
00:14:15,749 --> 00:14:17,368
And I didn't want a fourth.
342
00:14:17,658 --> 00:14:20,763
Last night, I had a dream
that I was brushing a horse.
343
00:14:21,380 --> 00:14:23,944
I just feel like I'm
losing myself a little.
344
00:14:24,419 --> 00:14:26,828
Just... let me eat this
disgusting fish and...
345
00:14:26,867 --> 00:14:29,323
- No, Nick, Nick.
- Yeah, just let me be over here.
346
00:14:29,341 --> 00:14:31,716
This is the most beautiful
fish I've ever seen.
347
00:14:31,734 --> 00:14:33,172
- It is! - Don't touch...
I wouldn't touch it.
348
00:14:33,190 --> 00:14:35,397
- It is. - Jess, don't...
Don't put your hands in...
349
00:14:35,433 --> 00:14:36,691
Oh, my Lo...
350
00:14:39,265 --> 00:14:40,574
Spit it out.
351
00:14:41,116 --> 00:14:44,037
Mmm...!
352
00:14:44,123 --> 00:14:45,354
Mmm...!
353
00:14:45,385 --> 00:14:47,940
Mmm...!
354
00:14:48,237 --> 00:14:49,275
Fragrant.
355
00:14:49,307 --> 00:14:51,309
Mmm, I can really...
356
00:14:51,903 --> 00:14:53,844
- I can really taste the lake.
- Spit it out.
357
00:14:53,869 --> 00:14:56,667
I feel like I'm there in
the lake with the fish.
358
00:14:56,690 --> 00:14:57,957
Mmm!
359
00:14:58,344 --> 00:14:59,639
Bony.
360
00:15:00,329 --> 00:15:02,389
That's gonna hurt going down.
361
00:15:02,845 --> 00:15:04,483
But I like it.
362
00:15:05,033 --> 00:15:06,614
Hurts so good!
363
00:15:06,814 --> 00:15:08,558
Hurts so good!
364
00:15:08,600 --> 00:15:10,588
Jess, that fish was dead
when I caught it.
365
00:15:10,981 --> 00:15:12,813
There was a sock near it.
366
00:15:17,980 --> 00:15:19,214
- I'm gonna come with you.
- No.
367
00:15:19,231 --> 00:15:20,700
Jess, let me come with you.
368
00:15:20,725 --> 00:15:22,380
- Where are you going?
- There's something over here.
369
00:15:22,405 --> 00:15:23,863
- I'm gonna look at it.
- Jess...
370
00:15:23,945 --> 00:15:27,351
I'm seeing some
interesting things.
371
00:15:27,765 --> 00:15:30,078
I'm out of the
office till Friday.
372
00:15:30,515 --> 00:15:34,961
For immediate assistance, please
call Deb at extension A.C. Slater.
373
00:15:36,883 --> 00:15:37,852
You guys see where she went?
374
00:15:37,871 --> 00:15:38,907
- No.
- No. Jess?
375
00:15:38,926 --> 00:15:40,401
- Jess? - Jess?
- Jess!
376
00:15:40,429 --> 00:15:41,815
- Jess?
- Jess?
377
00:15:42,083 --> 00:15:43,550
Jess?
378
00:15:43,981 --> 00:15:45,106
Jess!
379
00:15:45,810 --> 00:15:49,783
I just want to see more carpet samples
before I make a final decision.
380
00:15:50,645 --> 00:15:52,914
- Jess!
- Jess?
381
00:15:53,764 --> 00:15:56,458
Jess! Jess, where are you?
382
00:15:56,483 --> 00:15:58,283
- Jess!
- Jessica!
383
00:15:58,307 --> 00:16:01,102
Oh, God, this is all my fault.
384
00:16:01,372 --> 00:16:03,128
And you know what, Coach?
385
00:16:03,152 --> 00:16:04,616
I did like the invitation.
386
00:16:04,875 --> 00:16:07,473
I made it. And I liked the little
trumpet guy. I thought he was cute.
387
00:16:07,509 --> 00:16:09,452
- He was cute as a damn button!
- What?
388
00:16:09,820 --> 00:16:12,330
- So many st...
- Hey, guys, look. There she is!
389
00:16:12,353 --> 00:16:14,831
There are dogs that
have dollar signs
390
00:16:15,026 --> 00:16:17,114
but don't even own banks.
391
00:16:17,136 --> 00:16:18,972
- Jess, we're over here!
- Jess! - Wait, wait, wait.
392
00:16:18,998 --> 00:16:21,646
I've seen that tree before.
Jess, stop!
393
00:16:21,671 --> 00:16:23,391
The bear trap!
394
00:16:23,432 --> 00:16:25,620
- No!
- I'm coming!
395
00:16:25,925 --> 00:16:27,226
Jess!
396
00:16:29,463 --> 00:16:31,888
Headfirst? Why?
397
00:16:35,007 --> 00:16:36,630
Son of a...
398
00:16:36,874 --> 00:16:39,509
Oh, my God, Jess,
I am so sorry.
399
00:16:39,553 --> 00:16:43,154
I was an idiot. This
Thanksgiving plan was so stupid.
400
00:16:43,178 --> 00:16:45,153
You shouldn't have eaten
that fish. I'm sorry.
401
00:16:45,171 --> 00:16:47,147
Don't let them pay
the bill, okay?
402
00:16:47,177 --> 00:16:49,030
You bring the check to me.
403
00:16:49,158 --> 00:16:50,718
No arguments, moon man.
404
00:16:50,759 --> 00:16:52,689
- Oh, my God!
- Is anyone hurt?
405
00:16:52,721 --> 00:16:56,577
We're fine.
I may have cracked a few ribs, and, uh,
406
00:16:56,965 --> 00:16:58,666
Jess is delirious.
407
00:16:58,708 --> 00:17:00,358
I think she thinks
she's a rabbit.
408
00:17:00,371 --> 00:17:01,981
Guys, we're gonna figure
something out, all right?
409
00:17:02,011 --> 00:17:03,808
Just get us a rope or
a stick or something.
410
00:17:03,820 --> 00:17:06,363
- All right, man, so, any ideas?
- What are you talk...?
411
00:17:06,390 --> 00:17:07,974
You know what, Coach?
Don't humor me.
412
00:17:07,986 --> 00:17:09,551
- What?
- You know what to do.
413
00:17:09,576 --> 00:17:11,914
Look, I admit it. You're a
better camper than I am.
414
00:17:11,927 --> 00:17:15,489
You're better at life than I am. You're
probably better at dating Cece than I am.
415
00:17:16,070 --> 00:17:19,673
I saw you guys the other night inhaling
each other in front of the loft.
416
00:17:19,700 --> 00:17:22,350
Schmidt, that's all we did.
That was it.
417
00:17:22,411 --> 00:17:24,586
I asked her to come upstairs,
she said no, okay?
418
00:17:24,611 --> 00:17:26,453
And now she won't return
any of my text messages.
419
00:17:26,465 --> 00:17:28,121
She's been ignoring
me this whole trip.
420
00:17:28,140 --> 00:17:30,269
I'm all, like, "Hey."
She's like, "Mm-hmm."
421
00:17:30,294 --> 00:17:32,098
I'm like, "What?"
422
00:17:33,824 --> 00:17:35,810
- Why are you smiling, dude?
- I'm not smiling.
423
00:17:35,821 --> 00:17:37,446
I'm over here baring my soul
to you, dude, and you're
424
00:17:37,466 --> 00:17:39,841
- freaking smiling in my face. - Yeah.
This is the face I make when I listen.
425
00:17:39,856 --> 00:17:41,536
- All your teeth show when you listen?
- I'm not.
426
00:17:41,554 --> 00:17:43,080
You're smiling right now.
I opened up to you.
427
00:17:43,098 --> 00:17:44,698
- You're pissing me off. Stop smiling.
- I'm not.
428
00:17:44,722 --> 00:17:46,485
- I will wreck you.
- You're crazy, man.
429
00:17:46,511 --> 00:17:48,209
- You're nuts.
- Stop it, listen to me.
430
00:17:48,228 --> 00:17:51,472
We are going to solve this right now.
All right, take your pants off.
431
00:17:51,543 --> 00:17:54,486
Okay, I am no Eagle Scout, but I
know how to make a pants rope.
432
00:17:54,505 --> 00:17:56,050
- Pants rope.
- You're a genius.
433
00:17:56,075 --> 00:17:57,876
- I know. - Okay.
- Are you gonna take off your pants?
434
00:17:57,907 --> 00:18:00,370
Yeah, right after I take off my bra so
we can anchor the rope to the tree.
435
00:18:00,383 --> 00:18:02,151
- That's gonna happen for real?
- Just take them off now.
436
00:18:02,199 --> 00:18:06,641
Whoa, look at Winston's pants.
It's got kittens on it.
437
00:18:06,665 --> 00:18:08,775
- These aren't kittens.
- I cannot believe I'm here voluntarily.
438
00:18:08,802 --> 00:18:11,383
- So stupid. Take them off.
- They're coming off.
439
00:18:11,428 --> 00:18:14,193
Here, you guys, grab
hold of the rope.
440
00:18:15,169 --> 00:18:17,203
Okay, you go first, Jess.
441
00:18:17,234 --> 00:18:19,459
I'll be right behind
you to support you.
442
00:18:19,481 --> 00:18:21,687
- Ding, dong, ding, dong!
- What are you doing?
443
00:18:21,712 --> 00:18:23,991
Okay, how about this? Get on
my back, I'll bring us both up.
444
00:18:24,009 --> 00:18:26,415
- Back at you.
- Whoa.
445
00:18:26,450 --> 00:18:27,663
You can do it!
446
00:18:27,725 --> 00:18:29,632
There, hold this
flashlight, buddy.
447
00:18:29,812 --> 00:18:31,300
Grab hold.
448
00:18:31,321 --> 00:18:32,893
- Come on, Nick! - Come on.
- Here we go!
449
00:18:32,911 --> 00:18:35,108
Oh, God, I'm gonna
get you out of here.
450
00:18:36,894 --> 00:18:38,469
Use your legs, Nick.
451
00:18:39,973 --> 00:18:41,486
Come on, Nick!
452
00:18:41,772 --> 00:18:42,752
Come on.
453
00:18:42,773 --> 00:18:45,266
- Ah, Winston, I hate your leggings.
- Come on.
454
00:18:45,278 --> 00:18:46,266
Almost there.
455
00:18:46,295 --> 00:18:48,631
- Let's go.
- You got it, you got it.
456
00:18:48,663 --> 00:18:49,938
You got it, you...
457
00:18:56,919 --> 00:18:58,570
You chubby son of a bitch.
458
00:18:58,600 --> 00:19:00,319
Yeah.
459
00:19:00,982 --> 00:19:03,620
- You okay, Jess, you all right?
- Yeah!
460
00:19:03,634 --> 00:19:05,196
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
461
00:19:05,231 --> 00:19:06,531
Oh!
462
00:19:12,395 --> 00:19:13,230
Hey.
463
00:19:13,248 --> 00:19:15,678
Thanks for saving me,
mountain man.
464
00:19:16,076 --> 00:19:18,478
So I've got good news
from the doctor:
465
00:19:18,745 --> 00:19:20,713
you don't have rabies.
466
00:19:20,862 --> 00:19:21,658
Oh.
467
00:19:21,677 --> 00:19:25,976
You have, uh, giardia and something
called Legionnaires' disease.
468
00:19:26,794 --> 00:19:29,508
I'm just glad they were
able to save your foot.
469
00:19:30,357 --> 00:19:32,446
- What?
- No, nothing.
470
00:19:32,718 --> 00:19:34,252
Never mind.
471
00:19:37,113 --> 00:19:39,059
Hey, I'm sorry
472
00:19:39,534 --> 00:19:41,084
about the whole camping thing.
473
00:19:41,254 --> 00:19:42,690
Oh, no, it's okay.
474
00:19:42,709 --> 00:19:45,784
Ah, I was really stupid.
I haven't been myself.
475
00:19:46,917 --> 00:19:48,863
You're the man I want.
476
00:19:51,642 --> 00:19:55,256
All you wanted was for everyone to
be together on Thanksgiving, Jess.
477
00:19:56,572 --> 00:19:58,210
Next year.
478
00:20:01,787 --> 00:20:03,353
- Potato chips.
- Chips?
479
00:20:03,401 --> 00:20:04,914
Maybe a treat.
480
00:20:09,970 --> 00:20:11,904
Listen, Coach, uh,
481
00:20:12,254 --> 00:20:13,597
in the spirit of Thanksgiving,
482
00:20:13,621 --> 00:20:16,190
I thought maybe that I could
give you some advice about...
483
00:20:16,215 --> 00:20:17,328
about Cece.
484
00:20:17,360 --> 00:20:20,165
- How desperate do you think I am?
- I think you're probably very desperate.
485
00:20:20,183 --> 00:20:22,585
I'm very desperate, I mean,
she's giving me nothing.
486
00:20:22,612 --> 00:20:24,706
Told her she looked
pretty, she said thanks.
487
00:20:24,727 --> 00:20:26,077
- Mm-hmm.
- What kind of mind game is that?
488
00:20:26,104 --> 00:20:28,423
Look, Coach, things have
always come easy to you.
489
00:20:28,498 --> 00:20:31,834
Cece is not going to be
one of those things.
490
00:20:32,291 --> 00:20:36,966
I once spent hours in a car with
just a cracked window for air.
491
00:20:37,111 --> 00:20:40,267
She was going into a club and
she just kind of left me there.
492
00:20:40,738 --> 00:20:42,328
Why are you smiling about that?
493
00:20:42,659 --> 00:20:46,543
Hey, guys, I figured out a way to
save Thanksgiving. I got a plan.
494
00:20:46,556 --> 00:20:48,231
- Enough with the plans.
- Not another Nick Miller plan.
495
00:20:48,258 --> 00:20:50,189
I love you, man, but you
are terrible at plans.
496
00:20:51,138 --> 00:20:51,983
Hey.
497
00:20:51,997 --> 00:20:54,991
It's still 11:48, so
happy Thanksgiving.
498
00:20:55,003 --> 00:20:56,249
What?
499
00:20:56,444 --> 00:20:59,723
Got us some Brazilian nuts, a
couple of string cheeses, and.
500
00:20:59,787 --> 00:21:01,657
- Snack.
- Thank you.
501
00:21:01,680 --> 00:21:03,205
I got the parade on my phone.
502
00:21:03,224 --> 00:21:05,312
- Yes.
- Made some decorations.
503
00:21:05,343 --> 00:21:09,156
I think this may be a turkey
sandwich, but I'm not sure,
504
00:21:09,179 --> 00:21:11,593
- and I know this whole thing isn't...
- It's perfect.
505
00:21:11,611 --> 00:21:13,596
Look, guys, start without me
506
00:21:13,625 --> 00:21:16,320
because it might be a few
weeks before I can eat again.
507
00:21:16,771 --> 00:21:18,575
You were throwing up a lot.
508
00:21:19,287 --> 00:21:21,243
That was scary...
509
00:21:21,555 --> 00:21:23,009
seriously.
510
00:21:23,041 --> 00:21:24,946
- Okay, I'm starving actually. Let's eat.
- Yeah, let's eat.
511
00:21:24,969 --> 00:21:26,650
Nick found all this
food in the woods.
512
00:21:28,032 --> 00:21:29,688
- Can I have the ginger ale?
- Yeah, Nick found that.
513
00:21:29,712 --> 00:21:31,437
It's already open.
514
00:21:35,582 --> 00:21:40,582
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