1 00:00:01,336 --> 00:00:03,406 - That's so cute! - ♪ Bum, bum, bum! 2 00:00:03,425 --> 00:00:05,038 Birthday Eve Cocktail. 3 00:00:05,058 --> 00:00:08,178 Oh, my God. You're my favorite bartender. Thank you! 4 00:00:11,183 --> 00:00:12,946 Oh, my God. What is that? 5 00:00:12,996 --> 00:00:15,050 Is it not good? I'm still learning how to make drinks. 6 00:00:15,076 --> 00:00:17,811 I'm better at shots. Want a birthday shot? 7 00:00:17,943 --> 00:00:19,156 I think I'm good. 8 00:00:19,175 --> 00:00:21,037 So, any special birthday plans? 9 00:00:21,063 --> 00:00:23,750 No, she's just gonna go to the movies alone, as usual. 10 00:00:23,770 --> 00:00:26,104 No, I'm not, actually. Uh, this year... 11 00:00:26,147 --> 00:00:29,120 Nick asked me to spend the day with him. 12 00:00:29,139 --> 00:00:31,108 That's so sweet. I mean, what are you gonna do? 13 00:00:31,128 --> 00:00:32,775 - Something special? - Maybe. 14 00:00:32,788 --> 00:00:35,674 You know, whatever Nick wants to do. I'm not really a birthday person. 15 00:00:35,719 --> 00:00:38,666 - Please. - I do have a lot of expectations for people. 16 00:00:38,686 --> 00:00:41,520 - Happy birthday. - Oh, my God. 17 00:00:45,582 --> 00:00:47,122 "Made in China"?! 18 00:00:47,137 --> 00:00:49,472 Are you taking me to China?! 19 00:00:50,664 --> 00:00:52,315 And that's why, a long time ago, 20 00:00:52,334 --> 00:00:55,817 I decided that I would spend my birthday alone at the movies. 21 00:00:55,978 --> 00:00:57,857 It's just... safer, you know? 22 00:00:57,880 --> 00:01:00,613 No getting your hopes up, no getting let down. 23 00:01:00,643 --> 00:01:02,590 Well, I know how you feel about movies. 24 00:01:02,605 --> 00:01:05,776 I mean, my parents took me to see Witness 25 00:01:05,809 --> 00:01:07,223 and then they never came back. 26 00:01:07,244 --> 00:01:09,245 - What? - I can really quote that movie though. 27 00:01:09,259 --> 00:01:11,919 "Be careful out among them English." 28 00:01:12,709 --> 00:01:13,938 But enough about me! 29 00:01:13,957 --> 00:01:17,430 I am talking your ear off, lady, and it's your birthday. 30 00:01:17,640 --> 00:01:19,027 This year's gonna be different. 31 00:01:19,049 --> 00:01:21,362 Maybe Nick has something big planned, maybe not. 32 00:01:21,385 --> 00:01:22,805 I'm gonna be chill. 33 00:01:22,826 --> 00:01:24,446 No expectations. 34 00:01:24,648 --> 00:01:26,613 Low maintenance. No maintenance. 35 00:01:26,643 --> 00:01:29,383 I'm just gonna be one of those... cool girlfriends, like in the movies. 36 00:01:29,398 --> 00:01:32,031 She just, like, has bed head and she wears, like, 37 00:01:32,075 --> 00:01:34,426 men's shirts and she's just like, "Yeah, cool. 38 00:01:34,446 --> 00:01:36,660 "I'll wear, like, men's shirts and, like, sneakers and stuff. 39 00:01:36,679 --> 00:01:38,915 And, like, I don't care about how I look." 40 00:01:41,243 --> 00:01:42,752 Hey. Hey. 41 00:01:43,886 --> 00:01:45,393 She has no idea about the party. 42 00:01:47,767 --> 00:01:49,762 Uh, Winston's STD-free. 43 00:01:52,642 --> 00:01:55,175 - Whew! It was a close call. Yeah. - Yeah. 44 00:01:55,198 --> 00:01:57,135 Yeah. Yeah. 45 00:01:57,474 --> 00:01:59,195 Close call, y'all. 46 00:02:00,049 --> 00:02:01,492 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 47 00:02:01,525 --> 00:02:03,851 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 48 00:02:03,896 --> 00:02:07,896 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther 49 00:02:08,665 --> 00:02:11,692 Do you guys know how hard it's been for me to keep this party a secret? 50 00:02:11,715 --> 00:02:13,799 Nick, it's been an inspiration, and that's why we're 51 00:02:13,825 --> 00:02:15,766 gonna help you cross that finish line, okay? 52 00:02:15,785 --> 00:02:16,752 This is our Rudy. 53 00:02:16,773 --> 00:02:18,200 Very condescending but thank you. 54 00:02:18,222 --> 00:02:20,249 - Right on. - All right, team check-in. 55 00:02:20,276 --> 00:02:21,849 Coach, where we at with decorations? 56 00:02:21,864 --> 00:02:22,972 - I forgot. - Wait, what? 57 00:02:23,000 --> 00:02:25,560 Psych! I'm the best at stuff. 58 00:02:25,573 --> 00:02:27,103 I don't forget stuff. 59 00:02:27,654 --> 00:02:28,835 First place! 60 00:02:28,855 --> 00:02:30,742 Wait. Why are you first place? 61 00:02:30,767 --> 00:02:32,240 I dominated on cake patrol. 62 00:02:32,263 --> 00:02:33,996 And thank you for getting that cake. 63 00:02:34,017 --> 00:02:35,230 You don't have to add the "patrol." 64 00:02:35,244 --> 00:02:37,163 Decorations beats cake. 65 00:02:37,347 --> 00:02:39,714 Uh, no. Cake definitely beats decorations. 66 00:02:39,736 --> 00:02:42,763 - Oh, really? Let's do a word association game, okay? - Yeah. I'm in, I'm in. 67 00:02:42,780 --> 00:02:45,240 - Birthday. - Decorations. Wait, what'd I say? 68 00:02:45,269 --> 00:02:48,869 Okay, Schmidt, are you ready to transport all electronics to the party venue? 69 00:02:48,886 --> 00:02:51,579 By "electronics," you mean this itty-bitty flash drive 70 00:02:51,592 --> 00:02:53,768 that I can fit in my pocket and that is light as air? 71 00:02:53,784 --> 00:02:57,417 - I need a verbal confirmation. - You insult me. Yes. 72 00:02:57,454 --> 00:02:59,575 Cece, you ready to cover my shift tomorrow with Mike? 73 00:02:59,601 --> 00:03:01,035 Born ready. Yes. 74 00:03:01,059 --> 00:03:02,075 Oh. 75 00:03:02,100 --> 00:03:04,000 You're giving your Saturday to Cece? 76 00:03:04,033 --> 00:03:06,736 That's cool. That's really wonderful. 77 00:03:07,310 --> 00:03:08,663 Can you tell I'm being sarcastic? 78 00:03:08,679 --> 00:03:10,326 - Absolutely. - Yeah, it's pretty clear. - I'm ready. 79 00:03:10,347 --> 00:03:12,148 You set fire to soda water. 80 00:03:12,374 --> 00:03:14,339 Who does that? How do you even possibly do that? 81 00:03:14,352 --> 00:03:15,932 It's not a flammable thing. 82 00:03:15,972 --> 00:03:17,592 It's not even... Are you a witch? 83 00:03:17,621 --> 00:03:18,728 Mike... 84 00:03:19,316 --> 00:03:21,383 I hate all of you hipsters so much... 85 00:03:21,418 --> 00:03:23,191 Okay, and I'm gonna be on Jess Watch. 86 00:03:23,220 --> 00:03:24,587 I'm gonna make sure she doesn't see anything 87 00:03:24,600 --> 00:03:26,447 that will ruin the surprise of this party 88 00:03:26,470 --> 00:03:29,029 that has taken everything from me, 89 00:03:29,046 --> 00:03:31,126 emotionally and physically and financially. 90 00:03:31,147 --> 00:03:32,474 So what do you have planned for the day? 91 00:03:32,509 --> 00:03:35,082 A big surprise party. 92 00:03:35,519 --> 00:03:36,372 Next. 93 00:03:36,400 --> 00:03:38,575 Right, but before then. 94 00:03:39,221 --> 00:03:42,741 The party's at 7:00. What do you have planned b-before that? 95 00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:45,079 - Wait... - Nick, you need a plan, okay? 96 00:03:45,098 --> 00:03:47,902 I don't care what Jess says. She's going to expect something. 97 00:03:47,918 --> 00:03:50,305 I have to plan a birthday before the birthday? 98 00:03:50,310 --> 00:03:52,165 - The whole day is the birthday. - This is a very big deal. 99 00:03:52,178 --> 00:03:54,590 This is your first birthday together as a couple. 100 00:03:55,490 --> 00:03:57,466 All right, you know what? It's gonna be okay. 101 00:03:57,485 --> 00:04:01,118 It's her birthday. That girl's gonna want to sleep in. 102 00:04:01,538 --> 00:04:03,425 My day is not starting till noon. 103 00:04:08,236 --> 00:04:10,677 This is the time I was born. 104 00:04:11,566 --> 00:04:13,225 I'm wide awake. 105 00:04:13,969 --> 00:04:16,314 It's my birthday. 106 00:04:22,938 --> 00:04:24,665 My day started earlier than I thought. 107 00:04:24,678 --> 00:04:26,742 I got to slow down breakfast. 108 00:04:27,250 --> 00:04:29,897 - What's going on with you guys? - Nick, first of all, blessings. 109 00:04:29,919 --> 00:04:31,052 Um, second of all, 110 00:04:31,077 --> 00:04:33,830 there may have been a possible mix-up with the cake. 111 00:04:33,857 --> 00:04:35,057 Possibly. 112 00:04:35,138 --> 00:04:38,007 "See You in Hell, Boomer"? Oh, my God 113 00:04:38,041 --> 00:04:40,385 What part of you thought this was Jess's cake? 114 00:04:40,414 --> 00:04:42,534 - I thought it was an inside joke. - I'll do the cake. 115 00:04:42,553 --> 00:04:45,765 - No, I am the cake patrol. - Both of you do the cake. 116 00:04:45,842 --> 00:04:47,702 I'm considering this problem solved. 117 00:04:47,736 --> 00:04:49,492 Hey, speaking of problems, do you want me to go check up 118 00:04:49,505 --> 00:04:51,391 - on Cece at the bar today? - I don't think that's necessary. 119 00:04:51,413 --> 00:04:53,840 All right, I'll do it. But you owe me one, bro. 120 00:04:53,859 --> 00:04:55,986 I need to make a 90-minute omelet. 121 00:04:57,514 --> 00:05:00,115 I love my birthday breakfast. 122 00:05:00,603 --> 00:05:02,297 I can't believe you were gonna make this all yourself. 123 00:05:02,317 --> 00:05:03,584 It would've taken you hours. 124 00:05:03,607 --> 00:05:06,023 I know. And with your help, it took six minutes. 125 00:05:06,041 --> 00:05:07,956 I know. I'm so fast. 126 00:05:08,591 --> 00:05:12,379 What do you say we go into my bedroom and, uh, slow things down? 127 00:05:12,614 --> 00:05:14,240 Ooh. 128 00:05:14,836 --> 00:05:16,149 Wow. 129 00:05:16,391 --> 00:05:18,574 That's the fastest it's ever taken. 130 00:05:18,587 --> 00:05:20,703 Yeah, I know. You just look very pretty. 131 00:05:22,281 --> 00:05:24,586 So, you want to take a long nap? 132 00:05:24,761 --> 00:05:26,307 Oh. Um... 133 00:05:27,148 --> 00:05:30,748 If that's what you have planned, then, yes, let's take a long nap. 134 00:05:30,773 --> 00:05:33,480 Perfect. Maybe for, like, six, seven hours? 135 00:05:34,877 --> 00:05:36,254 Hmm... 136 00:05:36,525 --> 00:05:40,549 - It's just such a nice day outside... - Yeah. Um, so let's take, uh... 137 00:05:40,662 --> 00:05:42,674 let's take this party outside. 138 00:05:42,690 --> 00:05:45,790 - Sure. - Next up on the agenda is... 139 00:05:46,148 --> 00:05:47,208 it's lunch. 140 00:05:47,234 --> 00:05:50,810 - It's 8:30 in the morning. - Oh, my God, it's so early. 141 00:05:55,224 --> 00:05:57,085 What are you doing here, Schmidt? 142 00:05:57,192 --> 00:05:58,552 Nick thought you might need some help. 143 00:05:58,574 --> 00:06:01,394 Yeah, well, I don't, okay? So... you can go. 144 00:06:01,411 --> 00:06:03,018 Maybe I'll just stay for a little bit. 145 00:06:03,044 --> 00:06:05,359 - Double-tap some Insta-G's. - Okay. 146 00:06:08,055 --> 00:06:10,261 Oh, hey, Mike. I cleaned the glasses. 147 00:06:11,038 --> 00:06:13,617 Oh, wow, a bunch of broken glass in the ice tub. 148 00:06:13,636 --> 00:06:15,366 - That'll be fun for me to clean up. - I'm sorry. Um... 149 00:06:15,384 --> 00:06:17,611 I'm not gonna cover for you like Nick does, okay? 150 00:06:17,630 --> 00:06:19,698 I promise you that. And don't make eyes at me 151 00:06:19,724 --> 00:06:21,665 because it's not gonna work because I'm super gay. 152 00:06:21,678 --> 00:06:23,572 When I look at you, I just see... 153 00:06:23,598 --> 00:06:26,445 You know, it's fine, but it's bumpy, it's creepy. 154 00:06:26,669 --> 00:06:27,829 Eh. 155 00:06:27,855 --> 00:06:30,820 Doesn't do anything. It's like... looking at this, it's like a... 156 00:06:30,846 --> 00:06:33,554 it's-it's-it's-it's-it's... it's not o... 157 00:06:33,567 --> 00:06:35,561 it's not a good... it's not good. 158 00:06:35,577 --> 00:06:39,610 - Okay. - This, all this, everything you got, eh. 159 00:06:39,882 --> 00:06:42,324 Three out of... six. 160 00:06:44,006 --> 00:06:46,266 Damn shame about that cake, Winston. 161 00:06:46,286 --> 00:06:49,099 Looks like someone dominated their party task. 162 00:06:49,405 --> 00:06:51,780 "Coach, where are all the kazoos?" 163 00:06:51,817 --> 00:06:53,350 All over your face. 164 00:06:54,374 --> 00:06:55,989 I'll pick those up. 165 00:06:56,008 --> 00:06:57,961 Or maybe in my spare time... 166 00:06:58,440 --> 00:06:59,909 I'll make a cake. 167 00:07:02,957 --> 00:07:04,710 Just back off, Coach. 168 00:07:04,799 --> 00:07:05,673 What's up, Nick? 169 00:07:05,686 --> 00:07:06,992 - How's the cake situation? - Cake's good. 170 00:07:07,006 --> 00:07:09,168 - Can I just see the phone? Can I see the phone really quick? Got it. - Dude, get... 171 00:07:09,185 --> 00:07:12,264 Hey. Cake's good, man. I'm on top of it. So, how's your plan working out? 172 00:07:12,290 --> 00:07:14,602 Okay, I have no plan. I'm just winging it, okay? 173 00:07:14,630 --> 00:07:16,222 I panicked and took her to a drugstore. 174 00:07:16,237 --> 00:07:18,071 She's getting a free diabetes test. 175 00:07:18,094 --> 00:07:20,263 I don't know where to take her. Is it safe to bring her home? 176 00:07:20,276 --> 00:07:23,040 - Hey. - Oh! The birthday girl! 177 00:07:23,053 --> 00:07:25,620 I got the test. My blood sugar is normal. 178 00:07:25,647 --> 00:07:27,300 Already? You did that... all that already? 179 00:07:27,312 --> 00:07:30,723 - Yeah. - Birthday girl gets, all your favorite... 180 00:07:31,126 --> 00:07:32,733 Next activity. 181 00:07:32,739 --> 00:07:34,060 I see what you're trying to do here, man. 182 00:07:34,072 --> 00:07:36,946 - You're trying to show me up. - What are you talking about, Bish? 183 00:07:36,972 --> 00:07:38,532 I'm referring to basketball. 184 00:07:38,555 --> 00:07:41,095 When we used to play back in the day, no matter how open I was, 185 00:07:41,108 --> 00:07:43,722 you never passed me the ball, you never let me shoot. 186 00:07:43,746 --> 00:07:45,659 You just couldn't stand to let me shine. 187 00:07:45,893 --> 00:07:49,112 Your nostrils are flaring so much right now, 188 00:07:49,570 --> 00:07:50,810 it's distracting. 189 00:07:50,830 --> 00:07:52,730 I'm done letting you run the court. 190 00:07:52,750 --> 00:07:54,477 I'm building my own court. 191 00:07:54,496 --> 00:07:57,534 And it's gonna be bigger and yummier than yours. 192 00:07:58,740 --> 00:08:01,247 Are you challenging me to a bake-off, Bish? 193 00:08:01,273 --> 00:08:03,299 Yes, I am challenging you to a bake-off. 194 00:08:03,326 --> 00:08:04,453 Okay. 195 00:08:04,724 --> 00:08:06,791 Well, then, I'll... do the countdown. 196 00:08:06,810 --> 00:08:08,787 You know what? I'll do the countdown then. 197 00:08:09,337 --> 00:08:13,104 The countdown begins when this timer goes off. 198 00:08:18,394 --> 00:08:20,507 You set the timer for 20 minutes. 199 00:08:24,192 --> 00:08:27,059 I'm gonna make a cake so moist, 200 00:08:27,072 --> 00:08:29,877 girls are gonna be, like, "Ew. Why do you say moist? 201 00:08:29,896 --> 00:08:31,553 I hate that word." 202 00:08:31,720 --> 00:08:34,267 I'm gonna be, like, "Just taste the cake." 203 00:08:34,287 --> 00:08:36,540 And they're gonna be, like, "Damn, it's moist!" 204 00:08:37,900 --> 00:08:38,913 And... 205 00:08:39,119 --> 00:08:40,047 - Bake! - Bake! Okay, bake! 206 00:08:40,065 --> 00:08:42,304 - I said it first. I said it first. - I said it first. I said it first. 207 00:08:43,440 --> 00:08:45,162 A customer ordered an old-fashioned, 208 00:08:45,180 --> 00:08:48,744 and she got gin in a mug with a peanut in it. 209 00:08:48,772 --> 00:08:51,252 - I'll fix it. - Make me an old-fashioned right now, 210 00:08:51,271 --> 00:08:52,773 or I'm gonna call the manager. 211 00:08:52,793 --> 00:08:55,909 And I want to talk to him anyway, because he's just gorgeous. 212 00:08:55,940 --> 00:08:58,497 I want to be a barnacle on his ship. 213 00:08:58,756 --> 00:09:00,376 Just hanging on by my mouth, 214 00:09:00,382 --> 00:09:02,434 getting all the nutrients I need. 215 00:09:03,001 --> 00:09:05,201 Okay, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned, an old-fashioned. 216 00:09:05,214 --> 00:09:07,334 If it's old-fashioned, it probably has something like... 217 00:09:07,358 --> 00:09:09,625 - absinthe... - Oh, the old-fashioned. 218 00:09:10,147 --> 00:09:12,678 One of my favorite drinks; a classic cocktail. 219 00:09:14,370 --> 00:09:16,774 Just a half ounce of simple syrup. 220 00:09:19,377 --> 00:09:23,336 Splash of water, two dashes of bitters. 221 00:09:23,356 --> 00:09:25,429 Mix that up with some ice. 222 00:09:25,455 --> 00:09:27,775 And then, you know my personal favorite. 223 00:09:28,352 --> 00:09:30,159 You know, and just, far be it from me, 224 00:09:30,192 --> 00:09:31,944 but the bourbon whiskey. 225 00:09:31,969 --> 00:09:34,409 - Bourbon. - Two ounces of bourbon whiskey. 226 00:09:34,445 --> 00:09:35,578 No. 227 00:09:35,603 --> 00:09:36,750 Hmm. 228 00:09:36,774 --> 00:09:38,421 - It's not the Scotch whiskey. - It's... 229 00:09:38,434 --> 00:09:40,047 No, it's certainly not the vermouth. 230 00:09:40,077 --> 00:09:42,822 Vermouth would be insane. Yes, the bourbon whiskey. 231 00:09:42,853 --> 00:09:45,186 My favorite. Wonderful. 232 00:09:46,791 --> 00:09:48,931 Look at that. Old-fashioned. 233 00:09:48,965 --> 00:09:50,239 Hmm. 234 00:09:50,610 --> 00:09:52,018 Old-fashioned? 235 00:09:52,803 --> 00:09:55,662 Oh, my stars and garters, you made a drink. 236 00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,475 Holy crud. 237 00:10:03,191 --> 00:10:04,719 Yes, Nick! 238 00:10:04,736 --> 00:10:06,146 I have the electronics! 239 00:10:06,166 --> 00:10:08,215 Do you know any, like, time-consuming 240 00:10:08,233 --> 00:10:10,444 and free activities in Griffith Park? 241 00:10:10,475 --> 00:10:11,722 Gross! 242 00:10:11,859 --> 00:10:12,707 Suicide? 243 00:10:12,730 --> 00:10:14,590 Schmidt, please. I need some a... 244 00:10:14,631 --> 00:10:17,951 Well, just figure it out, dude! 245 00:10:17,988 --> 00:10:20,289 - Oh, it's my mom. - Okay, um, 246 00:10:20,304 --> 00:10:21,731 found the biggest rock I could carry. 247 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:23,922 It was this one. Um... 248 00:10:23,949 --> 00:10:25,242 - It's heavy. - It's huge. Yeah, heavy. 249 00:10:25,263 --> 00:10:26,995 Oh, my God. Um... 250 00:10:27,164 --> 00:10:28,738 what are we doing here? 251 00:10:28,760 --> 00:10:31,396 It's not that I'm not having fun, 'cause I am. 252 00:10:32,623 --> 00:10:34,729 It's okay if you didn't plan anything for my birthday. 253 00:10:34,749 --> 00:10:36,795 - Are you kidding?! - Really, Nick. 254 00:10:36,827 --> 00:10:38,393 Not only did I plan something, 255 00:10:38,416 --> 00:10:40,043 but my plan's about to blow your mind. 256 00:10:40,064 --> 00:10:42,491 - Honestly. - You need to trust me a little bit. 257 00:10:42,520 --> 00:10:46,530 'Cause everything is about to be made very clear very soon. 258 00:10:46,570 --> 00:10:47,703 Oh, my God! 259 00:10:47,725 --> 00:10:49,272 - What? - Nick! 260 00:10:50,974 --> 00:10:52,366 You're the best. 261 00:10:52,398 --> 00:10:53,998 - I'm amazing. - I'm so surprised! 262 00:10:54,024 --> 00:10:55,641 - I'm so surprised. - This is amazing! 263 00:10:55,657 --> 00:10:57,877 - It's amazing! - This is amazing! Yay! 264 00:10:57,897 --> 00:10:59,150 Oh, son of a bitch! 265 00:10:59,169 --> 00:11:00,819 - Oh! - Don't touch anything! 266 00:11:00,839 --> 00:11:03,058 - It'll ruin the surprise! Yeah. - Yay! 267 00:11:03,077 --> 00:11:04,812 - Yes. - Yeah...! 268 00:11:04,836 --> 00:11:06,808 - Yay! - Hey, Jess, let's get out of here 269 00:11:06,821 --> 00:11:08,625 - before anything ruins this perfect moment. - Ooh! 270 00:11:08,637 --> 00:11:11,078 I wouldn't t... Wait because we've got a whole, uh, ceremony. 271 00:11:11,103 --> 00:11:12,463 No! 272 00:11:12,837 --> 00:11:15,490 That lady took my birthday! 273 00:11:16,160 --> 00:11:17,919 What is happening? 274 00:11:24,770 --> 00:11:27,861 - Jess! Look, look, I'm sorry, Jess. - No, no, no, Nick, 275 00:11:27,880 --> 00:11:30,680 I just... I don't know why I get so crazy about birthdays. 276 00:11:30,699 --> 00:11:34,686 You know, it's crazy, 'cause you had a very fun day put together. 277 00:11:34,714 --> 00:11:36,787 Eggs and sex and... 278 00:11:36,829 --> 00:11:39,452 and a really long uphill walk. 279 00:11:39,526 --> 00:11:42,346 And, um... look, um, 280 00:11:42,373 --> 00:11:44,267 that's amazing for you, you know? 281 00:11:44,280 --> 00:11:45,660 For me? 282 00:11:45,692 --> 00:11:47,996 You're not a guy who plans things. 283 00:11:49,067 --> 00:11:50,540 - Maybe I am. - Look... 284 00:11:50,566 --> 00:11:53,153 every day, you show me, in your own way, 285 00:11:53,185 --> 00:11:54,347 how you care about me. 286 00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:56,787 Like when you pick up rubber bands on the sidewalk. 287 00:11:56,806 --> 00:11:59,400 - For your ponytail. - I could not be more fine. 288 00:11:59,424 --> 00:12:01,330 I'm super chill. 289 00:12:02,387 --> 00:12:04,222 I'm just gonna go home for a second. 290 00:12:04,242 --> 00:12:05,716 - Jess, let's keep... Jess! - Bye. 291 00:12:05,725 --> 00:12:07,839 Don't follow me. 292 00:12:09,603 --> 00:12:11,783 - Sure you know how to tap a keg? - How hard could it be? 293 00:12:11,803 --> 00:12:14,499 It's beer, for crying out loud. It's the drink of idiots. 294 00:12:14,547 --> 00:12:17,081 - Wait. Nick told me something about... - Cece, look, I got... I got it. 295 00:12:17,100 --> 00:12:18,920 - Ooh, there's a knob back here. - I got it in. 296 00:12:18,933 --> 00:12:20,803 He told me if I turn this, I shoulde able to... 297 00:12:20,822 --> 00:12:23,669 - Oh! Oh, my God! Oh, no! - Turn it off! 298 00:12:23,684 --> 00:12:25,437 - Oh, sorry! It's just... - Turn it off! 299 00:12:25,473 --> 00:12:26,806 Oh. 300 00:12:29,848 --> 00:12:30,894 You butt hole. 301 00:12:30,910 --> 00:12:32,826 You can't do anything right, can you? 302 00:12:34,225 --> 00:12:35,945 I'm so sorry. 303 00:12:40,787 --> 00:12:42,260 He's right, though. 304 00:12:42,289 --> 00:12:44,142 I can't do anything. 305 00:12:44,330 --> 00:12:46,029 No skills. 306 00:12:46,325 --> 00:12:49,006 I told you this, but I didn't even graduate high school. 307 00:12:49,026 --> 00:12:51,284 A lot of people never graduated high school. 308 00:12:51,305 --> 00:12:53,452 Okay-- Einstein, Bill Gates, 309 00:12:53,472 --> 00:12:55,074 Anne Frank. 310 00:12:56,148 --> 00:12:57,576 I'm gonna take back that last one. 311 00:12:57,598 --> 00:12:59,996 Why did I think that I could bartend? 312 00:13:00,825 --> 00:13:02,452 Because you can. 313 00:13:02,480 --> 00:13:04,800 You are strong, and you are confident. 314 00:13:04,826 --> 00:13:07,014 Those are skills. Use them. 315 00:13:07,446 --> 00:13:09,118 And be a little bit meaner to the people here. 316 00:13:09,138 --> 00:13:11,593 It should be easy for you. Just pretend that they're me. 317 00:13:13,632 --> 00:13:14,952 You're right. That is easy. 318 00:13:14,959 --> 00:13:16,386 And pull your shirt down a little bit. 319 00:13:16,409 --> 00:13:18,623 - This isn't a monastery. - Do not push your luck with me. 320 00:13:18,636 --> 00:13:19,883 I'll look away. 321 00:13:21,185 --> 00:13:25,378 - You're wearing paper towels. Behind! - No it's an environmental-friendly, 322 00:13:25,398 --> 00:13:27,278 - recyclable apron. - Behind! Behind! 323 00:13:27,298 --> 00:13:29,183 Okay, real... really? Okay. 324 00:13:29,196 --> 00:13:30,477 - Behind. - Behind. 325 00:13:30,510 --> 00:13:31,776 Behind! 326 00:13:32,039 --> 00:13:33,938 - Whoa! Behind! - Behind! Behind. 327 00:13:33,978 --> 00:13:35,158 Behind! 328 00:13:36,128 --> 00:13:37,177 - Oh, so you... - Behind! 329 00:13:37,197 --> 00:13:39,517 Whoa! Behind. In front. 330 00:13:39,567 --> 00:13:41,581 Behind. What's this? 331 00:13:46,140 --> 00:13:47,333 - It's Jess! - Oh, my God. 332 00:13:47,361 --> 00:13:49,134 - I mean, it's Jess! Hey! - What's up, girl? 333 00:13:49,147 --> 00:13:50,981 What you... doing home? 334 00:13:51,007 --> 00:13:52,810 I'm great. I'm great. 335 00:13:52,834 --> 00:13:55,128 - Hide the cake. Hide the... - I'm great. - Behind. 336 00:13:55,730 --> 00:13:58,230 - How's your day going? - Going good? 337 00:13:59,615 --> 00:14:01,675 - You're crying? - Oh. 338 00:14:01,695 --> 00:14:03,520 I'm taking... 339 00:14:04,684 --> 00:14:05,966 - Um... - I got mine off first. 340 00:14:06,005 --> 00:14:08,879 - No, you didn't. - Rest up over here. - What a day, guys. 341 00:14:08,899 --> 00:14:11,352 - Really long, huh? - Yeah. Bet you had a long day, huh? 342 00:14:11,372 --> 00:14:13,031 I'm really fine. 343 00:14:13,353 --> 00:14:15,206 It had a real day, you know. 344 00:14:16,555 --> 00:14:18,224 I'm disappointed in Nick. 345 00:14:18,252 --> 00:14:21,192 - Yeah, you got to let that out, you know, 'cause... - But I'm disappointed 346 00:14:21,211 --> 00:14:24,551 in myself because I'm disappointed in Nick, you know. 347 00:14:24,570 --> 00:14:25,597 Oh, I feel you. 348 00:14:25,622 --> 00:14:27,669 - Yeah, that's messed up. - Yeah, let it out. Let it out. 349 00:14:27,688 --> 00:14:28,748 I'm getting up. 350 00:14:28,768 --> 00:14:30,435 - Oh...! Jess... - No, no, no... 351 00:14:30,457 --> 00:14:33,141 Hey. Look at me. Look at me. Look at me. 352 00:14:33,668 --> 00:14:36,321 Want you to close your eyes, breathe deep, 353 00:14:36,343 --> 00:14:39,172 and go to the most magical place on earth-- 354 00:14:39,446 --> 00:14:41,053 your imagination. 355 00:14:41,081 --> 00:14:42,394 Have you guys been baking? 356 00:14:42,416 --> 00:14:44,196 Ah, nah. Bakery downtown exploded. 357 00:14:44,209 --> 00:14:46,178 Don't look into it. It's not on the Internet. 358 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:49,746 Yeah. She is here. What happened? 359 00:14:49,759 --> 00:14:52,870 She doesn't think I can do anything or plan anything, 360 00:14:52,883 --> 00:14:54,689 and it feels like crap. 361 00:14:54,716 --> 00:14:57,289 Maybe she's right. Why did I think I could pull this off? 362 00:14:57,791 --> 00:14:59,964 I'm pretty sure I'm having a heart attack. 363 00:14:59,984 --> 00:15:03,797 And I haven't arranged for anybody to clear my Internet history. 364 00:15:03,825 --> 00:15:05,958 I wasn't building a bomb! 365 00:15:05,980 --> 00:15:07,300 I was just curious. 366 00:15:07,321 --> 00:15:09,555 Nick, you got a whole team of friends pulling for you, okay? 367 00:15:09,590 --> 00:15:12,157 Just get yourself home. You can still pull this off. 368 00:15:13,397 --> 00:15:14,733 Hey, Mike. 369 00:15:14,823 --> 00:15:16,463 - What? - So I cleaned out the beer trap, 370 00:15:16,486 --> 00:15:18,154 I polished all these wine glasses, 371 00:15:18,175 --> 00:15:21,723 and I turned that penis graffiti in the bathroom into a whimsical hat. 372 00:15:22,645 --> 00:15:24,938 Now my friend and I have to go to a party. 373 00:15:25,542 --> 00:15:27,667 All right, Schmidt, let's go. 374 00:15:28,909 --> 00:15:31,073 - You called me your friend. - Did I? 375 00:15:31,367 --> 00:15:33,031 And now, look, no matter what we see in here, 376 00:15:33,056 --> 00:15:35,657 I just want you to know that it's been an honor working with you. 377 00:15:36,378 --> 00:15:37,907 You, too, man. 378 00:15:44,274 --> 00:15:45,507 Oh... 379 00:15:46,581 --> 00:15:47,909 Wow, look at that. 380 00:15:51,814 --> 00:15:53,331 Oh, my God. 381 00:15:54,734 --> 00:15:56,358 Oh, man. 382 00:15:56,563 --> 00:15:58,063 Our, uh... 383 00:15:58,197 --> 00:15:59,517 cakes merged. 384 00:15:59,985 --> 00:16:01,960 - Looks as if they have. - Yeah. 385 00:16:03,922 --> 00:16:05,181 Well... 386 00:16:06,459 --> 00:16:07,366 - Hey! - Aah! 387 00:16:07,379 --> 00:16:09,059 - Ah. - Ah. 388 00:16:09,065 --> 00:16:10,264 Team check-in. Where we at? 389 00:16:10,296 --> 00:16:12,209 Our cake became double cake. 390 00:16:12,232 --> 00:16:13,332 Yeah. Two cakes. 391 00:16:13,346 --> 00:16:14,719 Yeah. 392 00:16:15,521 --> 00:16:16,761 Two cakes became one? 393 00:16:16,781 --> 00:16:17,854 - Two cakes, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. 394 00:16:17,882 --> 00:16:19,872 - Fantastic, I'll go get Jess. - Cool. - Nice. 395 00:16:19,890 --> 00:16:21,212 Hey, Jess. 396 00:16:23,135 --> 00:16:24,432 Hey, guys! 397 00:16:27,026 --> 00:16:28,474 What's up, man? 398 00:16:28,861 --> 00:16:30,361 She's at the movies. 399 00:16:30,622 --> 00:16:32,190 - This might actually work. - At the what...? 400 00:16:32,210 --> 00:16:33,413 Come on! 401 00:16:35,719 --> 00:16:37,646 More, more. 402 00:16:38,934 --> 00:16:40,203 More. 403 00:16:40,216 --> 00:16:41,363 Uh... 404 00:16:41,389 --> 00:16:42,429 and, okay. 405 00:16:42,451 --> 00:16:45,004 I think we're good. Same to the second one. 406 00:16:52,487 --> 00:16:54,655 Hey, Jess, it's, uh, Nick. 407 00:16:54,896 --> 00:16:56,456 You obviously knew that. 408 00:16:56,479 --> 00:17:00,859 Um, I know this is where you always go on your birthday to be by yourself, 409 00:17:00,910 --> 00:17:04,023 but I thought this year you might want a little company. 410 00:17:04,042 --> 00:17:05,835 Mind if I sit? 411 00:17:06,105 --> 00:17:07,604 Look under the seat. 412 00:17:09,995 --> 00:17:11,896 Now please read the card, I'll wait. 413 00:17:11,916 --> 00:17:13,453 How did you know I was gonna be sitting here? 414 00:17:13,479 --> 00:17:14,539 I put one under every seat, 415 00:17:14,562 --> 00:17:16,685 - but you got to go fast, 'cause of the timing. - Okay. 416 00:17:16,704 --> 00:17:18,572 "My name is Jess, I like to wear tights. 417 00:17:18,592 --> 00:17:21,219 It's dark in this room, so let's turn on the lights." 418 00:17:21,260 --> 00:17:22,852 Surprise! 419 00:17:24,563 --> 00:17:25,770 Whoo! 420 00:17:25,791 --> 00:17:27,787 That's enough. Timing, guys, timing. 421 00:17:34,596 --> 00:17:36,016 In the beginning, there was nothing, 422 00:17:36,042 --> 00:17:38,942 and then there was light and dark and oceans and birds and stuff... 423 00:17:38,965 --> 00:17:41,211 and then there was Jess! 424 00:17:41,360 --> 00:17:44,041 Nick? This was the plan all along? 425 00:17:48,481 --> 00:17:50,441 What do I think of when I think of Jess? 426 00:17:50,462 --> 00:17:52,889 When I think of Jess. Okay... 427 00:17:52,926 --> 00:17:54,779 When I think about Jess... 428 00:17:54,814 --> 00:17:58,183 I think of how sweet she is and how smart she is. 429 00:17:58,324 --> 00:18:01,484 ...uh, is glasses and the hair thing. 430 00:18:01,511 --> 00:18:03,871 ...think of dance parties and sleepovers... 431 00:18:03,890 --> 00:18:06,563 Jess does not like being tackled. 432 00:18:06,585 --> 00:18:08,913 The eyes, two eyes. 433 00:18:08,942 --> 00:18:11,019 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 434 00:18:11,077 --> 00:18:14,109 Your youthful exuberance... 435 00:18:15,280 --> 00:18:16,802 exhausts me. 436 00:18:17,315 --> 00:18:19,261 May it fade with each passing year. 437 00:18:19,280 --> 00:18:20,708 Well, she made me try papayas. 438 00:18:20,734 --> 00:18:22,061 That was cool. 439 00:18:22,081 --> 00:18:23,845 They're super soft inside. 440 00:18:23,864 --> 00:18:26,097 Jess is the upstairs lady. 441 00:18:26,358 --> 00:18:28,308 There is a... there is a ma... 442 00:18:29,199 --> 00:18:31,199 I feel like I'm not doing this right. 443 00:18:31,224 --> 00:18:32,889 You make mistakes. 444 00:18:33,573 --> 00:18:36,693 Happy birthday to my best work friend. 445 00:18:36,716 --> 00:18:38,256 Tina, if you see this, I'm sorry. 446 00:18:38,262 --> 00:18:42,132 I just feel like we drifted apart after Jeremy's cocaine thing. 447 00:18:42,307 --> 00:18:43,814 It was awkward. 448 00:18:43,836 --> 00:18:47,949 "When the stirrups of life start to feel like the speculum of old age..." 449 00:18:47,968 --> 00:18:51,342 Nick, I'm not reading this. This is terrible. Happy birtay, Jess. 450 00:18:51,363 --> 00:18:53,209 Your boyfriend is sweet and simple 451 00:18:53,229 --> 00:18:55,480 and will not get out of my waiting room. 452 00:18:55,727 --> 00:18:58,087 I saw a squirrel once. It looked like Jess. 453 00:18:58,777 --> 00:19:00,160 Then it attacked my sister, 454 00:19:00,192 --> 00:19:02,360 So I had to beat it with a stick, 455 00:19:02,381 --> 00:19:05,021 and then it didn't look like Jess anymore. 456 00:19:05,049 --> 00:19:07,097 Happy birthday. It's Bearclaw. 457 00:19:07,119 --> 00:19:08,556 ♪ Birthday 458 00:19:08,774 --> 00:19:10,631 ♪ Winston is about to do some... ♪ 459 00:19:13,358 --> 00:19:15,731 He said a bunch, but it was really weird and racist. 460 00:19:15,748 --> 00:19:18,195 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 461 00:19:18,224 --> 00:19:20,025 Yay! 462 00:19:20,286 --> 00:19:23,645 What I remember most of all is the pain. 463 00:19:23,676 --> 00:19:26,536 Honestly, it was 36 hours-- 464 00:19:26,556 --> 00:19:30,757 more than that-- of just searing, ripping, and then... 465 00:19:34,841 --> 00:19:38,421 Out you came, the most beautiful, 466 00:19:38,804 --> 00:19:41,480 beautiful little baby I ever saw in my life. 467 00:19:41,492 --> 00:19:42,933 And I forgot all the pain. 468 00:19:42,962 --> 00:19:46,690 When you were born, I got a deli sandwich at the hospital cafeteria. 469 00:19:46,719 --> 00:19:48,963 And then there was a baby. 470 00:19:49,548 --> 00:19:52,948 Happy birthday to my oldest and my best friend. 471 00:19:52,961 --> 00:19:54,382 Happy birthday, Ms. Day. 472 00:19:54,406 --> 00:19:55,373 Happy birthday. 473 00:19:55,407 --> 00:19:56,637 Birthday. 474 00:19:56,650 --> 00:19:57,697 Happy birthday, Jess. 475 00:19:57,717 --> 00:19:58,837 Happy birthday, Jess. 476 00:19:58,863 --> 00:20:01,363 Happy birthday... from Bearclaw. 477 00:20:01,387 --> 00:20:03,260 I love you. Happy birthday. 478 00:20:03,296 --> 00:20:05,023 Happy, happy birthday. 479 00:20:05,037 --> 00:20:07,606 You have a cool boyfriend. 480 00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:11,697 This is the coin I had in my pocket the first night we kissed. 481 00:20:12,684 --> 00:20:14,391 And I always have it. 482 00:20:14,919 --> 00:20:15,932 Happy birthday, Jess. 483 00:20:15,958 --> 00:20:20,356 ♪ Happy birthday to you 484 00:20:20,386 --> 00:20:21,306 Cha, cha, cha. 485 00:20:21,321 --> 00:20:26,410 ♪ Happy birthday to you 486 00:20:26,429 --> 00:20:27,388 ♪ Ooh, ooh 487 00:20:27,412 --> 00:20:30,548 ♪ Happy birthday dear Jess... 488 00:20:30,569 --> 00:20:34,289 Um... hmm, where'd... Where'd she...? 489 00:20:35,435 --> 00:20:36,535 Where'd...? 490 00:20:39,639 --> 00:20:43,793 Hey, Jess, I'm so sorry. That was cheesy, embarrassing. 491 00:20:44,197 --> 00:20:47,600 I didn't have great talent to work with. Winston was terrible. 492 00:20:55,104 --> 00:20:58,238 It's the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me. 493 00:21:02,478 --> 00:21:04,074 And I'm sorry. 494 00:21:07,346 --> 00:21:10,142 Shh, shh. It's starting. 495 00:21:15,054 --> 00:21:16,908 Happy birthday, Jess. 496 00:21:18,096 --> 00:21:21,769 - That was so stupid, dude. - Oh, what is wrong with you? 497 00:21:21,793 --> 00:21:22,775 Ashamed of yourself. 498 00:21:22,802 --> 00:21:24,936 - Come on, Schmidt. - Quit it. 499 00:21:31,317 --> 00:21:33,130 - Boo. - No! 500 00:21:35,731 --> 00:21:41,731 Synced and corrected by backinblack www.addic7ed.com Resync for WEB-DL by Norther