1 00:00:12,105 --> 00:00:13,706 "You and Jess broke up." 2 00:00:16,643 --> 00:00:18,644 Oh, man. 3 00:00:20,914 --> 00:00:22,448 "The bed got burned." 4 00:00:26,286 --> 00:00:28,454 I thought it was a dream. 5 00:00:28,488 --> 00:00:30,255 "It was a not a dream." 6 00:00:30,290 --> 00:00:31,657 I'm a little scared to see 7 00:00:31,691 --> 00:00:32,891 what's on the other side. 8 00:00:34,661 --> 00:00:36,762 "Writing left-handed is HARB." 9 00:00:47,674 --> 00:00:48,674 Oh! 10 00:00:48,708 --> 00:00:50,275 Goodness. Hi. Sorry. 11 00:00:50,310 --> 00:00:51,944 I was just changing in the closet, 12 00:00:51,978 --> 00:00:53,312 like Superman. 13 00:00:53,346 --> 00:00:55,481 Are we still allowed to see each other naked? 14 00:00:55,515 --> 00:00:56,682 - Yes. - Do you think so? 15 00:00:56,716 --> 00:00:57,616 I don't know. 16 00:00:57,651 --> 00:00:58,984 - Hmm. - Maybe. 17 00:00:59,019 --> 00:01:00,252 - Ah... - Definitely not. 18 00:01:00,286 --> 00:01:01,387 "Derfi-niddley nit." 19 00:01:03,456 --> 00:01:06,225 Boob season's over, for you. 20 00:01:06,259 --> 00:01:08,394 - Mind if I grab my socks? - Um, no. You can go ahead. 21 00:01:08,428 --> 00:01:09,495 - I'll close my eyes. - Okay. 22 00:01:10,897 --> 00:01:12,331 - Hey! - Whoa! 23 00:01:12,365 --> 00:01:14,566 So how you doing? 24 00:01:14,601 --> 00:01:15,768 - I'm really good. - Good. 25 00:01:15,802 --> 00:01:17,336 - How 'bout you? - Great. 26 00:01:17,370 --> 00:01:18,737 Yeah, I'm really enjoying the breakup. 27 00:01:18,772 --> 00:01:20,239 - Yeah. - I think I'm handling it well. 28 00:01:20,273 --> 00:01:21,674 Yeah, you are. You are. 29 00:01:21,708 --> 00:01:23,242 You're. You know, you're not drunk, 30 00:01:23,276 --> 00:01:24,476 you haven't left me 300 voicemails... 31 00:01:24,511 --> 00:01:25,678 And you're not crying while 32 00:01:25,712 --> 00:01:26,879 watching that movie Ghost. 33 00:01:26,913 --> 00:01:28,447 Well, it's Dirty Dancing. 34 00:01:28,481 --> 00:01:30,616 Doesn't Swayze do a dirty dance with that clay? 35 00:01:30,650 --> 00:01:32,384 That's not Dirty Dancing. 36 00:01:32,419 --> 00:01:35,387 It's Ghost. It's a different movie. 37 00:01:35,422 --> 00:01:37,022 Which one takes place at camp? 38 00:01:37,057 --> 00:01:39,024 Dirty Dancing. 39 00:01:39,059 --> 00:01:40,826 Which one's Whoopi in? 40 00:01:40,860 --> 00:01:42,361 Stop asking me questions about them. 41 00:01:42,395 --> 00:01:43,562 Drop it. 42 00:01:46,967 --> 00:01:49,635 So I saw this TV show about monkeys in India, 43 00:01:49,669 --> 00:01:51,870 and one of the monkeys, when it gets nervous 44 00:01:51,905 --> 00:01:53,739 and it wants to play submissive, it goes like this: 45 00:01:55,842 --> 00:01:57,476 And that lets all the other monkeys know 46 00:01:57,510 --> 00:01:59,044 it doesn't want trouble. 47 00:01:59,079 --> 00:02:01,714 That's cool. 48 00:02:01,748 --> 00:02:04,450 They also give each other oral pleasure. 49 00:02:04,484 --> 00:02:06,485 And they masturbate. 50 00:02:14,461 --> 00:02:16,362 So what do we do now, Jess? 51 00:02:16,396 --> 00:02:17,596 Well, normally, I would go home, 52 00:02:17,631 --> 00:02:18,797 but I already am home, so... 53 00:02:18,832 --> 00:02:19,999 can't do that. 54 00:02:20,033 --> 00:02:21,400 I know where you live. 55 00:02:21,434 --> 00:02:22,668 And I live where you live. 56 00:02:22,702 --> 00:02:24,603 Should we tell the people we live with? 57 00:02:24,638 --> 00:02:26,372 - Yeah, let's do that. - Okay. 58 00:02:26,406 --> 00:02:28,073 ♪ Bad boys, bad boys ♪ 59 00:02:28,108 --> 00:02:29,742 ♪ What you gonna do ♪ 60 00:02:29,776 --> 00:02:31,810 ♪ What you gonna do when I come for you? ♪ 61 00:02:32,604 --> 00:02:33,712 Hey, you guys, we have, um... 62 00:02:33,747 --> 00:02:34,780 Big news! 63 00:02:34,814 --> 00:02:37,650 I just got into the police academy. 64 00:02:38,919 --> 00:02:41,420 ♪ Police naw give me no break ♪ 65 00:02:41,454 --> 00:02:43,656 - ♪ Not a solider mona give you no break ♪ - You know it. 66 00:02:43,690 --> 00:02:45,391 He knows it. 67 00:02:45,425 --> 00:02:46,825 - Because you are a cop. - No, my uncle was on Cops 68 00:02:46,860 --> 00:02:48,427 a bunch of times. 69 00:02:48,461 --> 00:02:49,728 He got no residuals, though. He's poor. 70 00:02:49,763 --> 00:02:51,497 That really is big news! 71 00:02:51,531 --> 00:02:52,698 Big news. 72 00:02:52,732 --> 00:02:55,200 What a happy, happy day! Huzzah! 73 00:02:55,235 --> 00:02:58,237 And to celebrate, I'm gonna have a banquet in my honor. 74 00:02:58,271 --> 00:03:00,372 A banquet for yourself? That seems tacky. 75 00:03:00,407 --> 00:03:02,174 Can anyone here think of any reason 76 00:03:02,208 --> 00:03:04,877 why today should not be all about me? 77 00:03:05,674 --> 00:03:08,424 Created by backinblack. Resynced by Katniss www.addic7ed.com 78 00:03:08,459 --> 00:03:10,149 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 79 00:03:10,183 --> 00:03:12,718 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ 80 00:03:12,752 --> 00:03:14,186 ♪ Who's that girl? ♪ ♪ It's Jess. ♪ 81 00:03:14,983 --> 00:03:16,676 So I guess we're not telling anyone today. 82 00:03:16,821 --> 00:03:18,298 Nah, it doesn't seem like the right move. 83 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,125 Yeah. So we have to pretend 84 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:21,660 to be a couple for one more day. 85 00:03:21,695 --> 00:03:22,861 It's not that big of a deal. 86 00:03:22,896 --> 00:03:24,863 - It's gonna be easy. - Yeah. 87 00:03:24,898 --> 00:03:26,699 So we broke up. What's the difference? 88 00:03:26,733 --> 00:03:28,033 Um... 89 00:03:28,068 --> 00:03:29,902 I-I couldn't be more okay with it. 90 00:03:29,936 --> 00:03:32,638 Well, I couldn't be more okay, either. 91 00:03:32,672 --> 00:03:33,806 Great. Me, too. 92 00:03:33,840 --> 00:03:36,175 Capital "O," capital "K" 93 00:03:36,209 --> 00:03:38,444 capital "A," capital "Y." 94 00:03:38,478 --> 00:03:39,778 I'm okay. 95 00:03:39,813 --> 00:03:41,780 I'm not okay, Mom. 96 00:03:43,016 --> 00:03:44,483 I'm not okay. 97 00:03:44,517 --> 00:03:45,584 I'm not okay. 98 00:03:45,619 --> 00:03:47,453 I'm sorry to pull you 99 00:03:47,487 --> 00:03:48,921 out of your dance class. 100 00:03:50,123 --> 00:03:52,925 Oh, the recital was today? 101 00:03:52,959 --> 00:03:55,694 I know we did the right thing, I just... I feel like... 102 00:03:55,729 --> 00:03:58,197 really upset, and... 103 00:03:58,231 --> 00:04:00,065 Nick seems totally okay 104 00:04:00,100 --> 00:04:02,968 and I guess I just need someone to tell me it's gonna be fine. 105 00:04:03,003 --> 00:04:05,671 It's not gonna be fine, Jess. 106 00:04:05,705 --> 00:04:07,873 I'm never gonna be a grandmother! 107 00:04:07,908 --> 00:04:09,508 What? Mom... 108 00:04:09,542 --> 00:04:10,910 Stop crying. 109 00:04:10,944 --> 00:04:12,645 You don't even have to love him, honey. 110 00:04:12,679 --> 00:04:14,446 You just have to get that sperm cooking! 111 00:04:14,481 --> 00:04:17,383 - Mom... - I'm sorry, honey, I just... 112 00:04:17,417 --> 00:04:19,385 You know, this is where I'm at right now. 113 00:04:19,419 --> 00:04:20,586 Well, this was really comforting, Mom. 114 00:04:22,189 --> 00:04:24,590 It's like I'm in the womb, sucking my thumb. 115 00:04:24,624 --> 00:04:26,992 Look, of course she doesn't know I'm in pain, Tran. 116 00:04:27,027 --> 00:04:28,961 I'm hiding it like you're supposed to. 117 00:04:28,995 --> 00:04:31,697 But I'm lying to my best friend. 118 00:04:31,731 --> 00:04:35,134 You're also my best friend, don't... 119 00:04:35,168 --> 00:04:38,604 don't start that weird jazz train. 120 00:04:38,638 --> 00:04:41,073 I don't know how I'm gonna hold it all together. 121 00:04:41,107 --> 00:04:43,409 I can't talk about it with anyone all day. 122 00:04:43,443 --> 00:04:44,910 I feel like a piñata, you know, 123 00:04:44,945 --> 00:04:46,445 and I'm just gonna pop. 124 00:04:47,981 --> 00:04:50,416 What does that mean: 125 00:04:50,450 --> 00:04:52,618 "The problem is the solution?" 126 00:04:52,652 --> 00:04:56,422 Oh, you mean just focus myself on Winston, 127 00:04:56,456 --> 00:04:59,425 and I won't have time to think about Jess. 128 00:04:59,459 --> 00:05:02,027 That's really smart, but that's not exactly 129 00:05:02,062 --> 00:05:03,429 "the problem is the solution." 130 00:05:03,463 --> 00:05:04,663 Do you know what I mean? 131 00:05:04,698 --> 00:05:06,765 That's, like, a cool sentence, but... 132 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:08,901 it's more just "stay busy," right? 133 00:05:10,637 --> 00:05:12,171 Thanks, Tran. 134 00:05:12,205 --> 00:05:14,607 If I'd met you in your prime, during the war, 135 00:05:14,641 --> 00:05:16,075 that would have been glorious! 136 00:05:16,109 --> 00:05:17,243 But then we would've been enemies 137 00:05:17,277 --> 00:05:19,044 and tried to murder one another, 138 00:05:19,079 --> 00:05:20,946 unless we formed an alliance. 139 00:05:20,981 --> 00:05:22,147 Oh... 140 00:05:22,182 --> 00:05:24,550 You and me forming an alliance 141 00:05:24,584 --> 00:05:25,784 in an old-school war? 142 00:05:25,819 --> 00:05:27,520 That's a fantasy. 143 00:05:27,554 --> 00:05:29,021 Or a novel. 144 00:05:29,055 --> 00:05:30,456 You just gave me another idea. 145 00:05:31,725 --> 00:05:32,958 Winston? 146 00:05:32,993 --> 00:05:34,627 I've been thinking about it, 147 00:05:34,661 --> 00:05:36,829 and a banquet is not big enough. 148 00:05:36,863 --> 00:05:38,264 You're not retiring from some 149 00:05:38,298 --> 00:05:40,199 insurance company. 150 00:05:40,233 --> 00:05:41,667 So what do you really want, 151 00:05:41,701 --> 00:05:43,135 besides a piñata? 152 00:05:43,170 --> 00:05:44,036 Dream big. 153 00:05:44,070 --> 00:05:45,237 Dream big, he said. 154 00:05:45,272 --> 00:05:46,639 Okay. Um... 155 00:05:46,673 --> 00:05:47,840 If I had my druthers... 156 00:05:47,874 --> 00:05:49,308 you know, 100% of my druthers... 157 00:05:49,342 --> 00:05:50,309 I... 158 00:05:50,343 --> 00:05:52,111 I gotta go Honey Roast. 159 00:05:52,145 --> 00:05:53,646 The hell is that? And don't say it 160 00:05:53,680 --> 00:05:54,847 like it's some thing we know! 161 00:05:54,881 --> 00:05:56,115 It's a roast, 162 00:05:56,149 --> 00:05:57,783 except you say nice things about me. 163 00:05:57,818 --> 00:05:59,852 Honey Roast. 164 00:06:00,554 --> 00:06:01,821 - Huh. - You know? 165 00:06:01,855 --> 00:06:03,689 Well, I can't wait to make that happen for you. 166 00:06:03,723 --> 00:06:05,624 - You serious? - He thinks you're serious. 167 00:06:05,659 --> 00:06:07,159 - How do I do it? - You just get everybody 168 00:06:07,194 --> 00:06:08,794 to say a bunch of cute stuff about me. 169 00:06:08,829 --> 00:06:10,429 You know, all the, like, 170 00:06:10,463 --> 00:06:12,431 funny stuff that makes me sweet, you know? 171 00:06:12,465 --> 00:06:13,666 Done! What else? 172 00:06:13,700 --> 00:06:15,901 What? There's... There's more? 173 00:06:15,936 --> 00:06:17,536 Uh... 174 00:06:17,571 --> 00:06:19,738 make me a prominent chair. 175 00:06:19,773 --> 00:06:20,606 - Like a throne? - Come on. 176 00:06:20,640 --> 00:06:21,607 A throne? 177 00:06:21,641 --> 00:06:22,608 Who am I, CeeLo? 178 00:06:22,642 --> 00:06:23,876 No, I just... 179 00:06:23,910 --> 00:06:25,177 This is me, I'm still the same person. 180 00:06:25,212 --> 00:06:27,179 - Stop touching me. - I'm not gonna change. 181 00:06:27,214 --> 00:06:28,681 - I'm still the same person. - Stop touching me. 182 00:06:28,715 --> 00:06:30,216 So make me a prominent chair. 183 00:06:30,250 --> 00:06:31,617 Then you shall have that, Winston. 184 00:06:31,651 --> 00:06:32,618 What else you want? 185 00:06:32,652 --> 00:06:33,819 I'm thinking maybe 186 00:06:33,854 --> 00:06:35,287 you should MC my roast. 187 00:06:35,322 --> 00:06:36,789 Okay, I will. 188 00:06:36,823 --> 00:06:38,290 And can you do it dressed as Furguson? 189 00:06:40,093 --> 00:06:41,227 I'm not gonna do that. 190 00:06:41,261 --> 00:06:42,361 Thought it might be special. 191 00:06:42,395 --> 00:06:44,029 Nah, it's strange. 192 00:06:44,064 --> 00:06:45,197 All right, I'm gonna get started on that chair. 193 00:06:45,232 --> 00:06:46,298 Well, this just in: 194 00:06:46,333 --> 00:06:47,766 the dress code for 195 00:06:47,801 --> 00:06:49,001 Winston's banquet tonight is... 196 00:06:49,035 --> 00:06:50,936 is opt... is optional. 197 00:06:50,971 --> 00:06:52,304 Why would he write "optional" there? 198 00:06:52,339 --> 00:06:53,639 That's gotta be a mistake, right? 199 00:06:53,673 --> 00:06:55,007 And they're gonna give him a gun? 200 00:06:55,041 --> 00:06:56,308 What are you doing back there? 201 00:06:58,178 --> 00:07:00,946 Thought it was about time I graduated high school. 202 00:07:00,981 --> 00:07:02,648 - Mmm... - I'm proud of you. 203 00:07:02,682 --> 00:07:03,849 That's it? 204 00:07:03,884 --> 00:07:05,684 No snide comments? 205 00:07:05,719 --> 00:07:06,752 I've got legions. 206 00:07:06,786 --> 00:07:07,887 But I'm gonna be supportive. 207 00:07:08,822 --> 00:07:11,657 "Legions" means "a lot." 208 00:07:11,691 --> 00:07:13,292 I know what "legions" means. 209 00:07:13,326 --> 00:07:14,760 Anyway, I probably won't even take the test. 210 00:07:14,794 --> 00:07:16,695 I failed the last five practice exams. 211 00:07:16,730 --> 00:07:18,264 So that seems like a bad sign. 212 00:07:18,298 --> 00:07:19,832 Of course you're failing. 213 00:07:19,866 --> 00:07:21,800 You're studying here in a rowdy tavern. 214 00:07:21,835 --> 00:07:24,170 Chumbawamba's playing, it's not even "Tubthumping." 215 00:07:24,204 --> 00:07:25,671 You're writing with what looks to be 216 00:07:25,705 --> 00:07:27,907 a golf pencil. Where are your flash cards? 217 00:07:27,941 --> 00:07:29,708 Do you not have o-one single flash card? 218 00:07:29,743 --> 00:07:31,010 There's maraschino goo everywhere! 219 00:07:31,044 --> 00:07:32,244 You don't have a flash card? 220 00:07:32,279 --> 00:07:33,679 I'm taking over. You need a tutor. 221 00:07:33,713 --> 00:07:34,880 Yes, I'll do it. 222 00:07:34,915 --> 00:07:36,215 You realize I have a boyfriend, right? 223 00:07:36,249 --> 00:07:37,249 Oh, the hunky Australian boy? 224 00:07:37,284 --> 00:07:38,517 Congratulations. 225 00:07:38,552 --> 00:07:40,085 Cece, this is about your education. 226 00:07:40,120 --> 00:07:41,720 - Nothing more. - Mm. 227 00:07:41,755 --> 00:07:44,356 He's actually from Perth, so... 228 00:07:44,391 --> 00:07:46,459 Perth is in Australia, Cece. 229 00:07:46,493 --> 00:07:48,494 We'll start with geography. 230 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:55,173 Oh, Cece, I really need... 231 00:07:57,076 --> 00:07:58,810 to ask Schmidt 232 00:07:58,844 --> 00:08:01,046 if my outfit's working. 233 00:08:01,080 --> 00:08:03,114 It is not. 234 00:08:04,517 --> 00:08:06,284 I was in the middle of tutoring Cece! 235 00:08:06,319 --> 00:08:08,587 - Make it quick! - I know why you're upset, okay? 236 00:08:08,621 --> 00:08:10,088 I should've asked you to tutor me. 237 00:08:10,122 --> 00:08:11,723 But he just volunteered, 238 00:08:11,757 --> 00:08:13,792 and I figured you'd be busy with Nick. 239 00:08:13,826 --> 00:08:16,027 Well, I'm not busy with Nick anymore. 240 00:08:16,062 --> 00:08:18,196 Oh, no. 241 00:08:18,231 --> 00:08:20,198 Did you guys break up? 242 00:08:23,035 --> 00:08:24,436 Jess, are you pregnant? 243 00:08:28,140 --> 00:08:30,075 I feel like I made it weird with the pregnancy thing, you guys. 244 00:08:30,109 --> 00:08:31,543 Did I make it weird with the pregnancy thing? 245 00:08:31,577 --> 00:08:32,878 'Cause I really feel like I did. 246 00:08:32,912 --> 00:08:34,679 I feel like, in my heart, that that was a... 247 00:08:34,714 --> 00:08:36,748 that was the wrong to say, especially to two women 248 00:08:36,782 --> 00:08:39,084 who are sitting alone in a room together. 249 00:08:39,118 --> 00:08:41,253 You know, I don't know where you guys are at with your lives 250 00:08:41,287 --> 00:08:43,154 But you're certainly getting up to an age 251 00:08:43,189 --> 00:08:45,090 where babies are on your mind, and-and I didn't want 252 00:08:45,124 --> 00:08:46,725 to throw that into the mix. I could see 253 00:08:46,759 --> 00:08:48,226 that you were emotional, Jess, when you left, 254 00:08:48,261 --> 00:08:49,895 and I, and I don't want to make you more emotional 255 00:08:49,929 --> 00:08:51,663 by bringing up pregnancy. 256 00:08:51,697 --> 00:08:54,466 And, Cece, you can probably barely spell "pregnancy." 257 00:08:54,500 --> 00:08:57,168 And I feel terrible. 258 00:08:57,203 --> 00:08:59,237 Are you frickin' razzing me in there? 259 00:08:59,272 --> 00:09:00,772 Did I just here a razz? 260 00:09:00,806 --> 00:09:01,806 Damn it! 261 00:09:03,910 --> 00:09:06,344 So you're really building Winston's throne, huh? 262 00:09:06,379 --> 00:09:08,079 It's a prominent chair. 263 00:09:08,114 --> 00:09:11,716 And it's not right! It's not regal enough! 264 00:09:11,751 --> 00:09:14,027 - How long have you been doing this? - It's for the Honey Roast. 265 00:09:14,067 --> 00:09:15,754 I'm trying to think of cute things to say about Winston. 266 00:09:15,788 --> 00:09:17,055 I got great stuff about his feet. 267 00:09:17,089 --> 00:09:19,124 What are you saying, dude? You sound insane. 268 00:09:19,158 --> 00:09:22,060 If anything's cute about Winston, it's his yawn. 269 00:09:26,632 --> 00:09:28,867 He goes, like... 270 00:09:28,901 --> 00:09:30,836 - Can I use that? - You're scaring me, man. 271 00:09:30,870 --> 00:09:33,772 Like, for real. Like, I'm scared for you. 272 00:09:33,806 --> 00:09:36,241 Don't do that voice 'cause it makes me confess things. 273 00:09:36,275 --> 00:09:37,776 I'm really scared for you. 274 00:09:37,810 --> 00:09:40,312 - I broke up with Jess. - You broke... 275 00:09:40,346 --> 00:09:42,747 - You broke up with Jess?! - I broke up with Jess. 276 00:09:42,782 --> 00:09:44,616 - Aw, man. - It's real. 277 00:09:44,650 --> 00:09:46,117 Or she broke up with me, I don't know, but we're broken up. 278 00:09:46,152 --> 00:09:47,819 Well, at least that explains all of that. 279 00:09:47,854 --> 00:09:49,087 Kind of. 280 00:09:49,121 --> 00:09:51,122 I just feel like I'm falling apart. 281 00:09:51,157 --> 00:09:53,091 Like, my brain feels like spaghetti. 282 00:09:53,125 --> 00:09:54,392 And my future feels 283 00:09:54,427 --> 00:09:55,660 like a dark hole 284 00:09:55,695 --> 00:09:57,295 that I can't stop falling down. 285 00:09:57,330 --> 00:09:59,498 You can't show her this pain. 286 00:09:59,532 --> 00:10:01,166 Or she'll freak out and it'll be over, okay? 287 00:10:01,200 --> 00:10:02,534 I wish someone would've told me that 288 00:10:02,568 --> 00:10:04,169 when Malia and I broke up. 289 00:10:04,203 --> 00:10:05,637 Malia, I'm in pain 290 00:10:05,671 --> 00:10:08,373 and I want you to know! 291 00:10:08,407 --> 00:10:12,110 I want to get this pain out of my body! 292 00:10:13,379 --> 00:10:14,946 I haven't seen her since. 293 00:10:14,981 --> 00:10:17,115 I still read her e-mails, though. 294 00:10:17,150 --> 00:10:18,750 - Every day. - Every day. 295 00:10:18,784 --> 00:10:20,819 - Every damn day. - Every day. 296 00:10:20,853 --> 00:10:23,388 You have to hide your feelings no matter what. 297 00:10:23,422 --> 00:10:26,191 And I am. She thinks I'm okay. That's my game plan. 298 00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:28,026 I'm talking about pills, man. Schmidt's got 299 00:10:28,060 --> 00:10:30,228 some anxiety pills in his top drawer, you know? 300 00:10:30,263 --> 00:10:32,030 - That's a great idea. - Do it. 301 00:10:32,064 --> 00:10:34,866 Don't tell any of the roommates about the breakup. 302 00:10:34,901 --> 00:10:36,638 Thought I made it clear that I do not want to talk about this. 303 00:10:36,807 --> 00:10:37,821 Sure. 304 00:10:38,070 --> 00:10:40,872 He just seemed so fine with it. 305 00:10:41,974 --> 00:10:43,375 Like he's happier 306 00:10:43,409 --> 00:10:45,343 than me watching Coach 307 00:10:45,378 --> 00:10:47,112 watching Winston yawn. 308 00:10:56,489 --> 00:10:59,291 I'm sure he's just as sad as you are. 309 00:10:59,325 --> 00:11:00,392 It's an act. 310 00:11:00,426 --> 00:11:02,027 You need to go and talk to him 311 00:11:02,061 --> 00:11:04,362 so he can tell you how he really feels. 312 00:11:05,998 --> 00:11:07,065 I'll go with you, okay? 313 00:11:07,099 --> 00:11:09,367 - Thanks. - Of course. 314 00:11:09,402 --> 00:11:11,736 Are you guys Frenching? 315 00:11:11,771 --> 00:11:13,371 Okay, say you're Frenching and I'll stop knocking. 316 00:11:13,406 --> 00:11:14,973 Ignore him, okay? Just ignore him. 317 00:11:17,784 --> 00:11:19,805 Remember Cece, no one knows we broke up. 318 00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:22,040 - Not a word. - Nope. 319 00:11:22,075 --> 00:11:24,676 - Hey! - Come here, you. 320 00:11:25,878 --> 00:11:26,912 Why are we doing this? 321 00:11:26,946 --> 00:11:28,780 Uh... 322 00:11:28,815 --> 00:11:30,882 this is, uh, how I, how I greet everyone now. 323 00:11:30,917 --> 00:11:34,119 And then I, uh, do this. 324 00:11:34,153 --> 00:11:35,187 - Then do that. - Oh. 325 00:11:35,221 --> 00:11:36,188 And top it off 326 00:11:36,222 --> 00:11:37,389 with a little bit of that. 327 00:11:37,423 --> 00:11:38,523 You feel me? 328 00:11:38,558 --> 00:11:39,625 This is how you greet everybody now? 329 00:11:39,659 --> 00:11:41,493 Ah, come here, you. 330 00:11:41,527 --> 00:11:43,362 Uh, that wasn't an invitation. 331 00:11:46,266 --> 00:11:47,099 Nick, hi! 332 00:11:47,133 --> 00:11:48,233 Son of a bitch! Come here, you. 333 00:11:48,268 --> 00:11:49,768 What are you doing, man? 334 00:11:49,802 --> 00:11:52,471 - You take the pills? - Uh, I feel as if I'm of cotton. 335 00:11:52,505 --> 00:11:53,839 Sorry for what's about to happen. 336 00:11:58,811 --> 00:12:01,280 Do you have a minute to maybe have a conversation 337 00:12:01,314 --> 00:12:02,614 with your sweet, sweet girlfriend? 338 00:12:06,319 --> 00:12:08,086 I think the only way we're gonna get through this 339 00:12:08,121 --> 00:12:09,688 is if we're really honest with each other 340 00:12:09,722 --> 00:12:11,089 about how we're really feeling. 341 00:12:11,124 --> 00:12:12,291 This morning I told you 342 00:12:12,325 --> 00:12:14,393 I was okay, and... 343 00:12:16,629 --> 00:12:17,829 Why are you winking at me? 344 00:12:17,864 --> 00:12:19,264 - Am I winking? - Yeah. 345 00:12:19,299 --> 00:12:20,866 I think I'm just a little nervous. 346 00:12:20,900 --> 00:12:23,769 I'm gonna put my sunglasses on so we can keep talking. 347 00:12:23,803 --> 00:12:25,604 - Okay, okay. - 'Cause I don't think I can stop this. 348 00:12:25,638 --> 00:12:26,738 Please continue with what you were saying. 349 00:12:26,773 --> 00:12:28,840 Um, I just, um, 350 00:12:28,875 --> 00:12:30,709 want you to tell me how you really feel. 351 00:12:30,743 --> 00:12:33,612 - Great. - Gre... I'm sorry, "Great"? 352 00:12:33,646 --> 00:12:35,547 - I feel great. - Is great the, the, uh, 353 00:12:35,582 --> 00:12:36,949 is the emotion you feel right now? 354 00:12:36,983 --> 00:12:38,350 - No. - Oh. 355 00:12:40,320 --> 00:12:42,187 I feel amazing. 356 00:12:43,356 --> 00:12:44,890 - "Amazing"? - Yeah. 357 00:12:44,924 --> 00:12:47,192 You feel amazing right now? 358 00:12:47,227 --> 00:12:48,794 I just feel happier and amazing 359 00:12:48,828 --> 00:12:50,362 and lighter. 360 00:12:50,396 --> 00:12:52,297 Tonight's about Winston. 361 00:12:52,332 --> 00:12:54,099 You don't have to worry about me 'cause I'm worried 362 00:12:54,133 --> 00:12:55,367 about the Honey Roast. 363 00:12:55,401 --> 00:12:56,768 I'm sorry I forgot 364 00:12:56,803 --> 00:12:58,837 that Winston is the most important thing 365 00:12:58,871 --> 00:13:00,739 that's going on today. 366 00:13:00,773 --> 00:13:01,840 That's where I'm putting all my energies. 367 00:13:01,875 --> 00:13:03,575 Fan... 368 00:13:03,610 --> 00:13:06,011 tastic. 369 00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:08,013 Took a long time to say that word. 370 00:13:08,047 --> 00:13:09,948 There you are! 371 00:13:09,983 --> 00:13:12,684 - We're supposed to be studying. - Come here, you. 372 00:13:12,719 --> 00:13:14,519 Ah, thanks, Coach. I needed this. 373 00:13:15,622 --> 00:13:18,257 Mm. Delightful. 374 00:13:18,291 --> 00:13:19,725 To you, too, my friend. 375 00:13:19,759 --> 00:13:20,759 That is super weird. 376 00:13:20,793 --> 00:13:22,294 What is wrong with you? 377 00:13:22,328 --> 00:13:24,162 What are you scared of a couple practice tests? 378 00:13:24,197 --> 00:13:25,631 Just something more important came up, that's all. 379 00:13:25,665 --> 00:13:26,932 There should be nothing 380 00:13:26,966 --> 00:13:29,434 more important to you, Cece, than your future. 381 00:13:29,469 --> 00:13:30,836 Because nothing is more important 382 00:13:30,870 --> 00:13:32,271 to me than your future. 383 00:13:32,305 --> 00:13:33,839 Do you know how stupid it makes me feel 384 00:13:33,873 --> 00:13:35,641 to care more about your future than you do? 385 00:13:36,976 --> 00:13:38,377 Nick and Jess broke up. 386 00:13:38,411 --> 00:13:40,245 I knew you knew! 387 00:13:40,280 --> 00:13:41,246 - Oh! - I knew it! 388 00:13:41,281 --> 00:13:42,514 So, you knew, too. 389 00:13:42,549 --> 00:13:44,850 But you knew and you told. 390 00:13:44,884 --> 00:13:46,718 Look, that was so sweet of you, Schmidt. 391 00:13:46,753 --> 00:13:48,654 Okay? And thank you for believing in me... 392 00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:51,238 - Who gives a rat's A?! - Hmm? 393 00:13:51,288 --> 00:13:53,136 Nick and Jess break up. and you spring this on me 394 00:13:53,171 --> 00:13:55,227 like a, like it's a freaking weather report? 395 00:13:55,261 --> 00:13:58,497 I am a child of divorce! I'm delicate! 396 00:13:58,531 --> 00:14:01,199 Should've graduated the first time around, you buffoon! 397 00:14:01,234 --> 00:14:02,701 Better keep it together, dude. No one can know you know. 398 00:14:02,735 --> 00:14:05,237 Guess what, Cece? 399 00:14:05,271 --> 00:14:06,738 My boyfriend Nick 400 00:14:06,773 --> 00:14:08,674 is totally frickin' fine. 401 00:14:08,708 --> 00:14:10,776 He's actually, he's "amazing." 402 00:14:10,810 --> 00:14:12,411 Okay, wine. 403 00:14:12,445 --> 00:14:14,880 Yeah, make it a big one. A holiday pour. 404 00:14:14,914 --> 00:14:16,548 'Cause today's all about Winston. 405 00:14:16,583 --> 00:14:17,849 Yeah, it's all about Winston. 406 00:14:19,519 --> 00:14:20,919 Somebody say Winston? 407 00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:23,522 - Whoa! - What? 408 00:14:23,556 --> 00:14:27,726 Guys, I gotta say, I am walking on air, I really am. 409 00:14:27,760 --> 00:14:28,727 It's, uh... 410 00:14:28,761 --> 00:14:29,728 Excuse me for a second. 411 00:14:29,762 --> 00:14:31,330 Hey, Winston! 412 00:14:31,364 --> 00:14:34,566 Hey, it's your day! I'm diving in! What can I do? 413 00:14:34,601 --> 00:14:37,469 'Cause today is all about Winston. 414 00:14:37,503 --> 00:14:38,570 Yeah, all about Winston. 415 00:14:38,605 --> 00:14:40,739 - Whatever you want, buddy. - Mm-hmm. 416 00:14:40,773 --> 00:14:42,174 Anything? 417 00:14:42,208 --> 00:14:43,809 My name is Nick Miller 418 00:14:43,843 --> 00:14:47,112 and I'm your host of tonight's Honey Roast. 419 00:14:47,146 --> 00:14:49,114 Thank you! Thank you! 420 00:14:49,148 --> 00:14:52,317 And I'm Furguson the cat. 421 00:14:52,352 --> 00:14:53,785 Ya-ya! 422 00:14:56,117 --> 00:14:58,585 Okay, uh, tonight's Honey Roast, we're gonna keep it sweet, 423 00:14:59,020 --> 00:15:01,988 keep it positive, and most of all, we're gonna keep it cute. 424 00:15:02,023 --> 00:15:03,323 Am I right, Furguson? 425 00:15:05,693 --> 00:15:06,993 Hope that cat's not driving. 426 00:15:07,028 --> 00:15:09,295 How is a cat costume just lying around? 427 00:15:09,330 --> 00:15:10,864 She has four of them. 428 00:15:10,898 --> 00:15:12,804 I'm drinking a "Catbernet." 429 00:15:14,435 --> 00:15:15,402 - That's pretty good. - Okay. 430 00:15:15,436 --> 00:15:16,436 That's pretty good. 431 00:15:17,304 --> 00:15:18,605 A Pinot "meowoir..." 432 00:15:18,639 --> 00:15:20,073 Meow-oi-rr. 433 00:15:20,107 --> 00:15:23,209 If I have one more of these, you're gonna have to point 434 00:15:23,244 --> 00:15:25,812 this old kitty in the direction of my litter box 435 00:15:25,846 --> 00:15:28,882 because I'm gonna need to find it. 436 00:15:28,916 --> 00:15:30,884 Mm, let's keep it cute, guys. 437 00:15:30,918 --> 00:15:32,852 'Cause I'm gonna have to pee. 438 00:15:32,887 --> 00:15:35,922 Speaking of cute, Winston Bishop is so cute... 439 00:15:35,956 --> 00:15:38,024 How cute is he? 440 00:15:38,059 --> 00:15:39,326 How cute am I? 441 00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,292 Teddy bears buy Winston for their kids. 442 00:15:42,730 --> 00:15:45,131 That was good. That is exactly how cute I am. 443 00:15:45,166 --> 00:15:47,033 - Horrible visual. - Want to know how cute you are? 444 00:15:47,068 --> 00:15:48,068 Yeah, I want to know how cute I am. 445 00:15:48,102 --> 00:15:49,035 You want to know how cute you are? 446 00:15:49,070 --> 00:15:50,036 I want to know how cute I am. 447 00:15:50,071 --> 00:15:50,937 Puppys put him... 448 00:15:50,971 --> 00:15:52,205 Not gonna do that one. 449 00:15:52,239 --> 00:15:53,807 Are we still pretending that we don't... 450 00:15:53,841 --> 00:15:56,176 - Relax. Keep it together. - Mm-hmm, it'll be over soon. 451 00:15:56,210 --> 00:15:58,345 - Pretend like you're enjoying this. Smile. - Mm-hmm. 452 00:15:58,379 --> 00:16:01,748 Winston is so cute, he once met a Japanese gal named Ariko, 453 00:16:01,782 --> 00:16:04,184 and she started wearing him as a backpack! 454 00:16:05,986 --> 00:16:07,887 Boom! 455 00:16:07,922 --> 00:16:11,558 Ooh! I did not see that one coming! Oh, my! 456 00:16:11,592 --> 00:16:13,293 - I didn't expect it either. - Surprise ending! 457 00:16:13,327 --> 00:16:16,496 I think it's time, I think it's time 458 00:16:16,530 --> 00:16:18,264 that this cat takes over. 459 00:16:19,233 --> 00:16:20,300 Why hold back? 460 00:16:20,334 --> 00:16:22,102 I feel like we should make this 461 00:16:22,136 --> 00:16:23,603 - a real roast. - Yeah. 462 00:16:23,637 --> 00:16:25,438 - Don't do that. - Mm, mm-mm, mm-mm. 463 00:16:25,473 --> 00:16:27,273 I'm kind of scared, but I'm also kind of excited. 464 00:16:27,308 --> 00:16:29,342 - I think, actually, it's my turn to... - It's my turn! 465 00:16:29,377 --> 00:16:31,111 - Uh... mm-mm. - Okay, back here. 466 00:16:31,145 --> 00:16:32,112 This is the best idea. 467 00:16:32,146 --> 00:16:33,446 I think I should sit down. 468 00:16:33,481 --> 00:16:34,814 Getting a little mean. 469 00:16:34,849 --> 00:16:35,849 Time to add some honey. 470 00:16:35,883 --> 00:16:37,283 Who's in the house? 471 00:16:37,318 --> 00:16:38,451 Coach is in the house. 472 00:16:38,486 --> 00:16:39,953 What-what? 473 00:16:39,987 --> 00:16:41,388 What's up, Coach? 474 00:16:41,422 --> 00:16:44,724 You have so many sweatpants, you need to buy normal pants. 475 00:16:46,761 --> 00:16:48,428 Cece here. 476 00:16:48,462 --> 00:16:49,763 You guys know Cece. 477 00:16:49,797 --> 00:16:53,007 - Your hair's so long. - Well, you're basically busted. 478 00:16:53,043 --> 00:16:54,048 - Good one. - That was good. 479 00:16:54,099 --> 00:16:55,207 - That was really a good one. - That was a good one. 480 00:16:55,269 --> 00:16:56,576 - Schmidt... - Jess, please, don't. 481 00:16:56,616 --> 00:16:57,727 I'm very fragile right now. 482 00:16:57,762 --> 00:16:59,939 Your head's so big. 483 00:16:59,974 --> 00:17:01,207 That actually wasn't that bad. 484 00:17:01,242 --> 00:17:02,776 You got a big-ass head, dude! 485 00:17:02,810 --> 00:17:03,777 And Nick Miller... 486 00:17:03,811 --> 00:17:05,378 Oh, boy. 487 00:17:05,413 --> 00:17:08,515 What can I say about Nick that hasn't already been said? 488 00:17:08,549 --> 00:17:09,582 Oh, here we go. 489 00:17:09,617 --> 00:17:12,886 Nick calls birds "wind mice." 490 00:17:12,920 --> 00:17:14,020 Think about it. 491 00:17:14,055 --> 00:17:17,023 - Nick says "Yahtzee" when he climaxes. - Oh, boy. 492 00:17:17,058 --> 00:17:19,492 He calls turtles "shell beavers." 493 00:17:19,527 --> 00:17:21,795 Well, that's what they should be called. 494 00:17:21,829 --> 00:17:23,963 They're green. Beavers are brown. 495 00:17:23,998 --> 00:17:25,699 We've had this argument and we have agreed 496 00:17:25,733 --> 00:17:27,634 to not talk about it in front of others. 497 00:17:27,668 --> 00:17:29,135 But you know the worst, 498 00:17:29,170 --> 00:17:31,371 worst, worst thing about Nick? 499 00:17:31,405 --> 00:17:34,307 - You don't have to say it. You just... - Mm-mm, mm-mm. 500 00:17:34,342 --> 00:17:38,211 He's okay. 501 00:17:38,245 --> 00:17:39,913 He's okay. 502 00:17:39,947 --> 00:17:41,481 And I am... 503 00:17:41,515 --> 00:17:45,352 not okay. 504 00:17:46,420 --> 00:17:48,054 I'm not okay. 505 00:17:48,089 --> 00:17:50,090 What are you talking about? 506 00:17:51,058 --> 00:17:52,892 Are you nuts? 507 00:17:52,927 --> 00:17:53,893 I'm falling apart. 508 00:17:53,928 --> 00:17:55,328 Yeah, I... 509 00:17:55,363 --> 00:17:57,797 I'm on Schmidt's anti-anxiety medicine. 510 00:17:57,832 --> 00:17:59,199 What?! 511 00:17:59,233 --> 00:18:01,001 Yeah, I stole it from his drawer. 512 00:18:01,035 --> 00:18:02,102 Schmidty's little helpers. 513 00:18:02,136 --> 00:18:03,737 - Ooh. - Sorry about that. 514 00:18:03,771 --> 00:18:05,972 I'm very much not okay! I was only acting okay 515 00:18:06,007 --> 00:18:07,307 'cause I thought you were okay. 516 00:18:07,341 --> 00:18:08,675 - I'm not okay. - I am not okay. 517 00:18:08,709 --> 00:18:10,143 I'm terrible! 518 00:18:10,177 --> 00:18:13,480 I know I'm smiling right now, but I feel terrible. 519 00:18:13,514 --> 00:18:15,081 - I'm so happy... - Yeah. 520 00:18:15,116 --> 00:18:16,449 ...that you feel terrible. 521 00:18:16,484 --> 00:18:17,453 It's a devastating breakup. 522 00:18:18,219 --> 00:18:19,359 - You know, I know we lived together. - It's really hard. 523 00:18:19,389 --> 00:18:20,863 - It's tricky, you know? - Yeah. 524 00:18:21,389 --> 00:18:22,709 - You know, it sucks. - I really thought we had a future. 525 00:18:22,744 --> 00:18:24,717 Me, too. Yeah, saw the whole thing, the whole thing. 526 00:18:24,889 --> 00:18:27,044 - And now we don't. It's done, yeah. - We have nothing in common. 527 00:18:27,153 --> 00:18:28,182 Yeah. 528 00:18:28,262 --> 00:18:30,363 I also can't stop smiling because of the drugs, 529 00:18:30,398 --> 00:18:31,564 so my face feels crazy. 530 00:18:31,599 --> 00:18:32,999 It feels like I had plastic surgery. 531 00:18:33,034 --> 00:18:34,167 Can somebody please 532 00:18:34,201 --> 00:18:36,236 tell me what the hell is going on in here? 533 00:18:36,270 --> 00:18:37,771 - You want to do this? - I think we should. 534 00:18:37,805 --> 00:18:39,172 We broke up! 535 00:18:39,206 --> 00:18:40,707 - We're done. It's over. - It's all done. 536 00:18:40,741 --> 00:18:42,709 - Are you serious?! What?! - What?! No! 537 00:18:42,743 --> 00:18:44,244 Come on, guys, it's so obvious. 538 00:18:44,278 --> 00:18:46,379 - Son of a bee sting. - I mean... 539 00:18:46,414 --> 00:18:47,714 What, you broke up today? 540 00:18:47,748 --> 00:18:49,883 - Yesterday. - Yesterday. 541 00:18:49,917 --> 00:18:51,084 Well, why didn't you tell me? 542 00:18:51,118 --> 00:18:53,420 Because we didn't want to ruin your day. 543 00:18:53,454 --> 00:18:56,289 And I'm so sorry we did. We're so proud of you 544 00:18:56,324 --> 00:18:57,957 that you got into the police academy, 545 00:18:57,992 --> 00:19:00,293 but we're just, we're in a really bad zone. 546 00:19:00,328 --> 00:19:03,196 - Yeah, a too bad zone. - So let's just come out and admit it. 547 00:19:03,230 --> 00:19:04,597 We're in a terrible zone. 548 00:19:04,632 --> 00:19:06,132 Are you kidding me? 549 00:19:06,167 --> 00:19:07,400 Something this big happens 550 00:19:07,435 --> 00:19:10,136 and you guys still look out for me? 551 00:19:10,171 --> 00:19:11,271 I mean, that's... Thank you. 552 00:19:11,305 --> 00:19:13,673 I really appreciate it, you guys, 553 00:19:13,708 --> 00:19:15,208 but I'm here for whatever you need. 554 00:19:15,242 --> 00:19:16,843 Thank you, buddy. 555 00:19:23,985 --> 00:19:26,319 Look, I know this is super weird and... 556 00:19:26,354 --> 00:19:28,688 definitely high on anxiety pills but... 557 00:19:28,723 --> 00:19:31,257 I'd like everybody to hold hands in this moment. 558 00:19:31,292 --> 00:19:33,159 - No. - Just do it, man. That's it. 559 00:19:33,194 --> 00:19:34,227 - Everybody? - Oh. 560 00:19:34,261 --> 00:19:36,563 - It's two ladies. - I'm okay. 561 00:19:36,597 --> 00:19:38,131 This feels good. 562 00:19:38,165 --> 00:19:40,400 Om... 563 00:19:46,507 --> 00:19:48,842 Let's never tell anyone we did this. 564 00:19:48,876 --> 00:19:50,977 Should we all try to live inside a peach, 565 00:19:51,012 --> 00:19:53,113 or is that weird? 566 00:19:53,147 --> 00:19:56,783 Guys, in light of what's been going on, 567 00:19:56,817 --> 00:19:58,618 I will be postponing the Honey Roast 568 00:19:58,653 --> 00:20:00,453 - until tomorrow night. - Okay. 569 00:20:00,488 --> 00:20:01,588 - Ah! - No. 570 00:20:01,622 --> 00:20:02,589 - No way. - Not doing this. 571 00:20:02,623 --> 00:20:04,190 We could say everybody come back, 572 00:20:04,225 --> 00:20:06,259 - Sorry, Winston. - everybody come back the same time, so... 573 00:20:06,293 --> 00:20:09,162 then you guys all get to wear white. 574 00:20:22,043 --> 00:20:23,009 Hi, again. 575 00:20:25,279 --> 00:20:27,647 I'm watching Dirty Dancing. 576 00:20:27,682 --> 00:20:29,282 I know. I've heard all three screenings. 577 00:20:29,317 --> 00:20:31,484 I just don't understand how Penny got in trouble. 578 00:20:31,519 --> 00:20:33,253 Well, you know, it was a different time. 579 00:20:33,287 --> 00:20:34,454 Who wins in a fight? 580 00:20:34,488 --> 00:20:37,257 Swayze from Dirty Dancing 581 00:20:37,291 --> 00:20:38,858 or Swayze from Roadhouse? 582 00:20:38,893 --> 00:20:41,828 I think, uh, To Wong Foo Swayze would win. 583 00:20:41,862 --> 00:20:43,263 Jess, this is really hard. 584 00:20:43,297 --> 00:20:44,864 I don't know what to do. 585 00:20:44,899 --> 00:20:46,700 I don't know what to call you. 586 00:20:46,734 --> 00:20:48,401 It's like a riddle. 587 00:20:48,436 --> 00:20:49,836 I know! 588 00:20:49,870 --> 00:20:52,605 I don't know where to change or where to sleep 589 00:20:52,640 --> 00:20:54,174 or where to go to the bathroom. 590 00:20:54,208 --> 00:20:56,576 Well, I know where to go to the bathroom. 591 00:20:56,610 --> 00:20:58,812 But you know, the social component. 592 00:21:00,881 --> 00:21:03,450 Oh, no. 593 00:21:03,484 --> 00:21:04,617 I'm out of tissues. 594 00:21:04,652 --> 00:21:05,652 I got it. 595 00:21:06,954 --> 00:21:07,921 Heads up! 596 00:21:07,955 --> 00:21:10,223 Oh! Hey. 597 00:21:10,257 --> 00:21:11,825 Thank you. 598 00:21:11,859 --> 00:21:14,828 No problem. That's what I'm here for. 599 00:21:14,862 --> 00:21:17,130 Good night, honey. 600 00:21:17,164 --> 00:21:18,531 Good night. 601 00:21:27,174 --> 00:21:30,844 ♪ Hungry eyes ♪ 602 00:21:30,878 --> 00:21:33,480 ♪ One look at you and I can't disguise ♪ 603 00:21:33,514 --> 00:21:35,448 ♪ ...guise, I got hungry eyes... ♪ 604 00:21:35,483 --> 00:21:36,683 Created by backinblack. Resynced by Katniss www.addic7ed.com