1
00:00:02,485 --> 00:00:04,337
Thanks for helping me
with my school dance.

2
00:00:07,749 --> 00:00:12,296
"Love is forever,
and ever, and ever, and..."

3
00:00:12,564 --> 00:00:16,197
- How many "and ever"s?
- Technically infinity, but...

4
00:00:16,257 --> 00:00:17,777
I could only fit 12.

5
00:00:19,611 --> 00:00:21,407
Well, this is going to be
tough for you, huh?

6
00:00:21,442 --> 00:00:23,703
Yes! Foster said
we couldn't afford it,

7
00:00:23,704 --> 00:00:25,710
but I really stuck my neck out
for this dance.

8
00:00:25,720 --> 00:00:29,827
No, I-I mean because the theme
of the dance is "Love is forever" and...

9
00:00:29,997 --> 00:00:32,037
Nick, and the breakup...

10
00:00:32,216 --> 00:00:35,741
What? No, Cece, look, you remember
what school dances were like for me.

11
00:00:35,931 --> 00:00:37,833
They were miserable.
I was just waiting in the bathroom

12
00:00:38,006 --> 00:00:40,765
for Tim Keymaker to magically appear
and ask me out.

13
00:00:40,766 --> 00:00:43,516
I remember. I was smoking
in the stall next to you.

14
00:00:43,517 --> 00:00:45,389
We get it, you were bad.

15
00:00:45,424 --> 00:00:47,851
I just don't want it to be
like it was for me.

16
00:00:48,033 --> 00:00:51,711
I want them to have an incredible time.
My life is a bit of a mess right now,

17
00:00:52,027 --> 00:00:56,343
but the one thing I can do
is throw an amazing dance for them.

18
00:00:56,520 --> 00:00:59,523
"Love is forever,
and ever, and ever..."

19
00:00:59,694 --> 00:01:02,979
- What is this?
- The theme of Jess's school dance.

20
00:01:03,147 --> 00:01:04,505
- It's pretty ironic, huh?
- Jess, you poor thing.

21
00:01:04,506 --> 00:01:05,699
- Come-come here. Come here.
- What?

22
00:01:05,734 --> 00:01:06,596
What?

23
00:01:06,631 --> 00:01:07,864
Just... there.

24
00:01:07,898 --> 00:01:09,099
- What are you doing?
- All right.

25
00:01:09,133 --> 00:01:11,434
Uh-huh. Okay.

26
00:01:11,469 --> 00:01:12,969
Oh, I know. I know.

27
00:01:13,004 --> 00:01:15,138
- I know.
- What's happening?

28
00:01:15,172 --> 00:01:17,040
I got hug number two
locked and loaded.

29
00:01:17,074 --> 00:01:19,209
Soft or hard, it's up to you.

30
00:01:19,243 --> 00:01:20,644
- I know.
- Schmidt...

31
00:01:25,438 --> 00:01:29,779
Created by backinblack. Resynced by Katniss.
www.addic7ed.com

32
00:01:31,088 --> 00:01:32,756
Ay-ay-ay, I needed a shvitz.

33
00:01:32,790 --> 00:01:34,349
Ech, me, too.

34
00:01:34,537 --> 00:01:37,272
My arms are so sore
from doing so many push-ups.

35
00:01:37,618 --> 00:01:38,475
That seems like a lie.

36
00:01:38,476 --> 00:01:40,260
No, I'm trying to stay fit
after the breakup.

37
00:01:40,437 --> 00:01:43,287
I've been eating salads,
yeah, no dressing,

38
00:01:43,461 --> 00:01:46,036
- mostly just the protein.
- What kind of salad you've been eating?

39
00:01:46,195 --> 00:01:49,049
- The little chopped of pieces of ham.
- Just the ham?

40
00:01:49,229 --> 00:01:50,086
- Yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

41
00:01:50,136 --> 00:01:53,063
I don't like the lettuce. I think it's
gross to eat stuff on earth that's green.

42
00:01:53,209 --> 00:01:54,643
- Well, look, you know baby steps...
- Not baby steps,

43
00:01:54,791 --> 00:01:56,627
- there were some pretty big pieces of ham.
- Okay.

44
00:01:56,662 --> 00:02:01,002
It's still not as good.
I genuinely miss goofing around with Jess.

45
00:02:01,165 --> 00:02:03,230
Breakups aren't
supposed to be easy, so...

46
00:02:03,411 --> 00:02:04,893
Well, it's really mature of you, man.

47
00:02:04,895 --> 00:02:05,883
We're doing something where we are...

48
00:02:06,063 --> 00:02:09,433
we are not allowed to be in the room
alone together without Winston.

49
00:02:09,745 --> 00:02:12,400
'Cause he just naturally takes
the sexual tension out of a room.

50
00:02:15,738 --> 00:02:17,439
What'd you guys want?

51
00:02:17,473 --> 00:02:19,174
You see? I'm proud of you.

52
00:02:19,208 --> 00:02:20,675
That's what I'm talking
about. We're men.

53
00:02:20,710 --> 00:02:21,943
We've felt pain, we've survived it.

54
00:02:21,977 --> 00:02:23,478
Look at me.

55
00:02:23,512 --> 00:02:24,946
I'm watching Cece drool
over some 20-year-old.

56
00:02:24,980 --> 00:02:27,048
How could she be interested in a boy

57
00:02:27,083 --> 00:02:28,550
when she could have these ripe berries?

58
00:02:28,584 --> 00:02:29,851
Look at these, Nick.

59
00:02:29,885 --> 00:02:31,119
Put your towel down.

60
00:02:31,153 --> 00:02:33,388
Oh, God, I need a shvitz.

61
00:02:33,422 --> 00:02:35,957
Why does my sweat smell like asparagus?

62
00:02:35,991 --> 00:02:37,959
He does take all the sexual tension
out of a room.

63
00:02:37,993 --> 00:02:39,894
Man, I heat up every room I walk into.

64
00:02:39,929 --> 00:02:42,864
Put me next to a dozen eggs.
They hatching. You know why?

65
00:02:42,899 --> 00:02:44,633
'Cause I got the heat of a mother hen.

66
00:02:44,667 --> 00:02:46,501
There was no sexual tension
in here before he got here.

67
00:02:46,536 --> 00:02:47,602
Keep telling yourself that, Nick.

68
00:02:48,938 --> 00:02:50,639
Congrats, chaperones!

69
00:02:50,673 --> 00:02:52,040
With your help, tonight
is going to be...

70
00:02:52,074 --> 00:02:53,308
unforgettable.

71
00:02:53,342 --> 00:02:54,676
I didn't sign up for this.

72
00:02:54,710 --> 00:02:56,578
No, you didn't. None of you did.

73
00:02:56,612 --> 00:02:58,246
In fact, none of you have ever, ever

74
00:02:58,281 --> 00:03:00,482
signed up for any school event, ever.

75
00:03:00,516 --> 00:03:03,018
Which means you've never felt the joy

76
00:03:03,052 --> 00:03:04,419
of exchanging your free time

77
00:03:04,453 --> 00:03:06,087
for a child's smile.

78
00:03:06,122 --> 00:03:08,557
I never volunteer because
of my Munchausen syndrome.

79
00:03:08,591 --> 00:03:09,524
Are we getting paid?

80
00:03:09,559 --> 00:03:10,926
You will get paid, um, actually,

81
00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:13,829
in attractive hats that I made.

82
00:03:13,863 --> 00:03:15,864
They say "chaperone."

83
00:03:16,966 --> 00:03:18,033
And Gary the Janitor has one

84
00:03:18,067 --> 00:03:19,167
that says "clean up crew."

85
00:03:19,202 --> 00:03:20,836
You call me Gary the Janitor

86
00:03:20,870 --> 00:03:22,737
as if me being a janitor

87
00:03:22,772 --> 00:03:24,005
is my whole identity.

88
00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:25,574
It's like someone calling you

89
00:03:25,608 --> 00:03:28,076
Jess the Third-Hottest White Teacher.

90
00:03:28,110 --> 00:03:29,077
Okay.

91
00:03:29,111 --> 00:03:30,078
Are we done?

92
00:03:30,112 --> 00:03:31,079
I'm gonna say we're done.

93
00:03:31,113 --> 00:03:32,547
Yeah. Okay.

94
00:03:32,582 --> 00:03:34,249
Thank-thanks, guys.
Good-good meeting.

95
00:03:34,283 --> 00:03:36,518
I don't know
where I'm supposed to be right now.

96
00:03:36,552 --> 00:03:37,886
Thanks, guys.

97
00:03:37,920 --> 00:03:39,855
It's gonna be great!

98
00:03:39,889 --> 00:03:41,923
You don't have to wear that, Coach.

99
00:03:41,958 --> 00:03:43,191
As far as I'm concerned,

100
00:03:43,226 --> 00:03:44,426
this dance starts now.

101
00:03:44,460 --> 00:03:46,394
I know how important
this dance is to you.

102
00:03:46,429 --> 00:03:48,153
Those kids won't get away with anything.

103
00:03:48,331 --> 00:03:51,068
They want to bang, they're gonna
have to bang through me.

104
00:03:51,102 --> 00:03:52,102
Wait.

105
00:03:52,971 --> 00:03:54,438
If they want to bang,

106
00:03:54,472 --> 00:03:56,407
they're gonna have to bang through me!

107
00:03:56,441 --> 00:03:57,775
Wait.

108
00:03:58,810 --> 00:04:00,244
Hey, Wendy.

109
00:04:01,446 --> 00:04:02,780
Whoa!

110
00:04:02,814 --> 00:04:05,482
That shirt's scary! Whoa.

111
00:04:08,119 --> 00:04:09,319
You going to the dance tonight?

112
00:04:09,354 --> 00:04:10,554
My mom's making me go.

113
00:04:10,588 --> 00:04:11,789
Making you go

114
00:04:11,823 --> 00:04:13,390
to the best night of your life?

115
00:04:13,425 --> 00:04:15,125
Your mom sounds really cool.

116
00:04:15,160 --> 00:04:18,362
Come one, at your age, love
is forever and ever and ever.

117
00:04:19,764 --> 00:04:20,964
What are you gonna wear?

118
00:04:20,999 --> 00:04:21,999
This shirt.

119
00:04:22,033 --> 00:04:23,100
Oh.

120
00:04:23,134 --> 00:04:24,335
Oh!

121
00:04:24,369 --> 00:04:25,736
That is

122
00:04:25,770 --> 00:04:28,205
the best idea I've heard all week.

123
00:04:29,140 --> 00:04:31,575
Whoa! Scary shirt!

124
00:04:31,609 --> 00:04:32,976
We all think that you're an idiot

125
00:04:33,011 --> 00:04:34,244
for dating this 14-year-old.

126
00:04:34,279 --> 00:04:35,479
He's 20.

127
00:04:35,513 --> 00:04:36,747
That means he was seven

128
00:04:36,781 --> 00:04:38,115
when Good Will Hunting came out.

129
00:04:38,149 --> 00:04:39,783
Seven, Cece.
Good Will Hunting.

130
00:04:39,818 --> 00:04:41,452
You know what? Let me go,
let me go, let me go.

131
00:04:41,486 --> 00:04:43,354
Um, check this out.
Cece's boyfriend

132
00:04:43,388 --> 00:04:47,024
is so young that...

133
00:04:47,058 --> 00:04:49,126
It'll come back to me.

134
00:04:49,160 --> 00:04:50,794
Buster is more of a man than all of you.

135
00:04:50,829 --> 00:04:52,863
Okay? He's been to, like, 40 countries,

136
00:04:52,897 --> 00:04:54,298
he builds boats,

137
00:04:54,332 --> 00:04:55,838
he used to train snakes with his uncle.

138
00:04:55,868 --> 00:04:57,431
Earning a respectable wage,

139
00:04:57,534 --> 00:04:59,769
wearing a proper-hanging
pair of slacks,

140
00:04:59,803 --> 00:05:02,271
ordering sushi like a sick-ass boss...

141
00:05:02,306 --> 00:05:05,625
- These things a man maketh.
- So stupid stuff that you do.

142
00:05:05,809 --> 00:05:07,561
I know that technically
you guys are men,

143
00:05:07,601 --> 00:05:10,993
but all you do is hang out
with each other, like you're 12.

144
00:05:11,161 --> 00:05:12,481
What do you know?
You're just a stupid girl.

145
00:05:12,516 --> 00:05:14,317
Okay, I got it, I got it.

146
00:05:14,351 --> 00:05:17,386
Okay, Cece's boyfriend
is so young that...

147
00:05:17,421 --> 00:05:19,889
- How-how young is he?
- Winston.

148
00:05:19,923 --> 00:05:22,158
It's not working, man.
I'm serious.

149
00:05:22,192 --> 00:05:24,827
- I'm at my wit's end with you.
- What?

150
00:05:24,861 --> 00:05:26,295
Wait a minute.

151
00:05:26,330 --> 00:05:28,030
Why's the door locked?

152
00:05:28,065 --> 00:05:29,799
The dance starts in five minutes.

153
00:05:29,833 --> 00:05:31,734
- Okay.
- Gary!

154
00:05:31,768 --> 00:05:33,636
Thank God you're here.
Can you unlock the door?

155
00:05:33,670 --> 00:05:35,471
No. I didn't put that there.

156
00:05:35,505 --> 00:05:36,639
What?

157
00:05:36,673 --> 00:05:37,974
Who else could have done it?

158
00:05:38,008 --> 00:05:39,208
We can't start the dance

159
00:05:39,242 --> 00:05:40,576
if the door's locked.

160
00:05:40,611 --> 00:05:42,411
Don't tell me I wore my raw denim

161
00:05:42,446 --> 00:05:45,181
for no reason.
Don't you dare tell me that!

162
00:05:45,215 --> 00:05:46,182
I am not telling you that.

163
00:05:46,216 --> 00:05:47,683
So the dance is cancelled, then?

164
00:05:47,718 --> 00:05:48,884
No, no, no. There is gonna be a dance.

165
00:05:48,919 --> 00:05:49,885
It's gonna be great and perfect

166
00:05:49,920 --> 00:05:51,187
and lovely and it will celebrate

167
00:05:51,221 --> 00:05:52,655
love is forever and ever and ever.

168
00:05:52,689 --> 00:05:53,756
Where are you guys going?

169
00:05:53,790 --> 00:05:55,691
In life, nowhere.

170
00:05:55,726 --> 00:05:57,860
But I know I don't want to be here.

171
00:05:57,894 --> 00:06:00,730
Guys, please stay. It would
really mean a lot to me.

172
00:06:00,764 --> 00:06:01,931
Boring.

173
00:06:03,267 --> 00:06:05,434
It's Jess. All of her
chaperones just bailed,

174
00:06:05,469 --> 00:06:06,902
and she needs help.

175
00:06:06,937 --> 00:06:08,004
A lady needs help?

176
00:06:08,038 --> 00:06:10,072
Is that a job for a boy?

177
00:06:10,107 --> 00:06:11,073
- No.
- Or a...

178
00:06:11,108 --> 00:06:12,408
- Man!
- man?

179
00:06:12,442 --> 00:06:14,744
Men! Men! Men!

180
00:06:14,778 --> 00:06:17,680
Men! Men! Men! Men! Men!

181
00:06:17,714 --> 00:06:19,115
Well, the dummy patrol is ready.

182
00:06:19,149 --> 00:06:20,850
- Men! Men! Men!
- Aah!

183
00:06:20,884 --> 00:06:22,718
Men. Man!

184
00:06:22,753 --> 00:06:25,054
- So stupid.
- Seriously, are you okay for real?

185
00:06:25,088 --> 00:06:27,356
- You got any ice?
- Dude, rub his shoulder. Rub his shoulder.

186
00:06:27,391 --> 00:06:29,358
- I'll get ice. I'll get ice.
- My shoulder go into his. You all right?

187
00:06:29,393 --> 00:06:31,394
- Ow, man!
- Okay, all right, just sit back.

188
00:06:31,428 --> 00:06:33,296
Nick, get the ice!

189
00:06:35,779 --> 00:06:39,080
- How do you know how to do that?
- Well, a tire iron is

190
00:06:39,114 --> 00:06:41,849
actually strong enough to break through
a high-carbon steel steering wheel lock,

191
00:06:41,884 --> 00:06:43,818
so, you know, I figured
I'd work with this.

192
00:06:43,852 --> 00:06:45,219
Cece scares me sometimes.

193
00:06:45,254 --> 00:06:46,821
It's just the tip
of the iceberg, my friend.

194
00:06:46,855 --> 00:06:51,705
- Got it. There we go.
- Oh! Yes!

195
00:06:51,739 --> 00:06:54,141
Everything's back on track, guys!

196
00:06:54,175 --> 00:06:56,143
This bike lock was a real punk move.

197
00:06:56,177 --> 00:06:58,912
Seems like there's a lot of
punks here. Did you do this?

198
00:06:58,946 --> 00:07:01,982
- Hey. You did this? Huh? You did this?
- Hey, easy, easy.

199
00:07:02,016 --> 00:07:03,717
If anyone's messing
with this dance, it's one

200
00:07:03,751 --> 00:07:06,086
of those teachers...
Those hats were begging for payback.

201
00:07:06,120 --> 00:07:07,053
- Let's do this.
- Hey.

202
00:07:07,088 --> 00:07:09,055
Listen up, chaperones.

203
00:07:09,090 --> 00:07:10,590
You will obey all of my instructions.

204
00:07:10,625 --> 00:07:12,592
This means everything to Jess.

205
00:07:12,627 --> 00:07:14,494
Your asses belong to me now.

206
00:07:14,529 --> 00:07:16,196
Which means I currently have

207
00:07:16,230 --> 00:07:17,697
four asses.

208
00:07:17,732 --> 00:07:20,267
The three of yours and mine.

209
00:07:20,301 --> 00:07:21,435
I think we're capable of handling

210
00:07:21,469 --> 00:07:23,437
a bunch of prepubescent kids.

211
00:07:23,471 --> 00:07:25,272
Do you think you are tough, Winston?

212
00:07:25,306 --> 00:07:26,273
You have no idea

213
00:07:26,307 --> 00:07:27,707
what these little bastards

214
00:07:27,742 --> 00:07:28,875
are capable of.

215
00:07:28,910 --> 00:07:30,043
I mean, I love them.

216
00:07:30,077 --> 00:07:31,578
I love them with all my heart.

217
00:07:32,066 --> 00:07:35,861
But they will hurt
your feelings sometimes.

218
00:07:36,690 --> 00:07:39,553
He's right. I remember sticks and
stones may break your bones,

219
00:07:39,587 --> 00:07:42,589
but not if you're a fat
kid with calcium deficiency.

220
00:07:42,623 --> 00:07:45,625
Schmidt, you're on snack table
duty. Keep the chip bowls full.

221
00:07:45,660 --> 00:07:47,027
Don't let the kids spike the punch.

222
00:07:47,061 --> 00:07:48,261
And make sure Diabetic Amy

223
00:07:48,296 --> 00:07:50,297
only has four cookies.

224
00:07:50,331 --> 00:07:53,200
Diabetic Amy ain't gonna
get no cookies on my watch.

225
00:07:53,234 --> 00:07:55,435
No, she-she has to have
at least two or she'll pass out.

226
00:07:55,470 --> 00:07:57,104
She's getting nothing
as far as I'm concerned.

227
00:07:57,138 --> 00:07:59,272
At least two, at least two
or she'll pass out.

228
00:07:59,307 --> 00:08:01,808
- All right, Winston? Dance floor duty.
- Yes, sir.

229
00:08:01,843 --> 00:08:03,877
Ooh, you shouldn't have
said that, man, that is

230
00:08:03,911 --> 00:08:04,945
the perfect place for
me right now. I got

231
00:08:04,979 --> 00:08:06,313
- so much heat coming off me, man.
- No.

232
00:08:06,347 --> 00:08:08,148
No, no, no, no, no, no. No heat.

233
00:08:08,182 --> 00:08:09,583
- Ooh, ooh, ooh.
- No heat. Hey, hey, hey.

234
00:08:09,617 --> 00:08:11,651
None. Hey, look at me. No heat.

235
00:08:11,686 --> 00:08:14,588
The opposite of heat. Six inches
separation at all times.

236
00:08:14,622 --> 00:08:16,790
Nobody's getting pregnant tonight.

237
00:08:16,824 --> 00:08:18,892
That's the same thing I say on my dates.

238
00:08:18,926 --> 00:08:21,461
Not cool.

239
00:08:22,763 --> 00:08:24,798
- Let's hit it.
- Hey, hey.

240
00:08:24,832 --> 00:08:26,500
Saving the best for last?

241
00:08:26,534 --> 00:08:28,001
Oh, I'm sorry, Nick, uh,

242
00:08:28,035 --> 00:08:29,469
you're not chaperone material.

243
00:08:29,504 --> 00:08:31,605
I've been at this job
for a few weeks now

244
00:08:31,639 --> 00:08:33,507
and I know the stink of a bad kid.

245
00:08:33,541 --> 00:08:36,463
That makes me the perfect
candidate to be a chaperone, Coach.

246
00:08:36,503 --> 00:08:37,611
Just think about it.

247
00:08:37,645 --> 00:08:40,313
I can get in the mind of a bad kid.

248
00:08:40,315 --> 00:08:42,916
Think like 'em, go deep.
I can go too deep.

249
00:08:42,950 --> 00:08:45,252
I'm gonna put you in the parking lot
to sweep for stragglers.

250
00:08:45,286 --> 00:08:47,354
- You want me on the streets.
- It's not that important of a job.

251
00:08:49,323 --> 00:08:51,324
I won't let you down.

252
00:08:51,359 --> 00:08:53,360
I'm not gonna let you down!

253
00:08:56,030 --> 00:08:58,365
You taking a... a break right now?

254
00:09:10,478 --> 00:09:11,978
When the heat moves
you, you got to move...

255
00:09:12,013 --> 00:09:13,480
Okay, no heat. No heat.

256
00:09:13,514 --> 00:09:15,382
No heat, Bishop, no heat.

257
00:09:15,416 --> 00:09:16,883
Keep that heat locked up.

258
00:09:16,918 --> 00:09:18,819
Keep that heat...

259
00:09:18,853 --> 00:09:21,154
Think you're going, baby

260
00:09:21,189 --> 00:09:23,323
I, this is...

261
00:09:23,357 --> 00:09:24,658
Crazy.

262
00:09:24,692 --> 00:09:26,293
Put that heat away, Bishop.

263
00:09:26,327 --> 00:09:28,728
Huh? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.
You got that, man.

264
00:09:28,763 --> 00:09:30,030
You got...

265
00:09:31,432 --> 00:09:32,899
What are you looking at?

266
00:09:32,934 --> 00:09:35,402
Cool mustache.

267
00:09:36,671 --> 00:09:38,872
Too much heat.

268
00:09:38,906 --> 00:09:40,907
Too much heat.

269
00:09:40,942 --> 00:09:43,009
All right, kids, let's
use the serving tongs.

270
00:09:43,044 --> 00:09:44,578
This isn't Appalachia.

271
00:09:44,612 --> 00:09:47,614
Hurry up, everybody,
before Justin eats everything.

272
00:09:49,851 --> 00:09:51,351
Son, I...

273
00:09:51,385 --> 00:09:52,419
don't think you meant to hurt

274
00:09:52,453 --> 00:09:54,154
Justin's feelings, there.

275
00:09:54,188 --> 00:09:56,490
What's going on, really?

276
00:09:56,524 --> 00:09:58,391
Are the parents fighting at home?

277
00:09:58,426 --> 00:09:59,593
Leave me alone, flamer.

278
00:09:59,627 --> 00:10:01,728
Flamer?

279
00:10:01,763 --> 00:10:03,230
You're the... You're the flamer, pal.

280
00:10:03,264 --> 00:10:05,365
- You're the flamer.
- You're the flamer.

281
00:10:05,399 --> 00:10:07,167
- Flamer.
- Stop saying that word, it's probably

282
00:10:07,201 --> 00:10:08,902
- offensive to some people, you flamer.
- Flamer, flamer.

283
00:10:08,936 --> 00:10:10,771
- Yeah, take a doughnut, there, you flamer.
- Flamer.

284
00:10:10,805 --> 00:10:13,273
Schmidt. I got a bit
of a situation here.

285
00:10:13,307 --> 00:10:16,009
Um, thoughts? Advice?

286
00:10:16,043 --> 00:10:17,344
What now?

287
00:10:17,378 --> 00:10:20,947
Aw, son of a b... penis.

288
00:10:20,982 --> 00:10:22,783
Ah, that wasn't better.

289
00:10:22,817 --> 00:10:24,551
Sorry, everyone.

290
00:10:24,585 --> 00:10:26,253
You were right.

291
00:10:26,287 --> 00:10:28,755
Someone's trying to mess with my dance.

292
00:10:28,790 --> 00:10:31,057
Hmm. It's paste.

293
00:10:31,092 --> 00:10:32,426
And it's fresh.

294
00:10:36,631 --> 00:10:39,499
Banana in the dark.

295
00:10:42,170 --> 00:10:44,237
Uh-oh.

296
00:10:44,272 --> 00:10:46,699
You ruined my dance.
I can smell the paste.

297
00:10:47,308 --> 00:10:48,504
Perpetrator!

298
00:10:51,559 --> 00:10:52,960
He's in there.

299
00:10:52,994 --> 00:10:54,962
Okay, when we get in there,

300
00:10:54,996 --> 00:10:57,264
I'm going to be good cop,
you be bad cop, okay?

301
00:10:57,298 --> 00:11:00,200
Got it.

302
00:11:00,235 --> 00:11:01,568
There are two ways this can go.

303
00:11:01,603 --> 00:11:02,970
Number one:

304
00:11:03,004 --> 00:11:05,305
you tell us why you ruined the dance.

305
00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:09,743
Number two: I bash
your skull in with a carburetor!

306
00:11:11,079 --> 00:11:13,247
- I thought I was bad cop.
- You are the bad cop.

307
00:11:13,281 --> 00:11:16,383
I'm the tough, competent cop,
who's good at her job,

308
00:11:16,418 --> 00:11:18,619
you're the kind of fumbly, dumb cop

309
00:11:18,653 --> 00:11:21,226
- who's nice and...
- Yeah, that's not how it works, though.

310
00:11:21,376 --> 00:11:23,254
I mean, the good cop is nice
and the bad cop is mean.

311
00:11:23,304 --> 00:11:24,658
- That would be nice cop, mean cop.
- It's how it works

312
00:11:24,692 --> 00:11:27,594
- on every cop show, when you watch it.
- I watch cop shows.

313
00:11:27,629 --> 00:11:29,329
- You need to pay more attention.
- I do pay attention...

314
00:11:29,364 --> 00:11:33,100
- What do you awful women want?
- We want to know...

315
00:11:33,134 --> 00:11:36,904
why you locked the door and
poured glue in the breaker.

316
00:11:36,938 --> 00:11:38,439
I didn't do any of that.

317
00:11:38,473 --> 00:11:41,141
Why would anybody

318
00:11:41,176 --> 00:11:43,177
want to ruin such a magical night?

319
00:11:43,211 --> 00:11:46,714
Uh, you're the only one who
wanted to have this stupid dance.

320
00:11:46,748 --> 00:11:48,215
Revenge would be my guess.

321
00:11:49,217 --> 00:11:50,851
What do you know?

322
00:11:50,885 --> 00:11:53,620
Well, you have the grip
of a much taller woman.

323
00:11:53,655 --> 00:11:56,857
And I don't not like that.

324
00:11:56,891 --> 00:11:58,158
Ugh.

325
00:12:01,963 --> 00:12:03,030
...some fireworks or something.

326
00:12:05,033 --> 00:12:06,467
What's up, gentlemen?

327
00:12:06,501 --> 00:12:08,368
Just hanging out outside
in the parking lot?

328
00:12:08,403 --> 00:12:10,370
We're not doing anything.
We don't need a chaperone.

329
00:12:10,405 --> 00:12:13,006
Calling me a 'rone?

330
00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:16,844
I'm not a 'rone. I'm
basically the same guy as you.

331
00:12:16,878 --> 00:12:18,979
We're wearing the same shirt.

332
00:12:19,013 --> 00:12:22,049
I'm a good guy, I'm
having fun. I'm just...

333
00:12:22,083 --> 00:12:23,951
I'm bored in there,
I'm looking to hang out.

334
00:12:23,985 --> 00:12:25,753
Is that a crime, officers?

335
00:12:26,921 --> 00:12:28,622
Say, you guys got any Billy Whizz?

336
00:12:28,656 --> 00:12:31,525
Any juice, any sweet
Mary Jane? I'm looking.

337
00:12:31,559 --> 00:12:33,694
Okay, if you're really
not a chaperone...

338
00:12:33,728 --> 00:12:35,796
why don't you take a sip of this?

339
00:12:35,830 --> 00:12:38,699
Maybe I will, maybe I won't.
I got nothing to prove.

340
00:12:38,733 --> 00:12:39,900
Are you a 'rone or not?

341
00:12:39,934 --> 00:12:42,202
Give me that.

342
00:12:52,914 --> 00:12:55,716
What is that? Is that a suicide?

343
00:12:55,718 --> 00:12:58,218
- The soda flavors all mix together.
- You know it, bro.

344
00:12:58,253 --> 00:13:00,988
That was super intense.

345
00:13:01,022 --> 00:13:02,723
Sorry, I spit some of it up.

346
00:13:02,757 --> 00:13:04,191
He's cool.

347
00:13:11,066 --> 00:13:12,700
Hey, buddy, uh,

348
00:13:12,734 --> 00:13:15,769
Tommy, is it? I just...
I just wanted to apologize

349
00:13:15,804 --> 00:13:17,438
for what happened before, kiddo.

350
00:13:17,472 --> 00:13:19,506
What, are you gonna propose to me, now?

351
00:13:23,144 --> 00:13:25,045
That's funny. No, I... I
get it. You know, when I...

352
00:13:25,080 --> 00:13:28,115
when I was young, I too found
that humor can be a useful tool.

353
00:13:28,149 --> 00:13:29,750
Dude, get up, I'm not gonna marry you.

354
00:13:32,053 --> 00:13:34,054
I, too, found that humor can be a...

355
00:13:34,089 --> 00:13:35,389
...a useful tool.

356
00:13:35,423 --> 00:13:37,458
And then you grow up
and you become a man.

357
00:13:37,492 --> 00:13:39,526
Well, you smell like a woman.

358
00:13:39,561 --> 00:13:41,295
That's it, enough is enough with you.

359
00:13:41,329 --> 00:13:43,630
You think you're a tough guy, tough guy?

360
00:13:43,665 --> 00:13:45,232
Prove it, man.

361
00:13:45,266 --> 00:13:46,700
Name the time and place.

362
00:13:46,735 --> 00:13:48,902
15 minutes. Parking lot.

363
00:13:48,937 --> 00:13:50,371
- Fist fight?
- Foot race.

364
00:13:50,405 --> 00:13:52,206
- A what?
- Yeah,

365
00:13:52,240 --> 00:13:54,074
you heard me...
foot race, man.

366
00:13:54,109 --> 00:13:57,010
I'll run circles around
you and all your pals.

367
00:14:01,583 --> 00:14:04,718
Oh. You girls are
multiplying like bunnies.

368
00:14:04,753 --> 00:14:06,520
That's weird.

369
00:14:06,554 --> 00:14:09,056
Lot more of you than there is of me.

370
00:14:14,929 --> 00:14:16,397
We should lock all the doors.

371
00:14:16,431 --> 00:14:18,332
No one gets in, no one gets out.

372
00:14:18,366 --> 00:14:20,434
The culprit's inside.
It's frickin' Gosford Park!

373
00:14:20,468 --> 00:14:22,302
You need to just calm
down a little, Jess.

374
00:14:22,337 --> 00:14:25,639
I can't calm down!
I want this to be perfect.

375
00:14:25,673 --> 00:14:27,608
I know, but it's too
late for that, okay?

376
00:14:27,642 --> 00:14:29,243
There are kids doing
their homework in there.

377
00:14:29,277 --> 00:14:30,511
It's bleak.

378
00:14:30,545 --> 00:14:31,945
I know after what happened with Nick

379
00:14:31,980 --> 00:14:34,581
you wanted this to go great, but

380
00:14:34,616 --> 00:14:37,251
it's not your fault that the
dance got messed up, all right?

381
00:14:37,285 --> 00:14:39,526
You'll get 'em next time.

382
00:14:39,560 --> 00:14:41,094
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

383
00:14:41,128 --> 00:14:42,796
Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug! Chug!

384
00:14:42,830 --> 00:14:46,533
Oh, that was a sugar rush, man.
That's a buzz in the brain!

385
00:14:47,801 --> 00:14:50,670
Ooh, ooh!

386
00:14:50,704 --> 00:14:53,039
You guys see how high I just got?

387
00:14:57,545 --> 00:14:59,045
I'm good.

388
00:14:59,079 --> 00:15:00,547
He ain't a 'rone. Too dumb.

389
00:15:00,581 --> 00:15:02,649
Aw, this is fun, man! I miss this!

390
00:15:02,683 --> 00:15:04,217
I really do, man. Let's keep going.

391
00:15:04,251 --> 00:15:06,186
Let's get burgers. Meet some girls.

392
00:15:06,220 --> 00:15:08,054
Different ages, man. It's so early!

393
00:15:08,088 --> 00:15:11,191
Hey, we got something to show you.

394
00:15:14,228 --> 00:15:16,496
Look, guys, we had a lot of fun, but...

395
00:15:16,530 --> 00:15:20,133
we can get in a lot of
trouble for doing this.

396
00:15:20,167 --> 00:15:24,204
Which is why you gotta run
really fast when it goes off.

397
00:15:24,238 --> 00:15:24,971
Like now!

398
00:15:25,005 --> 00:15:26,706
- Oh, dude!
- Go! I mean it! Go!

399
00:15:29,844 --> 00:15:31,544
- Oh, my God!
- Yeah!

400
00:15:31,579 --> 00:15:33,179
Yeah!

401
00:15:33,214 --> 00:15:35,215
What are we gonna do now?

402
00:15:36,951 --> 00:15:37,951
Let's ride.

403
00:15:37,985 --> 00:15:39,052
Oh, hell yeah!

404
00:15:42,289 --> 00:15:43,323
Wendy?

405
00:15:43,357 --> 00:15:45,725
Busted.

406
00:15:52,388 --> 00:15:53,755
Well, you really did
come prepared, Wendy.

407
00:15:53,789 --> 00:15:55,490
A wrench...

408
00:15:55,524 --> 00:15:58,760
some glue...

409
00:15:58,794 --> 00:16:01,162
a box of tampons?

410
00:16:01,197 --> 00:16:02,764
What were you gonna do with this?

411
00:16:02,798 --> 00:16:03,798
Um...

412
00:16:03,833 --> 00:16:06,167
Oh. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

413
00:16:07,637 --> 00:16:10,005
So you really didn't
want the dance to happen?

414
00:16:10,039 --> 00:16:12,007
None of the boys want to dance with me.

415
00:16:12,041 --> 00:16:13,308
Jess?

416
00:16:13,342 --> 00:16:14,276
Hey, Cece.

417
00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:15,944
Hey. This is Wendy.

418
00:16:15,978 --> 00:16:17,279
She was just telling
me how she doesn't like

419
00:16:17,313 --> 00:16:18,513
to dance with boys.

420
00:16:19,649 --> 00:16:22,951
Oh.

421
00:16:22,985 --> 00:16:26,955
Yeah. Well... that makes sense

422
00:16:26,989 --> 00:16:29,124
because boys are the dumbest.

423
00:16:29,158 --> 00:16:30,325
You're just saying that.

424
00:16:30,359 --> 00:16:31,626
No. No, no. No.

425
00:16:31,661 --> 00:16:34,029
Cece and I have met so many boys,

426
00:16:34,063 --> 00:16:35,530
and they are all so dumb.

427
00:16:35,565 --> 00:16:37,866
Yeah, and I've met more than her, so...

428
00:16:37,900 --> 00:16:40,635
Yeah, and Cece has met more
than me because she is...

429
00:16:40,670 --> 00:16:42,470
nicer than me.

430
00:16:42,505 --> 00:16:44,806
- Nicer?
- I just mean you've met...

431
00:16:44,840 --> 00:16:46,508
'cause you're well-traveled.

432
00:16:46,542 --> 00:16:49,144
- "Well-traveled" is how we're gonna say it?
- I mean...

433
00:16:49,178 --> 00:16:50,812
- You better tread lightly.
- I will... Travel...

434
00:16:50,846 --> 00:16:52,047
You travel a lot.

435
00:16:52,081 --> 00:16:54,316
Mm-hmm.

436
00:16:54,350 --> 00:16:56,551
I don't think I'm ever
gonna dance with a boy.

437
00:16:56,586 --> 00:16:59,387
Listen, are boys dumb?

438
00:16:59,422 --> 00:17:02,724
Yes. Yes!

439
00:17:02,758 --> 00:17:06,561
Do they do disappointing,
stupid, stupid things

440
00:17:06,596 --> 00:17:11,066
that really...
hurt your feelings? Yes.

441
00:17:11,100 --> 00:17:14,035
Sometimes things don't work
out the way you plan them...

442
00:17:14,070 --> 00:17:16,905
actually, they never work
out the way you plan them...

443
00:17:16,939 --> 00:17:20,675
but, in the end, it's all worth it,

444
00:17:20,710 --> 00:17:24,279
and that's why you have to try.

445
00:17:27,617 --> 00:17:29,317
Are you talking about sex or dancing?

446
00:17:29,352 --> 00:17:31,319
- Dancing.
- Dancing. Oh, God. Dancing, dancing.

447
00:17:31,354 --> 00:17:32,821
- We're talking about dancing.
- Upright dancing.

448
00:17:32,855 --> 00:17:35,056
Okay. I'll try.

449
00:17:35,091 --> 00:17:36,491
So let's get back out there.

450
00:17:36,525 --> 00:17:37,859
Oh, Cece, it's okay.

451
00:17:37,894 --> 00:17:39,661
There's no light, no music.

452
00:17:39,695 --> 00:17:40,929
The dance is over.

453
00:17:40,963 --> 00:17:42,597
Oh, no, this dance is not over.

454
00:17:42,632 --> 00:17:46,635
We just need to find some stupid boys.

455
00:17:47,937 --> 00:17:49,504
You look so slow.

456
00:17:49,539 --> 00:17:50,605
Like a s... like a s...

457
00:17:50,640 --> 00:17:53,041
super... dumb, slow turtle.

458
00:17:53,075 --> 00:17:55,076
- I'm so fast, and you're so old.
- So much like a...

459
00:17:55,111 --> 00:17:57,212
like a turtle, it's crazy to me.

460
00:17:57,246 --> 00:17:58,413
Are we gonna do this or what?

461
00:17:58,447 --> 00:17:59,514
Oh, yeah, we're gonna do this.

462
00:17:59,549 --> 00:18:01,583
I'm like a Hebrew cheetah.

463
00:18:01,617 --> 00:18:03,518
On the count of three.

464
00:18:03,553 --> 00:18:04,953
One...

465
00:18:04,987 --> 00:18:06,221
two...

466
00:18:06,255 --> 00:18:08,323
thr... Flo-Jo!

467
00:18:13,796 --> 00:18:16,198
Flo-Jo!

468
00:18:19,001 --> 00:18:20,735
What are you doing?

469
00:18:31,847 --> 00:18:33,181
Hello?!

470
00:18:35,117 --> 00:18:37,385
Yeah! Yeah!

471
00:18:37,420 --> 00:18:39,387
Man!

472
00:18:39,422 --> 00:18:42,090
- What is your problem, man?!
- I wasn't driving!

473
00:18:43,993 --> 00:18:45,794
Are you kidding me?!

474
00:18:47,797 --> 00:18:50,131
All students inside now!

475
00:18:50,166 --> 00:18:52,100
Go, go, go, go, go, go.

476
00:18:52,134 --> 00:18:53,134
You three

477
00:18:53,169 --> 00:18:54,469
are the worst

478
00:18:54,503 --> 00:18:57,405
chaperones possible on earth.

479
00:18:57,440 --> 00:18:58,807
A dog would be better than you.

480
00:18:58,841 --> 00:19:00,942
A plant wearing underwear

481
00:19:00,977 --> 00:19:02,477
would be better than you.

482
00:19:02,511 --> 00:19:06,181
Ray Charles' ghost
would be better than you!

483
00:19:06,215 --> 00:19:08,149
Wh...

484
00:19:08,184 --> 00:19:09,551
what kind of men are you?

485
00:19:10,620 --> 00:19:12,020
Hey!

486
00:19:12,722 --> 00:19:14,389
Stupid boys!

487
00:19:15,458 --> 00:19:17,459
We need ya.

488
00:19:17,493 --> 00:19:19,828
Who's ready to have a good time?

489
00:19:19,862 --> 00:19:22,030
The lights went out, and
you made your own light.

490
00:19:22,064 --> 00:19:25,800
The music went out, and we're
gonna make our own music.

491
00:19:25,835 --> 00:19:27,702
We have

492
00:19:27,737 --> 00:19:30,138
a very special guest for you
tonight. Please give a big

493
00:19:30,173 --> 00:19:32,140
Coolidge Middle School welcome

494
00:19:32,175 --> 00:19:35,010
to the Dumbest Boys in School!

495
00:19:36,812 --> 00:19:38,947
I ought we were going
with Sweet Surrender.

496
00:19:38,981 --> 00:19:40,282
This won't be good.

497
00:19:41,751 --> 00:19:42,951
Calm down, girls. Don't get crazy.

498
00:19:42,985 --> 00:19:44,819
Just calm down.

499
00:19:44,854 --> 00:19:46,788
Okay, Coolidge, get ready
to hit the dance floor

500
00:19:46,822 --> 00:19:50,192
in three, two, one!

501
00:19:50,226 --> 00:19:52,894
Aw, yeah. All right.

502
00:19:55,998 --> 00:19:58,733
Rap battle. 8 Mile.

503
00:19:58,768 --> 00:20:00,402
This one goes out to
your vice principal,

504
00:20:00,436 --> 00:20:02,404
my friend, Jessica Day.

505
00:20:02,438 --> 00:20:04,406
♪ I don't wear indigo,
I don't wear teal ♪

506
00:20:04,440 --> 00:20:06,408
♪ You better look out,
you know that's right ♪

507
00:20:06,442 --> 00:20:09,044
♪ That's right 'cause...
'cause Schmidt is for real, mmm ♪

508
00:20:09,078 --> 00:20:10,845
♪ I take that back, actually ♪

509
00:20:10,880 --> 00:20:12,814
♪ I do wear teal sometimes ♪

510
00:20:12,848 --> 00:20:14,716
When I say "sometimes,"

511
00:20:14,750 --> 00:20:16,751
you say "teal." Sometimes!

512
00:20:16,786 --> 00:20:17,853
- Teal!
- Sometimes!

513
00:20:17,887 --> 00:20:18,854
- Teal!
- Sometimes!

514
00:20:18,888 --> 00:20:20,255
- Teal!
- Mic drop.

515
00:20:22,458 --> 00:20:24,893
What's up, what's up, what's up?

516
00:20:24,927 --> 00:20:26,661
Anybody here from Chicago?
Chicago, Illinois?

517
00:20:26,696 --> 00:20:28,396
City of Big Shoulders, Big Dreams!

518
00:20:28,431 --> 00:20:30,799
That would make sense. You guys go

519
00:20:30,833 --> 00:20:33,535
to school here. You're just
kids, so you're all from here.

520
00:20:34,103 --> 00:20:35,537
- Somebody else, go.
- That was it?

521
00:20:35,744 --> 00:20:36,758
Yeah.

522
00:20:38,474 --> 00:20:40,609
♪ Gonna be a cop,
straight walking a beat ♪

523
00:20:40,643 --> 00:20:42,611
♪ Role model, out on the street ♪

524
00:20:42,645 --> 00:20:45,313
♪ Unless I get assigned to
a desk, which is also vital ♪

525
00:20:45,348 --> 00:20:47,616
♪ Because when paperwork slides,
that's how you get a mistrial ♪

526
00:20:47,650 --> 00:20:49,584
When I say "miss," you say "trial."

527
00:20:49,619 --> 00:20:51,486
- Miss.
- Trial.

528
00:20:51,521 --> 00:20:53,021
I said, when I say
"miss," you say "trial."

529
00:20:53,055 --> 00:20:54,656
Miss, unless you trying to die.

530
00:20:54,690 --> 00:20:56,825
What, are you nuts?
Then know who you are.

531
00:20:56,859 --> 00:20:59,294
- A whole carton of dumbasses.
- Ruin them khakis you got on.

532
00:20:59,328 --> 00:21:01,029
- Thank you all very much! Thank you!
- I'm just saying, they're wearing light...

533
00:21:01,063 --> 00:21:02,664
Hey, they're kids.

534
00:21:02,698 --> 00:21:04,165
Good idea, Todd.

535
00:21:04,200 --> 00:21:05,433
...also got to die.

536
00:21:05,468 --> 00:21:06,902
Ow...!

537
00:21:06,936 --> 00:21:08,537
One, two, one, two.

538
00:21:08,571 --> 00:21:10,104
Here we go.

539
00:21:34,081 --> 00:21:38,322
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