1
00:00:01,872 --> 00:00:03,739
I can't. I can't do it.
2
00:00:03,741 --> 00:00:06,375
Oh, of course you can
and you will.
3
00:00:06,377 --> 00:00:10,079
Okay, schmidt, we've been
to 11 weddings in a row.
4
00:00:10,081 --> 00:00:11,747
That's too many weddings.
5
00:00:11,749 --> 00:00:14,016
I can't even get
into the fridge anymore.
6
00:00:19,123 --> 00:00:20,722
Aah!
7
00:00:20,724 --> 00:00:22,124
I'm so hungry.
8
00:00:22,126 --> 00:00:23,859
Why does everybody get
to have a party
9
00:00:23,861 --> 00:00:25,594
For everything in their life?
10
00:00:25,596 --> 00:00:27,129
Why can't i have a party
11
00:00:27,131 --> 00:00:29,031
For really dedicating myself
to knitting this summer?
12
00:00:29,033 --> 00:00:30,966
God, i hate that you knit.
I hate everything about it.
13
00:00:30,968 --> 00:00:33,702
Why?
It makes me angry and scared
all at the same time.
14
00:00:33,704 --> 00:00:35,037
Just like
when i hear the phrase,
15
00:00:35,039 --> 00:00:37,406
"academy award winner
anna paquin."
16
00:00:37,408 --> 00:00:39,475
Jessica, you are going
to this wedding.
Well... Well...
17
00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:41,543
And i'm gonna tell you why:
Sexual intercourse.
18
00:00:41,545 --> 00:00:42,744
Do you remember that?
19
00:00:42,746 --> 00:00:44,580
You got to get
back out there, jess.
20
00:00:44,582 --> 00:00:46,415
The last mouth
that you kissed
21
00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:47,416
Was nick's mouth.
22
00:00:47,418 --> 00:00:48,717
That was four months ago.
23
00:00:48,719 --> 00:00:51,120
Think about that.
That's horrible.
24
00:00:51,122 --> 00:00:52,754
Hey. Is schmidt making fun
of me?
25
00:00:52,756 --> 00:00:53,822
Yes.
Hi, nick.
26
00:00:53,824 --> 00:00:54,823
Okay, cool. Just checking.
27
00:00:54,825 --> 00:00:56,325
Are you wearing
tap shoes?
28
00:00:56,327 --> 00:00:57,259
I got 'em at the goodwill.
I thought they were
29
00:00:57,261 --> 00:00:58,227
Just really shiny dress shoes.
30
00:00:58,229 --> 00:00:59,094
(clicking)
31
00:00:59,096 --> 00:01:00,729
They're cool.
32
00:01:00,731 --> 00:01:02,164
Coach:
Hey, what do you guys think
33
00:01:02,166 --> 00:01:04,133
About this belt?
Like for a wedding gift?
34
00:01:04,135 --> 00:01:05,501
Nick, coach,
get in here.
35
00:01:05,503 --> 00:01:06,869
Everybody in here.
36
00:01:07,505 --> 00:01:08,770
Are we a man down?
37
00:01:08,772 --> 00:01:10,272
I feel like
there's one more of us.
38
00:01:10,274 --> 00:01:11,807
Something going on
in jess's room?!
39
00:01:11,809 --> 00:01:13,008
I'm coming!
40
00:01:13,010 --> 00:01:14,977
(moans)
41
00:01:14,979 --> 00:01:17,079
Just wait for me.
42
00:01:17,081 --> 00:01:19,314
He's sore from
police academy.
I'm sore from police academy!
43
00:01:19,316 --> 00:01:22,818
Okay, we have gone to wedding
after wedding this summer,
44
00:01:22,820 --> 00:01:25,154
And, with the exception
of coach and myself,
45
00:01:25,156 --> 00:01:27,256
None of us
have truly taken advantage
46
00:01:27,258 --> 00:01:30,859
Of the sexual opportunities
that a wedding provides.
Jess: Not true.
47
00:01:30,861 --> 00:01:33,829
Wedding number seven,
an unneutered dog ran after me,
48
00:01:33,831 --> 00:01:34,930
So...
(scoffs)
49
00:01:34,932 --> 00:01:35,531
I made out with a bridesmaid.
50
00:01:35,533 --> 00:01:36,865
Jess:
You did?
Yes.
51
00:01:36,867 --> 00:01:38,267
She was wearing
a hospital bracelet
52
00:01:38,269 --> 00:01:39,668
And carrying a dead goldfish
in a bag.
53
00:01:39,670 --> 00:01:41,436
(snorts)
she was still
a bridesmaid.
54
00:01:41,438 --> 00:01:42,604
Coach:
She looked like the
snowman from frozen.
55
00:01:42,606 --> 00:01:44,173
Hey, aim for
the middle.
56
00:01:44,175 --> 00:01:46,508
The ride's rough at first,
but the body adjusts.
57
00:01:46,510 --> 00:01:47,376
(thud, clattering)
58
00:01:47,378 --> 00:01:48,510
I'm all right!
59
00:01:48,512 --> 00:01:49,444
I just rolled
off the couch.
60
00:01:49,446 --> 00:01:50,879
Winston, please!
61
00:01:50,881 --> 00:01:53,682
I can't close my ass!
62
00:01:53,684 --> 00:01:56,218
We are hooking up tonight,
all five of us,
63
00:01:56,220 --> 00:01:58,287
Including the gimp.
64
00:01:58,289 --> 00:01:59,555
This is the last wedding
of summer,
65
00:01:59,557 --> 00:02:01,123
Which means
it is our last chance.
66
00:02:01,125 --> 00:02:03,692
Nobody meets anybody in fall...
No.
67
00:02:03,694 --> 00:02:05,194
Or winter.
What, are you gonna gamble
68
00:02:05,196 --> 00:02:07,896
On the unknown contents
of a bulky sweater?
69
00:02:09,133 --> 00:02:10,365
Not me.
70
00:02:10,367 --> 00:02:11,567
Do you realize
how important this is?
71
00:02:11,569 --> 00:02:12,568
I do.
72
00:02:12,570 --> 00:02:15,938
Winter... Is coming.
73
00:02:17,374 --> 00:02:19,541
No one comes home alone.
74
00:02:19,543 --> 00:02:21,210
You know what, yeah.
75
00:02:21,212 --> 00:02:22,978
Yeah, i'm in.
76
00:02:22,980 --> 00:02:24,313
She's in.
We're all in.
77
00:02:24,315 --> 00:02:25,247
Yeah.
Yes.
78
00:02:25,249 --> 00:02:26,315
I'm in.
79
00:02:26,317 --> 00:02:27,216
I can't hear what's going on,
80
00:02:27,218 --> 00:02:28,417
But i'm in.
81
00:02:28,419 --> 00:02:30,752
All five of us out there
together,
82
00:02:30,754 --> 00:02:32,020
In the wild,
83
00:02:32,022 --> 00:02:34,590
Getting some strange,
like a sex fist.
84
00:02:34,592 --> 00:02:36,024
I'm sorry, what?
Mm, that's not
what you mean.
85
00:02:36,026 --> 00:02:36,892
What's a sex fist, now?
86
00:02:36,894 --> 00:02:38,160
One, two, three, four,
87
00:02:38,162 --> 00:02:41,029
Five of us, together,
make a fist.
88
00:02:41,031 --> 00:02:42,431
You're making a
mistake right now.
Schmidt, nick,
89
00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:44,700
Coach, winston, jess-- sex fist.
90
00:02:44,702 --> 00:02:46,702
When you put them all together,
nick:
No, that's not right.
91
00:02:46,704 --> 00:02:48,337
Tearing our way
through the reception.
92
00:02:48,339 --> 00:02:50,606
Slow down.
Are you listening
to what you're saying?
93
00:02:50,608 --> 00:02:52,241
(coach and nick muttering)
isn't that sweet? It's
a metaphor for togetherness.
94
00:02:52,243 --> 00:02:53,742
It could just be a fist.
All five of us
95
00:02:53,744 --> 00:02:55,744
Sex-fisting our way...
96
00:02:55,746 --> 00:02:57,879
♪ who's that girl? ♪
97
00:02:57,881 --> 00:03:00,449
♪ who's that girl? ♪
♪ it's jess. ♪
98
00:03:05,089 --> 00:03:07,022
Hi, everybody. Uh, i'm ted.
I'm, uh...
99
00:03:07,024 --> 00:03:09,258
I'm mark's best friend
and his best man.
100
00:03:09,260 --> 00:03:12,227
I-i've known mark since he was
in diapers, you know?
101
00:03:12,229 --> 00:03:15,697
Uh, and, by that,
i mean junior year of college.
102
00:03:15,699 --> 00:03:17,633
(laughter)
103
00:03:17,635 --> 00:03:20,469
Ah, what about him, jess?
104
00:03:20,471 --> 00:03:22,037
What? The best man?
105
00:03:22,039 --> 00:03:22,904
Best man.
106
00:03:22,906 --> 00:03:24,206
Get real, you clown.
107
00:03:24,208 --> 00:03:25,941
I've been out
of the game too long.
108
00:03:25,943 --> 00:03:27,409
He's a wedding celebrity.
109
00:03:27,411 --> 00:03:28,744
Everybody say
hi to nana.
110
00:03:28,746 --> 00:03:29,711
How great does nana look,
everybody?
111
00:03:29,713 --> 00:03:31,980
Give it up for nana.
112
00:03:31,982 --> 00:03:33,248
Six months sober.
113
00:03:33,250 --> 00:03:34,316
(laughter)
114
00:03:34,318 --> 00:03:36,151
I'm kidding. Three months.
115
00:03:36,153 --> 00:03:38,120
(laughter)
116
00:03:38,122 --> 00:03:39,554
Jess, come on.
Get in there.
117
00:03:39,556 --> 00:03:40,922
What?
You got this.
118
00:03:40,924 --> 00:03:42,224
Think so?
Yes, you got the bangs parted.
119
00:03:42,226 --> 00:03:43,058
You're looking good.
120
00:03:43,060 --> 00:03:44,293
Really?
Yes.
121
00:03:44,295 --> 00:03:46,762
Okay.
Wait a minute. Hold on.
122
00:03:46,764 --> 00:03:48,997
Stick your boobs out.
Gotta turn the headlights on.
123
00:03:48,999 --> 00:03:50,732
Ew! Schmidt.
124
00:03:50,734 --> 00:03:51,566
But you got it.
125
00:03:51,568 --> 00:03:52,901
Sex fist.
126
00:03:52,903 --> 00:03:54,336
All right.
127
00:03:54,338 --> 00:03:55,637
Hi.
128
00:03:56,674 --> 00:03:58,073
Hi to you.
129
00:03:58,075 --> 00:03:59,174
(chuckles)
130
00:03:59,176 --> 00:04:00,342
I'm coach.
131
00:04:00,344 --> 00:04:02,544
Oh, my god.
132
00:04:03,347 --> 00:04:04,179
You don't remember me?
133
00:04:04,181 --> 00:04:05,781
Yeah...
134
00:04:05,783 --> 00:04:06,982
Yeah, i remember...
(yells)
135
00:04:06,984 --> 00:04:08,850
Ooh...
Ooh...
136
00:04:08,852 --> 00:04:11,086
I'm good.
Coach:
It's the end of
the wedding season.
137
00:04:11,088 --> 00:04:12,487
We've got some repeats.
138
00:04:12,489 --> 00:04:14,589
Oh, god. What is she doing here?
139
00:04:14,591 --> 00:04:16,291
I thought she was
in australia.
140
00:04:16,293 --> 00:04:17,292
How do i look?
141
00:04:17,294 --> 00:04:18,660
How-how jewish?
142
00:04:18,662 --> 00:04:20,028
I mean, like, good
jewish or bad jewish?
143
00:04:20,030 --> 00:04:21,463
Oh, i won't say--
it feels like a trap.
144
00:04:21,465 --> 00:04:23,699
Come on.
Come with me.
145
00:04:23,701 --> 00:04:25,500
I haven't
told the guys
146
00:04:25,502 --> 00:04:27,769
That you broke up with
buster yet, 'cause, um...
147
00:04:27,771 --> 00:04:29,371
I feel like i might
have to tell schmidt
148
00:04:29,373 --> 00:04:31,106
Outside a hospital,
149
00:04:31,108 --> 00:04:32,774
Like, you know,
when you give a baby
150
00:04:32,776 --> 00:04:34,176
Peanut butter
for the first time?
151
00:04:34,178 --> 00:04:35,677
Yeah.
152
00:04:35,679 --> 00:04:37,312
You're not doing
this tonight.
153
00:04:37,314 --> 00:04:39,181
What?
You're not doing
this tonight.
154
00:04:39,183 --> 00:04:40,449
I'm not listening
to you.
You're not doing
this tonight.
155
00:04:40,451 --> 00:04:41,283
I'm picturing
cece naked.
156
00:04:41,285 --> 00:04:42,284
Stop doing this!
157
00:04:42,286 --> 00:04:44,052
Cece has a boyfriend,
158
00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:45,454
And your obsession with her
159
00:04:45,456 --> 00:04:47,356
Is not good for you, man.
160
00:04:47,358 --> 00:04:48,890
She's been away
all summer,
161
00:04:48,892 --> 00:04:50,892
And you have been killing it!
162
00:04:50,894 --> 00:04:52,527
Mostly hand stuff.
163
00:04:52,529 --> 00:04:53,795
Who had sex with a bridesmaid
164
00:04:53,797 --> 00:04:56,031
On a 45-minute flight
to san jose?
165
00:04:56,033 --> 00:04:57,366
Me.
166
00:04:57,368 --> 00:04:58,700
You were boarding group "d."
167
00:04:58,702 --> 00:05:00,635
She was "b."
how's that even possible?
168
00:05:00,637 --> 00:05:02,404
Gotta think outside
of the box, my man.
Now get your little
169
00:05:02,406 --> 00:05:04,306
White butt back out there
170
00:05:04,308 --> 00:05:07,142
And finish the summer
of sex that you started.
171
00:05:07,144 --> 00:05:08,210
That's what i'm
talking about.
172
00:05:08,212 --> 00:05:09,411
Cece gone.
173
00:05:09,413 --> 00:05:10,712
See that bridesmaid
right there?
174
00:05:10,714 --> 00:05:11,546
The pretty one?
Schmidt:
Sure do.
175
00:05:11,548 --> 00:05:13,048
The foxy lady?
Mm-hmm.
176
00:05:13,050 --> 00:05:14,182
Well, you're going home
with her tonight.
177
00:05:14,184 --> 00:05:15,517
And i got
your back.
Look at that.
178
00:05:15,519 --> 00:05:16,418
She looks like the girl
from the commercial
179
00:05:16,420 --> 00:05:17,986
Playing tennis
with a tampon in.
180
00:05:17,988 --> 00:05:19,154
Let's do it.
181
00:05:21,058 --> 00:05:22,090
Hi. I'm jess.
182
00:05:22,092 --> 00:05:22,891
Hi. I'm ted.
183
00:05:22,893 --> 00:05:25,193
Cheers.
Cheers.
184
00:05:25,195 --> 00:05:26,428
So you're from wisconsin...
(voice squeaks)
185
00:05:26,430 --> 00:05:27,629
(clears throat)
186
00:05:28,165 --> 00:05:29,231
(coughs)
187
00:05:29,233 --> 00:05:30,766
I'm sorry.
Is this thing on?
188
00:05:30,768 --> 00:05:32,334
You're making your throat
like a microphone.
189
00:05:32,336 --> 00:05:33,568
Yeah.
(goofy, raspy cough)
190
00:05:33,570 --> 00:05:34,403
That's funny!
191
00:05:34,405 --> 00:05:35,670
Thank you.
Yeah.
192
00:05:35,672 --> 00:05:37,606
Woman:
I loved your speech.
Oh.
193
00:05:37,608 --> 00:05:39,374
Hi. I'm kat.
Hi.
194
00:05:39,376 --> 00:05:41,243
I'm ted.
Kat:
Really nice to meet you.
195
00:05:41,245 --> 00:05:43,111
Yeah. Oh.
196
00:05:43,113 --> 00:05:44,413
Excuse me.
197
00:05:44,415 --> 00:05:46,415
My girlfriend's
getting jealous.
198
00:05:46,417 --> 00:05:49,117
Kat:
Perfect specimen.
199
00:05:52,890 --> 00:05:55,223
Ted is the only
eligible guy here,
200
00:05:55,225 --> 00:05:57,392
And we are his two best
options for procreation.
201
00:05:57,394 --> 00:05:59,261
Oh.
I'm not
trying
202
00:05:59,263 --> 00:06:00,796
To intimidate you,
203
00:06:00,798 --> 00:06:02,464
I just want you to know
who you're dealing with
204
00:06:02,466 --> 00:06:03,899
If we're both gonna compete
for this man tonight.
205
00:06:03,901 --> 00:06:05,867
What?
Here are
the facts:
206
00:06:05,869 --> 00:06:07,402
I am technically
a genius,
207
00:06:07,404 --> 00:06:08,870
I have a
photographic memory
208
00:06:08,872 --> 00:06:10,439
And i lost my virginity
to malcolm gladwell.
209
00:06:10,441 --> 00:06:11,907
Okay...
210
00:06:11,909 --> 00:06:14,209
Have you ever heard
of plutoxic syndrome?
211
00:06:14,211 --> 00:06:15,710
That's because
i cured it.
212
00:06:15,712 --> 00:06:17,112
You're welcome,
vaginas everywhere.
213
00:06:17,114 --> 00:06:19,848
(goofy voice):
Oh, thank you very much.
214
00:06:20,617 --> 00:06:22,984
I'm sorry, that was...
215
00:06:22,986 --> 00:06:24,786
Vagina voice, and a...
216
00:06:24,788 --> 00:06:26,054
It was a huge mistake.
217
00:06:26,056 --> 00:06:27,622
I stay current on
sporting events.
218
00:06:27,624 --> 00:06:29,558
I watch 30 minutes
of porn every night
219
00:06:29,560 --> 00:06:31,393
Just to stay up to date
on the latest sex trends.
220
00:06:31,395 --> 00:06:32,894
In the coming months,
i'm predicting
221
00:06:32,896 --> 00:06:34,329
A throwback
to missionary.
222
00:06:34,331 --> 00:06:36,331
It all depends on
what happens in syria.
223
00:06:36,333 --> 00:06:37,799
Well, have you ever had sex
224
00:06:37,801 --> 00:06:39,267
When you were really,
really, really, really,
225
00:06:39,269 --> 00:06:41,403
Really, really tired?
I'm never tired.
226
00:06:41,405 --> 00:06:43,271
I'm the better
choice of mate.
227
00:06:43,273 --> 00:06:45,340
From a purely
biological standpoint,
228
00:06:45,342 --> 00:06:46,641
You're shorter,
weaker, and dumber.
229
00:06:46,643 --> 00:06:48,677
No offense.
I love those shoes.
230
00:06:49,980 --> 00:06:52,747
I love your shoes.
231
00:06:52,749 --> 00:06:54,816
But i love your shoes.
232
00:06:54,818 --> 00:06:56,251
Your shoes.
233
00:06:56,253 --> 00:06:57,786
No, i love
your shoes.
Your shoes.
234
00:06:57,788 --> 00:06:59,254
Your shoes.
(very quiet):
Your shoes.
235
00:06:59,256 --> 00:07:01,089
(whispering):
Your shoes.
236
00:07:01,091 --> 00:07:02,924
(no voice)
237
00:07:02,926 --> 00:07:05,894
What?
I was just moving my mouth.
238
00:07:09,933 --> 00:07:11,833
So you're
competing with her?
Jess:
I can take her down,
239
00:07:11,835 --> 00:07:13,935
Because i have something
she doesn't have:
240
00:07:13,937 --> 00:07:15,036
You guys.
241
00:07:15,038 --> 00:07:16,771
Now, strategies.
242
00:07:16,773 --> 00:07:18,039
What about you, coach?
243
00:07:18,041 --> 00:07:19,207
You hook up at weddings
all the time.
244
00:07:19,209 --> 00:07:20,542
What's your strategy?
245
00:07:20,544 --> 00:07:21,877
It's called being
a gorgeous black man
246
00:07:21,879 --> 00:07:23,545
With the body of
an action figure.
247
00:07:23,547 --> 00:07:25,280
I could give that a try.
248
00:07:25,282 --> 00:07:27,315
(laughing)
nick: You want to know
what your ex-boyfriend
249
00:07:27,317 --> 00:07:28,550
Thinks you should do
to get the guy?
250
00:07:28,552 --> 00:07:30,051
No, i don't.
That's super weird.
251
00:07:30,053 --> 00:07:31,853
Yeah, it's too weird, so...
Somebody else.
252
00:07:31,855 --> 00:07:33,455
Okay, look, babe, just get out
on the dance floor, okay?
253
00:07:33,457 --> 00:07:36,124
Guys think that they way you
dance is the way you have sex.
254
00:07:36,126 --> 00:07:38,193
Okay.
So just give them
a little something, okay?
255
00:07:38,195 --> 00:07:40,061
You just need to, like,
roll your body a little bit.
256
00:07:40,063 --> 00:07:42,197
Something a little sexy.
257
00:07:42,199 --> 00:07:43,732
Pop your hip out
a little bit.
258
00:07:43,734 --> 00:07:45,133
Hey, man, i'm not gonna
lie to you right now.
259
00:07:45,135 --> 00:07:46,535
I've got a halfie.
Okay, we got to go!
260
00:07:46,537 --> 00:07:48,703
Excuse me, everybody!
I need a minute.
261
00:07:48,705 --> 00:07:50,906
What do you think of this?
262
00:07:54,044 --> 00:07:55,277
Mm... Hmm...
263
00:07:57,047 --> 00:07:57,913
Mm-mm.
264
00:07:57,915 --> 00:07:59,581
I'm good to go now.
265
00:07:59,583 --> 00:08:01,316
Let's go!
All right.
266
00:08:01,318 --> 00:08:03,018
Ugh!
267
00:08:03,020 --> 00:08:04,686
I just want
to get back out there,
268
00:08:04,688 --> 00:08:06,922
But i feel like i forgot
everything i knew.
269
00:08:06,924 --> 00:08:10,325
Do you guys still like an
oakland face with an l.A. Booty?
270
00:08:10,327 --> 00:08:12,227
Would you like to know
my strategy, jess?
271
00:08:12,229 --> 00:08:14,396
Is the art of seduction
really where you shine?
272
00:08:14,398 --> 00:08:16,231
Be there.
273
00:08:16,233 --> 00:08:17,332
(laughs):
That's it?
274
00:08:17,334 --> 00:08:19,868
Yeah. Just be there.
275
00:08:19,870 --> 00:08:21,903
No matter where he goes,
be there.
276
00:08:21,905 --> 00:08:23,238
He gets a drink, be there.
277
00:08:23,240 --> 00:08:24,839
He talks to his
friends, be there.
278
00:08:24,841 --> 00:08:26,841
At the end of the
night, be there.
279
00:08:26,843 --> 00:08:28,510
It's called
"the joe biden."
280
00:08:28,512 --> 00:08:30,011
That's creepy, man.
281
00:08:30,013 --> 00:08:31,079
The basic concept
of what he's saying, though,
282
00:08:31,081 --> 00:08:32,080
Could actually work.
283
00:08:32,082 --> 00:08:33,214
Yeah.
284
00:08:33,216 --> 00:08:34,516
(quiet laugh)
285
00:08:34,518 --> 00:08:36,751
I'm gonna biden his ass.
286
00:08:36,753 --> 00:08:38,353
Mm-hmm.
287
00:08:38,355 --> 00:08:41,122
Oh, yeah. Yup.
That'll do it.
288
00:08:41,124 --> 00:08:42,791
I know.
289
00:08:42,793 --> 00:08:44,726
Oh, hey! Uh, you know,
290
00:08:44,728 --> 00:08:47,462
Kat was just telling me
about her hairlessness.
291
00:08:47,464 --> 00:08:49,030
Hmm.
She's like a seal.
292
00:08:49,032 --> 00:08:51,099
(laughs)
hmm. That's okay.
293
00:08:51,101 --> 00:08:53,101
You guys talk.
294
00:08:53,103 --> 00:08:56,104
I'm just gonna be here.
295
00:08:56,106 --> 00:08:57,405
I'm sorry i didn't call you.
296
00:08:57,407 --> 00:08:59,574
Why are you so
scared of intimacy?
297
00:08:59,576 --> 00:09:02,143
Who broke your heart and why
haven't you forgiven her?
298
00:09:02,145 --> 00:09:04,546
Uh... Well...
Yeah, the thi...
299
00:09:04,548 --> 00:09:05,780
Huh?
300
00:09:05,782 --> 00:09:07,482
You're arrogant,
you're sexist...
301
00:09:07,484 --> 00:09:09,050
You stole my phone charger.
302
00:09:09,052 --> 00:09:10,952
You're conceited.
You're a liar.
303
00:09:10,954 --> 00:09:12,120
Aah!
304
00:09:12,122 --> 00:09:13,154
I rented best man holiday.
305
00:09:13,156 --> 00:09:15,190
You're not in it.
306
00:09:17,294 --> 00:09:19,394
So, you know tom...
307
00:09:19,396 --> 00:09:23,398
Uh, tom, of course, he wanted
to sell shoes for a profit.
308
00:09:23,400 --> 00:09:25,000
And i said, "no."
309
00:09:25,002 --> 00:09:26,167
I said, "you...
310
00:09:26,169 --> 00:09:29,204
You do something better."
311
00:09:30,107 --> 00:09:33,074
You got a... Pretty good face.
312
00:09:33,076 --> 00:09:35,710
So, you guys want to come
home with us, right?
313
00:09:36,813 --> 00:09:37,946
We want to do a four-way.
314
00:09:37,948 --> 00:09:40,081
Me, her, you and him.
315
00:09:41,018 --> 00:09:43,118
Of course. We'll, uh... Nick?
316
00:09:43,120 --> 00:09:44,185
(knocks)
317
00:09:44,187 --> 00:09:45,887
Nick?!
318
00:09:48,525 --> 00:09:50,291
Hi. How are you?
Hi. Good. How are you?
319
00:09:50,293 --> 00:09:53,662
Are you enjoying the wedding?
Yeah.
320
00:09:53,664 --> 00:09:55,597
You be... Yeah.
321
00:09:55,599 --> 00:09:59,334
♪ ♪
mm...! Mmm...
322
00:09:59,336 --> 00:10:00,568
Mm!
323
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:02,771
Hey.
324
00:10:02,773 --> 00:10:04,539
Hey, nick.
Hey, schmidt.
325
00:10:04,541 --> 00:10:07,442
Hey, do you know how they sell
ice cream at the drugstore...?
326
00:10:07,444 --> 00:10:09,678
I'm not having a four-way
with you-- end of discussion.
327
00:10:09,680 --> 00:10:11,146
Come on, nick. We don't have
any other choice.
328
00:10:11,148 --> 00:10:13,148
I've found 15 other girls
since i've been here.
329
00:10:13,150 --> 00:10:15,950
They're all either married
or taken or mad at coach.
330
00:10:15,952 --> 00:10:17,452
I'm not doing
a four-way with you...
331
00:10:17,454 --> 00:10:18,687
It's the last helicopter
out of saigon, my man.
332
00:10:18,689 --> 00:10:20,221
Charlie won.
333
00:10:20,223 --> 00:10:21,890
No, schmidt.
You won't even know
it's me, nick.
334
00:10:21,892 --> 00:10:24,492
Look, at this point,
it's all skin and shapes...
335
00:10:24,494 --> 00:10:25,794
That's-that's
what i'm afraid of.
336
00:10:25,796 --> 00:10:26,861
It-it's the fog of war, man.
337
00:10:26,863 --> 00:10:28,530
There's so much stuff going on.
338
00:10:28,532 --> 00:10:30,031
You're just, you're just,
you're just here.
Yeah...
339
00:10:30,033 --> 00:10:31,166
You don't even know
what's happening.
340
00:10:31,168 --> 00:10:32,467
Okay, but i want to know
what's happening
341
00:10:32,469 --> 00:10:34,002
If it's with sex--
i don't want some
342
00:10:34,004 --> 00:10:36,004
Fog of war on top of me,
if it looks like you.
343
00:10:36,006 --> 00:10:37,472
That's the point.
344
00:10:37,474 --> 00:10:38,973
The fog of war is something
you can't see through.
345
00:10:38,975 --> 00:10:40,475
Like, the whole thing
with the charlie thing
346
00:10:40,477 --> 00:10:41,976
And vietnam,
i don't know who i'm fighting!
347
00:10:41,978 --> 00:10:44,345
I'm soft like a lady.
You won't even know.
348
00:10:44,347 --> 00:10:46,548
But what if i get a surprise?
"a surprise"?
349
00:10:46,550 --> 00:10:49,084
What if there's a surprise
on me?
There's not gonna be
a surprise on you.
350
00:10:49,086 --> 00:10:51,019
What if i'm fighting the war
and boom-- there's a surprise!
351
00:10:51,021 --> 00:10:52,353
You go north, i go south.
352
00:10:52,355 --> 00:10:55,056
Do you know what i'm saying?
353
00:10:55,058 --> 00:10:56,558
I'll be in steerage
and i'm rowing.
354
00:10:56,560 --> 00:10:58,727
And i'm rowing
and i'm rowing and the....
355
00:10:58,729 --> 00:11:00,095
You're up in the crow's nest.
356
00:11:00,097 --> 00:11:01,429
Fre-fresh air up there, man.
357
00:11:01,431 --> 00:11:03,098
And i'm in the trenches,
you know?
358
00:11:03,100 --> 00:11:04,265
I'm digging for coal.
359
00:11:04,267 --> 00:11:05,734
I'm breathing in those fumes.
360
00:11:05,736 --> 00:11:07,102
And you're up here.
You're just taking
361
00:11:07,104 --> 00:11:09,237
In the sights.
You're spotting dolphins, huh?
362
00:11:09,239 --> 00:11:11,706
You're just the handsome prince
covered in salty sea spray...
I don't want
363
00:11:11,708 --> 00:11:14,609
You calling me handsome
before a potential four-way!
364
00:11:14,611 --> 00:11:15,877
This...
365
00:11:15,879 --> 00:11:17,178
Nick, please!
366
00:11:17,180 --> 00:11:18,113
I'm begging you for this.
367
00:11:18,115 --> 00:11:19,280
Cece is here.
368
00:11:19,282 --> 00:11:20,615
And i can't get her
out of my head.
369
00:11:20,617 --> 00:11:21,850
Don't, don't, don't
play the cece card
370
00:11:21,852 --> 00:11:23,118
Right now, don't do...
371
00:11:23,120 --> 00:11:24,853
I'm gonna play
the cece card, okay?
372
00:11:24,855 --> 00:11:27,255
Look, she's here and i don't
want to go home alone.
373
00:11:27,257 --> 00:11:29,457
(groans)
i need your help, please.
374
00:11:29,459 --> 00:11:32,594
(grunts loudly)
375
00:11:32,596 --> 00:11:34,429
What's up, guys?
376
00:11:34,431 --> 00:11:35,897
Tell you what.
I am so sore
377
00:11:35,899 --> 00:11:37,866
I can't have sex
with nobody tonight.
378
00:11:37,868 --> 00:11:41,236
Only thing i want in my mouth
is mr. And mrs. I.B. Profen.
379
00:11:41,238 --> 00:11:42,804
(laughs)
minus the mister.
380
00:11:42,806 --> 00:11:44,572
My man-- winston,
i got a question for you.
381
00:11:44,574 --> 00:11:46,741
Do you think that,
that two men
382
00:11:46,743 --> 00:11:49,544
Can engage in group sex
without...
383
00:11:49,546 --> 00:11:51,646
Without compromising
their friendship.
384
00:11:51,648 --> 00:11:52,747
Good question, good question.
385
00:11:52,749 --> 00:11:54,415
Um... Okay.
386
00:11:54,417 --> 00:11:56,618
Uh, let's just say
387
00:11:56,620 --> 00:11:57,819
Nick is the salt.
388
00:11:57,821 --> 00:11:59,487
And, schmidt,
you are the pepper.
389
00:11:59,489 --> 00:12:01,289
I'm assuming we're
talking about you two.
390
00:12:01,291 --> 00:12:02,924
Hypothetically, i suppose.
Whatever.
Yes.
391
00:12:02,926 --> 00:12:04,492
Hypothetically,
all right.
Not necessarily.
392
00:12:04,494 --> 00:12:06,528
Actually i'm gonna need some...
393
00:12:07,430 --> 00:12:08,463
Ooh, boy.
394
00:12:08,465 --> 00:12:09,998
Seems as if
i've made a mess.
395
00:12:10,000 --> 00:12:11,432
Got to clean that up.
396
00:12:11,434 --> 00:12:13,067
Yes, look at that.
397
00:12:13,069 --> 00:12:14,836
Salt all in the pepper.
398
00:12:14,838 --> 00:12:16,004
Pepper all in the salt.
399
00:12:16,006 --> 00:12:18,072
Just mixed up like that.
400
00:12:18,074 --> 00:12:20,341
Is there salt shoved
in the pepper hole?
401
00:12:20,343 --> 00:12:21,810
How'd it get in there?
402
00:12:21,812 --> 00:12:24,145
How did salt
get shoved into this
403
00:12:24,147 --> 00:12:26,915
Tiny, tiny pepper hole?
404
00:12:26,917 --> 00:12:29,617
Nick?
405
00:12:29,619 --> 00:12:32,687
You're terrible
at demonstrations!
406
00:12:37,027 --> 00:12:38,459
Oh, uh...
407
00:12:38,461 --> 00:12:39,661
You know,
i-i'm just gonna, uh...
408
00:12:39,663 --> 00:12:40,929
Yeah, ted. Get crazy.
409
00:12:40,931 --> 00:12:42,463
Leave it all out there
on the field.
410
00:12:42,465 --> 00:12:43,965
Okay.
(claps hands)
411
00:12:43,967 --> 00:12:46,201
I'll come back with stories.
(chuckles)
412
00:12:46,203 --> 00:12:47,635
(both laugh)
413
00:12:47,637 --> 00:12:49,170
Are you bidening?
414
00:12:49,172 --> 00:12:50,605
What? No.
415
00:12:50,607 --> 00:12:52,874
(whispers):
How did you know about that?
416
00:12:52,876 --> 00:12:56,177
Because i'm always gonna
be one step ahead of you.
417
00:12:56,179 --> 00:12:57,412
Extreme biden!
418
00:13:04,154 --> 00:13:05,320
(whispering):
Kat.
419
00:13:05,322 --> 00:13:06,354
(grunts with effort)
420
00:13:06,356 --> 00:13:08,389
Kat, kat... Let me out.
421
00:13:08,391 --> 00:13:10,225
This was a huge mistake.
422
00:13:10,227 --> 00:13:11,893
I'm sorry.
I'm not proud of this.
423
00:13:11,895 --> 00:13:13,595
It smells so bad in here.
424
00:13:15,498 --> 00:13:16,764
(quiet groan)
425
00:13:18,134 --> 00:13:19,133
Ted:
Jess?
426
00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:20,201
Hi.
427
00:13:20,203 --> 00:13:22,971
Jess, th-this is the men's room.
428
00:13:26,977 --> 00:13:29,277
This is where it all happens.
429
00:13:32,315 --> 00:13:35,783
Don't wait for me, ted,
'cause i might be awhile.
430
00:13:37,854 --> 00:13:40,154
See you out
on the dance floor.
431
00:13:45,595 --> 00:13:47,195
And at wedding 12,
432
00:13:47,197 --> 00:13:50,231
I sat on a men's toilet.
433
00:13:55,572 --> 00:13:58,206
When did one-on-one sex
become old-fashioned?
434
00:13:58,208 --> 00:13:59,507
You know, america's got to take
435
00:13:59,509 --> 00:14:01,376
A hard look in the mirror
at ourself.
436
00:14:01,378 --> 00:14:03,811
We used to make things.
437
00:14:04,714 --> 00:14:05,947
Just be glad you're not single.
438
00:14:05,949 --> 00:14:07,181
Oh.
439
00:14:07,183 --> 00:14:08,850
Actually buster and i broke up.
440
00:14:08,852 --> 00:14:10,585
So, anyway...
441
00:14:10,587 --> 00:14:13,454
(groaning):
Oh... No!
442
00:14:13,456 --> 00:14:16,224
No!
443
00:14:16,226 --> 00:14:18,359
That is so terrible!
444
00:14:18,361 --> 00:14:20,361
Didn't know you cared this much.
No, no, no, no...
445
00:14:20,363 --> 00:14:21,629
If you're single...
Mm-hmm.
446
00:14:21,631 --> 00:14:23,898
That means that i have
to do something.
447
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:25,800
Something awful.
448
00:14:25,802 --> 00:14:27,869
You have no idea
what you just did to me.
449
00:14:27,871 --> 00:14:29,837
You have no idea, young lady!
450
00:14:33,877 --> 00:14:35,143
I'll do the four-way with you.
451
00:14:35,145 --> 00:14:36,945
Yes! Okay, i'm gonna
go book the room.
452
00:14:36,947 --> 00:14:38,746
You go to housekeeping,
have them give you
453
00:14:38,748 --> 00:14:40,548
As many shower caps
as they'll give you...
Okay, stop.
454
00:14:40,550 --> 00:14:42,283
They're gonna get one hand
and i'm not gonna move it.
455
00:14:42,285 --> 00:14:43,651
I'm just gonna
dangle it into the mix
456
00:14:43,653 --> 00:14:45,086
While i look
at something else on my phone.
457
00:14:45,088 --> 00:14:46,254
And that's the deal.
458
00:14:46,256 --> 00:14:47,422
Aw, man, this is
gonna be big for us.
459
00:14:47,424 --> 00:14:49,090
This is for you, buddy.
Thanks.
460
00:14:49,092 --> 00:14:50,391
(laughs):
Yeah!
461
00:14:51,795 --> 00:14:53,061
What the hell is that?
462
00:14:53,063 --> 00:14:54,395
What are you talking about?
463
00:14:54,397 --> 00:14:55,730
Yeah, what's-what's that
on your hand, man?
464
00:14:55,732 --> 00:14:57,465
Why is it so rough?
It's like hoof.
465
00:14:57,467 --> 00:14:58,833
There's nothing on my hand.
This is a regular old hand...
466
00:14:58,835 --> 00:15:00,268
I'm out, i'm out.
You're out of what?
467
00:15:00,270 --> 00:15:01,669
Four-way.
Done. No way.
468
00:15:01,671 --> 00:15:03,471
Not with
that thing.
You're a buffoon.
469
00:15:03,473 --> 00:15:05,106
That is ridiculous.
I was only doing
it for you, schmidt,
470
00:15:05,108 --> 00:15:07,008
So you don't freak out when
you find out that cece's single.
471
00:15:07,010 --> 00:15:09,510
And now i'm the weirdo
with the hoof hand.
472
00:15:09,512 --> 00:15:11,012
What... Take it back
from the hoof hand.
473
00:15:11,014 --> 00:15:12,447
What'd you say before?
About cece being single?
474
00:15:12,449 --> 00:15:13,581
How do you know that?
475
00:15:13,583 --> 00:15:15,416
She's single?
476
00:15:15,418 --> 00:15:17,452
I have my, uh...
477
00:15:17,454 --> 00:15:19,420
Assumptions.
So cece's
single now.
478
00:15:19,422 --> 00:15:20,421
You don't know
that for sure.
479
00:15:20,423 --> 00:15:21,456
That's interesting.
480
00:15:21,458 --> 00:15:23,091
Why are you so calm?
481
00:15:25,261 --> 00:15:26,260
Interesting.
482
00:15:26,262 --> 00:15:28,329
Don't just say
"interesting."
483
00:15:29,532 --> 00:15:30,965
That's interesting.
484
00:15:30,967 --> 00:15:32,600
If you're gonna say
"interesting" say why
485
00:15:32,602 --> 00:15:34,068
It's interesting.
It is interesting.
486
00:15:35,705 --> 00:15:37,138
(screams)
487
00:15:37,140 --> 00:15:38,272
Aah!
488
00:15:38,274 --> 00:15:39,807
Nick!
489
00:15:39,809 --> 00:15:40,975
What are you doing here?
490
00:15:40,977 --> 00:15:42,043
What are you doing here?
491
00:15:42,045 --> 00:15:43,144
It's the men's room!
492
00:15:43,146 --> 00:15:44,345
Mmm...
493
00:15:44,347 --> 00:15:46,614
Jess, scooch over.
All right.
494
00:15:48,284 --> 00:15:50,818
(groans)
495
00:15:50,820 --> 00:15:53,388
What are you doing?
Just hiding in the bathroom?
496
00:15:53,390 --> 00:15:54,455
Kind of.
497
00:15:54,457 --> 00:15:55,623
(laughs)
498
00:15:55,625 --> 00:15:58,126
(laughs)
me, too.
499
00:15:58,128 --> 00:15:59,794
I know i'm supposed to, like,
500
00:15:59,796 --> 00:16:01,229
"get back out there,"
501
00:16:01,231 --> 00:16:03,297
You know?
But...
502
00:16:03,299 --> 00:16:05,533
Maybe i'm just not built for it.
503
00:16:05,535 --> 00:16:06,734
Man, i hear you.
504
00:16:06,736 --> 00:16:07,902
Sidebar: What do
my hands feel like?
505
00:16:07,904 --> 00:16:10,204
Hooves.
Aw, son of a...
506
00:16:12,308 --> 00:16:13,541
Maybe there's a reason
507
00:16:13,543 --> 00:16:14,909
I'm not up on a fridge,
you know?
508
00:16:14,911 --> 00:16:16,644
Maybe some people
are fridge people,
509
00:16:16,646 --> 00:16:18,146
And other people are...
510
00:16:18,148 --> 00:16:19,647
Toilet people.
511
00:16:19,649 --> 00:16:22,016
You think you're
a toilet person?
512
00:16:22,018 --> 00:16:24,185
(laughing)
you're not
a toilet person.
513
00:16:24,187 --> 00:16:25,420
You want to get on the fridge,
514
00:16:25,422 --> 00:16:26,554
You'll get on the fridge, jess.
515
00:16:26,556 --> 00:16:28,056
Just be yourself,
516
00:16:28,058 --> 00:16:29,924
And if he's not
into jessica day,
517
00:16:29,926 --> 00:16:31,993
Then there's something
wrong with him.
518
00:16:35,665 --> 00:16:37,365
Be myself.
519
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:39,167
Like do my tina turner
impression?
520
00:16:39,169 --> 00:16:40,368
How did your brain jump there?
521
00:16:40,370 --> 00:16:42,370
♪ what's love got to do ♪
522
00:16:42,372 --> 00:16:43,871
♪ got to do with it? ♪
523
00:16:43,873 --> 00:16:45,039
(laughs)
524
00:16:45,041 --> 00:16:46,074
(laughs)
all right.
525
00:16:46,076 --> 00:16:47,275
I hear your logic.
526
00:16:47,277 --> 00:16:49,944
Come on.
No man
wants that,
527
00:16:49,946 --> 00:16:53,414
But...
You can't quit, either.
528
00:16:54,517 --> 00:16:55,850
You're our last hope.
529
00:16:55,852 --> 00:16:58,553
You're the only one
out of the group
530
00:16:58,555 --> 00:17:00,621
Who might not go home alone
tonight, jess.
531
00:17:00,623 --> 00:17:02,223
Really?
Yes.
532
00:17:02,225 --> 00:17:03,558
It's all on your shoulders.
533
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,027
So the sex fist...
534
00:17:06,029 --> 00:17:08,563
Has...
535
00:17:08,565 --> 00:17:09,964
Turned into
a sex finger.
536
00:17:09,966 --> 00:17:12,100
Uh, don't... Yeah.
Sex finger.
537
00:17:15,572 --> 00:17:16,771
♪ ♪
538
00:17:16,773 --> 00:17:19,407
Hey. Ted. Um...
539
00:17:19,409 --> 00:17:21,609
(clears throat)
i'm out of moves, so...
540
00:17:21,611 --> 00:17:23,377
I'm just gonna try being myself.
541
00:17:23,379 --> 00:17:24,912
Here's some
stuff about me:
542
00:17:24,914 --> 00:17:26,380
I've never
cured anything.
543
00:17:26,382 --> 00:17:28,483
I'm a middle school
vice principal
544
00:17:28,485 --> 00:17:29,884
And i love my job.
545
00:17:29,886 --> 00:17:31,419
Um, i'm just getting
out of a relationship
546
00:17:31,421 --> 00:17:33,121
With a guy that
i still live with,
547
00:17:33,123 --> 00:17:34,655
Which is kind of
complicated.
548
00:17:34,657 --> 00:17:35,490
He's over there.
549
00:17:35,492 --> 00:17:36,390
What's up, nick?
550
00:17:36,392 --> 00:17:37,859
Hi, i'm nick!
551
00:17:40,730 --> 00:17:43,331
Sometimes i cry
when newscasters
552
00:17:43,333 --> 00:17:44,899
Wish each other
"happy birthday" on air.
553
00:17:44,901 --> 00:17:47,835
My first crush
was on a batman cake,
554
00:17:47,837 --> 00:17:50,805
But my first sexual feelings
were about teenage simba.
555
00:17:50,807 --> 00:17:53,574
'cause he was super hot,
556
00:17:53,576 --> 00:17:55,977
And i still, actually,
find him hot.
557
00:17:55,979 --> 00:17:57,645
Uh, truth time. Um...
558
00:17:57,647 --> 00:17:59,180
So that's me.
559
00:17:59,182 --> 00:18:01,282
And if you want to
take me home, ted,
560
00:18:01,284 --> 00:18:04,352
We can definitely do
some no-bra stuff.
561
00:18:05,655 --> 00:18:06,587
Uh...
562
00:18:06,589 --> 00:18:08,289
That's me naked.
563
00:18:08,291 --> 00:18:09,590
Well...
564
00:18:09,592 --> 00:18:10,858
...And this is me with
565
00:18:10,860 --> 00:18:14,061
A guy who i thought
was larry king.
566
00:18:15,265 --> 00:18:16,364
So it's
decision time.
567
00:18:16,366 --> 00:18:18,099
Yeah, ted, who's it gonna be?
568
00:18:18,101 --> 00:18:19,267
Me or jess?
569
00:18:19,269 --> 00:18:21,435
(sighs)
570
00:18:28,511 --> 00:18:30,878
Hmm?
571
00:18:30,880 --> 00:18:33,047
Ted:
Ooh...
572
00:18:33,049 --> 00:18:34,949
Ted:
Wow. Hah.
573
00:18:34,951 --> 00:18:36,551
Ooh...
574
00:18:36,553 --> 00:18:39,887
This is tough.
575
00:18:39,889 --> 00:18:41,822
I mean, okay, 'cause
i mean, over here
576
00:18:41,824 --> 00:18:44,525
We've got, you know,
the whole... You know.
577
00:18:44,527 --> 00:18:46,394
And then, but of course over
here we got the... Bing,
578
00:18:46,396 --> 00:18:47,395
And the... You know.
579
00:18:47,397 --> 00:18:48,863
Mmm...
580
00:18:48,865 --> 00:18:50,565
(groaning):
Oh, god, what do i do?
581
00:18:50,567 --> 00:18:51,899
What do i do?
582
00:18:51,901 --> 00:18:53,801
It's over.
Moment's passed, ted.
583
00:18:53,803 --> 00:18:55,069
Okay.
584
00:18:55,071 --> 00:18:57,238
I'll take him out.
585
00:18:57,240 --> 00:19:00,241
So you and
buster broke up.
586
00:19:00,243 --> 00:19:01,809
Whew. I'm sorry.
587
00:19:03,746 --> 00:19:04,879
Yeah, i'm just waiting
588
00:19:04,881 --> 00:19:06,180
For you to do
something weird now.
589
00:19:06,182 --> 00:19:08,182
Yeah, i feel that
coming on, so, um...
590
00:19:08,184 --> 00:19:09,483
I'm gonna go.
591
00:19:09,485 --> 00:19:11,586
(sighs heavily)
592
00:19:11,588 --> 00:19:14,088
You know what doesn't
whine and cry
593
00:19:14,090 --> 00:19:15,890
Is the sperm
in my freezer.
594
00:19:15,892 --> 00:19:17,558
I am counting
down the days
595
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:20,094
Until we don't
need men to procreate.
596
00:19:20,096 --> 00:19:22,063
If i really put
my mind to it...
597
00:19:22,065 --> 00:19:24,131
Autumn 2018.
598
00:19:25,335 --> 00:19:27,835
Are you ready?
599
00:19:27,837 --> 00:19:29,770
Oh, it's my plan "b."
600
00:19:29,772 --> 00:19:31,839
Yeah. Beats going home alone.
601
00:19:31,841 --> 00:19:33,574
Just giving her a ride.
602
00:19:33,576 --> 00:19:34,842
Nothing weird.
603
00:19:35,945 --> 00:19:37,745
(whispering):
We do this every time.
604
00:19:37,747 --> 00:19:40,615
So, katherine, uh...
Where do you live?
605
00:19:40,617 --> 00:19:42,717
About two inches north
of your mouth, padre.
606
00:19:42,719 --> 00:19:43,951
Bye.
607
00:19:43,953 --> 00:19:45,319
Bye.
608
00:19:47,457 --> 00:19:49,123
Schmidt:
It's okay, jess.
609
00:19:49,125 --> 00:19:50,891
Sex fist is obviously over.
610
00:19:50,893 --> 00:19:52,727
We're all going
home alone.
611
00:19:52,729 --> 00:19:54,862
Well, that's where
you're wrong, schmidt.
612
00:19:54,864 --> 00:19:57,198
We're not going home alone.
613
00:19:58,368 --> 00:19:59,533
That's great.
All right.
614
00:19:59,535 --> 00:20:00,701
It's like that.
615
00:20:03,940 --> 00:20:06,374
"regan, kevin and rebecca..."
616
00:20:06,376 --> 00:20:07,908
(laughing)
617
00:20:07,910 --> 00:20:09,310
"...Request the honor
of your presence."
618
00:20:09,312 --> 00:20:11,612
How about the honor
of my garbage can?
619
00:20:11,614 --> 00:20:12,647
Coach:
Hey!
620
00:20:12,649 --> 00:20:14,081
Jess:
Those fridge people
621
00:20:14,083 --> 00:20:15,883
With their
stupid houses...
622
00:20:16,753 --> 00:20:17,885
Oh, look at
this one, guys.
623
00:20:17,887 --> 00:20:19,320
Uh, it looks like
jeffrey and lauren
624
00:20:19,322 --> 00:20:21,389
Want us to share
in their joy.
625
00:20:21,391 --> 00:20:24,125
How about they share
in my chocolate pocket?
626
00:20:24,127 --> 00:20:25,293
(laughing):
What does that mean?
627
00:20:25,295 --> 00:20:26,394
In my butt.
628
00:20:26,396 --> 00:20:27,762
Mm-mm.
Jess:
That's gross.
629
00:20:27,764 --> 00:20:29,497
Yeah, i...
630
00:20:29,499 --> 00:20:31,332
(laughing)
631
00:20:31,334 --> 00:20:33,134
Oh, man... How about
this one, you guys?
632
00:20:33,136 --> 00:20:34,168
Scott and derek.
633
00:20:34,170 --> 00:20:35,336
Yeah, real
tasteful wedding--
634
00:20:35,338 --> 00:20:36,804
For a thursday!
Nick:
Yeah.
635
00:20:36,806 --> 00:20:39,173
Oh, look at that--
laurie and mitchell.
636
00:20:39,175 --> 00:20:40,508
They had a cash bar.
637
00:20:40,510 --> 00:20:42,276
I hope they can't have kids!
638
00:20:42,278 --> 00:20:43,911
That's super dark, bro.
639
00:20:43,913 --> 00:20:45,346
That was too far.
I hope they can...
Yeah!
640
00:20:45,348 --> 00:20:46,647
...I hope they can,
i hope they can.
641
00:20:46,649 --> 00:20:47,815
Cece and shivrang...
You bastards,
642
00:20:47,817 --> 00:20:48,849
Take that one down.
643
00:20:48,851 --> 00:20:50,151
You know what?
It's gone.
644
00:20:50,153 --> 00:20:51,585
(whoops)
no...
645
00:20:51,587 --> 00:20:53,087
Nick:
Take that one down!
Oh, yeah.
646
00:20:53,089 --> 00:20:54,155
Jess:
Wait a minute.
647
00:20:54,157 --> 00:20:55,256
Who are gabe and stephanie,
648
00:20:55,258 --> 00:20:56,991
With the profile, these things?
649
00:20:56,993 --> 00:20:58,292
Oh, gabe's the heavy guy with
the perm and the wheelchair...
650
00:20:58,294 --> 00:20:59,593
No, gabe was the guy
on the motorcycle...
651
00:20:59,595 --> 00:21:01,195
No, no, no, no.
The guy with the perm.
652
00:21:01,197 --> 00:21:02,530
The guy who kept showing
his stomach the whole time.
653
00:21:02,532 --> 00:21:03,597
Oh.
Schmidt:
That's the woman who was
654
00:21:03,599 --> 00:21:04,799
Eight and a half months
pregnant.
655
00:21:04,801 --> 00:21:06,000
The groom was dressed
as the bride...
656
00:21:06,002 --> 00:21:07,101
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Hey, uh...
657
00:21:07,103 --> 00:21:07,935
This wedding's next week.
658
00:21:07,937 --> 00:21:09,270
What?
What?
659
00:21:09,272 --> 00:21:11,138
(all muttering)
660
00:21:11,140 --> 00:21:13,541
Not anymore.
Schmidt: Thank you.
661
00:21:13,543 --> 00:21:14,675
(whooping, cheering)
662
00:21:14,677 --> 00:21:15,943
Whoa!
663
00:21:15,945 --> 00:21:17,445
(all laughing)
664
00:21:17,447 --> 00:21:19,013
That's right!
Come on, now!
665
00:21:19,015 --> 00:21:20,381
Ripping it up!
666
00:21:20,383 --> 00:21:22,149
(everyone talking at once)
667
00:21:22,151 --> 00:21:23,951
Oh! Oh!
Look at that one.
668
00:21:23,953 --> 00:21:25,386
Rippin' 'em up.
669
00:21:25,388 --> 00:21:27,054
(whoops)
670
00:21:27,056 --> 00:21:28,622
Rip.
Oh, right there.
671
00:21:28,624 --> 00:21:29,890
Yes.
672
00:21:29,892 --> 00:21:31,525
Mmm...
673
00:21:31,527 --> 00:21:33,461
(laughter and indistinct,
overlapping conversation)
674
00:21:33,463 --> 00:21:36,063
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org