1
00:00:02,606 --> 00:00:05,407
Hey, nick?
(whispers): Shh, i'm reading.
2
00:00:05,409 --> 00:00:07,709
Can you just give me a second?
What do you want this time?!
3
00:00:07,711 --> 00:00:09,378
So, i'm-i'm pitching
on the sponge account today.
4
00:00:09,380 --> 00:00:10,779
It's kind of a...
It's kind of a big deal.
5
00:00:10,781 --> 00:00:12,247
I'm just wondering why
6
00:00:12,249 --> 00:00:13,949
My idea notebook is covered
in crimson stains.
7
00:00:13,951 --> 00:00:15,417
Oh, that's a fair question.
8
00:00:15,419 --> 00:00:16,952
It's either sloppy joes,
or it's blood.
9
00:00:18,856 --> 00:00:20,255
(groans)
10
00:00:22,593 --> 00:00:24,259
You unbelievable pig person!
11
00:00:24,261 --> 00:00:27,429
You giant, fat pig
person! You sloth.
12
00:00:27,431 --> 00:00:29,465
You should be living in a tree
in costa rica, you know that?
13
00:00:29,467 --> 00:00:31,533
Hi, guys. Um, have either of you
seen the french press?
14
00:00:31,535 --> 00:00:33,035
The french press is
in cupboard 64b.
15
00:00:33,037 --> 00:00:34,636
Did you not consult
your item map?
16
00:00:34,638 --> 00:00:36,805
Oh, no, i looked there.
The tagine's in 64b.
17
00:00:36,807 --> 00:00:39,475
What is the tagine doing
in 64 frickin' b?!
18
00:00:39,477 --> 00:00:41,043
I used the french press.
19
00:00:41,045 --> 00:00:42,778
Everybody chill out.
So it's in here somewhere.
20
00:00:42,780 --> 00:00:44,713
Nick, you know you're not
allowed to use the french press.
21
00:00:44,715 --> 00:00:46,415
I use it to get the pulp
out of my juice.
22
00:00:46,417 --> 00:00:47,783
So just give me one second,
i'll find it.
23
00:00:47,785 --> 00:00:49,451
(chuckles):
Hold on. Oh, yeah.
24
00:00:49,453 --> 00:00:51,653
I wasn't looking for it,
but i found my pulp bowl.
25
00:00:51,655 --> 00:00:53,789
That is a crystal candy bowl
filled with orange goop.
26
00:00:53,791 --> 00:00:55,824
I don't need to sit here
and take this!
27
00:00:55,826 --> 00:00:57,259
I'm going to my study.
28
00:00:57,261 --> 00:00:59,394
You are gonna get back here
and clean your room, mister!
29
00:00:59,396 --> 00:01:00,896
Jess:
Guys, i still need
the french press.
30
00:01:00,898 --> 00:01:02,598
Winston, i need my study corner!
31
00:01:02,600 --> 00:01:05,300
No, not after last time.
32
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,307
Hey, winnie! You know there's
an albany in california?
(yells)
33
00:01:12,309 --> 00:01:16,245
(chuckles): Well,
hello, winston bishop.
34
00:01:16,247 --> 00:01:19,781
I towel-burned my unders.
Well, i just prairie-dogged
thanks to you guys.
35
00:01:19,783 --> 00:01:22,518
Stop fighting! Now the
bathroom stinks for no reason.
36
00:01:22,520 --> 00:01:24,753
You happy, schmidt?
You just scared coach's poop!
37
00:01:24,755 --> 00:01:27,756
No, i'm not happy. I'm poor, and
i'm living in a filthy thimble.
38
00:01:27,758 --> 00:01:29,825
I've gone from riches to rags.
It's reverse annie.
39
00:01:29,827 --> 00:01:32,628
Oh, spoiler alert.
Now you just ruined annie.
40
00:01:32,630 --> 00:01:35,497
(men arguing)
41
00:01:35,499 --> 00:01:36,665
Jess:
Guys, chill out!
42
00:01:36,667 --> 00:01:38,634
Schmidt, your people
have been selling sponges
43
00:01:38,636 --> 00:01:40,836
Since the days of abraham.
You got this.
44
00:01:40,838 --> 00:01:43,805
Nick, the pulp bowl is
real gross. Tighten up.
45
00:01:43,807 --> 00:01:46,975
Most importantly, my dad is
coming with his new girlfriend,
46
00:01:46,977 --> 00:01:48,877
And i need the french press.
47
00:01:48,879 --> 00:01:50,812
Oh, 64b.
The tagine is in 64b.
48
00:01:50,814 --> 00:01:52,181
64b is occupied!
49
00:01:53,450 --> 00:01:55,851
Uh, he said the tagine
is in 64b.
50
00:01:55,853 --> 00:01:58,120
It stinks in there!
What did you do?!
51
00:01:58,122 --> 00:01:59,454
You kill an animal?!
52
00:01:59,456 --> 00:02:01,523
♪ who's that girl? ♪
53
00:02:01,525 --> 00:02:04,960
♪ who's that girl? ♪
♪ it's jess. ♪
54
00:02:09,800 --> 00:02:10,999
How long before you
unleash holy hell
55
00:02:11,001 --> 00:02:12,834
On your dad's
new girlfriend?
56
00:02:12,836 --> 00:02:15,070
I want to make sure i got a
good seat and plenty of snacks.
57
00:02:15,072 --> 00:02:17,506
Okay, cecilia, look, i know
i've been a little bit hard
58
00:02:17,508 --> 00:02:18,874
On my dad's girlfriends
in the past...
59
00:02:18,876 --> 00:02:21,677
I know you stole my dad's
credit card, margot.
60
00:02:21,679 --> 00:02:23,912
Hit the damn road.
61
00:02:23,914 --> 00:02:24,913
I don't have a car.
62
00:02:24,915 --> 00:02:26,648
(whispers):
Find one.
63
00:02:27,651 --> 00:02:29,351
I was the one
who had to pick up the pieces
64
00:02:29,353 --> 00:02:30,385
When his heart got broken.
65
00:02:30,387 --> 00:02:32,387
Besides, to hear
my dad talk,
66
00:02:32,389 --> 00:02:35,057
It sounds like he has really
found someone who...
67
00:02:35,059 --> 00:02:36,692
Is good for him.
68
00:02:36,694 --> 00:02:37,693
Ha!
69
00:02:37,695 --> 00:02:40,095
And you believe that?
70
00:02:40,097 --> 00:02:42,431
Your dad has terrible taste
in women.
71
00:02:42,433 --> 00:02:44,233
That's why i love him so much.
72
00:02:44,235 --> 00:02:46,702
Remember the one who pretended
to be a paraplegic?
73
00:02:46,704 --> 00:02:48,370
Get up!
74
00:02:48,372 --> 00:02:50,372
I can't!
75
00:02:50,374 --> 00:02:53,041
Oh, whatever.
76
00:02:53,043 --> 00:02:54,343
That's the last one
i met, and i'm lucky
77
00:02:54,345 --> 00:02:55,577
He's letting me
meet this one.
78
00:02:55,579 --> 00:02:57,446
So, what? You're just gonna be
nice to her?
79
00:02:57,448 --> 00:02:59,114
No fireworks? No show?
80
00:02:59,116 --> 00:03:01,383
I'm gonna be nice to her
no matter who she is.
81
00:03:01,385 --> 00:03:02,551
Then what the hell
am i doing here?
82
00:03:02,553 --> 00:03:04,086
(knocking)
oh.
83
00:03:05,956 --> 00:03:08,056
Hey, sweetie. Hi. Hi.
Hi, daddy.
84
00:03:08,058 --> 00:03:10,259
Gee, i'm sorry we're late,
85
00:03:10,261 --> 00:03:12,527
You know, but we saw seal
at the airport.
86
00:03:12,529 --> 00:03:15,597
We talked to him for 20
minutes, got his autograph.
87
00:03:15,599 --> 00:03:17,199
Wasn't him.
No.
88
00:03:17,201 --> 00:03:19,034
Anyway, this is ashley.
89
00:03:19,036 --> 00:03:20,202
Hi.
90
00:03:23,374 --> 00:03:27,576
I think, um, we went
to high school... Together.
91
00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:28,977
You went to high school
together!
92
00:03:28,979 --> 00:03:30,279
We went to high
school together!
93
00:03:30,281 --> 00:03:33,148
Julie berkman's
older sister ashley?
94
00:03:33,150 --> 00:03:35,384
That's me.
(cece laughs)
95
00:03:35,386 --> 00:03:37,619
Is this fun or
what? (laughs)
96
00:03:40,924 --> 00:03:42,257
(whispering):
Oh, my god!
97
00:03:42,259 --> 00:03:45,594
(whispering): Your dad is dating
trashley berkman?
98
00:03:45,596 --> 00:03:46,762
Didn't she...?
99
00:03:46,764 --> 00:03:48,630
Yes. She sexually intercoursed
100
00:03:48,632 --> 00:03:50,632
My high school boyfriend george
jiang underneath the bleachers.
101
00:03:50,634 --> 00:03:53,568
While you were sitting...
Yes! While i was sitting
on those bleachers.
102
00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:55,337
Have you ever seen sex
from above, cece?
103
00:03:55,339 --> 00:03:58,407
It's horrible. That's why
god thinks it's a sin.
104
00:03:58,409 --> 00:04:01,476
Also, trashley gave him giardia
in his belly ring.
105
00:04:01,478 --> 00:04:04,846
Giardia is a river disease.
She had river mouth.
106
00:04:04,848 --> 00:04:06,748
Wasn't george jiang,
like, six-11?
107
00:04:06,750 --> 00:04:09,251
Yeah. They called him
george jiang the giardia giant,
108
00:04:09,253 --> 00:04:11,420
And i never got
to hold him in my arms.
109
00:04:11,422 --> 00:04:14,122
What are you gonna do?!
110
00:04:14,124 --> 00:04:16,191
Uh...
111
00:04:16,193 --> 00:04:18,093
Uh... Nothing.
112
00:04:18,095 --> 00:04:20,028
I'm gonna be sweet
and kind and supportive.
113
00:04:20,030 --> 00:04:22,364
Look, peop-peop...
People change.
114
00:04:22,366 --> 00:04:24,833
People change.
It's been 15 years.
115
00:04:24,835 --> 00:04:27,369
She had sex with
our dare officer!
No way.
116
00:04:27,371 --> 00:04:30,138
There were rumors flying around
about every damn one.
117
00:04:30,140 --> 00:04:31,606
(chuckles)
118
00:04:31,608 --> 00:04:32,974
You remember the rumor about me?
119
00:04:32,976 --> 00:04:35,210
Oh, that you
shaved your chin?
What?
120
00:04:35,212 --> 00:04:37,012
Was that was the rumor about me?
121
00:04:37,014 --> 00:04:39,481
That was the rumor.
No. It was...
122
00:04:39,483 --> 00:04:42,117
Definitely sexier than that.
123
00:04:42,119 --> 00:04:43,618
Thank you guys for coming. It's
really helpful that you're here.
124
00:04:43,620 --> 00:04:46,288
I'm trying to get my boss
to give me the new account.
125
00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:47,556
I just have to figure out
126
00:04:47,558 --> 00:04:49,157
How to sell sponges to men.
127
00:04:49,159 --> 00:04:50,192
What do i have?
128
00:04:50,194 --> 00:04:52,294
I have a blood-stained
idea notebook
129
00:04:52,296 --> 00:04:54,563
Filled with terrible ideas.
130
00:04:54,565 --> 00:04:56,465
I don't know what to do,
you guys. Damn it!
131
00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:57,966
"spongey make wipey."
i like that.
132
00:04:57,968 --> 00:04:59,901
Okay, please.
I don't have a lot of time.
133
00:04:59,903 --> 00:05:02,471
This is what we're gonna do.
I'm gonna say the word "sponge",
134
00:05:02,473 --> 00:05:05,006
And you guys are gonna say
the first word that pops
135
00:05:05,008 --> 00:05:07,042
Into your head, okay?
Ready, one, two, three. Sponge.
136
00:05:07,044 --> 00:05:08,810
Sponge! That was mine.
Yellow.
Sponge.
137
00:05:08,812 --> 00:05:09,845
Okay, let's just try this.
138
00:05:09,847 --> 00:05:11,146
We're gonna try this
one more time.
139
00:05:11,148 --> 00:05:12,748
Okay?
Just clear your head, okay?
140
00:05:12,750 --> 00:05:14,082
So i'm gonna say the word,
and you're gonna say
141
00:05:14,084 --> 00:05:15,384
The first word
that pops in your head.
142
00:05:15,386 --> 00:05:16,752
Okay, it might be "sponge."
don't say "sponge."
143
00:05:16,754 --> 00:05:17,886
Sponge!
Sponge.
144
00:05:17,888 --> 00:05:19,921
Damn it! Focus!
145
00:05:19,923 --> 00:05:21,590
I'm sorry.
Okay, let's just try it again.
146
00:05:21,592 --> 00:05:23,692
Give me a shot.
Give me a shot. Give me a shot.
147
00:05:23,694 --> 00:05:25,394
I'm gonna say "sponge"
one more time, first word
148
00:05:25,396 --> 00:05:26,762
That pops into your head. Ready?
One, two, three, sponge.
149
00:05:26,764 --> 00:05:28,597
Sponge. Aah!
150
00:05:28,599 --> 00:05:29,498
Winston!
151
00:05:29,500 --> 00:05:30,866
Sorry. So much pressure, man.
152
00:05:30,868 --> 00:05:32,834
Okay, you know what?
Let's move on to coach.
153
00:05:32,836 --> 00:05:35,036
Coach, here we go.
You're the man of the group.
154
00:05:35,038 --> 00:05:36,872
You should be good at this.
We're selling sponges to men.
155
00:05:36,874 --> 00:05:38,373
Ready, one, two, three, sponge.
156
00:05:38,375 --> 00:05:40,375
Sponge.
Why would you say that?
157
00:05:40,377 --> 00:05:41,843
Okay, okay, okay.
Okay, come on, come on.
158
00:05:41,845 --> 00:05:43,111
One more time.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, sponge.
159
00:05:43,113 --> 00:05:44,846
Cake.
What?
160
00:05:44,848 --> 00:05:45,714
Cake.
161
00:05:45,716 --> 00:05:47,215
Sponge cake.
No!
162
00:05:47,217 --> 00:05:49,084
We all know
that men are idiots.
163
00:05:49,086 --> 00:05:51,686
How long have you been
in my office?
164
00:05:51,688 --> 00:05:56,124
But what we don't know
is how much they love to clean.
165
00:05:56,126 --> 00:05:57,559
You're wasting my time,
schmidt. Go.
166
00:05:57,561 --> 00:05:59,227
Come on, gina, you have
to give me this account.
167
00:05:59,229 --> 00:06:00,729
They want
to market sponges to men.
168
00:06:00,731 --> 00:06:01,897
I'm the only man in the office.
169
00:06:01,899 --> 00:06:04,533
Oh, speaking of. Sherri,
you got the sponge account!
170
00:06:04,535 --> 00:06:07,235
Touchdown!
Yeah.
171
00:06:07,237 --> 00:06:08,437
Just hear me out here.
172
00:06:08,439 --> 00:06:09,938
The reason why men don't talk
173
00:06:09,940 --> 00:06:11,606
About how much
they love to clean is
174
00:06:11,608 --> 00:06:13,241
Because they're afraid
to admit it.
175
00:06:13,243 --> 00:06:14,543
Give me a chance here.
176
00:06:14,545 --> 00:06:16,878
Be the one to put schmidt
on the map.
177
00:06:16,880 --> 00:06:18,880
Let's blast america
right in the face
178
00:06:18,882 --> 00:06:20,715
With a little bit
of schmidt.
Oh!
179
00:06:20,717 --> 00:06:22,217
God in heaven! Fine!
180
00:06:22,219 --> 00:06:23,952
Put together
a focus group, okay?
181
00:06:23,954 --> 00:06:25,320
I will do that.
This is exciting.
182
00:06:25,322 --> 00:06:26,721
All right. Maybe next week
183
00:06:26,723 --> 00:06:28,223
We'll start it?
No. Today, 3:00.
184
00:06:28,225 --> 00:06:30,158
Today... Today at 3:00?
185
00:06:30,160 --> 00:06:31,560
Today at 3:00?
Mm-hmm.
186
00:06:31,562 --> 00:06:33,228
3:00 today--
that sounds great.
187
00:06:33,230 --> 00:06:34,729
I love that idea.
188
00:06:34,731 --> 00:06:36,932
Mm-hmm, you just... You just
earned a special thank you
189
00:06:36,934 --> 00:06:38,333
In my autobiography.
190
00:06:38,335 --> 00:06:41,636
Working title:
Punting the sweet fantastic.
191
00:06:41,638 --> 00:06:43,738
I feel like you kind of
have to do something
192
00:06:43,740 --> 00:06:45,173
To write a book about yourself.
193
00:06:47,611 --> 00:06:48,944
Sports!
194
00:06:48,946 --> 00:06:50,178
(screams)
195
00:06:53,317 --> 00:06:54,983
Oh, it's just so great
to see you guys again.
196
00:06:54,985 --> 00:06:56,485
Will you please
remind me?
197
00:06:56,487 --> 00:06:59,521
Were you there my first
senior year or my second?
198
00:06:59,523 --> 00:07:01,623
I was not good
at high school.
199
00:07:01,625 --> 00:07:02,958
(bob and ashley laugh)
200
00:07:02,960 --> 00:07:04,259
Oh, the early 2000s.
201
00:07:04,261 --> 00:07:05,627
God, i did so much e.
202
00:07:05,629 --> 00:07:09,164
Just doing e,
watching that show ed.
203
00:07:09,166 --> 00:07:11,867
I would love to know
how you two lovers met.
204
00:07:11,869 --> 00:07:13,468
Oh, yeah!
Oh, yeah, sure.
205
00:07:13,470 --> 00:07:15,270
Okay, so i was listening
206
00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:17,839
To him sing with his
band, the co-pays.
Yeah, well...
207
00:07:17,841 --> 00:07:21,109
I didn't know you were
in a band, dad.
Yeah, just-just me
208
00:07:21,111 --> 00:07:22,611
And a few other pharmacists.
209
00:07:22,613 --> 00:07:24,546
You know, we do alt rock covers.
210
00:07:24,548 --> 00:07:27,282
Oh, man, when he started
singing "she's so high"...
211
00:07:27,284 --> 00:07:32,854
♪ she's so high... ♪
212
00:07:32,856 --> 00:07:35,891
Stop. Because i'm gonna
fall in love again.
213
00:07:35,893 --> 00:07:39,127
Okay, go, i want to.
♪ she's so high... ♪
214
00:07:40,364 --> 00:07:41,563
Ashley (sighs):
Oh.
215
00:07:41,565 --> 00:07:43,532
Oh, man.
216
00:07:43,534 --> 00:07:45,467
That was it.
I was done.
217
00:07:45,469 --> 00:07:47,636
Ashley, have you kept in touch
with our dare officer?
218
00:07:47,638 --> 00:07:48,870
Oh! Cece.
219
00:07:48,872 --> 00:07:50,906
Oh. Okay, i-i get it.
220
00:07:50,908 --> 00:07:52,507
You guys heard
about that rumor
221
00:07:52,509 --> 00:07:54,409
That i had sex with
the dare officer?
222
00:07:54,411 --> 00:07:56,645
No! Only a crazy person...
223
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:58,079
That rumor was true.
224
00:07:58,081 --> 00:07:59,347
(stammers)
225
00:07:59,349 --> 00:08:01,216
Crazy fun person.
226
00:08:01,218 --> 00:08:02,317
Oh, yeah, that guy.
227
00:08:02,319 --> 00:08:03,885
Wow, i did not
just say no.
228
00:08:03,887 --> 00:08:05,587
I said yes.
Oh, yeah.
229
00:08:05,589 --> 00:08:08,857
I just said,
"yes, yes, yes."
oh, she said yes a lot.
230
00:08:08,859 --> 00:08:11,359
(laughs)
she's had sex
with hundreds of guys.
231
00:08:11,361 --> 00:08:13,562
Yeah.
You know, we spent
some time trying
232
00:08:13,564 --> 00:08:15,230
To total them all up.
It was fun.
233
00:08:15,232 --> 00:08:17,766
Killed a whole saturday. Yeah.
We couldn't even
get through the list.
234
00:08:17,768 --> 00:08:19,334
We got to the "ls."
(laughs)
235
00:08:19,336 --> 00:08:21,770
But that was
in the past.
236
00:08:21,772 --> 00:08:24,439
And then i was diagnosed
with a sex addiction.
237
00:08:24,441 --> 00:08:25,941
Oh, great.
Thankfully,
238
00:08:25,943 --> 00:08:27,776
I attended rehab.
239
00:08:27,778 --> 00:08:30,045
Which... Did not
take the first time.
240
00:08:30,047 --> 00:08:31,546
Or the second.
241
00:08:31,548 --> 00:08:32,681
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
242
00:08:32,683 --> 00:08:34,249
But third time's the charm.
243
00:08:34,251 --> 00:08:35,517
For a lot of people.
Not for me.
244
00:08:35,519 --> 00:08:37,352
For me, it took
four. Four times.
245
00:08:37,354 --> 00:08:39,854
Well, bobby, we should get
ready to go to the beach.
246
00:08:39,856 --> 00:08:41,523
Okay.
Yeah.
247
00:08:41,525 --> 00:08:43,291
Thank you so much for this
delicious brunch, jess.
248
00:08:43,293 --> 00:08:44,960
It was wonderful.
249
00:08:44,962 --> 00:08:47,028
I ate so much, i'm gonna
have to bang nine guys
250
00:08:47,030 --> 00:08:48,129
Just to work
it off. (laughs)
251
00:08:48,131 --> 00:08:49,898
Oh, my goodness.
(bob laughs)
252
00:08:49,900 --> 00:08:51,266
I'm kidding. I
did do that once,
253
00:08:51,268 --> 00:08:52,767
But i'm not gonna
do it this time.
254
00:08:52,769 --> 00:08:54,469
It's all in the past
for me.
255
00:08:54,471 --> 00:08:55,737
Isn't she great?
256
00:08:55,739 --> 00:08:57,305
I just love her.
257
00:08:57,307 --> 00:08:58,807
She makes me
laugh so much.
258
00:08:58,809 --> 00:09:00,442
(groaning)
259
00:09:00,444 --> 00:09:02,611
What? What-what,
are you humming?
260
00:09:02,613 --> 00:09:06,114
Mm... Dad, just so we
have this conversation...
261
00:09:06,116 --> 00:09:08,416
No, no, jess.
She seems like the type of girl
who might hurt you.
262
00:09:08,418 --> 00:09:10,919
Jessica...
I've seen you get hurt
by a lot less.
263
00:09:10,921 --> 00:09:12,420
Please, don't-don't
go there.
264
00:09:12,422 --> 00:09:15,824
No matter what you say, you're
not gonna change my mind.
265
00:09:15,826 --> 00:09:19,294
I'm in love with her,
and i'm gonna marry her.
266
00:09:21,999 --> 00:09:24,199
Gonna... Get a new mom, jess.
267
00:09:25,135 --> 00:09:29,971
Bob:
♪ she's so high... ♪
268
00:09:29,973 --> 00:09:33,274
Hey, are you okay? Because
i am not sure if you heard that,
269
00:09:33,276 --> 00:09:35,176
But there is going to be
a wedding.
270
00:09:35,178 --> 00:09:37,445
Oh...
271
00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:41,349
There will be no wedding.
272
00:09:41,351 --> 00:09:44,085
And it begins.
273
00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,755
Why are we meeting
in a parking garage?
274
00:09:46,757 --> 00:09:48,323
Because what we are
doing is unsavory
275
00:09:48,325 --> 00:09:50,025
And we're hiding from god.
And you also...
276
00:09:50,027 --> 00:09:51,459
You promised winston and
everybody pizza, so...
277
00:09:51,461 --> 00:09:52,827
Yeah, you definitely did.
278
00:09:52,829 --> 00:09:54,929
Yes, there'll be pizza.
Just do one thing for me first.
279
00:09:54,931 --> 00:09:56,331
Here, memorize these.
280
00:09:56,333 --> 00:09:59,000
That's yours.
That's yours.
281
00:09:59,002 --> 00:10:02,704
"i love sponges because they
connect my heart to my hand."
282
00:10:02,706 --> 00:10:04,305
Look, i had to scramble,
you guys.
283
00:10:04,307 --> 00:10:06,608
I told my bosses how much
men love to clean.
284
00:10:06,610 --> 00:10:08,176
What are talking about?
Only you.
285
00:10:08,178 --> 00:10:09,811
Yeah, only... Yeah.
I know!
286
00:10:09,813 --> 00:10:12,047
Why do you think
i'm rigging this focus group?
287
00:10:12,049 --> 00:10:14,883
"sponges make me feel
more exhilarated
288
00:10:14,885 --> 00:10:16,651
"than any home run
or touchdown
289
00:10:16,653 --> 00:10:17,952
Ever could."
290
00:10:17,954 --> 00:10:19,287
This is ridiculous, man.
291
00:10:19,289 --> 00:10:21,289
I'm out!
292
00:10:21,291 --> 00:10:23,058
I can buy my own pizza.
293
00:10:23,060 --> 00:10:25,527
Can somebody please
loan me $15?
294
00:10:25,529 --> 00:10:27,295
And maybe like 20, 25,
depending on toppings,
295
00:10:27,297 --> 00:10:28,630
'cause i'd love to get
a bunch of ham.
296
00:10:28,632 --> 00:10:30,365
Ham.
What about the tip, dude?
What about tip?
297
00:10:30,367 --> 00:10:31,800
I don't give tips.
It's for delivery.
298
00:10:31,802 --> 00:10:32,901
You don't tip
delivery people, ever.
299
00:10:32,903 --> 00:10:34,135
You definitely tip
delivery people, but...
300
00:10:34,137 --> 00:10:35,737
Guys. Guys.
301
00:10:35,739 --> 00:10:38,206
I get sponges, this solves
all our problems. Okay?
302
00:10:38,208 --> 00:10:40,041
I make more money,
nick gets his room back,
303
00:10:40,043 --> 00:10:41,743
I get my life
back on track.
304
00:10:41,745 --> 00:10:43,712
Punting the sweet fantastic.
305
00:10:43,714 --> 00:10:45,847
For the last time, schmidt,
that doesn't mean anything!
306
00:10:45,849 --> 00:10:47,215
Fine. But i'm gonna
need one hour
307
00:10:47,217 --> 00:10:48,683
In a quiet room
to get into character.
308
00:10:48,685 --> 00:10:50,151
No.
Right on.
309
00:10:50,153 --> 00:10:53,321
After long and thoughtful
and careful consideration,
310
00:10:53,323 --> 00:10:54,723
Winston is in.
311
00:10:54,725 --> 00:10:57,892
Okay.
Assuming pizza
is still on the table.
312
00:11:02,933 --> 00:11:04,399
Say "pizza" one more
time, winston.
313
00:11:04,401 --> 00:11:05,533
No, just don't.
Just don't.
314
00:11:05,535 --> 00:11:06,935
No, we just never talked about
315
00:11:06,937 --> 00:11:08,570
When we're gonna...
Don't.
316
00:11:08,572 --> 00:11:10,572
Just don't bring it up.
He's getting really mad.
317
00:11:10,574 --> 00:11:12,207
Like, delivery of...
Say "pizza." say
"pizza" one more time.
318
00:11:12,209 --> 00:11:13,842
Don't say it again.
Say "pizza" again.
319
00:11:13,844 --> 00:11:15,110
Pizza.
Say "pizza"
one more time,
320
00:11:15,112 --> 00:11:16,778
I'm gonna k-kill you!
I just thought
321
00:11:16,780 --> 00:11:18,747
Maybe we'd talk about toppings,
perhaps, or something.
322
00:11:18,749 --> 00:11:21,282
Okay.
323
00:11:21,284 --> 00:11:22,884
Not a mirror.
324
00:11:22,886 --> 00:11:24,452
Not a mirror,
you idiot.
325
00:11:24,454 --> 00:11:25,687
Not a mirror.
326
00:11:25,689 --> 00:11:30,191
Sponges make me feel exhilarated
more than any...
327
00:11:30,193 --> 00:11:32,927
Did you just say "sponges
make me feel exhilarated"?
328
00:11:32,929 --> 00:11:34,929
(chuckles):
No, no. I-i..
329
00:11:34,931 --> 00:11:36,397
What do you think of sponges?
330
00:11:36,399 --> 00:11:38,900
They're stupid.
That's how i feel.
(laughs)
331
00:11:38,902 --> 00:11:41,302
I mean, who cares?
Ex... That's
exactly how i feel.
332
00:11:41,304 --> 00:11:43,037
What do you think
of this whole place?
333
00:11:43,039 --> 00:11:44,773
I'd rather not be here.
334
00:11:44,775 --> 00:11:46,441
"be here" is what
i was about to say.
335
00:11:46,443 --> 00:11:48,443
I'm nick.
I'm brittany.
336
00:11:48,445 --> 00:11:50,478
Oh, my god, we have
so much in common.
337
00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,412
Okay.
338
00:11:51,414 --> 00:11:53,081
My dad can't marry her.
339
00:11:53,083 --> 00:11:55,116
He gets hurt in relationships
with normal women.
340
00:11:55,118 --> 00:11:57,552
Yeah.
He can't handle
a recovering sex addict.
341
00:11:57,554 --> 00:11:59,554
No.
What if she relapses?
342
00:11:59,556 --> 00:12:02,090
It would crush him.
It would crush his heart.
343
00:12:02,092 --> 00:12:04,292
I can't let this happen.
I have to protect him.
344
00:12:04,294 --> 00:12:07,796
So what are you gonna do?
I could write him a letter
about my feelings.
345
00:12:07,798 --> 00:12:10,598
We... Yeah, but her
phone is in her purse,
346
00:12:10,600 --> 00:12:13,401
And we could check her
phone for dirt on her.
347
00:12:15,772 --> 00:12:17,505
But he hates letters.
348
00:12:17,507 --> 00:12:19,507
He always gets so frustrated
opening the envelope.
349
00:12:19,509 --> 00:12:22,577
You know you want to check her
phone. You know you want to.
350
00:12:22,579 --> 00:12:24,579
Cece, we're adults; we're gonna
handle this like adults.
351
00:12:24,581 --> 00:12:25,647
We're not snooping.
352
00:12:25,649 --> 00:12:26,848
You're right,
you're right.
353
00:12:26,850 --> 00:12:28,082
That is...
That's a huge violation
354
00:12:28,084 --> 00:12:29,818
Of privacy;
you can't do that.
355
00:12:29,820 --> 00:12:31,686
Put that...
What does it say?
356
00:12:31,688 --> 00:12:33,121
It's bad.
357
00:12:33,123 --> 00:12:35,190
Mm.
Give that to me.
358
00:12:35,192 --> 00:12:36,491
(gasps)
359
00:12:36,493 --> 00:12:38,660
Dad, she's cheating on you!
360
00:12:38,662 --> 00:12:40,094
What?
361
00:12:40,096 --> 00:12:41,196
Yeah, just ask jim.
362
00:12:41,198 --> 00:12:43,264
At 10:40, jim heard
she was in town.
363
00:12:43,266 --> 00:12:45,667
At 11:52,
364
00:12:45,669 --> 00:12:48,369
Jim had his hands
down his pants.
365
00:12:48,371 --> 00:12:49,704
And at 11:53...
366
00:12:49,706 --> 00:12:51,506
Cumin?
367
00:12:51,508 --> 00:12:53,541
What, is he
cooking cumin?
368
00:12:53,543 --> 00:12:54,776
(clears throat)
369
00:12:54,778 --> 00:12:56,177
Oh, my god.
370
00:12:56,179 --> 00:12:58,646
My dad is the best guy in
the world, and you better
371
00:12:58,648 --> 00:13:01,316
Hit the damn road, unless
you want to say hello to
372
00:13:01,318 --> 00:13:03,852
My old friends
crabtree and evelyn.
373
00:13:03,854 --> 00:13:06,855
That's my work phone.
I'm a sex therapist.
374
00:13:07,724 --> 00:13:08,823
Jim is my client.
375
00:13:08,825 --> 00:13:11,159
Your... Your client?
376
00:13:11,161 --> 00:13:13,494
Client!
Client.
377
00:13:13,496 --> 00:13:14,963
Client.
Client.
378
00:13:14,965 --> 00:13:17,832
Am i supposed
to say "client" now?
379
00:13:17,834 --> 00:13:20,134
I'm gonna go.
This was clearly a mistake.
380
00:13:20,971 --> 00:13:22,036
No.
381
00:13:22,038 --> 00:13:23,071
And for the record,
382
00:13:23,073 --> 00:13:24,973
George jiang gave me giardia.
383
00:13:24,975 --> 00:13:27,008
I saved you from
a hideous river disease.
384
00:13:27,010 --> 00:13:29,377
Thank you.
385
00:13:33,049 --> 00:13:35,016
Damn it. She won't answer
any of my calls.
386
00:13:35,018 --> 00:13:36,885
I left ten voice mails.
387
00:13:36,887 --> 00:13:39,654
Two of them, i'm screaming.
Three, i'm crying.
388
00:13:39,656 --> 00:13:42,390
One is a long silent one.
Nothing!
389
00:13:42,392 --> 00:13:44,525
And it's all your fault--
both of you guys.
390
00:13:44,527 --> 00:13:45,827
But mostly you.
391
00:13:45,829 --> 00:13:47,161
Look, dad, i'm so sorry.
392
00:13:47,163 --> 00:13:48,830
Is there anything i can do...
393
00:13:48,832 --> 00:13:50,732
There's nothing more
that you can do.
394
00:13:50,734 --> 00:13:53,401
I-i knew this was a mistake
bringing her here.
395
00:13:53,403 --> 00:13:55,503
Wait, dad.
396
00:13:55,505 --> 00:13:57,405
(door slams)
397
00:14:00,043 --> 00:14:01,409
Schmidt: So, uh, why
don't you tell me
398
00:14:01,411 --> 00:14:03,244
What you think about
that sponge there, coach.
399
00:14:03,246 --> 00:14:05,413
I mean... (clears throat)
ernie.
400
00:14:05,415 --> 00:14:07,248
I don't know why
i would call you coach.
401
00:14:07,250 --> 00:14:08,583
Okay.
402
00:14:08,585 --> 00:14:10,218
Um...
(clears throat)
403
00:14:10,220 --> 00:14:11,686
Well, i love sponges
404
00:14:11,688 --> 00:14:13,888
Because they connect
my heart to my hand.
405
00:14:13,890 --> 00:14:16,591
Wow, thank you so much for that.
I wish my buddies
could see me now.
406
00:14:16,593 --> 00:14:18,726
What?
They'd be all like, "hey, man,
407
00:14:18,728 --> 00:14:20,929
Let me get a hit of
that squishy whip."
408
00:14:20,931 --> 00:14:23,898
Right on. Way to, uh,
add your own take.
409
00:14:23,900 --> 00:14:26,100
Uh, to-to your...
To your own take.
410
00:14:26,102 --> 00:14:27,802
Winston: You know, i-i have
something i'd like to add.
411
00:14:27,804 --> 00:14:29,304
Please.
Um, i like cleaning.
412
00:14:29,306 --> 00:14:30,638
You like cleaning.
It is the only thing
413
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:33,574
I can control in a world
filled with chaos.
414
00:14:33,576 --> 00:14:34,876
Thank you.
May i add,
415
00:14:34,878 --> 00:14:40,114
I am thor, and this is
my hammer, mjÃ♪lnir.
416
00:14:40,116 --> 00:14:41,916
M... Melnir. MjÃ♪lnir.
417
00:14:41,918 --> 00:14:44,819
Okay, wonderful detail.
Thank you so much for that.
418
00:14:44,821 --> 00:14:46,955
Uh, how about you down there,
mayor of the corner?
419
00:14:46,957 --> 00:14:48,289
(chuckles)
420
00:14:48,291 --> 00:14:49,791
(pounds table) nick.
What?
421
00:14:49,793 --> 00:14:51,826
How does cleaning
make you feel?
422
00:14:51,828 --> 00:14:53,661
Uh, like i-i'm cleaning. Move on
to somebody else, please.
423
00:14:53,663 --> 00:14:55,830
(quietly): Read the cards that
i gave you. Remember the cards?
424
00:14:55,832 --> 00:14:57,398
Not now.
(pounds table) read your cards!
425
00:14:57,400 --> 00:14:59,634
You want to know what i
think about your sponges?!
426
00:14:59,636 --> 00:15:01,069
(imitates farting)
427
00:15:01,071 --> 00:15:02,603
(laughs)
428
00:15:02,605 --> 00:15:03,905
(laughs)
429
00:15:03,907 --> 00:15:05,573
Well, this is
clearly rigged.
430
00:15:05,575 --> 00:15:06,741
My office.
431
00:15:06,743 --> 00:15:08,409
Now, schmidt.
432
00:15:08,411 --> 00:15:09,811
Schmidt...
433
00:15:12,082 --> 00:15:14,015
Schmidt, i'm sorry.
(door closes)
434
00:15:16,119 --> 00:15:17,452
Dad.
435
00:15:17,454 --> 00:15:19,320
Thanks for waiting.
436
00:15:19,322 --> 00:15:21,956
I wasn't waiting. I just can't
get this damn thing started.
437
00:15:21,958 --> 00:15:23,825
You're just pressing buttons.
438
00:15:23,827 --> 00:15:27,028
This was supposed to be a big
weekend for me and ashley.
439
00:15:27,030 --> 00:15:28,129
I had everything
planned.
440
00:15:28,131 --> 00:15:31,966
I-i even wrote new
lyrics to our-our song.
441
00:15:31,968 --> 00:15:37,739
(high-pitched):
♪ ashley, marry me... ♪
442
00:15:41,378 --> 00:15:42,710
(engine starts)
443
00:15:42,712 --> 00:15:44,779
Y-you didn't have to
do that, you know.
444
00:15:44,781 --> 00:15:46,114
I can take care of myself.
445
00:15:46,116 --> 00:15:47,982
Can you?
446
00:15:47,984 --> 00:15:49,617
Dad, if i hadn't
447
00:15:49,619 --> 00:15:52,053
Protected you after
you and mom's divorce,
448
00:15:52,055 --> 00:15:54,389
You would've ended up
with nancy zimmerman.
449
00:15:54,391 --> 00:15:56,624
Oh, nancy zimmerman.
She was bad news, dad.
450
00:15:56,626 --> 00:15:58,526
Ooh, v-very bad. You don't
know the half of it.
451
00:15:58,528 --> 00:16:00,828
That woman made me
try cocaine in 2005.
452
00:16:00,830 --> 00:16:01,662
What, dad?!
453
00:16:01,664 --> 00:16:03,297
Booger sugar?
Yes.
454
00:16:03,299 --> 00:16:04,832
Nicaraguan yazz.
455
00:16:04,834 --> 00:16:06,968
Are you kidding me?
It was a very
expensive evening.
456
00:16:06,970 --> 00:16:10,071
I wound up buying
his and her jet skis.
457
00:16:10,073 --> 00:16:13,207
The point is i'm
still standing,
458
00:16:13,209 --> 00:16:16,010
And i can take
care of myself.
459
00:16:16,012 --> 00:16:19,847
Yes, i might get hurt,
but that'll be my problem.
460
00:16:19,849 --> 00:16:22,417
You don't need to
do it anymore, jess.
461
00:16:22,419 --> 00:16:25,219
I should be taking
care of you.
462
00:16:26,589 --> 00:16:30,525
Ashley is different from
any woman i've ever dated.
463
00:16:30,527 --> 00:16:33,361
She-she makes
every day better.
464
00:16:33,363 --> 00:16:37,365
I-i want to spend the
rest of my life with her.
465
00:16:37,367 --> 00:16:40,868
Aw, dad, that's so sweet.
466
00:16:40,870 --> 00:16:42,070
(car alarm chirps)
hey!
467
00:16:42,072 --> 00:16:43,204
Hey, th... Ashley!
468
00:16:43,206 --> 00:16:44,672
Jess:
What did she do?
469
00:16:44,674 --> 00:16:46,874
She went out and found a guy?
470
00:16:46,876 --> 00:16:48,209
She's gonna relapse. Um...
471
00:16:48,211 --> 00:16:50,011
Oh, we have to turn her off.
Ashley...
472
00:16:50,013 --> 00:16:52,480
Let's turn on npr
and blare it.
Oh...
473
00:16:56,753 --> 00:16:58,019
Ashley, wait.
Wait a minute. Please.
474
00:16:58,021 --> 00:16:59,587
Please don't do this. Please.
475
00:16:59,589 --> 00:17:00,855
Jess: Ashley, if
you're gonna relapse,
476
00:17:00,857 --> 00:17:02,223
Relapse with my dad.
477
00:17:02,225 --> 00:17:04,559
I'm not relapsing.
478
00:17:04,561 --> 00:17:06,627
This is roy.
He's my l.A. Sponsor.
479
00:17:06,629 --> 00:17:08,429
Bob:
This is roy? Oh!
480
00:17:08,431 --> 00:17:10,865
You know, i-i always wanted
to meet you. Hi.
481
00:17:10,867 --> 00:17:13,301
Jess, he's not a strange man.
482
00:17:13,303 --> 00:17:15,303
He's a sex addict.
483
00:17:15,305 --> 00:17:17,872
Former sex addict.
Uh, current chocoholic.
484
00:17:17,874 --> 00:17:20,441
I'd be in trouble
if you were black.
485
00:17:20,443 --> 00:17:22,043
Thank you?
486
00:17:22,045 --> 00:17:24,946
Ashley, look, i screwed up.
487
00:17:24,948 --> 00:17:27,081
I have to let my dad
make mistakes.
488
00:17:27,083 --> 00:17:28,216
Oh, i'm a mistake?
489
00:17:28,218 --> 00:17:29,383
No, you are not a mistake.
490
00:17:29,385 --> 00:17:30,651
That came out wrong.
491
00:17:30,653 --> 00:17:32,487
I'm sorry, bob.
492
00:17:32,489 --> 00:17:34,989
I never meant to come
between you and your daughter.
493
00:17:34,991 --> 00:17:36,390
I love you
so damn much.
494
00:17:36,392 --> 00:17:39,393
You're my big, round, bald,
495
00:17:39,395 --> 00:17:40,895
Fuzzy weeble-wobble.
496
00:17:40,897 --> 00:17:44,298
But i just...
I just need a little space.
497
00:17:49,405 --> 00:17:51,005
It's not over, dad.
498
00:17:51,007 --> 00:17:52,406
Get the ring.
499
00:17:52,408 --> 00:17:53,608
I'm sorry, schmidt.
500
00:17:53,610 --> 00:17:54,976
What can i say?
501
00:17:54,978 --> 00:17:56,777
You're just not really built
to play with the big girls.
502
00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:58,646
Don't fire him!
Oh, god.
503
00:17:58,648 --> 00:18:01,282
What the... Why?
Give him the account.
504
00:18:01,284 --> 00:18:04,252
He's a hard worker,
and he's a neat freak.
505
00:18:04,254 --> 00:18:07,355
How do i know that?
'cause i share a room with him.
506
00:18:07,357 --> 00:18:08,456
You two share a room?
507
00:18:08,458 --> 00:18:09,824
And you should see
his side.
508
00:18:09,826 --> 00:18:13,327
It is so clean. It looks like
the inside of a japanese subway.
509
00:18:13,329 --> 00:18:15,696
Speaking of sharing a bedroom,
brittany's coming over tonight.
510
00:18:15,698 --> 00:18:19,267
Uh, so i'm gonna need ten
to 15 minutes of privacy for...
511
00:18:19,269 --> 00:18:20,968
I don't need 15 minutes.
That's excessive.
512
00:18:20,970 --> 00:18:22,270
Give me five to ten.
513
00:18:22,272 --> 00:18:24,672
That feels braggy.
Give me three to five,
514
00:18:24,674 --> 00:18:26,707
But no less than three
'cause that's rude to girls.
515
00:18:26,709 --> 00:18:28,643
Do you really think that
she's gonna have sex with you
516
00:18:28,645 --> 00:18:30,945
In that pulp-covered
filth bunker?
I'll throw a tarp down.
517
00:18:30,947 --> 00:18:32,346
Oh, god.
Schmidt:
What if she's turned off
518
00:18:32,348 --> 00:18:35,016
By the mess?
What if she's turned off by...
519
00:18:36,953 --> 00:18:39,387
What if she's turned
off by the mess?
520
00:18:39,389 --> 00:18:41,055
Hey, gina, why don't you hear me
out here for a second.
521
00:18:41,057 --> 00:18:42,857
That's all right.
If nick cleans his room
522
00:18:42,859 --> 00:18:44,659
Before brittany comes
over, he might get laid.
523
00:18:44,661 --> 00:18:47,161
I don't know.
It seems like a lot of work.
524
00:18:47,163 --> 00:18:48,963
Not with the right tool.
525
00:18:48,965 --> 00:18:50,698
We open up
on a modern man
526
00:18:50,700 --> 00:18:52,500
With a nose that only
america could love.
527
00:18:52,502 --> 00:18:53,467
This might seem obvious,
528
00:18:53,469 --> 00:18:55,002
But what side does
the dirty stuff go on?
529
00:18:55,004 --> 00:18:56,337
He doesn't know a lot,
530
00:18:56,339 --> 00:18:58,472
But he's about to discover
the ultimate wingman.
531
00:18:58,474 --> 00:18:59,674
Nick:
I bet this side is
532
00:18:59,676 --> 00:19:00,975
Really good for tough areas.
533
00:19:00,977 --> 00:19:02,643
The man sponge.
534
00:19:02,645 --> 00:19:04,745
Because the dirtiest
thing in your room...
535
00:19:04,747 --> 00:19:06,480
Probably be her.
(chuckles)
536
00:19:06,482 --> 00:19:08,249
Yay. We're doing a pitch.
537
00:19:08,251 --> 00:19:09,550
Yeah.
(chuckles)
538
00:19:09,552 --> 00:19:13,487
I... Can't believe
i'm saying this,
539
00:19:13,489 --> 00:19:14,855
But i like it.
540
00:19:14,857 --> 00:19:16,657
All right, you get
the sponge account, schmidt.
541
00:19:16,659 --> 00:19:18,259
Sponges.
We got sponges.
542
00:19:18,261 --> 00:19:20,261
We got sponges.
We got sponges.
We got sponges.
543
00:19:20,263 --> 00:19:21,862
Jess:
Wait!
544
00:19:21,864 --> 00:19:24,699
Ashley! My dad loves you!
545
00:19:24,701 --> 00:19:25,666
No matter what! Wait!
546
00:19:25,668 --> 00:19:27,935
♪ ashley... ♪
547
00:19:27,937 --> 00:19:29,937
On your right!
Left side!
On your right.
On your left.
548
00:19:29,939 --> 00:19:30,705
(jess whimpering)
549
00:19:30,707 --> 00:19:32,540
On your right!
Left!
550
00:19:32,542 --> 00:19:33,908
Right!
Bread and butter.
551
00:19:33,910 --> 00:19:35,176
On your left.
On your right.
552
00:19:35,178 --> 00:19:36,177
(jess continues whimpering)
553
00:19:36,179 --> 00:19:37,178
Oh, my god!
554
00:19:37,180 --> 00:19:39,513
Left side!
Left side!
555
00:19:39,515 --> 00:19:41,582
♪ ashl... ♪
on your right!
556
00:19:41,584 --> 00:19:42,917
Bob:
Jess!
557
00:19:42,919 --> 00:19:45,086
Jess, baby, baby, are you okay?
Oh.
558
00:19:45,088 --> 00:19:48,022
You... Here, come on, come on.
Let's get you to a hospital.
Yeah. Yes.
559
00:19:48,024 --> 00:19:49,790
Oh, my god!
Is she okay?
I don't know.
560
00:19:49,792 --> 00:19:50,791
I mean, are you okay?
561
00:19:50,793 --> 00:19:52,593
You need to do
it now, dad,
562
00:19:52,595 --> 00:19:55,029
Before we get flattened
by a parade. Come on.
563
00:19:58,601 --> 00:20:01,102
Ashley... Will you marry me?
564
00:20:01,104 --> 00:20:04,372
And be the stepmom
to a very crazy
565
00:20:04,374 --> 00:20:07,375
But-but very lovable woman?
566
00:20:07,377 --> 00:20:09,710
(chuckles):
Yes.
567
00:20:09,712 --> 00:20:13,414
Yes. Yes!
568
00:20:13,416 --> 00:20:14,615
Oh, yes!
569
00:20:14,617 --> 00:20:17,485
Jess, you're
my little girl now.
570
00:20:17,487 --> 00:20:18,753
Oh, jess.
571
00:20:18,755 --> 00:20:20,721
You go to your room.
(laughs): I'm just kidding.
572
00:20:20,723 --> 00:20:24,058
I'm kidding. But you should
go to a-a hospital.
573
00:20:25,295 --> 00:20:28,229
Here's to attending a wedding
with everyone from high school
574
00:20:28,231 --> 00:20:30,097
And my dad's side of the family.
575
00:20:30,099 --> 00:20:31,899
It's gonna be great.
It's like going to prom
576
00:20:31,901 --> 00:20:33,501
With all my dad's friends.
Nick: Hear, hear!
577
00:20:33,503 --> 00:20:34,468
(cheering)
578
00:20:34,470 --> 00:20:36,404
Oh.
Oh.
579
00:20:36,406 --> 00:20:37,571
No, no, no, no.
Don't worry, don't worry.
580
00:20:37,573 --> 00:20:39,073
I got it. I got it.
I'll just clean it.
581
00:20:39,075 --> 00:20:40,274
Coach:
Dude, there's a sponge
582
00:20:40,276 --> 00:20:42,310
In your hand.
Schmidt: No, let him go.
583
00:20:42,312 --> 00:20:44,111
He's my inspiration.
You know, living with him
584
00:20:44,113 --> 00:20:47,615
In that slovenly hellhole
has been a secret blessing.
585
00:20:47,617 --> 00:20:48,582
It's made me stronger.
586
00:20:48,584 --> 00:20:49,684
Without ash to rise from,
587
00:20:49,686 --> 00:20:51,819
The phoenix would just be
a bird getting up.
588
00:20:51,821 --> 00:20:53,754
I am a phoenix, and i will rise.
589
00:20:53,756 --> 00:20:55,823
He usually says that speech
before sex.
590
00:20:55,825 --> 00:20:57,758
By 2015, i will have
my own room.
591
00:20:57,760 --> 00:20:59,994
And by 2016...
592
00:21:02,098 --> 00:21:03,531
Coach:
What is he looking at?
I don't know.
593
00:21:03,533 --> 00:21:05,866
...I will be a millionaire.
(all groaning)
594
00:21:05,868 --> 00:21:08,569
(piano playing gentle music)
595
00:21:19,782 --> 00:21:21,382
(gasps)
596
00:21:21,384 --> 00:21:23,684
Spongey make wipey.
597
00:21:23,686 --> 00:21:25,820
Announcer:
The man sponge.
598
00:21:25,822 --> 00:21:28,489
Because the dirtiest thing
in your room...
599
00:21:28,491 --> 00:21:31,525
Should be me.
600
00:21:31,527 --> 00:21:33,461
Sponge. Sponge. Sponge.
Sponge. Sponge.
Sponge. Sponge. Sponge.
601
00:21:33,463 --> 00:21:36,063
Captioned by
media access group at wgbh
access.Wgbh.Org