1
00:00:02,238 --> 00:00:03,471
Gentlemen, three months ago,
2
00:00:03,473 --> 00:00:05,073
I bravely re-entered
the dating pool.
3
00:00:05,075 --> 00:00:06,908
And how has this city
rewarded me?
4
00:00:06,910 --> 00:00:09,210
With an endless parade
of weirdo ass clowns.
5
00:00:09,212 --> 00:00:11,112
Hard to say who was the worst.
6
00:00:11,114 --> 00:00:12,781
Comedy magician.
No, it's the guy
with the little ding-ding.
7
00:00:12,783 --> 00:00:14,916
The lion tamer.
Never went out
with a lion tamer.
8
00:00:14,918 --> 00:00:17,152
Then I am having
some vivid dreams.
9
00:00:17,154 --> 00:00:18,420
The point is,
10
00:00:18,422 --> 00:00:20,422
Ian has asked me out
on a third date.
11
00:00:20,424 --> 00:00:22,724
Ooh.
- And this is the biggest
compliment I could give:
12
00:00:22,726 --> 00:00:24,592
I want to go.
13
00:00:24,594 --> 00:00:26,728
Because I like him.
Boo.
14
00:00:26,730 --> 00:00:28,730
That's not a reason.
And, frankly, it's been a while.
15
00:00:28,732 --> 00:00:30,098
And the third date is where
16
00:00:30,100 --> 00:00:32,968
¶ Mama gets her biscuit. ¶
(chuckles)
17
00:00:32,970 --> 00:00:35,637
Mama gets her biscuit.
I don't understand.
18
00:00:35,639 --> 00:00:37,305
It's sex.
Oh!
19
00:00:37,307 --> 00:00:38,807
Yeah!
- Now, that's a reason!
20
00:00:38,809 --> 00:00:40,075
Anyway, I'm bringing him
home tonight,
21
00:00:40,077 --> 00:00:42,077
so let's keep
those toilets flushed.
22
00:00:42,079 --> 00:00:44,946
That means stick around.
Take a second look.
23
00:00:44,948 --> 00:00:47,015
How'd you tell Ian about
the fun surprise that
you still live with your ex?
24
00:00:47,017 --> 00:00:48,149
All right.
25
00:00:48,151 --> 00:00:49,351
Well, I haven't told him yet.
26
00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:50,919
Uh, tricky conversation.
27
00:00:50,921 --> 00:00:52,821
I'm thinking
of something simple like,
28
00:00:52,823 --> 00:00:55,156
"Hey, Ian, I live with my ex."
29
00:00:55,158 --> 00:00:57,492
No. No, no. When a guy
hears that, he is going to
30
00:00:57,494 --> 00:00:59,327
run through the wall
like the Kool-Aid Man.
31
00:00:59,329 --> 00:01:01,663
Here's a fun idea. You can put
a hat on him with antlers.
32
00:01:01,665 --> 00:01:06,334
This way, the hole he makes in
the wall will make us all smile.
33
00:01:06,336 --> 00:01:07,836
Nick brings home girls
all the time.
34
00:01:07,838 --> 00:01:09,637
There's no problem.
No complaints here.
35
00:01:09,639 --> 00:01:11,373
It'll make you forget
every botanical garden
36
00:01:11,375 --> 00:01:12,841
you've ever seen.
37
00:01:12,843 --> 00:01:14,075
I live with my ex-girlfriend.
38
00:01:15,144 --> 00:01:16,945
And after the
farmer's market...
39
00:01:16,947 --> 00:01:18,279
I live with my ex.
40
00:01:19,181 --> 00:01:20,181
Let's have sex again.
41
00:01:20,183 --> 00:01:21,282
I live with my ex.
42
00:01:21,284 --> 00:01:23,284
(sighs)
43
00:01:23,286 --> 00:01:24,819
Damn it. Too quick.
44
00:01:24,821 --> 00:01:26,488
Hey, if you're looking
to scare somebody off,
45
00:01:26,490 --> 00:01:28,123
it's basically a gold mine.
46
00:01:28,125 --> 00:01:30,525
Nobody cares that we're exes
who live together.
47
00:01:30,527 --> 00:01:32,594
(groans)
I got to go.
48
00:01:33,629 --> 00:01:35,530
Okay, that doesn't
prove anything.
49
00:01:35,532 --> 00:01:37,866
Just for the record, I'm leaving
'cause you live with your ex.
50
00:01:37,868 --> 00:01:40,035
It's gross.
And disgusting.
51
00:01:40,037 --> 00:01:42,337
And I'm gonna steal some stuff.
52
00:01:42,339 --> 00:01:43,705
Take what you want, honey.
53
00:01:43,707 --> 00:01:45,807
COACH:
We don't read those anymore.
54
00:01:47,410 --> 00:01:48,843
(door closes)
55
00:01:48,845 --> 00:01:52,247
Nick, who are these girls?
56
00:01:52,249 --> 00:01:54,149
They're not the best.
57
00:01:59,922 --> 00:02:03,158
Jess, guys hate
complicated situations.
58
00:02:03,160 --> 00:02:05,593
We want the path
of least resistance.
59
00:02:05,595 --> 00:02:08,196
There's a flap in our underwear
because we are too lazy
60
00:02:08,198 --> 00:02:09,864
to pull our underpants down.
61
00:02:09,866 --> 00:02:11,733
No offense, Nick, but...
62
00:02:11,735 --> 00:02:14,669
Ian's a little different from
you or the women you bring home.
63
00:02:14,671 --> 00:02:16,571
The... tavern folk.
64
00:02:16,573 --> 00:02:19,074
Have some respect.
They're called Uh-Ohs.
65
00:02:19,076 --> 00:02:22,043
And I've been through a lot
of names: Pork Pals,
- Mm-hmm.
66
00:02:22,045 --> 00:02:23,344
Okay.
- Bone Cronies,
67
00:02:23,346 --> 00:02:25,080
Right.
- C-Plussy Hussies.
68
00:02:25,082 --> 00:02:25,780
Very reverent.
But "Uh-Oh"
69
00:02:25,782 --> 00:02:27,182
takes it off of them
70
00:02:27,184 --> 00:02:29,117
and back onto me
where it belongs.
71
00:02:29,119 --> 00:02:31,252
I made the mistake, not them.
They're great.
72
00:02:31,254 --> 00:02:33,221
You really are a prince
among men, Nick.
73
00:02:33,223 --> 00:02:35,123
Aw, that's awfully nice.
I feel like I'm maturing.
74
00:02:35,125 --> 00:02:36,591
All I'm saying is that, somehow,
75
00:02:36,593 --> 00:02:39,027
Ian is even more mature
than you are.
76
00:02:39,029 --> 00:02:40,929
And that's why I think
he'll understand
77
00:02:40,931 --> 00:02:44,365
when I tell him in a mature
adult way, I live with my ex,
78
00:02:44,367 --> 00:02:45,800
but there's nothing
to worry about.
79
00:02:45,802 --> 00:02:48,036
Can I suggest a tweak?
Fine.
80
00:02:48,038 --> 00:02:49,804
"I live with my ex, but
there's nothing to worry about
81
00:02:49,806 --> 00:02:51,206
because he's gay now."
No.
82
00:02:51,208 --> 00:02:53,108
"Because he has weeks to live."
No.
83
00:02:53,110 --> 00:02:55,210
"Because he's already dead."
84
00:02:55,212 --> 00:02:57,145
What?
- Then I'll act like a ghost.
85
00:02:57,147 --> 00:02:58,780
No.
86
00:02:58,782 --> 00:03:00,248
(imitating ghost):
Consider it.
87
00:03:00,250 --> 00:03:02,984
No.
- Come on.
88
00:03:02,986 --> 00:03:04,652
That's the worst ghost
impression I've ever heard.
89
00:03:04,654 --> 00:03:06,621
This is the worst ghost
impression you've ever heard?
90
00:03:06,623 --> 00:03:08,923
(imitating ghost):
I'm a ghost.
91
00:03:08,925 --> 00:03:11,459
(scoffs)
There's way worse.
92
00:03:11,461 --> 00:03:12,794
(Winston humming softly)
93
00:03:12,796 --> 00:03:14,662
Anything for me?
94
00:03:14,664 --> 00:03:16,631
Oh, no, this isn't our mail.
This is our neighbors' mail.
95
00:03:16,633 --> 00:03:18,633
You see, Viv likes it
alphabetized.
96
00:03:18,635 --> 00:03:21,803
Yet Michelle likes it
according to size. (chuckles)
97
00:03:21,805 --> 00:03:22,971
Hashtag "go figure," right?
98
00:03:22,973 --> 00:03:24,606
Hashtag "did you see
how I rhymed?"
99
00:03:24,608 --> 00:03:26,107
I want to choke you
until your eyes
100
00:03:26,109 --> 00:03:27,842
literally pop out
of your head.
101
00:03:27,844 --> 00:03:30,478
Those girls are not
going to sleep with you.
102
00:03:30,480 --> 00:03:33,781
They are hot. And nothing is
less hot than a male secretary.
103
00:03:33,783 --> 00:03:36,317
(imitates record scratching)
104
00:03:36,319 --> 00:03:37,652
What?
105
00:03:37,654 --> 00:03:39,654
I think somebody needs
to take a good long look
106
00:03:39,656 --> 00:03:42,824
at Defense Secretary
Chuck Hagel.
107
00:03:42,826 --> 00:03:44,492
Dude's eyes are so pouchy,
108
00:03:44,494 --> 00:03:47,328
he can barely see anything,
and he's still killing it.
109
00:03:47,330 --> 00:03:50,698
Girls don't have sex with
guys who sort their mail.
110
00:03:50,700 --> 00:03:53,635
Look, I am playing
the long game here, Coach,
111
00:03:53,637 --> 00:03:56,437
weaving myself into the
fabric of their lives.
112
00:03:56,439 --> 00:03:58,039
Pretty soon I'll
be as permanent
113
00:03:58,041 --> 00:04:01,109
as the will that I
helped them draw up.
114
00:04:01,111 --> 00:04:03,144
Oh, Winston, thank
God you're here.
115
00:04:03,146 --> 00:04:04,646
The toilet won't flush.
116
00:04:04,648 --> 00:04:05,680
Did you jiggle the handle?
117
00:04:05,682 --> 00:04:07,048
No, it's not
working for us.
118
00:04:07,050 --> 00:04:09,250
Here.
- Oh.
119
00:04:10,886 --> 00:04:12,387
I'm not here to do any chores.
120
00:04:12,389 --> 00:04:14,155
You guys want
to hang out tonight?
121
00:04:14,157 --> 00:04:15,523
Sure.
- Sure.
- Right on.
122
00:04:15,525 --> 00:04:16,824
Right on. That's what's up.
123
00:04:16,826 --> 00:04:19,661
WINSTON: Coach, I really need
my stilts and a plunger!
124
00:04:19,663 --> 00:04:22,163
Eh, I don't care.
125
00:04:22,165 --> 00:04:23,731
I'm happy
to lend you a bra,
126
00:04:23,733 --> 00:04:25,733
but I don't think I have
anything that would fit you.
127
00:04:25,735 --> 00:04:27,202
That's the Peter Pan.
128
00:04:27,204 --> 00:04:28,836
That'll smash 'em down good,
129
00:04:28,838 --> 00:04:30,071
but you'll never
get those in there.
130
00:04:30,073 --> 00:04:31,339
I know. I just wanted to see
131
00:04:31,341 --> 00:04:32,907
what it would feel like
to be your size.
132
00:04:32,909 --> 00:04:34,742
Are we doing, like,
a boob Freaky Friday?
133
00:04:34,744 --> 00:04:37,912
Because I don't want to lug
yours around. They're a load.
134
00:04:37,914 --> 00:04:39,814
I know. That's the whole point.
That's why all the women
135
00:04:39,816 --> 00:04:41,082
in my family have back trouble,
you know?
136
00:04:41,084 --> 00:04:42,183
(groans)
137
00:04:42,185 --> 00:04:43,885
So, now that I have
insurance, though,
138
00:04:43,887 --> 00:04:45,220
I was thinking
maybe I could have, like,
139
00:04:45,222 --> 00:04:46,588
breast reduction surgery.
140
00:04:46,590 --> 00:04:48,223
SCHMIDT (in distance):
No!
141
00:04:48,225 --> 00:04:50,491
(footsteps running)
142
00:04:50,493 --> 00:04:53,061
(frantic knocking)
I wonder who this is.
143
00:04:53,063 --> 00:04:54,929
What?
144
00:04:56,098 --> 00:04:57,565
It's a boob reduction, Schmidt.
145
00:04:57,567 --> 00:04:58,900
Just accept it.
146
00:04:58,902 --> 00:05:00,568
Acceptance is stage five.
147
00:05:00,570 --> 00:05:02,904
I'm grieving, Cece.
There are five stages of grief.
148
00:05:02,906 --> 00:05:04,839
Stage one was denial.
149
00:05:04,841 --> 00:05:06,207
This is not happening,
this is not happening.
Yes, it is. Yes, it is.
150
00:05:06,209 --> 00:05:07,275
You're not getting
a boob reduction.
Yes, I am.
151
00:05:07,277 --> 00:05:08,243
This is not happening.
Yes, it is.
152
00:05:08,245 --> 00:05:09,611
Stage two was anger.
153
00:05:09,613 --> 00:05:11,012
Your breasts belong
to all of us!
154
00:05:11,014 --> 00:05:12,247
Okay.
155
00:05:12,249 --> 00:05:13,381
Who are you to decide?!
156
00:05:13,383 --> 00:05:15,183
Next will be stage
four, depression.
157
00:05:15,185 --> 00:05:16,851
And then stage
five, acceptance.
158
00:05:16,853 --> 00:05:19,354
But right now, I'm firmly
planted in stage three,
159
00:05:19,356 --> 00:05:20,755
bargaining.
160
00:05:20,757 --> 00:05:22,857
Dear God, if you stop
Cece's breast reduction,
- Okay.
161
00:05:22,859 --> 00:05:25,526
I'll circumcise Coach.
WINSTON: Whoa, Coach.
162
00:05:25,528 --> 00:05:27,295
Go out with them tonight?
Doesn't make any sense, man.
163
00:05:27,297 --> 00:05:29,364
And compromise
the long game? Ha.
164
00:05:29,366 --> 00:05:31,366
Not until I replace their
rocker switches with dimmers.
165
00:05:31,368 --> 00:05:33,468
Forget your long game,
Winston! Getting a girl
166
00:05:33,470 --> 00:05:35,470
to have sex with you is
not about planning ahead.
167
00:05:35,472 --> 00:05:37,071
It is about seizing
opportunities
168
00:05:37,073 --> 00:05:39,440
that you never saw coming.
It is instinct.
169
00:05:39,442 --> 00:05:40,575
All right?
It is improv.
170
00:05:40,577 --> 00:05:41,976
It is jazz, man.
171
00:05:41,978 --> 00:05:44,412
But with words. You dig?
And the words are,
172
00:05:44,414 --> 00:05:46,114
"Oh, yeah, girl,
I'm about to..."
173
00:05:46,116 --> 00:05:48,116
(scatting loudly)
174
00:05:48,118 --> 00:05:49,651
(phone vibrating)
175
00:05:49,653 --> 00:05:51,386
(humming quietly)
176
00:05:51,388 --> 00:05:53,388
(chuckles) Glen, my man,
tell me something good.
177
00:05:53,390 --> 00:05:54,989
And you better not be
trying to sell me
178
00:05:54,991 --> 00:05:57,091
some non-dimmable halogens,
you son of a...
179
00:05:57,093 --> 00:05:59,527
Where you at?
Are you kidding me?
180
00:06:00,462 --> 00:06:01,996
(sighs)
181
00:06:01,998 --> 00:06:03,765
Hey, buddy.
182
00:06:03,767 --> 00:06:06,634
You know what you need to
surround yourself with tonight?
183
00:06:06,636 --> 00:06:09,470
Four new boobs.
184
00:06:11,807 --> 00:06:13,775
On two different women?
185
00:06:13,777 --> 00:06:15,109
You're damn right.
186
00:06:15,111 --> 00:06:16,778
Take me to them.
187
00:06:16,780 --> 00:06:18,346
(laughs)
188
00:06:18,348 --> 00:06:21,115
Um, do you want to, like,
go find a bar, grab a drink?
189
00:06:21,117 --> 00:06:24,152
There's a bar that I like.
190
00:06:24,154 --> 00:06:27,155
It's called... my place.
191
00:06:27,157 --> 00:06:29,757
Great. Uh, is it...
You think it'll be crowded?
192
00:06:29,759 --> 00:06:31,526
You know I'm talking
about my house, right?
193
00:06:31,528 --> 00:06:33,127
Okay. Yeah, no, I wasn't...
I thought that was just
194
00:06:33,129 --> 00:06:34,829
a clever name, but now I do.
- No.
195
00:06:34,831 --> 00:06:36,931
And, yeah, let's go there.
196
00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:38,333
(laughs)
197
00:06:39,468 --> 00:06:41,202
Um, one thing I want to,
198
00:06:41,204 --> 00:06:43,371
uh, disclose to you
in a very mature
199
00:06:43,373 --> 00:06:46,374
adult way, I...
live with my ex.
200
00:06:46,376 --> 00:06:49,344
Okay. Uh, yeah,
you live with your ex.
- Yeah.
201
00:06:49,346 --> 00:06:50,845
But also three other guys.
202
00:06:50,847 --> 00:06:52,513
It's more zany than sexy.
203
00:06:52,515 --> 00:06:54,849
Okay. So it, like,
wasn't really serious?
204
00:06:54,851 --> 00:06:56,451
Oh, it was very serious.
205
00:06:56,453 --> 00:06:58,119
Did you say "I love you"?
206
00:06:58,121 --> 00:07:00,321
Not until he said it.
(chuckles)
207
00:07:00,323 --> 00:07:02,290
Uh, yeah, I don't think
I can do this.
208
00:07:02,292 --> 00:07:04,225
I'm sorry. I just...
- What?
209
00:07:04,227 --> 00:07:06,494
I've been on so many weird dates
lately. I'm just looking
No. Ian.
210
00:07:06,496 --> 00:07:07,895
for something easier. I...
No, Ian, Ian, Ian,
211
00:07:07,897 --> 00:07:09,964
Ian, Ian, look.
212
00:07:09,966 --> 00:07:13,568
Yes, I live with my ex.
213
00:07:13,570 --> 00:07:16,204
But there's nothing
to worry about.
214
00:07:17,339 --> 00:07:18,706
Because...
215
00:07:18,708 --> 00:07:21,209
Nick. You're gay.
216
00:07:21,211 --> 00:07:22,043
Huh?
- You're gay.
217
00:07:22,045 --> 00:07:24,078
Be gay. Be gay. Be gay.
218
00:07:24,080 --> 00:07:25,046
Be gay?
219
00:07:25,048 --> 00:07:26,581
Hey.
(chuckles)
220
00:07:26,583 --> 00:07:28,483
I just had to make sure
these animals flushed.
221
00:07:28,485 --> 00:07:30,251
Oh.
- Not you, you
fastidious queen.
222
00:07:31,353 --> 00:07:32,687
Oh, y-you must be Nick.
223
00:07:32,689 --> 00:07:35,656
Well, friends call me Gay Nick.
224
00:07:39,661 --> 00:07:41,562
My perfect Sunday-- sitting
here, watching the game,
225
00:07:41,564 --> 00:07:43,398
eating a pot pie
with a hot dude
226
00:07:43,400 --> 00:07:45,533
with no shirt on,
on my lap kissing me.
227
00:07:45,535 --> 00:07:47,735
Right on, man.
- Right on, man.
228
00:07:47,737 --> 00:07:48,936
All right.
- You got it.
229
00:07:48,938 --> 00:07:50,338
(imitates explosion)
230
00:07:50,340 --> 00:07:51,739
Uh, can I use
your restroom?
231
00:07:51,741 --> 00:07:53,040
Yeah. It's down the hall
to the right.
232
00:07:53,042 --> 00:07:54,609
Don't worry. I won't peek.
233
00:07:54,611 --> 00:07:56,544
But he wants to.
- (chuckles)
234
00:07:56,546 --> 00:07:57,945
Oh, my God, I am so sorry.
235
00:07:57,947 --> 00:07:59,280
I should just
tell him the truth.
236
00:07:59,282 --> 00:08:00,715
It's too late
for the truth, Jess.
237
00:08:00,717 --> 00:08:02,049
You live with a gay man,
238
00:08:02,051 --> 00:08:03,584
and this gay man's
gonna help you get laid.
239
00:08:03,586 --> 00:08:06,287
Okay. Thank you.
- You're welcome.
240
00:08:06,289 --> 00:08:07,922
Do you think you
can play a gay man?
241
00:08:07,924 --> 00:08:09,724
I'm terrible at lying,
I'm terrific at make-believe.
242
00:08:09,726 --> 00:08:11,926
Okay.
- Okay? But I need
to know some backstory
243
00:08:11,928 --> 00:08:13,428
'cause it's very
important to me.
244
00:08:13,430 --> 00:08:15,229
Okay. Yeah,
backstory's important.
- Okay.
245
00:08:15,231 --> 00:08:16,798
Tell me, have I always
known I was gay,
246
00:08:16,800 --> 00:08:18,399
or did I just recently
realize it?
247
00:08:18,401 --> 00:08:20,268
That's-- Um, you-you always
knew you were gay,
248
00:08:20,270 --> 00:08:22,537
but you grew up
in an oil town
249
00:08:22,539 --> 00:08:24,472
where masculinity was
the most valued currency.
250
00:08:24,474 --> 00:08:26,741
Um, you-you had an older
brother named Chip.
251
00:08:26,743 --> 00:08:28,709
And Chip was
a union guy.
- Yes.
252
00:08:28,711 --> 00:08:30,545
And if it wasn't
about Teamster Local 11,
253
00:08:30,547 --> 00:08:32,113
Chip didn't want
to hear about it.
254
00:08:32,115 --> 00:08:33,381
Oh, my God, we're doing this.
255
00:08:33,383 --> 00:08:34,949
When I came out, was it flashy?
256
00:08:34,951 --> 00:08:36,417
Was it emotional?
257
00:08:36,419 --> 00:08:38,820
Am I mad that Anderson Cooper
doesn't fly the flag?
258
00:08:38,822 --> 00:08:41,923
Or for what he's doing in his
own way-- is it even braver?
259
00:08:41,925 --> 00:08:43,991
These are all really good
questions, but I just can't
260
00:08:43,993 --> 00:08:46,127
get my mind off, like,
why you dress this way.
261
00:08:46,129 --> 00:08:48,563
Why aren't you
in better shape?
Don't put me in a box!
262
00:08:48,565 --> 00:08:51,332
There's nothing we gay men hate
more than being put in a box.
263
00:08:51,334 --> 00:08:54,101
Good.
- Look, maybe I'm a bear,
maybe I'm a twinkler.
264
00:08:54,103 --> 00:08:56,471
That's not a category.
(loudly): I like rugby
265
00:08:56,473 --> 00:08:59,173
for the game
and for the men.
266
00:08:59,175 --> 00:09:00,942
Now, if you excuse me,
I got to go do
267
00:09:00,944 --> 00:09:02,310
that gay thing
I was telling you about,
268
00:09:02,312 --> 00:09:04,312
because, of course,
I'm gay as hell.
269
00:09:04,314 --> 00:09:05,913
(laughs)
- Bye.
270
00:09:05,915 --> 00:09:07,482
(whispers):
That's not how gay men talk.
271
00:09:07,484 --> 00:09:10,351
(whispers): I am
shattering stereotypes.
272
00:09:11,587 --> 00:09:13,154
What are you
doing here, man?
273
00:09:13,156 --> 00:09:14,622
WINSTON:
I'm always here.
274
00:09:14,624 --> 00:09:16,457
Very definition
of the long game.
275
00:09:16,459 --> 00:09:18,125
COACH: Forget your long game.
It doesn't...
276
00:09:18,127 --> 00:09:19,494
What is he...?
277
00:09:19,496 --> 00:09:22,096
What are you doing, man?
278
00:09:22,098 --> 00:09:24,265
Is this...?
279
00:09:24,267 --> 00:09:26,701
Is this the fut... the future?
280
00:09:26,703 --> 00:09:29,270
I can hold them both
in one hand.
281
00:09:29,272 --> 00:09:30,671
Yeah, man.
282
00:09:30,673 --> 00:09:31,839
(sighs)
283
00:09:31,841 --> 00:09:33,508
No, no, there it is.
Look at that.
284
00:09:33,510 --> 00:09:37,044
Stage four-- depression.
285
00:09:37,046 --> 00:09:39,647
My two best friends
are going away.
286
00:09:39,649 --> 00:09:42,383
Going away far too soon.
287
00:09:42,385 --> 00:09:45,319
And if you were lucky enough
to meet them,
288
00:09:45,321 --> 00:09:48,689
to touch them,
to be touched by them,
289
00:09:48,691 --> 00:09:50,691
you came away
a better person.
290
00:09:50,693 --> 00:09:52,460
If you'll excuse me.
291
00:09:52,462 --> 00:09:54,195
Is he... is he talking
about you guys?
292
00:09:54,197 --> 00:09:57,298
Yes. Yes, he is, uh...
he's talking about us.
293
00:09:57,300 --> 00:10:00,001
We are, unfortunately,
we're going away... tomorrow.
294
00:10:00,003 --> 00:10:03,671
So, uh, we better make
tonight count, huh, ladies?
295
00:10:03,673 --> 00:10:05,139
Wait.
296
00:10:05,141 --> 00:10:06,707
We barely got
to know you!
297
00:10:06,709 --> 00:10:09,076
How long will
you be gone?
298
00:10:09,078 --> 00:10:11,812
For... for...
299
00:10:11,814 --> 00:10:13,748
44 weeks.
- 44 weeks?
300
00:10:13,750 --> 00:10:14,815
Tell them about
our business, man.
301
00:10:14,817 --> 00:10:16,551
You don't have to be
shy about it.
302
00:10:16,553 --> 00:10:18,519
Uh, right.
- No. Yeah.
303
00:10:18,521 --> 00:10:20,521
Hello. Do you like socks?
304
00:10:20,523 --> 00:10:22,390
We sell socks.
305
00:10:22,392 --> 00:10:24,825
Everybody likes socks.
306
00:10:24,827 --> 00:10:27,528
I just cried on my penis
while I was peeing.
- Whoa.
307
00:10:27,530 --> 00:10:28,996
SCHMIDT:
That happened.
308
00:10:28,998 --> 00:10:30,598
I just can't stop thinking
about them.
309
00:10:30,600 --> 00:10:32,333
(sighs)
310
00:10:32,335 --> 00:10:35,102
You know, there are some people
that are gonna say that they...
311
00:10:35,104 --> 00:10:37,004
they look alike.
312
00:10:37,006 --> 00:10:39,707
That they're exactly the same.
And you know what?
313
00:10:39,709 --> 00:10:41,576
They just don't know them
like I know them.
314
00:10:41,578 --> 00:10:43,277
Truth-truth be told?
315
00:10:43,279 --> 00:10:44,779
One of them...
316
00:10:44,781 --> 00:10:47,248
One of them is slightly
more brown than the other.
317
00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:49,050
And they're so unique,
318
00:10:49,052 --> 00:10:51,385
and they're so special.
319
00:10:51,387 --> 00:10:53,087
You know what I'm gonna miss
most about them?
320
00:10:53,089 --> 00:10:55,923
Watching them bounce.
321
00:10:55,925 --> 00:10:57,758
Watching them...
322
00:10:57,760 --> 00:10:59,827
Watching them bounce.
323
00:11:08,236 --> 00:11:10,271
If you just give me
a chance to exp...
324
00:11:10,273 --> 00:11:12,907
Well, easy come,
easy go.
325
00:11:12,909 --> 00:11:15,743
Easy? Easy?!
326
00:11:15,745 --> 00:11:18,946
You just stole six
months of my life, man.
327
00:11:18,948 --> 00:11:22,450
I am... I am
P.O.'d, hombre!
328
00:11:22,452 --> 00:11:24,151
Winston!
329
00:11:25,287 --> 00:11:26,921
Can I get a high five?
- Bam.
330
00:11:26,923 --> 00:11:28,556
(laughs)
331
00:11:28,558 --> 00:11:30,391
Sorry I called you a biscuit.
332
00:11:30,393 --> 00:11:32,093
I'm sorry I liked
it so much.
- (laughs)
333
00:11:32,095 --> 00:11:34,161
(knocking)
- NICK:
Hey, Jess, you in there?
334
00:11:34,163 --> 00:11:35,630
Is that Nick?
335
00:11:35,632 --> 00:11:37,064
Do you mean Gay Nick?
336
00:11:37,066 --> 00:11:38,733
Yeah, that's Gay Nick.
337
00:11:41,269 --> 00:11:43,170
(whispering):
I am so sorry.
- What's going on?
338
00:11:43,172 --> 00:11:45,673
I screwed up.
(door opens)
339
00:11:49,277 --> 00:11:50,678
A girl, Nick?
- I know.
340
00:11:50,680 --> 00:11:52,013
Nick, really?
341
00:11:52,015 --> 00:11:53,848
(laughs):
Hey.
342
00:11:53,850 --> 00:11:56,183
(laughs)
343
00:11:57,953 --> 00:12:00,287
You look like my
dead friend Karen.
344
00:12:00,289 --> 00:12:02,790
Does anyone ever
tell you that?
- Hmm, no.
345
00:12:02,792 --> 00:12:04,759
Thank you.
- NICK:
Hmm.
346
00:12:05,927 --> 00:12:07,795
(door closes)
What?!
347
00:12:07,797 --> 00:12:09,830
I wanted to be gay
for you, I really did,
348
00:12:09,832 --> 00:12:11,666
but it's a very
hard time to be gay.
349
00:12:11,668 --> 00:12:13,834
Girls are wearing
scarves and boots.
350
00:12:13,836 --> 00:12:15,503
They have so many
layers to them.
351
00:12:15,505 --> 00:12:17,938
What is underneath all those
layers? I want to find out!
352
00:12:17,940 --> 00:12:19,774
Are you blaming autumn?
353
00:12:19,776 --> 00:12:22,143
Look, it was one night.
Get rid of her!
354
00:12:22,145 --> 00:12:24,679
I tried. I told her I live with
my ex, and she didn't care.
355
00:12:24,681 --> 00:12:26,647
You look so cute
in the morning.
(laughs)
356
00:12:26,649 --> 00:12:28,482
You talking
to me or her?
(laughter)
357
00:12:28,484 --> 00:12:31,052
(door closes)
- Okay. I'll get rid of her.
358
00:12:31,054 --> 00:12:32,987
I'll just pretend
to be your crazy ex-girlfriend.
359
00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:35,990
I can do this. I did a one-woman
production of A Christmas Carol.
360
00:12:35,992 --> 00:12:38,859
(British accent):
You, sir, what day is it?
361
00:12:38,861 --> 00:12:41,062
Aye, it's Christmas day.
362
00:12:41,064 --> 00:12:43,731
That was not good.
363
00:12:43,733 --> 00:12:46,233
It was perfect.
- Thank you.
I thought you'd think that.
364
00:12:46,235 --> 00:12:47,735
Yeah, it's perfect.
All right, look,
365
00:12:47,737 --> 00:12:49,236
you stay here
and keep your gay warm, okay?
366
00:12:49,238 --> 00:12:51,672
In case Ian comes back.
Also, can we agree
367
00:12:51,674 --> 00:12:53,808
that this is not the most
mature way to handle things?
368
00:12:53,810 --> 00:12:54,909
Even though it's pretty fun.
369
00:12:54,911 --> 00:12:56,477
It's no fun a
couple Bellinis
370
00:12:56,479 --> 00:12:58,713
and a round of apples
to apples can't solve.
371
00:12:58,715 --> 00:13:00,715
What kind of gay are you?
I'm still finding it.
372
00:13:00,717 --> 00:13:02,249
All right.
- All right.
373
00:13:05,654 --> 00:13:07,521
Nick thinks we're broken
up, but he also thinks
374
00:13:07,523 --> 00:13:10,024
that the last girl he slept
with wasn't me in a wig.
375
00:13:10,026 --> 00:13:11,392
(laughs)
376
00:13:11,394 --> 00:13:13,627
Wigs are so good
for tricking guys.
377
00:13:14,563 --> 00:13:16,931
I'm around all the time.
378
00:13:16,933 --> 00:13:19,233
Do you really want to get
yourself in this situation?
379
00:13:19,235 --> 00:13:22,503
My last boyfriend was, like,
honestly in his 80s.
380
00:13:22,505 --> 00:13:25,573
I was just like,
"Don't die, Myron."
381
00:13:25,575 --> 00:13:28,008
Does that answer
your question?
382
00:13:28,010 --> 00:13:29,610
Tell me everything
you did sexually!
383
00:13:29,612 --> 00:13:31,579
Everything!
All of it, or leave!
384
00:13:31,581 --> 00:13:32,913
I put my finger...
- Stop!
385
00:13:32,915 --> 00:13:34,248
But you asked...
- No.
386
00:13:34,250 --> 00:13:36,383
I-I did, but
it backfired.
387
00:13:36,385 --> 00:13:37,885
WINSTON:
Ah, so it is
388
00:13:37,887 --> 00:13:39,787
load bearing, huh?
389
00:13:39,789 --> 00:13:41,255
What are you doing?
390
00:13:41,257 --> 00:13:44,058
Me? Oh, well, first,
I'm putting up the shelves.
391
00:13:44,060 --> 00:13:45,860
Then I got to finish the floor,
392
00:13:45,862 --> 00:13:48,562
so that the shelves can
appear level, then the ceiling.
393
00:13:48,564 --> 00:13:51,265
Enough! All right? You've
done enough for these women.
394
00:13:51,267 --> 00:13:53,300
Look, ladies, I tried
to manipulate you,
395
00:13:53,302 --> 00:13:55,069
and I am sorry about that, but
396
00:13:55,071 --> 00:13:57,571
you guys have been manipulating
my friend for months.
397
00:13:57,573 --> 00:14:00,775
It is not okay. Just dangling
sex like a little carrot.
398
00:14:00,777 --> 00:14:03,310
We are not using sex
to get Winston to do stuff.
399
00:14:03,312 --> 00:14:04,311
No.
400
00:14:04,313 --> 00:14:07,414
Wait. You're not?
- No.
401
00:14:07,416 --> 00:14:08,549
Well, then he's
done doing stuff.
402
00:14:08,551 --> 00:14:10,618
Come on, Winston.
You're better than this.
403
00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:12,453
Forget you guys.
404
00:14:12,455 --> 00:14:13,487
Wait!
405
00:14:13,489 --> 00:14:15,823
Yeah, just-just
give us a minute.
406
00:14:15,825 --> 00:14:17,625
Okay, we have
to talk about...
- Okay.
407
00:14:17,627 --> 00:14:19,794
What are they
whispering about?
- I don't know.
408
00:14:19,796 --> 00:14:21,262
We could just
stack the books.
409
00:14:21,264 --> 00:14:22,663
No...
- No.
410
00:14:22,665 --> 00:14:24,865
Oh, man, this is
embarrassing.
411
00:14:27,068 --> 00:14:28,302
Uh...
412
00:14:28,304 --> 00:14:30,738
Okay. It's me.
413
00:14:30,740 --> 00:14:32,173
Come on.
414
00:14:32,175 --> 00:14:33,240
What?
415
00:14:33,242 --> 00:14:35,342
Wait. Listen. Um...
416
00:14:35,344 --> 00:14:36,443
Michelle, you don't
have to do this.
417
00:14:36,445 --> 00:14:37,678
That's okay. I
kind of want to.
418
00:14:37,680 --> 00:14:39,947
Just, uh, keep the
pencil behind your ear,
419
00:14:39,949 --> 00:14:43,851
and bring the hard hat,
um, and the safety goggles.
420
00:14:46,154 --> 00:14:49,924
(whispers):
Long game.
421
00:14:54,196 --> 00:14:56,197
(sighs)
422
00:14:56,199 --> 00:14:58,432
Wonder what's taking,
uh, Jess so long.
423
00:14:58,434 --> 00:14:59,867
Well, you know women.
424
00:14:59,869 --> 00:15:01,268
What's women?
425
00:15:01,270 --> 00:15:02,570
(laughs)
426
00:15:04,472 --> 00:15:07,341
(laughs):
Am I right?
- "What's women?"
427
00:15:07,343 --> 00:15:10,010
I just don't know them
like you know them, is my point.
428
00:15:10,012 --> 00:15:11,178
Uh-huh.
429
00:15:11,180 --> 00:15:15,049
Uh, so, what kind of guys
do you like to date?
430
00:15:15,051 --> 00:15:16,350
Me? All kinds.
431
00:15:16,352 --> 00:15:17,818
Yeah.
432
00:15:17,820 --> 00:15:21,856
Hunks. If I can get my, uh,
paws on a hunk, I don't let go.
433
00:15:21,858 --> 00:15:24,291
Uh, ripped nerds.
434
00:15:24,293 --> 00:15:26,627
'Cause they're smart
but strong, I guess.
435
00:15:26,629 --> 00:15:28,495
Uh-huh.
- I like Spanish guys.
436
00:15:28,497 --> 00:15:30,898
Throw in a little, uh,
hint of German in there,
437
00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,566
there's a perfect combo.
438
00:15:32,568 --> 00:15:33,901
Okay.
439
00:15:33,903 --> 00:15:36,036
Certain ice cream men, I guess.
440
00:15:36,038 --> 00:15:38,505
Carpet steamers. Sleepy guys.
441
00:15:38,507 --> 00:15:41,375
Uh, we in the gay community
call them "drowsers."
442
00:15:41,377 --> 00:15:42,877
Why would you like
a sleepy guy?
443
00:15:42,879 --> 00:15:45,012
Look... I'm so
out of the game--
444
00:15:45,014 --> 00:15:46,247
I'm in a relationship.
445
00:15:46,249 --> 00:15:47,548
Um...
446
00:15:47,550 --> 00:15:49,149
he's got a nice penis.
447
00:15:49,151 --> 00:15:51,151
You're sweating a lot.
448
00:15:51,153 --> 00:15:52,853
That's what he said! Am I right?
449
00:15:52,855 --> 00:15:54,255
(laughs)
450
00:15:54,257 --> 00:15:57,558
I'm a sweaty lover,
is what he says to me.
451
00:15:57,560 --> 00:15:59,426
Okay, you know, you
really don't seem gay.
452
00:15:59,428 --> 00:16:01,729
I don't buy it.
453
00:16:02,998 --> 00:16:05,766
Hey.
- Not now.
454
00:16:05,768 --> 00:16:07,568
Probably wondering why I
didn't come home last night.
455
00:16:07,570 --> 00:16:10,604
Just needed some space to
process this whole thing.
456
00:16:10,606 --> 00:16:12,406
I'm sorry if our
room felt empty.
457
00:16:12,408 --> 00:16:15,342
(sighs)
458
00:16:15,344 --> 00:16:17,044
Well, it did.
459
00:16:17,046 --> 00:16:18,746
I was really worried
about you.
460
00:16:18,748 --> 00:16:20,915
So where were you?
You owe me that much.
461
00:16:20,917 --> 00:16:23,550
I just went walking on
the streets last night.
462
00:16:23,552 --> 00:16:25,920
I needed to come to
terms with all this.
463
00:16:25,922 --> 00:16:28,789
Ended up in a park.
I know that's stupid,
464
00:16:28,791 --> 00:16:30,190
but I promise
I was careful.
465
00:16:30,192 --> 00:16:31,558
I mean, I was
totally safe.
466
00:16:31,560 --> 00:16:32,760
A park?
467
00:16:32,762 --> 00:16:34,728
I don't know, man.
- Hey,
468
00:16:34,730 --> 00:16:37,231
I'm upset... but I understand.
469
00:16:37,233 --> 00:16:38,899
It's okay.
470
00:16:38,901 --> 00:16:40,134
Come here.
471
00:16:41,569 --> 00:16:43,437
Come here.
472
00:16:43,439 --> 00:16:45,272
(sighs)
There, there.
473
00:16:49,277 --> 00:16:50,744
Thanks.
474
00:16:50,746 --> 00:16:51,445
Yeah.
475
00:16:51,447 --> 00:16:53,447
Acceptance. Wow.
476
00:16:53,449 --> 00:16:54,281
Yeah.
477
00:16:56,384 --> 00:16:58,452
Give me a kiss.
478
00:17:00,088 --> 00:17:01,822
Just give me a kiss.
479
00:17:01,824 --> 00:17:03,290
All right?
480
00:17:06,628 --> 00:17:08,963
I felt like you needed that
more than I did.
481
00:17:08,965 --> 00:17:11,231
(sighs)
482
00:17:11,233 --> 00:17:12,933
Your scruff, by the way,
is perfect.
483
00:17:12,935 --> 00:17:15,235
Don't touch your
beard trimming setting.
- Okay.
484
00:17:16,237 --> 00:17:17,738
Take it easy.
Okay.
485
00:17:19,274 --> 00:17:20,774
That was beautiful.
486
00:17:20,776 --> 00:17:22,009
I'm-I'm sorry,
you know?
487
00:17:22,011 --> 00:17:23,911
I think I'm just
more used to, like,
488
00:17:23,913 --> 00:17:25,512
stereotypical gay guys,
like him, you know?
489
00:17:25,514 --> 00:17:27,414
You offended me.
- I'm sorry.
490
00:17:27,416 --> 00:17:29,016
Ian! Ian!
491
00:17:29,018 --> 00:17:30,651
Ian, hi. There are some events
that are about to occur
492
00:17:30,653 --> 00:17:31,952
that I'd like
to get ahead of.
493
00:17:31,954 --> 00:17:33,787
Um, the truth is that Nick is...
494
00:17:33,789 --> 00:17:35,756
Oh, God.
495
00:17:37,592 --> 00:17:39,159
Get off of me!
496
00:17:39,161 --> 00:17:40,928
You're not a man!
497
00:17:45,266 --> 00:17:48,302
Ian! Wait.
I'm so sorry I lied,
498
00:17:48,304 --> 00:17:50,637
and you don't owe me
anything, but could I just
499
00:17:50,639 --> 00:17:52,373
ask you one thing
before you leave?
500
00:17:52,375 --> 00:17:54,008
What is this,
an exit interview?
Is there any good way
501
00:17:54,010 --> 00:17:56,777
I could have told you
about my living situation?
502
00:17:56,779 --> 00:17:59,446
Okay, you know what?
Fair question. Um... no!
503
00:17:59,448 --> 00:18:01,382
Look, Nick was
just trying to help me.
Clearly,
504
00:18:01,384 --> 00:18:03,684
he would do anything for you.
I mean, he went so far
505
00:18:03,686 --> 00:18:05,986
as to hire an actual gay man
to play his cheating lover.
506
00:18:05,988 --> 00:18:09,189
What? Oh, my God.
You know what?
507
00:18:09,191 --> 00:18:10,524
I think that was Schmidt.
508
00:18:10,526 --> 00:18:12,192
He's... not gay.
509
00:18:12,194 --> 00:18:14,294
When are the lies
gonna stop?!
510
00:18:14,296 --> 00:18:15,696
Now, this is just
a consultation,
511
00:18:15,698 --> 00:18:17,064
so do your best
to relax.
512
00:18:17,066 --> 00:18:18,065
Okay.
513
00:18:18,067 --> 00:18:19,033
Stop the surgery!
514
00:18:19,035 --> 00:18:21,969
This is just a consultation.
515
00:18:21,971 --> 00:18:23,137
May we have the room, please?
516
00:18:23,139 --> 00:18:25,172
That's what it's here for.
517
00:18:25,174 --> 00:18:26,106
I'm sorry.
518
00:18:29,544 --> 00:18:31,345
What are you doing?!
Okay, look, I know
519
00:18:31,347 --> 00:18:34,014
I can't stop this,
and I accept that,
520
00:18:34,016 --> 00:18:35,883
but I just wanted
to stop it long enough
521
00:18:35,885 --> 00:18:37,351
so that I could
say good-bye.
522
00:18:37,353 --> 00:18:41,055
Aw. Look, this is a
low-risk procedure, okay?
523
00:18:41,057 --> 00:18:42,723
I'm gonna be fine.
524
00:18:42,725 --> 00:18:44,892
Oh, you meant say
good-bye to my boobs.
525
00:18:44,894 --> 00:18:46,427
I forgot who I
was talking to.
526
00:18:46,429 --> 00:18:49,029
No, Schmidt, you
cannot see my boobs.
527
00:18:49,031 --> 00:18:51,098
I need to look them in the eyes.
I can't let them leave
528
00:18:51,100 --> 00:18:52,900
without knowing how much
they've meant to me.
529
00:18:52,902 --> 00:18:54,201
I'll let them know.
- No.
530
00:18:54,203 --> 00:18:56,170
I need to tell them myself.
531
00:18:56,172 --> 00:18:58,539
(groans) All right...
532
00:18:58,541 --> 00:19:01,241
you can say good-bye
to one, all right?
533
00:19:01,243 --> 00:19:02,943
I mean, j-just one?
One.
534
00:19:02,945 --> 00:19:05,679
(sighs)
Gosh almighty.
535
00:19:05,681 --> 00:19:08,082
The Ultimate Sophie's Cho-Cho.
536
00:19:08,084 --> 00:19:10,017
I mean, there's Harold,
who's just...
537
00:19:10,019 --> 00:19:12,052
full of life...
538
00:19:12,054 --> 00:19:13,420
(groans)
539
00:19:13,422 --> 00:19:16,390
(sighs)
And Kumar, who's shy.
540
00:19:16,392 --> 00:19:19,460
Who's shy, but yet
surprisingly so brave.
541
00:19:19,462 --> 00:19:22,563
But, you know, who wouldn't be
with a best friend like Harold?
542
00:19:22,565 --> 00:19:24,064
Oh, my God, fine!
543
00:19:24,066 --> 00:19:25,899
You can say good-bye
to both, okay?
544
00:19:25,901 --> 00:19:28,302
Okay. I need you
to put these on.
- What?
545
00:19:28,304 --> 00:19:31,939
This is a private conversation
that doesn't concern you.
546
00:19:31,941 --> 00:19:33,373
The playlist...
547
00:19:33,375 --> 00:19:35,209
matches the mood.
548
00:19:35,211 --> 00:19:37,678
(Pachelbel's "Canon in D"
playing)
549
00:19:47,555 --> 00:19:49,656
¶ ¶
550
00:19:53,061 --> 00:19:55,195
¶ ¶
551
00:20:01,136 --> 00:20:03,570
¶ ¶
552
00:20:08,977 --> 00:20:10,177
(music fades)
553
00:20:10,179 --> 00:20:12,112
I mean, I guess
if I'm being honest,
554
00:20:12,114 --> 00:20:14,915
it doesn't matter
what size you are.
555
00:20:14,917 --> 00:20:16,783
I'm always gonna love you,
556
00:20:16,785 --> 00:20:19,119
because you're attached
to the most beautiful person
557
00:20:19,121 --> 00:20:20,754
in the whole world.
558
00:20:20,756 --> 00:20:22,389
(music resumes)
559
00:20:26,694 --> 00:20:28,695
You know what I think? I think
560
00:20:28,697 --> 00:20:31,031
that when people go
on dates with us,
561
00:20:31,033 --> 00:20:32,299
probably talk
to their friends
562
00:20:32,301 --> 00:20:33,667
and their friends say,
563
00:20:33,669 --> 00:20:36,003
"You go on dates with
a lot of weirdos."
564
00:20:36,005 --> 00:20:37,471
(shower running)
Oh, my God.
565
00:20:37,473 --> 00:20:40,374
We're the weirdo ass clowns.
566
00:20:40,376 --> 00:20:43,677
Aw, no. Everyone in their 30s
waits in line for the shower.
567
00:20:43,679 --> 00:20:47,648
I'm sorry, but the truth is,
as long as you live with me,
568
00:20:47,650 --> 00:20:49,550
you're not gonna meet
a normal guy.
569
00:20:49,552 --> 00:20:50,684
(Jess chuckles)
570
00:20:50,686 --> 00:20:52,686
Why are you guys
all in here?
571
00:20:52,688 --> 00:20:54,454
Winston's taking
a long-ass shower.
572
00:20:54,456 --> 00:20:55,622
Poor guy gets dirty.
573
00:20:55,624 --> 00:20:56,823
All right, let me see the new.
574
00:20:56,825 --> 00:20:58,025
I accept it.
575
00:20:58,027 --> 00:20:59,726
Again, it was just
a consultation.
576
00:20:59,728 --> 00:21:02,229
And actually, I don't even know
if I'm gonna go through with it.
577
00:21:02,231 --> 00:21:04,231
You're still here.
I saved you.
578
00:21:04,233 --> 00:21:05,966
I'm your Schindler.
One day, your children
579
00:21:05,968 --> 00:21:07,834
are gonna put rocks
on my grave.
580
00:21:07,836 --> 00:21:10,537
Hey, uh, wow.
You guys mind if I get cuts?
581
00:21:10,539 --> 00:21:12,973
'Cause I am very dirty.
JESS: Wait a minute.
582
00:21:12,975 --> 00:21:14,007
Who's in the sh...
583
00:21:14,009 --> 00:21:15,676
Hey, what's the vibe here
584
00:21:15,678 --> 00:21:16,877
on shower pee-pee?
585
00:21:16,879 --> 00:21:18,712
I'm just trying to plan my day.
586
00:21:18,714 --> 00:21:20,514
Who is this woman?!
587
00:21:20,516 --> 00:21:22,683
You have awesome water pressure.
588
00:21:22,685 --> 00:21:26,520
You should see
what's falling out of my hair.
589
00:21:26,522 --> 00:21:28,021
Well, Nick...
590
00:21:28,023 --> 00:21:30,190
looks like you're gonna
have to marry her.
591
00:21:30,192 --> 00:21:31,758
It's looking
that way, isn't it?
- Yeah.
592
00:21:31,760 --> 00:21:33,694
She's not so bad.
She's peeing in the shower.
593
00:21:33,696 --> 00:21:36,063
Yeah, she is. Classic Tina.
(laughs) That's weird.
594
00:21:39,000 --> 00:21:41,635
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org