1 00:00:01,607 --> 00:00:04,342 Ooh, the female reproductive system. - Kind of looks like the Chicago Bulls symbol. 2 00:00:04,344 --> 00:00:07,012 It does. Now, this is the only part that matters. 3 00:00:07,014 --> 00:00:09,014 The money train. Sure. Hey, I call it my nine-to-five. 4 00:00:09,016 --> 00:00:11,516 'Cause it's my job to work it. You know what I'm saying? 5 00:00:11,518 --> 00:00:13,285 (laughter) 6 00:00:13,287 --> 00:00:15,287 The large intestine, you degenerates. 7 00:00:15,289 --> 00:00:16,888 What? 8 00:00:16,890 --> 00:00:17,956 Let me see that. I told Jess 9 00:00:17,958 --> 00:00:19,925 that I don't want to teach health. 10 00:00:19,927 --> 00:00:22,027 I'm not good at it. Such a hassle. 11 00:00:22,029 --> 00:00:26,131 Studying, planning, giving weak kids good grades. No. 12 00:00:26,133 --> 00:00:28,733 I heard that. There are good things, too. Like you get 13 00:00:28,735 --> 00:00:32,237 to come with me to a dope two-day teaching conference in Palmdale. 14 00:00:32,239 --> 00:00:35,106 I want to stay and hang out with the guys at Guys' Night. What's Guys' Night? 15 00:00:35,108 --> 00:00:36,875 Oh, yeah, we're celebrating you being gone. No offense. 16 00:00:36,877 --> 00:00:38,076 Guys' Night! Guys' Night! 17 00:00:38,078 --> 00:00:40,245 Guys' Night! Guys' Night! 18 00:00:40,247 --> 00:00:41,746 The conference is gonna be really fun. We just have 19 00:00:41,748 --> 00:00:44,449 to work from, like, 9:00 to 7:00. 20 00:00:44,451 --> 00:00:46,551 And then after that it's a par-tay. 21 00:00:46,553 --> 00:00:49,254 Until 10:00, when quiet hours are strictly enforced. 22 00:00:49,256 --> 00:00:51,489 But before then we rage. For three hours. 23 00:00:51,491 --> 00:00:54,492 Actually, two because there's the half an hour of setup time 24 00:00:54,494 --> 00:00:57,128 and the half an hour of cleanup time because we have to actually 25 00:00:57,130 --> 00:00:59,064 be in bed at 10:00. 26 00:00:59,066 --> 00:01:00,632 CECE: Ooh! 27 00:01:00,634 --> 00:01:02,233 Are you kidding me? 28 00:01:02,235 --> 00:01:04,502 Ryan is going? 29 00:01:04,504 --> 00:01:07,339 Ryan-Ryan? The guy you have a crazy crush on? 30 00:01:07,341 --> 00:01:09,341 I had a crush on him. Principal Foster 31 00:01:09,343 --> 00:01:12,911 says that administrators can't date teachers. It's forbidden. 32 00:01:12,913 --> 00:01:14,746 That makes it so much hotter. 33 00:01:14,748 --> 00:01:17,015 It makes it crazy hotter. But, look, 34 00:01:17,017 --> 00:01:18,683 it's not just about Principal Foster. 35 00:01:18,685 --> 00:01:19,985 This is about how I worked 36 00:01:19,987 --> 00:01:21,686 really hard to get to Vice Principal, 37 00:01:21,688 --> 00:01:24,489 and I'm not gonna let some British guy get in my way. 38 00:01:24,491 --> 00:01:26,091 Some redcoat bastard. 39 00:01:26,093 --> 00:01:27,425 That's why I keep all 40 00:01:27,427 --> 00:01:30,095 of our interactions strictly professional. 41 00:01:30,097 --> 00:01:32,130 Hey. How was your weekend? 42 00:01:32,132 --> 00:01:34,499 That's personal. 43 00:01:34,501 --> 00:01:36,968 I can't risk learning any personal details about him. 44 00:01:36,970 --> 00:01:39,871 What if he taught his dyslexic sister how to read? 45 00:01:39,873 --> 00:01:42,440 I can't know that. I'll go crazy with lust. 46 00:01:42,442 --> 00:01:44,709 My pants will turn to ash. And so exactly 47 00:01:44,711 --> 00:01:47,045 how do you plan to avoid this man 48 00:01:47,047 --> 00:01:49,047 that you are trapped in the same hotel with? 49 00:01:49,049 --> 00:01:51,649 There are, like, a thousand porns that start that way. 50 00:01:51,651 --> 00:01:53,118 Yeah, but no porns have teachers. 51 00:01:53,120 --> 00:01:54,352 Every porn has a teacher. 52 00:01:54,354 --> 00:01:55,954 Well, I'm not worried, okay? 53 00:01:55,956 --> 00:01:58,289 'Cause I'll probably never even see him. 54 00:01:58,291 --> 00:02:00,458 Jess? 55 00:02:00,460 --> 00:02:02,460 Can you believe we're right next to each other? 56 00:02:13,372 --> 00:02:14,739 Hey, you guys want sangria? NICK: It's Guys' Night! 57 00:02:14,741 --> 00:02:18,176 Only beer! Yeah, what is this, Spain? 58 00:02:18,178 --> 00:02:19,811 Great sangria burn, man. 59 00:02:19,813 --> 00:02:21,346 Really? - Never let your guard down! 60 00:02:21,348 --> 00:02:23,148 Aah! - Oh, takedown! 61 00:02:23,150 --> 00:02:24,682 Never let your guard down. 62 00:02:24,684 --> 00:02:26,017 Well played. All right, first up, 63 00:02:26,019 --> 00:02:27,752 we eat meat. 64 00:02:27,754 --> 00:02:28,586 How much meat?! 65 00:02:28,588 --> 00:02:29,888 Then we take a fart nap. 66 00:02:29,890 --> 00:02:31,423 Not for me. Pass. All right, guys, 67 00:02:31,425 --> 00:02:33,425 it's Guys' Night. Let's think. - Okay. 68 00:02:33,427 --> 00:02:37,495 Anything else we can't do when Jess is here. 69 00:02:37,497 --> 00:02:38,763 Wow. 70 00:02:38,765 --> 00:02:41,232 Look at that stretching. I don't want to... 71 00:02:41,234 --> 00:02:45,203 make this sound too creepy, but I want to own those girls. 72 00:02:45,205 --> 00:02:46,538 I wouldn't touch them. They'd want 73 00:02:46,540 --> 00:02:48,506 for nothing. But I would know they were there. 74 00:02:48,508 --> 00:02:50,575 Stretching. For me. - I want 75 00:02:50,577 --> 00:02:52,177 to French braid that girl hair. 76 00:02:52,179 --> 00:02:54,012 I want to French braid that hair so good. 77 00:02:54,014 --> 00:02:56,081 The third hottest one just waved at me. 78 00:02:56,083 --> 00:02:57,348 Hello! Ah! 79 00:02:57,350 --> 00:02:58,049 Ooh! - Oh, no. 80 00:02:58,051 --> 00:02:59,084 Oh! - No! 81 00:02:59,086 --> 00:03:00,518 No, no, no! - Oh... 82 00:03:00,520 --> 00:03:01,853 Jess is gonna kill you. - Shoot! She's not gonna kill me. 83 00:03:01,855 --> 00:03:03,188 I'm just gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna have 84 00:03:03,190 --> 00:03:04,389 it cleaned, I'll have it cleaned. 85 00:03:04,391 --> 00:03:06,424 Schmidt, red wine sets. Shut up, Winston! It sets. 86 00:03:06,426 --> 00:03:08,226 Why don't you just wash it? Why don't I just what? 87 00:03:08,228 --> 00:03:09,427 Wash it. 88 00:03:09,429 --> 00:03:10,995 Just wash the blanket. 89 00:03:11,964 --> 00:03:13,731 Unless you can't. 90 00:03:13,733 --> 00:03:15,633 Come on, man. Get out of here. 91 00:03:15,635 --> 00:03:17,035 I've known you for a lot of years 92 00:03:17,037 --> 00:03:18,303 and I've never seen you do laundry. 93 00:03:18,305 --> 00:03:19,537 Never seen me do laundry... Get out of town. 94 00:03:19,539 --> 00:03:21,206 Wait, wait. Is that true? 95 00:03:21,208 --> 00:03:22,273 Come on, you guys, this is so... 96 00:03:22,275 --> 00:03:23,308 Really, this is silly. 97 00:03:23,310 --> 00:03:24,542 Then do it. 98 00:03:24,544 --> 00:03:25,777 Right now. 99 00:03:25,779 --> 00:03:26,978 We'll watch. 100 00:03:26,980 --> 00:03:29,681 Doing the laundry... 101 00:03:30,616 --> 00:03:32,550 It's no problemo. 102 00:03:33,319 --> 00:03:34,819 Little bit of this. 103 00:03:41,093 --> 00:03:43,094 What in the world...? 104 00:03:43,096 --> 00:03:44,462 Straining the soap. 105 00:03:46,665 --> 00:03:48,399 Get that in there. 106 00:03:48,401 --> 00:03:51,436 Back in there. 107 00:03:51,438 --> 00:03:52,871 Um, okay. 108 00:03:55,407 --> 00:03:57,375 And... 109 00:03:58,577 --> 00:04:00,845 That's it. Laundry. 110 00:04:00,847 --> 00:04:02,180 Can't... Oh, so silly. 111 00:04:02,182 --> 00:04:03,481 Forgot to put the quarters in. 112 00:04:03,483 --> 00:04:04,883 That's right, the quarters. 113 00:04:11,357 --> 00:04:13,358 Schmidt... All right! I don't know how to do laundry! 114 00:04:13,360 --> 00:04:14,492 I knew it! - Forget it. 115 00:04:14,494 --> 00:04:15,827 Finally! - That is insane! 116 00:04:15,829 --> 00:04:17,295 Hope you're happy. 117 00:04:17,297 --> 00:04:19,297 Nerd. Nerd. 118 00:04:19,299 --> 00:04:20,498 Dud. 119 00:04:20,500 --> 00:04:22,700 Lady nerd. Goofus. 120 00:04:22,702 --> 00:04:25,103 Virgin... - Hey, Coach, I need you to be my buffer! 121 00:04:25,105 --> 00:04:27,172 Okay, but Nick can never find out about this. 122 00:04:27,174 --> 00:04:28,706 Wait, what? - Hmm? 123 00:04:28,708 --> 00:04:30,608 What? - What are you talking about? 124 00:04:30,610 --> 00:04:32,110 What are you talking about? 125 00:04:32,112 --> 00:04:34,312 I need you to be my buffer between Ryan and me. 126 00:04:34,314 --> 00:04:35,480 He's so sexy. 127 00:04:35,482 --> 00:04:36,314 Really? - Yeah. 128 00:04:36,316 --> 00:04:37,282 That guy? 129 00:04:37,284 --> 00:04:38,783 Beautiful. Did you make that? 130 00:04:38,785 --> 00:04:40,385 Looks like a Boys Department mannequin. 131 00:04:40,387 --> 00:04:41,786 Yeah. 132 00:04:41,788 --> 00:04:44,355 Hey, Jess, can I, um... - Nope. 133 00:04:44,357 --> 00:04:45,356 No time for chatting. 134 00:04:45,358 --> 00:04:46,724 We have to sit down. 135 00:04:47,393 --> 00:04:49,327 You can't sit there. 136 00:04:49,329 --> 00:04:50,695 Coach likes to sit in the middle. 137 00:04:50,697 --> 00:04:51,996 Mm-hmm. 138 00:04:51,998 --> 00:04:54,499 I sit bitch or I don't sit at all. 139 00:04:54,501 --> 00:04:56,634 (whispering): You're weird. (whispering): You're weird. 140 00:04:56,636 --> 00:04:58,069 COACH: You're a weirdo. You're weird. 141 00:04:58,071 --> 00:04:59,737 You're weird. - You're weird. 142 00:05:02,141 --> 00:05:03,875 Shh. 143 00:05:03,877 --> 00:05:06,477 I am education guru Brenda Brown. 144 00:05:06,479 --> 00:05:08,680 COACH: Oh, no. Who is this? She looks like 145 00:05:08,682 --> 00:05:10,748 one of those ladies who talks you into having a baby in a tub. 146 00:05:10,750 --> 00:05:12,383 You. The talker. 147 00:05:12,385 --> 00:05:14,285 Mmm... Stand up. 148 00:05:16,989 --> 00:05:19,691 Talk to us. There were other people talking, 149 00:05:19,693 --> 00:05:21,526 I just want to let you know that. Why are you a teacher? 150 00:05:21,528 --> 00:05:22,727 Uh, 'cause my... 151 00:05:22,729 --> 00:05:24,329 my roommate made me. 152 00:05:24,331 --> 00:05:26,664 Hmm. 153 00:05:26,666 --> 00:05:27,865 What? 154 00:05:27,867 --> 00:05:29,067 I'm worried about you. 155 00:05:29,069 --> 00:05:30,335 You're a worry. 156 00:05:30,337 --> 00:05:32,203 Wor... why, why are you worried about me? 157 00:05:32,205 --> 00:05:34,839 Teaching is an awesome 158 00:05:34,841 --> 00:05:36,541 responsibility. 159 00:05:36,543 --> 00:05:38,610 You are not prepared for it. Sit down. 160 00:05:39,578 --> 00:05:40,945 Okay. 161 00:05:40,947 --> 00:05:43,014 Today, we will learn 162 00:05:43,016 --> 00:05:44,382 about our fellow educators, 163 00:05:44,384 --> 00:05:45,917 their hopes, their dreams, 164 00:05:45,919 --> 00:05:47,785 their bitter regrets. 165 00:05:47,787 --> 00:05:50,922 The things they wish they'd said to their birth mother... 166 00:05:51,757 --> 00:05:53,224 So, partner up. 167 00:05:53,226 --> 00:05:54,859 Will you be my partner? 168 00:05:54,861 --> 00:05:56,561 Mmm, sorry, I'm with Coach. 169 00:05:56,563 --> 00:05:57,762 No, I can't do it. 170 00:05:57,764 --> 00:05:59,197 I'm going to the bar. - What? 171 00:05:59,199 --> 00:06:00,965 Buffer out. Buffer out. No, buffer in. 172 00:06:00,967 --> 00:06:03,034 Buffer in. Buffer in. - Buffer out. 173 00:06:03,036 --> 00:06:04,402 Everything okay here? 174 00:06:04,404 --> 00:06:05,737 Yeah, sorry. 175 00:06:05,739 --> 00:06:07,038 My, um... my partner just left. 176 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:10,208 Or... did your partner just arrive? 177 00:06:10,210 --> 00:06:12,043 Oh. Um... No... 178 00:06:12,045 --> 00:06:13,945 Wicked. BRENDA: Everyone! 179 00:06:13,947 --> 00:06:17,215 Look at your partner, really look. 180 00:06:17,217 --> 00:06:19,951 Take his or her hand and say, 181 00:06:19,953 --> 00:06:21,219 "I'm excited!" 182 00:06:21,221 --> 00:06:23,688 I'm excited. - Oh, crap. 183 00:06:27,159 --> 00:06:29,193 (knocking at door) 184 00:06:30,496 --> 00:06:31,729 We just came to say we're sorry. 185 00:06:31,731 --> 00:06:34,232 Guess you think I'm pretty dim, huh? 186 00:06:34,234 --> 00:06:35,933 A man who can't do laundry. 187 00:06:35,935 --> 00:06:37,635 You weren't born this way, were you? 188 00:06:38,771 --> 00:06:40,772 Born not knowing how to do laundry? 189 00:06:40,774 --> 00:06:42,273 Like everyone else? 190 00:06:42,275 --> 00:06:44,976 Yes, Winston, I was. It wasn't till after birth 191 00:06:44,978 --> 00:06:47,078 that the trouble really began. Here we go. 192 00:06:47,080 --> 00:06:49,247 SCHMIDT: Nana wouldn't let me in the laundry room. 193 00:06:49,249 --> 00:06:51,182 I think it's because my hands 194 00:06:51,184 --> 00:06:52,784 were always covered in butter. 195 00:06:52,786 --> 00:06:55,186 And so I went to college unable to do laundry. 196 00:06:55,188 --> 00:06:57,689 I'm making jean shorts! I'm doing laundry! 197 00:06:57,691 --> 00:06:59,857 Big night for both of us! Yeah, it is. 198 00:06:59,859 --> 00:07:01,693 As I pulled out my maternity corduroys, 199 00:07:01,695 --> 00:07:04,429 I spied a six-pack of Pi-Phis. 200 00:07:04,431 --> 00:07:06,698 I need... um... 201 00:07:06,700 --> 00:07:07,999 I need them loose to keep... 202 00:07:08,001 --> 00:07:09,434 to keep my sperm count up. 203 00:07:09,436 --> 00:07:10,968 You know how it is! 204 00:07:10,970 --> 00:07:13,538 Eventually, the window of time when it was acceptable 205 00:07:13,540 --> 00:07:16,007 to learn something so basic had closed. 206 00:07:16,009 --> 00:07:17,709 I was an adult. 207 00:07:17,711 --> 00:07:18,710 It was too late. 208 00:07:18,712 --> 00:07:20,678 Well, I understand. 209 00:07:20,680 --> 00:07:22,680 You know, I've never told anyone this, 210 00:07:22,682 --> 00:07:23,981 but, um... 211 00:07:23,983 --> 00:07:25,650 I don't know how to read a ruler. 212 00:07:25,652 --> 00:07:27,552 I don't, I mean, how do you start? 213 00:07:27,554 --> 00:07:29,320 At the edge or the first tick? 214 00:07:29,322 --> 00:07:31,022 It's confusing to me. Are you serious? 215 00:07:31,024 --> 00:07:32,623 Do you know how to count? It always gets on top of me, 216 00:07:32,625 --> 00:07:35,326 and I can't... 'Cause then you should know how to use a ruler, you idiot! 217 00:07:35,328 --> 00:07:36,894 I'm an idiot? You can't even wash your own underwear, 218 00:07:36,896 --> 00:07:37,995 you dumbass. 219 00:07:37,997 --> 00:07:39,964 Hey! They're both super easy! 220 00:07:39,966 --> 00:07:41,866 We're talking about laundry and a ruler! 221 00:07:41,868 --> 00:07:44,502 I'm gonna teach you guys right now! 222 00:07:44,504 --> 00:07:45,703 Let's go. 223 00:07:45,705 --> 00:07:47,538 Each of you holds a stack of cards 224 00:07:47,540 --> 00:07:49,040 with questions for your partners. 225 00:07:49,042 --> 00:07:52,577 You must uncover the answers. Begin. 226 00:07:52,579 --> 00:07:54,078 What gets you out of bed in the morning? 227 00:07:54,080 --> 00:07:55,246 Let me guess. 228 00:07:55,248 --> 00:07:57,548 Your mother, who you live with, says, 229 00:07:57,550 --> 00:07:59,417 "Ryan, your crumpets are getting cold." 230 00:07:59,419 --> 00:08:01,719 The thought that any ordinary day could be 231 00:08:01,721 --> 00:08:03,888 the day I look back on when I'm much older 232 00:08:03,890 --> 00:08:05,156 as being the best day of my life. 233 00:08:05,158 --> 00:08:06,324 You? 234 00:08:06,326 --> 00:08:09,394 Same. 235 00:08:09,396 --> 00:08:10,728 Don't look away. 236 00:08:10,730 --> 00:08:12,063 Embrace the intimacy... I'm good. 237 00:08:12,065 --> 00:08:14,832 Embrace the intimacy. Okay. 238 00:08:14,834 --> 00:08:16,601 You know, I think there's an art to a picnic basket. 239 00:08:16,603 --> 00:08:19,170 Apricot jam would never go with a sesame cracker. 240 00:08:19,172 --> 00:08:21,038 Of course it wouldn't, it would go with Yeah, it'd go with 241 00:08:21,040 --> 00:08:23,741 BOTH: a flaky baguette. 242 00:08:23,743 --> 00:08:25,610 Duck, duck. Okay, now step forward, step forward, 243 00:08:25,612 --> 00:08:28,079 another step forward; okay, go to your right, go to your right. 244 00:08:28,081 --> 00:08:29,080 Do you scrapbook? 245 00:08:29,082 --> 00:08:31,249 On rainy days. 246 00:08:31,251 --> 00:08:33,017 Step forward, go to your left; left, left. 247 00:08:33,019 --> 00:08:34,085 Big step, that's it, big step; now come 248 00:08:34,087 --> 00:08:35,620 to me, another big step; come to me. 249 00:08:35,622 --> 00:08:37,088 Do you own yarn? 250 00:08:37,090 --> 00:08:38,089 Spools of it. 251 00:08:38,091 --> 00:08:42,760 I craft so much. 252 00:08:42,762 --> 00:08:44,395 It's a left, and again come to me, come to me. 253 00:08:44,397 --> 00:08:45,930 Yes. - Come to me. 254 00:08:45,932 --> 00:08:47,999 Oh! (shouts) - Oh! 255 00:08:50,602 --> 00:08:52,570 It's okay, I've got you. 256 00:08:52,572 --> 00:08:53,938 We have a new record. 257 00:08:55,874 --> 00:08:56,908 He's amazing. 258 00:08:56,910 --> 00:08:58,409 I think he might be an angel 259 00:08:58,411 --> 00:08:59,944 sent down to Earth like Denzel Washington 260 00:08:59,946 --> 00:09:01,112 in The Preacher's Wife. 261 00:09:01,114 --> 00:09:02,814 Oh, honey, okay, what can I do? 262 00:09:02,816 --> 00:09:03,915 In your purse, 263 00:09:03,917 --> 00:09:06,584 you will find a white envelope. 264 00:09:06,586 --> 00:09:08,419 Okay, you, you wrote a letter to yourself, 265 00:09:08,421 --> 00:09:09,787 and stuck it in my purse? 266 00:09:09,789 --> 00:09:11,322 Read it, I need to hear it. 267 00:09:11,324 --> 00:09:12,723 "Dear Jess, 268 00:09:12,725 --> 00:09:13,991 "If you are reading this, 269 00:09:13,993 --> 00:09:15,793 "it's because you're being an idiot 270 00:09:15,795 --> 00:09:17,929 "and developing feelings for your employee, 271 00:09:17,931 --> 00:09:21,799 you ballet-flat-wearing piece of Oregon trash." 272 00:09:21,801 --> 00:09:22,900 You are so right. 273 00:09:22,902 --> 00:09:24,268 You are so right. 274 00:09:24,270 --> 00:09:25,937 "To have intercourse with the first man 275 00:09:25,939 --> 00:09:27,505 "hired under your reign 276 00:09:27,507 --> 00:09:29,841 would be an insult to yourself and also..." 277 00:09:29,843 --> 00:09:31,242 This part's in caps. 278 00:09:31,244 --> 00:09:33,244 "...all women everywhere." All women everywhere. 279 00:09:33,246 --> 00:09:35,947 "Did you learn nothing from the movie Elizabeth, 280 00:09:35,949 --> 00:09:37,982 you stupid little bitch?" 281 00:09:37,984 --> 00:09:40,585 No one respects a queen who sleeps with her subjects. 282 00:09:40,587 --> 00:09:42,353 I will paint my face white. 283 00:09:42,355 --> 00:09:43,488 No man may have me. 284 00:09:43,490 --> 00:09:44,522 Thank you, Cece. 285 00:09:44,524 --> 00:09:45,656 You're welcome? 286 00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:48,960 Teaching is such a pain in the ass. 287 00:09:48,962 --> 00:09:50,461 Isn't it? 288 00:09:50,463 --> 00:09:51,796 I'll tell you what, 289 00:09:51,798 --> 00:09:53,431 I wouldn't give it up for anything. 290 00:09:53,433 --> 00:09:55,366 You get to really impact those kids' lives. 291 00:09:55,368 --> 00:09:58,703 I'm not gonna impact them, I'm just teaching health. 292 00:09:58,705 --> 00:09:59,871 "Just health"? 293 00:09:59,873 --> 00:10:01,439 Hey, Carol. - Hey, Ned. 294 00:10:01,441 --> 00:10:03,307 Oh, it's Carol. - Oh, hey, Carol. 295 00:10:03,309 --> 00:10:05,009 Health is the most important subject. 296 00:10:05,011 --> 00:10:07,111 Screw up, and they "just" get pregnant. 297 00:10:07,980 --> 00:10:09,146 What's your safe sex lesson plan? 298 00:10:09,148 --> 00:10:10,548 I don't know! 299 00:10:10,550 --> 00:10:13,150 Uh, lie to them and say condoms feel good? 300 00:10:13,152 --> 00:10:15,219 Uh, maybe tell them about my buddy 301 00:10:15,221 --> 00:10:16,954 who's got bumps on his thing? 302 00:10:16,956 --> 00:10:18,389 Maybe bring up Magic Johnson. 303 00:10:18,391 --> 00:10:20,057 Maybe bring up Kobe Bryant. 304 00:10:20,059 --> 00:10:21,893 You're my best friend in the whole world, 305 00:10:21,895 --> 00:10:24,362 but I'm really worried about you. 306 00:10:29,368 --> 00:10:31,168 You think the line is a suggestion? 307 00:10:31,170 --> 00:10:33,404 I don't know what it is... It isn't! 308 00:10:34,973 --> 00:10:36,541 Do it again. - It's too hard! 309 00:10:36,543 --> 00:10:37,575 Do it again! 310 00:10:37,577 --> 00:10:39,343 Okay, so you start with the first tick. 311 00:10:39,345 --> 00:10:41,178 Oh... 312 00:10:41,180 --> 00:10:42,847 That's it, really. 313 00:10:42,849 --> 00:10:44,282 Stop! 314 00:10:45,551 --> 00:10:46,751 That was at the line! 315 00:10:46,753 --> 00:10:48,019 That was perfect. 316 00:10:48,021 --> 00:10:49,353 Now do it ten more times. 317 00:10:49,355 --> 00:10:51,923 So in the beginning, you never mind the edge. 318 00:10:51,925 --> 00:10:53,724 Yeah. Man. 319 00:10:53,726 --> 00:10:55,693 You got to hold on to it. 320 00:10:55,695 --> 00:10:58,763 What about bleach? Let's walk before we can run, huh, pal? 321 00:10:58,765 --> 00:11:01,432 Hey, Winston, he's asking about bleach! 322 00:11:01,434 --> 00:11:03,868 (laughs) Man, that is way too soon. 323 00:11:03,870 --> 00:11:06,237 Warm-warm, warm-cold... You got this, don't get flustered! 324 00:11:06,239 --> 00:11:08,406 Cold-cold, hot-cold, hot-hot? It's hot-hot! 325 00:11:08,408 --> 00:11:10,775 It's always warm-cold. Well, what's "permanent press"? 326 00:11:10,777 --> 00:11:12,376 Fake button, nobody uses it. Yeah, don't press that one. 327 00:11:12,378 --> 00:11:14,845 (buzzing) - The machine is buzzing, you didn't close it! 328 00:11:14,847 --> 00:11:16,047 What?! Yeah, I closed it! 329 00:11:16,049 --> 00:11:17,248 Who you gonna believe, me or the machine?! 330 00:11:17,250 --> 00:11:18,249 I'm gonna believe the machine! 331 00:11:18,251 --> 00:11:19,750 (grunts) 332 00:11:19,752 --> 00:11:21,552 This is bull! 333 00:11:21,554 --> 00:11:23,754 (buzzing stops) 334 00:11:23,756 --> 00:11:24,956 Damn it, you! 335 00:11:25,757 --> 00:11:27,758 We're so close. 336 00:11:27,760 --> 00:11:29,226 Take ten and relax. 337 00:11:29,228 --> 00:11:30,795 Nine-inch bottle. 338 00:11:30,797 --> 00:11:32,229 Rappers be lying. 339 00:11:32,231 --> 00:11:33,564 You told me to relax, so... 340 00:11:33,566 --> 00:11:35,199 Self-pleasure is the only thing that relaxes me. 341 00:11:35,201 --> 00:11:37,034 Ugh. Seriously, Schmidt? That is crass. 342 00:11:37,036 --> 00:11:40,571 I don't want to hear it, I don't want to hear it. 343 00:11:40,573 --> 00:11:42,006 So stupid. 344 00:11:43,075 --> 00:11:45,943 Hey, you did it! 345 00:11:45,945 --> 00:11:46,911 You did it! 346 00:11:46,913 --> 00:11:47,812 Yes! 347 00:11:47,814 --> 00:11:49,580 Yes... yeah! - (whoops) - All right! 348 00:11:49,582 --> 00:11:51,148 That's what I'm talking about! 349 00:11:51,150 --> 00:11:53,184 Guys' Night! 350 00:11:53,885 --> 00:11:55,786 Hey. - Oh, hey. 351 00:11:55,788 --> 00:11:58,456 I saved you a seat. - Oh! No. 352 00:11:58,458 --> 00:12:02,660 I've been offered a seat at the higher-ups' table. 353 00:12:02,662 --> 00:12:05,496 The tastemakers. 354 00:12:05,498 --> 00:12:08,432 You're not invited. - Oh, I see. You're back to avoiding me. 355 00:12:08,434 --> 00:12:10,601 I'm not av... I don't know what you're talking about. 356 00:12:10,603 --> 00:12:12,336 Yes, you do. You've been avoiding me for weeks at school. 357 00:12:12,338 --> 00:12:13,604 That's why I was so happy 358 00:12:13,606 --> 00:12:15,406 that we were finally getting a chance to, 359 00:12:15,408 --> 00:12:17,475 I don't know, maybe get to know each other. What, is this summer camp? 360 00:12:17,477 --> 00:12:20,277 We don't need to get to know each other. What's your problem with me? 361 00:12:20,279 --> 00:12:22,446 Did I do something to offend you? - Why do... I... I don't have a problem. 362 00:12:22,448 --> 00:12:24,615 You have a problem with me. (mimicking): I don't have a problem with you. 363 00:12:24,617 --> 00:12:26,317 Yes, you do, you have a problem. Do you have a problem? 364 00:12:26,319 --> 00:12:27,485 No, I don't have a problem. Great, then we both 365 00:12:27,487 --> 00:12:29,820 don't have a problem. We have a problem. 366 00:12:29,822 --> 00:12:32,189 COACH: Hey, Jess! 367 00:12:32,191 --> 00:12:34,592 Buffer on the roof! 368 00:12:34,594 --> 00:12:35,826 (laughs) 369 00:12:35,828 --> 00:12:37,128 I'm freaking out. 370 00:12:37,130 --> 00:12:39,497 Freakin', freakin' out. 371 00:12:39,499 --> 00:12:40,931 Freak, freak, freak. (dog barks) 372 00:12:40,933 --> 00:12:43,734 Is that a baby? I feel like I hear a baby. 373 00:12:46,838 --> 00:12:48,539 All right, gentlemen-- bar crawl. 374 00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:50,541 Man, look at this, I know how to do laundry! 375 00:12:50,543 --> 00:12:52,476 I feel like a new man. Good, good, good. 376 00:12:52,478 --> 00:12:54,345 There is no way for me to express my joy. 377 00:12:54,347 --> 00:12:56,614 Except by telling you the width of my smile. 378 00:12:56,616 --> 00:12:57,648 (giggles) 379 00:12:57,650 --> 00:12:59,450 (chuckles) 380 00:12:59,452 --> 00:13:01,285 I can't read it, somebody else read it. 381 00:13:01,287 --> 00:13:03,688 No, I want to do it, I want to do it, hold on. 382 00:13:03,690 --> 00:13:06,057 But I can't see, let me turn it... uh... 383 00:13:06,059 --> 00:13:07,658 You know what? To Nick. 384 00:13:07,660 --> 00:13:09,393 What can't you do? 385 00:13:09,395 --> 00:13:11,195 A lot, you know, I can't say "Frebuary." 386 00:13:11,197 --> 00:13:12,997 (laughs) No one can! 387 00:13:12,999 --> 00:13:14,899 Frebuar... Febuar-ar... 388 00:13:14,901 --> 00:13:16,667 Feb.. I... (babbles) Whatever. 389 00:13:16,669 --> 00:13:18,302 Feb... February. Yeah, it's February. 390 00:13:18,304 --> 00:13:20,171 I can't say the alphabet unless I'm singing the song. 391 00:13:20,173 --> 00:13:22,039 And I never learned how to love. 392 00:13:22,041 --> 00:13:23,741 But enough about me... Guys' Night! 393 00:13:23,743 --> 00:13:24,709 Let's go, gentlemen. 394 00:13:24,711 --> 00:13:26,243 WINSTON: Man, that is... that is heavy. 395 00:13:26,245 --> 00:13:28,679 Hey, Nick, that's something we should talk about. 396 00:13:28,681 --> 00:13:30,181 I mean, what are we gonna do, 397 00:13:30,183 --> 00:13:32,183 sit around all night and talk about love? 398 00:13:32,185 --> 00:13:34,351 (laughs) 399 00:13:34,353 --> 00:13:38,556 WINSTON AND SCHMIDT: ¶ I want to know what love is ¶ 400 00:13:40,192 --> 00:13:44,161 ¶ I want you to show me ¶ 401 00:13:44,163 --> 00:13:46,230 ¶ Ooh... ¶ 402 00:13:46,232 --> 00:13:49,366 ¶ I want to know what love is ¶ 403 00:13:49,368 --> 00:13:50,568 ¶ Oh... ¶ 404 00:13:50,570 --> 00:13:52,570 ¶ And I want you to sh... ¶ 405 00:13:52,572 --> 00:13:55,339 FOREIGNER: ¶ I know you can show me ¶ Sad song. 406 00:13:55,341 --> 00:13:56,607 Hey, buddy. 407 00:13:56,609 --> 00:13:57,575 Hey! 408 00:13:57,577 --> 00:13:59,043 JESS: What's happening? 409 00:13:59,045 --> 00:14:00,845 I freaked out about the whole teaching health thing, 410 00:14:00,847 --> 00:14:04,515 and then I went and I-I got drunk with Ned... 411 00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:05,783 Neddy! 412 00:14:05,785 --> 00:14:06,751 And then I bet 413 00:14:06,753 --> 00:14:08,452 everybody in the bar 414 00:14:08,454 --> 00:14:10,387 that I could do a backflip off the roof, 415 00:14:10,389 --> 00:14:12,556 and that's what I came to do. 416 00:14:12,558 --> 00:14:13,791 So... 417 00:14:13,793 --> 00:14:15,526 Hey, look, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. 418 00:14:15,528 --> 00:14:17,595 Uh, I... - I totally understand how you're feeling. 419 00:14:17,597 --> 00:14:18,863 Yeah? Does, uh, teaching 420 00:14:18,865 --> 00:14:20,464 scare the crap out of you, Jess? 421 00:14:20,466 --> 00:14:21,866 Well, it is my life's calling, 422 00:14:21,868 --> 00:14:23,400 so, no. - Exactly. 423 00:14:23,402 --> 00:14:26,203 You don't get it. I do. 424 00:14:26,205 --> 00:14:28,472 What's up, player? It's the British dude. 425 00:14:28,474 --> 00:14:30,808 This is my first time teaching, and I'm scared, too. 426 00:14:30,810 --> 00:14:32,910 It's a terribly important job. Yeah, but health 427 00:14:32,912 --> 00:14:34,245 is the most... (all gasping) 428 00:14:34,247 --> 00:14:35,279 I'm good. 429 00:14:35,281 --> 00:14:36,881 Health is the most important 430 00:14:36,883 --> 00:14:38,449 subject on Earth. 431 00:14:38,451 --> 00:14:39,717 Yes, it is important. 432 00:14:39,719 --> 00:14:41,318 'Cause you know kids, 433 00:14:41,320 --> 00:14:43,053 they're always wanting to have sex with each other. 434 00:14:43,055 --> 00:14:44,722 They don't know that it just feels good for a second 435 00:14:44,724 --> 00:14:46,056 and then you're sad. 436 00:14:46,058 --> 00:14:48,159 And that's why we need someone great, 437 00:14:48,161 --> 00:14:50,394 someone strong, who the kids trust. 438 00:14:50,396 --> 00:14:51,562 Okay. 439 00:14:51,564 --> 00:14:52,830 Someone who can yell at them 440 00:14:52,832 --> 00:14:54,131 about chlamydia. 441 00:14:54,133 --> 00:14:56,400 That does... that sounds like... 442 00:14:56,402 --> 00:14:57,768 like something Coach would do. 443 00:14:57,770 --> 00:15:00,271 You can teach. - I can teach, guys! 444 00:15:00,273 --> 00:15:01,572 That's mostly what I was trying to tell you. 445 00:15:01,574 --> 00:15:04,008 No one needs to worry about me anymore! 446 00:15:04,010 --> 00:15:06,777 No! (all screaming) 447 00:15:06,779 --> 00:15:08,479 Oh, my God. - I'll get him. 448 00:15:08,481 --> 00:15:10,347 No. - Yes. 449 00:15:10,349 --> 00:15:12,116 Don't do anything heroic right now. Oh! 450 00:15:12,118 --> 00:15:14,919 (all gasp, exclaim) 451 00:15:22,027 --> 00:15:23,694 (gasping for air) 452 00:15:23,696 --> 00:15:26,997 (cheering) 453 00:15:26,999 --> 00:15:30,167 This guy's amazing. 454 00:15:32,037 --> 00:15:34,672 NICK, WINSTON AND SCHMIDT: ¶ Hello ¶ 455 00:15:34,674 --> 00:15:38,943 ¶ Is it me you're looking for? ¶ 456 00:15:38,945 --> 00:15:41,512 ¶ I can see it in your... ¶ 457 00:15:41,514 --> 00:15:43,347 I want to be the someone 458 00:15:43,349 --> 00:15:45,382 that somebody is looking for. 459 00:15:45,384 --> 00:15:47,785 ¶ In your smile... ¶ But what do I have to offer? 460 00:15:47,787 --> 00:15:49,653 Do not talk about yourself like that. 461 00:15:49,655 --> 00:15:51,288 Come on, guys, what do I bring to the table? 462 00:15:51,290 --> 00:15:52,323 That's easy, man. 463 00:15:52,325 --> 00:15:53,490 You're the cute one. 464 00:15:53,492 --> 00:15:54,558 What? - SCHMIDT: That's right. 465 00:15:54,560 --> 00:15:55,826 Look, I'm the smart one, 466 00:15:55,828 --> 00:15:57,294 Winston's the silly one, 467 00:15:57,296 --> 00:15:59,396 Coach is the sports one, and you're the cute one. 468 00:15:59,398 --> 00:16:00,831 Well, if I were so cute, 469 00:16:00,833 --> 00:16:02,233 then how come I can't find anyone to love? 470 00:16:02,235 --> 00:16:03,901 'Cause you're aiming too low. 471 00:16:03,903 --> 00:16:06,670 Nick, my man, you don't find diamonds underground. 472 00:16:06,672 --> 00:16:09,240 That's exactly where you find diamonds, Winston. 473 00:16:09,242 --> 00:16:10,574 Let's... can we not... 474 00:16:10,576 --> 00:16:12,843 This is not about gems, okay? 475 00:16:12,845 --> 00:16:15,079 This is about Nick valuing himself 476 00:16:15,081 --> 00:16:16,814 enough to aim for the top. 477 00:16:16,816 --> 00:16:19,483 Now, I-I've been to the top of the mountain, with Cece, 478 00:16:19,485 --> 00:16:20,985 and it was glorious up there. 479 00:16:20,987 --> 00:16:23,187 And you know, one of these days-- could be tomorrow-- 480 00:16:23,189 --> 00:16:24,722 I'm gonna be a millionaire. 481 00:16:25,490 --> 00:16:26,857 If I don't have Cece, 482 00:16:26,859 --> 00:16:28,325 then what do I have? 483 00:16:28,327 --> 00:16:30,327 You got a million dollars. 484 00:16:30,329 --> 00:16:32,529 If I'm being honest, you guys, uh... 485 00:16:32,531 --> 00:16:34,198 I'm worried about being a cop. 486 00:16:34,200 --> 00:16:35,833 Sure. - WINSTON: You know, what if I see something 487 00:16:35,835 --> 00:16:37,735 really bad and then it... 488 00:16:37,737 --> 00:16:39,103 it changes me? 489 00:16:39,105 --> 00:16:41,338 You know, it makes me lose my faith 490 00:16:41,340 --> 00:16:43,073 and then I become really bad? 491 00:16:45,010 --> 00:16:46,844 You guys really think I'm the cute one? 492 00:16:46,846 --> 00:16:48,512 You know what's not cute? 493 00:16:48,514 --> 00:16:50,247 Pretending that you don't know that you are. 494 00:16:50,249 --> 00:16:51,348 Schmidt, this sangria 495 00:16:51,350 --> 00:16:52,449 is just delicious. 496 00:16:52,451 --> 00:16:53,350 Thanks, man. 497 00:16:53,352 --> 00:16:54,618 I'm jealous of that 498 00:16:54,620 --> 00:16:55,853 little orange in there. 499 00:16:55,855 --> 00:16:57,087 It gets to just drink 500 00:16:57,089 --> 00:16:58,522 all the sangria it wants. 501 00:16:58,524 --> 00:17:00,224 Yeah. I'm probably gonna... 502 00:17:00,226 --> 00:17:03,527 I'm gonna eat the orange, too. 503 00:17:03,529 --> 00:17:06,130 Guys' Night. Guys' Night! 504 00:17:06,132 --> 00:17:07,064 (blowing) 505 00:17:07,066 --> 00:17:08,065 (whistles) 506 00:17:08,067 --> 00:17:09,366 (whistles) 507 00:17:09,368 --> 00:17:11,201 It's like instant world music. 508 00:17:11,203 --> 00:17:12,536 (tones harmonizing) 509 00:17:12,538 --> 00:17:14,738 (laughing) 510 00:17:14,740 --> 00:17:16,640 Wait, shh. - Why "shh"? 511 00:17:16,642 --> 00:17:18,142 I think he's finally... 512 00:17:18,144 --> 00:17:20,044 (Coach snores) 513 00:17:20,046 --> 00:17:21,578 ...asleep. - Asleep. 514 00:17:21,580 --> 00:17:24,381 (giggles) 515 00:17:24,383 --> 00:17:25,215 Cheers. 516 00:17:25,217 --> 00:17:26,917 Chin-chin. 517 00:17:26,919 --> 00:17:28,619 Um... 518 00:17:28,621 --> 00:17:29,887 Hey... 519 00:17:29,889 --> 00:17:32,289 I'm sorry. 520 00:17:32,291 --> 00:17:34,591 I was a little bit of a jerk to you earlier. 521 00:17:34,593 --> 00:17:35,826 No, it's fine. 522 00:17:35,828 --> 00:17:37,594 I'm used to jerks. 523 00:17:37,596 --> 00:17:39,063 I used to work in finance. 524 00:17:39,065 --> 00:17:40,798 Oh! Finance! 525 00:17:40,800 --> 00:17:41,966 Mm-hmm. - Really? 526 00:17:41,968 --> 00:17:43,300 Why did you leave? 527 00:17:45,770 --> 00:17:47,471 I know this sounds silly, but I realized 528 00:17:47,473 --> 00:17:49,807 that the only time I'd been really happy in my life 529 00:17:49,809 --> 00:17:52,509 was teaching my little sister how to read. 530 00:17:52,511 --> 00:17:54,745 She suffers from crippling dyslexia. 531 00:17:54,747 --> 00:17:56,313 Oh, God! - What? 532 00:17:56,315 --> 00:17:58,482 You're just... so perfect. 533 00:17:58,484 --> 00:17:59,750 Well, it's more common than you might think. 534 00:17:59,752 --> 00:18:01,652 No, you're like the most perfect person 535 00:18:01,654 --> 00:18:03,320 I've ever met. And it's like 536 00:18:03,322 --> 00:18:04,621 you're an angel who's been 537 00:18:04,623 --> 00:18:06,290 sent down to the Earth, like... 538 00:18:06,292 --> 00:18:07,958 have you ever seen the movie The Preacher's Wife? 539 00:18:07,960 --> 00:18:11,695 Anyway, I just have this big, stupid crush on you. 540 00:18:15,767 --> 00:18:18,535 I... 541 00:18:18,537 --> 00:18:20,671 didn't say that. 542 00:18:20,673 --> 00:18:22,373 No, it's fine. It's-it's... no. Shouldn't have said... No. 543 00:18:22,375 --> 00:18:23,340 I shouldn't have said that. 544 00:18:23,342 --> 00:18:24,975 I'm sorry, um... - I need a bucket. 545 00:18:24,977 --> 00:18:26,510 Now! 546 00:18:26,512 --> 00:18:27,644 Um, you should go. I need a bucket! 547 00:18:27,646 --> 00:18:28,679 (gags) - Just go. 548 00:18:28,681 --> 00:18:29,713 No, let me help, please. Let me help. 549 00:18:29,715 --> 00:18:31,015 No, just go, just go, just go. 550 00:18:31,017 --> 00:18:33,050 COACH: Ugh, gettin' the mouth sweats. 551 00:18:33,052 --> 00:18:34,885 Oh, I need a bucket! - Just go. 552 00:18:34,887 --> 00:18:36,820 Just go. Just go. Okay. 553 00:18:36,822 --> 00:18:39,690 Why is there ice in here? 554 00:18:39,692 --> 00:18:41,625 More room... - (sighs) 555 00:18:41,627 --> 00:18:42,860 ...for what's about to happen. 556 00:18:42,862 --> 00:18:46,630 Oh, God. - Oh, my God! 557 00:18:49,834 --> 00:18:52,169 When I get home I'm hitting the books. 558 00:18:52,171 --> 00:18:53,337 I am going to crush health. 559 00:18:53,339 --> 00:18:55,506 Yeah, you are. - Yeah. 560 00:18:55,508 --> 00:18:56,740 Ned! 561 00:18:56,742 --> 00:18:58,075 Let me get his contact before we leave. 562 00:18:58,077 --> 00:19:00,577 What? - Ned! I need details, bro! 563 00:19:00,579 --> 00:19:03,047 Hey, man. Am I gonna get your e-mail? 564 00:19:03,049 --> 00:19:04,915 What's gonna happen here? - Yeah, let's do it, let's do it. 565 00:19:04,917 --> 00:19:06,583 Let's do it, let's do it. - Yeah. 566 00:19:06,585 --> 00:19:09,186 It's therealned8 @guhmail.com. 567 00:19:09,188 --> 00:19:10,754 At guhmail... you mean Gmail? 568 00:19:10,756 --> 00:19:12,556 Oh, is that how you say it? 569 00:19:13,558 --> 00:19:15,592 Um... (chuckles) 570 00:19:16,261 --> 00:19:17,394 Good morning. 571 00:19:17,396 --> 00:19:18,595 Good morning. 572 00:19:18,597 --> 00:19:21,231 Can I, um... talk to you about last night? 573 00:19:21,233 --> 00:19:23,267 No, I want to talk to you about last night, 574 00:19:23,269 --> 00:19:25,369 because I said some things, um, 575 00:19:25,371 --> 00:19:28,772 that don't reflect how I really feel about you. 576 00:19:28,774 --> 00:19:30,040 Um... 577 00:19:30,042 --> 00:19:31,708 so I'd really appreciate it 578 00:19:31,710 --> 00:19:34,078 if you could strike them from the record. 579 00:19:35,080 --> 00:19:37,281 It was the conference talking, not me. 580 00:19:37,283 --> 00:19:39,383 Consider them struck. 581 00:19:39,385 --> 00:19:40,918 Thank you. 582 00:19:40,920 --> 00:19:43,253 Enjoy your Thanksgiving vacation. 583 00:19:43,255 --> 00:19:44,788 It's, uh, an American holiday 584 00:19:44,790 --> 00:19:46,957 where we celebrate the fact that we... 585 00:19:46,959 --> 00:19:50,027 didn't know how to farm by ourselves. 586 00:19:50,029 --> 00:19:52,196 Are you curious to know 587 00:19:52,198 --> 00:19:54,298 how I really feel about you? 588 00:19:54,300 --> 00:19:55,732 No. - Because if you were 589 00:19:55,734 --> 00:19:58,035 interested, I'd tell you that 590 00:19:58,037 --> 00:19:59,570 I won't enjoy my Thanksgiving 591 00:19:59,572 --> 00:20:01,438 because I won't get to see you every day. 592 00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,241 I think you're beautiful 593 00:20:04,243 --> 00:20:05,709 and totally insane, 594 00:20:05,711 --> 00:20:07,044 and when I'm at work, 595 00:20:07,046 --> 00:20:08,278 I can't focus, 596 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:09,413 because I can't get you 597 00:20:09,415 --> 00:20:10,614 out of my head. 598 00:20:18,056 --> 00:20:19,456 COACH: Hey. 599 00:20:19,458 --> 00:20:21,625 Hey, uh, you guys want to stop 600 00:20:21,627 --> 00:20:23,327 on the way home and get some pancakes? 601 00:20:23,329 --> 00:20:25,229 Hey, what do you call them in England? 602 00:20:25,231 --> 00:20:26,296 Roundy-yums. 603 00:20:26,298 --> 00:20:28,332 Really? - No. 604 00:20:28,334 --> 00:20:30,367 See you after the holidays. 605 00:20:33,438 --> 00:20:34,738 Oh, boy. 606 00:20:34,740 --> 00:20:36,707 You didn't see anything! 607 00:20:40,145 --> 00:20:42,579 Where'd your lipstick go? 608 00:20:42,581 --> 00:20:44,114 Hit 'em! Hit 'em! - From the back. 609 00:20:44,116 --> 00:20:45,449 Hit 'em! - Ugh! 610 00:20:45,451 --> 00:20:47,651 It smells terrible in here! 611 00:20:47,653 --> 00:20:49,753 How many beers did you guys drink? 612 00:20:49,755 --> 00:20:51,688 So much. - Beer, beer! Lots of beer. 613 00:20:51,690 --> 00:20:52,956 Just a lot of beer. 614 00:20:52,958 --> 00:20:54,091 That's how beer smells. - So many beers. 615 00:20:54,093 --> 00:20:55,125 (sniffs) 616 00:20:55,127 --> 00:20:56,193 Smells like sangria. 617 00:20:56,195 --> 00:20:57,528 SCHMIDT: That must be the perfume 618 00:20:57,530 --> 00:20:59,129 from all the ladies we hooked up with. Yeah. 619 00:20:59,131 --> 00:21:00,464 Mm-hmm. - They were all Spaniards. 620 00:21:00,466 --> 00:21:01,665 WINSTON: Mine was named 621 00:21:01,667 --> 00:21:03,033 Señorita Lucinda Madrid. 622 00:21:03,035 --> 00:21:04,334 Say, how was the conference? 623 00:21:04,336 --> 00:21:05,969 It was just... a stupid... 624 00:21:05,971 --> 00:21:07,504 conference... 625 00:21:10,642 --> 00:21:12,442 So she finally hooked up with Ryan. 626 00:21:12,444 --> 00:21:14,978 He put his teeth behind her teeth. 627 00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:17,714 Aah! 628 00:21:19,217 --> 00:21:20,851 (sighs) 629 00:21:20,853 --> 00:21:24,621 Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God... 630 00:21:35,700 --> 00:21:38,669 What the hell did you guys do to my blanket?! 631 00:21:38,671 --> 00:21:41,705 Captioned by - Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org