1 00:00:03,339 --> 00:00:05,407 What in the hell is around your neck? 2 00:00:05,409 --> 00:00:06,775 This? It's a crystal charm, man. 3 00:00:06,777 --> 00:00:08,510 Yeah, the guys at work gave it to me. 4 00:00:08,512 --> 00:00:10,679 Why? - Technically, it's "hazing," 5 00:00:10,681 --> 00:00:12,247 but, uh, I secretly love it. 6 00:00:12,249 --> 00:00:14,282 That is the kind of crystal that should only rest 7 00:00:14,284 --> 00:00:16,218 between a set of old bosoms. 8 00:00:16,220 --> 00:00:17,752 (yawps) 9 00:00:17,754 --> 00:00:19,354 Did that sound just come from your body? - (yawps) 10 00:00:19,356 --> 00:00:21,289 Hey! - Ha! 11 00:00:21,291 --> 00:00:22,958 Whoa, how long you two been here? 12 00:00:22,960 --> 00:00:24,960 When was the last time you asked me that? Last Thursday. 13 00:00:24,962 --> 00:00:26,127 So, at least Thursday. 14 00:00:26,129 --> 00:00:28,196 What kind of lazy... (yawps) holes... 15 00:00:28,198 --> 00:00:30,632 Don't you know what (yawps)-ing day it is? 16 00:00:30,634 --> 00:00:32,634 For crying out l... (yawps) 17 00:00:32,636 --> 00:00:34,269 Glen, you should see a doctor. 18 00:00:34,271 --> 00:00:35,604 My name is Schmidt. 19 00:00:35,606 --> 00:00:38,240 I can't afford to miss work. 20 00:00:38,242 --> 00:00:40,742 I'm sorry, Glen, but I'm with Kai on this one. 21 00:00:40,744 --> 00:00:41,776 Thanks, Wilfred. 22 00:00:41,778 --> 00:00:43,411 You ain't good with names. 23 00:00:43,413 --> 00:00:44,579 Oh, honey, you're all turned around. 24 00:00:44,581 --> 00:00:46,214 No, you are. - I think you are. 25 00:00:46,216 --> 00:00:48,049 (giggles) Stop. - I think you are. I'm gonna get you... 26 00:00:48,051 --> 00:00:50,952 I've done some research. Oh, ooh, how about a head's up, man? 27 00:00:50,954 --> 00:00:52,988 Have I seen those glasses before? 28 00:00:52,990 --> 00:00:54,623 I feel like I want to remember them. 29 00:00:54,625 --> 00:00:56,258 I got these in seventh grade, and I love them. 30 00:00:56,260 --> 00:00:57,325 Stop asking questions. 31 00:00:57,327 --> 00:00:58,627 All right, check it. 32 00:00:58,629 --> 00:01:00,228 So nerd Coach went to the library, 33 00:01:00,230 --> 00:01:01,630 and some place that actually exists 34 00:01:01,632 --> 00:01:03,131 called the Hall of Documents. 35 00:01:03,133 --> 00:01:04,499 The downtown branch? - Mm-hmm. 36 00:01:04,501 --> 00:01:06,101 How's Kathleen's eye? Oh, Kathleen's dead. 37 00:01:06,103 --> 00:01:07,602 What? - Yeah. 38 00:01:07,604 --> 00:01:09,971 So, check it out, guys, this is all research. 39 00:01:09,973 --> 00:01:12,507 You two don't have to date in secret anymore at school. 40 00:01:12,509 --> 00:01:14,609 Yeah, it's all here in the Lipinski v. 41 00:01:14,611 --> 00:01:16,678 Platte County Unified School District. 42 00:01:16,680 --> 00:01:18,747 Precedence for days! 43 00:01:18,749 --> 00:01:21,082 Wow. Wow, you did this for us. No. 44 00:01:22,418 --> 00:01:23,618 I just want to pat it. 45 00:01:23,620 --> 00:01:25,987 I just want to, like, frickin' pat it. 46 00:01:25,989 --> 00:01:27,756 I want to nurse it. 47 00:01:27,758 --> 00:01:29,324 Yeah, I want to provide it 48 00:01:29,326 --> 00:01:31,326 with milk. - Huh. 49 00:01:31,328 --> 00:01:32,994 I used to be the hot teacher. 50 00:01:32,996 --> 00:01:36,831 Now you know how I felt when you turned up. 51 00:01:36,833 --> 00:01:40,035 A miserable path awaits you. 52 00:01:40,037 --> 00:01:41,970 So you want us to come out, 53 00:01:41,972 --> 00:01:43,972 so that you can go back to hooking up 54 00:01:43,974 --> 00:01:45,173 with all the hot teachers? 55 00:01:45,175 --> 00:01:46,441 Very much so. 56 00:01:46,443 --> 00:01:47,876 But I'm thinking about you guys, too. 57 00:01:47,878 --> 00:01:49,344 I mean, wouldn't it be better 58 00:01:49,346 --> 00:01:51,346 if you didn't have to hide your relationship? 59 00:01:52,615 --> 00:01:55,183 Yeah, you know what? 60 00:01:55,185 --> 00:01:57,018 I think we should do this. 61 00:01:57,020 --> 00:01:58,787 I... we should do this, let's stop hiding. 62 00:01:58,789 --> 00:02:00,455 Yeah. 63 00:02:00,457 --> 00:02:02,157 But, Jess, will this make things tricky for your work 64 00:02:02,159 --> 00:02:03,692 and will it in turn make you distracted and preoccupied 65 00:02:03,694 --> 00:02:05,727 during our splishy-splashy? Ugh. 66 00:02:05,729 --> 00:02:07,729 No, no, of course not. I won't let it. 67 00:02:07,731 --> 00:02:08,997 Then let's do this. 68 00:02:08,999 --> 00:02:10,498 Yeah, let's. 69 00:02:10,500 --> 00:02:12,467 Yes! We are coming out! 70 00:02:12,469 --> 00:02:14,235 Cracking. I'm chuffed. 71 00:02:14,237 --> 00:02:16,104 Dude, I do not get you. 72 00:02:23,479 --> 00:02:24,913 I trust you, Miss Day. 73 00:02:24,915 --> 00:02:28,383 Mostly because I do not want to read this. 74 00:02:28,385 --> 00:02:30,352 That's great! - (laughs) Well, 75 00:02:30,354 --> 00:02:32,520 Yay! - I'm the easy one, dawg. 76 00:02:32,522 --> 00:02:35,757 Seriously, it's the teachers you need to worry about. 77 00:02:35,759 --> 00:02:37,092 Especially you. 78 00:02:37,094 --> 00:02:39,327 You tend to care what people think about you. 79 00:02:39,329 --> 00:02:42,530 (chuckles) That's like saying a penguin "tends" to be cute. 80 00:02:42,532 --> 00:02:44,432 It's all it does, bro. 81 00:02:44,434 --> 00:02:46,501 (chuckles) - So, good luck 82 00:02:46,503 --> 00:02:48,870 when the teachers present their field trip proposals. 83 00:02:48,872 --> 00:02:52,207 If they catch a whiff of favoritism, 84 00:02:52,209 --> 00:02:55,844 they are going to tear you apart like... 85 00:02:55,846 --> 00:02:58,847 like a beautiful baguette, you know what I mean? 86 00:02:58,849 --> 00:03:00,849 When you-you're having dinner, 87 00:03:00,851 --> 00:03:03,852 and you just suddenly say, "Hey, forget the bread knife. 88 00:03:03,854 --> 00:03:06,721 Let's just rip into this with our bare hands." 89 00:03:06,723 --> 00:03:10,258 Ah, I love that. 90 00:03:10,260 --> 00:03:12,227 Hey, what'd they say? What do you got? 91 00:03:12,229 --> 00:03:14,963 You can tell me, I can take it. 92 00:03:14,965 --> 00:03:18,233 I-I don't know if I can take it if... 93 00:03:18,235 --> 00:03:20,235 If you died, I'd be lost. 94 00:03:20,237 --> 00:03:22,737 J-Just tell me, I'll be there for you, I'm big and strong. 95 00:03:22,739 --> 00:03:24,139 Is it cancer? What's your problem? 96 00:03:24,141 --> 00:03:25,940 Oh, Schmidty, you have cancer? 97 00:03:25,942 --> 00:03:27,375 I can't watch you go 98 00:03:27,377 --> 00:03:28,943 through cancer, buddy, you're not strong enough. 99 00:03:28,945 --> 00:03:29,978 What is wrong with you?! 100 00:03:29,980 --> 00:03:31,146 Your friend keeps forgetting 101 00:03:31,148 --> 00:03:32,380 his ulcer medication. 102 00:03:32,382 --> 00:03:33,748 Ulcer medication? 103 00:03:33,750 --> 00:03:35,283 He's lying, please. 104 00:03:35,285 --> 00:03:36,918 Take him home, make sure he does nothing all day. 105 00:03:36,920 --> 00:03:38,553 Look, I'm not doing nothing all day. 106 00:03:38,555 --> 00:03:40,755 Can't take days off wor... 107 00:03:40,757 --> 00:03:43,658 My firm is wooing red potatoes, and I want that account. 108 00:03:43,660 --> 00:03:45,727 Don't listen to that aggressive male nurse. 109 00:03:45,729 --> 00:03:48,263 Wearing the same shoes as an old Russian woman. 110 00:03:48,265 --> 00:03:50,432 It's not an ulcer, he's ly... (yawps) 111 00:03:50,434 --> 00:03:53,568 Yeah, that's your ulcer telling you to stop being a dick. 112 00:03:53,570 --> 00:03:55,403 (groans) 113 00:03:55,405 --> 00:03:57,072 Before we begin our presentations, 114 00:03:57,074 --> 00:04:01,443 in the spirit of full disclosure and transparency, 115 00:04:01,445 --> 00:04:03,311 I have something to tell you. 116 00:04:04,280 --> 00:04:07,082 Mr. Geauxinue and I are dating. 117 00:04:07,084 --> 00:04:08,750 No, n-n-n-no. - (laughs) 118 00:04:08,752 --> 00:04:10,585 No, I just felt someone pass over my grave. - Right. 119 00:04:10,587 --> 00:04:11,653 I don't see a ring. 120 00:04:11,655 --> 00:04:12,687 This is a total joke. 121 00:04:12,689 --> 00:04:14,089 Oh, you're joking. 122 00:04:14,091 --> 00:04:15,457 There's none scenarios that this is possible. 123 00:04:15,459 --> 00:04:17,325 COACH: Ladies, I know you're upset, 124 00:04:17,327 --> 00:04:18,927 but you know what I do when I'm upset? 125 00:04:18,929 --> 00:04:19,961 I hook up with me. 126 00:04:19,963 --> 00:04:21,763 But I want to assure you 127 00:04:21,765 --> 00:04:24,499 that this will not affect my judgment as vice principal. 128 00:04:24,501 --> 00:04:26,601 Let's hear those field trip proposals! 129 00:04:26,603 --> 00:04:28,837 Where are we gonna take those kids, guys?! 130 00:04:28,839 --> 00:04:30,872 And you know what makes the water delicious? 131 00:04:30,874 --> 00:04:32,874 Taking the poop out. 132 00:04:32,876 --> 00:04:35,443 Hello, water treatment plant. 133 00:04:36,479 --> 00:04:39,047 Okay, we're off to a rocky start. 134 00:04:39,049 --> 00:04:40,482 They've got frickin' mini-golf. 135 00:04:40,484 --> 00:04:41,983 They've got frickin' Skee-Ball. 136 00:04:41,985 --> 00:04:44,052 They've got frickin' bumper boats. 137 00:04:44,054 --> 00:04:46,454 They've got frickin' go-carts. 138 00:04:46,456 --> 00:04:48,289 Is this you topless in the brochure? 139 00:04:48,291 --> 00:04:50,625 It is, thank you. 140 00:04:50,627 --> 00:04:53,228 Take a trip to historical Coach-town. 141 00:04:53,230 --> 00:04:56,197 Lunch will be provided. 142 00:04:56,199 --> 00:04:58,633 I don't eat yesterday's bread. 143 00:04:58,635 --> 00:05:00,468 Yes, you do. 144 00:05:00,470 --> 00:05:01,569 Is there a field trip in here somewhere? 145 00:05:01,571 --> 00:05:03,004 I want to take the children 146 00:05:03,006 --> 00:05:05,073 on an interactive nature "experience." 147 00:05:05,075 --> 00:05:06,641 Very hands-on. 148 00:05:06,643 --> 00:05:08,209 With, uh, 149 00:05:08,211 --> 00:05:09,544 "foll-ahge..." 150 00:05:09,546 --> 00:05:11,179 "foil-iag-ee..." 151 00:05:11,181 --> 00:05:13,481 Not bad. Um, I'd be a lot more into it 152 00:05:13,483 --> 00:05:15,416 if you could pronounce "foliage." 153 00:05:15,418 --> 00:05:17,018 I messed it up! 154 00:05:17,020 --> 00:05:18,520 I can't do anything! 155 00:05:18,522 --> 00:05:20,221 So I've arranged for our students to speak 156 00:05:20,223 --> 00:05:21,556 to astronauts at the space station, 157 00:05:21,558 --> 00:05:22,757 uh, via Russian translator. 158 00:05:22,759 --> 00:05:26,227 And, as an added surprise, 159 00:05:26,229 --> 00:05:27,996 actually get to operate the Mars rover. 160 00:05:27,998 --> 00:05:29,497 You see, this is 161 00:05:29,499 --> 00:05:33,168 "Mission to Mars: Field Trip to Another World." 162 00:05:35,404 --> 00:05:36,538 JESS: Okay, then. 163 00:05:36,540 --> 00:05:37,839 (toy engine revs) 164 00:05:37,841 --> 00:05:39,941 Well, you all had great presentations, 165 00:05:39,943 --> 00:05:43,011 but I'm sure no one can accuse me of favoritism 166 00:05:43,013 --> 00:05:44,512 when I choose Mr. G's proposal, 167 00:05:44,514 --> 00:05:47,715 which was so, so, so clearly the best one. 168 00:05:47,717 --> 00:05:49,617 (booing) RUTH: What does space have? 169 00:05:49,619 --> 00:05:51,452 You can't even walk on the ground. 170 00:05:51,454 --> 00:05:53,588 You obviously picked it because he's your frickin' boyfriend. 171 00:05:53,590 --> 00:05:55,390 Well... BIOLOGY TEACHER: I see how it is. 172 00:05:55,392 --> 00:05:57,926 My butt isn't cute enough. Should I call my ma 173 00:05:57,928 --> 00:06:00,695 and blame her for passing on her wide flat ass? 174 00:06:00,697 --> 00:06:03,097 (imitates dialing phone) 175 00:06:03,099 --> 00:06:05,266 Hello, Ma? 176 00:06:05,268 --> 00:06:07,869 I'm not calling about that. 177 00:06:07,871 --> 00:06:09,304 Just listen. 178 00:06:09,306 --> 00:06:12,273 I said, just listen. 179 00:06:12,275 --> 00:06:14,709 It's about my butt. 180 00:06:14,711 --> 00:06:16,077 Should I continue? 181 00:06:16,079 --> 00:06:17,378 I'm gonna say no. 182 00:06:17,380 --> 00:06:18,913 You won't frickin' get away with this. 183 00:06:18,915 --> 00:06:21,416 Eat glass and die, you tramp! 184 00:06:21,418 --> 00:06:23,318 Mrs. Raws! 185 00:06:27,656 --> 00:06:29,657 Hey, uh, you're not going to work. - What are you talking...? 186 00:06:29,659 --> 00:06:31,593 You're not going to work. - Yes, I'm going to work! 187 00:06:31,595 --> 00:06:33,661 Sit down! Sit down! 188 00:06:34,797 --> 00:06:36,231 Of course I'm going to work. 189 00:06:36,233 --> 00:06:37,632 Gina needs me. 190 00:06:37,634 --> 00:06:40,268 Besides, I like my stomach like I like my suits-- 191 00:06:40,270 --> 00:06:41,569 no lining. 192 00:06:41,571 --> 00:06:42,904 Here, take your bottoms off, 193 00:06:42,906 --> 00:06:44,906 put these sweatpants on. 194 00:06:44,908 --> 00:06:47,675 You take your bottoms off, sir! Why don't you take your slacks off, 195 00:06:47,677 --> 00:06:49,077 so I can put some sweatpants on? Now take your bottoms off. 196 00:06:49,079 --> 00:06:50,778 I'm not gonna sit around here all day 197 00:06:50,780 --> 00:06:52,780 like an off-duty ice cream truck driver! 198 00:06:52,782 --> 00:06:55,750 I confiscated three laptops, two tablets and an e-reader. 199 00:06:55,752 --> 00:06:58,519 Oh, and this satellite phone with a condom taped to it. 200 00:06:58,521 --> 00:06:59,687 My earthquake kit? 201 00:06:59,689 --> 00:07:01,089 Hey, look, for starters, Schmidt, 202 00:07:01,091 --> 00:07:02,423 you're sitting up way too straight. 203 00:07:02,425 --> 00:07:03,791 I feel like I'm sitting just fine. 204 00:07:03,793 --> 00:07:06,127 Take a deep breath. 205 00:07:06,129 --> 00:07:08,329 Inhale it all the way in. 206 00:07:08,331 --> 00:07:09,464 Now... 207 00:07:09,466 --> 00:07:10,665 (whispers): let it go. 208 00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:12,600 (exhales) 209 00:07:13,435 --> 00:07:15,270 Now let go. - (exhales) 210 00:07:15,272 --> 00:07:16,504 Now let go. 211 00:07:16,506 --> 00:07:17,972 I... I am letting go. 212 00:07:17,974 --> 00:07:19,874 You're like a clenched fist, my man. Open up. 213 00:07:21,977 --> 00:07:24,212 You're in a 1920s boxing stance. 214 00:07:24,214 --> 00:07:25,813 This is a waste of time! You're not going to work! 215 00:07:25,815 --> 00:07:27,315 I have a hyperactive nephew! 216 00:07:27,317 --> 00:07:28,616 We have to swaddle him! 217 00:07:28,618 --> 00:07:29,984 Swaddle nothing! What? 218 00:07:29,986 --> 00:07:31,185 What are you doing?! Swaddle him! Get him! 219 00:07:31,187 --> 00:07:33,021 Got to get to work! 220 00:07:33,023 --> 00:07:36,557 Shh. Shh. 221 00:07:36,559 --> 00:07:38,393 Shh. You relaxed? 222 00:07:38,395 --> 00:07:40,528 Yeah. 223 00:07:40,530 --> 00:07:41,829 Okay, ready? 224 00:07:41,831 --> 00:07:42,997 You're gonna lay down. 225 00:07:42,999 --> 00:07:44,699 All right, just for a minute. 226 00:07:44,701 --> 00:07:46,868 ¶ Good night, Schmidty. ¶ 227 00:07:46,870 --> 00:07:48,870 (sighs) 228 00:07:51,640 --> 00:07:53,508 (whispers): Now do me. - Okay. 229 00:07:53,510 --> 00:07:54,909 (quiet chatter) 230 00:07:56,712 --> 00:07:57,979 Hey, what's up, girl? 231 00:07:57,981 --> 00:07:59,414 Hey, uh... 232 00:07:59,416 --> 00:08:01,416 remember when we used to do it and it was dope? 233 00:08:01,418 --> 00:08:03,851 Nah. - Nah? What you talk...? 234 00:08:03,853 --> 00:08:06,321 You still like Ryan? - Well... 235 00:08:06,323 --> 00:08:07,822 It's just the accent. That's the only thing you... 236 00:08:07,824 --> 00:08:09,257 You like the accent? I can do an accent. 237 00:08:09,259 --> 00:08:10,658 (Cockney accent): I can do an accent. 238 00:08:10,660 --> 00:08:12,327 You like when I do this accent, eh? 239 00:08:13,262 --> 00:08:14,729 You like when I do the accent? 240 00:08:14,731 --> 00:08:16,030 Not at all. 241 00:08:16,032 --> 00:08:18,099 My dad makes cheese. 242 00:08:18,101 --> 00:08:20,668 He just made me realize that I want guys 243 00:08:20,670 --> 00:08:22,670 who have, like, frickin' feelings and stuff. 244 00:08:22,672 --> 00:08:24,238 (normal voice): Yeah, well... 245 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:26,674 But the boy looks like he was raised in a muffin. 246 00:08:27,443 --> 00:08:29,110 Oh. Hey. 247 00:08:29,112 --> 00:08:30,945 I've been holding office hours all year, 248 00:08:30,947 --> 00:08:33,247 and this is the first time anyone's taken me up on it. 249 00:08:33,249 --> 00:08:34,615 Ryan took you up on it, didn't he? 250 00:08:34,617 --> 00:08:36,351 (teachers gasp, laugh) 251 00:08:36,353 --> 00:08:38,553 This is gonna be fine 252 00:08:38,555 --> 00:08:40,855 and, um, I'm going to address 253 00:08:40,857 --> 00:08:43,358 all of your problems one by one. 254 00:08:43,360 --> 00:08:44,926 It just ain't right. - Okay. 255 00:08:44,928 --> 00:08:46,627 "Ain't... right." 256 00:08:46,629 --> 00:08:47,895 Anything else? 257 00:08:47,897 --> 00:08:48,930 It's not okay. 258 00:08:48,932 --> 00:08:50,765 "Not... okay." 259 00:08:50,767 --> 00:08:52,033 What else? 260 00:08:52,035 --> 00:08:53,801 I'm not all right with it. 261 00:08:53,803 --> 00:08:56,237 And when you lent me that sweater last week, 262 00:08:56,239 --> 00:08:59,540 was I supposed to, like... Ruth! 263 00:08:59,542 --> 00:09:01,309 It's unscrupulous, Ms. Day. 264 00:09:01,311 --> 00:09:03,911 If you two are coming out, we are, too. 265 00:09:03,913 --> 00:09:06,147 Meet my boyfriend. 266 00:09:07,449 --> 00:09:11,152 So you like... teachers? 267 00:09:14,790 --> 00:09:16,124 I'd do whatever it takes 268 00:09:16,126 --> 00:09:18,393 to get my foliage trip off the ground. 269 00:09:19,828 --> 00:09:21,329 And now I know 270 00:09:21,331 --> 00:09:22,764 how things work around here. 271 00:09:22,766 --> 00:09:25,733 You're not even my type, just so you know. 272 00:09:25,735 --> 00:09:27,101 ¶ Ba-da-da... ¶ 273 00:09:27,103 --> 00:09:28,269 Don't do that. 274 00:09:28,271 --> 00:09:29,637 I'd be way more into this 275 00:09:29,639 --> 00:09:31,072 if you had, like, a classic Latin build. 276 00:09:31,074 --> 00:09:32,940 Okay, stop. Stop! 277 00:09:32,942 --> 00:09:33,975 'Cause I'm a ginger? 278 00:09:33,977 --> 00:09:34,842 Just get out. 279 00:09:34,844 --> 00:09:37,445 (teachers murmuring) 280 00:09:37,447 --> 00:09:38,646 Ms. Day! 281 00:09:38,648 --> 00:09:41,482 (teachers clamoring) 282 00:09:42,751 --> 00:09:44,085 Okay! 283 00:09:44,087 --> 00:09:46,254 I changed my mind. 284 00:09:46,256 --> 00:09:47,989 We're gonna look at foliage. 285 00:09:47,991 --> 00:09:50,358 Now, will that make you people go back to your jobs? 286 00:09:50,360 --> 00:09:51,993 Yeah. - (murmuring agreement) 287 00:09:51,995 --> 00:09:54,695 I won something. I won something. 288 00:09:54,697 --> 00:09:56,130 Hey. 289 00:09:56,132 --> 00:09:57,365 What's going on? 290 00:09:57,367 --> 00:09:59,033 Everybody was just so mad at me. 291 00:09:59,035 --> 00:10:00,768 I feel terrible. 292 00:10:00,770 --> 00:10:02,770 This is my fault. 293 00:10:02,772 --> 00:10:04,205 Jess, maybe I should look for another job. 294 00:10:04,207 --> 00:10:06,274 No! No! Absolutely not. 295 00:10:06,276 --> 00:10:07,875 No, look, I have everything under control. 296 00:10:07,877 --> 00:10:09,844 I am 100% confident 297 00:10:09,846 --> 00:10:11,312 that I'm making the right decision. 298 00:10:11,314 --> 00:10:12,780 WINSTON: You got girl troubles, get a crystal. 299 00:10:12,782 --> 00:10:14,949 Look, I'm telling you, Coach, 300 00:10:14,951 --> 00:10:16,884 women have been checking me out all day. 301 00:10:16,886 --> 00:10:19,053 From the gentleman across the bar. 302 00:10:19,055 --> 00:10:20,321 This is my favorite drink. 303 00:10:20,323 --> 00:10:21,556 How did he...? 304 00:10:21,558 --> 00:10:25,193 Something powerful told me it was. 305 00:10:26,695 --> 00:10:29,297 Now, they gave me this crystal to help me on the streets, 306 00:10:29,299 --> 00:10:30,665 but I'm starting to think 307 00:10:30,667 --> 00:10:33,201 it's gonna help me in the sheets. 308 00:10:33,203 --> 00:10:34,902 Winston, look at me. - Mm-hmm. 309 00:10:34,904 --> 00:10:36,204 And I have never been more serious 310 00:10:36,206 --> 00:10:37,238 about anything in my life. 311 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,340 Okay. - Stop rhyming. 312 00:10:39,342 --> 00:10:40,208 All the timing? 313 00:10:40,210 --> 00:10:41,809 I don't need a crystal, 314 00:10:41,811 --> 00:10:43,478 I just need to be more frickin' sensitive, 315 00:10:43,480 --> 00:10:44,912 so stop trying to give me your crystal! 316 00:10:44,914 --> 00:10:47,248 Okay. I'm not supposed to be yelling. 317 00:10:47,250 --> 00:10:48,749 That's what I'm... 318 00:10:48,751 --> 00:10:50,017 I need to be working... I need to work on that. 319 00:10:50,019 --> 00:10:51,352 I'm telling you, man, 320 00:10:51,354 --> 00:10:53,488 this crystal gives you the courage 321 00:10:53,490 --> 00:10:56,224 to do the one thing that you're scared of the most. 322 00:10:56,226 --> 00:10:58,993 To me, it's country music line dancing. 323 00:10:58,995 --> 00:11:01,229 Well, that is terrifying. 324 00:11:01,231 --> 00:11:02,730 Don't do that. 325 00:11:04,733 --> 00:11:06,968 You guys seen Schmidt? 326 00:11:08,170 --> 00:11:09,403 What the hell? 327 00:11:09,405 --> 00:11:10,838 My word processor? 328 00:11:12,341 --> 00:11:14,342 You can't Kathy Bates me forever! 329 00:11:14,344 --> 00:11:16,043 My work needs me. Gina needs me. 330 00:11:16,045 --> 00:11:17,879 I'm sorry, but she's trying to kill you, 331 00:11:17,881 --> 00:11:19,614 and I'm trying everything in my power to stop her. 332 00:11:19,616 --> 00:11:21,516 No, you're trying to turn me into you. 333 00:11:23,218 --> 00:11:24,719 Aren't you bored, Nick? 334 00:11:24,721 --> 00:11:26,187 I've been doing nothing for exactly one day, 335 00:11:26,189 --> 00:11:27,421 and I already feel pathetic. 336 00:11:27,423 --> 00:11:29,357 The Nick that I met 337 00:11:29,359 --> 00:11:30,725 in college would not be happy living like this. 338 00:11:30,727 --> 00:11:31,893 You've changed. That's not true. 339 00:11:31,895 --> 00:11:33,861 I've always been lazy. 340 00:11:33,863 --> 00:11:36,030 Physically, yes. 341 00:11:36,032 --> 00:11:38,966 But mentally, you used to be like a da Vinci in tie-dye. 342 00:11:45,407 --> 00:11:46,607 (clears throat) 343 00:11:46,609 --> 00:11:48,476 Well, I'll be. 344 00:11:48,478 --> 00:11:50,478 Think differently. 345 00:11:50,480 --> 00:11:51,913 The beer teat! 346 00:11:51,915 --> 00:11:53,214 Awesome, bro. - Ha! 347 00:11:53,216 --> 00:11:55,349 Party! 348 00:11:57,486 --> 00:11:58,653 Well, you changed, too. 349 00:11:58,655 --> 00:12:00,888 You used to live by your own rules. 350 00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:04,158 You were like a fat, Jewish Dennis Rodman. 351 00:12:04,160 --> 00:12:05,927 But look at you now. 352 00:12:05,929 --> 00:12:08,996 You're like the back of a horse in a two-person horse costume 353 00:12:08,998 --> 00:12:11,566 with Gina just farting in your face all day long. 354 00:12:11,568 --> 00:12:13,367 That actually happened. 355 00:12:19,174 --> 00:12:20,942 What?! 356 00:12:20,944 --> 00:12:23,077 Schmidt, tell me, what do you get for all your hard work? 357 00:12:23,079 --> 00:12:24,679 The sponge account. Oh, great! 358 00:12:24,681 --> 00:12:26,747 God willing, it'll get me red potatoes, too. 359 00:12:26,749 --> 00:12:29,116 Sexiest starch since jasmine rice. 360 00:12:29,118 --> 00:12:30,451 Great. 361 00:12:30,453 --> 00:12:32,987 I hope your work keeps making you walk around 362 00:12:32,989 --> 00:12:35,890 with your guts in a rusty old wagon. 363 00:12:38,327 --> 00:12:41,228 (computer begins playing '80s techno song) 364 00:12:47,769 --> 00:12:49,370 Oh, hey, Nick. You're up early. 365 00:12:49,372 --> 00:12:51,238 Before noon. 366 00:12:52,274 --> 00:12:53,874 Oh, wait, is this Sleepwalk Nick? 367 00:12:53,876 --> 00:12:55,977 Man, I love Sleepwalk Nick. 368 00:12:55,979 --> 00:12:58,279 He always pays back the money that Awake Nick borrows from me. 369 00:12:58,281 --> 00:12:59,680 Of course I'm up! I'm doing stuff. 370 00:12:59,682 --> 00:13:01,849 I do stuff. I clean. 371 00:13:01,851 --> 00:13:03,985 I'm cooking right now. I'm cooking breakfast. 372 00:13:03,987 --> 00:13:06,654 Sun's up, Miller's up. People say that. 373 00:13:06,656 --> 00:13:09,290 Huh. Oh, hey, Coach. 374 00:13:10,125 --> 00:13:11,292 You're dressed like Ryan. 375 00:13:11,294 --> 00:13:12,793 What? - (laughs) 376 00:13:12,795 --> 00:13:14,629 No, you see, I-I... I've had these clothes 377 00:13:14,631 --> 00:13:16,564 for forever, I just don't wear them when you're around. 378 00:13:16,566 --> 00:13:18,699 You are dressed like Ryan! Are you around me all the time? No. 379 00:13:18,701 --> 00:13:21,502 Dressing up like someone else isn't going to work. 380 00:13:21,504 --> 00:13:23,804 Unlike this crystal. Shut up. 381 00:13:23,806 --> 00:13:25,973 And I am never taking this crystal off. 382 00:13:25,975 --> 00:13:27,975 Well, I mean, except if I'm making a tomato sauce 383 00:13:27,977 --> 00:13:30,878 and the crystal keeps dipping in the tomato sauce. 384 00:13:30,880 --> 00:13:32,980 Then I'll take it off, and that's just being practical. 385 00:13:32,982 --> 00:13:35,583 I don't know too much about crystal care, but, 386 00:13:35,585 --> 00:13:37,351 oh, I intend to find out. 387 00:13:37,353 --> 00:13:39,220 JESS: See? 388 00:13:39,222 --> 00:13:40,655 I made the right decision. 389 00:13:40,657 --> 00:13:42,156 Kids need to be in nature. 390 00:13:42,158 --> 00:13:44,592 Emily Kopnik saw a butterfly 391 00:13:44,594 --> 00:13:46,394 and she said, "Oh, my God, 392 00:13:46,396 --> 00:13:49,063 country lice can fly." - Oh, cool. 393 00:13:49,065 --> 00:13:51,332 Well, I'm sensitive and I care about things like that. 394 00:13:51,334 --> 00:13:52,833 You like leaves, Eddie? 395 00:13:52,835 --> 00:13:53,701 No. 396 00:13:53,703 --> 00:13:54,935 Me, too, buddy. Me, too. 397 00:13:54,937 --> 00:13:57,204 So rake 'em 398 00:13:57,206 --> 00:14:00,341 into a observational mound-- or "a pile"-- 399 00:14:00,343 --> 00:14:02,243 and then we transfer the piles 400 00:14:02,245 --> 00:14:04,345 into one of these special research bags 401 00:14:04,347 --> 00:14:06,113 which you kids can take home. 402 00:14:06,115 --> 00:14:07,515 Hey. 403 00:14:07,517 --> 00:14:08,749 What's happening here? 404 00:14:08,751 --> 00:14:09,950 Here's another rake. 405 00:14:09,952 --> 00:14:11,385 You're not just having the kids, uh, 406 00:14:11,387 --> 00:14:13,054 rake the leaves and put them in a bag, 407 00:14:13,056 --> 00:14:14,455 are you? - What now? 408 00:14:14,457 --> 00:14:15,956 I mean, uh, what else do you have planned? 409 00:14:15,958 --> 00:14:17,224 Oh, don't worry about it. 410 00:14:17,226 --> 00:14:19,093 I'm a biology professional. 411 00:14:21,530 --> 00:14:22,897 (groans) 412 00:14:22,899 --> 00:14:25,399 So, how's that phantom ulcer treating you? 413 00:14:25,401 --> 00:14:26,734 I sent you those Q4 reports... 414 00:14:26,736 --> 00:14:28,135 Horrible burning! 415 00:14:28,137 --> 00:14:29,770 Well, I'm glad you're back. 416 00:14:29,772 --> 00:14:31,772 See? Look how glad I am. 417 00:14:31,774 --> 00:14:33,207 Gina, let me run point on red potatoes. 418 00:14:33,209 --> 00:14:34,408 I've got three pitches 419 00:14:34,410 --> 00:14:35,743 already ready to rock. 420 00:14:35,745 --> 00:14:36,911 Here's a taste. 421 00:14:36,913 --> 00:14:38,479 That's the first one. 422 00:14:38,481 --> 00:14:39,814 That's the first pitch. "Here's a taste." 423 00:14:39,816 --> 00:14:41,582 It's just a picture of a red potato, 424 00:14:41,584 --> 00:14:43,317 and the tagline is: "Here's a... here's a taste." 425 00:14:43,319 --> 00:14:46,287 There's that New York sense of humor again, Schmidt. 426 00:14:46,289 --> 00:14:47,988 Come on, Gina. Give me a shot at red potatoes. 427 00:14:47,990 --> 00:14:49,457 No way, 'cause I need you. 428 00:14:49,459 --> 00:14:51,125 You're the best sort of 429 00:14:51,127 --> 00:14:52,993 mid-level employee I've ever had. 430 00:14:52,995 --> 00:14:55,229 You are the ass to my horse. 431 00:14:55,231 --> 00:14:56,897 And I'm gonna keep you right here, 432 00:14:56,899 --> 00:14:59,100 right by my side, where I can find you. 433 00:14:59,102 --> 00:15:00,301 Forever. 434 00:15:00,303 --> 00:15:01,569 Forever? 435 00:15:01,571 --> 00:15:02,670 Yeah, speaking of, 436 00:15:02,672 --> 00:15:04,572 might need you to suit up 437 00:15:04,574 --> 00:15:07,141 for my son's birthday this Saturday, so... 438 00:15:07,143 --> 00:15:09,143 What are these? Doesn't matter. 439 00:15:09,145 --> 00:15:11,278 Keep your phone on, okay? 440 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:13,848 You know, sometimes I think about life, 441 00:15:13,850 --> 00:15:16,917 and it just makes me want to cry. 442 00:15:19,454 --> 00:15:21,255 Respond to my sharing, please. 443 00:15:21,257 --> 00:15:23,858 You're putting on a real creepy, murdery vibe today. 444 00:15:23,860 --> 00:15:25,960 Just FYI. - I'm not trying to do that. I was... 445 00:15:25,962 --> 00:15:27,695 Just, like, going forward in your day, 446 00:15:27,697 --> 00:15:29,697 you should know that. Just trying to be, like, feeling... 447 00:15:29,699 --> 00:15:31,532 Hey, guys. - Hi. 448 00:15:31,534 --> 00:15:32,833 What's going on? 449 00:15:32,835 --> 00:15:34,502 RUTH: I think they might just be doing 450 00:15:34,504 --> 00:15:36,036 frickin' yard work. KIDS: ¶ I don't know ¶ 451 00:15:36,038 --> 00:15:37,471 ¶ What I been told ¶ 452 00:15:37,473 --> 00:15:39,006 ¶ I don't know what I been told... ¶ 453 00:15:39,008 --> 00:15:40,341 COACH: Whoa. 454 00:15:40,343 --> 00:15:41,776 ¶ Foster's butt is mighty old ¶ 455 00:15:41,778 --> 00:15:44,845 ¶ Foster's butt is mighty old... ¶ 456 00:15:44,847 --> 00:15:47,281 Oh, we are violating every child labor law. 457 00:15:47,283 --> 00:15:50,117 They're really good singers. 458 00:15:50,119 --> 00:15:52,520 Keep up the rhythm. Mama won't be happy 459 00:15:52,522 --> 00:15:53,988 till you clear the back forty. 460 00:15:53,990 --> 00:15:55,489 Biology teacher? 461 00:15:55,491 --> 00:15:57,525 Is this your house? 462 00:15:57,527 --> 00:15:59,527 Did you bring the kids here to work? 463 00:15:59,529 --> 00:16:01,629 First of all, my name is Lorenzo. 464 00:16:01,631 --> 00:16:02,997 Secondly, yes. 465 00:16:02,999 --> 00:16:05,199 But you're the one who picked my trip, 466 00:16:05,201 --> 00:16:06,801 so it's your fault. 467 00:16:06,803 --> 00:16:08,836 BOY: Can I have some water? 468 00:16:08,838 --> 00:16:11,372 Okay, guys, stop working. Don't listen to her. Keep working. 469 00:16:11,374 --> 00:16:13,974 You don't have to work. I'm the vice principal. Not technically at school, 470 00:16:13,976 --> 00:16:15,643 so keep working. Stop working! 471 00:16:15,645 --> 00:16:16,744 Keep working! 472 00:16:16,746 --> 00:16:18,379 (wasps buzzing) 473 00:16:18,381 --> 00:16:19,713 (screams) 474 00:16:20,549 --> 00:16:21,682 Oh! Oh! - (gasping) 475 00:16:21,684 --> 00:16:23,684 Wasps! Everybody stay calm! 476 00:16:23,686 --> 00:16:26,353 Oh, my God. Oh, my God, they're getting in my eyes. 477 00:16:26,355 --> 00:16:28,022 Damn you bees! 478 00:16:28,024 --> 00:16:29,223 Ah! They got me! 479 00:16:29,225 --> 00:16:30,724 Ah, screw it. 480 00:16:30,726 --> 00:16:31,725 Here comes me. 481 00:16:31,727 --> 00:16:33,761 I sting, too, bees. 482 00:16:33,763 --> 00:16:35,963 Bees don't bother me. 483 00:16:39,501 --> 00:16:40,935 Seems like it was a great field trip. 484 00:16:40,937 --> 00:16:42,203 So sorry I missed it. 485 00:16:42,205 --> 00:16:43,871 I feel like a bunch of tiny people 486 00:16:43,873 --> 00:16:45,673 are holding tiny little lighters to my face. 487 00:16:45,675 --> 00:16:47,341 (groans loudly) 488 00:16:47,343 --> 00:16:49,243 Today was a complete and total disaster, 489 00:16:49,245 --> 00:16:50,945 from start to finish. 490 00:16:50,947 --> 00:16:54,215 I've never failed so hard at my job ever in my life. 491 00:16:54,217 --> 00:16:56,183 Everyone's so mad at me, but I was just trying 492 00:16:56,185 --> 00:16:57,785 to make them happy. Jess, you can't make everyone happy. 493 00:16:57,787 --> 00:16:59,186 COACH: You don't need them to like you. 494 00:16:59,188 --> 00:17:01,055 You just need them to listen to you. 495 00:17:01,057 --> 00:17:02,690 You're the boss. - CECE: Yeah. 496 00:17:02,692 --> 00:17:04,925 I mean, if you were a man dating someone at work, 497 00:17:04,927 --> 00:17:06,594 do you think that you would be worried 498 00:17:06,596 --> 00:17:08,362 about what everyone else was thinking? 499 00:17:08,364 --> 00:17:09,597 COACH: You'd be, like, in the conference room, 500 00:17:09,599 --> 00:17:10,898 like, "Meeting adjourned. 501 00:17:10,900 --> 00:17:12,366 Except for you, Sheila." 502 00:17:12,368 --> 00:17:13,734 But that's not me. 503 00:17:13,736 --> 00:17:15,903 I care what people think. I always have. 504 00:17:15,905 --> 00:17:18,372 Then your only option is to go in and be yourself. 505 00:17:19,441 --> 00:17:20,674 Just got to own it. 506 00:17:21,776 --> 00:17:23,377 I think I'm a little scared. 507 00:17:23,379 --> 00:17:26,413 Well, that's very interesting. You see... 508 00:17:26,415 --> 00:17:28,649 Have you been here this whole time? The entire time. 509 00:17:28,651 --> 00:17:29,750 That is why 510 00:17:29,752 --> 00:17:32,720 God... made crystals. 511 00:17:32,722 --> 00:17:34,989 Why did he make that shirt? 512 00:17:40,996 --> 00:17:42,763 Hey. 513 00:17:42,765 --> 00:17:45,833 Hey, look, Nick, I got to talk to you. I got to talk to you. 514 00:17:45,835 --> 00:17:47,935 You go first. - You go first. 515 00:17:47,937 --> 00:17:49,737 Okay, you know what? You were right, Nick. 516 00:17:49,739 --> 00:17:51,305 I am a corporate monkey. 517 00:17:51,307 --> 00:17:53,140 I don't want to be an old man 518 00:17:53,142 --> 00:17:56,110 looking back on a meager life of... 519 00:17:56,112 --> 00:17:58,479 selling red potatoes for the man. 520 00:17:58,481 --> 00:18:01,181 I don't want to be a lazy bum my whole life. 521 00:18:01,183 --> 00:18:05,119 I want to be the kind of bum that other bums look at 522 00:18:05,121 --> 00:18:07,955 and say, "What's that bum smiling about?" 523 00:18:07,957 --> 00:18:09,690 I get that. 524 00:18:09,692 --> 00:18:11,325 I just had an idea, Schmidt. 525 00:18:11,327 --> 00:18:13,427 I just had an idea, too, but I feel like it's stupid. 526 00:18:13,429 --> 00:18:15,763 Yeah, I feel like mine's stupid. Let's do it. I'm gonna... I'm just gonna... 527 00:18:15,765 --> 00:18:17,998 I'm gonna go to the kitchen. No, but I want to hear what you have to say. 528 00:18:18,000 --> 00:18:20,367 It's important to me-- 'cause maybe it's the same thing, 529 00:18:20,369 --> 00:18:22,536 maybe it's different. It might be the same thing, so maybe we should just say it. 530 00:18:22,538 --> 00:18:24,972 You want to do the classic on 11? - Yeah, okay, great. 531 00:18:24,974 --> 00:18:27,875 BOTH: One, two, three, four, five, six, 532 00:18:27,877 --> 00:18:29,677 seven, eight, nine, ten, 11... 533 00:18:29,679 --> 00:18:31,645 Let's work together again! Let's work together again! 534 00:18:31,647 --> 00:18:33,814 Yes! I knew it! That was awesome! That was it, man. That was it. 535 00:18:33,816 --> 00:18:34,949 Back in business. 536 00:18:34,951 --> 00:18:36,550 (laughs): Yeah! 537 00:18:36,552 --> 00:18:37,685 Let's start jamming ideas. 538 00:18:37,687 --> 00:18:39,019 Turkey. 539 00:18:39,021 --> 00:18:41,388 Robot. Turkey robot. Just got it in one. 540 00:18:41,390 --> 00:18:43,157 All right, let's draw up a... - I don't think we did. 541 00:18:43,159 --> 00:18:44,224 Okay. - Ready? Black. 542 00:18:44,226 --> 00:18:45,626 Robot. Black robot. 543 00:18:45,628 --> 00:18:47,328 Ooh, that's even better, son. - Boom. 544 00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:48,996 Way to push for number two. - Let's... let's... 545 00:18:48,998 --> 00:18:50,531 Exactly... - Black robot. 546 00:18:50,533 --> 00:18:52,166 The blackest robot in town. 547 00:18:52,168 --> 00:18:55,035 That robot's so black, it's the blackest. 548 00:18:55,037 --> 00:18:57,137 I feel like marketing's gonna be a nightmare on that one. - Okay. 549 00:18:57,139 --> 00:18:58,472 I'm not good at marketing. I'm good at ideas. 550 00:18:58,474 --> 00:18:59,673 Let's stay away from robots. - Okay. 551 00:18:59,675 --> 00:19:01,508 Yeah? All right. - Okay. 552 00:19:01,510 --> 00:19:04,278 Robot robot. 553 00:19:05,914 --> 00:19:07,214 I said let's stay away from robots though, 554 00:19:07,216 --> 00:19:08,882 and you just said ro... - Okay. 555 00:19:08,884 --> 00:19:10,884 Black turkey! - Look, let's maybe pick it up later. 556 00:19:10,886 --> 00:19:12,987 Computers for babies. We are back! 557 00:19:12,989 --> 00:19:15,089 Hair that looks like a helmet. Or vice versa-- 558 00:19:15,091 --> 00:19:17,091 helmet that looks like a hair is actually pretty smart. 559 00:19:17,093 --> 00:19:18,392 Oh, I'm really hot right now. 560 00:19:18,394 --> 00:19:20,160 A water bottle with the top cut off. 561 00:19:20,162 --> 00:19:22,730 SCHMIDT: That's a cup! That is just a cup. Scratch it. 562 00:19:22,732 --> 00:19:25,065 Ladies. - (gasping) 563 00:19:25,067 --> 00:19:27,434 Ooh... you got bee'd up, dude. - Yeah. 564 00:19:27,436 --> 00:19:29,536 You look like a monster. - Yeah. 565 00:19:29,538 --> 00:19:30,838 I'm not even joking. 566 00:19:30,840 --> 00:19:33,007 You look so ugly right now. So ugly. 567 00:19:33,009 --> 00:19:35,909 Look, I'm not some little sensitive British guy, okay? 568 00:19:35,911 --> 00:19:37,378 I am Coach. 569 00:19:37,380 --> 00:19:39,446 But right now, I am in so much pain 570 00:19:39,448 --> 00:19:41,448 that I am losing my mind. 571 00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:43,183 And I might never recover. 572 00:19:43,185 --> 00:19:46,020 So say hello to the new me, 573 00:19:46,022 --> 00:19:49,089 who's basically a street lunatic with a face made of fire! 574 00:19:49,924 --> 00:19:51,525 They sting you in your pants? 575 00:19:51,527 --> 00:19:54,528 Yeah, they... they stung my doodad. 576 00:19:54,530 --> 00:19:56,296 I'm gonna get you some lotion. 577 00:19:56,298 --> 00:19:59,633 Ow. BOTH: Ooh! 578 00:20:01,469 --> 00:20:04,238 JESS: Everyone, um, before we begin this meeting, 579 00:20:04,240 --> 00:20:08,142 I just want to say that... yes, Ryan is my boyfriend. 580 00:20:08,144 --> 00:20:10,210 And yes, I let it affect my job 581 00:20:10,212 --> 00:20:13,480 because I care what you think of me, and I always have. 582 00:20:13,482 --> 00:20:15,049 But here's what you should know: 583 00:20:15,051 --> 00:20:18,786 I love my job, and I love this man right here. 584 00:20:20,588 --> 00:20:22,156 Wow. 585 00:20:22,158 --> 00:20:24,625 I've been waiting for a moment to tell you that, 586 00:20:24,627 --> 00:20:26,627 and I guess... 587 00:20:26,629 --> 00:20:28,629 this is it. 588 00:20:28,631 --> 00:20:30,097 This is perfect. 589 00:20:30,099 --> 00:20:33,233 And, um, just for the record, I love you, too. 590 00:20:33,235 --> 00:20:36,603 This speech is wonderful, so please keep going. 591 00:20:36,605 --> 00:20:40,574 Oh, yeah. Um, and you can come to me with any problems 592 00:20:40,576 --> 00:20:42,242 or anything you want to ask me, 593 00:20:42,244 --> 00:20:45,679 but I'm gonna make some decisions that you don't like, 594 00:20:45,681 --> 00:20:49,149 and you're just gonna have to deal with it. 595 00:20:50,418 --> 00:20:53,921 So, uh, let's get back to work, okay? 596 00:20:53,923 --> 00:20:55,422 So is that the end of the meeting, then? 597 00:20:55,424 --> 00:20:58,425 Yep. Uh... yeah, I got a little carried away 598 00:20:58,427 --> 00:20:59,993 with the moment there. (laughs) 599 00:20:59,995 --> 00:21:02,196 (laughs) - Anyway... 600 00:21:03,665 --> 00:21:05,032 Put it on. - Are you serious? - Yes. - Put the crystal on. 601 00:21:05,034 --> 00:21:07,968 And... there we go. 602 00:21:07,970 --> 00:21:09,970 It's not gonna do anything. 603 00:21:09,972 --> 00:21:13,273 ¶ Any man of mine ¶ 604 00:21:13,275 --> 00:21:16,310 ¶ Better walk the line ¶ 605 00:21:16,312 --> 00:21:19,213 ¶ Better show me a teasin', squeezin' ¶ 606 00:21:19,215 --> 00:21:22,449 ¶ Pleasin' kind of time ¶ 607 00:21:22,451 --> 00:21:25,619 ¶ I need a man who knows ¶ 608 00:21:25,621 --> 00:21:28,856 ¶ How the story goes ¶ 609 00:21:28,858 --> 00:21:31,558 ¶ He's gotta be a heartbeatin', fine-treatin' ¶ 610 00:21:31,560 --> 00:21:34,394 ¶ Breathtakin', earthquakin' kind... ¶ 611 00:21:34,396 --> 00:21:36,463 ¶ Any man of mine. ¶ 612 00:21:38,233 --> 00:21:42,035 Captioned by Media Access Group at WGBH access.wgbh.org