1
00:00:02,002 --> 00:00:04,436
Ugh!
Can you believe this guy?
2
00:00:04,438 --> 00:00:07,238
Pete is over an hour late
for our brunch date.
3
00:00:07,240 --> 00:00:10,175
Pete? Who's Pete?
Oh, it's this dude
who goes to my gym.
4
00:00:10,177 --> 00:00:11,943
Thought Jess could use a man
with a little muscle
5
00:00:11,945 --> 00:00:13,545
for a change,
so I set 'em up.
6
00:00:13,547 --> 00:00:15,280
Not gonna marry him,
but I'm having fun.
7
00:00:15,282 --> 00:00:17,348
(chuckles) Knock, knock.
Who's there?
8
00:00:17,350 --> 00:00:19,217
Orange.
Hang on a second, Orange.
9
00:00:19,219 --> 00:00:21,753
I'm gonna send a sext to Pete,
which I did.
10
00:00:21,755 --> 00:00:23,555
My first one ever. Want to see?
It's super hot.
11
00:00:23,557 --> 00:00:25,290
I don't want to, uh...
12
00:00:25,292 --> 00:00:26,758
Okay, that's just
a picture of you
13
00:00:26,760 --> 00:00:28,560
in a bra over a T-shirt
14
00:00:28,562 --> 00:00:30,628
Holding a sign that says
"Property of Pete."
15
00:00:30,630 --> 00:00:32,430
Not a sext.
I'm wearing a bra!
16
00:00:32,432 --> 00:00:34,365
No, that's like
a glorified selfie.
You can see the bra.
17
00:00:34,367 --> 00:00:36,067
Nope.
(scoffs)
I bet he saw this,
18
00:00:36,069 --> 00:00:37,235
and he was like,
19
00:00:37,237 --> 00:00:40,238
(in low voice):
"Oh, delicious."
20
00:00:40,240 --> 00:00:41,372
You want him to say that?
21
00:00:41,374 --> 00:00:42,740
I have to agree,
22
00:00:42,742 --> 00:00:44,375
(phone blipping)
because the true nature
23
00:00:44,377 --> 00:00:47,612
of eroticism
is what is not shown.
24
00:00:47,614 --> 00:00:50,115
COACH:
I never get sexts.
25
00:00:52,486 --> 00:00:54,586
What are you taking?
26
00:00:54,588 --> 00:00:55,720
Just some, uh...
motion sickness pill.
27
00:00:55,722 --> 00:00:58,223
It's a mild sedative.
28
00:00:58,225 --> 00:01:00,091
My mom just landed.
29
00:01:00,093 --> 00:01:01,226
That's unrelated.
30
00:01:01,228 --> 00:01:02,560
Oh, my God, your mom's here?!
31
00:01:02,562 --> 00:01:04,129
I'm so excited to meet her.
32
00:01:04,131 --> 00:01:05,997
You probably won't; she's busy.
33
00:01:05,999 --> 00:01:08,233
But maybe, hopefully,
I doubt it.
34
00:01:08,235 --> 00:01:09,434
I can't believe
I've never met her.
35
00:01:09,436 --> 00:01:11,002
You know, we get together
and we laugh and...
36
00:01:11,004 --> 00:01:12,604
(sighs)
she tells me all the ways that
37
00:01:12,606 --> 00:01:14,639
I could be better at things,
and then I do them,
38
00:01:14,641 --> 00:01:16,007
but not right.
39
00:01:16,009 --> 00:01:17,675
Oh, it's fun.
40
00:01:17,677 --> 00:01:19,410
We have, we have fun.
41
00:01:19,412 --> 00:01:21,079
You know, I wish I had fun
with my partner.
42
00:01:21,081 --> 00:01:22,680
Wow, every time I ask Aly
to hang out,
43
00:01:22,682 --> 00:01:24,415
she's always like, "Nah."
NICK: Hey, Schmidty, vamos.
44
00:01:24,417 --> 00:01:27,318
I want to show you a surprise
investment opportunity.
45
00:01:27,320 --> 00:01:29,487
Surprise, Nick?
I'm telling you right now,
46
00:01:29,489 --> 00:01:31,756
if it is a boat,
I'm gonna be so psyched!
47
00:01:31,758 --> 00:01:33,658
I literally just got
new boat shoes.
48
00:01:33,660 --> 00:01:35,660
JESS: (sputters) Standing
here like a damn jabroni.
49
00:01:35,662 --> 00:01:38,429
He hasn't even answered
any of my texts.
50
00:01:38,431 --> 00:01:39,998
He hasn't?
You don't think he's...
51
00:01:40,000 --> 00:01:43,101
(gasping)
He is blowing you off!
52
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:45,603
He best not be!
Hell no!
53
00:01:45,605 --> 00:01:48,039
You guys are getting
riled up, huh?
We are gonna
march right over there,
54
00:01:48,041 --> 00:01:49,774
and we all right gonna
find out what's happening!
55
00:01:49,776 --> 00:01:50,775
Let's go.
56
00:01:54,181 --> 00:01:55,647
(door closes)
(groans)
57
00:01:55,649 --> 00:01:58,783
Turns out that Pete
had a very good excuse
58
00:01:58,785 --> 00:02:00,852
for not showing up.
59
00:02:04,724 --> 00:02:07,892
He died.
60
00:02:07,894 --> 00:02:09,694
What?
WINSTON:
¶ Just got out of the shower ¶
61
00:02:10,730 --> 00:02:12,964
¶ Guess who
cleaned everything? ¶
62
00:02:12,966 --> 00:02:14,999
¶ Guess who got in deep? ¶
63
00:02:15,001 --> 00:02:17,802
What?
64
00:02:24,978 --> 00:02:26,911
A motorcycle accident? I didn't
even know Pete rode one.
65
00:02:26,913 --> 00:02:30,248
He didn't. Apparently, he was
thinking about getting one,
66
00:02:30,250 --> 00:02:34,052
and he slipped and fell
on the showroom floor.
67
00:02:35,255 --> 00:02:36,688
Buffed floors...
68
00:02:36,690 --> 00:02:38,690
beautiful, but at what cost?
69
00:02:38,692 --> 00:02:41,526
The first guy I sext dies.
70
00:02:41,528 --> 00:02:43,027
I should go
to the memorial, right?
71
00:02:43,029 --> 00:02:44,529
Jess, don't make this
about yourself, all right?
72
00:02:44,531 --> 00:02:45,763
You went on two dates
with the guy.
73
00:02:45,765 --> 00:02:48,032
I was one of the last people
to text him.
74
00:02:48,034 --> 00:02:49,601
On Earth.
CECE: Look, you didn't even
75
00:02:49,603 --> 00:02:51,436
have sex with him, okay?
You're fine.
76
00:02:51,438 --> 00:02:53,338
So if I'd slept with him,
I'd go.
77
00:02:53,340 --> 00:02:55,006
Or if you'd gone
skiing together.
Mm-hmm, yeah.
78
00:02:55,008 --> 00:02:56,841
What are these rules?
COACH: Just don't go.
79
00:02:56,843 --> 00:02:58,209
'Cause if you go, then
I'm gonna feel weird
80
00:02:58,211 --> 00:02:59,444
about not going,
and I ain't going.
81
00:02:59,446 --> 00:03:01,079
Yeah, just come and have a
mani-pedi with me.
82
00:03:01,081 --> 00:03:03,681
I'm going;
it's the right thing to do.
83
00:03:03,683 --> 00:03:05,783
Oh, so if I don't go,
I'm a bad person now?
84
00:03:05,785 --> 00:03:07,852
Cece.
Mm-hmm.
85
00:03:07,854 --> 00:03:10,121
I'm surprised.
I thought you, of all people,
86
00:03:10,123 --> 00:03:12,457
would want to accompany
your best friend
87
00:03:12,459 --> 00:03:16,561
to the funeral of a guy
she texted, but...
88
00:03:16,563 --> 00:03:18,930
I guess... not.
89
00:03:23,403 --> 00:03:25,203
¶ Ta-da! ¶
90
00:03:25,205 --> 00:03:26,437
What do you mean?
91
00:03:26,439 --> 00:03:28,406
What is ta-da?
We drove here together
92
00:03:28,408 --> 00:03:29,540
and parked
before you covered my eyes.
93
00:03:29,542 --> 00:03:31,409
What is
the surprise investment, Nick?
94
00:03:31,411 --> 00:03:32,644
The bar.
95
00:03:32,646 --> 00:03:34,812
Mike's selling us ten percent.
96
00:03:34,814 --> 00:03:36,447
I really need the cash.
97
00:03:36,449 --> 00:03:38,549
I got swindled
by a young gay roller skater.
98
00:03:38,551 --> 00:03:39,751
A rink twink.
99
00:03:39,753 --> 00:03:40,918
I know what
a rink twink is, Mike.
100
00:03:40,920 --> 00:03:42,387
Hey, 20 thou
101
00:03:42,389 --> 00:03:44,422
and we are part owners, okay?
102
00:03:44,424 --> 00:03:46,224
I've done my research.
103
00:03:46,226 --> 00:03:48,660
There's a consistent revenue
and no startup costs.
104
00:03:48,662 --> 00:03:50,161
You're really serious
about this, huh?
105
00:03:50,163 --> 00:03:51,796
I really want this, man.
106
00:03:51,798 --> 00:03:53,131
Good. I want this, too.
Good.
107
00:03:53,133 --> 00:03:55,066
Where are we gonna get
20 grand from?
108
00:03:55,068 --> 00:03:57,168
Well, we got the ten grand
we made on the Swuit.
109
00:03:57,170 --> 00:03:59,737
Maybe do we have any
rich friends we can
borrow money from?
110
00:03:59,739 --> 00:04:01,072
Well, let's think about it.
There's the middle school
111
00:04:01,074 --> 00:04:03,341
vice principal, there's the cop,
the gym teacher.
112
00:04:03,343 --> 00:04:05,143
Let's not forget about
the community college student.
113
00:04:05,145 --> 00:04:07,745
Whew, lot of options.
Yeah.
114
00:04:07,747 --> 00:04:08,913
It's tough, it's frustrating.
115
00:04:08,915 --> 00:04:10,848
Yeah, huh... damn it.
116
00:04:10,850 --> 00:04:12,483
Schimdty just had an idea.
I know that face.
117
00:04:12,485 --> 00:04:14,018
Give it to me, give it to me.
118
00:04:14,020 --> 00:04:14,986
What are you thinking,
big cat?
119
00:04:14,988 --> 00:04:15,987
What are you
thinking, big cat?
120
00:04:15,989 --> 00:04:17,055
I just...
121
00:04:19,192 --> 00:04:22,160
(grunts)
Think, now, if we own it,
don't be kicking it.
122
00:04:22,162 --> 00:04:24,762
Just... Yeah, oh.
123
00:04:24,764 --> 00:04:25,963
Aah!
124
00:04:25,965 --> 00:04:27,265
Ouch.
125
00:04:27,267 --> 00:04:28,599
Okay.
126
00:04:28,601 --> 00:04:31,502
Hey, pal, uh, what's happening?
127
00:04:31,504 --> 00:04:34,172
My mom still owes me
my bar mitzvah money.
128
00:04:34,174 --> 00:04:36,607
I mean, we can ask her,
but, you know, she's...
129
00:04:36,609 --> 00:04:38,676
Pushy, overbearing, controlling.
So, what?
130
00:04:38,678 --> 00:04:40,511
Oh, she's a typical Jewish mom?
131
00:04:40,513 --> 00:04:41,979
It's anti-Semitic
when you say it like that.
132
00:04:41,981 --> 00:04:43,381
So-so what, she likes to get
involved?
133
00:04:43,383 --> 00:04:45,016
That's great, you know.
134
00:04:45,018 --> 00:04:46,951
I don't feel very comfortable
when I'm around her.
135
00:04:46,953 --> 00:04:48,986
Well, boo-hoo, she thinks
you want to have sex with her.
136
00:04:48,988 --> 00:04:51,055
Try learning about the birds
and the bees from her
137
00:04:51,057 --> 00:04:52,957
using a doughnut and a banana.
By the way,
138
00:04:52,959 --> 00:04:55,059
neither one of which are used
for what you think they are.
139
00:04:55,061 --> 00:04:57,562
How could that be?
140
00:04:57,564 --> 00:04:58,730
Hey, want to grab a bite later?
141
00:04:58,732 --> 00:05:00,865
You know it, partner.
(laughs)
142
00:05:02,068 --> 00:05:03,534
Hey, Aly,
143
00:05:03,536 --> 00:05:05,236
uh, want to grab a beer
after work?
144
00:05:05,238 --> 00:05:07,405
Ooh...
145
00:05:07,407 --> 00:05:08,840
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh.
146
00:05:08,842 --> 00:05:11,976
(groaning)
147
00:05:11,978 --> 00:05:13,711
Ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba, ba.
148
00:05:13,713 --> 00:05:15,046
Ya, ya, ya, ya, ya.
149
00:05:15,048 --> 00:05:17,815
Ooh.
150
00:05:17,817 --> 00:05:19,884
(humming)
151
00:05:22,422 --> 00:05:24,489
(grunting)
152
00:05:24,491 --> 00:05:25,757
(clicking tongue)
153
00:05:25,759 --> 00:05:27,892
Uh, ooh.
154
00:05:27,894 --> 00:05:31,763
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh,
ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh.
155
00:05:31,765 --> 00:05:33,998
No.
156
00:05:34,000 --> 00:05:36,067
Oh, come on.
Not work related,
157
00:05:36,069 --> 00:05:37,869
not interested, Bishop.
158
00:05:37,871 --> 00:05:40,438
We're professionals,
not friends.
159
00:05:41,941 --> 00:05:44,175
Oh, God. Here
we go. Showtime.
160
00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:46,010
Mama!
No!
161
00:05:46,012 --> 00:05:48,946
I was meeting my little boy,
not this handsome movie star.
162
00:05:48,948 --> 00:05:50,014
What are you doing with these?
163
00:05:50,016 --> 00:05:51,916
Why would you hide your hazels?
164
00:05:52,952 --> 00:05:54,685
(laughs) Hi, sweetheart.
165
00:05:54,687 --> 00:05:56,087
Oh!
166
00:05:56,089 --> 00:05:57,522
Hey, Louise,
it's really good to see you.
167
00:05:57,524 --> 00:05:58,956
I bet it is;
tape it down, Miller.
168
00:05:58,958 --> 00:06:01,292
Tape it?
Here, look at
your baby brother.
169
00:06:01,294 --> 00:06:02,627
How handsome is Reggie?
170
00:06:02,629 --> 00:06:04,395
(kisses)
Give him a kiss.
171
00:06:04,397 --> 00:06:06,631
Kiss your brother.
Give him a kiss.
172
00:06:06,633 --> 00:06:08,533
Give him a kiss; he loves it.
Kiss him, kiss him.
173
00:06:08,535 --> 00:06:10,868
Okay, give him a scratch.
He loves a scratch.
174
00:06:10,870 --> 00:06:12,470
He loves a scratch.
175
00:06:12,472 --> 00:06:14,439
Can I get an alcohol?
176
00:06:19,546 --> 00:06:21,712
So, how's Susan?
177
00:06:21,714 --> 00:06:24,115
Susan's my-my mom's work friend
who she lives with.
178
00:06:24,117 --> 00:06:25,583
Susan cuts her own firewood.
179
00:06:25,585 --> 00:06:27,051
Susan's my girlfriend.
180
00:06:27,053 --> 00:06:28,719
That's what I said,
your work friend.
181
00:06:28,721 --> 00:06:30,321
She's good.
We just got a new mattress.
182
00:06:30,323 --> 00:06:32,757
So work's been more comfortable.
183
00:06:32,759 --> 00:06:34,091
(chuckling)
184
00:06:34,093 --> 00:06:35,626
What?
185
00:06:35,628 --> 00:06:36,894
What-what now?
186
00:06:36,896 --> 00:06:38,563
Is it my sweater?
Is it too dark?
187
00:06:38,565 --> 00:06:39,897
It might be. Here.
188
00:06:39,899 --> 00:06:41,499
You got, you got me a sweater?
189
00:06:41,501 --> 00:06:43,501
Mm-hmm.
Now that's nice.
190
00:06:43,503 --> 00:06:44,969
That's nice.
Try it on.
191
00:06:44,971 --> 00:06:46,103
I'm trying, I'm put-putting
it on right now.
192
00:06:46,105 --> 00:06:47,238
It goes over your head.
193
00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,606
He's putting a sweater
on a sweater?
194
00:06:48,608 --> 00:06:49,941
Get over it.
Get over it.
195
00:06:49,943 --> 00:06:52,109
That's nice, very nice.
196
00:06:52,111 --> 00:06:53,811
Thank you so much.
I love this so much.
197
00:06:53,813 --> 00:06:55,413
Schmidt, isn't there something
198
00:06:55,415 --> 00:06:56,747
you want to ask
your mother about?
199
00:06:56,749 --> 00:06:57,849
SCHMIDT:
Well,
200
00:06:57,851 --> 00:06:59,750
I did...
I did want to ask you about...
201
00:06:59,752 --> 00:07:00,952
Your voice is wavering.
202
00:07:00,954 --> 00:07:02,587
Here, have some chocolate.
203
00:07:02,589 --> 00:07:03,988
No, Mom, I'm okay. Thank you.
Have it.
204
00:07:03,990 --> 00:07:05,423
Here, have it, have it, have it.
205
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:06,757
I'll just have one.
Have it, have it.
206
00:07:06,759 --> 00:07:08,693
Have it, have it.
207
00:07:08,695 --> 00:07:10,795
There you go.
I do love it. Hmm!
208
00:07:10,797 --> 00:07:13,030
So, I... What I was thinking
about was...
209
00:07:13,032 --> 00:07:14,465
uh...
210
00:07:14,467 --> 00:07:16,801
my bar mitzvah money.
211
00:07:16,803 --> 00:07:19,103
Can I have it?
212
00:07:19,105 --> 00:07:21,873
Oh, my God!
Of course you can! Yes.
213
00:07:21,875 --> 00:07:24,008
Oh, that was...
yeah, so easy.
214
00:07:24,010 --> 00:07:25,543
As soon as you write
your thank-you notes.
215
00:07:25,545 --> 00:07:27,011
You didn't forget,
did you?
216
00:07:27,013 --> 00:07:28,112
He never did
his thank-you cards.
217
00:07:28,114 --> 00:07:29,180
SCHMIDT:
Mom, I just thought that
218
00:07:29,182 --> 00:07:30,281
you know,
that was so long ago...
219
00:07:30,283 --> 00:07:31,649
Well, you know.
If I just gave you
220
00:07:31,651 --> 00:07:33,150
the money, what kind
of lesson would that be?
221
00:07:33,152 --> 00:07:34,552
You finish your cards,
you get the money.
222
00:07:34,554 --> 00:07:35,853
That's fair, isn't it?
223
00:07:35,855 --> 00:07:37,788
You didn't finish
your thank-you cards?
224
00:07:37,790 --> 00:07:39,257
There's a hat in the bag, too.
Try it on.
225
00:07:41,828 --> 00:07:43,060
Put it on.
226
00:07:43,062 --> 00:07:44,328
That's very nice.
227
00:07:44,330 --> 00:07:46,197
Take it off,
you're in a restaurant.
228
00:07:48,535 --> 00:07:50,535
Sure about this?
It's not too late to bail.
229
00:07:50,537 --> 00:07:51,802
We're going.
230
00:07:51,804 --> 00:07:53,571
It's the right thing to do.
231
00:07:53,573 --> 00:07:55,806
Look, we'll be in and out
of there in five minutes.
232
00:07:55,808 --> 00:07:57,909
It'll be so packed,
no one will notice.
233
00:08:03,516 --> 00:08:05,016
(whispering):
The right thing to do.
234
00:08:05,018 --> 00:08:06,751
Is it?
235
00:08:10,156 --> 00:08:11,589
...and, uh, Pete said,
236
00:08:11,591 --> 00:08:13,324
"If you gotta
puke, Duffy,
237
00:08:13,326 --> 00:08:14,892
just puke."
238
00:08:14,894 --> 00:08:16,360
Almost time to tell the story
239
00:08:16,362 --> 00:08:18,029
about your close friend Pete.
240
00:08:18,031 --> 00:08:19,597
I'm just gonna
tell the truth.
241
00:08:19,599 --> 00:08:20,831
We went on a few dates.
That's it.
242
00:08:20,833 --> 00:08:21,866
I'm Val,
243
00:08:21,868 --> 00:08:23,401
Pete's girlfriend.
244
00:08:25,204 --> 00:08:27,672
(sobs) I'm sorry.
245
00:08:27,674 --> 00:08:29,006
Would you mind going?
246
00:08:29,008 --> 00:08:30,441
How did you know Pete?
247
00:08:33,680 --> 00:08:35,112
(clears throat quietly)
248
00:08:35,114 --> 00:08:36,414
Um, from work.
249
00:08:36,416 --> 00:08:37,848
We worked together.
250
00:08:37,850 --> 00:08:39,016
You're a sports agent, too?
251
00:08:39,018 --> 00:08:41,686
Wow...
Yep.
252
00:08:41,688 --> 00:08:44,288
Okay, we got a lot of
thank-you cards to write
253
00:08:44,290 --> 00:08:45,856
and not a lot
of time.
254
00:08:45,858 --> 00:08:47,425
Let's get into it.
I'll start, okay?
255
00:08:47,427 --> 00:08:48,793
Let's go,
here we go.
256
00:08:48,795 --> 00:08:50,027
"To whom
257
00:08:50,029 --> 00:08:51,862
"it may
258
00:08:51,864 --> 00:08:54,865
concern..."
To... to whom it may concern?
259
00:08:54,867 --> 00:08:56,534
I'm on a vibe.
Nick, these need
to have personal details.
260
00:08:56,536 --> 00:08:58,035
My mom is gonna check them.
261
00:08:58,037 --> 00:08:59,236
All right, then get me
the guest list.
262
00:08:59,238 --> 00:09:00,771
Where have you imagined
that I've been holding
263
00:09:00,773 --> 00:09:02,440
onto the guest list
for all these years?
264
00:09:02,442 --> 00:09:03,975
Just carrying it around in
my wallet? This is impossible.
265
00:09:03,977 --> 00:09:06,644
This is gonna take
some serious detective work.
266
00:09:06,646 --> 00:09:07,979
(chuckles)
267
00:09:07,981 --> 00:09:09,447
It's a good thing
I can call backup.
268
00:09:11,250 --> 00:09:13,751
Hey.
You said this was a work thing.
269
00:09:13,753 --> 00:09:14,952
It is a work thing.
270
00:09:14,954 --> 00:09:16,787
It's a... work-style thing.
271
00:09:16,789 --> 00:09:18,289
You see, we need
your skills to solve
272
00:09:18,291 --> 00:09:20,391
a cold case.
273
00:09:21,761 --> 00:09:25,796
(hip-hop playing)
274
00:09:25,798 --> 00:09:28,499
¶ ¶
275
00:09:28,501 --> 00:09:30,968
ALY: Hey, you want your bar
mitzvah money? Tell me her name.
276
00:09:30,970 --> 00:09:33,170
I don't remember.
I don't believe you!
277
00:09:33,172 --> 00:09:35,239
Just relax. Relax.
Here, Schmidt.
278
00:09:35,241 --> 00:09:38,009
Sip that.
279
00:09:38,011 --> 00:09:39,744
Want to hear
the music again?
280
00:09:39,746 --> 00:09:41,178
(hip-hop music playing)
281
00:09:41,180 --> 00:09:42,413
All right, there we go.
282
00:09:42,415 --> 00:09:44,682
Uh-huh.
283
00:09:44,684 --> 00:09:46,083
Yeah, you're 13 years old,
284
00:09:46,085 --> 00:09:47,351
everybody's feeling it...
285
00:09:49,155 --> 00:09:51,088
¶ Motown Philly's
back again... ¶
Enough.
286
00:09:51,090 --> 00:09:52,256
What was her name?!
287
00:09:52,258 --> 00:09:53,324
Sharon Rosenberg!
288
00:09:55,662 --> 00:09:57,762
Okay. 257 Sea Cove Drive, 11021.
289
00:10:00,299 --> 00:10:02,667
Okay. "Dear Mrs. Rosenberg...
290
00:10:02,669 --> 00:10:03,934
Thank you for
the check."
291
00:10:03,936 --> 00:10:05,703
I need a personal detail!
Personal detail!
292
00:10:05,705 --> 00:10:06,771
She had a pool.
293
00:10:06,773 --> 00:10:08,606
"Cannonball!
294
00:10:08,608 --> 00:10:11,609
Love, Schmidt."
WINSTON:
Cannonball!
295
00:10:11,611 --> 00:10:13,477
Okay, Schmidt.
All right, Schmidt.
296
00:10:13,479 --> 00:10:15,212
Who's this guy?
SCHMIDT:
I don't know, Winston.
297
00:10:15,214 --> 00:10:16,480
It's too far away, I can't tell.
298
00:10:16,482 --> 00:10:18,049
Uh... enhance,
enhance, enhance...
299
00:10:18,051 --> 00:10:19,183
Okay, too far, too far.
300
00:10:19,185 --> 00:10:21,118
Dehance, dehance.
301
00:10:21,120 --> 00:10:22,820
Scott Rubenstein!
Scott Rubenstein.
302
00:10:22,822 --> 00:10:23,954
My mom's CPA.
303
00:10:23,956 --> 00:10:26,223
Scott Rubenstein...
304
00:10:26,225 --> 00:10:28,025
deceased.
305
00:10:29,062 --> 00:10:30,961
Yes!
306
00:10:30,963 --> 00:10:32,129
Yes!
307
00:10:32,131 --> 00:10:34,065
Love the dead ones.
308
00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,634
You know, Pete wasn't
just a sports agent.
309
00:10:36,636 --> 00:10:38,669
He understood sports.
310
00:10:38,671 --> 00:10:40,905
Like, he knew the rules,
all of them:
311
00:10:40,907 --> 00:10:42,640
offsides,
312
00:10:42,642 --> 00:10:45,576
unnecessary bumping,
313
00:10:45,578 --> 00:10:48,713
what happens if you hit a bird
with the ball you throw...
314
00:10:48,715 --> 00:10:50,347
Excuse-excuse me.
Can I, uh, borrow
her for a second?
315
00:10:50,349 --> 00:10:51,816
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
316
00:10:51,818 --> 00:10:52,883
What's up?
Uh...
317
00:10:52,885 --> 00:10:54,852
what the hell
are you doing?
318
00:10:54,854 --> 00:10:56,320
I'm trying to save
that poor girl's feelings.
319
00:10:56,322 --> 00:10:57,755
If she knew the truth,
it would shatter her.
320
00:10:57,757 --> 00:10:59,256
I am going to
the nail salon, okay?
321
00:10:59,258 --> 00:11:00,758
Bye.
Cece...
I'm out.
322
00:11:00,760 --> 00:11:01,826
Hey, wait! Guys, wait.
323
00:11:01,828 --> 00:11:04,395
No, stop... guys.
324
00:11:04,397 --> 00:11:06,330
The only sport I know
is Ricky Ball,
325
00:11:06,332 --> 00:11:08,332
and I'm pretty sure
my friend Ricky made that up.
326
00:11:08,334 --> 00:11:10,301
No. Lying about who you are
is not the right thing to do.
327
00:11:11,370 --> 00:11:12,703
I am going.
Coach...
328
00:11:12,705 --> 00:11:14,405
(whimpering)
Is this, uh...
329
00:11:14,407 --> 00:11:16,340
is this Pete's thing?
He was my agent.
330
00:11:16,342 --> 00:11:17,842
Of course he was.
331
00:11:17,844 --> 00:11:21,011
Who else would represent
NFL star JJ Watt?
332
00:11:21,013 --> 00:11:24,115
Uh, Pete was my best
friend and, uh...
333
00:11:24,117 --> 00:11:27,017
God, it's good to see you.
334
00:11:27,019 --> 00:11:28,519
LOUISE:
Wouldn't the couch
335
00:11:28,521 --> 00:11:30,855
be better over there?
All that light?
336
00:11:30,857 --> 00:11:32,957
Or do you like to live
like a radish, underground?
337
00:11:32,959 --> 00:11:36,427
So we worked really hard
on the... on the cards.
338
00:11:36,429 --> 00:11:38,462
Let's see
what we got.
339
00:11:39,866 --> 00:11:41,265
Okay.
340
00:11:41,267 --> 00:11:42,867
But you know
what would be better?
341
00:11:42,869 --> 00:11:43,901
Connie's
into gardening.
342
00:11:43,903 --> 00:11:45,436
You should mention that.
343
00:11:45,438 --> 00:11:47,271
And if you really want
your card to pop,
344
00:11:47,273 --> 00:11:49,039
you can use a nice fountain pen
345
00:11:49,041 --> 00:11:50,741
on silver stationery.
346
00:11:50,743 --> 00:11:52,476
And you should sign your
full name, not just Schmidt.
347
00:11:52,478 --> 00:11:54,445
I mean, you have
a lovely first name.
348
00:11:54,447 --> 00:11:56,313
Great! I'll just make
all those changes, Mom!
349
00:11:59,886 --> 00:12:02,052
(door slams)
Okay.
350
00:12:02,054 --> 00:12:04,789
You're not getting me into your
pants, you little jackhammer.
351
00:12:04,791 --> 00:12:06,724
Oh, I don't want you
in my pants, Louise.
352
00:12:06,726 --> 00:12:08,058
Okay.
Okay.
353
00:12:08,060 --> 00:12:09,894
Okay.
354
00:12:13,166 --> 00:12:15,132
So then Pete says to...
Allen Iverson.
355
00:12:15,134 --> 00:12:17,234
"...you want to keep
sportsing on the...
"Grizzlies.
356
00:12:17,236 --> 00:12:18,836
JESS:
"...but if you want me
357
00:12:18,838 --> 00:12:20,504
"to show you
the money, then...
358
00:12:20,506 --> 00:12:23,073
You gotta finish your career
off with the '76ers!"
359
00:12:23,075 --> 00:12:26,076
(chuckles)
And it was
classic Pete.
360
00:12:26,078 --> 00:12:28,913
It's so nice to remember work
as more than just a thing
361
00:12:28,915 --> 00:12:30,481
that kept Pete
on the phone all the time.
362
00:12:30,483 --> 00:12:32,183
You're very welcome.
363
00:12:32,185 --> 00:12:33,784
Oh, Val, you should
have Pete's phone.
364
00:12:33,786 --> 00:12:36,020
All those memories
and photos...
365
00:12:36,022 --> 00:12:37,321
It's in the garage
with all his stuff.
366
00:12:37,323 --> 00:12:38,756
I'll give it to you
before you go.
367
00:12:38,758 --> 00:12:40,024
VAL: Thank you.
Mm-hmm.
368
00:12:44,030 --> 00:12:46,831
Okay, we gotta find that phone
before Val sees the sext.
369
00:12:46,833 --> 00:12:48,499
Yes, it is the
right thing to do.
370
00:12:48,501 --> 00:12:50,601
Like I've said all along.
I got a good thing going
371
00:12:50,603 --> 00:12:51,969
with JJ and I'm not
gonna let you ruin it.
372
00:12:51,971 --> 00:12:53,537
That's the funeral spirit.
373
00:12:56,509 --> 00:12:58,943
What are you guys doing in here?
374
00:12:58,945 --> 00:13:00,511
What are you doing here?
I'm looking for
Pete's phone.
375
00:13:00,513 --> 00:13:02,379
So are we!
Did you sext him, too?
376
00:13:02,381 --> 00:13:04,315
No.
I fired Pete over text,
377
00:13:04,317 --> 00:13:06,183
so I didn't want
to crush his family.
378
00:13:06,185 --> 00:13:07,685
That's why I'm at the memorial.
379
00:13:07,687 --> 00:13:09,653
Not because it was
the right thing to do?
380
00:13:09,655 --> 00:13:11,222
No. No. I mean,
we never even went skiing.
381
00:13:11,224 --> 00:13:12,556
Who makes up
these rules?
382
00:13:12,558 --> 00:13:14,225
Now...
383
00:13:14,227 --> 00:13:15,526
What are you guys
doing out here?
384
00:13:15,528 --> 00:13:16,727
Um...
Singing.
385
00:13:17,563 --> 00:13:19,530
S... What?
386
00:13:20,499 --> 00:13:22,066
We like to sing.
387
00:13:22,068 --> 00:13:23,667
Together. About...
388
00:13:23,669 --> 00:13:24,635
Sports.
Food.
389
00:13:24,637 --> 00:13:26,203
Sports foods.
390
00:13:26,205 --> 00:13:27,371
VAL:
That's fun.
391
00:13:27,373 --> 00:13:29,306
It's...
392
00:13:29,308 --> 00:13:31,242
Would you guys...
393
00:13:31,244 --> 00:13:34,245
Would it be putting you on the
spot if I asked you to do one?
394
00:13:34,247 --> 00:13:35,045
I think that wouldn't be
appropriate.
COACH: Actually, yes.
395
00:13:35,047 --> 00:13:36,080
I feel like it's a little...
396
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:39,583
¶ Hot dogs ¶
397
00:13:39,585 --> 00:13:42,219
¶ Hot dogs... ¶
398
00:13:42,221 --> 00:13:46,523
¶ Everybody loves hot dogs ¶
399
00:13:46,525 --> 00:13:49,193
¶ Hot dogs ¶
¶ Dogs ¶
400
00:13:49,195 --> 00:13:52,162
¶ Everybody's favorite treat
is hot dogs ¶
401
00:13:52,164 --> 00:13:53,564
¶ Hot dogs ¶
402
00:13:53,566 --> 00:13:57,001
¶ Pretzels! ¶
403
00:13:59,171 --> 00:14:00,504
Whoa, partner!
404
00:14:00,506 --> 00:14:01,672
Wait up! (laughs)
405
00:14:01,674 --> 00:14:03,073
That work-style
406
00:14:03,075 --> 00:14:04,441
thing was pretty fun.
407
00:14:04,443 --> 00:14:05,876
Let's parlay that into a beer.
408
00:14:05,878 --> 00:14:08,178
My buddy has a bar
he works at, down the street.
409
00:14:08,180 --> 00:14:10,347
It's carpeted, so...
410
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:12,383
Bishop, what don't you get?
411
00:14:12,385 --> 00:14:14,018
No.
412
00:14:14,020 --> 00:14:16,020
(SUV door opens, shuts)
413
00:14:16,022 --> 00:14:18,889
(engine starts)
414
00:14:18,891 --> 00:14:21,191
Are you okay?
415
00:14:21,193 --> 00:14:23,060
Oh, hey, man. Thanks.
416
00:14:23,062 --> 00:14:25,029
Yeah, I don't know, man.
It's just...
(shushes)
417
00:14:25,031 --> 00:14:26,397
I'm talking to a ladybug.
418
00:14:26,399 --> 00:14:28,132
Squeeze my hand!
419
00:14:28,134 --> 00:14:30,534
Just one more push!
You're almost there!
420
00:14:30,536 --> 00:14:33,137
The first child is
always the hardest!
421
00:14:34,206 --> 00:14:35,372
Hey, bud.
422
00:14:35,374 --> 00:14:37,541
Hard candy?
Is it butterscotch?
423
00:14:37,543 --> 00:14:40,311
No, 'cause we're
friggin' strangers.
424
00:14:40,313 --> 00:14:42,313
(laughs):
"Is it butterscotch?"
425
00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,315
So, you freaked out
a little back there,
426
00:14:44,317 --> 00:14:46,116
didn't you?
427
00:14:46,118 --> 00:14:48,552
Not to use some
popsicle psychology...
428
00:14:48,554 --> 00:14:50,087
"Popsicle psychology"?
429
00:14:50,089 --> 00:14:51,655
Yeah, it's pop
psychology for short.
430
00:14:51,657 --> 00:14:53,290
'Cause, you know,
431
00:14:53,292 --> 00:14:55,059
you eat the popsicle
and you love it so much
432
00:14:55,061 --> 00:14:57,328
and then you're stuck
holding the-the stick?
433
00:14:57,330 --> 00:14:59,730
You get it. you get it.
434
00:14:59,732 --> 00:15:01,231
Not really, but...
I think you have
435
00:15:01,233 --> 00:15:04,668
some pent-up resentment
towards your mom.
436
00:15:04,670 --> 00:15:06,070
She's trying to control you!
437
00:15:06,072 --> 00:15:07,604
She treats you
like a little baby
438
00:15:07,606 --> 00:15:09,440
who can't do
anything for himself.
439
00:15:09,442 --> 00:15:11,075
That's why I never wrote
the cards in the first place.
440
00:15:11,077 --> 00:15:13,010
Go tell that to your mom!
441
00:15:13,012 --> 00:15:14,945
She'll understand.
442
00:15:14,947 --> 00:15:16,580
I don't understand.
443
00:15:16,582 --> 00:15:18,983
The couch looks good here
though, doesn't it?
444
00:15:18,985 --> 00:15:20,517
It opens up the whole room.
445
00:15:20,519 --> 00:15:22,453
Louise, I think what your boy
is trying to say is...
446
00:15:22,455 --> 00:15:24,154
Shut it, Nick.
447
00:15:24,156 --> 00:15:26,123
Honey, why do you
hang out with him?
448
00:15:26,125 --> 00:15:30,127
You know Nancy Borkow?
Her son just moved to L.A.
449
00:15:30,129 --> 00:15:31,929
He wrote a movie script
for the movies.
450
00:15:31,931 --> 00:15:33,998
I can connect you.
You need better friends!
451
00:15:34,000 --> 00:15:36,200
Enough, Mom!
452
00:15:36,202 --> 00:15:37,501
You don't get to choose
my friends!
453
00:15:37,503 --> 00:15:38,936
You don't get
to choose anything!
454
00:15:38,938 --> 00:15:41,372
Because this is my life!
455
00:15:41,374 --> 00:15:45,275
It's my dream and nothing's
gonna stop me now!
456
00:15:45,277 --> 00:15:47,611
It feels like
that's from something.
457
00:15:47,613 --> 00:15:50,014
It feels like, it feels like
it's from a movie or something.
¶ My life ¶
458
00:15:50,016 --> 00:15:52,049
Yeah, I think it's
a song. It's a song.
Like some sort of song, right?
459
00:15:52,051 --> 00:15:53,884
It's the Perfect Stranger theme.
Well, you know,
460
00:15:53,886 --> 00:15:55,285
it doesn't matter!
461
00:15:55,287 --> 00:15:56,653
You know, we did a good job
with those cards, Mom.
462
00:15:56,655 --> 00:15:58,288
And we don't need
any of your money.
463
00:15:58,290 --> 00:16:00,290
Whoa, we're all
being very emotional.
464
00:16:00,292 --> 00:16:01,392
Let's just slow everything...
465
00:16:01,394 --> 00:16:03,260
I'm moving the couch back!
466
00:16:06,132 --> 00:16:07,398
Gosh!
467
00:16:09,368 --> 00:16:11,001
Did you nail that thing down?
468
00:16:11,003 --> 00:16:13,337
That's... You move that
all by yourself?
469
00:16:13,339 --> 00:16:15,172
I'm an adult man, Mom.
470
00:16:15,174 --> 00:16:16,807
And Nick is my best friend
in the whole wide world.
471
00:16:16,809 --> 00:16:18,642
And we're gonna buy
a small portion of that bar
472
00:16:18,644 --> 00:16:21,211
without any of your help.
473
00:16:23,516 --> 00:16:25,149
(sighs)
(door slams)
474
00:16:26,652 --> 00:16:28,419
And also, there's some leftover
chili in the fridge
475
00:16:28,421 --> 00:16:30,254
if you get hungry,
and, please, make sure
476
00:16:30,256 --> 00:16:32,356
to put a plate over it before
you put it in the microwave.
477
00:16:32,358 --> 00:16:34,425
I don't want it
to splatter everywhere!
478
00:16:36,595 --> 00:16:38,729
¶ And that's why they call it ¶
479
00:16:38,731 --> 00:16:41,231
¶ The out-of-peanuts ¶
480
00:16:41,233 --> 00:16:43,434
¶ Blues... ¶
481
00:16:43,436 --> 00:16:47,638
¶ Stadium taco. ¶
482
00:16:51,243 --> 00:16:54,511
Thank you guys for being a
bright spot on my sad day.
483
00:16:54,513 --> 00:16:56,280
(screams)
Aah!
484
00:16:56,282 --> 00:16:57,681
Shucks!
Sorry!
485
00:16:57,683 --> 00:16:59,450
I thought I saw Pete's ghost!
486
00:16:59,452 --> 00:17:01,785
It was a paint can.
(laughs)
487
00:17:01,787 --> 00:17:03,087
(all chuckle)
Are you sure about...?
488
00:17:04,090 --> 00:17:05,689
Ugh! We gotta find
this phone.
489
00:17:05,691 --> 00:17:07,191
And get the hell out of here.
490
00:17:07,193 --> 00:17:08,125
Okay, it's ringing.
491
00:17:08,127 --> 00:17:10,594
Can anybody hear it?
492
00:17:10,596 --> 00:17:13,197
(cell phone ringing)
Oh, no, no, no,
493
00:17:13,199 --> 00:17:14,398
no, no, no, no, no, no, no!
494
00:17:14,400 --> 00:17:16,867
There's another box.
495
00:17:16,869 --> 00:17:19,470
What the hell...?
"Property of Pete"?
496
00:17:19,472 --> 00:17:22,139
He made my sext his caller I.D.?
497
00:17:22,141 --> 00:17:24,541
This is a sext?
498
00:17:26,445 --> 00:17:28,011
JJ fired him over text!
499
00:17:33,919 --> 00:17:35,419
After the day I had,
I needed this.
500
00:17:35,421 --> 00:17:37,154
Me, too.
501
00:17:37,156 --> 00:17:38,422
What happened?
502
00:17:38,424 --> 00:17:39,756
I know you were
talking to yourself.
503
00:17:39,758 --> 00:17:41,158
Now you're talking
to a stranger.
504
00:17:41,160 --> 00:17:42,626
Get over it.
505
00:17:42,628 --> 00:17:45,229
Is that a crime in California?
What happened?
506
00:17:45,231 --> 00:17:47,498
I got dragged
to a random dude's funeral.
507
00:17:47,500 --> 00:17:49,333
Who dragged you?
My friend. She always thinks
508
00:17:49,335 --> 00:17:50,667
she knows what's best.
509
00:17:50,669 --> 00:17:53,137
Who's your friend-- me?
(both laugh)
510
00:17:53,139 --> 00:17:55,339
No.
511
00:17:55,341 --> 00:17:58,008
I got accused of that today
by my son.
512
00:17:58,010 --> 00:17:59,643
He's tired of me
babying him.
513
00:17:59,645 --> 00:18:01,979
But he's my baby,
so what am I supposed to do?
514
00:18:01,981 --> 00:18:03,647
Maybe you have
to let go a little.
515
00:18:03,649 --> 00:18:07,284
This is why strangers talk.
516
00:18:07,286 --> 00:18:08,986
You're a genius.
517
00:18:08,988 --> 00:18:11,255
Want to see a picture of my son?
He's handsome.
518
00:18:11,257 --> 00:18:13,423
Nah. I'm kind of in love
with my ex, so...
519
00:18:13,425 --> 00:18:16,126
All right, you can't
date him anyway.
520
00:18:16,128 --> 00:18:18,328
You're not Jewish, so over
my dead body and all that.
521
00:18:18,330 --> 00:18:19,863
(laughs)
522
00:18:19,865 --> 00:18:21,598
(laughs)
523
00:18:21,600 --> 00:18:23,767
Today was not a win for me.
524
00:18:23,769 --> 00:18:25,469
It's the right thing to do.
525
00:18:25,471 --> 00:18:27,604
I don't even know
what that means.
526
00:18:27,606 --> 00:18:29,373
Well, you made today
about yourself.
Mm.
527
00:18:29,375 --> 00:18:32,142
Not to use popcorn psychology,
but it's human nature.
528
00:18:32,144 --> 00:18:34,278
You know? Soon as I saw
JJ walk in, I was, like,
529
00:18:34,280 --> 00:18:35,712
"JJ Watt, be my best friend."
530
00:18:35,714 --> 00:18:36,813
(both chuckle)
531
00:18:36,815 --> 00:18:38,482
(sighs)
532
00:18:38,484 --> 00:18:40,184
I got to do something.
533
00:18:40,186 --> 00:18:41,685
Should I tell Aly off? Uh...
534
00:18:41,687 --> 00:18:43,554
put in for a new partner?
535
00:18:43,556 --> 00:18:44,688
What's the right thing
to do here?
536
00:18:44,690 --> 00:18:46,790
I can say with 100% certainty
537
00:18:46,792 --> 00:18:48,358
I have no idea.
538
00:18:48,360 --> 00:18:50,527
Look at you. I'm proud of you.
539
00:18:50,529 --> 00:18:52,462
I learned from the best.
That's awesome.
540
00:18:52,464 --> 00:18:54,631
What a wonderful moment
we're having today!
541
00:18:54,633 --> 00:18:55,866
You know what?
I'll figure it out myself.
542
00:18:55,868 --> 00:18:57,968
Thank you.
543
00:18:57,970 --> 00:18:59,736
This is from
that sixth grader over there.
544
00:18:59,738 --> 00:19:01,738
(quietly):
Hmm?
545
00:19:04,710 --> 00:19:08,145
Aly, what are you doing here?
546
00:19:08,147 --> 00:19:09,680
I just wanted to explain.
Look...
547
00:19:09,682 --> 00:19:12,816
I hung out a lot
with my last partner.
548
00:19:12,818 --> 00:19:15,085
And we got close and...
549
00:19:15,087 --> 00:19:16,386
You shot him?
What?
550
00:19:16,388 --> 00:19:17,487
He died?
No.
551
00:19:17,489 --> 00:19:18,555
Oh, my goodness... is he...?
552
00:19:18,557 --> 00:19:19,556
Did he survive?
553
00:19:19,558 --> 00:19:20,657
What are you talking about?
554
00:19:20,659 --> 00:19:22,059
How did you partner die?
555
00:19:22,061 --> 00:19:23,427
He didn't die!
556
00:19:23,429 --> 00:19:24,361
So, what's your point?
557
00:19:24,363 --> 00:19:25,729
He just fell in love with me!
558
00:19:25,731 --> 00:19:27,097
Oh... oh! Oh!
Yeah.
559
00:19:27,099 --> 00:19:28,498
Ooh...
And it messed everything up.
560
00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,934
And I just don't want
that to happen again.
561
00:19:30,936 --> 00:19:34,104
Damn, you're conceited!
562
00:19:34,106 --> 00:19:35,672
Don't nobody want your babies.
563
00:19:35,674 --> 00:19:37,241
I know that now!
564
00:19:37,243 --> 00:19:38,442
I mean, you brought
me to your loft
565
00:19:38,444 --> 00:19:40,177
and showed me a
bar mitzvah video.
566
00:19:40,179 --> 00:19:41,778
Friends?
Cool, cool.
567
00:19:41,780 --> 00:19:44,681
Just, uh... don't go
falling in love with me.
568
00:19:44,683 --> 00:19:46,850
'Cause I'm lovable as hell.
Okay.
569
00:19:46,852 --> 00:19:47,784
I think I'll be okay.
570
00:19:47,786 --> 00:19:49,419
All right.
571
00:19:58,464 --> 00:19:59,796
Another!
572
00:19:59,798 --> 00:20:01,598
(whoops)
573
00:20:01,600 --> 00:20:03,400
Oh, my.
574
00:20:03,402 --> 00:20:04,801
Michael...
575
00:20:04,803 --> 00:20:06,703
we'd like to buy
your share of the bar.
576
00:20:06,705 --> 00:20:09,906
And although we don't
have the full $20,000
at the present...
577
00:20:09,908 --> 00:20:12,709
You don't have the money? No.
But we're the right guys.
578
00:20:12,711 --> 00:20:13,977
No, the right guys
would have the money.
579
00:20:13,979 --> 00:20:15,479
Or Kieran Culkin's mouth.
580
00:20:15,481 --> 00:20:17,314
How about Owen Wilson's nose?
581
00:20:17,316 --> 00:20:18,749
(groans)
582
00:20:18,751 --> 00:20:20,284
Mom?
583
00:20:22,388 --> 00:20:23,387
Oh, my God!
584
00:20:23,389 --> 00:20:24,655
Schmidt, is this your mom?
585
00:20:24,657 --> 00:20:25,889
Hi. I've heard
so much about you.
586
00:20:25,891 --> 00:20:27,624
How's Long Island?
587
00:20:27,626 --> 00:20:28,725
Any cute Schmidt stories?
588
00:20:28,727 --> 00:20:30,294
I need less from you.
589
00:20:30,296 --> 00:20:31,628
Okay.
590
00:20:31,630 --> 00:20:34,564
I met a Mexican woman
at the nail salon...
591
00:20:34,566 --> 00:20:37,267
who made me realize...
592
00:20:37,269 --> 00:20:38,969
I need to let go.
593
00:20:38,971 --> 00:20:40,404
You're a man.
594
00:20:40,406 --> 00:20:42,673
And you deserve
your bar mitzvah money.
595
00:20:42,675 --> 00:20:45,008
Thanks, Mom.
596
00:20:45,010 --> 00:20:48,612
Mike, we want to buy
your ten percent of the bar.
597
00:20:48,614 --> 00:20:50,480
This bar?!
598
00:20:50,482 --> 00:20:53,083
There's a dying catfish laying
on the sidewalk out front!
599
00:20:53,085 --> 00:20:55,519
This would be a hilarious time
for me to back out...
600
00:20:55,521 --> 00:20:56,653
but okay.
601
00:20:56,655 --> 00:20:58,522
Yes! We're part owners!
602
00:20:58,524 --> 00:21:01,591
BOTH (chanting):
We're part owners!
603
00:21:02,761 --> 00:21:05,529
How great is this moment?
604
00:21:05,531 --> 00:21:07,497
I just think you'd be
more of a success socially
605
00:21:07,499 --> 00:21:10,600
if you let people come to you.
606
00:21:10,602 --> 00:21:12,436
You know what's fun?
607
00:21:12,438 --> 00:21:14,771
I'm not gonna be able to sleep
until we're best friends.
608
00:21:14,773 --> 00:21:17,641
(groans)
609
00:21:17,643 --> 00:21:18,642
JESS:
Nick, can you believe it?
610
00:21:18,644 --> 00:21:19,843
You're a bar owner.
611
00:21:19,845 --> 00:21:20,877
I'm so proud of you.
612
00:21:20,879 --> 00:21:22,713
None of this would've happened
613
00:21:22,715 --> 00:21:26,817
without Schmidt
standing up to his mom.
It was so scary.
614
00:21:26,819 --> 00:21:29,686
I can't believe I missed her.
We still can use the other
90% of the bar, right?
615
00:21:29,688 --> 00:21:31,955
Y-Yes.
You know that's not
how it works, right?
616
00:21:31,957 --> 00:21:34,057
This is just my favorite
section. I wanted to...
It's a financial share.
617
00:21:34,059 --> 00:21:36,026
Captioned by
Media Access Group at WGBH
access.wgbh.org
618
00:21:36,028 --> 00:21:38,061
NICK: To Schmidt's mom, who I do
want to have sex with!
619
00:21:38,063 --> 00:21:39,129
SCHMIDT:
Nick!