1 00:00:02,849 --> 00:00:04,451 Okay now, see, here's a good example 2 00:00:04,484 --> 00:00:05,618 of a plant that you can't eat. 3 00:00:05,652 --> 00:00:07,754 See all the spikes? So two things. 4 00:00:07,787 --> 00:00:09,789 One, it's poisonous. And two, it would hurt. 5 00:00:09,822 --> 00:00:11,891 The parks department has so many programs. 6 00:00:11,924 --> 00:00:14,427 Jerry's in charge of our preteen nature hikes. 7 00:00:14,461 --> 00:00:17,397 For a while, it was a teenage nature hike. 8 00:00:17,430 --> 00:00:20,433 But then we changed it because a girl got pregnant. 9 00:00:20,467 --> 00:00:22,969 Look what we have here. Country honeysuckle, 10 00:00:23,002 --> 00:00:24,771 Pawnee-style. 11 00:00:24,804 --> 00:00:25,905 Oh. Yeah, take a look at that. 12 00:00:25,938 --> 00:00:26,739 Wow. 13 00:00:26,773 --> 00:00:27,940 It's pretty and it smells good. 14 00:00:27,974 --> 00:00:29,108 Mm, smells great. 15 00:00:29,141 --> 00:00:31,344 Yeah, it's really nice. 16 00:00:31,378 --> 00:00:33,413 Oh, ech. 17 00:00:33,446 --> 00:00:34,914 Ew. Oh, that's bitter. 18 00:00:34,947 --> 00:00:37,417 Leslie, you don't eat it. Why did you let me eat that? 19 00:00:37,450 --> 00:00:38,885 I never told you to eat that. Oh, god. 20 00:00:38,918 --> 00:00:40,353 Leslie, the animals know you don't eat 21 00:00:40,387 --> 00:00:41,721 the country honeysuckle. 22 00:00:41,754 --> 00:00:42,889 I'm not an animal. My tongue is swelling up. 23 00:00:42,922 --> 00:00:44,724 No, no, don't touch-- 24 00:00:44,757 --> 00:00:45,925 okay, now you'll have to throw that away. 25 00:00:45,958 --> 00:00:47,527 Let's not scare the kids. 26 00:00:47,560 --> 00:00:49,061 Okay. Well, there we go then. 27 00:00:49,095 --> 00:00:51,130 So let's show 'em what other plants we could eat, Jerry. 28 00:00:51,163 --> 00:00:55,835 But I have to say it's a very sweet aftertaste though. 29 00:00:58,871 --> 00:01:06,879 * 30 00:01:26,933 --> 00:01:29,536 So I have a piece of good news. 31 00:01:29,569 --> 00:01:31,504 I've invited a reporter to come do an article 32 00:01:31,538 --> 00:01:32,972 about the pit behind your house. 33 00:01:33,005 --> 00:01:34,741 She writes for the Pawnee journal, 34 00:01:34,774 --> 00:01:38,745 which is kind of like our town's Washington post. 35 00:01:38,778 --> 00:01:40,880 That sounds really good. 36 00:01:40,913 --> 00:01:41,881 Thank you, Ann. 37 00:01:41,914 --> 00:01:43,783 It is a classic strategy. 38 00:01:43,816 --> 00:01:45,552 The press is a weapon, 39 00:01:45,585 --> 00:01:48,555 and you can use it to kill people or to feed people. 40 00:01:48,588 --> 00:01:50,156 You know, the beginning of projects are very vulnerable. 41 00:01:50,189 --> 00:01:52,191 And you have to make sure that you get a lot of press 42 00:01:52,224 --> 00:01:54,126 'cause the momentum of that can kind of keep it alive, 43 00:01:54,160 --> 00:01:55,962 or else it'll die. 44 00:01:55,995 --> 00:01:57,163 I mean, I'm sure you remember 45 00:01:57,196 --> 00:01:58,898 the Tucker park graffiti removal project. 46 00:01:58,931 --> 00:02:01,434 The Tucker Parker graffiti removal project 47 00:02:01,468 --> 00:02:03,970 was a great idea that just ran out of steam. 48 00:02:04,003 --> 00:02:08,941 We had removed five cartoon penises--not even 10%-- 49 00:02:08,975 --> 00:02:10,977 when we were shut down due to lack of funding. 50 00:02:11,010 --> 00:02:14,681 To this day, I am haunted by those remaining penises. 51 00:02:16,849 --> 00:02:18,918 One penis in particular. 52 00:02:18,951 --> 00:02:20,787 Now when the reporter gets here, 53 00:02:20,820 --> 00:02:23,055 it is vital that we all follow my rules 54 00:02:23,089 --> 00:02:24,791 about how to deal with the media. 55 00:02:24,824 --> 00:02:26,993 Stay on message. 56 00:02:27,026 --> 00:02:28,127 This is key. 57 00:02:28,160 --> 00:02:31,698 All we need to talk about is the pit, 58 00:02:31,731 --> 00:02:34,601 and the fact that we're gonna turn it into a park. 59 00:02:34,634 --> 00:02:35,935 And that's it. Okay? 60 00:02:35,968 --> 00:02:37,637 What? 61 00:02:37,670 --> 00:02:39,005 Stay on message again? 62 00:02:39,038 --> 00:02:41,140 Yes, it's that important. 63 00:02:41,173 --> 00:02:42,208 It's one and two. 64 00:02:42,241 --> 00:02:43,776 Stay on message and stay on message. 65 00:02:43,810 --> 00:02:45,878 Right? Stay on what, Ann? 66 00:02:45,912 --> 00:02:47,480 Message. Great. 67 00:02:47,514 --> 00:02:48,748 Leslie formed a committee 68 00:02:48,781 --> 00:02:51,951 to fill the pit in a week, 69 00:02:51,984 --> 00:02:53,920 which is really impressive. 70 00:02:53,953 --> 00:02:56,122 I mean until now, my only experience with government 71 00:02:56,155 --> 00:02:57,857 was trying to get a recycling bin. 72 00:02:59,592 --> 00:03:00,827 Wait. Did I ever get it? 73 00:03:00,860 --> 00:03:02,895 Bye, Leslie. Bye, Ann. 74 00:03:02,929 --> 00:03:04,897 Hey, Mark. 75 00:03:04,931 --> 00:03:07,900 Yeah. 76 00:03:07,934 --> 00:03:11,170 Buy you a cup of coffee? 77 00:03:11,203 --> 00:03:13,940 This is jj's diner, 78 00:03:13,973 --> 00:03:17,009 the unofficial meeting place of Pawnee's political elite. 79 00:03:17,043 --> 00:03:19,946 The people who eat here basically run this town. 80 00:03:19,979 --> 00:03:22,682 So listen, I was hoping maybe I could pick your brain 81 00:03:22,715 --> 00:03:23,983 about how to deal with the media. 82 00:03:24,016 --> 00:03:25,585 It's my first interview. 83 00:03:25,618 --> 00:03:26,786 What about that thing you did 84 00:03:26,819 --> 00:03:27,820 for the middle school newspaper last year? 85 00:03:27,854 --> 00:03:29,922 Oh, no. I don't count that. 86 00:03:29,956 --> 00:03:32,124 That was a smear job. 87 00:03:32,158 --> 00:03:34,060 So I put together some discussion topics. 88 00:03:34,093 --> 00:03:35,127 Can I run them by you? 89 00:03:35,161 --> 00:03:37,764 Okay. 90 00:03:37,797 --> 00:03:39,899 What do you think her opening gambit is gonna be? 91 00:03:39,932 --> 00:03:41,033 What is she gonna ask me first? 92 00:03:41,067 --> 00:03:42,835 How you spell your name. 93 00:03:42,869 --> 00:03:46,172 Of course. Because of the silent k. 94 00:03:46,205 --> 00:03:48,541 You're so smart. Yeah. 95 00:03:48,575 --> 00:03:50,309 Okay, now should I give her a tour of the building? 96 00:03:50,342 --> 00:03:53,079 How many discussion questions do you have there? 97 00:03:53,112 --> 00:03:56,048 Uh, 30. Wow. 98 00:03:56,082 --> 00:03:57,650 You're insane. 99 00:03:57,684 --> 00:03:59,786 You'r insane. 100 00:04:02,354 --> 00:04:03,923 Mark and I made love once. 101 00:04:03,956 --> 00:04:07,760 And it was very intense. 102 00:04:09,295 --> 00:04:11,197 Hi, I'm looking for Leslie knope. 103 00:04:11,230 --> 00:04:13,032 Okay. 104 00:04:13,065 --> 00:04:14,901 Oh, my ears are ringing. 105 00:04:14,934 --> 00:04:16,035 Hi. Hi. 106 00:04:16,068 --> 00:04:18,204 I'm Leslie knope. Hi. 107 00:04:18,237 --> 00:04:19,839 I'm the deputy director of parks and recreation. 108 00:04:19,872 --> 00:04:20,940 Shauna. Malwae-tweep. 109 00:04:20,973 --> 00:04:23,009 Yes, I am familiar with your work. 110 00:04:23,042 --> 00:04:25,111 I've read everything you've ever written. 111 00:04:25,144 --> 00:04:27,013 You did an amazing in-depth article 112 00:04:27,046 --> 00:04:28,681 on the raccoon problem here in Pawnee. 113 00:04:28,715 --> 00:04:30,149 Ah! 114 00:04:30,182 --> 00:04:32,018 Who left the door open? 115 00:04:32,051 --> 00:04:34,754 No! No! No! 116 00:04:34,787 --> 00:04:37,890 And I agree with you. They are nature's bandits. 117 00:04:37,924 --> 00:04:39,892 Thanks. I was happy with that line. 118 00:04:39,926 --> 00:04:42,228 So, uh, can I give you a quick tour 119 00:04:42,261 --> 00:04:43,596 before we get started? 120 00:04:43,630 --> 00:04:46,933 I've been here before. A few times. 121 00:04:46,966 --> 00:04:49,636 Quick tour? Okay. 122 00:04:49,669 --> 00:04:52,905 There are three murals here in the hall. 123 00:04:52,939 --> 00:04:56,008 And this is called "the trial of chief wamapo." 124 00:04:56,042 --> 00:04:59,378 It was painted in 1936 and this is chief wamapo. 125 00:04:59,411 --> 00:05:03,883 And he was convicted of crimes against the soldiers. 126 00:05:03,916 --> 00:05:08,921 I am always amazed at his... Quiet dignity. 127 00:05:10,222 --> 00:05:12,158 Right before he's killed by a cannonball. 128 00:05:12,191 --> 00:05:13,960 I'm surprised no one's complained about this. 129 00:05:13,993 --> 00:05:15,394 Oh, tons of people have. 130 00:05:15,427 --> 00:05:17,897 Yeah, we get letters every day. 131 00:05:17,930 --> 00:05:19,632 This is Ron Swanson, our boss. 132 00:05:19,666 --> 00:05:20,733 Ron, this is the reporter I was telling you about. 133 00:05:20,767 --> 00:05:21,801 No comment. 134 00:05:21,834 --> 00:05:23,269 About what? 135 00:05:23,302 --> 00:05:25,805 Hey Haverford, maybe one day you'll figure out 136 00:05:25,838 --> 00:05:27,273 how to spell a three-letter word. 137 00:05:27,306 --> 00:05:29,008 Pssh, come on, Ron. 138 00:05:29,041 --> 00:05:30,877 I play a lot of online scrabble with my boss, 139 00:05:30,910 --> 00:05:34,113 Ron Swanson, and oh, my god, 140 00:05:34,146 --> 00:05:36,749 that guy is the best. 141 00:05:36,783 --> 00:05:38,350 He beats me every time. He kills me. 142 00:05:38,384 --> 00:05:40,352 He's awesome. I can't beat him. 143 00:05:40,386 --> 00:05:43,656 I should just close my account. Ugh! 144 00:05:43,690 --> 00:05:45,091 Well, shauna, this is our crack team. 145 00:05:45,124 --> 00:05:46,125 Hi, everyone. 146 00:05:46,158 --> 00:05:48,928 Tom Haverford. Boy genius. 147 00:05:48,961 --> 00:05:50,663 Smooth like milk chocolate. 148 00:05:50,697 --> 00:05:52,064 That's a weird way to describe me. 149 00:05:52,098 --> 00:05:54,066 April ludgate, 19. 150 00:05:54,100 --> 00:05:56,703 Cool enough to be invited anywhere and chooses to be here. 151 00:05:56,736 --> 00:05:59,872 And finally, we've got Ann Perkins 152 00:05:59,906 --> 00:06:00,740 and Andy dwyer. 153 00:06:00,773 --> 00:06:01,941 They're the real heroes of this story. 154 00:06:01,974 --> 00:06:04,877 Ann was the citizen who brought the pit to our attention. 155 00:06:04,911 --> 00:06:08,815 And Andy is the citizen who fell in it. 156 00:06:08,848 --> 00:06:10,983 Great. 157 00:06:11,017 --> 00:06:13,953 It's cool if I record this, right? 158 00:06:13,986 --> 00:06:16,956 Yeah. Good. 159 00:06:16,989 --> 00:06:18,925 That way it's verbatim. 160 00:06:18,958 --> 00:06:21,894 So Leslie, you're in charge of the committee. 161 00:06:25,832 --> 00:06:26,866 I'm sorry. It's... 162 00:06:26,899 --> 00:06:28,200 It's actually called a subcommittee, 163 00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:29,001 not a committee, so. 164 00:06:29,035 --> 00:06:31,904 Um, we can do all this on tape. 165 00:06:31,938 --> 00:06:34,040 Right. Sorry. 166 00:06:34,073 --> 00:06:37,944 Sure we can. 167 00:06:37,977 --> 00:06:39,879 And this is where you meet generally? 168 00:06:39,912 --> 00:06:40,847 Really? 169 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,883 We meet at a bunch of different places. 170 00:06:43,916 --> 00:06:44,851 We don't always meet here. 171 00:06:44,884 --> 00:06:46,052 So I didn't quite know 172 00:06:46,085 --> 00:06:47,720 How to answer that. 173 00:06:47,754 --> 00:06:49,188 Okay, why don't I ask the rest of your team 174 00:06:49,221 --> 00:06:51,357 some questions and then we will come back to you later? 175 00:06:51,390 --> 00:06:53,025 Okay, great. That's good. 176 00:06:53,059 --> 00:06:53,726 Because these are the real heroes. 177 00:06:53,760 --> 00:06:55,427 I'm gonna be in my office. 178 00:07:02,468 --> 00:07:04,103 So Andy, tell me about the night 179 00:07:04,136 --> 00:07:05,437 you fell into the pit. 180 00:07:05,471 --> 00:07:07,173 Oh, yeah. That's actually a great story. 181 00:07:07,206 --> 00:07:09,842 Um, I just finished up a gig with my band 182 00:07:09,876 --> 00:07:12,444 three skin, formerly foreskin, 183 00:07:12,478 --> 00:07:14,313 but our bassist left for personal reasons. 184 00:07:14,346 --> 00:07:15,848 And I was taking the shortcut home, 185 00:07:15,882 --> 00:07:19,786 and I thought I saw a toaster lying in the pit. 186 00:07:19,819 --> 00:07:21,821 And I was like, "maybe I should get that." 187 00:07:21,854 --> 00:07:24,957 And I fell in and broke my legs. 188 00:07:24,991 --> 00:07:25,758 Such a tragedy. 189 00:07:25,792 --> 00:07:27,426 Why would you want a toaster 190 00:07:27,459 --> 00:07:28,895 that's lying at the bottom of the pit? 191 00:07:28,928 --> 00:07:30,262 I don't know. I was pretty wasted. 192 00:07:30,296 --> 00:07:32,899 Wait-- you were drunk? 193 00:07:32,932 --> 00:07:34,533 Oh, yeah. Totally. You knew that. 194 00:07:34,566 --> 00:07:35,968 I didn't know that, no. 195 00:07:36,002 --> 00:07:37,536 You should've told me, 196 00:07:37,569 --> 00:07:39,038 because we gave you anesthesia at the hospital. 197 00:07:39,071 --> 00:07:40,106 I was probably not thinking 'cause I had 198 00:07:40,139 --> 00:07:42,341 two broken femurs and I was, like, blackout drunk. 199 00:07:42,374 --> 00:07:44,010 Andy, I just--i can't-- 200 00:07:44,043 --> 00:07:45,277 I can't believe I'm just finding this out right now. 201 00:07:45,311 --> 00:07:46,478 Oh, like you're perfect. 202 00:07:46,512 --> 00:07:47,579 You're on the pill. You drink all the time. 203 00:07:47,613 --> 00:07:50,516 You're allowed to do that. Stay on message. 204 00:07:50,549 --> 00:07:52,852 Thank you so much for bringing that up 205 00:07:52,885 --> 00:07:54,486 in front of a reporter. 206 00:07:56,455 --> 00:07:57,790 Leslie, it's not that bad, right? 207 00:07:57,824 --> 00:07:59,358 I mean, why don't we just go back in there 208 00:07:59,391 --> 00:08:00,359 and talk about the park? 209 00:08:00,392 --> 00:08:02,194 Oh, Ann. 210 00:08:02,228 --> 00:08:04,396 You're so sweet and innocent and pretty. 211 00:08:04,430 --> 00:08:06,265 The press are like sharks, 212 00:08:06,298 --> 00:08:09,101 and you guys just dumped a bucket of chum in the water. 213 00:08:10,569 --> 00:08:13,272 Hey, I just got your 15 texts. 214 00:08:13,305 --> 00:08:16,075 Listen. 215 00:08:16,108 --> 00:08:18,244 Thank you for coming. 216 00:08:18,277 --> 00:08:19,545 I...i tried to stay on message. 217 00:08:19,578 --> 00:08:20,446 Mm-hmm. 218 00:08:20,479 --> 00:08:22,414 But then, Ann and Andy sandbagged me. 219 00:08:22,448 --> 00:08:24,951 Andy was drunk when he fell in the pit. 220 00:08:24,984 --> 00:08:27,353 And it turns out that Ann is on birth control pills. 221 00:08:27,386 --> 00:08:29,288 Okay. 222 00:08:29,321 --> 00:08:31,023 Shauna is in the conference room, 223 00:08:31,057 --> 00:08:32,424 and she's writing a really bad article 224 00:08:32,458 --> 00:08:33,826 and it's gonna destroy US all. 225 00:08:33,860 --> 00:08:36,428 Please fix it. 226 00:08:36,462 --> 00:08:38,530 April. 227 00:08:38,564 --> 00:08:40,166 Let me ask you something. 228 00:08:40,199 --> 00:08:42,534 Do you think I'm in the top five 229 00:08:42,568 --> 00:08:43,602 best-looking Indian guys in Pawnee? 230 00:08:43,635 --> 00:08:45,104 No. 231 00:08:45,137 --> 00:08:46,338 Who do you think's got me beat? 232 00:08:46,372 --> 00:08:47,406 That guy that teaches city planning? 233 00:08:47,439 --> 00:08:48,140 Tommy boy. 234 00:08:48,174 --> 00:08:49,241 Let me tell you something, Tom. 235 00:08:49,275 --> 00:08:50,977 You suck at scrabble. 236 00:08:51,010 --> 00:08:52,912 I know. You're destroying me. 237 00:08:52,945 --> 00:08:54,113 You're worse than my ex-wife, 238 00:08:54,146 --> 00:08:56,115 and she's terrible at scrabble. 239 00:08:56,148 --> 00:08:58,217 And she's a bitch. 240 00:08:58,250 --> 00:08:59,318 Look out, man. I'm gonna get one of these days. 241 00:08:59,351 --> 00:09:00,920 I'm practicing. Yeah, I doubt that. 242 00:09:00,953 --> 00:09:04,356 Her name is Tammy Swanson and she's a serious bitch. 243 00:09:05,591 --> 00:09:08,627 Hey, Leslie. Um, I have to go. 244 00:09:08,660 --> 00:09:10,429 Let's do the interview 245 00:09:10,462 --> 00:09:11,497 tomorrow morning at the pit. 246 00:09:11,530 --> 00:09:14,566 Yeah. Perfect. 247 00:09:14,600 --> 00:09:15,868 Great. 248 00:09:15,902 --> 00:09:16,635 I'll have a photographer meet US there. 249 00:09:16,668 --> 00:09:18,304 Okay. Great. 250 00:09:18,337 --> 00:09:19,371 See you then. 251 00:09:19,405 --> 00:09:22,441 Disaster averted. 252 00:09:22,474 --> 00:09:24,443 That was easy. Okay. 253 00:09:24,476 --> 00:09:25,544 Can we go in your car? 254 00:09:25,577 --> 00:09:26,645 Absolutely. All right. 255 00:09:26,678 --> 00:09:28,447 'Cause I hate driving. 256 00:09:28,480 --> 00:09:31,350 There's a beautiful view from over there. 257 00:09:31,383 --> 00:09:33,319 This is a great place to take a shot. 258 00:09:33,352 --> 00:09:34,620 Over there as well, so. 259 00:09:34,653 --> 00:09:37,356 I think you're fine. 260 00:09:41,360 --> 00:09:44,230 Hi! 261 00:09:44,263 --> 00:09:47,233 Hi. Sorry I'm late. 262 00:09:47,266 --> 00:09:48,467 Oh, no problem. 263 00:09:48,500 --> 00:09:52,204 Do you live near Mark? 264 00:09:52,238 --> 00:09:53,472 No, not at all. 265 00:09:53,505 --> 00:09:56,909 So he gave you a ride somehow? 266 00:09:56,943 --> 00:09:59,045 Yeah. 267 00:09:59,078 --> 00:10:00,212 You know, do you have a pen? 268 00:10:00,246 --> 00:10:02,614 'Cause I don't-- no, sorry. 269 00:10:02,648 --> 00:10:04,383 Michael, do you have any paper I could borrow? 270 00:10:04,416 --> 00:10:05,417 I might, yeah. 271 00:10:05,451 --> 00:10:06,518 I don't mean to complain, 272 00:10:06,552 --> 00:10:09,155 but I think shauna is being a little unprofessional. 273 00:10:09,188 --> 00:10:11,423 She got here 15 minutes late. 274 00:10:11,457 --> 00:10:14,426 She's wearing the same dress she wore yesterday. 275 00:10:14,460 --> 00:10:16,428 And she had to get a ride from... 276 00:10:25,037 --> 00:10:30,242 So how big is this lot? 277 00:10:30,276 --> 00:10:31,210 Leslie, how big-- what? 278 00:10:31,243 --> 00:10:32,945 How big is the lot? How big is what? 279 00:10:32,979 --> 00:10:33,980 The lot. I don't know. 280 00:10:34,013 --> 00:10:35,014 You tell me. How big is the lot? 281 00:10:36,348 --> 00:10:38,617 100 or something. 282 00:10:38,650 --> 00:10:40,052 Give or take 100. I don't know. 283 00:10:40,086 --> 00:10:41,387 100 what? I don't know, shauna. 284 00:10:41,420 --> 00:10:43,255 Malwae-tweep. I don't know. 285 00:10:43,289 --> 00:10:44,656 I don't-- 286 00:10:44,690 --> 00:10:46,158 I guess I don't know anything. Are you okay? 287 00:10:46,192 --> 00:10:50,429 I have to get something from my car. 288 00:11:05,477 --> 00:11:06,545 What are you doing? 289 00:11:06,578 --> 00:11:08,347 Kicking Ron's butt at scrabble. 290 00:11:08,380 --> 00:11:09,648 Just played "lexicons" for a billion points. 291 00:11:09,681 --> 00:11:12,518 No, no, no, no, no. What? 292 00:11:12,551 --> 00:11:14,353 I was letting him win, dumbass. 293 00:11:14,386 --> 00:11:15,754 Whatever. 294 00:11:15,787 --> 00:11:17,756 Oh, come on. "Lateral?" 295 00:11:17,789 --> 00:11:19,225 "Communal?" 296 00:11:19,258 --> 00:11:20,326 "Zonal?" 297 00:11:20,359 --> 00:11:23,429 You dropped a z in there? 298 00:11:23,462 --> 00:11:24,696 April. 299 00:11:24,730 --> 00:11:28,200 So when did you start at the parks department? 300 00:11:28,234 --> 00:11:30,536 Well, uh, it was a few years ago. 301 00:11:30,569 --> 00:11:33,539 My mother got me the job. 302 00:11:33,572 --> 00:11:35,174 I was qualified. 303 00:11:35,207 --> 00:11:36,542 It's not like it was nepotism. 304 00:11:36,575 --> 00:11:38,310 Crap on a stick. 305 00:11:38,344 --> 00:11:41,080 Okay, technically, yes, it was nepotism. 306 00:11:41,113 --> 00:11:43,682 But--oh, my god. 307 00:11:43,715 --> 00:11:45,184 Sorry. It's not you. 308 00:11:45,217 --> 00:11:46,685 I just--I'm exhausted. 309 00:11:46,718 --> 00:11:47,686 I got, like, zero sleep last night. 310 00:11:47,719 --> 00:11:50,422 So-- 311 00:11:58,164 --> 00:12:00,332 Oh. Hey, Leslie. 312 00:12:00,366 --> 00:12:01,367 You're home. 313 00:12:01,400 --> 00:12:02,301 Yeah, I'm home. 314 00:12:02,334 --> 00:12:03,569 I was doing an interview at the pit, 315 00:12:03,602 --> 00:12:04,803 and it was going really well. 316 00:12:04,836 --> 00:12:06,405 In fact, it was going perfect. 317 00:12:06,438 --> 00:12:08,307 But I decided to leave in the middle of it 318 00:12:08,340 --> 00:12:11,310 'cause I figured I nailed it so why push it, right? 319 00:12:11,343 --> 00:12:12,744 Yeah. Can I come in? 320 00:12:12,778 --> 00:12:14,380 Uh, sure. Great. 321 00:12:14,413 --> 00:12:17,316 Come on in. 322 00:12:17,349 --> 00:12:18,184 So how'd it go? 323 00:12:18,217 --> 00:12:19,485 She didn't ask about Andy being drunk, 324 00:12:19,518 --> 00:12:21,653 did she? Uh, no. 325 00:12:21,687 --> 00:12:23,455 No, just your kind of standard questions. 326 00:12:23,489 --> 00:12:26,325 There was one annoying thing. 327 00:12:26,358 --> 00:12:28,494 She and Mark had sex with each other. 328 00:12:28,527 --> 00:12:30,762 You're kidding. 329 00:12:30,796 --> 00:12:32,364 I wish I was, but I'm not. 330 00:12:32,398 --> 00:12:33,332 They did it. 331 00:12:33,365 --> 00:12:36,435 Shauna malwae-tweep and Mark brendanawicz 332 00:12:36,468 --> 00:12:37,436 had sex with each other last night. 333 00:12:37,469 --> 00:12:38,237 Who had sex? 334 00:12:38,270 --> 00:12:41,207 That guy Mark and the reporter. 335 00:12:41,240 --> 00:12:42,541 Called it. 336 00:12:42,574 --> 00:12:44,443 I called that. 337 00:12:44,476 --> 00:12:45,377 Remember that? Yeah. 338 00:12:45,411 --> 00:12:47,279 He did, actually. He totally called that. 339 00:12:47,313 --> 00:12:49,515 Why do men have to behave like this? 340 00:12:49,548 --> 00:12:50,849 Why can't they be professionals? 341 00:12:50,882 --> 00:12:52,351 Men are dogs. 342 00:12:52,384 --> 00:12:53,519 You know, maybe-- 343 00:12:53,552 --> 00:12:54,520 maybe they really like each other. 344 00:12:54,553 --> 00:12:56,222 Uh... 345 00:12:56,255 --> 00:12:58,290 He doesn't like her. 346 00:12:58,324 --> 00:12:59,758 He was probably thinking with the head of his weiner 347 00:12:59,791 --> 00:13:01,427 instead of the head of his brain. 348 00:13:01,460 --> 00:13:02,428 Oh, god. Andy, come on. 349 00:13:02,461 --> 00:13:06,398 Men do that. It's disgusting. 350 00:13:06,432 --> 00:13:08,367 Well, I should go talk to him. 351 00:13:08,400 --> 00:13:10,402 Make sure that he didn't say anything to hurt the project. 352 00:13:10,436 --> 00:13:11,237 Yeah. 353 00:13:11,270 --> 00:13:12,871 Definitely you should talk to him. 354 00:13:12,904 --> 00:13:15,507 Yeah. Good idea, Ann. 355 00:13:15,541 --> 00:13:18,310 I bet he didn't use a condom. Andy, god! 356 00:13:18,344 --> 00:13:21,347 Hello, Mark. May I come into your office? 357 00:13:21,380 --> 00:13:23,749 I need to speak with you about something very sensitive. 358 00:13:23,782 --> 00:13:25,117 Something's come to my attention 359 00:13:25,151 --> 00:13:26,352 that requires your attention. 360 00:13:26,385 --> 00:13:27,853 It has come to my attention 361 00:13:27,886 --> 00:13:30,389 that you had sex with Ms. Malwae-tweep. 362 00:13:30,422 --> 00:13:31,557 Uh, that's personal. 363 00:13:31,590 --> 00:13:33,592 It's unethical and it's irresponsible 364 00:13:33,625 --> 00:13:35,461 for a public servant to have sex 365 00:13:35,494 --> 00:13:37,229 with a member of the press corps. 366 00:13:37,263 --> 00:13:38,497 Especially when you have sex with someone 367 00:13:38,530 --> 00:13:40,166 who is so skanky. 368 00:13:40,199 --> 00:13:42,501 I mean, have sex with her? I di-- 369 00:13:42,534 --> 00:13:44,603 I'm gonna say something. 370 00:13:44,636 --> 00:13:46,705 I don't want you to take it the wrong way. 371 00:13:46,738 --> 00:13:48,840 But you're being a huge dork. 372 00:13:54,313 --> 00:13:55,714 Well, I can't allow that kind of behavior 373 00:13:55,747 --> 00:13:57,583 from someone serving on my subcommittee. 374 00:13:57,616 --> 00:13:59,451 Well then I resign from your subcommittee. 375 00:14:08,660 --> 00:14:10,296 Shauna malwae-tweep. 376 00:14:10,329 --> 00:14:11,797 Hi, this is deputy director of parks and recreation-- 377 00:14:11,830 --> 00:14:12,831 Leslie? Yes, hi. 378 00:14:12,864 --> 00:14:14,233 Hi. 379 00:14:14,266 --> 00:14:17,669 I accidentally ate an old burrito. 380 00:14:17,703 --> 00:14:19,605 What? 381 00:14:19,638 --> 00:14:22,508 I was acting strange at the pit 382 00:14:22,541 --> 00:14:26,345 and the reason is because I had food poisoning... 383 00:14:26,378 --> 00:14:29,281 From an old burrito. 384 00:14:29,315 --> 00:14:32,451 So...i was hoping 385 00:14:32,484 --> 00:14:34,320 we could have a do-over interview. 386 00:14:34,353 --> 00:14:35,787 Maybe over lunch. 387 00:14:35,821 --> 00:14:37,423 I'm buying. 388 00:14:37,456 --> 00:14:38,924 Yeah, I guess I'm free. 389 00:14:38,957 --> 00:14:41,627 I'm assuming not Mexican. 390 00:14:41,660 --> 00:14:43,495 Why? 391 00:14:43,529 --> 00:14:44,930 Because of the burrito? 392 00:14:44,963 --> 00:14:47,266 Oh. 393 00:14:47,299 --> 00:14:50,936 Yeah, well it wasn't a Mexican burrito. 394 00:14:50,969 --> 00:14:53,339 Are you sure that's the best thing for you right now? 395 00:14:53,372 --> 00:14:56,208 Oh, it's the best thing on the menu. 396 00:14:56,242 --> 00:14:57,443 So look, 397 00:14:57,476 --> 00:15:00,746 I feel like I may have gone a little off message at the pit. 398 00:15:00,779 --> 00:15:02,314 Yeah, you seemed a little weird. 399 00:15:02,348 --> 00:15:03,515 Well, I wouldn't say weird. 400 00:15:03,549 --> 00:15:04,616 It's just, we're trying to turn 401 00:15:04,650 --> 00:15:08,920 a dangerous eyesore into a beautiful community park 402 00:15:08,954 --> 00:15:11,590 and a positive article could go a long way 403 00:15:11,623 --> 00:15:12,591 towards making that happen. 404 00:15:12,624 --> 00:15:14,260 Great. 405 00:15:14,293 --> 00:15:16,495 So what do you think the odds are that this park 406 00:15:16,528 --> 00:15:17,929 is actually gonna get made? 407 00:15:17,963 --> 00:15:20,966 Can I say over 100%? 408 00:15:20,999 --> 00:15:23,369 Because I would be lying if I said less. 409 00:15:23,402 --> 00:15:24,069 Wow. 410 00:15:24,102 --> 00:15:25,737 You seem a lot more confident 411 00:15:25,771 --> 00:15:27,773 than some of the other people I've spoken to. 412 00:15:27,806 --> 00:15:29,308 Can I read you some of these quotes? 413 00:15:29,341 --> 00:15:30,542 Be my guest. 414 00:15:30,576 --> 00:15:33,912 "The Sullivan street pit is always going to be a pit." 415 00:15:33,945 --> 00:15:38,317 Well, until it turns into a park. 416 00:15:38,350 --> 00:15:42,654 Yes, I agree. 417 00:15:42,688 --> 00:15:44,423 "Hey, you should write an article on unicorns, 418 00:15:44,456 --> 00:15:46,792 because they're more likely to exist than this park." 419 00:15:46,825 --> 00:15:48,960 Oh, really? Tell that to a 14-year-old girl. 420 00:15:48,994 --> 00:15:50,161 Hmm. 421 00:15:50,195 --> 00:15:51,963 "You should write an article on the pope getting married, 422 00:15:51,997 --> 00:15:54,533 because that's more likely to happen than this park." 423 00:15:54,566 --> 00:15:56,902 There are some countries where the pope can be married. 424 00:15:56,935 --> 00:15:58,837 "You should write an article on talking monkeys." 425 00:15:58,870 --> 00:16:00,406 Really? Have you seen the wizard of oz? 426 00:16:00,439 --> 00:16:01,907 "You should write an article about leprechauns. 427 00:16:01,940 --> 00:16:03,342 Leprechauns exist. 428 00:16:03,375 --> 00:16:04,643 "You should write an article 429 00:16:04,676 --> 00:16:05,877 about the sun falling out of the sky." 430 00:16:05,911 --> 00:16:06,978 Why would you write an article about that? 431 00:16:07,012 --> 00:16:07,979 That's-- 432 00:16:08,013 --> 00:16:09,715 this one is just "no." 433 00:16:13,352 --> 00:16:19,358 Um, "this park is never, ever, ever, ever going to happen." 434 00:16:19,391 --> 00:16:21,327 Might I ask who said that? 435 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:24,029 Uh, Mark brendanawicz. 436 00:16:28,099 --> 00:16:30,436 Yeah. Hey. 437 00:16:30,469 --> 00:16:31,269 Hi. 438 00:16:31,303 --> 00:16:32,871 Can I talk to you for a second? 439 00:16:32,904 --> 00:16:34,072 Yeah, what's up? 440 00:16:34,105 --> 00:16:34,873 Uh, you and I need to find 441 00:16:34,906 --> 00:16:38,310 a way to fix this reporter thing. 442 00:16:38,344 --> 00:16:41,347 Why is this a big deal to anybody? 443 00:16:41,380 --> 00:16:44,316 Well apparently, the reporter is gonna print 444 00:16:44,350 --> 00:16:45,150 everything you said to her. 445 00:16:45,183 --> 00:16:46,852 But I didn't say anything to her. 446 00:16:46,885 --> 00:16:51,056 "The park is never, ever, ever, ever getting built?" 447 00:16:51,089 --> 00:16:54,960 But that stuff was off the record. 448 00:16:54,993 --> 00:16:56,795 Did you say it was off the record? 449 00:16:56,828 --> 00:16:57,963 Do you have to say it's off the record? 450 00:16:57,996 --> 00:17:01,600 Oh, my god. 451 00:17:02,801 --> 00:17:05,070 Hey. 452 00:17:05,103 --> 00:17:06,505 Thank you so much for meeting US. 453 00:17:06,538 --> 00:17:07,539 Sure. 454 00:17:07,573 --> 00:17:10,108 Hey, Mark. 455 00:17:10,141 --> 00:17:11,309 Hey. 456 00:17:11,343 --> 00:17:14,380 Uh...i heard that you were gonna print some of that stuff 457 00:17:14,413 --> 00:17:16,782 that I said in private about the park. 458 00:17:16,815 --> 00:17:19,851 Oh, yeah. My editor loves it. 459 00:17:19,885 --> 00:17:20,952 You know we'd really appreciate it 460 00:17:20,986 --> 00:17:22,354 if you didn't print that stuff 461 00:17:22,388 --> 00:17:23,689 'cause we're trying to build this park-- 462 00:17:23,722 --> 00:17:26,024 I don't understand. You did say it, right? 463 00:17:26,057 --> 00:17:27,626 Technically. 464 00:17:27,659 --> 00:17:29,395 Technically? 465 00:17:29,428 --> 00:17:32,097 Well, you know, 466 00:17:32,130 --> 00:17:33,932 you got up because you had to write the article 467 00:17:33,965 --> 00:17:35,967 and I said, "come on, stay in bed. 468 00:17:36,001 --> 00:17:38,737 That park is never, ever, ever gonna get made." 469 00:17:38,770 --> 00:17:39,838 Right. 470 00:17:39,871 --> 00:17:41,773 And then I came back to bed. 471 00:17:41,807 --> 00:17:43,475 Yeah, but the important part of what I said 472 00:17:43,509 --> 00:17:44,976 was "stay in bed." 473 00:17:45,010 --> 00:17:48,380 You know, I would've said anything at that point 474 00:17:48,414 --> 00:17:50,682 if I thought it would make you stay in bed. 475 00:17:50,716 --> 00:17:53,752 Okay, well since we're, you know, 476 00:17:53,785 --> 00:17:56,087 romantically involved, I won't print any of it. 477 00:17:56,121 --> 00:17:57,723 Oh, that's great. Thank you so much. 478 00:17:57,756 --> 00:17:59,591 You're welcome. You know... 479 00:17:59,625 --> 00:18:01,960 I wouldn't say romantically involved. 480 00:18:01,993 --> 00:18:05,631 You know, going forward. 481 00:18:05,664 --> 00:18:06,698 Oh, my god. 482 00:18:06,732 --> 00:18:10,436 What? 483 00:18:14,005 --> 00:18:17,008 * Ron Swanson 484 00:18:17,042 --> 00:18:19,845 Tom. 485 00:18:19,878 --> 00:18:22,948 Ron, I don't know what to tell you, man. 486 00:18:22,981 --> 00:18:24,416 April got on my computer. 487 00:18:24,450 --> 00:18:25,684 Password was saved. 488 00:18:25,717 --> 00:18:27,453 She played a couple of scrabble words. 489 00:18:27,486 --> 00:18:29,054 It wasn't me. 490 00:18:29,087 --> 00:18:30,188 I don't even know what lexicons are. 491 00:18:30,221 --> 00:18:32,123 I thought that was a luxury automobile. 492 00:18:32,157 --> 00:18:33,859 Hmm. You're the word king. 493 00:18:33,892 --> 00:18:35,126 She was probably cheating. 494 00:18:35,160 --> 00:18:36,928 I knew that couldn't have been you. 495 00:18:36,962 --> 00:18:38,530 You don't have the vocabulary. 496 00:18:38,564 --> 00:18:39,965 I know. 497 00:18:39,998 --> 00:18:41,667 You can't even spell vocabulary. 498 00:18:41,700 --> 00:18:45,871 Uh, yeah. V-o-g-x--ugh! 499 00:18:45,904 --> 00:18:47,806 Was that right? No. 500 00:18:50,709 --> 00:18:53,144 We're cool. 501 00:18:53,178 --> 00:18:54,145 I'm not an idiot. 502 00:18:54,179 --> 00:18:56,915 I know Tom has been losing to me on purpose. 503 00:18:56,948 --> 00:18:58,216 But I like Tom. 504 00:18:58,249 --> 00:19:00,686 He doesn't do a lot of work around here. 505 00:19:00,719 --> 00:19:02,954 He shows zero initiative. 506 00:19:02,988 --> 00:19:04,122 He's not a team player. 507 00:19:04,155 --> 00:19:06,758 He's never one to go that extra mile. 508 00:19:06,792 --> 00:19:10,496 Tom is exactly what I'm looking for in a government employee. 509 00:19:15,266 --> 00:19:17,503 Hey, you busy? 510 00:19:17,536 --> 00:19:19,605 Well I'm writing an op-ed piece about media ethics 511 00:19:19,638 --> 00:19:23,575 for the Pawnee journal, so yeah, I'm a little busy. 512 00:19:23,609 --> 00:19:27,178 I wanted to apologize to you. 513 00:19:27,212 --> 00:19:29,180 Really? 514 00:19:29,214 --> 00:19:30,516 Yeah. 515 00:19:35,721 --> 00:19:37,923 I never should've done anything with that reporter. 516 00:19:37,956 --> 00:19:39,925 Whoa! You nailed malwae-tweep? 517 00:19:39,958 --> 00:19:42,160 Nice. 518 00:19:42,193 --> 00:19:44,863 Yes, but...I'm not gonna do it again. 519 00:19:44,896 --> 00:19:47,599 It's over. So she's available. 520 00:19:47,633 --> 00:19:48,934 I really did think that that stuff that I said 521 00:19:48,967 --> 00:19:51,002 was off the record. 522 00:19:51,036 --> 00:19:52,971 But you were right, and I should've listened to you. 523 00:19:53,004 --> 00:19:55,574 I tried to get her to pull some of those quotes 524 00:19:55,607 --> 00:19:57,275 and things got a little dicey. 525 00:19:57,308 --> 00:19:59,077 Well, I appreciate you trying. 526 00:20:02,047 --> 00:20:04,282 Would you like to be reinstated onto our subcommittee? 527 00:20:04,315 --> 00:20:07,152 Absolutely. 528 00:20:07,185 --> 00:20:09,254 You'll have my answer within the month. 529 00:20:09,287 --> 00:20:12,290 Mark, can I ask you a question? 530 00:20:12,323 --> 00:20:14,059 You didn't really believe it when you said 531 00:20:14,092 --> 00:20:15,927 that the park was never gonna get made, right? 532 00:20:15,961 --> 00:20:18,263 Park's gonna get done. 533 00:20:18,296 --> 00:20:22,868 Welcome back, subcommittee member Mark brendanawicz. 534 00:20:26,304 --> 00:20:28,239 Thank. Thank you. 535 00:20:28,273 --> 00:20:29,140 Thank you. Thank you. 536 00:20:29,174 --> 00:20:30,809 Thanks, a lot. Thank you a lot. 537 00:20:32,143 --> 00:20:33,211 Oh, man, that dude has stuck it 538 00:20:33,244 --> 00:20:35,180 in some crazy chicks. 539 00:20:38,183 --> 00:20:42,153 Well, the article came out, and it was a mixed bag. 540 00:20:42,187 --> 00:20:44,890 "An abandoned lot on Sullivan street 541 00:20:44,923 --> 00:20:47,092 has been proposed as the site of a new park." 542 00:20:47,125 --> 00:20:48,059 That part's good. 543 00:20:48,093 --> 00:20:49,561 I think we stayed on message for that part. 544 00:20:49,595 --> 00:20:51,196 And then it gets a little unpleasant, 545 00:20:51,229 --> 00:20:54,099 da-da-da, pretty drunk. Ann's on the pill. 546 00:20:54,132 --> 00:20:56,101 I didn't throw up, I spit up. 547 00:20:56,134 --> 00:20:57,869 Jj's diner gets a nice mention. 548 00:20:57,903 --> 00:21:00,071 Oh, and right here. At the end. 549 00:21:00,105 --> 00:21:06,011 She writes, and I quote, "we'll see." 550 00:21:06,044 --> 00:21:07,913 Ends on a hopeful note.