1
00:00:02,105 --> 00:00:03,897
Good morning{\, everyone}.
Couple announcements.

2
00:00:04,065 --> 00:00:06,894
As we all know, Ron is recovering
from his hernia surgery,

3
00:00:07,019 --> 00:00:08,934
so I got him flowers from all of us.

4
00:00:09,059 --> 00:00:10,788
So everybody needs to pitch in{\,like,} $90.

5
00:00:10,913 --> 00:00:12,100
$90?

6
00:00:13,116 --> 00:00:16,713
{\pos(192,240)}Because I ordered
a beautiful bouquet of daffodils

7
00:00:17,181 --> 00:00:19,955
{\pos(192,240)}from a website
after a few glasses of wine.

8
00:00:20,587 --> 00:00:23,293
{\pos(192,240)}So, Tom, I think you might be
getting some daffodils too.

9
00:00:23,418 --> 00:00:25,207
{\pos(192,240)}Donna,
you're definitely getting some.

10
00:00:25,332 --> 00:00:27,963
{\pos(192,240)}Jerry, I don't know, I'm not sure.
Time will tell.

11
00:00:28,846 --> 00:00:30,369
Also, I'm leaving early tonight

12
00:00:30,494 --> 00:00:33,561
because I am a judge
in the Miss Pawnee beauty pageant.

13
00:00:34,304 --> 00:00:35,762
You get to be a judge{\ in that thing}?

14
00:00:35,930 --> 00:00:38,432
Yes, and it's a responsibility
I take very seriously.

15
00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:39,808
{\But }I want to be a judge.

16
00:00:39,976 --> 00:00:41,873
I can't believe
you like beauty pageants.

17
00:00:42,478 --> 00:00:43,766
Whoever Miss Pawnee is,

18
00:00:43,891 --> 00:00:46,231
is gonna be the representative
of womanhood in our town.

19
00:00:46,691 --> 00:00:48,638
And {\as a judge, }let me assure you
that this year's

20
00:00:48,763 --> 00:00:51,392
Miss Pawnee will be chosen
for her talent and poise.

21
00:00:51,517 --> 00:00:53,778
The girls from Talent and Poise
are gonna be there?

22
00:00:53,903 --> 00:00:55,543
- What?
- Talent and Poise.

23
00:00:55,668 --> 00:00:57,569
It's a strip club
by the V.A. Hospital.

24
00:00:57,694 --> 00:01:00,036
- I have some meetings there.
- That's disgusting.

25
00:01:00,204 --> 00:01:02,747
No, what's disgusting
is the Glitter Factory.

26
00:01:02,872 --> 00:01:04,791
Do not go to the Glitter Factory.

27
00:01:40,663 --> 00:01:43,754
{\pos(110,260)}So I was just at the grind,
and I thought you might want

28
00:01:43,879 --> 00:01:46,833
{\pos(110,260)}an iced mocha with extra,
extra whipped cream.

29
00:01:47,344 --> 00:01:49,675
{\pos(110,260)}Oh, my.
Thank you so much, April.

30
00:01:50,303 --> 00:01:51,464
{\pos(110,260)}You're welcome.

31
00:01:51,589 --> 00:01:52,714
{\pos(110,260)}By the way,

32
00:01:53,149 --> 00:01:54,603
{\pos(110,260)}completely unrelated,

33
00:01:54,728 --> 00:01:57,886
{\pos(110,270)}I just signed up
for the Miss Pawnee beauty pageant.

34
00:01:58,095 --> 00:01:59,387
That's wonderful.

35
00:01:59,752 --> 00:02:02,283
That is why I decided
to become a judge.

36
00:02:02,633 --> 00:02:04,379
So that awesome girls like you,

37
00:02:04,504 --> 00:02:06,686
who are not, you know,
classically hot,

38
00:02:06,854 --> 00:02:09,606
can be rewarded
for their intelligence and savvy.

39
00:02:09,774 --> 00:02:11,775
{\pos(110,260)}Beauty pageants are idiotic,

40
00:02:11,943 --> 00:02:14,489
{\pos(110,260)}but I found that the winner
of the Miss Pawnee pageant

41
00:02:14,614 --> 00:02:16,071
{\pos(110,260)}gets $600.

42
00:02:16,239 --> 00:02:18,308
{\pos(110,260)}I can be idiotic for $600.

43
00:02:18,658 --> 00:02:21,070
So are you gonna vote
for me, sister?

44
00:02:21,293 --> 00:02:24,178
{\pos(110,260)}April, it's unethical for me
to show you favoritism.

45
00:02:24,692 --> 00:02:26,122
{\pos(110,260)}You and I are like family.

46
00:02:27,654 --> 00:02:30,085
- The coffee's $7.
- Yes, right, of course.

47
00:02:30,725 --> 00:02:33,950
Just bump that clown. Tell him
they already have an{\other} Asian judge.

48
00:02:35,133 --> 00:02:36,709
Awesome.
Thank you so much.

49
00:02:36,834 --> 00:02:39,028
I owe you.
A'ight, peace.

50
00:02:39,513 --> 00:02:42,389
Guess who's also gonna be
a judge in the beauty pageant.

51
00:02:42,649 --> 00:02:44,808
- What? How?
- I know a guy.

52
00:02:44,976 --> 00:02:46,601
I had to call in a few favors.

53
00:02:46,769 --> 00:02:48,996
But if you don't {\call in favors}do it
to look at women in bikinis

54
00:02:49,121 --> 00:02:52,315
and assign them numerical grades,
what the hell do you call in favors for?

55
00:02:57,253 --> 00:02:58,988
What you doing in these parts?

56
00:02:59,229 --> 00:03:02,158
I just... I came by
to see the murals.

57
00:03:02,612 --> 00:03:04,098
This one's pretty amazing.

58
00:03:04,447 --> 00:03:05,787
Yeah, this one's a beauty.

59
00:03:06,212 --> 00:03:08,456
{\You know, }In the 1880s, there were a few years

60
00:03:08,624 --> 00:03:10,791
that were pretty rough
and tumble in Pawnee.

61
00:03:11,085 --> 00:03:12,964
This depicts kind of a famous fight

62
00:03:13,089 --> 00:03:16,955
between reverend Bradley
and Anna Beth Stevenson,

63
00:03:17,446 --> 00:03:18,800
a widowed mother of seven.

64
00:03:19,221 --> 00:03:22,137
The original title of this
was "a lively fisting".

65
00:03:23,345 --> 00:03:25,974
But{\, you know,} they had to change it.
For obvious reasons.

66
00:03:26,255 --> 00:03:28,211
She's got him
by the hair pretty good there.

67
00:03:28,822 --> 00:03:30,201
Leslie's really cool.

68
00:03:30,326 --> 00:03:31,668
And she's smart.

69
00:03:32,863 --> 00:03:33,982
It's {\a little }intimidating.

70
00:03:35,047 --> 00:03:37,970
To tell you the truth, I didn't
come here to look at the murals.

71
00:03:38,095 --> 00:03:39,813
I came to ask her on a date.

72
00:03:45,660 --> 00:03:47,245
I really...
I really like you.

73
00:03:48,085 --> 00:03:49,664
And I was wondering

74
00:03:49,832 --> 00:03:52,584
if you maybe want to get
a cup of coffee some time.

75
00:03:53,442 --> 00:03:54,672
Okay. Yeah, sure.

76
00:03:55,711 --> 00:03:56,963
Yeah, absolutely.

77
00:03:57,131 --> 00:03:58,871
Let me check my schedule.

78
00:03:59,884 --> 00:04:00,916
Let's see...

79
00:04:02,359 --> 00:04:04,095
Is that your grandma?

80
00:04:11,025 --> 00:04:12,312
It's Madeleine Albright.

81
00:04:12,815 --> 00:04:14,039
That's her name?

82
00:04:14,796 --> 00:04:16,065
I {\usually just }call mine nana.

83
00:04:16,369 --> 00:04:18,194
No, that's Madeleine Albright.

84
00:04:18,636 --> 00:04:20,559
First female Secretary of State.

85
00:04:22,801 --> 00:04:25,002
OK, so not...
That's not your grandma then.

86
00:04:25,127 --> 00:04:26,465
All right.
I got it.

87
00:04:27,956 --> 00:04:30,502
- How's that schedule looking?
- Good. A couple days are free.

88
00:04:30,627 --> 00:04:31,956
Maybe we could just{\, you know}...

89
00:04:32,124 --> 00:04:35,185
- Lock it in later? Talk later about it?
- Yeah, that's a good idea.

90
00:04:38,833 --> 00:04:39,714
Ladies.

91
00:04:44,196 --> 00:04:45,568
Wanna hear something awful?

92
00:04:46,058 --> 00:04:47,889
He didn't even know
{\who }Madeleine Albright{\ was}.

93
00:04:48,445 --> 00:04:49,971
- Who?
- Not you too.

94
00:04:50,096 --> 00:04:52,060
Madeleine Albright,
1st female Secretary of State.

95
00:04:52,228 --> 00:04:53,394
No, who didn't know?

96
00:04:54,112 --> 00:04:56,341
Dave, that cop that I met.

97
00:04:57,054 --> 00:05:00,276
I just don't know if I can date
someone who doesn't share my interests.

98
00:05:00,950 --> 00:05:03,905
I mean, could you date
someone who doesn't

99
00:05:04,306 --> 00:05:05,990
love giving vaccinations?

100
00:05:06,337 --> 00:05:08,993
I've never dated anyone
who loves giving vaccinations.

101
00:05:13,875 --> 00:05:16,198
Weird question for you.
Are you handy?

102
00:05:16,323 --> 00:05:17,961
Like, can you fix things?

103
00:05:18,129 --> 00:05:19,902
- What's broken?
- My shower.

104
00:05:20,027 --> 00:05:23,127
It's leaky, low pressure,
just all around terrible.

105
00:05:23,815 --> 00:05:25,760
Easy.
You want me to come over after work?

106
00:05:27,244 --> 00:05:28,262
Yes, amazing.

107
00:05:28,616 --> 00:05:30,758
I will cook you
a cheap, quick dinner

108
00:05:30,883 --> 00:05:33,142
- that will be no trouble at all for me.
- Great.

109
00:05:33,449 --> 00:05:36,396
Well, I'll see you tonight
for the weirdest second date ever.

110
00:05:36,564 --> 00:05:37,564
Okay.

111
00:05:38,190 --> 00:05:39,357
Hello, fellow judges.

112
00:05:40,150 --> 00:05:42,920
I'm judge Leslie Knope,
and this is my colleague,

113
00:05:43,045 --> 00:05:44,821
Tom Haverford,
who's {\also }gonna be a judge.

114
00:05:44,989 --> 00:05:47,680
Hi, Jessica Wicks, miss Pawnee 1994.

115
00:05:47,880 --> 00:05:49,422
I recognized you right away.

116
00:05:49,547 --> 00:05:53,329
And may I say that you look
{\even }more beautiful now than {\you did }when you won{\ the crown}.

117
00:05:54,331 --> 00:05:55,331
I like you.

118
00:05:55,707 --> 00:05:57,750
Ray Holstead, Ray's Sandwich Place.

119
00:05:57,919 --> 00:05:59,586
Yes, of course, Ray.
How do you do?

120
00:05:59,711 --> 00:06:00,873
I'm Charles Woliner.

121
00:06:00,998 --> 00:06:04,181
I've judged every Miss Pawnee pageant
for the last 30 years.

122
00:06:04,473 --> 00:06:06,041
I made Jessica.

123
00:06:06,805 --> 00:06:09,488
Well, Tom and I
are very happy to be here.

124
00:06:09,613 --> 00:06:11,597
And I'm sure,
between the five of us,

125
00:06:11,766 --> 00:06:15,184
we will choose the most well-rounded,
intelligent, modern,

126
00:06:15,353 --> 00:06:18,146
and forward-thinking woman
to represent our fine town.

127
00:06:18,787 --> 00:06:19,787
Right, Tom?

128
00:06:20,353 --> 00:06:21,941
You don't believe me?
Watch.

129
00:06:22,657 --> 00:06:24,726
34c, 36b,

130
00:06:25,044 --> 00:06:26,821
34b, 34d.

131
00:06:27,622 --> 00:06:29,490
32a?
How'd you get in here?

132
00:06:30,366 --> 00:06:31,367
I'm kidding.

133
00:06:31,535 --> 00:06:33,786
You're perfect, each {\and every }one of you.
God bless.

134
00:06:35,224 --> 00:06:38,423
Here they are,
your candidates for Miss Pawnee.

135
00:06:46,425 --> 00:06:47,800
Let's meet the girls.{\, shall we?}

136
00:06:47,969 --> 00:06:50,489
First up,
please welcome April Ludgate.

137
00:06:54,475 --> 00:06:57,021
Hello, I'm April Ludgate.

138
00:07:02,778 --> 00:07:04,525
I'm 20 years old,

139
00:07:05,263 --> 00:07:06,110
I like...

140
00:07:07,806 --> 00:07:08,806
People...

141
00:07:09,331 --> 00:07:10,331
Places...

142
00:07:11,445 --> 00:07:12,495
And things.

143
00:07:13,087 --> 00:07:16,204
And Pawnee
is my favorite place in the world.

144
00:07:19,834 --> 00:07:22,042
Next up,
please welcome Susan Gleever.

145
00:07:22,482 --> 00:07:24,169
Hi, everyone, I'm Susan.

146
00:07:24,709 --> 00:07:27,170
I'm a history major
at Indiana state,

147
00:07:27,489 --> 00:07:29,049
I play classical piano,

148
00:07:29,365 --> 00:07:30,550
and I volunteer

149
00:07:30,793 --> 00:07:32,427
at the children's hospital.

150
00:07:36,058 --> 00:07:37,520
- She's good.
- Next,

151
00:07:38,060 --> 00:07:39,180
Trish Ianetta.

152
00:07:44,451 --> 00:07:45,451
Hi, y'all.

153
00:07:45,834 --> 00:07:46,816
I'm Trish.

154
00:07:47,206 --> 00:07:48,455
I'm 22 years old.

155
00:07:48,580 --> 00:07:50,130
I've been on <i>Youtube</i>.

156
00:07:50,351 --> 00:07:52,560
I just love to hang out
with my friends.

157
00:07:52,685 --> 00:07:53,782
I love to laugh.

158
00:07:53,951 --> 00:07:55,818
I love the summertime

159
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,536
and going to the beach,

160
00:07:58,080 --> 00:08:00,124
and I love wearing bikinis
at the beach

161
00:08:00,249 --> 00:08:01,581
with everyone there.

162
00:08:02,535 --> 00:08:04,750
{\Well, you know,}They can't all be winners.

163
00:08:04,875 --> 00:08:06,702
Are y'all having a good time?

164
00:08:13,178 --> 00:08:15,220
Looks like we got a frontrunner{\, guys}.

165
00:08:18,892 --> 00:08:21,601
And now it's time
for our ever-popular talent competition

166
00:08:22,109 --> 00:08:24,058
where our ladies
will each demonstrate

167
00:08:24,183 --> 00:08:25,689
their excellent skills.

168
00:08:26,207 --> 00:08:28,655
Here we have,
Leslie's custom score card

169
00:08:29,053 --> 00:08:30,946
{\pos(192,250)}with categories such as

170
00:08:31,273 --> 00:08:32,351
{\pos(192,250)}presentation,

171
00:08:32,476 --> 00:08:33,575
{\pos(192,250)}intelligence,

172
00:08:33,700 --> 00:08:35,301
{\pos(192,250)}knowledge of "herstory,"

173
00:08:35,646 --> 00:08:37,046
{\pos(192,250)}fruitful gestures,

174
00:08:37,274 --> 00:08:38,489
{\pos(192,250)}<i>je ne sais quol,</i>

175
00:08:38,750 --> 00:08:40,170
{\pos(192,250)}and something called

176
00:08:40,295 --> 00:08:42,209
{\pos(192,250)}the Naomi Wolf Factor.

177
00:08:42,749 --> 00:08:44,927
{\pos(192,250)}And our first one up
is Trish Ianetta,

178
00:08:45,052 --> 00:08:46,584
whose talent is baton.

179
00:08:56,346 --> 00:08:58,115
My girl Trish is talented.

180
00:08:59,475 --> 00:09:01,240
She's not even twirling the baton.

181
00:09:05,022 --> 00:09:06,730
I'm going to do impressions.

182
00:09:07,203 --> 00:09:08,520
Celebrity impressions.

183
00:09:08,645 --> 00:09:10,276
That's wild, wild stuff.

184
00:09:15,098 --> 00:09:17,348
This is an impression of my sister.

185
00:09:19,029 --> 00:09:20,226
Hi, I'm Natalie.

186
00:09:20,351 --> 00:09:22,648
I love Ritalin
and have low self-esteem.

187
00:09:30,380 --> 00:09:33,131
This is an impression of my boss,
Leslie Knope.

188
00:09:34,760 --> 00:09:37,377
Women should do everything.
Check out my four-color pen.

189
00:09:37,502 --> 00:09:40,214
{\Hey, everybody,}Listen up while I talk
about some {\really,}really important stuff.

190
00:09:40,339 --> 00:09:42,376
Parks, parks...
Michelle Obama, parks.

191
00:09:42,501 --> 00:09:44,286
Gay penguins, parks, sugar, parks.

192
00:09:45,344 --> 00:09:47,301
She got me.
She got me good.

193
00:10:09,326 --> 00:10:11,921
I'm texting Trish
to tell her how good she did earlier.

194
00:10:13,882 --> 00:10:15,519
Susan isn't a perfect 10.

195
00:10:15,842 --> 00:10:18,468
But, in my mind,
Susan is the perfect Miss Pawnee.

196
00:10:18,764 --> 00:10:20,260
Her values are strong.

197
00:10:20,385 --> 00:10:22,771
Her commitment to her job
is very admirable.

198
00:10:22,896 --> 00:10:24,696
She has a real sense of...

199
00:10:27,561 --> 00:10:28,436
Over here.

200
00:10:31,533 --> 00:10:32,649
How's it going{\ in here}?
{\- Good.}

201
00:10:33,908 --> 00:10:36,862
I hooked your toilet up to your shower.
That's what you wanted{\, right}?

202
00:10:37,903 --> 00:10:39,063
Excellent.

203
00:10:47,823 --> 00:10:48,973
Is that Andy?

204
00:10:59,224 --> 00:11:02,095
I know you're in there
{\be}'cause I can see you through the screen.

205
00:11:10,272 --> 00:11:11,938
What's up?
What are you doing?

206
00:11:13,604 --> 00:11:14,941
Do you live down here?

207
00:11:16,061 --> 00:11:16,889
What?

208
00:11:21,311 --> 00:11:22,198
My God.

209
00:11:22,821 --> 00:11:23,992
You live down here.

210
00:11:24,815 --> 00:11:27,086
I can't believe this is happening.
What?

211
00:11:27,211 --> 00:11:29,580
I can't be at my house
and see my ex-boyfriend

212
00:11:29,918 --> 00:11:33,005
living in a hole
in my backyard like a gopher.

213
00:11:33,284 --> 00:11:34,826
That's so weird.

214
00:11:35,380 --> 00:11:37,505
{\Listen, }I have been trying really hard
not to bother you.

215
00:11:38,356 --> 00:11:39,727
{\Like, }When you had that barbecue{\last week},

216
00:11:39,852 --> 00:11:42,468
I didn't come up,
even though it smelled so good.

217
00:11:42,637 --> 00:11:44,308
You've been here a whole week?

218
00:11:45,893 --> 00:11:47,358
One week only.

219
00:11:49,260 --> 00:11:52,290
I guess that's the office
that you were telling me about

220
00:11:52,415 --> 00:11:54,939
- that you go {\to work }to every day{\, excellent}.
- Listen.

221
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:57,650
Are we gonna talk about anything
other than the lies{\that I told you}?

222
00:11:57,819 --> 00:11:59,057
I can't do this{\ right} now.

223
00:11:59,182 --> 00:12:00,946
I've a guy fixing my bathroom.

224
00:12:01,071 --> 00:12:02,171
I got to go.

225
00:12:02,437 --> 00:12:05,325
{\That's cool. }I got to zoom out too.
'cause I have some people coming over,

226
00:12:05,494 --> 00:12:07,788
so why don't you call first,
next time?

227
00:12:08,167 --> 00:12:09,477
You know the way out.

228
00:12:10,708 --> 00:12:13,726
{\All right, }It's time now for the dreaded q&a.

229
00:12:14,125 --> 00:12:16,712
And the first question goes
to Tom Haverford.

230
00:12:16,922 --> 00:12:18,504
I have {\a question}one for the hot one.

231
00:12:20,211 --> 00:12:23,211
First off, I just want to say
I'm a little bit surprised

232
00:12:23,579 --> 00:12:25,636
because I didn't think
angels could fly so low.

233
00:12:28,075 --> 00:12:31,013
You truly are a beautiful{\, beautiful} woman.

234
00:12:32,565 --> 00:12:33,686
You're so funny.

235
00:12:34,055 --> 00:12:35,205
You're funny.

236
00:12:37,142 --> 00:12:38,399
Do you have a question{\, Tom}?

237
00:12:38,568 --> 00:12:40,568
I actually have a real question.

238
00:12:40,737 --> 00:12:41,906
If you don't mind{\, tom}.

239
00:12:43,185 --> 00:12:46,214
Alexis De Tocqueville
called America the great experiment.

240
00:12:46,605 --> 00:12:49,629
What can we do as citizens
to improve on that experiment?

241
00:12:52,986 --> 00:12:55,013
I think that America

242
00:12:55,587 --> 00:12:57,826
is the land of the free,

243
00:12:58,306 --> 00:13:00,172
which is a wonderful thing.

244
00:13:00,678 --> 00:13:02,269
And also the brave,

245
00:13:02,394 --> 00:13:03,994
where people can live.

246
00:13:04,469 --> 00:13:07,645
And no one
can ever take that away from you.

247
00:13:07,957 --> 00:13:09,484
And it never gives up.

248
00:13:10,111 --> 00:13:13,602
But the high birthing rate of immigrants
frightens me.

249
00:13:14,033 --> 00:13:15,686
No offense to anyone out there,

250
00:13:15,855 --> 00:13:18,440
but if it were
up to me and my family,

251
00:13:18,845 --> 00:13:22,027
I would actually call it our America
and not their America.

252
00:13:25,737 --> 00:13:26,864
Don't applaud that.

253
00:13:27,033 --> 00:13:29,283
Don't.
She didn't answer my question.

254
00:13:30,599 --> 00:13:32,078
{\I'm sorry, }You don't think it's weird

255
00:13:32,247 --> 00:13:35,774
that my ex-boyfriend lives in a tent
in the pit outside my house?

256
00:13:36,397 --> 00:13:37,404
It's not...

257
00:13:38,049 --> 00:13:38,869
Ideal.

258
00:13:40,318 --> 00:13:42,322
Maybe you should try to relax,
maybe...

259
00:13:42,627 --> 00:13:44,925
Take one {\of those }atavin
I saw in the medicine cabinet.

260
00:13:45,572 --> 00:13:46,281
Dude.

261
00:13:46,406 --> 00:13:48,469
{\Yeah, }I peeked.
I also didn't see any toothpaste.

262
00:13:48,638 --> 00:13:51,681
- Do you not use toothpaste?
- {\I mean, }I always knew he was lazy,

263
00:13:51,850 --> 00:13:54,636
but this is like a new low for him.

264
00:13:56,563 --> 00:13:58,105
{\I feel like}We should invite him inside.

265
00:13:58,657 --> 00:14:00,757
Have you not been listening
to anything{\ I just said}?

266
00:14:00,882 --> 00:14:03,067
I don't know.
It's raining outside.

267
00:14:03,357 --> 00:14:05,445
And he's living in a pit.

268
00:14:09,076 --> 00:14:12,786
Folks, just a couple more contestants,
and then the judges will decide

269
00:14:12,954 --> 00:14:14,152
our next Miss Pawnee,

270
00:14:14,277 --> 00:14:17,055
a winner of $600
in gift certificates

271
00:14:17,180 --> 00:14:20,419
to Big Archie's Sporting Goods
and Emerson Fencing Company.

272
00:14:20,837 --> 00:14:23,533
What? We don't get cash?
This is for a fence?

273
00:14:23,715 --> 00:14:26,925
It won't cover a whole fence,
but it'll defray the cost considerably.

274
00:14:27,136 --> 00:14:28,318
Oh, my God.

275
00:14:30,626 --> 00:14:31,513
I quit.

276
00:14:32,275 --> 00:14:33,140
I quit.

277
00:14:36,228 --> 00:14:38,508
Okay.
I guess she really is quitting.

278
00:14:38,675 --> 00:14:39,771
No, I didn't win.

279
00:14:40,445 --> 00:14:43,609
But at least I didn't make
any new friendships.

280
00:14:44,118 --> 00:14:46,571
So how long do we have
to pretend to deliberate

281
00:14:46,696 --> 00:14:48,495
till we get back out there?

282
00:14:50,854 --> 00:14:53,142
- What do you mean?
- We're all in agreement.

283
00:14:53,560 --> 00:14:56,357
- The hot one, by a landslide.
- Well, her name is Trish,

284
00:14:56,753 --> 00:14:58,603
and I don't think
we should rush this.

285
00:14:58,728 --> 00:15:02,409
What is there to talk about?
{\I mean, }I thought Trish was just adorable.

286
00:15:02,837 --> 00:15:06,467
- Take Susan, for example. I think...
- Susan "boring stories"?

287
00:15:06,634 --> 00:15:08,984
It's Trish.
Let's go back out there.

288
00:15:09,861 --> 00:15:11,136
Okay, hold on, everyone.

289
00:15:11,304 --> 00:15:13,386
Hold on.
Everyone, wait, wait.

290
00:15:14,189 --> 00:15:16,926
Look, whoever we choose
is gonna represent

291
00:15:17,051 --> 00:15:18,944
the ideal woman for a year.

292
00:15:19,111 --> 00:15:22,647
She'll be someone that little girls
in south-central Indiana look up to.

293
00:15:22,901 --> 00:15:26,109
Now nobody leaves this room
until we discuss all of it, okay?

294
00:15:26,725 --> 00:15:28,678
Consider yourselves sequestered.

295
00:15:28,947 --> 00:15:31,592
I'm a judge,
so I don't want to sound partial,

296
00:15:31,994 --> 00:15:34,858
but Trish will win this pageant
over my dead body.

297
00:15:38,289 --> 00:15:39,706
Look, I'm the only one here

298
00:15:40,147 --> 00:15:42,959
who has entered and won this contest
in the past.

299
00:15:43,698 --> 00:15:45,504
And I think Trish is a no-brainer.

300
00:15:45,768 --> 00:15:47,839
Jessica, may I ask,
what was your talent?

301
00:15:48,007 --> 00:15:49,498
I packed a suitcase.

302
00:15:49,870 --> 00:15:52,469
I have to say,
Leslie does make a good point.

303
00:15:52,802 --> 00:15:55,011
Trish is not the brightest bulb
in the bunch.

304
00:15:55,178 --> 00:15:58,308
{\Yes, }Ray, good. I like what you're saying.
Let's keep talking.

305
00:15:58,476 --> 00:16:01,763
{\pos(192,240)}Just stand over there,
and don't drip on anything.

306
00:16:08,470 --> 00:16:10,987
{\pos(192,240)}Is Mark the guy
who's fixing your shower?

307
00:16:11,649 --> 00:16:14,543
{\pos(192,240)}I don't know about you, Mark,
but I've seen a ton of porn,

308
00:16:14,668 --> 00:16:17,077
and I know what fixing
your shower means.

309
00:16:18,246 --> 00:16:20,094
Sorry, you are on a date.
That's cool.

310
00:16:20,388 --> 00:16:21,671
No, it's all right.

311
00:16:22,010 --> 00:16:23,583
Don't let me interrupt your date.

312
00:16:24,220 --> 00:16:26,317
- Dig in.
- I already ate. I'm super full.

313
00:16:26,442 --> 00:16:28,442
I don't...
I didn't want any.

314
00:16:29,799 --> 00:16:32,473
Okay, so it's still 3-2 for Trish.

315
00:16:32,800 --> 00:16:34,629
Guys, all I ask

316
00:16:35,166 --> 00:16:37,132
is that you look into your hearts

317
00:16:37,299 --> 00:16:39,766
and think, really think,
about what you've seen

318
00:16:41,310 --> 00:16:42,727
and ask yourselves,

319
00:16:42,895 --> 00:16:45,063
who is the most impressive woman
here tonight?

320
00:16:47,066 --> 00:16:49,284
It's the hot one, Trish ianetta.

321
00:17:01,261 --> 00:17:03,084
These are amazing.
Do you...

322
00:17:03,209 --> 00:17:05,464
Do you put a lot of hot sauce
on these or something?

323
00:17:05,631 --> 00:17:07,771
A good chef never reveals
her secrets.

324
00:17:07,896 --> 00:17:09,004
It's hot sauce.

325
00:17:11,694 --> 00:17:13,955
Ann is an extraordinary cook.

326
00:17:17,239 --> 00:17:18,297
Memories.

327
00:17:19,051 --> 00:17:21,043
Do you want some more?
Are you hungry still?

328
00:17:21,168 --> 00:17:22,415
You know what's funny?

329
00:17:22,540 --> 00:17:25,062
I was sitting over here on the couch,
and I was thinking

330
00:17:25,187 --> 00:17:27,272
that there was once a time
when Mark used to be

331
00:17:27,440 --> 00:17:28,898
the stranger in the house.

332
00:17:29,290 --> 00:17:30,317
And now it's me.

333
00:17:36,741 --> 00:17:38,170
Excuse me, everyone.

334
00:17:38,467 --> 00:17:41,073
Why don't we take a moment
to give a round of applause

335
00:17:41,198 --> 00:17:43,314
to all the contestants this evening?

336
00:17:44,951 --> 00:17:46,333
Especially Susan.

337
00:17:47,811 --> 00:17:51,815
This isn't the first time that
Susans have lost to Trishes.

338
00:17:52,742 --> 00:17:54,323
And it won't be the last.

339
00:17:55,051 --> 00:17:57,149
Susan and I will continue on

340
00:17:57,421 --> 00:18:01,425
until the women of Pawnee are judged
not by the flatness of their tummies,

341
00:18:01,984 --> 00:18:04,601
but by the contents of their brains.

342
00:18:06,055 --> 00:18:07,157
And, Trish,

343
00:18:08,466 --> 00:18:10,065
I may not have voted for you,

344
00:18:10,316 --> 00:18:11,982
but now is a time

345
00:18:12,107 --> 00:18:13,663
for us to come together.

346
00:18:14,420 --> 00:18:17,070
I hope you honor
this crown with dignity

347
00:18:17,240 --> 00:18:18,596
and a devotion to...

348
00:18:20,137 --> 00:18:22,250
One, two, three.

349
00:18:28,174 --> 00:18:30,168
As usual, Ann, delicious meal.

350
00:18:31,191 --> 00:18:33,797
Are we doing anything in the way
of dessert or coffee?

351
00:18:34,300 --> 00:18:35,550
We are leaving.

352
00:18:36,795 --> 00:18:38,045
Okay, I get it.

353
00:18:39,512 --> 00:18:42,418
Don't worry. I'm very good
at picking up signals.

354
00:18:43,347 --> 00:18:46,101
- Let's go, Mark.
- No, dummy, just you.

355
00:18:46,467 --> 00:18:47,185
Okay.

356
00:18:47,528 --> 00:18:48,528
All right.

357
00:18:50,557 --> 00:18:51,940
Take care of yourself.

358
00:18:54,078 --> 00:18:56,334
Just don't worry about me, Ann.
Okay?

359
00:18:58,179 --> 00:18:59,190
I'll be fine.

360
00:19:02,868 --> 00:19:05,893
That went really well!

361
00:19:06,809 --> 00:19:07,955
We had dinner,

362
00:19:08,122 --> 00:19:09,681
I got to see her.

363
00:19:09,806 --> 00:19:12,051
Oh, God, I was so tempted
to look back at her.

364
00:19:12,176 --> 00:19:13,476
Was she looking?

365
00:19:13,829 --> 00:19:15,359
I had to walk so slow.

366
00:19:17,356 --> 00:19:18,785
A good day.

367
00:19:21,804 --> 00:19:23,366
Well, well, look who's here.

368
00:19:23,533 --> 00:19:24,928
It's officer John McClane.

369
00:19:25,095 --> 00:19:26,850
Welcome to the party, pal.

370
00:19:27,101 --> 00:19:28,891
- Who's that?
- <I>Die hard.</I>

371
00:19:29,479 --> 00:19:31,855
- Battery?
- Hey, what are you doing here?

372
00:19:32,022 --> 00:19:34,941
The other day I asked you
if you wanted to have coffee?

373
00:19:35,494 --> 00:19:36,476
You said yes.

374
00:19:36,819 --> 00:19:39,232
And then afterwards,
I saw you again,

375
00:19:40,111 --> 00:19:42,044
you {\kind of }acted like
you didn't want to {\have coffee }anymore.

376
00:19:42,169 --> 00:19:43,783
We left it kind of open-ended.{\- We did.}

377
00:19:43,951 --> 00:19:46,060
- And that's made me uncomfortable.
- OK.

378
00:19:46,185 --> 00:19:49,398
So I thought I'd come in and ask you.
Just get some clearance on this.

379
00:19:49,523 --> 00:19:51,541
- Dave, I like you.
- I like you too.

380
00:19:51,709 --> 00:19:53,668
Okay, so, we'll get coffee then.

381
00:19:53,922 --> 00:19:55,322
But I'm just busy.

382
00:19:55,968 --> 00:19:57,811
Right now, my schedule's just so...

383
00:19:59,609 --> 00:20:01,081
Okay.
Okay, I get it.

384
00:20:01,635 --> 00:20:03,739
Look, I'm not a guy who plays games.

385
00:20:03,906 --> 00:20:06,927
Okay, I just came to tell you
that I like you, and I like coffee,

386
00:20:07,374 --> 00:20:09,316
and if you want to get
some coffee, just...

387
00:20:09,524 --> 00:20:10,768
Here's my number.

388
00:20:12,820 --> 00:20:14,203
Coming through, buddy.

389
00:20:23,196 --> 00:20:24,574
I got your message.

390
00:20:25,886 --> 00:20:27,100
Thanks for coming.

391
00:20:27,225 --> 00:20:29,287
Look, I'd love to go out with you.

392
00:20:29,539 --> 00:20:32,349
- How about Friday for dinner?
- Yeah? Great.

393
00:20:33,360 --> 00:20:37,326
Will Sandra Day
O'Connor and Michelle Obama

394
00:20:37,792 --> 00:20:40,342
and Condoleezza Rice
and Nancy Pelosi...

395
00:20:41,471 --> 00:20:42,824
Are they gonna join us?

396
00:20:43,343 --> 00:20:44,718
No, they {\will not be joining us}won't.

397
00:20:44,843 --> 00:20:48,043
Good, 'cause I don't happen to agree
with Miss Pelosi's views

398
00:20:48,168 --> 00:20:51,351
about the troubled assets relief
program.

399
00:20:52,953 --> 00:20:55,694
- I looked that up to impress you.
- I figured.

400
00:20:58,859 --> 00:21:01,235
Use my grill, let me do you a favor.

401
00:21:01,403 --> 00:21:04,317
{\pos(290,260)}Take a key, just come by,
grill up whatever you want.

402
00:21:04,522 --> 00:21:06,407
{\pos(290,260)}This is one of my favorite
pick-up strategies.

403
00:21:06,575 --> 00:21:08,280
{\pos(192,210)}I'm constantly giving women my keys.

404
00:21:08,405 --> 00:21:10,870
{\pos(192,210)}- This is your house key?
- {\Yeah, }I just happen to have a spare.

405
00:21:11,038 --> 00:21:12,302
Come by{\, go for a dip} whenever you want.

406
00:21:12,566 --> 00:21:14,207
So far, none of 'em have shown up.

407
00:21:14,375 --> 00:21:17,585
{\pos(192,210)}That's a very appealing offer.
Thank you.

408
00:21:18,002 --> 00:21:19,003
{\pos(280,260)}Matter of time.

409
00:21:19,430 --> 00:21:20,430
Hey, Craig.

410
00:21:21,989 --> 00:21:24,509
{\pos(192,210)}- 50 more copies, please.
- You got it.

411
00:21:25,612 --> 00:21:27,053
{\pos(192,210)}I have been robbed twice.