1 00:00:02,024 --> 00:00:04,775 ... And to my wife, I apologize. 2 00:00:05,216 --> 00:00:08,397 All I can say is, I wasn't just having sex. 3 00:00:09,002 --> 00:00:11,574 I was making love to a beautiful woman... 4 00:00:12,868 --> 00:00:14,116 {pos(192,210)}and her boyfriend, 5 00:00:14,241 --> 00:00:17,037 {pos(192,210)}and a third person whose name I never learned. 6 00:00:17,466 --> 00:00:20,016 Furthermore, it was wrong of me to say 7 00:00:20,141 --> 00:00:22,619 I was building houses for the underprivileged 8 00:00:22,744 --> 00:00:25,122 when I was actually having four-way sex 9 00:00:25,247 --> 00:00:27,210 in a cave in Brazil. 10 00:00:27,477 --> 00:00:29,550 I bet cave sex is in-sane. 11 00:00:29,719 --> 00:00:32,186 - Why? - {ecause of }The echoes and the humidity. 12 00:00:33,430 --> 00:00:36,407 ... In my defense, it was my birthday, 13 00:00:37,152 --> 00:00:39,059 and I really wanted to do it. 14 00:00:39,385 --> 00:00:40,894 I think it's a real shame 15 00:00:41,062 --> 00:00:43,975 when people focus on the tawdry details of a scandal. 16 00:00:44,400 --> 00:00:48,224 Personally, all I care about is councilman Dexhart's policies, 17 00:00:48,349 --> 00:00:50,903 not whether he was high on nitrous and cocaine 18 00:00:51,287 --> 00:00:52,789 during the cave sex... 19 00:00:52,914 --> 00:00:54,742 which, by the way, I heard he was. 20 00:00:55,230 --> 00:00:57,317 ... One more shocking revelation in a story 21 00:00:57,442 --> 00:00:59,163 that just won't stop unfolding. 22 00:00:59,332 --> 00:01:02,458 It turns out councilman Dexhart may have also had sex 23 00:01:02,626 --> 00:01:04,764 with a prostitute in the limousine 24 00:01:04,889 --> 00:01:08,189 on the way to and from the press conference 25 00:01:08,314 --> 00:01:10,871 where he apologized for having an affair. 26 00:01:11,581 --> 00:01:13,714 Why does anybody want to run for public office? 27 00:01:13,839 --> 00:01:16,472 You're just asking to have your entire life exposed. 28 00:01:16,746 --> 00:01:19,937 Well, if you're squeaky clean, like I am, there's no problem. 29 00:01:20,477 --> 00:01:22,477 You're married, and you hit on women constantly. 30 00:01:22,780 --> 00:01:25,364 Yeah, but I've never sealed the deal. 31 00:01:25,790 --> 00:01:27,244 Just window shopping. 32 00:01:27,508 --> 00:01:29,712 You can fly to Brazil, just don't enter the cave.{ Am I right?} 33 00:01:29,837 --> 00:01:30,837 Up top. 34 00:01:33,782 --> 00:01:35,190 - Feygnasse Team - 35 00:01:35,669 --> 00:01:37,308 .:: La Fabrique ::. 36 00:01:37,761 --> 00:01:40,093 {pos(260,270}Episode 204 Practice Date 37 00:01:40,591 --> 00:01:42,494 {pos(285,270}Synchro : mpm, Albator1932, lestat78 38 00:01:54,205 --> 00:01:55,803 {I'm sure that }You think that you're clean, 39 00:01:55,971 --> 00:01:58,041 {pos(110,260)}but I bet that we could find something on you. 40 00:01:58,166 --> 00:02:00,833 {pos(110,260)}I changed my name, which is legal, and once in high school, 41 00:02:00,958 --> 00:02:03,268 a girl beat me in a wrestling match. That's it. 42 00:02:03,804 --> 00:02:05,979 {pos(110,260)}I bet anything I can find worse stuff on all you. 43 00:02:06,149 --> 00:02:08,049 {pos(110,260)}Are you suggesting a game? 44 00:02:08,651 --> 00:02:10,150 {pos(110,260)}- I'm in. - I'm in. 45 00:02:10,318 --> 00:02:12,778 {pos(110,260)}- I'm out. - Not an option, Jerry. 46 00:02:13,020 --> 00:02:15,781 - You're going down. - Seriously, I don't want to play. 47 00:02:15,950 --> 00:02:18,455 {pos(110,260)}No, seriously, you are playing. We're gonna nail you. 48 00:02:19,224 --> 00:02:20,410 I will play, too. 49 00:02:20,661 --> 00:02:23,291 {pos(110,260)}If only to prove that I can find more dirt on you 50 00:02:23,416 --> 00:02:24,707 {pos(110,260)}than you can on me. 51 00:02:25,103 --> 00:02:26,774 {pos(110,260)}That's why we're all playing. 52 00:02:27,668 --> 00:02:29,294 {pos(110,260)}Your desk is over there. 53 00:02:29,483 --> 00:02:31,755 {pos(110,260)}I love games that turn people against each other. 54 00:02:32,240 --> 00:02:35,487 {pos(192,220)}You will never believe what I just found on Jerry's Facebook. 55 00:02:35,612 --> 00:02:36,688 A friend. 56 00:02:36,813 --> 00:02:37,835 Burn. 57 00:02:38,223 --> 00:02:40,679 {pos(110,260)}Okay, again, I'd really rather not play. 58 00:02:41,057 --> 00:02:42,534 Hey, guys, what are you doing? 59 00:02:42,659 --> 00:02:44,478 {pos(110,260)}Trying to see who has the least{ amount of} dirt on them 60 00:02:44,603 --> 00:02:46,557 {pos(110,260)}in case someone wants to run for office. 61 00:02:46,938 --> 00:02:49,065 Well, it ain't Jerry, that's for sure. 62 00:02:49,217 --> 00:02:52,192 He's got a couple of 3-5-9s on him. Public urination. 63 00:02:52,720 --> 00:02:54,222 I don't like this game. 64 00:02:54,347 --> 00:02:55,797 Just don't like it. 65 00:02:58,310 --> 00:03:00,492 He's probably gonna go anger pee in the courtyard. 66 00:03:03,014 --> 00:03:04,784 You crazy park people, 67 00:03:05,352 --> 00:03:06,550 I'm out of here. 68 00:03:06,905 --> 00:03:08,477 Leslie, I'll see you tomorrow. 69 00:03:08,602 --> 00:03:12,212 Tomorrow will be our first official... first date. 70 00:03:12,523 --> 00:03:15,011 - Roger that. - Copy. Over and out. 71 00:03:16,151 --> 00:03:18,552 Dave and I are going on our first date tomorrow. 72 00:03:19,344 --> 00:03:21,279 I'm not nervous. Why should I be nervous? 73 00:03:21,404 --> 00:03:23,655 We're just two people going on a first date. 74 00:03:23,780 --> 00:03:25,657 There's nothing to be nervous about. 75 00:03:32,038 --> 00:03:33,438 That was my phone. 76 00:03:36,233 --> 00:03:38,170 What are you... what are you doing here? 77 00:03:38,295 --> 00:03:40,991 Just having lunch with Leslie. What are you up to? 78 00:03:41,295 --> 00:03:45,123 I'm looking for scandalous information about my co-workers 79 00:03:45,662 --> 00:03:47,289 for a game that we're playing. 80 00:03:48,263 --> 00:03:49,958 My taxes pay your salary, right? 81 00:03:51,920 --> 00:03:52,823 Cool. 82 00:03:57,668 --> 00:03:59,009 And he looked up at me, 83 00:03:59,178 --> 00:04:01,008 and he said, 84 00:04:01,133 --> 00:04:02,805 "Thank you. You saved my life". 85 00:04:04,455 --> 00:04:07,053 Hey, listen, I'm really nervous about this date tomorrow night. 86 00:04:07,178 --> 00:04:09,520 Do you have, like, a first date outfit I could borrow? 87 00:04:09,688 --> 00:04:12,371 Like, I don't know, pair of cargo pants. 88 00:04:12,496 --> 00:04:14,191 I wouldn't go with a cargo pant. 89 00:04:14,371 --> 00:04:15,999 What about, like, a sexy hat? 90 00:04:16,277 --> 00:04:18,759 - I don't know what that even is. - Helping already. 91 00:04:19,004 --> 00:04:20,830 Do you want to come by after work today? 92 00:04:20,955 --> 00:04:22,407 Sure, yeah. Tonight? 93 00:04:23,052 --> 00:04:24,558 Several hours from now? 94 00:04:28,400 --> 00:04:30,582 Or you could just come over now? 95 00:04:30,750 --> 00:04:32,543 I think that would better. {That would give us more time.}Let's go. 96 00:04:37,913 --> 00:04:39,341 What you doing, guys? 97 00:04:39,510 --> 00:04:41,123 Looking for dirt on me? 98 00:04:41,413 --> 00:04:42,413 No point. 99 00:04:42,663 --> 00:04:43,845 Give up now. 100 00:04:44,291 --> 00:04:46,436 Oh, wait, there is this. 101 00:04:47,671 --> 00:04:48,671 Everybody, 102 00:04:49,448 --> 00:04:51,311 I bought a croissan'wich this morning. 103 00:04:51,800 --> 00:04:54,359 This isn't even a real receipt, just a scrap of paper. 104 00:04:54,927 --> 00:04:56,208 Taliban robes! 105 00:04:56,462 --> 00:04:58,804 What? Where'd you get that photo from? 106 00:05:00,804 --> 00:05:02,551 Nice taliban robes. 107 00:05:02,991 --> 00:05:05,401 Those aren't taliban robes. That's from Halloween{ ten years ago}. 108 00:05:05,526 --> 00:05:06,813 I was dressed like a jedi. 109 00:05:06,938 --> 00:05:09,801 I'm sure that the voters would be able to tell the difference. 110 00:05:10,014 --> 00:05:12,091 Looks to me like you're in the taliban. 111 00:05:12,459 --> 00:05:15,002 Did everybody know that Ron's ex-wife Tammy 112 00:05:15,171 --> 00:05:17,628 is actually his second ex-wife named Tammy? 113 00:05:17,886 --> 00:05:20,863 That's right. Ron has two ex-wives, 114 00:05:20,988 --> 00:05:23,118 each named Tammy. 115 00:05:24,639 --> 00:05:26,289 Both of them bitches. 116 00:05:26,891 --> 00:05:29,762 Yes, my mom's name is Tammy. 117 00:05:32,521 --> 00:05:33,838 What's your point? 118 00:05:34,065 --> 00:05:36,399 Tom! That was a jaeger-secret. 119 00:05:37,276 --> 00:05:39,265 You just breached a jaeger-secret. 120 00:05:40,154 --> 00:05:42,529 Damn! This just heated up quick. 121 00:05:45,284 --> 00:05:46,867 - That looks great. - Yeah? 122 00:05:47,035 --> 00:05:49,478 Will you be wearing it out of the store today, madame? 123 00:05:49,603 --> 00:05:51,763 I think I will, good lady. 124 00:05:54,042 --> 00:05:56,167 - {While I have you, }Can I ask you a question? - Shoot. 125 00:05:56,357 --> 00:05:57,542 {What if he asks me}if I've been married? 126 00:05:57,713 --> 00:05:59,045 - Have you? - No. 127 00:05:59,170 --> 00:06:01,944 - Then say that. - But he'll wonder why I haven't been{ married}. 128 00:06:02,069 --> 00:06:03,989 You know what{ I'm gonna do}? I'm gonna say that I was married, 129 00:06:04,114 --> 00:06:06,117 but the{ real} question is, should I say that I have kids? 130 00:06:06,242 --> 00:06:08,173 Guy like girls that have kids, right? 131 00:06:08,640 --> 00:06:10,808 What if I get drunk and I talk about Darfur too much? 132 00:06:10,933 --> 00:06:12,934 Or not enough?{ What if I don't bring up darfur enough?} 133 00:06:13,182 --> 00:06:14,310 Leslie, relax. 134 00:06:17,055 --> 00:06:20,817 I have a few more questions for you. "What if he shows up with another woman? 135 00:06:21,073 --> 00:06:22,985 "What if one of my sleeves catches on fire 136 00:06:23,154 --> 00:06:24,630 "and it spreads rapidly? 137 00:06:24,755 --> 00:06:27,881 "What if, instead of tic tacs, I accidentally pop a couple of ambien, 138 00:06:28,006 --> 00:06:30,010 and I have to keep punching my leg to stay awake?" 139 00:06:30,135 --> 00:06:32,014 Those are all insane hypotheticals, 140 00:06:32,139 --> 00:06:34,081 and I promise you they won't happen. 141 00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:36,630 They have happened. 142 00:06:37,605 --> 00:06:39,451 All of these have happened to me. 143 00:06:40,069 --> 00:06:41,211 No, there's more. 144 00:06:41,336 --> 00:06:44,373 One time, I accidentally drank an entire bottle of vinegar. 145 00:06:44,498 --> 00:06:45,884 I thought it was terrible wine. 146 00:06:46,053 --> 00:06:49,424 Once, I went out with a guy who wore 3-d glasses the entire evening. 147 00:06:49,772 --> 00:06:52,598 One time, I rode in a sidecar on a guy's motorcycle, 148 00:06:52,723 --> 00:06:55,427 and the sidecar detached and went down a flight of stairs. 149 00:06:55,895 --> 00:06:58,680 Another time, I went to a really boring movie with a guy, 150 00:06:58,805 --> 00:07:01,654 and while I was asleep, he tried to pull out one of my teeth. 151 00:07:02,371 --> 00:07:04,644 I literally woke up with his hand in my mouth. 152 00:07:05,289 --> 00:07:07,406 We went out{ a couple times} after that, but then he got weird. 153 00:07:07,651 --> 00:07:09,301 I know it sounds crazy. 154 00:07:09,492 --> 00:07:12,828 I'm a grown woman, but I'm just not good on first dates. 155 00:07:14,662 --> 00:07:17,264 You have a problem, and this is how we're gonna fix it. 156 00:07:17,389 --> 00:07:19,298 I know what you're thinking. I wear an earpiece, 157 00:07:19,423 --> 00:07:21,968 you sit at a table nearby, you speak into a mike, 158 00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:24,781 you tell me what to say on the date, but let me tell you{ something, Ann}, it never works. 159 00:07:25,383 --> 00:07:28,349 We are gonna go to a restaurant and have a practice date. 160 00:07:28,474 --> 00:07:31,012 I will pretend to be Dave, and you will practice on me. 161 00:07:31,770 --> 00:07:33,015 That's a way better idea. 162 00:07:35,694 --> 00:07:37,546 Hey, Dave, it's me. It's Leslie. 163 00:07:37,730 --> 00:07:41,064 Hi, Leslie, it's good to see you. You don't want to do that quite yet. 164 00:07:43,598 --> 00:07:45,235 Let's begin our conversation. 165 00:07:47,553 --> 00:07:49,403 What's on the note cards? 166 00:07:49,528 --> 00:07:51,351 They're possible topics of conversation. 167 00:07:51,493 --> 00:07:54,476 Whales, parades, electricity... 168 00:07:55,774 --> 00:07:58,331 - And the rest are blank. - I couldn't think of anything else. 169 00:07:58,684 --> 00:08:00,686 Leslie's in worse shape than I thought. 170 00:08:05,065 --> 00:08:06,815 Is she practice laughing? 171 00:08:13,182 --> 00:08:15,510 The Danish call it oppe og nede apparat, 172 00:08:15,635 --> 00:08:17,600 which literally translated means 173 00:08:17,770 --> 00:08:19,326 "the up and down machine". 174 00:08:20,396 --> 00:08:22,701 That's a thorough history of the teeter-totter. 175 00:08:22,827 --> 00:08:26,243 {pos(192,240)}Now I'm gonna talk about the local flora and fauna found in Pawnee. 176 00:08:26,394 --> 00:08:28,722 {pos(192,240)}You know what? Just ask me a question. 177 00:08:28,847 --> 00:08:30,697 {pos(192,240)}- Just try to get to know me. - Okay. 178 00:08:33,603 --> 00:08:36,495 {pos(192,240)}I can't think of anything to ask you. I'm sorry. My mind is blank. 179 00:08:36,663 --> 00:08:38,496 {pos(192,240)}Ask me the first thing that comes to you{ head}. 180 00:08:38,665 --> 00:08:39,865 How big is it? 181 00:08:41,827 --> 00:08:43,517 - Really? - Oh, my God. 182 00:08:46,333 --> 00:08:47,220 You ready? 183 00:08:47,345 --> 00:08:49,945 Yes, I am. Just give me one second. 184 00:08:50,477 --> 00:08:52,696 Donna, let me ask you something. 185 00:08:53,292 --> 00:08:54,603 Do you hate black people? 186 00:08:54,728 --> 00:08:55,728 Excuse me? 187 00:08:55,853 --> 00:08:57,766 'Cause apparently in 1988, 188 00:08:58,106 --> 00:08:59,292 you donated money 189 00:08:59,417 --> 00:09:01,545 to the presidential campaign for... 190 00:09:01,670 --> 00:09:02,918 David Duke! 191 00:09:03,043 --> 00:09:04,046 The KKK guy? 192 00:09:04,171 --> 00:09:07,067 I got a phone call. They said he would lower taxes. 193 00:09:08,375 --> 00:09:09,861 How's it feel to lose so hard? 194 00:09:10,861 --> 00:09:12,823 I'm sorry, honey. Let's get coffee. 195 00:09:12,995 --> 00:09:15,639 Re-Ron, you remember my wife, wendy Haverford. 196 00:09:15,764 --> 00:09:17,536 Of course. How are things at the hospital? 197 00:09:17,833 --> 00:09:19,747 Very good, thank you. 198 00:09:19,872 --> 00:09:22,249 I just got a pediatric surgery fellowship. 199 00:09:22,438 --> 00:09:23,315 Nice. 200 00:09:23,440 --> 00:09:25,439 We're celebrating, 'cause she's super rich 201 00:09:25,628 --> 00:09:27,388 and super hot also. 202 00:09:27,513 --> 00:09:30,381 - Okay, come on, Tommy. Cut it out. - You're super hot. 203 00:09:30,571 --> 00:09:33,840 Everybody else has to deal with it. Let's get out of here. See you later. 204 00:09:36,127 --> 00:09:38,758 I've established a scientifically perfect 205 00:09:38,883 --> 00:09:40,975 ten-point scale of human beauty. 206 00:09:41,145 --> 00:09:43,019 Wendy is a 7.4, 207 00:09:43,144 --> 00:09:45,399 which is way too high for Tom, 208 00:09:45,524 --> 00:09:47,634 who is a 3.8. 209 00:09:48,150 --> 00:09:50,750 Ten is tennis legend Steffi Graf. 210 00:09:55,093 --> 00:09:58,160 You're late, and I can see your nipples through your dress. 211 00:09:58,328 --> 00:09:59,870 What? No. Really? 212 00:10:00,038 --> 00:10:03,039 In nursing school, we took a psych course on how to treat phobias 213 00:10:03,164 --> 00:10:05,544 with a method called exposure therapy. 214 00:10:05,669 --> 00:10:09,357 So like if you were afraid of snakes, they'd immerse you in a tank of snakes, 215 00:10:09,482 --> 00:10:13,486 so I am going to immerse Leslie in a tank of bad date. 216 00:10:14,052 --> 00:10:16,121 You're 20 minutes late. I almost left. 217 00:10:16,679 --> 00:10:17,897 I was... 218 00:10:19,114 --> 00:10:20,432 dropping my niece off. 219 00:10:20,600 --> 00:10:23,808 - What's your niece's name? - Torple. What? I don't know. 220 00:10:24,697 --> 00:10:25,812 That's not a name. 221 00:10:26,032 --> 00:10:27,356 I don't have a niece. 222 00:10:28,125 --> 00:10:30,400 - My niece's name is Stephanie? - Stop lying! 223 00:10:30,568 --> 00:10:32,426 Look, there's bread! You want some... 224 00:10:33,029 --> 00:10:35,822 I got flowers in your soup. I'm so sorry... 225 00:10:36,132 --> 00:10:38,732 Just... I have to go to the... 226 00:10:39,325 --> 00:10:41,261 whizz palace. You know, Dave, the... 227 00:10:41,386 --> 00:10:42,828 the place where you... 228 00:10:42,953 --> 00:10:44,803 you know, the toilet thing. 229 00:10:48,674 --> 00:10:49,974 It's a bathroom! 230 00:10:50,099 --> 00:10:51,588 It's called a bathroom! 231 00:10:56,954 --> 00:10:58,405 A little birdy told me 232 00:10:58,530 --> 00:11:01,456 that you have one unpaid parking ticket. 233 00:11:01,640 --> 00:11:03,471 That's funny, because a little birdy told me 234 00:11:03,596 --> 00:11:06,958 that your adoptive mother was arrested for marijuana possession. 235 00:11:07,599 --> 00:11:08,812 Snap! 236 00:11:09,152 --> 00:11:11,027 - What? - You didn't know that, huh? 237 00:11:13,668 --> 00:11:15,401 I didn't know I was adopted. 238 00:11:20,660 --> 00:11:23,282 - I'm so sorry. - I really didn't want to play. 239 00:11:25,813 --> 00:11:27,932 - That was not my intention. - It's not your fault. 240 00:11:28,057 --> 00:11:30,627 He totally baited you with that unpaid parking ticket. 241 00:11:31,248 --> 00:11:33,848 Tom, could you come into my office? 242 00:11:35,062 --> 00:11:36,508 Tom-mato sauce. 243 00:11:37,128 --> 00:11:38,408 Ron-tanamo bay. 244 00:11:38,886 --> 00:11:40,136 Do be seated, 245 00:11:40,912 --> 00:11:43,014 and congratulate me. 246 00:11:43,732 --> 00:11:45,642 - For what? - Winning the game. 247 00:11:46,076 --> 00:11:49,077 I just found out, through some pretty impressive investigating, 248 00:11:49,202 --> 00:11:51,472 that your wedding was a sham. 249 00:11:51,884 --> 00:11:53,974 - It's a green card marriage. - That's crazy. 250 00:11:54,099 --> 00:11:56,585 I was born in south Carolina. These colors don't run, baby. 251 00:11:56,710 --> 00:11:59,087 Yes, but Wendy was born in Ottawa... 252 00:11:59,212 --> 00:12:00,115 Canada! 253 00:12:00,959 --> 00:12:03,841 Her visa was set to expire the day after you got married 254 00:12:03,966 --> 00:12:07,970 at the county courthouse in front of 3 strangers and no family. 255 00:12:10,305 --> 00:12:13,211 We met in college. She wanted to work in the states. 256 00:12:13,379 --> 00:12:14,921 She couldn't get a permit. 257 00:12:15,930 --> 00:12:18,383 I knew it. I knew you couldn't get a wife as hot as her. 258 00:12:18,791 --> 00:12:21,392 Seriously, Ron, games aside, you got to keep this between us. 259 00:12:21,517 --> 00:12:24,431 - Don't tell anybody, please. - Come on{, Don't worry}. I'm not gonna turn you in. 260 00:12:24,984 --> 00:12:27,612 Just admit that when it comes to digging up dirt, 261 00:12:27,737 --> 00:12:29,179 I bested you in this game. 262 00:12:29,304 --> 00:12:33,132 - Say it. Say "I bested you." - Fine, you bested me. Is that all? 263 00:12:35,571 --> 00:12:37,902 - I'll have your wife tonight. - What? 264 00:12:39,178 --> 00:12:40,430 I'm just kidding. 265 00:12:40,555 --> 00:12:41,613 Get out of here. 266 00:12:42,340 --> 00:12:43,699 Why would you say that? 267 00:12:43,940 --> 00:12:46,411 That dog was like my best friend, and when she died... 268 00:12:48,319 --> 00:12:49,456 Hey, Tiffany. 269 00:12:49,883 --> 00:12:51,958 Yeah, I definitely want to see you tonight. 270 00:12:52,982 --> 00:12:55,795 No, I can't really talk right now, 'cause I'm a date with this drip. 271 00:12:56,895 --> 00:12:57,873 I can ask. 272 00:12:57,998 --> 00:13:00,467 Do you want to watch a porno after this with me and my wife? 273 00:13:00,956 --> 00:13:03,803 No, Dave, 'cause you're disgusting. 274 00:13:05,962 --> 00:13:08,841 - So it's definitely a no? - {I don't understand }Why you're being so terrible? 275 00:13:09,185 --> 00:13:12,280 We're 2 people trying to go on a date. It's supposed to be fun. It's{ just} a date. 276 00:13:12,405 --> 00:13:13,792 You're right, it is. 277 00:13:13,917 --> 00:13:14,898 Well done. 278 00:13:15,277 --> 00:13:16,735 {Sorry }I had to get all medical on you, 279 00:13:16,860 --> 00:13:19,288 but now you see that even if everything goes wrong, 280 00:13:19,413 --> 00:13:20,569 you'll survive. 281 00:13:25,146 --> 00:13:26,426 You coy bastard. 282 00:13:32,413 --> 00:13:33,750 You hate Ron, right? 283 00:13:34,365 --> 00:13:37,170 - No, I think Ron is fine. - So we're on the same page. 284 00:13:37,678 --> 00:13:40,215 You got to help me take him down. There's got to be something on him. 285 00:13:40,555 --> 00:13:43,145 I'm starting to feel kind of gross about this game. 286 00:13:43,365 --> 00:13:45,995 It's not about the game anymore. Ron has some serious dirt on me. 287 00:13:46,120 --> 00:13:48,562 I need to balance things out. You must know how that feels. 288 00:13:48,687 --> 00:13:51,267 You got tons of dirt in your past. Please, you gotta help me. 289 00:13:54,198 --> 00:13:56,542 There is a man named Duke Silver. 290 00:13:57,247 --> 00:13:59,234 He hangs out at a bar in eagleton. 291 00:14:00,013 --> 00:14:01,693 He's an old friend of Ron's. 292 00:14:01,863 --> 00:14:04,321 - Maybe you should ask him. - Thanks, man. 293 00:14:04,517 --> 00:14:06,202 I'm gonna dig up so much dirt{ on this guy}, 294 00:14:06,327 --> 00:14:08,927 there's gonna be worms all over the place. 295 00:14:11,039 --> 00:14:12,789 It sounded snappier in my head. 296 00:14:13,521 --> 00:14:14,916 Ann is so awesome. 297 00:14:15,148 --> 00:14:17,238 I'm lucky to have a friend who would spend a whole day 298 00:14:17,363 --> 00:14:18,630 being so mean to me. 299 00:14:20,757 --> 00:14:21,557 Catch. 300 00:14:21,682 --> 00:14:23,968 I don't need your dress{ anymore}. I'm gonna wear my own stuff. 301 00:14:24,093 --> 00:14:24,908 Me power. 302 00:14:25,033 --> 00:14:28,054 Good. You're officially first date-proof. 303 00:14:28,223 --> 00:14:29,318 Thank you, Dave. 304 00:14:30,069 --> 00:14:33,519 Listen... It is impossible that he's not gonna like you. 305 00:14:33,644 --> 00:14:35,537 He's gonna freak out about how awesome you are. 306 00:14:35,662 --> 00:14:38,372 - No, he's not. - Yes, he is. He's gonna love you. 307 00:14:38,497 --> 00:14:41,880 You're cool, and you're sexy, and you're funny, and you're smart. 308 00:14:42,278 --> 00:14:44,314 Any guy would be lucky to date you. 309 00:14:44,658 --> 00:14:47,489 - Yeah! Hell, yeah! - Hell, yeah! I am awesome! 310 00:14:47,658 --> 00:14:49,159 - You are awesome. - Yeah! 311 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:50,650 And you are, too. 312 00:14:50,775 --> 00:14:52,245 - Thank you. - You are, too. 313 00:14:52,413 --> 00:14:54,180 - Thank you. - You are, too! 314 00:14:55,000 --> 00:14:56,458 You're awesome.{You're awesome.} 315 00:15:00,068 --> 00:15:01,222 Help, police! 316 00:15:01,506 --> 00:15:02,556 Help! Help! 317 00:15:06,479 --> 00:15:08,028 Look, I know today is... 318 00:15:08,502 --> 00:15:12,019 today... And it's not tomorrow but I felt like you should know that 319 00:15:12,144 --> 00:15:14,476 I'm awesome, and you're lucky to have me. 320 00:15:14,799 --> 00:15:16,769 And I think our first date tomorrow's 321 00:15:16,938 --> 00:15:18,838 gonna go awesome, off the charts. 322 00:15:18,963 --> 00:15:20,023 Amazing. Up top. 323 00:15:22,311 --> 00:15:24,259 All right, let's do this bitch! 324 00:15:24,797 --> 00:15:26,047 I'm not scared. 325 00:15:26,361 --> 00:15:27,614 Can I come in{ and sit down for a bit}? 326 00:15:27,783 --> 00:15:29,937 'Cause I walked here 'cause of the drinking. 327 00:15:30,062 --> 00:15:31,815 - I don't know. - I do know. 328 00:15:31,940 --> 00:15:34,230 I'm coming inside, so move. Okay? 329 00:15:34,872 --> 00:15:36,915 You make a better door than a guy. 330 00:15:39,835 --> 00:15:43,046 This is gonna sound weird. I'm looking for a guy named Duke Silver. 331 00:15:43,761 --> 00:15:45,423 Yeah, he goes on in a second. 332 00:15:46,202 --> 00:15:49,393 Ladies, ladies, ladies, it's just about that time. 333 00:15:49,518 --> 00:15:52,273 {pos(192,240)}It's with the jazziest pleasure that I bring out for you 334 00:15:52,398 --> 00:15:55,342 {pos(192,240)}my man, Mr. Duke Silver. 335 00:16:00,635 --> 00:16:01,981 {pos(192,240)}Thank you, Dwayne. 336 00:16:02,149 --> 00:16:04,362 {pos(192,240)}As always, it is a thrill to be here during 337 00:16:04,487 --> 00:16:06,611 this witching hour with you lovely ladies. 338 00:16:07,285 --> 00:16:09,833 Now relax and let the Duke Silver Trio 339 00:16:09,958 --> 00:16:12,492 take you on a little journey... to yourself. 340 00:16:27,963 --> 00:16:29,973 Ann was helping me, 341 00:16:30,357 --> 00:16:32,679 because I was panicking about tomorrow. 342 00:16:33,651 --> 00:16:35,801 Did I say something to make you worry about to... 343 00:16:35,926 --> 00:16:36,891 No, just... 344 00:16:37,329 --> 00:16:38,768 the whole idea of first dates 345 00:16:38,936 --> 00:16:40,414 just kind of freak me out. 346 00:16:40,766 --> 00:16:41,688 {But }Not anymore. 347 00:16:42,569 --> 00:16:45,907 I can't even believe that I was scared to go on a date with you. 348 00:16:46,057 --> 00:16:47,652 {I mean, }You should be scared of me. 349 00:16:49,609 --> 00:16:51,572 I think I need to return this sweater. 350 00:16:51,932 --> 00:16:54,617 I think it fused with my shirt in the dryer or something. 351 00:16:55,021 --> 00:16:57,287 I think that's a sweater-shirt combo. 352 00:16:59,774 --> 00:17:02,103 I think it's going pretty well with Dave. 353 00:17:02,900 --> 00:17:05,633 He wants me. I can totally tell that he wants me. 354 00:17:05,758 --> 00:17:08,155 I'm right here. You know I'm here, right? 355 00:17:10,221 --> 00:17:11,550 Did you see my bra? 356 00:17:13,661 --> 00:17:15,805 {Guess what? `}I'm wearing the hot one tomorrow, the black one. 357 00:17:16,188 --> 00:17:17,808 Can I use your bathroom? 358 00:17:18,390 --> 00:17:20,310 Are you impressed that I know what it's called? 359 00:17:20,478 --> 00:17:23,096 - {Maybe }I ought to give you a lift home. - Good. Well, in London, 360 00:17:23,221 --> 00:17:24,723 they call the elevators lifts, 361 00:17:24,848 --> 00:17:27,527 - you're gonna give me an elevator home?{ No thank you} - OK, let's go. 362 00:17:28,611 --> 00:17:30,864 Let's go down to the pub... 363 00:17:30,989 --> 00:17:32,488 - That's right. - {And }Get a pint. 364 00:17:32,613 --> 00:17:35,111 We'll put our knickers in the beatle records. 365 00:17:35,236 --> 00:17:36,576 This is an English accent. 366 00:17:36,744 --> 00:17:39,434 What I cannot believe is Dexhart's wife. 367 00:17:39,559 --> 00:17:41,311 I mean, how clueless can you get? 368 00:17:41,436 --> 00:17:44,098 How did she not know this was going on? 369 00:17:44,376 --> 00:17:46,566 More importantly, how does she stay with him 370 00:17:46,691 --> 00:17:47,941 after all this? 371 00:17:49,840 --> 00:17:52,448 Can I help you at... 372 00:17:52,573 --> 00:17:53,823 11:48 PM? 373 00:17:54,220 --> 00:17:56,638 OK, here's the whole thing. Here are all my skeletons. 374 00:17:57,147 --> 00:17:59,849 When I was 16, I had sex with a married woman. 375 00:18:00,018 --> 00:18:01,517 - Right. - When I was in college, 376 00:18:01,685 --> 00:18:03,785 I smoked a decent amount of pot. 377 00:18:04,082 --> 00:18:06,526 - Nothing insane. - What the hell are you doing? 378 00:18:06,651 --> 00:18:10,484 {What I'm doing, Ann, is }I'm trying to tell you that I've done some stuff that I'm not very proud of, 379 00:18:10,854 --> 00:18:13,363 and I like you, so I would rather you not find out about this 380 00:18:13,532 --> 00:18:15,406 from anyone but me. 381 00:18:15,531 --> 00:18:16,824 This was a bad idea. 382 00:18:17,813 --> 00:18:19,827 No, no, it's... It's fine. 383 00:18:20,301 --> 00:18:21,620 I get what this is 384 00:18:21,790 --> 00:18:23,187 and why you did it. 385 00:18:24,956 --> 00:18:27,418 Is there anything{ hat }you would like to share from your past 386 00:18:27,586 --> 00:18:29,266 to sort of balance the scales? 387 00:18:30,153 --> 00:18:32,290 One time, this guy rang my doorbell at midnight 388 00:18:32,415 --> 00:18:34,926 to brag about getting laid when he was 16, so I shot him. 389 00:18:35,095 --> 00:18:35,927 Good night. 390 00:18:37,731 --> 00:18:40,807 It's been a real gift making sonic love to you tonight. 391 00:18:41,678 --> 00:18:44,803 If you want more of the Duke, both my albums are for sale here... 392 00:18:44,928 --> 00:18:47,090 Smooth as Silver and Hi ho, Duke. 393 00:18:47,944 --> 00:18:49,935 And look for my new CD next month, 394 00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:52,160 Memories of Now. 395 00:18:53,058 --> 00:18:56,208 So come see me, come talk to me, come love with me, 396 00:18:56,688 --> 00:18:59,199 and maybe we can walk through fire together. 397 00:18:59,428 --> 00:19:00,690 Thank you. Good night. 398 00:19:06,573 --> 00:19:07,393 Duke! 399 00:19:07,883 --> 00:19:09,106 Huge fan. 400 00:19:14,387 --> 00:19:17,634 Look, Tom, I imagine you'll want to tell everyone about this, 401 00:19:17,804 --> 00:19:20,790 but I have worked pretty hard to cultivate a certain authoritative 402 00:19:20,915 --> 00:19:22,740 or intimidating image around the office. 403 00:19:22,865 --> 00:19:24,726 - Can I get a picture? - Sure. 404 00:19:25,209 --> 00:19:28,114 - Say, "I bested you". - I bested you. 405 00:19:29,409 --> 00:19:31,472 All right. Thanks for lovin' the Duke. 406 00:19:32,318 --> 00:19:33,401 {That was a }Lovely photo. 407 00:19:34,277 --> 00:19:36,112 - Truce? - Truce. 408 00:19:38,001 --> 00:19:40,213 - You're kidding me. - No, I'm not. 409 00:19:40,534 --> 00:19:43,697 You showed up at the guy's house, in the middle of the night, drunk, 410 00:19:44,563 --> 00:19:45,912 {nd }you didn't {even }sleep with him? 411 00:19:46,081 --> 00:19:48,105 - Should I have? - It never hurts. 412 00:19:56,572 --> 00:19:59,424 You... You left quite a bit of stuff at my place last night... 413 00:19:59,549 --> 00:20:02,513 purse and earrings and a shoe. 414 00:20:02,681 --> 00:20:04,307 I am so sorry about { or what happened }last night. 415 00:20:04,476 --> 00:20:08,159 On my list of embarrassing things that I've done in my life, that was... 416 00:20:08,425 --> 00:20:10,068 numbers one through seven. 417 00:20:10,598 --> 00:20:13,232 - I { otally }understand if you want to cancel. - It's okay. 418 00:20:13,400 --> 00:20:15,651 You can make it up to me tonight on our second date. 419 00:20:16,659 --> 00:20:17,583 2nd? 420 00:20:17,881 --> 00:20:20,698 {Well, yeah, }Last night was our first date, so that would make tonight our second. 421 00:20:21,018 --> 00:20:22,499 I'm looking forward to it. 422 00:20:22,670 --> 00:20:23,585 8:00? 423 00:20:24,528 --> 00:20:25,411 8:00. 424 00:20:26,794 --> 00:20:28,414 - You like dancing? - Yeah. 425 00:20:28,937 --> 00:20:31,501 - I don't like dancing. - We don't have to go. 426 00:20:32,022 --> 00:20:34,754 Well, we went on our first date, and I didn't even know it, 427 00:20:35,158 --> 00:20:36,407 a.k.a. I nailed it. 428 00:20:37,677 --> 00:20:39,668 No fires, no ambulances. 429 00:20:40,251 --> 00:20:43,982 Just good old-fashioned showing up drunk at a guy's house late at night. 430 00:20:45,683 --> 00:20:47,900 However, I want to be clear. 431 00:20:48,818 --> 00:20:51,103 I have no plans to resign. 432 00:20:51,974 --> 00:20:55,860 Is it weird that my feelings are hurt that no one's found any dirt on me yet? 433 00:20:57,292 --> 00:20:58,242 Hello! 434 00:20:58,715 --> 00:21:01,489 {pos(192,210)}I drove a riding lawn mower through a Nordstrom! 435 00:21:02,781 --> 00:21:04,581 {pos(192,210)}There's video that I took! 436 00:21:05,028 --> 00:21:06,369 {pos(192,210)}It's on the Internet. 437 00:21:09,281 --> 00:21:10,081 Nothing. 438 00:21:11,212 --> 00:21:13,202 {pos(192,210)}Jerry, plastic surgery? 439 00:21:16,435 --> 00:21:18,285 {pos(192,210)}I got hit by a fire engine. 440 00:21:19,688 --> 00:21:21,050 {pos(192,210)}You are so lucky. 441 00:21:21,377 --> 00:21:22,271 How?