1
00:00:05,822 --> 00:00:08,223
It's pretty great having Andy
working in the building.
2
00:00:08,348 --> 00:00:09,782
The guy is so much fun.
3
00:00:09,907 --> 00:00:11,132
His new thing...
4
00:00:11,257 --> 00:00:12,557
Piggyback rides.
5
00:00:12,999 --> 00:00:14,284
Anytime you want.
6
00:00:14,709 --> 00:00:16,259
Piggyback! Piggyback!
7
00:00:16,503 --> 00:00:17,503
Move!
8
00:00:17,754 --> 00:00:19,023
Piggyback. Bam!
9
00:00:28,826 --> 00:00:29,826
Giddyup!
10
00:00:32,885 --> 00:00:34,687
Councilman Howser.
Hello.
11
00:00:34,855 --> 00:00:36,563
- Hello.
- Did you get my proposal
12
00:00:36,888 --> 00:00:39,817
for the possible re-zoning
of lot 48?
13
00:00:40,112 --> 00:00:41,719
I have been busy.
14
00:00:41,904 --> 00:00:45,355
But I think it would be a really great
thing for the neighborhood.
15
00:00:45,480 --> 00:00:48,242
I don't doubt it, but it's really
a question of resource allocation.
16
00:00:48,592 --> 00:00:50,034
I completely understand that.
17
00:00:50,159 --> 00:00:52,204
But we know
that if we want to find the money,
18
00:00:52,372 --> 00:00:53,205
we can.
19
00:00:54,217 --> 00:00:55,207
I'm running late.
20
00:00:55,375 --> 00:00:56,583
I'll walk with you.
21
00:00:56,708 --> 00:00:59,128
See, the thing is,
when we allocate money for Parks...
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00:00:59,296 --> 00:01:00,696
- Feygnasse Team -
23
00:01:00,821 --> 00:01:02,488
. :: La Fabrique ::.
24
00:01:03,135 --> 00:01:04,927
Épisode 210
Hunting Trip
25
00:01:06,730 --> 00:01:07,750
mpm
26
00:01:08,597 --> 00:01:09,707
lestat78
27
00:01:19,694 --> 00:01:21,867
Just a reminder,
tomorrow's a half day.
28
00:01:21,992 --> 00:01:23,948
Jerry, Mark, and I have to conduct
29
00:01:24,529 --> 00:01:26,447
the annual trail survey
30
00:01:26,615 --> 00:01:28,097
at Slippery Elm Park.
31
00:01:28,610 --> 00:01:30,617
I had the trail survey hats made
32
00:01:30,742 --> 00:01:32,666
to commemorate the trip.
33
00:01:33,121 --> 00:01:34,221
Nice, Jerry.
34
00:01:35,109 --> 00:01:37,206
And if you have
any questions about the details,
35
00:01:37,331 --> 00:01:39,460
feel free to shoot me an email.
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00:01:43,643 --> 00:01:45,812
The only trails
he's gonna be surveying
37
00:01:45,937 --> 00:01:47,889
are trails of lies and deception.
38
00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:49,970
Ron has a special deal
with the park rangers.
39
00:01:50,436 --> 00:01:52,682
Every November,
they let him use their cabin,
40
00:01:52,807 --> 00:01:55,893
so he can go on a secret hunting trip
with all the guys in the office.
41
00:01:56,228 --> 00:01:58,103
Not all the guys.
He's never taken me.
42
00:01:58,364 --> 00:01:59,764
Fine, all the men.
43
00:02:00,485 --> 00:02:02,050
Ron, let's cut the bull.
44
00:02:02,175 --> 00:02:05,484
I want me, Tom, and all the other ladies
included on your hunting trip.
45
00:02:06,391 --> 00:02:07,541
Hunting trip?
46
00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:10,589
We're doing a trail survey, Leslie.
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00:02:10,951 --> 00:02:12,951
You're literally listening
to turkey calls.
48
00:02:14,020 --> 00:02:15,450
Is this not rap?
49
00:02:16,022 --> 00:02:17,490
- Come on.
- All right, look.
50
00:02:17,615 --> 00:02:19,780
It's not just a hunting trip.
51
00:02:21,372 --> 00:02:22,753
It's a tradition.
52
00:02:22,921 --> 00:02:24,821
I am really good at hunting.
53
00:02:25,046 --> 00:02:27,591
And I'm even better
at being one of the guys.
54
00:02:28,425 --> 00:02:30,025
It's a work event,
55
00:02:31,077 --> 00:02:33,305
so, legally,
I can't stop you from coming.
56
00:02:33,430 --> 00:02:36,180
This is gonna be so fun!
I'll bring s'mores.
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00:02:36,494 --> 00:02:37,944
And just like that,
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00:02:39,061 --> 00:02:41,761
the one tiny aspect of government
I enjoyed
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00:02:42,245 --> 00:02:44,545
was clubbed to death before my eyes.
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00:02:45,068 --> 00:02:47,668
April, I need you
to do something for me.
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00:02:47,793 --> 00:02:49,643
I'm going hunting tomorrow,
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00:02:50,156 --> 00:02:52,675
so call the State Parks Office
and get verbal confirmation
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00:02:52,800 --> 00:02:54,493
that our budget documentation is in.
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00:02:55,164 --> 00:02:56,928
Can I tell you
the 16 tracking number,
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00:02:57,053 --> 00:02:59,081
or do you want me to write it down?
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00:02:59,453 --> 00:03:02,198
- Can you handle this?
- You want me to dial a number,
67
00:03:02,323 --> 00:03:04,252
and then read another number
out loud?
68
00:03:05,545 --> 00:03:06,922
Can you handle this?
69
00:03:10,587 --> 00:03:11,887
Well, try. Okay?
70
00:03:12,303 --> 00:03:13,574
And if you do it,
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00:03:13,699 --> 00:03:15,846
I will name the first turkey I shoot
after you.
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00:03:17,188 --> 00:03:18,188
Cool.
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00:03:22,559 --> 00:03:24,334
Ann, ready to bag some birds?
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00:03:24,459 --> 00:03:26,740
No, but I am ready
to relax by the fire
75
00:03:26,865 --> 00:03:29,115
and get my real simple magazine on.
76
00:03:29,571 --> 00:03:31,468
If you change your mind,
you are now officially
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00:03:31,593 --> 00:03:33,156
a licensed Indiana hunter.
78
00:03:33,884 --> 00:03:34,884
Gross.
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00:03:40,655 --> 00:03:43,837
Hello, you have reached
the Indiana State Parks Department.
80
00:03:43,962 --> 00:03:47,091
Your call is very important to us.
Please stay on the line.
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00:03:57,588 --> 00:03:59,469
- Here we go.
- Here we are.
82
00:03:59,725 --> 00:04:01,059
There's Ron.
83
00:04:01,227 --> 00:04:03,645
It's pretty!
I thought it was gonna be gross.
84
00:04:07,191 --> 00:04:08,382
Holy cow.
85
00:04:09,486 --> 00:04:11,026
It is good to be back!
86
00:04:11,486 --> 00:04:12,636
Sneak attack!
87
00:04:14,684 --> 00:04:16,354
- Damn it!
- I'm the pants king!
88
00:04:16,479 --> 00:04:18,200
- Bow to me.
- Bow. I bow.
89
00:04:19,685 --> 00:04:21,185
I'm the pants queen!
90
00:04:22,938 --> 00:04:24,166
What the hell!
91
00:04:25,272 --> 00:04:26,922
Bow to the pants queen.
92
00:04:27,608 --> 00:04:30,512
When you're out with the boys,
you gotta be ready for a good pantsing.
93
00:04:30,749 --> 00:04:34,349
That's why I have suspenders
that connect my bra to my jeans.
94
00:04:35,672 --> 00:04:37,304
Ron "P. Diddy" combs.
95
00:04:37,713 --> 00:04:40,432
I have to admit,
this place is pretty tight.
96
00:04:41,035 --> 00:04:42,976
May I interest anyone in some chew?
97
00:04:43,312 --> 00:04:44,311
Nice touch.
98
00:04:45,357 --> 00:04:46,770
Let me get some of that.
99
00:04:46,940 --> 00:04:48,440
- You sure?
- Yeah.
100
00:04:48,565 --> 00:04:50,775
I would not have pegged you
as a user of mouth tobacco.
101
00:04:51,742 --> 00:04:53,270
I'm full of surprises, Ron.
102
00:04:53,395 --> 00:04:55,795
Man, my stomach's a little upset.
103
00:04:56,126 --> 00:04:57,491
I feel a little queasy.
104
00:04:57,659 --> 00:05:00,160
That might be the chew.
You could spit it out.
105
00:05:00,812 --> 00:05:01,828
I swallowed it.
106
00:05:01,996 --> 00:05:03,455
You're supposed to swallow it?
107
00:05:12,436 --> 00:05:13,436
All right.
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00:05:15,176 --> 00:05:16,479
Poor little buddy.
109
00:05:16,604 --> 00:05:18,810
That's why they call it chew
and not swallow.
110
00:05:18,935 --> 00:05:21,264
- Am I right, Ron?
- Yes, you are right.
111
00:05:23,059 --> 00:05:24,809
All right, safety basics.
112
00:05:26,311 --> 00:05:28,730
Tell me why it's bad
to look down the barrel of your gun?
113
00:05:29,109 --> 00:05:30,574
Is that a trick question?
114
00:05:30,699 --> 00:05:32,227
No, Donna, don't!
Please.
115
00:05:32,693 --> 00:05:35,658
Rule number one,
do not point the weapon at a person.
116
00:05:35,783 --> 00:05:37,447
That includes your own face.
117
00:05:37,842 --> 00:05:40,377
Now, every year before we go
on our first hunt,
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00:05:40,502 --> 00:05:42,502
we do a toast, so grab a beer.
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00:05:46,794 --> 00:05:47,958
To the hunt.
120
00:05:48,126 --> 00:05:49,051
Hear, hear!
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00:05:49,176 --> 00:05:50,626
And to the hunters.
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00:05:51,555 --> 00:05:53,655
The only way to defeat the beast
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00:05:53,943 --> 00:05:55,843
is to find the beast within.
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00:05:56,217 --> 00:05:58,343
- Pretty good.
- Hear, hear!
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00:05:58,636 --> 00:05:59,585
Right on!
126
00:05:59,710 --> 00:06:01,055
Ron, your toast sucked.
127
00:06:01,180 --> 00:06:02,514
The traditional toast
128
00:06:02,827 --> 00:06:04,353
is "to the hunt."
129
00:06:04,996 --> 00:06:06,735
And it is said by me.
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00:06:07,478 --> 00:06:08,641
You all set, Mark?
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00:06:08,766 --> 00:06:10,728
Maybe we could do mixed doubles.
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00:06:10,853 --> 00:06:12,107
Boy/girl, boy/girl.
133
00:06:12,416 --> 00:06:14,693
You said
that we were gonna hunt together.
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00:06:15,160 --> 00:06:18,446
I always forget because you're so pretty
you're not used to rejection.
135
00:06:19,173 --> 00:06:20,907
I have to hunt with Ron.
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00:06:21,117 --> 00:06:23,332
- Ann, we'll go together.
- Perfect.
137
00:06:23,587 --> 00:06:27,337
I hope you're ready to discuss
some college bowl game scenarios.
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00:06:28,228 --> 00:06:29,059
Bully.
139
00:06:39,456 --> 00:06:40,759
Can you come here?
140
00:06:41,262 --> 00:06:43,319
- What's up?
- I've been on hold for an hour.
141
00:06:43,444 --> 00:06:45,390
I really have to pee.
Can you sit here
142
00:06:45,600 --> 00:06:46,857
and just listen?
143
00:06:46,982 --> 00:06:48,018
Please? Great.
144
00:06:48,524 --> 00:06:52,124
And if they answer, can you just read
those numbers out loud?
145
00:06:55,657 --> 00:06:57,527
Now here's the female
adolescent turkey.
146
00:06:59,709 --> 00:07:02,386
Could you hear the difference?
The turkeys can.
147
00:07:08,729 --> 00:07:10,874
We do that the first time
one of us hits something.
148
00:07:11,042 --> 00:07:11,992
Cool.
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00:07:12,117 --> 00:07:13,710
No. You missed it.
150
00:07:15,093 --> 00:07:16,934
Look, Ron, I know this weekend
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00:07:17,059 --> 00:07:20,119
you were looking forward
to a lot of man on man on man action,
152
00:07:20,244 --> 00:07:23,957
but I wanted to say I'm very grateful
that you let me come along on this trip.
153
00:07:24,082 --> 00:07:25,182
That's fine.
154
00:07:25,307 --> 00:07:28,671
I'm just glad you didn't end up inviting
more of the motor...
155
00:07:29,829 --> 00:07:30,976
What the***?
156
00:07:31,813 --> 00:07:34,406
- What the hell? Give me some warning.
- I saw a quail.
157
00:07:34,670 --> 00:07:36,693
Sorry, man.
You snooze, you loose.
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00:07:43,991 --> 00:07:46,868
I think this is gonna be a really good
bonding sesh for me and Ron.
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00:07:47,036 --> 00:07:48,787
Guys love it when you can show them
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00:07:48,912 --> 00:07:51,247
you're better than they are
at something they love.
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00:07:52,854 --> 00:07:54,066
Check this out.
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00:07:54,752 --> 00:07:56,372
I am on hold
163
00:07:56,627 --> 00:07:58,338
with the State Parks Department
164
00:07:59,117 --> 00:08:00,507
I am on hold
165
00:08:00,927 --> 00:08:02,883
so suck on my butt
166
00:08:03,178 --> 00:08:03,968
Nice.
167
00:08:08,057 --> 00:08:09,787
They didn't answer, obviously.
168
00:08:09,912 --> 00:08:11,043
Where is everyone?
169
00:08:11,168 --> 00:08:13,019
- Hunting trip.
- Hunting trip?
170
00:08:13,284 --> 00:08:14,270
Did Mark go?
171
00:08:14,922 --> 00:08:17,148
That's cool.
At least he's not with Ann.
172
00:08:17,316 --> 00:08:19,158
- No, Ann's there.
- God!
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00:08:19,863 --> 00:08:22,054
How come he gets to do
all the things I want to do?
174
00:08:22,179 --> 00:08:23,345
Go hunting...
175
00:08:23,830 --> 00:08:24,830
Ann...
176
00:08:25,074 --> 00:08:26,699
Maybe a deer will eat him.
177
00:08:30,788 --> 00:08:31,876
That'd be awesome,
178
00:08:32,001 --> 00:08:34,207
but I don't think
that will happen, probably.
179
00:08:34,417 --> 00:08:37,368
You surprised that my breasts
didn't throw my aim off?
180
00:08:37,493 --> 00:08:38,743
Leslie, please.
181
00:08:39,115 --> 00:08:41,965
I don't care that you're a girl,
I just don't like change.
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00:08:42,133 --> 00:08:45,218
I like the same place, the same people,
telling the same stories,
183
00:08:45,386 --> 00:08:47,279
and seeing who can bag
the most turkeys.
184
00:08:47,805 --> 00:08:50,682
You like hunting with the same people
because you can beat 'em.
185
00:08:53,143 --> 00:08:55,228
100 bucks says I bag
more birds than you.
186
00:08:55,714 --> 00:08:56,521
You're on.
187
00:08:57,117 --> 00:08:59,591
Let's split up.
I do it better alone.
188
00:08:59,817 --> 00:09:01,462
Yeah, you do. See?
189
00:09:01,890 --> 00:09:03,208
Just one of the guys.
190
00:09:05,387 --> 00:09:07,417
Your favorite cake
can't be birthday cake.
191
00:09:07,542 --> 00:09:10,345
That's like saying, your favorite
kind of cereal is breakfast cereal.
192
00:09:10,470 --> 00:09:11,953
I love breakfast cereal.
193
00:09:12,121 --> 00:09:14,664
Look, some kind of bird. Let's kill it.
You talkin' to me, bitch?
194
00:09:19,854 --> 00:09:21,456
What were you aiming at?
195
00:09:21,581 --> 00:09:22,484
Nothin'.
196
00:09:30,715 --> 00:09:32,515
I can understand
why people like that.
197
00:09:39,120 --> 00:09:40,645
And keeping one's eyes open
198
00:09:40,770 --> 00:09:42,692
is always a good rule
of thumb around guns.
199
00:09:43,815 --> 00:09:45,509
This is such a great day.
200
00:09:45,634 --> 00:09:49,334
See, at my house I've got a wife
and three beautiful daughters.
201
00:09:50,033 --> 00:09:52,633
But this trip,
it is the one time of year
202
00:09:53,082 --> 00:09:54,978
I get to pee standing up.
203
00:09:58,676 --> 00:10:00,076
I love that sound.
204
00:10:02,141 --> 00:10:03,391
I've been shot!
205
00:10:05,477 --> 00:10:06,727
I've been shot!
206
00:10:14,998 --> 00:10:16,948
Somebody shot me in the head!
207
00:10:23,984 --> 00:10:24,984
My God!
208
00:10:25,511 --> 00:10:26,511
Over here.
209
00:10:26,863 --> 00:10:28,279
Ron, I have your hat.
210
00:10:29,019 --> 00:10:32,129
- Are you in a lot of pain?
- I was shot in the head with a shotgun!
211
00:10:32,254 --> 00:10:33,806
Ron, it's not that serious.
212
00:10:33,931 --> 00:10:35,675
I just need you to stay calm.
213
00:10:35,996 --> 00:10:39,046
I'm just gonna stay angry.
I find that relaxes me.
214
00:10:39,500 --> 00:10:41,834
Ron, we called 911,
and they're gonna send a ranger.
215
00:10:42,290 --> 00:10:44,162
Damn! This is a mess.
216
00:10:44,500 --> 00:10:46,544
The rangers won't let us
come back next year.
217
00:10:46,669 --> 00:10:48,631
We're not gonna think
about that right now.
218
00:10:48,756 --> 00:10:50,635
Can you put him on the day bed
219
00:10:50,803 --> 00:10:52,877
- in the carcass room?
- Day bed?
220
00:10:55,307 --> 00:10:56,507
Is that Donna?
221
00:11:05,873 --> 00:11:07,023
Are you okay?
222
00:11:07,455 --> 00:11:08,820
What is it, your heart?
223
00:11:08,945 --> 00:11:10,828
Are you having trouble breathing?
224
00:11:10,953 --> 00:11:11,953
Someone...
225
00:11:18,179 --> 00:11:20,831
- Here's your scotch, Ron.
- Jerry's here. Here's your scotch.
226
00:11:20,999 --> 00:11:22,099
There we go.
227
00:11:22,426 --> 00:11:25,856
Hey, you know what is great?
Ann's gonna take care of you.
228
00:11:25,981 --> 00:11:28,413
And Ann is the best nurse
in north America.
229
00:11:28,538 --> 00:11:30,238
All right.
There we go.
230
00:11:31,735 --> 00:11:34,178
- What? You okay?
- Did you... Did you shoot me?
231
00:11:34,529 --> 00:11:35,376
What?
232
00:11:36,515 --> 00:11:40,059
There was a bird kind of near me,
and I know you want to prove yourself.
233
00:11:40,227 --> 00:11:41,768
No, I swear I didn't.
234
00:11:41,893 --> 00:11:43,813
I swear to God,
I've never shot anyone.
235
00:11:43,981 --> 00:11:45,861
You better find out who it was.
236
00:11:45,986 --> 00:11:48,004
And then purchase them a coffin
237
00:11:48,129 --> 00:11:50,068
because I'm gonna rip them apart!
238
00:11:52,489 --> 00:11:53,489
Marco.
239
00:11:54,688 --> 00:11:55,538
Polo.
240
00:12:09,864 --> 00:12:12,916
How are you feeling? Are you dizzy?
Are you light-headed?
241
00:12:13,041 --> 00:12:15,527
When I look at my palm,
I see a lady's mouth
242
00:12:15,652 --> 00:12:17,202
french kissing a dog.
243
00:12:17,706 --> 00:12:18,681
Is that normal?
244
00:12:18,849 --> 00:12:21,085
The pain medication
I gave you is pretty strong.
245
00:12:21,210 --> 00:12:23,920
Donna uses it for menstrual cramps.
How many did you take?
246
00:12:24,045 --> 00:12:25,753
Seve... Eight.
247
00:12:26,396 --> 00:12:28,692
But I washed 'em down
with plenty of fluids.
248
00:12:28,817 --> 00:12:31,250
You cannot drink scotch with this!
249
00:12:31,375 --> 00:12:34,075
You're gonna need to purge
right now, okay?
250
00:12:34,200 --> 00:12:37,325
- No, I'm not wasting 20-year scotch.
- Can you open his mouth?
251
00:12:37,450 --> 00:12:38,868
- What?
- Open his mouth.
252
00:12:39,394 --> 00:12:42,609
- Open his mouth!
- I'm not making myself throw up.
253
00:12:42,982 --> 00:12:45,082
Ron, I'm sorry.
We have to do this.
254
00:12:45,250 --> 00:12:47,101
- This is for your own good.
- I'll bite you!
255
00:12:47,226 --> 00:12:49,561
- Open your mouth.
- Leslie, grab his moustache.
256
00:12:49,686 --> 00:12:50,880
Open your mouth.
257
00:12:51,048 --> 00:12:52,397
Get his chest up.
258
00:12:52,522 --> 00:12:54,758
- Open your mouth!
- His shoulders!
259
00:12:58,004 --> 00:13:00,555
The good news
is Ron is resting comfortably.
260
00:13:01,021 --> 00:13:02,641
Is he okay?
Is he gonna live?
261
00:13:03,211 --> 00:13:04,387
I think so.
262
00:13:04,865 --> 00:13:07,449
Although I am hoping
that he has some memory loss.
263
00:13:07,574 --> 00:13:10,024
On a scale of one to Chris Brown,
how pissed is he?
264
00:13:10,414 --> 00:13:13,114
Well, he's very curious
about who shot him.
265
00:13:13,301 --> 00:13:15,695
So if you did it,
just say "I did it".
266
00:13:17,926 --> 00:13:19,575
Come on, person who shot Ron.
267
00:13:23,906 --> 00:13:25,362
I think it's a little weird
268
00:13:25,487 --> 00:13:28,375
that nobody wants to admit
that they shot Ron in the head.
269
00:13:28,797 --> 00:13:30,460
Maybe Ron shot himself.
270
00:13:30,629 --> 00:13:32,411
He has seemed
really depressed lately.
271
00:13:32,536 --> 00:13:34,406
He was shot in the back of the head.
272
00:13:34,531 --> 00:13:37,724
- Right, he loves the back of his head.
- He would never shoot himself there.
273
00:13:37,849 --> 00:13:40,304
It could have been someone else.
Someone not in our group.
274
00:13:40,706 --> 00:13:42,953
You think someone is hunting us?
275
00:13:43,188 --> 00:13:44,883
Man is the most dangerous game.
276
00:13:45,008 --> 00:13:46,308
To the predator.
277
00:13:46,711 --> 00:13:49,064
I did smell something out there,
and it wasn't human.
278
00:13:49,189 --> 00:13:50,498
That was pine trees.
279
00:13:50,623 --> 00:13:52,094
The predator can see heat.
280
00:13:52,219 --> 00:13:53,692
We should cover ourselves in mud.
281
00:13:53,860 --> 00:13:55,319
It could still be out there.
282
00:13:56,953 --> 00:13:59,281
- Did you hear that?
- Actually, I did hear something.
283
00:13:59,449 --> 00:14:01,158
- There's someone.
- I get my gun.
284
00:14:01,326 --> 00:14:03,410
Scare him off.
Shoot over his head.
285
00:14:03,666 --> 00:14:06,240
What's that gonna do?
I'm gonna shoot under its head.
286
00:14:06,365 --> 00:14:08,874
- Don't shoot anyone.
- What are you doing?
287
00:14:10,032 --> 00:14:11,043
Don't shoot!
288
00:14:12,089 --> 00:14:14,589
It's Craig from Reinhold Mercedes!
289
00:14:15,298 --> 00:14:16,924
Craig, I got you, dawg!
290
00:14:17,082 --> 00:14:18,366
Don't worry, I'm comin'!
291
00:14:18,491 --> 00:14:20,928
Attention, person
who shot me in the head.
292
00:14:21,387 --> 00:14:24,337
I'm gonna find you
and I'm gonna tear you apart!
293
00:14:25,690 --> 00:14:27,060
Bed. Now.
294
00:14:32,183 --> 00:14:34,033
That man wasn't my brother.
295
00:14:34,930 --> 00:14:36,330
He was my husband!
296
00:14:39,671 --> 00:14:42,449
- How was that? That wasn't good?
- Yeah, you can do better.
297
00:14:42,617 --> 00:14:45,327
- Gimme another one.
- I'm pregnant...
298
00:14:46,136 --> 00:14:47,621
With Josh Groban's baby!
299
00:14:51,198 --> 00:14:52,459
That was good.
300
00:14:52,900 --> 00:14:53,961
You do one.
301
00:14:56,581 --> 00:14:58,882
What do you mean the squirrel...
302
00:14:59,378 --> 00:15:01,737
took the nuts out of the...
303
00:15:02,760 --> 00:15:06,265
Out of that kid's backpack...
And ate 'em?
304
00:15:07,588 --> 00:15:09,768
You have to give me
a reason to spit.
305
00:15:10,402 --> 00:15:11,402
To spit.
306
00:15:12,805 --> 00:15:16,107
- Don't ask me a question.
- I won't. Okay, not a question.
307
00:15:16,856 --> 00:15:19,410
I've lived in Pawnee my whole life.
308
00:15:23,350 --> 00:15:24,600
That is a fact.
309
00:15:25,222 --> 00:15:26,895
A fact about me.
310
00:15:29,496 --> 00:15:30,664
You have...
311
00:15:36,379 --> 00:15:39,064
- Hey, how is he?
- He's, pretty out of it.
312
00:15:39,189 --> 00:15:42,008
- He's talking about you in his sleep.
- Good stuff?
313
00:15:42,680 --> 00:15:44,345
- How's it going out there?
- Terribly.
314
00:15:44,726 --> 00:15:47,639
No one will admit they shot Ron,
and no one saw it happen.
315
00:15:47,907 --> 00:15:49,141
I know what happened.
316
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,060
You do?
317
00:15:52,790 --> 00:15:56,231
I heard about the accident,
and I need to know who is responsible.
318
00:15:56,922 --> 00:15:59,109
I don't know.
That's the problem.
319
00:15:59,277 --> 00:16:00,194
I am.
320
00:16:01,355 --> 00:16:02,664
I shot Ron Swanson.
321
00:16:03,156 --> 00:16:04,656
You shot my Mercedes?
322
00:16:04,824 --> 00:16:05,974
What? No. No!
323
00:16:09,459 --> 00:16:12,640
You can follow my light?
No, not your whole head, just the eyes.
324
00:16:15,660 --> 00:16:17,252
- What month is it?
- November
325
00:16:18,072 --> 00:16:19,963
Why are you taking
the blame for this?
326
00:16:20,754 --> 00:16:23,124
Don't worry about it.
I know what I'm doing.
327
00:16:23,249 --> 00:16:24,899
Just go look after Ron.
328
00:16:27,889 --> 00:16:29,014
So what happened?
329
00:16:29,182 --> 00:16:31,687
Did you forget
to check the entire field?
330
00:16:31,812 --> 00:16:34,770
I find a lot of women have
problems with tunnel vision.
331
00:16:36,291 --> 00:16:38,106
No, I'm an excellent hunter.
332
00:16:38,316 --> 00:16:40,067
How did you end up
shooting a guy, then?
333
00:16:40,597 --> 00:16:41,595
Fair enough.
334
00:16:41,720 --> 00:16:43,528
I was walking in the woods,
335
00:16:43,653 --> 00:16:46,153
and then I tripped
and my gun went off.
336
00:16:46,616 --> 00:16:50,373
- So you forgot to put the safety on.
- No, I always have the safety on.
337
00:16:52,055 --> 00:16:54,847
While I was tripping, I saw a quail,
338
00:16:54,972 --> 00:16:56,542
and I shot at it.
339
00:16:56,883 --> 00:16:57,835
In mid-trip?
340
00:16:58,318 --> 00:17:00,003
No. That's...
341
00:17:00,938 --> 00:17:02,186
Okay, fine.
342
00:17:03,623 --> 00:17:05,473
I got that tunnel vision...
343
00:17:05,678 --> 00:17:06,928
That girls get.
344
00:17:08,865 --> 00:17:11,547
- That's what happened. End of story.
- I think you're hysterical
345
00:17:11,672 --> 00:17:13,731
because of all the excitement,
obviously.
346
00:17:13,856 --> 00:17:16,270
So I'm just not following your story.
All right?
347
00:17:18,160 --> 00:17:20,386
I let my emotions
get the best of me.
348
00:17:20,511 --> 00:17:23,569
I just...
I cared too much, I guess.
349
00:17:23,817 --> 00:17:26,487
I was thinking with my lady parts.
350
00:17:26,612 --> 00:17:28,520
I was walking,
and I felt something icky.
351
00:17:28,645 --> 00:17:31,630
I thought there was gonna be chocolate.
I don't even remember.
352
00:17:31,827 --> 00:17:35,831
I'm wearing a new bra,
and it closes in the front.
353
00:17:35,956 --> 00:17:38,254
So it popped open
and it threw me off.
354
00:17:38,379 --> 00:17:40,065
All I want to do is have babies.
355
00:17:40,190 --> 00:17:43,131
Are you single?
I'm going through a thing right now.
356
00:17:43,256 --> 00:17:46,242
I guess when my life's incomplete,
I want to shoot someone.
357
00:17:46,367 --> 00:17:48,867
This would not happen
if I had a penis!
358
00:17:49,113 --> 00:17:51,109
What?
Bitches be crazy.
359
00:17:51,234 --> 00:17:53,098
I'm good at tolerating pain,
360
00:17:53,605 --> 00:17:56,865
I'm bad at math, and I'm stupid.
361
00:17:57,650 --> 00:17:59,229
I wonder what they're doing.
362
00:17:59,407 --> 00:18:02,307
Probably making out
on top of a deer carcass.
363
00:18:02,948 --> 00:18:04,198
Super-romantic.
364
00:18:05,524 --> 00:18:08,771
You know, if I gave you a hickey,
it would totally make Ann jealous.
365
00:18:12,013 --> 00:18:14,633
I don't know, I think that would...
That's pretty gross.
366
00:18:14,758 --> 00:18:16,258
Seems kind of weird.
367
00:18:16,716 --> 00:18:20,166
What's weird about one friend sucking
on another friend's neck?
368
00:18:23,245 --> 00:18:25,547
When you put it that way,
it doesn't sound that weird at all.
369
00:18:26,102 --> 00:18:28,924
Yeah, it's not. I gave my gay
boyfriend's boyfriend a hickey,
370
00:18:29,049 --> 00:18:31,385
and it totally made
my gay boyfriend jealous.
371
00:18:31,923 --> 00:18:32,923
Really?
372
00:18:35,225 --> 00:18:36,325
All right...
373
00:18:36,990 --> 00:18:38,235
awesome, I'm in.
374
00:18:38,360 --> 00:18:40,030
I'm gonna go sterilize my neck.
375
00:18:45,962 --> 00:18:46,742
What?
376
00:18:47,330 --> 00:18:49,704
You know, Leslie,
the Super Bowl's in a couple months.
377
00:18:49,829 --> 00:18:51,761
I usually watch it with my brothers.
378
00:18:51,886 --> 00:18:55,196
Maybe you could come by at halftime
and shoot me in the head.
379
00:18:56,131 --> 00:18:59,001
Ron, I'm really sorry
that I ruined your weekend.
380
00:18:59,126 --> 00:19:02,943
Or perhaps next time I'm enjoying
some alone time in the men's restroom,
381
00:19:03,068 --> 00:19:05,879
you could invite yourself into my stall
and shoot me in the head.
382
00:19:07,187 --> 00:19:09,758
Look, if there's anything I can do
to make it up to you...
383
00:19:09,883 --> 00:19:11,916
Sure.
How 'bout you shoot me in the head?
384
00:19:12,041 --> 00:19:13,553
Wait, you already did that!
385
00:19:15,600 --> 00:19:18,221
Hey, Tom, can I talk to you
for a second?
386
00:19:18,346 --> 00:19:19,811
Hold on.
This is amazing.
387
00:19:19,936 --> 00:19:22,042
Now. I need to talk to you now.
388
00:19:26,859 --> 00:19:28,660
Are we finally gonna do this?
389
00:19:29,203 --> 00:19:30,703
I saw you shoot Ron.
390
00:19:30,887 --> 00:19:32,384
Okay, Leslie covered for you,
391
00:19:32,509 --> 00:19:35,700
but I won'tlet her take more crap
from Ron on your sorry-ass behalf.
392
00:19:36,253 --> 00:19:39,749
Okay, for the record, I was gonna
come forward, and I'll do it right now.
393
00:19:39,874 --> 00:19:42,416
But afterwards can we come back here
and talk about us?
394
00:19:44,752 --> 00:19:47,922
Maybe the next time I'm at the doctor's
office getting my prostate examined,
395
00:19:48,047 --> 00:19:50,169
you could come by
and shoot me in the head.
396
00:19:50,294 --> 00:19:51,716
Excuse me, everyone.
397
00:19:51,884 --> 00:19:53,969
Ron, I have something to say.
398
00:19:54,137 --> 00:19:56,283
Hang on a minute.
I'm not done berating Leslie.
399
00:19:56,408 --> 00:19:58,097
It wasn't Leslie's fault.
400
00:19:58,843 --> 00:20:02,392
She was covering for me
because I didn't have a hunting license.
401
00:20:03,834 --> 00:20:06,231
- I was the one who shot you.
- You didn't get a license?
402
00:20:06,830 --> 00:20:09,234
What kind of moron
doesn't get a license?
403
00:20:09,402 --> 00:20:11,510
That's reckless endangerment,
my son.
404
00:20:11,635 --> 00:20:13,968
That's a $25,000 fine, minimum.
405
00:20:14,194 --> 00:20:15,574
And probably jail time.
406
00:20:16,002 --> 00:20:17,868
But she covered for me,
407
00:20:18,036 --> 00:20:19,436
and I'm in the clear.
408
00:20:19,561 --> 00:20:20,711
That's right.
409
00:20:21,181 --> 00:20:23,957
She kept her mouth shut,
and now you're in the clear.
410
00:20:24,125 --> 00:20:26,207
- You know, I couldn't let...
- I know.
411
00:20:27,404 --> 00:20:28,554
You did good.
412
00:20:32,102 --> 00:20:33,508
You're a real stand-up guy.
413
00:20:34,706 --> 00:20:36,219
I'm sorry I lost my temper.
414
00:20:36,908 --> 00:20:39,526
It was because I was shot
in the head by a moron.
415
00:20:39,651 --> 00:20:40,932
Dude, Ron, I'm so sorry.
416
00:20:41,100 --> 00:20:43,136
Apology not accepted, moron.
417
00:20:47,471 --> 00:20:48,565
Pants king.
418
00:20:49,362 --> 00:20:50,525
Pants queen.
419
00:21:05,084 --> 00:21:06,573
The turkeys are great.
420
00:21:11,823 --> 00:21:13,223
Welcome back, Ron.
421
00:21:14,461 --> 00:21:16,130
"Welcome back, Ron."
422
00:21:17,375 --> 00:21:19,625
That's terrific.
Thanks, you guys.
423
00:21:20,433 --> 00:21:21,389
Let's eat!
424
00:21:21,557 --> 00:21:23,715
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