1
00:00:00,877 --> 00:00:04,240
- And another thing I like
2
00:00:04,308 --> 00:00:08,307
Is the layout of the hiking trails.
3
00:00:08,374 --> 00:00:10,473
- I made this in one of your pottery classes.
4
00:00:10,541 --> 00:00:12,941
It's terrible!
5
00:00:13,009 --> 00:00:14,807
- This is my hell.
6
00:00:14,875 --> 00:00:17,774
[triumphant music]
7
00:00:17,842 --> 00:00:27,842
Sync by lo3b
www.addic7ed.com
8
00:00:36,019 --> 00:00:37,819
- Leslie.
9
00:00:37,887 --> 00:00:39,150
Ann's friend, justin.
10
00:00:39,218 --> 00:00:40,684
- Oh, hey, yeah. Of course. Hi.
11
00:00:40,752 --> 00:00:42,151
Thank you. Thank you for coming in.
12
00:00:42,219 --> 00:00:43,218
- My pleasure. Not a problem.
13
00:00:43,286 --> 00:00:45,250
- Have a seat. - I should warn you,
14
00:00:45,318 --> 00:00:47,083
Land seizure isn't really my specialty,
15
00:00:47,151 --> 00:00:48,384
But I'm gonna have to take a look.
16
00:00:48,451 --> 00:00:49,818
Any friend of ann's... - Is a friend of mine.
17
00:00:49,885 --> 00:00:51,050
That's my motto too.
18
00:00:51,118 --> 00:00:52,251
- Hmm. [both chuckle]
19
00:00:52,318 --> 00:00:54,251
- , um, what is your specialty?
20
00:00:54,319 --> 00:00:55,852
Is it locking up the bad guys,
21
00:00:55,920 --> 00:00:58,653
Or keeping them on the streets? - Um, neither.
22
00:00:58,720 --> 00:01:00,519
It's civil litigation, mostly. - That's interesting.
23
00:01:00,587 --> 00:01:03,487
- Can be...I've got this crazy case right now.
24
00:01:02,789 --> 00:01:04,222
♪but you have to do it fast, then-- ♪
25
00:01:03,555 --> 00:01:06,355
Have you ever heard of this product, fire in a can?
26
00:01:04,290 --> 00:01:05,456
- Well, you shouldn't buy it.
27
00:01:06,422 --> 00:01:07,555
- Oh, I love those commercials!
28
00:01:07,623 --> 00:01:09,055
♪if you wanna start a fire ♪
29
00:01:11,858 --> 00:01:13,990
It will literally burn your hand clean off.
30
00:01:14,058 --> 00:01:15,791
- Oh, wow. - Mm-hmm.
31
00:01:15,859 --> 00:01:19,292
It is an aerosol can with an igniter and a trigger.
32
00:01:19,360 --> 00:01:21,626
It's essentially a blow torch.
33
00:01:21,694 --> 00:01:23,327
And, if you can believe it,
34
00:01:23,394 --> 00:01:26,428
It was invented to warm up baby bottles.
35
00:01:26,496 --> 00:01:28,629
- This is my colleague, tom haverford.
36
00:01:28,697 --> 00:01:30,363
- Tom, justin. - How are you?
37
00:01:30,431 --> 00:01:32,631
You are wearing the hell out of that suit, sir.
38
00:01:32,698 --> 00:01:34,063
Banana two-button.
39
00:01:34,131 --> 00:01:35,064
- Okay, let's go into the conference room.
40
00:01:35,132 --> 00:01:36,064
I got everything laid out.
41
00:01:36,132 --> 00:01:37,465
- We should talk later. - Tom, stop.
42
00:01:38,767 --> 00:01:41,601
- Wow, 12:15. You're early today.
43
00:01:41,668 --> 00:01:43,769
- April, there's no paper in the printer.
44
00:01:43,837 --> 00:01:45,337
- So?
45
00:01:45,405 --> 00:01:47,472
- So that's the one thing you do.
46
00:01:47,539 --> 00:01:49,006
- [sighs]
47
00:01:51,975 --> 00:01:53,875
- Attention.
48
00:01:53,943 --> 00:01:55,308
April, stop doing that.
49
00:01:55,376 --> 00:01:57,809
- Jerry told me to, so it's super-crucial.
50
00:01:57,877 --> 00:01:59,243
- More important than that,
51
00:01:59,311 --> 00:02:02,645
And more important than anything in this god-forsaken world
52
00:02:02,713 --> 00:02:04,012
Is finding me an assistant.
53
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:06,114
- You get an assistant now?
54
00:02:06,181 --> 00:02:07,581
- Yeah, I've always been able to have one,
55
00:02:07,649 --> 00:02:09,349
But ve turned it down cause it's a waste of money.
56
00:02:09,417 --> 00:02:10,883
In the eight years I've been at the job,
57
00:02:10,951 --> 00:02:12,451
I've saved the taxpayers of this city
58
00:02:12,518 --> 00:02:14,318
More than 150 grand.
59
00:02:14,386 --> 00:02:17,353
But now, I need the taxpayers' money
60
00:02:17,421 --> 00:02:19,387
To save me from the taxpayers.
61
00:02:19,455 --> 00:02:22,889
Post this at your college.
62
00:02:24,291 --> 00:02:26,658
- This looks like an ad for nothing.
63
00:02:26,726 --> 00:02:27,726
- Please be careful with it.
64
00:02:27,793 --> 00:02:29,893
It's my only copy.
65
00:02:29,961 --> 00:02:31,861
- You are very organized, leslie.
66
00:02:31,929 --> 00:02:33,462
- Yeah, I am.
67
00:02:33,530 --> 00:02:34,763
Thank you.
68
00:02:34,831 --> 00:02:36,664
- I love what you do. You got the coolest job.
69
00:02:36,732 --> 00:02:38,665
Let me guess. This is our park.
70
00:02:38,733 --> 00:02:40,332
I want to know everything about this.
71
00:02:40,400 --> 00:02:41,700
- Oh, okay.
72
00:02:41,767 --> 00:02:43,567
Well, these green things represent trees.
73
00:02:43,635 --> 00:02:46,069
- I come in, like, two hours late
74
00:02:46,137 --> 00:02:47,737
Because I had to finish watching swimfan
75
00:02:47,805 --> 00:02:49,671
Because it was...On.
76
00:02:49,739 --> 00:02:51,773
And everyone, like, jumped down my throat.
77
00:02:51,840 --> 00:02:53,040
- Oh, man.
78
00:02:53,108 --> 00:02:54,708
- Can't wait till my internship is over,
79
00:02:54,776 --> 00:02:56,309
So I can get the hell out of here.
80
00:02:56,376 --> 00:02:59,144
- Well, you're all set.
81
00:02:59,211 --> 00:03:01,512
Free of charge, of course.
82
00:03:01,580 --> 00:03:04,247
- Hey, why don't you sell your band's cds here?
83
00:03:04,315 --> 00:03:05,948
- That is a brilliant idea.
84
00:03:06,016 --> 00:03:08,149
I cannot believe I didn't think of that.
85
00:03:08,217 --> 00:03:10,050
I have been writing a lot of songs
86
00:03:10,118 --> 00:03:12,285
About shining shoes lately.
87
00:03:12,353 --> 00:03:14,720
I tend to write about what I'm doing.
88
00:03:14,788 --> 00:03:16,822
♪talkin' 'bout ♪
117 00:04:09,735 --> 00:04:13,671 ♪writin' about what I'm doin' ♪
118 00:04:13,739 --> 00:04:17,041 ♪now I'm singin' about talkin' about ♪
119 00:04:17,109 --> 00:04:20,377 ♪writin' about what I'm doin' ♪
120 00:04:20,445 --> 00:04:22,347 - Companies make bogus claims lihis all the time.
89
00:03:29,568 --> 00:03:30,869
I think you're gonna be just fine.
90
00:03:30,937 --> 00:03:33,138
- Thank you so much. I know you're really busy.
91
00:03:33,206 --> 00:03:34,306
- Please, it's my pleasure.
92
00:03:34,373 --> 00:03:36,908
Least this stuff is interesting, you know.
93
00:03:36,976 --> 00:03:38,276
You know, it actually reminds me--
94
00:03:38,344 --> 00:03:41,279
Two years ago I was in borneo, officiating a wedding,
95
00:03:41,347 --> 00:03:43,782
And this enormous medicine man showed up,
96
00:03:43,849 --> 00:03:45,917
And he was there to basically tell--
97
00:03:45,985 --> 00:03:47,386
- Justin! - Hey, kiddo.
98
00:03:47,453 --> 00:03:49,020
- Hey. - How you doin'?
99
00:03:49,088 --> 00:03:50,688
- I'm good. I haven't seen you in forever.
100
00:03:50,756 --> 00:03:52,123
- I know, so good to see you.
101
00:03:52,191 --> 00:03:53,291
- You too. Do you want to grab some dinner?
102
00:03:53,358 --> 00:03:54,826
- Uh, I would love to.
103
00:03:54,893 --> 00:03:56,561
I cannot. I am swamped.
104
00:03:56,628 --> 00:03:57,628
- You're always so busy.
105
00:03:57,696 --> 00:03:59,330
- Yeah. Next week, I promise.
106
00:03:59,398 --> 00:04:00,932
- Okay. - Hey, I'm mark.
107
00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,568
- Oh! Sorry. Justin, this is mark.
108
00:04:03,636 --> 00:04:05,604
This is the city planner. - Oh, my god.
109
00:04:05,672 --> 00:04:06,938
It's such a pleasure to meet you.
110
00:04:07,006 --> 00:04:08,607
- Uh, pleasure. - Pleasure.
111
00:04:10,476 --> 00:04:12,109
Anyway, leslie, I have to go.
112
00:04:12,177 --> 00:04:13,911
It has been a super pleasure meeting you.
113
00:04:13,978 --> 00:04:15,245
I am gonna get into this over the weekend,
114
00:04:15,313 --> 00:04:17,446
And I will get back to you on Monday about it.
115
00:04:17,514 --> 00:04:18,714
- Okay, great. - All right.
116
00:04:18,781 --> 00:04:20,581
- See you, justin. - Hey, tom, good seeing you.
117
00:04:20,648 --> 00:04:21,981
- I've been thinking.
118
00:04:22,049 --> 00:04:24,883
It has been a while since dave left.
119
00:04:24,950 --> 00:04:26,917
And I think I might be ready to start dating again.
120
00:04:26,985 --> 00:04:28,653
- That's great! Oh, my god.
121
00:04:28,721 --> 00:04:29,953
I have so many ideas.
122
00:04:30,021 --> 00:04:32,121
- You know, I was only with mark for one night,
123
00:04:32,189 --> 00:04:34,724
And then I was hung up on him for six years.
124
00:04:34,792 --> 00:04:36,826
I dated dave for three months.
125
00:04:36,894 --> 00:04:38,728
So if I continue that pattern,
126
00:04:38,796 --> 00:04:42,198
I won't be over him for...
127
00:04:42,265 --> 00:04:44,600
500 years.
128
00:04:44,668 --> 00:04:46,001
- What is your ideal man?
129
00:04:46,069 --> 00:04:48,137
- He has the brains of george clooney
130
00:04:48,205 --> 00:04:49,939
In the body of joe biden.
131
00:04:50,006 --> 00:04:51,974
- Interesting.
132
00:04:52,042 --> 00:04:53,576
Okay, just off the bat,
133
00:04:53,643 --> 00:04:55,844
There is a couple of doctors I think you would love.
134
00:04:55,912 --> 00:04:57,613
- What about justin?
135
00:04:57,680 --> 00:05:00,015
- I mean, I feel like we kind of hit it off in there.
136
00:05:00,083 --> 00:05:01,517
- Yeah, I don't...
137
00:05:01,584 --> 00:05:02,851
I have to think about that.
138
00:05:02,919 --> 00:05:04,520
I don't--I'm not sure that would work.
139
00:05:04,587 --> 00:05:05,921
- Really? Is there something wrong with him?
140
00:05:05,989 --> 00:05:07,990
- No, no, he's really, really, really great.
141
00:05:08,057 --> 00:05:09,658
And you're so great, obviously.
142
00:05:09,726 --> 00:05:11,793
I just do--I don't-- I don't know.
143
00:05:11,861 --> 00:05:13,228
But I will find you soone. I promise.
144
00:05:13,296 --> 00:05:14,296
And he'll be awesome.
145
00:05:14,364 --> 00:05:15,864
I'm gonna go do it right now.
146
00:05:15,932 --> 00:05:17,099
- Good, great. Yes!
147
00:05:17,166 --> 00:05:19,368
Go, ann, go! Oh, just one rule.
148
00:05:19,436 --> 00:05:20,669
I don't want to date a twin.
149
00:05:20,737 --> 00:05:23,172
'cause I've been tricked before.
150
00:05:23,239 --> 00:05:24,540
- Okay.
151
00:05:24,607 --> 00:05:27,976
- Yes, I understand your complaint.
152
00:05:28,044 --> 00:05:29,778
I have to go now.
153
00:05:29,846 --> 00:05:32,114
Plse. Thank you.
154
00:05:32,182 --> 00:05:34,184
- Ron solo. - Hello, tom.
155
00:05:34,251 --> 00:05:36,152
- I want to help you with your assistant search.
156
00:05:36,220 --> 00:05:37,420
- Why?
157
00:05:37,488 --> 00:05:38,587
- 'cause I wan to do my boy ron a solid.
158
00:05:38,655 --> 00:05:39,722
I know exactly what you're looking for,
159
00:05:39,789 --> 00:05:41,456
And I will find you a reliable person.
160
00:05:41,524 --> 00:05:45,893
[phone ringing]
161
00:05:49,931 --> 00:05:52,165
- Now, get out there and find me an assistant.
162
00:05:52,233 --> 00:05:53,967
- Okay.
163
00:05:54,035 --> 00:05:55,135
- I left you three messages. Did you get them?
164
00:05:55,203 --> 00:05:56,303
- No, I been running around all day.
165
00:05:56,371 --> 00:05:57,538
What's up?
166
00:05:57,606 --> 00:05:59,373
- I found the perfect guy to set you up with.
167
00:05:59,441 --> 00:06:01,408
But he's going out of town, so he can only do tonight.
168
00:06:01,476 --> 00:06:03,844
So I came over here right after work.
169
00:06:03,912 --> 00:06:05,379
- Is that his blood? - What?
170
00:06:05,447 --> 00:06:07,515
Oh, damn. Now I have to go back.
171
00:06:07,582 --> 00:06:09,316
- Who is he? - His name is chris,
172
00:06:09,383 --> 00:06:10,983
And he's an mri technician.
173
00:06:11,051 --> 00:06:12,851
And he's really cute and he's very passionate about his job.
174
00:06:12,919 --> 00:06:15,320
And I told him all about you and he's really interested.
175
00:06:15,388 --> 00:06:18,256
So dinner tonight, and here's the info.
176
00:06:18,324 --> 00:06:20,358
- Thanks. Wait!
177
00:06:20,425 --> 00:06:21,692
How is he gonna know it's me?
178
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,627
I'll wear a red rose in my hair.
179
00:06:23,695 --> 00:06:25,161
No, I'll wear a giant, red hat.
180
00:06:25,229 --> 00:06:26,596
No, I don't have one of those. What should I wear?
181
00:06:26,664 --> 00:06:27,830
It's gotta be red.
182
00:06:27,898 --> 00:06:29,598
- I will just tell him what you look like.
183
00:06:29,666 --> 00:06:30,699
- Good call.
184
00:06:30,767 --> 00:06:31,767
[light piano music]
185
00:06:31,835 --> 00:06:33,134
- Hi, I'm leslie.
186
00:06:33,202 --> 00:06:34,502
Are you chris? - Yeah.
187
00:06:34,570 --> 00:06:37,305
- Sorry I'm late. - Oh, don't worry about it.
188
00:06:37,373 --> 00:06:39,840
You look beautiful. - Thank you.
189
00:06:39,908 --> 00:06:40,875
- Oh, here, let take your coat.
190
00:06:40,942 --> 00:06:42,710
- Oh, thanks. - Sure.
191
00:06:42,777 --> 00:06:45,378
- [whispering] well done, ann.
192
00:06:45,446 --> 00:06:47,113
- I actually heard that. - What?
193
00:06:48,580 --> 00:06:50,440
- Well, I went to wisconsin for both undergrad
194
00:06:50,440 --> 00:06:51,640
And grad school.
195
00:06:52,107 --> 00:06:54,742
Go, badgers. - Boo. Indiana hoosiers.
196
00:06:54,810 --> 00:06:56,711
- No, badgers.
197
00:06:56,779 --> 00:06:58,346
- Oh.
198
00:06:58,414 --> 00:06:59,547
It's not important.
199
00:06:59,614 --> 00:07:02,816
I'm just glad that we could make this happen.
200
00:07:02,884 --> 00:07:04,518
- Ann kept going on about how wonderful you are,
201
00:07:04,586 --> 00:07:06,921
And I just had to see for myself.
202
00:07:06,988 --> 00:07:08,589
- Well, she's my number one best friend.
203
00:07:08,656 --> 00:07:10,024
- Kind of wish she'd told me that you went to indiana,
204
00:07:10,091 --> 00:07:11,625
But whatever.
205
00:07:11,693 --> 00:07:13,660
So you're in charge of amusement parks, right?
206
00:07:13,728 --> 00:07:15,061
God, that's exciting.
207
00:07:15,129 --> 00:07:17,130
- Actually, it's regular parks.
208
00:07:17,198 --> 00:07:18,832
Like swings and slides and stuff.
209
00:07:18,900 --> 00:07:20,334
- Strike two.
210
00:07:22,171 --> 00:07:23,671
- You know, isn't it funny
211
00:07:23,739 --> 00:07:26,208
How these setups are always just so awkward?
212
00:07:26,275 --> 00:07:28,711
[both laugh]
213
00:07:28,778 --> 00:07:30,913
- Hey, watch this.
214
00:07:30,981 --> 00:07:33,216
I will now extinguish this candle
215
00:07:33,284 --> 00:07:34,384
With my bare hands.
216
00:07:34,452 --> 00:07:37,588
- Okay.
217
00:07:37,655 --> 00:07:40,358
- Gah, [bleep]! Uhh!
218
00:07:40,425 --> 00:07:42,293
That really hurts. - Are you okay?
219
00:07:42,360 --> 00:07:44,993
- Oh, god, it looks so much easier on the internet.
220
00:07:45,061 --> 00:07:47,061
God, I gotta borrow some of your ice.
221
00:07:47,129 --> 00:07:48,962
[exhales]
222
00:07:49,030 --> 00:07:50,030
- German?
223
00:07:50,098 --> 00:07:52,566
[laughing] oh, my god.
224
00:07:52,634 --> 00:07:54,467
All right, later.
225
00:07:54,535 --> 00:07:55,635
- Ah.
226
00:07:55,703 --> 00:07:57,937
Was that, um, justin?
227
00:07:58,005 --> 00:08:00,505
- Yes. We are going to lunch tomorrow.
228
00:08:00,572 --> 00:08:01,772
- Oh, great.
229
00:08:01,839 --> 00:08:03,740
Did you guys ever date?
230
00:08:03,807 --> 00:08:05,304
- No, we never did.
231
00:08:05,372 --> 00:08:06,671
He's just like...
232
00:08:06,739 --> 00:08:07,771
A really amazing person.
233
00:08:07,839 --> 00:08:09,771
- Awesome.
234
00:08:09,839 --> 00:08:11,640
- Let's do this! Marley & me.
235
00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:13,609
Puppies! Puppies, puppies.
236
00:08:13,676 --> 00:08:14,676
- [laughing] I know.
237
00:08:14,744 --> 00:08:18,078
Let's...Watch marley & me.
238
00:08:19,980 --> 00:08:22,812
- Brian.
239
00:08:22,879 --> 00:08:24,546
Technically, you'd be assisting ron.
240
00:08:24,613 --> 00:08:26,647
But ron really doesn't do much government work,
241
00:08:26,715 --> 00:08:28,482
So you'd really be working for me.
242
00:08:28,550 --> 00:08:30,917
I'm interested in real world expertise.
243
00:08:30,985 --> 00:08:33,653
I got a nightclub opening to go to.
244
00:08:33,721 --> 00:08:35,454
Which tie do I wear?
245
00:08:35,522 --> 00:08:36,889
- I like the one on the left.
246
00:08:36,957 --> 00:08:39,225
- That was a trick question.
247
00:08:39,292 --> 00:08:41,126
The answer is this one.
248
00:08:41,194 --> 00:08:43,963
Tell me about you. Tell me about your friends.
249
00:08:44,030 --> 00:08:46,264
Be as superficial as possible.
250
00:08:46,332 --> 00:08:47,499
I meet a girl at a bar.
251
00:08:47,566 --> 00:08:49,567
She seems kind of into me. Could go either way.
252
00:08:49,635 --> 00:08:51,135
I get her number. It's two days later.
253
00:08:51,203 --> 00:08:52,603
What do I text her?
254
00:08:52,671 --> 00:08:53,937
- It was nice meeting you?
255
00:08:54,005 --> 00:08:55,238
- No, zack!
256
00:08:55,306 --> 00:08:56,606
I don't text her, "it was nice meeting you."
257
00:08:56,674 --> 00:08:58,074
I wait eight weeks,
258
00:08:58,141 --> 00:09:00,175
And I text her, "what's crackin'?"
259
00:09:00,242 --> 00:09:02,777
- So do you enjoy it?
260
00:09:02,844 --> 00:09:04,311
Being an mri technician?
261
00:09:04,379 --> 00:09:05,546
- Great question.
262
00:09:05,613 --> 00:09:07,481
Someone steps into the room.
263
00:09:07,548 --> 00:09:10,517
Imagine a mother of three. Maybe she's a teacher.
264
00:09:10,584 --> 00:09:13,586
She knows something's wrong, but she doesn't know what it is.
265
00:09:13,654 --> 00:09:15,187
She's scared.
266
00:09:15,255 --> 00:09:17,789
In less than an hour, I know what it is.
267
00:09:17,857 --> 00:09:18,824
- What's wrong with her?
268
00:09:18,891 --> 00:09:21,159
- I don't know.
269
00:09:21,226 --> 00:09:23,827
But the best part about being an mri technician is...
270
00:09:23,895 --> 00:09:26,162
I can see inside everything.
271
00:09:26,230 --> 00:09:27,797
See that guy over there?
272
00:09:27,864 --> 00:09:31,167
Imagine being able to look inside his head.
273
00:09:31,234 --> 00:09:32,634
- Wow. - I know.
274
00:09:32,702 --> 00:09:35,871
Could look inside the steak or this butter or this bread.
275
00:09:35,938 --> 00:09:38,807
You can look inside anything.
276
00:09:38,874 --> 00:09:40,308
- Well, if you look inside this bread,
277
00:09:40,375 --> 00:09:41,709
All you're gonna find is more bread.
278
00:09:41,777 --> 00:09:44,478
- I don't know. I'd have to do an mri.
279
00:09:44,545 --> 00:09:46,846
- Anyway, it's good that you found your calling.
280
00:09:46,914 --> 00:09:49,248
I mean, I've never even had an mri before.
281
00:09:49,315 --> 00:09:51,182
[sets down fork] - what?
282
00:09:53,318 --> 00:09:55,353
- I don't know about this.
283
00:09:55,421 --> 00:09:58,157
- Well, I'm offering you a free scan.
284
00:09:58,224 --> 00:10:00,292
Usually costs up to $2,000.
285
00:10:00,360 --> 00:10:02,093
I'm kind of spoiling you here.
286
00:10:02,161 --> 00:10:05,229
- Well, I am a little curious.
287
00:10:05,296 --> 00:10:06,730
- Good.
288
00:10:06,798 --> 00:10:08,065
'cause, frankly, I don't want to invest in someone
289
00:10:08,133 --> 00:10:09,366
Who only has three months to live.
290
00:10:09,434 --> 00:10:12,435
- [laughs]
291
00:10:12,503 --> 00:10:13,903
Oh.
292
00:10:13,971 --> 00:10:15,071
I'm just trying to think of this as an adventure.
293
00:10:15,138 --> 00:10:16,138
You know?
294
00:10:16,206 --> 00:10:19,041
Just getting right back on that horse.
295
00:10:19,109 --> 00:10:20,609
Even if that horse is crazy
296
00:10:20,677 --> 00:10:23,345
And want to peer inside my body.
297
00:10:23,413 --> 00:10:24,412
[snap]
298
00:10:24,480 --> 00:10:25,547
How does that feel?
299
00:10:25,614 --> 00:10:26,714
- Uh, weird.
300
00:10:26,782 --> 00:10:27,849
- Perfect.
301
00:10:27,916 --> 00:10:30,585
Oh, you're not on your period, are you?
302
00:10:30,653 --> 00:10:32,054
- No. Does that matter?
303
00:10:32,122 --> 00:10:34,490
- Well, not for this.
304
00:10:34,558 --> 00:10:37,160
Okay, it's gonna be a little cramped in there.
305
00:10:37,228 --> 00:10:39,396
Don't worry, I'll be right on the other side of that glass.
306
00:10:39,464 --> 00:10:40,998
[machine whirring]
307
00:10:41,066 --> 00:10:42,700
- Just your basic assistant stuff.
308
00:10:42,768 --> 00:10:44,400
Taking messages, wakeup calls.
309
00:10:44,468 --> 00:10:46,868
Muscle milk runs, condom runs,
310
00:10:46,935 --> 00:10:48,402
Bottle service to the snakehole lounge.
311
00:10:48,470 --> 00:10:49,703
That kind of stuff.
312
00:10:49,771 --> 00:10:50,771
- Sorry, what do I get out of this?
313
00:10:50,838 --> 00:10:53,106
- Connections. Plus 19 grand a year.
314
00:10:53,173 --> 00:10:56,074
Minus my 10% headhunter's fee.
315
00:10:56,142 --> 00:10:57,975
- I have to pay you two grand if I get hired?
316
00:10:58,043 --> 00:10:59,343
- I have a job to offer.
317
00:10:59,411 --> 00:11:01,711
In the immortal words of rob blagojevich,
318
00:11:01,779 --> 00:11:03,479
It's a [bleep] valuable thing.
319
00:11:03,547 --> 00:11:05,280
You just don't give it away for nothing.
320
00:11:05,348 --> 00:11:07,915
- So you never told me where you're from.
321
00:11:07,983 --> 00:11:10,684
- I'm from pawnee. - Keep still, please.
322
00:11:10,752 --> 00:11:12,085
What kind of music do you like?
323
00:11:12,152 --> 00:11:13,519
- Can I answer that?
324
00:11:13,587 --> 00:11:14,853
- Sure. Keep still.
325
00:11:14,921 --> 00:11:16,554
- All kinds.
326
00:11:16,622 --> 00:11:17,788
- It's very important
327
00:11:17,856 --> 00:11:20,023
That you keep still at this moment, leslie.
328
00:11:20,091 --> 00:11:21,758
I've told you that 1,000 times.
329
00:11:21,826 --> 00:11:22,792
- [grunts]
330
00:11:22,860 --> 00:11:24,860
- Did you ever break your arm?
331
00:11:24,927 --> 00:11:27,128
You can answer that. Here, I'll turn it off.
332
00:11:27,195 --> 00:11:28,528
- One time, I was on my bike,
333
00:11:28,596 --> 00:11:29,729
And some boys were making fun of me.
334
00:11:29,797 --> 00:11:31,764
So I chased them and I lost control.
335
00:11:31,832 --> 00:11:34,065
I'm surprised you can see that.
336
00:11:34,133 --> 00:11:35,633
It was like three years ago.
337
00:11:35,701 --> 00:11:38,635
- I can't believe I turned the machine off for that.
338
00:11:38,703 --> 00:11:41,371
You never had any kids, right, leslie?
339
00:11:41,438 --> 00:11:43,473
- No. - You should.
340
00:11:43,541 --> 00:11:45,108
You've got a great oven.
341
00:11:45,176 --> 00:11:46,410
- Okay...Time to go.
342
00:11:46,478 --> 00:11:48,145
- You've got ample room in there.
343
00:11:48,213 --> 00:11:50,247
Honestly, if you wanted to,
344
00:11:50,315 --> 00:11:53,116
You could go triplets right off the bat, leslie.
345
00:11:53,184 --> 00:11:56,419
You got a big, industrial-sized oven.
346
00:11:56,486 --> 00:11:57,954
- So we're done, right?
347
00:11:58,021 --> 00:12:01,492
[phone ringing]
348
00:12:01,560 --> 00:12:03,462
- Hey, how's the date going?
349
00:12:03,530 --> 00:12:05,934
- Good. We just finished the mri.
350
00:12:06,002 --> 00:12:07,336
- What?
351
00:12:07,404 --> 00:12:08,671
- Look, I know I said that I wanted to get back out there,
352
00:12:08,739 --> 00:12:10,138
But this guy is nuts.
353
00:12:10,206 --> 00:12:11,239
- I'm sorry, les.
354
00:12:11,307 --> 00:12:13,041
I'll find you somebody else, okay?
355
00:12:13,108 --> 00:12:14,775
Just don't let this sour you on dating.
356
00:12:14,843 --> 00:12:16,310
Yeah, okay.
357
00:12:16,378 --> 00:12:18,647
- Hey, no cell phones!
358
00:12:18,714 --> 00:12:20,986
[phone beeps off] - what was that about?
359
00:12:21,054 --> 00:12:22,655
- I set leslie up on a date.
360
00:12:22,723 --> 00:12:24,490
I don't think it's going that well.
361
00:12:24,558 --> 00:12:26,759
- Oh, no. With, uh, with justin?
362
00:12:26,827 --> 00:12:29,195
- Oh, no, this guy I know from the hospital.
363
00:12:29,263 --> 00:12:31,130
- Why not justin?
364
00:12:31,198 --> 00:12:33,499
- I don't really see them together.
365
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:34,700
You know?
366
00:12:34,768 --> 00:12:36,369
Plus, leslie just got out of a relationship,
367
00:12:36,436 --> 00:12:38,938
So I didn't want justin to be like her rebound guy
368
00:12:39,005 --> 00:12:40,639
Or anything, you know?
369
00:12:40,707 --> 00:12:42,007
- Yeah, that makes sense.
370
00:12:42,075 --> 00:12:44,810
Leslie is a notoriously cruel and thoughtless person.
371
00:12:44,878 --> 00:12:45,878
- Why are we talking about this?
372
00:12:45,945 --> 00:12:46,879
- We're not.
373
00:12:46,946 --> 00:12:48,147
[dog barks on tv]
374
00:12:48,214 --> 00:12:50,616
- You got a large brain.
375
00:12:50,684 --> 00:12:51,951
- Thank you.
376
00:12:52,018 --> 00:12:53,886
- Yeah. No, it looks pretty...
377
00:12:53,953 --> 00:12:56,622
Hang on.
378
00:12:56,689 --> 00:12:57,656
That's weird.
379
00:12:57,724 --> 00:12:58,891
- What? What's weird?
380
00:12:58,958 --> 00:13:00,392
- Your brain.
381
00:13:00,460 --> 00:13:01,959
You see that shadow right there?
382
00:13:02,027 --> 00:13:03,094
- What--is that bad?
383
00:13:03,161 --> 00:13:04,528
- I don't know, I'd have a doctor
384
00:13:04,596 --> 00:13:06,463
Look at that immediately, if I were you.
385
00:13:06,531 --> 00:13:08,733
- Are you serious?
386
00:13:08,800 --> 00:13:12,036
- Oh, wait.
387
00:13:12,104 --> 00:13:13,204
Oh.
388
00:13:13,272 --> 00:13:16,439
It was like a smudge or something.
389
00:13:16,506 --> 00:13:18,272
Crazy. [chuckles]
390
00:13:18,340 --> 00:13:19,506
Thank god I was here.
391
00:13:19,574 --> 00:13:20,808
- Mark, I've never gone out with him!
392
00:13:20,875 --> 00:13:22,142
I swear!
393
00:13:22,210 --> 00:13:23,443
- I'm sorry, but there's just something weird
394
00:13:23,511 --> 00:13:25,077
About the way you talk about him.
395
00:13:25,145 --> 00:13:27,146
- I don't know, I mean, there was definitely times
396
00:13:27,213 --> 00:13:30,148
When we thought maybe we would go out someday, but--
397
00:13:30,216 --> 00:13:31,416
- That's why you didn't set leslie up,
398
00:13:31,484 --> 00:13:32,650
Because you're saving him.
399
00:13:32,718 --> 00:13:33,651
- No, I'm not.
400
00:13:33,719 --> 00:13:35,219
- Oh, yeah, you are.
401
00:13:35,287 --> 00:13:37,488
- Okay, fine, you don't have someone in your life
402
00:13:37,556 --> 00:13:39,223
That you think, "I don't know,
403
00:13:39,290 --> 00:13:41,758
Maybe if things were different, maybe someday--"
404
00:13:41,826 --> 00:13:42,859
- You know what?
405
00:13:42,926 --> 00:13:44,227
You can't save somebody for the future
406
00:13:44,294 --> 00:13:45,728
While you're in a relationship.
407
00:13:45,796 --> 00:13:46,929
Even I know that.
408
00:13:46,997 --> 00:13:48,297
- Come on, don't go.
409
00:13:48,365 --> 00:13:49,565
- I'll talk to you later.
410
00:13:49,633 --> 00:13:51,433
And, by the way,
411
00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:54,402
The dog dies at the end.
412
00:13:54,470 --> 00:13:56,336
- So did you want to go back to your place or--
413
00:13:56,404 --> 00:13:58,571
- Actually, chris, it was nice to meet you,
414
00:13:58,639 --> 00:14:00,707
But I think this is gonna be our last date.
415
00:14:00,775 --> 00:14:02,408
- I get it.
416
00:14:02,476 --> 00:14:04,878
You get your mri and get out, huh?
417
00:14:04,945 --> 00:14:06,112
- This was your idea.
418
00:14:06,180 --> 00:14:07,547
- Clever lady.
419
00:14:07,614 --> 00:14:10,116
Guess I'm not as good a tech as I thought I was.
420
00:14:10,183 --> 00:14:12,084
Should have noticed that you're missing a heart.
421
00:14:12,152 --> 00:14:13,452
- Ew.
422
00:14:13,520 --> 00:14:15,288
- Good-bye, leslie.
423
00:14:19,493 --> 00:14:21,027
- Right.
424
00:14:21,094 --> 00:14:22,361
I drove us here.
425
00:14:22,429 --> 00:14:23,629
Goody.
426
00:14:23,697 --> 00:14:25,297
- Do you mind if we pick up my son nate
427
00:14:25,365 --> 00:14:27,500
At his basketball game on the way back?
428
00:14:30,791 --> 00:14:31,825
- Wow, this is really good.
429
00:14:32,422 --> 00:14:34,256
"cease and desist; burden of proof"?
430
00:14:34,323 --> 00:14:35,656
- Check out paragraph two,
431
00:14:35,724 --> 00:14:36,924
Where I dropped the f-bomb.
432
00:14:37,740 --> 00:14:39,674
- "frivolous."
433
00:14:39,742 --> 00:14:41,600
- Definitely have the city attorney look at that.
434
00:14:41,800 --> 00:14:43,801
But that should be enough to do the trick.
435
00:14:43,868 --> 00:14:46,336
- Well, justin, I just-- I can't thank you enough.
436
00:14:46,404 --> 00:14:47,404
- It's my pleasure.
437
00:14:47,471 --> 00:14:49,138
Maybe I will see you around sometime.
438
00:14:49,206 --> 00:14:50,539
- Yeah, I...
439
00:14:50,607 --> 00:14:52,208
I would li--would lo-- mm-hmm.
440
00:14:52,275 --> 00:14:54,009
- I'll see you. - Okay.
441
00:14:54,077 --> 00:14:55,410
- Bye. - Bye!
442
00:14:58,580 --> 00:15:02,349
- Damn, he is all right.
443
00:15:02,417 --> 00:15:04,851
Why don't you hit that?
444
00:15:04,919 --> 00:15:08,186
- Well, frankly, I would like to hit that.
445
00:15:08,254 --> 00:15:11,356
But ann's being a little weird about it.
446
00:15:11,424 --> 00:15:12,723
- When you were dating ann,
447
00:15:12,791 --> 00:15:14,591
Did you know this guy justin?
448
00:15:14,659 --> 00:15:15,992
- Uck! Justin?
449
00:15:16,060 --> 00:15:17,360
I hate justin.
450
00:15:17,427 --> 00:15:19,396
Ann was so obviously into him. It was so annoying.
451
00:15:19,463 --> 00:15:20,831
- Right.
452
00:15:20,898 --> 00:15:22,399
- I would say, in terms of guys that she's in love with,
453
00:15:22,466 --> 00:15:23,499
Justin's up here.
454
00:15:23,567 --> 00:15:25,701
- I'm up here,
455
00:15:25,769 --> 00:15:27,169
And then you're down here.
456
00:15:27,236 --> 00:15:29,871
- Well, I just wanted to make sure that I wasn't crazy.
457
00:15:29,939 --> 00:15:33,542
So naturally, I came to you for reassurance.
458
00:15:33,609 --> 00:15:34,776
Do me a favor--
459
00:15:34,844 --> 00:15:37,012
Don't tell ann that we talked about this.
460
00:15:37,080 --> 00:15:38,513
- Will do.
461
00:15:38,581 --> 00:15:39,614
Ann perkins,
462
00:15:39,682 --> 00:15:42,118
You should be ashamed of yourself.
463
00:15:42,186 --> 00:15:43,853
What you're doing to mark is not cool.
464
00:15:43,921 --> 00:15:45,755
- Why are you guys talking to each other?
465
00:15:45,822 --> 00:15:46,956
You know what? Forget it.
466
00:15:47,024 --> 00:15:48,390
I'm not getting into this with you.
467
00:15:48,458 --> 00:15:49,758
- You did something wrong? - No!
468
00:15:49,826 --> 00:15:52,060
- Yeah. - I didn't do anything wrong!
469
00:15:52,128 --> 00:15:54,897
Come here. This is none of your business.
470
00:15:54,964 --> 00:15:56,131
You don't know what you're talking about.
471
00:15:56,199 --> 00:15:58,300
- Actually, I do know what I'm talking about.
472
00:15:58,368 --> 00:16:00,736
Every time I used to sit around all afternoon
473
00:16:00,804 --> 00:16:02,805
Playing video games, wearing only my slippers,
474
00:16:02,873 --> 00:16:05,541
All of a sudden, I would start to feel bad about myself.
475
00:16:05,608 --> 00:16:07,309
And do you know why?
476
00:16:07,377 --> 00:16:08,778
- Didn't you just explain why?
477
00:16:08,845 --> 00:16:10,778
- I would feel bad about myself
478
00:16:10,846 --> 00:16:13,314
Because I would start to think about this perfect guy.
479
00:16:13,382 --> 00:16:15,383
Any time you would talk about justin,
480
00:16:15,451 --> 00:16:17,752
I didn't feel very important.
481
00:16:17,820 --> 00:16:19,287
That was rough.
482
00:16:19,355 --> 00:16:21,156
- Well, I didn't know that.
483
00:16:21,224 --> 00:16:23,125
- Maybe if you had, I wouldn't have left.
484
00:16:23,192 --> 00:16:26,528
But you do know now, so you have to choose.
485
00:16:26,596 --> 00:16:28,063
It's either me or justin.
486
00:16:28,131 --> 00:16:29,531
- I'm not gonna choose.
487
00:16:29,599 --> 00:16:30,933
Wait, I'm dating mark!
488
00:16:31,001 --> 00:16:32,001
- Are you, though? - Yes!
489
00:16:32,068 --> 00:16:33,769
- Ah! That close.
490
00:16:33,837 --> 00:16:35,337
- Ronald...
491
00:16:35,405 --> 00:16:36,604
I've done it.
492
00:16:36,672 --> 00:16:39,139
I found your assistant, and he's dope.
493
00:16:39,207 --> 00:16:41,274
His name is jean-ralphio.
494
00:16:41,341 --> 00:16:42,307
Jean-ralphio!
495
00:16:42,375 --> 00:16:43,976
- Big "t."
496
00:16:44,043 --> 00:16:45,711
Mr. Swanson, two things.
497
00:16:45,778 --> 00:16:49,014
One, it is an absolute honor to meet you.
498
00:16:49,082 --> 00:16:51,216
Two, who is that hot intern chick out there?
499
00:16:51,284 --> 00:16:54,920
Because, honestly, daaaamn!
500
00:16:54,987 --> 00:16:56,788
[both laughing] - uh, take a seat.
501
00:16:56,856 --> 00:16:58,223
- Right here. - Here we go.
502
00:16:58,291 --> 00:17:00,125
- So, jean-ralphio...
503
00:17:00,193 --> 00:17:01,260
- You got him right here.
504
00:17:01,328 --> 00:17:02,728
Leave a message after the beep.
505
00:17:02,795 --> 00:17:05,096
- Why do I want you as my assistant?
506
00:17:05,163 --> 00:17:07,765
- For starters, access to the illest clubs.
507
00:17:07,832 --> 00:17:09,066
And that's just for starters.
508
00:17:09,134 --> 00:17:11,402
I will work for you. I will be on you, 24/7.
509
00:17:11,470 --> 00:17:12,636
I'll be like your family.
510
00:17:12,704 --> 00:17:14,170
I'm here when you get here in the morning.
511
00:17:14,238 --> 00:17:15,804
Sure enough, I'll be there tucking you into bed at night.
512
00:17:15,872 --> 00:17:17,740
Don't worry, it's not gay. Do we have questions?
513
00:17:19,809 --> 00:17:21,776
- I think our only question is when can you start?
514
00:17:21,844 --> 00:17:23,145
- Right now. Let's do it.
515
00:17:23,213 --> 00:17:25,446
- Thank you for coming in.
516
00:17:25,514 --> 00:17:26,814
We will talk.
517
00:17:26,882 --> 00:17:28,683
- Cool. I feel good about this.
518
00:17:28,750 --> 00:17:30,618
Hey, you know, you can hit me up on facebook any time,
519
00:17:30,686 --> 00:17:31,786
Day or night-- you know that, right?
520
00:17:31,854 --> 00:17:33,887
- Take care, buddy. - Boom.
521
00:17:33,955 --> 00:17:36,056
- So what do you think of your new assistant?
522
00:17:36,124 --> 00:17:39,093
- I wanna punch you in the face so bad right now.
523
00:17:39,160 --> 00:17:40,761
- What?
524
00:17:40,829 --> 00:17:42,396
Okay.
525
00:17:42,464 --> 00:17:44,264
Message received. I'll keep looking.
526
00:17:44,332 --> 00:17:45,399
- Thank you.
527
00:17:45,467 --> 00:17:47,367
Bring me the opposite of him.
528
00:17:47,435 --> 00:17:49,169
[rock music playing]
529
00:17:49,237 --> 00:17:50,270
- What kind of music is this?
530
00:17:50,338 --> 00:17:52,072
- It's rock and roll, my friend.
531
00:17:52,140 --> 00:17:55,142
Fast, smooth, handsome rock.
532
00:17:55,209 --> 00:17:57,043
- That band is really blowing up right now.
533
00:17:57,111 --> 00:17:58,845
They're number one on itunes.
534
00:17:58,913 --> 00:18:00,613
- Okay, I'll take one.
535
00:18:04,551 --> 00:18:05,785
- There's your change.
536
00:18:07,755 --> 00:18:09,590
You are amazing.
537
00:18:09,658 --> 00:18:12,293
I like when you hang out here.
538
00:18:14,695 --> 00:18:16,195
- I want to be your assistant.
539
00:18:16,263 --> 00:18:17,496
- Really?
540
00:18:17,564 --> 00:18:18,764
You hate it here.
541
00:18:18,832 --> 00:18:20,700
- So do you.
542
00:18:20,768 --> 00:18:22,837
I'll make sure you don't have to go to any meetings.
543
00:18:22,905 --> 00:18:24,705
If anyone comes to see you,
544
00:18:24,773 --> 00:18:25,739
I'll scare them away.
545
00:18:25,807 --> 00:18:27,074
- Wait, April.
546
00:18:27,141 --> 00:18:28,842
If you had to choose between these two ties...
547
00:18:30,978 --> 00:18:31,911
- You're hired.
548
00:18:31,978 --> 00:18:34,048
- I just figured
549
00:18:34,115 --> 00:18:36,817
I might as well get paid for being here.
550
00:18:38,419 --> 00:18:40,754
- Hi. - Hey, I was just calling you.
551
00:18:40,822 --> 00:18:42,856
- Here.
552
00:18:44,793 --> 00:18:46,526
- This is a prescription for denise dogan.
553
00:18:46,594 --> 00:18:48,695
- Oh, my god, I'm sorry.
554
00:18:48,763 --> 00:18:51,231
I'm so out of sorts.
555
00:18:51,299 --> 00:18:52,867
Here.
556
00:18:52,934 --> 00:18:54,334
- Porter's grill at 7:00.
557
00:18:54,402 --> 00:18:55,569
- Justin's gonna meet you there.
558
00:18:55,637 --> 00:18:58,071
I'm sorry chris was such a jerk.
559
00:18:58,139 --> 00:18:59,640
You deserve way better than that.
560
00:18:59,708 --> 00:19:01,776
- If this situation is weird, or if you feel weird--
561
00:19:01,844 --> 00:19:03,077
- It's not weird.
562
00:19:03,145 --> 00:19:04,545
You guys will really like each other.
563
00:19:04,613 --> 00:19:06,148
- Thanks. - I gotta run.
564
00:19:06,216 --> 00:19:07,650
I have another stop on the pride-swallowing tour
565
00:19:07,718 --> 00:19:08,751
Of city hall.
566
00:19:08,819 --> 00:19:09,886
- Go get 'em.
567
00:19:09,954 --> 00:19:11,587
- That's where I never find things.
568
00:19:11,655 --> 00:19:12,788
- Hey.
569
00:19:12,856 --> 00:19:14,123
- Hi, ann.
570
00:19:14,190 --> 00:19:17,724
- So I just set up justin and leslie.
571
00:19:17,792 --> 00:19:19,657
And I'm sorry.
572
00:19:19,725 --> 00:19:22,692
I rented district 9
573
00:19:22,760 --> 00:19:25,995
If you maybe wanted to spoil that for me tonight.
574
00:19:28,298 --> 00:19:30,232
- [whispering]
575
00:19:30,300 --> 00:19:31,300
- Oh, my god!
576
00:19:31,368 --> 00:19:32,835
- Dark ending, right.
577
00:19:35,872 --> 00:19:37,339
- I'm back on the horse.
578
00:19:37,407 --> 00:19:39,641
And this horse is a lawyer,
579
00:19:39,709 --> 00:19:43,712
So I'm looking forward to riding him.
580
00:19:43,780 --> 00:19:44,946
No, wait.
581
00:19:46,135 --> 00:19:48,299
- Ten months ago, she was an intern
582
00:19:48,299 --> 00:19:50,967
Who could give a c-r-a-p about local government.
583
00:19:51,035 --> 00:19:53,336
Now, she's our newest employee.
584
00:19:53,403 --> 00:19:54,504
To April.
585
00:19:54,571 --> 00:19:55,704
All: Cheers!
586
00:19:55,772 --> 00:19:56,872
- [weakly] yay.
587
00:19:56,940 --> 00:19:58,807
- Jerry, come and celebrate.
588
00:19:58,874 --> 00:19:59,941
- No, thanks.
589
00:20:00,009 --> 00:20:01,042
- Well, everybody,
590
00:20:01,109 --> 00:20:02,409
Let's get back to work.
591
00:20:05,813 --> 00:20:07,079
- Where are you going?
592
00:20:07,147 --> 00:20:10,049
- I want to talk to ron about the size of my desk.
593
00:20:10,117 --> 00:20:11,083
- Jerry...
594
00:20:11,151 --> 00:20:13,585
You have to schedule an appointment.
595
00:20:13,653 --> 00:20:15,353
- Okay, how about now?
596
00:20:15,421 --> 00:20:17,121
- Ron's not here. - He's right there.
597
00:20:17,189 --> 00:20:18,655
I-I can see him.
598
00:20:18,723 --> 00:20:21,425
- I'll let you know when he's available.
599
00:20:21,492 --> 00:20:22,826
- [scoffs]
600
00:20:25,395 --> 00:20:26,829
- Atta girl.
601
00:20:26,897 --> 00:20:36,897
www.addic7ed.com