1
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And a personalized 5,000-word essay
2
00:00:18,083 --> 00:00:20,384
Of why you're all so awesome.
3
00:00:20,452 --> 00:00:22,086
What's galentine's day?
4
00:00:22,154 --> 00:00:24,221
Oh, it's only the best day of the year.
5
00:00:24,289 --> 00:00:25,823
Every February 13th,
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00:00:25,891 --> 00:00:27,224
My lady friends and I
7
00:00:27,292 --> 00:00:28,893
Leave our husbands and
our boyfriends at home,
8
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:31,295
And we just come and kick it,
breakfast-style.
9
00:00:31,363 --> 00:00:33,347
Ladies celebrating ladies.
10
00:00:33,432 --> 00:00:34,815
It's like lilith fair,
11
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Minus the angst.
12
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Plus frittatas.
13
00:00:38,854 --> 00:00:41,405
So to conclude our
galentine's day breakfast,
14
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It is time for the greatest story ever told.
15
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[applause]
16
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What's the story?
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It's the most romantic story ever.
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It makes the notebook
look like saw v.
19
00:00:53,201 --> 00:00:54,919
Go, mom, go.
20
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It was 1968.
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00:00:56,488 --> 00:01:00,041
I was 18, and our family went
on a vacation to bermuda.
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00:01:00,125 --> 00:01:02,760
And on the first day, I went for a swim
23
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In the ocean, and I got caught
24
00:01:06,848 --> 00:01:08,832
In a very strong current.
25
00:01:08,884 --> 00:01:10,017
[gasps]
26
00:01:10,102 --> 00:01:11,502
You've heard this story before, right?
27
00:01:11,553 --> 00:01:12,887
Yes, but the drama.
28
00:01:12,971 --> 00:01:18,676
The next thing I felt
were two very powerful arms
29
00:01:18,727 --> 00:01:21,062
Whisking me to safety.
30
00:01:21,146 --> 00:01:23,197
And he looked down at me, and he said,
31
00:01:23,281 --> 00:01:26,734
"are you okay?"
32
00:01:26,818 --> 00:01:29,203
And I looked up at him, and I said,
33
00:01:29,287 --> 00:01:32,073
"I am now."
34
00:01:32,157 --> 00:01:33,541
So they sneak out to meet each other
35
00:01:33,625 --> 00:01:34,858
And walk on the beach,
36
00:01:34,910 --> 00:01:37,128
And, two weeks later,
he asked her to marry him
37
00:01:37,195 --> 00:01:38,713
And move to illinois.
38
00:01:38,797 --> 00:01:40,631
But her parents thought she was too young,
39
00:01:40,699 --> 00:01:41,699
So she said no.
40
00:01:41,750 --> 00:01:43,100
And then they lost touch,
41
00:01:43,168 --> 00:01:44,719
And, a few years later, she met my dad.
42
00:01:44,803 --> 00:01:46,971
I got to take one of
those lifeguard courses.
43
00:01:47,038 --> 00:01:48,339
Those guys get all the action.
44
00:01:48,390 --> 00:01:49,390
Am I right, justin?
45
00:01:49,474 --> 00:01:50,708
- We got to find this guy.
- Frank?
46
00:01:50,776 --> 00:01:52,593
He's probably married. Or dead.
47
00:01:52,678 --> 00:01:53,978
[scoffs] what's the difference?
48
00:01:54,045 --> 00:01:55,062
Am I right, justin?
49
00:01:55,147 --> 00:01:56,480
At least let me try and find him.
50
00:01:56,548 --> 00:01:58,899
Imagine how much better that story would be
51
00:01:58,984 --> 00:02:02,436
If we actually reunited them.
52
00:02:02,521 --> 00:02:04,405
I think justin's right.
You should let him do this.
53
00:02:04,489 --> 00:02:06,490
Okay. Do it.
54
00:02:06,558 --> 00:02:07,942
But if you find him and he's weird,
55
00:02:08,026 --> 00:02:10,111
Like a ventriloquist or a puppeteer
56
00:02:10,195 --> 00:02:12,997
Or anyone who pretends toys are people,
57
00:02:13,064 --> 00:02:14,098
Then abort the mission.
58
00:02:14,166 --> 00:02:18,169
Both: Absolutely. - [laughs]
59
00:02:18,236 --> 00:02:20,921
[triumphant music]
60
00:02:21,006 --> 00:02:29,046
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
61
00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:40,758
You. You're the best girlfriend ever.
62
00:02:40,809 --> 00:02:43,861
Oh. Happy valentine's day.
63
00:02:43,928 --> 00:02:46,030
I knew, eventually, somehow,
64
00:02:46,097 --> 00:02:48,199
Being in a relationship with
you would totally pay off.
65
00:02:48,266 --> 00:02:50,618
I bought him some actual towels.
66
00:02:50,702 --> 00:02:52,436
He was using a bathrobe.
67
00:02:52,487 --> 00:02:55,406
And I bought him some other
things that humans usually use,
68
00:02:55,457 --> 00:02:56,624
Like shampoo.
69
00:02:56,708 --> 00:02:57,875
Troops, gather around.
70
00:02:57,942 --> 00:02:59,543
Great news.
71
00:02:59,611 --> 00:03:01,662
The senior center valentine's
dance is tomorrow
72
00:03:01,747 --> 00:03:02,780
From 5:00 to 9:00.
73
00:03:02,831 --> 00:03:04,665
Are we talking a.M. Or p.M.?
74
00:03:04,750 --> 00:03:08,052
Those people are old! Am I right, justin?
75
00:03:08,119 --> 00:03:09,953
Oh. Justin's not here.
76
00:03:10,005 --> 00:03:11,472
It isn't just a job, gang.
77
00:03:11,556 --> 00:03:13,123
We're gonna learn a lot from these seniors.
78
00:03:13,175 --> 00:03:17,478
Some of them have been
married for half a century.
79
00:03:17,562 --> 00:03:20,331
And, no offense, but everybody
here is terrible at love.
80
00:03:20,398 --> 00:03:24,769
Divorced, dating a gay guy, divorced twice,
81
00:03:24,820 --> 00:03:26,020
Jury's still out on you two.
82
00:03:26,104 --> 00:03:27,404
Oh.
83
00:03:27,472 --> 00:03:29,023
And, jerry, who knows?
84
00:03:29,107 --> 00:03:30,808
I've been happily married for 28 years.
85
00:03:30,859 --> 00:03:32,409
You've met my wife gayle many times.
86
00:03:32,477 --> 00:03:35,863
Whatever. Finally, ann and
mark are our special volunteers,
87
00:03:35,947 --> 00:03:38,349
And they will be available whenever needed.
88
00:03:38,416 --> 00:03:39,867
I didn't volunteer.
89
00:03:39,951 --> 00:03:41,502
Yeah, too bad. You got drafted.
90
00:03:41,586 --> 00:03:43,621
[imitating jfk] ask not what
91
00:03:43,672 --> 00:03:45,706
Your old people could do for you.
92
00:03:45,791 --> 00:03:47,875
Ask what you could do for your old people.
93
00:03:47,959 --> 00:03:49,093
Terminator.
94
00:03:49,160 --> 00:03:50,878
What? No. Jfk.
95
00:03:50,962 --> 00:03:52,179
[imitating schwarzenegger] this meeting
96
00:03:52,264 --> 00:03:53,848
Has been terminated.
97
00:03:53,932 --> 00:03:55,716
[regular voice] that is the terminator.
98
00:03:55,801 --> 00:03:58,502
- Nice.
- Where am I going?
99
00:04:01,223 --> 00:04:02,840
- Well, hello there.
- Well, hey.
100
00:04:02,891 --> 00:04:04,341
I got your message.
101
00:04:04,392 --> 00:04:05,893
You wanted to talk?
102
00:04:05,977 --> 00:04:07,194
- Yes, I do.
- Oh.
103
00:04:07,279 --> 00:04:09,012
[romantic music plays] - have a seat.
104
00:04:09,064 --> 00:04:11,232
Â♪ Â♪
105
00:04:11,316 --> 00:04:12,950
Some champagne?
106
00:04:13,017 --> 00:04:14,235
Uh, no, thanks.
107
00:04:14,319 --> 00:04:16,787
Come on. This is armand de brignac.
108
00:04:16,855 --> 00:04:18,739
Jay-z drinks this.
Yeah, well, jay-z doesn't have
109
00:04:18,824 --> 00:04:20,207
To perform surgery in an hour.
110
00:04:20,292 --> 00:04:21,325
- You don't know jay-z's schedule.
111
00:04:21,376 --> 00:04:22,560
He's a renaissance man.
112
00:04:22,627 --> 00:04:23,911
[laughs]
113
00:04:23,995 --> 00:04:24,912
Okay, fine.
114
00:04:24,996 --> 00:04:26,530
Well, this is for you.
115
00:04:26,581 --> 00:04:27,882
Oh.
116
00:04:27,966 --> 00:04:29,199
Well, it's almost valentine's day,
117
00:04:29,251 --> 00:04:32,570
So I thought it would be
a good day to tell you...
118
00:04:32,637 --> 00:04:36,473
Okay, let me just stop you right there.
119
00:04:36,541 --> 00:04:41,896
Look, tommy... [music stops]
120
00:04:41,980 --> 00:04:45,065
I-I just want you to know I'm so grateful
121
00:04:45,150 --> 00:04:47,484
For everything you did for me.
122
00:04:47,552 --> 00:04:49,904
But I only see us as friends.
123
00:04:49,988 --> 00:04:51,388
For now.
124
00:04:51,439 --> 00:04:53,991
But think about how much
better our friendship would be
125
00:04:54,058 --> 00:04:56,327
If we added doing it.
126
00:04:56,394 --> 00:04:58,562
Seriously.
127
00:04:58,613 --> 00:04:59,897
I know our marriage was fake,
128
00:04:59,948 --> 00:05:01,832
But there's something between us,
129
00:05:01,900 --> 00:05:04,835
And I think we should
give it a shot for real.
130
00:05:04,903 --> 00:05:07,738
I just don't feel that way about you.
131
00:05:09,240 --> 00:05:11,575
I'm sorry.
132
00:05:20,886 --> 00:05:22,937
Â♪ each time I do Â♪
133
00:05:23,021 --> 00:05:24,755
Â♪ just the thought of you Â♪
134
00:05:24,806 --> 00:05:27,308
Â♪ makes me stop before I begin Â♪
135
00:05:27,392 --> 00:05:28,592
Â♪ Â♪
136
00:05:28,643 --> 00:05:31,562
Â♪ I got you Â♪
137
00:05:31,613 --> 00:05:33,814
Â♪ under my skin Â♪
138
00:05:33,899 --> 00:05:35,432
So there's that one, I guess.
139
00:05:35,483 --> 00:05:37,534
All right. You guys sound
ready for the dance tomorrow.
140
00:05:37,602 --> 00:05:39,703
I don't know about these
old fogey songs, leslie.
141
00:05:39,771 --> 00:05:41,572
Why can't we just do our originals?
142
00:05:41,623 --> 00:05:43,457
I just wrote a new song, okay.
143
00:05:43,541 --> 00:05:45,910
Bottom line: It's called sex hair.
144
00:05:45,961 --> 00:05:47,795
It's about how you can tell
when someone's just had sex
145
00:05:47,879 --> 00:05:49,747
'cause of how their hair
gets matted up in the back.
146
00:05:49,798 --> 00:05:51,515
It's awesome.
147
00:05:51,583 --> 00:05:53,050
Think of it this way.
148
00:05:53,117 --> 00:05:56,453
These song are exactly like
the songs you usually play,
149
00:05:56,504 --> 00:06:00,457
Except instead of modern rock,
they're old jazzy standards
150
00:06:00,508 --> 00:06:03,294
From the '40s.
151
00:06:03,361 --> 00:06:05,346
Okay. Yeah. You got a point.
152
00:06:05,430 --> 00:06:06,981
Yeah. You're gonna do great.
153
00:06:07,065 --> 00:06:09,900
- All right, guys.
- Hey, andy.
154
00:06:09,968 --> 00:06:11,986
I've been here for a half an hour.
Can I get my shoeshine?
155
00:06:12,070 --> 00:06:13,804
Dude, kyle, I'm gonna
lose my [bleep] on you
156
00:06:13,855 --> 00:06:16,373
If you ask me one more time.
157
00:06:16,441 --> 00:06:19,410
I found him.
158
00:06:19,477 --> 00:06:21,862
Frank beckerson.
159
00:06:21,947 --> 00:06:24,748
63, lives in a little
town called bridgeport.
160
00:06:24,816 --> 00:06:26,250
Illinois.
161
00:06:26,317 --> 00:06:30,287
Divorced, no kids, worked as
a lifeguard when he was 20.
162
00:06:31,923 --> 00:06:33,590
Ron, I need a half a day off
163
00:06:33,658 --> 00:06:35,376
For a secret mission of love.
164
00:06:35,460 --> 00:06:38,379
You're asking my
permission to take a nooner?
165
00:06:38,463 --> 00:06:39,880
Sure. Well, I don't know.
166
00:06:39,965 --> 00:06:41,682
Maybe. Justin and I need to go
167
00:06:41,766 --> 00:06:43,183
On a romantically inspired road trip.
168
00:06:43,268 --> 00:06:44,351
So it is a nooner.
169
00:06:44,436 --> 00:06:45,602
Well, we're planning
170
00:06:45,670 --> 00:06:47,771
To leave around noon,
so I'm not quite sure--
171
00:06:47,839 --> 00:06:49,106
Leslie, it's not a nooner.
172
00:06:49,173 --> 00:06:51,174
I tracked down this old
flame of leslie's mom.
173
00:06:51,226 --> 00:06:52,559
We're gonna go pick him up.
174
00:06:52,644 --> 00:06:55,045
We're gonna reunite them on valentine's day.
175
00:06:55,113 --> 00:06:56,680
A great story or what?
176
00:06:56,731 --> 00:06:58,682
Yeah, great story indeed.
177
00:06:58,733 --> 00:07:01,118
Enjoy your half day off. - Thank you.
178
00:07:01,185 --> 00:07:02,536
Pick you up tomorrow around noon.
179
00:07:02,620 --> 00:07:04,855
For our nooner, which is a cute word.
180
00:07:04,906 --> 00:07:06,373
Explain it to her later.
181
00:07:06,458 --> 00:07:07,858
Explain what?
182
00:07:07,909 --> 00:07:10,527
Happy valentine's day.
183
00:07:10,578 --> 00:07:15,249
First off, a bear in a paper
bag and a heart-shaped balloon.
184
00:07:15,333 --> 00:07:17,751
I love bears and bags.
185
00:07:17,836 --> 00:07:19,369
Well, you'll like this then,
186
00:07:19,421 --> 00:07:22,222
Because this is a giant teddy bear
187
00:07:22,307 --> 00:07:23,707
Holding a red heart.
188
00:07:23,758 --> 00:07:25,709
- Ohh.
- Festive.
189
00:07:25,760 --> 00:07:26,977
What's this? Oh, I don't know.
190
00:07:27,045 --> 00:07:28,896
It's a heart-shaped box of chocolates.
191
00:07:28,980 --> 00:07:32,099
That's a dozen red roses in a hear
t-shaped arrangement.
192
00:07:32,183 --> 00:07:34,217
See that. Perfume.
193
00:07:34,269 --> 00:07:35,886
- Ooh.
- For the lady.
194
00:07:35,937 --> 00:07:36,904
- Ooh.
- Oh, yeah.
195
00:07:36,988 --> 00:07:38,055
i>- Yearning,
196
00:07:38,106 --> 00:07:39,990
By dennis feinstein.
197
00:07:40,058 --> 00:07:41,825
Mm. Ooh.
198
00:07:41,893 --> 00:07:44,227
Dennis, no. No, dennis.
199
00:07:44,279 --> 00:07:46,613
Finally, the heart of the ocean.
200
00:07:46,698 --> 00:07:49,416
[gasps] gorgeous.
201
00:07:49,501 --> 00:07:51,585
Oh. [laughs]
202
00:07:51,669 --> 00:07:53,337
You know, I never had
a chance to get a girl
203
00:07:53,404 --> 00:07:56,090
A cliched valentine's day gift before,
204
00:07:56,174 --> 00:07:58,575
So I got you all of 'em.
205
00:08:01,046 --> 00:08:02,746
Thank you. That was very sweet.
206
00:08:02,797 --> 00:08:04,598
Do you think they'll get married?
207
00:08:04,682 --> 00:08:06,083
Oh, my god. What if they get married?
208
00:08:06,134 --> 00:08:07,417
That would be amazing.
209
00:08:07,469 --> 00:08:09,753
[laughs] would I call him dad then?
210
00:08:09,804 --> 00:08:11,588
- Yeah.
- No, that'd be too much.
211
00:08:11,639 --> 00:08:14,391
Maybe I'll call him pappy. Pop.
212
00:08:14,442 --> 00:08:16,443
Poppy. Papa.
213
00:08:16,528 --> 00:08:18,112
Oh, look at me, I'm getting ahead of myself.
214
00:08:18,196 --> 00:08:19,813
Hey, you never know.
215
00:08:19,898 --> 00:08:23,650
- I'm gonna call him poo
-paw.
216
00:08:23,735 --> 00:08:26,370
How often do you get to reunite soul mates?
217
00:08:26,437 --> 00:08:29,073
What if I told you that you
could reunite romeo and juliet?
218
00:08:29,124 --> 00:08:33,377
Or brad pitt and jennifer aniston?
219
00:08:33,444 --> 00:08:37,781
Oh, jen, I really want you to be happy.
220
00:08:37,832 --> 00:08:39,800
Stay away from john mayer.
221
00:08:39,884 --> 00:08:41,001
[doorbell rings]
222
00:08:41,086 --> 00:08:42,970
I cannot believe I'm gonna
meet frank beckerson.
223
00:08:43,054 --> 00:08:45,639
I feel like I've known him my whole life.
224
00:08:45,723 --> 00:08:48,291
Frank?
225
00:08:48,343 --> 00:08:50,644
My god!
226
00:08:50,728 --> 00:08:53,480
Marlene. - Oh, no, poo-paw. Poo-paw, no.
227
00:08:53,565 --> 00:08:54,798
I'm not marlene.
228
00:08:54,849 --> 00:08:57,518
Oh, I'm so sorry.
229
00:08:57,602 --> 00:08:59,136
I should really wear my glasses.
230
00:08:59,187 --> 00:09:01,805
Come on in.
231
00:09:04,951 --> 00:09:06,351
Frank, I was wondering,
232
00:09:06,403 --> 00:09:08,687
My mom always said that
you wanted to be a lawyer.
233
00:09:08,739 --> 00:09:09,688
Did that work out?
234
00:09:09,740 --> 00:09:11,741
No. Never did.
235
00:09:11,825 --> 00:09:14,860
Though I did once act as my own lawyer.
236
00:09:14,911 --> 00:09:16,212
Oh, you know what,
237
00:09:16,296 --> 00:09:18,798
I found some old pictures of marlene and me.
238
00:09:18,865 --> 00:09:21,584
Look. - [gasps]
239
00:09:21,668 --> 00:09:23,385
Look how young she is.
240
00:09:23,470 --> 00:09:25,137
These are amazing.
241
00:09:25,205 --> 00:09:27,890
Probably shouldn't show you this one.
242
00:09:27,974 --> 00:09:29,258
Oh, la, la, la, la, la, la.
243
00:09:29,342 --> 00:09:31,093
No, thank you.
244
00:09:31,178 --> 00:09:33,145
You mom was such a firecracker.
245
00:09:33,213 --> 00:09:35,564
Smart, funny, sharp as a tack.
246
00:09:35,649 --> 00:09:38,067
Such firm breasts.
247
00:09:38,151 --> 00:09:39,902
Oh, that was inappropriate.
248
00:09:39,986 --> 00:09:43,823
Oh, wow, I'm just, all of a sudden,
249
00:09:43,890 --> 00:09:47,226
So nervous to see her again. [exhales]
250
00:09:47,277 --> 00:09:49,111
I'm gonna throw up real quick,
251
00:09:49,196 --> 00:09:51,664
And then we can leave.
252
00:09:51,731 --> 00:09:53,833
- Hi.
- Hi.
253
00:09:53,900 --> 00:09:55,618
Valentine's bash at the bulge tonight.
254
00:09:55,702 --> 00:09:57,103
We can get you a drink bracelet.
255
00:09:57,170 --> 00:09:58,804
I can't. I've got to work
256
00:09:58,872 --> 00:10:01,573
At this senior center
valentine's day dance thing.
257
00:10:01,625 --> 00:10:03,776
That sounds amazing. Can we come?
258
00:10:03,844 --> 00:10:05,961
I guess. I don't know
why you would want to.
259
00:10:06,046 --> 00:10:07,713
Because old people are funny.
260
00:10:07,764 --> 00:10:09,098
i>- Yeah. It'll be like
the golden girls.
261
00:10:09,182 --> 00:10:13,752
I have to go get ready.
262
00:10:13,804 --> 00:10:15,938
So, frank, where have you
been for the past 40 years?
263
00:10:16,022 --> 00:10:17,973
Oh, you know, here and there.
264
00:10:18,058 --> 00:10:20,192
You know, grenada for a while.
265
00:10:20,260 --> 00:10:23,779
Then panama. Then afghanistan.
266
00:10:23,864 --> 00:10:24,947
So you were in the military?
267
00:10:25,031 --> 00:10:26,282
Nope.
268
00:10:26,366 --> 00:10:28,767
You know, I always wonder how different
269
00:10:28,819 --> 00:10:31,620
My life would have been if
your mother had married me.
270
00:10:31,705 --> 00:10:33,239
It would have been better.
271
00:10:33,290 --> 00:10:34,606
I'll tell you that much.
272
00:10:34,658 --> 00:10:36,325
[hyperventilates]
273
00:10:36,409 --> 00:10:38,627
Frank? Frank, are you okay?
274
00:10:38,712 --> 00:10:41,330
I'm fine. I'm good.
275
00:10:41,414 --> 00:10:44,783
Oh, I am just so nervous
276
00:10:44,835 --> 00:10:45,918
To see her.
277
00:10:45,969 --> 00:10:47,619
There is nothing to be nervous about.
278
00:10:47,671 --> 00:10:49,788
Oh, have you got a bag or something?
279
00:10:49,840 --> 00:10:51,924
- Do you have a bag?
- I have a purse.
280
00:10:51,975 --> 00:10:52,958
Well, give him your purse.
281
00:10:53,009 --> 00:10:56,512
All right.
282
00:10:56,596 --> 00:11:00,015
[breathing calms]
283
00:11:00,100 --> 00:11:01,633
- Â♪ you like pot
-ay-to Â♪
284
00:11:01,685 --> 00:11:03,485
Â♪ and I like pot-ah-to Â♪
285
00:11:03,570 --> 00:11:05,304
Â♪ you like tom-ay-to Â♪
286
00:11:05,355 --> 00:11:06,772
Â♪ and I like tom-ah-to Â♪
287
00:11:06,823 --> 00:11:08,440
Â♪ pot-ay-to, pot-ah-to Â♪
288
00:11:08,491 --> 00:11:11,110
Â♪ tom-ay-to, tom-ah-to Â♪
289
00:11:11,161 --> 00:11:15,614
Â♪ let's call the whole thing off Â♪
290
00:11:15,665 --> 00:11:17,783
Uh, I mean, that sucked, didn't it?
291
00:11:17,834 --> 00:11:20,870
Maybe if you sang it like louis armstrong?
292
00:11:20,954 --> 00:11:22,421
Maybe. Yeah.
293
00:11:22,488 --> 00:11:24,340
I mean, here's the thing, though.
294
00:11:24,424 --> 00:11:27,543
Who is that?
295
00:11:27,627 --> 00:11:30,662
My problem is I don't know
296
00:11:30,714 --> 00:11:32,431
How to tell if we're doing good
297
00:11:32,498 --> 00:11:33,832
Because, when you play a rock show,
298
00:11:33,884 --> 00:11:35,467
It's really easy to know
if you're doing great
299
00:11:35,518 --> 00:11:38,304
Because chicks will flash their boobs at you
300
00:11:38,355 --> 00:11:39,772
When you're up on stage.
301
00:11:39,839 --> 00:11:42,808
You're like, oh, that must
have sounded pretty good.
302
00:11:42,859 --> 00:11:44,360
But I can't-- if that happens here,
303
00:11:44,444 --> 00:11:48,581
My eyes will fall out of my head,
and I'll die.
304
00:11:52,619 --> 00:11:55,287
Frank? Frank, are you okay?
305
00:11:59,376 --> 00:12:00,709
- Maybe we should--
- yeah.
306
00:12:00,794 --> 00:12:02,861
- Frank!
- Frank!
307
00:12:02,913 --> 00:12:05,714
- Frank!
- Frank!
308
00:12:05,799 --> 00:12:10,552
Â♪ I can't see anybody but you Â♪
309
00:12:10,637 --> 00:12:12,004
Â♪ zip flop Â♪
310
00:12:12,055 --> 00:12:13,038
You know, I might be crazy,
311
00:12:13,089 --> 00:12:14,840
But I have this weird suspicion
312
00:12:14,891 --> 00:12:17,226
That things are going well with us.
313
00:12:17,310 --> 00:12:20,229
You know, I have that same suspicion.
314
00:12:20,313 --> 00:12:23,565
But, you know,
having never been in something
315
00:12:23,650 --> 00:12:25,901
Like this before, I feel the need to ask,
316
00:12:25,986 --> 00:12:28,053
How am I doing?
317
00:12:28,104 --> 00:12:29,688
Oh, come on.
318
00:12:29,739 --> 00:12:34,059
No, I'm sort of serious.
319
00:12:34,110 --> 00:12:35,894
All right, fine. Forget it.
320
00:12:37,897 --> 00:12:38,948
I'm just saying, you know,
321
00:12:39,032 --> 00:12:40,950
It seems to me on paper
322
00:12:41,034 --> 00:12:42,251
That this thing we have is pretty great.
323
00:12:42,335 --> 00:12:44,753
Yes, nerd, on paper,
324
00:12:44,838 --> 00:12:46,922
This thing we have is pretty great.
325
00:12:47,007 --> 00:12:48,457
Mark is a great boyfriend.
326
00:12:48,541 --> 00:12:50,542
I have no complaints at all.
327
00:12:50,593 --> 00:12:54,746
Everything is good.
328
00:12:57,434 --> 00:12:59,969
I don't know.
I don't feel right about this.
329
00:13:00,053 --> 00:13:03,188
Are you kidding me? This is so much fun.
330
00:13:03,256 --> 00:13:05,357
Look, we took a road trip today.
331
00:13:05,425 --> 00:13:08,143
We chased your mom's lon
g-lost love down a freeway.
332
00:13:08,228 --> 00:13:09,761
He's a loon, justin.
333
00:13:09,813 --> 00:13:10,779
So he freaked out a little bit.
334
00:13:10,864 --> 00:13:12,197
He got nervous. I mean, you would too.
335
00:13:12,265 --> 00:13:13,782
And he was fine by the time we
got him back inside the car.
336
00:13:13,867 --> 00:13:15,234
Yeah, well, he cried himself to sleep.
337
00:13:15,285 --> 00:13:17,403
I mean, I don't know why you're pushing.
338
00:13:17,470 --> 00:13:19,154
Why do you want him to
spend time with my mom?
339
00:13:19,239 --> 00:13:20,656
How would that help her?
340
00:13:20,740 --> 00:13:22,708
I don't like this.
I don't think this is gonna work.
341
00:13:22,775 --> 00:13:24,576
I'm calling this off. - Come on. No, no, no.
342
00:13:24,627 --> 00:13:26,478
Look, we're here. Just see what happens.
343
00:13:26,546 --> 00:13:28,330
What happens is I drive him home.
344
00:13:28,415 --> 00:13:29,381
Now, look, you need to breathe.
345
00:13:29,449 --> 00:13:33,118
I'm breathing, okay--
346
00:13:37,173 --> 00:13:41,143
Mom. - Oh, there you are.
347
00:13:41,227 --> 00:13:43,395
So what's the big surprise?
348
00:13:43,463 --> 00:13:45,481
You gonna try to check me
into an old folks' home?
349
00:13:45,565 --> 00:13:47,099
It's a long story.
350
00:13:47,150 --> 00:13:49,184
One that we'd love to tell
you over a cup of coffee
351
00:13:49,269 --> 00:13:50,686
Somewhere far from this place.
352
00:13:55,975 --> 00:13:57,026
Frank.
353
00:13:57,110 --> 00:13:59,611
Hello, marlene.
354
00:13:59,662 --> 00:14:00,696
My god.
355
00:14:00,780 --> 00:14:04,049
I can't believe it's really you.
356
00:14:04,117 --> 00:14:07,586
Want to catch up?
357
00:14:07,653 --> 00:14:10,822
Sure.
358
00:14:10,874 --> 00:14:14,593
Â♪ we're less than perfect Â♪
359
00:14:14,660 --> 00:14:15,844
Oh, boy.
360
00:14:15,929 --> 00:14:17,546
Oh, boy.
361
00:14:20,054 --> 00:14:21,772
Do you think we should stand by--
362
00:14:21,839 --> 00:14:22,773
Shh. Shh. Shh.
363
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,441
She's fine.
364
00:14:24,508 --> 00:14:28,211
Let's just let this unfold.
365
00:14:28,279 --> 00:14:30,414
[as an old person] come here, sonny.
366
00:14:30,481 --> 00:14:32,566
Let me tell you about the civil war.
367
00:14:32,650 --> 00:14:35,052
Grandpa, leave me alone.
You smell like death.
368
00:14:35,119 --> 00:14:38,822
[chuckles]
369
00:14:38,890 --> 00:14:40,157
Â♪ your funny face Â♪
370
00:14:40,224 --> 00:14:42,876
I'm gonna get some punch.
371
00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:45,962
Â♪ we're less than perfect Â♪
372
00:14:46,030 --> 00:14:49,366
Excuse me. You guys are really adorable.
373
00:14:49,417 --> 00:14:52,052
That's really nice.
374
00:14:52,136 --> 00:14:53,870
So leslie's like, "that's it.
375
00:14:53,921 --> 00:14:55,538
I'm taking him home."
376
00:14:55,590 --> 00:14:58,091
So we look over, and he's
not even in the car anymore.
377
00:14:58,176 --> 00:15:01,395
- You're kidding.
- No. It's insane.
378
00:15:01,479 --> 00:15:04,097
What does leslie think about all this?
379
00:15:04,182 --> 00:15:06,350
Oh, god, leslie, I don't even know.
380
00:15:06,401 --> 00:15:08,018
I think I just lost track
of her in all the chaos.
381
00:15:08,069 --> 00:15:10,520
Anyway, so now he and
marlene are off somewhere,
382
00:15:10,571 --> 00:15:11,571
Doing god knows what.
383
00:15:11,656 --> 00:15:14,224
[laughter] - I don't want to know.
384
00:15:14,275 --> 00:15:19,663
Â♪ ooh Â♪
385
00:15:19,730 --> 00:15:21,498
You're suing me for alimony?
386
00:15:21,565 --> 00:15:23,700
Yes.
387
00:15:23,751 --> 00:15:25,619
When we were married, I got accustomed
388
00:15:25,703 --> 00:15:27,737
To a certain lifestyle, and I'm entitled
389
00:15:27,789 --> 00:15:29,289
To money to maintain that lifestyle.
390
00:15:29,374 --> 00:15:30,957
This is insane.
391
00:15:31,042 --> 00:15:32,759
Yeah, it's insane, but it's all I got.
392
00:15:32,844 --> 00:15:34,577
And you could make it all go away
393
00:15:34,629 --> 00:15:36,413
If you just gave me a chance.
394
00:15:36,464 --> 00:15:38,298
- What?
- Three dates.
395
00:15:40,268 --> 00:15:43,019
One date.
396
00:15:43,087 --> 00:15:44,020
Coffee?
397
00:15:44,088 --> 00:15:47,190
So your plan was to sue me
398
00:15:47,258 --> 00:15:48,925
And then to use that to blackmail me
399
00:15:48,976 --> 00:15:50,277
Into falling in love with you?
400
00:15:50,361 --> 00:15:53,447
Yeah.
401
00:15:53,531 --> 00:15:56,066
[scoffs]
402
00:15:59,737 --> 00:16:01,604
Hey, you guys sound good.
403
00:16:01,656 --> 00:16:04,124
You really think so?
404
00:16:04,208 --> 00:16:06,626
I-- it's impossible to tell.
405
00:16:06,711 --> 00:16:08,278
It's like bizarro land out there.
406
00:16:08,329 --> 00:16:10,580
As soon as we finish a song,
it's dead silence.
407
00:16:10,631 --> 00:16:11,882
Well, what do you expect, you know?
408
00:16:11,949 --> 00:16:13,750
They're like a million years old.
409
00:16:13,801 --> 00:16:15,969
Well, I'm glad you like it.
410
00:16:16,053 --> 00:16:17,304
You were always a big supporter of the band.
411
00:16:17,388 --> 00:16:19,139
Hey, break's over.
412
00:16:19,223 --> 00:16:21,675
Ludgate, cracking the whip.
413
00:16:21,759 --> 00:16:25,061
Yeah, well, these old bags
paid for some entertainment,
414
00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:26,763
So get...
415
00:16:26,814 --> 00:16:28,131
- No, you're right.
- Up there.
416
00:16:28,182 --> 00:16:29,516
Hey, you should play that song,
417
00:16:29,600 --> 00:16:30,650
The way you look tonight.
418
00:16:30,735 --> 00:16:32,135
- Mm.
- That's a good one.
419
00:16:32,186 --> 00:16:35,155
Next one's going out
to a special little lady
420
00:16:35,239 --> 00:16:37,741
Named April ludgate.
421
00:16:37,808 --> 00:16:40,343
Â♪ Â♪
422
00:16:40,411 --> 00:16:44,030
Â♪ some day Â♪
423
00:16:44,115 --> 00:16:47,984
Â♪ when I'm all alone Â♪
424
00:16:48,035 --> 00:16:50,036
Are you guys--
425
00:16:50,121 --> 00:16:52,706
Never mind.
426
00:16:52,790 --> 00:16:55,959
- Why do you care?
- I don't.
427
00:16:56,010 --> 00:16:57,794
Â♪ of you Â♪
428
00:16:57,845 --> 00:17:01,548
Â♪ and the way you look Â♪
429
00:17:01,632 --> 00:17:02,999
Now what about you?
430
00:17:03,050 --> 00:17:04,167
What do you do for a living?
431
00:17:04,218 --> 00:17:08,004
Well, it's been an interesting ride.
432
00:17:08,055 --> 00:17:10,673
- Yeah.
- Got a job at a grocery store
433
00:17:10,725 --> 00:17:12,142
Right out of college.
434
00:17:12,193 --> 00:17:13,977
Just for a way to make money.
435
00:17:14,028 --> 00:17:17,397
Here I am, 40 years later,
436
00:17:17,482 --> 00:17:19,115
Completely unemployed.
437
00:17:21,202 --> 00:17:23,870
Wow.
438
00:17:23,955 --> 00:17:28,575
What do you say we pick
up where we left off?
439
00:17:28,659 --> 00:17:30,693
You're not serious, right?
440
00:17:30,745 --> 00:17:32,662
Serious as a heart attack.
441
00:17:32,713 --> 00:17:35,715
Of which I've had four.
442
00:17:35,800 --> 00:17:40,170
Â♪ and the world is cold Â♪
443
00:17:40,221 --> 00:17:42,806
Â♪ I will feel a glow Â♪
444
00:17:42,873 --> 00:17:47,561
Â♪ just thinking of you Â♪
445
00:17:47,645 --> 00:17:50,313
Â♪ and the way you look Â♪
446
00:17:50,381 --> 00:17:53,183
Â♪ tonight Â♪
447
00:17:53,234 --> 00:17:56,236
Â♪ Â♪
448
00:17:56,320 --> 00:17:58,071
Hey, mom,
449
00:17:58,155 --> 00:17:59,406
Are you okay?
450
00:17:59,490 --> 00:18:01,024
Did frank leave? - Uh, yeah,
he just stepped away
451
00:18:01,075 --> 00:18:02,108
For a second.
452
00:18:02,193 --> 00:18:03,610
I'm so sorry we brought him here.
453
00:18:03,694 --> 00:18:04,828
Oh, it's okay.
454
00:18:04,895 --> 00:18:06,613
It was very thoughtful, sweetheart.
455
00:18:06,697 --> 00:18:08,698
It's not your fault that
he turned out to be--
456
00:18:08,749 --> 00:18:10,083
Excuse me.
457
00:18:10,167 --> 00:18:12,402
Hi. Excuse me, hi.
458
00:18:12,453 --> 00:18:13,620
[clears throat]
459
00:18:13,704 --> 00:18:15,539
My name is frank beckerson.
460
00:18:15,590 --> 00:18:21,077
Marlene, you...
461
00:18:21,128 --> 00:18:22,128
Blew it.
462
00:18:22,213 --> 00:18:26,049
Take one last look, marlene,
463
00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:31,221
Because you'll never see this body again.
464
00:18:31,272 --> 00:18:34,090
Marlene, what happened between you two?
465
00:18:34,141 --> 00:18:36,059
Tell me everything. I want every detail.
466
00:18:36,110 --> 00:18:38,928
Hey, we're almost done,
so we can leave soon.
467
00:18:38,980 --> 00:18:40,780
(as an old person) yes, I'll take you
468
00:18:40,865 --> 00:18:44,067
For an ice cream malt,
and then we can go choose our caskets.
469
00:18:44,135 --> 00:18:46,603
God, why does everything
we do have to be cloaked
470
00:18:46,654 --> 00:18:48,071
In, like, 15 layers of irony?
471
00:18:48,122 --> 00:18:50,874
Here's something unironic.
472
00:18:50,941 --> 00:18:52,492
Ever since you've been hanging
out with that meathead,
473
00:18:52,577 --> 00:18:55,211
You've become completely lame.
474
00:18:55,279 --> 00:18:56,663
You know what, we're breaking up.
475
00:18:56,747 --> 00:18:58,781
Fine.
476
00:18:58,833 --> 00:19:00,467
Then you can't make out with
me when you're drunk anymore.
477
00:19:00,551 --> 00:19:02,419
Fine. Then I'll make out with ben.
478
00:19:02,470 --> 00:19:04,787
- Pass.
- No, he's my boyfriend.
479
00:19:04,839 --> 00:19:06,640
You can either make out with
both of us or none of us.
480
00:19:06,724 --> 00:19:08,291
Fine. None of you.
481
00:19:08,342 --> 00:19:12,312
Fine.
482
00:19:12,396 --> 00:19:15,732
Â♪ I've got you Â♪
483
00:19:15,799 --> 00:19:20,854
Â♪ under my skin Â♪
484
00:19:20,938 --> 00:19:22,656
[grunts]
485
00:19:22,740 --> 00:19:25,158
Everything okay, knope?
486
00:19:25,242 --> 00:19:27,277
My boyfriend is a lawyer,
487
00:19:27,328 --> 00:19:29,746
And he's smart and interesting,
488
00:19:29,813 --> 00:19:32,332
And there's a lot of
things about him I like.
489
00:19:32,416 --> 00:19:35,318
But he acted like a real jerk today.
490
00:19:35,369 --> 00:19:37,504
I don't know. There's
something about the way
491
00:19:37,588 --> 00:19:39,873
He treats people or something.
492
00:19:39,957 --> 00:19:41,991
He's a tourist.
493
00:19:42,043 --> 00:19:44,294
He vacations in people's lives,
494
00:19:44,345 --> 00:19:46,046
Takes pictures,
495
00:19:46,130 --> 00:19:48,848
Puts 'em in a scrapbook, and moves on.
496
00:19:48,933 --> 00:19:51,184
All he's interested in are stories.
497
00:19:51,268 --> 00:19:53,887
Huh.
498
00:19:53,971 --> 00:19:57,840
Basically, leslie, he's selfish.
499
00:19:57,892 --> 00:19:59,025
And you're not.
500
00:19:59,110 --> 00:20:02,062
And that's why you don't like him.
501
00:20:02,146 --> 00:20:04,847
I told you so.
502
00:20:04,899 --> 00:20:06,015
It's duke silver.
503
00:20:06,067 --> 00:20:08,852
Duke, can I have your autograph?
504
00:20:08,919 --> 00:20:10,403
I love your music.
505
00:20:10,488 --> 00:20:12,822
You're mistaken, ladies.
506
00:20:12,873 --> 00:20:15,458
Move along.
507
00:20:15,526 --> 00:20:19,879
Â♪ under my skin Â♪
508
00:20:19,964 --> 00:20:21,197
Whoo!
509
00:20:21,248 --> 00:20:22,882
Yeah, go mouse rat!
510
00:20:22,967 --> 00:20:24,918
Whoo!
511
00:20:25,002 --> 00:20:28,254
I thought you were just terrific.
512
00:20:28,339 --> 00:20:29,556
Seriously?
513
00:20:29,640 --> 00:20:31,257
You sound like dean martin.
514
00:20:31,342 --> 00:20:36,062
If I were 50 years younger... - Ew.
515
00:20:36,147 --> 00:20:37,597
[laughs]
516
00:20:37,682 --> 00:20:39,549
Wait, who's dean martin?
517
00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,017
If I'm not mistaken, that was
518
00:20:41,068 --> 00:20:43,186
The old lady version of flashing.
519
00:20:43,237 --> 00:20:44,938
Nailed the gig.
520
00:20:46,446 --> 00:20:47,663
Look, it's sad. I know.
521
00:20:47,730 --> 00:20:49,398
But we'll still be friends.
522
00:20:49,449 --> 00:20:51,900
We're gonna see each other all the time.
523
00:20:51,951 --> 00:20:53,452
I come into town, like, every other weekend.
524
00:20:53,536 --> 00:20:55,737
No. You guys can't break up.
525
00:20:55,788 --> 00:20:56,605
We can fix this. Let me talk to leslie.
526
00:20:56,656 --> 00:20:57,772
Tom, it's over.
527
00:20:57,824 --> 00:20:59,324
She doesn't want to see me anymore.
528
00:20:59,409 --> 00:21:01,143
Is it my fault? Did I do something wrong?
529
00:21:01,211 --> 00:21:04,413
No. Seriously,
this has nothing to do with you.
530
00:21:04,464 --> 00:21:07,382
- Can we still go suit shopping?
- Of course.
531
00:21:07,450 --> 00:21:09,334
Armani's having a sale right now.
532
00:21:09,419 --> 00:21:12,004
Time to get you a pocket square.
533
00:21:12,088 --> 00:21:13,955
All right.
534
00:21:14,007 --> 00:21:17,327
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com