1
00:00:04,594 --> 00:00:06,028
But we scheduled for
this time on this field.
2
00:00:06,295 --> 00:00:07,395
Okay, this is no way for adults
3
00:00:07,463 --> 00:00:08,663
To act in front of children.
4
00:00:08,731 --> 00:00:09,897
You're not only coaches,
you're also role models.
5
00:00:11,133 --> 00:00:15,966
I would hardly call
what he does coaching.
6
00:00:16,034 --> 00:00:18,542
Oh...Wow. Excellent role modeling.
7
00:00:18,810 --> 00:00:20,704
Apparently, the girls'
team does not have a field
8
00:00:20,772 --> 00:00:23,754
Assigned to them for practice,
but the boys' team does.
9
00:00:24,591 --> 00:00:27,034
No. Not on my watch.
10
00:00:27,102 --> 00:00:28,873
Every child has the right to play,
11
00:00:28,941 --> 00:00:30,579
No matter how boring the sport.
12
00:00:30,647 --> 00:00:32,691
Okay, could you
just share the field
13
00:00:32,759 --> 00:00:34,195
With the girls today, please?
14
00:00:34,262 --> 00:00:37,003
I'm the girls' coach.
She's the boys' coach.
15
00:00:37,071 --> 00:00:39,112
- Oh, okay, sorry.
- That's sexist.
16
00:00:39,180 --> 00:00:41,157
- No, it's not.
- Yeah, it kind of is.
17
00:00:41,225 --> 00:00:43,631
Okay, why don't the boys
take the field today
18
00:00:43,699 --> 00:00:45,703
And then I will make
sure that the girls
19
00:00:45,771 --> 00:00:48,009
Get a place to practice
by the end of the week?
20
00:00:48,076 --> 00:00:51,483
And that, little lady,
is a leslie knope promise.
21
00:00:51,552 --> 00:00:53,620
- I'm a boy.
- Good, yeah.
22
00:00:53,688 --> 00:00:54,888
'cause I wasn't talking to you,
I was talking to you.
23
00:00:54,956 --> 00:00:56,089
You're a girl, right?
24
00:00:56,157 --> 00:00:58,762
- Yeah.
- Yep. She.
25
00:00:58,830 --> 00:01:08,830
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
26
00:01:18,930 --> 00:01:21,196
Mail's here.
27
00:01:21,264 --> 00:01:23,033
Oh! Hey.
28
00:01:23,101 --> 00:01:24,201
Jerry.
29
00:01:24,269 --> 00:01:26,538
You got soup all over
our mail. You jerk.
30
00:01:26,606 --> 00:01:27,873
Oh, my god.
31
00:01:27,941 --> 00:01:29,409
It's an envelope from the I.
O.W. Awards office.
32
00:01:29,477 --> 00:01:32,247
Nobody freak out.
33
00:01:32,314 --> 00:01:34,283
Do you know what this means?
34
00:01:34,351 --> 00:01:37,186
I am pawnee's woman of the year.
35
00:01:37,254 --> 00:01:39,988
The I.O.W. Is the indiana
organization of women.
36
00:01:40,055 --> 00:01:42,890
I have been a dues-paying
member since I was nine.
37
00:01:42,958 --> 00:01:44,925
And every year,
they choose one woman to win
38
00:01:44,993 --> 00:01:47,629
The dorothy everton smythe
female empowerment award.
39
00:01:47,696 --> 00:01:50,031
Winning is every girl's dream.
40
00:01:50,099 --> 00:01:52,167
But it's my destiny.
41
00:01:52,235 --> 00:01:53,402
And my dream.
42
00:01:53,469 --> 00:01:54,770
Can you read it, please?
43
00:01:54,838 --> 00:01:57,340
Where my ladies at?
44
00:01:57,407 --> 00:01:59,476
Here we go.
45
00:01:59,543 --> 00:02:01,979
The I.O.W. Is proud to
announce this year's
46
00:02:02,046 --> 00:02:03,714
Dorothy everton smythe
47
00:02:03,782 --> 00:02:06,050
Female empowerment award winner:
48
00:02:06,118 --> 00:02:07,252
Ronald swanson.
49
00:02:07,319 --> 00:02:08,787
Ah-ha, okay, pretty funny.
50
00:02:08,854 --> 00:02:09,954
It says ronald swanson.
51
00:02:10,022 --> 00:02:11,523
What? No, no. No, it doesn't.
52
00:02:11,591 --> 00:02:13,326
I--that--no.
53
00:02:13,394 --> 00:02:15,195
That--what?
54
00:02:15,263 --> 00:02:16,830
They--they only honor women,
55
00:02:16,898 --> 00:02:18,198
And ron's the opposite of a woman.
56
00:02:18,266 --> 00:02:19,633
What's going on?
57
00:02:19,701 --> 00:02:21,502
You're, um, pawnee's
woman of the year,
58
00:02:21,570 --> 00:02:25,238
It looks like.
59
00:02:25,306 --> 00:02:27,340
Well, it's about time.
60
00:02:27,408 --> 00:02:28,642
No, no, no.
61
00:02:28,710 --> 00:02:30,010
They've obviously made
some sort of mistake.
62
00:02:30,078 --> 00:02:31,278
Bully for me.
63
00:02:31,346 --> 00:02:33,147
- Congratulations, ron.
- Yeah, congratulations.
64
00:02:33,215 --> 00:02:34,482
Congrats. It's very exciting.
65
00:02:34,550 --> 00:02:35,649
It's awesome.
66
00:02:35,717 --> 00:02:38,017
Awards are stupid.
67
00:02:38,084 --> 00:02:41,120
Which is why I fully intend
to decline this nonsense
68
00:02:41,188 --> 00:02:43,122
And recommend it go to leslie.
69
00:02:43,190 --> 00:02:47,460
Because she works
really hard and I don't.
70
00:02:47,528 --> 00:02:51,631
However, she cares way too
much about crap like this,
71
00:02:51,699 --> 00:02:54,334
Which is why I can't
pass up this opportunity
72
00:02:54,401 --> 00:02:56,803
To tease her about it.
73
00:02:56,871 --> 00:02:58,738
Well, we can't stand around all day
74
00:02:58,806 --> 00:03:01,408
Congratulating me on
receiving an award
75
00:03:01,476 --> 00:03:03,744
From some lousy
women's organization.
76
00:03:03,812 --> 00:03:05,779
Back to work, everyone.
77
00:03:11,486 --> 00:03:12,954
Hey, freddy.
78
00:03:13,022 --> 00:03:14,689
Good news.
79
00:03:14,757 --> 00:03:18,026
Your liquor license
renewal got got, yo.
80
00:03:18,094 --> 00:03:19,094
What do you mean by that?
81
00:03:19,161 --> 00:03:21,195
Oh, I got you temporary approval
82
00:03:21,263 --> 00:03:23,331
From the liquor board
pending full-board
83
00:03:23,398 --> 00:03:25,132
Authorization and council review.
84
00:03:25,200 --> 00:03:26,567
Got got.
85
00:03:26,635 --> 00:03:27,935
Thank you. Thank you so much.
86
00:03:28,003 --> 00:03:29,370
No worries.
87
00:03:29,438 --> 00:03:31,038
You know the snakehole's my
favorite pawnee hot spot.
88
00:03:31,106 --> 00:03:33,007
I wanna open up my
own club one day.
89
00:03:33,074 --> 00:03:35,009
Maybe call it something
like club-a-dub-dub
90
00:03:35,077 --> 00:03:36,911
Or the clubmarine,
91
00:03:36,978 --> 00:03:39,113
Sort of a submarine-themed club.
92
00:03:39,181 --> 00:03:41,816
Or tom's bistro.
93
00:03:41,883 --> 00:03:44,251
The word bistro is classy as .
94
00:03:44,319 --> 00:03:45,953
Tom, man, we are looking for
95
00:03:46,021 --> 00:03:48,690
A few top quality
guys like yourself
96
00:03:48,758 --> 00:03:50,558
To become part owners.
97
00:03:50,626 --> 00:03:52,960
A guy like you with your
political connections,
98
00:03:53,028 --> 00:03:54,395
I think you'd make a great asset.
99
00:03:54,462 --> 00:03:55,763
I agree.
100
00:03:55,830 --> 00:03:57,397
That's why I got into
public service, to help me.
101
00:03:57,465 --> 00:04:00,100
All right. $10,000 a share.
102
00:04:00,168 --> 00:04:02,202
Need the money by Friday.
103
00:04:02,270 --> 00:04:05,706
$10,000. That's chump change.
104
00:04:05,773 --> 00:04:09,943
I will see you Friday with $10,000.
105
00:04:10,011 --> 00:04:13,380
All right, partner.
106
00:04:13,447 --> 00:04:15,315
I just don't get why the I.O.W.
107
00:04:15,382 --> 00:04:16,649
Would give that award to ron.
108
00:04:16,717 --> 00:04:17,717
Yeah, that's a bummer.
109
00:04:17,784 --> 00:04:18,951
One, he's not a woman.
110
00:04:19,019 --> 00:04:21,755
And two, they mention
the camp athena project
111
00:04:21,823 --> 00:04:22,923
In that letter.
112
00:04:22,990 --> 00:04:24,457
That's my project. I started that.
113
00:04:24,525 --> 00:04:25,892
It was my brainchild.
114
00:04:25,959 --> 00:04:28,327
Why would ron start a
camp for troubled girls?
115
00:04:28,395 --> 00:04:30,095
- He wouldn't.
- Exactly.
116
00:04:30,163 --> 00:04:31,296
I deserve that award.
117
00:04:31,364 --> 00:04:33,631
That award is mine, not his.
It's mine.
118
00:04:33,699 --> 00:04:34,765
You know what you should do--
119
00:04:34,833 --> 00:04:35,999
I know, I already started a list.
120
00:04:36,067 --> 00:04:37,800
"write an email to barack obama.
121
00:04:37,868 --> 00:04:39,068
"lock myself in my
office and scream
122
00:04:39,136 --> 00:04:40,235
Until I lose my voice."
123
00:04:40,303 --> 00:04:41,402
That's all I have so far.
124
00:04:41,470 --> 00:04:42,670
I was gonna suggest
maybe you just go
125
00:04:42,738 --> 00:04:43,838
And talk to him.
126
00:04:43,905 --> 00:04:45,239
Oh.
127
00:04:45,307 --> 00:04:47,140
You're only gonna get more
resentful if you don't.
128
00:04:50,143 --> 00:04:52,578
- Hey, ann. How--
- ann.
129
00:04:52,645 --> 00:04:54,146
I have so much I need
to tell you right now.
130
00:04:54,213 --> 00:04:56,147
Hey, ann, leslie would
like to talk to you
131
00:04:56,215 --> 00:04:57,815
For a moment, is that all right?
132
00:04:57,883 --> 00:04:59,616
Good.
133
00:04:59,684 --> 00:05:01,184
Jean-ralphio.
134
00:05:01,252 --> 00:05:03,953
Big t, what it do, nephew?
135
00:05:05,755 --> 00:05:07,789
Jean-ralphio,
136
00:05:07,857 --> 00:05:09,724
I have a hot investment opportunity
137
00:05:09,792 --> 00:05:11,392
That you are gonna
wanna jump all over.
138
00:05:11,460 --> 00:05:12,560
Hit me with it, daddy.
139
00:05:12,627 --> 00:05:14,794
- The snakehole lounge--
- heard of it.
140
00:05:14,862 --> 00:05:17,097
- Is looking for investors.
- No way.
141
00:05:17,164 --> 00:05:18,265
Yesterday if you
would have asked me,
142
00:05:18,333 --> 00:05:19,501
I would have said no, but thank god
143
00:05:19,568 --> 00:05:21,468
My grandfather just died so I am
144
00:05:21,536 --> 00:05:25,004
♪ fluh-ush with cah-ash ♪
145
00:05:25,072 --> 00:05:26,172
Awesome.
146
00:05:26,239 --> 00:05:27,706
I have 4,000 bucks.
147
00:05:27,774 --> 00:05:29,674
All I need you to do is kick in 6gs
148
00:05:29,742 --> 00:05:32,209
And then you and I are part owners
149
00:05:32,277 --> 00:05:33,777
Of the hottest nightclub in pawnee.
150
00:05:33,845 --> 00:05:35,512
Also, sorry about your grandpa.
151
00:05:35,580 --> 00:05:37,748
No worries, he was a dick.
Here's the thing.
152
00:05:37,816 --> 00:05:40,918
I can kick in 5gs.
That should be enough, right?
153
00:05:40,985 --> 00:05:43,353
No, it's not enough.
I just said I need 6gs.
154
00:05:43,421 --> 00:05:44,488
What about your trust fund?
155
00:05:44,555 --> 00:05:45,722
My parents had it amended.
156
00:05:45,790 --> 00:05:46,956
I don't get anything until I'm 50,
157
00:05:47,024 --> 00:05:48,157
Which is a waste,
'cause I'm gonna be
158
00:05:48,225 --> 00:05:50,092
A billionaire in
costa rica by then,
159
00:05:50,160 --> 00:05:52,594
Eating dolphins and hanging
out with lady singers.
160
00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:54,296
It's not a huge deal.
Just sit tight.
161
00:05:54,364 --> 00:05:55,864
I'll take care of it.
162
00:05:55,932 --> 00:05:57,031
You wanna come home with me?
163
00:05:57,099 --> 00:05:59,834
Don't you work at lady foot locker?
164
00:05:59,901 --> 00:06:01,668
Look, if you're not gonna pay rent,
165
00:06:01,736 --> 00:06:03,436
At least clean up your dishes.
166
00:06:03,504 --> 00:06:06,105
Ugh! Is that all?
167
00:06:06,173 --> 00:06:07,273
No.
168
00:06:07,340 --> 00:06:09,641
Also, the bag of smells
was a fun experiment,
169
00:06:09,709 --> 00:06:10,808
But it has to stop.
170
00:06:10,876 --> 00:06:12,176
Come on.
171
00:06:12,244 --> 00:06:14,511
Now--no, we're finally starting
to get serious results.
172
00:06:14,579 --> 00:06:16,580
Andy, dude, I love you.
173
00:06:16,648 --> 00:06:20,618
But shape up or move out.
174
00:06:20,685 --> 00:06:21,885
What's going on?
175
00:06:21,953 --> 00:06:23,487
The guitarist from my
band is driving me crazy.
176
00:06:23,554 --> 00:06:25,087
He's such a control freak.
177
00:06:25,155 --> 00:06:27,588
uh, that's not a working
fireplace, andy.
178
00:06:27,656 --> 00:06:30,157
Stop writing phone
messages on the wall, andy.
179
00:06:30,225 --> 00:06:31,458
Dude, seriously, I love you,
180
00:06:31,526 --> 00:06:33,926
But stop digging that weird
hole in the backyard.
181
00:06:33,994 --> 00:06:35,228
Is mouse rat gonna break up?
182
00:06:35,296 --> 00:06:36,897
Well, we're not mouse rat anymore.
183
00:06:36,965 --> 00:06:38,265
We changed it to tackleshaft.
184
00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:39,432
Oh.
185
00:06:39,500 --> 00:06:41,534
I should just get my own place.
186
00:06:41,602 --> 00:06:43,736
You should. I'll help you.
187
00:06:43,804 --> 00:06:45,871
- You could help me?
- Yeah, that'd be fun.
188
00:06:45,939 --> 00:06:48,940
April, you're like an
angel with no wings.
189
00:06:49,008 --> 00:06:50,575
So like a person.
190
00:06:53,579 --> 00:06:55,679
Hey. What's in the envelope?
191
00:06:55,747 --> 00:06:59,049
Nothing. You wanted to see me?
192
00:06:59,117 --> 00:07:01,251
I think the pawnee
chapter of the I.O.W.
193
00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:02,352
Has a made a little mistake.
194
00:07:02,420 --> 00:07:04,854
Rr, rr, rr. Really?
195
00:07:04,921 --> 00:07:07,957
You're saying a women's
organization made a mistake?
196
00:07:08,024 --> 00:07:09,525
I was as surprised as you were.
197
00:07:09,593 --> 00:07:10,893
But the fact is,
198
00:07:10,960 --> 00:07:12,727
They only give that award to women.
199
00:07:12,795 --> 00:07:14,029
Hmm.
200
00:07:14,096 --> 00:07:16,464
Well, it definitely said
ron swanson in the letter.
201
00:07:16,531 --> 00:07:19,098
Yeah, but it also
mentioned my camp project.
202
00:07:19,166 --> 00:07:20,532
Ah, yes, camp xena.
203
00:07:20,599 --> 00:07:21,933
Athena. Camp athena.
204
00:07:22,001 --> 00:07:23,301
You don't even know the name.
205
00:07:23,368 --> 00:07:24,802
Oh, I almost got it.
It was pretty close.
206
00:07:24,870 --> 00:07:26,303
- No.
- Look, leslie.
207
00:07:26,371 --> 00:07:28,872
Your job, which you're great at,
208
00:07:28,940 --> 00:07:30,106
Is making me look good.
209
00:07:30,174 --> 00:07:32,309
Which you've clearly done well
210
00:07:32,376 --> 00:07:34,744
Because I'm getting an award.
211
00:07:34,811 --> 00:07:36,445
Right?
212
00:07:36,513 --> 00:07:38,447
- Yeah?
- Be proud of yourself.
213
00:07:38,515 --> 00:07:40,215
I mean, you deserve an award.
214
00:07:40,283 --> 00:07:43,284
Not this one, obviously.
This one belongs to me.
215
00:07:43,352 --> 00:07:44,919
But some other one.
216
00:07:44,987 --> 00:07:47,554
Some other lesser award.
217
00:07:47,621 --> 00:07:48,855
And if the shoe were
on the other foot
218
00:07:48,923 --> 00:07:51,624
And you won the award,
I would have congratulated you.
219
00:07:54,094 --> 00:07:55,194
congratulations, ron.
220
00:07:55,262 --> 00:07:58,997
- What's that?
- You heard me.
221
00:07:59,065 --> 00:08:00,232
You promised the girls a field
222
00:08:00,299 --> 00:08:01,599
By the end of this week.
223
00:08:01,667 --> 00:08:05,236
Well, it's a man's world,
winston, get used to it.
224
00:08:05,303 --> 00:08:08,205
I'm a man.
225
00:08:08,273 --> 00:08:10,073
You know who you should talk to?
226
00:08:10,141 --> 00:08:11,241
Ron swanson.
227
00:08:11,309 --> 00:08:13,043
He's an award winning
public servant.
228
00:08:13,110 --> 00:08:14,277
He's the guy that's
gonna help you out.
229
00:08:14,345 --> 00:08:16,479
Go on in there.
230
00:08:16,547 --> 00:08:19,815
'scuse me.
Ron, someone's coming in.
231
00:08:19,883 --> 00:08:20,950
Hi.
232
00:08:21,017 --> 00:08:22,984
Leslie said I should
come over here.
233
00:08:23,052 --> 00:08:24,319
If you don't get
credit for your work,
234
00:08:24,386 --> 00:08:26,254
Why bother doing it?
235
00:08:26,322 --> 00:08:28,622
Because I love it.
236
00:08:28,690 --> 00:08:30,357
But I'm gonna make a point.
237
00:08:32,775 --> 00:08:35,644
This vip card gives
you exclusive access
238
00:08:35,712 --> 00:08:38,513
To the investment
opportunity of a lifetime.
239
00:08:38,580 --> 00:08:40,915
Multipurpose room f.
240
00:08:40,982 --> 00:08:43,083
3:00 p.M.
241
00:08:43,151 --> 00:08:45,452
Dress code: Black tie optional.
242
00:08:45,520 --> 00:08:47,987
Just like life.
243
00:08:48,055 --> 00:08:50,089
Hey, you want to see me?
244
00:08:50,157 --> 00:08:54,325
Yes, yes, just hang on one second.
245
00:08:54,393 --> 00:08:55,793
I'm doing my official portrait
246
00:08:55,861 --> 00:08:57,595
For the I.U.D.
Awards dinner program.
247
00:08:57,663 --> 00:09:00,165
I.O.W.
248
00:09:00,233 --> 00:09:02,869
No, this portrait is not
official in any way.
249
00:09:02,937 --> 00:09:04,270
I'm paying for it myself.
250
00:09:04,338 --> 00:09:06,906
Did you need me?
251
00:09:06,974 --> 00:09:09,509
Because some of us actually
do work around here.
252
00:09:09,576 --> 00:09:12,478
Work that often goes unrewarded.
253
00:09:12,546 --> 00:09:14,380
I need your opinion.
254
00:09:14,448 --> 00:09:17,216
Which of these objects
most represents women
255
00:09:17,284 --> 00:09:19,049
For this portrait?
256
00:09:19,117 --> 00:09:21,749
A pot?
257
00:09:21,817 --> 00:09:25,786
Or this deputy director barbie?
258
00:09:25,854 --> 00:09:27,020
Isn't it adorable?
259
00:09:27,088 --> 00:09:29,456
She's got a little briefcase,
her cell phone--
260
00:09:29,523 --> 00:09:32,091
I'm going to help my
boss win an award.
261
00:09:32,159 --> 00:09:34,460
How's the, uh, scheduling conflict
262
00:09:34,528 --> 00:09:35,728
With the soccer teams going?
263
00:09:35,795 --> 00:09:36,762
Take care of that, did you?
264
00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:39,064
Nope. Passed the buck to donna.
265
00:09:39,132 --> 00:09:40,365
That's not really the attitude
266
00:09:40,433 --> 00:09:42,033
I expect from an award winner.
267
00:09:42,101 --> 00:09:44,102
Everything I do is the attitude
268
00:09:44,169 --> 00:09:48,239
Of an award winner because
I've won an award.
269
00:09:48,306 --> 00:09:50,840
So what kind of place
are you looking for?
270
00:09:50,908 --> 00:09:52,975
I can afford, like,
300 bucks a month.
271
00:09:53,043 --> 00:09:55,510
I've always wanted a
doorman named ernie.
272
00:09:55,578 --> 00:09:56,911
That would be awesome. Or kipp.
273
00:09:56,979 --> 00:09:58,078
I'm pretty flexible on that.
274
00:09:58,146 --> 00:09:59,413
Here's a great one.
275
00:09:59,480 --> 00:10:02,315
It's a tudor mansion,
it's got seven rooms,
276
00:10:02,383 --> 00:10:04,784
Four bathrooms,
it's got a tennis court,
277
00:10:04,852 --> 00:10:06,885
A pool, and a three-car garage.
278
00:10:06,953 --> 00:10:07,986
What?
279
00:10:08,054 --> 00:10:10,355
And it's only $20,000 a month.
280
00:10:10,423 --> 00:10:11,789
And it's in chicago.
281
00:10:11,857 --> 00:10:14,992
Aw. That close.
It was almost perfect.
282
00:10:15,060 --> 00:10:17,761
Actually, there are a
couple cool places in here.
283
00:10:17,829 --> 00:10:19,463
- Let's go look at them.
- Now?
284
00:10:19,530 --> 00:10:20,864
- Let's roll.
- Okay.
285
00:10:29,573 --> 00:10:31,807
Thank you all so much
for joining me today.
286
00:10:31,875 --> 00:10:33,308
I have two questions for you.
287
00:10:33,376 --> 00:10:35,910
Are you ready for the
investment opportunity
288
00:10:35,978 --> 00:10:37,078
Of a lifetime?
289
00:10:37,145 --> 00:10:39,179
And two: Do any of
you have pacemakers
290
00:10:39,247 --> 00:10:40,347
Or a history of epilepsy?
291
00:10:40,415 --> 00:10:41,448
Yes, both.
292
00:10:41,516 --> 00:10:44,117
- Anybody, no?--Right.
- Both.
293
00:10:48,055 --> 00:10:50,089
Ladies.
294
00:10:50,156 --> 00:10:52,424
♪ ♪
295
00:10:52,492 --> 00:10:56,360
Jay-z. Rihanna. Audrina patridge.
296
00:10:56,428 --> 00:11:00,864
Jon gosselin. Lady gaga. Snooki.
297
00:11:00,931 --> 00:11:02,232
Are these real people?
298
00:11:02,299 --> 00:11:04,800
Cash warren. And dennis rodman.
299
00:11:04,868 --> 00:11:06,368
These are just a few
of the celebrities
300
00:11:06,436 --> 00:11:09,704
That wish they could invest
in pawnee's hottest club.
301
00:11:09,772 --> 00:11:12,740
But they caaaaan't!
302
00:11:12,808 --> 00:11:15,142
And you can for the
small price of only
303
00:11:15,209 --> 00:11:18,943
$1,000.
304
00:11:19,011 --> 00:11:23,280
The only question is,
who's gonna be my partner?
305
00:11:23,348 --> 00:11:24,781
Mark, I'm talking to you.
306
00:11:24,849 --> 00:11:26,216
Donna, I'm talking to you.
307
00:11:26,283 --> 00:11:28,184
Jerry, I'm talking to you.
308
00:11:28,252 --> 00:11:31,587
Mark, I'm talking to you.
309
00:11:31,655 --> 00:11:34,756
26 certificates, plaques,
ribbons, trophies,
310
00:11:34,823 --> 00:11:36,957
Medals, and miscellany
certifying that I am
311
00:11:37,025 --> 00:11:38,758
The kind of person who
deserves recognition
312
00:11:38,825 --> 00:11:40,425
For her achievements.
313
00:11:40,493 --> 00:11:41,692
What do you have, ron?
314
00:11:41,760 --> 00:11:45,228
I have the dorothy
everytime smurf girl trophy
315
00:11:45,296 --> 00:11:47,097
For excellence in female stuff.
316
00:11:47,164 --> 00:11:49,332
Dorothy everton smythe.
I swear to god--
317
00:11:49,400 --> 00:11:50,767
Leslie.
318
00:11:50,835 --> 00:11:54,204
Before you continue,
please read this.
319
00:11:54,272 --> 00:11:55,605
Another organization
giving you credit
320
00:11:55,673 --> 00:12:00,241
For something you didn't do?
321
00:12:00,309 --> 00:12:03,943
"I, ron swanson, recognize that
322
00:12:04,011 --> 00:12:06,581
"leslie knope should have
received the I.O.W. Award
323
00:12:06,649 --> 00:12:08,550
"for all the hard
work she has done,
324
00:12:08,617 --> 00:12:10,518
"especially for the
camp athena project.
325
00:12:10,586 --> 00:12:14,655
"however, in my opinion,
she is far too concerned
326
00:12:14,723 --> 00:12:16,857
With institutional gratification."
327
00:12:16,925 --> 00:12:18,192
No, I'm not.
328
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:22,497
"so I'm gonna let her
dangle in order to show her
329
00:12:22,565 --> 00:12:26,469
That awards are bull... Crap.
330
00:12:26,537 --> 00:12:28,338
Come on, leslie,
you know I'm not sexist.
331
00:12:28,405 --> 00:12:29,672
I love powerful women.
332
00:12:29,740 --> 00:12:32,342
Well, you do attend a
shocking number of wnba games.
333
00:12:32,409 --> 00:12:35,778
I'm just saying that
awards are political.
334
00:12:35,846 --> 00:12:38,014
And everybody has an agenda.
335
00:12:38,082 --> 00:12:39,648
You spend your life chasing them,
336
00:12:39,716 --> 00:12:40,982
You'll drive yourself nuts.
337
00:12:41,050 --> 00:12:42,350
Yeah, all right.
338
00:12:42,417 --> 00:12:44,916
But dorothy everton smythe
was a trailblazing feminist.
339
00:12:44,983 --> 00:12:46,649
She was the first woman in pawnee
340
00:12:46,717 --> 00:12:48,383
To wear pants on a Sunday.
341
00:12:48,451 --> 00:12:49,983
She spent four years
in jail for that.
342
00:12:50,050 --> 00:12:52,350
I know I'm not supposed to
care about these things,
343
00:12:52,418 --> 00:12:56,854
But this one means a lot.
344
00:12:56,922 --> 00:13:00,691
♪ I know you've been changing ♪
345
00:13:00,758 --> 00:13:03,226
The acoustics in the
bathroom are insane.
346
00:13:03,294 --> 00:13:05,527
So, um, how much is this one again?
347
00:13:05,594 --> 00:13:08,928
Uh, this one is $425 a
month plus utilities.
348
00:13:08,996 --> 00:13:10,396
Hmm. I like it.
349
00:13:10,464 --> 00:13:12,431
Uh, it seems to have...
350
00:13:12,498 --> 00:13:14,866
A lot of potential and...
351
00:13:14,933 --> 00:13:18,437
A lot of advantages, per se.
352
00:13:18,506 --> 00:13:19,573
Could definitely picture myself
353
00:13:19,641 --> 00:13:24,478
Doing something over there.
354
00:13:24,545 --> 00:13:26,446
You hear that?
355
00:13:26,513 --> 00:13:28,414
What is that?
356
00:13:28,482 --> 00:13:29,748
It's still on.
357
00:13:29,816 --> 00:13:31,083
You can light a match to
get rid of that smell.
358
00:13:31,151 --> 00:13:33,318
I feel really good about this.
359
00:13:33,386 --> 00:13:35,720
- Really?
- It screams andy dwyer.
360
00:13:35,788 --> 00:13:38,189
And I live nearby,
so we could, like,
361
00:13:38,257 --> 00:13:39,423
Carpool to work or something.
362
00:13:39,491 --> 00:13:40,624
- Oh, are you serious?
- Yep.
363
00:13:40,692 --> 00:13:42,525
The scream just got louder.
364
00:13:42,593 --> 00:13:43,893
Uh, so what do you think?
365
00:13:43,961 --> 00:13:47,629
I don't know, make me an offer.
366
00:13:47,697 --> 00:13:50,365
Okay. First come, first served.
367
00:13:50,433 --> 00:13:52,100
Who's in? Jerry.
368
00:13:52,168 --> 00:13:53,434
Oh, geez, tom.
369
00:13:53,502 --> 00:13:55,970
If I spend any more than 25 bucks,
I gotta ask my wife.
370
00:13:56,037 --> 00:13:58,805
- Jerry, get out.
- Okay.
371
00:13:58,873 --> 00:14:00,407
mark, what are we doing tonight?
372
00:14:00,475 --> 00:14:02,642
oh, I don't know, ann.
373
00:14:02,710 --> 00:14:04,577
We could do the usual boring stuff
374
00:14:04,645 --> 00:14:07,413
Like eat some chicken
salad with some crackers
375
00:14:07,480 --> 00:14:08,647
Or watch the pay-per-view.
376
00:14:08,714 --> 00:14:10,282
Or...
377
00:14:10,349 --> 00:14:13,551
We could go to my nightclub
and do some dancin'.
378
00:14:13,619 --> 00:14:14,819
I don't think so, man.
379
00:14:14,886 --> 00:14:17,387
You'd never have to
beg for sex again.
380
00:14:17,455 --> 00:14:18,855
I don't wanna get
into this, really,
381
00:14:18,923 --> 00:14:21,224
But I don't beg for sex now.
382
00:14:21,291 --> 00:14:23,258
Forget about that, mark.
Are you in or out?
383
00:14:23,326 --> 00:14:25,327
Just not really my thing.
384
00:14:25,395 --> 00:14:28,863
Bye, mark.
385
00:14:28,931 --> 00:14:30,231
Cindy.
386
00:14:30,298 --> 00:14:31,498
♪ donna ♪
387
00:14:31,566 --> 00:14:33,333
Maybe. I like the snakehole.
388
00:14:33,401 --> 00:14:35,402
Plus, I would look
good pulling into
389
00:14:35,469 --> 00:14:38,237
My owner's parking
space in my mercedes.
390
00:14:38,305 --> 00:14:40,305
Just to be clear,
you wouldn't be an owner per se.
391
00:14:40,373 --> 00:14:41,939
You, me, and my boy jean-ralphio
392
00:14:42,007 --> 00:14:43,908
Would each own part of a share.
393
00:14:43,976 --> 00:14:45,509
Will that be cash or check?
394
00:14:45,577 --> 00:14:46,744
Not so fast.
395
00:14:46,811 --> 00:14:48,912
I'd like to know who
I'm in business with.
396
00:14:48,980 --> 00:14:50,180
I wanna meet your boy.
397
00:14:50,248 --> 00:14:52,616
Come here. This lady's here.
398
00:14:52,683 --> 00:14:56,186
Hi. I'm elise yarktin.
I'm with the I.O.W.
399
00:14:56,253 --> 00:14:59,187
I'm...Woman of the year,
ron swanson.
400
00:14:59,255 --> 00:15:00,488
Yes, I know.
401
00:15:00,556 --> 00:15:01,956
We are very excited
to be presenting you
402
00:15:02,024 --> 00:15:03,191
With the smythe award.
403
00:15:03,258 --> 00:15:05,393
That's what I called
you to talk about.
404
00:15:05,460 --> 00:15:07,995
I don't know if I can
take all the excitement.
405
00:15:08,062 --> 00:15:11,464
So I think the award should
go to miss knope here.
406
00:15:11,532 --> 00:15:12,632
Hello.
407
00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,167
She's the one who
really deserves it.
408
00:15:14,235 --> 00:15:16,870
Camp athena was her idea,
she did all the work.
409
00:15:16,937 --> 00:15:18,038
You made a mistake.
410
00:15:18,105 --> 00:15:20,639
Uh, we didn't make a mistake.
411
00:15:20,707 --> 00:15:23,175
We made a very conscious
decision this year
412
00:15:23,242 --> 00:15:24,709
To choose a man.
413
00:15:24,777 --> 00:15:25,910
Why?
414
00:15:25,978 --> 00:15:27,845
Well, uh, every year
we give it to a woman,
415
00:15:27,913 --> 00:15:29,613
And frankly nobody cares.
416
00:15:29,681 --> 00:15:31,581
Yeah, the media has
all but written us off
417
00:15:31,649 --> 00:15:33,783
As a niche interest group.
418
00:15:33,851 --> 00:15:37,119
But if you give a woman's award to
419
00:15:37,187 --> 00:15:40,556
A mustachioed, masculine
man such as yourself,
420
00:15:40,623 --> 00:15:42,857
Well, then, eventually
people take notice.
421
00:15:42,925 --> 00:15:44,992
I don't want the damn thing.
422
00:15:45,060 --> 00:15:46,160
Well, we're giving it to you.
423
00:15:46,228 --> 00:15:48,495
So you're gonna take it.
424
00:15:48,562 --> 00:15:49,662
Like a man.
425
00:15:49,730 --> 00:15:53,364
So congratulations.
426
00:15:53,432 --> 00:15:55,466
The I.O.W. Is a bunch
of sexist jerks
427
00:15:55,533 --> 00:15:57,434
Who need to get back in the
kitchen where they belong
428
00:15:57,503 --> 00:16:00,072
And leave the real feminist
work to actual feminists
429
00:16:00,140 --> 00:16:01,407
Like ron swanson!
430
00:16:01,475 --> 00:16:03,576
Oh, my god, what is happening?
431
00:16:05,665 --> 00:16:07,898
Now do you see how
silly these things are?
432
00:16:07,966 --> 00:16:09,066
Unbelievable.
433
00:16:09,133 --> 00:16:10,333
Obviously, I'm just
gonna decline it.
434
00:16:10,401 --> 00:16:11,667
No, I want you to accept it.
435
00:16:11,735 --> 00:16:13,003
I want you to go to the
podium and talk about
436
00:16:13,070 --> 00:16:14,203
How stupid awards are.
437
00:16:14,271 --> 00:16:16,371
And how they're superficial
and meaningless.
438
00:16:16,439 --> 00:16:18,773
I want you to rip
awards a new a-hole.
439
00:16:18,841 --> 00:16:20,808
Now we're talking.
I'll tell you what.
440
00:16:20,876 --> 00:16:23,143
You write the speech,
don't pull your punches.
441
00:16:23,211 --> 00:16:24,777
I won't. I'm gonna push my punches.
442
00:16:24,845 --> 00:16:26,412
As far as my fist can extend.
443
00:16:26,480 --> 00:16:28,113
Atta girl.
444
00:16:28,181 --> 00:16:29,214
Kind of.
445
00:16:29,282 --> 00:16:33,017
What up, big t? Stop.
446
00:16:33,085 --> 00:16:34,952
This must be the lovely donna.
447
00:16:35,020 --> 00:16:36,753
Enchante.
448
00:16:36,821 --> 00:16:38,888
Listen, beautiful,
let's cut the bull.
449
00:16:38,956 --> 00:16:40,990
Right? You want this.
450
00:16:41,058 --> 00:16:42,691
I definitely want this.
T.H. Wants this.
451
00:16:44,227 --> 00:16:47,229
Let's seal this devil's
threeway right here, right now.
452
00:16:47,297 --> 00:16:49,130
Step one: We buy into this club.
453
00:16:49,198 --> 00:16:51,265
Step two: We roll over to the club,
454
00:16:51,333 --> 00:16:53,667
Either in your mercedes-benz
or my pre-owned acura legend.
455
00:16:53,734 --> 00:16:57,170
Step three: I dagger
you on the dance floor,
456
00:16:57,238 --> 00:16:58,471
Just bounce, bounce,
bounce, bounce.
457
00:16:58,539 --> 00:16:59,740
♪ and now all the ladies say ♪
458
00:16:59,807 --> 00:17:01,641
♪ bounce, bounce, bounce,
bounce, bounce ♪
459
00:17:01,709 --> 00:17:03,142
What do you say, sexy?
460
00:17:03,210 --> 00:17:05,211
- I'm out.
- Why?
461
00:17:05,279 --> 00:17:08,113
I hate that guy.
462
00:17:09,815 --> 00:17:11,549
Oh, mr. Swanson.
463
00:17:11,617 --> 00:17:14,251
Hi, welcome to the I.O.W. Awards,
464
00:17:14,319 --> 00:17:16,720
And congratulations on winning.
465
00:17:16,788 --> 00:17:17,887
Yay.
466
00:17:17,955 --> 00:17:19,989
Well, here is your awards packet,
467
00:17:20,056 --> 00:17:21,590
And, uh, if you
will just follow me,
468
00:17:21,657 --> 00:17:22,923
Uh, we're gonna have a
little meet and greet
469
00:17:22,991 --> 00:17:24,091
Before the ceremony.
470
00:17:24,159 --> 00:17:25,959
- Okay.
- Great.
471
00:17:26,027 --> 00:17:27,127
Oh, um, no, I'm sorry,
472
00:17:27,195 --> 00:17:29,229
This area is for
award winners only.
473
00:17:29,297 --> 00:17:31,566
Oh, get over yourself, elise.
474
00:17:31,634 --> 00:17:34,402
Work on the speech.
Let's nail these women.
475
00:17:34,469 --> 00:17:35,669
You know what I mean.
476
00:17:35,736 --> 00:17:37,003
Yeah.
477
00:17:37,071 --> 00:17:38,771
I don't know, andy.
What's it all about?
478
00:17:38,839 --> 00:17:40,707
What's the secret?
479
00:17:40,775 --> 00:17:41,841
Yeah.
480
00:17:41,909 --> 00:17:43,276
Why is it so hard
to become a mogul?
481
00:17:43,344 --> 00:17:45,244
All I want in life
is to own a nightclub
482
00:17:45,312 --> 00:17:46,679
On every continent.
483
00:17:46,746 --> 00:17:48,080
Have my own line of
upscale sweat suits
484
00:17:48,148 --> 00:17:49,648
And a cologne called tommy fresh.
485
00:17:49,715 --> 00:17:51,683
And I fell $1,000 short.
486
00:17:51,750 --> 00:17:54,285
Seriously? That's all you needed?
487
00:17:54,353 --> 00:17:55,954
Tom, I have $1,000.
You can have it.
488
00:17:56,021 --> 00:17:57,622
Thanks, andy,
but I can't take your money.
489
00:17:57,690 --> 00:17:59,190
I'm a singer-songwriter.
490
00:17:59,258 --> 00:18:02,360
The two lines I put into
every song I've ever sang,
491
00:18:02,427 --> 00:18:03,661
"spread your wings and fly"
492
00:18:03,728 --> 00:18:05,262
And "you deserve to be a champion."
493
00:18:05,329 --> 00:18:07,397
You're telling me that all you need
494
00:18:07,464 --> 00:18:10,400
Is $1,000 to do your dreams?
495
00:18:10,468 --> 00:18:13,469
Then I want you to have it.
496
00:18:13,536 --> 00:18:15,771
Are you sure about this?
497
00:18:15,838 --> 00:18:17,339
Maybe.
498
00:18:17,406 --> 00:18:18,806
You know how happy
you just made me?
499
00:18:20,041 --> 00:18:22,275
He's the director of the pawnee
500
00:18:22,343 --> 00:18:24,043
Parks and recreation department.
501
00:18:24,111 --> 00:18:26,511
He is also the recipient
of this year's
502
00:18:26,579 --> 00:18:29,946
Dorothy everton smythe
female empowerment award.
503
00:18:30,014 --> 00:18:32,616
Please put your hands
together for mr. Ron swanson.
504
00:18:43,493 --> 00:18:46,194
Thank you, thank you.
505
00:18:46,261 --> 00:18:49,497
Every award from
the smallest trophy
506
00:18:49,565 --> 00:18:51,932
To the nobel prize
507
00:18:52,000 --> 00:18:55,702
Is nothing more than...
508
00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:03,308
Is nothing more than a great way
509
00:19:03,376 --> 00:19:04,943
To honor someone.
510
00:19:05,011 --> 00:19:07,079
So I would like to
present this year's
511
00:19:07,146 --> 00:19:09,814
Dottie english whatever award
512
00:19:09,882 --> 00:19:12,616
To the person who
actually deserves it.
513
00:19:12,684 --> 00:19:14,751
Leslie knope.
Come on up here, leslie.
514
00:19:20,658 --> 00:19:21,824
Thank you.
515
00:19:21,892 --> 00:19:24,160
I don't know what to say.
516
00:19:24,228 --> 00:19:26,862
Um, honestly, I'm just very honored
517
00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:28,897
To work for someone
as insightful and kind
518
00:19:28,965 --> 00:19:31,099
As my boss.
519
00:19:31,167 --> 00:19:34,202
So I would like to
present this year's
520
00:19:34,269 --> 00:19:36,470
Dorothy everton smythe award
521
00:19:36,538 --> 00:19:41,207
To ron swanson.
522
00:19:41,275 --> 00:19:44,109
I don't want it.
Just take the damn thing.
523
00:19:44,177 --> 00:19:45,244
- You deserve it.
- No, no, really.
524
00:19:45,311 --> 00:19:46,512
No, ron, you deserve it.
525
00:19:46,579 --> 00:19:47,679
Really, but I don't want it.
526
00:19:47,747 --> 00:19:49,013
But you won it,
and you should win it.
527
00:19:49,081 --> 00:19:50,814
After that whole conversation--
528
00:19:50,882 --> 00:19:52,015
- I'm being ridiculous.
- If you don't--
529
00:19:52,083 --> 00:19:53,183
Could someone please just take it?
530
00:19:53,250 --> 00:19:54,417
Okay, I'll take it.
531
00:19:54,485 --> 00:19:55,852
Who do I speak to about
getting this changed?
532
00:19:55,919 --> 00:19:57,353
Get off the stage.
533
00:19:57,421 --> 00:20:00,790
I still think awards are stupid.
534
00:20:00,858 --> 00:20:02,291
But they'd be less
stupid if they went to
535
00:20:02,359 --> 00:20:05,361
The right people.
536
00:20:09,198 --> 00:20:10,899
You gave tom all your money?
537
00:20:10,967 --> 00:20:13,034
Yeah. Well, I'm investing.
538
00:20:13,102 --> 00:20:15,470
I'm like warren "buffay."
539
00:20:15,538 --> 00:20:16,804
I kind of feel like
it would have been
540
00:20:16,872 --> 00:20:18,139
Good for you to
have your own place.
541
00:20:18,207 --> 00:20:19,774
Ah, yeah, I know.
542
00:20:19,841 --> 00:20:23,777
But I feel like tom
really needed the money.
543
00:20:23,845 --> 00:20:25,745
And small sacrifice to see
one of your best friend's
544
00:20:25,813 --> 00:20:28,681
Dreams come true.
545
00:20:31,852 --> 00:20:32,952
They cropped you out.
546
00:20:33,019 --> 00:20:34,320
Figures.
547
00:20:34,388 --> 00:20:36,688
So where are you gonna put it?
548
00:20:36,756 --> 00:20:37,990
Uh, I have an idea.
549
00:20:38,058 --> 00:20:40,025
One...
550
00:20:40,093 --> 00:20:43,095
Two, three.
551
00:20:57,669 --> 00:20:58,669
What's up?
552
00:20:58,736 --> 00:21:00,169
Hey, guys. How long
did you wait in line?
553
00:21:00,237 --> 00:21:01,804
I didn't wait at all.
I'm a part owner.
554
00:21:01,871 --> 00:21:04,205
Freddy. I'm back.
555
00:21:04,272 --> 00:21:05,739
Tom haverford, part owner.
556
00:21:05,807 --> 00:21:07,507
Let me know if you need anything.
557
00:21:07,575 --> 00:21:09,141
Keep this booth warm
for me every night.
558
00:21:09,209 --> 00:21:10,710
I'm gonna live in this booth.
559
00:21:12,779 --> 00:21:16,713
Yes, sir.
560
00:21:16,781 --> 00:21:18,848
Donna?
561
00:21:18,916 --> 00:21:19,983
What are you doing here?
562
00:21:20,050 --> 00:21:22,217
I bought three shares.
Thanks fpr the tip.
563
00:21:22,218 --> 00:21:26,218
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com