1
00:00:02,110 --> 00:00:04,704
There is a crazy flu going around.
2
00:00:05,027 --> 00:00:07,555
Lots of miserable
dehydrated people
3
00:00:07,601 --> 00:00:09,197
with high fevers and diarrhea.
4
00:00:09,563 --> 00:00:10,743
And one of those
5
00:00:10,863 --> 00:00:13,828
dehydrated, high-fevered
miserable people
6
00:00:13,865 --> 00:00:14,836
is April...
7
00:00:15,384 --> 00:00:16,267
Who hates me.
8
00:00:20,001 --> 00:00:22,471
- I want another nurse.
- Well, there are none.
9
00:00:22,591 --> 00:00:23,842
We're stretched pretty thin
right now.
10
00:00:23,962 --> 00:00:26,133
Then I want a janitor.
They can do what you do, right?
11
00:00:26,584 --> 00:00:29,389
Yep, nurses and janitors
are totally interchangeable.
12
00:00:29,637 --> 00:00:31,290
Except no one dresses up
like a janitor
13
00:00:31,320 --> 00:00:32,220
when they want to be slutty.
14
00:00:32,559 --> 00:00:35,053
I get the sense that maybe
you're angry at me
15
00:00:35,173 --> 00:00:35,992
for kissing Andy...
16
00:00:36,112 --> 00:00:37,668
No, I'm not. What are you talking about?
That's crazy.
17
00:00:37,788 --> 00:00:41,021
And that you think it might be
fun to take it out on me.
18
00:00:41,482 --> 00:00:42,545
Please don't do that.
19
00:00:42,751 --> 00:00:44,682
"Do"?
I can't do anything.
20
00:00:45,190 --> 00:00:46,213
I'm sick.
21
00:00:51,199 --> 00:00:52,991
My blankets are on the floor.
22
00:00:57,730 --> 00:01:07,670
Sync by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
23
00:01:14,780 --> 00:01:16,080
So, JJ, we wanted
24
00:01:16,131 --> 00:01:18,116
to talk to you
about the harvest festival.
25
00:01:18,183 --> 00:01:20,385
Yeah, I heard you were
bringing that back.
26
00:01:21,653 --> 00:01:23,438
Sorry, I haven't been
feeling myself.
27
00:01:24,857 --> 00:01:27,558
Well, I'm organizing
this huge harvest festival,
28
00:01:27,626 --> 00:01:30,628
and I need
at least 80 local businesses
29
00:01:30,696 --> 00:01:31,963
to participate.
30
00:01:32,031 --> 00:01:33,598
And normally, this is
the kind of thing
31
00:01:33,665 --> 00:01:34,866
I would love to do,
32
00:01:34,933 --> 00:01:37,802
but I'm just feeling
really tired.
33
00:01:37,870 --> 00:01:41,139
I think maybe my allergies
are acting up.
34
00:01:41,206 --> 00:01:46,010
I've already vomited,
like, five times today.
35
00:01:46,078 --> 00:01:48,079
We're having a meeting tonight
at the Chamber of Commerce,
36
00:01:48,130 --> 00:01:49,714
and we're gonna go over
all the details,
37
00:01:49,782 --> 00:01:51,783
and we'd just love if you
could come and join us.
38
00:01:51,850 --> 00:01:54,986
Sure, anything
for my favorite customer.
39
00:01:55,054 --> 00:01:56,971
I bet you say that
to all the girls.
40
00:01:57,056 --> 00:01:59,290
Oh, no, no.
Actually, you're my favorite.
41
00:01:59,358 --> 00:02:04,979
You spent over $1,000 last year
on waffles alone.
42
00:02:06,832 --> 00:02:07,865
Here.
43
00:02:07,933 --> 00:02:09,667
I didn't know what
to bring you,
44
00:02:09,735 --> 00:02:12,737
so I just got
some magazines and lipstick...
45
00:02:12,805 --> 00:02:13,855
woman stuff.
46
00:02:13,939 --> 00:02:15,273
Thanks.
47
00:02:15,324 --> 00:02:18,476
All my parents got me was that.
48
00:02:18,544 --> 00:02:19,994
Okay, well, I'm not very good
49
00:02:20,079 --> 00:02:21,979
at visiting people
in hospitals,
50
00:02:22,030 --> 00:02:24,115
so I'm going to go.
51
00:02:24,183 --> 00:02:27,818
Hey, if you see Andy,
will you not tell him I'm here?
52
00:02:27,870 --> 00:02:29,454
- Okay.
- Because of what happened,
53
00:02:29,521 --> 00:02:31,022
- I don't want him to think...
- Stop.
54
00:02:31,090 --> 00:02:33,191
Don't want to know.
55
00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:35,593
The less I know
about other people's affairs,
56
00:02:35,661 --> 00:02:36,761
the happier I am.
57
00:02:36,829 --> 00:02:39,831
I'm not interested
in caring about people.
58
00:02:39,898 --> 00:02:42,100
I once worked
with a guy for three years
59
00:02:42,167 --> 00:02:44,102
and never learned his name...
60
00:02:44,169 --> 00:02:46,804
Best friend I ever had.
61
00:02:46,872 --> 00:02:50,007
We still never talk sometimes.
62
00:02:52,511 --> 00:02:54,061
Mmm.
63
00:02:54,146 --> 00:02:57,031
So we've developed
a revenue-sharing formula
64
00:02:57,116 --> 00:02:59,484
that will hopefully appeal
to most business owners.
65
00:02:59,535 --> 00:03:00,718
Leslie!
66
00:03:00,786 --> 00:03:02,653
Go home.
You're sick.
67
00:03:02,721 --> 00:03:04,572
I'm not sick.
It's just allergies.
68
00:03:04,656 --> 00:03:06,857
Come on, guys.
Just let me in there.
69
00:03:06,909 --> 00:03:08,192
- No.
- You can't come in here.
70
00:03:08,243 --> 00:03:09,527
You're not coming in.
71
00:03:09,595 --> 00:03:11,496
Leslie, you look tired,
and you're all sweaty.
72
00:03:11,547 --> 00:03:13,247
You look tired, and you're
all sweaty all the time.
73
00:03:13,332 --> 00:03:14,999
What's your excuse?
You want to go there, Jerry?
74
00:03:15,050 --> 00:03:16,834
- No.
- Fine, I'm coming in.
75
00:03:16,885 --> 00:03:19,003
Donna, barricade the door, now!
76
00:03:19,054 --> 00:03:21,889
Donna, come on, just let me in.
77
00:03:21,974 --> 00:03:23,207
Un-uh.
78
00:03:23,275 --> 00:03:25,343
Either go home,
or go back into quarantine.
79
00:03:25,410 --> 00:03:27,044
I'm not going home.
80
00:03:27,112 --> 00:03:28,879
Get out of here, Leslie.
Go home.
81
00:03:28,931 --> 00:03:30,548
Hit the bricks.
82
00:03:34,419 --> 00:03:35,753
Oh, come on.
No, no, no, no, no.
83
00:03:35,821 --> 00:03:37,188
She's germing up all my stuff.
84
00:03:37,239 --> 00:03:39,757
Aw, yuck.
Leslie!
85
00:03:42,027 --> 00:03:44,078
- Ann Perkins.
- Hey.
86
00:03:44,163 --> 00:03:45,279
How was your run?
87
00:03:45,364 --> 00:03:47,031
Ended
with a 5 1/2-minute mile,
88
00:03:47,082 --> 00:03:48,249
my personal low.
89
00:03:48,333 --> 00:03:50,618
I think the pavement
in this town is soft.
90
00:03:50,702 --> 00:03:53,120
- What's with the mask?
- Flu prevention.
91
00:03:53,205 --> 00:03:55,439
My body is finely tuned,
like a microchip.
92
00:03:55,507 --> 00:03:57,175
And the flu is like
a grain of sand.
93
00:03:57,242 --> 00:03:59,627
It could literally shut down
the entire system.
94
00:03:59,711 --> 00:04:01,746
My body's like a chip too.
95
00:04:01,813 --> 00:04:03,981
Potato chip.
96
00:04:04,049 --> 00:04:05,099
No.
97
00:04:05,184 --> 00:04:06,267
Speaking of potato chips,
98
00:04:06,351 --> 00:04:08,252
you and I are on
for dinner tomorrow, yes?
99
00:04:08,320 --> 00:04:09,420
Yes, definitely.
100
00:04:09,471 --> 00:04:12,423
I'm super, super excited.
101
00:04:12,491 --> 00:04:13,608
Looking forward to it.
102
00:04:13,692 --> 00:04:15,426
Excellent.
103
00:04:17,946 --> 00:04:19,564
Way to go, buddy.
Way to go.
104
00:04:19,615 --> 00:04:21,199
We've been on a couple
of dates.
105
00:04:21,266 --> 00:04:22,450
I really like him.
106
00:04:22,534 --> 00:04:26,770
The problem is,
he's like a perfect human man.
107
00:04:26,822 --> 00:04:29,607
I can't find one flaw.
108
00:04:29,675 --> 00:04:32,776
There was one time
I thought he farted.
109
00:04:32,828 --> 00:04:34,962
But it was me.
110
00:04:36,648 --> 00:04:40,334
I need to find someone
to fill in for April.
111
00:04:40,419 --> 00:04:42,853
Now, I know I'm not
gonna find someone
112
00:04:42,921 --> 00:04:46,424
who's both aggressively mean
and apathetic.
113
00:04:46,491 --> 00:04:49,860
April really is
the whole package.
114
00:04:49,928 --> 00:04:51,829
But I think
I might know someone
115
00:04:51,897 --> 00:04:54,565
who will be
just as ineffective.
116
00:04:58,020 --> 00:05:00,655
Hello, Andrew.
What's new?
117
00:05:00,739 --> 00:05:02,740
Um, a whole lot.
118
00:05:02,807 --> 00:05:04,709
Check this out.
I just invented it...
119
00:05:04,776 --> 00:05:05,943
super straw.
120
00:05:05,994 --> 00:05:09,647
♪ ♪
121
00:05:09,698 --> 00:05:11,215
Ahh.
122
00:05:11,283 --> 00:05:14,452
So just sit here
and do your thing.
123
00:05:14,519 --> 00:05:16,120
Do I have to tuck my shirt in?
124
00:05:16,171 --> 00:05:18,022
Because, honestly,
that's kind of a deal breaker.
125
00:05:18,090 --> 00:05:19,206
Let 'er fly.
126
00:05:19,291 --> 00:05:20,591
Hey, wait.
127
00:05:20,659 --> 00:05:21,992
Where's April?
128
00:05:22,044 --> 00:05:23,561
Is she all right?
129
00:05:23,629 --> 00:05:26,997
Yeah. I just gave her
the day off.
130
00:05:27,049 --> 00:05:29,900
Would it be weird
if I asked for the day off?
131
00:05:29,968 --> 00:05:32,353
Yeah, no. It's okay.
I didn't think so.
132
00:05:32,437 --> 00:05:34,171
I'm sorry.
Are you leaving?
133
00:05:34,239 --> 00:05:35,840
- I thought we had a meeting.
- No, we do.
134
00:05:35,907 --> 00:05:37,875
It's just I think
it's a little chilly in here.
135
00:05:37,943 --> 00:05:39,310
Are you okay?
Your eyes are glassy.
136
00:05:39,361 --> 00:05:40,528
Oh, my God.
Oh, my...
137
00:05:40,612 --> 00:05:42,179
Is she... is she sick?
Are you sick?
138
00:05:42,230 --> 00:05:45,283
- No.
- Yeah, she's sick.
139
00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:46,917
That's why I'm wearing this
140
00:05:46,985 --> 00:05:49,186
and misting myself
with hand sanitizer.
141
00:05:49,237 --> 00:05:50,905
I am not sick.
142
00:05:50,989 --> 00:05:52,690
I just have allergies, okay?
143
00:05:52,741 --> 00:05:54,024
I took a Claritin,
and I threw that up.
144
00:05:54,076 --> 00:05:55,726
So I took another one.
I threw that up.
145
00:05:55,794 --> 00:05:57,712
And then I took a third,
and it stayed down.
146
00:05:57,796 --> 00:05:58,829
I'm getting better.
147
00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,264
All right, you're burning up.
148
00:06:00,332 --> 00:06:01,966
You're burning up.
What?
149
00:06:02,033 --> 00:06:03,167
I have to get out of here.
150
00:06:03,218 --> 00:06:05,052
I have 2.8% body fat.
151
00:06:05,137 --> 00:06:06,420
My body's like a microchip.
152
00:06:06,505 --> 00:06:09,056
A grain of sand
could destroy it.
153
00:06:09,141 --> 00:06:12,176
My body's a microchip.
154
00:06:12,227 --> 00:06:13,210
Leslie, go home.
155
00:06:13,261 --> 00:06:14,645
No, I can't.
I can't go home.
156
00:06:14,713 --> 00:06:16,230
I have to get ready
for the Chamber of Secrets.
157
00:06:16,315 --> 00:06:17,715
Commerce.
158
00:06:17,783 --> 00:06:19,216
If this meeting
does not go perfectly,
159
00:06:19,284 --> 00:06:21,218
then the harvest festival's
gonna be over before it began.
160
00:06:21,286 --> 00:06:22,553
I cannot go home.
161
00:06:22,604 --> 00:06:25,906
- Okay, then who is your doctor?
- Ann's my doctor.
162
00:06:25,991 --> 00:06:28,192
And she's the most beautiful
nurse in the world.
163
00:06:28,243 --> 00:06:30,027
- Come on.
- Oh, God.
164
00:06:30,078 --> 00:06:31,362
Now I'm hot.
Now it's really hot in here.
165
00:06:31,413 --> 00:06:33,197
Okay, well, that's your fever.
166
00:06:33,248 --> 00:06:35,866
Leslie, I typed your symptoms
into the thing up here,
167
00:06:35,917 --> 00:06:39,620
and it says you could have
network connectivity problems.
168
00:06:39,705 --> 00:06:42,089
104.1.
169
00:06:42,174 --> 00:06:44,375
Leslie, you're dehydrated.
I'm admitting you.
170
00:06:44,426 --> 00:06:46,377
If I was sick, could I do this?
171
00:06:49,548 --> 00:06:52,483
- What are you doing?
- Cartwheels.
172
00:06:52,551 --> 00:06:53,818
Am I not doing them?
173
00:06:53,885 --> 00:06:55,786
- No.
- Look, don't worry.
174
00:06:55,854 --> 00:06:57,788
I've done presentations
like this before,
175
00:06:57,856 --> 00:06:59,056
and Tom will be with me.
176
00:06:59,107 --> 00:07:00,591
So you're in good hands.
177
00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:03,561
It's not
that I don't trust Ben.
178
00:07:03,612 --> 00:07:06,897
It's that I don't have
faith in Ben.
179
00:07:06,965 --> 00:07:10,401
And also, I'm starting
to forget who Ben is.
180
00:07:13,373 --> 00:07:15,515
I'll handle the general outline
if you want to uh...
181
00:07:15,635 --> 00:07:16,952
- Look.
- Just jump right in.
182
00:07:17,020 --> 00:07:18,420
The worst thing you can do
183
00:07:18,488 --> 00:07:20,456
with an important presentation
like this is over-prepare.
184
00:07:20,523 --> 00:07:22,057
- Well...
- So...
185
00:07:22,108 --> 00:07:23,826
I think it's best
if I go to the spa.
186
00:07:23,893 --> 00:07:27,496
No, we promised Leslie
we'd prep for the meeting.
187
00:07:27,564 --> 00:07:28,831
No, Ben, you promised Leslie.
188
00:07:28,898 --> 00:07:31,116
See, I never promise
Leslie anything.
189
00:07:31,201 --> 00:07:32,901
That way,
I never disappoint her.
190
00:07:32,969 --> 00:07:34,053
I try to be considerate.
191
00:07:34,120 --> 00:07:35,471
Well...
192
00:07:35,538 --> 00:07:38,940
I am off for a soak
and a schvitz.
193
00:07:38,992 --> 00:07:41,927
"Arrivederch."
194
00:07:47,083 --> 00:07:50,285
Ron Swanson's office.
195
00:07:50,353 --> 00:07:51,387
Yes.
196
00:07:51,454 --> 00:07:53,389
I will transfer you.
197
00:07:57,861 --> 00:08:01,463
I just dropped another call.
198
00:08:05,852 --> 00:08:08,771
I thought you might like
a fresh set of pillows.
199
00:08:08,822 --> 00:08:10,205
Are you trying to smother me?
200
00:08:10,273 --> 00:08:12,474
Help!
The slutty nurse is trying
201
00:08:12,525 --> 00:08:14,443
to smother me to death
with a pillow!
202
00:08:14,494 --> 00:08:15,644
Okay, never mind.
203
00:08:15,695 --> 00:08:17,529
Stay back, slut.
204
00:08:17,614 --> 00:08:19,548
I know what she's trying to do.
205
00:08:19,616 --> 00:08:20,949
She's trying to get me
to break.
206
00:08:21,000 --> 00:08:22,951
And you know what?
I'm not gonna do it.
207
00:08:23,019 --> 00:08:24,203
I'm gonna be professional,
208
00:08:24,287 --> 00:08:26,055
and I'm gonna put on
a happy face,
209
00:08:26,122 --> 00:08:27,623
and then I'm gonna
go into a supply closet
210
00:08:27,690 --> 00:08:30,025
and snap a bunch
of tongue depressors.
211
00:08:30,093 --> 00:08:32,828
Okay, so let's, um,
talk about your opening remarks.
212
00:08:32,896 --> 00:08:34,563
Do you want me
to write you a rap?
213
00:08:34,631 --> 00:08:35,864
I'll write you a rap.
No, you know what?
214
00:08:35,932 --> 00:08:37,433
You're never gonna be able
to pull it off.
215
00:08:37,500 --> 00:08:38,550
You're too white.
216
00:08:38,635 --> 00:08:39,902
How about a show tune
or something?
217
00:08:39,969 --> 00:08:42,971
I was just, uh, planning
to introduce myself...
218
00:08:43,022 --> 00:08:44,306
Non-musically,
219
00:08:44,374 --> 00:08:46,542
and then get everyone
to refer to their packets,
220
00:08:46,609 --> 00:08:48,510
and, uh, blah, blah, blah.
221
00:08:48,578 --> 00:08:50,579
No.
No "blah, blah, blah," okay?
222
00:08:50,647 --> 00:08:52,681
You need to go over
every single detail with me.
223
00:08:52,749 --> 00:08:55,350
Leslie, I promise you,
I won't half-ass this, okay?
224
00:08:55,402 --> 00:08:56,785
Now get some rest.
225
00:08:56,853 --> 00:08:59,021
I have some great news.
I think my fever just broke.
226
00:08:59,089 --> 00:09:00,706
Good-bye.
227
00:09:07,163 --> 00:09:08,197
This came out.
228
00:09:08,264 --> 00:09:09,398
Eh.
229
00:09:09,466 --> 00:09:10,699
I am starving.
230
00:09:10,750 --> 00:09:12,301
I haven't had lunch
since yesterday.
231
00:09:12,368 --> 00:09:13,869
So I'm gonna head over
to Callahan's.
232
00:09:13,920 --> 00:09:15,170
Oh, no, no, no.
Don't go there.
233
00:09:15,238 --> 00:09:16,705
They totally skimp on pickles.
234
00:09:16,756 --> 00:09:18,540
Let me go
to Bighead Joe's for you.
235
00:09:18,591 --> 00:09:21,009
They have
the most insane burritos.
236
00:09:21,060 --> 00:09:22,945
I don't much go
for ethnic food.
237
00:09:23,012 --> 00:09:24,279
No, no, no.
Trust me.
238
00:09:24,347 --> 00:09:26,181
They have one that's called
the meat tornado.
239
00:09:26,249 --> 00:09:28,434
Literally killed a guy
last year.
240
00:09:28,518 --> 00:09:30,886
You had me
at "meat tornado."
241
00:09:34,607 --> 00:09:36,024
What are you doing?
242
00:09:36,092 --> 00:09:37,526
Hey, that flu medicine
really helped.
243
00:09:37,577 --> 00:09:39,228
I feel
a thousand percent better.
244
00:09:39,295 --> 00:09:40,662
Good as new.
245
00:09:40,730 --> 00:09:42,664
Does this scarf look okay?
I don't want to look stuffy.
246
00:09:42,732 --> 00:09:44,533
But I also don't want
to look too schlubby.
247
00:09:44,584 --> 00:09:46,452
- Get back in that bed.
- So no to the scarf?
248
00:09:46,536 --> 00:09:49,238
- Get back in the bed.
- No, I'm going to that meeting.
249
00:09:49,305 --> 00:09:50,806
Either you get back in the bed,
250
00:09:50,874 --> 00:09:52,274
or I will strap you down.
251
00:09:52,342 --> 00:09:55,043
I've done it before.
Don't test me.
252
00:09:59,966 --> 00:10:02,017
- Okay, okay, okay.
- All right.
253
00:10:02,085 --> 00:10:04,253
Now, what superpower
would you rather have?
254
00:10:04,320 --> 00:10:07,105
Would you rather be able to fly
or be invisible?
255
00:10:07,190 --> 00:10:08,423
Ed, go first.
256
00:10:08,475 --> 00:10:11,259
- Uh, fly, I guess.
- I forgot to tell you.
257
00:10:11,311 --> 00:10:13,061
You can only fly five feet
above the ground.
258
00:10:15,097 --> 00:10:17,599
I bring a certain panache
and spice
259
00:10:17,667 --> 00:10:19,468
to the spa experience
for these guys.
260
00:10:19,536 --> 00:10:21,904
Before I joined, they were just
three old white dudes
261
00:10:21,955 --> 00:10:24,122
quietly boiling in hot water.
262
00:10:24,207 --> 00:10:27,309
Would you rather live
in the pocket
263
00:10:27,377 --> 00:10:29,945
of a giant kangaroo
264
00:10:30,013 --> 00:10:33,549
or have a pocket
on your own stomach
265
00:10:33,616 --> 00:10:36,451
that has a tiny kangaroo
in it all the time?
266
00:10:36,503 --> 00:10:37,836
Preston.
267
00:10:37,921 --> 00:10:40,255
Tiny kangaroo
in my stomach pocket.
268
00:10:40,306 --> 00:10:43,292
Forgot to mention,
the tiny kangaroo is a racist.
269
00:10:45,228 --> 00:10:47,629
Hey, Ann.
270
00:10:47,680 --> 00:10:48,931
What happened?
271
00:10:48,982 --> 00:10:51,633
I just saw you a few hours ago,
and you were fine.
272
00:10:51,684 --> 00:10:53,602
Not like, "damn, you're fine,"
273
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:55,237
but fine health-wise.
274
00:10:55,304 --> 00:10:57,823
My body has no fat
to protect itself from disease.
275
00:10:57,907 --> 00:10:59,908
Things happen very quickly.
Listen to me.
276
00:10:59,976 --> 00:11:02,477
It's very important
that you replenish my body
277
00:11:02,529 --> 00:11:03,996
with electrolytes
278
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:06,331
after every involuntary loss
of bodily fluids.
279
00:11:06,416 --> 00:11:08,083
- Oh, boy.
- My body tends to lose
280
00:11:08,150 --> 00:11:10,919
a lot of fluids when it's sick.
281
00:11:10,987 --> 00:11:12,838
My brain is on fire.
I'm dying.
282
00:11:12,922 --> 00:11:15,824
Mm. Well, you definitely
have the flu.
283
00:11:15,892 --> 00:11:18,260
Oh, my God.
284
00:11:18,328 --> 00:11:20,462
The microchip
has been compromised.
285
00:11:20,530 --> 00:11:24,433
Pierre Garcon
was a sixth-round pick.
286
00:11:24,500 --> 00:11:27,269
Collie was the fourth round.
287
00:11:27,336 --> 00:11:30,022
Indianapolis Colts
know how to draft so well.
288
00:11:30,106 --> 00:11:31,273
They really do.
289
00:11:31,340 --> 00:11:34,576
Andy, this was delicious.
290
00:11:34,644 --> 00:11:35,811
It's awesome, huh?
291
00:11:35,862 --> 00:11:39,314
It's a whole new
meat delivery system.
292
00:11:39,382 --> 00:11:40,649
Thank you, son.
293
00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:42,517
What do you say
we go out to the parking lot,
294
00:11:42,585 --> 00:11:44,987
run a few pass plays
to burn off the calories?
295
00:11:45,054 --> 00:11:48,190
You are an unstoppable
good-idea machine!
296
00:11:49,325 --> 00:11:50,709
I like Andy.
297
00:11:50,793 --> 00:11:52,728
I'm surrounded
by a lot of women
298
00:11:52,795 --> 00:11:54,563
in this department.
299
00:11:54,631 --> 00:11:57,032
And that includes the men.
300
00:11:57,100 --> 00:12:00,836
Hup, hup, hup!
301
00:12:00,887 --> 00:12:02,554
Peyton Manning
reading the defense!
302
00:12:02,639 --> 00:12:03,872
Reggie Wayne, post corner!
303
00:12:12,482 --> 00:12:13,899
Andy, wait up!
304
00:12:16,586 --> 00:12:17,903
Hey, April.
305
00:12:17,987 --> 00:12:20,889
I saw that you called for me.
What can I do for you?
306
00:12:20,940 --> 00:12:24,192
- I need more flu medicine.
- Oh, an actual request.
307
00:12:24,260 --> 00:12:26,128
Well, you can't have any.
308
00:12:26,195 --> 00:12:28,363
That stuff is powerful...
no extra doses.
309
00:12:28,431 --> 00:12:30,082
I didn't take any.
310
00:12:30,166 --> 00:12:32,834
Leslie came in here
and stole it and left.
311
00:12:34,837 --> 00:12:36,088
Leslie?
312
00:12:36,172 --> 00:12:39,758
Leslie!
313
00:12:39,842 --> 00:12:41,310
Hey, have you seen Leslie?
314
00:12:41,377 --> 00:12:42,878
I had a dream
315
00:12:42,945 --> 00:12:45,080
that she came into this room,
316
00:12:45,131 --> 00:12:48,617
stole my flu medicine,
told me not to tell you,
317
00:12:48,685 --> 00:12:50,969
and then disappeared
through that hole in the wall.
318
00:12:51,054 --> 00:12:52,654
The door?
319
00:12:52,722 --> 00:12:55,423
Maybe we should get
a suite here for them, okay?
320
00:12:55,475 --> 00:12:57,326
Ben Wyatt!
Hello!
321
00:12:57,393 --> 00:12:58,760
Uh, hi, Leslie.
322
00:12:58,811 --> 00:13:00,262
- Good to see you.
- You too.
323
00:13:00,330 --> 00:13:02,614
Wow, you're really burning up.
324
00:13:02,699 --> 00:13:03,815
Can I get some money
325
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:05,651
for the cab that I took
over here, please?
326
00:13:05,735 --> 00:13:06,668
Sure.
How much?
327
00:13:06,736 --> 00:13:07,669
I'm not sure.
328
00:13:07,737 --> 00:13:08,870
I looked at the meter,
329
00:13:08,938 --> 00:13:11,289
and it had
Egyptian hieroglyphics on it.
330
00:13:11,374 --> 00:13:12,941
- Wow.
- Do you know the exchange rate?
331
00:13:12,992 --> 00:13:14,826
So should we do this?
332
00:13:14,911 --> 00:13:17,145
Oh, boy.
Hold on.
333
00:13:17,213 --> 00:13:18,947
- Be careful.
- What?
334
00:13:19,015 --> 00:13:22,451
The floor and the wall
just switched.
335
00:13:22,518 --> 00:13:23,885
Okay.
336
00:13:23,953 --> 00:13:26,088
Walk very carefully.
337
00:13:34,068 --> 00:13:35,610
You know, I find it a little insulting
338
00:13:35,730 --> 00:13:37,064
that you don't trust me
to handle this.
339
00:13:37,115 --> 00:13:39,400
It's not that
I don't trust you, okay?
340
00:13:39,468 --> 00:13:42,169
It's just... This harvest festival
is my project.
341
00:13:42,237 --> 00:13:44,305
It's my career on the line.
342
00:13:44,373 --> 00:13:45,506
And I just need to make sure
343
00:13:45,574 --> 00:13:48,943
that I've done everything I can
to make it work.
344
00:13:49,011 --> 00:13:50,761
Okay.
345
00:13:50,846 --> 00:13:52,280
It's showtime.
346
00:13:52,347 --> 00:13:53,881
Okay.
347
00:13:53,932 --> 00:13:56,050
Good evening, everyone.
I'm Leslie Monster.
348
00:13:56,101 --> 00:13:57,885
And this is Nightline.
349
00:13:57,936 --> 00:13:59,270
Okay, I wouldn't open
with that.
350
00:13:59,354 --> 00:14:00,438
No?
351
00:14:00,522 --> 00:14:02,290
- Why don't we sit down. Okay?
- Yep.
352
00:14:02,357 --> 00:14:06,160
Libertarianism is all
about individual liberty,
353
00:14:06,228 --> 00:14:07,561
and it should never be defined
354
00:14:07,629 --> 00:14:09,947
by the terms "liberal"
or "conservative."
355
00:14:10,032 --> 00:14:12,650
And communism is
no good, right?
356
00:14:12,734 --> 00:14:13,651
That's right.
357
00:14:13,735 --> 00:14:15,469
Big swing and a miss.
358
00:14:15,537 --> 00:14:16,604
And what's the word
359
00:14:16,672 --> 00:14:19,140
for when a few clerics are
in charge?
360
00:14:19,207 --> 00:14:20,174
Religious oligarchy.
361
00:14:20,242 --> 00:14:22,576
Holy [bleep].
362
00:14:22,628 --> 00:14:24,962
- I can remember things.
- I guess.
363
00:14:25,047 --> 00:14:27,515
Mm, hey, keep mine rare.
364
00:14:27,582 --> 00:14:30,668
A man after my own heart.
365
00:14:32,487 --> 00:14:35,523
I vomited
somewhere in this room.
366
00:14:35,590 --> 00:14:37,992
I don't remember where, though.
367
00:14:38,060 --> 00:14:41,696
Wait. You might want to check
that drawer.
368
00:14:41,763 --> 00:14:44,532
Stop...
369
00:14:44,599 --> 00:14:46,000
Pooping.
370
00:14:46,068 --> 00:14:48,169
You have to get up
off the floor now.
371
00:14:48,236 --> 00:14:49,537
This floor is my friend.
372
00:14:49,604 --> 00:14:52,106
Nothing like a complete
physical breakdown
373
00:14:52,174 --> 00:14:54,909
to make a guy seem
less intimidating.
374
00:14:54,977 --> 00:14:56,544
I love the flu.
375
00:14:56,611 --> 00:14:58,029
And then I said,
"uh, you know what?
376
00:14:58,113 --> 00:15:02,450
I think we need to get
these bananas out of here."
377
00:15:02,517 --> 00:15:03,751
Have a seat, boys.
378
00:15:03,819 --> 00:15:05,720
Oh, hey, Tom,
glad you could make it.
379
00:15:05,787 --> 00:15:08,155
Uh, you have a nice day
with your spa buddies?
380
00:15:08,223 --> 00:15:09,840
Actually, yes, Ben, I did.
381
00:15:09,925 --> 00:15:11,525
And my spa buddies own
382
00:15:11,593 --> 00:15:13,344
a couple of car dealerships
in town,
383
00:15:13,428 --> 00:15:14,996
and they've agreed to donate
384
00:15:15,063 --> 00:15:17,365
a fleet of vehicles
for harvest festival...
385
00:15:17,432 --> 00:15:20,234
25 vans for the entire event.
386
00:15:20,302 --> 00:15:22,570
Okay, Tom, I'm ready.
Get up there and introduce me.
387
00:15:22,637 --> 00:15:23,938
You got it.
388
00:15:24,005 --> 00:15:25,773
I can't let you
do this, Leslie.
389
00:15:25,841 --> 00:15:28,809
Hey, this ain't
your call, McCluskey.
390
00:15:28,877 --> 00:15:32,196
Hey, Ron,
can I ask you a question?
391
00:15:32,280 --> 00:15:35,216
- Sure.
- It's about April.
392
00:15:35,283 --> 00:15:38,519
I don't like to get involved
in people's personal...
393
00:15:38,587 --> 00:15:41,739
I hurt her feelings,
and now she's pissed at me.
394
00:15:41,823 --> 00:15:43,357
I feel like
if I could just explain myself,
395
00:15:43,408 --> 00:15:46,360
she'd understand,
but she's avoiding me.
396
00:15:46,428 --> 00:15:48,596
It's making me miserable.
397
00:15:51,566 --> 00:15:54,201
April's in the hospital,
sick with the flu.
398
00:15:54,252 --> 00:15:55,219
What?
399
00:15:55,303 --> 00:15:56,670
I knew it!
400
00:15:56,722 --> 00:15:57,888
I didn't know that.
401
00:15:57,973 --> 00:15:59,840
- Is she okay?
- Yeah, she's fine.
402
00:15:59,891 --> 00:16:01,675
You can go visit her
tomorrow morning.
403
00:16:01,743 --> 00:16:03,227
But don't tell her I told you.
404
00:16:03,311 --> 00:16:05,613
I won't.
405
00:16:05,680 --> 00:16:08,382
No, no.
Nope.
406
00:16:08,433 --> 00:16:09,383
Come here.
Ugh.
407
00:16:09,434 --> 00:16:11,102
Ohhh!
408
00:16:11,186 --> 00:16:14,555
Before we get started,
a quick announcement...
409
00:16:14,623 --> 00:16:17,458
Every Thursday night
is ladies' night
410
00:16:17,526 --> 00:16:20,861
down at the Snakehole Lounge
over on Burnham Avenue.
411
00:16:20,929 --> 00:16:23,364
Ladies get two drinks
for the price of one.
412
00:16:23,415 --> 00:16:24,932
Oh, no, that can't be right.
413
00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:27,535
That's way too good of a deal.
414
00:16:27,586 --> 00:16:29,236
Nope.
415
00:16:29,304 --> 00:16:31,288
That is what it says.
416
00:16:31,373 --> 00:16:32,289
Wow.
417
00:16:32,374 --> 00:16:33,758
That sounds like a fun time.
418
00:16:33,842 --> 00:16:35,810
Anyway, uh,
419
00:16:35,877 --> 00:16:37,511
it is now my great honor
to welcome to the stage
420
00:16:37,579 --> 00:16:40,481
the woman responsible
for the entire harvest festival.
421
00:16:40,549 --> 00:16:42,583
Ladies and gentlemen,
Leslie Knope!
422
00:16:55,564 --> 00:16:56,930
Every one of you,
423
00:16:56,982 --> 00:16:59,316
just by showing
up here tonight,
424
00:16:59,401 --> 00:17:00,734
has already made history.
425
00:17:00,786 --> 00:17:03,637
In days past,
the harvest festival
426
00:17:03,705 --> 00:17:05,322
was the cornerstone
427
00:17:05,407 --> 00:17:07,958
of Pawnee's
small-business community...
428
00:17:08,043 --> 00:17:09,577
a weeklong showcase
429
00:17:09,628 --> 00:17:12,913
for everything from textiles
to small farms.
430
00:17:12,964 --> 00:17:15,132
By our estimates,
as many as 30,000 people
431
00:17:15,217 --> 00:17:16,784
might attend the festival,
432
00:17:16,852 --> 00:17:18,185
and the monetary value
433
00:17:18,253 --> 00:17:20,671
of that kind of direct
customer-to-business exposure
434
00:17:20,755 --> 00:17:23,124
is, frankly, incalculable.
435
00:17:25,310 --> 00:17:27,328
What?
436
00:17:27,395 --> 00:17:28,863
Three, two, one.
437
00:17:28,930 --> 00:17:30,314
And my shift's over.
438
00:17:30,398 --> 00:17:32,299
What the [bleep]
is your problem?
439
00:17:32,367 --> 00:17:33,968
Whoa, I thought
you weren't gonna lose it.
440
00:17:34,035 --> 00:17:36,103
While I was on duty, I didn't.
Now it's just me.
441
00:17:36,171 --> 00:17:38,539
I get that you're mad
that I kissed Andy, okay?
442
00:17:38,607 --> 00:17:39,940
But it was a moment
of confusion,
443
00:17:40,008 --> 00:17:41,308
and it was a mistake.
444
00:17:41,359 --> 00:17:42,810
And I'm very sorry.
445
00:17:42,878 --> 00:17:44,195
You want to hate me forever?
446
00:17:44,279 --> 00:17:45,663
- Okay.
- Fine!
447
00:17:45,747 --> 00:17:47,047
You know what?
I don't care.
448
00:17:47,115 --> 00:17:48,482
But you shouldn't take it out
on Andy,
449
00:17:48,550 --> 00:17:50,984
because he really likes you,
and he did nothing wrong.
450
00:17:51,036 --> 00:17:54,321
And just for the record,
I'm starting to hate you too.
451
00:17:57,058 --> 00:17:59,793
That's the most
I've ever liked Ann.
452
00:17:59,845 --> 00:18:01,879
The time is now.
453
00:18:01,963 --> 00:18:04,014
The place is Pawnee.
454
00:18:04,099 --> 00:18:06,333
Let's make history.
455
00:18:08,270 --> 00:18:10,855
That was amazing.
456
00:18:10,939 --> 00:18:12,506
That was a flu-ridden
Michael Jordan
457
00:18:12,574 --> 00:18:14,708
at the '97 NBA finals.
458
00:18:14,776 --> 00:18:16,343
That was...
459
00:18:16,394 --> 00:18:18,145
Kirk Gibson
hobbling up to the plate
460
00:18:18,213 --> 00:18:19,697
and hitting a homer
off of Dennis Eckersley.
461
00:18:19,781 --> 00:18:22,850
That was...
462
00:18:22,918 --> 00:18:25,586
That was Leslie Knope.
463
00:18:25,654 --> 00:18:27,855
Thank you so much.
Any questions?
464
00:18:27,923 --> 00:18:29,573
Yes, sir?
465
00:18:29,658 --> 00:18:32,259
Are we going to get
the same sales-tax incentives
466
00:18:32,327 --> 00:18:33,377
we used to?
467
00:18:33,461 --> 00:18:35,296
That's a very good
question, sir,
468
00:18:35,363 --> 00:18:38,365
and I would counter
with my own question, which is,
469
00:18:38,416 --> 00:18:40,918
why is half of your face
all swirly?
470
00:18:41,002 --> 00:18:42,403
Okay, um, unfortunately,
471
00:18:42,470 --> 00:18:45,422
Leslie has another very
important meeting right now.
472
00:18:45,507 --> 00:18:46,924
So if you have
any other questions,
473
00:18:47,008 --> 00:18:48,709
you can just direct them,
uh, towards me.
474
00:18:48,777 --> 00:18:49,927
Give it up, everybody,
475
00:18:50,011 --> 00:18:51,712
for Scott Bakula
from Quantum Leap.
476
00:18:51,763 --> 00:18:54,148
All right.
Okay, let's...
477
00:18:54,215 --> 00:18:56,016
Excuse me.
478
00:18:56,067 --> 00:18:58,619
Um, and to answer
your question, sir,
479
00:18:58,687 --> 00:19:00,521
there will be
sales-tax incentives this year.
480
00:19:00,589 --> 00:19:02,022
I think I should drive you
to the hospital.
481
00:19:02,090 --> 00:19:03,691
Was I wearing a tiara
when I came in here?
482
00:19:03,758 --> 00:19:05,226
Because if you happen upon it,
483
00:19:05,293 --> 00:19:06,827
will you have Lady Pennyface
retrieve it
484
00:19:06,895 --> 00:19:08,229
and send it posthence?
485
00:19:08,296 --> 00:19:09,330
Chocolate-covered popcorn.
486
00:19:12,066 --> 00:19:14,084
- Oh, hey.
- Hey, there.
487
00:19:14,169 --> 00:19:16,337
I got you, uh,
some waffles here,
488
00:19:16,404 --> 00:19:18,205
courtesy of JJ's diner,
489
00:19:18,256 --> 00:19:20,007
and chicken soup,
courtesy of me.
490
00:19:20,074 --> 00:19:21,926
- I'll take the waffles.
- Okay.
491
00:19:22,010 --> 00:19:24,345
Thank you.
492
00:19:24,412 --> 00:19:26,013
So how did the rest
of the meeting go?
493
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:28,933
Um, well, you said you needed
494
00:19:29,017 --> 00:19:30,584
80 total businesses
to participate.
495
00:19:30,635 --> 00:19:32,186
Yeah.
496
00:19:32,253 --> 00:19:33,354
We have 110...
497
00:19:33,421 --> 00:19:34,722
And counting.
498
00:19:34,773 --> 00:19:37,090
So, uh, nice work, Leslie.
499
00:19:37,142 --> 00:19:39,109
- Nice work to you too.
- Oh.
500
00:19:39,194 --> 00:19:41,395
Uh, left the chicken soup there,
just in case.
501
00:19:41,446 --> 00:19:43,647
It's an old family recipe.
502
00:19:43,732 --> 00:19:46,233
It's not a big deal, but...
503
00:19:46,284 --> 00:19:48,402
- Thank you for that.
- Okay.
504
00:19:52,958 --> 00:19:54,274
Hi, April.
505
00:19:54,326 --> 00:19:56,160
It's me, Andy.
506
00:19:56,244 --> 00:19:58,629
Just stay sleeping.
507
00:19:58,713 --> 00:20:02,449
I am going to be here
when you wake up.
508
00:20:02,517 --> 00:20:04,551
I will not leave your side.
509
00:20:09,457 --> 00:20:13,844
You could be asleep for hours.
Maybe I'll come back later.
510
00:20:13,928 --> 00:20:16,129
Hope you feel better.
Okay.
511
00:20:16,181 --> 00:20:18,565
Oh, and I know you think
that I'm a jerk,
512
00:20:18,633 --> 00:20:21,268
but I hope you can forgive me.
513
00:20:24,856 --> 00:20:26,573
Gross.
Your forehead is all sweaty.
514
00:20:26,641 --> 00:20:28,158
That's gross.
515
00:20:30,245 --> 00:20:32,079
But I still like you.
516
00:20:32,146 --> 00:20:33,147
Okay.
517
00:20:33,214 --> 00:20:35,148
Oh, that's disgusting.
518
00:20:42,667 --> 00:20:43,784
Got your message.
What's up?
519
00:20:43,868 --> 00:20:45,586
I got a call
from the boys upstairs.
520
00:20:46,174 --> 00:20:47,836
And they have
a new assignment for us.
521
00:20:47,956 --> 00:20:49,000
- Okay.
- Yeah.
522
00:20:49,120 --> 00:20:52,497
And I feel like we should ask
for an extension to stay here.
523
00:20:52,816 --> 00:20:54,197
Yes, definitely.
You know...
524
00:20:54,317 --> 00:20:56,202
The festival thing's
getting pretty huge,
525
00:20:56,230 --> 00:20:58,827
and, uh, couple loose ends
that need tying up.
526
00:20:58,947 --> 00:21:01,187
Good, so I'll make the call,
then, to get the extension?
527
00:21:01,233 --> 00:21:02,690
- Yeah, they need our help.
- For the loose ends.
528
00:21:02,810 --> 00:21:03,754
- Great.
- Good.
529
00:21:03,805 --> 00:21:05,666
Okay, you need
a ride back to the office?
530
00:21:05,717 --> 00:21:07,686
No, no, I'm gonna go
for a light 15k.
531
00:21:07,806 --> 00:21:08,763
I missed yesterday.
532
00:21:10,231 --> 00:21:11,585
Way to go, buddy.
Way to go.
533
00:21:11,785 --> 00:21:21,785
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www.addic7ed.com