1 00:00:02,823 --> 00:00:05,190 Okay, Jerry, what have you chosen 2 00:00:05,191 --> 00:00:06,258 to put in the time capsule? 3 00:00:06,259 --> 00:00:08,325 These are my mother's diaries. 4 00:00:08,393 --> 00:00:09,527 Wow. 5 00:00:09,594 --> 00:00:10,995 Yeah, she lived in Pawnee all of her life 6 00:00:11,062 --> 00:00:12,930 and recorded everything she ever did. 7 00:00:12,998 --> 00:00:14,064 Yeah, so it's, you know, kind of like 8 00:00:14,132 --> 00:00:15,699 a living document about the town. 9 00:00:15,767 --> 00:00:16,901 Hmm. 10 00:00:16,968 --> 00:00:19,069 A disappointingly good idea from Jerry. 11 00:00:19,137 --> 00:00:20,504 Better than good, Jerry. Perfect. 12 00:00:20,572 --> 00:00:22,106 Give me that. 13 00:00:22,173 --> 00:00:24,775 "January 18, 1964. 14 00:00:24,843 --> 00:00:27,878 "Jerrold starred in his school production of Peter Pan. 15 00:00:27,946 --> 00:00:29,880 He was a beautiful Tinker Bell." 16 00:00:31,416 --> 00:00:33,150 It was an all-boys school. 17 00:00:36,755 --> 00:00:40,157 Jerry! 18 00:00:40,225 --> 00:00:41,258 Hey, Leslie, I have an idea. 19 00:00:41,326 --> 00:00:43,127 Why don't we put Eduardo in there 20 00:00:43,194 --> 00:00:46,797 and seal the top so that he suffocates and dies? 21 00:00:46,865 --> 00:00:49,033 Okay, Tom, you're up. 22 00:00:49,100 --> 00:00:51,335 For my item, I chose a picture 23 00:00:51,403 --> 00:00:53,470 of my ex-girlfriend Lucy 24 00:00:53,538 --> 00:00:55,372 with a mustache drawn on her face 25 00:00:55,440 --> 00:00:57,775 and stink lines coming off her, 'cause she stinks. 26 00:00:57,842 --> 00:01:00,344 She broke up with me. Didn't really tell me why. 27 00:01:00,412 --> 00:01:01,645 Luckily, when you're the guy, 28 00:01:01,713 --> 00:01:03,213 you can just tell people she's crazy. 29 00:01:03,281 --> 00:01:05,583 "Hey, Tom, I heard you and Lucy broke up." 30 00:01:05,650 --> 00:01:08,252 "Yeah, man. Turns out she's crazy." 31 00:01:08,320 --> 00:01:10,588 That's what they always do on Entourage. 32 00:01:10,655 --> 00:01:12,022 Ron? 33 00:01:12,090 --> 00:01:13,390 I am submitting this menu 34 00:01:13,458 --> 00:01:15,993 from a Pawnee institution, JJ's diner, 35 00:01:16,061 --> 00:01:18,295 home of the world's best breakfast dish, 36 00:01:18,363 --> 00:01:20,965 the four horse meals of the egg-pork-alypse. 37 00:01:21,032 --> 00:01:22,566 Wendy loves it too. 38 00:01:22,634 --> 00:01:25,269 And I am submitting this. 39 00:01:25,337 --> 00:01:28,372 A brief history of everything that has ever happened 40 00:01:28,440 --> 00:01:29,640 since Pawnee was founded. 41 00:01:29,708 --> 00:01:31,609 Not like you get extra credit for this, 42 00:01:31,676 --> 00:01:33,077 but I did type it from memory. 43 00:01:33,144 --> 00:01:34,812 And for the first time ever compiled, 44 00:01:34,879 --> 00:01:37,281 it includes a complete list 45 00:01:37,349 --> 00:01:39,650 of every official town slogan we've ever had. 46 00:01:39,718 --> 00:01:40,985 - Oh, my God, Leslie. - I know. Can you believe it? 47 00:01:41,052 --> 00:01:42,620 - That's crazy. - Isn't it? 48 00:01:42,687 --> 00:01:45,089 "Pawnee: The Paris of America. 49 00:01:45,123 --> 00:01:47,992 "Pawnee: The Akron of Southwest Indiana. 50 00:01:48,059 --> 00:01:50,694 Pawnee: Welcome, German soldiers." 51 00:01:50,762 --> 00:01:53,864 After the Nazis took France, our mayor kind of panicked. 52 00:01:53,932 --> 00:01:56,200 "Pawnee: The factory fire capital of America. 53 00:01:56,267 --> 00:01:58,869 "Pawnee: Welcome, Vietnamese soldiers. 54 00:01:58,937 --> 00:02:01,038 Pawnee: Engage with Zorp." 55 00:02:01,106 --> 00:02:02,706 For a brief time in the '70s, 56 00:02:02,774 --> 00:02:04,575 our town was taken over by a cult. 57 00:02:04,643 --> 00:02:07,177 "Pawnee: Zorp is dead. Long live Zorp. 58 00:02:07,245 --> 00:02:09,279 "Pawnee: It's safe to be here now. 59 00:02:09,347 --> 00:02:11,949 Pawnee: Birthplace of Julia Roberts." 60 00:02:12,017 --> 00:02:14,251 That was a lie, she sued, and so we had to change it. 61 00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:16,353 "Pawnee: Home of the world-famous 62 00:02:16,421 --> 00:02:17,921 "Julia Roberts lawsuit. 63 00:02:17,989 --> 00:02:20,624 Pawnee: Welcome, Taliban soldiers." 64 00:02:20,692 --> 00:02:22,526 And finally, our current slogan: 65 00:02:22,594 --> 00:02:26,096 "Pawnee: First in friendship, fourth in obesity." 66 00:02:29,167 --> 00:02:39,167 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 67 00:02:47,227 --> 00:02:49,287 Yes, Pawnee has had its set of problems, 68 00:02:49,288 --> 00:02:52,382 but this time capsule is our way of saying 69 00:02:52,383 --> 00:02:55,485 that Pawnee is gonna be around for a long time... 70 00:02:55,553 --> 00:02:56,653 Capsule. 71 00:02:57,348 --> 00:02:58,682 And you can quote me on that. 72 00:02:58,749 --> 00:03:00,350 Oh, I'm actually gonna quote you on all of this, 73 00:03:00,418 --> 00:03:01,718 'cause it's a newspaper article. 74 00:03:01,786 --> 00:03:02,919 - I thought of a great headline. - Great. 75 00:03:02,987 --> 00:03:05,622 It's time to encapsulate the future. 76 00:03:05,690 --> 00:03:07,123 - Good one. - Sub headline: 77 00:03:07,191 --> 00:03:08,692 The parks department cuts the crapsule, 78 00:03:08,759 --> 00:03:10,126 buries the time capsule. 79 00:03:10,194 --> 00:03:11,528 I'll be back tomorrow with the photographer. 80 00:03:11,596 --> 00:03:13,063 Okay. 81 00:03:13,130 --> 00:03:14,931 Leslie, this guy's here. 82 00:03:14,999 --> 00:03:16,666 Hi. Can I help you? 83 00:03:16,734 --> 00:03:18,068 I'm Kelly Larson. 84 00:03:18,135 --> 00:03:19,636 I read online about your time capsule, 85 00:03:19,704 --> 00:03:21,171 and I'm here to make a suggestion. 86 00:03:21,239 --> 00:03:22,739 Oh, I'm sorry. We're not taking sugges... 87 00:03:22,807 --> 00:03:24,140 The Twilight books. 88 00:03:24,208 --> 00:03:26,009 It's a beautifully-told saga of vampires, 89 00:03:26,077 --> 00:03:27,510 werewolves, and romance. 90 00:03:27,578 --> 00:03:29,346 Ah, you are the person that's been emailing me 91 00:03:29,413 --> 00:03:30,981 about Twilight. 92 00:03:31,048 --> 00:03:33,116 I thought you would be younger... 93 00:03:33,184 --> 00:03:34,451 And a girl. 94 00:03:34,518 --> 00:03:36,286 Well, I'm not. I'm older and a boy. 95 00:03:36,354 --> 00:03:38,722 But I feel very strongly that these should be included. 96 00:03:38,789 --> 00:03:40,824 Can I tell you why? 97 00:03:40,891 --> 00:03:41,891 Sure, Kelly. Have a seat. 98 00:03:41,959 --> 00:03:43,460 - Awesome. - And plead your case. 99 00:03:43,527 --> 00:03:46,396 Thanks. Okay, Christmas Eve, 1973. 100 00:03:46,464 --> 00:03:48,365 Author Stephenie Meyer, nee Morgan, 101 00:03:48,432 --> 00:03:49,833 was born in Hartford, Connecticut. 102 00:03:49,900 --> 00:03:52,936 Oh, you're going all the way back to her birth. Okay. 103 00:03:53,004 --> 00:03:55,205 So basically, Ann kissed me 104 00:03:55,273 --> 00:03:57,874 and then April kissed me, and I told April, 105 00:03:57,942 --> 00:04:00,210 because of honesty is important. 106 00:04:00,278 --> 00:04:01,845 That's so true. 107 00:04:01,912 --> 00:04:03,346 But now she's gone and gotten herself 108 00:04:03,414 --> 00:04:05,248 a Venezuelan boyfriend who's, like, 109 00:04:05,316 --> 00:04:07,150 the handsomest dude I've ever seen. 110 00:04:07,218 --> 00:04:08,818 Present company excluded. 111 00:04:08,886 --> 00:04:10,387 Oh, thank you. 112 00:04:10,454 --> 00:04:12,322 Uh, I was talking about me. 113 00:04:12,390 --> 00:04:14,024 Hey. 114 00:04:14,091 --> 00:04:15,225 Ann Perkins! 115 00:04:15,293 --> 00:04:17,027 Andy just gave me a phenomenal shoeshine 116 00:04:17,094 --> 00:04:19,629 and I did not know that you two once lived together. 117 00:04:19,697 --> 00:04:21,498 Yes. Yes, we did. 118 00:04:21,565 --> 00:04:24,401 Thank you for catching him up on our history. 119 00:04:24,468 --> 00:04:26,269 Andy, that was an amazing shoeshine. 120 00:04:26,337 --> 00:04:30,573 I can literally see my face in my shoes. 121 00:04:30,641 --> 00:04:31,941 See you later! 122 00:04:32,009 --> 00:04:33,243 He didn't... he didn't pay me. 123 00:04:33,311 --> 00:04:34,611 Why are you hanging out with Chris? 124 00:04:34,679 --> 00:04:35,845 He just sat down. 125 00:04:35,913 --> 00:04:37,247 What am I supposed to do? He's my boss. 126 00:04:37,315 --> 00:04:39,115 - No, he's not. - He isn't? 127 00:04:39,183 --> 00:04:40,884 God dang it. 128 00:04:40,951 --> 00:04:43,186 I cannot figure out who my boss is. 129 00:04:43,254 --> 00:04:44,554 Andy, I like this guy. 130 00:04:44,622 --> 00:04:47,524 Please don't do anything weird, I beg you. 131 00:04:47,591 --> 00:04:50,360 I just started dating Chris, and I don't know how, 132 00:04:50,428 --> 00:04:52,162 but Andy's gonna screw it up. 133 00:04:52,229 --> 00:04:53,897 Andy screws everything up. 134 00:04:53,964 --> 00:04:55,832 When we were dating, I bought him a fish 135 00:04:55,900 --> 00:04:57,434 and I don't want to get into it, 136 00:04:57,501 --> 00:05:01,204 but somehow that fish ended up dead in a cowboy boot. 137 00:05:01,272 --> 00:05:02,739 And combined, they have sold more than 138 00:05:02,807 --> 00:05:05,108 100 million copies worldwide. 139 00:05:05,176 --> 00:05:07,277 Now, have you seen any of the Twilight movies? 140 00:05:07,345 --> 00:05:08,645 No, I have not. 141 00:05:08,713 --> 00:05:10,680 Well, let me describe them to you shot-for-shot. 142 00:05:10,748 --> 00:05:12,816 Movie number one. Twilight. 143 00:05:12,883 --> 00:05:15,118 We slowly pan up over a mossy log 144 00:05:15,186 --> 00:05:17,220 to see a deer drinking crystal-clear water. 145 00:05:17,288 --> 00:05:19,522 Okay, Kelly, this time capsule 146 00:05:19,590 --> 00:05:22,659 isn't just a barrel full of stuff that people like. 147 00:05:22,727 --> 00:05:25,829 It's about life in Pawnee at this moment in time, 148 00:05:25,896 --> 00:05:27,864 and there is nothing in Twilight 149 00:05:27,932 --> 00:05:29,632 that is specific to Pawnee. 150 00:05:29,700 --> 00:05:31,000 I disagree, okay? 151 00:05:31,068 --> 00:05:33,403 The town of Forks, Washington is exactly like Pawnee, 152 00:05:33,471 --> 00:05:36,740 except for the climate and the vampires. 153 00:05:36,807 --> 00:05:38,308 I'm sorry. I have to say no. 154 00:05:38,376 --> 00:05:39,976 I beg you to reconsider. 155 00:05:40,044 --> 00:05:41,311 And I'm gonna have to ask you to leave. 156 00:05:41,379 --> 00:05:44,314 Then I'm gonna have to do this. 157 00:05:50,321 --> 00:05:51,254 He brought handcuffs with him. 158 00:05:51,322 --> 00:05:52,756 This whole thing was planned. 159 00:05:52,823 --> 00:05:54,357 I think it's kind of cool. 160 00:05:54,425 --> 00:05:55,725 It's not cool. 161 00:05:55,793 --> 00:05:57,627 It's trespassing, and that is breaking the rules. 162 00:05:57,695 --> 00:05:59,629 Cool people make the rules. They don't break the rules. 163 00:05:59,697 --> 00:06:01,064 And if those kids want you to break the rules, 164 00:06:01,132 --> 00:06:02,265 then they aren't really your friends. 165 00:06:02,333 --> 00:06:04,100 Whoa, who are you even talking about? 166 00:06:04,168 --> 00:06:05,368 I don't know. I'm sorry. I'm just annoyed. 167 00:06:05,436 --> 00:06:07,036 But while we're on the subject, 168 00:06:07,104 --> 00:06:09,305 your friend Orrin with the long black nails and the cloak? 169 00:06:09,373 --> 00:06:10,306 He concerns me. 170 00:06:10,374 --> 00:06:11,741 He's a genius. 171 00:06:11,809 --> 00:06:14,010 I'll care of this trespasser. 172 00:06:14,078 --> 00:06:16,012 Give me 30 seconds. 173 00:06:16,080 --> 00:06:17,247 I'm just gonna call security. 174 00:06:17,314 --> 00:06:19,783 Guys, can we push the meeting an hour? 175 00:06:19,850 --> 00:06:21,251 What's going on? 176 00:06:21,318 --> 00:06:23,386 Some guy handcuffed himself to a pipe in my office 177 00:06:23,454 --> 00:06:24,988 because we wouldn't put a copy of Twilight 178 00:06:25,055 --> 00:06:26,122 in the time capsule. 179 00:06:26,190 --> 00:06:28,358 Damn it. Again? 180 00:06:30,294 --> 00:06:31,795 You look sad. 181 00:06:31,862 --> 00:06:32,962 You look like a weird goon 182 00:06:33,030 --> 00:06:34,564 who's obsessed with a kid's book. 183 00:06:34,632 --> 00:06:35,765 It's a girl, isn't it? 184 00:06:35,833 --> 00:06:37,467 I can tell. 185 00:06:37,535 --> 00:06:39,035 It's the look that Mike had on his face 186 00:06:39,103 --> 00:06:40,904 when Bella turned him down for the dance. 187 00:06:40,971 --> 00:06:42,505 Oh, yeah? Is it? 188 00:06:42,573 --> 00:06:43,873 What look did your mom have on her face 189 00:06:43,941 --> 00:06:46,042 when she realized her son was a complete failure? 190 00:06:46,110 --> 00:06:48,011 Okay, I'll be quiet. 191 00:06:48,078 --> 00:06:50,313 But I do know something about heartbreak. 192 00:06:50,381 --> 00:06:51,714 And you know who else does? 193 00:06:51,782 --> 00:06:54,451 - Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds? - No. 194 00:06:54,518 --> 00:06:57,754 A little lady named Twilight author Stephenie Meyer. 195 00:06:57,822 --> 00:06:59,789 Trust me. 196 00:06:59,857 --> 00:07:01,224 You should listen to him. 197 00:07:01,292 --> 00:07:03,092 Those books are good. 198 00:07:03,160 --> 00:07:05,562 Oh, I love any book about vampires, 199 00:07:05,629 --> 00:07:08,198 werewolves, monsters, zombies, 200 00:07:08,265 --> 00:07:12,368 sorcerers, beasties, or time-traveling romances. 201 00:07:12,436 --> 00:07:14,804 And if I had an hour alone with Robert Pattinson, 202 00:07:14,872 --> 00:07:17,006 he would forget all about Skinnylegs McGee. 203 00:07:17,074 --> 00:07:18,041 I'll tell you that much. 204 00:07:18,108 --> 00:07:19,709 Okay, buddy, time is up. 205 00:07:19,777 --> 00:07:20,977 Give us the keys. 206 00:07:21,045 --> 00:07:22,946 They're hidden somewhere very far away. 207 00:07:23,013 --> 00:07:24,314 Then we're gonna have to cut you loose. 208 00:07:24,381 --> 00:07:25,682 Why? I'm not doing anything wrong. 209 00:07:25,749 --> 00:07:27,584 Yes, you are. You're trespassing. 210 00:07:27,651 --> 00:07:30,119 Well, the fact remains this is perfectly legal. 211 00:07:30,187 --> 00:07:31,754 No, it's not. You're trespassing. 212 00:07:31,822 --> 00:07:33,957 Look, I really don't want to cause any trouble, 213 00:07:34,024 --> 00:07:35,758 but I am not gonna leave until you 214 00:07:35,826 --> 00:07:37,126 put Twilight in the time capsule. 215 00:07:37,194 --> 00:07:38,962 This muscle-headed storm trooper 216 00:07:39,029 --> 00:07:40,129 doesn't scare me. 217 00:07:40,197 --> 00:07:42,265 Go ahead, Artie. 218 00:07:42,333 --> 00:07:43,766 No! No! No! No! No! 219 00:07:43,834 --> 00:07:47,036 Please! No! No! No! No! No! No! Get him away from me! 220 00:07:47,104 --> 00:07:48,438 I am very scared of you! 221 00:07:48,506 --> 00:07:49,772 All right! 222 00:07:49,840 --> 00:07:51,307 Okay! All right! All right! All right! 223 00:07:51,375 --> 00:07:52,642 Stop. 224 00:07:52,710 --> 00:07:53,776 If he wants to stay in there, 225 00:07:53,844 --> 00:07:54,878 I'll let him stay in there. 226 00:07:54,945 --> 00:07:56,679 In two hours, he's gonna be so hungry 227 00:07:56,747 --> 00:08:01,518 and freaked out, he's gonna be begging me to... 228 00:08:01,585 --> 00:08:03,453 He brought a pillow. 229 00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:04,888 Hey, Leslie, I'm making some sleepytime tea. 230 00:08:04,955 --> 00:08:06,990 You want any? 231 00:08:09,605 --> 00:08:11,931 Hey, dude, wake up, man. 232 00:08:12,051 --> 00:08:14,119 Oh, morning, Tom. 233 00:08:14,187 --> 00:08:16,488 Twilight is dope. 234 00:08:16,556 --> 00:08:18,590 - I told you. - I couldn't put it down. 235 00:08:18,658 --> 00:08:20,692 It was like she was peering into my soul. 236 00:08:20,760 --> 00:08:22,761 Sing it, friend. Here. 237 00:08:22,829 --> 00:08:25,630 Book two. Twilight: New Moon. 238 00:08:25,698 --> 00:08:27,032 Get cracking. 239 00:08:27,099 --> 00:08:28,366 There's a second book? 240 00:08:28,434 --> 00:08:30,669 And a third and a fourth. 241 00:08:30,736 --> 00:08:33,672 No [bleep] way. 242 00:08:33,739 --> 00:08:35,440 - It's fantastic. - Yeah. 243 00:08:35,508 --> 00:08:37,542 I worked really hard. I did every pair that I could. 244 00:08:37,610 --> 00:08:40,312 I didn't know what to do with these. 245 00:08:40,379 --> 00:08:42,447 - I think they're gloves. - No, no, no, no. 246 00:08:42,515 --> 00:08:43,682 Those are sports sandals. 247 00:08:43,749 --> 00:08:45,150 They're for adventure racing. 248 00:08:45,218 --> 00:08:47,385 They perfectly contour to the human foot, 249 00:08:47,453 --> 00:08:50,388 and the human foot is the ultimate technology. 250 00:08:50,456 --> 00:08:52,090 Dude, that is the coolest sentence 251 00:08:52,158 --> 00:08:53,859 I've ever heard somebody talk. 252 00:08:53,926 --> 00:08:56,528 So you love April, 253 00:08:56,596 --> 00:08:57,863 and she has a new boyfriend, right? 254 00:08:57,930 --> 00:09:00,031 You got all of that from a picture? 255 00:09:00,099 --> 00:09:02,133 No, you told me yesterday. Andy... 256 00:09:02,201 --> 00:09:06,004 I want to help you win her over. 257 00:09:06,072 --> 00:09:07,305 Why do I want to help him? 258 00:09:07,373 --> 00:09:09,007 Because he's a good person. 259 00:09:09,075 --> 00:09:10,642 I love good people. 260 00:09:10,710 --> 00:09:13,144 Hey, you know who should wear these shoes? 261 00:09:13,212 --> 00:09:15,146 Monkeys. 262 00:09:17,550 --> 00:09:19,818 Well, this is an interesting turn of events. 263 00:09:19,886 --> 00:09:21,052 Is it? I-I don't know. 264 00:09:21,120 --> 00:09:22,420 I mean, I guess it's kind of interesting. 265 00:09:22,488 --> 00:09:23,488 What the real story is 266 00:09:23,556 --> 00:09:25,657 is how wonderful our time capsule is 267 00:09:25,725 --> 00:09:28,226 and how it perfectly encapsulates... 268 00:09:28,294 --> 00:09:29,694 a word I really think you should use... 269 00:09:29,762 --> 00:09:31,730 what our town is all about. 270 00:09:31,797 --> 00:09:33,265 Hey, how's this for a headline? 271 00:09:33,332 --> 00:09:35,867 "Parks department foiled by pipe dreams." 272 00:09:35,935 --> 00:09:38,003 God, that's an amazing headline, 273 00:09:38,070 --> 00:09:39,671 but please don't write that story. 274 00:09:39,739 --> 00:09:42,707 The key to April's heart is within you, Andy. 275 00:09:42,775 --> 00:09:44,576 You need to tap in to the aspects 276 00:09:44,644 --> 00:09:47,412 of your personality that she once found attractive 277 00:09:47,480 --> 00:09:50,849 to make yourself the best version of yourself. 278 00:09:50,917 --> 00:09:51,950 What's great about you? 279 00:09:52,018 --> 00:09:53,485 I'm nice. 280 00:09:53,552 --> 00:09:55,053 Good! Nice. 281 00:09:55,121 --> 00:09:56,588 What else? 282 00:09:56,656 --> 00:09:57,722 I'm in a band. 283 00:09:57,790 --> 00:09:59,991 Band! 284 00:10:00,059 --> 00:10:03,828 - What else? - That's it. 285 00:10:03,896 --> 00:10:05,764 Am I Team Edward? Yes. 286 00:10:05,831 --> 00:10:09,100 Do I share his concerns about turning Bella, though? 287 00:10:09,168 --> 00:10:10,502 Absolutely not. 288 00:10:10,569 --> 00:10:13,071 Edward's primary goal at all times 289 00:10:13,139 --> 00:10:14,506 is Bella's protection. 290 00:10:14,573 --> 00:10:17,676 Can you please, please be quiet? 291 00:10:17,743 --> 00:10:18,977 Sorry. Sorry. 292 00:10:19,045 --> 00:10:21,313 Please keep it down. Be considerate. 293 00:10:21,380 --> 00:10:22,681 Look at it this way, Tom. 294 00:10:22,748 --> 00:10:24,683 Bella's love for Edward is being tested. 295 00:10:24,750 --> 00:10:26,284 By Jacob? 296 00:10:26,352 --> 00:10:27,585 Mm. Not exactly. 297 00:10:27,653 --> 00:10:28,753 - The volturi? - Yes. 298 00:10:28,821 --> 00:10:29,955 Okay, you know what? All right. 299 00:10:30,022 --> 00:10:31,222 I'm gonna go do my work in the conference room, 300 00:10:31,290 --> 00:10:33,291 'cause you guys are the worst. 301 00:10:33,359 --> 00:10:35,260 You seem tense, Leslie. You know what you should do? 302 00:10:35,328 --> 00:10:36,528 Read Twilight? 303 00:10:36,595 --> 00:10:37,529 Read Twilight. Here. 304 00:10:37,596 --> 00:10:39,998 Yeah, thanks. 305 00:10:40,066 --> 00:10:42,000 Sometimes I think she's in the volturi. 306 00:10:46,472 --> 00:10:47,806 Good morning, Kelly. 307 00:10:47,873 --> 00:10:49,474 Oh, morning, Leslie. 308 00:10:49,542 --> 00:10:51,409 Hope you don't mind I moved myself over to this pipe. 309 00:10:51,477 --> 00:10:52,477 It's a little more comfortable. 310 00:10:52,545 --> 00:10:53,645 No problem. 311 00:10:53,713 --> 00:10:54,713 Did you have a nice night? Sleep well? 312 00:10:54,780 --> 00:10:56,281 Mm, it was all right, considering. 313 00:10:56,349 --> 00:10:57,382 Picked you up some coffee. 314 00:10:57,450 --> 00:10:58,650 Thank you so much. 315 00:10:58,718 --> 00:11:00,085 Well, you seem pretty chipper this morning. 316 00:11:00,152 --> 00:11:01,252 I am, Kelly, 317 00:11:01,320 --> 00:11:04,723 because I know why you're here. 318 00:11:04,790 --> 00:11:06,458 You know what I did last night? 319 00:11:06,525 --> 00:11:08,226 Read Twilight, and it transformed your life 320 00:11:08,294 --> 00:11:09,828 and you're gonna put it in the time capsule? 321 00:11:09,895 --> 00:11:11,429 Well, I read the first ten pages. 322 00:11:11,497 --> 00:11:12,964 I couldn't really get into it, though. 323 00:11:13,032 --> 00:11:15,066 More of a Harry Potter girl myself. 324 00:11:15,134 --> 00:11:16,334 What? 325 00:11:16,402 --> 00:11:17,802 But I looked at the inside cover, 326 00:11:17,870 --> 00:11:20,538 and I saw this. 327 00:11:20,606 --> 00:11:22,707 Did a little research, and Liz Waverly 328 00:11:22,775 --> 00:11:24,576 is 12 years old, a straight "A" student 329 00:11:24,643 --> 00:11:25,744 at King Philip Middle. 330 00:11:25,811 --> 00:11:27,946 She's also a member of many 331 00:11:28,014 --> 00:11:29,647 Twilight Internet message boards 332 00:11:29,715 --> 00:11:32,283 and I'm guessing your daughter? 333 00:11:32,351 --> 00:11:34,786 Is that why you did this? 334 00:11:34,854 --> 00:11:36,488 To impress your daughter? 335 00:11:36,555 --> 00:11:40,091 Liz's mom and I divorced a couple years ago, 336 00:11:40,159 --> 00:11:41,593 and it's been really hard on her. 337 00:11:41,660 --> 00:11:44,129 And she loves Twilight and so... 338 00:11:44,196 --> 00:11:45,964 I read about your time capsule and I thought 339 00:11:46,032 --> 00:11:47,432 that if I could somehow convince you 340 00:11:47,500 --> 00:11:50,001 to get it in there, I'd be a big hero. 341 00:11:50,069 --> 00:11:52,003 That's really sweet. 342 00:11:52,071 --> 00:11:54,973 You should have told me you were doing this for your daughter. 343 00:11:55,041 --> 00:11:56,841 I didn't want to drag her into it. 344 00:11:56,909 --> 00:11:58,610 I'm sorry. This is a mistake. 345 00:11:58,677 --> 00:12:00,845 You don't have to put Twilight in the time capsule. 346 00:12:02,848 --> 00:12:04,883 I think we should put Twilight in the time capsule. 347 00:12:04,950 --> 00:12:06,384 Leslie, no. 348 00:12:06,452 --> 00:12:08,253 We don't negotiate with weirdos. 349 00:12:08,320 --> 00:12:10,388 Yeah, what happened to, "a perfect encapsulation 350 00:12:10,456 --> 00:12:11,823 of life in Pawnee"? 351 00:12:11,891 --> 00:12:13,858 Well, for that guy, life in Pawnee 352 00:12:13,926 --> 00:12:15,994 is him and his daughter reading that book. 353 00:12:16,062 --> 00:12:17,929 Besides, I can get Shauna on board. 354 00:12:17,997 --> 00:12:19,798 It would make a great human interest story. 355 00:12:19,865 --> 00:12:21,366 Uh, if this gets out, 356 00:12:21,434 --> 00:12:23,101 every time you want to do anything, 357 00:12:23,169 --> 00:12:24,736 some guy's gonna come into your office 358 00:12:24,804 --> 00:12:26,404 and handcuff himself to a pipe. 359 00:12:26,472 --> 00:12:29,841 Well, yeah, that's a good point. 360 00:12:29,909 --> 00:12:33,078 Then we shall bring the pipe to them. 361 00:12:33,145 --> 00:12:34,145 Oh, no. 362 00:12:34,213 --> 00:12:36,714 Oh, yes. 363 00:12:36,782 --> 00:12:38,216 What does that mean? 364 00:12:38,284 --> 00:12:40,251 Crackpot convention. 365 00:12:40,319 --> 00:12:42,887 So that's what today's forum is for. 366 00:12:42,955 --> 00:12:44,489 We're gonna hear suggestions from everyone, 367 00:12:44,557 --> 00:12:47,225 and then whichever items we generally agree on 368 00:12:47,293 --> 00:12:50,095 will go into the time capsule. 369 00:12:50,162 --> 00:12:52,097 Please remember this is a government project, 370 00:12:52,164 --> 00:12:54,999 so we need to refrain from corporate promotion 371 00:12:55,067 --> 00:12:56,234 and religious items. 372 00:12:56,302 --> 00:12:57,402 Who'd like to start? 373 00:12:57,470 --> 00:12:59,904 I think we should put in the Bible. 374 00:12:59,972 --> 00:13:01,673 Great. 375 00:13:03,709 --> 00:13:06,678 Eduardo. 376 00:13:06,745 --> 00:13:08,012 Hi, Eduardo. 377 00:13:08,080 --> 00:13:10,348 I want to apologize. 378 00:13:10,416 --> 00:13:12,050 Just because you're dating my soul mate 379 00:13:12,118 --> 00:13:14,552 doesn't give me any right to be a jerk to you. 380 00:13:14,620 --> 00:13:15,887 Um, I promise from now on, 381 00:13:15,955 --> 00:13:18,389 I'm just gonna be... Super nice to you. 382 00:13:18,457 --> 00:13:19,691 Thank you for saying that. 383 00:13:19,758 --> 00:13:20,959 You're welcome. 384 00:13:21,026 --> 00:13:22,560 Um, what, uh, CDs are those? 385 00:13:22,628 --> 00:13:24,095 Mouse Rat. My band. 386 00:13:24,163 --> 00:13:25,997 It's our latest album. Yeah. 387 00:13:26,065 --> 00:13:27,966 You, uh, like music? What are you listening to? 388 00:13:28,033 --> 00:13:30,602 The Smiths. Ugh. Very depressing. 389 00:13:30,669 --> 00:13:31,903 April's making you listen to that? 390 00:13:31,971 --> 00:13:33,438 She's really into that indie stuff. 391 00:13:33,506 --> 00:13:36,040 I'm more of a Dave Matthews guy myself. 392 00:13:36,108 --> 00:13:37,976 David Matthews! Crash into me! 393 00:13:38,043 --> 00:13:40,545 Yes! I love that song. 394 00:13:40,613 --> 00:13:42,614 Here you go, here. Take one. Check us out. 395 00:13:42,681 --> 00:13:45,150 We're amazing, so let me know how much you like us. 396 00:13:45,217 --> 00:13:46,417 Yeah, gracias. 397 00:13:46,485 --> 00:13:48,386 That means "thank you"? 398 00:13:48,454 --> 00:13:50,488 - Yes. - Nailed it. 399 00:13:50,556 --> 00:13:53,825 So we have one very moving case for Twilight. 400 00:13:53,893 --> 00:13:56,161 Anyone else? Great. 401 00:13:56,228 --> 00:13:57,996 - Two people for Twilight. - Oh, no, no, no, no. 402 00:13:58,063 --> 00:14:00,431 I'm Marcia Langman from the Society 403 00:14:00,499 --> 00:14:02,133 for family stability foundation. 404 00:14:02,201 --> 00:14:04,502 This book contains pagan creatures 405 00:14:04,570 --> 00:14:06,771 and strong sexual overtones. 406 00:14:06,839 --> 00:14:09,374 There are girls quivering. 407 00:14:09,441 --> 00:14:11,910 There are boys staring deeply into girls' eyes 408 00:14:11,977 --> 00:14:13,845 as they quiver and so forth. 409 00:14:13,913 --> 00:14:15,647 There really is a tremendous amount of quivering. 410 00:14:15,714 --> 00:14:17,348 It is anti-Christian, 411 00:14:17,416 --> 00:14:19,384 it is pro-quivering, and the government 412 00:14:19,451 --> 00:14:21,286 has no business promoting it. 413 00:14:23,289 --> 00:14:24,789 I totally disagree. 414 00:14:24,857 --> 00:14:26,324 Well, now we have two people for Twilight. 415 00:14:26,392 --> 00:14:27,959 Absolutely not. 416 00:14:28,027 --> 00:14:30,061 I'm with the National Civil Liberties Association. 417 00:14:30,129 --> 00:14:33,932 That book actually contains overt Christian themes, 418 00:14:33,999 --> 00:14:36,434 and as such, has no business being associated 419 00:14:36,502 --> 00:14:38,102 with any government project. 420 00:14:38,170 --> 00:14:42,840 So too Christian and not Christian enough? 421 00:14:42,908 --> 00:14:44,175 Do you see the irony here? 422 00:14:44,243 --> 00:14:45,810 No? Okay. 423 00:14:45,878 --> 00:14:49,247 Uh, Donna, why don't you put a question mark 424 00:14:49,315 --> 00:14:50,381 next Twilight? 425 00:14:50,449 --> 00:14:52,417 No! You promised! 426 00:14:52,484 --> 00:14:54,252 You promised? That's not fair! 427 00:14:54,320 --> 00:14:55,620 Wait, it's not a question of fairness. 428 00:14:55,688 --> 00:14:57,488 - It's secul... - Go back to Russia, commie! 429 00:14:57,556 --> 00:14:59,023 Hey, you go back to Russia! 430 00:14:59,091 --> 00:15:00,458 And you go back to wherever you came from! 431 00:15:00,526 --> 00:15:01,626 Why would I go to Russia? 432 00:15:01,694 --> 00:15:03,061 I have no interest in traveling to Russia. 433 00:15:03,128 --> 00:15:04,295 Can I just say that? 434 00:15:05,716 --> 00:15:07,040 Um, who else? 435 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:08,527 I would like to include my favorite book: 436 00:15:08,595 --> 00:15:10,796 Crazy from the Heat: The David Lee Roth Story. 437 00:15:11,673 --> 00:15:13,173 Well, I think if we're gonna be adding a book 438 00:15:13,241 --> 00:15:15,108 to the time capsule, it would probably be Twilight. 439 00:15:15,176 --> 00:15:16,577 I don't care about Twilight. 440 00:15:16,644 --> 00:15:18,278 Why is this only about his favorite book? 441 00:15:18,346 --> 00:15:19,980 I want my favorite book in there. 442 00:15:20,048 --> 00:15:21,815 Okay, I have an idea. 443 00:15:21,883 --> 00:15:24,051 Two time capsules. 444 00:15:24,118 --> 00:15:27,187 One that totally encapsulates what's happening 445 00:15:27,255 --> 00:15:28,956 right now in Pawnee in this moment in time 446 00:15:29,023 --> 00:15:30,424 and the other one that's just for items 447 00:15:30,491 --> 00:15:33,060 of personal significance, like Twilight. 448 00:15:33,127 --> 00:15:34,895 No Twilight! 449 00:15:34,963 --> 00:15:36,563 Yes, Twilight! 450 00:15:38,132 --> 00:15:40,500 - Hey. - Hey. 451 00:15:40,568 --> 00:15:41,902 Thanks for coming. 452 00:15:41,970 --> 00:15:44,371 I only have a second. I have to get to work. 453 00:15:44,439 --> 00:15:46,873 Bella's going on her first hunt. 454 00:15:49,110 --> 00:15:50,611 I just don't get why you broke up with me. 455 00:15:50,678 --> 00:15:52,012 Is it 'cause I'm not cool enough 456 00:15:52,080 --> 00:15:54,247 like the normal kids compared to the vampires? 457 00:15:54,315 --> 00:15:57,250 Is it an Edward-Bella-Jacob type situation 458 00:15:57,318 --> 00:16:00,253 where you like me but there's someone else you like more? 459 00:16:00,321 --> 00:16:04,591 Uh, it's nothing to do with Twilight. 460 00:16:04,659 --> 00:16:07,828 It just didn't work out. Okay? 461 00:16:07,895 --> 00:16:09,329 Well, what difference does it make? 462 00:16:09,397 --> 00:16:11,164 If we stayed together, you probably would have 463 00:16:11,232 --> 00:16:12,165 just dumped me for Ron. 464 00:16:12,233 --> 00:16:14,801 Actually, that's the reason. 465 00:16:14,869 --> 00:16:17,070 I believe you when you say that you're not in love 466 00:16:17,138 --> 00:16:19,373 with Wendy anymore, but you're definitely not cool 467 00:16:19,440 --> 00:16:20,507 with her dating Ron. 468 00:16:20,575 --> 00:16:21,842 You talk about it constantly. 469 00:16:21,909 --> 00:16:23,810 Well, I can't help it, okay? 470 00:16:23,878 --> 00:16:26,279 I mean, he's so manly, and he's my boss. 471 00:16:26,347 --> 00:16:28,882 Imagine if your boss was Angelina Jolie, 472 00:16:28,950 --> 00:16:30,617 and then one day, she just started 473 00:16:30,685 --> 00:16:31,885 dating your ex-boyfriend. 474 00:16:31,953 --> 00:16:33,220 Wouldn't that freak you out a little bit? 475 00:16:33,287 --> 00:16:35,856 Well, not if I had great new boyfriend, dumbass. 476 00:16:35,923 --> 00:16:37,858 Look, Tom, I like you. 477 00:16:37,925 --> 00:16:40,427 You're really cute and you're funny 478 00:16:40,495 --> 00:16:42,963 and you're small enough for me to throw you around. 479 00:16:43,031 --> 00:16:45,298 So if you ever work through this, 480 00:16:45,366 --> 00:16:47,300 then give me a call. 481 00:16:53,341 --> 00:16:55,575 My grandmother lived in Pawnee for 60 years, 482 00:16:55,643 --> 00:16:58,779 and I want to put her ashes in the time capsule. 483 00:16:58,846 --> 00:17:02,649 My cat, Turnip, was the greatest cat ever, 484 00:17:02,717 --> 00:17:05,385 and I'd like to put his ashes in the time capsule. 485 00:17:05,453 --> 00:17:08,488 For the last time, and I won't say this again, 486 00:17:08,556 --> 00:17:11,825 there will be no human or feline ashes 487 00:17:11,893 --> 00:17:13,560 in either one of the time capsules. 488 00:17:13,628 --> 00:17:15,696 Except for Turnip. 489 00:17:15,763 --> 00:17:17,731 Except for Turnip. 490 00:17:17,799 --> 00:17:19,032 No chanting. 491 00:17:19,100 --> 00:17:20,367 Look, we don't know what the world 492 00:17:20,435 --> 00:17:21,968 is going to be like in 50 years. 493 00:17:22,036 --> 00:17:25,906 We could all have been wiped out from disease or the flu. 494 00:17:25,973 --> 00:17:27,874 So what's your suggestion? 495 00:17:27,942 --> 00:17:29,943 I don't know. 496 00:17:30,011 --> 00:17:31,611 I'm just scared. 497 00:17:31,679 --> 00:17:33,046 Hey. 498 00:17:48,296 --> 00:17:49,463 Andy! 499 00:17:49,530 --> 00:17:51,565 I got two microphones, a four-track recorder, 500 00:17:51,632 --> 00:17:54,101 and every bass tab to Dave Matthews ever. 501 00:17:54,168 --> 00:17:55,302 - Vamos! - We're gonna jam 502 00:17:55,369 --> 00:17:56,770 for, like, nine hours. Is that cool? 503 00:17:56,838 --> 00:17:57,838 - Yeah. - All right. 504 00:17:57,905 --> 00:18:00,006 That's ridiculous. 505 00:18:00,074 --> 00:18:01,842 Now, why should the bill of rights 506 00:18:01,909 --> 00:18:04,511 be in the official time capsule 507 00:18:04,579 --> 00:18:06,847 but this painting of my dog 508 00:18:06,914 --> 00:18:09,416 is in time capsule seven? 509 00:18:09,484 --> 00:18:12,452 Well, I think pet paintings/ashes 510 00:18:12,520 --> 00:18:14,321 are in time capsule four. 511 00:18:14,388 --> 00:18:17,124 No, that's baseball cards. 512 00:18:17,191 --> 00:18:18,892 No, baseball cards 513 00:18:18,960 --> 00:18:21,628 are in time capsule nine: Childhood memorabilia. 514 00:18:21,696 --> 00:18:22,863 Honestly, Twilight could go 515 00:18:22,930 --> 00:18:24,464 in almost any of these categories. 516 00:18:24,532 --> 00:18:26,233 Oh, shut up, Kelly! 517 00:18:26,300 --> 00:18:27,701 Make me, Bob! 518 00:18:27,769 --> 00:18:30,203 Okay, let's take a ten-minute break! 519 00:18:30,271 --> 00:18:31,905 Oh, God. 520 00:18:31,973 --> 00:18:34,975 This time capsule's tearing this town apart. 521 00:18:35,042 --> 00:18:36,109 You're leaving soon. 522 00:18:36,177 --> 00:18:37,611 Can I blame it on you in the press? 523 00:18:37,678 --> 00:18:40,313 Sure. 524 00:18:40,381 --> 00:18:42,182 Well, I got to say, I think it's kind of impressive. 525 00:18:42,250 --> 00:18:43,483 I've been to a lot of towns. 526 00:18:43,551 --> 00:18:45,218 Usually people don't care about anything. 527 00:18:45,286 --> 00:18:46,753 I mean, don't get me wrong. 528 00:18:46,821 --> 00:18:48,555 These people are weirdos, 529 00:18:48,623 --> 00:18:52,392 but they're weirdos who care. 530 00:18:54,462 --> 00:18:56,129 Excuse me, everyone. 531 00:18:56,197 --> 00:18:59,232 I realize things have gotten a little out of control, 532 00:18:59,300 --> 00:19:01,234 and that's Ben's fault, and he's sorry. 533 00:19:01,302 --> 00:19:03,069 But I have an idea, and if you like it, 534 00:19:03,137 --> 00:19:06,006 I think we can end this right now. 535 00:19:06,073 --> 00:19:07,808 "Dear Pawnee of the future, 536 00:19:07,875 --> 00:19:09,643 "congratulations. 537 00:19:09,710 --> 00:19:11,545 "You have found a time capsule 538 00:19:11,612 --> 00:19:13,580 "that was buried over 50 years ago. 539 00:19:13,648 --> 00:19:16,483 "We wanted to include a collection of items 540 00:19:16,551 --> 00:19:17,717 "that would best represent 541 00:19:17,785 --> 00:19:20,387 "what life was like in our town at that moment. 542 00:19:20,454 --> 00:19:23,190 "Instead, you'll find only one item... 543 00:19:23,257 --> 00:19:26,893 "a video recording of a public forum we held 544 00:19:26,961 --> 00:19:30,130 "in order to determine just what those items would be. 545 00:19:30,198 --> 00:19:32,299 "This is truly what life was like... 546 00:19:32,366 --> 00:19:35,235 "a lot of people with a lot of opinions 547 00:19:35,303 --> 00:19:37,304 "arguing passionately for what they believed in. 548 00:19:37,371 --> 00:19:40,407 "So enjoy watching it. 549 00:19:40,474 --> 00:19:43,143 "A-assuming you still have electricity. 550 00:19:43,211 --> 00:19:46,213 "And sorry about the weird blank gap in the middle. 551 00:19:46,280 --> 00:19:47,714 "A man named Jerry Gergich 552 00:19:47,782 --> 00:19:50,250 "screwed up the recording somehow. 553 00:19:50,318 --> 00:19:52,452 "He had one job to do. 554 00:19:52,520 --> 00:19:55,956 Sincerely, Pawnee of the past." 555 00:19:56,308 --> 00:20:00,238 Sync by honeybunny www.addic7ed.com 556 00:20:01,837 --> 00:20:03,231 Is Eduardo coming? 557 00:20:03,590 --> 00:20:05,886 No, he went back to Venezuela. 558 00:20:06,140 --> 00:20:07,675 Oh, that sucks. 559 00:20:08,189 --> 00:20:09,597 He was a really good bassist. 560 00:20:09,717 --> 00:20:11,865 - I was actually started to like him. - I know. 561 00:20:12,678 --> 00:20:14,270 That's what made me start to hate him. 562 00:20:18,122 --> 00:20:21,742 The nice and band totally worked. 563 00:20:25,929 --> 00:20:28,295 Have you enjoyed your time with Andy? 564 00:20:28,760 --> 00:20:30,379 Yeah, he's great. 565 00:20:30,499 --> 00:20:32,675 And he told me how great you are... 566 00:20:32,967 --> 00:20:36,545 And he told me that I would be crazy to let you away. 567 00:20:37,376 --> 00:20:38,953 - He did, huh? - He did. 568 00:20:39,249 --> 00:20:42,819 And also, there's a pretzel stand over there that literally serves 569 00:20:42,939 --> 00:20:45,044 the best pretzel I've ever had. Would you like one? 570 00:20:45,164 --> 00:20:46,245 Absolutely. 571 00:20:47,921 --> 00:20:48,942 Hey guys. 572 00:20:50,604 --> 00:20:53,146 Listen, I've never seen this before, so... 573 00:20:53,266 --> 00:20:55,829 I'd really appreciated if no one like talked or texted or anything. 574 00:20:57,167 --> 00:20:57,970 Oh... 575 00:21:02,889 --> 00:21:04,170 Hey. 576 00:21:04,290 --> 00:21:07,522 - Hey, Leslie, thanks for setting this up. - Dude, what did I just say? 577 00:21:07,790 --> 00:21:10,579 - I was the guy who introduced you to... - How about you shut up?