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♪ Whoo-hoo! ♪
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Hey, ladies and gentlemen,
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for the first time ever
in her new part-time job
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in the Public Health Department
at City Hall,
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it's Ann Meredith Perkins!
Yay!
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Oh, Leslie, this is so nice!
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I put a poisonous gas
in one of these balloons,
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so if any of them pops,
you may die.
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No, April, we would all die.
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Gases fill the volume
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of whatever container
they're in.
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School.
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We have activities every hour
on your first day.
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10:00 A.M., Ann's first day
waffle explosion.
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11:00 A.M.,
the start-paperwork jamboree.
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And then 12:00 noon sharp
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is the inaugural
d-Ann-ce party.
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Welcome to City Hall, cupcake!
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How many of you are in here?
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There are seven.
And you have an office mate.
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His name is Stuart,
and he's kind of a grouch.
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I have an office mate?
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Get these [Bleep] balloons
out of here.
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Hi. I'm Ann.
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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- Hey.
- Hey.
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Just to let you know,
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I gave the senior center
project to Donna.
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Sounds good.
The meeting's at 2:00?
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Yes. Conference room "C".
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Okay.
I think at some point,
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you and I should probably
make out with each other.
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Yeah, good call.
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The best part
of any relationship
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is the beginning.
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No problems, no fights.
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Just white wine, cuddling,
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and crazy amounts of
History Channel documentaries.
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Hey, we should take
separate cars
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to the restaurant tonight.
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Chris is deadly serious
about this...
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I know.
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I just don't wanna talk
about it, okay?
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I'll see you tonight.
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Okay.
Oh, by the way,
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I have a meeting
with Marlene Griggs-Knope.
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Is that any relation?
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- No.
- Oh, okay.
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Just a coincidence.
We get it all the time.
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We laugh about it.
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But I've never met her.
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- She's Filipino.
- Mm.
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Okay, bye.
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Why don't you ju t tell Ben
she's your mother?
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Because Ben and I
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are in this amazing
little bubble right now,
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and there's no room in here
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for Chris' stupid rules
about us not dating
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or my ball-busting mother.
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Oh, Leslie, I'm sorry,
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but I don't think
you thought this through.
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You know what I should do?
I should get my mother
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a one-way ticket to London,
leaving today.
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And that way,
Ben never has to meet her
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and I could visit her
in London.
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Everybody wins.
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What if he sees
a picture of her on your desk?
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What if Marlene says,
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"Hey, have you met
my daughter Leslie?
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She works
in the Parks Department."
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Stuart, please, could you
give us like 45 minutes?
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- It's my office too.
- Stuart.
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Boy, that guy was rude.
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I feel that
some structural changes
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could really unlock
this department's potential.
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- Jerry.
- Hmm?
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I believe you are capable
of much more.
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- I'm not.
- Nonsense.
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- Look in the mirror.
- What?
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You are an intelligent,
charismatic,
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beautiful superhero.
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I'm making you
head of Public Relations,
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which means you'll be leading
the daily briefing sessions.
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Excellent idea.
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This is my favorite part
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about having
a new city manager.
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They always try
to shake things up,
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and their ideas are terrible,
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and it brings City Hall
to a grinding halt.
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I just grab a few donuts,
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sit back, and enjoy the show.
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April, you are too valuable
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to just be Ron's assistant.
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So from now on, you are
a multitasking executive aide,
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assisting the entire office.
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Is this a nightmare?
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April, wake up.
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Tom, I just wanna say
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that you are
a wonderful employee
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and a terrific human being.
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Meeting adjourned!
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Tom.
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I enjoy you.
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You know what else I enjoy?
Your entrepreneurial spirit.
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I did recently sell
my Chronicles of Riddick DVD
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on eBay for $10.
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Used the profits
to buy the Blu-Ray.
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That's terrific.
I have an amazing project
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for someone of your talents.
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You are going to digitize
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the entire city archives
up on the fourth floor.
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No! I hate
the fourth floor!
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Last time I was up there,
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I saw someone buy crystal meth
out of a vending machine.
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It's a bad place.
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You won't be alone.
Andy.
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Starting now,
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you are nobody's shoeshine boy.
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Starting now, you are
an administrative assistant.
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For three weeks.
Then back to shoes.
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Chris!
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I wasn't super paying attention
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to what you just said
that we'll be doing,
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but I will give 110%!
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Well, as soon
as you repeat yourself
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in a more interesting way.
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- Hey, Ben.
- Hey, what's up?
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Nothing much. Since I'm here,
I just wanted to let you know
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that Marlene Griggs-Knope
is my mom.
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What? Wh.. why?
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Also, she can be cruel
and difficult,
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and she make snap judgments
about people
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that she holds on to
for a very long time.
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And she's kind of a bully.
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Okay! Go in there
you're gonna be great.
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Oh God. Oh, my God.
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Oh, my God. I'm sorry.
Here... Sorry!
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Hello.
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I'm Mr. Ben Wyatt.
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Looks like you got some shirt
on your coffee.
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Yeah. You know
what happened?
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I spilled it,
but you know how it goes.
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Fun anecdote.
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The County School District
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needs four new school buses.
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I'm being stonewalled
by the board,
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and I'm hoping your office
can help us out.
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Okay.
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Really? That's it?
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Yeah.
Actually, no. It...
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it's probably not possible.
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Then I'm confused, Ben,
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because you
just told me it was.
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Five seconds ago.
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I got a second box of donuts,
if anybody...
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What the [Bleep] is this?
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This, Mr. Director,
is your new desk.
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Okay...
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This desk is the epitome
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of the Swedish concept
of Jamstalldhet,
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or "equality."
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Imagine someone
needs your attention.
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- Somebody say my name.
- Chris.
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Swivel!
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What is it, Jerry?
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You told me to say your name.
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And you did a great job,
superstar.
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Someone else say something.
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You look like a freak.
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Swivel!
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April, that is not
a very good attitude.
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I will keep my eye on you
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from my circular desk
where I can see everything.
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Tiny swivel.
See how it works?
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What about my office
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and its many walls?
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That becomes
a new public waiting room.
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You're gonna be
more accessible than ever.
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The fourth floor...
Small Claims Court,
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divorce filings,
state-ordered drug tests.
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It's somehow
both freezing and humid.
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There's a whole room
on the fourth floor
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where they store the knives
they've confiscated from people
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who went to the fourth floor
to stab someone.
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- You from parks and rec?
- Yeah.
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I'm here to show you around.
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Oh, nice to meet you, ma'am.
What's your name?
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Ethel Beavers.
Follow me.
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Okay, this is you.
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Whoa!
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Double computers?
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I get my own office phone.
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Hello, wall street.
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Buy more stocks. Now.
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This phone
kind of smells like a butt.
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Try not to move things around,
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'cause technically speaking,
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this is still a crime scene.
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Oh, here's your name tags.
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Here.
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Ethel, this shirt
is from theory.
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Name tags make holes.
I'm not wearing this.
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Well, do what you want.
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Bye, Ethel!
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Damn it.
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00:07:26,610 --> 00:07:28,143
Remind me next time
to ask her where she was
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when Lincoln got shot.
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Remind... Tom...
Ask... something.
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You got it, boss.
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Hey! Somebody
made somebody a mix!
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00:07:37,385 --> 00:07:39,320
And I definitely heard
your feedback from last time,
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00:07:39,387 --> 00:07:41,322
so I only put five
Sarah Mclachlan songs
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00:07:41,389 --> 00:07:43,324
- on this one.
- Cool.
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00:07:43,391 --> 00:07:45,159
Should we talk about
how you claimed your mom
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was a Filipino woman
you'd never met?
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Should we?
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00:07:50,032 --> 00:07:52,066
I was just trying
to delay the inevitable.
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If this turns
into something real,
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then we are gonna have
to deal with Chris' rule,
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00:07:57,204 --> 00:08:00,007
and parents,
and annoying flossing habits,
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00:08:00,074 --> 00:08:02,308
and a lot of un-fun stuff.
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00:08:02,376 --> 00:08:03,710
But not yet.
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00:08:03,778 --> 00:08:06,412
I just want to enjoy the bubble
for a little while.
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00:08:07,480 --> 00:08:08,615
I'm sorry.
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00:08:08,682 --> 00:08:09,949
Everything's good?
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00:08:10,017 --> 00:08:11,117
No, it's not.
227
00:08:11,184 --> 00:08:12,618
I was completely flustered.
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00:08:12,686 --> 00:08:14,120
I came off like an idiot.
229
00:08:14,187 --> 00:08:15,788
I mean, at one point,
for no reason,
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00:08:15,856 --> 00:08:18,691
I just took off my shoes
and held them in my hand.
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00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:19,859
I'm gonna go ask her
how it went,
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00:08:19,926 --> 00:08:21,527
and I bet she loved you.
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00:08:22,696 --> 00:08:24,329
I loved him!
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00:08:24,397 --> 00:08:27,331
He's a total pushover.
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00:08:27,399 --> 00:08:29,600
Very odd guy, though.
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00:08:29,669 --> 00:08:33,104
He's like a goofy,
spineless jellyfish.
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Why do you ask, sweetheart?
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No reason.
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00:08:39,141 --> 00:08:41,192
Don't worry about it.
It's totally fine.
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No, it's not fine.
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What if she starts going around
telling people
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I'm a pushover?
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No one's gonna believe that.
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00:08:46,264 --> 00:08:47,364
When I first met you,
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00:08:47,432 --> 00:08:49,233
I thought
you were a fascist hardass.
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00:08:49,300 --> 00:08:51,235
- What?
- A cute fascist hardass,
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00:08:51,302 --> 00:08:53,570
but still,
you give off a very...
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00:08:53,638 --> 00:08:55,439
Education department
249
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now officially requesting
ten school buses.
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00:08:58,443 --> 00:09:00,076
I thought
they only wanted four.
251
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Well, now that I'm a pushover,
why not ask for 10, or 20,
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00:09:03,313 --> 00:09:06,249
or 100 new school buses
and a fleet of school yachts?
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00:09:06,316 --> 00:09:07,517
- How about that?
- Hmm.
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00:09:07,584 --> 00:09:08,518
Here's what we're gonna do.
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00:09:08,585 --> 00:09:10,319
You are gonna tell me
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00:09:10,387 --> 00:09:11,987
everything there is to know
about your mom,
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00:09:12,056 --> 00:09:13,789
and I'm gonna have
another meeting with her,
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00:09:13,857 --> 00:09:15,158
and we're gonna have it out.
259
00:09:15,225 --> 00:09:17,325
Or... we could go
to Belize
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00:09:17,393 --> 00:09:18,460
and go scuba diving.
261
00:09:18,528 --> 00:09:19,861
And we could look
at the whale sharks.
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00:09:19,929 --> 00:09:23,065
You're certified, right?
Let's get you certified.
263
00:09:25,935 --> 00:09:27,369
April, do you have
that usage report
264
00:09:27,437 --> 00:09:28,636
that I asked for?
265
00:09:32,074 --> 00:09:35,176
- Anything for you, Jerry.
- Thank you.
266
00:09:35,243 --> 00:09:37,678
Oh, come on!
Why?
267
00:09:37,745 --> 00:09:39,513
Excuse me.
268
00:09:39,581 --> 00:09:41,348
There's a sign at Ramsett Park
269
00:09:41,416 --> 00:09:43,650
that says "Do not drink
the sprinkler water,"
270
00:09:43,718 --> 00:09:45,086
so I made sun tea with it,
271
00:09:45,153 --> 00:09:47,088
and now I have an infection.
272
00:09:47,155 --> 00:09:48,921
Sir?
273
00:09:48,989 --> 00:09:50,590
Sir, are... are... are...
274
00:09:50,657 --> 00:09:52,092
are you listening to me, sir?
275
00:09:52,159 --> 00:09:54,760
Sir, I'm talking to you!
276
00:09:54,828 --> 00:09:55,928
Sir!
277
00:09:55,996 --> 00:09:58,098
Sir, are you aware
278
00:09:58,165 --> 00:10:00,433
that there is waste
279
00:10:00,501 --> 00:10:02,469
in your water system?
280
00:10:02,536 --> 00:10:05,670
Okay, you need to be strong,
powerful, decisive.
281
00:10:05,738 --> 00:10:07,473
This is not a meeting.
It's a battle.
282
00:10:07,540 --> 00:10:09,441
Normal meeting rules
do not apply.
283
00:10:09,509 --> 00:10:10,775
I'll be my mom,
284
00:10:10,843 --> 00:10:12,444
and I'm gonna be
very harsh with you,
285
00:10:12,512 --> 00:10:14,313
and it's only because
I like you a lot.
286
00:10:14,380 --> 00:10:16,615
- Okay.
- Go!
287
00:10:18,485 --> 00:10:19,851
- Hello.
- Wrong.
288
00:10:19,919 --> 00:10:21,185
- What?
- No preambles.
289
00:10:21,253 --> 00:10:23,521
No introductions.
Just walk in and start talking.
290
00:10:23,589 --> 00:10:26,757
I'd like to discuss
the new school bus.
291
00:10:26,825 --> 00:10:29,627
I'd like to discuss
your rhyming, Dr. Seuss.
292
00:10:29,694 --> 00:10:31,129
And you should be
sitting by now.
293
00:10:31,196 --> 00:10:32,997
- Uh, what?
- Just walk in and take a seat.
294
00:10:33,064 --> 00:10:34,332
Um...
295
00:10:34,399 --> 00:10:36,066
"Um" is the sound
in "dumb."
296
00:10:36,134 --> 00:10:37,634
That's what she says to people.
297
00:10:37,701 --> 00:10:39,402
And now you've crossed your legs
like a woman.
298
00:10:39,470 --> 00:10:40,737
God! Okay,
should we just start over?
299
00:10:40,804 --> 00:10:42,705
No. No, we need to put
a pin in this.
300
00:10:42,773 --> 00:10:44,141
Here is a list
301
00:10:44,208 --> 00:10:46,643
of my mother's top 100
favorite conversation topics,
302
00:10:46,710 --> 00:10:47,844
starting with Persian rugs,
303
00:10:47,911 --> 00:10:48,978
ending with Daniel Craig.
304
00:10:49,046 --> 00:10:51,381
You have ten minutes
to memorize it.
305
00:10:51,449 --> 00:10:53,582
- Deliverance the movie?
- Mm-hmm.
306
00:10:53,650 --> 00:10:54,883
Oh, God.
307
00:10:54,951 --> 00:10:57,586
So Jerry is,
like, basically my boss now...
308
00:10:57,654 --> 00:10:59,388
which I'm never
gonna work for him...
309
00:10:59,456 --> 00:11:01,723
Ron's trapped
in this weird desk prison,
310
00:11:01,791 --> 00:11:04,560
and I now work
at this traveling IV station.
311
00:11:04,628 --> 00:11:06,895
This Mort Jansen's office?
312
00:11:06,963 --> 00:11:08,130
Nope.
313
00:11:16,938 --> 00:11:20,175
Tell Mort
I said "your move."
314
00:11:22,811 --> 00:11:24,878
Oh, my God. I wanna work
up here with you guys.
315
00:11:24,945 --> 00:11:26,046
This is awesome.
316
00:11:26,113 --> 00:11:28,382
How many more of those stupid
documents do you have to scan?
317
00:11:28,449 --> 00:11:29,883
Just this one,
318
00:11:29,950 --> 00:11:32,719
and all the ones
in those boxes.
319
00:11:32,787 --> 00:11:34,655
I gotta get out of here pronto.
320
00:11:34,722 --> 00:11:36,823
Time to get those old ladies
to do my work for me.
321
00:11:36,891 --> 00:11:37,924
How?
322
00:11:37,992 --> 00:11:39,293
By shining down on 'em
323
00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,826
with the Haverford charm ray.
324
00:11:40,894 --> 00:11:42,428
Wah-wah wah-wah wah-wah...
325
00:11:43,496 --> 00:11:44,530
Well, well, well,
326
00:11:44,598 --> 00:11:46,532
if it isn't Ethel Beavers.
327
00:11:46,600 --> 00:11:48,367
What's up, beautiful?
328
00:11:48,435 --> 00:11:50,869
Julianne Moore just called.
She wants her hair back.
329
00:11:52,105 --> 00:11:55,040
Nobody named Julien called.
330
00:11:55,108 --> 00:11:56,508
Never mind.
I just need to ask you
331
00:11:56,576 --> 00:11:57,909
a couple of questions.
332
00:11:57,976 --> 00:12:01,446
One, can you help me out
with this project we're doing?
333
00:12:01,514 --> 00:12:04,449
And, two,
will you please invite me
334
00:12:04,517 --> 00:12:06,585
to your 30th birthday party?
335
00:12:09,121 --> 00:12:10,788
What are you doing?
336
00:12:10,856 --> 00:12:12,289
I'm making a test call
to your phone
337
00:12:12,357 --> 00:12:13,524
to make sure it's working
338
00:12:13,592 --> 00:12:15,859
so you don't miss
any more calls.
339
00:12:15,927 --> 00:12:17,027
You know what?
Don't bother.
340
00:12:17,095 --> 00:12:18,362
Maybe I'll just find
an open window
341
00:12:18,430 --> 00:12:21,365
- and plummet to my death.
- Okay.
342
00:12:23,034 --> 00:12:25,869
This...
isn't gonna work.
343
00:12:25,937 --> 00:12:28,505
Okay, you did not
just swivel away
344
00:12:28,506 --> 00:12:29,272
while I was talking to you.
345
00:12:29,340 --> 00:12:33,109
This spaceship keyboard
is driving me crazy.
346
00:12:33,176 --> 00:12:34,944
I'm down to one word a minute,
347
00:12:35,011 --> 00:12:36,479
and the word is
"perflipitusclub,"
348
00:12:36,547 --> 00:12:39,048
because I can't fly spaceships.
349
00:12:39,116 --> 00:12:41,351
Donna, you know as well as I do
350
00:12:41,418 --> 00:12:43,553
these city manager shakeups
always Peter out.
351
00:12:43,621 --> 00:12:46,255
- You just have to wait.
- Usually I'm with you.
352
00:12:46,322 --> 00:12:48,990
But this is Chris Traeger,
the Six Million dollar Man.
353
00:12:49,058 --> 00:12:50,325
He won't quit.
354
00:12:50,393 --> 00:12:52,494
So you need to swivel your ass
down to his office
355
00:12:52,562 --> 00:12:54,129
and have a word with him.
356
00:12:54,196 --> 00:12:55,464
Mommy.
357
00:12:55,531 --> 00:12:57,132
Oh!
358
00:12:57,199 --> 00:13:00,968
Oh, that is
so thoughtful of you.
359
00:13:01,035 --> 00:13:02,470
Of course!
360
00:13:02,537 --> 00:13:03,837
I just figured, hey,
361
00:13:03,905 --> 00:13:05,973
why not put my mother
in a good mood?
362
00:13:07,208 --> 00:13:08,409
So it's my understanding
363
00:13:08,477 --> 00:13:10,778
that despite what I said
in our meeting,
364
00:13:10,845 --> 00:13:13,113
you have somehow increased
your request
365
00:13:13,181 --> 00:13:14,248
for more school buses.
366
00:13:14,316 --> 00:13:15,583
Excuse me,
367
00:13:15,651 --> 00:13:17,850
but I'm having coffee
with my daughter.
368
00:13:17,918 --> 00:13:19,185
Maybe we could do this
another time.
369
00:13:19,253 --> 00:13:21,220
No, we're gonna talk
about this now.
370
00:13:22,556 --> 00:13:23,856
Or if you'd prefer,
371
00:13:23,924 --> 00:13:25,425
I could put a permanent freeze
on the education budget.
372
00:13:25,493 --> 00:13:27,093
It's your call.
373
00:13:27,161 --> 00:13:28,595
Wow, maybe you
should talk to him, mom.
374
00:13:28,663 --> 00:13:31,464
He seems
pretty self-assured.
375
00:13:32,565 --> 00:13:34,132
There's nothing left.
376
00:13:34,200 --> 00:13:35,467
It's over.
377
00:13:35,535 --> 00:13:37,135
Hey, hey, hey, don't say that.
378
00:13:37,203 --> 00:13:38,804
Now, come on.
379
00:13:38,871 --> 00:13:40,306
Get yourself together
380
00:13:40,373 --> 00:13:41,707
and go out there
and be the woman
381
00:13:41,775 --> 00:13:44,843
you always knew you could be.
382
00:13:44,911 --> 00:13:48,613
Thank you so much.
383
00:13:48,681 --> 00:13:50,114
Who was that?
384
00:13:50,182 --> 00:13:51,282
I don't know.
385
00:13:51,350 --> 00:13:53,818
I saw her crying,
and so I helped.
386
00:13:53,885 --> 00:13:56,120
What did you
wanna talk to me about?
387
00:13:56,188 --> 00:13:58,155
Look, Chris, I'm very flattered
388
00:13:58,223 --> 00:14:00,391
you thought of me
for this amazing opportunity,
389
00:14:00,459 --> 00:14:03,127
but I don't really know
if this gig is in my wheelhouse.
390
00:14:03,195 --> 00:14:05,662
I tend to work best
with young, attractive people.
391
00:14:05,730 --> 00:14:08,332
Tom, I have made you
a project leader.
392
00:14:08,399 --> 00:14:09,566
This is a big deal!
393
00:14:09,634 --> 00:14:11,668
You should keep an open mind.
394
00:14:11,736 --> 00:14:14,170
Let your brain unlock the door
to your heart's future.
395
00:14:14,238 --> 00:14:16,340
I made that expression up
when I was 14.
396
00:14:16,407 --> 00:14:18,342
Still in use today.
By me.
397
00:14:18,409 --> 00:14:20,576
Gotta jam.
398
00:14:20,644 --> 00:14:22,511
You know what?
It's just not possible.
399
00:14:22,579 --> 00:14:24,179
And don't even bother trying
to outflank me either,
400
00:14:24,247 --> 00:14:25,614
because you will fail.
401
00:14:25,682 --> 00:14:27,883
Where did all this confidence
come from all of a sudden?
402
00:14:27,951 --> 00:14:29,852
Hey, guys, come on.
Let's relax.
403
00:14:29,919 --> 00:14:31,721
- You know, Ms. Griggs-Knope...
- Marlene.
404
00:14:31,788 --> 00:14:32,988
There's probably
a compromise here.
405
00:14:33,056 --> 00:14:35,424
"Compromise is usually
a sign of weakness."
406
00:14:35,492 --> 00:14:37,158
Yes, it is,
according to Andrew Carnegie.
407
00:14:37,226 --> 00:14:39,561
But your demands remind me
of a different quote,
408
00:14:39,628 --> 00:14:40,995
from the great Bill Watterson...
409
00:14:41,063 --> 00:14:44,566
"you need a lobotomy.
I'll get a saw."
410
00:14:44,633 --> 00:14:47,235
I love Calvin and Hobbes.
411
00:14:47,302 --> 00:14:49,871
Me too!
412
00:14:49,938 --> 00:14:52,706
I gotta say,
this is some of my best work.
413
00:14:52,774 --> 00:14:54,140
This could not
have gone better.
414
00:14:55,209 --> 00:14:56,477
They are really hitting it off.
415
00:14:56,544 --> 00:14:59,580
Thank God.
Crisis averted.
416
00:15:01,044 --> 00:15:03,660
Well, I am very glad
you came back up here.
417
00:15:04,544 --> 00:15:05,660
Oh...
418
00:15:05,741 --> 00:15:06,741
Yeah, me too.
419
00:15:06,759 --> 00:15:08,360
- Yeah, uh...
- So you have a deal.
420
00:15:08,427 --> 00:15:10,028
Well, let me
mull everything over,
421
00:15:10,096 --> 00:15:13,932
and then we can reconnect
and hash things out.
422
00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:15,934
It might get rough,
but that can be fun.
423
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:18,603
- Ben can handle it.
- Yup, I can.
424
00:15:18,671 --> 00:15:19,871
Okay, great.
425
00:15:19,905 --> 00:15:23,007
- It was a pleasure.
- Oh, mm-hmm.
426
00:15:24,676 --> 00:15:26,110
What's so great
is she was impressed by you too.
427
00:15:26,178 --> 00:15:27,945
I mean, you could tell instantly
that the way you guys
428
00:15:28,013 --> 00:15:29,113
were connecting
was really amazing.
429
00:15:29,181 --> 00:15:30,614
Now, what I'm thinking
is that maybe
430
00:15:30,682 --> 00:15:31,749
we should go over
to her house...
431
00:15:31,816 --> 00:15:34,051
you two are
just the cutest things
432
00:15:34,119 --> 00:15:35,118
on four legs!
433
00:15:35,186 --> 00:15:37,254
- Aw.
- But why so much black?
434
00:15:37,321 --> 00:15:39,055
It's like you're going
to a funeral.
435
00:15:39,123 --> 00:15:42,025
- She's got a point, babe.
- So marry her then.
436
00:15:42,093 --> 00:15:43,760
I wish!
437
00:15:43,827 --> 00:15:45,962
Hey, sorry to interrupt
the love fest,
438
00:15:46,030 --> 00:15:47,764
but can you hand me that
folder there, please, Ethel?
439
00:15:47,831 --> 00:15:50,200
Oh, great.
440
00:15:50,268 --> 00:15:52,034
Why you gotta be
like that, Ethel?
441
00:15:52,102 --> 00:15:54,203
Looks like someone got up
on the wrong side of the crib.
442
00:15:55,838 --> 00:15:57,072
Stop laughing, Muriel.
443
00:15:58,308 --> 00:15:59,741
Stop it!
444
00:15:59,809 --> 00:16:01,777
I gotta say, I'm a genius.
445
00:16:01,844 --> 00:16:03,612
The only thing my mom loves
more than music boxes
446
00:16:03,679 --> 00:16:05,214
is McSteamy
from Grey's Anatomy.
447
00:16:05,282 --> 00:16:06,715
So I made her...
448
00:16:06,783 --> 00:16:08,749
A McSteamy-style music box,
449
00:16:08,817 --> 00:16:10,018
and I thought maybe
you could give it to her.
450
00:16:10,085 --> 00:16:11,252
She would love you for it.
451
00:16:11,320 --> 00:16:13,721
I think maybe
that's not such a good idea.
452
00:16:13,789 --> 00:16:15,089
Why?
453
00:16:15,157 --> 00:16:16,958
I mean, it's not
the best picture of him, but...
454
00:16:17,026 --> 00:16:20,728
Your mom kind of...
455
00:16:20,796 --> 00:16:22,630
Um...
456
00:16:22,697 --> 00:16:24,831
Made a pass at me.
457
00:16:27,101 --> 00:16:29,336
So Webster's dictionary
458
00:16:29,404 --> 00:16:31,538
describes a pork as a...
459
00:16:31,605 --> 00:16:34,007
no, it's park... park.
460
00:16:34,075 --> 00:16:36,776
I'm sorry.
Geez, okay. So...
461
00:16:36,844 --> 00:16:38,845
You know what,
can we start over?
462
00:16:38,913 --> 00:16:41,180
Let's... let's go from
the first thing I said... pork...
463
00:16:41,248 --> 00:16:42,781
which, by the way,
464
00:16:42,849 --> 00:16:45,451
they have a great pork sandwich
in the cafeteria today.
465
00:16:45,518 --> 00:16:47,619
- Ron Swanson.
- Chris.
466
00:16:47,687 --> 00:16:50,122
You have come up with a plan
467
00:16:50,190 --> 00:16:52,191
so spectacularly horrible
468
00:16:52,259 --> 00:16:54,327
that it might ruin
the entire department.
469
00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:55,660
- Now, wait a minute.
- No, I mean that
470
00:16:55,727 --> 00:16:56,727
as a compliment.
471
00:16:56,795 --> 00:16:59,097
SO it pains me to say this...
472
00:16:59,165 --> 00:17:01,499
My department has to go back
to the way it was.
473
00:17:01,567 --> 00:17:03,168
Give 'em time.
They'll adjust.
474
00:17:03,235 --> 00:17:05,636
No, they won't.
They're miserable.
475
00:17:05,704 --> 00:17:09,040
Tom only performs
when there's someone to impress,
476
00:17:09,108 --> 00:17:10,808
so marooning him
on freak island
477
00:17:10,876 --> 00:17:12,209
isn't helping anyone.
478
00:17:12,277 --> 00:17:14,979
And you made April
assistant to everyone?
479
00:17:15,046 --> 00:17:17,147
You know who April hates?
480
00:17:17,215 --> 00:17:19,116
Everyone.
481
00:17:19,184 --> 00:17:21,718
And Jerry can only function
if no one's looking.
482
00:17:21,786 --> 00:17:22,987
You shine a light on him,
483
00:17:23,054 --> 00:17:25,755
and he shrinks up faster
than an eskimo's scrotum.
484
00:17:25,823 --> 00:17:27,457
Well, that's
very perceptive, Ron.
485
00:17:27,524 --> 00:17:29,327
And... very graphic.
486
00:17:29,695 --> 00:17:31,063
I understand your point,
487
00:17:31,095 --> 00:17:33,363
but there's no way that
I get just rolled-over on this.
488
00:17:35,765 --> 00:17:37,433
Okay.
489
00:17:37,501 --> 00:17:39,402
You won't ever hear me
say this again,
490
00:17:39,470 --> 00:17:41,737
so savor this moment.
491
00:17:43,306 --> 00:17:45,707
I may have a compromise.
492
00:17:45,774 --> 00:17:47,942
Look, she was just
flirting a little.
493
00:17:48,011 --> 00:17:50,412
I'm sure she's not
really interested in me.
494
00:17:50,480 --> 00:17:52,414
Oh, my God. I can't even
have this conversation.
495
00:17:52,482 --> 00:17:54,449
The whole thing
is screwed up now.
496
00:17:54,517 --> 00:17:56,485
There's so many ways
to destroy a bubble,
497
00:17:56,552 --> 00:17:59,586
but my mom flirting with you
is number one on the list.
498
00:17:59,654 --> 00:18:01,788
And I'm sorry,
I have to say this...
499
00:18:01,856 --> 00:18:03,757
Were you asking for it
in any way?
500
00:18:03,825 --> 00:18:05,126
No!
501
00:18:05,193 --> 00:18:06,593
- How were you dressed?
- Oh, my God.
502
00:18:06,661 --> 00:18:08,529
- I was wearing this.
- Here's what we do.
503
00:18:08,596 --> 00:18:10,131
You issue
a government-wide memo
504
00:18:10,198 --> 00:18:12,233
about sexual harassment,
and then you go to Mexico.
505
00:18:12,300 --> 00:18:15,068
Just for a couple of weeks.
506
00:18:15,136 --> 00:18:16,736
Where are you going?
Ben!
507
00:18:16,803 --> 00:18:18,971
Ben! Wait.
Just k...
508
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:20,873
Hey.
Hi, mom.
509
00:18:20,941 --> 00:18:23,309
- Hi again.
- Leslie and I are dating.
510
00:18:23,877 --> 00:18:25,045
We haven't told anyone
511
00:18:25,112 --> 00:18:27,480
because there's a rule
against office relationships,
512
00:18:27,548 --> 00:18:29,115
but it's happening.
513
00:18:29,183 --> 00:18:31,450
I'm sorry we didn't tell you
before you touched my knee,
514
00:18:31,518 --> 00:18:33,118
and I trust
you won't tell anyone now,
515
00:18:33,186 --> 00:18:35,254
since it could get
your daughter fired.
516
00:18:42,462 --> 00:18:44,663
That is hilarious.
517
00:18:44,730 --> 00:18:47,298
That's what we thought too.
518
00:18:47,366 --> 00:18:49,800
Well...
519
00:18:49,868 --> 00:18:52,470
Four buses.
520
00:18:52,538 --> 00:18:55,273
- Two.
- Deal.
521
00:18:59,878 --> 00:19:00,978
I like this one.
522
00:19:01,546 --> 00:19:03,180
Me too.
523
00:19:03,247 --> 00:19:05,348
You keep your hands off him.
524
00:19:05,416 --> 00:19:09,018
Margaret's pecan squares.
525
00:19:09,087 --> 00:19:11,455
They are like crack.
I brought you one.
526
00:19:11,522 --> 00:19:12,956
How are you so happy
working here?
527
00:19:13,023 --> 00:19:14,324
I don't know, man.
It's not that bad.
528
00:19:14,392 --> 00:19:15,792
A year ago I lived in a pit.
529
00:19:15,859 --> 00:19:18,528
Now I got a job,
and a kickass wife,
530
00:19:18,596 --> 00:19:21,230
and my band is so good,
531
00:19:21,298 --> 00:19:23,932
and are you gonna eat
that pecan square?
532
00:19:27,504 --> 00:19:31,673
When life gives you lemons,
make lemonade.
533
00:19:31,741 --> 00:19:34,510
I read that once
on a can of lemonade.
534
00:19:34,578 --> 00:19:37,945
I like to think
that it applies to life.
535
00:19:39,948 --> 00:19:41,382
Here you go.
536
00:19:41,450 --> 00:19:43,618
Thank you.
537
00:19:48,390 --> 00:19:50,625
Kind of figured you'd
be back in your office by now.
538
00:19:50,692 --> 00:19:53,227
Well, you know
how new city managers are.
539
00:19:53,294 --> 00:19:55,862
Seems like everyone else
is back to normal.
540
00:19:57,298 --> 00:19:58,632
How long
do you have to do this?
541
00:19:58,699 --> 00:20:00,900
A week.
542
00:20:00,968 --> 00:20:03,570
Citizen request.
Swivel, swivel, swivel.
543
00:20:03,638 --> 00:20:06,406
Hello. I can help you
in here, sir.
544
00:20:06,474 --> 00:20:10,074
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com