1 00:00:01,176 --> 00:00:02,208 Why? Why? 2 00:00:02,276 --> 00:00:03,243 You gotta stop screaming. 3 00:00:03,310 --> 00:00:04,444 I will I just get excited. 4 00:00:04,512 --> 00:00:06,747 Why do we call it entertainment 7/Tewnty? 5 00:00:06,814 --> 00:00:09,149 'Cause you're willing to go around the world twice 6 00:00:09,216 --> 00:00:10,383 for your clients. 7 00:00:10,451 --> 00:00:11,618 That is unbelievable! But listen to me. 8 00:00:11,686 --> 00:00:12,619 Listen to me. 9 00:00:12,687 --> 00:00:15,622 I'm gonna need you on my team to pull this off, all right? 10 00:00:15,690 --> 00:00:16,890 I can't do this without you. 11 00:00:16,958 --> 00:00:18,323 I don't know, man. I-I can't. 12 00:00:18,391 --> 00:00:20,292 I'd have to quit my job. 13 00:00:20,360 --> 00:00:21,894 Okay I'll do it without you. 14 00:00:21,962 --> 00:00:31,897 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 15 00:00:42,014 --> 00:00:44,315 I have some very important news 16 00:00:44,383 --> 00:00:46,250 about our favorite mini-horse, Li'l Sebastian. 17 00:00:46,318 --> 00:00:48,286 - Yea! - Li'l Sebastian! 18 00:00:49,353 --> 00:00:50,721 He died last night. 19 00:00:50,789 --> 00:00:51,889 No. 20 00:00:51,956 --> 00:00:54,158 But we can take comfort in the fact 21 00:00:54,225 --> 00:00:55,425 that he is in heaven now, 22 00:00:55,493 --> 00:00:57,861 doing the two things he loves doing the most. 23 00:00:57,929 --> 00:01:00,230 Eating carrots and urinating freely. 24 00:01:00,298 --> 00:01:02,299 When I walked in this morning 25 00:01:02,366 --> 00:01:03,801 and saw the flag was at half-mast, 26 00:01:03,868 --> 00:01:06,402 I thought, "All right." 27 00:01:06,469 --> 00:01:09,638 "Another bureaucrat ate it." 28 00:01:09,707 --> 00:01:12,075 But then I found out it was Li'l Sebastian. 29 00:01:12,142 --> 00:01:14,043 Half-mast is too high. 30 00:01:14,611 --> 00:01:16,846 Show some damned respect. 31 00:01:16,914 --> 00:01:18,681 Because of all he's done for the town, 32 00:01:18,749 --> 00:01:19,682 we are gonna be holding 33 00:01:19,750 --> 00:01:21,383 a small memorial service for him. 34 00:01:21,451 --> 00:01:22,718 But for now, 35 00:01:22,752 --> 00:01:26,121 I think we should bow our heads in a moment of silence. 36 00:01:29,158 --> 00:01:31,292 ♪ have a good time ♪ 37 00:01:31,360 --> 00:01:35,163 ♪ the best thing about being a woman ♪ 38 00:01:35,231 --> 00:01:39,499 ♪ is the prerogative to have a little fun, yeah ♪ 39 00:01:39,567 --> 00:01:41,635 ♪ oh-oh oh, oh ♪ 40 00:01:41,703 --> 00:01:43,104 ♪ we're totally crazy ♪ 41 00:01:43,171 --> 00:01:44,271 ♪ give him a lady ♪ ♪. 42 00:01:44,339 --> 00:01:47,307 I got it, thank you. 43 00:01:48,375 --> 00:01:50,544 Well, the good news is this is just tendonitis. 44 00:01:50,612 --> 00:01:52,279 How is that good news? 45 00:01:52,347 --> 00:01:53,947 The other option was shoulder cancer. 46 00:01:54,014 --> 00:01:55,949 - Really? - No. 47 00:01:56,016 --> 00:01:57,050 Look, you exercise a lot. 48 00:01:57,118 --> 00:01:58,218 You're in great shape. 49 00:01:58,285 --> 00:01:59,819 Little things like this happen 50 00:01:59,887 --> 00:02:00,820 with men of your age. 51 00:02:00,888 --> 00:02:02,122 Men of my age? 52 00:02:02,189 --> 00:02:03,322 How old do you think I am? 53 00:02:03,390 --> 00:02:05,125 - 42. - Ha. 54 00:02:05,192 --> 00:02:08,294 I am 44, and I plan to live to be 150. 55 00:02:08,362 --> 00:02:09,528 Okay. 56 00:02:09,596 --> 00:02:11,396 So. What's the cure? 57 00:02:11,464 --> 00:02:13,465 Get a time machine. Go back to being 20. 58 00:02:14,532 --> 00:02:16,869 Dr. Harris, you are literally 59 00:02:16,936 --> 00:02:18,837 the meanest person I have ever met. 60 00:02:18,905 --> 00:02:20,505 So maintenance is gonna set up the stage. 61 00:02:20,573 --> 00:02:23,242 Ron will be laying the ceremonial wreath. 62 00:02:23,309 --> 00:02:25,843 Uh, Leslie, there's a 13th century Italian poem 63 00:02:25,911 --> 00:02:27,211 by Dante Alighieri 64 00:02:27,279 --> 00:02:29,147 that would be very appropriate. 65 00:02:29,214 --> 00:02:30,481 Oh, Jerry, that sounds wonderful. 66 00:02:30,548 --> 00:02:33,684 Okay, Andy, I need you to write a memorial song. 67 00:02:33,752 --> 00:02:35,386 Something like "Candle in the wind," 68 00:02:35,453 --> 00:02:36,888 but 5,000 times better. 69 00:02:36,955 --> 00:02:38,256 Easy. 70 00:02:38,323 --> 00:02:39,824 Hey, if you want a song from Andy Dwyer, 71 00:02:39,892 --> 00:02:41,425 lead singer of Mouse Rat, you should know 72 00:02:41,493 --> 00:02:43,393 he doesn't get out of bed for less than $1,000. 73 00:02:43,460 --> 00:02:44,560 We can give him 50 bucks. 74 00:02:44,628 --> 00:02:46,396 Sold. Pow. 75 00:02:46,463 --> 00:02:48,165 Okay, here is a memo with some facts 76 00:02:48,232 --> 00:02:49,565 about Li'l Sebastian. 77 00:02:49,633 --> 00:02:54,304 I think you'll find yours particularly interesting. 78 00:02:54,371 --> 00:02:56,539 It's just a list of facts. 79 00:02:56,607 --> 00:02:57,940 What? 80 00:02:58,008 --> 00:02:59,508 Okay, mine says, "you have a cute butt." 81 00:03:00,075 --> 00:03:00,843 Hm? 82 00:03:00,911 --> 00:03:03,112 That's weird. Must be a typo. 83 00:03:03,180 --> 00:03:04,313 Yeah, Jerry, it's probably a typo, 84 00:03:04,380 --> 00:03:05,480 because it probably should've said, 85 00:03:05,548 --> 00:03:06,748 "you have a cube butt." 86 00:03:06,817 --> 00:03:08,317 'Cause your butt's shaped like a cube. 87 00:03:08,384 --> 00:03:09,584 Yeah. 88 00:03:09,652 --> 00:03:11,253 The question is, why is my memo different 89 00:03:11,321 --> 00:03:13,888 than everyone else's? 90 00:03:14,956 --> 00:03:16,991 Cube butt, cube butt. 91 00:03:17,059 --> 00:03:18,293 Cube butt, cube butt. 92 00:03:18,360 --> 00:03:20,228 Cube butt, cube butt, cube butt. 93 00:03:21,296 --> 00:03:23,131 Okay, all the permits cleared for the... 94 00:03:23,699 --> 00:03:24,565 Horse funeral. 95 00:03:25,633 --> 00:03:26,567 What was that tone? 96 00:03:26,568 --> 00:03:28,636 What? Oh, nothing. 97 00:03:28,704 --> 00:03:30,237 Question! Who's a genius? 98 00:03:30,305 --> 00:03:31,404 Tom Haverford. 99 00:03:31,472 --> 00:03:33,841 Jean-Ralphio just started 100 00:03:33,908 --> 00:03:35,943 an exclusive, high-end production company, 101 00:03:36,010 --> 00:03:37,444 and he's willing to put on 102 00:03:37,511 --> 00:03:38,745 Li'l Sebastian's memorial service 103 00:03:38,813 --> 00:03:41,548 Pro Bono, just for the pub. 104 00:03:41,615 --> 00:03:45,118 Pub is an abbreviation for publicity. 105 00:03:45,186 --> 00:03:47,720 Jean-Ralphio is a clown. 106 00:03:47,787 --> 00:03:50,089 This is the memorial for Li'l Sebastian, 107 00:03:50,157 --> 00:03:52,291 not double-coupon night at a strip club. 108 00:03:52,359 --> 00:03:53,692 First off, double-coupon night 109 00:03:53,760 --> 00:03:54,894 is an incredible value. 110 00:03:54,962 --> 00:03:57,363 Secondly, this guy just started a business. 111 00:03:57,430 --> 00:03:59,232 He's my friend. It would really help him out. 112 00:03:59,299 --> 00:04:00,799 Plus, I'm gonna oversee everything 113 00:04:00,868 --> 00:04:02,334 and make sure everything goes great. 114 00:04:02,401 --> 00:04:04,936 Okay, Tom, we trust you. 115 00:04:05,004 --> 00:04:06,104 Make us proud. 116 00:04:06,172 --> 00:04:08,573 Make him proud. 117 00:04:08,640 --> 00:04:10,608 Why don't you just Photoshop that out? 118 00:04:12,211 --> 00:04:13,644 Oh, hi, Ann Perkins. 119 00:04:13,712 --> 00:04:15,113 Hi. How are you? 120 00:04:15,681 --> 00:04:16,681 I'm dying. 121 00:04:16,749 --> 00:04:18,148 What? 122 00:04:18,216 --> 00:04:20,016 - Tendonitis. - Oh. 123 00:04:20,084 --> 00:04:22,919 I don't know if you should lead with "I'm dying." 124 00:04:22,987 --> 00:04:24,354 You're right, you're right. 125 00:04:24,422 --> 00:04:25,522 So. 126 00:04:25,590 --> 00:04:26,623 What's up with you? 127 00:04:26,691 --> 00:04:28,558 I'm just helping Leslie plan 128 00:04:28,626 --> 00:04:31,528 Li'l Sebastian's memorial service. 129 00:04:31,596 --> 00:04:33,463 Li'l Sebastian died? 130 00:04:33,531 --> 00:04:34,498 He was old, 131 00:04:34,565 --> 00:04:36,299 and he had a lot of ailments. 132 00:04:36,367 --> 00:04:38,467 - Like tendonitis? - I don't know. 133 00:04:38,535 --> 00:04:39,969 I don't have his chart in front of me. 134 00:04:40,037 --> 00:04:40,970 Could you get it? 135 00:04:41,038 --> 00:04:42,171 W-what? 136 00:04:42,239 --> 00:04:43,973 N... there's no chart. 137 00:04:44,041 --> 00:04:45,341 Oh, my God. 138 00:04:45,409 --> 00:04:47,710 Death is inescapable. 139 00:04:47,778 --> 00:04:49,645 Goodbye, Ann Perkins. 140 00:04:51,080 --> 00:04:52,647 Man, whenever I run into that guy, 141 00:04:52,715 --> 00:04:53,748 he always just throws me off. 142 00:04:53,816 --> 00:04:54,783 Don't even talk about Chris. 143 00:04:54,850 --> 00:04:56,051 Every time I hear his name, 144 00:04:56,119 --> 00:04:57,886 I think about the fact that he's gonna find out 145 00:04:57,954 --> 00:05:00,355 about me and Ben, and he's gonna fire both of us. 146 00:05:00,423 --> 00:05:02,958 And about how much he hurt you. 147 00:05:03,026 --> 00:05:04,359 - Yeah, there you go. - Yeah. 148 00:05:04,427 --> 00:05:06,395 Okay, I'm gonna see Ben in in our secret meeting place 149 00:05:06,462 --> 00:05:07,861 in a few minutes. How do I look? 150 00:05:07,930 --> 00:05:08,830 What are you going for? 151 00:05:08,831 --> 00:05:10,940 Sophisticated with a hint of slutty. 152 00:05:11,016 --> 00:05:12,100 Bulls-eye. 153 00:05:12,818 --> 00:05:14,085 So nice to see you so happy about a guy. 154 00:05:14,403 --> 00:05:15,670 Thanks. I don't know. 155 00:05:15,738 --> 00:05:17,004 When I look at my life right now, 156 00:05:17,072 --> 00:05:19,206 it feels almost perfect. 157 00:05:19,274 --> 00:05:21,342 I mean, we have to sneak around, 158 00:05:21,410 --> 00:05:26,246 but weirdly, it's kind of fun that nobody knows. 159 00:05:26,314 --> 00:05:28,181 Hello, Leslie. 160 00:05:28,249 --> 00:05:30,216 How long have you been sleeping with Ben? 161 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:34,548 What?! 162 00:05:34,946 --> 00:05:36,913 How long have you been sleeping with Ben? 163 00:05:37,180 --> 00:05:39,248 That's disgusting and wrong. 164 00:05:39,316 --> 00:05:40,617 I don't even get... why would... I... 165 00:05:40,684 --> 00:05:43,285 I've never had sex with anyone anywhere. 166 00:05:43,353 --> 00:05:44,787 It's none of your... 167 00:05:44,855 --> 00:05:46,655 you have h... the nerve... 168 00:05:46,723 --> 00:05:47,923 the audacity. 169 00:05:47,991 --> 00:05:50,125 Ben is my boss, technically. 170 00:05:50,192 --> 00:05:52,594 And he is terrible, facewise. 171 00:05:52,662 --> 00:05:54,496 And how... how... 172 00:05:54,564 --> 00:05:55,564 Do I know, frankly, 173 00:05:55,632 --> 00:05:56,999 that you're not sleeping with him? 174 00:05:57,066 --> 00:05:58,266 Maybe you are. 175 00:05:58,334 --> 00:05:59,735 Maybe you're trying to throw me off. 176 00:05:59,802 --> 00:06:02,837 Hm, check and mate. 177 00:06:02,905 --> 00:06:04,304 This is an outrage! 178 00:06:04,372 --> 00:06:05,472 Who do I call? 179 00:06:05,541 --> 00:06:07,274 - Hey, hey. - Hey, hey. 180 00:06:07,342 --> 00:06:08,643 - Hey. - Hey, Ron. 181 00:06:08,710 --> 00:06:10,444 Listen, you're just who I was looking for. 182 00:06:10,512 --> 00:06:13,614 Are you... did you forget the, um... 183 00:06:13,682 --> 00:06:15,115 did you... can I... can I get that thing? 184 00:06:15,183 --> 00:06:16,951 Can we just, uh... 185 00:06:17,019 --> 00:06:18,318 did you bring it? 186 00:06:18,386 --> 00:06:19,719 - Hmmm. - This isn't convincing. 187 00:06:22,156 --> 00:06:23,156 How did you find out? 188 00:06:23,223 --> 00:06:25,158 We've worked together for a while now. 189 00:06:25,225 --> 00:06:27,027 I'd like to think I know you pretty well. 190 00:06:27,094 --> 00:06:30,196 Plus, Ben butt-dialed me last night. 191 00:06:30,264 --> 00:06:31,932 Okay, okay, and this 192 00:06:31,999 --> 00:06:35,500 is how Eleanor Roosevelt would kiss. 193 00:06:35,569 --> 00:06:36,602 Huh, whoa. 194 00:06:36,670 --> 00:06:38,604 Eleanor likes the tongue. 195 00:06:38,672 --> 00:06:41,106 Hey, show me Pelosi again. 196 00:06:41,174 --> 00:06:43,442 Okay, lay down. 197 00:06:43,509 --> 00:06:44,443 Please tell me you hung up 198 00:06:44,510 --> 00:06:46,178 before Ruth Bader Ginsburg. 199 00:06:46,245 --> 00:06:47,613 Unfortunately not. 200 00:06:47,681 --> 00:06:48,781 Ugh. 201 00:06:48,848 --> 00:06:50,715 This is a scandal waiting to happen. 202 00:06:50,783 --> 00:06:54,418 If you get caught, which you clearly will, 203 00:06:54,486 --> 00:06:56,588 Chris'll fire you. 204 00:06:56,655 --> 00:06:57,822 And I won't be able to stop him. 205 00:06:57,890 --> 00:07:00,558 Ron, we're being very careful. 206 00:07:00,626 --> 00:07:02,293 Oh, no, President Reagan, 207 00:07:02,360 --> 00:07:04,028 my blazer popped open. 208 00:07:04,096 --> 00:07:06,163 Well, Maggie Thatcher, 209 00:07:06,231 --> 00:07:07,530 let me help you with that. 210 00:07:07,599 --> 00:07:09,499 Our countries have had a very special relationship. 211 00:07:09,567 --> 00:07:12,335 - Okay, yes. - Oh, no! 212 00:07:12,403 --> 00:07:13,470 You've proven your point. 213 00:07:13,537 --> 00:07:14,738 Come on, help me. 214 00:07:14,806 --> 00:07:15,806 There's a lot riding on this. 215 00:07:15,873 --> 00:07:16,840 This is what Li'l Sebastian's 216 00:07:16,908 --> 00:07:18,408 gonna listen to in horsey heaven. 217 00:07:18,476 --> 00:07:20,077 Okay, let me hear your favorite one so far. 218 00:07:20,144 --> 00:07:23,312 ♪ You're a champion ♪ 219 00:07:23,379 --> 00:07:25,180 ♪ little horse ♪ 220 00:07:25,248 --> 00:07:27,683 ♪ and you're dead ♪ 221 00:07:27,751 --> 00:07:29,852 ♪ you're the champion ♪ 222 00:07:29,920 --> 00:07:31,153 ♪ of death ♪ 223 00:07:31,221 --> 00:07:35,057 ♪ you're the champion of death ♪ ♪ 224 00:07:35,125 --> 00:07:37,059 maybe try to do one 225 00:07:37,127 --> 00:07:39,027 without the word "dead" so much. 226 00:07:39,095 --> 00:07:40,695 Or "death" or "you're dead". 227 00:07:40,763 --> 00:07:42,063 See? You're helping me already. 228 00:07:42,131 --> 00:07:44,232 So the only people that know 229 00:07:44,299 --> 00:07:45,867 are my mom, Ann, and Ron. 230 00:07:45,935 --> 00:07:46,935 And they're not gonna say anything. 231 00:07:47,003 --> 00:07:48,003 Right. 232 00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:49,504 Just no more fooling around at work. 233 00:07:49,571 --> 00:07:50,639 Ugh. 234 00:07:50,706 --> 00:07:52,007 Okay, yeah. We can't. 235 00:07:52,074 --> 00:07:53,008 Well, I mean, you know, 236 00:07:53,075 --> 00:07:54,609 a situation could arise 237 00:07:54,676 --> 00:07:56,910 where you do something good, 238 00:07:56,978 --> 00:07:58,578 and I congratulate you. 239 00:07:58,647 --> 00:07:59,880 You know, kind of like this. 240 00:07:59,948 --> 00:08:02,315 - Yes. - Like, "Oh, congratulations." 241 00:08:02,383 --> 00:08:04,018 - That feels appropriate. - Yeah. 242 00:08:04,085 --> 00:08:05,753 Yeah, I mean, I think we can get away with that 243 00:08:05,820 --> 00:08:07,955 as long as we don't do stuff like this. 244 00:08:09,190 --> 00:08:10,757 Hey, *****. 245 00:08:10,824 --> 00:08:14,293 What do I do with this? 246 00:08:14,361 --> 00:08:15,394 You can just leave it there. 247 00:08:15,462 --> 00:08:18,197 Okay. 248 00:08:18,265 --> 00:08:21,868 So my mom, Ron, Ann, and that guy. 249 00:08:23,637 --> 00:08:24,737 K-d-d-d-d-bang. 250 00:08:24,805 --> 00:08:26,072 For the memorial ribbons? 251 00:08:26,140 --> 00:08:28,907 No doubt. Which one floats your penis? 252 00:08:28,975 --> 00:08:29,908 They're all black. 253 00:08:32,311 --> 00:08:33,578 Maybe to the layman, Jerry. 254 00:08:33,646 --> 00:08:35,914 Obsidian, onyx, midnight, 255 00:08:35,982 --> 00:08:37,816 lost soul, rolling blackout, 256 00:08:37,884 --> 00:08:39,918 sleeping panther, and void by Armani. 257 00:08:39,986 --> 00:08:41,887 Hey, Jerry, does this look black to you, too? 258 00:08:45,490 --> 00:08:47,224 - Hi, friend. - Hey. 259 00:08:47,292 --> 00:08:48,559 - Hey. - Hey. 260 00:08:48,626 --> 00:08:51,328 What you saw was not what you think it is. 261 00:08:51,396 --> 00:08:53,330 I was just congratulating her 262 00:08:53,398 --> 00:08:54,932 because she got some... some good news. 263 00:08:55,000 --> 00:08:56,266 - Oh, right. - Yeah. 264 00:08:56,334 --> 00:08:58,102 We were... we were both kind of up for this thing, 265 00:08:58,170 --> 00:08:59,235 this, uh, really... 266 00:08:59,303 --> 00:09:02,105 I won the MacArthur Genius grant. 267 00:09:02,173 --> 00:09:03,372 - Yeah. - Yeah. 268 00:09:03,440 --> 00:09:04,808 Yeah, so that's what the hug was all about. 269 00:09:04,875 --> 00:09:07,610 Sure. Congratulations. 270 00:09:07,678 --> 00:09:08,912 - Thank you. - Hey, you know what? 271 00:09:08,979 --> 00:09:10,246 We'll cover your duties here. 272 00:09:10,314 --> 00:09:12,248 You should just take the rest of the day off. 273 00:09:12,316 --> 00:09:14,017 Okay. Well, thanks. 274 00:09:14,085 --> 00:09:16,018 Thank you. 275 00:09:16,086 --> 00:09:17,652 And thank you for your discretion. 276 00:09:17,721 --> 00:09:19,188 You got it. 277 00:09:19,255 --> 00:09:20,455 It's great to see you, George. 278 00:09:20,523 --> 00:09:22,457 - Yep. - Yes. 279 00:09:26,329 --> 00:09:28,097 Welcome, everyone. 280 00:09:28,164 --> 00:09:30,632 Sebastian may have been Li'l, 281 00:09:30,700 --> 00:09:32,666 but his impact on this town 282 00:09:32,735 --> 00:09:33,935 and the Parks Department 283 00:09:34,002 --> 00:09:35,803 was anything but Li'l. 284 00:09:35,871 --> 00:09:39,207 I would like to introduce two of his closest friends. 285 00:09:39,274 --> 00:09:40,975 Cue music and lights, annnnnd.... 286 00:09:41,043 --> 00:09:43,310 Go Ladybug, go Coconut. 287 00:09:45,748 --> 00:09:48,448 ♪ ♪ 288 00:09:48,515 --> 00:09:49,950 Coconut and Ladybug both in position. 289 00:09:50,017 --> 00:09:52,986 Not only was coconut a friend, 290 00:09:53,054 --> 00:09:54,054 but she was also a lover. 291 00:09:54,122 --> 00:09:57,224 Our deepest sympathy is with you. 292 00:09:57,291 --> 00:09:58,859 Coconut just took a dump on the stage. 293 00:09:58,926 --> 00:10:00,493 We gotta clean that up. Code red. 294 00:10:00,561 --> 00:10:01,962 Coconut just took a dump onstage. 295 00:10:03,263 --> 00:10:04,663 Hey, Leslie. 296 00:10:04,731 --> 00:10:05,965 The maintenance guy bailed on us. 297 00:10:06,032 --> 00:10:07,066 No one knows where he is. 298 00:10:07,134 --> 00:10:08,134 He had the fuel for the eternal flame. 299 00:10:08,201 --> 00:10:09,769 No way. That guy left? 300 00:10:09,836 --> 00:10:11,637 What a... Okay. Start the video presentation. 301 00:10:11,704 --> 00:10:12,638 I'll deal with it. 302 00:10:12,705 --> 00:10:13,839 All right. 303 00:10:13,907 --> 00:10:15,507 Jerry, I need you to go get some propane. 304 00:10:15,575 --> 00:10:16,541 No, what about my poem? 305 00:10:16,609 --> 00:10:17,576 No one wants you to read a poem, 306 00:10:17,644 --> 00:10:18,577 okay, Jerry? 307 00:10:18,645 --> 00:10:19,744 What everyone wants, 308 00:10:19,812 --> 00:10:22,446 what Li'l Sebastian wants, 309 00:10:22,514 --> 00:10:24,149 is for you to get propane. 310 00:10:24,216 --> 00:10:25,250 Fine. 311 00:10:25,317 --> 00:10:27,819 I'll do it for Li'l Sebastian. 312 00:10:28,988 --> 00:10:31,256 Now we have a special presentation, 313 00:10:31,323 --> 00:10:34,058 courtesy of the folks at entertainment 7/Tewnty. 314 00:10:34,126 --> 00:10:36,226 Hope you brought a change of clothes. 315 00:10:36,294 --> 00:10:40,063 'Cause your eyes are about to piss tears. 316 00:10:40,131 --> 00:10:41,564 You're nasty. 317 00:10:44,635 --> 00:10:48,906 ♪ ♪ 318 00:10:48,973 --> 00:10:51,307 Who are we? 319 00:10:51,374 --> 00:10:52,842 Where are we going... 320 00:10:52,910 --> 00:10:54,944 In life? 321 00:10:55,012 --> 00:10:58,747 What is the meaning of all of this? 322 00:10:58,816 --> 00:11:00,716 These are questions Li'l Sebastian 323 00:11:00,784 --> 00:11:02,251 never had to answer 324 00:11:02,319 --> 00:11:03,719 because he was a horse. 325 00:11:05,287 --> 00:11:09,124 Instead, he just brought us joy and happiness. 326 00:11:09,192 --> 00:11:10,558 And isn't that the point? 327 00:11:10,626 --> 00:11:12,027 You gotta join the company. 328 00:11:12,094 --> 00:11:13,195 I'm the bank. You're the money. 329 00:11:13,262 --> 00:11:16,298 I know, J, but it'd be a big leap. 330 00:11:16,365 --> 00:11:18,066 Then I will take that leap with you. 331 00:11:18,134 --> 00:11:19,567 I'm Thelma, you're Louise. 332 00:11:19,635 --> 00:11:22,470 You can't die full of regret. 333 00:11:22,538 --> 00:11:23,537 Why don't you live your life 334 00:11:23,604 --> 00:11:24,805 like that cow from the video? 335 00:11:24,873 --> 00:11:26,606 - He was a horse. - Yeah. 336 00:11:26,674 --> 00:11:28,242 Because he followed his dreams. 337 00:11:28,810 --> 00:11:32,313 There was no obstacle too large... 338 00:11:32,380 --> 00:11:34,448 No mountain too high... 339 00:11:34,515 --> 00:11:36,483 - No valley too low... - I've to give this to Li'l Sebastian. 340 00:11:36,551 --> 00:11:37,517 Okay. Here, here. 341 00:11:37,585 --> 00:11:40,153 Li'l Sebastian had a long life, 342 00:11:40,221 --> 00:11:41,154 filled with wonder. 343 00:11:41,222 --> 00:11:43,522 Good night, Li'l Sebastian. 344 00:11:43,590 --> 00:11:44,657 Forever. 345 00:11:49,796 --> 00:11:51,630 We'd like to encourage everyone 346 00:11:51,698 --> 00:11:54,334 to buy our merchandise. 347 00:11:54,401 --> 00:11:56,601 All the proceeds will go 348 00:11:56,669 --> 00:11:58,770 towards Li'l Sebastian's favorite charity, 349 00:11:58,838 --> 00:12:00,839 the Afghan Institute of Learning. 350 00:12:00,907 --> 00:12:04,576 Next, we have a special musical tribute 351 00:12:04,643 --> 00:12:05,878 by Mr. Andy Dwyer. 352 00:12:07,881 --> 00:12:10,315 What's 5,000 times better than a candle in the wind? 353 00:12:10,383 --> 00:12:12,283 This song is called 354 00:12:12,351 --> 00:12:15,920 "5,000 candles in the wind." 355 00:12:18,323 --> 00:12:21,359 ♪ Up in horsey heaven ♪ 356 00:12:21,426 --> 00:12:25,329 ♪ here's the thing ♪ 357 00:12:25,397 --> 00:12:32,369 ♪ you trade your legs for angel's wings ♪ 358 00:12:32,436 --> 00:12:35,272 ♪ and once we've all said ♪ 359 00:12:35,339 --> 00:12:38,474 ♪ goodbye ♪ 360 00:12:38,542 --> 00:12:40,443 ♪ you take a running leap ♪ 361 00:12:40,511 --> 00:12:44,713 ♪ and you learn to fly ♪ 362 00:12:44,781 --> 00:12:47,883 ♪ bye bye ♪ 363 00:12:47,951 --> 00:12:51,520 ♪ Li'l Sebastian ♪ 364 00:12:51,587 --> 00:12:57,793 ♪ I miss you in the saddest fashion ♪ 365 00:12:57,860 --> 00:13:00,395 ♪ bye bye ♪ 366 00:13:00,462 --> 00:13:03,965 ♪ Li'l Sebastian ♪ 367 00:13:04,033 --> 00:13:07,868 ♪ you're 5,000 candles in the wind ♪ ♪ 368 00:13:12,641 --> 00:13:14,675 Hey, why is Perd Hapley 369 00:13:14,743 --> 00:13:16,143 unveiling the memorial stone? 370 00:13:16,210 --> 00:13:18,245 Because Joe from sewage had to hand out the armbands, 371 00:13:18,313 --> 00:13:19,712 and Pert had to fill in for Mortenson, 372 00:13:19,780 --> 00:13:21,181 and Mortenson had to fill in for Howser. 373 00:13:21,249 --> 00:13:22,582 Okay, well, why couldn't Donna do it? 374 00:13:22,650 --> 00:13:24,584 Because Donna's reading Jerry's Italian poem. 375 00:13:29,490 --> 00:13:30,924 This is sort of a mess. 376 00:13:30,991 --> 00:13:33,392 - No, it's okay, we're... - What the hell, Leslie? 377 00:13:33,460 --> 00:13:36,329 I thought I was supposed to lay the ceremonial wreath. 378 00:13:36,396 --> 00:13:38,230 Why is Councilman Howser doing it? 379 00:13:38,298 --> 00:13:41,100 Because you are doing... 380 00:13:41,168 --> 00:13:42,435 Something better. 381 00:13:42,502 --> 00:13:45,271 You are lighting the memorial flame, 382 00:13:45,339 --> 00:13:47,538 which is the greatest honor of all. 383 00:13:47,606 --> 00:13:49,007 Oh, my God. Ron, congratulations. 384 00:13:49,075 --> 00:13:50,942 I saved it for you, Ron. 385 00:13:51,010 --> 00:13:53,111 Who caught you guys? 386 00:13:53,179 --> 00:13:54,612 A very nosy maintenance worker, 387 00:13:54,680 --> 00:13:56,448 and we talked to him, and now we're all friends, 388 00:13:56,515 --> 00:13:57,548 and he's not gonna tell on us. 389 00:13:57,616 --> 00:13:58,549 It's totally fine. 390 00:13:58,617 --> 00:13:59,550 I think if you would know 391 00:13:59,618 --> 00:14:01,252 one thing about me, 392 00:14:01,320 --> 00:14:03,153 it would be that I prefer laying wreaths 393 00:14:03,221 --> 00:14:06,056 to lighting torches. 394 00:14:06,124 --> 00:14:08,625 I have cried twice in my life. 395 00:14:08,693 --> 00:14:10,461 Once when I was seven, 396 00:14:10,528 --> 00:14:12,229 and I was hit by a school bus. 397 00:14:12,297 --> 00:14:14,965 And then again when I heard 398 00:14:15,033 --> 00:14:17,401 that Li'l Sebastian had passed. 399 00:14:17,469 --> 00:14:19,602 His memory will live on... 400 00:14:19,669 --> 00:14:21,737 Hup, and... 401 00:14:21,805 --> 00:14:22,805 As today we light a fire 402 00:14:22,873 --> 00:14:25,541 that will burn on for eternity. 403 00:14:27,478 --> 00:14:29,145 Okay, deep breath. 404 00:14:29,213 --> 00:14:30,179 I think we got through it. 405 00:14:30,247 --> 00:14:31,314 - Thank God. - Yeah. 406 00:14:31,382 --> 00:14:32,382 Hey, Jerry, you put propane 407 00:14:32,449 --> 00:14:33,483 in the eternal flame, right? 408 00:14:33,550 --> 00:14:34,884 No, they were out. 409 00:14:34,951 --> 00:14:36,885 So I just got a big thing of lighter fluid. 410 00:14:36,952 --> 00:14:37,952 It's kind of the same thing. 411 00:14:39,155 --> 00:14:40,422 Oh! 412 00:14:40,490 --> 00:14:42,290 Huh, ho! 413 00:14:42,358 --> 00:14:43,492 We planned that! 414 00:14:43,559 --> 00:14:44,626 Wow, wow! 415 00:14:44,693 --> 00:14:46,261 Ohhhh! 416 00:14:46,329 --> 00:14:49,164 - We planned that. - Yea! 417 00:14:49,232 --> 00:14:50,499 Wow. 418 00:14:52,232 --> 00:14:54,899 Jeez Ron I am... very sorry... 419 00:14:55,443 --> 00:14:56,610 I... 420 00:14:56,677 --> 00:14:58,645 I guess I put too much fuel in the torch. 421 00:14:58,713 --> 00:14:59,946 Oh, I don't know, Jerry. 422 00:15:00,014 --> 00:15:02,048 I think you're being hard on yourself. 423 00:15:02,117 --> 00:15:03,383 Are you mad at me? 424 00:15:03,451 --> 00:15:05,185 'Cause without eyebrows, I can't really tell. 425 00:15:05,253 --> 00:15:08,622 Ron Swanson loves his facial hair. 426 00:15:08,689 --> 00:15:10,624 And we burned it off. 427 00:15:10,691 --> 00:15:12,350 This thing that we're doing, 428 00:15:12,351 --> 00:15:13,815 it's unsustainable. 429 00:15:13,978 --> 00:15:14,911 What, you want to break up? 430 00:15:14,979 --> 00:15:16,079 What? No. I like you. 431 00:15:16,146 --> 00:15:18,281 Well, then... you want to tell Chris. 432 00:15:18,349 --> 00:15:19,749 What? No. I like my job. 433 00:15:19,816 --> 00:15:20,917 Well, then, what do we do? 434 00:15:20,985 --> 00:15:23,219 Okay, operation shutdown. 435 00:15:23,287 --> 00:15:25,554 No more secret hand-holding. 436 00:15:25,622 --> 00:15:27,756 No more smooching in Ann's office. 437 00:15:27,823 --> 00:15:29,024 In fact, when we're at work, 438 00:15:29,092 --> 00:15:30,392 we just shouldn't talk to each other at all. 439 00:15:30,459 --> 00:15:31,960 Okay, well, that's gonna be really hard, 440 00:15:32,028 --> 00:15:33,128 and we could still get fired. 441 00:15:33,196 --> 00:15:34,129 I know. 442 00:15:34,197 --> 00:15:35,597 But it's worth the risk 443 00:15:35,664 --> 00:15:37,299 if I can be with you. 444 00:15:37,367 --> 00:15:39,167 All right. 445 00:15:39,235 --> 00:15:40,769 Well, then, I'm in. 446 00:15:40,836 --> 00:15:42,170 What are you doing? Are you kidding me? 447 00:15:42,238 --> 00:15:43,637 I'm sorry. No, it's force of habit. 448 00:15:43,705 --> 00:15:44,939 So what do I do, huh? 449 00:15:45,007 --> 00:15:47,341 Do I stay here or roll the dice 450 00:15:47,409 --> 00:15:48,575 with Jean-Ralphio? 451 00:15:48,643 --> 00:15:50,244 You have no interest in government work, 452 00:15:50,312 --> 00:15:54,081 and you slow everything down with your selfish attitude. 453 00:15:54,149 --> 00:15:56,350 I'd love for you to stick around, Tommy. 454 00:15:56,418 --> 00:15:59,786 It'll be damn hard to replace you. 455 00:15:59,853 --> 00:16:01,354 But I'll support you either way. 456 00:16:01,422 --> 00:16:02,688 Two of my lovers in one place. 457 00:16:02,756 --> 00:16:05,491 What a coincidence. 458 00:16:05,559 --> 00:16:06,526 Tammy. 459 00:16:06,593 --> 00:16:08,028 Hello, Ron. 460 00:16:08,295 --> 00:16:09,762 Oop, what happened here? 461 00:16:10,330 --> 00:16:11,298 And more importantly, 462 00:16:12,365 --> 00:16:14,434 does the carpet match the face? 463 00:16:14,501 --> 00:16:16,335 If you're looking for trouble, take it somewhere else. 464 00:16:16,403 --> 00:16:18,037 An hour ago, a giant fireball 465 00:16:18,104 --> 00:16:20,672 consumed my entire face. 466 00:16:20,740 --> 00:16:21,807 And it was far preferable 467 00:16:21,874 --> 00:16:23,875 to spending another second with you. 468 00:16:23,944 --> 00:16:24,977 Hm. 469 00:16:25,045 --> 00:16:27,846 Tell that to your pants tent. 470 00:16:27,914 --> 00:16:30,015 It's just the way I'm standing. 471 00:16:30,083 --> 00:16:31,282 Go back to the library, 472 00:16:31,350 --> 00:16:33,653 where you belong. 473 00:16:35,720 --> 00:16:36,854 Hey, Glenn. 474 00:16:36,922 --> 00:16:37,888 Wanna dance? 475 00:16:38,957 --> 00:16:39,723 No, I'm okay. 476 00:16:40,791 --> 00:16:41,492 Just one dance? 477 00:16:41,560 --> 00:16:42,860 - No. - With mommy? 478 00:16:42,928 --> 00:16:44,795 ♪ you see I've been through the desert ♪ 479 00:16:44,863 --> 00:16:46,197 ♪ on a horse with no name ♪ 480 00:16:46,765 --> 00:16:49,032 You know, tendonitis is, uh, 481 00:16:49,100 --> 00:16:51,401 usually caused by overuse. 482 00:16:51,469 --> 00:16:53,470 Have you been working out more than usual? 483 00:16:53,537 --> 00:16:55,839 I did do 10,000 push-ups last week. 484 00:16:56,406 --> 00:16:57,374 Oh, really. 485 00:16:57,442 --> 00:17:00,743 That might have something to do with it. 486 00:17:00,811 --> 00:17:02,812 You need to relax. You're in great shape. 487 00:17:02,880 --> 00:17:04,347 For a 44-year-old. 488 00:17:04,414 --> 00:17:07,816 Yeah. That's how old you are, man. 489 00:17:07,884 --> 00:17:09,918 You're right. I've been overreacting. 490 00:17:09,987 --> 00:17:11,854 I don't like thinking about death. 491 00:17:11,921 --> 00:17:14,823 Death is the opposite of... 492 00:17:15,891 --> 00:17:17,060 Being alive? 493 00:17:18,128 --> 00:17:19,094 Exactly. 494 00:17:19,161 --> 00:17:20,228 Look at us. 495 00:17:21,296 --> 00:17:22,230 Talking like friends. 496 00:17:22,298 --> 00:17:23,698 Yeah. 497 00:17:23,765 --> 00:17:25,533 What the hell. Friends. 498 00:17:25,601 --> 00:17:26,868 Ann Perkins. 499 00:17:27,435 --> 00:17:29,305 Chris Traeger. 500 00:17:30,873 --> 00:17:33,641 What's the point in doing 10,000 push-ups 501 00:17:33,709 --> 00:17:35,509 if you're gonna do them alone? 502 00:17:35,576 --> 00:17:37,577 I'd much rather do 5,000 push-ups 503 00:17:37,645 --> 00:17:40,014 with a wonderful woman. 504 00:17:40,081 --> 00:17:42,849 Sitting on my back to increase my resistance. 505 00:17:42,917 --> 00:17:43,917 Copy of our new hit single, 506 00:17:43,985 --> 00:17:46,853 "5,000 candles in the wind," 507 00:17:46,921 --> 00:17:49,990 and the new full-length CD, The Awesome Album. 508 00:17:50,058 --> 00:17:51,724 18 bucks each, 40 for the set. 509 00:17:51,791 --> 00:17:53,526 I don't know. That's... that's a lot of money. 510 00:17:53,593 --> 00:17:55,261 No it isn't. 511 00:17:56,329 --> 00:17:57,198 Okay. 512 00:17:59,266 --> 00:18:01,200 Honey, you are awesome at this. 513 00:18:01,268 --> 00:18:03,802 Thanks. 514 00:18:04,370 --> 00:18:05,838 April, I need to ask you something, 515 00:18:05,906 --> 00:18:07,872 and it's the biggest thing I've ever asked anybody 516 00:18:07,940 --> 00:18:09,141 in my entire life. 517 00:18:09,208 --> 00:18:11,143 Honey, we're already married. 518 00:18:11,210 --> 00:18:13,245 No, this is way more important than that. 519 00:18:13,812 --> 00:18:15,580 April Ludgate... 520 00:18:15,648 --> 00:18:17,615 Would you be my manager? 521 00:18:17,683 --> 00:18:19,918 Seriously? 522 00:18:19,985 --> 00:18:21,619 Okay. 523 00:18:21,687 --> 00:18:23,820 Yeah. 524 00:18:23,888 --> 00:18:27,758 ♪ if you cannot ride a ghost ♪ 525 00:18:27,825 --> 00:18:30,528 ♪ bye-bye ♪ 526 00:18:30,595 --> 00:18:34,998 ♪ Li'l Sebastian ♪ 527 00:18:35,067 --> 00:18:36,567 Excuse me. 528 00:18:36,634 --> 00:18:37,634 Are you Leslie Knope? 529 00:18:37,702 --> 00:18:38,802 Yes. 530 00:18:38,870 --> 00:18:40,303 My name is William Barnes. 531 00:18:40,371 --> 00:18:41,737 Do you have a minute to talk? 532 00:18:41,805 --> 00:18:42,805 Sure. 533 00:18:42,873 --> 00:18:44,874 We really enjoyed the service. 534 00:18:44,942 --> 00:18:47,544 That fireball was truly amazing. 535 00:18:47,611 --> 00:18:49,145 I'm glad. 'Cause it was planned. 536 00:18:49,213 --> 00:18:50,380 And you were also responsible 537 00:18:50,448 --> 00:18:51,747 for the Harvest Festival, correct? 538 00:18:51,815 --> 00:18:53,583 Well, a lot of people contributed to that. 539 00:18:53,650 --> 00:18:55,017 You don't have to be modest. 540 00:18:55,085 --> 00:18:56,351 We know it was you. 541 00:18:56,419 --> 00:18:58,120 You did an amazing job. 542 00:18:58,188 --> 00:18:59,588 Thank you. 543 00:18:59,655 --> 00:19:01,523 We are part of a group that tries to identify 544 00:19:01,591 --> 00:19:03,425 potential candidates for political office 545 00:19:03,493 --> 00:19:04,726 here in town. 546 00:19:04,794 --> 00:19:07,262 And we think that you might fit the bill. 547 00:19:09,632 --> 00:19:11,165 Oh. 548 00:19:11,233 --> 00:19:12,200 Wow. 549 00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:15,136 Which office in particular? 550 00:19:15,204 --> 00:19:16,737 Well, there are a couple city council seats 551 00:19:16,805 --> 00:19:17,738 we think are vulnerable. 552 00:19:17,806 --> 00:19:19,340 Mm-hmm. 553 00:19:19,408 --> 00:19:21,442 And the mayor's term is up next year. 554 00:19:21,510 --> 00:19:22,543 Uh... um... huh. 555 00:19:22,611 --> 00:19:24,579 All we need to know right now is 556 00:19:24,646 --> 00:19:27,414 are you theoretically interested in running for office? 557 00:19:27,482 --> 00:19:29,216 Absotootly, I am. 558 00:19:29,283 --> 00:19:30,984 Very sorry that I just used that word. 559 00:19:31,051 --> 00:19:32,586 But yes. 560 00:19:32,653 --> 00:19:34,787 I just... 561 00:19:34,855 --> 00:19:37,357 I've dreamed about this moment for a long time. 562 00:19:37,425 --> 00:19:38,858 Guess I'll be heading home. 563 00:19:39,926 --> 00:19:42,629 Catching the number 12 bus to Satan's butthole? 564 00:19:42,696 --> 00:19:45,464 Actually, I prefer the number 69 train... 565 00:19:45,532 --> 00:19:46,932 To Humpsville station. 566 00:19:47,000 --> 00:19:49,368 Red alert, Swanson. 567 00:19:49,436 --> 00:19:50,569 Your ex-wife is back. 568 00:19:50,637 --> 00:19:52,037 No kidding, Donna. 569 00:19:52,105 --> 00:19:53,205 Not her. 570 00:19:53,273 --> 00:19:56,542 The other ex-wife. 571 00:19:57,610 --> 00:19:58,977 Tammy One. 572 00:19:59,045 --> 00:20:02,747 She's in your office. 573 00:20:03,915 --> 00:20:05,450 Oh, [Bleep]. 574 00:20:05,518 --> 00:20:07,318 ♪ so much better than one ♪ 575 00:20:07,386 --> 00:20:08,953 would I have to quit my job? 576 00:20:09,021 --> 00:20:10,622 Look, that's a long way off. 577 00:20:10,689 --> 00:20:12,123 - Of course. - But listen. 578 00:20:12,191 --> 00:20:15,392 When you run, even in a local election, 579 00:20:15,460 --> 00:20:17,161 your life becomes an open book. 580 00:20:17,228 --> 00:20:19,463 So if you so much as stiff a waiter on his tip 581 00:20:19,531 --> 00:20:21,831 or use a government stamp for personal mail, 582 00:20:21,899 --> 00:20:23,600 it will come out. 583 00:20:23,668 --> 00:20:24,968 So before we go any further, 584 00:20:25,036 --> 00:20:26,570 I need you to tell me... 585 00:20:26,638 --> 00:20:28,572 is there a scandal out there? 586 00:20:28,640 --> 00:20:32,041 Is there anything at all you need to tell us 587 00:20:32,108 --> 00:20:34,743 about your life? 588 00:20:37,381 --> 00:20:38,847 Nope. 589 00:20:38,915 --> 00:20:40,849 All right. 590 00:20:40,917 --> 00:20:43,852 Well, we'll be in touch. 591 00:20:46,390 --> 00:20:48,690 ♪ no, no ♪ 592 00:20:48,757 --> 00:20:50,958 ♪ yeah, he burned in so little time ♪ 593 00:20:54,029 --> 00:20:57,999 ♪ and things I really want to do ♪ 594 00:20:59,026 --> 00:21:04,961 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 595 00:21:05,277 --> 00:21:07,078 Yeah, I think we can do that for a million. 596 00:21:07,396 --> 00:21:08,396 Okay, we'll talk soon. 597 00:21:09,213 --> 00:21:10,980 There was no one on the other end 598 00:21:11,049 --> 00:21:12,082 of that phone call, 599 00:21:12,150 --> 00:21:13,650 but soon there will be. 600 00:21:13,717 --> 00:21:15,684 Welcome to the Dreamatorium, 601 00:21:15,752 --> 00:21:18,320 A.K.A. The headquarters of Entertainment 7/Twenty. 602 00:21:18,388 --> 00:21:20,389 We got a pool table, a ping-pong table, 603 00:21:20,457 --> 00:21:22,245 a couch with a ceiling on it, 604 00:21:22,342 --> 00:21:24,677 - In-house DJ. - DJ Blunt. 605 00:21:24,744 --> 00:21:25,744 And best of all, 606 00:21:25,813 --> 00:21:28,247 former NBA superstar Detlef Schrempf 607 00:21:28,315 --> 00:21:29,282 is on retainer. 608 00:21:29,349 --> 00:21:30,849 What's up, Detlef? 609 00:21:30,917 --> 00:21:32,117 So Tom, 610 00:21:32,185 --> 00:21:33,518 what does this business do, again? 611 00:21:33,585 --> 00:21:34,619 it's a multimedia 612 00:21:34,687 --> 00:21:36,788 entertainment production conglomerate. 613 00:21:36,856 --> 00:21:37,989 I don't know, man. 614 00:21:38,057 --> 00:21:39,357 You have a lot of overhead here. 615 00:21:39,425 --> 00:21:41,426 Ever thought about scaling back a bit 616 00:21:41,493 --> 00:21:43,128 and focusing on building your client base? 617 00:21:43,196 --> 00:21:45,430 Thanks a lot, Forbes magazine. 618 00:21:45,497 --> 00:21:47,364 But we didn't hire you to give us business advice. 619 00:21:47,432 --> 00:21:48,933 We hired you to look pretty and shoot baskets. 620 00:21:49,000 --> 00:21:51,035 So why don't you head over there and do your thing? 621 00:21:51,102 --> 00:21:52,703 We want people to see you when the come in, Detlef. 622 00:21:52,770 --> 00:21:53,938 Pick me! 623 00:21:54,005 --> 00:21:57,174 Uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh, uh-oh. 624 00:21:57,242 --> 00:21:59,276 We're living the dream.