1
00:00:03,998 --> 00:00:05,443
Excuse me.
2
00:00:05,980 --> 00:00:07,614
- Are you Leslie Knope?
- Yes.
3
00:00:07,648 --> 00:00:09,115
We are part of a group
4
00:00:09,149 --> 00:00:11,184
that tries to identify
potential candidates
5
00:00:11,218 --> 00:00:13,052
for political office
here in town.
6
00:00:13,087 --> 00:00:15,455
Are you theoretically interested
in running for office?
7
00:00:15,489 --> 00:00:17,023
Abso-toot-ly I am.
8
00:00:17,057 --> 00:00:18,958
Very sorry that I just used
that word.
9
00:00:18,993 --> 00:00:21,394
Before we go any further,
I need you to tell me
10
00:00:21,428 --> 00:00:22,795
is there a scandal out there?
11
00:00:22,813 --> 00:00:27,367
Is there anything at all you
need to tell us about your life?
12
00:00:27,401 --> 00:00:29,469
Nope.
13
00:00:33,190 --> 00:00:34,640
Who were the suits?
14
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They want me to run for office.
15
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Oh, my God!
Leslie, yea!
16
00:00:40,030 --> 00:00:41,381
I know, right?
Yea.
17
00:00:41,415 --> 00:00:42,582
- Yea!
- Yea!
18
00:00:42,616 --> 00:00:43,816
- Yea!
- Yea!
19
00:00:43,851 --> 00:00:45,218
Wait, what does that mean
about you and Ben?
20
00:00:45,252 --> 00:00:46,286
I don't know.
21
00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,587
I think
it's gonna be really bad.
22
00:00:47,621 --> 00:00:49,322
Uh-oh. You just wanna go back
to saying "yea"?
23
00:00:49,356 --> 00:00:50,490
Yes, please.
24
00:00:50,524 --> 00:00:54,093
- Okay, yea.
- Yea. Yea.
25
00:00:54,128 --> 00:00:55,712
- Knope, follow me.
- Just one second.
26
00:00:55,763 --> 00:00:57,297
- Now!
- Ron, hey!
27
00:00:57,331 --> 00:00:59,432
Whoa! Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa!
Ron! Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron, Ron!
28
00:00:59,466 --> 00:01:00,600
What's going on?
29
00:01:00,634 --> 00:01:02,201
My ex-wife Tammy is back.
30
00:01:02,236 --> 00:01:03,603
Yeah, I saw her
in the courtyard.
31
00:01:03,637 --> 00:01:06,339
No, my other ex-wife Tammy.
Tammy one.
32
00:01:06,357 --> 00:01:08,641
I have accrued 228
personal days.
33
00:01:08,675 --> 00:01:10,393
Starting right now,
I'm using all of them.
34
00:01:12,513 --> 00:01:16,015
While I'm gone,
you're in charge.
35
00:01:16,033 --> 00:01:19,402
Ah!
36
00:01:19,453 --> 00:01:23,072
Also, I keep a sizable supply
of ground chuck in my desk.
37
00:01:23,123 --> 00:01:25,792
Remove it or it will begin
to smell.
38
00:01:25,826 --> 00:01:27,460
Godspeed.
39
00:01:29,797 --> 00:01:30,863
- Hi, Ron.
- Move!
40
00:01:30,881 --> 00:01:33,333
Whoa!
41
00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:34,901
Ah, geez.
42
00:01:37,938 --> 00:01:46,145
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
43
00:01:55,876 --> 00:01:58,347
Warning! High levels
of swagger coming through.
44
00:01:58,467 --> 00:02:00,526
Tommy Haverford back
in the Parks Department.
45
00:02:00,561 --> 00:02:03,177
Entertainment720 hockey jersey,
anybody?
46
00:02:04,264 --> 00:02:05,748
Branded mouse pad?
47
00:02:05,783 --> 00:02:08,734
Entertainment720 is just
a little multi-national
48
00:02:08,752 --> 00:02:10,953
entertainment company
that I started with my boy
49
00:02:11,005 --> 00:02:12,271
Jean-Ralphio.
50
00:02:12,306 --> 00:02:13,973
What exactly do we do?
51
00:02:14,008 --> 00:02:16,642
Let's just say it's too hard
to explain.
52
00:02:16,677 --> 00:02:18,945
Donna, you look amazing.
How are the kids?
53
00:02:18,979 --> 00:02:20,513
- I don't have kids.
- Wow.
54
00:02:20,547 --> 00:02:22,515
- How long has it been?
- Three weeks.
55
00:02:23,934 --> 00:02:25,101
So did you get a chance to look
56
00:02:25,135 --> 00:02:26,436
at my sample position papers?
57
00:02:26,470 --> 00:02:29,105
How do you feel about my stance
on Egyptian debt relief?
58
00:02:29,139 --> 00:02:30,973
Uh, well, it probably won't
come up
59
00:02:31,025 --> 00:02:33,609
in a local City Council
election.
60
00:02:33,644 --> 00:02:36,362
But your thoroughness,
as always, is impressive.
61
00:02:36,397 --> 00:02:37,647
Thank you.
62
00:02:37,698 --> 00:02:40,533
Now, we have three months.
63
00:02:40,567 --> 00:02:42,768
I think we should start
talking strategy.
64
00:02:42,786 --> 00:02:44,954
My strategy is to win.
65
00:02:44,988 --> 00:02:48,157
I've been dreaming about running
for public office my whole life.
66
00:02:48,208 --> 00:02:50,576
While other girls were playing
with Barbies,
67
00:02:50,610 --> 00:02:53,913
I was playing with a
Geraldine Ferraro action figure
68
00:02:53,947 --> 00:02:56,315
that I made myself from
a picture of her that I glued
69
00:02:56,350 --> 00:02:58,051
onto a popsicle stick.
70
00:02:58,085 --> 00:02:59,352
See you next week?
71
00:02:59,386 --> 00:03:00,386
Okay, I'm looking forward
to it.
72
00:03:00,421 --> 00:03:01,504
Hey! What--
73
00:03:01,555 --> 00:03:04,674
- Who was that?
- Uh...
74
00:03:04,725 --> 00:03:06,759
Lady--just ladies.
75
00:03:06,793 --> 00:03:09,062
Meeting for the ladies'
yacht club.
76
00:03:09,096 --> 00:03:10,596
- Anchors away, ladies.
- What?
77
00:03:10,630 --> 00:03:12,131
Just don't--
78
00:03:12,149 --> 00:03:13,699
Ladies' yacht club?
79
00:03:13,734 --> 00:03:15,685
I cannot believe you haven't
told him yet.
80
00:03:15,736 --> 00:03:17,637
After I tell him,
I'm running for office,
81
00:03:17,671 --> 00:03:19,021
we're gonna have to break up.
82
00:03:19,073 --> 00:03:21,324
Why can't you just keep
sneaking around?
83
00:03:21,358 --> 00:03:25,478
Ann, you beautiful, naive,
sophisticated, newborn baby.
84
00:03:25,496 --> 00:03:26,979
What?
85
00:03:27,014 --> 00:03:29,649
Before, if people found out,
we would maybe lose our jobs.
86
00:03:29,683 --> 00:03:32,752
Now, if people find out,
it's gonna be a major scandal.
87
00:03:32,786 --> 00:03:35,321
My campaign will be over
before it begins.
88
00:03:35,339 --> 00:03:37,123
- What are you gonna do?
- I have a plan.
89
00:03:37,157 --> 00:03:38,624
And it's really good.
90
00:03:38,659 --> 00:03:40,860
I'm gonna postpone telling him
91
00:03:40,894 --> 00:03:43,829
until you figure out
what I'm supposed to do.
92
00:03:43,847 --> 00:03:45,164
So get crackin'.
93
00:03:45,182 --> 00:03:46,516
How is this on me?
94
00:03:46,550 --> 00:03:49,685
Fine! I'll do it.
God, who keeps emailing me?
95
00:03:49,720 --> 00:03:52,355
- A penis.
- What?
96
00:03:52,389 --> 00:03:54,474
Oh, my God.
97
00:03:54,508 --> 00:03:56,242
Oh--
98
00:03:56,276 --> 00:03:57,577
It's emailing me too.
99
00:03:57,611 --> 00:04:00,246
Whoever this is sent it
to every woman
100
00:04:00,280 --> 00:04:02,865
in the entire government.
101
00:04:02,900 --> 00:04:05,184
Oh, my God.
102
00:04:05,219 --> 00:04:09,122
He's gonna be so embarrassed.
I mean, that's a crazy accident.
103
00:04:09,156 --> 00:04:12,892
No, Andy, he did it on purpose.
104
00:04:12,926 --> 00:04:15,061
You know what? Respect.
That's a baller move.
105
00:04:15,095 --> 00:04:16,229
Pun intended.
106
00:04:16,263 --> 00:04:17,580
Excuse me.
107
00:04:17,631 --> 00:04:18,798
Chris, Jerry's making us look
at dirty pictures
108
00:04:18,832 --> 00:04:19,916
on his computer.
109
00:04:19,967 --> 00:04:21,751
It is exactly because of
that lewd photo
110
00:04:21,802 --> 00:04:23,069
that I am here.
111
00:04:23,103 --> 00:04:24,754
Ben and I are launching a full
investigation.
112
00:04:24,805 --> 00:04:27,706
And I want to apologize
to all the women...
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00:04:27,724 --> 00:04:29,108
And Jerry.
114
00:04:29,143 --> 00:04:32,211
If I could go back in time,
and cut your eyeballs out,
115
00:04:32,246 --> 00:04:33,212
I would.
116
00:04:33,247 --> 00:04:35,815
- Wow, that is so sweet.
- Thank you.
117
00:04:35,849 --> 00:04:38,651
We are getting a lot of media
requests about this.
118
00:04:38,685 --> 00:04:40,620
So Leslie, can you do
Perd Hapley?
119
00:04:40,654 --> 00:04:43,105
Ho! She can do Perd Hapley.
120
00:04:43,157 --> 00:04:45,024
Hi-oh!
121
00:04:45,058 --> 00:04:46,993
Seriously,
can you do his TV show?
122
00:04:47,027 --> 00:04:49,412
Oh, yeah.
123
00:04:49,446 --> 00:04:51,614
Andrew my man-drew,
what are you up to?
124
00:04:51,665 --> 00:04:54,233
I'm about to do an experiment
where I huck this at the wall
125
00:04:54,268 --> 00:04:56,419
and see what happens.
126
00:04:56,453 --> 00:04:58,070
But that can wait.
Shoe shine?
127
00:04:58,088 --> 00:04:59,422
Andy, I'm gonna be honest.
128
00:04:59,456 --> 00:05:01,407
I came here today
to talk to you.
129
00:05:01,425 --> 00:05:04,577
Now look, you're enthusiastic.
You're hard-working.
130
00:05:04,611 --> 00:05:06,012
You can lift heavy things.
131
00:05:06,046 --> 00:05:07,113
I think there might be a place
for you
132
00:05:07,147 --> 00:05:09,098
over at Entertainment720.
133
00:05:09,132 --> 00:05:11,017
Oh, my God.
134
00:05:11,051 --> 00:05:12,051
What is that?
135
00:05:12,085 --> 00:05:13,436
It's my company!
136
00:05:13,470 --> 00:05:14,920
I don't know, Tom.
137
00:05:14,938 --> 00:05:17,290
I mean, I'm just now getting
really good at shoe shining.
138
00:05:17,324 --> 00:05:19,292
And I mean, I'm still
pretty bad at it.
139
00:05:19,326 --> 00:05:23,996
Let me ask you this.
Are you living your dreams?
140
00:05:24,031 --> 00:05:26,599
- I don't know, Tom.
- Well, I'm living mine.
141
00:05:26,633 --> 00:05:31,153
And if you wanna live yours,
here's my card.
142
00:05:31,205 --> 00:05:34,607
- It's impossible to read.
- Black print, black background.
143
00:05:34,625 --> 00:05:36,158
It's the coolest possible
color scheme.
144
00:05:36,210 --> 00:05:38,127
- Yeah.
- It's also a strong magnet.
145
00:05:38,161 --> 00:05:40,546
So don't put it in your wallet.
It will erase your credit cards,
146
00:05:40,581 --> 00:05:42,632
guaranteed.
147
00:05:42,666 --> 00:05:46,385
Destroy my credit cards.
Debt and everything?
148
00:05:46,420 --> 00:05:50,089
Mr. Mayor, I promise you
that we will find the owner
149
00:05:50,123 --> 00:05:51,357
of that weiner
150
00:05:51,391 --> 00:05:53,893
and we will punish him.
Good-bye.
151
00:05:53,927 --> 00:05:55,294
- Ann Perkins!
- Hey.
152
00:05:55,329 --> 00:05:57,230
I didn't know who to come to
with this,
153
00:05:57,264 --> 00:06:00,850
but that picture, uh--there's
something very disturbing
154
00:06:00,901 --> 00:06:02,468
about the testicles.
155
00:06:02,486 --> 00:06:04,370
I've always felt
the same way myself.
156
00:06:04,404 --> 00:06:07,073
The testicles are like
the ears of the genital system.
157
00:06:07,107 --> 00:06:08,641
They serve a very
important function,
158
00:06:08,659 --> 00:06:10,576
but they're not that great
to look at.
159
00:06:10,611 --> 00:06:14,847
Okay, wow.
No, I was speaking medically.
160
00:06:14,881 --> 00:06:16,182
They're enlarged.
161
00:06:16,216 --> 00:06:18,701
I think that maybe that guy
is sick with something--
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00:06:18,752 --> 00:06:21,320
perhaps, a hernia, or mumps.
163
00:06:21,355 --> 00:06:24,257
Ann Perkins!
You really know your testes.
164
00:06:24,291 --> 00:06:26,926
Thank you?
165
00:06:26,960 --> 00:06:29,178
For a female perspective
on this scandal,
166
00:06:29,212 --> 00:06:31,830
we turn to a woman,
Leslie Knope.
167
00:06:31,848 --> 00:06:33,382
I'm about to ask you a question
right now
168
00:06:33,433 --> 00:06:34,767
and that question is this.
169
00:06:34,801 --> 00:06:37,386
The lewd photo--
just how big a deal is it?
170
00:06:37,437 --> 00:06:39,939
Well, frankly, Perd,
it's not that big a deal.
171
00:06:39,973 --> 00:06:41,474
If you know what I mean.
172
00:06:41,508 --> 00:06:44,026
I don't know what you mean.
173
00:06:44,061 --> 00:06:46,445
But it had the cadence
of a joke.
174
00:06:46,480 --> 00:06:48,881
When men in government
behave this way,
175
00:06:48,915 --> 00:06:51,284
they betray the public's trust.
176
00:06:51,318 --> 00:06:53,703
Maybe it's time for more women
to be in charge.
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00:06:53,737 --> 00:06:56,355
There you have it,
where "it" is the thing
178
00:06:56,390 --> 00:06:59,025
Leslie Knope just said
about this situation.
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00:06:59,059 --> 00:07:00,259
Perd Hap--
180
00:07:00,294 --> 00:07:01,427
How was that?
Was that okay?
181
00:07:01,461 --> 00:07:03,996
Amazing.
That sound bite is gold.
182
00:07:04,031 --> 00:07:05,881
You're gonna get great
feedback on this,
183
00:07:05,916 --> 00:07:08,084
and we think we can capitalize.
184
00:07:08,135 --> 00:07:10,536
You're gonna announce
your candidacy on Friday.
185
00:07:10,570 --> 00:07:14,106
Friday.
In three months.
186
00:07:14,141 --> 00:07:16,909
No, this Friday.
Is that okay?
187
00:07:16,943 --> 00:07:18,844
No, yeah.
Yes, it is great.
188
00:07:18,878 --> 00:07:21,764
Okay, we'll do that then
now soon.
189
00:07:21,815 --> 00:07:24,100
And, um, I just have something
I've been postponing for a while
190
00:07:24,151 --> 00:07:26,052
that I need to do,
but I'll do it now.
191
00:07:26,086 --> 00:07:28,020
- Great.
- Great.
192
00:07:28,055 --> 00:07:29,555
Yea.
193
00:07:31,093 --> 00:07:31,957
I know it.
194
00:07:32,585 --> 00:07:34,114
- Ben?
- Uh, okay.
195
00:07:34,234 --> 00:07:35,971
Ben? I need to talk to you.
196
00:07:37,341 --> 00:07:39,523
That was my brother.
He just had a baby girl.
197
00:07:39,643 --> 00:07:42,277
Oh, my God, that's horrible.
Or good--full disclosure.
198
00:07:42,397 --> 00:07:43,697
I didn't listen to what
you just said.
199
00:07:43,731 --> 00:07:44,982
I need to talk to you
about something--
200
00:07:45,033 --> 00:07:46,366
Okay, well, before you
say anything,
201
00:07:46,401 --> 00:07:49,410
let me just show you
what I got at Doug's Donuts.
202
00:07:49,530 --> 00:07:52,317
It's an L-shaped eclair!
203
00:07:52,586 --> 00:07:55,576
The "L" is for Leslie...
For your name.
204
00:08:00,381 --> 00:08:02,282
Hey.
205
00:08:02,300 --> 00:08:04,501
- How are you?
- Bad, really bad.
206
00:08:04,552 --> 00:08:06,820
Oh, God.
How did the breakup go?
207
00:08:06,855 --> 00:08:10,023
Well, I started crying
because he gave me an eclair.
208
00:08:10,058 --> 00:08:11,892
And then we made out
and spent the night together.
209
00:08:11,926 --> 00:08:14,761
But this morning in the cold
light of day,
210
00:08:14,796 --> 00:08:17,130
I cooked breakfast
and we made out some more.
211
00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:19,233
Wow, you opposite-of-broke-up
with him.
212
00:08:19,267 --> 00:08:23,370
He gave me an eclair, Ann!
213
00:08:23,404 --> 00:08:26,473
Joe, I've determined that
the lewd picture was sent by you
214
00:08:26,507 --> 00:08:30,844
because you sent it from your
personal email address,
215
00:08:30,879 --> 00:08:36,717
stinkmaster69@alumni.sarahlawrencecollege.edu.
216
00:08:36,751 --> 00:08:38,452
Really?
Sarah Lawrence?
217
00:08:38,486 --> 00:08:40,721
Yeah. I wanted a small
college experience.
218
00:08:40,755 --> 00:08:43,674
You also bragged about it
to many of your co-workers.
219
00:08:43,708 --> 00:08:46,426
There's an old sewage
department saying.
220
00:08:46,461 --> 00:08:48,562
"If you've got a nice
drainpipe,
221
00:08:48,596 --> 00:08:50,197
there's no reason to hide it."
222
00:08:50,231 --> 00:08:51,398
I doubt that's a saying.
223
00:08:51,432 --> 00:08:53,833
We are terminating you
effective immediately.
224
00:08:53,851 --> 00:08:55,302
Is this because you're jealous?
225
00:08:55,336 --> 00:08:57,838
No.
It's because you broke the law.
226
00:08:57,872 --> 00:08:59,840
The law of having
an amazing package.
227
00:08:59,874 --> 00:09:01,341
Before we have him
forcibly removed,
228
00:09:01,359 --> 00:09:03,694
you should know this, that
one of our female employees,
229
00:09:03,728 --> 00:09:05,612
a nurse, examined the photo
you sent her--
230
00:09:05,647 --> 00:09:07,281
I bet she did.
231
00:09:07,315 --> 00:09:08,782
And you have the mumps.
232
00:09:08,816 --> 00:09:10,117
You might wanna get
that checked.
233
00:09:10,151 --> 00:09:11,485
Sweet.
234
00:09:11,519 --> 00:09:14,288
Someone's got mumps
on his lumps.
235
00:09:14,322 --> 00:09:16,540
Up high.
Anyone?
236
00:09:16,574 --> 00:09:18,058
Ron isn't here.
237
00:09:18,092 --> 00:09:22,296
His ex-wife Tammy came,
and he got scared and ran away.
238
00:09:22,330 --> 00:09:23,914
Well, as acting manager
of the Parks Department,
239
00:09:23,965 --> 00:09:27,033
I declare that everything
you are saying is stupid.
240
00:09:27,051 --> 00:09:28,602
I love you.
241
00:09:28,636 --> 00:09:31,538
Hey, so Tom offered me a job
again.
242
00:09:31,572 --> 00:09:34,107
As my manager,
what do you think I should do?
243
00:09:34,142 --> 00:09:36,042
Well, what do you wanna do?
244
00:09:36,060 --> 00:09:39,112
I think it'd be kinda cool
to work for Tom.
245
00:09:39,147 --> 00:09:40,981
So take it.
246
00:09:41,015 --> 00:09:44,651
But working at a start-up
can be kind of risky.
247
00:09:44,686 --> 00:09:45,819
So don't take it.
248
00:09:45,853 --> 00:09:47,220
But Tom told me to follow
my dreams.
249
00:09:47,255 --> 00:09:48,622
So take it.
250
00:09:48,656 --> 00:09:51,992
- But this isn't my dream.
- So don't take it.
251
00:09:52,026 --> 00:09:54,328
- I don't know what to do.
- Me neither.
252
00:09:54,362 --> 00:09:56,446
You give such good advice.
253
00:09:56,497 --> 00:09:58,448
Babe, I love you.
254
00:09:58,499 --> 00:10:00,734
You're welcome.
255
00:10:03,638 --> 00:10:05,071
Ann Perkins!
256
00:10:05,089 --> 00:10:07,124
Hey. Did you maybe tell people
257
00:10:07,175 --> 00:10:10,243
that I diagnosed that guy with
mumps based on his porn photo?
258
00:10:10,278 --> 00:10:11,778
I did!
I was so proud of you.
259
00:10:11,813 --> 00:10:14,181
Okay, because now I have
everyone in City Hall
260
00:10:14,215 --> 00:10:15,716
sending me pictures
of their junk,
261
00:10:15,750 --> 00:10:17,617
asking me if they have mumps.
262
00:10:17,652 --> 00:10:19,686
Oh, my God.
263
00:10:19,721 --> 00:10:22,422
Your inbox is literally filled
with penises.
264
00:10:22,457 --> 00:10:23,807
- Mm-hmm.
- I am so sorry.
265
00:10:25,059 --> 00:10:28,362
Oh, look.
Ed Miller from payroll.
266
00:10:28,396 --> 00:10:30,814
Before I do this,
is there any possible way that
267
00:10:30,865 --> 00:10:32,165
we could still keep dating?
268
00:10:32,200 --> 00:10:34,701
We've attacked this
from all angles.
269
00:10:34,736 --> 00:10:36,470
Either you don't run
for office--
270
00:10:36,504 --> 00:10:37,971
Which is out of the question.
271
00:10:38,006 --> 00:10:40,107
Or you break up with him
and avoid a potential scandal.
272
00:10:41,509 --> 00:10:43,126
- Do you need to get that?
- No, it's just penises.
273
00:10:43,161 --> 00:10:45,328
Leslie, I don't want you
to break up with him either.
274
00:10:45,380 --> 00:10:47,514
- There's just no other way.
- Yeah.
275
00:10:47,548 --> 00:10:49,449
Just be direct and honest.
276
00:10:49,467 --> 00:10:50,751
- Okay.
- Okay.
277
00:10:50,785 --> 00:10:52,152
Hmm.
278
00:10:52,186 --> 00:10:54,638
It's the entire Sanitation
Department for Muncie.
279
00:10:54,672 --> 00:10:55,689
Ooh.
280
00:10:57,358 --> 00:10:58,825
Would you like any wine
to start?
281
00:10:58,860 --> 00:11:01,728
Yes, and I'm gonna be direct
and honest with you.
282
00:11:01,763 --> 00:11:03,196
I would like a glass of red wine
283
00:11:03,231 --> 00:11:04,398
and I'll take
the cheapest one you have
284
00:11:04,432 --> 00:11:05,565
because I can't tell
the difference.
285
00:11:05,600 --> 00:11:07,517
- I'll have the same.
- Great.
286
00:11:07,568 --> 00:11:10,704
- Okay. Here's the deal.
- Okay.
287
00:11:10,738 --> 00:11:13,640
- I really, really like you.
- I like you too.
288
00:11:13,674 --> 00:11:15,442
And I think I know
what you're gonna say.
289
00:11:15,476 --> 00:11:18,645
- I highly doubt that.
- I think I do.
290
00:11:18,679 --> 00:11:20,914
- Oh, I don't.
- And, um...
291
00:11:20,948 --> 00:11:24,201
- I got you something.
- No. What is this?
292
00:11:24,252 --> 00:11:25,886
- Is this jewelry?
- It's not, just open it.
293
00:11:25,920 --> 00:11:28,988
No.
Oh, I need to go to...
294
00:11:29,006 --> 00:11:30,290
Another place.
295
00:11:30,324 --> 00:11:32,709
I'm gonna go to the bathroom--
the Whiz Palace,
296
00:11:32,760 --> 00:11:34,044
as we like to call it here--
297
00:11:34,095 --> 00:11:37,264
and I'm going to be back
and I'm not gonna split.
298
00:11:37,298 --> 00:11:40,124
I'm here for you because
we need to talk about stuff.
299
00:11:40,244 --> 00:11:43,002
- Okay?
- All right.
300
00:11:43,020 --> 00:11:44,771
Wait--
301
00:11:51,112 --> 00:11:54,105
- Ron.
- What are you doing here?
302
00:11:54,225 --> 00:11:56,568
Running away from my problems.
303
00:11:56,688 --> 00:11:58,471
Come on in.
304
00:12:04,952 --> 00:12:06,847
- Ok, so here's what's going on.
- I didn't ask.
305
00:12:06,967 --> 00:12:08,324
Friday, I'm supposed
to announce that I'm running
306
00:12:08,564 --> 00:12:10,098
for City Council,
and I haven't told Ben yet.
307
00:12:10,132 --> 00:12:12,133
I know I said that we broke up,
but we couldn't.
308
00:12:12,168 --> 00:12:13,368
We're still dating.
309
00:12:13,402 --> 00:12:14,636
But now I have to break up
with him for real,
310
00:12:14,670 --> 00:12:15,854
but I don't wanna break up
with him
311
00:12:15,905 --> 00:12:17,272
because he's so cute.
He's so nice.
312
00:12:17,306 --> 00:12:18,740
If you're gonna stay here,
there are three rules
313
00:12:18,774 --> 00:12:20,575
you need to follow.
314
00:12:20,609 --> 00:12:24,345
One, no talk about Tammy one.
Two, no talk about Ben.
315
00:12:24,380 --> 00:12:26,181
Three, no talk.
316
00:12:26,215 --> 00:12:27,582
I didn't even ask you
last night.
317
00:12:27,616 --> 00:12:28,983
What is going on
with Tammy one?
318
00:12:29,018 --> 00:12:31,419
You just violated rules
number one and three.
319
00:12:31,453 --> 00:12:32,987
You lose your coffee
privileges.
320
00:12:33,022 --> 00:12:35,006
Oh.
321
00:12:35,040 --> 00:12:39,994
Oh, you choose, Knope--
hunting, fishing, or drinking?
322
00:12:40,029 --> 00:12:42,363
I'd really love to shoot
a gun right now.
323
00:12:42,398 --> 00:12:43,765
Fishing it is.
324
00:12:45,267 --> 00:12:47,852
And so effective immediately,
all male employees
325
00:12:47,887 --> 00:12:51,222
must stop sending explicit
photos to Ms. Perkins.
326
00:12:51,273 --> 00:12:54,192
If I may, what if based
on empirical evidence,
327
00:12:54,226 --> 00:12:58,246
I truly believe there's a grave
and immediate medical emergency?
328
00:12:58,280 --> 00:13:02,350
Were that the case,
could I then show you my dong?
329
00:13:02,384 --> 00:13:03,651
No.
330
00:13:03,685 --> 00:13:06,087
- That would be harassment.
- Fair enough.
331
00:13:06,121 --> 00:13:08,022
Now completely different
scenario.
332
00:13:08,057 --> 00:13:10,692
Let's say I've been watching
a lot of women's golf
333
00:13:10,726 --> 00:13:12,601
and I've had some wine--
334
00:13:12,721 --> 00:13:13,795
How about this?
335
00:13:13,829 --> 00:13:17,013
I'm gonna get a male doctor to
come in and do some screenings.
336
00:13:17,133 --> 00:13:17,799
Perfect.
337
00:13:17,833 --> 00:13:19,927
Just as a backup,
I'm sending you some photos.
338
00:13:20,047 --> 00:13:21,761
- That will not be necessary.
- That's me.
339
00:13:23,531 --> 00:13:25,633
Brand-new day,
brand-new merch.
340
00:13:25,667 --> 00:13:28,736
I got you guys some awesome
Entertainment720 stuff.
341
00:13:28,770 --> 00:13:32,939
Donna, this is for you.
Entertainment720 umbrella.
342
00:13:32,958 --> 00:13:36,910
Entertainment720 fly swatters.
Rubik's cube with my face on it.
343
00:13:36,944 --> 00:13:38,162
♪ Breath mints ♪
344
00:13:38,213 --> 00:13:39,713
Fireplace bellows.
345
00:13:39,748 --> 00:13:41,348
And...drum roll please.
346
00:13:42,584 --> 00:13:44,485
Drum roll sound effect
key chain.
347
00:13:44,519 --> 00:13:47,388
Shouldn't you be working
at your new company, Tom?
348
00:13:47,422 --> 00:13:48,672
I am working, April.
349
00:13:48,723 --> 00:13:51,091
I'm making high-level
network contacts.
350
00:13:51,126 --> 00:13:53,143
You think Bethenny Frankel
sits behind a desk all day?
351
00:13:53,178 --> 00:13:56,297
She makes $100 million a year.
How much you make a year?
352
00:13:56,331 --> 00:13:57,498
$101 million.
353
00:13:57,532 --> 00:13:59,366
Well, I, for one,
am happy to see Tom.
354
00:13:59,401 --> 00:14:00,601
Thanks, Jerry!
355
00:14:00,635 --> 00:14:03,153
Here. Have an umbrella
and some breath strips.
356
00:14:03,188 --> 00:14:04,738
Whoa.
357
00:14:04,773 --> 00:14:06,073
All right, enough chitchat,
everyone.
358
00:14:06,107 --> 00:14:08,809
- Please get back to work.
- You're not our boss.
359
00:14:08,827 --> 00:14:10,978
- What'd you just say to me?
- Ma'am.
360
00:14:11,012 --> 00:14:14,648
So...did you get a chance
to think about my offer?
361
00:14:14,666 --> 00:14:16,817
Yeah, I've been thinking a lot
about what you said.
362
00:14:16,851 --> 00:14:19,353
I wanna do my dreams,
but I just don't think my dream
363
00:14:19,387 --> 00:14:21,655
is working for a company that
puts logos on stuff.
364
00:14:21,690 --> 00:14:23,390
That's not my company does.
365
00:14:23,425 --> 00:14:25,259
Although, maybe we'll start.
366
00:14:25,293 --> 00:14:27,895
Hey, what you think?
367
00:14:27,929 --> 00:14:29,213
Donna...that looks great.
368
00:14:29,264 --> 00:14:31,398
I could do without this one.
369
00:14:33,184 --> 00:14:35,335
So running for office.
370
00:14:35,353 --> 00:14:37,805
Now I'm gonna have to find
a replacement for you.
371
00:14:37,839 --> 00:14:40,541
- I might not win.
- You'll win.
372
00:14:40,575 --> 00:14:44,945
- I might not run.
- You should.
373
00:14:44,979 --> 00:14:46,864
What's our plan here, Knope?
374
00:14:46,898 --> 00:14:50,551
I figure we build a fire,
roast the fish we shot,
375
00:14:50,585 --> 00:14:52,252
and make s'mores.
376
00:14:52,287 --> 00:14:54,054
I don't have the material
for s'mores.
377
00:14:54,089 --> 00:14:55,489
I do.
378
00:14:55,523 --> 00:14:57,524
I always carry emergency
s'more rations in my car.
379
00:14:57,559 --> 00:15:00,077
Given your hunting abilities
380
00:15:00,128 --> 00:15:02,079
and my chocolate supply,
381
00:15:02,130 --> 00:15:06,383
I figure we could stay up here
for two...three years.
382
00:15:12,173 --> 00:15:13,707
You know, when I was 12,
383
00:15:13,742 --> 00:15:16,877
my brother shot me in
the pinky toe with a nail gun.
384
00:15:16,911 --> 00:15:19,546
Granted, it was
a hilarious prank,
385
00:15:19,581 --> 00:15:21,047
and we all had a good laugh.
386
00:15:21,066 --> 00:15:22,215
That's awful.
387
00:15:22,233 --> 00:15:24,050
But I avoided going
to the doctor.
388
00:15:24,069 --> 00:15:26,186
I hate paperwork.
389
00:15:26,221 --> 00:15:29,156
After a few weeks,
the toe just kinda fell off.
390
00:15:29,190 --> 00:15:30,657
You only have nine toes?
391
00:15:30,692 --> 00:15:33,360
I have the toes I have.
392
00:15:33,395 --> 00:15:34,962
Let's just leave it at that.
393
00:15:34,996 --> 00:15:38,499
The point is the doctor said
if I had come in right away,
394
00:15:38,533 --> 00:15:41,101
they might've saved the toe.
395
00:15:41,136 --> 00:15:43,404
You can't run away
from your problems.
396
00:15:43,438 --> 00:15:45,639
Especially if you only have
nine toes.
397
00:15:46,958 --> 00:15:51,011
Sorry.
That was uncalled for.
398
00:15:51,045 --> 00:15:54,515
I'm Ron Swanson.
And you're Leslie [bleep] Knope.
399
00:15:57,185 --> 00:16:00,020
You with me?
400
00:16:04,359 --> 00:16:06,260
Well, what is your dream?
401
00:16:06,294 --> 00:16:08,562
It's to be the biggest rock
star on the planet obviously.
402
00:16:08,596 --> 00:16:10,264
But that could take another
3-5 years.
403
00:16:10,298 --> 00:16:11,532
Don't get me wrong.
404
00:16:11,566 --> 00:16:14,835
Shoe shining has been a...
been a pretty wild ride.
405
00:16:14,869 --> 00:16:18,338
But is it possible there's
something more out there for me?
406
00:16:18,373 --> 00:16:21,175
Andy, there's tons of stuff
you can do.
407
00:16:21,209 --> 00:16:22,960
I'll help you figure it out.
408
00:16:22,994 --> 00:16:24,828
- Really?
- Yes.
409
00:16:24,879 --> 00:16:28,582
One year from now, you,
Andy Dwyer, will no longer be
410
00:16:28,616 --> 00:16:32,019
a shoe shinist.
411
00:16:32,053 --> 00:16:33,620
Kyle, beat it.
412
00:16:33,655 --> 00:16:35,823
I wanna make out
with my wife now.
413
00:16:35,857 --> 00:16:37,691
But you've only done half
of one of my shoes.
414
00:16:37,725 --> 00:16:42,679
Here.
Now I haven't done anything.
415
00:16:42,730 --> 00:16:45,799
Scram, kid.
416
00:16:48,069 --> 00:16:50,103
- Hello.
- Hey, Ron! Welcome--
417
00:16:50,137 --> 00:16:52,973
Stop.
First order of business.
418
00:16:53,007 --> 00:16:55,409
I promised Leslie
I'd hire her a new assistant
419
00:16:55,443 --> 00:16:58,311
so the department doesn't
completely shut down
420
00:16:58,329 --> 00:17:00,664
while she runs for office.
421
00:17:00,698 --> 00:17:03,484
- You're running for office?
- Yeah, City Council.
422
00:17:03,518 --> 00:17:05,486
- Leslie, that is great.
- Thank you.
423
00:17:05,520 --> 00:17:09,690
Will you pledge right now
not to raise taxes?
424
00:17:09,724 --> 00:17:13,827
- I think that's premature.
- No pledge, no vote.
425
00:17:13,845 --> 00:17:15,846
The point is
she needs an assistant.
426
00:17:15,880 --> 00:17:18,532
- Start asking around--
- Hire Andy.
427
00:17:18,566 --> 00:17:22,669
- Andy can do it.
- Sure, yeah.
428
00:17:22,704 --> 00:17:23,837
Done.
429
00:17:23,855 --> 00:17:26,840
Andy, you are now Leslie's
assistant.
430
00:17:26,858 --> 00:17:28,642
Honey.
431
00:17:28,676 --> 00:17:31,311
No--
432
00:17:31,346 --> 00:17:33,614
Leslie, I'm gonna work
my ass off for you.
433
00:17:33,648 --> 00:17:35,916
I'll do anything you ask me.
I will prove myself.
434
00:17:35,950 --> 00:17:37,217
You don't even have to pay me.
435
00:17:37,252 --> 00:17:38,652
No, honey, no.
436
00:17:38,686 --> 00:17:42,206
Tomorrow, there will be
a 300-page orientation booklet
437
00:17:42,240 --> 00:17:44,057
as well as a dozen
homemade cookies
438
00:17:44,092 --> 00:17:45,626
in the shape of your face.
439
00:17:45,660 --> 00:17:48,428
But today...
440
00:17:48,463 --> 00:17:52,599
There's something else
I have to do.
441
00:17:52,634 --> 00:17:57,604
If any of you need
anything at all, too bad.
442
00:17:57,639 --> 00:18:00,173
Deal with your problems
yourselves like adults.
443
00:18:00,207 --> 00:18:02,542
I'll be in my office,
waiting for Tammy one.
444
00:18:02,560 --> 00:18:03,844
You want me to find her?
445
00:18:03,878 --> 00:18:05,846
There's no need.
She'll find me.
446
00:18:05,880 --> 00:18:11,318
She has the tracking ability
and body odor of a bloodhound.
447
00:18:13,605 --> 00:18:15,989
Okay, so now you're sure that
everything is okay, you know,
448
00:18:16,024 --> 00:18:17,190
down there?
449
00:18:17,224 --> 00:18:20,027
You're perfectly healthy.
450
00:18:20,061 --> 00:18:23,664
That man has the largest penis
I have ever seen.
451
00:18:23,698 --> 00:18:25,332
I actually don't even know
if he has mumps.
452
00:18:25,366 --> 00:18:26,700
Forgot to look.
453
00:18:26,734 --> 00:18:32,289
I was distracted by the largest
penis I have ever seen.
454
00:18:35,343 --> 00:18:37,044
I know I've been acting
really weird lately,
455
00:18:37,078 --> 00:18:39,947
and, um, I really like you.
456
00:18:39,981 --> 00:18:41,682
What I'm about to say
is gonna contradict the idea
457
00:18:41,716 --> 00:18:43,283
that I really like you,
but that won't change--
458
00:18:43,318 --> 00:18:44,418
So just open the box.
459
00:18:44,452 --> 00:18:46,153
Please stop bringing out
the box, okay?
460
00:18:46,187 --> 00:18:47,588
- Leslie--
- You're being really nice,
461
00:18:47,622 --> 00:18:49,690
and what I'm about to say
is gonna make you hate me.
462
00:18:49,724 --> 00:18:51,858
Okay, then I'll just open
the box for you.
463
00:18:55,229 --> 00:18:57,798
Wow.
464
00:18:57,832 --> 00:18:59,600
You knew?
465
00:18:59,634 --> 00:19:01,652
I figured it out a while ago.
466
00:19:01,703 --> 00:19:03,904
I'm sorry.
I should've told you I knew.
467
00:19:03,938 --> 00:19:08,275
But I just--I wanted this
to last as long as possible.
468
00:19:08,309 --> 00:19:10,077
We have to break up.
469
00:19:10,111 --> 00:19:13,747
Why?
Why do we have to break up?
470
00:19:13,781 --> 00:19:17,084
Well, Leslie, everything
you've accomplished,
471
00:19:17,118 --> 00:19:19,086
you have earned
and you have worked for.
472
00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,788
I don't want anyone to think
that you got where you are today
473
00:19:21,823 --> 00:19:25,592
by sleeping with your boss.
474
00:19:25,626 --> 00:19:26,927
But I really like sleeping
with my boss.
475
00:19:26,961 --> 00:19:29,229
Yeah...Yeah.
476
00:19:29,263 --> 00:19:31,565
Okay, look. I'm gonna make this
real easy for you.
477
00:19:31,599 --> 00:19:36,870
Um, it's not you, it's me.
I'm not ready for a commitment.
478
00:19:36,904 --> 00:19:38,839
I just don't like you anymore.
479
00:19:38,873 --> 00:19:41,608
I know it's hard to hear that,
but...
480
00:19:41,643 --> 00:19:43,777
You're boring, and frankly
you disgust me.
481
00:19:43,811 --> 00:19:45,495
Echh!
482
00:19:47,915 --> 00:19:49,650
How did you figure it out?
483
00:19:49,684 --> 00:19:52,686
Leslie, there was a dude
in the ladies' yacht club.
484
00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:54,688
Yeah, but I covered that
pretty well.
485
00:19:54,722 --> 00:19:58,342
Also, you've been making
campaign speeches in your sleep.
486
00:19:58,376 --> 00:20:02,229
Granted, you always do that,
but they got really specific
487
00:20:02,263 --> 00:20:04,064
and moving.
488
00:20:04,098 --> 00:20:05,632
Did I have a good opening line?
489
00:20:05,667 --> 00:20:09,970
It was simple, but I liked it.
490
00:20:10,004 --> 00:20:13,774
Friends, honored guests,
Pawneeans.
491
00:20:13,808 --> 00:20:17,861
I am Leslie Knope, and
I am running for City Council.
492
00:20:20,514 --> 00:20:30,514
Sync & corrected by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
493
00:20:31,703 --> 00:20:35,306
- Hello, Tammy.
- Ronald.
494
00:20:35,340 --> 00:20:37,775
That's enough small talk.
What do you want?
495
00:20:37,809 --> 00:20:40,399
You remember what I do
for a living, I trust?
496
00:20:40,749 --> 00:20:43,481
Yes.
You ruin people's lives.
497
00:20:45,563 --> 00:20:48,452
You're being audited, Ronald.
498
00:20:48,487 --> 00:20:49,587
I don't care.
499
00:20:49,621 --> 00:20:52,075
Then why is your mustache
trembling?
500
00:20:52,344 --> 00:20:54,358
I'm here as a friend.
501
00:20:54,392 --> 00:20:55,760
Call it nostalgia.
502
00:20:55,794 --> 00:20:58,529
Or perhaps guilt
for all the times
503
00:20:58,563 --> 00:21:00,531
I tried to smother you
in your sleep.
504
00:21:00,565 --> 00:21:03,785
- I don't need your help.
- Wrong. You do.
505
00:21:04,019 --> 00:21:06,692
But as you're so fond of saying,
it's a free country.
506
00:21:06,948 --> 00:21:08,217
Good luck.
507
00:21:08,672 --> 00:21:10,908
I hope you don't go to jail.
508
00:21:13,467 --> 00:21:16,281
Sit up straight.
You're not doing your breast any favors.
509
00:21:17,671 --> 00:21:19,523
Thank you.
510
00:21:20,592 --> 00:21:23,763
Hi. Your breasts are amazing.