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Gentlemen.
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Wildeness weekend is upon us.
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00:00:05,504 --> 00:00:06,871
There will be no video games.
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00:00:06,905 --> 00:00:09,240
There will be
no Internet pads.
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This weekend
you have two parents:
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Me and Mother Nature.
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And I...
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am Mother Nature's brother:
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Brother nature.
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But you can call me Andy.
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Or brother nature.
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Your call.
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- Thank you, Andy.
- Brother nature.
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For the last three years
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I have served as troop leader
of the Pawnee Rangers.
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This is our handbook.
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I wrote the whole thing myself.
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Okay, it's time
to give out the badges.
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Um, let's see.
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Emily, you get the badge
for most community service.
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00:00:43,583 --> 00:00:46,869
To Casey,
the best penguin blog badge.
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To Abigail,
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flyest hairstyle.
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And Ann gets the badge
for second-flyest hairstyle.
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Oh!
I wasn't competing for that.
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I'll say.
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Five years ago,
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a plucky fifth-grader wanted
to join the Pawnee Rangers,
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but their executive council said
what obnoxious jerks always say.
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"No. This is males-only.
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Go start your own club."
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She couldn't.
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So I did.
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We're called
the Pawnee Goddesses,
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and we're freakin' awesome.
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Hey, Ron, whose club
do you think is better,
37
00:01:15,799 --> 00:01:17,098
yours or mine?
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The answer is mine.
Say mine is better.
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It's not a competition.
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Oh, but it is.
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Your club made it a competition
when they kept girls out.
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My fragile constitution cannot
handle the fearsome outdoors.
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I have no problem
with strong women, Leslie.
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Who's Leslie?
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My name is Annabelle Vandergraf,
46
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and, y'all,
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I just fall to pieces
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when the sun shines
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on my hair--ed.
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However, the Pawnee Rangers
were founded because some boys
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want to go out into nature
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and learn
traditional survival skills
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without being distracted
by girls.
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Well, my awesome goddesses
don't want to be distracted by losers.
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Say my club is better, Ron.
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Say it.
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My club is better.
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Say it.
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Come on. Say it's better.
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Say it.
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00:02:04,914 --> 00:02:06,081
Say it's better.
Say my club is better.
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Say it. Give it up.
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Whose club is better? Mine.
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Say it. You know it.
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Say it.
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On principal,
I never say anything
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that another person is obviously
trying to get me to say.
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My first wedding ceremony
took two hours,
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because after the priest said
"Repeat after me"
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I fell silent.
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♪ ♪
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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I've been auditing
the budget, and I noticed
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00:02:46,188 --> 00:02:48,190
you're way behind
on your paperwork.
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00:02:48,224 --> 00:02:51,593
Uh, Jerry, you haven't
filled out a PC-10 form
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00:02:51,628 --> 00:02:53,361
in two and a half years.
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Aw, jeez, I'm sorry.
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Yeah, we kinda do
our paperwork at our own speed.
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Oh, really?
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Well, I kinda need you
to do it at my speed.
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Fine, I'll do them.
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What is wrong
with you today?
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Did they cancel
Game of Thrones?
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Nothing is wrong,
just do your job.
85
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And they would
never cancel Game of Thrones.
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It's a crossover hit.
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It's not just
for fantasy enthusiasts.
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They're telling human stories
in a fantasy world.
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Fill out the forms, please.
Thank you.
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I used to have
one really good reason
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for staying in Pawnee.
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But now, I'm not sure
what's keeping me here.
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Although,
I am just two sandwiches away
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from a free meatball sub.
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This is expired.
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Rangers, as a reward
for coming on this trip,
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I have gotten you each
two gifts.
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Go ahead. Open 'em.
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What is this?
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That is a canvas sheet,
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the most versatile object
known to man.
102
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It can be used
to make tents, backpacks,
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00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:04,800
shoes, stretchers,
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00:04:04,834 --> 00:04:06,201
sails, tarpaulins,
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and I suppose, in the most
dire of circumstances,
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it can be a surface
on which to make
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"art."
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What's the second gift?
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The second gift
is the box itself.
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You have 10 minutes
to assemble a shelter
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00:04:19,949 --> 00:04:22,684
using only your two gifts.
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Go.
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Ladies!
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The goddess cabin
has never looked better.
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00:04:28,157 --> 00:04:30,392
This year's
cabin refurbishment badge
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is going to be hotly contested.
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Okay,
so what did everybody make
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for their
loosely structured craft time?
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Lauren?
120
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I made a "Gertrude Stein."
121
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Amazing.
Lauren, that's so good!
122
00:04:43,405 --> 00:04:45,540
I really wouldn't
want to follow that.
123
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Ann?
124
00:04:47,109 --> 00:04:48,410
Oh, boy. Um...
125
00:04:48,444 --> 00:04:52,247
I was making
some cornhusk dolls for everyone
126
00:04:52,281 --> 00:04:54,082
but they kinda turned out wrong
127
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so they look like monsters.
128
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I'm sorry.
129
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I'm just gonna
put that over there.
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00:05:02,325 --> 00:05:04,393
In the fire.
131
00:05:04,427 --> 00:05:05,627
Well, Ann's keeping us warm.
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00:05:05,661 --> 00:05:07,396
And that's important.
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00:05:07,430 --> 00:05:08,513
April?
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♪ What was your craft? ♪.
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I drew something
on my arm.
136
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It's a pioneer girl
watching her grandmother
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get trampled by a buffalo.
138
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Yeah.
This right here's all the blood
139
00:05:20,910 --> 00:05:21,860
coming out her face.
140
00:05:23,846 --> 00:05:25,247
DJ Bluntz
is in the building,
141
00:05:25,281 --> 00:05:27,199
here to announce
that Tom Haverford
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is in the building.
143
00:05:29,085 --> 00:05:31,536
Oh! 1-2, 1-2!
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Donatella.
T-mobile.
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Three words for you:
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Treat. Yo. Self.
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♪ Treat yourself 2011. ♪
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Once a year,
Donna and I
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spend a day treating ourselves.
150
00:05:42,432 --> 00:05:43,965
What do we treat ourselves to?
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- Clothes.
- Treat yourself.
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00:05:45,368 --> 00:05:46,334
- Fragrances.
- Treat yourself.
153
00:05:46,352 --> 00:05:48,019
- Massages.
- Treat yourself.
154
00:05:48,054 --> 00:05:49,471
- Mimosas.
- Treat yourself.
155
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- Fine leather goods.
- Treat yourself!
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00:05:51,858 --> 00:05:53,475
It's the best day
of the year.
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♪ The best day of the year ♪.
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I got a question.
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Mm-hmm?
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What do you think
about inviting Ben
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to come along with us today?
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What? Noo!
163
00:06:02,568 --> 00:06:03,852
This is our thing.
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00:06:03,886 --> 00:06:05,537
But he really seems
like he could use a day off.
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00:06:05,571 --> 00:06:07,155
He's like
a skinny little rubber band
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that's about to snap in half.
167
00:06:08,958 --> 00:06:11,460
Exactly.
He doesn't know how to relax.
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00:06:11,494 --> 00:06:13,528
Donna, you and I
are relaxation professionals.
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There's no way Ben
can slow down enough
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to keep up with us.
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My Nubian princess,
this is our holy day.
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It's the one day a year
I allow myself to be selfish.
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Ooh, cupcakes.
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Those are all for me, Jerry.
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This homemade bulgogi
is so delicious, Kayla.
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This is the best Korean food
I've ever had.
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I would say
it's almost as good as
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lukewarm beans from a can.
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Right, Ron?
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00:06:35,118 --> 00:06:37,352
I'm trying to teach my boys
about rationing food,
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and your self-indulgent
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00:06:39,238 --> 00:06:41,523
ethnic food court isn't helping.
183
00:06:41,557 --> 00:06:43,892
Goddesses, let's go over
our schedule for this afternoon.
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00:06:43,910 --> 00:06:46,194
We have hiking,
and then capture the flag,
185
00:06:46,229 --> 00:06:48,430
and then a puppet show
about the Bill of Rights
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00:06:48,464 --> 00:06:51,366
set to "Party in the USA"
by Miley Cyrus,
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00:06:51,400 --> 00:06:53,535
and then we have lasso training,
188
00:06:53,569 --> 00:06:55,453
and a s'mores-off.
189
00:06:58,507 --> 00:07:00,208
So what's on our schedule,
Mr. Swanson?
190
00:07:00,642 --> 00:07:03,044
We have one activity planned:
191
00:07:03,078 --> 00:07:04,296
Not getting killed.
192
00:07:08,751 --> 00:07:09,968
Jerry.
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00:07:10,019 --> 00:07:11,937
Oh, everybody must be
at Rangers weekend.
194
00:07:11,971 --> 00:07:13,755
You know, I actually
was a ranger for 12 years--
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That's wonderful.
196
00:07:14,774 --> 00:07:15,941
Maybe you should
take the day off.
197
00:07:15,975 --> 00:07:17,859
You know,
rest is very important.
198
00:07:17,894 --> 00:07:21,279
Did you know that lab rats
who are deprived of rest
199
00:07:21,330 --> 00:07:23,081
grow tumors
all over their bodies?
200
00:07:23,115 --> 00:07:24,449
You should Google it.
It's horrifying.
201
00:07:24,500 --> 00:07:25,784
Uh, thank you. Yes.
202
00:07:25,835 --> 00:07:27,169
You know, I'm gonna--
203
00:07:27,203 --> 00:07:28,703
I'm gonna go have lunch
with my daughter!
204
00:07:28,737 --> 00:07:29,638
You know, Chris,
if you wanted,
205
00:07:29,672 --> 00:07:31,540
you know,
you should join us for lunch.
206
00:07:31,574 --> 00:07:33,008
My daughter,
she's really sweet.
207
00:07:33,042 --> 00:07:35,209
I would love to, Jerry,
but I'm afraid that I am busy.
208
00:07:35,243 --> 00:07:36,077
I have got to run.
209
00:07:36,095 --> 00:07:37,128
Google those rat tumors!
210
00:07:39,048 --> 00:07:41,600
♪ Treat yourself 2011 ♪
211
00:07:41,634 --> 00:07:43,751
Oh, lord.
212
00:07:43,769 --> 00:07:44,970
Is he eating soup?
213
00:07:45,021 --> 00:07:46,755
On a bench? Alone?
214
00:07:47,789 --> 00:07:49,191
Tom.
215
00:07:50,026 --> 00:07:51,559
Fine.
216
00:07:51,927 --> 00:07:54,312
Come on, rubber band.
Come with us.
217
00:07:54,363 --> 00:07:55,430
What? What are you--
218
00:07:55,464 --> 00:07:56,648
No arguing.
219
00:07:56,699 --> 00:07:57,765
And no soup in the Benz.
220
00:07:58,183 --> 00:07:59,868
- Get in.
- Wha?
221
00:07:59,902 --> 00:08:01,102
What?
222
00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:02,287
What is happening right now?
223
00:08:08,643 --> 00:08:09,911
Great pillow fight, girls.
224
00:08:09,945 --> 00:08:11,779
That was one
of our best ones yet.
225
00:08:11,797 --> 00:08:13,832
Okay.
Now it's time for awards.
226
00:08:13,883 --> 00:08:16,351
Lulu gets the golden pillow.
227
00:08:16,385 --> 00:08:19,137
And the silver pillow
goes to Janie.
228
00:08:20,389 --> 00:08:21,339
Ooh!
229
00:08:22,390 --> 00:08:24,726
Yes, what is it?
230
00:08:24,760 --> 00:08:26,728
Ms. Knope,
231
00:08:26,762 --> 00:08:28,463
I don't like
the Rangers anymore.
232
00:08:28,481 --> 00:08:31,166
I want to become
a Pawnee Goddess.
233
00:08:31,200 --> 00:08:32,234
I did it!
234
00:08:32,268 --> 00:08:34,736
My club is officially
the best club.
235
00:08:34,770 --> 00:08:36,804
I would give myself
a merit badge that says
236
00:08:36,839 --> 00:08:38,573
"Best Club Founder,"
but I don't have one,
237
00:08:38,607 --> 00:08:39,907
so I'm going to give myself
238
00:08:39,942 --> 00:08:42,611
"Prettiest eyes"
as a placeholder.
239
00:08:42,645 --> 00:08:44,162
I secretly always
wanted this badge,
240
00:08:44,196 --> 00:08:46,164
so it works out great.
241
00:08:49,196 --> 00:08:50,664
You were defecting?
242
00:08:50,969 --> 00:08:52,953
I like you, Mr. Swanson,
it's just...
243
00:08:52,988 --> 00:08:54,972
All we do is sit in silence
and eat beans.
244
00:08:55,023 --> 00:08:57,892
Those beans were a reward.
245
00:08:57,926 --> 00:08:58,893
Well, see, the thing is
246
00:08:58,927 --> 00:09:00,227
this club is for girls only.
247
00:09:00,261 --> 00:09:02,563
Maybe you should start
your own club, for boys.
248
00:09:02,597 --> 00:09:03,631
Get back to your canvas box.
249
00:09:03,665 --> 00:09:05,783
We'll discuss this no further.
250
00:09:05,817 --> 00:09:07,735
And I'll thank you
to keep the ruckus down
251
00:09:07,769 --> 00:09:10,270
so my boys can
focus on solitude.
252
00:09:10,288 --> 00:09:12,106
- I'm sorry, Darren.
- Let's go.
253
00:09:14,810 --> 00:09:16,961
So, treat yourself day
is just a day
254
00:09:16,995 --> 00:09:20,164
where you go to the spa
and then the mall?
255
00:09:21,383 --> 00:09:22,683
I knew you wouldn't get it.
256
00:09:22,718 --> 00:09:25,086
Well, I'm a relaxation novice.
257
00:09:25,120 --> 00:09:26,087
Give me some guidance.
258
00:09:26,121 --> 00:09:27,888
Listen to me, Ben-to box,
259
00:09:27,923 --> 00:09:29,924
the point of this
is to pamper yourself.
260
00:09:29,958 --> 00:09:32,193
Just relaaax, man.
261
00:09:32,227 --> 00:09:33,227
I can't.
262
00:09:33,261 --> 00:09:34,962
Something about
the sound of harps
263
00:09:34,980 --> 00:09:37,598
that makes me nervous.
264
00:09:37,632 --> 00:09:38,933
Oh, my God!
265
00:09:38,967 --> 00:09:40,351
- Hi, Donna.
- Hey.
266
00:09:40,402 --> 00:09:42,336
Relaxation lesson number one:
267
00:09:42,371 --> 00:09:44,004
Acupuncture.
268
00:09:44,039 --> 00:09:46,340
It's great for your back,
and your rear.
269
00:09:46,375 --> 00:09:49,176
Needles in your face,
pleasure in your base.
270
00:09:52,581 --> 00:09:54,348
- I know.
- That's my boss.
271
00:09:54,366 --> 00:09:56,016
Hey, Chris.
272
00:09:56,051 --> 00:09:59,286
Uh, I would like you
to meet my daughter, Millicent.
273
00:09:59,321 --> 00:10:01,038
Wow.
274
00:10:01,072 --> 00:10:02,189
Jerry, great job.
275
00:10:02,223 --> 00:10:03,557
I'm your dad's boss.
276
00:10:03,592 --> 00:10:05,492
And his much-younger friend.
277
00:10:05,527 --> 00:10:06,927
Pleasure to meet you.
278
00:10:06,962 --> 00:10:08,078
Isn't she beautiful?
279
00:10:08,129 --> 00:10:10,864
I say she looks
like my wife, Gayle,
280
00:10:10,882 --> 00:10:12,967
and Gayle agrees.
281
00:10:13,001 --> 00:10:15,135
So, anyway,
we were gonna go to lunch, so--
282
00:10:15,170 --> 00:10:18,038
I retroactively accept
your original offer.
283
00:10:18,573 --> 00:10:19,256
Let's go!
284
00:10:19,257 --> 00:10:20,557
Ladies, I just wanted
285
00:10:20,592 --> 00:10:23,344
to thank you for not cheering
when I sent Darren away.
286
00:10:23,378 --> 00:10:25,679
Ms. Knope,
wasn't Darren just asking
287
00:10:25,714 --> 00:10:27,247
for the same equality
that you and the goddesses
288
00:10:27,282 --> 00:10:30,284
wanted five years ago?
289
00:10:30,318 --> 00:10:31,518
In a sense,
290
00:10:31,552 --> 00:10:33,153
but it's a little bit
more complicated than--
291
00:10:33,188 --> 00:10:34,688
Wasn't your answer
the very same thing
292
00:10:34,723 --> 00:10:36,991
that the ranger council
said to you?
293
00:10:37,025 --> 00:10:37,992
"Stick to your own kind"?
294
00:10:38,026 --> 00:10:40,411
Who wants
homemade peanut brittle?
295
00:10:40,445 --> 00:10:43,297
Ms. Perkins, please,
we're in the middle of a debate.
296
00:10:43,331 --> 00:10:44,898
Sorry.
297
00:10:44,916 --> 00:10:46,033
Come on, goddesses.
298
00:10:46,067 --> 00:10:48,068
We just struck
a huge blow for equality
299
00:10:48,086 --> 00:10:49,737
by proving that
we were better than them.
300
00:10:49,771 --> 00:10:50,771
I disagree.
301
00:10:50,805 --> 00:10:52,339
What about a public forum?
302
00:10:52,374 --> 00:10:54,174
You always say that
there's no better solution
303
00:10:54,209 --> 00:10:55,459
for a hot-button issue
304
00:10:55,510 --> 00:10:57,928
than a good ol'-fashioned
public forum.
305
00:10:57,962 --> 00:10:58,929
Great idea, Lauren.
306
00:10:58,963 --> 00:11:00,247
What was that?
307
00:11:00,265 --> 00:11:02,883
I said,
"great idea, Lauren."
308
00:11:02,917 --> 00:11:04,301
I've taught them too well.
309
00:11:04,352 --> 00:11:07,521
I've created a mob of
little Leslie Knope monsters.
310
00:11:07,555 --> 00:11:08,789
I'm so proud.
311
00:11:08,823 --> 00:11:09,857
And a little annoyed.
312
00:11:09,891 --> 00:11:11,608
But mostly proud.
313
00:11:11,643 --> 00:11:12,943
70/30.
314
00:11:12,977 --> 00:11:14,945
Just relax and don't move.
315
00:11:14,979 --> 00:11:16,964
Okay. Ah...
316
00:11:16,998 --> 00:11:19,133
This is the most
317
00:11:19,167 --> 00:11:22,069
stressed-out I've ever been
318
00:11:22,103 --> 00:11:23,170
in my life.
319
00:11:23,204 --> 00:11:24,655
Ben, listen.
320
00:11:24,706 --> 00:11:26,507
I'm gonna talk to you
about things you like
321
00:11:26,541 --> 00:11:27,708
to take your mind
off the needles, okay?
322
00:11:28,743 --> 00:11:31,278
Accounting.
323
00:11:31,296 --> 00:11:32,479
Trigonometry.
324
00:11:32,514 --> 00:11:33,614
Stamps, probably.
325
00:11:33,648 --> 00:11:34,848
More of a rare coins guy.
326
00:11:34,883 --> 00:11:36,316
Help me. Help me!
327
00:11:36,351 --> 00:11:40,020
There is nothing that I like
more than running for charity.
328
00:11:40,055 --> 00:11:42,339
You know, last summer
I did a 50-mile bike ride
329
00:11:42,390 --> 00:11:44,291
- for the red cross.
- Yes, she did.
330
00:11:44,309 --> 00:11:45,625
Millicent Gergich,
331
00:11:45,643 --> 00:11:47,761
biking for charity is literally
332
00:11:47,795 --> 00:11:49,346
one of my interests on Facebook.
333
00:11:50,432 --> 00:11:52,483
I can't believe
how alike we are.
334
00:11:52,517 --> 00:11:54,935
I know, it's like
we're literally the same person.
335
00:11:57,856 --> 00:12:00,941
We are having a moment.
336
00:12:02,143 --> 00:12:03,410
Attention, everyone.
337
00:12:03,445 --> 00:12:05,512
Welcome to wonder weekend's
338
00:12:05,547 --> 00:12:08,031
first-ever public forum.
339
00:12:08,083 --> 00:12:09,700
Our topic today?
340
00:12:09,751 --> 00:12:11,118
Should the amazing goddesses
341
00:12:11,152 --> 00:12:14,388
take pity on the once-powerful
Pawnee Rangers,
342
00:12:14,422 --> 00:12:18,092
and let them into our
clearly superior organization?
343
00:12:18,126 --> 00:12:20,127
Ron, your opening statement.
344
00:12:22,697 --> 00:12:24,214
This forum,
like all public forums,
345
00:12:24,265 --> 00:12:25,299
is a waste of time.
346
00:12:25,333 --> 00:12:26,734
Thank you.
347
00:12:26,768 --> 00:12:27,935
Powerful stuff.
348
00:12:27,969 --> 00:12:30,554
Okay. Let's open up
the floor to debate.
349
00:12:30,605 --> 00:12:32,022
Who-- yes, Abigail.
350
00:12:32,056 --> 00:12:35,175
Isn't it like Brown vs.
The Board of Education?
351
00:12:35,193 --> 00:12:37,277
Separate but equal
is never really equal.
352
00:12:37,312 --> 00:12:38,412
We should let the boys in.
353
00:12:38,446 --> 00:12:40,063
Mmm, interesting. Casey?
354
00:12:40,115 --> 00:12:41,365
I disagree.
355
00:12:41,399 --> 00:12:43,951
I think there's a benefit
to educating the genders separately.
356
00:12:43,985 --> 00:12:45,953
I see where
you're coming from.
357
00:12:45,987 --> 00:12:47,521
Let's hear from a ranger.
358
00:12:47,539 --> 00:12:49,623
Anyone? Darren?
359
00:12:49,657 --> 00:12:52,092
It's cold
and dirty out here.
360
00:12:52,127 --> 00:12:54,261
And you guys have candy.
361
00:12:54,295 --> 00:12:55,746
I want the candy.
362
00:12:56,297 --> 00:12:58,599
The goddesses are making
some well-informed statements,
363
00:12:58,633 --> 00:13:00,134
but the most compelling point
364
00:13:00,168 --> 00:13:02,169
is from Darren, about the candy.
365
00:13:02,203 --> 00:13:04,872
We have amazing candy in there.
366
00:13:05,406 --> 00:13:06,907
Welcome to Nirvana,
367
00:13:06,941 --> 00:13:08,675
the Plaza at Eagleton.
368
00:13:08,709 --> 00:13:10,244
There's a reflecting pool
out back,
369
00:13:10,278 --> 00:13:12,479
there's an old-timey train
that runs through the mall,
370
00:13:12,514 --> 00:13:14,748
and three Burberrys.
371
00:13:14,783 --> 00:13:16,517
If you tell your friend,
"hey, meet me at Burberry,"
372
00:13:16,551 --> 00:13:19,153
they gotta specify which one.
373
00:13:19,187 --> 00:13:20,521
Let's hit it.
374
00:13:21,906 --> 00:13:22,889
I really want this dress,
375
00:13:22,907 --> 00:13:24,725
and I like this crystal beetle,
376
00:13:24,759 --> 00:13:28,245
but it's expensive
and there's no use for it.
377
00:13:28,279 --> 00:13:29,730
Donna Meagle?
378
00:13:29,764 --> 00:13:31,598
Treat yourself.
379
00:13:31,633 --> 00:13:33,834
Velvet slippies,
cashmere socks,
380
00:13:33,868 --> 00:13:35,919
velvet pants,
cashmere turtle.
381
00:13:35,954 --> 00:13:37,704
I'm a cashmere-velvet
candy cane.
382
00:13:37,739 --> 00:13:40,240
Treat yourself.
383
00:13:40,275 --> 00:13:41,809
I mean, this is insane.
384
00:13:43,094 --> 00:13:44,678
Jerry, a word?
385
00:13:44,712 --> 00:13:45,779
Of course.
386
00:13:45,814 --> 00:13:48,015
I had an amazing lunch.
387
00:13:48,049 --> 00:13:50,300
I've already passed
the kale salad I had.
388
00:13:50,351 --> 00:13:51,351
But, even better?
389
00:13:51,386 --> 00:13:53,270
Your daughter
was delightful company.
390
00:13:53,304 --> 00:13:54,972
Now, I don't want to put you
391
00:13:55,023 --> 00:13:56,607
in an awkward position, but--
392
00:13:56,641 --> 00:13:58,392
You would like
to date my daughter.
393
00:13:58,426 --> 00:13:59,593
Yes!
But you are her father.
394
00:13:59,611 --> 00:14:01,361
And that is a sacred thing.
395
00:14:01,396 --> 00:14:03,564
I would like to spend
the next 2 to 4 days with you
396
00:14:03,598 --> 00:14:04,931
so you can get
to know me better,
397
00:14:04,949 --> 00:14:06,400
to find out if I'm
the kind of person
398
00:14:06,434 --> 00:14:08,118
who's good enough
for your daughter.
399
00:14:08,152 --> 00:14:09,536
Then, you can come with us
400
00:14:09,571 --> 00:14:10,904
on our first 3 to 6 dates--
401
00:14:10,938 --> 00:14:11,905
Chris,
I appreciate the gesture,
402
00:14:11,940 --> 00:14:13,440
it's very nice,
403
00:14:13,458 --> 00:14:15,042
but, Milly,
she's a grown woman,
404
00:14:15,076 --> 00:14:16,577
and of course I trust her.
405
00:14:16,611 --> 00:14:18,378
And I trust you.
406
00:14:18,413 --> 00:14:19,680
Jerry.
407
00:14:19,714 --> 00:14:20,714
Thank you.
408
00:14:25,887 --> 00:14:27,054
Mmm.
409
00:14:27,088 --> 00:14:28,622
Boys, I'm trying
to teach you something
410
00:14:28,640 --> 00:14:32,125
about nature and self-reliance.
411
00:14:32,160 --> 00:14:34,728
Nothing beats hard work
and determination.
412
00:14:34,762 --> 00:14:36,230
Is this
the Pawnee goddesses?
413
00:14:36,264 --> 00:14:37,231
I've got
the puppies you ordered.
414
00:14:37,265 --> 00:14:38,232
Oh!
415
00:14:38,266 --> 00:14:39,900
The puppies
for the puppy party
416
00:14:39,934 --> 00:14:41,101
that we're having
in our cabin?
417
00:14:41,135 --> 00:14:42,102
Those puppies?
418
00:14:42,136 --> 00:14:43,103
What?
419
00:14:43,137 --> 00:14:44,371
Noo!
420
00:14:49,326 --> 00:14:51,745
Man, did you buy anything
for yourself today?
421
00:14:51,779 --> 00:14:52,996
Yeah, I got this
pack of socks.
422
00:14:53,031 --> 00:14:53,997
Plain white socks?
423
00:14:54,032 --> 00:14:55,198
That's not a treat!
424
00:14:55,250 --> 00:14:56,199
Donna!
425
00:14:56,251 --> 00:14:57,618
Get me away from him.
426
00:14:57,652 --> 00:14:59,753
Look. Maybe this is our
version of treat yourself day
427
00:14:59,787 --> 00:15:01,255
and he needs to do his version.
428
00:15:01,289 --> 00:15:02,506
What are you talking about?
429
00:15:02,540 --> 00:15:04,925
Wyatt, if you could blow
big money on one thing--
430
00:15:04,959 --> 00:15:06,426
not sock money--
431
00:15:06,461 --> 00:15:09,196
what would it be?
432
00:15:13,501 --> 00:15:15,002
Oh, my God!
Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
433
00:15:15,036 --> 00:15:16,470
This is a whole new
level of nerd.
434
00:15:16,504 --> 00:15:18,305
You're right.
This is ridiculous.
435
00:15:18,339 --> 00:15:19,306
What am I doing?
436
00:15:19,340 --> 00:15:20,307
Wait. No, no, no, no.
437
00:15:20,341 --> 00:15:21,892
I mean that
in a good way, Ben.
438
00:15:21,943 --> 00:15:23,226
Listen to me,
439
00:15:23,278 --> 00:15:25,312
you're part of the
treat yourself team now, okay?
440
00:15:25,346 --> 00:15:27,214
If that costume
somehow makes you happy,
441
00:15:27,248 --> 00:15:29,116
you're gonna buy it.
442
00:15:29,150 --> 00:15:31,234
And you're gonna wear it
out of the store, okay?
443
00:15:31,286 --> 00:15:32,235
You're gonna treat yourself.
444
00:15:32,287 --> 00:15:33,253
Yeah, you know what?
445
00:15:33,288 --> 00:15:34,321
I'm gonna do that.
446
00:15:34,355 --> 00:15:35,855
I'm gonna--
447
00:15:35,873 --> 00:15:37,557
I'm gonna treat myself.
448
00:15:37,592 --> 00:15:39,593
Thanks, you guys.
449
00:15:41,229 --> 00:15:44,331
Thank you.
450
00:15:44,365 --> 00:15:46,199
I really needed this.
451
00:15:47,802 --> 00:15:51,738
I'm gonna treat myself.
452
00:15:51,773 --> 00:15:54,508
Uh-oh. Batman's crying.
453
00:15:54,542 --> 00:15:56,743
I am a goddess.
454
00:15:56,778 --> 00:15:59,396
A glorious female warrior.
455
00:15:59,430 --> 00:16:01,148
I am a goddess.
456
00:16:01,182 --> 00:16:03,717
A glorious female warrior.
457
00:16:03,751 --> 00:16:05,936
Queen of all that I survey.
458
00:16:05,987 --> 00:16:09,156
Queen of all that I survey.
459
00:16:09,190 --> 00:16:11,391
Enemies of fairness
and equality,
460
00:16:11,426 --> 00:16:13,276
hear my womanly roar.
461
00:16:13,328 --> 00:16:16,697
Enemies of fairness
and equality,
462
00:16:16,731 --> 00:16:19,399
hear my womanly roar.
463
00:16:25,039 --> 00:16:26,406
Congratulations,
you are now goddesses.
464
00:16:26,424 --> 00:16:28,241
Oh, my God!
465
00:16:29,260 --> 00:16:31,244
Now, have yourselves
466
00:16:31,262 --> 00:16:32,245
a puppy party.
467
00:16:40,921 --> 00:16:42,656
Oh, boy.
468
00:16:46,521 --> 00:16:47,556
Hey.
469
00:16:47,616 --> 00:16:49,417
Can I sit down?
470
00:16:51,352 --> 00:16:54,488
Look, I didn't mean
for this to happen.
471
00:16:54,522 --> 00:16:57,491
I have a lot of respect
for the Pawnee Rangers,
472
00:16:57,525 --> 00:16:59,994
even if they were jerks
five years ago.
473
00:17:00,028 --> 00:17:01,929
You're not a jerk.
474
00:17:01,963 --> 00:17:04,698
You're a good troop leader.
475
00:17:04,733 --> 00:17:07,334
Not for these times I'm not.
476
00:17:07,369 --> 00:17:09,937
It's taken me a while
to see this,
477
00:17:09,971 --> 00:17:12,606
but these kids...
478
00:17:12,641 --> 00:17:14,742
I don't understand 'em.
479
00:17:14,776 --> 00:17:17,044
And they certainly
don't understand me.
480
00:17:17,078 --> 00:17:18,612
That's not true.
481
00:17:18,647 --> 00:17:20,314
No, it is.
482
00:17:20,348 --> 00:17:21,348
And it's okay.
483
00:17:21,383 --> 00:17:23,317
People change.
484
00:17:23,351 --> 00:17:25,386
Their interests change.
485
00:17:25,420 --> 00:17:28,355
It's the way of the world.
486
00:17:28,390 --> 00:17:31,608
When did kids get
so interested in fun?
487
00:17:33,662 --> 00:17:35,112
Ah...
488
00:17:35,163 --> 00:17:38,415
I'm gonna turn in.
489
00:17:38,450 --> 00:17:41,235
You were right, by the way.
490
00:17:41,269 --> 00:17:43,170
Your group is better.
491
00:17:49,511 --> 00:17:51,111
What's wrong?
Out with it.
492
00:17:51,146 --> 00:17:54,648
I was... seeing a woman,
493
00:17:54,683 --> 00:17:56,850
uh, for a while, and then
494
00:17:56,885 --> 00:17:59,053
we stopped seeing each other.
495
00:17:59,087 --> 00:18:01,555
Uh, pretty recently.
496
00:18:01,589 --> 00:18:03,974
That's why you've been
off your game.
497
00:18:04,025 --> 00:18:05,776
Sorry, dog.
498
00:18:05,810 --> 00:18:07,161
You're a catch, Wyatt.
499
00:18:07,195 --> 00:18:09,096
You're gonna be okay.
500
00:18:09,130 --> 00:18:10,631
There's chickenheads
everywhere, Ben.
501
00:18:10,665 --> 00:18:12,032
Chickenheads all around
this mall.
502
00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:14,034
You're gonna find one,
and you're gonna be great.
503
00:18:14,069 --> 00:18:15,035
But, for now,
why don't you let it out?
504
00:18:15,070 --> 00:18:17,071
Treat yourself
to a good cry.
505
00:18:18,790 --> 00:18:20,107
One question, though.
506
00:18:20,141 --> 00:18:21,992
Yeah?
507
00:18:22,043 --> 00:18:25,612
Why so serious?
508
00:18:27,999 --> 00:18:28,966
Wait, I got something.
509
00:18:29,000 --> 00:18:29,967
Oh!
510
00:18:30,001 --> 00:18:32,019
Cool! Awesome! Nice!
511
00:18:32,053 --> 00:18:33,754
Thanks, D-money.
512
00:18:33,788 --> 00:18:34,988
What kind of bait
did you use?
513
00:18:35,023 --> 00:18:37,508
I bought this mackerel
at the supermarket.
514
00:18:37,559 --> 00:18:38,792
I've been standing in the water
515
00:18:38,810 --> 00:18:39,793
with the fish on my hook
516
00:18:39,811 --> 00:18:41,729
for 30 minutes.
517
00:18:41,763 --> 00:18:43,764
I saw it on an episode
I Love Lucy.
518
00:18:43,798 --> 00:18:45,099
Pathetic? Maybe.
519
00:18:45,133 --> 00:18:47,000
But, feels pretty good
to have a bunch of little boys
520
00:18:47,035 --> 00:18:48,602
be super into me.
521
00:18:48,636 --> 00:18:49,603
That came out wrong.
522
00:18:49,637 --> 00:18:51,105
Ron!
523
00:18:51,139 --> 00:18:52,689
Come fish with us!
524
00:18:52,741 --> 00:18:54,608
That's okay.
525
00:18:54,642 --> 00:18:56,527
Seems like you have
things under control.
526
00:18:56,578 --> 00:18:57,644
Come on!
527
00:18:57,662 --> 00:18:59,079
Come do that thing
where you catch one
528
00:18:59,114 --> 00:19:00,247
with your hands!
529
00:19:00,281 --> 00:19:02,216
I've seen him do it,
it's incredible.
530
00:19:02,250 --> 00:19:03,217
Ron, come on!
531
00:19:03,251 --> 00:19:05,452
We need you
to help us have fun!
532
00:19:05,486 --> 00:19:07,154
First annual Leslie Knope
533
00:19:07,188 --> 00:19:09,373
remote control speedboat race!
534
00:19:12,227 --> 00:19:13,210
See ya Monday.
535
00:19:22,303 --> 00:19:23,387
Jerry.
536
00:19:23,438 --> 00:19:24,504
Where did you come from?
537
00:19:24,522 --> 00:19:26,507
Listen,
as I said earlier,
538
00:19:26,541 --> 00:19:28,859
I want keep everything
above board in regards
539
00:19:28,893 --> 00:19:30,244
to my relationship
with your daughter.
540
00:19:30,278 --> 00:19:33,447
And, as you know, Millicent
and I went out last night.
541
00:19:33,481 --> 00:19:35,149
And... it went terrific.
542
00:19:35,183 --> 00:19:36,233
Chris, that's great,
543
00:19:36,284 --> 00:19:37,234
but you really don't
have to do this.
544
00:19:37,285 --> 00:19:39,236
Again, the date was amazing,
545
00:19:39,287 --> 00:19:41,872
we had sparkling conversation,
546
00:19:41,906 --> 00:19:43,624
and, full disclosure,
547
00:19:43,658 --> 00:19:45,325
she did spend the night
at my house.
548
00:19:45,359 --> 00:19:46,827
Have a great day, Jerry.
549
00:19:53,868 --> 00:19:55,068
What are you doing here?
550
00:19:55,103 --> 00:19:56,503
We're here for the club.
551
00:19:56,537 --> 00:19:57,754
That was last week.
552
00:19:57,806 --> 00:19:59,306
The ad says today.
553
00:19:59,340 --> 00:20:00,340
Ad?
554
00:20:04,212 --> 00:20:05,712
"Are you tough as nails?
555
00:20:05,747 --> 00:20:07,397
" Would you rather sleep
on a bed of pine needles
556
00:20:07,432 --> 00:20:08,782
"than a mattress?
557
00:20:08,817 --> 00:20:10,617
"Do you find
video games pointless
558
00:20:10,652 --> 00:20:13,053
"and shopping malls stupid?
559
00:20:13,087 --> 00:20:15,022
"Do you march to the beat
of your own drummer?
560
00:20:15,056 --> 00:20:18,025
"Did you make the drum yourself?
561
00:20:18,059 --> 00:20:21,111
"If so, you might just have
what it takes to be
562
00:20:21,162 --> 00:20:22,779
"a Swanson.
563
00:20:22,831 --> 00:20:25,582
"Pawnee's most hardcore
outdoor club starts today.
564
00:20:25,617 --> 00:20:28,635
Boys and girls welcome."
565
00:20:30,839 --> 00:20:31,805
Swansons!
566
00:20:31,840 --> 00:20:34,107
Are you prepared
for whatever lies ahead?
567
00:20:34,142 --> 00:20:35,142
Yes, sir.
568
00:20:35,176 --> 00:20:36,260
Before we proceed,
569
00:20:36,294 --> 00:20:39,412
do any of have any
dietary restrictions?
570
00:20:39,430 --> 00:20:41,381
Correct, you do not.
571
00:20:41,415 --> 00:20:42,950
First outing is right now.
572
00:20:42,984 --> 00:20:44,184
I will be teaching you
573
00:20:44,219 --> 00:20:46,803
to dig a proper trench.
574
00:20:46,855 --> 00:20:48,655
Does that sound like
something you want to do?
575
00:20:48,690 --> 00:20:51,124
Yes, sir.
576
00:20:51,159 --> 00:20:53,193
This will be
no fun at all.
577
00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,593
The Town of Pawnee invites you
to stay tuned for more Parks & Rec.
578
00:20:59,759 --> 00:21:02,093
And to try our delicious local corn.
579
00:21:04,326 --> 00:21:06,127
The Internet's not working.
580
00:21:06,161 --> 00:21:07,128
Ben!
581
00:21:07,162 --> 00:21:08,263
We need your help.
582
00:21:08,297 --> 00:21:09,330
Guys, I've told you
how to do it.
583
00:21:09,365 --> 00:21:10,615
You just unplug the router
584
00:21:10,666 --> 00:21:12,283
and then you plug it
back in again.
585
00:21:15,671 --> 00:21:16,955
Guess I'll do it.
586
00:21:22,043 --> 00:21:23,194
Still not working.
587
00:21:23,328 --> 00:21:24,812
Well,
give it a minute. God.
588
00:21:27,616 --> 00:21:28,983
Okay, it's working.
589
00:21:29,293 --> 00:21:39,060
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com