1
00:00:04,409 --> 00:00:06,709
Hmm. Eyeballs wrapped,
uhm... vampire teeth
2
00:00:06,809 --> 00:00:07,809
Boom! Vampire teeth.
3
00:00:07,876 --> 00:00:09,843
Good.
Spider webs.
4
00:00:09,910 --> 00:00:11,411
- Done.
- Mm-hm.
5
00:00:11,479 --> 00:00:13,179
Fake blood capsules.
6
00:00:13,247 --> 00:00:14,748
Oh, they didn't have any.
7
00:00:14,816 --> 00:00:17,617
Really?
8
00:00:17,685 --> 00:00:19,886
That's gross,
I love it.
9
00:00:19,954 --> 00:00:22,155
We are throwing a Halloween
party at our house.
10
00:00:22,223 --> 00:00:23,457
It's gonna be
the greatest thing ever.
11
00:00:23,524 --> 00:00:24,690
Someone will die.
12
00:00:24,758 --> 00:00:25,858
Of fun!
13
00:00:25,925 --> 00:00:27,059
And of murder.
14
00:00:27,126 --> 00:00:28,961
And there's gonna
be beer, pumpkins...
15
00:00:29,028 --> 00:00:30,229
Bloody goblins.
16
00:00:30,296 --> 00:00:31,530
Fake ones.
It's gonna be awesome.
17
00:00:31,598 --> 00:00:32,598
We have decorations...
18
00:00:32,666 --> 00:00:34,166
Dead people that
we just murdered.
19
00:00:34,234 --> 00:00:35,434
Not... murdered.
20
00:00:35,502 --> 00:00:37,636
But pictures of dead people
from TV or movies.
21
00:00:37,704 --> 00:00:38,771
Mutilated bodies.
22
00:00:38,839 --> 00:00:39,772
B-but fake ones.
23
00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:41,973
Candy, dancing, Tequila.
24
00:00:42,040 --> 00:00:43,274
All kinds of food and snacks.
25
00:00:43,342 --> 00:00:44,275
Blood orphans.
26
00:00:44,343 --> 00:00:46,244
No blood orphans.
27
00:00:46,311 --> 00:00:48,613
I...I don't know
what that is.
28
00:00:52,284 --> 00:00:53,884
♪ ♪
29
00:00:54,884 --> 00:01:04,221
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com.
30
00:01:09,367 --> 00:01:11,667
I want you on message,
and the message is...
31
00:01:11,935 --> 00:01:12,868
Leslie Knope.
32
00:01:13,236 --> 00:01:14,370
If you're not
talking about you,
33
00:01:14,437 --> 00:01:15,771
you're talking about
the wrong thing.
34
00:01:15,839 --> 00:01:17,172
I hate talking
about myself.
35
00:01:17,240 --> 00:01:19,374
Get over it. I talk
about myself constantly.
36
00:01:19,442 --> 00:01:20,943
Everyone loves me for it.
37
00:01:21,011 --> 00:01:23,245
I really am amazing.
38
00:01:23,313 --> 00:01:24,580
When you work in government,
people often suspect
39
00:01:24,648 --> 00:01:25,881
that you're anti-business.
40
00:01:25,949 --> 00:01:27,583
So I'm throwing
a little meet-and-greet
41
00:01:27,651 --> 00:01:29,818
with business owners, and I've
asked Tom's company to help.
42
00:01:33,656 --> 00:01:34,923
of being city councilor."
43
00:01:34,991 --> 00:01:36,858
- Oh, my God.
- I'm not going to use that.
44
00:01:36,926 --> 00:01:39,360
This is
your primary target.
45
00:01:39,428 --> 00:01:41,195
President of the chamber
of commerce, Martin Kernston.
46
00:01:41,263 --> 00:01:44,632
Oh, yes, from
Kernston Rubber Nipples.
47
00:01:44,699 --> 00:01:46,634
"The nipple king."
48
00:01:46,701 --> 00:01:47,901
Photos, BIOS,
49
00:01:47,969 --> 00:01:50,370
likes, dislikes,
prescription medications.
50
00:01:50,438 --> 00:01:51,772
I've heard
of Martin Kernston.
51
00:01:51,840 --> 00:01:53,507
- I know a little bit about him.
- Oh, really?
52
00:01:53,574 --> 00:01:55,242
Well, which of his advisors
does he trust more,
53
00:01:55,309 --> 00:01:56,744
Ted Flirtman or Rex Spax?
54
00:01:56,811 --> 00:01:58,646
Well, it depends, Flirtman
is more of a confidant--
55
00:01:58,713 --> 00:02:00,413
I made up both those names.
56
00:02:00,481 --> 00:02:01,814
Okay, I'm on it.
57
00:02:03,350 --> 00:02:04,684
Get at me.
58
00:02:04,752 --> 00:02:06,886
Jean-Ralphio, stop crying.
59
00:02:06,954 --> 00:02:08,621
What?
60
00:02:08,689 --> 00:02:11,691
Hold on, slow down. Hold on--
61
00:02:11,759 --> 00:02:15,194
Allergic to chestnuts.
62
00:02:15,262 --> 00:02:18,396
And... good haircuts.
63
00:02:25,237 --> 00:02:26,404
It's too tight,
looser.
64
00:02:26,472 --> 00:02:28,406
No, I feel like we need
to inflate it more.
65
00:02:28,474 --> 00:02:30,008
No, I told you,
I'm a sumo wrestler
66
00:02:30,076 --> 00:02:31,777
after he lost the weight.
67
00:02:31,844 --> 00:02:33,077
I take it
we're having a party.
68
00:02:33,145 --> 00:02:34,845
Dude!
69
00:02:34,913 --> 00:02:36,814
I knew there was sometngng
I forgot to tell you. Sorry.
70
00:02:36,882 --> 00:02:37,915
No, no, no,
it's fine.
71
00:02:37,983 --> 00:02:39,050
Why should you guys
tell me
72
00:02:39,117 --> 00:02:40,551
you're gonna have
an enormous party?
73
00:02:40,618 --> 00:02:42,953
I-I didn't tell you I was gonna
be quietly working in my room.
74
00:02:43,021 --> 00:02:44,188
- That's a good point.
- Yeah, yeah, yeah.
75
00:02:44,255 --> 00:02:45,656
I guess we're even.
76
00:02:45,724 --> 00:02:47,357
If you need me, I'll--I'll
definitely be awake.
77
00:02:47,425 --> 00:02:50,093
Because I-I won't...
be able to sleep.
78
00:02:50,161 --> 00:02:51,194
Because of the party.
79
00:02:51,261 --> 00:02:53,129
You know?
80
00:02:53,197 --> 00:02:55,498
So...
All right.
81
00:02:56,066 --> 00:02:58,434
My family is very
non-confrontational.
82
00:02:58,502 --> 00:03:00,403
My parents' method
of problem-solving
83
00:03:00,470 --> 00:03:02,072
is to kind of keep
everything bottled up
84
00:03:02,139 --> 00:03:05,407
and just subtly hint
at what's bothering them.
85
00:03:05,474 --> 00:03:10,012
And after 36 years,
they are still divorced.
86
00:03:12,115 --> 00:03:13,582
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
87
00:03:13,649 --> 00:03:15,217
Tom, this is not
what I pictured at all.
88
00:03:15,284 --> 00:03:17,986
This looks like a party
for Entertainment 720.
89
00:03:18,054 --> 00:03:20,722
Is Entertainment 720
running for office?
90
00:03:20,789 --> 00:03:22,190
It's a small business.
91
00:03:22,257 --> 00:03:23,657
You're trying to show people
you have a good relationship
92
00:03:23,726 --> 00:03:25,392
with small businesses.
93
00:03:25,460 --> 00:03:27,261
Now the party,
that's all about you, Boo.
94
00:03:27,329 --> 00:03:29,430
Okay, then shouldn't my face
be on these rugs?
95
00:03:29,497 --> 00:03:31,065
I'm sorry, no.
96
00:03:31,133 --> 00:03:32,233
It's always been a dream
of mine to be a rug.
97
00:03:32,300 --> 00:03:33,701
And it's finally happened.
98
00:03:33,769 --> 00:03:36,937
Tom, now is not a time for you
to explore your weird dreams.
99
00:03:37,004 --> 00:03:39,439
Okay? I want all of this gone,
all of it.
100
00:03:39,506 --> 00:03:41,307
Except that cake.
Keep tha tcake here.
101
00:03:41,375 --> 00:03:43,477
Just scrape off the words.
102
00:03:47,681 --> 00:03:49,582
Donna?
103
00:03:49,650 --> 00:03:51,017
Blue shirt...
104
00:03:51,085 --> 00:03:52,152
Badge...
105
00:03:52,220 --> 00:03:53,185
Nightstick.
106
00:03:53,253 --> 00:03:55,354
You... are a policewoman.
107
00:03:55,421 --> 00:03:56,622
Yup.
108
00:03:56,689 --> 00:03:58,090
- You're a regular--
- Sherlock Holmes.
109
00:03:58,158 --> 00:04:00,025
I solved that mystery
before you did.
110
00:04:00,593 --> 00:04:02,928
Okay, this was fun.
111
00:04:02,996 --> 00:04:04,029
Andy!
112
00:04:04,097 --> 00:04:06,331
You are UFC legend
Chuck Liddell.
113
00:04:06,399 --> 00:04:08,433
That's right.
114
00:04:08,501 --> 00:04:10,334
Girl from The Ring.
115
00:04:10,402 --> 00:04:12,102
To me, Sherlock Holmes
is literally
116
00:04:12,170 --> 00:04:14,372
the greatest character
in the Western canon.
117
00:04:14,439 --> 00:04:17,142
Smart, intuitive, handsome.
118
00:04:17,709 --> 00:04:19,177
Replace his pasty
British frailty
119
00:04:19,245 --> 00:04:21,545
with superhuman physical
fitness, and you get...
120
00:04:22,113 --> 00:04:24,515
Sherlock Traeger.
121
00:04:24,583 --> 00:04:25,816
Mister Potato head.
122
00:04:25,884 --> 00:04:27,517
That's right.
123
00:04:27,585 --> 00:04:29,219
Hey, where's my lovely
daughter tonight?
124
00:04:29,287 --> 00:04:30,287
She's at home.
125
00:04:30,354 --> 00:04:31,789
I knew that you would be here.
126
00:04:31,856 --> 00:04:33,290
And I was worried that
you might be concerned,
127
00:04:33,357 --> 00:04:34,557
seeing us together at night.
128
00:04:34,625 --> 00:04:35,993
You're a very
thoughtful guy.
129
00:04:36,060 --> 00:04:37,761
But really, I have no problem
with the two of you dating.
130
00:04:37,829 --> 00:04:40,130
R-really, I mean,
look at you.
131
00:04:40,198 --> 00:04:41,664
You're just, you know,
beautiful.
132
00:04:41,731 --> 00:04:42,799
You're beautiful.
133
00:04:42,866 --> 00:04:44,801
On the inside
where your spirit lives.
134
00:04:44,868 --> 00:04:47,503
Listen, tell her come to the
party and I don't mind at all.
135
00:04:47,570 --> 00:04:51,174
Oh, good, I'll text her.
136
00:04:51,241 --> 00:04:53,709
Okay, you can text without
looking at your phone?
137
00:04:53,777 --> 00:04:55,477
I think it's rude not to
maintain eye contact
138
00:04:55,545 --> 00:04:56,512
with people that
I'm talking to.
139
00:04:58,781 --> 00:04:59,714
That's from me.
140
00:04:59,782 --> 00:05:01,049
Wow!
141
00:05:01,117 --> 00:05:02,984
I--th-that's amazing.
142
00:05:03,052 --> 00:05:05,222
- High five.
- Wow.
143
00:05:07,790 --> 00:05:10,258
Hey, Ron.
Good to see you.
144
00:05:10,326 --> 00:05:11,759
Weren't you a pirate
last year?
145
00:05:11,828 --> 00:05:14,594
Yes. This is
my Halloween costume.
146
00:05:14,662 --> 00:05:18,199
Andrew, are you aware that
your bathroom faucet is leaking?
147
00:05:18,766 --> 00:05:19,967
Are you kidding me?
148
00:05:20,035 --> 00:05:22,469
I just stuffed a sock
in it yesterday.
149
00:05:22,537 --> 00:05:24,038
What else do they
want me to do?
150
00:05:24,105 --> 00:05:27,107
There's an exposed wire
above the bathtub as well.
151
00:05:27,175 --> 00:05:29,108
Oh, yeah, shockwire!
152
00:05:29,176 --> 00:05:31,211
I call it that 'cause
if you take a shower
153
00:05:31,278 --> 00:05:33,779
and you touch
the wire.
154
00:05:33,848 --> 00:05:35,514
You die!
155
00:05:35,582 --> 00:05:37,683
Yes, that is accurate.
156
00:05:37,751 --> 00:05:38,852
Do you have a toolbox?
157
00:05:38,919 --> 00:05:40,119
Yeah.
158
00:05:40,187 --> 00:05:43,589
No home is complete
without a proper toolbox.
159
00:05:43,657 --> 00:05:46,024
Here's April and Andy's.
160
00:05:46,092 --> 00:05:47,792
A hammer.
161
00:05:47,861 --> 00:05:49,361
Half of a pretzel.
162
00:05:49,428 --> 00:05:50,562
Baseball card.
163
00:05:50,629 --> 00:05:54,933
Some cartridge that says
"Sonic" and "Hedgehog."
164
00:05:55,001 --> 00:05:56,401
A scissor half.
165
00:05:56,469 --> 00:05:58,403
And a flashlight...
166
00:05:58,471 --> 00:06:01,405
Filled with jellybeans.
167
00:06:05,177 --> 00:06:07,778
Although I've not worked
with you professionally,
168
00:06:07,846 --> 00:06:11,115
as a private citizen,
I have personally patronized
169
00:06:11,183 --> 00:06:12,616
each and every one
of your establishments.
170
00:06:12,684 --> 00:06:15,786
Mm, I've never seen you buy
a salad at Sue's Salads.
171
00:06:15,854 --> 00:06:18,154
That's 'cause I don't
hate myself, Tanya.
172
00:06:18,222 --> 00:06:19,289
I'm sorry.
173
00:06:19,357 --> 00:06:20,857
I know I should be
chasing your vote,
174
00:06:20,925 --> 00:06:23,459
but I stand behind my decision
to avoid salad
175
00:06:23,527 --> 00:06:24,627
and other disgusting things.
176
00:06:24,695 --> 00:06:26,096
And I think I have
a lot of support
177
00:06:26,197 --> 00:06:28,231
in the community for that.
178
00:06:28,299 --> 00:06:30,767
Despite the fact that this seems
like a party for Tom's face,
179
00:06:30,834 --> 00:06:32,502
uh, I think
it's going pretty well.
180
00:06:32,569 --> 00:06:35,837
When in doubt,
in Pawnee, slam salad.
181
00:06:35,906 --> 00:06:37,139
I'm just
especially thankful
182
00:06:37,207 --> 00:06:38,274
that you could come,
Mr. President.
183
00:06:38,341 --> 00:06:39,942
- Martin.
- Martin.
184
00:06:40,010 --> 00:06:41,977
You were responsible for
the Harvest Festival, right?
185
00:06:42,045 --> 00:06:43,645
No. Yes. Well...
186
00:06:43,713 --> 00:06:45,314
It was a team effort.
I barely did anything.
187
00:06:45,382 --> 00:06:46,681
I held them back actually.
188
00:06:46,749 --> 00:06:50,051
They succeeded
despite me.
189
00:06:50,085 --> 00:06:51,786
I'm sorry. I worked
very hard on that event.
190
00:06:51,853 --> 00:06:53,221
I'm just..
191
00:06:53,289 --> 00:06:55,290
Bureaucrats s aren't used
to bragging about themselves.
192
00:06:56,858 --> 00:06:58,359
Tom, come over here and talk
about how great I am.
193
00:06:58,427 --> 00:07:00,228
♪ Martin ♪
194
00:07:00,296 --> 00:07:01,829
Tom M Veverfor
I threw this shindig
195
00:07:01,863 --> 00:07:03,264
Tom, tell Martin
how hard I worked
196
00:07:03,365 --> 00:07:04,598
on the Harvest Festival.
197
00:07:04,666 --> 00:07:07,301
It was incredible.
198
00:07:07,368 --> 00:07:08,402
A lot of people say
the Harvest Festival
199
00:07:08,469 --> 00:07:10,103
is what launched
Entertainment 720.
200
00:07:10,171 --> 00:07:11,438
- No one says that.
- I just said it.
201
00:07:11,505 --> 00:07:13,706
My company,
Entertainment 720,
202
00:07:13,774 --> 00:07:16,310
has an amazing business
opportunity for Kernston's.
203
00:07:16,377 --> 00:07:17,945
Mind if I steal you away
for a few seconds?
204
00:07:18,012 --> 00:07:19,279
Give you the 'tails?
205
00:07:19,347 --> 00:07:20,347
The 'tails?
206
00:07:20,415 --> 00:07:21,480
The details.
207
00:07:21,548 --> 00:07:23,515
Most people would probably
say "the deets."
208
00:07:23,583 --> 00:07:24,783
I say "the 'tails."
209
00:07:24,851 --> 00:07:27,619
Just one example
of innovation.
210
00:07:27,687 --> 00:07:29,355
Look, I don't like
to throw around the word
211
00:07:29,423 --> 00:07:31,457
"butthead" too often.
212
00:07:31,524 --> 00:07:32,825
If you call everybody
a butthead,
213
00:07:32,892 --> 00:07:34,293
then it kind of loses
its impact.
214
00:07:34,361 --> 00:07:36,329
But I can say
without hesitation
215
00:07:36,396 --> 00:07:38,463
that Tom is being
a real dick.
216
00:07:40,096 --> 00:07:41,063
Hey!
217
00:07:41,096 --> 00:07:42,363
You stole the nipple king.
218
00:07:42,492 --> 00:07:43,959
Thanks a lot,
traitor.
219
00:07:44,027 --> 00:07:45,527
I'm sorry, I just needed to
ask him about this one thing,
220
00:07:45,595 --> 00:07:46,662
but we're all good now.
221
00:07:46,730 --> 00:07:47,930
Wh-what if I just introduce you
for your speech?
222
00:07:47,998 --> 00:07:48,631
I have a better idea.
223
00:07:48,732 --> 00:07:50,165
Why don't you go over
to one of your rugs
224
00:07:50,233 --> 00:07:51,700
and sit on your own face?
225
00:07:51,768 --> 00:07:54,770
I don't need
your "help" anymore.
226
00:07:54,838 --> 00:07:56,137
Hi there.
227
00:07:56,204 --> 00:07:58,039
Is there a project
you're working on?
228
00:07:58,107 --> 00:07:59,540
I know more than you.
229
00:07:59,608 --> 00:08:02,043
All right.
230
00:08:02,111 --> 00:08:03,845
When April and Andy married,
231
00:08:03,912 --> 00:08:05,680
I didn't get them
a wedding present.
232
00:08:05,748 --> 00:08:07,381
In my experience,
wedding presents
233
00:08:07,449 --> 00:08:10,718
are nothing more than kindling
on a divorce bonfire.
234
00:08:10,786 --> 00:08:14,721
But I think I found a way I can
really help them make a home.
235
00:08:16,858 --> 00:08:19,159
You, beanbag,
come with me.
236
00:08:19,226 --> 00:08:20,326
I'm an eggplant.
237
00:08:20,394 --> 00:08:22,062
I don't care.
Come with me.
238
00:08:22,130 --> 00:08:25,565
- Why?
- I need small hands.
239
00:08:25,633 --> 00:08:30,302
I'm... scared.
240
00:08:30,370 --> 00:08:33,005
Look who decided
to join the party, bro!
241
00:08:33,073 --> 00:08:34,807
That's awesome!
242
00:08:34,875 --> 00:08:35,875
Where's your costume?
243
00:08:35,942 --> 00:08:37,910
Honey, he's wearing
a costume.
244
00:08:37,978 --> 00:08:39,311
He's going as lame.
245
00:08:40,781 --> 00:08:42,447
That's a pretty good
costume actually.
246
00:08:42,515 --> 00:08:44,615
But, uh, I think the Batman
costume's way better.
247
00:08:44,684 --> 00:08:46,217
You should go wear that.
248
00:08:46,285 --> 00:08:47,585
Yeah, I don't think
I'm gonna put on a costume
249
00:08:47,653 --> 00:08:50,488
because I'm not really
attending this party...
250
00:08:50,556 --> 00:08:51,823
That's at my house.
251
00:08:51,891 --> 00:08:54,192
Hey, listen, if you're
mad about something,
252
00:08:54,259 --> 00:08:55,560
- you should just--
- No, I'm not.
253
00:08:55,627 --> 00:08:56,695
I'm not mad.
254
00:08:56,762 --> 00:08:58,396
Really? Listen,
I feel like you are mad.
255
00:08:58,463 --> 00:09:00,497
So maybe you should
just talk to us about it.
256
00:09:01,565 --> 00:09:04,334
My name's Ben.
257
00:09:04,402 --> 00:09:06,270
I'm mad.
258
00:09:06,338 --> 00:09:08,038
All right, that was great,
259
00:09:08,106 --> 00:09:09,239
- Thank you. Thanks for that.
- Soft, soft lips.
260
00:09:09,307 --> 00:09:10,340
Your fingers are salty.
261
00:09:10,408 --> 00:09:11,842
I'm gonna finish my work--
262
00:09:11,910 --> 00:09:14,712
Oren, no! No. Stay out.
263
00:09:14,779 --> 00:09:16,879
Pawnee has suffered
through a tough economy.
264
00:09:16,947 --> 00:09:20,583
And what has kept our town alive
is you, the small businessman.
265
00:09:20,650 --> 00:09:23,152
And I'm not referring
to your stature, Gary.
266
00:09:23,220 --> 00:09:25,722
You are a giant
in this community.
267
00:09:25,789 --> 00:09:27,857
So many business
represented here today.
268
00:09:27,925 --> 00:09:30,560
Food and Stuff,
JJ's Diner,
269
00:09:30,628 --> 00:09:32,728
Glenmore Discount Cemetery,
270
00:09:32,795 --> 00:09:34,629
uh, Tramp Stamp Tattoos,
271
00:09:34,697 --> 00:09:38,066
Enormous Kenny's Fried Dough Stand
and Mobile Phone Emporium.
272
00:09:38,134 --> 00:09:40,702
Who else?
Sue's Salads.
273
00:09:41,804 --> 00:09:43,739
Smooth Operator
Bikini Waxes.
274
00:09:43,806 --> 00:09:45,707
Jeff's Savings and Loan...
275
00:09:45,775 --> 00:09:48,275
And Entertainment 720.
276
00:09:48,343 --> 00:09:50,878
Thank you so much for
that amazing intro, Leslie.
277
00:09:50,946 --> 00:09:52,213
Hi, folks.
278
00:09:52,280 --> 00:09:53,647
My name is Tom Haverford,
and I'm here to tell you
279
00:09:53,715 --> 00:09:56,650
a little bit about Pawnee's
premiere entertainment
280
00:09:56,718 --> 00:09:58,052
and multimedia conglomerate,
281
00:09:58,120 --> 00:10:01,388
♪ Entertainment 720 ♪
282
00:10:01,456 --> 00:10:05,458
♪ where dreams come,
they come true ♪
283
00:10:05,525 --> 00:10:06,659
How about we watch
this brief promotional film?
284
00:10:06,727 --> 00:10:07,660
What?
285
00:10:07,728 --> 00:10:09,095
♪ ♪
286
00:10:09,163 --> 00:10:11,564
Entertainment 720 has been
a fixture of this community
287
00:10:11,632 --> 00:10:12,598
since June.
288
00:10:12,666 --> 00:10:14,000
Tom, listen to me.
289
00:10:14,068 --> 00:10:16,435
Turn that off or
give me the remote right now.
290
00:10:16,503 --> 00:10:18,671
Can we let it play please?
291
00:10:18,739 --> 00:10:20,005
You're lucky that
Martin Kernston is here
292
00:10:20,073 --> 00:10:22,274
because you're gonna need
another nipple.
293
00:10:24,911 --> 00:10:26,511
♪ ♪
294
00:10:52,036 --> 00:10:53,170
There.
295
00:10:53,237 --> 00:10:54,771
I think I got it.
296
00:10:54,839 --> 00:10:56,973
Yep, you got it.
297
00:10:57,041 --> 00:10:59,042
Can you at least tell me
what you're doing?
298
00:10:59,110 --> 00:11:00,576
I'm a homeowner.
299
00:11:00,644 --> 00:11:03,513
I would like
to actually learn something.
300
00:11:04,080 --> 00:11:05,449
Yeah.
301
00:11:05,517 --> 00:11:08,684
I'm tightening the valve stem
into the valve shank.
302
00:11:08,751 --> 00:11:10,485
I'm replacing the handle.
303
00:11:10,553 --> 00:11:12,221
And then tightening
the set screw,
304
00:11:12,289 --> 00:11:14,123
which will hold it in place.
305
00:11:14,191 --> 00:11:15,791
Now...
306
00:11:15,859 --> 00:11:17,960
Oh, my God!
We made it work.
307
00:11:18,028 --> 00:11:19,295
It's a good feeling.
308
00:11:19,362 --> 00:11:22,264
A sense of accomplishment
and pride.
309
00:11:22,332 --> 00:11:26,935
Damn it, I just love it so much.
310
00:11:27,002 --> 00:11:28,203
Are you okay?
311
00:11:28,270 --> 00:11:29,304
Great.
312
00:11:29,371 --> 00:11:30,805
I'm gonna go around
this house
313
00:11:30,873 --> 00:11:33,208
and fix everything I can find
that needs fixing.
314
00:11:33,275 --> 00:11:34,309
You wanna help?
315
00:11:34,376 --> 00:11:36,077
I really do.
316
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:37,712
Good.
317
00:11:37,779 --> 00:11:40,047
That's next.
318
00:11:40,114 --> 00:11:41,781
I can't reveal
my identity
319
00:11:41,850 --> 00:11:43,550
because of various
corporate enemies,
320
00:11:43,617 --> 00:11:44,718
but suffice it to say,
321
00:11:44,785 --> 00:11:48,088
I run a fairly popular
social networking site.
322
00:11:48,156 --> 00:11:49,689
And let's face it,
323
00:11:49,757 --> 00:11:53,260
booking e720 was the smartest
decision I ever made.
324
00:11:53,328 --> 00:11:56,162
I hope you liked this story.
325
00:11:56,230 --> 00:11:59,031
I invented Facebook.
326
00:11:59,099 --> 00:12:01,400
Wow. Okay, um...
327
00:12:01,468 --> 00:12:04,737
I know that video seemed like
the rantings of a lunatic
328
00:12:04,804 --> 00:12:06,438
pretending to be
Mark zuckerberg--
329
00:12:06,506 --> 00:12:08,307
- That's who that was?
- No.
330
00:12:08,375 --> 00:12:09,708
That is impressive.
331
00:12:09,776 --> 00:12:12,077
Uh, we're not gonna waste
any more of your time.
332
00:12:12,144 --> 00:12:13,211
Agreed.
Let's get right to it.
333
00:12:13,279 --> 00:12:16,281
Please welcome the e720
mailing list divas!
334
00:12:18,351 --> 00:12:21,253
I want all of y'all
to write down the name
335
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:23,588
and direct phone line
for whoever's in charge
336
00:12:23,655 --> 00:12:26,925
of hiring independent
contractors for your business!
337
00:12:26,993 --> 00:12:29,659
Now come join me
and let's all take a dip
338
00:12:29,727 --> 00:12:33,130
in the e720 mobile hot tub!
339
00:12:33,198 --> 00:12:35,399
It's parked right outside.
340
00:12:35,466 --> 00:12:38,502
Le'go.
341
00:12:41,206 --> 00:12:42,439
- Hey, Ben.
- Hey.
342
00:12:42,507 --> 00:12:44,240
Thought you weren't coming
to the party.
343
00:12:44,308 --> 00:12:46,075
Well, I'm just
having a butterfinger.
344
00:12:46,143 --> 00:12:47,110
Oh, really?
345
00:12:47,177 --> 00:12:48,311
Is that okay?
346
00:12:48,379 --> 00:12:49,946
No.
347
00:12:50,014 --> 00:12:51,847
You're not part of the party,
you can't have the candy.
348
00:12:51,916 --> 00:12:53,184
- Back up.
- All right.
349
00:12:53,216 --> 00:12:54,384
- Back up.
- Okay.
350
00:12:54,451 --> 00:12:56,552
I have one sister.
351
00:12:56,620 --> 00:12:57,753
We steal
each other's stuff,
352
00:12:57,821 --> 00:13:00,088
hack each other's
Twitter accounts,
353
00:13:00,156 --> 00:13:01,756
set each other's
clothes on fire.
354
00:13:02,824 --> 00:13:04,692
There are no rules.
355
00:13:07,363 --> 00:13:08,897
We need to deal with
what's bothering you.
356
00:13:08,965 --> 00:13:10,598
Oh, please,
come into my room.
357
00:13:10,666 --> 00:13:13,335
See? You're angry at me and
you're not talking about it.
358
00:13:13,403 --> 00:13:17,104
And I'm gonna beat you up until
you do, because I'm mature.
359
00:13:17,172 --> 00:13:18,339
What are you--
360
00:13:18,907 --> 00:13:20,408
Stop it.
361
00:13:20,475 --> 00:13:21,943
I grew up with five brothers
and we fought.
362
00:13:22,010 --> 00:13:25,512
Using the Dwyer method,
which was yelling,
363
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:26,814
wrestling,
364
00:13:26,881 --> 00:13:29,350
crying,
365
00:13:29,418 --> 00:13:30,985
followed by
lots of hugs.
366
00:13:31,053 --> 00:13:32,785
And then more wrestling,
but the fun kind,
367
00:13:32,853 --> 00:13:34,020
and then crying when
the fun kind of wrestling
368
00:13:34,088 --> 00:13:35,455
got out of hand.
369
00:13:35,522 --> 00:13:37,790
Um, can you
let me go?
370
00:13:37,858 --> 00:13:39,359
Not 'til you tell me
what's wrong.
371
00:13:41,595 --> 00:13:43,129
Um, Mr. President.
372
00:13:43,197 --> 00:13:46,632
I just want to apologize for the
actions of that little weasel.
373
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:47,800
Leslie, I'm a frugal man.
374
00:13:47,868 --> 00:13:49,835
I don't like extravagance
or showmanship.
375
00:13:49,902 --> 00:13:51,703
That's why I cut
my own hair.
376
00:13:51,771 --> 00:13:54,606
And it's what's made me
a successful businessman.
377
00:13:54,674 --> 00:13:57,977
So if Entertainment 720 is
the kind of business you trust,
378
00:13:58,044 --> 00:14:01,280
I'm afraid you and I
don't share the same values.
379
00:14:10,489 --> 00:14:12,223
There you are,
you little bastard.
380
00:14:12,291 --> 00:14:13,858
Get out of there
right now.
381
00:14:13,925 --> 00:14:16,327
Leslie, can you do me a favor
and just let me sit here?
382
00:14:16,395 --> 00:14:18,729
Tom, get out of your stupid
limousine hot tub right now,
383
00:14:18,797 --> 00:14:20,063
or we are no longer friends.
384
00:14:20,131 --> 00:14:21,465
I'm not getting out.
385
00:14:21,532 --> 00:14:24,501
Fine, then I'm getting in.
386
00:14:24,568 --> 00:14:25,768
Listen to me.
387
00:14:25,836 --> 00:14:27,237
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa,
get away from me.
388
00:14:27,305 --> 00:14:29,539
You know what you are? You're
a selfish little punk, okay?
389
00:14:29,607 --> 00:14:30,707
Just because you want
something doesn't mean
390
00:14:30,774 --> 00:14:32,175
that everybody has to bow to--
391
00:14:32,243 --> 00:14:34,344
listen to me! You didn't even
let me have my one night.
392
00:14:34,412 --> 00:14:36,645
Look at me!
I don't want to see your face.
393
00:14:36,713 --> 00:14:38,381
Look at me.
I don't want to see your face!
394
00:14:38,448 --> 00:14:39,581
I've been looking
at your face all night.
395
00:14:39,649 --> 00:14:40,682
God!
396
00:14:40,750 --> 00:14:42,818
I'm sorry.
397
00:14:42,886 --> 00:14:43,986
What's wrong with you?
398
00:14:45,054 --> 00:14:46,588
My company's bankrupt.
399
00:14:46,656 --> 00:14:47,656
Okay?
400
00:14:47,657 --> 00:14:50,092
Entertainment 720
is dead.
401
00:14:51,160 --> 00:14:53,661
Oh, man.
402
00:14:56,323 --> 00:14:58,291
Excuse us.
403
00:14:59,159 --> 00:15:00,326
Nice form, son.
404
00:15:00,393 --> 00:15:02,560
Make sure you keep
a firm pressure on the cranium.
405
00:15:02,627 --> 00:15:03,661
On the cranium?
406
00:15:03,728 --> 00:15:04,963
Listen up!
407
00:15:05,030 --> 00:15:06,931
I have to turn off the power
for one minute.
408
00:15:06,999 --> 00:15:09,834
We're gonna go dark, people.
Bear with us, okay?
409
00:15:09,901 --> 00:15:11,869
We gotta switch off
the main fuse hose.
410
00:15:11,937 --> 00:15:13,104
It's just a fuse.
411
00:15:13,172 --> 00:15:17,207
It's just a fuse...People.
Just a fuse.
412
00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:32,022
Well, maybe we should get
out of this hot tub.
413
00:15:32,090 --> 00:15:33,722
I'm too sad
to get out.
414
00:15:33,790 --> 00:15:35,024
And I'm all pruney.
415
00:15:35,092 --> 00:15:36,192
What happened?
416
00:15:36,259 --> 00:15:37,526
I don't know.
417
00:15:37,594 --> 00:15:38,627
I guess I just didn't moisturize
enough this morning,
418
00:15:38,695 --> 00:15:39,628
and I've been
laying around--
419
00:15:39,696 --> 00:15:42,198
With the company, Tom.
420
00:15:42,765 --> 00:15:45,034
We're hemorrhaging cash
ever since we opened.
421
00:15:45,102 --> 00:15:46,969
They say you've got
to spend money to make money.
422
00:15:47,037 --> 00:15:47,970
Well, I don't know
where we went wrong.
423
00:15:48,038 --> 00:15:49,637
We spent all of our money.
424
00:15:50,505 --> 00:15:51,306
Okay.
425
00:15:52,374 --> 00:15:53,808
You know what you need?
426
00:15:53,876 --> 00:15:56,077
Some good old-fashioned
comfort food.
427
00:15:56,145 --> 00:15:57,345
Where are we gonna get
Albacore tuna
428
00:15:57,413 --> 00:15:58,613
with crispy onions
at this hour?
429
00:15:58,680 --> 00:16:00,115
Come on.
430
00:16:00,182 --> 00:16:02,484
Looks like you've got the
handle on that torque wrench.
431
00:16:02,551 --> 00:16:04,652
Yeah, well, the flange
was a little warped.
432
00:16:04,720 --> 00:16:07,054
So I just goosed it with
a triple three bolt smack.
433
00:16:07,822 --> 00:16:08,955
That was nonsense.
434
00:16:09,024 --> 00:16:11,492
I know, but it's so fun
to talk like that.
435
00:16:11,559 --> 00:16:12,826
You know what?
436
00:16:13,594 --> 00:16:15,363
Keep this.
437
00:16:16,431 --> 00:16:17,731
You earned it.
438
00:16:17,798 --> 00:16:20,134
Thanks, Ron.
439
00:16:26,873 --> 00:16:28,441
I need to get more dip.
440
00:16:28,509 --> 00:16:30,709
Great.
441
00:16:30,777 --> 00:16:32,382
I'm going.
442
00:16:36,450 --> 00:16:38,116
- Come on, walk.
- No.
443
00:16:38,184 --> 00:16:40,752
This is a pacifist protest.
Had enough?
444
00:16:40,819 --> 00:16:42,887
You need to let go of me.
445
00:16:42,955 --> 00:16:45,157
Yeah, get it. That's good.
There we go.
446
00:16:48,894 --> 00:16:51,430
- Let go of me.
- He's got his back.
447
00:16:51,497 --> 00:16:52,697
Come on, fight me.
448
00:16:52,765 --> 00:16:55,832
- No!
- Noooo.
449
00:16:58,470 --> 00:16:59,870
Nice! Yeah!
450
00:16:59,938 --> 00:17:01,605
Oh, my God, Andy,
I am so sorry.
451
00:17:03,442 --> 00:17:05,609
Psych!
Blood capsules.
452
00:17:06,678 --> 00:17:08,779
- What?
- Yeah!
453
00:17:08,846 --> 00:17:11,481
I wanted to shock you
into expressing your anger.
454
00:17:11,549 --> 00:17:14,150
And that way--
! My nose is broken.
455
00:17:14,218 --> 00:17:15,385
Oh, my God.
456
00:17:15,453 --> 00:17:16,553
- I gotta go to the hospital.
- Andy, come on.
457
00:17:16,620 --> 00:17:17,554
- Oh, my God.
- Didn't it feel good?
458
00:17:17,621 --> 00:17:18,555
Come here.
459
00:17:18,622 --> 00:17:19,755
Yup!
460
00:17:19,823 --> 00:17:21,724
Wow, I thought you guys
were doing great.
461
00:17:21,792 --> 00:17:22,959
I remember trying
to hire you once.
462
00:17:23,026 --> 00:17:24,461
And you said
you were all booked up.
463
00:17:24,528 --> 00:17:26,495
That was a business tactic.
464
00:17:26,563 --> 00:17:28,296
For the first two weeks, we told
everyone we were booked solid
465
00:17:28,297 --> 00:17:29,798
to make people want us more.
466
00:17:29,865 --> 00:17:32,401
Oh, no, that's the stupidest
idea I've ever heard.
467
00:17:33,669 --> 00:17:35,137
Well, hindsight is 20/20.
468
00:17:35,205 --> 00:17:36,338
Kind of seems
like regular sight
469
00:17:36,406 --> 00:17:37,973
should have caught that one.
470
00:17:38,040 --> 00:17:40,576
Also, your logo, it's the worst
logo I've ever seen.
471
00:17:40,643 --> 00:17:42,310
It doesn't make any sense.
It's gibberish.
472
00:17:43,077 --> 00:17:44,880
We made some mistakes.
473
00:17:46,448 --> 00:17:48,316
Tonight was my last chance
to land a big client.
474
00:17:48,383 --> 00:17:50,418
And I failed again.
475
00:17:50,486 --> 00:17:51,885
God, it's so embarrassing.
476
00:17:51,953 --> 00:17:54,455
Oh, hey, Tom,
you're a smart guy.
477
00:17:54,523 --> 00:17:56,591
And charming.
Occasionally.
478
00:17:56,658 --> 00:17:59,892
You're gonna have
a lot more good ideas.
479
00:18:00,460 --> 00:18:02,329
Thanks.
480
00:18:02,396 --> 00:18:04,164
Sorry I screwed up
your campaign thing.
481
00:18:04,232 --> 00:18:06,065
I really wanted
to do a good job.
482
00:18:06,134 --> 00:18:08,568
I made you this amazing
video biography.
483
00:18:09,136 --> 00:18:10,303
Of my life?
484
00:18:10,371 --> 00:18:11,471
It's back at the office.
485
00:18:11,539 --> 00:18:12,939
- Well, let's eat and go.
- Okay.
486
00:18:13,507 --> 00:18:15,073
Didn't I ask for
whipped cream on this?
487
00:18:15,142 --> 00:18:16,142
Ma'am?
488
00:18:16,209 --> 00:18:18,244
Ugh, does it hurt?
489
00:18:18,311 --> 00:18:20,346
Yeah, you broke
my nose, so...
490
00:18:20,413 --> 00:18:21,847
- I'm sorry.
- But I don't even care.
491
00:18:21,914 --> 00:18:25,083
Just get it all
out there, man. Go.
492
00:18:25,152 --> 00:18:26,285
All right... maybe you have
to start thinking about
493
00:18:26,353 --> 00:18:28,020
how--how your actions
affect me.
494
00:18:28,087 --> 00:18:32,089
Like, tell me about stuff
happening in the house.
495
00:18:32,658 --> 00:18:35,460
Stop referring to my bedroom
as a common space.
496
00:18:35,528 --> 00:18:39,364
Stop using my comforter
for your pillow forts.
497
00:18:39,431 --> 00:18:40,365
Just... respect me.
498
00:18:40,432 --> 00:18:41,366
Absolutely.
499
00:18:41,433 --> 00:18:42,634
- Really?
- Yep.
500
00:18:42,701 --> 00:18:44,702
And in return, I'll only ask
for one thing,
501
00:18:44,770 --> 00:18:47,103
which is for you to pay
for studio recording time
502
00:18:47,172 --> 00:18:48,505
for my band to do
our new album.
503
00:18:48,573 --> 00:18:50,874
It's gonna be about 5,600 bucks.
Deal?
504
00:18:50,941 --> 00:18:53,810
That's not gonna happen.
505
00:18:53,878 --> 00:18:55,312
Here's something for the pain
and some ice packs.
506
00:18:55,380 --> 00:18:57,447
- Oh.
- You his friend?
507
00:18:57,515 --> 00:19:00,484
Him? Hell, no.
508
00:19:00,552 --> 00:19:04,287
We're brothers.
509
00:19:04,354 --> 00:19:06,189
- Excuse me. Hey.
- Hi.
510
00:19:06,256 --> 00:19:07,990
We should go.
I'm blocking an ambulance.
511
00:19:08,658 --> 00:19:10,359
Ew, if your nose is
all weird after this,
512
00:19:10,427 --> 00:19:11,561
I'm totally gonna
divorce you.
513
00:19:11,628 --> 00:19:12,961
Whatever, I'm gonna
divorce you first
514
00:19:13,029 --> 00:19:14,397
for wearing
my favorite hoodie.
515
00:19:15,464 --> 00:19:16,699
Is everything cool?
516
00:19:16,766 --> 00:19:19,901
- Yeah, it is.
- Let's go.
517
00:19:19,968 --> 00:19:21,436
We just can't use
Ben's comforters anymore
518
00:19:21,504 --> 00:19:22,637
for our pillow forts.
519
00:19:22,705 --> 00:19:26,341
Ugh, what are we
gonna have sex on?
520
00:19:27,909 --> 00:19:30,978
The year was 1975.
521
00:19:31,046 --> 00:19:33,014
It was a time of trouble.
522
00:19:33,082 --> 00:19:36,584
Watergate,
Vietnam,
523
00:19:36,651 --> 00:19:39,320
Peter Gabriel
leaves Genesis.
524
00:19:39,387 --> 00:19:41,589
But then,
a ray of hope...
525
00:19:42,924 --> 00:19:48,295
Leslie Barbara Knope
was born on January 18, 1975.
526
00:19:48,363 --> 00:19:51,397
And she has been a loyal patron
of its businesses ever since.
527
00:19:51,465 --> 00:19:55,401
Tom Haverford is a selfish,
unctuous, sleazy,
528
00:19:55,469 --> 00:19:59,139
self-promoting, good-hearted,
secretly kind and wonderful
529
00:19:59,207 --> 00:20:00,707
tiny little person.
530
00:20:00,775 --> 00:20:02,408
He went to
Kernston's office
531
00:20:02,476 --> 00:20:05,078
and basically begged him
to meet with me again.
532
00:20:05,146 --> 00:20:07,079
I think he technically
might have bribed him.
533
00:20:07,147 --> 00:20:08,547
But hey, you know,
whatever works.
534
00:20:08,615 --> 00:20:10,750
It was Mary pickford
who once said,
535
00:20:10,817 --> 00:20:13,986
"This thing we call failure
is not the falling down,
536
00:20:14,054 --> 00:20:17,322
but the staying down."
537
00:20:17,390 --> 00:20:19,225
Tom won't be down for long.
538
00:20:19,292 --> 00:20:21,993
Her name is Leslie Knope.
539
00:20:22,061 --> 00:20:24,095
And I'm gonna vote for her.
540
00:20:24,163 --> 00:20:28,532
And if Lil' Sebastian were still
alive, he'd surely vote for her.
541
00:20:28,600 --> 00:20:31,171
And I reckon
you should too.
542
00:20:32,838 --> 00:20:34,405
Did ya like it?
543
00:20:34,473 --> 00:20:36,040
It's pretty great, right?
544
00:20:36,108 --> 00:20:37,642
Worked really hard on it.
545
00:20:37,709 --> 00:20:40,244
Yeah, I loved it.
546
00:20:40,311 --> 00:20:42,612
I'm gonna watch it every day
for the rest of my life.
547
00:20:42,680 --> 00:20:45,615
And when I die, I'm gonna
project it on my tombstone.
548
00:20:48,795 --> 00:20:51,862
I had an amazing time
at that party.
549
00:20:52,295 --> 00:20:54,662
And in the case of the woman
who's stolen my heart,
550
00:20:55,730 --> 00:20:58,667
the culprit...
was Millicent Gergich.
551
00:20:58,734 --> 00:21:00,802
You should look into
actual detective work.
552
00:21:00,869 --> 00:21:02,269
I will.
553
00:21:02,337 --> 00:21:05,306
And, Jerry, I've decided
to take your daughter home.
554
00:21:05,373 --> 00:21:07,341
And we may be
having intercourse.
555
00:21:07,409 --> 00:21:09,510
Please, you've got to stop
saying things like that to me.
556
00:21:09,577 --> 00:21:10,577
You've got it, man.
557
00:21:10,645 --> 00:21:11,812
Bye, dad.
558
00:21:15,116 --> 00:21:16,183
Everything okay?
559
00:21:16,250 --> 00:21:19,218
I can't find my car keys.
560
00:21:19,286 --> 00:21:23,222
Solve this mystery, genius.
561
00:21:24,898 --> 00:21:32,200
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com