1
00:00:23,761 --> 00:00:26,895
Miss Leslie Knope,
I present to you Herb Scaifer.
2
00:00:26,913 --> 00:00:28,613
Again, Andy,
you don't need to bow.
3
00:00:28,664 --> 00:00:29,698
As you wish, ma'am.
4
00:00:29,732 --> 00:00:31,166
Okay, Herb,
what can I do you for?
5
00:00:31,201 --> 00:00:34,586
Well, please prepare yourself.
I have terrible news.
6
00:00:34,620 --> 00:00:35,471
You do?
7
00:00:35,505 --> 00:00:38,040
The world is going
to end tomorrow at dawn.
8
00:00:38,074 --> 00:00:40,625
Aw nuts.
You sure it's tomorrow?
9
00:00:40,676 --> 00:00:43,545
Afraid so.
Right at dawn.
10
00:00:43,579 --> 00:00:47,349
Zorp is going to be here
to free you from your flesh.
11
00:00:48,383 --> 00:00:50,184
For a while in the 1970s,
12
00:00:50,185 --> 00:00:54,084
our town was run by a freaky cult.
And every few years
13
00:00:54,085 --> 00:00:56,584
the remaining members predicted
the world's gonna end.
14
00:00:56,585 --> 00:00:58,553
And they have an all-night
vigil in the park.
15
00:00:59,087 --> 00:01:00,688
It's super annoying.
16
00:01:00,723 --> 00:01:02,724
Turns out when you think
the world's ending,
17
00:01:02,758 --> 00:01:05,927
you don't aim so carefully
in the port-a-potties.
18
00:01:08,964 --> 00:01:10,564
♪ ♪
19
00:01:10,964 --> 00:01:20,564
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
20
00:01:26,098 --> 00:01:29,250
Why does the cult call
themselves "The Reasonableists"?
21
00:01:29,285 --> 00:01:31,586
Well, they figure if
people criticize them
22
00:01:31,620 --> 00:01:32,687
it'll seem like they're
23
00:01:32,721 --> 00:01:34,022
attacking something
very reasonable.
24
00:01:34,056 --> 00:01:35,623
That's weirdly brilliant.
25
00:01:35,658 --> 00:01:37,058
Look, there's nothing
to worry about.
26
00:01:37,092 --> 00:01:39,127
They've said that the world
is going to end 15 times.
27
00:01:39,161 --> 00:01:40,478
And the only bad thing
that's ever happened
28
00:01:40,529 --> 00:01:42,063
on any of those dates is
29
00:01:42,097 --> 00:01:44,966
Lance Armstrong
dumping Sheryl Crow.
30
00:01:45,000 --> 00:01:46,785
- That was a tragic day.
- Hmm.
31
00:01:46,819 --> 00:01:48,670
Live strong.
32
00:01:48,704 --> 00:01:51,956
In any rate, I think Ben and I
should accompany you tonight.
33
00:01:51,990 --> 00:01:53,575
Oh, I don't think
we have to do that.
34
00:01:53,609 --> 00:01:55,109
No, no, no, I insist.
35
00:01:55,127 --> 00:01:57,979
These people
live on planet nutbrain.
36
00:01:58,013 --> 00:02:00,715
I live on planet nut bran.
37
00:02:00,749 --> 00:02:02,500
Bran and nuts are very
helpful for your colon!
38
00:02:02,551 --> 00:02:03,501
Well, it looks like
we're kind of forced
39
00:02:03,552 --> 00:02:05,119
to hang out with each other.
40
00:02:05,137 --> 00:02:07,005
Yeah, listen,
I'll--I'll come for a bit,
41
00:02:07,056 --> 00:02:09,324
but if it's okay with you,
I'm not going to stay.
42
00:02:15,464 --> 00:02:17,265
Yeah, yeah, yeah,
mm-hmm, totally get it.
43
00:02:17,299 --> 00:02:18,799
Definitely get it.
44
00:02:18,818 --> 00:02:20,318
Ben and I don't
hang out much these days.
45
00:02:20,352 --> 00:02:22,370
Big deal,
lots of people don't hang out.
46
00:02:22,404 --> 00:02:26,641
Jerry and April.
Obama and Madonna, probably.
47
00:02:26,675 --> 00:02:27,992
We're in good company.
48
00:02:28,527 --> 00:02:30,913
Hello!
49
00:02:31,447 --> 00:02:33,882
So it looks like we'll each
end up with about $5,000 apiece.
50
00:02:33,916 --> 00:02:35,817
Stop.
51
00:02:35,851 --> 00:02:37,535
We get five g's each?
That's amazing!
52
00:02:37,586 --> 00:02:40,755
You started out with 450,000.
53
00:02:40,789 --> 00:02:42,357
Entertainment720 is dead.
54
00:02:42,391 --> 00:02:43,892
It's up in company heaven.
55
00:02:43,926 --> 00:02:47,629
Along with pets.com,
Blockbuster and askjeeves.
56
00:02:47,663 --> 00:02:49,797
My company is no better
than a company where you ask
57
00:02:49,832 --> 00:02:52,901
a fake butler
to Google things for you.
58
00:02:52,935 --> 00:02:54,769
So what's next,
Tommy Davidson?
59
00:02:54,803 --> 00:02:56,604
I say we invest our ten large
60
00:02:56,639 --> 00:02:59,840
and then I "accidentally"
get run over by a city bus
61
00:02:59,859 --> 00:03:01,342
and we start our own
hip-hop label.
62
00:03:02,077 --> 00:03:03,711
We have this place
for one more night, right?
63
00:03:03,746 --> 00:03:05,446
We're outtie tomorrow
at noon.
64
00:03:05,481 --> 00:03:08,516
What if we took
every dime we had left,
65
00:03:08,551 --> 00:03:10,118
threw one last party.
66
00:03:10,152 --> 00:03:11,286
Made it the essence
67
00:03:11,320 --> 00:03:13,121
of everything we wanted
the company to be.
68
00:03:13,155 --> 00:03:15,456
A party...
69
00:03:15,491 --> 00:03:17,041
For the end of the world.
70
00:03:17,076 --> 00:03:20,194
Shh! You had me at
"every dime we have left."
71
00:03:20,229 --> 00:03:22,764
Because I'm in
like Lara Flynn...
72
00:03:22,798 --> 00:03:25,216
Boyle... from The Practice.
73
00:03:25,251 --> 00:03:29,804
Dilly dilly dilly
dilly dilly dilly dilly swag!
74
00:03:31,140 --> 00:03:32,391
What should we do tonight?
75
00:03:32,425 --> 00:03:34,259
I don't know, I just figure
we'll just order some pizza.
76
00:03:34,310 --> 00:03:35,643
You watch me play Xbox,
77
00:03:35,678 --> 00:03:36,945
and then I could watch you
make some prank phone calls?
78
00:03:36,979 --> 00:03:38,379
We get hammered?
Make out?
79
00:03:38,414 --> 00:03:40,248
We do that every night.
80
00:03:40,282 --> 00:03:43,451
That's because repetition
is the key to a good marriage.
81
00:03:44,185 --> 00:03:45,921
Let's do something weird.
82
00:03:45,955 --> 00:03:47,739
Come on, it could be
the last night on earth.
83
00:03:47,773 --> 00:03:49,724
We could do something
off my bucket list.
84
00:03:49,758 --> 00:03:51,125
You have a bucket list?
85
00:03:51,160 --> 00:03:53,728
Catch the winning touchdown
at the super bowl.
86
00:03:53,762 --> 00:03:56,230
Make the most amazing
grilled-cheese sandwich ever.
87
00:03:56,265 --> 00:03:57,949
Win the lottery.
Ride a unicycle.
88
00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:58,831
Invent something.
89
00:03:58,835 --> 00:04:01,302
I'd like to remake the movie
Shazaam with Shaquille O'Neal
90
00:04:01,337 --> 00:04:03,071
where he plays a genie
and I'd like to get it right.
91
00:04:03,105 --> 00:04:04,739
Go skydiving.
Outrun a hippo.
92
00:04:04,773 --> 00:04:06,441
Fly first class on plane.
93
00:04:06,475 --> 00:04:10,378
And when people are walking by,
be like this.
94
00:04:12,748 --> 00:04:14,349
All right, well, this
is what we're doing tonight.
95
00:04:14,383 --> 00:04:16,467
- Wait, which one?
- This one.
96
00:04:16,518 --> 00:04:19,086
800, 900, 1,000.
97
00:04:19,104 --> 00:04:20,989
And how much
is left in the bank account?
98
00:04:21,023 --> 00:04:22,590
18 dollars
and four cents.
99
00:04:22,625 --> 00:04:24,592
Whoa!
Still a lot left over.
100
00:04:24,627 --> 00:04:28,929
Okay, you wanted to hold
$1,000 cash in your hands,
101
00:04:32,635 --> 00:04:36,103
that's super disappointing.
102
00:04:36,121 --> 00:04:39,791
998, 999, 1000.
103
00:04:39,825 --> 00:04:41,242
Yes!
104
00:04:41,276 --> 00:04:43,995
Now this is what I imagined!
105
00:04:46,382 --> 00:04:49,584
Have you ever seen this much
cash in your entire life?
106
00:04:49,618 --> 00:04:51,135
I just handed it to you.
107
00:04:51,170 --> 00:04:53,454
Nickels!
108
00:04:53,472 --> 00:04:54,455
I want nickels.
109
00:04:54,490 --> 00:04:56,424
- A billion nickels!
- No, Andy.
110
00:04:56,458 --> 00:04:57,792
Evening, gentlemen.
111
00:04:57,826 --> 00:05:00,428
- Hey, Ron!
- Hail Zorp.
112
00:05:00,462 --> 00:05:02,480
It is a beautiful night
for the end of the world.
113
00:05:02,514 --> 00:05:05,933
Congratulations to all of you
for reaching the finish line.
114
00:05:05,968 --> 00:05:08,236
The Zorpies are ridiculous.
115
00:05:08,270 --> 00:05:10,321
But, like the founding fathers,
116
00:05:10,356 --> 00:05:13,107
I believe in absolute
freedom of religion.
117
00:05:13,142 --> 00:05:16,844
Also their ceremonies require
the playing of flutes.
118
00:05:17,879 --> 00:05:20,982
I happen to make flutes
in my wood shop.
119
00:05:21,016 --> 00:05:23,384
Flutes are $80 apiece.
120
00:05:23,419 --> 00:05:25,286
And recorders are 150.
121
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:28,189
Hey, they're beautiful.
122
00:05:28,223 --> 00:05:29,490
Would you take a check?
123
00:05:29,508 --> 00:05:32,176
- You can cash it tomorrow.
- Sure.
124
00:05:35,381 --> 00:05:37,015
Welcome to E720's
125
00:05:37,049 --> 00:05:38,933
end of the world celebration.
126
00:05:38,967 --> 00:05:41,269
The entire party's a VIP area.
127
00:05:41,303 --> 00:05:42,887
There's also
a double VIP area.
128
00:05:42,938 --> 00:05:44,689
A triple VIP area.
129
00:05:44,723 --> 00:05:46,774
And the Centurion Club
elite VIP area.
130
00:05:46,809 --> 00:05:48,109
Sponsored by Sobe Lifewater.
131
00:05:48,143 --> 00:05:50,078
No one's allowed in there,
not even us.
132
00:05:50,112 --> 00:05:51,096
Uh- uh.
133
00:05:51,097 --> 00:05:53,581
We also hired ten huge, scary
bouncers with earpieces.
134
00:05:53,615 --> 00:05:55,349
- What up, Keith?
- Mmm.
135
00:05:55,367 --> 00:05:57,035
He actually once tossed me
out of a club three years ago.
136
00:05:57,069 --> 00:05:58,369
Water under the bridge.
137
00:05:58,404 --> 00:06:00,822
DJ Bluntz is mixing up
some new beats.
138
00:06:00,856 --> 00:06:03,041
Ballers and ballerettes,
fasten your seatbelts.
139
00:06:03,075 --> 00:06:04,659
The perfect party begins...
140
00:06:04,693 --> 00:06:07,128
Clink! Now.
141
00:06:09,131 --> 00:06:10,798
Thank God.
142
00:06:10,833 --> 00:06:13,334
No one shows up
to a good party on time.
143
00:06:13,368 --> 00:06:14,836
If anybody actually
showed up right now,
144
00:06:14,870 --> 00:06:15,970
the whole party
would have been ruined.
145
00:06:16,004 --> 00:06:17,055
It would have been
a disaster.
146
00:06:17,089 --> 00:06:18,539
I don't want
to go to that party.
147
00:06:18,574 --> 00:06:21,476
Does the city consider them
a threat to public safety?
148
00:06:21,510 --> 00:06:24,395
Oh, not at all,
Shauna Malwae-Tweep.
149
00:06:24,430 --> 00:06:26,314
So I shouldn't interpret
anything from the fact
150
00:06:26,348 --> 00:06:28,349
that there are two people from
the city manager's office here?
151
00:06:28,383 --> 00:06:31,051
Well, nothing except that
I had nothing better to do.
152
00:06:31,070 --> 00:06:32,653
Which probably says
more about me than them.
153
00:06:32,688 --> 00:06:34,555
Thanks.
154
00:06:34,590 --> 00:06:36,557
- Thanks.
- Headline idea.
155
00:06:36,592 --> 00:06:38,292
"It's the end of the world
as they know it,
156
00:06:38,327 --> 00:06:39,894
but Pawnee feels fine."
157
00:06:39,912 --> 00:06:42,663
- It's a little long.
- Okay, "Zorp Shmorp!
158
00:06:42,698 --> 00:06:44,365
"Doomsday prediction
falls flat
159
00:06:44,399 --> 00:06:46,167
"as citizens spend
pleasant evening
160
00:06:46,201 --> 00:06:48,169
enjoying one of Pawnee's
finest parks."
161
00:06:48,203 --> 00:06:49,537
Somehow longer.
162
00:06:49,571 --> 00:06:50,838
Right, okay let's
go with the first one.
163
00:06:50,873 --> 00:06:53,091
Great, um, hey, also...
164
00:06:53,125 --> 00:06:55,075
He's cute.
Is he single, do you know?
165
00:06:55,094 --> 00:06:56,410
Chris? No.
166
00:06:56,428 --> 00:06:58,045
He's actually
dating Jerry's daughter.
167
00:06:58,079 --> 00:07:00,148
Oh, no sorry, I meant Ben.
What's his story?
168
00:07:00,182 --> 00:07:02,116
- Who?
- Ben?
169
00:07:02,151 --> 00:07:04,218
I-I don't know.
170
00:07:04,252 --> 00:07:07,138
I--I'm not s--
I'm not sure.
171
00:07:07,189 --> 00:07:09,423
He's, um,
a man and he's a worker.
172
00:07:09,441 --> 00:07:13,528
And he is--uh, we've never
discussed sex, so...
173
00:07:13,562 --> 00:07:16,564
It's--we've always just been
very businesslike, so...
174
00:07:16,598 --> 00:07:20,267
Your guess is as good--
nay, better than mine.
175
00:07:20,285 --> 00:07:22,269
The end.
By Leslie Knope.
176
00:07:23,287 --> 00:07:25,540
Okay.
Cool, thanks.
177
00:07:25,574 --> 00:07:27,608
H--happy to help.
178
00:07:27,643 --> 00:07:29,145
What's happening?
179
00:07:30,579 --> 00:07:32,213
The world is ending.
180
00:07:34,379 --> 00:07:36,113
Oh boy, I know how this goes.
181
00:07:36,186 --> 00:07:37,670
I know how Shauna operates.
182
00:07:37,704 --> 00:07:39,338
She smiles,
and then they fall in love,
183
00:07:39,372 --> 00:07:40,689
and then they get married,
184
00:07:40,724 --> 00:07:42,908
and then she changes her name
to Shauna Malwae-Wyatt.
185
00:07:42,942 --> 00:07:44,526
Or he's going
to be really progressive
186
00:07:44,561 --> 00:07:46,545
and change his name to
Ben Wyatt-Malwae-Tweep.
187
00:07:46,579 --> 00:07:49,531
God, I am so annoyed that he
would hypothetically do that.
188
00:07:49,566 --> 00:07:50,816
I'm gonna remind you
189
00:07:50,850 --> 00:07:52,067
that the reason
you're not dating him
190
00:07:52,118 --> 00:07:54,019
is because you decided
to run for city council.
191
00:07:54,037 --> 00:07:55,854
Oh, so just because
I can't go out with him,
192
00:07:55,889 --> 00:07:57,189
someone else can?
193
00:07:57,207 --> 00:07:58,741
- Oh, boy, okay.
- Wow.
194
00:07:58,792 --> 00:08:01,877
Okay, I'm sure
this is nothing.
195
00:08:02,611 --> 00:08:04,413
Okay, well, that was
definitely something.
196
00:08:04,464 --> 00:08:05,798
- Oh. My God.
- I know that move.
197
00:08:05,832 --> 00:08:06,915
They're gonna
have sex in five minutes.
198
00:08:06,966 --> 00:08:08,300
I've gotta stop this.
199
00:08:08,334 --> 00:08:09,668
I've got to keep them
away from each other
200
00:08:09,702 --> 00:08:10,536
for the rest of their lives.
201
00:08:10,554 --> 00:08:13,389
- How are you gonna do that?
- Unclear!
202
00:08:13,423 --> 00:08:17,009
Oh, yeah, ten bucks!
203
00:08:17,043 --> 00:08:18,177
That counts as
winning the lottery.
204
00:08:19,411 --> 00:08:21,814
Okay, now is this
the most amazing
205
00:08:21,848 --> 00:08:23,882
grilled-cheese
sandwich ever made?
206
00:08:23,900 --> 00:08:26,018
Mmm, it's pretty awesome.
207
00:08:26,552 --> 00:08:27,886
Honey, my bucket list
doesn't say
208
00:08:27,921 --> 00:08:30,622
"make a pretty awesome
grilled-cheese sandwich."
209
00:08:30,657 --> 00:08:31,957
Gotta go back to the store.
210
00:08:31,991 --> 00:08:33,459
We're gonna get
a different kind of cheese.
211
00:08:33,493 --> 00:08:34,576
No, no, no, dude, seriously.
212
00:08:34,611 --> 00:08:35,961
This is the most amazing
grilled-cheese sandwich
213
00:08:35,995 --> 00:08:37,029
ever made, okay?
214
00:08:37,063 --> 00:08:39,031
Okay. What's next?
215
00:08:39,065 --> 00:08:42,201
Hey, there you are.
Wow, you two are still talking?
216
00:08:42,235 --> 00:08:43,769
Ben hasn't bored you
to death by now.
217
00:08:43,803 --> 00:08:45,904
- Hey.
- So boring.
218
00:08:45,922 --> 00:08:47,672
Actually, we were having
a really great talk.
219
00:08:48,207 --> 00:08:50,075
- Keep your pants on.
- What?
220
00:08:50,110 --> 00:08:51,677
I mean,
keep your pants on, girl!
221
00:08:51,711 --> 00:08:53,312
I mean, those are
really nice pants.
222
00:08:53,346 --> 00:08:54,913
I really like your pants.
Where'd you get them?
223
00:08:54,948 --> 00:08:56,765
Do you want to go
buy some more pants?
224
00:08:56,800 --> 00:08:58,250
Or, um, walk away from here?
225
00:08:58,268 --> 00:09:00,352
I might head over to
that end of the world party.
226
00:09:00,386 --> 00:09:02,054
Oh, that's where all
the losers are going.
227
00:09:02,088 --> 00:09:03,989
Yeah, what is that?
Tom emailed me.
228
00:09:04,023 --> 00:09:06,558
- I could check that out.
- Hurrrrr...
229
00:09:06,593 --> 00:09:09,261
Well, then you should
stay here then.
230
00:09:09,295 --> 00:09:10,996
Because you can't go.
231
00:09:11,030 --> 00:09:12,931
I mean, what if you're
not here when Zorp shows up?
232
00:09:12,966 --> 00:09:14,099
Boy, would your face be red.
233
00:09:14,134 --> 00:09:15,801
When Zorp shows up,
234
00:09:15,835 --> 00:09:20,405
your faces will be
melted off and used as fuel.
235
00:09:21,040 --> 00:09:22,307
You want to be here
for that.
236
00:09:22,342 --> 00:09:23,642
I think
I'll take my chances.
237
00:09:23,676 --> 00:09:26,295
Leslie, thanks as always.
238
00:09:26,329 --> 00:09:30,282
Wow. What an unbelievably
unpleasant person.
239
00:09:32,385 --> 00:09:33,669
Melissa, get in there
240
00:09:33,720 --> 00:09:35,087
- with your bad self.
- All right.
241
00:09:35,121 --> 00:09:36,722
- You ready?
- I'm ready.
242
00:09:36,756 --> 00:09:38,323
Anything you grab
is yours to keep.
243
00:09:38,358 --> 00:09:39,508
Hit it!
244
00:09:39,559 --> 00:09:41,293
Yes!
245
00:09:41,811 --> 00:09:44,229
The perfect party.
It's an elusive idea.
246
00:09:44,764 --> 00:09:46,181
People have to be
completely entertained
247
00:09:46,232 --> 00:09:49,101
from the moment they walk in,
to the moment they leave.
248
00:09:49,135 --> 00:09:50,736
It's a grand experiment.
249
00:09:50,770 --> 00:09:53,906
And I... am a party scientist.
250
00:09:53,940 --> 00:09:55,908
Welcome to my laboratory.
251
00:09:55,942 --> 00:09:57,993
♪ ♪
252
00:10:01,047 --> 00:10:02,647
♪ ♪
253
00:10:10,557 --> 00:10:13,325
That was Symphony for
the Righteous Destruction
254
00:10:13,359 --> 00:10:14,993
of Humanity in E minor.
255
00:10:15,028 --> 00:10:17,662
By the late Lou Prozotovich.
256
00:10:17,797 --> 00:10:20,833
Reminder. These flutes are
available for purchase.
257
00:10:20,867 --> 00:10:23,035
You can't take it
with you people.
258
00:10:23,069 --> 00:10:25,687
Herb, I just speed-read
both of your books.
259
00:10:25,722 --> 00:10:26,855
- Ooh.
- And, full disclosure,
260
00:10:26,890 --> 00:10:28,640
I think they're
bonkers-filled.
261
00:10:28,675 --> 00:10:30,642
But I did notice that you're
interested in reincarnation.
262
00:10:30,677 --> 00:10:32,177
Tell me about that.
263
00:10:32,212 --> 00:10:34,346
Well, it makes sense,
doesn't it?
264
00:10:34,380 --> 00:10:38,867
From the universe, we emerge.
Into the universe, we return.
265
00:10:38,902 --> 00:10:41,653
And there are infinite
forms we can take
266
00:10:41,687 --> 00:10:44,206
in infinite universes.
267
00:10:44,740 --> 00:10:45,857
What a lovely thought.
268
00:10:45,875 --> 00:10:50,028
Well, this morning at dawn,
you will take a new form.
269
00:10:50,063 --> 00:10:53,432
That of a fleshless,
chattering skeleton
270
00:10:53,466 --> 00:10:57,469
when Zorp the surveyor arrives
and burns your flesh off
271
00:10:57,503 --> 00:10:59,972
with his volcano mouth.
272
00:11:01,006 --> 00:11:02,441
That was very strange
what you just said.
273
00:11:02,475 --> 00:11:04,543
I don't like it as much
as that other thing you said.
274
00:11:04,577 --> 00:11:07,779
Oh.
275
00:11:07,814 --> 00:11:10,065
Hey, hey, where you going?
Where you headed off to?
276
00:11:10,099 --> 00:11:11,767
Do you want to play
a fun game with me
277
00:11:11,801 --> 00:11:13,352
that I made up
called chess-risk?
278
00:11:13,386 --> 00:11:16,388
It's half chess, half risk and
takes like 15 hours to play.
279
00:11:16,406 --> 00:11:18,090
Okay, yeah, I think
I'm gonna go.
280
00:11:18,124 --> 00:11:20,859
- I--okay.
- All right?
281
00:11:21,393 --> 00:11:23,295
- Oh, my God!
- What?
282
00:11:23,329 --> 00:11:25,280
I forgot I have a thing
I need to show you.
283
00:11:25,331 --> 00:11:27,032
Oh.
284
00:11:27,066 --> 00:11:28,834
I need to bring you there
right now it's so amazing.
285
00:11:28,868 --> 00:11:30,335
It's going to freak you out.
286
00:11:30,370 --> 00:11:32,504
It's, uh, it's something
that we need to
287
00:11:32,538 --> 00:11:35,073
get in my car and go to,
so let's do that.
288
00:11:35,091 --> 00:11:36,091
- Okay.
- Come on.
289
00:11:36,125 --> 00:11:37,043
Leslie,
where are you going?
290
00:11:37,044 --> 00:11:39,411
I'm going to the thing
that I told you about with Ben.
291
00:11:39,429 --> 00:11:40,846
No spoilers, Ann.
She's been there before.
292
00:11:40,880 --> 00:11:42,447
- Let's go.
- Okay.
293
00:11:43,800 --> 00:11:45,100
What's up, what's up?
294
00:11:45,134 --> 00:11:46,885
Are you guys having
a good time tonight?
295
00:11:48,588 --> 00:11:50,822
I think we've gotta take things
to the next level.
296
00:11:50,857 --> 00:11:51,957
Drum line, hit it!
297
00:11:54,978 --> 00:11:56,578
♪ ♪
298
00:12:10,609 --> 00:12:12,461
- Okay, I'm ready!
- Good.
299
00:12:12,495 --> 00:12:15,130
Wait!
I'm not ready. Super scared.
300
00:12:15,164 --> 00:12:17,082
Andy, you said you wanted
to be an action star.
301
00:12:17,616 --> 00:12:18,417
This is your chance.
302
00:12:18,451 --> 00:12:21,053
Okay.
303
00:12:21,587 --> 00:12:24,806
Okay, you, Natalie,
follow the action.
304
00:12:24,841 --> 00:12:26,224
What do I have to do?
305
00:12:26,259 --> 00:12:27,392
Just hold up this
butter knife to my throat
306
00:12:27,427 --> 00:12:28,593
and pretend like
you're holding me hostage.
307
00:12:28,627 --> 00:12:30,462
- What?
- Ready!
308
00:12:30,496 --> 00:12:32,981
I don't know.
It seems a little crazy.
309
00:12:33,816 --> 00:12:35,067
Just crazy enough to work.
310
00:12:39,238 --> 00:12:41,073
Aah!
311
00:12:41,107 --> 00:12:45,077
Ahh!
Oh, my face!
312
00:12:45,111 --> 00:12:46,111
My face!
313
00:12:46,145 --> 00:12:48,830
Is fine, Mikhail Petrov!
314
00:12:49,065 --> 00:12:51,283
Forget it, Macklin,
you're too late--
315
00:12:51,317 --> 00:12:53,318
- I'm sorry, guys.
- Jerry!
316
00:12:53,353 --> 00:12:54,853
I need my cheaters.
I cannot see anyth--
317
00:12:54,887 --> 00:12:56,171
you're doing really good,
you're doing really good.
318
00:12:56,205 --> 00:12:56,922
- Really?
- Yeah.
319
00:12:56,957 --> 00:12:59,124
Help me,
Agent Macklin, help me!
320
00:12:59,158 --> 00:13:01,626
He's stolen my jewels, and now
he's going to ravish my body
321
00:13:01,661 --> 00:13:03,545
and he stinks,
he really stinks!
322
00:13:03,596 --> 00:13:06,732
Okay, Janet Snakehole belongs
to mother Russia now.
323
00:13:06,766 --> 00:13:07,999
Oh, that's what you think!
324
00:13:08,017 --> 00:13:10,001
- No.
- I hope you like pain!
325
00:13:10,019 --> 00:13:11,520
- What are you doing?
- Pow!
326
00:13:11,554 --> 00:13:12,688
Say the line.
327
00:13:12,722 --> 00:13:14,773
Looks like this Siberian husky
328
00:13:14,807 --> 00:13:17,275
is going to be Russian...
329
00:13:17,310 --> 00:13:19,978
off to jail.
330
00:13:20,412 --> 00:13:22,681
Hey, know what, can I go?
Gayle is making a roast.
331
00:13:24,215 --> 00:13:24,716
Ugh.
332
00:13:25,251 --> 00:13:28,236
We've already been
down this street.
333
00:13:28,287 --> 00:13:29,687
Just out of curiosity,
334
00:13:29,706 --> 00:13:31,857
where's your favorite
place to go like ever?
335
00:13:31,891 --> 00:13:33,458
Well, I don't know.
336
00:13:33,493 --> 00:13:35,210
Tom's party
sounded kind of fun.
337
00:13:35,244 --> 00:13:36,828
Here we are!
We're at the special place!
338
00:13:38,715 --> 00:13:43,402
Well, here we are.
What do you think?
339
00:13:43,436 --> 00:13:45,737
Are you gonna murder me
and bury me at this gas station?
340
00:13:45,772 --> 00:13:48,140
No, this is
a great gas station.
341
00:13:48,174 --> 00:13:52,244
This gas station
was owned by... Mick Jagger.
342
00:13:52,278 --> 00:13:53,812
Uh-huh.
343
00:13:53,846 --> 00:13:55,063
I came across
some financial records
344
00:13:55,098 --> 00:13:56,565
when I was doing
some research for my book,
345
00:13:56,599 --> 00:13:58,083
and this gas station was owned
346
00:13:58,117 --> 00:14:00,585
by an M. Jagger, which at first
I thought was a woman.
347
00:14:00,620 --> 00:14:03,188
Maybe Meg or something,
but I think
348
00:14:03,222 --> 00:14:05,190
the most likely explanation
349
00:14:05,224 --> 00:14:08,427
is that legendary Rolling Stones
front man Mick Jagger
350
00:14:08,461 --> 00:14:11,730
owned this gas station
from 1951 to 1958.
351
00:14:12,764 --> 00:14:14,299
I know what you're doing,
Leslie.
352
00:14:14,333 --> 00:14:16,368
I'm showing you a part
of Rock and Roll history.
353
00:14:16,402 --> 00:14:19,638
You--you can't do this.
You know we broke up.
354
00:14:20,372 --> 00:14:22,841
And I kind of feel like we
shouldn't...
355
00:14:22,875 --> 00:14:26,011
Hang out together,
just the two of us.
356
00:14:26,045 --> 00:14:28,580
Because every time we do,
it just makes it harder.
357
00:14:28,614 --> 00:14:30,982
You know?
358
00:14:31,017 --> 00:14:32,350
Okay.
359
00:14:34,353 --> 00:14:36,021
Okay.
360
00:14:41,353 --> 00:14:42,881
I think we've done
everything on the list
361
00:14:42,882 --> 00:14:44,082
that we can actually do.
362
00:14:44,133 --> 00:14:45,717
What about this?
363
00:14:45,752 --> 00:14:47,836
Oh, my God,
that would be awesome.
364
00:14:48,270 --> 00:14:49,738
- It's impossible.
- No, it isn't.
365
00:14:50,272 --> 00:14:51,773
We have $1,000
in our bank account,
366
00:14:51,808 --> 00:14:53,008
and we're young
and irresponsible.
367
00:14:54,245 --> 00:14:55,244
I mean, our car
would break down.
368
00:14:55,278 --> 00:14:56,578
There's no way we
could even get there.
369
00:14:56,613 --> 00:14:58,880
So I'll steal my dad's car.
370
00:14:58,898 --> 00:15:02,017
Look, this is a stupid idea,
but right at this exact second,
371
00:15:02,051 --> 00:15:04,353
we have enough momentum
to do something stupid
372
00:15:04,387 --> 00:15:05,754
before we realize
how stupid it is.
373
00:15:05,788 --> 00:15:10,776
You are absolutely right.
No thinking, just stupid.
374
00:15:10,827 --> 00:15:12,394
Yes!
375
00:15:12,412 --> 00:15:14,663
Buddhists feel
that human beings
376
00:15:14,697 --> 00:15:17,366
are unlikely to be
reincarnated as human beings.
377
00:15:17,400 --> 00:15:19,835
So the problem
with reincarnation
378
00:15:19,869 --> 00:15:21,937
is that you could be
reborn as a pretzel.
379
00:15:22,571 --> 00:15:24,206
Or a socket wrench.
380
00:15:24,840 --> 00:15:25,841
Ron, if you could
be reincarnated,
381
00:15:25,875 --> 00:15:27,476
what would you like to be?
382
00:15:27,510 --> 00:15:30,312
Socket wrench sounds
pretty good, actually.
383
00:15:30,346 --> 00:15:32,414
What religion am I?
384
00:15:32,448 --> 00:15:36,218
Well, I'm a practicing none
of your [Bleep] Business.
385
00:15:36,252 --> 00:15:39,221
I think the danger in
believing in reincarnation
386
00:15:39,255 --> 00:15:41,056
is that you spend so much
time trying to figure out
387
00:15:41,090 --> 00:15:42,758
what you're going to be
in the next lifetime
388
00:15:42,792 --> 00:15:45,227
that you forget to enjoy
the one you're in now.
389
00:15:45,761 --> 00:15:49,131
Ann Perkins...
that was beautiful.
390
00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:54,769
Drum lines,
personalized gift bags, tigers.
391
00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,405
This is the best
party I've ever been to.
392
00:15:56,439 --> 00:15:57,606
And I'm not just saying that.
393
00:15:57,640 --> 00:15:59,491
For real, T.T.,
think about it, man.
394
00:16:00,042 --> 00:16:02,911
It's pretty great.
But it's not perfect.
395
00:16:03,445 --> 00:16:04,479
Tom.
396
00:16:04,514 --> 00:16:07,115
Hey, Lucy,
what are you doing here?
397
00:16:07,633 --> 00:16:08,783
Jean-Ralphio called me
and told me
398
00:16:08,801 --> 00:16:10,519
that this was
a very special occasion
399
00:16:10,553 --> 00:16:12,020
and I should come down.
400
00:16:12,555 --> 00:16:13,255
It's nice to see you.
401
00:16:13,289 --> 00:16:14,923
Yeah, good to see you too.
402
00:16:14,957 --> 00:16:16,058
Want to go dance?
403
00:16:16,092 --> 00:16:17,726
Yeah, yeah!
Uh, give me a minute.
404
00:16:17,760 --> 00:16:18,761
Okay.
405
00:16:20,295 --> 00:16:22,130
I can't believe
you called her for me.
406
00:16:22,665 --> 00:16:24,066
That's really nice
of you, man, for real.
407
00:16:24,100 --> 00:16:25,367
Thanks.
408
00:16:25,401 --> 00:16:27,135
No, no, no, thank you.
409
00:16:27,153 --> 00:16:30,439
I mean for everything.
410
00:16:35,194 --> 00:16:36,945
I actually forgot
they ever dated.
411
00:16:36,979 --> 00:16:39,781
I was trying to hit that.
412
00:16:39,815 --> 00:16:42,217
Dawn is nigh!
413
00:16:42,251 --> 00:16:45,287
Zorp the surveyor approaches,
414
00:16:45,321 --> 00:16:48,823
and all earthly debts
will be repaid.
415
00:16:49,341 --> 00:16:51,177
Last call for doughnuts.
416
00:16:52,211 --> 00:16:54,229
Can I speak with you
about a personal matter?
417
00:16:55,263 --> 00:16:57,366
Normally, no.
418
00:16:57,400 --> 00:16:59,685
But... given there's
only 20 minutes
419
00:16:59,719 --> 00:17:01,570
until the end
of human existence...
420
00:17:01,604 --> 00:17:03,171
Also, no.
421
00:17:03,206 --> 00:17:04,773
I lost my mind tonight.
422
00:17:04,807 --> 00:17:08,677
I tried to screw up
even the potential of Ben
423
00:17:08,711 --> 00:17:10,011
dating someone else.
424
00:17:10,046 --> 00:17:11,780
Did you not hear me
when I said no?
425
00:17:11,814 --> 00:17:13,949
Oh, we broke up
because of me.
426
00:17:14,483 --> 00:17:17,619
But I have to
tell you, Ron...
427
00:17:19,555 --> 00:17:22,023
If the world
was ending tomorrow,
428
00:17:22,758 --> 00:17:25,093
I'd want to be with him.
429
00:17:26,128 --> 00:17:28,964
Well, that's significant.
430
00:17:28,998 --> 00:17:32,968
Problem is, Leslie, the world's
not ending tomorrow.
431
00:17:33,002 --> 00:17:35,404
The sun's going to rise
right over there.
432
00:17:35,938 --> 00:17:38,173
It'll be a regular Friday,
433
00:17:38,207 --> 00:17:40,842
and you'll be in the exact same
position you were in before.
434
00:17:41,877 --> 00:17:42,911
I know.
435
00:17:42,945 --> 00:17:44,446
It's just the thought
of him with someone else
436
00:17:44,480 --> 00:17:45,781
is making me miserable.
437
00:17:46,315 --> 00:17:48,316
If it makes you feel
any better, Leslie,
438
00:17:48,351 --> 00:17:50,569
we'll all be dead
in 20 minutes.
439
00:17:51,603 --> 00:17:54,055
That does make me feel better.
Thank you, Herb.
440
00:18:05,618 --> 00:18:08,270
- We did it!
- Yay!
441
00:18:08,304 --> 00:18:09,788
This car is nice!
442
00:18:09,839 --> 00:18:11,123
How long you think
it'll take us?
443
00:18:11,174 --> 00:18:13,408
Uh, the map says 30 hours
but I drive really fast.
444
00:18:13,443 --> 00:18:14,810
- 30 hours?
- Mm-hmm.
445
00:18:14,844 --> 00:18:16,645
Oh, crap!
I didn't bring any music.
446
00:18:16,679 --> 00:18:18,380
No!
447
00:18:18,414 --> 00:18:19,915
I'll tell you what.
448
00:18:19,949 --> 00:18:21,750
You play whatever you want,
449
00:18:22,284 --> 00:18:24,152
I'm just going to take
a real quick snooze
450
00:18:24,187 --> 00:18:26,221
for like 12 hours
so I'm fresh.
451
00:18:29,258 --> 00:18:33,728
♪ ♪
452
00:18:34,262 --> 00:18:35,430
Thank you guys
so much for coming out.
453
00:18:35,465 --> 00:18:37,098
If you're too drunk to drive,
454
00:18:37,116 --> 00:18:39,451
please take
one of our shuttles home.
455
00:18:39,485 --> 00:18:42,003
Valet service will drop
your car off later today.
456
00:18:42,038 --> 00:18:43,938
If you're one of
our designated drivers,
457
00:18:43,956 --> 00:18:45,574
please take a "thank you" bag.
458
00:18:45,608 --> 00:18:49,494
And enjoy the giant bows
I put on your car.
459
00:18:49,545 --> 00:18:51,513
- Hey!
- Hey.
460
00:18:51,547 --> 00:18:52,881
- It's great seeing you.
- You too.
461
00:18:52,915 --> 00:18:55,333
Are, uh, you sticking around
for a bit, or...
462
00:18:55,384 --> 00:18:57,018
Nah, I'm heading to
Bloomington right now.
463
00:18:57,053 --> 00:18:58,720
- Oh.
- Grad school's fun,
464
00:18:58,754 --> 00:19:00,839
but I do miss this town.
465
00:19:01,390 --> 00:19:03,425
- Yeah.
- What's wrong?
466
00:19:04,459 --> 00:19:05,427
I don't know.
467
00:19:05,461 --> 00:19:07,679
After this is done,
I'm gonna be broke,
468
00:19:07,730 --> 00:19:09,531
and I'm not gonna
have a job.
469
00:19:09,565 --> 00:19:10,982
Well,
if it's any consolation,
470
00:19:11,517 --> 00:19:13,852
this was honestly the best
party I've ever been to.
471
00:19:14,703 --> 00:19:15,487
Hey, it was pretty great.
472
00:19:15,521 --> 00:19:18,607
I-I was really
aiming for something--
473
00:19:21,644 --> 00:19:25,614
I'll see you around.
474
00:19:25,648 --> 00:19:27,749
Whoo.
475
00:19:28,283 --> 00:19:30,619
You saw that.
476
00:19:30,953 --> 00:19:32,053
You saw that too.
477
00:19:36,526 --> 00:19:38,860
Shauna Malwae-Tweep
thinks you're cute.
478
00:19:39,395 --> 00:19:40,545
- What?
- That's why I took you
479
00:19:40,596 --> 00:19:41,996
to Mick Jagger's
abandoned gas station.
480
00:19:42,014 --> 00:19:43,431
Because she thinks you're
cute, and I was afraid
481
00:19:43,466 --> 00:19:44,766
you guys were gonna
make out and have babies,
482
00:19:44,800 --> 00:19:46,668
and I had no right
to do that to you
483
00:19:46,686 --> 00:19:48,687
or your future children.
484
00:19:48,721 --> 00:19:50,639
And it wasn't until just now
485
00:19:50,673 --> 00:19:52,974
that I realized
the romantic part
486
00:19:53,009 --> 00:19:55,744
of our relationship is over.
487
00:19:55,778 --> 00:19:57,612
So... I'm sorry.
488
00:19:57,647 --> 00:20:00,515
And, uh, why don't you tell
Shauna to make herself decent
489
00:20:00,550 --> 00:20:03,084
and I'll apologize
to her as well.
490
00:20:03,919 --> 00:20:08,156
Oh, well,
Shauna's not here.
491
00:20:08,890 --> 00:20:10,458
- Oh.
- See what I did?
492
00:20:10,493 --> 00:20:11,526
- I do.
- I'm very sneaky.
493
00:20:12,944 --> 00:20:14,362
Okay, okay, well....
494
00:20:14,397 --> 00:20:15,997
♪ ♪
495
00:20:48,230 --> 00:20:49,397
It's so much more beautiful
496
00:20:49,432 --> 00:20:50,932
than I could have
ever even imagined.
497
00:20:51,467 --> 00:20:53,068
Yeah.
498
00:20:53,502 --> 00:20:56,288
I'm trying to find a way
to be annoyed by it, but...
499
00:20:57,039 --> 00:20:58,340
Coming up empty.
500
00:20:58,774 --> 00:21:00,425
Thank you so much.
501
00:21:00,459 --> 00:21:03,211
I never would have ever
done this without you.
502
00:21:03,845 --> 00:21:04,813
Thank you.
503
00:21:09,268 --> 00:21:13,221
Where's all the faces?
Like the presidents.
504
00:21:15,014 --> 00:21:22,417
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
505
00:21:23,014 --> 00:21:26,417
All the scholarly work
that I did on these texts?
506
00:21:26,451 --> 00:21:29,253
Indicated that
the world would end.
507
00:21:29,287 --> 00:21:31,355
Oh, gosh, I'm as disappointed
as you are, Herb.
508
00:21:31,389 --> 00:21:34,558
Yeah, but I went home and
began to reevaluate the texts.
509
00:21:35,092 --> 00:21:36,560
You don't say.
510
00:21:36,594 --> 00:21:39,563
And I realized that
I'd made some crucial errors
511
00:21:39,597 --> 00:21:41,432
well, math is hard.
512
00:21:41,466 --> 00:21:44,318
Yes, well, the actual
end of the world is May 19.
513
00:21:44,352 --> 00:21:46,070
Okay, let's see
what we've got.
514
00:21:46,104 --> 00:21:48,572
Um, oh, on the 19th
we can't give you the park.
515
00:21:48,606 --> 00:21:51,525
We have a Spring spectacular
free ice cream giveaway.
516
00:21:51,576 --> 00:21:53,827
Heh! I misspoke.
517
00:21:53,862 --> 00:21:55,346
Yeah, it's May 20?
518
00:21:56,380 --> 00:21:57,348
That is free.
519
00:21:57,382 --> 00:21:58,782
- Ah!
- Okay.
520
00:21:58,816 --> 00:22:00,417
End of World, May 20th.