1
00:00:09,133 --> 00:00:11,634
Come on, come on, come on.
2
00:00:11,702 --> 00:00:14,637
- Leslie Knope!
- Hey, Chris!
3
00:00:14,705 --> 00:00:15,638
Wow, is that
a new jogging shirt?
4
00:00:15,706 --> 00:00:17,107
It is!
5
00:00:17,147 --> 00:00:19,482
It's an experimental fabric
called bumble-flex.
6
00:00:19,516 --> 00:00:20,950
It's made out of
synthetic bees' wings.
7
00:00:20,968 --> 00:00:22,302
- That's cool.
- Anyway...
8
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You're not supposed to be here.
You're suspended.
9
00:00:23,821 --> 00:00:25,004
I totally understand that.
10
00:00:25,055 --> 00:00:26,455
I'm just going to, uh,
take my flash drive
11
00:00:26,473 --> 00:00:27,657
and I'll do
some work from home.
12
00:00:27,691 --> 00:00:29,025
N...
13
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...O. You are specifically
prohibited from doing your job.
14
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Oh, I'm not gonna do my job.
15
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I'm just gonna oversee
the department, and check in
16
00:00:34,315 --> 00:00:36,532
on the parks, and attend any
meetings that require
17
00:00:36,567 --> 00:00:37,984
- the deputy director.
- Leslie.
18
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Go home and give me
the flash drive.
19
00:00:44,174 --> 00:00:46,209
This is a nasal spray.
20
00:00:46,243 --> 00:00:47,877
Give me the flash drive.
21
00:00:47,912 --> 00:00:50,146
Give me the nasal spray.
22
00:00:50,180 --> 00:00:51,214
On three.
23
00:00:51,248 --> 00:00:52,215
One...
24
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- Two...
- Two...
25
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Three.
26
00:00:56,220 --> 00:00:58,755
Okay, good.
Now, in two weeks, you can--
27
00:00:58,789 --> 00:01:01,224
Leslie Knope!
I am much faster than you!
28
00:01:01,258 --> 00:01:02,976
I have bumble-flex!
29
00:01:06,030 --> 00:01:11,020
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
30
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It's so nice to be able
to sit here in public
31
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- and have breakfast with you.
- Yeah.
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In a way, my suspension from
work was kind of a blessing.
33
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Yeah, I feel the same way
about resigning in disgrace.
34
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Totally, the key is you have
to keep yourself busy,
35
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or else you're gonna go crazy.
36
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I mean, look at me,
look how busy I am.
37
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I'm inventing a new spice
called "sal-gar."
38
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It's part salt, part sugar.
39
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What could that possibly
be good on?
40
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- Butterscotch pudding.
- Fair enough.
41
00:01:46,971 --> 00:01:49,272
Okay, I have to go to this
meeting with my advisers.
42
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for an accounting firm, so...
could be pretty interesting.
43
00:01:57,781 --> 00:01:58,982
Yeah, sounds interesting.
44
00:01:59,016 --> 00:02:01,384
You know, if I hadn't
resigned in disgrace,
45
00:02:01,418 --> 00:02:03,586
I might never have explored
the private sector.
46
00:02:03,620 --> 00:02:07,356
It's like, why didn't I resign
in disgrace 12 years ago?
47
00:02:07,374 --> 00:02:10,076
You might want to stop saying
"resigned in disgrace."
48
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Especially during
job interviews.
49
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Good call.
50
00:02:14,164 --> 00:02:15,531
Leslie wishes
she could be here herself
51
00:02:15,566 --> 00:02:18,034
to give you these presents,
but she's suspended.
52
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Oh, and also she said
that they're not from her,
53
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- they're from Santa Claus.
- Can I go first?
54
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Mouse Rat,
certified gold!
55
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Over 100 copies sold in Pawnee!
56
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I need to get a picture of me
holding this so I can frame it.
57
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Personalized,
leopard-printed robe.
58
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Pink feather cuffs.
59
00:02:39,923 --> 00:02:42,892
And on the back,
in rhinestones...
60
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"You can get it"!
61
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I know you're sad
you couldn't get tickets
62
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to the "Watch the Throne" tour,
so I got you a watch
63
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and a tiny throne instead.
64
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And check it out, she even
took out the dumb clock part
65
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and put this in...
66
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"Baller Time."
67
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These are the Black-eyed Peas.
68
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And I finally killed them.
69
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It's a Christmas miracle.
70
00:03:03,981 --> 00:03:07,617
Every year, I give Leslie the
same present I give everyone:
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A crisp $20 bill.
72
00:03:10,154 --> 00:03:13,689
And every year, she gets me
something thoughtful
73
00:03:13,724 --> 00:03:15,158
and personal.
74
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It makes me furious.
75
00:03:17,895 --> 00:03:20,363
This year, she outdid herself.
76
00:03:23,534 --> 00:03:28,654
She had it installed
over the weekend.
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It's so--
78
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It's so beautiful.
79
00:03:32,342 --> 00:03:34,911
We need to get Leslie
something that erases
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the enormous emotional debt
that has built up over years
81
00:03:37,831 --> 00:03:39,799
of this gift-giving imbalance.
82
00:03:39,833 --> 00:03:41,551
Everyone start
thinking of ideas.
83
00:03:41,585 --> 00:03:43,553
Aw, jeez.
84
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Socks.
85
00:03:45,389 --> 00:03:46,622
She gets me.
86
00:03:46,640 --> 00:03:48,174
Hi, hi, hi, hi.
Sorry I'm late.
87
00:03:48,225 --> 00:03:50,793
I was off getting
holiday gifts for my team.
88
00:03:50,811 --> 00:03:53,813
William, here is
a Knope 2012 tree ornament.
89
00:03:53,847 --> 00:03:55,297
- Hey.
- And Elizabeth,
90
00:03:55,315 --> 00:04:00,319
I got you a Knope 2012...
Menorah...Maybe?
91
00:04:00,354 --> 00:04:02,071
- No.
- No, okay.
92
00:04:02,106 --> 00:04:03,305
Then I got you
a tree ornament.
93
00:04:03,323 --> 00:04:05,641
Okay, so let's talk
about damage control.
94
00:04:05,659 --> 00:04:07,977
Now, I could go on
Pawnee Today, but--
95
00:04:08,011 --> 00:04:09,195
and I know this is
a long shot--
96
00:04:09,246 --> 00:04:10,830
Oprah has her own network now.
97
00:04:10,864 --> 00:04:12,999
- Whoa, Leslie, slow down.
- The first step is for us
98
00:04:13,033 --> 00:04:14,484
to figure out what
we're up against,
99
00:04:14,518 --> 00:04:16,285
and we've already got polls out
in the field, and we should
100
00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:18,087
have results back
in a couple of days.
101
00:04:18,122 --> 00:04:21,257
Just stay out of the spotlight
until we can figure out
102
00:04:21,291 --> 00:04:23,876
just how this, uh, incident
has affected the voters.
103
00:04:23,927 --> 00:04:27,330
Sit tight,
take a beat, relax.
104
00:04:27,364 --> 00:04:29,832
"Sit tight"?
"Take a beat"? "Relax"?
105
00:04:29,867 --> 00:04:31,934
I don't really do
any of those things.
106
00:04:31,969 --> 00:04:33,402
In fact,
while I was in that meeting,
107
00:04:33,437 --> 00:04:36,973
I was also planning my mother's
birthday party in my head.
108
00:04:37,007 --> 00:04:38,808
Strawberry margaritas!
109
00:04:38,842 --> 00:04:40,710
Another use for sal-gar!
110
00:04:40,744 --> 00:04:44,614
Financial analysis,
automated general ledger
111
00:04:44,648 --> 00:04:47,617
accounting systems,
audit management.
112
00:04:47,651 --> 00:04:49,202
Hmm, you've done everything.
113
00:04:49,236 --> 00:04:51,921
Well, they call me
"the Swiss Army Accountant."
114
00:04:53,373 --> 00:04:55,458
- They don't call me that.
- They should.
115
00:04:55,492 --> 00:04:58,394
Well, look, I think
you'd be a great addition.
116
00:04:58,428 --> 00:05:00,930
Would you be willing to come
back to meet the division head?
117
00:05:00,964 --> 00:05:02,298
Yes, absolutely.
118
00:05:02,332 --> 00:05:04,550
- We'll set that up.
- Okay, great.
119
00:05:04,585 --> 00:05:08,387
- Thank you.
- Well, uh...
120
00:05:08,422 --> 00:05:10,389
Calc-you-later.
121
00:05:15,212 --> 00:05:17,230
Oh, you like that one, huh?
122
00:05:19,850 --> 00:05:21,684
We do not get
a lot of humor here,
123
00:05:21,718 --> 00:05:23,569
and when we do,
it's wonderful.
124
00:05:23,604 --> 00:05:25,955
- Oh.
- Ted! Come in here!
125
00:05:25,989 --> 00:05:30,493
Say it to Ted when he comes in.
126
00:05:30,527 --> 00:05:33,229
We could get Leslie
some marshmallow fluff.
127
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I have some right here.
128
00:05:35,532 --> 00:05:38,084
Correction, darling.
You had some right here.
129
00:05:38,118 --> 00:05:39,418
Did you just
scoop it out of the jar
130
00:05:39,453 --> 00:05:42,004
with your hand like a bear?
Yes.
131
00:05:42,039 --> 00:05:43,923
I can't get it off.
Can you help me?
132
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Behold!
133
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My latest attempt
to drag this department
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00:05:47,344 --> 00:05:48,761
into the 20th century.
135
00:05:48,795 --> 00:05:51,113
- Tom, it's the 21st century.
- I know.
136
00:05:51,148 --> 00:05:52,748
I'd settle for
getting you into the 20th.
137
00:05:52,766 --> 00:05:56,519
I fed all of Leslie's
emails, letters, and memos
138
00:05:56,553 --> 00:05:58,688
into a program and generated...
139
00:05:58,722 --> 00:05:59,755
A word cloud.
140
00:05:59,773 --> 00:06:01,691
This is how we can
get gift ideas.
141
00:06:01,725 --> 00:06:04,527
The more she's mentioned a word,
the larger it appears.
142
00:06:04,561 --> 00:06:07,647
"Ben"...
And much larger, "Ann."
143
00:06:07,698 --> 00:06:10,266
- She definitely loves Ann.
- Aww.
144
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Okay.
I have an idea.
145
00:06:12,236 --> 00:06:15,638
I will build a small wood model
of the parks department.
146
00:06:15,672 --> 00:06:18,291
We can decorate our offices
as they are in real life.
147
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It will be...
148
00:06:21,812 --> 00:06:23,479
- Cute.
- Wait!
149
00:06:23,513 --> 00:06:25,331
Better idea:
150
00:06:25,382 --> 00:06:27,883
We make a gingerbread
version of the office.
151
00:06:29,920 --> 00:06:31,821
- That's so good!
- I think the wood model is--
152
00:06:31,855 --> 00:06:34,090
and we can decorate
our offices with candy canes
153
00:06:34,124 --> 00:06:35,391
and gumdrops!
154
00:06:35,425 --> 00:06:36,792
That would be so adorable!
155
00:06:36,810 --> 00:06:39,161
Thanks, Ron!
That's such a cute idea!
156
00:06:39,196 --> 00:06:42,315
I have some great red birch
with a nice spalting.
157
00:06:42,349 --> 00:06:45,534
I already have
some scale wainscoting.
158
00:06:45,569 --> 00:06:48,037
Mmm, I love me a calzone.
159
00:06:48,071 --> 00:06:50,356
Ben!
I'm going crazy!
160
00:06:50,407 --> 00:06:51,874
First, they won't let me work
in the parks department,
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00:06:51,908 --> 00:06:53,576
now they won't let me
campaign either.
162
00:06:53,610 --> 00:06:55,978
All I want to do
is improve our town,
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00:06:55,996 --> 00:06:57,446
and they won't let me do that!
164
00:06:57,481 --> 00:06:59,382
You're putting an awful lot
of sal-gar on your pasta.
165
00:06:59,416 --> 00:07:01,651
This is just sugar.
Okay, I need you to distract me.
166
00:07:01,685 --> 00:07:03,419
Talk to me about something.
Anything.
167
00:07:03,453 --> 00:07:05,321
Well, that accounting firm
is gonna make me a job offer.
168
00:07:05,355 --> 00:07:06,422
Oh, yeah?
That's great!
169
00:07:06,456 --> 00:07:07,556
- Yeah.
- Are you gonna take it?
170
00:07:07,591 --> 00:07:09,725
Well, it pays well.
171
00:07:09,760 --> 00:07:12,595
The commute is a little long,
but that's okay.
172
00:07:12,629 --> 00:07:17,400
I didn't love the carpeting,
but... eh.
173
00:07:17,434 --> 00:07:19,235
You know what I think?
174
00:07:19,269 --> 00:07:21,304
If you don't love it,
take a month.
175
00:07:21,338 --> 00:07:23,372
See what else is out there.
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00:07:23,407 --> 00:07:24,607
Yeah. Yeah.
177
00:07:24,641 --> 00:07:26,609
And, you know, you can still
improve the city.
178
00:07:26,643 --> 00:07:29,312
You can't work right now,
or run a campaign.
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00:07:29,346 --> 00:07:31,180
- Do it as a private citizen.
- Oh, my God.
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00:07:31,198 --> 00:07:33,282
I'll form
a citizen action committee,
181
00:07:33,317 --> 00:07:34,583
I'll lobby from the outside,
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00:07:34,618 --> 00:07:36,685
I'll harness the power
of the community.
183
00:07:36,703 --> 00:07:38,120
Oh, my God, I finally have
some work to do.
184
00:07:38,155 --> 00:07:41,490
Thank you so much
for dinner, honey.
185
00:07:41,525 --> 00:07:45,528
I can hear you breathing, and,
yes, you can finish her pasta.
186
00:07:48,382 --> 00:07:51,133
Thank God.
I'm so hungry.
187
00:07:51,168 --> 00:07:52,968
Mmm, it tastes
like froot loops.
188
00:07:54,668 --> 00:07:56,468
Wow! Great turn out.
189
00:07:56,668 --> 00:07:58,342
Okay, welcome everyone
190
00:07:58,343 --> 00:08:01,696
to the first meeting of
the Parks Committee of Pawnee,
191
00:08:01,730 --> 00:08:02,847
or PCP.
192
00:08:02,881 --> 00:08:05,533
Um, should we really
be called "PCP"?
193
00:08:05,567 --> 00:08:06,901
- See, because--
- Yes, because,
194
00:08:06,935 --> 00:08:10,738
like the drug PCP, we are
so fast-acting and powerful,
195
00:08:10,772 --> 00:08:12,006
we should be illegal.
196
00:08:12,040 --> 00:08:14,592
Now, what do you want to see
fixed in the parks? Yes?
197
00:08:14,626 --> 00:08:16,777
I've noticed that
the White Hills hiking path
198
00:08:16,812 --> 00:08:18,312
could really use some upkeep.
199
00:08:18,346 --> 00:08:20,364
I was thinking we organize
a letter-writing campaign.
200
00:08:20,399 --> 00:08:23,718
Uh, I-I know for a fact that
nobody in the parks department
201
00:08:23,752 --> 00:08:25,853
reads letters,
except for one person,
202
00:08:25,887 --> 00:08:30,224
who is amazing, but s-he
isn't currently there,
203
00:08:30,258 --> 00:08:32,393
because he was suspended.
204
00:08:32,427 --> 00:08:34,361
How amazing can he be
if he got suspended?
205
00:08:34,379 --> 00:08:36,797
Pretty damn amazing, Diane.
Now shush.
206
00:08:36,832 --> 00:08:39,200
If we want to get the government
off their bloated,
207
00:08:39,234 --> 00:08:42,253
bureaucratic butts, then we need
our voices to be heard,
208
00:08:42,304 --> 00:08:43,587
and that's what
we're gonna do.
209
00:08:43,638 --> 00:08:46,574
Clear eyes,
full hearts, can't lose.
210
00:08:46,608 --> 00:08:48,676
Ron is making the model,
and then we're going to put
211
00:08:48,710 --> 00:08:51,912
all of our candy decorations
in our corners of the office.
212
00:08:51,947 --> 00:08:53,046
Okay, so what
did everybody make?
213
00:08:53,064 --> 00:08:54,815
Boom!
214
00:08:54,850 --> 00:08:56,684
Rock n' roll candy Andy.
Wow.
215
00:08:56,718 --> 00:08:58,068
- Mmm.
- That's really good, son.
216
00:08:58,103 --> 00:08:59,954
I didn't do anything
for my office.
217
00:08:59,988 --> 00:09:01,439
It's okay,
I took care of it.
218
00:09:01,490 --> 00:09:03,574
I made a marshmallow
Ron Swanson.
219
00:09:05,277 --> 00:09:07,561
See? His arms are crossed
because he's mad at all
220
00:09:07,579 --> 00:09:10,281
the other marshmallow workers
for annoying him.
221
00:09:10,332 --> 00:09:12,116
You like it?
222
00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,567
It's fine.
223
00:09:13,602 --> 00:09:16,203
When I was trying to decide
how to decorate my office,
224
00:09:16,237 --> 00:09:19,540
I had to ask myself, "what kind
of candy should I choose?"
225
00:09:19,574 --> 00:09:22,092
Obviously chocolate,
'cause I'm sweet, smooth,
226
00:09:22,127 --> 00:09:23,844
and the ladies love me.
227
00:09:23,879 --> 00:09:26,764
Now the question still remained,
"what kind of chocolate am I?"
228
00:09:26,798 --> 00:09:28,949
Do I have a little gooey,
caramel center?
229
00:09:28,984 --> 00:09:31,452
Am I filled
with little rice krispies?
230
00:09:31,486 --> 00:09:33,587
Maybe I'm white chocolate and
I'm bucking all the stereotypes.
231
00:09:33,605 --> 00:09:35,088
Oh, just put
your damn candy out.
232
00:09:35,106 --> 00:09:39,426
Ultimately, I decided to go
with a little gourmet fudge.
233
00:09:39,444 --> 00:09:41,028
I didn't have time
to make it into anything,
234
00:09:41,062 --> 00:09:43,447
and please don't eat it
'cause it cost $55 an ounce.
235
00:09:43,482 --> 00:09:46,951
So I made my desk
out of silver m&ms.
236
00:09:46,985 --> 00:09:50,270
But they do not make silver
m&ms, so I spray-painted them.
237
00:09:50,288 --> 00:09:52,373
Okay, those are poisonous,
so no one eat them.
238
00:09:52,407 --> 00:09:53,791
Yeah, duh.
239
00:09:53,825 --> 00:09:55,709
- Go throw up.
- I didn't eat any.
240
00:09:55,744 --> 00:09:58,712
- Go throw up.
- Throw up.
241
00:09:58,747 --> 00:10:00,464
- Ben Wyatt.
- Hi.
242
00:10:00,499 --> 00:10:01,849
- Great to meet you.
- You too.
243
00:10:01,883 --> 00:10:04,451
I'm, uh, this.
244
00:10:04,469 --> 00:10:06,754
Well, thank you for meeting
with me, Mr. Feinstein.
245
00:10:06,788 --> 00:10:09,123
Please, call me
Dennis Feinstein.
246
00:10:09,157 --> 00:10:10,925
I'm gonna cut
right to the chase, Ben.
247
00:10:10,959 --> 00:10:12,927
This cologne company
is my life's work.
248
00:10:12,961 --> 00:10:15,830
Why should I trust you
with my perfumery?
249
00:10:15,864 --> 00:10:18,399
Well, uh, I've been in
government accounting for more
250
00:10:18,433 --> 00:10:21,602
than a decade, and I just think
it's time for a change.
251
00:10:21,636 --> 00:10:23,671
Listen, Ben, I'm gonna
cut right to the chase, okay?
252
00:10:23,705 --> 00:10:25,573
I like you--
I've always liked you--
253
00:10:25,607 --> 00:10:27,858
but I also like Eddie.
254
00:10:27,909 --> 00:10:29,343
Ed--who--who's Eddie?
255
00:10:29,377 --> 00:10:31,712
Eddie's my current CFO,
256
00:10:31,746 --> 00:10:35,533
but I might fire him
and hire you.
257
00:10:35,584 --> 00:10:36,867
- You got kids?
- No.
258
00:10:36,918 --> 00:10:38,419
That's good.
Dum-dum Eddie has two kids.
259
00:10:39,988 --> 00:10:41,355
Oh, God.
Don't fire Eddie.
260
00:10:41,389 --> 00:10:42,990
Why would you have him
in here in this interview?
261
00:10:43,024 --> 00:10:45,125
- Eddie, I am sorry--
- Don't talk to Eddie.
262
00:10:45,159 --> 00:10:49,179
Treat him like you would treat
a person in another country
263
00:10:49,214 --> 00:10:52,299
that you paid $25,000 to hunt.
264
00:10:52,334 --> 00:10:54,368
- What are you talking about?
- What am I talking about?
265
00:10:54,402 --> 00:10:56,186
I'm talking about
the best vacation of my life.
266
00:10:56,221 --> 00:10:57,638
Oh, my God.
Look, I'm sorry.
267
00:10:57,672 --> 00:11:00,841
I-I thought I wanted to
branch out a little career-wise,
268
00:11:00,876 --> 00:11:02,560
but that was a mistake.
269
00:11:02,611 --> 00:11:06,513
Keep Eddie.
I do not want this job.
270
00:11:06,531 --> 00:11:07,982
You're crazy, man.
271
00:11:08,016 --> 00:11:09,617
We'll be in touch.
272
00:11:09,619 --> 00:11:11,952
Okay, are there
any more recommendations
273
00:11:11,987 --> 00:11:13,520
for new games
at the rec center?
274
00:11:13,538 --> 00:11:15,623
My daughter, she loves
chutes and ladders.
275
00:11:15,657 --> 00:11:17,825
Oh, come on!
276
00:11:17,859 --> 00:11:20,244
There is no strategy
to chutes and ladders.
277
00:11:20,295 --> 00:11:22,730
- It's just luck.
- My daughter's five.
278
00:11:22,764 --> 00:11:24,415
Well, your daughter
is an idiot.
279
00:11:24,466 --> 00:11:25,766
Her daughter is an idiot!
280
00:11:25,800 --> 00:11:27,067
He daughter is an idiot!
281
00:11:27,102 --> 00:11:28,469
- No, no, no.
- Her daughter is an idiot!
282
00:11:28,503 --> 00:11:30,804
No, no she's not.
Hello, I am Leslie Knope,
283
00:11:30,839 --> 00:11:34,558
and I represent the PCP.
284
00:11:34,593 --> 00:11:36,209
We have a list of six demands.
285
00:11:36,227 --> 00:11:37,645
Here they are
in alphabetical order.
286
00:11:37,679 --> 00:11:38,846
Number one: Ants.
287
00:11:38,880 --> 00:11:40,230
Too many ants
in the teen center.
288
00:11:40,265 --> 00:11:42,149
Number two:
Tennis court improvements.
289
00:11:42,183 --> 00:11:44,818
- Number three--
- Well, Les--um, ma'am,
290
00:11:44,853 --> 00:11:47,755
uh, this public forum,
it is just about improvements
291
00:11:47,789 --> 00:11:49,023
that we can make
to the rec center.
292
00:11:49,057 --> 00:11:51,358
Speaking of which,
the fact that yahtzee is not
293
00:11:51,392 --> 00:11:56,263
in the rec center is a tragedy
on par with human trafficking.
294
00:11:56,298 --> 00:11:59,566
Slight exaggeration...
Getting back to our demands.
295
00:11:59,584 --> 00:12:02,236
We will not be muzzled
like a rabid dog.
296
00:12:02,270 --> 00:12:04,121
We are gonna take this
all the way to the top.
297
00:12:04,172 --> 00:12:05,673
Yay!
298
00:12:05,707 --> 00:12:07,591
Okay, we have made
some waves here, people,
299
00:12:07,626 --> 00:12:09,293
but we need to keep
this momentum going.
300
00:12:09,344 --> 00:12:11,979
Now, the city manager's name
is Chris Traeger.
301
00:12:12,013 --> 00:12:13,314
I want to take
this fight to him.
302
00:12:13,348 --> 00:12:14,815
Ooh, a letter-writing campaign!
303
00:12:14,849 --> 00:12:16,433
God, Diane,
will you stop it
304
00:12:16,468 --> 00:12:18,052
with the letter-writing
campaign? No.
305
00:12:18,086 --> 00:12:20,721
I have his office number.
I want one of you calling it
306
00:12:20,755 --> 00:12:21,972
every 15 minutes.
307
00:12:22,023 --> 00:12:24,308
We are also going to protest
along his jogging route,
308
00:12:24,359 --> 00:12:27,778
and I need someone in every
GNC within a five-mile radius
309
00:12:27,812 --> 00:12:30,230
- of the city center.
- But there are only 12 of us.
310
00:12:30,264 --> 00:12:32,432
- 13.
- Look! Our numbers are growing!
311
00:12:32,450 --> 00:12:34,969
There's nothing we can't do
if we work hard, never sleep,
312
00:12:35,003 --> 00:12:36,971
and shirk all other
responsibilities in our lives.
313
00:12:37,005 --> 00:12:40,574
You with me?
314
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,119
I can handcraft 17-foot canoes
out of western red cedar,
315
00:12:52,153 --> 00:12:54,955
but I can't glue two damn
Graham crackers together!
316
00:12:54,990 --> 00:12:57,007
Look, it's really easy.
317
00:12:57,058 --> 00:12:58,659
I know a lot about candy.
318
00:12:58,693 --> 00:13:00,978
I play with it, I eat it.
319
00:13:01,012 --> 00:13:02,980
Sometimes I play with it
and eat it.
320
00:13:03,014 --> 00:13:05,265
Boom!
321
00:13:05,300 --> 00:13:06,483
Okay, new plan.
322
00:13:06,518 --> 00:13:08,569
Everyone else makes
this candy house,
323
00:13:08,603 --> 00:13:11,822
and I make myself
useful elsewhere.
324
00:13:11,856 --> 00:13:13,774
Your 11:00 is here.
325
00:13:13,808 --> 00:13:16,276
Concerned citizen and
community leader Leslie Knope.
326
00:13:16,311 --> 00:13:17,828
- Nice to meet you.
- Hi, Leslie.
327
00:13:17,862 --> 00:13:19,312
You're not supposed
to be here.
328
00:13:19,330 --> 00:13:21,382
As a government employee,
that's true, but I am just here
329
00:13:21,416 --> 00:13:24,535
as a concerned citizen
and founder of PCP.
330
00:13:24,586 --> 00:13:26,253
The Parks Committee of Pawnee.
331
00:13:26,287 --> 00:13:28,422
Those are the people
that have been harassing me.
332
00:13:28,456 --> 00:13:30,924
We have many demands.
Specifically, these six unfunded
333
00:13:30,959 --> 00:13:33,043
projects that need
to be dealt with immediately.
334
00:13:33,094 --> 00:13:34,327
- Well--
- Not good enough!
335
00:13:34,345 --> 00:13:36,764
Leslie,
out of respect for you,
336
00:13:36,798 --> 00:13:38,766
I will meet with your group,
but I hope that this
337
00:13:38,800 --> 00:13:40,434
puts an end to the madness.
338
00:13:40,468 --> 00:13:42,436
Prepare for battle.
339
00:13:42,470 --> 00:13:44,271
Oh, I forgot to tell you,
I got your Christmas present.
340
00:13:44,305 --> 00:13:46,940
It's like a little stopwatch
that records your jogging times
341
00:13:46,975 --> 00:13:48,776
and then sends it to
your computer via Bluetooth.
342
00:13:48,810 --> 00:13:50,277
Ahh!
343
00:13:50,311 --> 00:13:52,529
- That is so thoughtful!
- Aww.
344
00:13:52,564 --> 00:13:55,566
My pleasure.
See you in hell!
345
00:13:56,985 --> 00:13:59,553
Well, I see you've taken
our advice about relaxing.
346
00:13:59,587 --> 00:14:01,538
Oh, this is just
a little militant citizen group
347
00:14:01,573 --> 00:14:02,906
I slapped together.
348
00:14:02,957 --> 00:14:04,758
But enough about me,
what are my polling results?
349
00:14:04,793 --> 00:14:07,795
Uh, well, before the scandal,
you were at 26%.
350
00:14:07,829 --> 00:14:10,464
Now, we knew we'd take a hit,
but we figured as long as
351
00:14:10,498 --> 00:14:13,083
we're at 15% or above,
we're still in the fight.
352
00:14:13,134 --> 00:14:15,202
And we're at 15%?
353
00:14:15,236 --> 00:14:17,938
We went back to 26%?
Whoa, wait.
354
00:14:17,972 --> 00:14:18,922
50%?
355
00:14:18,973 --> 00:14:20,941
We're at one.
356
00:14:20,975 --> 00:14:22,810
One... hundred?
357
00:14:22,844 --> 00:14:24,595
You're polling at 1%.
358
00:14:24,646 --> 00:14:26,814
What? No.
That can't be right.
359
00:14:26,848 --> 00:14:29,483
Okay, well, what we do
is we move forward from this.
360
00:14:29,517 --> 00:14:31,384
How do we put
a positive spin on this?
361
00:14:31,402 --> 00:14:33,420
- There's no way to spin this.
- Sure there is.
362
00:14:33,455 --> 00:14:35,923
You're looking at the glass
like it's 99% empty.
363
00:14:35,957 --> 00:14:37,658
I'm looking at it
like it's 1% full.
364
00:14:37,692 --> 00:14:41,028
You know, the last delicious
sip of a milkshake
365
00:14:41,062 --> 00:14:43,113
at the bottom
of the metal milkshakey thing?
366
00:14:43,164 --> 00:14:45,616
It's very hard to come back
from this kind of thing.
367
00:14:45,667 --> 00:14:47,134
You know, a sex scandal
with your boss.
368
00:14:47,168 --> 00:14:49,336
Oh, like you're
so pure and chaste.
369
00:14:49,370 --> 00:14:52,272
Please, I know the two of you
are sleeping together.
370
00:14:52,307 --> 00:14:56,093
It's obvious, with all your
glances and your sly smiles.
371
00:14:56,127 --> 00:14:58,762
- I'm gay.
- Well, never mind then.
372
00:14:58,797 --> 00:15:02,783
It's a small town.
There's nowhere to hide.
373
00:15:02,817 --> 00:15:05,452
We can't run
your campaign anymore.
374
00:15:05,487 --> 00:15:07,771
I'm sorry, Leslie.
You were a great candidate,
375
00:15:07,806 --> 00:15:10,824
but...it's over.
376
00:15:15,986 --> 00:15:17,485
Could you maybe find
new advisors?
377
00:15:17,486 --> 00:15:19,520
I can't. I talked
to everyone in the entire state
378
00:15:19,554 --> 00:15:20,871
who's ever run a campaign.
379
00:15:20,906 --> 00:15:22,857
Nobody wants
a candidate who's polling
380
00:15:22,891 --> 00:15:26,176
- at "last milkshake sip" levels.
- Can I say something?
381
00:15:26,194 --> 00:15:29,113
This sucks, I am not gonna
convince you that it doesn't,
382
00:15:29,147 --> 00:15:31,115
and you can tell me
every day for the next year
383
00:15:31,149 --> 00:15:33,284
- about how much this sucks.
- One year--you said one year.
384
00:15:33,318 --> 00:15:35,236
- That's on the record.
- And I meant it.
385
00:15:35,287 --> 00:15:39,123
But eventually this'll pass.
You're gonna get through this.
386
00:15:39,157 --> 00:15:41,359
I don't know if I'm going to.
387
00:15:41,393 --> 00:15:44,361
I mean, look, I return
to my old job in a week,
388
00:15:44,379 --> 00:15:47,364
and that's great because
I love my old job, but...
389
00:15:47,382 --> 00:15:50,468
My heart was really
set on this new job.
390
00:15:50,502 --> 00:15:54,305
Ann.
391
00:15:54,339 --> 00:15:56,140
Don't touch my pickles, Ann!
392
00:15:58,744 --> 00:16:01,896
B-b-b-b-Ben-jammin'!
393
00:16:01,930 --> 00:16:03,731
- Oh, my God.
- Yeah, I know, I know, I know.
394
00:16:03,765 --> 00:16:06,050
Hey, Jean-Ralphio.
How's it going?
395
00:16:06,068 --> 00:16:08,652
It's going good, I'm actually
right here for an appointmt.
396
00:16:08,687 --> 00:16:11,555
Getting a Brazilian.
By the way, there's a woman
397
00:16:11,573 --> 00:16:13,557
over there that is unbelievable.
Her name is Kim.
398
00:16:13,575 --> 00:16:15,493
When she rips it off,
she smiles,
399
00:16:15,527 --> 00:16:16,827
and it makes you feel things.
400
00:16:16,862 --> 00:16:18,362
Throw my name,
I get a referral discount.
401
00:16:18,396 --> 00:16:20,364
- If you don't mind.
- Okay.
402
00:16:20,398 --> 00:16:22,399
I heard somebody
resigned in disgrace.
403
00:16:22,417 --> 00:16:24,502
My question to you is,
how you making that paper?
404
00:16:24,536 --> 00:16:27,838
Oh, well, I've interviewed
around, uh, but I'm actually
405
00:16:27,873 --> 00:16:29,707
about to take a job
doing in-house accounting
406
00:16:29,741 --> 00:16:32,426
- for an accounting firm.
- Buh...
407
00:16:32,461 --> 00:16:33,844
I almost fell asleep
during that sentence.
408
00:16:33,879 --> 00:16:35,012
- Okay.
- Let me get this straight.
409
00:16:35,047 --> 00:16:38,099
You would be an accountant...
410
00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:40,251
- For accountants?
- Yeah.
411
00:16:40,285 --> 00:16:44,088
So at this accounting firm,
you would have the boring job?
412
00:16:44,122 --> 00:16:46,223
Are you nuts?
This is probably the first time
413
00:16:46,258 --> 00:16:47,691
you've had off since
you've been kid president.
414
00:16:47,726 --> 00:16:49,693
- True or false?
- True.
415
00:16:49,728 --> 00:16:52,530
Why don't you use that time and
go after one of your passions,
416
00:16:52,564 --> 00:16:55,366
like model trains or, like,
or toy Gandalfs or something?
417
00:16:55,400 --> 00:16:58,202
I don't know why you jumped
straight to model trains.
418
00:16:58,236 --> 00:17:00,304
I mean... it's accurate.
419
00:17:00,338 --> 00:17:03,207
I'm gonna tell you something
that I once heard from a very,
420
00:17:03,241 --> 00:17:07,111
- very smart woman named Kim.
- The lady who waxes you?
421
00:17:07,145 --> 00:17:10,548
She told me, "if you don't
love what you do...
422
00:17:10,582 --> 00:17:12,349
Then why do it?"
423
00:17:12,384 --> 00:17:14,135
Then she ripped the hair
from my b-hole.
424
00:17:16,288 --> 00:17:18,222
Ron filled me in
on everything that happened,
425
00:17:18,256 --> 00:17:21,025
and I really wish
that the ethics investigation
426
00:17:21,059 --> 00:17:23,127
hadn't interfered
with your campaign in any way.
427
00:17:23,161 --> 00:17:26,130
You don't have to apologize.
You were very fair.
428
00:17:26,164 --> 00:17:28,999
In fact, I'm the one
that needs to apologize.
429
00:17:29,034 --> 00:17:32,136
I got you involved in PCP.
430
00:17:32,170 --> 00:17:34,805
But I'm starting
a new group now, LSD--
431
00:17:34,823 --> 00:17:36,340
Leslie's Sorry Division--
432
00:17:36,374 --> 00:17:39,310
and I just want to say
I'm sorry, Chris.
433
00:17:39,344 --> 00:17:42,079
Oh, that's nice
of you to say.
434
00:17:42,114 --> 00:17:46,117
Anyway, now,
for your Christmas present.
435
00:17:50,872 --> 00:17:54,325
Your suspension's been lifted.
Please, come back to work.
436
00:17:54,859 --> 00:17:56,193
Thank you.
437
00:17:57,228 --> 00:17:59,396
Hey, what are you doing here?
438
00:17:59,431 --> 00:18:00,714
Hey.
439
00:18:00,765 --> 00:18:04,101
Uh, I just wanted to tell you
something in person.
440
00:18:04,636 --> 00:18:05,719
Oh, my God,
I'm pregnant.
441
00:18:06,270 --> 00:18:08,539
Wait, what?
No, that's not it.
442
00:18:08,573 --> 00:18:12,176
I turned down
that accounting job.
443
00:18:12,210 --> 00:18:14,578
Just didn't feel right.
That's okay, right?
444
00:18:14,613 --> 00:18:16,580
Yeah.
I think that's great.
445
00:18:16,615 --> 00:18:18,582
- I'm really proud of you.
- Yeah?
446
00:18:18,617 --> 00:18:21,035
What are you
gonna do instead?
447
00:18:21,069 --> 00:18:24,705
- I have no idea.
- I like it.
448
00:18:24,739 --> 00:18:26,707
Okay, well, I guess
I'll just see you at home.
449
00:18:26,741 --> 00:18:27,992
Well, they're having
a party in here.
450
00:18:28,026 --> 00:18:29,410
Why don't you stay?
451
00:18:29,461 --> 00:18:32,362
Actually, I think
you should go in alone.
452
00:18:40,889 --> 00:18:44,091
- What's going on here?
- Merry Christmas, Leslie!
453
00:18:44,142 --> 00:18:46,376
We made you this replica
of the parks department
454
00:18:46,394 --> 00:18:49,597
out of gingerbread.
Oh, my God, I love it!
455
00:18:49,648 --> 00:18:51,882
Aw, I love it,
and I love you guys,
456
00:18:51,917 --> 00:18:54,101
and Ann specifically.
And all of you!
457
00:18:54,152 --> 00:18:56,403
You did all of this together?
458
00:18:56,438 --> 00:18:59,073
Yes,
except for me.
459
00:18:59,107 --> 00:19:02,026
Turns out, I cannot make
a gingerbread house,
460
00:19:02,060 --> 00:19:05,362
which would bother me
if I were an 8-year-old girl.
461
00:19:05,396 --> 00:19:08,699
In any case, these people
stepped up and helped me out,
462
00:19:08,733 --> 00:19:10,503
and that gave me another idea.
463
00:19:13,038 --> 00:19:16,006
This is
the city council chambers,
464
00:19:16,041 --> 00:19:18,475
and that's you, next may.
465
00:19:18,510 --> 00:19:21,095
I don't understand.
466
00:19:21,129 --> 00:19:23,614
Your campaign advisers quit,
big deal.
467
00:19:23,648 --> 00:19:25,616
You're running
for city council again, Leslie,
468
00:19:25,650 --> 00:19:27,602
with our help.
469
00:19:28,637 --> 00:19:33,157
April Ludgate, youth outreach
and director of new media.
470
00:19:33,191 --> 00:19:36,794
Tom Haverford, image
consultant, swagger coach.
471
00:19:36,828 --> 00:19:40,197
Ann Perkins, office manager
and volunteer coordinator.
472
00:19:40,232 --> 00:19:44,368
Andy Dwyer, security,
sweets, body man.
473
00:19:44,402 --> 00:19:45,836
Javelin, if need be.
474
00:19:45,870 --> 00:19:50,874
Donna Meagle, transpo,
AKA rides in my Benz.
475
00:19:52,377 --> 00:19:54,712
W--you guys didn't tell me
we were doing this.
476
00:19:54,746 --> 00:19:56,630
I--I did not know
that I was supposed to
477
00:19:56,665 --> 00:19:58,082
come up with something. I--
478
00:19:58,116 --> 00:20:03,754
Ron Swanson, any other
damn thing you might need.
479
00:20:03,788 --> 00:20:05,990
Guys, it's so much work.
480
00:20:06,024 --> 00:20:08,225
I can't ask you to put
your lives on hold.
481
00:20:08,260 --> 00:20:10,460
Find one person here
who you haven't helped
482
00:20:10,478 --> 00:20:12,899
by putting your life on hold.
483
00:20:15,233 --> 00:20:17,536
I don't know what to say...
484
00:20:19,070 --> 00:20:21,705
Except...
485
00:20:21,740 --> 00:20:25,859
Let's go win an election!
486
00:20:25,910 --> 00:20:29,530
Giving Christmas gifts
is like a sport to me.
487
00:20:29,581 --> 00:20:32,833
Finding or making
that perfect something.
488
00:20:32,867 --> 00:20:34,218
- Come on.
- It's also like a sport to me
489
00:20:34,252 --> 00:20:35,669
because I always win.
490
00:20:35,704 --> 00:20:39,206
This year, though?
My friends won.
491
00:20:39,257 --> 00:20:41,592
In fact, I got my ass
handed to me.
492
00:20:44,123 --> 00:20:46,423
- Welcome, Mr. Saperstein.
- Thank you so much.
493
00:20:46,458 --> 00:20:48,075
I will just show
to your cubicle.
494
00:20:48,109 --> 00:20:49,226
I can't wait.
I bet it's a big one,
495
00:20:49,244 --> 00:20:51,895
- huh Barney?
- Um, the, uh, temp agency said
496
00:20:51,913 --> 00:20:54,064
that you are fluent
with Quickbooks Pro, correct?
497
00:20:54,082 --> 00:20:55,466
Oh, right, yeah,
we should cover that.
498
00:20:55,500 --> 00:20:58,602
You see, my resume might not
actually be accurate, right?
499
00:20:58,637 --> 00:21:00,087
So I have no idea
what you're talking about.
500
00:21:00,121 --> 00:21:02,439
Don't know
what Quickbooks are.
501
00:21:02,474 --> 00:21:04,425
You don't have
any accounting experience?
502
00:21:04,459 --> 00:21:07,044
No, no, no, Barney, come on.
But you don't have to be
503
00:21:07,078 --> 00:21:10,047
an accountant to know
that this girl is a ten.
504
00:21:10,081 --> 00:21:12,299
Yo, what up, diez?
You come here often?
505
00:21:12,350 --> 00:21:13,384
To my job?
506
00:21:13,418 --> 00:21:14,635
Ooh, she got
a mouth on her also.
507
00:21:14,686 --> 00:21:16,136
- Shut it.
- Is this the new temp
508
00:21:16,187 --> 00:21:17,871
who's supposed to help me
with the spreadsheets?
509
00:21:17,906 --> 00:21:19,139
You want to talk
about spreading and sheets,
510
00:21:19,190 --> 00:21:21,158
we can go back to my place
and I will rock your--
511
00:21:21,192 --> 00:21:23,143
- You're fired!
- That makes sense.
512
00:21:23,194 --> 00:21:25,312
So I just go out
the same way I came in?
513
00:21:25,313 --> 00:21:29,312
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com