1
00:00:01,743 --> 00:00:02,760
Okay, time for gifts.
2
00:00:02,843 --> 00:00:06,560
We have gift certificates
for facials everybody,
3
00:00:06,861 --> 00:00:08,960
then you're gonna get
a needlepoint pillow
4
00:00:08,961 --> 00:00:11,042
with your face on it
and a news headline
5
00:00:11,043 --> 00:00:12,660
from a newspaper
on the day you were born.
6
00:00:12,678 --> 00:00:14,896
"Joseph Stalin dies"?
7
00:00:14,930 --> 00:00:16,531
That's right, Mom,
and you replaced him.
8
00:00:16,565 --> 00:00:18,800
Though not in terms
of genocide.
9
00:00:18,834 --> 00:00:20,718
Just in terms of,
you know, being on earth.
10
00:00:20,769 --> 00:00:24,021
February 14th, Valentine's Day,
is about romance,
11
00:00:24,056 --> 00:00:27,608
but February 13th,
galentine's day,
12
00:00:27,643 --> 00:00:29,343
is about celebrating
lady friends.
13
00:00:29,378 --> 00:00:32,180
It's wonderful, and it
should be a national holiday.
14
00:00:32,714 --> 00:00:34,198
It should be
a national holiday.
15
00:00:35,233 --> 00:00:38,019
Dear Congress,
it's Leslie again.
16
00:00:38,053 --> 00:00:40,288
Let's talk about
personal relationships.
17
00:00:40,322 --> 00:00:41,355
Who wants
to start? Donna?
18
00:00:41,390 --> 00:00:43,825
I have several men
in rotation.
19
00:00:43,859 --> 00:00:44,859
One's waiting for me
out in the car.
20
00:00:46,044 --> 00:00:47,829
Don't worry,
I rolled down the window.
21
00:00:47,863 --> 00:00:49,931
April, you're
the old married broad here.
22
00:00:49,965 --> 00:00:51,031
- How's Andy?
- Well...
23
00:00:51,049 --> 00:00:53,167
Last week he was
supposed to buy gas,
24
00:00:53,201 --> 00:00:55,436
but instead he bought
novelty cookie cutters.
25
00:00:55,471 --> 00:00:57,405
Now everything we eat
is shaped like a dinosaur.
26
00:00:57,439 --> 00:00:58,974
He's amazing.
27
00:00:59,608 --> 00:01:02,009
Great. And mom, how's
it going with Steven?
28
00:01:02,043 --> 00:01:03,878
Well, I met him
on the Internet
29
00:01:03,896 --> 00:01:07,064
because of
my lovely daughter,
30
00:01:07,099 --> 00:01:10,568
and we are compatible.
31
00:01:10,602 --> 00:01:11,936
La, la,
la, la, la, la, la.
32
00:01:11,987 --> 00:01:14,388
Okay, no, no, no, no, no.
Ann, can you start talking?
33
00:01:14,423 --> 00:01:17,074
Well, I'm--I'm--I'm
in a bit of a lull right now,
34
00:01:17,109 --> 00:01:19,827
but I'm so glad that you all
have people in your lives
35
00:01:19,862 --> 00:01:22,029
that you care about,
so... Congrats!
36
00:01:23,532 --> 00:01:26,334
It's really hard to say congrats
without sounding sarcastic.
37
00:01:26,368 --> 00:01:30,738
Seriously, I really hope
you guys are all very happy--
38
00:01:30,773 --> 00:01:32,440
- Damn it.
- We are.
39
00:01:37,846 --> 00:01:42,446
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
40
00:01:54,029 --> 00:01:55,780
Ann, I just
wanted to say
41
00:01:55,814 --> 00:01:57,114
I'm sorry if I
put you on the spot
42
00:01:59,952 --> 00:02:02,937
You know, I'm mostly
fine being single.
43
00:02:02,971 --> 00:02:05,606
It's just this time of year
with the hearts and roses,
44
00:02:05,624 --> 00:02:06,874
it just gets me
a little down.
45
00:02:07,909 --> 00:02:10,127
But galentine's day
made me feel better,
46
00:02:10,162 --> 00:02:12,129
so thanks.
47
00:02:12,164 --> 00:02:14,816
Oh, Ann,
you beautiful spinster.
48
00:02:14,850 --> 00:02:15,817
I will find you love.
49
00:02:15,851 --> 00:02:17,218
What? Did
you say something?
50
00:02:17,252 --> 00:02:18,686
Love you.
51
00:02:18,720 --> 00:02:21,355
Thank you all
for being here.
52
00:02:21,390 --> 00:02:22,356
Let's get started.
53
00:02:22,891 --> 00:02:25,009
Wow. Great attitude, Ron.
54
00:02:26,060 --> 00:02:29,096
Sorry, I was talking
to these ribs.
55
00:02:29,130 --> 00:02:31,432
Okay, so the
Valentine's Day dance
56
00:02:31,466 --> 00:02:33,201
is planned, prepped,
and under budget,
57
00:02:33,235 --> 00:02:35,686
but we have one final task.
58
00:02:35,737 --> 00:02:37,138
Ann Perkins is
currently attending
59
00:02:37,172 --> 00:02:40,675
the Valentine's Day dance alone,
so I need each one of you
60
00:02:40,709 --> 00:02:42,994
to bring an eligible bachelor
for her tomorrow.
61
00:02:43,028 --> 00:02:44,745
Ann's not totally hideous.
62
00:02:44,780 --> 00:02:45,830
Why does she need our help?
63
00:02:45,864 --> 00:02:47,248
Because that's
what friends do, April.
64
00:02:47,282 --> 00:02:49,483
They help friends
find happiness.
65
00:02:49,518 --> 00:02:51,219
Now the last guy
she liked was Chris,
66
00:02:51,253 --> 00:02:53,654
but she can't date him again
because he's her boss.
67
00:02:53,672 --> 00:02:55,840
So when we're thinking
of prospective sweethearts,
68
00:02:55,874 --> 00:02:59,827
we need to think of people
who are... Attractive
69
00:02:59,845 --> 00:03:02,230
and smart and kind.
70
00:03:02,264 --> 00:03:04,332
And if you're wondering what
kind of guy is right for Ann,
71
00:03:04,366 --> 00:03:06,017
all you need
to do is ask.
72
00:03:06,051 --> 00:03:08,669
Also you need to find
someone educated,
73
00:03:08,687 --> 00:03:09,837
and friendly,
and fun--
74
00:03:09,872 --> 00:03:11,839
- just tell us
the damn word.
75
00:03:11,857 --> 00:03:14,575
Effervescent, he needs
to be effervescent.
76
00:03:14,610 --> 00:03:16,110
Quick question
about Ann--
77
00:03:16,144 --> 00:03:19,080
does anyone know if she has
any indian in her?
78
00:03:19,114 --> 00:03:20,348
No one respond.
79
00:03:20,382 --> 00:03:21,449
- No one say anything.
- Why?
80
00:03:21,483 --> 00:03:23,618
I'm just
curious if Ann
81
00:03:23,652 --> 00:03:26,387
- has a little indian in her.
- Silence.
82
00:03:26,421 --> 00:03:28,188
- I don't think she does.
- Would she like some?
83
00:03:28,206 --> 00:03:29,540
Jerry!
84
00:03:29,806 --> 00:03:32,140
Happy Valentine's Day.
85
00:03:32,427 --> 00:03:35,796
And...Ooh-ah!
86
00:03:35,831 --> 00:03:37,298
- Yachter Otter?
- Yup.
87
00:03:37,332 --> 00:03:39,400
Two months ago,
I have a dream
88
00:03:39,434 --> 00:03:41,302
about a playboy
otter lost at sea,
89
00:03:41,336 --> 00:03:42,570
and you
make him real?
90
00:03:42,604 --> 00:03:44,438
- Uh-huh.
- I love it.
91
00:03:44,473 --> 00:03:45,806
I thought we had agreed
that we weren't
92
00:03:45,841 --> 00:03:47,592
gonna get each other presents
'cause we were too busy
93
00:03:47,643 --> 00:03:49,260
with the campaign--
I got you something too.
94
00:03:50,262 --> 00:03:53,314
Oh, a... bomb?
95
00:03:53,348 --> 00:03:55,650
It is a cryptex, like in
that movie The Da Vinci Code,
96
00:03:55,684 --> 00:03:57,435
which was the first movie that
you and I ever watched
97
00:03:57,486 --> 00:04:00,605
- on Starz HD.
- Wow, that's specific.
98
00:04:00,656 --> 00:04:03,424
Inside it will tell you where
to meet me at 9:00 P.M. tonight,
99
00:04:03,458 --> 00:04:05,927
and the combination
is a five-letter code
100
00:04:05,961 --> 00:04:08,729
that captures the essence
of our third date.
101
00:04:08,747 --> 00:04:10,498
- Yeah...
- So I will see you tonight.
102
00:04:10,532 --> 00:04:13,000
Unless...You can't
crack the code.
103
00:04:14,035 --> 00:04:16,671
I think I can
crack the code.
104
00:04:18,957 --> 00:04:20,341
I have no idea
what the code is.
105
00:04:20,375 --> 00:04:21,909
Hey, man, you okay?
106
00:04:21,944 --> 00:04:23,678
Still thinking
about your ex?
107
00:04:23,712 --> 00:04:28,215
Millicent Gergich
has literally
108
00:04:28,249 --> 00:04:31,686
torn my heart from my body
and replaced it
109
00:04:31,720 --> 00:04:36,090
with a thick slab
of sadness.
110
00:04:36,124 --> 00:04:37,391
I may never smile again.
111
00:04:38,794 --> 00:04:41,896
Cool, so I found a DJ
for the dance,
112
00:04:41,930 --> 00:04:44,281
and his name is
DJ Bluntz.
113
00:04:45,316 --> 00:04:48,152
Tom, this is a publicly
funded couples dance.
114
00:04:48,203 --> 00:04:50,204
I don't think it's
appropriate for people
115
00:04:50,238 --> 00:04:52,490
to be getting
"wet with sound."
116
00:04:52,541 --> 00:04:53,674
Who's gonna do it, then?
117
00:04:53,709 --> 00:04:56,143
I will. I certainly
have no other plans
118
00:04:56,178 --> 00:04:59,947
for Valentine's Day,
because I am completely alone.
119
00:05:02,000 --> 00:05:04,018
All right,
I'll see you later, Chris.
120
00:05:05,053 --> 00:05:06,320
Aw, cool cryptex,
can I have it?
121
00:05:06,355 --> 00:05:07,638
Hey, no.
No, you can't--
122
00:05:07,673 --> 00:05:08,723
Where'd you get it?
123
00:05:08,757 --> 00:05:10,091
How do you know
what a cryptex is?
124
00:05:10,125 --> 00:05:12,176
I know what things are.
125
00:05:12,227 --> 00:05:14,795
Well, Leslie hid the location
of our Valentine's meeting place
126
00:05:14,830 --> 00:05:16,097
- in here.
- No.
127
00:05:16,131 --> 00:05:18,015
I tried every five-letter word
that has anything
128
00:05:18,066 --> 00:05:19,300
to do with
our third date.
129
00:05:20,334 --> 00:05:22,370
Have you
tried [Bleep]?
130
00:05:22,404 --> 00:05:23,771
That's a
four-letter word.
131
00:05:23,805 --> 00:05:25,523
Oh. Add an "s"?
132
00:05:25,574 --> 00:05:27,074
I really don't
think it's that.
133
00:05:27,109 --> 00:05:28,809
Uh, I wish I could help you,
bro, I don't know if I can.
134
00:05:28,827 --> 00:05:31,379
You're, like, the second
smartest guy I know.
135
00:05:31,413 --> 00:05:33,381
You should go to the first
smartest guy I know.
136
00:05:33,415 --> 00:05:34,999
Okay, so the clue
is inside,
137
00:05:35,033 --> 00:05:38,502
but it takes a five-letter code
to open it-- Andy!
138
00:05:39,037 --> 00:05:40,255
Did you try [Bleep]?
139
00:05:40,847 --> 00:05:41,455
Ha!
140
00:05:41,489 --> 00:05:43,791
Yes, why is that
everyone's first suggestion?
141
00:05:43,825 --> 00:05:44,875
Just smart people.
142
00:05:44,926 --> 00:05:46,961
I think I might
be able to help you.
143
00:05:46,995 --> 00:05:47,995
Told you.
144
00:05:52,034 --> 00:05:53,167
- Let me see it!
- Yeah, you're gonna see it.
145
00:05:53,185 --> 00:05:55,369
I'll show you.
I can unroll it.
146
00:05:55,404 --> 00:05:57,438
"The murals with
this heart you see,
147
00:05:57,472 --> 00:06:00,474
look to the first, and there
your next clue will be."
148
00:06:00,508 --> 00:06:02,226
The first letter
of the name of each mural
149
00:06:02,277 --> 00:06:05,246
with a heart on it
will spell out the clue.
150
00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:06,864
Or some--
or something.
151
00:06:06,898 --> 00:06:08,482
Let's check out
the murals.
152
00:06:08,516 --> 00:06:13,354
Happy Valentine's Day, Pawnee.
For me, it is not happy.
153
00:06:13,388 --> 00:06:17,058
But don't let my sadness
diminish your night.
154
00:06:19,428 --> 00:06:21,495
Anyway, life is fleeting.
155
00:06:22,028 --> 00:06:24,095
Leslie.
Found a date for Ann.
156
00:06:24,199 --> 00:06:25,583
Jerry, well done.
157
00:06:25,634 --> 00:06:27,051
I put an ad
on Craigslist:
158
00:06:27,085 --> 00:06:30,004
"Man seeking man
for a night of casual fun."
159
00:06:30,038 --> 00:06:31,505
Enrico, he responded
right away.
160
00:06:31,539 --> 00:06:34,058
- I'll meet you inside, okay?
- Okay.
161
00:06:34,092 --> 00:06:35,943
You hired
a male escort.
162
00:06:35,977 --> 00:06:37,378
A what?
163
00:06:37,412 --> 00:06:38,846
Please get your gigolo
out of here.
164
00:06:38,880 --> 00:06:42,450
I-- uh--
oh, my God.
165
00:06:42,484 --> 00:06:44,018
Okay, so we've got
all the ones
166
00:06:44,052 --> 00:06:45,352
from this side
with the heart sticker.
167
00:06:47,387 --> 00:06:49,073
All right, the ones
from the other hallway are...
168
00:06:49,107 --> 00:06:53,060
"Cornfield Slaughter,"
"Lament of the Buffalo,"
169
00:06:53,078 --> 00:06:55,863
"Needless Slaughter,"
"Slaughter Gone Wrong,"
170
00:06:55,897 --> 00:06:59,133
"Eating the Reverend,"
"It's Raining Blood,"
171
00:06:59,167 --> 00:07:02,336
- and "Death Everywhere."
- Great. I got it from here.
172
00:07:02,370 --> 00:07:04,571
Thanks, guys. I hope I didn't
screw up your Valentine's Day too much.
173
00:07:04,589 --> 00:07:06,957
Oh, God, no.
April hates Valentine's Day.
174
00:07:07,008 --> 00:07:09,076
And brunch.
And outside.
175
00:07:09,094 --> 00:07:10,744
And smiling.
176
00:07:10,762 --> 00:07:13,280
- She's weird.
- Wait. I figured it out.
177
00:07:13,315 --> 00:07:17,618
The letters unscrambled say,
"No food finer.
178
00:07:17,652 --> 00:07:20,087
Clue three
at J.J.'s Diner."
179
00:07:20,122 --> 00:07:21,722
How many clues
are there, exactly?
180
00:07:24,392 --> 00:07:25,426
Hey, you're here.
181
00:07:25,460 --> 00:07:28,062
And I brought
a bachelor.
182
00:07:28,096 --> 00:07:29,063
- Are you kidding me?
- No.
183
00:07:29,097 --> 00:07:30,731
You brought Orin?
184
00:07:30,765 --> 00:07:32,766
Ann is not some
weird, morose mummy.
185
00:07:32,784 --> 00:07:35,903
Offense intended, Orin.
Let this be a wake-up call
186
00:07:35,937 --> 00:07:37,605
about the way you present
yourself to the world.
187
00:07:37,639 --> 00:07:39,707
I think Ann and him
would be cute together.
188
00:07:39,741 --> 00:07:40,908
I ask you
to do one thing.
189
00:07:40,942 --> 00:07:42,376
Do you know how hard
I've been working
190
00:07:42,410 --> 00:07:44,512
to try to pull this together
before Ann gets here?
191
00:07:44,546 --> 00:07:45,746
- Hey.
- Hey, you're here.
192
00:07:45,780 --> 00:07:46,814
We weren't
talking about you.
193
00:07:46,848 --> 00:07:48,282
- How are you?
- Well...
194
00:07:48,316 --> 00:07:50,084
It's Valentine's Day,
and I'm single,
195
00:07:50,118 --> 00:07:51,452
and I'm at
a couples dance.
196
00:07:51,486 --> 00:07:53,287
I can't imagine
a more depressing place to be.
197
00:07:53,321 --> 00:07:56,090
What about a wedding where you
used to go out with the groom,
198
00:07:56,124 --> 00:07:57,658
and you're the only one
there without a date,
199
00:07:57,692 --> 00:08:00,261
so the bride makes you dance
to Single Ladies by yourself?
200
00:08:00,295 --> 00:08:01,562
Oh, my God,
did that happen to you?
201
00:08:01,596 --> 00:08:03,630
Maybe. Let's get a drink,
and then you and I
202
00:08:03,648 --> 00:08:06,200
are gonna have
some f-u-n.
203
00:08:06,234 --> 00:08:08,435
Well, at least the music
seems about right.
204
00:08:11,806 --> 00:08:14,158
There was supposed to be,
like, 20 guys here for Ann,
205
00:08:14,192 --> 00:08:16,443
and there's only four.
Who else do we have?
206
00:08:16,478 --> 00:08:18,445
Ben, taken.
Jerry, taken.
207
00:08:18,480 --> 00:08:21,715
Oh! My dentist...
Is 80, and he's gay,
208
00:08:21,750 --> 00:08:24,018
and he's taken.
Uh... what's this?
209
00:08:24,052 --> 00:08:25,553
P. Hut?
Oh, Pizza Hut!
210
00:08:25,587 --> 00:08:27,288
Hold on...
211
00:08:27,322 --> 00:08:29,840
Hi, how cute are you?
212
00:08:32,122 --> 00:08:34,440
Ann, this is my
lawyer friend, Alex.
213
00:08:34,497 --> 00:08:35,581
- Hi.
- Hi.
214
00:08:35,632 --> 00:08:36,632
- Nice to meet you.
- Nice to meet you.
215
00:08:36,666 --> 00:08:38,533
I've heard
a lot about you...
216
00:08:38,551 --> 00:08:39,918
- In the last hour.
- Yeah.
217
00:08:39,969 --> 00:08:41,870
Well, Alex gives
my campaign legal advice,
218
00:08:41,905 --> 00:08:44,540
and Ann is the greatest
human being ever invented.
219
00:08:44,574 --> 00:08:46,759
So I'm gonna-- what?
Uh, someone needs me.
220
00:08:46,810 --> 00:08:49,011
I'm gonna go, and you two
just hit it off now.
221
00:08:49,045 --> 00:08:51,213
- You crazy kids.
- Okay...
222
00:08:52,982 --> 00:08:56,518
Okay..."There
is no food finer."
223
00:08:56,552 --> 00:08:58,904
For Leslie, that means
whipped cream, or...
224
00:08:59,938 --> 00:09:01,389
No, it's
whipped cream.
225
00:09:01,408 --> 00:09:03,058
I'm gonna look
in the whipped cream cans.
226
00:09:03,876 --> 00:09:05,562
Oh, got some!
227
00:09:10,066 --> 00:09:11,567
Oh...
228
00:09:12,401 --> 00:09:13,952
Nothing yet.
229
00:09:14,003 --> 00:09:16,538
Okay, "something wicked
this way comes,"
230
00:09:16,573 --> 00:09:19,458
"whence you peruse a book
with your thumbs.
231
00:09:19,509 --> 00:09:21,543
"Go to the one
who succumbs.
232
00:09:21,577 --> 00:09:23,512
I'll be attached
with a little gum."
233
00:09:23,546 --> 00:09:24,763
Oh, come on, Leslie,
gimme a break.
234
00:09:24,798 --> 00:09:27,649
I hate riddles
and other such nonsense,
235
00:09:27,684 --> 00:09:29,768
I want that
on the record.
236
00:09:29,803 --> 00:09:32,221
But something wicked
with a book
237
00:09:32,255 --> 00:09:34,490
is my ex-wife,
from the library.
238
00:09:34,524 --> 00:09:35,991
Which means I'm the one
that succumbs.
239
00:09:36,025 --> 00:09:39,194
Uh..."I'll be attached
with a little gum."
240
00:09:39,229 --> 00:09:41,630
Good God.
That woman is good.
241
00:09:41,664 --> 00:09:43,766
"Follow me to
the sheltered snow.
242
00:09:43,800 --> 00:09:45,818
Only 22 clues
left to go."
243
00:09:45,869 --> 00:09:48,537
22?
244
00:09:48,571 --> 00:09:51,140
Well, this is the woman
I've chosen to love.
245
00:09:51,174 --> 00:09:52,574
Well, I guess
there's nothing to do
246
00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:53,992
but spend
the entire night
247
00:09:54,043 --> 00:09:55,644
methodically solving
this puzzle.
248
00:09:55,678 --> 00:09:57,546
There's no way
we'll finish in time.
249
00:09:57,580 --> 00:09:59,281
Okay, I'll just
make a list of places
250
00:09:59,299 --> 00:10:01,483
she and I have been together,
and hope we luck out
251
00:10:01,518 --> 00:10:02,751
and find
the last clue.
252
00:10:02,786 --> 00:10:04,419
We'll split up,
cover more ground.
253
00:10:04,453 --> 00:10:05,504
Move.
254
00:10:10,126 --> 00:10:12,661
Hey, Kriss Kross,
can we change up the music?
255
00:10:12,695 --> 00:10:14,797
It kind of sounds like
the end of a movie
256
00:10:14,831 --> 00:10:16,148
about a monk
who killed himself.
257
00:10:16,182 --> 00:10:18,267
- It is.
- Listen, man...
258
00:10:18,301 --> 00:10:19,935
There's some
attractive women here.
259
00:10:19,969 --> 00:10:21,003
Why don't
you rebound?
260
00:10:21,037 --> 00:10:24,072
Nobody here
compares to Millicent.
261
00:10:24,107 --> 00:10:25,174
Except maybe Jerry.
262
00:10:25,208 --> 00:10:28,510
Technically they share 50%
of the same DNA.
263
00:10:35,718 --> 00:10:37,653
Stop staring
at Jerry like that.
264
00:10:42,208 --> 00:10:45,043
I don't know.
It's working now.
265
00:10:45,094 --> 00:10:46,494
Hey, how's it going?
266
00:10:46,513 --> 00:10:48,864
It's Valentine's Day,
267
00:10:48,898 --> 00:10:50,883
and I'm working the late shift
of the snow globe museum,
268
00:10:50,934 --> 00:10:52,351
so I'm right
where I wanna be.
269
00:10:52,385 --> 00:10:55,938
Okay, um, my girlfriend
left a clue here, I think.
270
00:10:55,972 --> 00:10:57,673
Like, for a
scavenger hunt.
271
00:10:57,707 --> 00:11:00,209
- Right. You're Ben.
- Yes.
272
00:11:00,243 --> 00:11:03,045
She said you'd
be here by noon.
273
00:11:03,079 --> 00:11:04,446
Not doing so good.
All right, well.
274
00:11:04,480 --> 00:11:06,081
Thanks, Kevin.
I'm supposed to tell you
275
00:11:06,115 --> 00:11:07,516
that it's under
one of the snow globes.
276
00:11:07,550 --> 00:11:10,552
But which one?
Ooh, I don't know.
277
00:11:13,206 --> 00:11:16,024
Nope. No.
278
00:11:16,059 --> 00:11:18,360
No. You really suck at this.
Okay, why don't you just...
279
00:11:18,378 --> 00:11:19,494
Tell me where it is
and I can get out of here?
280
00:11:19,528 --> 00:11:21,196
That would take
all the fun out of it.
281
00:11:21,231 --> 00:11:23,365
- Ah!
- Winner.
282
00:11:23,399 --> 00:11:25,033
Ah, ha, ha, ha.
I found it.
283
00:11:25,068 --> 00:11:27,369
Yep. Oh, wait.
284
00:11:27,403 --> 00:11:29,371
No, that might be
from another scavenger hunt.
285
00:11:29,389 --> 00:11:32,341
Ann, looks like
you already met Jeff.
286
00:11:32,375 --> 00:11:34,542
Well, you didn't tell me that
your friend was so beautiful.
287
00:11:34,561 --> 00:11:36,111
Aww, thanks, Jeff.
288
00:11:36,145 --> 00:11:37,779
Not as beautiful
as my sister,
289
00:11:37,814 --> 00:11:40,115
but you know the law.
290
00:11:40,149 --> 00:11:41,917
- What?
- No, Jeff.
291
00:11:41,951 --> 00:11:44,570
How am I supposed
to find the love of Ann's life
292
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:45,938
when it sounds
like a funeral in here?
293
00:11:45,989 --> 00:11:48,290
There's no changing it
as long as Chris is depressed.
294
00:11:48,324 --> 00:11:50,108
I'm gonna go talk to Chris.
You go help Ann.
295
00:11:50,159 --> 00:11:51,760
She's not responding
to my top candidates,
296
00:11:51,794 --> 00:11:53,579
so we're gonna have
to go with some wild cards.
297
00:11:53,613 --> 00:11:54,630
- Got it.
- And April...
298
00:11:54,664 --> 00:11:56,081
Thanks for nothing.
299
00:11:56,115 --> 00:11:57,282
Why should I do anything
to help her?
300
00:11:57,333 --> 00:11:58,901
Because despite the fact
that all you do
301
00:11:58,935 --> 00:12:01,570
is give her a hard time,
she would do this for you.
302
00:12:01,604 --> 00:12:04,139
Just go hide under the table
with your friend Orin.
303
00:12:04,173 --> 00:12:06,074
Yeah, I see you, weirdo.
304
00:12:08,811 --> 00:12:10,578
So Leslie dragged you
305
00:12:10,597 --> 00:12:12,814
into this sneaky little
fix-up scheme, huh?
306
00:12:12,849 --> 00:12:15,383
We're stuck at a Parks and Rec
community couples event.
307
00:12:15,418 --> 00:12:16,884
What else
you gotta do?
308
00:12:16,919 --> 00:12:18,854
What the hell.
You're right.
309
00:12:18,888 --> 00:12:19,938
Bring 'em on, Tom.
310
00:12:19,973 --> 00:12:22,090
I'm Harris.
Heard you were desperate
311
00:12:22,125 --> 00:12:24,726
for a man-piece.
We in business?
312
00:12:24,761 --> 00:12:27,462
He's 33 years old,
still lives with his parents,
313
00:12:27,497 --> 00:12:30,599
and he's been to at least
200 Phish concerts.
314
00:12:30,633 --> 00:12:32,334
Try 308.
315
00:12:32,368 --> 00:12:33,635
I'm gonna have
to pass right now.
316
00:12:33,670 --> 00:12:35,070
Your mistake, mama.
317
00:12:35,104 --> 00:12:39,875
So, Bill, this stunning woman
saves lives for a living.
318
00:12:39,909 --> 00:12:41,243
What do you
bring to the table?
319
00:12:41,277 --> 00:12:43,512
Uh, where to begin?
Uh, I'm an amateur juggler--
320
00:12:43,546 --> 00:12:44,779
Nope, you shouldn't
have begun there.
321
00:12:44,797 --> 00:12:47,949
Get out. No one's trying
to get with jugglers.
322
00:12:47,967 --> 00:12:49,835
Thanks for playing.
323
00:12:56,893 --> 00:12:59,728
Hello, my name
is Ron Swanson.
324
00:12:59,762 --> 00:13:02,297
I believe Leslie Knope
may have left some kind
325
00:13:02,315 --> 00:13:03,865
of scavenger hunt
clue here.
326
00:13:03,900 --> 00:13:06,268
She did.
One second.
327
00:13:11,188 --> 00:13:12,307
Gentlemen.
328
00:13:13,325 --> 00:13:15,178
Ah-.
329
00:13:15,325 --> 00:13:16,378
Enjoy your evening.
330
00:13:18,412 --> 00:13:22,430
Well... it always says
"Break glass in case of an emergency."
331
00:13:24,486 --> 00:13:25,287
Wait a second.
332
00:13:28,541 --> 00:13:33,178
Well, there we go.
333
00:13:33,212 --> 00:13:35,830
Hey, Chris, what do you think
about changing the music?
334
00:13:35,848 --> 00:13:39,534
Sure.
335
00:13:39,569 --> 00:13:40,886
Ugh. Hey,
you know what?
336
00:13:40,937 --> 00:13:42,604
You should look
on the bright side.
337
00:13:42,638 --> 00:13:44,606
I'm sure that Millicent
couldn't keep up with you
338
00:13:44,640 --> 00:13:47,476
on your runs, so now
you can go full speed again.
339
00:13:47,510 --> 00:13:50,479
On the contrary,
she was faster than I was.
340
00:13:50,513 --> 00:13:54,483
I set many personal bests
just trying to keep up with her.
341
00:13:54,517 --> 00:13:57,285
Which is what
I'm worried about.
342
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,255
What if she was
my personal best?
343
00:14:00,289 --> 00:14:02,591
No, your best
is still ahead of you.
344
00:14:02,625 --> 00:14:04,860
I am 44 years old.
345
00:14:04,894 --> 00:14:06,261
You don't look
a day over 30.
346
00:14:06,295 --> 00:14:07,562
Most people say 25.
347
00:14:07,597 --> 00:14:09,197
- Who says that?
- Lot of people.
348
00:14:09,232 --> 00:14:11,767
You don't think that
Millicent was my soul mate?
349
00:14:11,801 --> 00:14:13,969
There are a lot
of soul mates in the world.
350
00:14:14,003 --> 00:14:15,303
I mean, look at Ann.
351
00:14:15,338 --> 00:14:17,572
You dated her, and she's
a perfect human specimen,
352
00:14:17,607 --> 00:14:19,941
and you tossed her out
like day-old chowder.
353
00:14:19,976 --> 00:14:22,010
But it's
gonna be okay.
354
00:14:22,044 --> 00:14:23,011
Buck up.
355
00:14:23,045 --> 00:14:26,014
Thanks, I'll try.
356
00:14:36,092 --> 00:14:38,393
♪
357
00:14:38,411 --> 00:14:40,412
- Hey.
- Hey.
358
00:14:40,446 --> 00:14:41,780
How is your
evening unfolding
359
00:14:41,831 --> 00:14:43,248
in terms of your
conversations with men?
360
00:14:43,282 --> 00:14:45,417
I have met a lot
of different guys tonight.
361
00:14:45,451 --> 00:14:48,286
How lucky that
that happened to you
362
00:14:48,337 --> 00:14:50,672
- on Valentine's Day.
- What's lucky
363
00:14:50,706 --> 00:14:53,642
is that I have a best friend
who spent her Valentine's Day
364
00:14:53,676 --> 00:14:54,643
trying to find
me a date.
365
00:14:54,677 --> 00:14:56,678
Thank you.
I'm gonna go home.
366
00:14:56,712 --> 00:14:58,180
No. Stay.
367
00:14:58,214 --> 00:15:00,215
I just-- I'm gonna
go home and watch TV.
368
00:15:00,249 --> 00:15:02,317
Okay, well,
can you just do me a favor
369
00:15:02,351 --> 00:15:03,652
and give me your car keys
for a second?
370
00:15:03,686 --> 00:15:05,487
There's something I need
to look at on your car keys.
371
00:15:05,521 --> 00:15:07,022
You're gonna throw them
on the roof again
372
00:15:07,056 --> 00:15:08,890
- so I can't leave.
- You know me too well.
373
00:15:08,924 --> 00:15:12,477
You're the best.
374
00:15:12,528 --> 00:15:14,762
It sucks being alone
on Valentine's Day,
375
00:15:14,781 --> 00:15:17,165
so I'm gonna take Ann out
for a drink, you know.
376
00:15:17,200 --> 00:15:20,435
Try to cheer her up.
And I can be late meeting Ben.
377
00:15:20,453 --> 00:15:23,972
He's not gonna be on time,
'cause those clues are hard.
378
00:15:24,006 --> 00:15:26,408
They're really, really hard,
and I'm really worried
379
00:15:26,442 --> 00:15:28,677
that he's not gonna be able
to figure it out.
380
00:15:35,951 --> 00:15:38,220
Ann, you tricky bastard.
381
00:15:38,254 --> 00:15:40,622
- Leslie, what are you doing?
- Look at Ann.
382
00:15:40,656 --> 00:15:43,391
She's putting on makeup.
She using the emergency
383
00:15:43,426 --> 00:15:44,726
mini curling iron
that I gave her.
384
00:15:44,760 --> 00:15:47,012
- She has a date.
- You don't know that.
385
00:15:47,063 --> 00:15:49,664
Why wouldn't
she tell me who it is?
386
00:15:50,199 --> 00:15:50,966
Because she doesn't
want me to know.
387
00:15:51,000 --> 00:15:53,301
Because it's someone
she shouldn't be dating.
388
00:15:53,336 --> 00:15:55,971
Wait, the music's better.
Have you seen Chris?
389
00:15:56,005 --> 00:15:57,906
I don't know, maybe he's
in the bathroom or something.
390
00:15:59,440 --> 00:16:01,009
She's going
to meet Chris.
391
00:16:05,404 --> 00:16:08,091
Hey, I got nine,
three and four.
392
00:16:08,404 --> 00:16:12,491
I have 11, 12, 13, 14,
15, 16, 17, 18, and 19.
393
00:16:12,525 --> 00:16:13,558
Whoa.
394
00:16:13,593 --> 00:16:15,243
I got--
I got lucky.
395
00:16:15,294 --> 00:16:17,396
And I love riddles.
396
00:16:17,430 --> 00:16:21,466
Yo, found some clues.
Also found this.
397
00:16:21,501 --> 00:16:23,702
Weird stick.
Might be a clue.
398
00:16:23,736 --> 00:16:25,170
- No.
- Okay.
399
00:16:25,204 --> 00:16:27,072
Did you find
the 25th clue?
400
00:16:27,106 --> 00:16:29,341
No, I got #8,
and #22.
401
00:16:31,394 --> 00:16:32,547
434
00:16:32,854 --> 00:16:34,007
What do you want, April?
402
00:16:35,581 --> 00:16:37,416
Leave Ann alone.
This is none of your business.
403
00:16:37,450 --> 00:16:39,951
After all the hoops that
Ben and I had to jump through
404
00:16:39,986 --> 00:16:41,753
because of the
boss-employee thing,
405
00:16:41,788 --> 00:16:43,655
it is absolutely
my business.
406
00:16:43,689 --> 00:16:47,559
Chris needs to explain himself,
and Ann lied to me
407
00:16:47,593 --> 00:16:50,912
about this date.
I mean, so many injustices.
408
00:16:50,947 --> 00:16:53,498
Ann would never do anything
to piss you off, Leslie.
409
00:16:53,533 --> 00:16:55,700
You guys are such
close friends, it's lame.
410
00:16:55,734 --> 00:16:58,103
Just have a nice night with Ben,
and forget about this.
411
00:16:58,137 --> 00:17:01,873
Okay, fine.
I will let it go for now.
412
00:17:01,908 --> 00:17:03,875
But I want you to know
that I think there is some--
413
00:17:03,909 --> 00:17:06,044
[beep]
414
00:17:06,078 --> 00:17:07,748
Okay, she hung up on me.
415
00:17:09,782 --> 00:17:11,716
We failed.
416
00:17:11,751 --> 00:17:13,635
If I just had
a little more time.
417
00:17:13,686 --> 00:17:15,587
She's waiting for me
somewhere in Pawnee,
418
00:17:15,605 --> 00:17:17,939
- and I'm not gonna be there.
- Wait...
419
00:17:17,974 --> 00:17:20,759
Leslie loves romance,
but she also loves being right.
420
00:17:20,793 --> 00:17:23,495
Is there something you used
to disagree on,
421
00:17:23,529 --> 00:17:25,564
but you've since come around
to her way of thinking?
422
00:17:27,098 --> 00:17:28,783
Ron, you're a genius.
423
00:17:33,272 --> 00:17:34,789
Little Sebastian.
424
00:17:34,824 --> 00:17:36,441
At first you
did not understand
425
00:17:36,476 --> 00:17:38,877
what made this
tiny horse so special,
426
00:17:38,911 --> 00:17:40,111
and now you love him
more than I do.
427
00:17:40,129 --> 00:17:43,048
Yep, I miss him
every day.
428
00:17:43,082 --> 00:17:45,050
I really tried
to make that hard.
429
00:17:45,084 --> 00:17:46,651
I'm very impressed
with you.
430
00:17:46,686 --> 00:17:48,019
Eh, some of them
were kind of tough.
431
00:17:48,054 --> 00:17:50,021
So are you ready to go
432
00:17:50,056 --> 00:17:51,990
have our first ever
Valentine's dinner?
433
00:17:52,024 --> 00:17:53,859
Yes, but I have
to tell you something.
434
00:17:53,893 --> 00:17:57,128
Chris and Ann
are on a secret date.
435
00:17:57,163 --> 00:17:59,331
Which is crazy
because he's her boss,
436
00:17:59,365 --> 00:18:01,032
which is the exact
situation we were in,
437
00:18:01,067 --> 00:18:03,435
except we were put
on trial for it.
438
00:18:03,469 --> 00:18:04,436
And I know I'm not
supposed to care,
439
00:18:04,470 --> 00:18:05,537
and I'm supposed
to let it go,
440
00:18:05,571 --> 00:18:07,305
and we should just
have a romantic dinner--
441
00:18:07,323 --> 00:18:09,207
No, we have to go
catch them in the act.
442
00:18:09,242 --> 00:18:10,709
- Right now.
- Really?
443
00:18:10,743 --> 00:18:13,028
Yeah. Screw
romantic dinners.
444
00:18:13,079 --> 00:18:14,613
Let's go rub it
in their face.
445
00:18:14,647 --> 00:18:16,781
God, I love you
so much.
446
00:18:16,815 --> 00:18:18,816
I cannot wait
to see the look
447
00:18:18,834 --> 00:18:20,985
on Chris' remarkably
youthful face
448
00:18:21,003 --> 00:18:23,205
when we march in there
and confront him--
449
00:18:23,256 --> 00:18:24,890
Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, Leslie.
450
00:18:27,510 --> 00:18:29,127
What?
451
00:18:29,161 --> 00:18:31,129
Ahh!
452
00:18:31,163 --> 00:18:32,130
Shh.
453
00:18:32,164 --> 00:18:34,165
- Shh.
- April.
454
00:18:34,183 --> 00:18:36,167
- Hey.
- April.
455
00:18:36,185 --> 00:18:38,703
- Tom and Ann are on a date.
- I know.
456
00:18:38,738 --> 00:18:40,338
What do you mean you know?
How do you know?
457
00:18:40,373 --> 00:18:44,175
Because...
I set them up.
458
00:18:45,373 --> 00:18:47,175
I was watching
Ann with Tom at the dance
459
00:18:47,573 --> 00:18:49,475
and she seemed to
be having a good time.
460
00:18:50,073 --> 00:18:51,475
So I went over
to talk to her.
461
00:18:52,084 --> 00:18:54,352
What are you looking for
in a date anyway?
462
00:18:54,370 --> 00:18:56,521
I don't know.
What does anyone want?
463
00:18:56,556 --> 00:19:01,259
Just a nice, funny guy
who likes me and treats me well.
464
00:19:01,294 --> 00:19:04,162
Tom's funny,
and he'd treat you well.
465
00:19:04,196 --> 00:19:07,432
- Ha, ha.
- I'm serious.
466
00:19:07,466 --> 00:19:08,900
You want a good date,
why not ask out
467
00:19:08,935 --> 00:19:11,002
the only guy that's
made you smile tonight?
468
00:19:11,037 --> 00:19:12,637
He's ridiculous.
469
00:19:12,672 --> 00:19:15,006
- All that dumb swagger.
- It's not.
470
00:19:15,041 --> 00:19:18,043
He's sweet. You should just
ask him out for a drink.
471
00:19:18,077 --> 00:19:20,579
I'm 1,000% sure
he'd say yes.
472
00:19:20,613 --> 00:19:23,181
I bet you guys
would have a good time.
473
00:19:23,215 --> 00:19:25,850
Man, I need to, like,
wrap my head around this.
474
00:19:25,885 --> 00:19:27,085
Why? It makes
sense to me.
475
00:19:27,119 --> 00:19:29,921
This is a small, loser town
with loser people,
476
00:19:29,956 --> 00:19:32,457
and Tom's, like,
at least semi-cool.
477
00:19:32,491 --> 00:19:33,792
You know
what I'm hearing?
478
00:19:34,526 --> 00:19:37,896
You tried to make Ann happy
for Valentine's Day.
479
00:19:37,930 --> 00:19:40,532
- Ugh.
- You're a very nice person.
480
00:19:40,566 --> 00:19:41,533
- No.
- Yes, you are.
481
00:19:41,567 --> 00:19:43,568
- Very nice person.
- Bye.
482
00:19:46,205 --> 00:19:48,590
I do not understand this.
This really confuses me.
483
00:19:48,624 --> 00:19:50,141
Well, you do
love them both.
484
00:19:50,176 --> 00:19:54,129
Yeah, I love passionate
speakers and Italian men.
485
00:19:54,180 --> 00:19:55,480
Doesn't mean
I love Mussolini.
486
00:19:55,514 --> 00:19:56,931
You love
Italian men?
487
00:19:56,966 --> 00:19:59,084
Not as much as...
488
00:19:59,118 --> 00:20:02,087
Irish... Scottish?
489
00:20:02,121 --> 00:20:05,557
White... whatever you are.
490
00:20:05,591 --> 00:20:08,293
This is the weirdest
Valentine's Day ever.
491
00:20:11,797 --> 00:20:15,099
So, Ann,
it's finally happening.
492
00:20:15,117 --> 00:20:17,102
Dude, this is so close
to falling apart.
493
00:20:17,136 --> 00:20:18,737
Okay, okay,
I'm sorry.
494
00:20:19,271 --> 00:20:22,657
Can I be honest, though?
I'm a little freaked out.
495
00:20:22,708 --> 00:20:25,343
Like, I don't really
understand what's going on.
496
00:20:25,878 --> 00:20:27,312
This is
what's going on--
497
00:20:27,346 --> 00:20:28,580
we're gonna
have a drink,
498
00:20:28,614 --> 00:20:31,950
and we're gonna talk,
get to know each other.
499
00:20:31,984 --> 00:20:35,086
And then I am going
to drive home... alone.
500
00:20:35,121 --> 00:20:37,088
Cool. Consider this
alternate plan--
501
00:20:37,122 --> 00:20:38,757
we have drinks here, get to know
each other, whatever.
502
00:20:38,791 --> 00:20:42,293
Then we go back to my place
and snuggle up...
503
00:20:42,328 --> 00:20:43,762
Like little bunnies.
504
00:20:43,796 --> 00:20:45,797
- Yeah, this was a mistake.
- No!
505
00:20:48,207 --> 00:20:51,059
Leslie, thanks to your
annoying prying last year,
506
00:20:51,093 --> 00:20:53,161
I'm sure you remember
my birthday's coming up.
507
00:20:53,195 --> 00:20:55,263
I know, I know.
No parties, you hate parties.
508
00:20:55,298 --> 00:20:57,799
Correct.
509
00:20:57,833 --> 00:21:00,669
Oh, you know that
wild goose chase
510
00:21:00,703 --> 00:21:02,337
you sent Ben on
for Valentine's Day?
511
00:21:02,871 --> 00:21:04,071
The scavenger hunt?
512
00:21:04,106 --> 00:21:07,675
- I also do not want that.
- Yep, I understand.
513
00:21:07,709 --> 00:21:10,044
I absolutely do not want
to solve a series
514
00:21:10,078 --> 00:21:13,214
of riddles and clues, each more
intricate than the last.
515
00:21:13,248 --> 00:21:14,215
You understand
what I'm saying?
516
00:21:14,249 --> 00:21:16,350
- Yeah, I got it, Ron.
- Good.
517
00:21:21,223 --> 00:21:25,076
Uh, I-I do want that.
Please do that for me.
518
00:21:25,077 --> 00:21:29,100
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com