1 00:00:03,012 --> 00:00:04,273 - Morning. - Hey. 2 00:00:04,274 --> 00:00:06,509 Hey, can you approve this new design for the campaign poster? 3 00:00:06,677 --> 00:00:09,411 Oh, Ann, you beautiful, rule-breaking moth. 4 00:00:09,478 --> 00:00:12,214 You know we can't talk about my campaign in here. 5 00:00:12,281 --> 00:00:13,381 Seriously? 6 00:00:13,449 --> 00:00:15,450 It's a "yes" or "no" question. 7 00:00:15,518 --> 00:00:16,952 When you're running for office, 8 00:00:17,020 --> 00:00:19,354 there are, like, a million rules of what you can and cannot do. 9 00:00:19,922 --> 00:00:20,589 Yes. 10 00:00:20,656 --> 00:00:21,924 And because I work for the government, 11 00:00:21,991 --> 00:00:24,225 I am not allowed to do anything campaign-related 12 00:00:24,292 --> 00:00:26,194 inside a government building. 13 00:00:26,261 --> 00:00:27,762 Boss, I need your Herbie Hancock on this. 14 00:00:27,830 --> 00:00:29,630 Outside. 15 00:00:29,698 --> 00:00:31,199 It's kind of a pain in the ass. 16 00:00:31,266 --> 00:00:34,602 But it's great exercise... But it's a pain in the ass. 17 00:00:34,669 --> 00:00:36,437 So Perd Hapley wants to do Thursday now. 18 00:00:36,438 --> 00:00:37,071 Fine. 19 00:00:37,139 --> 00:00:38,339 Did you finish the maintenance report? 20 00:00:38,406 --> 00:00:39,607 I did not finish it, but I will finish it. 21 00:00:39,674 --> 00:00:40,506 So wait, what was your question again? 22 00:00:40,574 --> 00:00:41,608 The slogan? 23 00:00:41,675 --> 00:00:42,675 Okay, can I just come out there, 24 00:00:42,744 --> 00:00:44,077 so we can talk about everything? 25 00:00:44,145 --> 00:00:46,246 No, April, I need to keep my work separate, okay? 26 00:00:46,313 --> 00:00:48,648 Just think of it like a fun game. 27 00:00:48,716 --> 00:00:50,951 Parks is inside. Campaign is outside. 28 00:00:51,018 --> 00:00:52,685 Parks is inside. Campaign's outside. 29 00:00:52,754 --> 00:00:53,820 Ooh, you know what would make it more fun? 30 00:00:53,888 --> 00:00:55,222 - What? - Oh, my God, this. 31 00:00:58,290 --> 00:00:59,225 April. 32 00:00:59,292 --> 00:01:02,361 Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com 33 00:01:02,362 --> 00:01:04,962 ♪♪♪ ♪♪♪ Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com 34 00:01:19,478 --> 00:01:21,012 It's time, Leslie. 35 00:01:21,580 --> 00:01:24,015 You have to take a leave of absence from the department. 36 00:01:24,083 --> 00:01:25,683 Ron, that is ridiculous. 37 00:01:25,751 --> 00:01:28,118 - We've talked about this. - No, you've talked about it, 38 00:01:28,186 --> 00:01:29,686 and I've ignored it, because it is ridiculous. 39 00:01:29,754 --> 00:01:32,923 Need I remind you that even if I win the election, 40 00:01:32,991 --> 00:01:34,858 I can still work at the Parks department. 41 00:01:34,926 --> 00:01:36,526 City council is a part-time job. 42 00:01:41,699 --> 00:01:43,466 and 50 hours a week on the campaign. 43 00:01:43,534 --> 00:01:44,901 Well, I have time to spare. 44 00:01:44,968 --> 00:01:48,271 I'm also volunteering at "Wheels For Meals On Wheels." 45 00:01:48,338 --> 00:01:50,673 We repair vans for "Meals On Wheels." 46 00:01:50,740 --> 00:01:53,409 You're a month behind on everything. 47 00:01:53,476 --> 00:01:55,711 You forgot to file the weekly Parks Maintenance report. 48 00:01:55,779 --> 00:01:57,914 You do it every week, and you forgot. 49 00:01:57,981 --> 00:01:59,515 Things are falling through the cracks. 50 00:01:59,582 --> 00:02:02,184 I'm pretty sure you've worn that sweater four days in a row. 51 00:02:02,251 --> 00:02:04,853 Or I own four identical versions of the same sweater. 52 00:02:04,921 --> 00:02:06,855 No, you don't, there's an old lollipop 53 00:02:06,923 --> 00:02:08,389 that's been stuck to the back since Tuesday. 54 00:02:10,957 --> 00:02:13,195 That's the style now, Ron. 55 00:02:13,262 --> 00:02:15,297 It's called "lollipopping." 56 00:02:15,364 --> 00:02:16,864 All the kids are doing it. 57 00:02:16,932 --> 00:02:18,299 Leslie, you need to take a sabbatical. 58 00:02:18,366 --> 00:02:19,834 Okay. You know what, Ron? 59 00:02:19,901 --> 00:02:21,168 I accept your apology, 60 00:02:21,236 --> 00:02:23,103 I will not take a sabbatical, as we agreed, 61 00:02:23,171 --> 00:02:26,173 and we will never discuss this again. 62 00:02:26,991 --> 00:02:29,343 Sorry, Ann. You can't open this gift. 63 00:02:29,410 --> 00:02:31,011 It's for the most beautiful girl in Pawnee. 64 00:02:32,279 --> 00:02:33,446 Hold up, hold up, hold up. 65 00:02:33,513 --> 00:02:36,185 Hold up, hold up, wait. That's you. 66 00:02:39,253 --> 00:02:40,486 Wow. 67 00:02:40,554 --> 00:02:42,588 Yeah, and look, I got one too. 68 00:02:42,656 --> 00:02:44,090 Matching His and Hers. 69 00:02:44,158 --> 00:02:46,159 So I'm "Tommy's girl," and you're just "Tom"? 70 00:02:46,227 --> 00:02:47,926 Why not "Ann's man"? 71 00:02:47,994 --> 00:02:50,428 Nobody owns me, cupcake, not even you. 72 00:02:50,496 --> 00:02:52,764 You can either burn these hats in a fire, 73 00:02:52,832 --> 00:02:54,432 or you can use a blowtorch. 74 00:02:54,500 --> 00:02:56,401 How about this option? 75 00:02:56,469 --> 00:02:58,436 - We put the hats on-- - Don't say it. 76 00:02:58,504 --> 00:03:00,707 We take everything else off. 77 00:03:02,775 --> 00:03:05,576 These Kangol hats are exactly like the one 78 00:03:05,643 --> 00:03:07,811 Samuel L. Jackson wore to the Latin Grammys. 79 00:03:07,880 --> 00:03:09,680 - How could she not like them? - I don't know. 80 00:03:09,748 --> 00:03:12,716 It's like somehow everything I do with her is wrong. 81 00:03:12,784 --> 00:03:15,819 Dude, seriously, leave me out of this. 82 00:03:15,888 --> 00:03:17,121 I kind of set up Tom and Ann, 83 00:03:17,189 --> 00:03:19,357 and now they won't stop asking me for advice, 84 00:03:19,424 --> 00:03:21,524 which is a really bad move on their part, 85 00:03:21,592 --> 00:03:25,461 because I really don't care what happens to them... 86 00:03:25,529 --> 00:03:27,197 Or anyone. 87 00:03:28,399 --> 00:03:30,566 Champion! Hey, bud. 88 00:03:30,634 --> 00:03:32,302 I missed you. 89 00:03:32,370 --> 00:03:33,836 Thank you so much. I hope he wasn't a handful. 90 00:03:33,905 --> 00:03:35,505 Not in the slightest. 91 00:03:35,572 --> 00:03:39,741 As the Germans would say, "er ist ein wunder hund." 92 00:03:39,809 --> 00:03:41,710 - He is a wonder dog. - Oh. 93 00:03:41,778 --> 00:03:42,778 The dog training course I took 94 00:03:42,845 --> 00:03:44,113 was conducted entirely in German, 95 00:03:44,180 --> 00:03:46,481 and so now I'm fluent in German... 96 00:03:46,549 --> 00:03:48,050 Words relating to dogs. 97 00:03:48,118 --> 00:03:49,684 April and Andy went away for the night, 98 00:03:49,752 --> 00:03:51,787 and I looked after Champion here. 99 00:03:51,854 --> 00:03:53,087 He's a mutt. 100 00:03:53,155 --> 00:03:56,291 Half amazing, half terrific. 101 00:03:56,358 --> 00:03:59,493 Ich bin ein three-legged dog. 102 00:03:59,561 --> 00:04:00,995 Well, I took him to PetSmart. 103 00:04:01,063 --> 00:04:02,563 I got him various toys, 104 00:04:02,631 --> 00:04:05,900 got him shots, got him groomed, and gave him plenty of exercise. 105 00:04:05,968 --> 00:04:06,867 He's healthier than ever. 106 00:04:06,936 --> 00:04:09,102 Wait, did his leg grow back? 107 00:04:09,170 --> 00:04:11,438 Aw, no, no. That's okay. 108 00:04:11,505 --> 00:04:12,973 - Andy, if I may-- - Yes. 109 00:04:13,041 --> 00:04:14,874 Dogs tend to take on the personalities 110 00:04:14,943 --> 00:04:16,509 - of their owners-- - Mm-hmm. 111 00:04:16,577 --> 00:04:18,245 So if you were to sit on your couch all day 112 00:04:18,313 --> 00:04:20,280 watching cartoons and eating nothing but Cheetos, 113 00:04:20,348 --> 00:04:21,315 that's what he would want to do too. 114 00:04:21,382 --> 00:04:22,482 Who wouldn't? 115 00:04:22,550 --> 00:04:24,351 That sounds like an amazing day, right? 116 00:04:24,419 --> 00:04:26,619 Okay, well, thanks. 117 00:04:26,687 --> 00:04:28,588 Bye, Champion. 118 00:04:29,156 --> 00:04:30,356 Morning, Leslie. 119 00:04:30,424 --> 00:04:32,224 Jerry, take that shirt off. 120 00:04:32,292 --> 00:04:33,726 You look ridiculous. 121 00:04:33,794 --> 00:04:38,297 Gayle gave me this shirt yesterday as a birthday present. 122 00:04:38,365 --> 00:04:40,032 Oh, my God, Jerry. 123 00:04:40,100 --> 00:04:41,834 I can't believe I forgot your birthday. 124 00:04:41,901 --> 00:04:43,268 Leslie, it is okay. 125 00:04:43,336 --> 00:04:45,203 I mean, let's face it, it's a tough one to remember. 126 00:04:45,271 --> 00:04:47,606 My birthday is February 29th, 127 00:04:47,674 --> 00:04:50,509 so I only get one real birthday, you know, once every four years. 128 00:04:50,577 --> 00:04:52,778 But it's great because my wife Gayle 129 00:04:52,846 --> 00:04:54,112 makes such a big deal out of it. 130 00:04:54,180 --> 00:04:55,614 We go, we split a huge piece 131 00:04:55,682 --> 00:04:56,981 of cotton candy cheesecake 132 00:04:57,048 --> 00:04:58,649 from Cakey J's Cheesecake Facility. 133 00:04:58,717 --> 00:05:01,619 And then, well, we hold hands for a while. 134 00:05:01,687 --> 00:05:03,654 We listen to some Anita Baker. 135 00:05:03,722 --> 00:05:07,358 She meets up with some friends, and I turn in early. 136 00:05:07,425 --> 00:05:09,760 This is unacceptable. Birthdays are important. 137 00:05:09,828 --> 00:05:11,161 I'm so sorry we forgot yours. 138 00:05:11,229 --> 00:05:13,597 I guess it just slipped through the cracks. 139 00:05:14,164 --> 00:05:16,032 Yes, I guess it did. 140 00:05:16,100 --> 00:05:18,702 Anyway, Happy Birthday to Jerry. 141 00:05:18,769 --> 00:05:20,837 You are a kind and wonderful soul. 142 00:05:21,405 --> 00:05:22,238 Thank you. 143 00:05:22,306 --> 00:05:24,140 Also I need you to do some fecal contamination testing 144 00:05:24,208 --> 00:05:25,942 - at the reservoir. - Now? 145 00:05:26,010 --> 00:05:27,276 Yes, go get a kit from maintenance, 146 00:05:27,344 --> 00:05:28,744 and I need you to check the water for bird dung. 147 00:05:28,812 --> 00:05:30,145 Can I at least grab the gloves? 148 00:05:30,213 --> 00:05:31,480 Jerry, what are you doing standing here? 149 00:05:31,548 --> 00:05:34,683 - Our water has poop in it. - Oh, my God. 150 00:05:34,751 --> 00:05:37,386 Now Jerry is turning 64 this year. 151 00:05:37,453 --> 00:05:40,288 - He's only 64? - 64 divided by 4 is-- 152 00:05:40,356 --> 00:05:41,757 - 16. - 64. 153 00:05:41,825 --> 00:05:44,659 So we're gonna throw him a Sweet 16 surprise party. 154 00:05:44,727 --> 00:05:46,460 It's gonna be very special. 155 00:05:46,529 --> 00:05:49,898 - The usual, cake and pop? - No, April, the unusual. 156 00:05:49,965 --> 00:05:51,900 - Fish and pop. - No. 157 00:05:51,967 --> 00:05:53,701 - Cake and fish. - No, no fish. 158 00:05:53,769 --> 00:05:56,771 Jerry only gets a real birthday every four years. 159 00:05:56,839 --> 00:05:58,172 And four years from now, who knows? 160 00:05:58,240 --> 00:06:00,641 He might be retired... Or dead. 161 00:06:00,708 --> 00:06:02,009 Let's start a pool. 162 00:06:02,076 --> 00:06:03,109 Who wants retied? Who wants dead? 163 00:06:03,177 --> 00:06:04,144 - Dead. - No. 164 00:06:04,211 --> 00:06:05,779 - I got one dead. - No. 165 00:06:07,015 --> 00:06:08,549 - You need to take that? - Mm, no. 166 00:06:08,616 --> 00:06:11,084 The campaign can wait, 'cause this is official Parks business. 167 00:06:11,152 --> 00:06:13,486 Donna, can we use your lake house? 168 00:06:13,555 --> 00:06:15,155 How did you know about that? 169 00:06:15,222 --> 00:06:16,756 My family has a lake house up in the foothills, 170 00:06:16,823 --> 00:06:18,658 but we keep it quiet. 171 00:06:18,725 --> 00:06:21,627 We're not big on hospitality. 172 00:06:21,695 --> 00:06:23,863 The Meagles are a cold people. 173 00:06:23,931 --> 00:06:25,197 Can we use your house? 174 00:06:26,265 --> 00:06:28,167 I suppose. 175 00:06:28,234 --> 00:06:29,702 Bring your own towels. 176 00:06:30,770 --> 00:06:31,938 Wow, Donna. 177 00:06:32,005 --> 00:06:33,705 This place is beautiful. 178 00:06:33,773 --> 00:06:36,474 Yes, it is, and it will stay that way. 179 00:06:36,542 --> 00:06:39,677 These are the house rules. No dirty shoes in the house. 180 00:06:39,744 --> 00:06:41,546 Upstairs is Meagle space only. 181 00:06:41,614 --> 00:06:45,717 And if you listen closely, that is the bubbling of the hot tub. 182 00:06:45,785 --> 00:06:47,586 You do not have access to it. 183 00:06:47,653 --> 00:06:51,822 If you follow these rules, we won't have a problem. 184 00:06:51,890 --> 00:06:54,291 Oh, my God. 185 00:06:54,358 --> 00:06:57,427 - Is that Ginuwine? - Mm-hmm. 186 00:06:57,495 --> 00:06:59,162 Why do you have Ginuwine's platinum record 187 00:06:59,230 --> 00:07:00,664 on your wall? 188 00:07:00,732 --> 00:07:04,034 Why do you have a photo of you with Ginuwine at some place? 189 00:07:04,102 --> 00:07:06,535 Oh, have I never talked about this before? 190 00:07:06,604 --> 00:07:07,670 Ginuwine's my cousin. 191 00:07:08,988 --> 00:07:10,172 Ginuwine? 192 00:07:10,240 --> 00:07:13,209 The Ginuwine is your cousin? 193 00:07:13,276 --> 00:07:14,677 How do I not know this? 194 00:07:14,745 --> 00:07:18,114 Who's Ginuwine? 195 00:07:18,181 --> 00:07:21,850 Ginuwine? 196 00:07:21,918 --> 00:07:26,221 Ginuwine is Ginuwine. He's Ginuwine. 197 00:07:26,288 --> 00:07:28,056 Saying his name over and over again is not going to help me. 198 00:07:28,124 --> 00:07:29,825 He's an R&B singer. 199 00:07:29,892 --> 00:07:32,094 Pony, Differences. 200 00:07:32,161 --> 00:07:34,295 Do you really not know who Ginuwine is? 201 00:07:34,363 --> 00:07:35,998 I know that he's Donna's cousin. 202 00:07:36,565 --> 00:07:38,599 When I'm dating someone, I have a list 203 00:07:38,667 --> 00:07:40,101 called my "oh-no-nos." 204 00:07:40,168 --> 00:07:43,104 A woman commits an "oh-no-no," it can end the relationship. 205 00:07:43,171 --> 00:07:46,073 Not loving '90s R&B music 206 00:07:46,141 --> 00:07:50,310 is number three on the "oh-no-nos" list. 207 00:07:50,378 --> 00:07:52,246 Girl doesn't even know who Ginuwine is. 208 00:07:52,813 --> 00:07:54,580 Hey, boy. How was the ride? 209 00:07:54,848 --> 00:07:56,815 Oh, hey, you want me to show you something? 210 00:07:56,816 --> 00:07:57,583 Okay. 211 00:07:59,120 --> 00:08:00,688 Platz. 212 00:08:01,120 --> 00:08:02,388 Steh Auf. 213 00:08:02,456 --> 00:08:05,525 See, it's pretty cool, huh? Would you like me to teach you? 214 00:08:05,592 --> 00:08:08,294 Uh, whatever. I mean, anybody can do that. 215 00:08:15,268 --> 00:08:16,869 Toxic. Merkel. 216 00:08:16,936 --> 00:08:18,336 - Merkel. - What is "Merkel"? 217 00:08:18,404 --> 00:08:20,906 She's the Chancellor of Germany. 218 00:08:20,974 --> 00:08:23,575 Not only more jobs but better jobs. 219 00:08:23,643 --> 00:08:27,045 I just did a phone interview while simultaneously 220 00:08:27,112 --> 00:08:29,614 decorating this house for Jerry's surprise party. 221 00:08:29,682 --> 00:08:33,185 Totally multitasking, totally on top of all of it. 222 00:08:33,252 --> 00:08:36,354 Crow for dinner tonight, Mr. Swanson? 223 00:08:36,422 --> 00:08:38,590 Okay, we are locked and loaded. 224 00:08:38,658 --> 00:08:40,458 Music is ready. Slideshow is prepped. 225 00:08:40,526 --> 00:08:43,060 - April, when does Jerry arrive? - How would I know? 226 00:08:43,627 --> 00:08:44,895 Who was supposed to invite Jerry? 227 00:08:45,462 --> 00:08:47,964 Guys, someone was supposed to invite Jerry. 228 00:08:48,032 --> 00:08:50,301 It's his surp-- 229 00:08:50,368 --> 00:08:53,870 Crap, it was me. I forgot to invite Jerry. 230 00:08:57,243 --> 00:08:58,712 You need to take a sabbatical. 231 00:08:58,713 --> 00:09:00,346 I'm not taking a sabbatical. 232 00:09:00,414 --> 00:09:01,848 Is this because I forgot to invite Jerry 233 00:09:01,916 --> 00:09:04,518 - to his own birthday party? - It did seem like an oversight. 234 00:09:04,585 --> 00:09:06,453 I have a prediction, Ron. By the end of the night, 235 00:09:06,521 --> 00:09:08,421 you are going to take a bite of Jerry's cake, 236 00:09:08,488 --> 00:09:11,324 which incidentally, we need to pick up on the way home, 237 00:09:11,391 --> 00:09:14,960 and you are gonna say, "sabbatical, schmabbatical. 238 00:09:15,028 --> 00:09:17,730 Leslie can do it all. She's the best, and I'm stupid." 239 00:09:18,798 --> 00:09:20,333 That does sound like me. 240 00:09:21,000 --> 00:09:24,369 Hey. Here's a fun game. 241 00:09:24,437 --> 00:09:27,772 Let's talk minimum acceptable thread count for sheets. 242 00:09:27,840 --> 00:09:30,608 - Ooh, that does sound fun. - Stop me when I hit it. 243 00:09:30,676 --> 00:09:33,144 1,000... 244 00:09:33,211 --> 00:09:34,579 800... 245 00:09:35,647 --> 00:09:37,782 700... 246 00:09:39,050 --> 00:09:40,184 600? 247 00:09:40,252 --> 00:09:42,319 Ann, I'm at 600. Are you really not stopping me? 248 00:09:42,386 --> 00:09:43,987 I have those cotton t-shirt sheets. 249 00:09:44,055 --> 00:09:46,122 Huh? 250 00:09:46,190 --> 00:09:47,858 It's always the most beautiful ladies 251 00:09:47,926 --> 00:09:50,527 who hurt you the worst. 252 00:09:50,595 --> 00:09:52,930 She's never seen a single Paul Walker movie? 253 00:09:52,997 --> 00:09:54,397 That's a huge "oh-no-no." 254 00:09:54,466 --> 00:09:57,533 She also "doesn't care" about Blu-ray? 255 00:09:57,601 --> 00:09:59,902 - She's a monster. - April, this is serious. 256 00:09:59,970 --> 00:10:01,671 I might have to break up with Ann. 257 00:10:01,738 --> 00:10:03,573 Yeah, well, then break up with her. 258 00:10:03,640 --> 00:10:05,240 But she's my dream girl. 259 00:10:05,308 --> 00:10:06,476 Then don't break up with her. 260 00:10:06,543 --> 00:10:07,844 Except she hates everything I like. 261 00:10:07,911 --> 00:10:10,412 I own more pairs of Uggs than she does. 262 00:10:10,481 --> 00:10:12,914 I was getting kind of sick of listening 263 00:10:12,982 --> 00:10:15,249 to Tom and Ann talk about their relationship, 264 00:10:15,317 --> 00:10:18,289 but then I remembered that alcohol existed. 265 00:10:22,357 --> 00:10:24,025 Thank you, alcohol. 266 00:10:25,728 --> 00:10:27,562 Jerry? Jerry. 267 00:10:27,630 --> 00:10:29,429 Where the hell could he be? 268 00:10:29,498 --> 00:10:31,164 Maybe someone else had a surprise party 269 00:10:31,232 --> 00:10:32,500 and actually remembered to invite him. 270 00:10:35,504 --> 00:10:36,403 Jerry? 271 00:10:36,471 --> 00:10:38,205 Jerry. 272 00:10:38,272 --> 00:10:39,640 Jerry? 273 00:10:39,708 --> 00:10:42,676 Jerry! Come on in. 274 00:10:42,744 --> 00:10:44,777 - Oh, God. - Leslie. 275 00:10:44,845 --> 00:10:46,513 Hello, Jerry. 276 00:10:46,580 --> 00:10:48,915 Jerry, why did you call us in here? 277 00:10:48,983 --> 00:10:50,617 Well, because I thought you were Gayle. 278 00:10:50,684 --> 00:10:52,084 What are you doing in my bathroom? 279 00:10:52,152 --> 00:10:55,054 Yes, Leslie, what are we doing in Jerry's bathroom? 280 00:10:55,122 --> 00:10:57,189 There is a Parks emergency 281 00:10:57,257 --> 00:10:59,425 that only you can help us solve, 282 00:10:59,493 --> 00:11:00,959 so we need you to get out of the tub. 283 00:11:01,027 --> 00:11:02,193 Let's get going. 284 00:11:02,261 --> 00:11:04,830 O-okay, jes--w-- I gotta get dressed. 285 00:11:04,898 --> 00:11:06,798 - No, there's no time. - There's time, Jerry. 286 00:11:06,866 --> 00:11:08,233 Get dressed. 287 00:11:08,300 --> 00:11:10,201 Okay, well, what is the big emergency? 288 00:11:10,269 --> 00:11:12,905 Oh, did we lose more seniors in the woods? 289 00:11:12,972 --> 00:11:14,039 No, it's a sinkhole, right? 290 00:11:14,106 --> 00:11:16,107 Crap on a catapult. 291 00:11:16,175 --> 00:11:18,709 They screwed up my campaign signs. 292 00:11:18,777 --> 00:11:19,844 Now I gotta deal with this. 293 00:11:19,912 --> 00:11:21,378 Okay, but what about the sinkhole? 294 00:11:21,446 --> 00:11:24,248 Don't worry, Leslie will deal with this and the sinkhole. 295 00:11:24,315 --> 00:11:26,717 Right, Leslie? 296 00:11:26,785 --> 00:11:28,753 Yes, Ron. I will, Ron. 297 00:11:28,820 --> 00:11:31,422 And I shall do it with aplomb. 298 00:11:31,989 --> 00:11:33,557 What the hell is wrong with Tom? 299 00:11:33,874 --> 00:11:34,691 Don't know. 300 00:11:34,759 --> 00:11:37,394 It's like I'm dating some idiotic game show host. 301 00:11:37,462 --> 00:11:40,531 He is driving me crazy with these stupid questions. 302 00:11:40,598 --> 00:11:41,631 Well, soon it won't matter. 303 00:11:43,099 --> 00:11:44,034 Why? What did he tell you? 304 00:11:44,102 --> 00:11:45,269 Nothing. 305 00:11:45,836 --> 00:11:48,105 Wait, is he gonna break up with me? 306 00:11:48,173 --> 00:11:50,106 I don't know. I'm-- 307 00:11:50,174 --> 00:11:52,475 No, no, no, no, no, no. No. 308 00:11:52,543 --> 00:11:53,809 That's not how this ends, okay? 309 00:11:54,377 --> 00:11:56,512 I break up with him. 310 00:11:57,330 --> 00:12:00,316 I think I will celebrate with a drink. 311 00:12:01,384 --> 00:12:02,718 Quit pulling. 312 00:12:02,786 --> 00:12:04,687 Fine, I'll let you off the leash. 313 00:12:05,754 --> 00:12:07,089 - Andy. - What the [Bleep], dude? 314 00:12:07,156 --> 00:12:08,457 Where did you come from? 315 00:12:08,524 --> 00:12:10,058 I think that Champion should stay on his leash. 316 00:12:10,126 --> 00:12:12,727 There's unfamiliar terrain and strange smells. 317 00:12:12,795 --> 00:12:14,596 No, leashes are just for dogs that bite people. 318 00:12:14,663 --> 00:12:16,030 That's not true. 319 00:12:16,099 --> 00:12:18,900 Chris, Champion's my dog, okay? 320 00:12:18,968 --> 00:12:20,335 He's not going anywhere. 321 00:12:20,403 --> 00:12:23,170 Sometimes you just have to let a dog be a dog. 322 00:12:23,238 --> 00:12:25,206 He'll be all right. 323 00:12:26,773 --> 00:12:28,243 Champion! 324 00:12:30,311 --> 00:12:31,878 He'll come back. 325 00:12:31,946 --> 00:12:34,181 So as you can imagine, we would never have ordered 326 00:12:34,249 --> 00:12:36,550 a sign with all this complicated nonsense 327 00:12:36,618 --> 00:12:38,784 because, you know, we're not insane. 328 00:12:38,852 --> 00:12:40,720 See right here on the order form? 329 00:12:40,787 --> 00:12:43,323 - It says, "http://--" - Mm-hmm. 330 00:12:43,390 --> 00:12:46,025 - "www.knope2012--" - I can read the sign. 331 00:12:46,093 --> 00:12:48,495 - It does. - ".com/imagescmyk/--" 332 00:12:48,562 --> 00:12:52,732 - well, but this isn't what-- - "page/carnpaignlqty100123--" 333 00:12:52,799 --> 00:12:53,898 You don't need to read the whole thing. 334 00:12:53,966 --> 00:12:55,800 - "9u/09230023--" - Mm-hmm. 335 00:12:55,868 --> 00:12:57,469 "099twposter--" 336 00:12:57,537 --> 00:13:00,439 - it does say that. - ".jpeg." 337 00:13:00,507 --> 00:13:02,407 Jpeg. Yes, Walter, it does say that. 338 00:13:02,475 --> 00:13:05,944 You're right, but using basic logic and human intelligence, 339 00:13:06,012 --> 00:13:09,780 one can surmise that this is a link to an image. 340 00:13:09,848 --> 00:13:12,016 This isn't what we wanted printed on the signs. 341 00:13:12,083 --> 00:13:13,518 Whatever's on the order form I print. 342 00:13:13,585 --> 00:13:16,920 In this case, it was a long string of letters and numbers. 343 00:13:16,988 --> 00:13:18,656 Can I just sh--show you something here? There you go. 344 00:13:18,723 --> 00:13:19,790 That's highly against protocol. 345 00:13:19,858 --> 00:13:21,259 Well, here, look. 346 00:13:21,326 --> 00:13:23,761 That's a good sign. 347 00:13:23,828 --> 00:13:25,928 You should've used that. 348 00:13:25,996 --> 00:13:28,465 You told April you were breaking up with me? 349 00:13:28,533 --> 00:13:31,668 Ann, we consistently disagree on "who wore it best." 350 00:13:31,735 --> 00:13:33,736 You still use an iPad one. 351 00:13:33,804 --> 00:13:36,306 You read books all the time. 352 00:13:36,374 --> 00:13:38,841 Okay, how about my "oh-no-nos" for you? 353 00:13:38,909 --> 00:13:41,743 You make me see terrible movies, and then you talk through them. 354 00:13:41,811 --> 00:13:45,013 "You put 20" rims on your volkswagen golf, 355 00:13:45,081 --> 00:13:46,948 and you insist on being introduced 356 00:13:47,016 --> 00:13:48,717 as "the brown Gosling." 357 00:13:48,785 --> 00:13:52,388 Everything you just said makes me like me more. 358 00:13:52,455 --> 00:13:55,090 I can't take it any more, okay? I'm breaking you up. 359 00:13:55,158 --> 00:13:56,225 You guys are done. 360 00:13:56,293 --> 00:13:59,260 - Fine with me. - Fine, fine. 361 00:13:59,328 --> 00:14:01,396 - Oh, April. - I'm drunk. 362 00:14:01,463 --> 00:14:05,400 You made me drunk, you made me drunk, and you-- 363 00:14:05,467 --> 00:14:08,403 - No, no. Give it a rest. - I need it. 364 00:14:08,470 --> 00:14:09,337 - Okay. - Fine. 365 00:14:09,405 --> 00:14:10,771 Let's get you to bed. 366 00:14:10,839 --> 00:14:12,340 You know, why are you guys even fighting anyway? 367 00:14:12,408 --> 00:14:13,607 It's so stupid. 368 00:14:13,675 --> 00:14:15,742 "I hate Ann because of this stupid reason." 369 00:14:15,810 --> 00:14:17,311 "And I hate Tom for this stupid reason." 370 00:14:17,378 --> 00:14:18,478 Who cares? 371 00:14:18,546 --> 00:14:20,880 - You want some help? - No, I got it. 372 00:14:20,948 --> 00:14:23,149 Well, we did everything, Ron. We got new signs. 373 00:14:23,218 --> 00:14:24,551 We put them in people's yards. 374 00:14:24,619 --> 00:14:27,588 We got Jerry for the surprise-- sinkhole emergency. 375 00:14:27,655 --> 00:14:29,655 And, uh, we briefly ran out of gas, 376 00:14:29,723 --> 00:14:30,856 and then we walked to the gas station. 377 00:14:30,924 --> 00:14:32,625 We got more gas, and now we're all good. 378 00:14:32,693 --> 00:14:34,659 Yep, you truly are attempting to do it all. 379 00:14:34,660 --> 00:14:35,461 Thank you. 380 00:14:35,529 --> 00:14:37,330 We didn't get to the drug store for my liver medication. 381 00:14:37,397 --> 00:14:38,631 Well, you should've thought about that 382 00:14:38,699 --> 00:14:40,399 before we dragged you out of the bath, Jerry. 383 00:14:40,467 --> 00:14:41,867 Yeah. 384 00:14:41,935 --> 00:14:44,002 Okay, wait a second. 385 00:14:44,070 --> 00:14:45,237 This is clearly not a sinkhole problem. 386 00:14:45,304 --> 00:14:46,471 What's going on? 387 00:14:46,539 --> 00:14:48,306 Jerry, as soon as we open this door, 388 00:14:48,374 --> 00:14:50,377 everything will become clear. 389 00:14:52,945 --> 00:14:54,045 Surprise! 390 00:14:54,113 --> 00:14:55,850 Oh, what the [Bleep]? 391 00:14:58,817 --> 00:14:59,951 Surprise. 392 00:15:01,728 --> 00:15:03,163 Where the hell is everybody? 393 00:15:03,228 --> 00:15:04,663 Well, it got so late. 394 00:15:04,730 --> 00:15:06,631 We just weren't sure you were still coming. 395 00:15:06,699 --> 00:15:10,268 Everybody's either in bed or out looking for Champion. 396 00:15:10,336 --> 00:15:11,536 Oh, yeah. Champion ran away. 397 00:15:11,604 --> 00:15:13,472 - Wake everybody up. - Leslie. 398 00:15:13,539 --> 00:15:14,706 No, I am not gonna let this fall apart. 399 00:15:14,774 --> 00:15:16,106 We are gonna throw Jerry 400 00:15:16,174 --> 00:15:19,042 an amazing Sweet 16 surprise party 401 00:15:19,110 --> 00:15:22,346 no matter how agonizing it is for all of us. 402 00:15:22,913 --> 00:15:24,548 That's the spirit. 403 00:15:24,616 --> 00:15:26,383 - Champion. - Champion! 404 00:15:26,451 --> 00:15:28,786 Champion, come here, boy. 405 00:15:28,854 --> 00:15:31,021 I have an organic, gluten-free soy bone for you. 406 00:15:31,089 --> 00:15:32,822 Champion! 407 00:15:32,890 --> 00:15:35,825 Chris, there's something I have to tell you. 408 00:15:36,543 --> 00:15:38,827 - I ate one of your soy bones. - Really? 409 00:15:38,895 --> 00:15:40,362 Yeah, it was really good. 410 00:15:40,429 --> 00:15:41,897 I was gonna give it to Champion, 411 00:15:41,965 --> 00:15:44,700 but it just-- it looked so yummy. 412 00:15:44,767 --> 00:15:48,169 The point is, I'm a terrible dog owner. 413 00:15:48,237 --> 00:15:49,972 And I think, if we find Champion, 414 00:15:50,039 --> 00:15:51,272 you should keep him. 415 00:15:51,840 --> 00:15:55,275 Andy, if it wasn't for you and April, 416 00:15:55,343 --> 00:15:56,777 Champion would still be back at the pound. 417 00:15:56,845 --> 00:15:59,680 You gave him a home. That's amazing. 418 00:15:59,748 --> 00:16:02,182 And he's your dog. 419 00:16:02,250 --> 00:16:03,951 If you just call out his name, he will come to you. 420 00:16:04,019 --> 00:16:05,820 What--no, he won't 'cause I've been trying it, 421 00:16:05,888 --> 00:16:07,922 and it didn't work. 422 00:16:07,990 --> 00:16:09,690 I think he likes your music. 423 00:16:09,758 --> 00:16:10,790 Why don't you sing to him? 424 00:16:10,858 --> 00:16:12,358 Really? I don't have my guitar. 425 00:16:12,426 --> 00:16:13,793 - I usually-- - Come on. 426 00:16:13,861 --> 00:16:17,864 I feel naked without it, okay. 427 00:16:17,932 --> 00:16:22,836 ♪♪♪ Champion, you're lost ♪♪♪ 428 00:16:22,904 --> 00:16:25,038 ♪♪♪ and soon you'll be found ♪♪♪ 429 00:16:25,105 --> 00:16:29,808 ♪♪♪ I rescued you from the pound, 430 00:16:29,876 --> 00:16:31,577 ♪♪♪ something something ♪♪♪ 431 00:16:31,645 --> 00:16:33,679 ♪♪♪ oh man ♪♪♪ 432 00:16:33,747 --> 00:16:35,748 ♪♪♪ on the ground ♪♪♪ 433 00:16:35,815 --> 00:16:38,350 ♪♪♪ get on out of here ♪♪♪ 434 00:16:38,418 --> 00:16:39,317 Champion! 435 00:16:39,385 --> 00:16:41,720 Champion, hey! 436 00:16:41,788 --> 00:16:43,454 Oh, buddy, you came back. 437 00:16:43,522 --> 00:16:46,057 You came back to my voice. 438 00:16:47,624 --> 00:16:48,860 Dog whistle. 439 00:16:49,428 --> 00:16:51,029 - April, wake up. - Jerry's here. 440 00:16:51,096 --> 00:16:52,129 April. 441 00:16:52,197 --> 00:16:53,330 - April. - Hey. 442 00:16:53,398 --> 00:16:56,500 - Hi. - Hi. 443 00:16:56,569 --> 00:16:59,536 Why is your arm around her? I broke you up. 444 00:16:59,604 --> 00:17:01,438 Well, we got back together again 'cause of what you said. 445 00:17:01,505 --> 00:17:03,306 What do you mean? I didn't say anything. 446 00:17:03,374 --> 00:17:04,808 Yeah, when we were carrying you to bed, 447 00:17:04,876 --> 00:17:07,243 you correctly pointed out that we were arguing about stuff 448 00:17:07,311 --> 00:17:09,245 that was stupid, and so we talked it out. 449 00:17:09,313 --> 00:17:11,247 And I apologized, and he apologized. 450 00:17:11,315 --> 00:17:12,515 And now everything's great. 451 00:17:12,584 --> 00:17:13,684 - Thanks. - No. 452 00:17:14,251 --> 00:17:16,819 I'm drunk. Don't listen to me, no. 453 00:17:16,887 --> 00:17:19,055 - See you out there. - No. 454 00:17:19,122 --> 00:17:21,057 - Whoa, thanks, guys. This is really-- 455 00:17:21,124 --> 00:17:22,191 this is really great. 456 00:17:22,258 --> 00:17:24,927 Okay, I want everyone to go around 457 00:17:24,995 --> 00:17:26,796 and tell their favorite Jerry story. 458 00:17:28,864 --> 00:17:30,634 A positive one. 459 00:17:33,702 --> 00:17:34,970 Who's first? 460 00:17:35,037 --> 00:17:37,739 Jerry, today is your birthday, 461 00:17:37,807 --> 00:17:40,408 but it's about much more than that. 462 00:17:40,476 --> 00:17:43,578 It's also about Ann and I getting back together 463 00:17:43,646 --> 00:17:45,847 and being the hottest couple in Pawnee. 464 00:17:45,915 --> 00:17:47,180 I'd also like to announce 465 00:17:47,248 --> 00:17:50,183 our official relationship mash-up name. 466 00:17:50,251 --> 00:17:52,486 It's "Tan." To Tan. 467 00:17:52,553 --> 00:17:54,755 I would like to announce that 468 00:17:54,823 --> 00:17:56,757 the name Tan is officially over. 469 00:17:56,825 --> 00:17:58,391 To the end of Tan. 470 00:17:58,459 --> 00:18:01,161 - Haverkins it is. - Okay, Donna? 471 00:18:01,229 --> 00:18:03,896 I would like to address the fact that rule number seven 472 00:18:03,964 --> 00:18:07,867 says, "no pets," and yet there is a three-legged animal 473 00:18:07,935 --> 00:18:09,035 - in my living room. - Okay, Ron. 474 00:18:09,103 --> 00:18:13,305 Jerry's work is often adequate. 475 00:18:19,645 --> 00:18:20,545 I'll go. 476 00:18:20,712 --> 00:18:23,015 Jerry has a wife 477 00:18:23,082 --> 00:18:25,316 and three beautiful daughters-- a full life-- 478 00:18:25,884 --> 00:18:26,785 and that's amazing. 479 00:18:26,853 --> 00:18:29,888 April and Andy have Champion, and that's amazing. 480 00:18:29,956 --> 00:18:33,258 I have a stepbrother who lives in London 481 00:18:33,325 --> 00:18:35,726 and 2.8% body fat. 482 00:18:39,025 --> 00:18:40,526 Guys... guys... 483 00:18:41,331 --> 00:18:42,533 What do I do? 484 00:18:42,900 --> 00:18:43,868 I mean, she's asleep. 485 00:18:43,935 --> 00:18:45,602 You probably should just sit there and not move. 486 00:18:45,671 --> 00:18:48,272 She's really tired. Just a few hours. 487 00:18:48,339 --> 00:18:49,573 Few hours? 488 00:18:50,641 --> 00:18:52,776 Is this all the eggs we have? 489 00:18:52,843 --> 00:18:55,679 Yes. What are you making? 490 00:18:55,746 --> 00:18:56,746 Eggs. 491 00:19:00,384 --> 00:19:02,585 - Leslie. - Surprise! 492 00:19:02,653 --> 00:19:05,655 Oh, God. What happened? 493 00:19:05,723 --> 00:19:11,026 Well, you slept with Jerry last night. 494 00:19:11,094 --> 00:19:14,096 No, I was planning Jerry's morning surprise party. 495 00:19:14,164 --> 00:19:15,831 Morning surprise parties are always the best. 496 00:19:15,899 --> 00:19:17,765 - Let's get going. - I made some coffee. 497 00:19:18,583 --> 00:19:20,602 Let's go for a walk. 498 00:19:20,670 --> 00:19:23,504 I now officially insist that you take a sabbatical. 499 00:19:23,572 --> 00:19:25,106 - No, no. - Let me finish. 500 00:19:27,674 --> 00:19:29,777 I used to work in a sheet metal factory, 501 00:19:29,845 --> 00:19:33,514 but then a job came along at the tannery. 502 00:19:33,582 --> 00:19:35,950 The hours were better, and I would get paid. 503 00:19:36,018 --> 00:19:38,352 Also I'd have the chance to work with leather 504 00:19:38,420 --> 00:19:40,253 both before and after it was on the cow, 505 00:19:40,321 --> 00:19:42,723 which had always been a dream of mine. 506 00:19:42,790 --> 00:19:44,791 I didn't want to give up my sheet metal job, 507 00:19:44,859 --> 00:19:47,627 so I tried to do both jobs and finish middle school. 508 00:19:48,345 --> 00:19:49,129 How old were you? 509 00:19:49,130 --> 00:19:50,797 11. 510 00:19:50,865 --> 00:19:53,867 The point is, I was so tired, 511 00:19:53,935 --> 00:19:56,568 I tried to puncture an eight-gauge aluminum foil 512 00:19:56,636 --> 00:19:59,038 with a leather awl. 513 00:19:59,806 --> 00:20:01,774 - Wow. - I learned a lesson. 514 00:20:01,842 --> 00:20:04,676 Never half-ass two things. 515 00:20:04,745 --> 00:20:06,879 Whole-ass one thing. 516 00:20:06,947 --> 00:20:08,881 So if you want to win that seat-- 517 00:20:08,949 --> 00:20:09,982 Which I do. 518 00:20:11,050 --> 00:20:14,052 Then commit yourself 100%. 519 00:20:14,120 --> 00:20:15,486 Take a sabbatical. 520 00:20:16,954 --> 00:20:19,124 I will cut back to 10 hours a week. 521 00:20:19,891 --> 00:20:20,860 Deal. 522 00:20:21,927 --> 00:20:24,595 - 15. - 10. 523 00:20:25,163 --> 00:20:25,997 Deal. 524 00:20:27,321 --> 00:20:29,555 Ugh, I can't believe I got them back together. 525 00:20:30,123 --> 00:20:31,990 Now they're always gonna want to come talk to me about stuff. 526 00:20:32,058 --> 00:20:33,491 Eh, that's a good thing, babe. 527 00:20:33,559 --> 00:20:35,593 They want to talk to you because you're important to them. 528 00:20:36,161 --> 00:20:38,162 Yes, but I hate them. 529 00:20:38,230 --> 00:20:39,563 I know you do, sweetheart. 530 00:20:39,564 --> 00:20:40,832 Oh, hey, uh, by the way, 531 00:20:40,833 --> 00:20:42,667 I think that Chris is lonely, so I told him he could borrow 532 00:20:42,735 --> 00:20:43,668 Champion whenever. 533 00:20:47,272 --> 00:20:50,408 - Andy, he's kissing me. - Aww. 534 00:20:51,476 --> 00:20:52,777 Jerry, I wanted to say I'm sorry 535 00:20:52,845 --> 00:20:54,311 that I screwed up your birthday party. 536 00:20:54,378 --> 00:20:56,447 - Oh, that's okay. - But we all pitched in. 537 00:20:56,514 --> 00:20:59,149 And we are sending you and Gayle to a B&B 538 00:20:59,216 --> 00:21:00,551 in your favorite place in the world. 539 00:21:01,618 --> 00:21:02,652 Muncie? 540 00:21:02,719 --> 00:21:06,289 Amazingly, yes. Muncie, Indiana. 541 00:21:06,357 --> 00:21:08,325 Thank you, guys. It was really expensive. 542 00:21:10,060 --> 00:21:12,061 - Oh, campaign. - Take it. 543 00:21:13,630 --> 00:21:15,535 Excuse me. 544 00:21:17,603 --> 00:21:21,504 If the Bread and Breakfast... 545 00:21:22,272 --> 00:21:23,306 This is Leslie. 546 00:21:25,307 --> 00:21:29,882 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com