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This is
"The Final Word with Perd."
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With your host,
Perderick L. Hapley.
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Issue number one is the first
issue we're going to talk about.
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Is Bobby Newport's campaign
for city council in trouble?
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When I say your names,
I want you to respond.
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Dylan.
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Well, Newport's poll numbers
have been plummeting.
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They just fired
his campaign manager,
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and where's Bobby?
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He's on vacation in Spain.
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He's not on vacation,
he's in hiding.
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Every time the guy speaks,
he puts his foot in his mouth.
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That's a hilarious image.
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A foot in a mouth.
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It's a common expression.
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Okay.
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According to the newest polls,
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Leslie knope
is now in second place.
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She's just 15 points back.
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Whoa, yeah!
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How did she close the gap?
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You have to give
a lot of credit
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to her campaign manager,
Ben Wyatt.
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So apparently, Newport just
fired his campaign manager
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because Ben was kicking his ass.
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Ben is the best campaign manager
anyone could ever have.
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Every move he's made has worked.
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He's like a brilliant,
sexy, little hummingbird.
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What did you just say?
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Nothing.
Keep up the good work.
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You're doing great.
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Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
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♪
♪
Sync by Alice | www.addic7ed.com
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Senior citizens are basically
the only people who vote
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in local elections,
so if you want to win,
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you gotta get the gray vote.
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And to get the gray vote,
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you need to get the endorsement
of Ned Jones.
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He's the president
of Pawnee Seniors United.
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He's like The Godfather
but old.
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He's like The Grandfather.
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It doesn't matter.
He's important, and he's old.
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Mr. Jones,
such a pleasure to meet you.
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Please don't get up.
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Don't worry.
I can't.
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- Oh.
- Just joking.
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I can get up.
But it's difficult.
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But I can do it,
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but it is hard.
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Look,
I don't have a lot of time.
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Oh, God.
I'm so sorry.
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Is it... cancer?
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No, I don't have a lot of time
before my swim aerobics.
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Oh.
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Why are you better
for seniors than Bobby Newport?
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Three words:
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Ramp Up Pawnee.
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Pawnee is way behind the times
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in terms of making its buildings
wheelchair accessible.
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Not enough ramps
is the number three complaint
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among Pawnee seniors...
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Right behind "everything hurts"
and "I'm dying."
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You wanted to see me.
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Good God.
What the hell are you doing?
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Upside-down sit-ups.
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Great exercise, and it literally
lets me see
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the world
from a different perspective.
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Isn't there a men's gymnasium
where you could do that?
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The world's my gymnasium,
Ron.
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But I will stop
if it makes you uncomfortable.
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Could you hold me
while I dismount?
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- Thanks so much.
- You bet.
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Question for you.
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In a town of this size,
the Parks department
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traditionally has ten employees.
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You have only seven.
Why is that?
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I work hard to make sure
my department
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is as small and ineffective
as possible.
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The department is so small
because Leslie Knope
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single-handedly
does the work of four people.
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And she's already scaled back
her time.
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If she wins,
she'll be dividing her time
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between Parks and City Council.
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I'm going to have
to hire a deputy director
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to pick up the slack.
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No!
Chris, that's unnecessary.
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The department is doing fine
without Leslie.
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Then prove it.
Complete one major project.
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Either we complete
a government project
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which is abhorrent to me,
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or we bring a new person
into the department,
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which repulses me
to my core.
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Reminds me
of when my dad made me choose
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which of my pet calves
to slaughter with my own hands
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for my sixth birthday.
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I couldn't choose,
so I slaughtered both of them.
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And they were delicious.
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Essentially,
we're going to put a ramp
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on every building in town.
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Like I always say,
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stairs are
a young man's game.
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Damn straight.
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This is very impressive.
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You know,
you remind me of my brother.
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You have the same name,
Leslie.
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He lost a third of his body
in a motorcycle accident.
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The middle third.
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But they sutured
the hell out of him.
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He's--
he's fine now.
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Much shorter, but
a good-looking, young, flat man.
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What have you heard about
Newport's new campaign manager,
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Jennifer Barkley?
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Uh, who?
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She wants to have a meeting
with me at 5:00.
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I told her sorry.
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I don't talk politics
after dinner.
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Oh my God... Newport hired
a real Washington hotshot.
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Wow,
she worked with James Carville?
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She ran two Republican
congressional campaigns
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and a Senate race.
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Yeah,
and check out this picture.
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She's eating egg salad
with Colin Powell.
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That's the most impressive thing
I've ever seen.
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Why are you smiling?
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Why is this terrifying
information making you smile?
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Newport's scared.
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I mean, he must've shelled out
a fortune to hire her.
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- So what do we do next?
- I'm going to set up a meeting.
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I mean, we can size her up,
but more importantly,
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it'll humanize you and make it
harder for her to attack you.
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And we'll do it
at JJ's Diner.
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Home field advantage.
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As a candidate, I appreciate
your strategic mind,
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but as woman,
all I care about is
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your slight but powerful body.
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Hello, Ann Perkins.
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This is the first time you've
said my entire name correctly.
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Nonsense.
We are close friends.
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I have good news for you.
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I'm making the water fountain
hygiene upgrade
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our number one priority.
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Oh, great.
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For some reason,
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when people in Pawnee
use the water fountain,
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they put their mouths completely
over the spouts.
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It's like this weird,
disgusting, local quirk.
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Kiss one water-fountain drinker,
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you're kissing everyone
in Pawnee.
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Including him.
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I'd like
to complete this project
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by... tomorrow.
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Oh.
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Set up shop in our office.
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In fact, take Leslie's desk.
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Okay, I will.
Thanks. Great.
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Do you want
the door open or shut?
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Ah, open's fine.
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Okay.
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Hello, Marta.
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We would like
our regular table,
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but we want you to set it up
a little fancier than normal
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because we're trying
to impress someone.
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You mean Ms. Barkley.
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She's already here.
Last booth.
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Leslie Knope.
Hi.
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I'm Jen Barkley.
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- Hi.
- Hi.
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Grab a seat.
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Thanks.
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Sorry about all these papers.
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I had them shipped in.
I'm a news junkie.
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Is this in Arabic?
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Well, I've been reading up
on you two.
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Ben, it's a great job
on this campaign.
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Oh.
Well, thank you.
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And Leslie,
your Parks work, it's no joke.
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This is
federal government caliber.
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Not to sound rude,
but what are you doing here?
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This campaign seems beneath you.
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Yeah.
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Bobby Newport's daddy called me
out of the blue.
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I'd never heard
of Bobby Newport before,
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but it became clear
in two seconds
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this guy is a moron.
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So I was, like,
"sorry, Nick.
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Your son is a moron.
There's no way."
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Then he offered me
a crazy amount of money.
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I shouldn't even tell you
how much.
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But I will.
$250,000.
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Good lord.
For six weeks of work?
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I know.
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Plus frankly, I needed
a break from Washington.
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Do you know Joe Biden?
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Oh, mm-hmm.
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He's on my celebrity sex list.
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Well,
he is my celebrity sex list.
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Oh, trust me.
You can do better than Joe.
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Oh, no.
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I don't--
I don't think I can.
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No way.
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Oh, man.
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I knew I shouldn't
have met you guys.
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Now I kind of hope you win.
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She's just doing this
for the money.
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She doesn't even like
her own client.
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This could be
the best case scenario for us.
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00:07:42,533 --> 00:07:45,368
Or the real best case scenario
is if she just takes the money
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and doesn't even try.
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00:07:47,105 --> 00:07:49,539
Tell me a little bit
about Leslie Knope.
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Well, Perd,
Leslie Knope represents
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00:07:51,342 --> 00:07:53,543
everything that is wrong
about politics in America.
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She's naive,
she's untested,
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00:07:56,180 --> 00:07:57,847
and she's
an entrenched bureaucrat
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that's got the stink
of big government all over her.
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00:08:00,550 --> 00:08:01,650
- Oh, God.
- What?
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00:08:01,718 --> 00:08:03,685
Wow, strong words
from a powerful lady.
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00:08:03,753 --> 00:08:04,820
So I guess
we both agree.
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00:08:04,887 --> 00:08:08,690
Leslie Knope
is wrong for Pawnee.
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00:08:08,758 --> 00:08:09,958
Worst case scenario.
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00:08:10,026 --> 00:08:11,527
Worst case scenario!
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00:08:12,856 --> 00:08:14,527
I'm Leslie Knope
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00:08:14,856 --> 00:08:15,707
and when I grow up,
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00:08:15,708 --> 00:08:19,578
I want to be a unicorn princess
or a city councilor.
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00:08:19,795 --> 00:08:22,330
Wrong.
Not in my town, kid.
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00:08:22,398 --> 00:08:25,766
City council's a real job
for a real adult.
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00:08:25,834 --> 00:08:27,902
It's playing every hour
on every channel.
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00:08:27,969 --> 00:08:29,737
It's official.
I hate Jennifer Barkley.
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00:08:29,804 --> 00:08:31,772
When I go to that senior center,
I'm going to go up onstage,
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00:08:31,840 --> 00:08:33,041
and I'm going
to viciously attack her.
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Okay, don't let Barkley
knock us off message.
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00:08:35,044 --> 00:08:38,145
We are going there
to get Ned Jones' endorsement,
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- and that's huge.
- You're right.
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00:08:39,847 --> 00:08:41,448
And I should listen
to you always
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00:08:41,516 --> 00:08:43,116
because you are a man genius
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00:08:43,184 --> 00:08:46,686
with a taut, narrow frame
like a sexy, elf king.
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Do you wish I were taller or--
what's going on?
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Nothing.
You're perfect.
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00:08:51,059 --> 00:08:51,892
Okay, everyone.
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So the Health department
is working on a poster campaign
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00:08:54,561 --> 00:08:56,662
to warn people about diseases.
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00:08:56,729 --> 00:09:00,799
Now we are going to build
a better water fountain for the parks.
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00:09:00,867 --> 00:09:03,135
Andy is our official
water-fountain tester.
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00:09:03,203 --> 00:09:05,640
All right, let's give
this sucker a test-drive.
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Yeah, so the idea
is to make a fountain
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that he can't do that to.
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00:09:15,847 --> 00:09:17,014
Ah, that's good.
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00:09:17,083 --> 00:09:19,217
Okay, any ideas?
Jerry?
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00:09:19,285 --> 00:09:21,286
Well, I was thinking that
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00:09:21,353 --> 00:09:24,122
we could put this cage thing
around it.
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00:09:24,190 --> 00:09:25,889
Okay.
That could work.
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00:09:25,957 --> 00:09:27,891
Andy?
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00:09:32,863 --> 00:09:34,398
Yeah.
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00:09:34,466 --> 00:09:35,466
Thank you, Andy.
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00:09:35,533 --> 00:09:36,800
Ah, still good.
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00:09:36,867 --> 00:09:38,835
- Tom?
- Full disclosure.
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00:09:38,903 --> 00:09:42,037
Ann and I
are romantically intertwined.
257
00:09:42,106 --> 00:09:43,406
Oh, God.
258
00:09:43,474 --> 00:09:45,308
So let's not be surprised
if she picks my idea.
259
00:09:45,375 --> 00:09:46,542
Would you just go, dummy?
260
00:09:46,610 --> 00:09:49,011
What's the best kind
of water fountain?
261
00:09:49,079 --> 00:09:50,513
How about no water fountain?
262
00:09:50,581 --> 00:09:51,514
This...
263
00:09:52,582 --> 00:09:55,251
...is the Voss Water Butler
by Tumi.
264
00:09:55,319 --> 00:09:56,419
And only $600 a bag.
265
00:09:56,487 --> 00:09:58,253
April, what's your idea?
266
00:09:58,321 --> 00:10:00,522
To go in that room
and finish this book.
267
00:10:00,590 --> 00:10:01,656
- Oh, really?
- Yeah.
268
00:10:01,724 --> 00:10:03,026
- Is it good?
- Yeah.
269
00:10:04,594 --> 00:10:05,560
You're going to stay here,
and you're going to help.
270
00:10:06,128 --> 00:10:06,761
Donna?
271
00:10:06,829 --> 00:10:08,731
Do I look like
I drink water?
272
00:10:09,298 --> 00:10:11,266
Yoo-hoo.
I'm over here.
273
00:10:11,334 --> 00:10:13,534
Just about to start
my presentation.
274
00:10:13,602 --> 00:10:16,403
I--
uh-oh, stairs.
275
00:10:16,471 --> 00:10:17,438
What do I do?
276
00:10:17,506 --> 00:10:20,007
How do I get
from here to there?
277
00:10:20,074 --> 00:10:22,443
I'm not
a professional mountain climber.
278
00:10:22,511 --> 00:10:24,411
It's a real problem in our town,
279
00:10:24,479 --> 00:10:27,581
but not any more,
thanks to Ramp Up Pawnee.
280
00:10:27,649 --> 00:10:30,783
We're going to put ramps
in every building in this town
281
00:10:30,851 --> 00:10:33,853
because if there's one thing
I believe,
282
00:10:33,920 --> 00:10:36,589
it's that stairs are
a young man's game.
283
00:10:36,657 --> 00:10:37,590
Yeah.
284
00:10:39,160 --> 00:10:41,561
Ramps are an idiot's game.
285
00:10:41,629 --> 00:10:44,197
This is nothing more
than a worse version
286
00:10:44,265 --> 00:10:45,797
of Bobby Newport's plan.
287
00:10:45,865 --> 00:10:46,931
What plan?
288
00:10:46,999 --> 00:10:48,600
Bobby Newport
doesn't have a plan.
289
00:10:48,668 --> 00:10:51,069
Was somebody just talking
about Bobby Newport's plan?
290
00:10:51,137 --> 00:10:53,772
Because Ned Jones and I
would love to share it with you.
291
00:10:53,839 --> 00:10:54,873
Come on out here, Ned.
292
00:10:55,440 --> 00:10:56,975
Ned Jones is here.
293
00:10:57,043 --> 00:10:58,743
Say hello to Ned Jones.
294
00:10:58,811 --> 00:11:00,579
Make way for Ned Jones.
295
00:11:00,647 --> 00:11:02,413
Why don't we just
turn up the pressure?
296
00:11:02,481 --> 00:11:06,184
That way you don't have
to put your mouth so close.
297
00:11:06,251 --> 00:11:08,085
All right, here we go.
298
00:11:08,153 --> 00:11:10,154
Ah, stop!
299
00:11:10,222 --> 00:11:11,455
Honey, I'm sorry.
300
00:11:11,523 --> 00:11:13,424
That'll teach you
to pay attention.
301
00:11:13,492 --> 00:11:15,593
I have an idea.
302
00:11:15,661 --> 00:11:17,727
Um, I was thinking,
"what if we did
303
00:11:17,795 --> 00:11:19,062
"something like...
304
00:11:19,129 --> 00:11:20,129
this?"
305
00:11:20,198 --> 00:11:24,100
Oh, my--
dude, what the hell?
306
00:11:24,168 --> 00:11:28,438
Bobby Newport's plan is called
"Rise Up! Pawnee."
307
00:11:28,506 --> 00:11:30,307
He is going to put
an electric lift
308
00:11:30,374 --> 00:11:34,610
on every outdoor staircase
in town.
309
00:11:34,678 --> 00:11:36,278
Wow.
310
00:11:36,346 --> 00:11:38,080
Now you could use a ramp,
311
00:11:38,147 --> 00:11:40,148
but that seems
like a lot of work.
312
00:11:40,217 --> 00:11:42,518
Bobby Newport thinks
that the stairs
313
00:11:42,586 --> 00:11:45,087
should do the work for you,
don't you agree?
314
00:11:45,154 --> 00:11:46,422
Give him a hand.
315
00:11:46,489 --> 00:11:50,692
As President
of Seniors United,
316
00:11:50,759 --> 00:11:55,196
I endorse Bobby Newport.
317
00:11:57,565 --> 00:11:59,500
I've started meeting with people
to fill in for Leslie.
318
00:11:59,568 --> 00:12:02,169
I have found five candidates
I'd like to hire
319
00:12:02,238 --> 00:12:04,539
and two I'd like
to be lifelong friends with.
320
00:12:04,607 --> 00:12:06,506
Well, you will not
be hiring anyone
321
00:12:06,574 --> 00:12:09,343
because my department is just
finishing up a major project.
322
00:12:09,410 --> 00:12:10,344
Incoming!
323
00:12:13,248 --> 00:12:14,615
Got you!
324
00:12:16,851 --> 00:12:18,151
Donna, don't!
325
00:12:18,219 --> 00:12:19,286
Excuse me.
326
00:12:19,354 --> 00:12:20,887
Help,
everything I'm wearing is suede!
327
00:12:20,955 --> 00:12:22,688
Everything I'm wearing is suede,
everything I'm wearing is suede!
328
00:12:22,756 --> 00:12:24,223
Excuse me, everybody.
329
00:12:24,291 --> 00:12:26,692
Attention!
330
00:12:29,763 --> 00:12:31,797
I think you'll agree
that this department
331
00:12:31,865 --> 00:12:33,499
could use a little leadership.
332
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:35,200
Kamikaze!
333
00:12:35,269 --> 00:12:36,402
Oh.
334
00:12:41,870 --> 00:12:43,503
"Stumbling for the
first time in months,
335
00:12:43,651 --> 00:12:45,752
"the Knope campaign
seems to be rolling down
336
00:12:46,120 --> 00:12:47,653
"a ramp to nowhere."
337
00:12:49,221 --> 00:12:50,922
We are getting
our butts kicked
338
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:52,958
by a guy who is not even
in the country.
339
00:12:53,025 --> 00:12:55,594
He's making out
with some floozy in Majorca.
340
00:12:55,662 --> 00:12:57,263
Sorry,
I wish I was better at this.
341
00:12:57,330 --> 00:13:00,234
Then you could be making out
with some floozy in Majorca.
342
00:13:01,301 --> 00:13:03,401
Maybe we take the fight to her?
343
00:13:03,469 --> 00:13:05,136
I mean I could try to get you
on Perd's show,
344
00:13:05,203 --> 00:13:06,771
and you could tell him
how she stole your idea.
345
00:13:07,838 --> 00:13:08,606
That sounds good.
346
00:13:08,674 --> 00:13:09,840
Okay, I'll just do that.
347
00:13:09,908 --> 00:13:12,477
I can call, or maybe
I'll just go down there.
348
00:13:13,544 --> 00:13:14,345
Hey.
349
00:13:14,413 --> 00:13:15,613
Chris wants you in his office
350
00:13:15,681 --> 00:13:17,248
for the final round
of interviews.
351
00:13:19,751 --> 00:13:22,753
And sorry
we goofed around so much.
352
00:13:22,820 --> 00:13:24,621
Normally,
I'd be very proud of you
353
00:13:24,689 --> 00:13:26,089
for what you did.
354
00:13:26,157 --> 00:13:27,357
This is a rare example
355
00:13:27,425 --> 00:13:29,760
where wasting a full day
of work is a bad thing.
356
00:13:29,827 --> 00:13:31,762
Is there really going to be
a weird, new person
357
00:13:31,829 --> 00:13:33,229
in the office?
358
00:13:33,298 --> 00:13:34,464
I think so.
359
00:13:34,532 --> 00:13:37,602
We may be in for
a good, old-fashioned shake-up.
360
00:13:39,670 --> 00:13:41,036
Jennifer Barkley.
361
00:13:41,104 --> 00:13:42,772
You two-faced, carpetbagging--
362
00:13:42,839 --> 00:13:44,206
Hi, Leslie.
Good to see you.
363
00:13:44,274 --> 00:13:46,008
Hi, nice to see you, too.
You are a two-faced, carpet--
364
00:13:46,075 --> 00:13:47,710
You want anything?
Anything? It's on me.
365
00:13:47,778 --> 00:13:49,278
Everything in this town
is so cheap.
366
00:13:49,346 --> 00:13:50,113
I would never accept anything
367
00:13:50,114 --> 00:13:51,546
from a two-faced,
carpetbagging--
368
00:13:51,614 --> 00:13:52,580
- Leslie.
- Please.
369
00:13:52,648 --> 00:13:53,782
Let me get my insults out.
370
00:13:53,849 --> 00:13:55,516
I've been practicing it
the whole way over here.
371
00:13:55,583 --> 00:13:57,885
I sense that you're angry.
Tell me why.
372
00:13:57,953 --> 00:14:01,323
Because you stole my idea,
and yours won't even work.
373
00:14:01,390 --> 00:14:02,524
Ramps are more practical,
374
00:14:02,591 --> 00:14:04,492
and they're less expensive
than lifts.
375
00:14:04,560 --> 00:14:05,860
My idea is better.
376
00:14:05,928 --> 00:14:08,495
Oh, I don't doubt it.
The fact is I don't care.
377
00:14:08,563 --> 00:14:10,664
Ramps, lifts,
your plan, my plan--
378
00:14:10,732 --> 00:14:12,098
I don't actually care
about any of this.
379
00:14:12,166 --> 00:14:13,200
I'm just trying to win.
380
00:14:13,767 --> 00:14:15,869
Look, it's not personal.
I like you.
381
00:14:15,937 --> 00:14:17,871
But my job is to beat you.
382
00:14:17,939 --> 00:14:19,406
So have a seat.
383
00:14:19,474 --> 00:14:21,174
I'll get you
some of those waffles you love.
384
00:14:21,242 --> 00:14:23,509
- How do you know that--
- It's my job to know.
385
00:14:23,577 --> 00:14:25,345
- God, you're good.
- I know.
386
00:14:25,912 --> 00:14:27,380
Hi, guys.
What's so imporant?
387
00:14:27,448 --> 00:14:31,351
Well, after yesterday's
hands-on brainstorming session--
388
00:14:31,418 --> 00:14:32,352
Water balloon fight.
389
00:14:32,919 --> 00:14:33,886
Fair enough.
390
00:14:33,954 --> 00:14:36,288
We think we came up
with a fountain idea
391
00:14:36,357 --> 00:14:37,824
that really works.
392
00:14:37,891 --> 00:14:40,759
Presenting
the amazing spoutless fountain.
393
00:14:40,827 --> 00:14:42,894
Huh?
What?
394
00:14:42,962 --> 00:14:44,396
We just removed
the splash guard
395
00:14:44,464 --> 00:14:46,365
because if it's not there,
you can't put your mouth on it.
396
00:14:46,432 --> 00:14:48,433
Well,
I'll-- I'll try it.
397
00:14:51,669 --> 00:14:53,438
- I did it.
- Good job, babe.
398
00:14:53,506 --> 00:14:57,274
Simple, elegant,
and cost-effective.
399
00:14:57,342 --> 00:14:59,142
If your team keeps this up,
I think we can hold off
400
00:14:59,210 --> 00:15:00,845
on filling the Leslie void.
401
00:15:00,912 --> 00:15:03,514
I think Ben's already
filling the Leslie void.
402
00:15:03,582 --> 00:15:05,249
- Oh!
- Oh!
403
00:15:05,316 --> 00:15:06,617
I'll give it up for that.
404
00:15:07,385 --> 00:15:09,520
So what's Ben's next move
for you?
405
00:15:09,588 --> 00:15:11,221
Oh, oh, I'm not going
to tell you that.
406
00:15:11,289 --> 00:15:12,355
Oh, let me guess.
407
00:15:12,423 --> 00:15:13,857
Um, you're going to attack me.
408
00:15:13,924 --> 00:15:16,158
You're going to go on
that perm show again,
409
00:15:16,226 --> 00:15:18,461
so you could tell everyone that
that ramp idea was yours.
410
00:15:18,529 --> 00:15:21,464
It's "Perd,"
first of all, and no.
411
00:15:21,532 --> 00:15:22,665
Maybe.
No.
412
00:15:22,733 --> 00:15:24,601
That's not a terrible idea.
413
00:15:24,668 --> 00:15:26,770
No, actually,
it is kind of terrible
414
00:15:26,837 --> 00:15:28,604
because if you go on the air
and tell everybody
415
00:15:28,671 --> 00:15:29,872
that I stole your idea...
416
00:15:29,939 --> 00:15:31,407
- Which you did.
- Which I did,
417
00:15:31,474 --> 00:15:32,808
everyone's going
to think you're a sore loser,
418
00:15:32,876 --> 00:15:34,610
a goody-goody nerd.
419
00:15:34,677 --> 00:15:36,478
Because you know
what people don't care about?
420
00:15:36,546 --> 00:15:39,381
They don't care about whose idea
was first.
421
00:15:39,449 --> 00:15:42,584
They care about whose idea
was best.
422
00:15:42,652 --> 00:15:43,984
Well, let's say that that
was our plan, which it isn't.
423
00:15:44,052 --> 00:15:44,985
Mm-hmm, okay.
424
00:15:45,053 --> 00:15:47,422
What would you do instead?
425
00:15:47,489 --> 00:15:48,790
Oh, Leslie.
426
00:15:49,357 --> 00:15:51,258
I really shouldn't give you
campaign advice.
427
00:15:51,326 --> 00:15:53,728
- Right.
- Ah, what the hell.
428
00:15:53,796 --> 00:15:55,362
If you love chess,
which I do,
429
00:15:55,431 --> 00:15:57,164
but you don't have anybody
to play against,
430
00:15:57,232 --> 00:15:58,499
which I don't,
431
00:15:58,567 --> 00:16:01,435
then sometimes,
you just gotta play yourself.
432
00:16:01,502 --> 00:16:05,071
You could attack the Newport
plan for costing too much money.
433
00:16:05,139 --> 00:16:06,773
No, but that would backfire
because then we would just say,
434
00:16:06,841 --> 00:16:08,408
"you can never spend too much
on seniors."
435
00:16:08,476 --> 00:16:10,944
- Of course.
- You need to beat our idea.
436
00:16:11,011 --> 00:16:12,746
Come up with something better.
I don't know.
437
00:16:12,814 --> 00:16:15,281
Maybe a free shuttle service
for seniors.
438
00:16:15,349 --> 00:16:16,381
All right,
that could work.
439
00:16:16,450 --> 00:16:17,483
Wow.
440
00:16:17,551 --> 00:16:19,485
Waffles and a cappuccino.
441
00:16:19,553 --> 00:16:21,119
Gracias, Marta.
442
00:16:21,187 --> 00:16:23,021
JJ's doesn't have
a cappuccino maker.
443
00:16:23,089 --> 00:16:25,257
Oh, it does now.
I bought them one.
444
00:16:25,325 --> 00:16:26,325
Course you did.
445
00:16:26,892 --> 00:16:28,994
You talked to Barkley
without me?
446
00:16:29,062 --> 00:16:30,529
I wanted to tell her
what a jerk she was.
447
00:16:30,597 --> 00:16:32,763
And then she guessed
your plan immediately
448
00:16:32,831 --> 00:16:33,565
and demolished it.
449
00:16:33,632 --> 00:16:35,500
Okay, as a rule,
you shouldn't take advice
450
00:16:35,568 --> 00:16:37,435
from your opponent's
campaign manager.
451
00:16:37,503 --> 00:16:38,436
But what if she's right?
452
00:16:38,504 --> 00:16:39,804
Well,
what if it's a trick?
453
00:16:39,872 --> 00:16:41,906
I mean, maybe she thinks
our original plan would work,
454
00:16:41,974 --> 00:16:43,942
and she convinced you
to use her plan instead
455
00:16:44,009 --> 00:16:45,844
because she knows
that won't work.
456
00:16:45,911 --> 00:16:46,878
Or maybe she thinks
that we think that
457
00:16:46,946 --> 00:16:48,111
she thinks that,
so we won't do it.
458
00:16:48,179 --> 00:16:49,746
But she knows that I know that
she knows that--
459
00:16:49,814 --> 00:16:53,249
She's in our heads.
460
00:16:53,317 --> 00:16:56,353
I'm sorry, Leslie.
She's better at this than I am.
461
00:16:56,420 --> 00:16:58,722
Hey,
there is no one on Earth
462
00:16:59,290 --> 00:17:01,825
that I would rather go
into battle with than you.
463
00:17:01,893 --> 00:17:03,826
- Really?
- Yes.
464
00:17:03,894 --> 00:17:06,095
So tell me,
what do we do,
465
00:17:06,162 --> 00:17:07,162
my campaign manager?
466
00:17:07,230 --> 00:17:09,665
I don't know.
467
00:17:09,733 --> 00:17:10,700
Okay.
468
00:17:14,204 --> 00:17:16,606
I'd like to talk
about your future.
469
00:17:16,673 --> 00:17:18,641
Why are we on this bench?
This is weird.
470
00:17:18,709 --> 00:17:21,610
You did a great job
solving that problem today.
471
00:17:22,427 --> 00:17:24,713
The leadership you displayed
has gotten me thinking--
472
00:17:24,780 --> 00:17:26,882
I didn't solve that problem.
April did.
473
00:17:26,949 --> 00:17:30,184
Really?
Why did she tell me you did?
474
00:17:30,752 --> 00:17:33,187
Because she's April, and she
doesn't want you to think
475
00:17:33,255 --> 00:17:35,757
that she actually cares
about something.
476
00:17:36,825 --> 00:17:39,026
If you're looking for someone
to help fill in for Leslie,
477
00:17:39,593 --> 00:17:42,095
April's a pain in the ass,
but she's clearly the answer.
478
00:17:43,163 --> 00:17:45,400
Perhaps you're right.
479
00:17:49,737 --> 00:17:50,671
Should I go?
480
00:17:51,239 --> 00:17:53,340
Oh, you're still here?
Yes.
481
00:17:56,010 --> 00:17:58,144
Let's begin the show
by starting it.
482
00:17:58,211 --> 00:18:01,414
Now, Leslie,
you claim the Newport campaign
483
00:18:01,481 --> 00:18:03,184
stole one of your ideas.
484
00:18:05,252 --> 00:18:07,319
Well, uh...
485
00:18:07,387 --> 00:18:09,621
They did,
they stole our idea.
486
00:18:09,689 --> 00:18:11,723
We were working on
the Ramp Up Pawnee initiative
487
00:18:11,791 --> 00:18:12,858
for many weeks.
488
00:18:12,926 --> 00:18:15,561
Oh, Perd.
This is politics as usual.
489
00:18:15,628 --> 00:18:19,197
The fact is, Bobby Newport's
plan is better for seniors,
490
00:18:19,265 --> 00:18:20,465
better for Pawnee.
491
00:18:20,533 --> 00:18:21,967
Well,
our plan is more practical,
492
00:18:22,035 --> 00:18:22,968
and it's cheaper.
493
00:18:23,036 --> 00:18:24,435
There she goes again,
Perd.
494
00:18:25,704 --> 00:18:27,872
I don't know where she went
the first time.
495
00:18:27,940 --> 00:18:30,207
Bobby Newport
cares about better,
496
00:18:30,275 --> 00:18:31,943
not cheaper for our seniors.
497
00:18:32,010 --> 00:18:33,544
And our flash poll
seems to agree.
498
00:18:33,612 --> 00:18:37,548
Some 78% of those we surveyed
prefer the Newport plan
499
00:18:37,616 --> 00:18:38,716
to the Knope plan.
500
00:18:38,784 --> 00:18:40,116
This is why
Ned Jones has endorsed us.
501
00:18:40,184 --> 00:18:42,151
Let's get back on track.
502
00:18:42,219 --> 00:18:43,553
I just think o opppposition
is losing sight
503
00:18:43,621 --> 00:18:45,789
of what all this is about.
504
00:18:45,856 --> 00:18:48,758
What this is about is Pawnee,
and that is what I care about.
505
00:18:48,826 --> 00:18:50,961
What Bobby Newport
cares about
506
00:18:51,028 --> 00:18:54,330
is romping around on some beach
in Spain with a floozy.
507
00:18:54,398 --> 00:18:55,731
Excuse me?
508
00:18:55,799 --> 00:18:58,233
Oh, maybe you hadn't heard
of it.
509
00:18:58,301 --> 00:19:00,836
It wasn't in the New York Times
or Le Monde,
510
00:19:00,904 --> 00:19:02,270
which is what she reads.
511
00:19:02,338 --> 00:19:04,106
It was in the Pawnee papers.
512
00:19:04,173 --> 00:19:06,809
Bobby Newport's personal life
is neither here nor there.
513
00:19:06,876 --> 00:19:08,077
It's certainly not here.
514
00:19:08,144 --> 00:19:10,613
And I think Pawneeans
deserve a city councilor
515
00:19:10,680 --> 00:19:11,679
who stays in the city,
516
00:19:12,247 --> 00:19:13,816
like I do.
517
00:19:14,883 --> 00:19:16,117
Well, we were going
to keep this sececret
518
00:19:16,184 --> 00:19:17,785
until we had everything
in writing,
519
00:19:17,853 --> 00:19:19,220
but Bobby Newport
is trying to convince
520
00:19:19,287 --> 00:19:22,323
a major European company
to open up a factory in Pawnee.
521
00:19:22,890 --> 00:19:24,959
And that woman
that he is with
522
00:19:25,027 --> 00:19:26,761
is an antiland-mine advocate.
523
00:19:27,829 --> 00:19:29,496
I didn't realize
that you were proland-mine.
524
00:19:30,063 --> 00:19:31,865
I am not here
to declare a winner,
525
00:19:31,933 --> 00:19:34,267
but Jennifer is the winner.
526
00:19:34,335 --> 00:19:35,502
Thank you.
527
00:19:35,603 --> 00:19:37,070
Now it's time to move
onto our next segment,
528
00:19:37,138 --> 00:19:38,538
which is a commercial.
529
00:19:39,306 --> 00:19:41,608
I am going to get drunk,
and then I'm going to order
530
00:19:41,676 --> 00:19:43,476
a three-course meal
where each course
531
00:19:43,577 --> 00:19:44,610
is made of dessert.
532
00:19:44,645 --> 00:19:46,478
- She kicked our asses.
- Yeah.
533
00:19:46,579 --> 00:19:47,747
How are we going to beat her?
534
00:19:47,814 --> 00:19:50,449
I don't know.
I mean, she's like a hurricane.
535
00:19:50,517 --> 00:19:51,984
She's everywhere.
536
00:19:53,052 --> 00:19:54,086
Literally.
537
00:19:54,187 --> 00:19:56,421
Hi, guys.
538
00:19:56,489 --> 00:19:58,624
You really
stepped up your game.
539
00:19:58,692 --> 00:20:00,792
That was really fun.
You almost got me.
540
00:20:00,860 --> 00:20:02,593
I would have if Bobby Newport
hadn't gotten
541
00:20:02,662 --> 00:20:05,263
those stupid companies
to build factories here.
542
00:20:05,830 --> 00:20:08,099
What are you talking about?
543
00:20:08,167 --> 00:20:09,333
Oh, that thing I said
on the show?
544
00:20:09,401 --> 00:20:10,702
Oh, no.
That was mostly made-up.
545
00:20:10,770 --> 00:20:12,470
Don't challenge me on that.
That will backfire.
546
00:20:12,538 --> 00:20:13,938
Anyway, enjoy your dinner,
guys.
547
00:20:14,006 --> 00:20:15,206
I already took care
of the bill.
548
00:20:18,058 --> 00:20:20,110
- Another round, please?
- Mm-hmm.
549
00:20:22,706 --> 00:20:24,274
Nice job on the water fountain.
550
00:20:24,342 --> 00:20:25,975
- It wasn't me.
- Don't deny it.
551
00:20:26,043 --> 00:20:27,277
I know it wasn't the nurse.
552
00:20:27,845 --> 00:20:29,746
I'm asking you to step up.
553
00:20:30,064 --> 00:20:32,699
Not replacing Leslie,
just picking up some slack.
554
00:20:32,767 --> 00:20:33,966
I don't want to do things.
555
00:20:34,034 --> 00:20:37,036
I want to not do things,
just like you taught me.
556
00:20:37,103 --> 00:20:38,571
And I taught you well,
557
00:20:38,638 --> 00:20:40,806
but I don't like watching you
wasting your brain.
558
00:20:40,874 --> 00:20:43,842
And you're too smart to stay
my assistant here forever.
559
00:20:43,910 --> 00:20:45,277
I'd rather
you start a business
560
00:20:45,344 --> 00:20:46,979
or use your hands to farm,
561
00:20:47,047 --> 00:20:50,014
but right now,
the department needs you.
562
00:20:51,082 --> 00:20:52,483
Please.
563
00:20:52,551 --> 00:20:53,885
Okay...
564
00:20:54,153 --> 00:20:55,920
But only because you begged.
565
00:20:56,288 --> 00:20:57,889
Good girl.
566
00:21:00,258 --> 00:21:01,192
Chris Traeger.
567
00:21:01,259 --> 00:21:02,760
This is Ron Swanson.
568
00:21:02,828 --> 00:21:05,529
April's going to take over some
of Leslie's responsibilities.
569
00:21:05,597 --> 00:21:06,663
Excellent.
570
00:21:06,731 --> 00:21:08,899
I have been a fan of April
since day one.
571
00:21:08,967 --> 00:21:10,167
I told--
572
00:21:12,507 --> 00:21:18,008
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com