1
00:00:08,530 --> 00:00:10,697
Okay, everybody,
latest poll is
2
00:00:10,861 --> 00:00:13,429
Newport, 40%,
Leslie, 32%,
3
00:00:13,497 --> 00:00:14,998
with everyone else way back.
4
00:00:15,066 --> 00:00:18,001
Now this debate is our best
chance to close that gap.
5
00:00:18,069 --> 00:00:20,903
Chris, Ann, and Tom, you guys
will be talking to reporters,
6
00:00:20,971 --> 00:00:22,671
providing facts, general spin.
7
00:00:22,739 --> 00:00:24,306
- Spin team!
- Spin team!
8
00:00:24,373 --> 00:00:26,809
This is the best
possible job for me.
9
00:00:26,876 --> 00:00:29,211
I can literally make
anything sound positive.
10
00:00:29,278 --> 00:00:30,779
Your house just burned down,
11
00:00:30,847 --> 00:00:32,114
and you lost all your money
in the stock market.
12
00:00:32,181 --> 00:00:33,649
It's a chance to start over.
13
00:00:33,717 --> 00:00:35,417
Fire is cleansing,
and true wealth
14
00:00:35,485 --> 00:00:36,851
is measured by the amount
of love in your life.
15
00:00:36,919 --> 00:00:41,823
If I had to have anybody
tell me that I had cancer,
16
00:00:41,890 --> 00:00:43,124
I would want it to be me.
17
00:00:43,191 --> 00:00:44,792
Ron, April, and Andy,
you'll be throwing
18
00:00:44,860 --> 00:00:46,227
a party
for our biggest donors.
19
00:00:46,294 --> 00:00:47,962
Ooh,
I can't believe our house
20
00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:49,931
is going to be full
of rich people
21
00:00:49,999 --> 00:00:52,600
named Dottie
and Todd and Rick.
22
00:00:52,667 --> 00:00:54,501
Is the menu all set?
23
00:00:54,568 --> 00:00:57,370
Yes, I will be providing
several slabs
24
00:00:57,438 --> 00:00:59,172
of my world-famous
Swanson ribs.
25
00:00:59,240 --> 00:01:02,676
And I will be providing
my world-famous $100 lap dances.
26
00:01:02,744 --> 00:01:03,543
- Sweet!
- No.
27
00:01:03,611 --> 00:01:04,845
Okay.
28
00:01:04,912 --> 00:01:06,113
The election
is in two weeks.
29
00:01:06,180 --> 00:01:08,581
The debate
is in nine hours.
30
00:01:08,649 --> 00:01:09,581
Let's get to work.
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00:01:15,255 --> 00:01:19,855
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:33,087 --> 00:01:34,372
Wow.
33
00:01:34,439 --> 00:01:36,374
Can't believe
we're doing this here.
34
00:01:36,441 --> 00:01:38,910
Seats, like, 800 people.
35
00:01:38,978 --> 00:01:39,944
Well, that's what you get
when your opponent's
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00:01:40,012 --> 00:01:41,712
the most famous person
in town.
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00:01:41,780 --> 00:01:44,315
This is a lot bigger than my
high school debate auditorium.
38
00:01:45,383 --> 00:01:46,317
4 feet.
39
00:01:46,385 --> 00:01:48,052
Exact same size
as the podium you use
40
00:01:48,119 --> 00:01:49,119
in the Parks department.
41
00:01:49,188 --> 00:01:50,488
Opening statement.
42
00:01:53,692 --> 00:01:55,226
and I've worked my whole life
to make it great.
43
00:01:55,294 --> 00:01:56,827
I believe that
I've earned your vote.
44
00:01:56,895 --> 00:01:58,428
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.
45
00:01:58,496 --> 00:01:59,962
- You got this.
- I got this.
46
00:02:00,030 --> 00:02:01,331
You could debate Newport
in your sleep.
47
00:02:01,399 --> 00:02:02,566
I have.
48
00:02:02,633 --> 00:02:03,700
I know.
We sleep in the same bed.
49
00:02:03,767 --> 00:02:04,967
It's been hell.
50
00:02:05,035 --> 00:02:06,536
I finally get
a chance to stand
51
00:02:06,604 --> 00:02:09,506
in front of everyone and talk
about the town that I love.
52
00:02:09,574 --> 00:02:11,308
What if the town loves Bobby
more than me?
53
00:02:11,375 --> 00:02:13,609
There's no way.
You're going to destroy him.
54
00:02:13,677 --> 00:02:15,177
I'm going to wipe the floor
with his face.
55
00:02:15,245 --> 00:02:17,479
You're going to rip out
his spine with your teeth
56
00:02:17,547 --> 00:02:19,948
and then chew it up
and gargle with it.
57
00:02:20,016 --> 00:02:22,484
I love it when
you're needlessly disgusting.
58
00:02:22,552 --> 00:02:24,320
I'm trying to clean up
for the party,
59
00:02:24,387 --> 00:02:27,489
but I swear to God,
my arms can't move that way.
60
00:02:27,557 --> 00:02:28,824
Leave it messy.
It doesn't matter.
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00:02:28,891 --> 00:02:32,427
Nothing matters.
Life is garbage.
62
00:02:32,494 --> 00:02:33,961
What happened?
63
00:02:34,029 --> 00:02:36,464
Ann broke up with me.
For reals this time.
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00:02:36,532 --> 00:02:38,899
And all I did was call
into this radio station
65
00:02:38,967 --> 00:02:40,301
and give her a sweet
little shout-out.
66
00:02:40,369 --> 00:02:41,603
So we're up in the club.
67
00:02:41,670 --> 00:02:42,537
It's me!
We're dancing.
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00:02:42,605 --> 00:02:44,339
We're sweating.
69
00:02:44,406 --> 00:02:45,873
Let's just say we got
to second that night.
70
00:02:45,941 --> 00:02:48,341
Kind of.
Me so horny.
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00:02:48,408 --> 00:02:50,176
This chick's
name is Ann Perkins.
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00:02:50,245 --> 00:02:52,446
Look her up
on the government website.
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00:02:52,513 --> 00:02:54,114
She is crazy hot.
Isn't that great?
74
00:02:54,181 --> 00:02:56,182
Come here.
Aah!
75
00:02:56,251 --> 00:02:58,017
I complimented you.
76
00:02:58,085 --> 00:03:01,420
I guess she's just afraid of
how powerful her feelings are.
77
00:03:01,488 --> 00:03:03,055
Dude, that's not why
she broke up with you.
78
00:03:03,123 --> 00:03:04,823
You have to stop
your stupid swagger
79
00:03:04,891 --> 00:03:08,193
and just tell her in a normal
voice that you care about her.
80
00:03:08,262 --> 00:03:10,129
What do you know?
You don't care about things.
81
00:03:10,196 --> 00:03:12,097
Yes, I do,
I care about...
82
00:03:12,165 --> 00:03:15,701
Andy...
And champion.
83
00:03:15,769 --> 00:03:18,270
And I want Leslie to win,
and I like sleeping.
84
00:03:18,337 --> 00:03:20,171
So everybody has things
they care about.
85
00:03:20,239 --> 00:03:22,307
If Ann is yours,
you need to tell her.
86
00:03:26,078 --> 00:03:28,346
Okay, Chris,
hypothetical crisis.
87
00:03:28,414 --> 00:03:29,947
Leslie just tried
to answer a question
88
00:03:30,015 --> 00:03:33,117
and audibly farted
then threw up. Spin.
89
00:03:33,185 --> 00:03:35,919
Leslie Knope
is literally overflowing
90
00:03:35,987 --> 00:03:37,721
with ideas for this town.
91
00:03:37,789 --> 00:03:39,856
And speaking of methane,
have you heard about her plan
92
00:03:39,924 --> 00:03:41,258
to limit greenhouse
gas emissions?
93
00:03:41,326 --> 00:03:42,726
- Wow.
- Nice.
94
00:03:42,794 --> 00:03:44,161
- Spin team!
- Spin team!
95
00:03:44,228 --> 00:03:46,029
Ann and I make
such a great team.
96
00:03:46,097 --> 00:03:48,332
It's silly that we're not
a team in real life.
97
00:03:48,400 --> 00:03:49,599
I just heard those words
come out of my mouth,
98
00:03:49,667 --> 00:03:51,033
and I have made a decision.
99
00:03:51,101 --> 00:03:54,904
I've heard that you
and Tom Haverford
100
00:03:54,971 --> 00:03:56,138
are no longer
romantically involved.
101
00:03:56,206 --> 00:03:57,139
Is that true?
102
00:03:57,207 --> 00:03:59,241
Yes, we broke up.
103
00:03:59,310 --> 00:04:01,911
And I honestly can't believe
we ever dated.
104
00:04:01,978 --> 00:04:04,447
Does defy logic.
105
00:04:04,515 --> 00:04:06,981
Okay, I still have
feelings for you.
106
00:04:07,049 --> 00:04:08,317
Strong feelings.
107
00:04:08,384 --> 00:04:11,186
Emotional, primal feelings.
108
00:04:11,253 --> 00:04:14,389
And I would like to give
our relationship another try.
109
00:04:14,457 --> 00:04:19,260
Chris, we dated for, like,
three months a year ago.
110
00:04:19,329 --> 00:04:20,895
I honestly think
that you've built this
111
00:04:20,963 --> 00:04:23,130
into something
that it wasn't.
112
00:04:23,198 --> 00:04:25,132
And according to your rule,
113
00:04:25,200 --> 00:04:26,634
we can't date
because you're my boss.
114
00:04:26,702 --> 00:04:28,035
Maybe not for long.
115
00:04:28,102 --> 00:04:30,471
If Newport wins,
the city council may replace me.
116
00:04:30,539 --> 00:04:35,409
But it would open it up
for us to be together.
117
00:04:35,477 --> 00:04:37,744
Would you like that?
118
00:04:37,812 --> 00:04:39,912
Don't answer.
Just think about it.
119
00:04:39,980 --> 00:04:42,716
Come on.
Let's spin.
120
00:04:46,019 --> 00:04:47,554
So you do a lot
of investing?
121
00:04:47,621 --> 00:04:49,055
- We like to dabble.
- Mm-hmm.
122
00:04:49,122 --> 00:04:50,289
I recently invested
123
00:04:50,358 --> 00:04:53,159
in some shirts I got
at a garage sale.
124
00:04:53,227 --> 00:04:55,461
Left those at Wendy's
on the way home.
125
00:04:55,528 --> 00:04:56,995
So...
126
00:04:57,063 --> 00:04:58,630
The economy.
127
00:05:01,701 --> 00:05:02,868
Hello.
128
00:05:02,935 --> 00:05:04,202
You are here
129
00:05:04,270 --> 00:05:06,204
because you gave us money.
130
00:05:06,272 --> 00:05:09,040
Now we will give you ribs.
131
00:05:09,108 --> 00:05:10,541
Also you will watch
the debate.
132
00:05:10,609 --> 00:05:13,678
If you like the debate,
you'll give us more money.
133
00:05:13,746 --> 00:05:16,681
That is all.
Ron Swanson.
134
00:05:20,185 --> 00:05:23,220
Uh-oh. Somebody forgot
to pay the cable bill.
135
00:05:23,288 --> 00:05:25,922
Am I right?
136
00:05:25,990 --> 00:05:26,923
It was me.
137
00:05:26,991 --> 00:05:29,025
Do it.
138
00:05:29,093 --> 00:05:30,193
Fierce. Power.
139
00:05:30,261 --> 00:05:31,995
Pump it up.
2012.
140
00:05:33,464 --> 00:05:34,898
Nothing gets me more amped
than Sarah McLachlan.
141
00:05:34,965 --> 00:05:36,700
Opening statement.
142
00:05:36,768 --> 00:05:38,568
I am Leslie Knope.
I love this town.
143
00:05:38,636 --> 00:05:39,936
I've worked my whole life
to make it great.
144
00:05:40,004 --> 00:05:41,137
I believe
I've earned your vote.
145
00:05:41,205 --> 00:05:43,338
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.
146
00:05:43,407 --> 00:05:45,073
I have the best campaign manager
in the world.
147
00:05:45,141 --> 00:05:47,209
I wouldn't say that.
Jen's a killer.
148
00:05:47,277 --> 00:05:49,612
You can beat Newport.
I don't know if I can beat her.
149
00:05:50,679 --> 00:05:51,980
Here's what I know.
150
00:05:52,048 --> 00:05:53,315
I love you,
and I like you.
151
00:05:53,383 --> 00:05:56,084
I love you,
and I like you.
152
00:05:57,420 --> 00:06:01,489
♪ And the home of the ♪
153
00:06:01,557 --> 00:06:07,328
♪ brave ♪
154
00:06:13,568 --> 00:06:15,536
Your boy looks
a little lost out there.
155
00:06:15,603 --> 00:06:16,537
Oh, he'll be fine.
156
00:06:16,604 --> 00:06:18,472
Expectations are crazy low.
157
00:06:18,540 --> 00:06:19,940
If he puts
two sentences together
158
00:06:20,007 --> 00:06:21,475
without crying,
the press is going to say
159
00:06:21,543 --> 00:06:23,609
he's doing surprisingly well,
and if he falls to pieces,
160
00:06:23,677 --> 00:06:24,977
he's going to look sympathetic.
It's a win-win.
161
00:06:25,045 --> 00:06:27,980
So do you have any idea how long
this is going to take?
162
00:06:28,048 --> 00:06:29,715
Good evening, everyone,
and welcome to the event
163
00:06:29,783 --> 00:06:33,619
we are doing tonight, which is
a city council candidate debate
164
00:06:33,687 --> 00:06:36,689
that we're going to start now.
I'm Perd Hapley.
165
00:06:36,757 --> 00:06:40,792
And I am legendary newswoman
Joan Callamezzo, newly single.
166
00:06:40,860 --> 00:06:43,227
It's time
for opening statements.
167
00:06:43,295 --> 00:06:44,763
I am Fester Trim.
168
00:06:44,831 --> 00:06:47,732
Many of you know me as the man
who sells you your guns
169
00:06:47,800 --> 00:06:49,935
at the gun-believable
Gun Emporium.
170
00:06:50,002 --> 00:06:52,036
Whoo!
171
00:06:52,104 --> 00:06:54,238
I want to tell you
about my idea
172
00:06:54,306 --> 00:06:57,575
for assault rifle
vending machines.
173
00:06:57,642 --> 00:07:00,277
You might be thinking,
"what does an adult film star
174
00:07:00,345 --> 00:07:01,912
know about politics?"
175
00:07:01,980 --> 00:07:04,014
Well, I've produced
and starred in
176
00:07:04,082 --> 00:07:06,416
over 400 adult films
this year alone.
177
00:07:06,485 --> 00:07:07,918
- Whoo!
- Thank you.
178
00:07:07,986 --> 00:07:09,787
And just like Leslie,
I know
179
00:07:09,855 --> 00:07:13,089
what it's like to be the only
woman in a room full of men.
180
00:07:13,156 --> 00:07:14,390
I am Manrico Della Rossa.
181
00:07:14,458 --> 00:07:17,627
I believe animals are
as important as people.
182
00:07:17,695 --> 00:07:20,096
And if elected,
I will fight for them
183
00:07:20,163 --> 00:07:21,798
as if they are
my own children.
184
00:07:21,866 --> 00:07:23,132
I am Leslie Knope.
185
00:07:23,200 --> 00:07:25,034
I love this town,
186
00:07:25,102 --> 00:07:27,202
and I've worked my whole life
to make it great.
187
00:07:27,269 --> 00:07:29,771
I believe that
I've earned your vote.
188
00:07:29,839 --> 00:07:32,774
Bobby Newport believes
he can buy it.
189
00:07:32,842 --> 00:07:34,810
And maybe that's because he's
never earned anything
190
00:07:34,878 --> 00:07:37,779
his entire life.
191
00:07:37,847 --> 00:07:40,215
That--that hurt my feelings.
Hurt my feelings.
192
00:07:40,282 --> 00:07:42,050
You're supposed to be
this positive person.
193
00:07:42,118 --> 00:07:43,784
Can't we just talk
about things we like?
194
00:07:45,621 --> 00:07:47,154
Well said.
195
00:07:47,222 --> 00:07:49,123
Uh, just a reminder
to our candidates
196
00:07:49,190 --> 00:07:51,358
to keep it civil.
197
00:07:51,426 --> 00:07:52,459
Looking at you, Leslie.
198
00:07:52,528 --> 00:07:54,461
Ah, that's okay, Joan.
199
00:07:54,530 --> 00:07:56,296
I'm okay. I'm just--
200
00:07:56,364 --> 00:07:58,565
I'm nervous, man.
I'm nervous. Gah.
201
00:07:58,633 --> 00:08:01,001
I guess I want
to do a good job
202
00:08:01,068 --> 00:08:04,203
because, um, I like it when
people think I do a good job.
203
00:08:04,271 --> 00:08:07,206
And I want your vote
because I want Pawnee and my dad
204
00:08:07,274 --> 00:08:09,543
to see what I'm made of.
205
00:08:10,610 --> 00:08:12,145
So let's do this.
206
00:08:14,948 --> 00:08:15,681
The wrecking crew.
207
00:08:16,249 --> 00:08:17,582
Who let you guys in?
208
00:08:17,650 --> 00:08:18,983
Hey, Jason.
209
00:08:21,487 --> 00:08:23,923
Ease back.
210
00:08:26,167 --> 00:08:28,301
This question
about public safety
211
00:08:28,469 --> 00:08:30,536
comes from Twitter
because apparently,
212
00:08:30,538 --> 00:08:32,572
that's something
that happens now.
213
00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:37,210
@munchmeat2015 asks,
"Pawnee used 2 b safe.
214
00:08:37,512 --> 00:08:39,978
"Some1 stole my car.
215
00:08:39,980 --> 00:08:41,013
"What will u do
216
00:08:41,081 --> 00:08:42,748
"2 make Pawnee safe
217
00:08:42,816 --> 00:08:44,383
& can u help me
find my car?"
218
00:08:44,451 --> 00:08:46,418
I can assure you,
219
00:08:46,486 --> 00:08:49,788
if you had a gun
mounted on the dashboard,
220
00:08:49,856 --> 00:08:53,559
which automatically shot people
trying to break into it,
221
00:08:53,627 --> 00:08:55,593
you would still have your car.
222
00:08:55,661 --> 00:08:58,263
You know, I guess I would like
to tell Mr. Munchmeat
223
00:08:58,330 --> 00:09:00,097
that I think that stinks
that happened to him.
224
00:09:00,166 --> 00:09:01,799
You know, one time
a guy stole
225
00:09:01,867 --> 00:09:03,568
some downhill skis
out of my jeep.
226
00:09:03,636 --> 00:09:06,771
And I was so mad,
I punched a mailbox.
227
00:09:06,838 --> 00:09:10,041
I'm against crime,
and I'm not ashamed to admit it.
228
00:09:14,879 --> 00:09:16,446
I can't get through
to the cable company.
229
00:09:16,514 --> 00:09:18,148
Can you do something?
230
00:09:18,216 --> 00:09:20,617
- Like what?
- Anything.
231
00:09:20,685 --> 00:09:22,886
Andy's just acting out scenes
from his favorite movies.
232
00:09:24,556 --> 00:09:26,522
So Swayze runs,
boom!
233
00:09:26,590 --> 00:09:28,757
Tackles the guy
off the motorcycle.
234
00:09:28,825 --> 00:09:30,125
Dude's like, "you're dead, bro!"
Comes at him.
235
00:09:30,194 --> 00:09:32,228
Swayze ducks, scissor kick.
Sha!
236
00:09:32,296 --> 00:09:33,729
The guy has Swayze's head.
237
00:09:33,797 --> 00:09:36,299
And he says, "I used to [Bleep]
guys like you in prison."
238
00:09:36,366 --> 00:09:37,667
By the looks
of this guy,
239
00:09:37,734 --> 00:09:39,669
this is not consensual sex
we're talking about.
240
00:09:39,736 --> 00:09:41,103
We see bad guy
241
00:09:41,171 --> 00:09:43,205
had a gun
the whole time.
242
00:09:43,272 --> 00:09:45,873
He's like, "I'ma kill you
the old-fashioned way."
243
00:09:45,941 --> 00:09:48,142
Swayze's like,
"not this time."
244
00:09:48,211 --> 00:09:49,277
That's subtext.
He doesn't say that.
245
00:09:49,345 --> 00:09:51,813
Bypasses the gun,
hooks the arm.
246
00:09:51,880 --> 00:09:53,315
Back to the secret move
he used before
247
00:09:53,382 --> 00:09:55,049
to kill somebody,
he feels so bad about it.
248
00:09:55,117 --> 00:09:56,884
But this time he has to do it
because it's self-defense.
249
00:09:56,952 --> 00:09:58,752
K-k-k-kah!
250
00:09:58,820 --> 00:10:01,722
Takes the esophagus
out of the neck area.
251
00:10:01,789 --> 00:10:03,490
You can't eat.
You'll starve to death.
252
00:10:03,558 --> 00:10:05,792
And that is Road House.
253
00:10:05,860 --> 00:10:07,228
What should I do next?
254
00:10:07,295 --> 00:10:08,596
Leslie Knope.
255
00:10:08,663 --> 00:10:10,897
This question is about
Pawnee's park system.
256
00:10:10,965 --> 00:10:15,201
Why is Ramsett Park
so filthy and awful?
257
00:10:15,269 --> 00:10:18,771
It's difficult to get
into the complicated problems
258
00:10:18,839 --> 00:10:20,005
with Ramsett Park in such
a short amount of time.
259
00:10:20,073 --> 00:10:22,275
- You have 20 seconds.
- Oh, my God, okay.
260
00:10:22,343 --> 00:10:25,378
I will say that the parks
in Pawnee--
261
00:10:25,446 --> 00:10:28,348
I do have an update
on your time allotment,
262
00:10:28,415 --> 00:10:31,250
and that update is that
your time is almost gone.
263
00:10:31,317 --> 00:10:32,851
I have no more time left?
264
00:10:32,918 --> 00:10:35,354
Well, you had some time
when I started talking,
265
00:10:35,421 --> 00:10:37,256
but by the time I finished,
your time was up.
266
00:10:37,323 --> 00:10:38,590
Thank you very much.
267
00:10:38,658 --> 00:10:40,125
- She's off her game.
- She's fine.
268
00:10:40,192 --> 00:10:41,760
Mr. Newport, rebuttal.
269
00:10:41,827 --> 00:10:44,563
I know this. If something is
dirty, we should clean it up.
270
00:10:44,631 --> 00:10:45,464
Let's start there.
271
00:10:45,531 --> 00:10:49,433
Right?
272
00:10:49,501 --> 00:10:52,136
You know what, I had this
cleaning lady named Yolanda
273
00:10:52,203 --> 00:10:53,571
who was very wise.
274
00:10:53,639 --> 00:10:55,306
She basically raised me.
275
00:10:55,374 --> 00:10:58,075
And one day she said,
"little Bobby,
276
00:10:58,143 --> 00:11:00,110
I'm not going to clean
your room no mas."
277
00:11:00,178 --> 00:11:02,612
And from that day on,
my room was gross.
278
00:11:02,680 --> 00:11:03,846
Really bummed me out.
279
00:11:03,914 --> 00:11:05,815
I think we should make
our parks
280
00:11:05,883 --> 00:11:06,983
look like my room
281
00:11:07,050 --> 00:11:08,885
after Yolanda
finally, you know,
282
00:11:08,952 --> 00:11:10,487
gave in and cleaned it up
for me.
283
00:11:10,554 --> 00:11:12,455
If I may, Joan.
284
00:11:12,523 --> 00:11:13,590
That's a very sweet story,
Bobby,
285
00:11:13,658 --> 00:11:15,458
but not all of us
have Yolandas
286
00:11:15,526 --> 00:11:17,160
who can clean up
our room for us.
287
00:11:17,727 --> 00:11:18,494
Some of us believe
288
00:11:18,561 --> 00:11:19,928
that you need to roll up
your sleeves
289
00:11:19,996 --> 00:11:21,630
and do the hard work
yourself.
290
00:11:23,232 --> 00:11:25,301
I'd just like to say that,
like Leslie,
291
00:11:25,368 --> 00:11:27,135
I don't have people
do my work for me.
292
00:11:27,203 --> 00:11:29,672
Leslie and I do
our work ourselves.
293
00:11:29,739 --> 00:11:31,440
My work, of course,
is having sex
294
00:11:31,508 --> 00:11:34,542
with men and women
on camera.
295
00:11:34,610 --> 00:11:39,380
Once again, Brandi and Leslie
are essentially the same person.
296
00:11:39,448 --> 00:11:42,583
But Bobby Newport is
super handsome and charming,
297
00:11:42,651 --> 00:11:45,353
so that means people
will probably vote for him
298
00:11:45,421 --> 00:11:47,988
because there's no justice
in the world.
299
00:11:48,056 --> 00:11:50,257
How do you respond
to Newport's claim
300
00:11:50,325 --> 00:11:51,758
that the city parks
need to be cleaned up?
301
00:11:51,826 --> 00:11:54,160
Leslie Knope works tirelessly
every day,
302
00:11:54,228 --> 00:11:56,830
so our parks can be
the best they can be.
303
00:11:56,897 --> 00:11:59,433
78% of Pawneeans label
our parks "pristine."
304
00:11:59,500 --> 00:12:01,501
And we all know
the better-looking a park is,
305
00:12:01,569 --> 00:12:03,837
the more attention it will get
from lady parks
306
00:12:03,904 --> 00:12:06,505
who want to have sex
with it.
307
00:12:06,573 --> 00:12:07,473
Excuse us.
308
00:12:07,541 --> 00:12:09,074
What the hell is wrong with you?
309
00:12:09,142 --> 00:12:10,710
We're fighting
for our lives out there.
310
00:12:10,777 --> 00:12:12,545
Oh, I don't know.
311
00:12:12,612 --> 00:12:14,046
Maybe the fact
that we just broke up,
312
00:12:14,113 --> 00:12:15,280
and you're already riding
the Traeger train.
313
00:12:15,349 --> 00:12:17,149
What are you talking about?
314
00:12:17,217 --> 00:12:19,251
I saw you guys getting back
together. What about us?
315
00:12:19,319 --> 00:12:20,853
What about us, Tom?
316
00:12:20,920 --> 00:12:21,987
We're not together
any more
317
00:12:22,055 --> 00:12:23,555
because you keep acting
like an ass.
318
00:12:24,122 --> 00:12:25,122
I'm sorry.
319
00:12:25,190 --> 00:12:27,826
I just act that way
sometimes...
320
00:12:27,893 --> 00:12:30,261
Because I'm nervous,
and...
321
00:12:30,329 --> 00:12:31,996
I feel like
you're out of my league.
322
00:12:32,064 --> 00:12:34,733
But I'd do anything to get back
together with you.
323
00:12:34,800 --> 00:12:36,568
Please.
324
00:12:36,635 --> 00:12:38,236
Vote for me to be
your boyfriend.
325
00:12:39,738 --> 00:12:42,138
Ben, he's winning.
How is he winning?
326
00:12:42,206 --> 00:12:43,240
Everything he's saying
is nonsense,
327
00:12:43,307 --> 00:12:44,441
and he's fooling them.
328
00:12:44,509 --> 00:12:45,542
Okay, you're doing fine.
329
00:12:45,610 --> 00:12:47,143
I need to go back
on the attack.
330
00:12:47,211 --> 00:12:48,712
No! No, no, no, no, no.
See, okay.
331
00:12:48,780 --> 00:12:50,647
When you attacked, you kind of
came off like a bully,
332
00:12:50,715 --> 00:12:52,282
and he looked sympathetic,
so, you know,
333
00:12:52,350 --> 00:12:54,117
y-you did a really good job
of easing off.
334
00:12:54,185 --> 00:12:57,353
- Leslie, this is fun, isn't it?
- Yeah.
335
00:12:57,421 --> 00:12:59,221
Well, there's no reason
on earth that I can think of
336
00:12:59,289 --> 00:13:01,357
that we shouldn't have
concussion grenades
337
00:13:01,425 --> 00:13:03,526
in our nation's
movie theaters.
338
00:13:03,594 --> 00:13:05,127
By the year 2013,
we will have
339
00:13:05,195 --> 00:13:07,296
a fully functional mall
on Jupiter.
340
00:13:07,364 --> 00:13:10,266
Sure, I agree that movies
should be more faithful
341
00:13:10,333 --> 00:13:11,633
to the books that
they are based on,
342
00:13:11,701 --> 00:13:13,167
but what does that have
to do with this election?
343
00:13:13,235 --> 00:13:15,036
All my movies
are based on books.
344
00:13:15,104 --> 00:13:18,205
And anyone who even
rubs their hands
345
00:13:18,273 --> 00:13:20,374
on a leather jacket
346
00:13:20,442 --> 00:13:22,376
should be tried for murder.
347
00:13:22,444 --> 00:13:25,513
I'm an American.
My father is an American.
348
00:13:25,580 --> 00:13:28,315
My mother is an American.
349
00:13:28,383 --> 00:13:30,350
My godfather is the viceroy
350
00:13:30,419 --> 00:13:32,219
of the principality
of Liechtenstein.
351
00:13:32,287 --> 00:13:35,988
Once again, people,
grenade launcher.
352
00:13:36,056 --> 00:13:37,990
Daniel Craig.
353
00:13:38,058 --> 00:13:41,360
No...
Timothy Dalton.
354
00:13:41,429 --> 00:13:44,063
I was in favor of closing
the borders bookstore,
355
00:13:44,131 --> 00:13:45,799
not the border to Mexico.
356
00:13:45,866 --> 00:13:48,601
I guess my thoughts
on abortion are...
357
00:13:48,669 --> 00:13:50,235
You know, let's just all
have a good time.
358
00:13:50,303 --> 00:13:53,271
I don't care about that issue.
Just ask someone else.
359
00:13:53,339 --> 00:13:54,740
For the record,
I'd appear in a film
360
00:13:54,808 --> 00:13:57,208
with any
of my fellow candidates.
361
00:14:00,146 --> 00:14:01,980
- Anteaters.
- Kill shot.
362
00:14:02,048 --> 00:14:03,682
- Money shot.
- Fudgsicles.
363
00:14:03,750 --> 00:14:05,550
Let's spend our money
on what matters.
364
00:14:05,617 --> 00:14:07,518
Police, fire,
365
00:14:07,586 --> 00:14:09,119
parks, and schools.
366
00:14:11,156 --> 00:14:14,091
After a rough start,
your girl's doing okay.
367
00:14:14,159 --> 00:14:16,761
Um, I think she's doing
a little better than okay.
368
00:14:16,829 --> 00:14:18,463
Or did you miss
the applause
369
00:14:18,530 --> 00:14:19,997
she got on
the raccoon safety question?
370
00:14:20,065 --> 00:14:21,432
Oh, that was great.
371
00:14:21,499 --> 00:14:24,133
That probably pulled her even
with Bobby.
372
00:14:24,201 --> 00:14:25,936
I can't believe you're
so casual about this.
373
00:14:26,003 --> 00:14:27,236
Don't you even want
to win the debate?
374
00:14:27,304 --> 00:14:29,238
Oh, we're gonna win
the debate.
375
00:14:29,306 --> 00:14:30,440
Got an ace in the hole.
376
00:14:30,508 --> 00:14:33,109
- Little surprisey-wisey.
- What?
377
00:14:33,177 --> 00:14:35,044
Oh, you'll see.
Hey, quick question.
378
00:14:35,112 --> 00:14:36,780
Does that guy Chris Traeger
have a girlfriend,
379
00:14:36,848 --> 00:14:37,780
and is his penis normal?
380
00:14:37,848 --> 00:14:39,448
Stop talking.
381
00:14:39,516 --> 00:14:43,251
You guys, uh, know anything
about a guy named John Rambo?
382
00:14:43,319 --> 00:14:47,022
Open on villagers being
thrown out into a rice field.
383
00:14:47,090 --> 00:14:48,591
Land mines blowing them up
into pieces.
384
00:14:48,658 --> 00:14:50,392
After I steal
this cable feed,
385
00:14:50,460 --> 00:14:53,328
I will repay the cable company
for the service we used.
386
00:14:59,702 --> 00:15:01,369
This last question
before the break
387
00:15:01,436 --> 00:15:03,404
is for Mr. Newport.
388
00:15:03,472 --> 00:15:06,875
Uh, some--not me--have
criticized your involvement
389
00:15:06,942 --> 00:15:09,243
with your father's
candy company Sweetums.
390
00:15:09,311 --> 00:15:11,712
Would your affiliation
with big business
391
00:15:11,779 --> 00:15:13,981
affect your decisions
as a city councilor?
392
00:15:14,048 --> 00:15:16,416
I want to run this town
like a business.
393
00:15:16,484 --> 00:15:18,585
My opponent, Leslie Knope,
394
00:15:18,653 --> 00:15:21,321
has a very
anti-business agenda.
395
00:15:21,389 --> 00:15:24,324
Recently, my dad told me
that if Leslie Knope
396
00:15:24,392 --> 00:15:25,725
wins the election,
397
00:15:25,792 --> 00:15:27,760
they'll probably have to
move Sweetums to Mexico.
398
00:15:29,730 --> 00:15:32,097
That would be terrible,
of course.
399
00:15:32,165 --> 00:15:33,599
Thousands of people
in this town
400
00:15:33,667 --> 00:15:36,502
would lose their jobs,
and we all wouldn't have candy.
401
00:15:36,570 --> 00:15:38,905
Now, I'm not saying
that is gonna happen,
402
00:15:38,972 --> 00:15:40,372
but I do know this.
403
00:15:40,440 --> 00:15:42,974
If I win...
404
00:15:43,042 --> 00:15:44,876
I bet I could
get them to stay.
405
00:15:47,179 --> 00:15:48,880
Wow. Shocking stuff.
406
00:15:48,948 --> 00:15:51,182
We're gonna be back
with our closing statements
407
00:15:51,250 --> 00:15:53,317
right after a word
from our sponsor, Sweetums,
408
00:15:53,385 --> 00:15:56,120
Pawnee's biggest supplier
of candy and jobs.
409
00:15:56,188 --> 00:15:57,855
Stick around.
410
00:15:59,875 --> 00:16:01,275
So Sweetums is gonna
move to Mexico
411
00:16:01,343 --> 00:16:02,577
if Bobby doesn't win?
412
00:16:02,645 --> 00:16:04,045
How could they do that
to this town?
413
00:16:04,113 --> 00:16:06,347
- What a crappy stunt to pull.
- One minute back.
414
00:16:06,415 --> 00:16:08,149
What do we do?
I think we attack him.
415
00:16:08,217 --> 00:16:09,818
He's more confident now.
I have to attack him.
416
00:16:09,885 --> 00:16:11,653
And say what?
We didn't plan for this.
417
00:16:11,721 --> 00:16:13,187
- What would you even say?
- I don't know.
418
00:16:13,255 --> 00:16:14,488
I'll figure out
as I'm saying it.
419
00:16:14,555 --> 00:16:16,824
Just let me attack him.
I want to attack him.
420
00:16:16,891 --> 00:16:18,325
No, no, no, no.
It's too risky.
421
00:16:18,392 --> 00:16:19,960
Just go with the closing
statement we rehearsed.
422
00:16:20,028 --> 00:16:22,096
Add a line at the end
about how you're pro business,
423
00:16:22,163 --> 00:16:25,100
and we'll deal with
the fallout tomorrow, okay?
424
00:16:26,667 --> 00:16:28,668
What?
What's the matter with you?
425
00:16:28,736 --> 00:16:32,204
I can do it.
I can crush him.
426
00:16:32,272 --> 00:16:33,139
I promise.
427
00:16:36,209 --> 00:16:37,744
Ah, screw it.
Go get him.
428
00:16:37,811 --> 00:16:41,514
- Really?
- Kick his ass.
429
00:16:42,081 --> 00:16:47,585
♪ I am lineman
for the county ♪
430
00:16:47,653 --> 00:16:51,589
♪ and the Wichita lineman ♪
431
00:16:57,664 --> 00:17:02,432
♪ Is still the line ♪
432
00:17:02,700 --> 00:17:04,534
The final thing
these candidates will say
433
00:17:04,602 --> 00:17:06,503
are their closing statements.
434
00:17:06,571 --> 00:17:09,373
We will begin with our first
candidate to go, Bobby Newport.
435
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:12,843
How do we fix this town?
I have no idea.
436
00:17:12,911 --> 00:17:14,311
You tell me.
437
00:17:14,379 --> 00:17:16,413
That's what I'm counting on.
You telling me.
438
00:17:17,481 --> 00:17:19,682
And that's how it ends.
439
00:17:19,750 --> 00:17:22,685
I loved it.
It's called Babe.
440
00:17:22,753 --> 00:17:25,288
And I know it sounds corny.
Talking pig. Whatever.
441
00:17:25,356 --> 00:17:27,423
You should all see it.
442
00:17:27,491 --> 00:17:30,326
I feel like I just did.
443
00:17:30,394 --> 00:17:31,594
It's on.
444
00:17:31,661 --> 00:17:34,096
And, Leslie Knope,
closing statement?
445
00:17:37,666 --> 00:17:39,434
I'm very angry.
446
00:17:39,502 --> 00:17:43,071
I'm angry
that Bobby Newport
447
00:17:43,139 --> 00:17:44,973
would hold this town hostage
448
00:17:45,041 --> 00:17:46,909
and threaten to leave
449
00:17:46,976 --> 00:17:48,877
if you don't give him
what he wants.
450
00:17:48,945 --> 00:17:51,145
It's despicable.
451
00:17:51,213 --> 00:17:54,782
Corporations are not allowed
to dictate what a city needs.
452
00:17:54,849 --> 00:17:57,184
That power belongs
to the people.
453
00:17:57,252 --> 00:18:00,354
Bobby Newport and his daddy
would like you to think
454
00:18:00,422 --> 00:18:02,556
it belongs to them.
455
00:18:02,624 --> 00:18:04,258
I love this town.
456
00:18:04,326 --> 00:18:07,527
And when you love something,
you don't threaten it.
457
00:18:07,594 --> 00:18:11,497
You don't punish it.
You fight for it.
458
00:18:11,565 --> 00:18:14,767
You take care of it.
You put it first.
459
00:18:15,135 --> 00:18:17,270
As your city councilor,
460
00:18:17,338 --> 00:18:21,207
I will make sure that no one
takes advantage of Pawnee.
461
00:18:21,275 --> 00:18:25,277
If I seem too passionate,
it's because I care.
462
00:18:25,345 --> 00:18:29,581
If I come on strong,
it's because I feel strongly.
463
00:18:29,649 --> 00:18:31,750
And if push too hard,
464
00:18:31,817 --> 00:18:34,519
it's because things aren't
moving fast enough.
465
00:18:34,587 --> 00:18:38,289
This is my home.
You are my family.
466
00:18:38,357 --> 00:18:41,492
And I promise you...
467
00:18:41,560 --> 00:18:43,561
I'm not going anywhere.
468
00:18:45,830 --> 00:18:47,732
Holy [Bleep], Leslie,
that was awesome.
469
00:18:51,870 --> 00:18:54,804
Thanks, Bobby.
470
00:18:58,909 --> 00:19:02,479
Yeah!
Play it. Woo-hoo!
471
00:19:02,546 --> 00:19:04,648
Knope 2012!
472
00:19:04,715 --> 00:19:07,116
Hyah! Hyah!
473
00:19:10,154 --> 00:19:10,953
Ron!
474
00:19:10,955 --> 00:19:12,855
What the voters
saw tonight
475
00:19:12,923 --> 00:19:14,123
is an undeniable fact.
476
00:19:14,191 --> 00:19:16,659
That one of these candidates
is right for this town,
477
00:19:16,726 --> 00:19:20,028
and one of them is not.
Thanks, guys.
478
00:19:20,096 --> 00:19:21,664
Ann Perkins!
Uh-oh.
479
00:19:21,731 --> 00:19:23,999
I'm sorry, Chris.
480
00:19:24,066 --> 00:19:26,067
It's very flattering.
I just--
481
00:19:26,135 --> 00:19:28,836
I just don't think
it's a good idea.
482
00:19:28,904 --> 00:19:30,738
It was worth a shot.
483
00:19:30,806 --> 00:19:33,107
Well, I hope that
whoever you end up with
484
00:19:33,175 --> 00:19:36,177
treats like you like
the amazing person that you are.
485
00:19:36,244 --> 00:19:37,478
Thank you.
486
00:19:37,546 --> 00:19:39,447
And I am going to go
run some stairs
487
00:19:39,515 --> 00:19:42,649
and work through
these feelings.
488
00:19:42,717 --> 00:19:44,351
- Is he sad?
- Oh, my God.
489
00:19:44,419 --> 00:19:45,686
He looks sad.
490
00:19:45,753 --> 00:19:47,387
I'm not going out
with Chris again.
491
00:19:47,455 --> 00:19:48,455
Does that mean we're
getting back together?
492
00:19:48,523 --> 00:19:49,989
No. I don't know.
493
00:19:50,057 --> 00:19:50,925
No, not right now.
494
00:19:50,992 --> 00:19:52,026
There's a chance
I'm never
495
00:19:52,093 --> 00:19:53,627
gonna date anyone
ever again.
496
00:19:53,695 --> 00:19:56,797
I'll take it.
And you know what else?
497
00:19:57,365 --> 00:19:59,097
I'm coming for you, girl...
498
00:19:59,165 --> 00:20:02,401
Just...Like...You...Want.
499
00:20:02,469 --> 00:20:04,170
Just get out there
and spin, man.
500
00:20:04,738 --> 00:20:05,839
You got it.
501
00:20:05,906 --> 00:20:08,208
Leslie Knope is scrappy
like a terrier.
502
00:20:08,275 --> 00:20:10,877
She's smoooooth
like a blended whiskey.
503
00:20:10,945 --> 00:20:13,412
My girl has big ideas
and big feelings,
504
00:20:13,480 --> 00:20:14,713
and she's not afraid
to express 'em.
505
00:20:15,530 --> 00:20:17,716
- Was I too mean?
- No, you were perfect.
506
00:20:17,783 --> 00:20:18,951
- Leslie!
- Hey!
507
00:20:19,018 --> 00:20:21,019
- Oh, it was amazing.
- Oh, thank you.
508
00:20:21,087 --> 00:20:22,687
Hey, how was the spin room?
509
00:20:22,755 --> 00:20:24,089
It was a lot.
We'll talk about it.
510
00:20:24,157 --> 00:20:25,790
Woo! We did it!
We did it!
511
00:20:25,859 --> 00:20:28,360
Oh, my God, I was so nervous,
but we completely go through it.
512
00:20:28,427 --> 00:20:29,728
I haven't felt this good
since I scored
513
00:20:29,795 --> 00:20:31,562
that lacrosse goal
at state, seriously.
514
00:20:31,629 --> 00:20:33,197
Hey, party at my dad's
lake house.
515
00:20:33,265 --> 00:20:35,466
Bring whoever you want.
516
00:20:42,540 --> 00:20:45,073
Scrawny Christians,
missionaries,
517
00:20:45,140 --> 00:20:46,608
come to him, and they're like,
"Are you John Rambo?"
518
00:20:46,676 --> 00:20:47,809
He's like, "yeah."
519
00:20:47,877 --> 00:20:49,911
And they're like, "we need you
to take us upriver."
520
00:20:49,979 --> 00:20:51,813
And he's like,
"it's a war zone up there."
521
00:20:51,848 --> 00:20:53,147
And they're like,
"yeah, we know.
522
00:20:53,215 --> 00:20:55,183
We're gonna change things."
523
00:20:55,250 --> 00:20:57,853
And he's like, "you bringing
any weapons?"
524
00:20:57,920 --> 00:20:59,187
They're like, "of course not."
525
00:20:59,254 --> 00:21:00,554
"Then you're not
changing anything.
526
00:21:00,622 --> 00:21:02,089
Go home."
527
00:21:02,156 --> 00:21:03,757
And then they come back
in a rainstorm.
528
00:21:03,825 --> 00:21:07,595
This time he says,
"nope. Go home."
529
00:21:07,662 --> 00:21:09,196
They go home again.
530
00:21:09,263 --> 00:21:12,199
Bottom line, they go upriver.
Does not go well.
531
00:21:12,545 --> 00:21:17,545
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com