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00:00:02,072 --> 00:00:03,439
Washington, D.C.
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Take a deep breath, Andy.
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I mean, you can practically
smell the bills becoming laws.
4
00:00:09,144 --> 00:00:10,178
Yeah.
5
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You can taste the sweet sugar
of bureaucracy at work.
6
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That building
looks like a boob.
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- Yeah, well, it's not.
- Oh, yeah, I know.
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- It's the White House.
- No. It's the Capitol.
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My amazing lover, Ben Wyatt,
is here
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00:00:20,855 --> 00:00:22,523
working on
a congressional campaign.
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00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,325
And he took April with him
as his intern.
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I'm here to visit,
but I am also here to work,
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because I have
a very important meeting
14
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where I am going to try to get
federal funding
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so we can clean up
the Pawnee river.
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It's a bit of a fixer-upper.
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00:00:34,769 --> 00:00:37,604
Romantic reunions,
government meetings,
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00:00:37,672 --> 00:00:39,339
self-guided museum tours--
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I mean, am I living the dream?
I don't know.
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Did I also just walk
past a food truck
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and buy myself a waffle sundae?
Yes.
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Now take out your guidebook.
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Oh, I didn't bring
a guidebook.
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- Oh, I brought you one.
- You did?
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- Yeah.
- Thank you.
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Now throw it away, 'cause
Leslie Knope is your guidebook.
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I didn't--
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I didn't mean literally.
There were some notes in it.
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Okay, grab the book,
and let's hit the National Mall.
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There's a mall?
That's awesome.
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I need to get some flip-flops.
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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Why are we having
a conference-room meeting?
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Leslie's gone.
35
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Ron has taken initiative,
and he is leading the meeting.
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He's not joking.
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I wanted to let you all know
that I will be throwing
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the annual Parks Department
employee-appreciation barbecue.
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You're going to throw
the Leslie Knope
40
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Employment Enjoyment Summerslam
Grill Jam Fun-splosion?
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That's right.
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the watermelon carving,
the gazpacho-off,
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and star in a one-woman show
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about parks rules
and regulations?
45
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"Parks and Dolls."
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♪ I got your park right here,
its name is Ramsett Park. ♪
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♪ and its gates are open
from dawn till dark. ♪
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I am not doing any of that,
which is the point.
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Every summer
Leslie throws a barbecue
50
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to thank the Parks
and Maintenance staff.
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It's horrifying.
52
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Barbecues should be
about one thing--
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good, shared meat.
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There will be
no froofy desserts.
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There will be
no giant-soap-bubble guns.
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There will be
no adult men in costumes.
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And most of all,
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there will be
no bleeping vegetables.
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Well, Ron, can we at least
have corn on the cob?
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No.
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"In this temple,
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"As in the hearts of the people
for whom he saved the Union,
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00:02:42,897 --> 00:02:45,699
the memory of Abraham Lincoln
is enshrined forever."
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00:02:45,767 --> 00:02:47,701
Andy, what are you doing?
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00:02:47,769 --> 00:02:50,504
Have you ever seen any
of the National Treasure movies?
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Everything in this city
is a clue.
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Nothing in that movie
is accurate.
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Aha! A clue!
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00:02:55,677 --> 00:02:57,678
Check it out.
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I think that's just gum.
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How do I know this isn't
a treasure map
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just waiting to be unfurled?
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00:03:01,916 --> 00:03:04,585
- Because it's gum.
- That's gum.
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00:03:04,652 --> 00:03:05,786
Yeah.
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So you can see
that the color changes
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about 1/3 of the way up,
and it's when construction
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was actually halted
on the monu--
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Leslie, this is
a really cool penis,
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but Ben and April
are meeting us
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at the Smithsonian
in 10 minutes.
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Let's talk on the way.
1776, a nation was born.
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Which nation?
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00:03:20,667 --> 00:03:22,803
I offered Ron
a job last month,
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and he turned me down.
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And it literally
broke my heart.
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But now I see that
this is truly where he belongs.
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Way to be, Ron!
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You're really
getting it done, man!
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He can't hear me.
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00:03:37,852 --> 00:03:39,887
Okay, let's begin
the barbecue.
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00:03:39,954 --> 00:03:41,788
Oh, hey, little guy.
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What are you doing?
Oh, no.
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Everyone, meet your meat.
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No!
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Why are you doing this to us?
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00:03:50,164 --> 00:03:51,465
Well, in my opinion,
not enough people
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have looked their dinner
in the eyes
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00:03:52,967 --> 00:03:55,369
and considered
the circle of life.
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This is your dinner.
His name is Tom.
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Burn.
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00:04:00,174 --> 00:04:01,208
Seriously?
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00:04:01,276 --> 00:04:02,976
I understand
that it's hilarious,
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but that is
his given, Christian name.
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Tom is very smart
and incredibly loyal.
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00:04:07,482 --> 00:04:09,082
He's basically a dog.
106
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A dog we're going to cook,
chew, and swallow.
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Dude, there's kids
around here.
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Good point.
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Which one of you youngsters
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wants to help me drain the blood
from this animal?
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If you do a good job,
I'll give you the bladder.
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You can blow it up
for a fun play ball.
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Hey, Ron.
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You're not going to slaughter
that pig here, are you?
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Not to worry.
I have a permit.
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This just says,
"I can do what I want."
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I am the director
of the Parks Department,
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and this is a park.
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It's not a Parks thing.
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It's against, like, three laws
and a dozen health codes.
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Fine.
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Barbecue is postponed
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until I can go pick up some meat
from the Food 'n' Stuff.
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00:04:48,389 --> 00:04:50,724
Let's go, Tom.
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00:04:50,792 --> 00:04:52,025
No, pig Tom.
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00:04:55,063 --> 00:04:58,465
So I want to see
the history of the girl scouts
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00:04:58,533 --> 00:05:01,368
and then Lincoln's pocket watch
and the First Ladies exhibit
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00:05:01,436 --> 00:05:04,338
and everything--
I want to see everything.
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00:05:04,405 --> 00:05:05,939
Andy, get down from there.
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00:05:06,007 --> 00:05:07,240
Hey, Leslie. Is this the train
from Back to the Future III?
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00:05:07,308 --> 00:05:09,476
- Get down from there.
- I think it is.
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00:05:09,544 --> 00:05:10,577
Hey, buddy.
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Come on down from there
for me, please.
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Sir, you protect
our nation's history,
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and you're a hero.
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Yeah,
a hero with something to hide,
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like probably a treasure map.
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Oh, hey.
It's so good to see you.
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00:05:21,622 --> 00:05:23,657
It's so great to see you too.
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00:05:23,725 --> 00:05:25,058
Yeah.
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Yikes.
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00:05:27,495 --> 00:05:29,997
Okay, uh, guys,
let's motor.
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Guys. Guys.
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00:05:31,733 --> 00:05:33,667
Let's go get some astronaut
ice cream or something.
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We were thinking
about maybe just--
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uh, we--
maybe we were gonna go back to--
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We're gonna have sex.
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00:05:39,807 --> 00:05:41,008
Okay.
You look great, April.
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00:05:41,075 --> 00:05:42,442
Sorry, hon.
I actually have to go too.
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00:05:42,510 --> 00:05:44,711
Oh, really? I thought maybe
we could sightsee together.
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00:05:44,779 --> 00:05:46,413
I know.
I have, like, 1,000 meetings.
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But I just wanted to come
wish you luck
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before your presentation.
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Oh, but you know
what you should see
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00:05:51,052 --> 00:05:52,386
while you're here
is George Washington's fare--
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00:05:52,453 --> 00:05:53,787
Farewell address candle stand.
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That was the first thing
I was going to see.
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God, I love you so much.
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Come to my office
as soon as you're done, okay?
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Okay.
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00:06:01,262 --> 00:06:03,263
And it was nice
to see you again.
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Are you talking to my butt?
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- Yes.
- Okay.
164
00:06:09,052 --> 00:06:10,971
Where is Swanson?
165
00:06:11,039 --> 00:06:12,572
Man, I'm hungry.
My legs are tired.
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It feels like
I just exercised.
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Just sit on the ground.
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No, Jerry.
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It's dirty, and I'm wearing
my summer linens.
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God, you're such a baby.
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00:06:21,315 --> 00:06:22,716
Look, I brought a picnic blanket
from your house.
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00:06:22,784 --> 00:06:24,918
That's not a picnic blanket.
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00:06:24,986 --> 00:06:27,454
That's a Merino wool throw
for my Eames chair!
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00:06:27,522 --> 00:06:29,122
Uh-oh.
Do I sense trouble
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00:06:29,190 --> 00:06:31,124
in the Haverford-Perkins
household?
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00:06:31,192 --> 00:06:32,426
No such luck, Donna.
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00:06:32,493 --> 00:06:35,829
Ann and Tom, aka Haverkins,
are stronger than ever.
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Everyone said it wouldn't last.
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00:06:37,865 --> 00:06:39,499
And it didn't.
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Shocking that our drunken plan
to move in together
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00:06:42,036 --> 00:06:43,336
wasn't a success.
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00:06:43,404 --> 00:06:45,739
- Let's move in together.
- Totally.
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00:06:45,807 --> 00:06:47,841
No take-backs when we
sober up, though, partner.
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00:06:47,909 --> 00:06:50,610
No take-backs, partner.
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After the first day, we realized
we had made a huge mistake.
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00:06:53,448 --> 00:06:54,648
Huge.
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00:06:54,715 --> 00:06:57,451
However, everyone was being
so smug about it,
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00:06:57,518 --> 00:06:58,885
saying there's no way
it would last,
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00:06:58,953 --> 00:07:01,054
so we're pretending
to still be together.
190
00:07:01,122 --> 00:07:03,423
That way, no one gets
the satisfaction of being right,
191
00:07:03,491 --> 00:07:05,092
even though they are,
but still.
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00:07:05,159 --> 00:07:07,461
More importantly,
I bet Donna $1,000
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00:07:07,528 --> 00:07:09,029
that we'd be together
for another month.
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00:07:09,097 --> 00:07:10,797
I can't stress this enough.
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00:07:10,865 --> 00:07:13,100
If she finds out
that we broke up,
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00:07:13,167 --> 00:07:15,135
I'll go bankrupt.
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00:07:15,203 --> 00:07:18,605
Oh, my God.
Food. Food.
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00:07:18,673 --> 00:07:19,706
Yes, I am returned.
199
00:07:19,774 --> 00:07:21,708
No.
Not so fast, Shirley.
200
00:07:21,776 --> 00:07:24,144
I just have to thaw the meat,
season it, and grill it up.
201
00:07:24,212 --> 00:07:25,378
So it's going to be a few hours.
202
00:07:25,446 --> 00:07:27,180
No, Ron.
203
00:07:27,248 --> 00:07:29,983
My tummy's rumbling.
It's scary.
204
00:07:30,051 --> 00:07:31,384
Tommy's got the tum-rums.
205
00:07:31,452 --> 00:07:33,386
Ron, Chris Traeger
feelings update--
206
00:07:33,454 --> 00:07:37,457
I'm now feeling that your guests
are getting a little antsy.
207
00:07:37,525 --> 00:07:40,060
Fine. I'll skip a few steps
and speed things up.
208
00:07:40,128 --> 00:07:41,194
There you go.
209
00:07:41,262 --> 00:07:42,529
Is there at least
something to drink?
210
00:07:42,597 --> 00:07:44,131
There's beer in the cooler.
211
00:07:44,198 --> 00:07:45,499
What about for the children?
212
00:07:45,566 --> 00:07:47,400
You can get water
from that water fountain
213
00:07:47,468 --> 00:07:48,835
and use it
to water down the beer.
214
00:07:48,903 --> 00:07:50,804
Why don't you just
give the kids water?
215
00:07:50,872 --> 00:07:51,805
I suppose you could do that.
216
00:07:51,873 --> 00:07:53,406
Now, would everyone
please back off
217
00:07:53,474 --> 00:07:55,876
and just let me cook in peace?
218
00:07:55,943 --> 00:07:57,377
These people are soft.
219
00:07:57,445 --> 00:07:58,979
They're grill virgins.
220
00:07:59,046 --> 00:08:01,348
But by the time
this day is over,
221
00:08:01,415 --> 00:08:03,183
they'll have been
taken by the grill
222
00:08:03,251 --> 00:08:05,852
and delicately and tenderly
shown the ways
223
00:08:05,920 --> 00:08:08,421
of flavorful meat love.
224
00:08:08,489 --> 00:08:10,090
Mmm...
225
00:08:10,158 --> 00:08:12,526
The first time
is so beautiful.
226
00:08:13,593 --> 00:08:15,162
Ben and I are a power couple,
227
00:08:15,229 --> 00:08:17,097
like the Roosevelts
or the Clintons.
228
00:08:17,165 --> 00:08:18,665
I've got a big meeting here.
229
00:08:18,733 --> 00:08:21,201
Ben is off running
a congressional campaign.
230
00:08:21,269 --> 00:08:23,503
I mean, the only way
we could be more awesome
231
00:08:23,571 --> 00:08:25,839
is if we had our own
signature dance move.
232
00:08:25,907 --> 00:08:27,007
Oh, wait.
We do.
233
00:08:27,074 --> 00:08:30,277
Three, four.
234
00:08:33,648 --> 00:08:36,883
I'm Leslie Knope.
I have a 3:00 with Mr. Jepson.
235
00:08:36,951 --> 00:08:38,118
What's this in reference to?
236
00:08:38,186 --> 00:08:39,819
I'm here to present
my application
237
00:08:39,887 --> 00:08:41,721
for the Federal Riverbed
Preservation Grant.
238
00:08:41,789 --> 00:08:44,024
Oh. Most people just mail
their applications in.
239
00:08:44,091 --> 00:08:45,959
I'm not most people.
240
00:08:46,027 --> 00:08:48,061
Mr. Jepson actually had
to step out for the day.
241
00:08:48,129 --> 00:08:52,732
You can just add your proposal
to that pile there.
242
00:08:52,800 --> 00:08:54,000
Oh, uh, I'm sorry.
243
00:08:54,068 --> 00:08:56,369
I was told I would have
a face-to-face meeting with him
244
00:08:56,437 --> 00:08:58,772
so I could make my case
for my town.
245
00:08:58,839 --> 00:09:00,073
Does he have office hours?
246
00:09:00,141 --> 00:09:01,408
He's unavailable
for the rest of the week.
247
00:09:01,475 --> 00:09:03,043
But you can just add
the proposal.
248
00:09:03,110 --> 00:09:06,079
- He'll get to it.
- Oh...
249
00:09:06,147 --> 00:09:07,914
Okay.
250
00:09:10,851 --> 00:09:12,819
It's kind of
a special application.
251
00:09:12,887 --> 00:09:15,855
Uh, you know,
there's a-a CD inside
252
00:09:15,923 --> 00:09:19,259
that, uh, plays the sound
of a babbling river,
253
00:09:19,327 --> 00:09:22,495
and I was going to play that
while I gave my presentation.
254
00:09:22,563 --> 00:09:24,564
I was also going to show a DVD
255
00:09:24,632 --> 00:09:27,334
that had some images
of frolicking river otters.
256
00:09:27,401 --> 00:09:29,336
You know what?
I-I'll make sure he reads it.
257
00:09:29,403 --> 00:09:30,937
What city is it for?
258
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:32,405
Pawnee.
259
00:09:32,473 --> 00:09:35,108
Is that Pawnee, Illinois,
Indiana, Iowa,
260
00:09:35,176 --> 00:09:37,010
Kansas, Missouri,
Nebraska, Oklahoma,
261
00:09:37,078 --> 00:09:38,745
or Texas?
262
00:09:38,813 --> 00:09:40,714
- Indiana.
- Okay.
263
00:09:43,190 --> 00:09:44,623
This is amazing.
264
00:09:44,690 --> 00:09:45,623
Look at this.
265
00:09:45,691 --> 00:09:47,692
This whole place is your office.
266
00:09:47,760 --> 00:09:49,694
Nope.
This is my office.
267
00:09:49,762 --> 00:09:51,396
Ben, you're fired.
It's my office now.
268
00:09:51,463 --> 00:09:52,864
Boom.
You heard the boss.
269
00:09:52,931 --> 00:09:53,965
Scram, Wyatt.
270
00:09:54,033 --> 00:09:56,067
- Hey.
- Hey. How'd it go?
271
00:09:56,135 --> 00:09:57,735
Um, I think okay.
272
00:09:57,803 --> 00:09:59,337
- Yeah?
- Okay, I think.
273
00:09:59,405 --> 00:10:01,339
Well, I have a surprise
for you.
274
00:10:01,407 --> 00:10:05,376
Uh, there's a swanky D.C.
Cocktail party at the Hay-Adams,
275
00:10:05,444 --> 00:10:07,712
and I got us all on the list.
276
00:10:07,780 --> 00:10:11,082
Wow, look at you.
You're a big shot.
277
00:10:11,150 --> 00:10:13,051
Hey, uh, Benjamin,
how fancy is this party tonight?
278
00:10:13,118 --> 00:10:16,921
I mean, is this, like, a shorts
or a pants kind of gala?
279
00:10:17,489 --> 00:10:19,190
- Pants.
- Great.
280
00:10:19,258 --> 00:10:20,825
Could we just real quick stop
at the nearest place
281
00:10:20,893 --> 00:10:22,026
that has free pants?
282
00:10:25,431 --> 00:10:27,398
I know that Ron
doesn't want us to eat anything
283
00:10:27,466 --> 00:10:29,200
before the meat,
but I smuggled in some candy.
284
00:10:29,268 --> 00:10:30,568
Oh, thank God.
I'm starving.
285
00:10:31,636 --> 00:10:32,503
Raisins?
286
00:10:33,071 --> 00:10:34,038
It's nature's candy.
287
00:10:34,106 --> 00:10:35,573
Now, they're basically grapes.
288
00:10:35,641 --> 00:10:37,875
So remember to pace yourself.
289
00:10:39,578 --> 00:10:41,379
I can't even follow
my own advice.
290
00:10:41,447 --> 00:10:43,381
It's too delicious.
291
00:10:44,783 --> 00:10:45,950
Oh, my God.
292
00:10:46,018 --> 00:10:47,552
Did you put glitter
in the laundry detergent?
293
00:10:47,619 --> 00:10:49,053
Oh, yeah.
294
00:10:49,121 --> 00:10:50,788
I'm experimenting with some
new entrepreneurial ideas.
295
00:10:50,856 --> 00:10:52,790
That one's called "Sparkle Suds."
296
00:10:52,858 --> 00:10:53,958
Dress loud.
297
00:10:54,026 --> 00:10:55,860
Will you stop putting
glitter in everything?
298
00:10:55,928 --> 00:10:57,261
This morning
you put glitter in the butter.
299
00:10:57,329 --> 00:10:59,163
"Disco Dairy."
Spread the party.
300
00:10:59,231 --> 00:11:01,632
No, that's not a good idea.
That's terrible.
301
00:11:01,700 --> 00:11:04,402
Well, the target demographic
isn't angry, middle-aged nurses.
302
00:11:04,470 --> 00:11:06,170
- Oh--shh, stop it--hey.
- Wait--
303
00:11:06,238 --> 00:11:07,271
Hey.
304
00:11:07,339 --> 00:11:08,673
I'm going to get in line
for some food.
305
00:11:08,741 --> 00:11:09,841
Y'all want anything?
306
00:11:09,908 --> 00:11:11,542
- We're good. We're really good.
- Nope.
307
00:11:11,610 --> 00:11:12,977
Just spending a little time
with my baby girl.
308
00:11:13,545 --> 00:11:14,579
Ew.
309
00:11:15,146 --> 00:11:16,514
Get off me.
310
00:11:18,550 --> 00:11:20,718
There's so much free food
at this party, honey.
311
00:11:20,786 --> 00:11:24,422
I love politics.
Look, I made a shrimp claw.
312
00:11:24,490 --> 00:11:25,690
I'm really proud
of you, babe.
313
00:11:25,758 --> 00:11:27,291
Now put your used plate
in my purse.
314
00:11:27,359 --> 00:11:28,826
I almost have a complete set.
315
00:11:28,894 --> 00:11:30,962
Really? Oh, my God.
You're so smart.
316
00:11:31,029 --> 00:11:33,331
They say it will pass,
but we'll only get $400 million
317
00:11:33,398 --> 00:11:34,732
instead of $900 million.
318
00:11:34,800 --> 00:11:39,237
Kate works at the Pentagon
and Lacey works for Eric Cantor.
319
00:11:39,304 --> 00:11:40,605
What do you do, Leslie?
320
00:11:40,672 --> 00:11:42,874
I was just recently elected.
I'm a councilwoman.
321
00:11:42,941 --> 00:11:44,976
Local government
is so important.
322
00:11:45,043 --> 00:11:46,878
My grandma's on the city council
in her town.
323
00:11:46,945 --> 00:11:48,513
Gives her a reason
to leave the house.
324
00:11:48,580 --> 00:11:49,881
Oh.
325
00:11:49,948 --> 00:11:51,616
Where did you say
you were from?
326
00:11:51,683 --> 00:11:53,151
It's called Pawnee.
327
00:11:53,218 --> 00:11:54,285
Pawnee, Missouri?
328
00:11:54,353 --> 00:11:56,654
Oh, my--
that is so random.
329
00:11:56,722 --> 00:11:58,990
I've been there--
totally cute.
330
00:11:59,057 --> 00:12:00,091
Pawnee, Indiana.
331
00:12:00,159 --> 00:12:02,627
Pawnee, Missouri,
is a total craphole.
332
00:12:02,694 --> 00:12:05,763
Ben and I both did
some amazing things today.
333
00:12:05,831 --> 00:12:07,832
He scored a victory
for the congressional campaign
334
00:12:07,900 --> 00:12:09,000
he's working on.
335
00:12:09,067 --> 00:12:12,203
And I was mistaken
for Beverly D'Angelo
336
00:12:12,271 --> 00:12:13,905
by a Japanese tourist.
337
00:12:13,972 --> 00:12:18,609
So, pretty big day
for both of us.
338
00:12:18,677 --> 00:12:21,813
Ron, can I have a burger?
I'm hungry.
339
00:12:21,880 --> 00:12:23,548
For the last time,
no burgers yet.
340
00:12:23,615 --> 00:12:25,550
I've got ribs,
and I've got beef cheek.
341
00:12:25,617 --> 00:12:28,352
Ron, where are
my vegan soy patties?
342
00:12:28,420 --> 00:12:30,121
Oh, I gave them to the kids.
They love them.
343
00:12:30,189 --> 00:12:32,356
They're skipping them
across the pond.
344
00:12:32,424 --> 00:12:33,691
Donna, I got to go
to the boys' room.
345
00:12:33,759 --> 00:12:35,693
- Can I have a ride in your car?
- Absolutely not.
346
00:12:35,761 --> 00:12:38,830
This barbecue stinks.
I'm saying it. It stinks.
347
00:12:38,897 --> 00:12:40,097
Do you have any plates
or anything?
348
00:12:40,165 --> 00:12:41,566
I mean, how are we supposed
to eat these rumps?
349
00:12:41,633 --> 00:12:43,067
Ron, if no one takes me
to the bathroom,
350
00:12:43,135 --> 00:12:45,236
I'm just going to have
to go in the trees.
351
00:12:45,304 --> 00:12:47,371
All right.
Forget it.
352
00:12:48,439 --> 00:12:50,074
You have ruined
a perfectly good barbecue
353
00:12:50,142 --> 00:12:53,911
with your demands and chatter.
354
00:12:53,979 --> 00:12:55,813
Enjoy the rest of your evening.
355
00:13:07,459 --> 00:13:09,727
Does anybody feel
like they can't breathe?
356
00:13:09,795 --> 00:13:12,063
- I think I need some fresh air.
- We're outside.
357
00:13:12,130 --> 00:13:13,364
God, these women--
358
00:13:13,432 --> 00:13:16,067
they're so smart
and accomplished and pretty.
359
00:13:16,634 --> 00:13:17,835
And they're tall.
360
00:13:18,002 --> 00:13:19,237
Why are they all so tall?
361
00:13:19,304 --> 00:13:21,472
It's like C-Span
and Neiman Marcus had kids
362
00:13:21,539 --> 00:13:22,440
or something.
363
00:13:22,507 --> 00:13:24,508
Hey, so there's a couple more
people I want you to meet.
364
00:13:24,576 --> 00:13:27,078
Great. I can't wait to meet,
like, five more tall women.
365
00:13:27,145 --> 00:13:29,213
Excuse me, Senators?
366
00:13:29,281 --> 00:13:31,015
Ben Wyatt, from
Congressman Murray's campaign.
367
00:13:31,083 --> 00:13:32,884
Ben, I remember you
from the Kennedy Center.
368
00:13:32,951 --> 00:13:34,018
- That's right.
- Yeah.
369
00:13:34,086 --> 00:13:35,887
I wanted to introduce
my friend Leslie Knope--
370
00:13:35,954 --> 00:13:38,589
Senators Barbara Boxer
and Olympia Snow.
371
00:13:38,657 --> 00:13:40,524
- A pleasure to meet you.
- How do you do?
372
00:13:40,592 --> 00:13:41,792
So, Leslie, what do you do?
373
00:13:41,860 --> 00:13:44,695
I am a city councilwoman
from Pawnee, Indiana.
374
00:13:44,763 --> 00:13:46,264
But you've probably
never heard of us.
375
00:13:46,331 --> 00:13:47,531
We're small and unimportant.
376
00:13:47,599 --> 00:13:50,067
- I'm sure that's not true.
- But it is.
377
00:13:50,135 --> 00:13:51,802
We've got tons of problems.
378
00:13:51,870 --> 00:13:54,839
We're overrun with raccoons
and obese toddlers.
379
00:13:54,907 --> 00:13:56,107
Anyway,
I'm probably boring you.
380
00:13:56,174 --> 00:13:59,510
I just wanted to say
that you are my role models,
381
00:13:59,578 --> 00:14:02,747
and, uh, you are
incredibly amazing women,
382
00:14:02,814 --> 00:14:04,015
and it is an honor to meet you,
383
00:14:04,082 --> 00:14:06,150
and I really respect
your grace under pressure,
384
00:14:06,218 --> 00:14:08,920
and thank you for your time.
385
00:14:11,522 --> 00:14:13,291
Excuse me, Senators.
386
00:14:16,561 --> 00:14:18,496
Uh, Leslie?
387
00:14:18,563 --> 00:14:19,497
Hello?
388
00:14:20,064 --> 00:14:22,166
- What's going on?
- Nothing.
389
00:14:22,234 --> 00:14:23,434
I'm just tired, okay?
390
00:14:23,502 --> 00:14:25,736
I saw 24 historical sights
in a day,
391
00:14:25,804 --> 00:14:28,539
and it's 120 degrees out
with 200% humidity,
392
00:14:28,607 --> 00:14:30,074
'cause this is
a stupid swamp town.
393
00:14:30,142 --> 00:14:31,943
Okay, that would make
anyone cranky.
394
00:14:32,010 --> 00:14:33,611
- I'm not cranky.
- Okay.
395
00:14:33,679 --> 00:14:36,614
I thought you'd enjoy meeting
numbers 4 and 26
396
00:14:36,682 --> 00:14:38,416
on Leslie's list
of amazing women.
397
00:14:38,483 --> 00:14:40,751
I do. I did.
398
00:14:40,819 --> 00:14:42,687
You're the most amazing
boyfriend ever.
399
00:14:42,754 --> 00:14:44,355
And if you don't get
out of here soon,
400
00:14:44,423 --> 00:14:46,123
I'm going to punch you
in the face.
401
00:14:46,191 --> 00:14:49,827
Journal needs a quote
for the profile.
402
00:14:50,395 --> 00:14:52,096
It's fine.
Just go.
403
00:14:52,164 --> 00:14:55,967
I'll see you
at your apartment later.
404
00:14:56,034 --> 00:14:58,069
This is Ben Wyatt.
405
00:15:00,706 --> 00:15:03,174
Excuse me.
I just need to get my coat here.
406
00:15:03,241 --> 00:15:05,643
Could you give me
a minute here, please?
407
00:15:05,711 --> 00:15:07,044
Are you--
are you okay?
408
00:15:07,112 --> 00:15:08,245
Can I get you anything?
409
00:15:08,313 --> 00:15:09,613
I-I would like you
to just leave
410
00:15:09,681 --> 00:15:11,282
and give me
a little privacy here, please.
411
00:15:11,350 --> 00:15:12,483
All right.
412
00:15:12,551 --> 00:15:15,586
I'm sorry.
I hope everything's okay.
413
00:15:16,922 --> 00:15:19,924
Nosy people have no respect
for personal space.
414
00:15:24,070 --> 00:15:26,039
Ann... what the hell?
415
00:15:27,370 --> 00:15:30,039
I put glitter in all
your moisturizers and lotions.
416
00:15:30,107 --> 00:15:32,475
I'm calling it
"Sparkle Skin", by Annie.
417
00:15:32,543 --> 00:15:34,844
Twinkle, twinkle,
big star.
418
00:15:34,912 --> 00:15:36,546
Ann!
That is an amazing idea,
419
00:15:36,613 --> 00:15:38,481
and I will buy it from you,
but never do that again.
420
00:15:38,549 --> 00:15:40,249
That was really
expensive moisturizer.
421
00:15:40,317 --> 00:15:42,351
Yeah, well,
you ruined all of my clothes.
422
00:15:42,419 --> 00:15:44,821
Well, then, I did you
a huge favor, 'cause they stink.
423
00:15:44,888 --> 00:15:46,823
- Are you serious?
- Yes.
424
00:15:46,890 --> 00:15:48,858
Oh, hello, lovers.
425
00:15:48,926 --> 00:15:50,493
- Oh.
- Tom!
426
00:15:50,561 --> 00:15:52,995
You're amazing!
Kiss me more!
427
00:15:53,063 --> 00:15:54,397
- Uh-huh.
- All right. Enough of this.
428
00:15:54,465 --> 00:15:56,733
Y'all broke up a long time ago,
didn't you?
429
00:15:56,800 --> 00:15:58,768
No. We're stronger
than ever, so...
430
00:15:58,836 --> 00:16:00,103
It's all right.
431
00:16:00,170 --> 00:16:01,437
I'ma let y'all have this one.
432
00:16:01,505 --> 00:16:03,005
As someone who has lied a lot
433
00:16:03,073 --> 00:16:06,275
about various aspects
of a myriad of relationships,
434
00:16:06,343 --> 00:16:08,277
I respect the effort
you've gone to.
435
00:16:08,345 --> 00:16:09,712
Let's call off the bet.
436
00:16:09,780 --> 00:16:11,214
Thanks, Donna.
437
00:16:11,281 --> 00:16:12,515
No problem.
438
00:16:12,583 --> 00:16:15,084
- I guess that's it.
- Yep.
439
00:16:15,152 --> 00:16:16,853
The end of a relationship.
440
00:16:16,920 --> 00:16:19,489
And the beginning
of a partnership.
441
00:16:19,556 --> 00:16:20,623
Let's talk "Sparkle Skin."
442
00:16:20,691 --> 00:16:21,758
Do we know anyone
443
00:16:21,825 --> 00:16:23,426
in product development
over at Sephora?
444
00:16:23,494 --> 00:16:25,061
Good-bye, Tom.
445
00:16:25,129 --> 00:16:26,496
Here's a picture
of me and April
446
00:16:26,563 --> 00:16:27,864
making out in her apartment.
447
00:16:27,931 --> 00:16:29,132
- Oh.
- Here's a picture of us
448
00:16:29,199 --> 00:16:31,801
making out in Ben's office.
449
00:16:31,869 --> 00:16:34,237
This is a picture--
oh, this is us making out--
450
00:16:34,304 --> 00:16:35,471
I don't know where that is,
451
00:16:35,539 --> 00:16:36,973
but you can tell
that she's sucking on my lip.
452
00:16:38,476 --> 00:16:39,775
Traveling.
453
00:16:40,343 --> 00:16:41,477
Making out--
are you okay, boss?
454
00:16:41,545 --> 00:16:43,279
No.
Not really.
455
00:16:43,347 --> 00:16:45,148
I know I should be focusing
on this river cleanup,
456
00:16:45,215 --> 00:16:47,784
but all I keep thinking about
is Ben laughing in a helicopter
457
00:16:47,851 --> 00:16:49,218
with Hot Rebecca.
458
00:16:49,286 --> 00:16:51,120
Who's Hot Rebecca?
459
00:16:51,188 --> 00:16:53,923
She's just this
jealousy amalgam I created.
460
00:16:55,626 --> 00:16:57,727
I combined all
of the giant, dark-haired,
461
00:16:57,795 --> 00:17:00,296
smartphone power goddesses
into one woman
462
00:17:00,364 --> 00:17:01,798
called Hot Rebecca.
463
00:17:01,865 --> 00:17:04,000
- Ah.
- I mean, Ben's life is filled
464
00:17:04,067 --> 00:17:05,968
with senators and briefings
and Super PACs.
465
00:17:06,036 --> 00:17:08,838
I can't even get a meeting
with some bureaucrat.
466
00:17:08,906 --> 00:17:11,440
I don't even know
what a bureaucrat is.
467
00:17:11,508 --> 00:17:14,677
Everything's going to be fine
with you and Ben,
468
00:17:14,745 --> 00:17:18,815
because if I know Ben,
he, too, is an amalgam.
469
00:17:18,882 --> 00:17:20,183
- No.
- Yeah.
470
00:17:20,250 --> 00:17:23,519
Point is, you're better
than Hot Rebecca.
471
00:17:23,587 --> 00:17:24,687
You're kickass Leslie.
472
00:17:24,755 --> 00:17:28,491
Long-distance relationships
are never easy,
473
00:17:28,559 --> 00:17:30,426
but you never, ever
give up on stuff.
474
00:17:30,494 --> 00:17:32,361
Thanks.
475
00:17:32,429 --> 00:17:34,530
- That's what makes you...
- Nope.
476
00:17:34,598 --> 00:17:37,166
An amalgam.
Nailed it.
477
00:17:38,435 --> 00:17:41,204
Ron, a word?
478
00:17:41,271 --> 00:17:43,639
Are you aware of what's going on
out in your department?
479
00:17:43,707 --> 00:17:44,640
I am.
480
00:17:44,708 --> 00:17:45,875
My department is pouting
481
00:17:45,943 --> 00:17:47,810
because I didn't put on
a puppet show
482
00:17:47,878 --> 00:17:50,646
based on the funniest
email chain of the year.
483
00:17:50,714 --> 00:17:51,914
I would have liked
to have seen that show.
484
00:17:51,982 --> 00:17:53,316
My nomination was
485
00:17:53,383 --> 00:17:56,819
Jerry accidentally forwards
his bank statement to everyone.
486
00:17:56,887 --> 00:17:58,988
Classic...
487
00:17:59,056 --> 00:18:00,356
And depressing.
488
00:18:00,424 --> 00:18:02,258
The point of a barbecue
is not to do
489
00:18:02,326 --> 00:18:05,962
hokey, office joke theater.
The point is--
490
00:18:06,029 --> 00:18:08,865
The point of the barbecue
was to thank the department.
491
00:18:08,932 --> 00:18:11,467
It was an employee-appreciation
barbecue.
492
00:18:12,035 --> 00:18:14,103
Ron, I gave you the chance
493
00:18:14,171 --> 00:18:16,439
to become assistant
city manager.
494
00:18:16,506 --> 00:18:19,308
And you chose to stay here,
which is fine.
495
00:18:19,376 --> 00:18:21,611
But if you're going
to lead the department,
496
00:18:21,678 --> 00:18:24,180
you occasionally
have to lead the department.
497
00:18:24,248 --> 00:18:27,884
And I say that as one
of your closest colleagues
498
00:18:27,951 --> 00:18:30,419
and dearest friends...
499
00:18:30,487 --> 00:18:32,054
But also as your boss.
500
00:18:34,791 --> 00:18:37,627
I went to our nation's capital
this weekend
501
00:18:37,694 --> 00:18:39,495
in order to apply
for a federal grant
502
00:18:39,563 --> 00:18:41,664
to clean up our city's river.
503
00:18:41,732 --> 00:18:44,567
But things move pretty slow
in Washington,
504
00:18:44,635 --> 00:18:45,935
and I'm not going
to wait around.
505
00:18:46,003 --> 00:18:48,437
Now, I was recently reminded
by someone
506
00:18:48,505 --> 00:18:52,909
that I'm not the type of person
to shy away from hard work.
507
00:18:53,844 --> 00:18:54,911
What?
Did I--
508
00:18:55,478 --> 00:18:56,679
Do you need something
from me right now?
509
00:18:56,747 --> 00:18:58,080
No, no, no.
Never mind.
510
00:18:58,148 --> 00:19:01,951
Point is, I'm going to clean up
this river by myself.
511
00:19:02,019 --> 00:19:04,186
Every Saturday
from 8:00 a.m. to 10:00 a.m.,
512
00:19:04,254 --> 00:19:05,187
I will be here.
513
00:19:05,255 --> 00:19:07,123
Those are my office hours.
514
00:19:07,190 --> 00:19:08,758
If you want to come
and talk to me
515
00:19:08,825 --> 00:19:10,860
or ask me questions
or raise an issue,
516
00:19:10,928 --> 00:19:12,295
this is where I'll be.
517
00:19:12,362 --> 00:19:13,629
Let's get to work, Pawnee.
518
00:19:15,197 --> 00:19:16,265
Oh, my God.
519
00:19:16,333 --> 00:19:18,067
The smell is so much worse
when you get up close.
520
00:19:18,135 --> 00:19:20,569
Yeah.
Oh, look, a handgun.
521
00:19:20,637 --> 00:19:21,570
I call it.
522
00:19:21,638 --> 00:19:23,472
- Holy--
- Whoa!
523
00:19:24,040 --> 00:19:26,909
Everyone, get in here now!
524
00:19:29,346 --> 00:19:31,781
Your work is appreciated.
525
00:19:31,848 --> 00:19:32,815
Eat some corn.
526
00:19:32,883 --> 00:19:34,817
- Wow. Thank you, Ron.
- Thanks, boss.
527
00:19:34,885 --> 00:19:36,452
- Thanks, Ron.
- Thanks, Ron.
528
00:19:36,520 --> 00:19:38,087
Also, here's Tom.
529
00:19:38,155 --> 00:19:39,622
Aah!
530
00:19:41,058 --> 00:19:43,326
It actually smells
really delicious.
531
00:19:43,393 --> 00:19:44,593
It really does.
532
00:19:44,661 --> 00:19:46,329
Give me some of Tommy's ribs.
533
00:19:46,396 --> 00:19:48,631
- Oh, heck, yeah.
- Sorry, Tom.
534
00:19:48,699 --> 00:19:50,166
Oh, my God.
That's good.
535
00:19:50,233 --> 00:19:52,301
I mean, if I'd known
it didn't go well
536
00:19:52,369 --> 00:19:54,003
with the guy from Interior, I--
537
00:19:54,071 --> 00:19:55,838
No, no, no.
You did nothing wrong.
538
00:19:55,906 --> 00:19:57,306
I'm so happy for you
539
00:19:57,374 --> 00:20:00,343
and how much everyone loves you
and how great you're doing.
540
00:20:00,410 --> 00:20:01,944
I just freaked out.
I'm sorry.
541
00:20:02,512 --> 00:20:03,846
Long distance sucks.
542
00:20:03,914 --> 00:20:07,450
It does.
But we can do this, right?
543
00:20:07,517 --> 00:20:09,251
Yeah, definitely.
544
00:20:09,319 --> 00:20:10,753
Can you come visit next month?
545
00:20:10,821 --> 00:20:12,621
We can take a proper tour
of the sights.
546
00:20:13,189 --> 00:20:15,524
There's only one sight
I want to see right now.
547
00:20:15,592 --> 00:20:17,626
All right,
I mean, this is getting weird,
548
00:20:17,694 --> 00:20:19,829
but, uh, there it is.
549
00:20:19,896 --> 00:20:21,764
I meant
the Jefferson Memorial,
550
00:20:21,832 --> 00:20:22,765
you perv.
551
00:20:22,833 --> 00:20:23,866
Right. Sorry.
552
00:20:23,934 --> 00:20:25,768
Sorry, I-I don't, uh--
553
00:20:25,836 --> 00:20:28,137
I'm--I'm just--
554
00:20:28,205 --> 00:20:29,138
Wait.
No, you didn't.
555
00:20:29,206 --> 00:20:31,207
No, I didn't.
556
00:20:31,506 --> 00:20:33,607
- Spin it around and back it on up.
- All right.
557
00:20:35,296 --> 00:20:38,296
The White House--
America's most whitest house--
558
00:20:38,764 --> 00:20:40,932
most notably is
where Sinbad lived
559
00:20:41,000 --> 00:20:42,134
in the film First Kid.
560
00:20:42,201 --> 00:20:43,602
Sinbad, wow.
561
00:20:43,669 --> 00:20:46,238
The other tour guide
never said anything about that.
562
00:20:46,305 --> 00:20:49,107
Do you know why
it's called the Oval Office?
563
00:20:49,175 --> 00:20:50,675
No.
564
00:20:50,743 --> 00:20:52,677
Because of a man--
Oval Redenbacher...
565
00:20:52,745 --> 00:20:54,179
- What?
- Popcorn inventor.
566
00:20:54,247 --> 00:20:56,181
He used to hang out
with John F. Kennedy.
567
00:20:56,249 --> 00:20:58,049
Excuse me.
Attention, everyone.
568
00:20:58,117 --> 00:20:59,384
This tour guide
569
00:20:59,452 --> 00:21:01,486
is the most amazing tour guide
there ever was.
570
00:21:01,554 --> 00:21:03,889
Please, step up.
571
00:21:03,956 --> 00:21:06,157
$200 cash up front.
572
00:21:06,659 --> 00:21:11,259
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com