1
00:00:01,899 --> 00:00:03,198
Hey, there you are.
2
00:00:03,399 --> 00:00:05,199
- I miss you.
- I miss you, too.
3
00:00:05,701 --> 00:00:06,334
Where are you?
4
00:00:06,336 --> 00:00:08,169
I'm in my new
city council office.
5
00:00:08,171 --> 00:00:09,670
- No way.
- I know, do you like it?
6
00:00:09,672 --> 00:00:10,671
I love it.
7
00:00:10,673 --> 00:00:12,406
I love it, too.
Check this out.
8
00:00:12,908 --> 00:00:15,676
Here is my wall
of inspirational women.
9
00:00:15,678 --> 00:00:16,911
Ah.
10
00:00:16,913 --> 00:00:18,179
Is that a picture of you?
11
00:00:18,181 --> 00:00:19,714
Yes.
I am big enough to admit
12
00:00:19,716 --> 00:00:22,016
that I am often inspired
by myself.
13
00:00:22,018 --> 00:00:25,185
Here are my clocks.
Pawnee and Washington D.C.
14
00:00:25,187 --> 00:00:26,253
Same time zone.
15
00:00:26,255 --> 00:00:27,488
Oh, this is
the coolest part ever.
16
00:00:27,489 --> 00:00:29,988
I have my own
private bathroom.
17
00:00:30,089 --> 00:00:30,988
Occupied!
18
00:00:30,989 --> 00:00:32,388
- Oh my God.
- Ugh.
19
00:00:33,889 --> 00:00:34,888
Councilman Jamm.
20
00:00:34,989 --> 00:00:36,388
What are you doing in my bathroom?
21
00:00:36,439 --> 00:00:38,388
I don't known if i would call it
your bathroom.
22
00:00:38,888 --> 00:00:41,087
Its only door
is in my office.
23
00:00:41,088 --> 00:00:44,991
I think it is crazy that
the most junior city councilor
24
00:00:44,993 --> 00:00:48,028
gets a private bathroom
just because she is a girl.
25
00:00:48,030 --> 00:00:50,664
- Excuse me?
- Let's solve this.
26
00:00:50,666 --> 00:00:51,865
Tell you what
I'm going to do.
27
00:00:51,867 --> 00:00:53,800
I'm going
to drop my liquids in here,
28
00:00:53,802 --> 00:00:55,235
take my solids
down the hall.
29
00:00:55,587 --> 00:00:57,720
- Deal?
- No. No deal.
30
00:00:57,722 --> 00:01:00,190
Fine.
Your loss.
31
00:01:01,926 --> 00:01:03,026
How?
32
00:01:06,031 --> 00:01:10,631
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
33
00:01:23,214 --> 00:01:24,480
Fun fact about me.
34
00:01:24,482 --> 00:01:28,151
I recently began
intensive psychotherapy.
35
00:01:28,303 --> 00:01:29,836
I may have mentioned that
to you already.
36
00:01:29,838 --> 00:01:31,304
Several times.
37
00:01:31,306 --> 00:01:32,506
Well,
like my therapist says,
38
00:01:32,508 --> 00:01:34,741
"You can't share too much
or too often."
39
00:01:34,743 --> 00:01:36,443
You know, Gayle and I,
we saw a couples therapist
40
00:01:36,445 --> 00:01:38,178
for a little while.
That's too much, Jerry.
41
00:01:38,180 --> 00:01:39,212
For real.
Keep us out your bedroom.
42
00:01:41,650 --> 00:01:44,451
When I lacked self-confidence,
I called my running coach.
43
00:01:44,453 --> 00:01:47,287
And now, no matter
what emotion I'm feeling,
44
00:01:47,289 --> 00:01:50,223
I call one number--
my therapist.
45
00:01:50,225 --> 00:01:52,893
I want to do the same thing
for the city.
46
00:01:52,895 --> 00:01:54,895
A psychotherapist
for the city.
47
00:01:54,897 --> 00:01:55,896
No, Andy.
48
00:01:55,898 --> 00:01:57,230
- No.
- A 311 line.
49
00:01:57,232 --> 00:02:01,468
Citizens will call 311
for whatever problem they have.
50
00:02:01,470 --> 00:02:04,037
Uncollected garbage,
broken streetlight,
51
00:02:04,039 --> 00:02:07,107
and we will direct them
to the proper department.
52
00:02:07,109 --> 00:02:08,575
Chris, great idea.
53
00:02:08,577 --> 00:02:09,809
Thank you, Andy.
I agree.
54
00:02:09,811 --> 00:02:10,844
I love this idea.
55
00:02:10,846 --> 00:02:12,946
And I love me
for thinking of it.
56
00:02:12,948 --> 00:02:14,748
My therapist said that
I need to be more vocal
57
00:02:14,750 --> 00:02:15,749
about appreciating myself.
58
00:02:15,751 --> 00:02:17,284
Thank you, Chris.
59
00:02:17,286 --> 00:02:19,352
You're welcome, Chris.
60
00:02:19,354 --> 00:02:21,087
I sound insane.
61
00:02:21,089 --> 00:02:22,355
I'm going to go talk
to my therapist.
62
00:02:22,357 --> 00:02:24,090
Welcome to Pawnee Today.
63
00:02:24,092 --> 00:02:27,093
I am first-rate newswoman
Joan Callamezzo.
64
00:02:27,095 --> 00:02:31,831
Pawnee's City Council
approval rate is at a dismal 3%.
65
00:02:31,833 --> 00:02:33,934
That's an all-time low.
Yuck.
66
00:02:33,936 --> 00:02:36,803
Leslie, the city council
has done very little
67
00:02:36,805 --> 00:02:38,338
over the past few years,
68
00:02:38,340 --> 00:02:40,307
and what they
have accomplished,
69
00:02:40,309 --> 00:02:42,542
in my opinion,
has been embarrassing.
70
00:02:42,544 --> 00:02:43,543
And that is a fact.
71
00:02:43,545 --> 00:02:45,445
No, that's your opinion.
72
00:02:45,447 --> 00:02:46,680
That's the definition
of an opinion.
73
00:02:46,682 --> 00:02:49,316
Well,
that's your opinion.
74
00:02:49,318 --> 00:02:52,152
The city council
has some political gridlock
75
00:02:52,154 --> 00:02:53,386
and some partisan bickering,
76
00:02:53,388 --> 00:02:55,221
but we're actually
about to pass a bill--
77
00:02:55,223 --> 00:02:56,222
my bill--
78
00:02:56,224 --> 00:02:57,824
the Leslie Knope
Fun In The Sun Act,
79
00:02:57,826 --> 00:03:00,827
which will extend
public pool hours citywide.
80
00:03:02,629 --> 00:03:04,097
Can you say, "big whoop"?
81
00:03:04,099 --> 00:03:06,833
Recently, the Captain of
the Pawnee Porpoises swim team
82
00:03:06,835 --> 00:03:09,536
asked me if we could keep
the public pools open longer
83
00:03:09,538 --> 00:03:11,338
so they could log
more practice time,
84
00:03:11,340 --> 00:03:13,306
and I said, "Absolutely."
85
00:03:13,308 --> 00:03:15,308
Because not only am I
a city councilor.
86
00:03:15,310 --> 00:03:17,811
I'm a city councilor
with porpoise.
87
00:03:19,047 --> 00:03:22,215
By passing the bill,
and extending pool hours,
88
00:03:22,217 --> 00:03:25,418
we are saying to our citizens
that this City Council
89
00:03:25,420 --> 00:03:27,887
is determined
to better our town.
90
00:03:27,889 --> 00:03:30,123
Okay, Pawnee Porpoises
youth swim team,
91
00:03:30,125 --> 00:03:31,124
I have a question for you.
92
00:03:31,126 --> 00:03:32,492
What is your
greatest accomplishment?
93
00:03:32,494 --> 00:03:34,127
We came in fourth
94
00:03:34,129 --> 00:03:35,362
in the County swim meet
last year.
95
00:03:35,364 --> 00:03:37,030
Wrong,
your greatest accomplishment
96
00:03:37,032 --> 00:03:39,966
is happening in two hours
when this bill becomes law.
97
00:03:39,968 --> 00:03:41,501
Yay.
98
00:03:41,503 --> 00:03:42,769
I just want you to be
very proud of yourselves,
99
00:03:42,771 --> 00:03:45,805
because this bill is going
to start a long romance
100
00:03:45,807 --> 00:03:47,107
between the city
and its government.
101
00:03:47,109 --> 00:03:50,777
Porpoise call!
102
00:03:54,483 --> 00:03:55,982
What are you doing?
103
00:03:55,984 --> 00:03:57,350
I'm doing a porpoise call,
which we used to do
104
00:03:57,352 --> 00:03:58,518
when I
was part of your group,
105
00:03:58,520 --> 00:03:59,586
but it seems like
you don't do it any more
106
00:03:59,588 --> 00:04:00,720
and that's fine.
107
00:04:00,722 --> 00:04:02,022
I'm not weird.
Okay, everybody leave.
108
00:04:02,024 --> 00:04:04,758
I'll see you
at the city council meeting.
109
00:04:04,760 --> 00:04:06,393
Hey, are you busy?
110
00:04:06,395 --> 00:04:08,595
And writing Star Trek
fan fiction does not count.
111
00:04:08,597 --> 00:04:09,796
Ha ha ha.
112
00:04:09,798 --> 00:04:12,465
I... finished it last week.
What's going on?
113
00:04:12,467 --> 00:04:14,634
Um, I miss Andy.
114
00:04:14,636 --> 00:04:16,670
And you probably miss
your lover, Chris.
115
00:04:16,672 --> 00:04:17,771
Leslie.
116
00:04:17,773 --> 00:04:18,938
I had an idea.
It's Friday.
117
00:04:18,940 --> 00:04:20,907
Pawnee's only a ten-hour drive.
Road trip?
118
00:04:20,909 --> 00:04:22,876
Oh, I don't know,
I was going to try to get a jump
119
00:04:22,878 --> 00:04:24,511
on some work this weekend.
120
00:04:24,513 --> 00:04:26,012
Dude, 30 years from now,
121
00:04:26,014 --> 00:04:27,914
when you're on your deathbed,
what are you going to remember?
122
00:04:27,916 --> 00:04:30,183
Organizing files or taking
a spontaneous road trip
123
00:04:30,185 --> 00:04:31,418
to surprise Leslie?
124
00:04:31,420 --> 00:04:33,920
Yeah, you know what?
All right, I'm in.
125
00:04:33,922 --> 00:04:36,890
You know, we might be able
to sneak out early.
126
00:04:36,892 --> 00:04:38,725
You get snacks.
I'll bring music.
127
00:04:38,727 --> 00:04:40,293
We'll jam out
to some sweet tunage.
128
00:04:40,295 --> 00:04:41,494
You know what?
This is awesome.
129
00:04:41,496 --> 00:04:43,530
Actually, no.
I don't want to go any more.
130
00:04:43,532 --> 00:04:45,532
Oh. Okay.
131
00:04:45,534 --> 00:04:46,966
Just kidding.
See you in ten minutes.
132
00:04:46,968 --> 00:04:47,967
Okay.
133
00:04:47,969 --> 00:04:50,704
Just kidding.
We're not going.
134
00:04:50,706 --> 00:04:51,705
Road trip!
135
00:04:51,707 --> 00:04:52,706
So we're going?
136
00:04:52,708 --> 00:04:54,174
Yes!
137
00:04:54,176 --> 00:04:56,543
Oh, I'm excited
to bond a little with April.
138
00:04:56,545 --> 00:04:58,211
She's like the little sister
I never had.
139
00:04:58,213 --> 00:05:00,613
Because the little sister
I do have
140
00:05:00,615 --> 00:05:03,650
is normal
and not terrifying.
141
00:05:08,989 --> 00:05:12,058
- 311.
- Well, Diane, for potholes,
142
00:05:12,060 --> 00:05:13,393
you want to speak
with Public Works.
143
00:05:14,796 --> 00:05:16,963
I understand
you've tried them four times.
144
00:05:16,965 --> 00:05:19,466
Government is inefficient
and should be dissolved.
145
00:05:19,468 --> 00:05:21,434
Please hold
while I transfer you.
146
00:05:21,436 --> 00:05:22,769
Donna, can you help me?
147
00:05:22,771 --> 00:05:25,538
I got a 311 call,
but it was all static.
148
00:05:25,540 --> 00:05:27,073
That sounds like
an I.T. problem.
149
00:05:27,075 --> 00:05:28,341
Well, how do I
get I.T. here?
150
00:05:28,343 --> 00:05:30,510
Call 311.
151
00:05:31,012 --> 00:05:33,847
311, how can I--
152
00:05:33,849 --> 00:05:35,949
Oh, hello again, Diane.
153
00:05:35,951 --> 00:05:38,418
Nobody answered?
154
00:05:38,420 --> 00:05:39,419
Okay, you know what?
155
00:05:39,421 --> 00:05:41,654
Someone will be there shortly.
156
00:05:41,656 --> 00:05:43,823
Andrew, get your lunch,
some water,
157
00:05:43,825 --> 00:05:45,692
and a 40-pound bag
of asphalt.
158
00:05:45,694 --> 00:05:46,926
Okay, boss.
What are we doing?
159
00:05:46,928 --> 00:05:48,094
- We're fixing a pothole.
- Hey!
160
00:05:51,032 --> 00:05:54,167
Pawnee 311.
How can I help--
161
00:05:54,169 --> 00:05:55,635
Oh, no.
No, this is not 911.
162
00:05:55,637 --> 00:05:56,770
No, no.
This is 311.
163
00:05:56,772 --> 00:05:59,405
Donna, they switched my phone
with 911.
164
00:05:59,407 --> 00:06:00,607
What do I do?
165
00:06:00,609 --> 00:06:01,841
I don't know.
Try to help.
166
00:06:01,843 --> 00:06:02,842
Now hush.
167
00:06:02,844 --> 00:06:05,011
It is heating up
in this piece.
168
00:06:05,013 --> 00:06:06,179
Oh, that sounds awful.
169
00:06:06,181 --> 00:06:08,848
Good lord,
it is hot.
170
00:06:08,850 --> 00:06:10,250
Yes, mercy me.
171
00:06:10,252 --> 00:06:11,618
Living in this town's
like living
172
00:06:11,620 --> 00:06:12,786
in the devil's butt crack.
173
00:06:12,788 --> 00:06:14,854
Almost out of gas.
174
00:06:14,856 --> 00:06:16,956
I'll wait
till we're on the highway.
175
00:06:16,958 --> 00:06:21,861
Now, the GPS says
we should take 495 to 270,
176
00:06:21,863 --> 00:06:23,096
but check out this
cool alternate route I fou--
177
00:06:23,098 --> 00:06:24,898
Oh, my God,
that is so interesting to me
178
00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,733
because I'm a map salesman.
179
00:06:26,735 --> 00:06:28,234
Why aren't we moving?
180
00:06:28,236 --> 00:06:30,303
Because.
Other cars.
181
00:06:31,406 --> 00:06:32,539
Will you not do that?
Please don't.
182
00:06:32,541 --> 00:06:33,873
That's what you do
when you--
183
00:06:33,875 --> 00:06:36,075
Please don't do--
Oh, great, here comes a guy.
184
00:06:36,077 --> 00:06:37,811
- Excuse me.
- Mm-hmm?
185
00:06:37,813 --> 00:06:39,312
- Why aren't we moving?
- Exit's closed for a bit.
186
00:06:39,314 --> 00:06:40,613
Presidential motorcade.
187
00:06:40,615 --> 00:06:45,385
I'll just shut off the car
till it opens up.
188
00:06:49,123 --> 00:06:50,957
Holy [Bleep], it's hot.
189
00:06:53,294 --> 00:06:55,061
Oh, yeah, yeah.
190
00:06:55,063 --> 00:06:56,830
Beautiful, Tom.
Beautiful.
191
00:06:56,832 --> 00:06:59,098
- Dynamite gums.
- Aw, thanks.
192
00:06:59,100 --> 00:07:01,768
Tom, do you want to know
why I moved to Pawnee?
193
00:07:01,770 --> 00:07:03,036
Sure.
194
00:07:03,038 --> 00:07:04,537
It's because
the two leading industries here
195
00:07:04,539 --> 00:07:06,739
are corn syrup
and rubber nipples.
196
00:07:06,741 --> 00:07:10,276
It is a dentistry jackpot.
It's genius, right?
197
00:07:10,278 --> 00:07:12,278
Well, D.D.S. doesn't stand
for "dumb, dumb, stupid."
198
00:07:13,880 --> 00:07:15,515
I like that.
199
00:07:15,517 --> 00:07:17,150
I'm going to steal it.
That's mine now.
200
00:07:17,152 --> 00:07:18,451
All right. Cool.
201
00:07:18,453 --> 00:07:20,486
Councilman Jamm and I
have gotten pretty tight.
202
00:07:20,488 --> 00:07:22,822
And I'm hoping to parlay this
into a membership
203
00:07:22,824 --> 00:07:24,157
at the Pawnee Smokehouse,
204
00:07:24,159 --> 00:07:27,327
Pawnee's most exclusive
cigar club.
205
00:07:27,329 --> 00:07:29,996
Overstuffed leather chairs,
top-shelf brandies.
206
00:07:29,998 --> 00:07:33,266
And that stale tobacco stench
that says,
207
00:07:33,268 --> 00:07:35,168
"Welcome to the top."
208
00:07:35,170 --> 00:07:37,871
You're a member
of the Pawnee Smokehouse, right?
209
00:07:37,873 --> 00:07:40,139
- Oh, yeah.
- Man, I love a good stogie.
210
00:07:40,141 --> 00:07:43,676
I actually just had this
personalized cigar cutter made.
211
00:07:43,678 --> 00:07:44,944
Whoa.
212
00:07:44,946 --> 00:07:46,179
Real nice.
213
00:07:46,181 --> 00:07:49,048
Not my initials,
but thank you so much.
214
00:07:49,050 --> 00:07:50,450
Oh, well, it's not--
215
00:07:50,452 --> 00:07:52,018
Okay.
216
00:07:52,020 --> 00:07:53,553
Hey, so, uh,
we're still all good
217
00:07:53,555 --> 00:07:54,787
on Leslie's bill, right?
218
00:07:55,289 --> 00:07:58,558
Actually, Tommy,
we need to talk.
219
00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:00,693
I have wanted this perm
since middle school.
220
00:08:00,695 --> 00:08:02,061
I could not be
more excited about this.
221
00:08:02,063 --> 00:08:04,297
- Are you excited, Autumn?
- Yeah, definitely.
222
00:08:04,299 --> 00:08:07,667
Do you ever give a perm
to someone and ever regret it?
223
00:08:07,669 --> 00:08:09,535
Uh...
224
00:08:09,537 --> 00:08:12,205
Ann has told me repeatedly
not to get a perm.
225
00:08:12,207 --> 00:08:13,406
But Ann's not here.
226
00:08:13,408 --> 00:08:17,310
So when the Ann's away,
the mice get perms.
227
00:08:18,545 --> 00:08:20,980
Councilman Jamm
changed his vote.
228
00:08:20,982 --> 00:08:22,282
He's voting no
on Fun in the Sun.
229
00:08:22,284 --> 00:08:24,417
What? Why?
He promised me.
230
00:08:24,419 --> 00:08:26,286
He just said
that he changed his mind.
231
00:08:26,288 --> 00:08:28,421
Then he told me some veneers
could really make my smile pop.
232
00:08:28,423 --> 00:08:29,722
Thoughts?
233
00:08:29,724 --> 00:08:30,990
Oh, my God.
The vote is in an hour.
234
00:08:30,992 --> 00:08:33,693
Okay, we need to have an
emergency strategy session now.
235
00:08:33,695 --> 00:08:36,529
- What about the perm?
- The perm must wait, Autumn!
236
00:08:36,531 --> 00:08:39,532
The perm must wait.
237
00:08:41,720 --> 00:08:43,821
Wait... So this means the bill
isn't going to pass?
238
00:08:43,923 --> 00:08:46,422
My parents said that you guys
can't get anything done.
239
00:08:46,724 --> 00:08:47,790
Now, wait, okay, hold on.
240
00:08:47,792 --> 00:08:49,358
This isn't over
by a long shot.
241
00:08:49,360 --> 00:08:51,194
But it's three to two
against us.
242
00:08:51,196 --> 00:08:52,228
Yeah, I know
how to do math, Mason.
243
00:08:52,230 --> 00:08:53,930
Okay, don't be an alarmist.
244
00:08:53,932 --> 00:08:55,431
It's very important
that we stay positive.
245
00:08:55,433 --> 00:08:57,700
Our positive attitude
is our greatest asset.
246
00:08:57,702 --> 00:08:58,935
- Tom, a word, please.
- Mm-hmm.
247
00:08:58,937 --> 00:09:00,403
The bill is dead,
the Porpoises are doomed,
248
00:09:00,455 --> 00:09:02,555
and democracy is over.
Oh, my God.
249
00:09:02,557 --> 00:09:04,824
I can't believe
I decided to get a perm.
250
00:09:04,826 --> 00:09:06,693
Ann should have never
let me do this.
251
00:09:06,695 --> 00:09:08,294
Look, Jamm saw you
on Pawnee Today.
252
00:09:08,296 --> 00:09:09,796
He knows how much
you want this.
253
00:09:09,798 --> 00:09:11,164
He's just trying to get
something in return.
254
00:09:11,166 --> 00:09:12,498
This is a bargaining tool.
255
00:09:12,500 --> 00:09:14,067
You know, this is why
people hate the government.
256
00:09:14,069 --> 00:09:16,736
'Cause just when we're about
to do something really good,
257
00:09:16,738 --> 00:09:18,738
it all falls apart
due to some stupid,
258
00:09:18,740 --> 00:09:20,573
selfish jerk butt.
259
00:09:20,575 --> 00:09:22,876
You know, screw Jamm.
Screw Jamm.
260
00:09:22,878 --> 00:09:24,744
I'm just going to try
to get Councilman Milton's vote.
261
00:09:24,746 --> 00:09:26,512
Milton?
He's, like, 150 years old.
262
00:09:26,514 --> 00:09:28,314
Yeah.
He's got grandkids, okay?
263
00:09:28,316 --> 00:09:29,616
And--and kids love to swim.
264
00:09:29,618 --> 00:09:30,617
And he'll give us his vote.
265
00:09:30,619 --> 00:09:31,718
He's an old person,
266
00:09:31,720 --> 00:09:32,852
and I'll talk to him
really slowly.
267
00:09:32,854 --> 00:09:33,920
He won't even know
what he's doing.
268
00:09:33,922 --> 00:09:36,990
I just need to hurry up.
How do I look?
269
00:09:36,992 --> 00:09:39,492
I don't know
how to answer that.
270
00:09:41,862 --> 00:09:43,763
Hi, I'm Andy.
I really like your dress.
271
00:09:43,765 --> 00:09:46,366
- I'm a princess.
- I'm a mermaid.
272
00:09:46,368 --> 00:09:48,501
I'm the director
of Parks and Recreation.
273
00:09:48,503 --> 00:09:50,103
I'm here to fix that hole.
274
00:09:50,105 --> 00:09:52,772
This is our kingdom.
You have to ask permission.
275
00:09:52,774 --> 00:09:54,340
Excuse me?
276
00:09:54,342 --> 00:09:56,175
Your highnesses,
277
00:09:56,177 --> 00:09:59,712
we do humbly request
thine permission
278
00:09:59,714 --> 00:10:02,115
to befix doth holes yonder.
279
00:10:02,117 --> 00:10:03,616
Only if you can tag us.
280
00:10:03,618 --> 00:10:04,617
Come here.
281
00:10:06,387 --> 00:10:09,389
Your tax dollars at work.
282
00:10:10,391 --> 00:10:12,592
Soundtrack
to Pulp Fiction,
283
00:10:12,594 --> 00:10:14,294
soundtrack to Singles,
284
00:10:14,296 --> 00:10:16,129
soundtrack
to Grosse Pointe Blank.
285
00:10:16,131 --> 00:10:17,196
Why do you have
so many soundtracks?
286
00:10:17,198 --> 00:10:18,197
Oh, well, uh,
287
00:10:18,199 --> 00:10:19,632
I kind of look at it like
288
00:10:19,634 --> 00:10:20,667
it's your favorite directors
289
00:10:20,669 --> 00:10:22,135
making a mix tape
just for you.
290
00:10:22,137 --> 00:10:24,037
Eww.
291
00:10:24,789 --> 00:10:25,638
Oh, here's something.
292
00:10:26,640 --> 00:10:29,242
"Benji's Cool Times
Summer Jamz Mix."
293
00:10:29,244 --> 00:10:31,144
Oh, no, I--you probably
don't want to listen to that...
294
00:10:31,146 --> 00:10:32,578
- Yes, I want to listen to it.
- Just 'cause--no, listen, it--
295
00:10:32,580 --> 00:10:34,013
- I want to listen to it.
- We don't--we don't--
296
00:10:34,015 --> 00:10:35,014
- I wanna hear what's on it.
- We don't need to--
297
00:10:35,016 --> 00:10:36,549
April...
298
00:10:36,551 --> 00:10:39,052
♪ Shoop
299
00:10:39,054 --> 00:10:41,521
♪ Ooh, how you doin'?
300
00:10:41,523 --> 00:10:43,790
♪ Here I go, here I go,
here I go again ♪
301
00:10:43,792 --> 00:10:44,857
♪ girl, what's my weakness?
Really?
302
00:10:44,859 --> 00:10:46,659
Don't judge me.
303
00:10:46,661 --> 00:10:47,827
Councilman,
I'd like to talk to you
304
00:10:47,829 --> 00:10:49,429
about the Fun
In The Sun bill,
305
00:10:49,431 --> 00:10:51,664
and I don't mean to rush you,
but the vote is in an hour.
306
00:10:51,666 --> 00:10:54,834
When I'm done eating,
we'll talk.
307
00:10:54,836 --> 00:10:56,936
I've eaten the same lunch
for 58 years.
308
00:10:56,938 --> 00:11:00,373
Caesar salad,
extra dressing,
309
00:11:00,375 --> 00:11:04,310
extra croutons,
and extra anchovies.
310
00:11:04,312 --> 00:11:05,812
Mmm.
311
00:11:05,814 --> 00:11:08,281
Councilman Milton was first
elected as a city councilor
312
00:11:08,283 --> 00:11:12,051
in 1948, as a member
of the Dixiecrat Party.
313
00:11:12,053 --> 00:11:15,621
Their platform?
"De-integrate Baseball."
314
00:11:15,623 --> 00:11:17,690
The secret
is in the dressing.
315
00:11:17,692 --> 00:11:22,528
Try it.
It's an aphrodisiac.
316
00:11:22,530 --> 00:11:25,031
You too,
my strange, foreign friend.
317
00:11:25,033 --> 00:11:26,933
- No, thank you.
- Tom, eat some.
318
00:11:26,935 --> 00:11:29,335
I'm not eating
racist salad.
319
00:11:29,337 --> 00:11:32,605
The more we eat,
the faster we talk.
320
00:11:36,877 --> 00:11:38,544
Mmm.
321
00:11:38,546 --> 00:11:40,113
You can really taste
the ignorance.
322
00:11:40,615 --> 00:11:42,515
It's pronounced
"anchovies."
323
00:11:45,986 --> 00:11:46,926
Hi.
324
00:11:46,988 --> 00:11:47,553
Diane Lewis.
325
00:11:48,055 --> 00:11:49,055
I own this pothole.
326
00:11:49,057 --> 00:11:51,357
Ron Swanson.
I'm here to fix it.
327
00:11:51,359 --> 00:11:54,827
Oh, seaweed choke! Ugh!
328
00:11:54,829 --> 00:11:57,430
That large boy
is my colleague.
329
00:11:57,432 --> 00:11:59,365
We work
at the Parks Department.
330
00:11:59,367 --> 00:12:02,201
Oh, you're not even from
the Public Works Department?
331
00:12:02,203 --> 00:12:04,070
Look, it appeared that no one
from the proper channels
332
00:12:04,072 --> 00:12:06,706
was gonna fix this,
so I decided to do it myself.
333
00:12:06,708 --> 00:12:08,307
Do you know
what you're doing?
334
00:12:09,609 --> 00:12:10,810
Yes, ma'am.
335
00:12:10,812 --> 00:12:13,079
Yes, I do.
336
00:12:13,381 --> 00:12:15,181
Councilman,
you have grandchildren--
337
00:12:15,183 --> 00:12:16,983
And seven great-grandkids.
338
00:12:17,485 --> 00:12:20,653
Tim, Mary, Jack,
339
00:12:20,655 --> 00:12:24,624
uh, Tim, Marie,
Tim, and Mary.
340
00:12:24,676 --> 00:12:25,741
Don't forget about Tim.
341
00:12:25,743 --> 00:12:27,143
Right, Tim.
342
00:12:27,395 --> 00:12:28,661
How many is that?
343
00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:32,198
You know,
it's very hard to tell.
344
00:12:32,250 --> 00:12:33,482
This might not work.
345
00:12:33,484 --> 00:12:34,783
Let me find Jamm,
see if he'll bargain.
346
00:12:34,835 --> 00:12:35,901
Mm-hmm.
347
00:12:35,903 --> 00:12:38,037
What country is he from?
348
00:12:38,039 --> 00:12:39,455
Iceland.
349
00:12:39,457 --> 00:12:41,857
"Data had never felt
this way before.
350
00:12:41,859 --> 00:12:44,493
"Of course, Data had never
felt anything before.
351
00:12:44,495 --> 00:12:46,962
"But Captain Picard
couldn't help but note
352
00:12:46,964 --> 00:12:48,731
"the smile that crept over
353
00:12:48,733 --> 00:12:51,200
his mechanical
but lifelike face."
354
00:12:51,202 --> 00:12:52,335
I'm gonna murder you.
355
00:12:52,337 --> 00:12:54,370
I understand.
Just one second.
356
00:12:54,372 --> 00:12:57,373
"As they walked down the hall
into the bridge--"
357
00:13:04,014 --> 00:13:05,614
Lemonade?
358
00:13:05,616 --> 00:13:07,717
Please and thank you.
359
00:13:07,719 --> 00:13:09,852
Hey, I'm sorry
if I was curt earlier.
360
00:13:09,854 --> 00:13:11,320
I'm a single mom,
and sometimes things
361
00:13:11,322 --> 00:13:12,621
get chaotic around here.
362
00:13:12,623 --> 00:13:14,223
When you showed up
from the Parks Department--
363
00:13:14,225 --> 00:13:17,193
No need to apologize.
I understand completely.
364
00:13:17,195 --> 00:13:18,394
This is delicious.
365
00:13:18,396 --> 00:13:20,329
Well, I got it
from Food and Stuff, so--
366
00:13:20,331 --> 00:13:21,831
That's where
I got these gloves.
367
00:13:21,833 --> 00:13:23,532
Right?
368
00:13:23,534 --> 00:13:26,469
So, how exactly are you
gonna fix this hole?
369
00:13:26,471 --> 00:13:29,672
Just for my own edification.
370
00:13:29,674 --> 00:13:32,608
Uh, I dug the loose gravel
out of the hole.
371
00:13:32,610 --> 00:13:35,511
Now I'm using a jackhammer
to remove the larger pieces,
372
00:13:35,513 --> 00:13:38,614
then I'll spray down
the hole to settle the dust
373
00:13:38,616 --> 00:13:41,851
and fill it
with cold patch asphalt.
374
00:13:41,853 --> 00:13:43,152
Well, thank you.
375
00:13:43,154 --> 00:13:46,989
Now I can fix
the next one myself.
376
00:13:46,991 --> 00:13:48,691
♪ Ron and Diane
377
00:13:48,693 --> 00:13:50,192
♪ sitting in a tree
378
00:13:50,194 --> 00:13:54,730
♪ k-i-s-s-i-s-s-i-p-p-i.
379
00:13:54,732 --> 00:13:55,731
Do you hear that bird?
380
00:13:55,733 --> 00:13:57,466
Jamm!
What do you want?
381
00:13:57,468 --> 00:14:00,069
Support of one of your bills?
Committee chairmanship?
382
00:14:00,071 --> 00:14:02,171
- I want your toilet.
- What?
383
00:14:02,173 --> 00:14:04,273
Your office,
with the private bathroom?
384
00:14:04,275 --> 00:14:05,474
He wants your office.
385
00:14:05,476 --> 00:14:07,143
Yeah, I don't mean
to brag, but, uh,
386
00:14:07,145 --> 00:14:09,245
I've got
Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
387
00:14:09,247 --> 00:14:10,446
This isn't even
about policy?
388
00:14:10,448 --> 00:14:12,281
Absolutely not.
- This is a no-brainer.
389
00:14:12,283 --> 00:14:14,350
Just make the trade,
everyone's happy.
390
00:14:14,352 --> 00:14:15,684
I'm not happy.
391
00:14:15,686 --> 00:14:17,353
He shoots down
a very helpful bill
392
00:14:17,355 --> 00:14:19,188
'cause he doesn't get to poop
wherever he wants?
393
00:14:19,190 --> 00:14:21,690
No, I'm gonna get
Councilman Milton,
394
00:14:21,692 --> 00:14:24,593
and you can put your butt
back in your pants, sir.
395
00:14:24,595 --> 00:14:27,530
Yeah, well,
love the hair!
396
00:14:30,601 --> 00:14:32,134
Andy, come help me
tamp this down.
397
00:14:32,136 --> 00:14:33,269
For the last time,
398
00:14:33,271 --> 00:14:35,538
Ron, it's
Princess Rainbow Sparkle.
399
00:14:35,540 --> 00:14:37,039
Holy Moses.
400
00:14:37,041 --> 00:14:39,041
Can we turn you
into a princess?
401
00:14:39,043 --> 00:14:40,910
No.
402
00:14:40,912 --> 00:14:42,445
I think it would
really make Diane happy.
403
00:14:42,447 --> 00:14:44,814
Why would that matter?
404
00:14:44,816 --> 00:14:45,948
Shut up.
405
00:14:45,950 --> 00:14:47,216
Ooh.
406
00:14:47,218 --> 00:14:48,517
Would you please
come help me tamp this down?
407
00:14:48,519 --> 00:14:50,886
It's a job
that requires two men.
408
00:14:50,888 --> 00:14:54,223
Or does it require
two princesses?
409
00:14:54,225 --> 00:14:55,858
- Please?
- Please? Please?
410
00:14:55,860 --> 00:14:56,992
Oh.
411
00:14:56,994 --> 00:14:59,361
This is impressive.
412
00:14:59,363 --> 00:15:02,731
You remind me of a young,
beautiful Strom Thurmond.
413
00:15:02,733 --> 00:15:05,835
Yes, I've been saying that
for years.
414
00:15:05,837 --> 00:15:07,736
Councilman Milton,
do I have your vote?
415
00:15:07,738 --> 00:15:09,939
- Yes, indeed.
- Oh.
416
00:15:09,941 --> 00:15:12,208
Oh, there's a lot of
salad dressing on your hand.
417
00:15:12,210 --> 00:15:13,275
Shall we kiss?
418
00:15:13,277 --> 00:15:14,477
Huh? No. No!
419
00:15:14,479 --> 00:15:15,845
- Aah! Oh!
- Oh!
420
00:15:15,847 --> 00:15:17,480
- Oh.
- Oh, my God, are you okay?
421
00:15:17,482 --> 00:15:18,614
Please be okay.
422
00:15:18,616 --> 00:15:20,015
Please,
still be able to vote.
423
00:15:20,017 --> 00:15:21,150
We can kiss if you want to.
424
00:15:21,152 --> 00:15:22,585
With tongue?
425
00:15:22,587 --> 00:15:23,652
Hey! No.
426
00:15:25,177 --> 00:15:26,820
She tried to kiss me.
427
00:15:26,927 --> 00:15:28,528
She was insatiable.
428
00:15:28,530 --> 00:15:30,296
Well, I don't know,
maybe we should, you know,
429
00:15:30,298 --> 00:15:31,164
postpone the vote
430
00:15:31,216 --> 00:15:33,132
until the councilman
gets better, you know?
431
00:15:33,134 --> 00:15:35,535
Uh, yeah, we're not
postponing anything, okay?
432
00:15:35,537 --> 00:15:37,370
I'm pushing the vote through
and it won't pass.
433
00:15:37,872 --> 00:15:39,472
Complimentary toothbrush?
434
00:15:39,474 --> 00:15:41,040
You're missing the backs
of your upper canines.
435
00:15:41,042 --> 00:15:42,308
Sloppy technique.
436
00:15:42,310 --> 00:15:43,342
Excuse me?
437
00:15:43,344 --> 00:15:45,245
I have excellent
toothbrush technique.
438
00:15:45,247 --> 00:15:47,513
Just give him what he wants.
Take the easy way out.
439
00:15:47,515 --> 00:15:49,515
I always do.
It's so easy.
440
00:15:49,517 --> 00:15:51,985
I do not negotiate
with dentists.
441
00:15:51,987 --> 00:15:53,653
I'm trying to tell everybody
that the government is great,
442
00:15:53,655 --> 00:15:54,988
and I think it stinks.
443
00:15:54,990 --> 00:15:56,389
I hate it.
I hate the government.
444
00:15:56,391 --> 00:15:58,358
- You don't mean that.
- You're right, I don't.
445
00:15:58,360 --> 00:15:59,892
I take it back.
Why did I say that, Tom?
446
00:15:59,894 --> 00:16:01,094
God, you know me so well.
447
00:16:01,096 --> 00:16:02,695
More Rouge!
448
00:16:02,697 --> 00:16:05,531
Everything going good?
449
00:16:09,137 --> 00:16:10,270
I came here
to fix a pothole,
450
00:16:10,272 --> 00:16:11,537
not be mocked.
451
00:16:11,539 --> 00:16:13,840
I'm sorry, it's just--
your face is ridiculous.
452
00:16:16,478 --> 00:16:17,777
Thank you for the lemonade.
453
00:16:17,779 --> 00:16:19,612
The asphalt will bear weight
in an hour.
454
00:16:19,614 --> 00:16:20,880
- Time to go, Andrew.
- No!
455
00:16:20,882 --> 00:16:22,615
Wait, but we were gonna make
a sparkle palace!
456
00:16:22,617 --> 00:16:24,217
Ron, you're walking
across hot lava!
457
00:16:24,219 --> 00:16:26,219
- Oh!
- Oh, no!
458
00:16:29,890 --> 00:16:31,524
Whoa, it's moving.
459
00:16:31,526 --> 00:16:34,327
- It's moving.
- What?
460
00:16:34,329 --> 00:16:37,630
- Yes!
- Finally.
461
00:16:39,567 --> 00:16:42,235
No.
No, no, no, no, no.
462
00:16:42,237 --> 00:16:43,703
- What?
- No!
463
00:16:44,305 --> 00:16:45,271
We're out of gas.
464
00:16:46,873 --> 00:16:48,908
Aah!
465
00:16:48,910 --> 00:16:50,276
Aah!
466
00:16:50,778 --> 00:16:52,111
Next order of business,
467
00:16:52,113 --> 00:16:53,980
the Fun In The Sun Act,
468
00:16:53,982 --> 00:16:55,448
introduced
by Councilwoman Knope.
469
00:16:59,621 --> 00:17:00,820
Councilman,
I move that the bill
470
00:17:00,822 --> 00:17:02,588
be read
in its entirety.
471
00:17:02,590 --> 00:17:06,893
- Ms. Beavers?
- Fine.
472
00:17:06,895 --> 00:17:09,862
Pawnee Municipal Code
Amendment, 217-426...
473
00:17:09,864 --> 00:17:11,897
Buying time, I see.
What's up?
474
00:17:12,149 --> 00:17:13,599
You can have my office.
475
00:17:13,601 --> 00:17:17,370
Okay, why don't you, uh--
why don't you sweeten the pot?
476
00:17:17,372 --> 00:17:18,971
You can have
my parking space.
477
00:17:19,473 --> 00:17:20,573
And?
478
00:17:20,575 --> 00:17:23,076
And I will get Invisaligns
from you.
479
00:17:23,478 --> 00:17:24,410
And?
480
00:17:24,412 --> 00:17:26,012
And, that is enough.
481
00:17:26,014 --> 00:17:27,280
And shut up.
And I hate you.
482
00:17:27,782 --> 00:17:28,918
We got a deal.
483
00:17:28,950 --> 00:17:31,918
Can't wait to drop
my kids at the pool.
484
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:34,487
- By "kids," I mean turds.
- I get it.
485
00:17:34,889 --> 00:17:36,021
Yeah.
486
00:17:36,023 --> 00:17:38,958
Then Ana asks Grey
to punish her.
487
00:17:38,960 --> 00:17:40,326
Donna, please,
can you keep it down?
488
00:17:40,378 --> 00:17:41,744
Or at least research
489
00:17:41,746 --> 00:17:44,246
how to deliver a baby
that's coming out face up.
490
00:17:44,248 --> 00:17:45,448
Lay the mother on her side
491
00:17:45,450 --> 00:17:47,283
and try to move the baby
in a corkscrew fashion.
492
00:17:47,285 --> 00:17:50,386
Diane is awesome
and she likes you.
493
00:17:50,388 --> 00:17:52,254
And you like her.
I can tell.
494
00:17:52,256 --> 00:17:54,357
"A," I don't recall
inviting you in here,
495
00:17:54,359 --> 00:17:55,958
and "B," I did not like her.
496
00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:57,126
She's not my type.
497
00:17:57,128 --> 00:17:59,729
Her life is messy.
498
00:17:59,731 --> 00:18:01,764
Ron, messy is fun, okay?
499
00:18:01,766 --> 00:18:03,633
My whole life
is a giant mess
500
00:18:03,635 --> 00:18:04,767
and I love it.
501
00:18:04,769 --> 00:18:06,135
I mean, look at my hair.
502
00:18:06,137 --> 00:18:07,536
I have gum in my hair.
503
00:18:07,538 --> 00:18:09,939
Listen,
I will not pursue Diane.
504
00:18:09,941 --> 00:18:12,308
End of story.
505
00:18:12,310 --> 00:18:15,277
- Please, just steer.
- Be stronger.
506
00:18:15,279 --> 00:18:17,880
Ow.
507
00:18:17,882 --> 00:18:19,548
That was a great road trip.
508
00:18:19,550 --> 00:18:21,817
We made it 40 feet.
509
00:18:21,819 --> 00:18:23,386
Yeah, well, at least
it took a million hours,
510
00:18:23,388 --> 00:18:24,620
and it was 180 degrees,
511
00:18:24,622 --> 00:18:26,722
- and we starved to death.
- So fun.
512
00:18:30,194 --> 00:18:32,928
Hey, how about next weekend
we fly to Pawnee?
513
00:18:32,930 --> 00:18:35,931
- Tickets are on me.
- Really?
514
00:18:35,933 --> 00:18:37,933
That would be awesome.
Definitely.
515
00:18:37,935 --> 00:18:41,370
Nah, never mind.
I don't feel like it.
516
00:18:41,372 --> 00:18:42,738
What?
Oh, my God.
517
00:18:42,740 --> 00:18:45,574
See how it feels?
518
00:18:45,576 --> 00:18:48,277
Excellent work, everyone!
519
00:18:48,279 --> 00:18:49,812
Particularly you, Ron.
520
00:18:50,064 --> 00:18:52,097
You have one
very satisfied citizen.
521
00:18:52,099 --> 00:18:53,232
What did you do for her?
522
00:18:53,234 --> 00:18:54,700
I fixed her pothole.
523
00:18:54,702 --> 00:18:56,101
Is that a euphemism?
524
00:18:56,153 --> 00:18:58,154
- No.
- Then great work.
525
00:18:58,156 --> 00:18:59,155
In fact,
she's out in the hallway
526
00:18:59,157 --> 00:19:02,892
and wants
to thank you herself.
527
00:19:02,894 --> 00:19:05,161
If you're here
to complain about the pothole,
528
00:19:05,163 --> 00:19:07,163
I guarantee
I did it correctly.
529
00:19:07,165 --> 00:19:09,298
Actually, I'm here
to ask you out for dinner.
530
00:19:09,300 --> 00:19:10,466
Really?
531
00:19:10,468 --> 00:19:12,201
Well, I hope you're not
the kind of man
532
00:19:12,203 --> 00:19:13,769
who needs to ask
the lady out.
533
00:19:13,771 --> 00:19:15,104
I'm a middle school
vice-principal.
534
00:19:15,106 --> 00:19:18,574
I don't screw around.
Does that freak you out?
535
00:19:18,576 --> 00:19:20,209
No, on the contrary.
536
00:19:20,711 --> 00:19:22,545
So, dinner?
537
00:19:22,547 --> 00:19:24,146
Please and thank you.
538
00:19:24,148 --> 00:19:25,581
Well, it'll be casual.
539
00:19:25,583 --> 00:19:28,684
No need to wear makeup.
540
00:19:28,686 --> 00:19:30,686
I begrudgingly admit
541
00:19:30,688 --> 00:19:34,690
that the 311 program
is a moderate success.
542
00:19:34,692 --> 00:19:35,958
I'm still not sure why
543
00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:39,895
the citizen decided to come
speak with me in person,
544
00:19:39,897 --> 00:19:41,697
but I'm just happy to see
545
00:19:41,699 --> 00:19:44,700
a government program
finally work.
546
00:19:46,820 --> 00:19:48,287
Okay, so let's get ready
for the photo, guys.
547
00:19:48,339 --> 00:19:50,239
I want you
to arrange yourselves
548
00:19:50,241 --> 00:19:53,075
from most excited about
democracy to least excited.
549
00:19:53,077 --> 00:19:54,477
Wait a minute.
Everybody's excited?
550
00:19:54,479 --> 00:19:55,845
I bet you are!
551
00:19:55,847 --> 00:20:00,182
Because your bill
just became law.
552
00:20:00,184 --> 00:20:01,784
Boy, you know, I can't believe
you traded your office
553
00:20:01,786 --> 00:20:03,219
to keep
this craphole pool open
554
00:20:03,221 --> 00:20:04,653
for a couple more weeks
a year.
555
00:20:04,655 --> 00:20:06,288
Hey, can you not say that
in front of the kids, please?
556
00:20:06,290 --> 00:20:08,057
I'm trying to teach them
how great government is.
557
00:20:08,309 --> 00:20:09,908
Oh, this is
a teaching moment?
558
00:20:09,910 --> 00:20:12,411
Great.
Hey, uh, kids?
559
00:20:12,413 --> 00:20:15,681
Would you like to learn
how Leslie got your bill passed?
560
00:20:15,733 --> 00:20:18,234
Councilwoman Knope
traded my vote for her--
561
00:20:21,706 --> 00:20:23,172
What the hell, man?
Why'd you do that?
562
00:20:23,174 --> 00:20:24,740
Um...
563
00:20:24,742 --> 00:20:29,178
Um, because
it's fun in the sun!
564
00:20:29,180 --> 00:20:31,847
Everybody in the pool!
565
00:20:31,849 --> 00:20:34,750
Yay, pool!
566
00:20:34,752 --> 00:20:36,852
Yay, democracy!
567
00:20:36,854 --> 00:20:37,853
Oh, no, my perm.
568
00:20:39,922 --> 00:20:41,689
Ta da.
What do you see?
569
00:20:42,141 --> 00:20:44,308
- Your new city council office.
- Yes.
570
00:20:44,310 --> 00:20:45,809
And it is
across the courtyard
571
00:20:45,811 --> 00:20:49,146
from your office,
so we can wave at each other.
572
00:20:49,148 --> 00:20:51,448
But it is also Pawnee's
newest and most exclusive
573
00:20:51,450 --> 00:20:55,085
cigar club,
Tom's Smokehouse.
574
00:20:55,087 --> 00:20:57,054
Whoa! "Smoke Dog."
575
00:20:57,056 --> 00:21:01,258
And the Tommy Haverford
member's chair.
576
00:21:01,260 --> 00:21:02,760
Now you're talking.
577
00:21:02,762 --> 00:21:05,229
Man, Jamm's
gotta be pretty mad at us.
578
00:21:05,281 --> 00:21:06,380
I ain't scared of him.
579
00:21:06,382 --> 00:21:08,482
He's a punk.
580
00:21:08,484 --> 00:21:09,684
To making things happen.
581
00:21:09,686 --> 00:21:11,220
I'll puff to that.
582
00:21:18,159 --> 00:21:19,794
I do not like this.
583
00:21:19,996 --> 00:21:24,578
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com