1
00:00:00,658 --> 00:00:01,790
I'm sorry.
2
00:00:01,792 --> 00:00:03,075
I've got it.
3
00:00:03,077 --> 00:00:04,376
We just wanted to invite you
4
00:00:04,378 --> 00:00:05,828
to come trick
or treating tonight.
5
00:00:05,830 --> 00:00:07,246
I think I'm a little old.
6
00:00:07,248 --> 00:00:08,464
Can we go, Ron, please?
7
00:00:08,466 --> 00:00:10,833
- Please?
- You can come, sure.
8
00:00:10,835 --> 00:00:12,801
We have to go by 7:00 or else
the good candy will be gone.
9
00:00:12,803 --> 00:00:14,136
Sounds perfect.
10
00:00:15,139 --> 00:00:16,788
Come on, girls.
11
00:00:17,791 --> 00:00:19,174
Bye, guys!
12
00:00:19,176 --> 00:00:20,476
See you later, Ron!
13
00:00:20,478 --> 00:00:23,896
See you tonight!
14
00:00:23,898 --> 00:00:25,464
What the hell just happened?
15
00:00:26,467 --> 00:00:32,067
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
16
00:00:46,569 --> 00:00:50,756
So, three bedrooms,
two baths, nice big backyard.
17
00:00:50,758 --> 00:00:52,791
But no trampoline room,
correct?
18
00:00:52,793 --> 00:00:54,043
Correct.
19
00:00:54,045 --> 00:00:55,594
Like all houses in the world,
20
00:00:55,596 --> 00:00:58,464
- there's no trampoline room.
- Mm.
21
00:00:58,466 --> 00:01:01,133
Ben is coming back
from D.C. in ten days
22
00:01:01,135 --> 00:01:03,102
and he we are moving
into a house together.
23
00:01:03,104 --> 00:01:04,470
He would move into my place,
24
00:01:04,472 --> 00:01:06,939
but it's a scary
nightmare hoarder nest.
25
00:01:06,941 --> 00:01:08,924
His words.
And Ann's.
26
00:01:08,926 --> 00:01:11,593
And the official report
filed by the Health Department.
27
00:01:11,595 --> 00:01:14,730
I'm just so happy that Ben and I
are starting our life together
28
00:01:14,732 --> 00:01:18,734
and my future's
finally back on track.
29
00:01:18,736 --> 00:01:20,286
Martha, I wanna
lease this house.
30
00:01:20,288 --> 00:01:22,771
Great.
31
00:01:22,773 --> 00:01:24,206
Thought it was gonna be
more dramatic than that.
32
00:01:24,208 --> 00:01:25,241
Hold on.
33
00:01:25,243 --> 00:01:27,293
Okay, say it again.
34
00:01:27,295 --> 00:01:30,079
Martha, I wanna
lease this house.
35
00:01:33,784 --> 00:01:36,802
Whoo!
36
00:01:40,339 --> 00:01:41,006
Parks Department!
37
00:01:41,008 --> 00:01:43,309
Chris Traeger,
city manager, friend,
38
00:01:43,311 --> 00:01:45,961
aspiring life coach
and recipient
39
00:01:45,963 --> 00:01:49,348
of Dr. Richard Nygard's award
for Most Improved Patient
40
00:01:49,350 --> 00:01:50,933
for my psychotherapy sessions.
41
00:01:50,935 --> 00:01:52,685
Wow, that's great, Chris.
Congrats.
42
00:01:52,687 --> 00:01:53,686
Thanks, Jerry.
43
00:01:53,688 --> 00:01:55,604
It's just a piece of paper
44
00:01:55,606 --> 00:01:58,824
and he only made it for me after
I specifically asked for it
45
00:01:58,826 --> 00:02:01,827
while crying loudly, but...
46
00:02:01,829 --> 00:02:04,280
It sure meant a lot
to receive it.
47
00:02:04,282 --> 00:02:06,448
In honor of Halloween,
the city manager's office
48
00:02:06,450 --> 00:02:08,951
will be throwing a scary movie
night in the courtyard.
49
00:02:08,953 --> 00:02:12,621
Tonight's film is
the 1986 horror camp classic,
50
00:02:12,623 --> 00:02:15,708
Death Canoe 4:
Murder At Blood Lake.
51
00:02:15,710 --> 00:02:17,993
Seriously?
That's the best one!
52
00:02:17,995 --> 00:02:21,213
I hope no one minds
if I live tweet this bitch.
53
00:02:21,215 --> 00:02:22,664
I am coming dressed
as my greatest fear,
54
00:02:22,666 --> 00:02:25,768
because Dr. Richard Nygard feels
that I should face my fears
55
00:02:25,770 --> 00:02:27,052
instead of running from them.
56
00:02:27,054 --> 00:02:29,355
He's very wise.
I see him five times a week.
57
00:02:29,357 --> 00:02:32,391
He holds my life in his hand
like a fragile little bird.
58
00:02:34,393 --> 00:02:35,194
See you tonight!
59
00:02:35,946 --> 00:02:38,864
Well, Congressman Murray
has an 18 point lead.
60
00:02:38,866 --> 00:02:42,684
Calloway is out of money
and has stopped campaigning.
61
00:02:42,686 --> 00:02:43,736
So, congratulations!
62
00:02:46,040 --> 00:02:48,207
- Great work, all of you!
- Yeah.
63
00:02:48,209 --> 00:02:50,960
- But especially me!
- Especially everyone.
64
00:02:50,962 --> 00:02:52,361
This was a team effort, really.
65
00:02:52,363 --> 00:02:54,163
But I was the best.
Thank you.
66
00:02:54,165 --> 00:02:55,581
You were all fantastic.
67
00:02:55,583 --> 00:02:57,383
Most of all me,
April Ludgate, the real hero.
68
00:02:57,385 --> 00:02:58,884
Thank you and you're welcome.
69
00:02:58,886 --> 00:03:00,302
Actually, April, if you want,
70
00:03:00,304 --> 00:03:01,703
you can head back
to Pawnee early.
71
00:03:01,705 --> 00:03:03,389
- Wrap a few things up and--
- Great.
72
00:03:03,391 --> 00:03:04,556
Whoo!
73
00:03:04,558 --> 00:03:05,758
That's an exit.
74
00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:07,209
Gone, but never forgotten.
75
00:03:07,211 --> 00:03:09,678
Who was that?
I'm just kidding.
76
00:03:09,680 --> 00:03:10,980
Not bad, right?
77
00:03:10,982 --> 00:03:12,481
You know, I have to say, Murray
really came through--
78
00:03:12,483 --> 00:03:14,066
Yeah, yeah, this one's over.
We won. Great job.
79
00:03:14,068 --> 00:03:16,402
Blah blah blah.
80
00:03:16,404 --> 00:03:17,719
Let's talk about
what you're gonna do next.
81
00:03:18,221 --> 00:03:20,389
Oh, well, I was gonna
get a chicken parm
82
00:03:20,391 --> 00:03:22,408
- and watch Bladerunner.
- Mm.
83
00:03:22,410 --> 00:03:25,727
Oh, are you talking about,
like, job-wise?
84
00:03:25,729 --> 00:03:29,782
Yes, Ben, I am talking about,
like, job-wise.
85
00:03:31,452 --> 00:03:33,419
So you're a princess too, hey?
86
00:03:33,421 --> 00:03:36,571
Oh, for the last four years
everything has been princesses.
87
00:03:36,573 --> 00:03:40,042
Every book, every movie,
every backpack.
88
00:03:40,044 --> 00:03:41,260
All princesses all the time.
89
00:03:41,262 --> 00:03:44,213
- Oh, that sounds fun.
- It's a nightmare.
90
00:03:44,215 --> 00:03:46,765
Excuse me, I just have to
file a quick report.
91
00:03:46,767 --> 00:03:48,550
I'm applying
to the police academy soon
92
00:03:48,552 --> 00:03:51,970
and the manual says I have to
work on my observation skills
93
00:03:51,972 --> 00:03:59,261
so...Tree, leaves, night, sky,
hand. Andy's hand.
94
00:03:59,263 --> 00:04:01,563
Pfft. What else you got?
95
00:04:01,565 --> 00:04:04,450
Oh, no.
Vice principal emergency.
96
00:04:04,452 --> 00:04:06,568
- What is it?
- I have to leave.
97
00:04:06,570 --> 00:04:10,572
Some idiot kids were caught
pooping on the soccer field?
98
00:04:10,574 --> 00:04:11,790
Oh, too bad.
99
00:04:11,792 --> 00:04:12,958
Guess trick or treating's over.
100
00:04:12,960 --> 00:04:15,244
- No, Mommy, no!
- I'm sorry.
101
00:04:15,246 --> 00:04:16,879
No, we can walk 'em around,
it's no problem.
102
00:04:16,881 --> 00:04:17,946
I mean, we just got started.
103
00:04:17,948 --> 00:04:20,833
Oh, that's so sweet of you.
104
00:04:20,835 --> 00:04:22,918
Now, ladies, Princess Mommy
105
00:04:22,920 --> 00:04:24,586
has to go take care
of some bad guys,
106
00:04:24,588 --> 00:04:29,174
so you be nice
to Ron and Andy, okay?
107
00:04:29,176 --> 00:04:31,927
Okay, let's go
to the next house.
108
00:04:31,929 --> 00:04:34,680
I need to go
to the bathroom.
109
00:04:34,682 --> 00:04:38,934
I-I have no idea
what to do about that.
110
00:04:38,936 --> 00:04:40,636
Uh-oh.
111
00:04:40,638 --> 00:04:42,354
It's the death canoe.
112
00:04:42,356 --> 00:04:44,306
Get your foot
out the water, dumb-ass!
113
00:04:44,308 --> 00:04:45,991
It's blood lake.
114
00:04:45,993 --> 00:04:48,327
Now, I missed the first three
Death Canoe films.
115
00:04:48,329 --> 00:04:50,412
Why exactly is it a death canoe?
116
00:04:50,414 --> 00:04:52,614
- Does it tip over easily?
- Read my Twitter feed.
117
00:04:52,616 --> 00:04:55,150
I live tweeted the first three
this morning in preparation.
118
00:04:55,152 --> 00:04:58,787
In the fifth one,
the canoe's actually the hero.
119
00:04:58,789 --> 00:05:00,372
It's a crazy twist.
120
00:05:00,374 --> 00:05:01,957
- Hey.
- Hey.
121
00:05:01,959 --> 00:05:03,492
- You're the, uh--
- The lady and you're the--
122
00:05:03,494 --> 00:05:05,461
- USA!
- Cool. Great.
123
00:05:05,463 --> 00:05:07,679
So hold on,
what does this mean?
124
00:05:07,681 --> 00:05:10,015
It means Jen wants me
to keep working for her.
125
00:05:10,017 --> 00:05:14,853
There's a businessman in Florida
who wants to run for governor.
126
00:05:14,855 --> 00:05:16,171
Florida?
They have sharks in Florida.
127
00:05:16,173 --> 00:05:17,723
And swamps.
And swamp sharks.
128
00:05:17,725 --> 00:05:18,840
Do you mean alligators?
129
00:05:18,842 --> 00:05:20,726
Maybe.
Look, so are you gonna do it?
130
00:05:20,728 --> 00:05:22,561
I--I mean,
I just applied for a lease.
131
00:05:22,563 --> 00:05:24,313
- We were supposed to--
- I know,
132
00:05:24,315 --> 00:05:27,032
and I know this makes
the future a little murky,
133
00:05:27,034 --> 00:05:30,035
but right now everything's
really preliminary, okay?
134
00:05:30,037 --> 00:05:32,321
We'll know more
in a week or so.
135
00:05:32,323 --> 00:05:35,741
Trick or treat!
136
00:05:35,743 --> 00:05:38,544
7:34 pm.
Man dressed as a nerd.
137
00:05:38,546 --> 00:05:39,694
Female dressed as crazy witch.
138
00:05:40,546 --> 00:05:41,914
Neither of us is in costume.
139
00:05:42,916 --> 00:05:45,200
Case closed.
Candy, please.
140
00:05:45,202 --> 00:05:48,220
Ron, Zoe broke my tiara!
141
00:05:48,222 --> 00:05:49,838
We both have the same tiara.
142
00:05:49,840 --> 00:05:51,673
Now she has one and I don't.
143
00:05:51,675 --> 00:05:53,708
- Okay.
- I didn't mean to, Ivy!
144
00:05:53,710 --> 00:05:56,096
Okay, well,
let's just even things out.
145
00:05:57,598 --> 00:06:00,732
There. Now neither of you
has a tiara. Problem solved.
146
00:06:06,104 --> 00:06:08,273
- Oh!
- Right in his face!
147
00:06:08,275 --> 00:06:11,610
"Sorry about your jaw, son."
148
00:06:11,612 --> 00:06:13,245
I mean, I just feel
so powerless.
149
00:06:13,247 --> 00:06:16,064
Just when things start to turn
around and they fall apart.
150
00:06:16,066 --> 00:06:18,951
Now I know exactly how FDR
felt after Pearl Harbor.
151
00:06:18,953 --> 00:06:20,919
Look, you guys
have survived this long.
152
00:06:20,921 --> 00:06:22,737
Please don't let this
ruin your night.
153
00:06:22,739 --> 00:06:23,789
Let's have fun.
154
00:06:23,791 --> 00:06:25,073
It's Halloween.
You love Halloween.
155
00:06:26,075 --> 00:06:28,243
Hey, I know
what would cheer you up.
156
00:06:28,245 --> 00:06:29,962
Let's go wait outside
the bathroom for Tom
157
00:06:29,964 --> 00:06:31,513
and scare him.
158
00:06:31,515 --> 00:06:33,081
That would cheer me up.
159
00:06:35,085 --> 00:06:36,852
Okay.
160
00:06:36,854 --> 00:06:38,420
Ready and...
161
00:06:39,422 --> 00:06:40,389
Boo!
162
00:06:44,259 --> 00:06:45,477
Jerry, God. Gross.
163
00:06:45,479 --> 00:06:47,613
Oh...
164
00:06:47,615 --> 00:06:49,064
Jerry?
165
00:06:49,066 --> 00:06:51,149
Guys, I--
166
00:06:51,151 --> 00:06:52,734
Oh, God, I think he might be
having a heart attack.
167
00:06:52,736 --> 00:06:55,404
What? Are you serious?
168
00:06:55,406 --> 00:06:56,455
Ugh. So much stuff
is happening right now.
169
00:06:56,457 --> 00:06:58,290
- Okay, call 911.
- Okay.
170
00:06:58,292 --> 00:07:00,242
Just breathe, okay?
You're gonna be fine.
171
00:07:00,244 --> 00:07:02,327
Oh, geez!
Did a dinosaur just fart?
172
00:07:02,329 --> 00:07:03,579
Jerry, get a grip.
173
00:07:03,581 --> 00:07:04,796
Sorry, guys.
174
00:07:04,798 --> 00:07:06,298
Ugh! Apology not accepted.
175
00:07:06,300 --> 00:07:07,499
Stop talking, moron.
176
00:07:07,501 --> 00:07:08,950
I wish I could
stop smelling.
177
00:07:08,952 --> 00:07:10,469
Dude.
178
00:07:10,471 --> 00:07:13,171
Seriously, Jerry,
did you eat farts for lunch?
179
00:07:13,173 --> 00:07:14,473
Tom!
Jerry's having a heart attack.
180
00:07:14,475 --> 00:07:15,474
Oh, no, I didn't know that.
181
00:07:15,476 --> 00:07:17,509
Jerry, you okay?
182
00:07:19,612 --> 00:07:22,001
Okay, I've got some magazines
183
00:07:22,002 --> 00:07:24,203
and those boring
word jumbles you like to do.
184
00:07:24,205 --> 00:07:25,287
Is there anything else
you need, J?
185
00:07:25,289 --> 00:07:26,538
Maybe some Gas-X?
186
00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:28,290
Ha ha, Tom.
187
00:07:28,292 --> 00:07:29,875
How is he, Ann?
Give it to me straight.
188
00:07:29,877 --> 00:07:30,893
He's great.
189
00:07:30,895 --> 00:07:32,461
He should be out of here
in a day or two.
190
00:07:32,463 --> 00:07:33,629
Doctor, medically speaking,
191
00:07:33,631 --> 00:07:34,847
how would you describe
what happened to Jerry?
192
00:07:34,849 --> 00:07:36,348
He had a mild heart attack.
193
00:07:36,850 --> 00:07:41,670
Yeah, but he also exhibited
excessive flatulence.
194
00:07:41,672 --> 00:07:43,689
Is there a term
for having a heart attack
195
00:07:43,691 --> 00:07:45,724
while releasing so much gas?
196
00:07:45,726 --> 00:07:47,226
Not really.
197
00:07:47,228 --> 00:07:50,178
Gastrointestinal distress is
common during a cardiac event.
198
00:07:50,180 --> 00:07:51,613
I just want
to hear the doctor
199
00:07:51,615 --> 00:07:53,014
say that Jerry
had a fart attack.
200
00:07:53,016 --> 00:07:54,483
Is that too much to ask?
201
00:07:54,485 --> 00:07:56,201
Thank you so much.
202
00:07:56,203 --> 00:07:59,037
Look at all the balloons and
the flowers and the food and--
203
00:07:59,039 --> 00:08:01,573
my goodness, you're so sweet
to come visit this often.
204
00:08:01,575 --> 00:08:03,325
- Well, they did cause it.
- Hey.
205
00:08:03,327 --> 00:08:04,359
No.
That's okay.
206
00:08:04,361 --> 00:08:06,078
I'm glad this happened.
207
00:08:06,080 --> 00:08:07,830
I mean, I could do without
the mess of hospital bills,
208
00:08:07,832 --> 00:08:09,631
but no, this was a wakeup call.
209
00:08:09,633 --> 00:08:11,717
I'm gonna make some changes.
210
00:08:11,719 --> 00:08:14,253
I want at least another 30 years
with Gayle and my girls.
211
00:08:14,255 --> 00:08:15,754
Don't worry, Jerry, okay?
212
00:08:15,756 --> 00:08:18,757
You are gonna have the future
that you've always planned.
213
00:08:18,759 --> 00:08:20,726
Just leave it to us.
214
00:08:21,228 --> 00:08:23,846
Okay, so I have arranged
for the Parks Department
215
00:08:23,848 --> 00:08:26,715
to throw a huge garage sale
fundraiser for Jerry
216
00:08:26,717 --> 00:08:28,383
to help pay
for his hospital bills.
217
00:08:28,385 --> 00:08:30,102
The Pawnee municipal employee
health care plan
218
00:08:30,104 --> 00:08:31,270
is kinda crappy.
219
00:08:31,272 --> 00:08:32,688
One time I sprained my wrist
220
00:08:32,690 --> 00:08:34,890
and our insurance claimed
that having a wrist
221
00:08:34,892 --> 00:08:36,575
was a pre-existing condition.
222
00:08:37,077 --> 00:08:38,777
Babe, how much
should I sell this hat for?
223
00:08:38,779 --> 00:08:40,562
I don't know, eight cents?
224
00:08:40,564 --> 00:08:41,914
Honey, this is the hat
I was wearing
225
00:08:41,916 --> 00:08:44,399
the first time I ever heard
Vitalogy by Pearl Jam.
226
00:08:44,401 --> 00:08:46,034
Oh, $900.
227
00:08:46,036 --> 00:08:48,069
Yeah, that sounds about right.
228
00:08:48,071 --> 00:08:49,905
Ron, you're not selling
anything?
229
00:08:49,907 --> 00:08:52,240
I am selling this table.
230
00:08:52,242 --> 00:08:54,576
I made it.
231
00:08:54,578 --> 00:08:56,011
So when am I gonna meet
your new lover?
232
00:08:56,013 --> 00:08:58,580
I'm afraid things have hit
a rough patch with Diane.
233
00:08:58,582 --> 00:09:01,099
She was not pleased with
my babysitting performance
234
00:09:01,101 --> 00:09:03,635
and left me a very loud message
on my cell phone.
235
00:09:03,637 --> 00:09:05,521
I'm sure she'll get over it
236
00:09:05,523 --> 00:09:07,589
if you just
say you're sorry though.
237
00:09:07,591 --> 00:09:09,892
I like Diane,
but I'm not sure
238
00:09:09,894 --> 00:09:12,427
if I'm ready
for a whole family.
239
00:09:12,429 --> 00:09:14,596
If the kids ever wanted
to come to my place,
240
00:09:14,598 --> 00:09:16,582
I'd have to take
a whole week off work
241
00:09:16,584 --> 00:09:19,117
just to undo the alarms
and tripwires.
242
00:09:19,119 --> 00:09:21,453
Hey, that's my name.
243
00:09:21,455 --> 00:09:23,155
Yeah,
that's my Chris Traeger box.
244
00:09:23,157 --> 00:09:25,157
All these boxes represent stuff
245
00:09:25,159 --> 00:09:27,108
from different eras
of ex-boyfriends.
246
00:09:27,110 --> 00:09:30,045
Oh...Here are those ankle
weights I bought you
247
00:09:30,047 --> 00:09:31,279
that you liked so much.
248
00:09:31,281 --> 00:09:32,965
Recently Leslie pointed out
249
00:09:32,967 --> 00:09:34,883
that sometimes
when I date someone,
250
00:09:34,885 --> 00:09:38,837
I kind of adopt
that person's personality.
251
00:09:38,839 --> 00:09:40,589
The evidence
is fairly damning.
252
00:09:40,591 --> 00:09:43,008
Chris Traeger--
exercise phase.
253
00:09:43,010 --> 00:09:45,427
Andy Dwyer--
my grunge phase.
254
00:09:45,429 --> 00:09:48,230
Tom Haverford--
my needless shopping phase.
255
00:09:48,232 --> 00:09:49,648
Also my credit card
debt phase.
256
00:09:49,650 --> 00:09:51,350
Ann Perkins.
257
00:09:51,352 --> 00:09:53,652
Thank you so much for coming.
Good afternoon.
258
00:09:53,654 --> 00:09:56,605
As many of your know,
Jerry Gergich, our friend,
259
00:09:56,607 --> 00:09:58,774
has suffered
a devastating fart attack,
260
00:09:58,776 --> 00:10:00,359
and we are here to help.
261
00:10:00,361 --> 00:10:02,744
So there are some special
auction items
262
00:10:02,746 --> 00:10:04,329
I will be dealing with.
263
00:10:04,331 --> 00:10:06,582
The first item up for bid
is an inscribed autobiography
264
00:10:06,584 --> 00:10:08,584
from Pawnee newscaster
Perd Hapley.
265
00:10:08,586 --> 00:10:12,004
The book's entitled The Thing
About Me Is I'm Perd Hapley.
266
00:10:12,006 --> 00:10:15,123
Anyway, let's start
the bidding at $20. $20.
267
00:10:15,125 --> 00:10:16,959
Thank you sir, for 20.
Do I see 30?
268
00:10:17,961 --> 00:10:20,379
Mr. Kurtzwilder, it might
be helpful if you told us
269
00:10:20,381 --> 00:10:24,032
why you want to be
governor of Florida.
270
00:10:24,034 --> 00:10:25,217
Well, I guess you could say
271
00:10:25,219 --> 00:10:27,519
mine is the classic
Florida success story.
272
00:10:27,521 --> 00:10:29,137
I went to SFU law school,
273
00:10:29,139 --> 00:10:31,857
I was working at a small firm
in Orlando,
274
00:10:31,859 --> 00:10:34,693
and one day, bam, just like
that, gator eats penis.
275
00:10:34,695 --> 00:10:36,177
Excuse me?
276
00:10:36,179 --> 00:10:37,613
Well, that was my first
high profile case.
277
00:10:37,615 --> 00:10:39,031
It was a classic
Florida divorce.
278
00:10:39,033 --> 00:10:41,850
Guy cheats on his wife
with Dan Marino's masseuse,
279
00:10:41,852 --> 00:10:44,369
one day she cuts his junk off,
throws it in the Everglades.
280
00:10:44,371 --> 00:10:46,455
- Why not?
- Damn alligator ate it.
281
00:10:46,457 --> 00:10:49,241
And that case,
that case made my career.
282
00:10:49,243 --> 00:10:51,994
Now, I just wanna
give something back.
283
00:10:51,996 --> 00:10:54,880
Frankly, your path
to victory is narrow.
284
00:10:54,882 --> 00:10:56,915
Governor Scott
might be vulnerable,
285
00:10:56,917 --> 00:10:59,801
but you have very little
name recognition.
286
00:10:59,803 --> 00:11:02,804
But the Barkley Group
is the best at what we do.
287
00:11:02,806 --> 00:11:06,058
We're not in the business
of losing elections.
288
00:11:06,060 --> 00:11:09,344
We can get you
where you wanna go.
289
00:11:11,180 --> 00:11:12,564
I'm just saying, you should
have put "spoiler alert"
290
00:11:12,566 --> 00:11:14,349
on all those Death Canoe tweets.
291
00:11:14,351 --> 00:11:15,717
Also, not safe for work.
292
00:11:15,719 --> 00:11:18,270
You know, a lot of what you
wrote was really profane.
293
00:11:18,272 --> 00:11:20,188
That movie's 25 years old,
Morris.
294
00:11:20,190 --> 00:11:22,691
And if you don't like how I
tweet, don't follow me.
295
00:11:22,693 --> 00:11:24,242
What are you doing now?
I'm talking to you.
296
00:11:24,244 --> 00:11:27,079
I'm live tweeting
this dumb-ass conversation.
297
00:11:27,081 --> 00:11:28,780
- You like that coat?
- Yeah.
298
00:11:28,782 --> 00:11:31,232
But $200?
It's used.
299
00:11:31,234 --> 00:11:34,619
I paid 150 for it,
then added the scorpion.
300
00:11:34,621 --> 00:11:35,754
You can't sell clothes
at a tag sale
301
00:11:35,756 --> 00:11:37,089
for more than they're worth.
302
00:11:37,091 --> 00:11:38,457
Um, watch me.
303
00:11:40,761 --> 00:11:41,927
Got a minute?
304
00:11:41,929 --> 00:11:42,928
Sure.
305
00:11:42,930 --> 00:11:44,913
I-I didn't expect to see you
306
00:11:44,915 --> 00:11:47,799
after the...yelling
that occurred.
307
00:11:47,801 --> 00:11:49,084
Yeah, I was a bit stressed,
308
00:11:49,086 --> 00:11:51,386
but I'm not here
to make excuses.
309
00:11:51,388 --> 00:11:55,107
I just wanted to say that I am
sorry for the way I reacted.
310
00:11:55,109 --> 00:11:57,392
Apology accepted.
311
00:11:58,394 --> 00:12:00,261
Do you wanna
say anything to me?
312
00:12:00,513 --> 00:12:02,898
Oh. Yes.
313
00:12:03,600 --> 00:12:05,317
You look nice today.
314
00:12:06,819 --> 00:12:08,453
You broke
my daughter's tiara.
315
00:12:08,955 --> 00:12:10,455
You ruined their Halloween.
316
00:12:10,457 --> 00:12:12,994
Don't you feel
a little bit bad about that?
317
00:12:15,996 --> 00:12:17,629
- Okay--
- Um.
318
00:12:18,131 --> 00:12:19,664
Too late.
319
00:12:19,666 --> 00:12:23,468
Good-bye.
320
00:12:23,470 --> 00:12:25,003
Dude, you're totally
blowing this.
321
00:12:25,005 --> 00:12:27,672
I'm not gonna apologize.
322
00:12:27,674 --> 00:12:30,258
It wasn't even a real tiara,
for God's sake.
323
00:12:30,260 --> 00:12:32,961
Oh, well, relationship over.
Too bad.
324
00:12:32,963 --> 00:12:34,796
Oh, my God, you are so sad.
325
00:12:34,798 --> 00:12:37,632
- I am not.
- Ron, she's right.
326
00:12:37,634 --> 00:12:39,651
I've trained extensively
in the art of observation.
327
00:12:39,653 --> 00:12:42,104
You are sad, and we know why.
328
00:12:42,106 --> 00:12:44,106
You didn't sell you table.
329
00:12:44,108 --> 00:12:46,942
And it's probably
a little too expensive.
330
00:12:46,944 --> 00:12:49,277
Shh. No.
331
00:12:49,279 --> 00:12:51,312
Okay, this is our
final auction item.
332
00:12:51,314 --> 00:12:53,148
It's a one-of-a-kind autograph
333
00:12:53,150 --> 00:12:56,118
from mayor Gunderson's dog,
Rufus.
334
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,652
Yeah, we need some big bids--
335
00:12:57,654 --> 00:12:59,320
Oh, excuse me one second.
336
00:12:59,322 --> 00:13:01,823
Um, can you--t--just--okay.
337
00:13:01,825 --> 00:13:04,126
Hey, how was the meeting?
338
00:13:04,128 --> 00:13:08,496
Kurtzwilder wants me to run
his campaign from Florida.
339
00:13:08,498 --> 00:13:12,000
I'm not exactly sure when
the job would even starts,
340
00:13:12,002 --> 00:13:14,335
but it would probably mean
putting our plans on hold.
341
00:13:14,337 --> 00:13:15,670
Well, I mean, you know,
342
00:13:15,672 --> 00:13:17,672
obviously you gotta
take it, right?
343
00:13:17,674 --> 00:13:19,174
No, I mean,
I'm not making any decisions
344
00:13:19,176 --> 00:13:21,309
until we talk about this
and everything it would mean.
345
00:13:21,311 --> 00:13:23,344
Look, I'm flying back
to Washington.
346
00:13:23,346 --> 00:13:24,563
I'll call you when I get there.
Okay?
347
00:13:24,565 --> 00:13:26,014
Yeah, okay.
348
00:13:26,016 --> 00:13:28,016
- Love ya.
- Love you, too.
349
00:13:28,018 --> 00:13:31,153
$55. Great.
Okay, come on, $60?
350
00:13:31,155 --> 00:13:32,537
$65 anybody?
351
00:13:32,539 --> 00:13:34,873
Hey, we're up to $60,
not bad, right?
352
00:13:34,875 --> 00:13:36,191
Yes, Ann, bad.
353
00:13:36,193 --> 00:13:38,359
You might not care
about Jerry's future, but I do.
354
00:13:38,361 --> 00:13:40,996
Okay? We need to do something
very drastic so he can be happy,
355
00:13:40,998 --> 00:13:43,582
so we can all be happy.
356
00:13:43,584 --> 00:13:44,916
Uh, are you thinking
what I'm thinking?
357
00:13:44,918 --> 00:13:45,967
Don't know
what you're thinking,
358
00:13:45,969 --> 00:13:47,169
but I'm definitely not thinking
359
00:13:47,171 --> 00:13:48,587
- what you're thinking.
- Good idea, Ann.
360
00:13:48,589 --> 00:13:51,039
Okay, we have a new item
up for bid.
361
00:13:51,041 --> 00:13:53,141
A wonderful surprise item.
362
00:13:53,143 --> 00:13:56,228
An evening with sexy nurse
Ann Perkins.
363
00:13:56,230 --> 00:13:57,762
- No.
- Yes.
364
00:13:57,764 --> 00:13:59,881
Look at her, folks.
365
00:13:59,883 --> 00:14:01,316
One evening with the most
beautiful woman in the world.
366
00:14:01,318 --> 00:14:02,901
Just dinner and dancing,
nothing sexual.
367
00:14:02,903 --> 00:14:05,103
Unless she's into that,
but no, she's not.
368
00:14:05,105 --> 00:14:06,354
Nothing fresh.
Don't even try it.
369
00:14:06,356 --> 00:14:07,739
- But you never know, right?
- No!
370
00:14:07,741 --> 00:14:09,191
No, she's not into it.
Don't try anything,
371
00:14:09,193 --> 00:14:10,325
but, you know, give it a shot.
372
00:14:10,327 --> 00:14:11,726
Either way,
it's for a good cause.
373
00:14:11,728 --> 00:14:14,529
Let's raise some money.
374
00:14:16,320 --> 00:14:17,819
Please, we need to do this
375
00:14:17,820 --> 00:14:19,153
for Jerry and his future.
376
00:14:19,155 --> 00:14:20,455
This could be great, you know?
377
00:14:20,457 --> 00:14:21,873
Three out of four
married couples
378
00:14:21,875 --> 00:14:23,408
have met each other
at spontaneous auctions.
379
00:14:23,410 --> 00:14:24,826
I don't think that's true.
380
00:14:24,828 --> 00:14:28,563
- I d--well, I don't know, I--
- $100.
381
00:14:29,565 --> 00:14:31,299
All right, what the hell.
382
00:14:31,301 --> 00:14:33,468
Okay, we have a $100 bid
for Ann Perkins.
383
00:14:33,470 --> 00:14:35,553
- 200.
- 200. Thank you so much.
384
00:14:35,555 --> 00:14:37,705
200 for the smartest,
most accomplished woman I know.
385
00:14:37,707 --> 00:14:38,840
And check out that bod.
386
00:14:38,842 --> 00:14:39,874
Can I get 3? $300.
387
00:14:39,876 --> 00:14:41,709
500.
388
00:14:41,711 --> 00:14:43,010
Uh-oh.
389
00:14:43,012 --> 00:14:44,512
- $600.
- 700.
390
00:14:44,514 --> 00:14:46,931
- 750.
- $900.
391
00:14:46,933 --> 00:14:50,435
Wow, 900 from the man with
the tank top and the tattoos.
392
00:14:50,437 --> 00:14:51,853
That's so great.
Let's beat that, shall we?
393
00:14:51,855 --> 00:14:54,155
Who wants to beat it?
Anybody beat it please?
394
00:14:54,157 --> 00:14:55,356
I'm sorry, I'm out.
395
00:14:55,358 --> 00:14:56,774
I wouldn't sell her
to that guy, though.
396
00:14:56,776 --> 00:14:57,909
Just one man's opinion.
397
00:14:57,911 --> 00:14:59,077
Okay...
398
00:14:59,079 --> 00:15:02,697
Sir, what would you do
with your $900 date?
399
00:15:02,699 --> 00:15:07,869
How would you, uh, um...
What are you gonna do to her?
400
00:15:07,871 --> 00:15:09,170
I don't know.
401
00:15:09,172 --> 00:15:11,172
My cousin's got a kickass
mud pit in his yard.
402
00:15:11,174 --> 00:15:12,373
She could watch me
do belly flops
403
00:15:12,375 --> 00:15:14,092
then we maybe we could
get some Thai food
404
00:15:14,094 --> 00:15:16,377
and a tank of nitrous
and see what happens.
405
00:15:16,379 --> 00:15:19,079
Oh, that's not as bad
as I thought it would be.
406
00:15:19,081 --> 00:15:21,099
I am going to bid
a million dollars on myself.
407
00:15:21,101 --> 00:15:23,136
Going once, going never, sold.
408
00:15:25,272 --> 00:15:27,271
Ladies and gentlemen,
the auction closes in five minutes.
409
00:15:27,272 --> 00:15:28,773
What up, playboy?
410
00:15:29,275 --> 00:15:30,441
You like that jacket?
411
00:15:30,443 --> 00:15:31,976
It's a pretty dope cut, right?
412
00:15:31,978 --> 00:15:33,694
Yeah.
Can I have it, Mom?
413
00:15:33,696 --> 00:15:34,896
I could wear it to homecoming.
414
00:15:34,898 --> 00:15:36,280
300 bucks for something
415
00:15:36,282 --> 00:15:39,150
you're just gonna grow out of
in a month? Forget it.
416
00:15:39,152 --> 00:15:41,452
Wait, I can rent it to you.
417
00:15:42,204 --> 00:15:43,237
Really?
418
00:15:43,239 --> 00:15:45,790
Yeah, it's part
of a business I run.
419
00:15:45,792 --> 00:15:47,909
High end clothes rentals
for teens, tweens
420
00:15:47,911 --> 00:15:49,410
and everything in betweens.
421
00:15:49,412 --> 00:15:51,579
That jacket is 20 bucks a week.
422
00:15:52,581 --> 00:15:53,280
Done.
423
00:15:53,782 --> 00:15:54,966
This is a great idea.
424
00:15:54,968 --> 00:15:57,084
He grows so fast I never wanna
buy him anything nice.
425
00:15:57,086 --> 00:15:59,253
What's the name
of your business?
426
00:15:59,655 --> 00:16:01,005
Rent-a-swag.
427
00:16:01,507 --> 00:16:04,175
I'm sorry, Jerry, but your
future has been canceled.
428
00:16:04,177 --> 00:16:05,960
We only raised $1,200.
429
00:16:05,962 --> 00:16:07,812
Leslie, thank you.
430
00:16:07,814 --> 00:16:09,313
That is amazing.
431
00:16:09,315 --> 00:16:10,481
No, it stinks.
432
00:16:10,483 --> 00:16:12,183
It's not even close
to what you need.
433
00:16:12,185 --> 00:16:14,152
With all your bills,
434
00:16:14,154 --> 00:16:15,903
and the inevitable
follow-up problems,
435
00:16:15,905 --> 00:16:18,356
and the lifetime of chronic
misery that awaits you.
436
00:16:18,358 --> 00:16:19,941
I mean,
you had this whole plan
437
00:16:19,943 --> 00:16:22,109
for your retirement
and your beach house
438
00:16:22,111 --> 00:16:26,164
and now you're future
is just a huge pile of crap.
439
00:16:26,166 --> 00:16:28,449
Leslie, you can't actually
plan your future.
440
00:16:28,451 --> 00:16:30,284
You know, there's no guarantees
in this world.
441
00:16:30,286 --> 00:16:33,487
As long as the people I love
are a part of my life
442
00:16:33,489 --> 00:16:35,957
I will be just fine.
443
00:16:35,959 --> 00:16:38,543
You wanna stick around?
444
00:16:38,545 --> 00:16:39,844
Watch some of my stories
with me?
445
00:16:39,846 --> 00:16:42,680
Tonight's strawberry
Jell-o night!
446
00:16:42,682 --> 00:16:45,016
Oh, my God, your life
is so depressing.
447
00:16:45,018 --> 00:16:47,134
No thank you.
448
00:16:49,022 --> 00:16:52,473
Never seen anyone
more tortured over good news.
449
00:16:52,475 --> 00:16:54,392
I'm sorry, I don't mean
to seem ungrateful.
450
00:16:54,394 --> 00:16:56,811
I just, you know,
I have a lot to consider.
451
00:16:56,813 --> 00:16:57,862
Yeah, yeah, yeah, I get it.
452
00:16:57,864 --> 00:16:59,346
Feelings and girlfriend
and whatever.
453
00:16:59,348 --> 00:17:02,349
The point is just yesterday
you said to me,
454
00:17:02,351 --> 00:17:05,486
"I'm never happier than
when I'm managing a campaign."
455
00:17:05,488 --> 00:17:06,821
I don't think I said that.
456
00:17:06,823 --> 00:17:08,022
You didn't have to.
457
00:17:08,024 --> 00:17:09,540
I watched you in Florida.
458
00:17:09,542 --> 00:17:11,075
You were saying it
with your heart.
459
00:17:11,077 --> 00:17:12,994
Wow, you are
really good at this.
460
00:17:12,996 --> 00:17:14,745
Yes, I am.
I'm amazing.
461
00:17:14,747 --> 00:17:17,164
But more importantly,
so are you.
462
00:17:18,166 --> 00:17:20,534
There aren't a lot of people
that can manage a campaign.
463
00:17:21,036 --> 00:17:26,924
But you, Ben Wyatt,
are one of them.
464
00:17:26,926 --> 00:17:30,511
So, just take tonight and
just think about your future.
465
00:17:37,319 --> 00:17:38,886
Hello, Diane.
466
00:17:38,888 --> 00:17:42,156
I have brought you flowers.
467
00:17:42,158 --> 00:17:45,192
Also chocolates.
468
00:17:45,194 --> 00:17:46,694
And some grout cleaner.
469
00:17:46,696 --> 00:17:49,063
I noticed you needed grout
cleaner, so I brought that too.
470
00:17:49,065 --> 00:17:52,033
Very romantic.
471
00:17:52,035 --> 00:17:54,335
My kids are non-negotiable, Ron.
472
00:17:54,337 --> 00:17:56,587
It's a package deal.
473
00:17:56,589 --> 00:18:01,092
I know.
I'm sorry, Diane. I really am.
474
00:18:01,094 --> 00:18:03,761
I've been alone
most of my life by choice
475
00:18:03,763 --> 00:18:06,297
and kids--
476
00:18:06,299 --> 00:18:09,467
this is all new for me.
477
00:18:09,469 --> 00:18:11,469
But I'd like to become
familiar with it
478
00:18:12,221 --> 00:18:14,805
if you give me a chance
to prove myself.
479
00:18:15,307 --> 00:18:17,609
I did bring the girls
something.
480
00:18:19,611 --> 00:18:22,813
I thought I could
teach 'em to saw.
481
00:18:24,233 --> 00:18:25,783
I now realize
that seems dangerous.
482
00:18:27,269 --> 00:18:31,072
Well, my boyfriend might not
be moving back for a while
483
00:18:31,074 --> 00:18:33,207
so I have to back out.
484
00:18:33,209 --> 00:18:36,177
Just wanted to look
at it one more time.
485
00:18:36,179 --> 00:18:37,678
You know I can't give you
your deposit back.
486
00:18:37,680 --> 00:18:38,913
I know.
487
00:18:38,915 --> 00:18:41,048
- And there's a $300--
- All right, Martha.
488
00:18:41,050 --> 00:18:44,919
I get it.
489
00:18:44,921 --> 00:18:48,089
Actually, is there a way
I could put down, like a--
490
00:18:48,091 --> 00:18:49,757
- Hey.
- Hey.
491
00:18:49,759 --> 00:18:51,258
I didn't know you were
coming back here.
492
00:18:51,260 --> 00:18:54,979
- Oh.
- What are you doing?
493
00:18:55,741 --> 00:18:57,765
Oh, my God, what are you doing?
494
00:18:58,267 --> 00:19:01,802
I'm thinking about my future.
495
00:19:04,489 --> 00:19:08,809
I am deeply,
ridiculously in love with you
496
00:19:08,811 --> 00:19:11,912
and above everything else,
I just--
497
00:19:11,914 --> 00:19:13,698
I wanna be with you forever.
498
00:19:15,200 --> 00:19:16,603
So, Leslie Knope,
499
00:19:17,200 --> 00:19:18,703
- will--
- Wait. Wait.
500
00:19:18,705 --> 00:19:20,338
- Okay?
- Okay.
501
00:19:20,340 --> 00:19:23,040
- Just--I need to remember this.
- Sure.
502
00:19:23,042 --> 00:19:26,293
- Gimme a second.
- Okay.
503
00:19:27,045 --> 00:19:29,663
- Leslie K--
- No, no, no, no, hold on.
504
00:19:29,665 --> 00:19:31,298
Just--I need another second,
please.
505
00:19:31,300 --> 00:19:38,005
I need to remember every little
thing about how perfect
506
00:19:38,007 --> 00:19:41,859
my life is right now
at this exact moment.
507
00:19:41,861 --> 00:19:43,894
Okay.
508
00:19:53,204 --> 00:19:54,288
Are you good?
509
00:19:54,290 --> 00:19:55,489
- Yeah.
- Okay.
510
00:19:55,491 --> 00:19:57,324
I'm good.
511
00:19:57,326 --> 00:19:58,361
Leslie Knope,
512
00:19:59,126 --> 00:20:00,361
- will you--
- Yes!
513
00:20:08,052 --> 00:20:09,470
- Marry me?
- Oh, yeah.
514
00:20:09,472 --> 00:20:11,389
Okay. Great.
515
00:20:12,472 --> 00:20:17,389
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
516
00:20:18,736 --> 00:20:20,237
Trick or treat!
517
00:20:21,021 --> 00:20:22,572
It's November 8th.
518
00:20:22,606 --> 00:20:25,074
Yes, well, these girls
didn't get a chance
519
00:20:25,108 --> 00:20:26,141
to go trick or treating
520
00:20:26,159 --> 00:20:27,777
so somewhere in this house
521
00:20:27,811 --> 00:20:29,311
there is some candy.
522
00:20:29,329 --> 00:20:32,248
Why don't you find it and we'll
get right out of your hair.
523
00:20:32,282 --> 00:20:36,335
All right, hold on one second.
524
00:20:36,870 --> 00:20:39,821
- You having fun, ladies?
- Yeah!
525
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:44,843
All right, I got some,
uh, calcium chews
526
00:20:44,878 --> 00:20:47,296
and, uh, a roll of cookie dough.
527
00:20:47,330 --> 00:20:48,597
Okay, what do you say, girls?
528
00:20:48,631 --> 00:20:50,499
Thank you!
529
00:20:50,517 --> 00:20:52,267
Tremendous.
530
00:20:52,302 --> 00:20:54,136
Appreciate it.
531
00:20:54,138 --> 00:21:04,138
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com