1 00:00:01,445 --> 00:00:02,644 It's so beautiful 2 00:00:02,645 --> 00:00:03,646 - and sparkly. - I know. 3 00:00:04,147 --> 00:00:06,444 And it's a nonconflict diamond. 4 00:00:06,445 --> 00:00:08,646 When Andy proposed to me, he gave me a ring pop, 5 00:00:08,697 --> 00:00:10,949 but then he ate it first. How did Ben do it? 6 00:00:10,983 --> 00:00:12,433 Let me start from the beginning. 7 00:00:12,451 --> 00:00:14,268 - Uh-oh. - In 1832, 8 00:00:14,286 --> 00:00:18,105 Ben's great-great-great-great- grandfather, Teodore Wyatt, 9 00:00:18,123 --> 00:00:20,792 a bastard, met a beautiful seamstress from Antwerp. 10 00:00:20,826 --> 00:00:22,160 Ben and I are getting married, and I've been telling 11 00:00:22,211 --> 00:00:23,545 everybody about it. 12 00:00:23,579 --> 00:00:25,129 I'm so happy, I want to shout it from the rooftops. 13 00:00:25,164 --> 00:00:26,331 And she has. 14 00:00:26,382 --> 00:00:28,416 We've gotten several noise complaints. 15 00:00:28,434 --> 00:00:31,085 - We're getting married! - All right. 16 00:00:31,103 --> 00:00:34,472 Mm, the joy that I am feeling 17 00:00:34,523 --> 00:00:38,643 right now is profound and unmatched in the modern era. 18 00:00:38,694 --> 00:00:40,778 And I can't tell you what it means to me 19 00:00:40,813 --> 00:00:43,097 that I'm the very first person that you chose to tell. 20 00:00:43,115 --> 00:00:44,232 Oh-- 21 00:00:44,266 --> 00:00:47,285 Let me walk around with you 22 00:00:47,319 --> 00:00:48,603 as you tell everyone else 23 00:00:48,621 --> 00:00:53,625 so that I can share true joy being spread, please? 24 00:00:53,659 --> 00:00:55,043 Hey, everyone! 25 00:00:55,077 --> 00:00:57,078 We have something very exciting to tell you 26 00:00:57,112 --> 00:00:58,796 that you have never heard before. 27 00:00:58,831 --> 00:01:00,081 - Ben and I are engaged... - What? 28 00:01:00,115 --> 00:01:01,249 And you're hearing about it 29 00:01:01,283 --> 00:01:02,917 for the very first time right now. 30 00:01:04,286 --> 00:01:06,554 Come on, everybody! How about a little excitement? 31 00:01:06,589 --> 00:01:07,622 Leslie and Ben are engaged! 32 00:01:07,640 --> 00:01:09,173 Nothing will ever come between them! 33 00:01:09,174 --> 00:01:10,758 Leslie and Ben are-- 34 00:01:10,792 --> 00:01:12,477 What's going on? 35 00:01:12,511 --> 00:01:13,478 Leslie and Ben are engaged! 36 00:01:14,512 --> 00:01:16,598 Again? 37 00:01:16,632 --> 00:01:17,732 - You guys! - Oh. 38 00:01:17,766 --> 00:01:18,816 - Oh. - Oh, yeah! 39 00:01:18,851 --> 00:01:20,635 Aah! 40 00:01:23,656 --> 00:01:28,256 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com 41 00:01:40,839 --> 00:01:43,374 - Okay, T-minus six hours until the engagement party. 42 00:01:43,425 --> 00:01:45,843 Has you-know-who responded yet? 43 00:01:45,878 --> 00:01:48,713 Surprisingly, no, Larry Bird has not RSVP'd yet. 44 00:01:48,764 --> 00:01:50,098 Well, he kind of waits until the last minute. 45 00:01:50,132 --> 00:01:51,666 That's his style. Put him down as a "maybe." 46 00:01:51,684 --> 00:01:53,101 - Are you excited? - Yeah, totally. 47 00:01:53,135 --> 00:01:54,969 I-I just have two small requests. 48 00:01:55,003 --> 00:01:57,338 One, put Twizzlers on the candy table, 49 00:01:57,356 --> 00:02:00,441 and two, cancel the party 50 00:02:00,476 --> 00:02:01,693 because you invited my parents, 51 00:02:01,727 --> 00:02:04,028 and they can't be in the same room together. 52 00:02:04,063 --> 00:02:05,513 Okay? Great, thank you. 53 00:02:05,531 --> 00:02:08,149 No to canceling the party, and no to Twizzlers. 54 00:02:08,183 --> 00:02:09,951 We are a Red Vines family. 55 00:02:09,985 --> 00:02:11,035 You're gonna have to get used to that. 56 00:02:11,070 --> 00:02:13,204 I know you're scared, but I love you, 57 00:02:13,238 --> 00:02:15,206 and this party is gonna go great. 58 00:02:15,240 --> 00:02:16,691 Well, if there's anyone 59 00:02:16,709 --> 00:02:19,360 who can bring my parents together, 60 00:02:19,378 --> 00:02:20,828 it's no one. 61 00:02:20,862 --> 00:02:23,531 No one can ever bring them together. 62 00:02:23,549 --> 00:02:25,249 My family situation is complicated. 63 00:02:25,300 --> 00:02:28,035 My parents got divorced 30 years ago 64 00:02:28,053 --> 00:02:30,888 and they hate each other. 65 00:02:30,923 --> 00:02:33,224 Okay, I guess it's not that complicated. 66 00:02:33,258 --> 00:02:36,844 Okay! You guys pretend you're Ron Swanson, 67 00:02:36,878 --> 00:02:38,429 and you're trying to decide 68 00:02:38,480 --> 00:02:40,064 whether you want to invest in this company. 69 00:02:40,099 --> 00:02:41,699 Be super critical. 70 00:02:41,734 --> 00:02:42,834 You're short. 71 00:02:42,868 --> 00:02:45,169 And here...we...go! 72 00:02:46,705 --> 00:02:50,508 Tom Haverford and Jean-Ralphio Saperstein... 73 00:02:50,542 --> 00:02:53,428 Creators of Entertainment 720... 74 00:02:53,462 --> 00:02:55,596 Proudly present... 75 00:02:55,631 --> 00:02:58,999 - Rent A Swag! - Wah! 76 00:02:59,017 --> 00:03:00,852 Parents, are you tired of watching 77 00:03:00,886 --> 00:03:02,336 your middle-school-aged children grow out 78 00:03:02,354 --> 00:03:04,355 of the nice clothes you buy for them? 79 00:03:04,390 --> 00:03:06,391 Then rent them! From Rent A Swag. 80 00:03:06,442 --> 00:03:07,809 I own it. 81 00:03:07,843 --> 00:03:10,645 You rent it. You wear it. 82 00:03:10,679 --> 00:03:13,030 You clean it. You return it. 83 00:03:13,065 --> 00:03:14,866 I get rich. Wink! 84 00:03:14,900 --> 00:03:16,016 Rent A Swag! 85 00:03:16,034 --> 00:03:17,151 ♪ Where your swag is my business! ♪ 86 00:03:17,185 --> 00:03:18,820 Okay, stop. You guys, stop! 87 00:03:18,854 --> 00:03:19,954 Stop! 88 00:03:19,988 --> 00:03:21,188 ♪ And your business is my swag ♪ 89 00:03:21,206 --> 00:03:22,690 Stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop, stop! 90 00:03:22,724 --> 00:03:24,575 - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Please.. 91 00:03:24,610 --> 00:03:26,661 There's actually a lot more, 92 00:03:26,695 --> 00:03:28,279 but tell us your thoughts so far. 93 00:03:28,330 --> 00:03:30,131 It's the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life. 94 00:03:30,165 --> 00:03:31,866 - Yes! - No! It's terrible. 95 00:03:31,900 --> 00:03:33,618 It's terrible, you guys. 96 00:03:33,669 --> 00:03:35,069 I love you, baby. You're so smart. 97 00:03:35,087 --> 00:03:36,921 You're presenting this to Ron Swanson. 98 00:03:36,955 --> 00:03:39,573 Don't talk about any of your old, failed businesses, 99 00:03:39,591 --> 00:03:41,092 get rid of that stupid light show, 100 00:03:41,126 --> 00:03:43,244 and definitely don't use any weird, made-up words 101 00:03:43,278 --> 00:03:44,879 that Ron doesn't understand. 102 00:03:44,913 --> 00:03:46,681 But the presentation's tomorrow at 8:00 a.m. 103 00:03:46,715 --> 00:03:48,216 We don't have time to start from scratch. 104 00:03:48,250 --> 00:03:52,103 Well, if you do any of that, he's not gonna invest, so... 105 00:03:52,137 --> 00:03:54,439 Your funeral. 106 00:03:54,473 --> 00:03:55,640 Hey! I'm glad you're here. 107 00:03:55,691 --> 00:03:57,091 Let's go over the plan. 108 00:03:57,109 --> 00:04:00,928 Okay, you and I go stargazing in Harvey James park, 109 00:04:00,946 --> 00:04:03,531 while my parents slowly strangle each other 110 00:04:03,565 --> 00:04:04,816 in the living room. 111 00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:07,768 - No. Your mom arrives at 7:00. 112 00:04:07,786 --> 00:04:10,121 We hand her a glass of chilled white wine, 113 00:04:10,155 --> 00:04:12,323 and, oh, look, my mom is walking over, 114 00:04:12,374 --> 00:04:14,208 and they're both educators and mothers. 115 00:04:14,243 --> 00:04:15,960 What a fabulous coincidence. 116 00:04:15,994 --> 00:04:18,246 Then later, Stephen Wyatt shows up--that's your dad. 117 00:04:18,280 --> 00:04:19,831 Yes. He's terrifying. 118 00:04:19,882 --> 00:04:21,299 We make some small talk, 119 00:04:21,333 --> 00:04:22,783 and 30 minutes later, 120 00:04:22,801 --> 00:04:26,337 I show everybody the big surprise. 121 00:04:26,388 --> 00:04:27,955 The Knope-Wyatt unity quilt. 122 00:04:27,973 --> 00:04:29,307 Ben and I are weaving our lives together, 123 00:04:29,341 --> 00:04:31,175 so I have woven this quilt. 124 00:04:31,226 --> 00:04:35,480 It represents every member of our new united family. 125 00:04:35,514 --> 00:04:37,431 Of all my metaphorical art projects, 126 00:04:37,465 --> 00:04:39,466 this is by far the coziest. 127 00:04:39,485 --> 00:04:41,686 - This is amazing. - I know. 128 00:04:41,737 --> 00:04:42,970 I worked really hard on it. 129 00:04:42,988 --> 00:04:44,405 And, out of respect, 130 00:04:44,439 --> 00:04:46,640 I did not include any images of the only other man 131 00:04:46,658 --> 00:04:48,809 in the world who's as sexy as you, Joe Biden. 132 00:04:48,827 --> 00:04:50,278 - Yes, you did, right there. - Hmm? 133 00:04:50,312 --> 00:04:52,697 Oh, well, that's just a little one. 134 00:04:52,748 --> 00:04:55,283 The point is, this quilt is going to unite the Wyatt clan. 135 00:04:55,317 --> 00:04:59,153 It's beautiful, and it won't. 136 00:05:00,339 --> 00:05:02,006 Everyone, before everyone else gets here, 137 00:05:02,040 --> 00:05:04,292 I'd like to make a little toast. 138 00:05:04,326 --> 00:05:08,045 My romantic life has been a bit of a mixed bag lately. 139 00:05:08,096 --> 00:05:11,849 And when that's the case, it's hard not to be cynical 140 00:05:11,884 --> 00:05:14,168 about love and relationships, but it's couples like you 141 00:05:14,186 --> 00:05:15,669 that give hope to the rest of us. 142 00:05:15,687 --> 00:05:19,190 Leslie, you deserve the best, and you found it. 143 00:05:19,224 --> 00:05:22,343 Ben, don't you dare hurt her. 144 00:05:22,361 --> 00:05:23,477 I won't. 145 00:05:23,511 --> 00:05:25,846 Don't laugh. She means it. 146 00:05:25,864 --> 00:05:27,231 Okay, I-I won't. 147 00:05:27,282 --> 00:05:29,867 Seriously, son, don't hurt her. 148 00:05:29,902 --> 00:05:31,986 Okay, I'm not planning on hurting her. 149 00:05:32,020 --> 00:05:34,005 - You better not be. - I'm not! 150 00:05:34,039 --> 00:05:36,707 Hey, Ben, you best watch yourself. 151 00:05:36,758 --> 00:05:38,259 Why would any of you think I would hurt Leslie? 152 00:05:38,293 --> 00:05:40,160 You're all my friends too. 153 00:05:40,178 --> 00:05:41,546 Nah. 154 00:05:41,597 --> 00:05:43,214 This was literally 155 00:05:43,265 --> 00:05:46,100 the most beautiful and moving thing 156 00:05:46,134 --> 00:05:49,670 that I have ever heard. 157 00:05:49,688 --> 00:05:51,005 There, there, baby boy. 158 00:05:51,023 --> 00:05:55,009 Take all the time you need. 159 00:05:55,027 --> 00:05:57,728 Well, sure, in a wrestling match, Kirk would win. 160 00:05:57,779 --> 00:05:59,513 But overall, who would you rather have at the helm 161 00:05:59,531 --> 00:06:01,699 of your Sovereign-class starship? 162 00:06:01,733 --> 00:06:03,451 Jean-Luc Picard. No contest. 163 00:06:03,485 --> 00:06:04,685 Hey, your mom's here. I need you. 164 00:06:04,703 --> 00:06:06,037 Thank God. 165 00:06:06,071 --> 00:06:08,239 - There's my boy! - Hey, Mom. 166 00:06:08,290 --> 00:06:09,490 Nice to see you. 167 00:06:09,524 --> 00:06:11,709 This is Leslie Knope, my fiancee. 168 00:06:11,743 --> 00:06:14,028 Hi. It's--it's really nice to finally meet you, Ms. Wyatt. 169 00:06:14,046 --> 00:06:15,496 Oh! Please call me Julia. 170 00:06:15,530 --> 00:06:17,531 Is your father here yet? 171 00:06:17,549 --> 00:06:20,251 - No fighting tonight, Mom. - Don't worry! 172 00:06:20,302 --> 00:06:21,669 I'm going to be civil, as long as he is. 173 00:06:21,703 --> 00:06:24,255 Frankly, after what he did at Geoffrey's graduation-- 174 00:06:24,306 --> 00:06:26,340 Oh, I have some white wine for you, some Chardonnay. 175 00:06:26,374 --> 00:06:28,426 - Oh, thank you. - You're welcome. 176 00:06:28,477 --> 00:06:31,012 Right this way. 177 00:06:33,482 --> 00:06:36,517 - Hey, you guys, come on in. - Thank you. 178 00:06:39,054 --> 00:06:41,889 Ann. 179 00:06:41,907 --> 00:06:43,024 Hey. 180 00:06:43,058 --> 00:06:44,909 You all right, man? 181 00:06:44,943 --> 00:06:47,161 The toast that you gave to Ben and Leslie 182 00:06:47,195 --> 00:06:48,279 was so beautiful, 183 00:06:48,330 --> 00:06:51,866 and I'm feeling very raw from my therapy. 184 00:06:51,900 --> 00:06:56,737 I am so happy... And so sad. 185 00:06:56,755 --> 00:06:59,874 It's like a perfect storm of emotions. 186 00:06:59,908 --> 00:07:05,379 And so I'm hiding out here, so I don't ruin this party 187 00:07:05,413 --> 00:07:07,915 for my two amazing best friends 188 00:07:07,933 --> 00:07:10,351 who I love so much. 189 00:07:10,385 --> 00:07:11,469 Oh! 190 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:13,921 There's no more tissue. 191 00:07:13,939 --> 00:07:15,422 - Everything ends! - No, no, no. 192 00:07:15,440 --> 00:07:17,141 No, there's more tissue. 193 00:07:17,192 --> 00:07:20,945 - There's-- - Everything goes away. 194 00:07:20,979 --> 00:07:22,897 And I said, rules or no rules, 195 00:07:22,931 --> 00:07:24,198 I just have to kiss that beautiful face. 196 00:07:25,400 --> 00:07:26,767 Well, that's a Knope woman for you. 197 00:07:26,785 --> 00:07:28,569 When we see something adorable, we attack it. 198 00:07:28,603 --> 00:07:31,271 He is adorable, isn't he? 199 00:07:31,289 --> 00:07:33,457 You chose well, Benny. 200 00:07:33,492 --> 00:07:35,493 Aw, thank you. 201 00:07:35,544 --> 00:07:36,610 So far, so good. 202 00:07:36,628 --> 00:07:37,745 I'll admit it. 203 00:07:37,779 --> 00:07:38,996 Things are going surprisingly well. 204 00:07:39,047 --> 00:07:40,381 Yeah. 205 00:07:40,415 --> 00:07:41,716 And pack it up. It's over, we're screwed. 206 00:07:41,750 --> 00:07:43,050 He brought his girlfriend? 207 00:07:43,085 --> 00:07:44,502 He wasn't supposed to bring his girlfriend, Ben. 208 00:07:44,553 --> 00:07:46,053 Oh, Ben! 209 00:07:46,088 --> 00:07:47,972 Your father brought his little plaything. 210 00:07:48,006 --> 00:07:49,623 - Hiya, Benny. - Hey, Dad, hi. 211 00:07:49,641 --> 00:07:52,176 Hi. 212 00:07:52,227 --> 00:07:53,293 Unh. 213 00:07:53,311 --> 00:07:54,962 Hi, Ulani. 214 00:07:54,980 --> 00:07:56,764 Thought you weren't coming. 215 00:07:56,798 --> 00:07:59,984 Ulani is my girlfriend, and she's important to me, 216 00:08:00,018 --> 00:08:01,318 and I need her here. 217 00:08:01,353 --> 00:08:03,654 Ulani, hi, I'm Leslie. What a wonderful surprise. 218 00:08:03,689 --> 00:08:05,322 We're so happy that you're here. 219 00:08:05,357 --> 00:08:07,658 What the hell, Steve? They didn't know I was coming? 220 00:08:07,693 --> 00:08:10,644 We didn't know it was spring break. 221 00:08:10,662 --> 00:08:11,862 Okay, thanks, everybody, for coming. 222 00:08:11,913 --> 00:08:13,581 I'm so sorry you all have to go home. 223 00:08:13,615 --> 00:08:16,167 Hey, Red Vines anyone? 224 00:08:16,201 --> 00:08:19,203 We're a Twizzlers family. 225 00:08:21,223 --> 00:08:22,724 Okay, we are off to a rocky start, 226 00:08:22,723 --> 00:08:24,224 but we are gonna fix this. 227 00:08:24,258 --> 00:08:26,643 Yes, we will. I called a cab. 228 00:08:26,644 --> 00:08:27,676 It's outside. 229 00:08:27,677 --> 00:08:30,396 I gave the driver 100 bucks to sit and wait, 230 00:08:30,430 --> 00:08:32,898 so whenever we're ready to go-- 231 00:08:32,933 --> 00:08:34,099 like, maybe right now-- 232 00:08:34,134 --> 00:08:35,851 all we have to do is walk outside. 233 00:08:35,902 --> 00:08:38,771 No, I want to be here now, with you and your parents. 234 00:08:38,805 --> 00:08:39,972 Help me make this work. 235 00:08:39,990 --> 00:08:42,074 Okay, fine. Best thing to do is 236 00:08:42,108 --> 00:08:44,109 distract them with innocuous talk 237 00:08:44,143 --> 00:08:46,412 - about the stuff they care about. - Great, like what? 238 00:08:46,446 --> 00:08:48,614 Well, they're white people from Minnesota, 239 00:08:48,648 --> 00:08:50,950 so hockey, fishing, skiing, sailing, and after a few drinks, 240 00:08:50,984 --> 00:08:52,451 put on a Prince album. 241 00:08:52,485 --> 00:08:54,003 Don't mention the Green Bay Packers 242 00:08:54,037 --> 00:08:56,154 or the state of Iowa. And also, 243 00:08:56,172 --> 00:08:57,423 I have enough frequent flyer miles 244 00:08:57,457 --> 00:08:59,174 to get us to Australia tonight. 245 00:08:59,209 --> 00:09:00,593 - Everything okay? - Uh, slight speed bump. 246 00:09:00,627 --> 00:09:03,596 Everything is terrible, but I am going to fix it 247 00:09:03,630 --> 00:09:04,797 with my secret weapon. 248 00:09:04,831 --> 00:09:06,331 Okay, well I will make sure 249 00:09:06,349 --> 00:09:07,499 that everything else runs smoothly. 250 00:09:07,517 --> 00:09:08,934 Ann, you are such a good friend. 251 00:09:08,969 --> 00:09:12,671 You are a beautiful, talented, brilliant, powerful musk ox. 252 00:09:12,689 --> 00:09:15,608 Thank you, ox, for keeping this ship afloat. 253 00:09:15,642 --> 00:09:17,226 You got it. 254 00:09:17,277 --> 00:09:19,645 Guys, I need your help, okay? 255 00:09:19,679 --> 00:09:21,864 Chris is in the back room, and he's crying. 256 00:09:21,898 --> 00:09:23,515 Go in there, calm him down, make him feel better. 257 00:09:23,533 --> 00:09:25,868 Leslie and Ben have enough to deal with, okay? 258 00:09:25,902 --> 00:09:27,736 Thank you. Wait, why is Chris crying? 259 00:09:27,787 --> 00:09:31,240 - Uh, he's emotional. - Wait, why is Chris emotional? 260 00:09:31,291 --> 00:09:33,208 Because he's in therapy right now, 261 00:09:33,243 --> 00:09:34,627 and it's dredging up a lot of stuff for him. 262 00:09:34,661 --> 00:09:36,795 Wait, wait, like what kind of stuff? 263 00:09:36,830 --> 00:09:38,664 Like, I don't know, his friends are getting married, 264 00:09:38,698 --> 00:09:40,032 and he's not dating anyone. 265 00:09:40,050 --> 00:09:42,001 Why isn't he dating anyone? 266 00:09:42,035 --> 00:09:44,036 Yeah, why don't you date him? 267 00:09:44,054 --> 00:09:46,138 Because I'm dating myself right now, okay? 268 00:09:46,172 --> 00:09:48,891 I'm--I'm trying to figure out how to make me happy. 269 00:09:48,925 --> 00:09:50,375 Ugh, why is it always about you, Ann? 270 00:09:50,393 --> 00:09:51,593 Self-centered much? 271 00:09:51,645 --> 00:09:53,882 Just go, okay? Thank you. 272 00:09:56,516 --> 00:09:58,100 - Ron in 60 seconds. - Tom. 273 00:09:58,151 --> 00:09:59,568 I haven't seen you tonight. 274 00:09:59,602 --> 00:10:01,987 I've been working on my presentation. 275 00:10:02,022 --> 00:10:03,322 I just came by to congratulate Leslie, 276 00:10:03,356 --> 00:10:04,490 and then I'm heading back. 277 00:10:04,524 --> 00:10:06,075 I admire the work ethic. 278 00:10:06,109 --> 00:10:08,327 I'm always looking for new investments. 279 00:10:08,361 --> 00:10:10,896 Ever since I got my first job at the age of nine, 280 00:10:10,914 --> 00:10:13,082 I have put all my money into gold, 281 00:10:13,116 --> 00:10:15,233 which is currently at an all-time high. 282 00:10:15,251 --> 00:10:20,839 So I have a certain amount of money. 283 00:10:20,874 --> 00:10:23,008 I've said too much. 284 00:10:23,043 --> 00:10:25,177 Looking forward to tomorrow. 285 00:10:25,211 --> 00:10:26,929 Yes... About that. 286 00:10:26,963 --> 00:10:29,965 I was wondering, is there any chance we could reschedule? 287 00:10:30,016 --> 00:10:31,467 I just want to make sure everything is up 288 00:10:31,518 --> 00:10:32,768 to my world-class "standees." 289 00:10:32,802 --> 00:10:35,554 I like to keep my appointments, son, 290 00:10:35,588 --> 00:10:37,022 and I like others to do the same. 291 00:10:37,057 --> 00:10:40,275 Of course, yes. No problem, 8:00 a.m. tomorrow. 292 00:10:40,310 --> 00:10:42,528 I think you're gonna be very impressed 293 00:10:42,562 --> 00:10:44,196 with our presentation. 294 00:10:44,230 --> 00:10:47,316 "Our presentation"? Who else is joining you? 295 00:10:47,367 --> 00:10:48,650 Ricka ricka ricka ricka! 296 00:10:51,321 --> 00:10:52,437 Swanson. 297 00:10:52,455 --> 00:10:54,272 - Jean-Ralphio. - That's me. 298 00:10:54,290 --> 00:10:56,542 I didn't realize you were a part of this. 299 00:10:56,576 --> 00:10:58,127 Of course he is. He's my business partner. 300 00:10:58,161 --> 00:11:01,547 Shh! Clean! 301 00:11:01,581 --> 00:11:03,499 Business partner, now and forever. 302 00:11:03,550 --> 00:11:06,451 Hold up! Forever 21. 303 00:11:06,469 --> 00:11:08,470 21-gun salute. Salute your shorts. 304 00:11:08,505 --> 00:11:09,788 Kaboosh! 305 00:11:09,806 --> 00:11:11,640 I just free-associated all over the "mousse-tache." 306 00:11:11,674 --> 00:11:13,458 That's just one of many skills he brings 307 00:11:13,476 --> 00:11:14,626 to this business partnership. 308 00:11:14,644 --> 00:11:16,345 What are those, shrimp? Ah! 309 00:11:16,396 --> 00:11:19,815 Okay. Rethink that move, son. 310 00:11:19,849 --> 00:11:22,467 Let's just drive back. I feel weird. 311 00:11:22,485 --> 00:11:25,070 Steve, you like sailing, right? 312 00:11:25,105 --> 00:11:26,939 Not any more, since Julia got the boat in the divorce 313 00:11:26,973 --> 00:11:28,807 and then sold it to a scrapyard 314 00:11:28,825 --> 00:11:30,642 because she's terrible. 315 00:11:30,660 --> 00:11:31,810 Well, at least you don't have to deal 316 00:11:31,828 --> 00:11:33,746 with all that boat upkeep now, right, huh? 317 00:11:33,780 --> 00:11:35,080 Yech, no thankee. 318 00:11:35,115 --> 00:11:37,199 Let's talk about something other than sailing. 319 00:11:37,250 --> 00:11:38,417 Why don't you head in the other room? 320 00:11:38,451 --> 00:11:41,003 I have a surprise that-- there she goes. 321 00:11:41,037 --> 00:11:43,505 There's a surprise for you, so, um, head on in. 322 00:11:43,540 --> 00:11:45,424 I don't like surprises. 323 00:11:45,458 --> 00:11:46,759 Okay, look, you gave it a try, 324 00:11:46,793 --> 00:11:49,378 but this quilt thing is not going to work. 325 00:11:49,429 --> 00:11:51,096 Ben, on three separate occasions, 326 00:11:51,131 --> 00:11:53,298 I have used a quilt to mend fences. 327 00:11:53,332 --> 00:11:55,217 In ninth grade, a quilt ended an argument 328 00:11:55,268 --> 00:11:56,501 between my two best friends, 329 00:11:56,519 --> 00:11:58,353 and a quilt settled 330 00:11:58,388 --> 00:12:00,856 the Donna-Jerry parking lot feud of 2006. 331 00:12:00,890 --> 00:12:02,340 What was the third time? 332 00:12:02,358 --> 00:12:04,342 Right [Bleep] now. 333 00:12:04,360 --> 00:12:05,944 Okay, I still don't think it's gonna work, 334 00:12:05,979 --> 00:12:07,863 but I am really attracted to you right now. 335 00:12:07,897 --> 00:12:11,200 I know. Let's do this. 336 00:12:12,351 --> 00:12:13,351 Police, open up! We have a warrant! 337 00:12:13,369 --> 00:12:14,453 Just kidding, it's us. 338 00:12:14,487 --> 00:12:16,572 - Ha, we got you! - Andy and April. 339 00:12:16,623 --> 00:12:17,856 We have someone who wants to see you! 340 00:12:17,874 --> 00:12:19,374 Champion! 341 00:12:19,409 --> 00:12:21,243 Come here. Hey, big boy. 342 00:12:21,294 --> 00:12:23,528 You are such a brave, good dog, 343 00:12:23,546 --> 00:12:24,963 with so much spirit. 344 00:12:24,998 --> 00:12:26,248 You've overcome so much. 345 00:12:26,299 --> 00:12:30,969 You are the most wonderful dog in the whole world. 346 00:12:31,004 --> 00:12:32,554 And I am so happy for you. 347 00:12:34,224 --> 00:12:36,758 Okay, everyone, I have a surprise for all of you. 348 00:12:36,810 --> 00:12:38,760 Voila! 349 00:12:38,812 --> 00:12:42,380 The Knope-Wyatt unity quilt! 350 00:12:42,398 --> 00:12:45,717 It represents our two families coming together, 351 00:12:45,735 --> 00:12:47,385 and there is a personalized square for each member 352 00:12:47,403 --> 00:12:49,605 of our joint family, see? 353 00:12:49,656 --> 00:12:52,157 - Sweetheart, this is lovely. - Thanks, Mom. 354 00:12:52,192 --> 00:12:54,493 Where's my square? 355 00:12:54,527 --> 00:12:56,061 Well, you're not technically-- 356 00:12:56,079 --> 00:12:58,664 - Not technically what? - Not technically an adult. 357 00:12:58,698 --> 00:13:01,416 This is a very thoughtless omission, Leslie, 358 00:13:01,451 --> 00:13:04,402 and as far as I'm concerned, if there's no Ulani square, 359 00:13:04,420 --> 00:13:06,788 this is not a legitimate unity quilt. 360 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:08,841 - Oh, that old Chestnut. - Okay. 361 00:13:08,875 --> 00:13:12,077 I will make an Ulani square. 362 00:13:12,095 --> 00:13:14,746 Very, very easy. Okay. 363 00:13:14,764 --> 00:13:16,131 Look, this is your square now. 364 00:13:16,182 --> 00:13:17,599 What does "Ulani" mean? 365 00:13:17,634 --> 00:13:19,101 "Cheerful." 366 00:13:19,135 --> 00:13:20,636 Sure. 367 00:13:20,687 --> 00:13:23,472 All right. Look at that. 368 00:13:23,523 --> 00:13:26,424 Unity! It's that simple. All we had to do was-- 369 00:13:26,442 --> 00:13:28,093 I don't want her name on my quilt. 370 00:13:28,111 --> 00:13:30,262 It's not your-- it's everyone's quilt. 371 00:13:30,280 --> 00:13:31,763 It's a unity quilt. 372 00:13:31,781 --> 00:13:34,032 I think it's mean that you didn't do a square for me. 373 00:13:34,067 --> 00:13:35,534 It's a disaster is what it is. 374 00:13:35,568 --> 00:13:37,119 You can say that again, Steve. 375 00:13:37,153 --> 00:13:39,104 See, Ben, they're agreeing. 376 00:13:39,122 --> 00:13:40,489 It's working. 377 00:13:40,540 --> 00:13:41,657 Okay, I'm thinking 378 00:13:41,708 --> 00:13:44,409 we junk everything except the mannequins. 379 00:13:44,443 --> 00:13:45,944 Ron's gotta see how dope the outfits are. 380 00:13:45,962 --> 00:13:47,296 That's the business. 381 00:13:47,330 --> 00:13:49,831 Why are we going to Ron? Ron should be coming to us! 382 00:13:49,883 --> 00:13:51,466 We created Entertainment 720. 383 00:13:51,501 --> 00:13:52,668 Which was a huge failure. 384 00:13:52,719 --> 00:13:53,886 I don't know-- 385 00:13:53,920 --> 00:13:55,453 Look, a bank's not gonna give us a loan, 386 00:13:55,471 --> 00:13:58,924 and Ron loves my entrepreneurial spirit. 387 00:13:58,958 --> 00:14:01,009 Trust me, he's our best chance at getting start-up money. 388 00:14:01,060 --> 00:14:02,678 I hear that. Let's go clubbing. 389 00:14:02,729 --> 00:14:04,146 No, we gotta work. 390 00:14:04,180 --> 00:14:05,147 Didn't you hear me say we gotta junk 391 00:14:05,181 --> 00:14:06,298 most of the presentation? 392 00:14:06,316 --> 00:14:08,767 Tommy, I will always be there for you, 393 00:14:08,801 --> 00:14:10,485 no matter what, but right now, 394 00:14:10,520 --> 00:14:12,988 I cannot be there for you because I have to go. 395 00:14:13,022 --> 00:14:15,741 I hate to say this, but... 396 00:14:15,775 --> 00:14:19,328 Sometimes you've gotta work a little, 397 00:14:19,362 --> 00:14:21,663 so you can ball a lot. 398 00:14:21,698 --> 00:14:24,149 That was beautiful. 399 00:14:24,167 --> 00:14:28,653 That changed me. I'll give you ten minutes. 400 00:14:28,671 --> 00:14:31,089 You have to try to eat something, okay? 401 00:14:35,345 --> 00:14:37,713 Mmm! Wow, that's amazing. 402 00:14:37,764 --> 00:14:40,882 See? There you go. 403 00:14:40,934 --> 00:14:42,351 This one's not as good. 404 00:14:42,385 --> 00:14:43,936 All right, Chris, here's the plan. 405 00:14:43,970 --> 00:14:45,887 I'm just gonna list off happy things 406 00:14:45,939 --> 00:14:47,806 until you're cheered up. 407 00:14:47,840 --> 00:14:51,109 Pizza, the beach, rock and roll music-- 408 00:14:51,144 --> 00:14:53,195 - and I'll list terrible things to bring you back down. 409 00:14:53,229 --> 00:14:55,697 Smallpox, botched surgery, 410 00:14:55,732 --> 00:14:57,866 snails crawling out of your mouth. 411 00:14:57,900 --> 00:15:00,369 This is weirdly working. It's evening me out. 412 00:15:00,403 --> 00:15:02,654 - Okay, keep going, keep going. - Laughter. 413 00:15:02,688 --> 00:15:03,688 Snails crawling out of your mouth. 414 00:15:03,706 --> 00:15:04,706 - The beach. - Snails crawling out 415 00:15:04,741 --> 00:15:06,475 - out of your mouth. - Cute cats. 416 00:15:06,509 --> 00:15:07,743 Snails crawling out of your butt. 417 00:15:07,794 --> 00:15:09,411 Dave Matthews Band. 418 00:15:09,462 --> 00:15:11,046 Dave Matthews Band. 419 00:15:11,080 --> 00:15:13,966 Look, Dad, Leslie worked really hard on this, 420 00:15:14,000 --> 00:15:16,418 so can you just cool it for, like, 30 seconds? 421 00:15:16,469 --> 00:15:18,804 Sure, I can. 422 00:15:18,838 --> 00:15:20,705 But your mother can't. See? 423 00:15:20,723 --> 00:15:23,208 She's ruining your quilt, 424 00:15:23,226 --> 00:15:24,926 just like she ruined our marriage! 425 00:15:24,978 --> 00:15:26,178 Mom! 426 00:15:26,212 --> 00:15:27,545 Oh, I didn't know we could cut that. 427 00:15:27,563 --> 00:15:28,647 It had to be done, Ben. 428 00:15:28,681 --> 00:15:31,099 It absolutely did not have to be done. 429 00:15:31,150 --> 00:15:33,151 Look, champagne! 430 00:15:33,186 --> 00:15:34,886 Yeah, why don't we just forget about the quilt 431 00:15:34,904 --> 00:15:37,522 - and just raise a glass? - Yes! Toasts are fun. 432 00:15:37,556 --> 00:15:39,441 They usually signify the end of a party. 433 00:15:39,492 --> 00:15:40,558 Here you are, Ulani. 434 00:15:40,576 --> 00:15:41,827 I'm good, thanks. 435 00:15:41,861 --> 00:15:43,328 Oh, by all means, go ahead and take it, Ulani. 436 00:15:43,363 --> 00:15:45,230 Or, wait, are you even old enough to drink? 437 00:15:45,248 --> 00:15:47,032 Yes, Julia, I am, 438 00:15:47,066 --> 00:15:50,335 but I can't because I'm pregnant. 439 00:15:50,370 --> 00:15:51,453 You're what? 440 00:15:51,504 --> 00:15:52,788 Oh, boy. 441 00:15:52,839 --> 00:15:54,172 I didn't mean to steal your spotlight, 442 00:15:54,207 --> 00:15:55,407 but the cat's out of the bag. 443 00:15:55,425 --> 00:16:00,045 Young Ben is going to have a new baby sister, huh? 444 00:16:00,079 --> 00:16:02,914 Still firing bullets, son. 445 00:16:02,932 --> 00:16:04,633 I cannot be in the same room as him. 446 00:16:04,684 --> 00:16:05,934 What about the wedding? 447 00:16:05,968 --> 00:16:09,087 I'm talking about the wedding. 448 00:16:09,105 --> 00:16:12,724 Ladies and gentlemen, the Wyatt family. 449 00:16:14,715 --> 00:16:16,631 It's like the war of the Wyatts out there! 450 00:16:16,632 --> 00:16:19,601 - I mean, it's so brutal! - Oh, my God. 451 00:16:19,635 --> 00:16:20,902 Were you and Dad ever like that? 452 00:16:21,086 --> 00:16:23,054 Well, like any married couple, 453 00:16:23,088 --> 00:16:25,039 honey, your father and I fought occasionally, 454 00:16:25,074 --> 00:16:27,725 and sometimes he won the argument, 455 00:16:27,760 --> 00:16:29,344 and sometimes I won. 456 00:16:29,395 --> 00:16:31,930 But usually, we forgot what we were arguing about 457 00:16:31,964 --> 00:16:33,231 and just had sex. 458 00:16:33,265 --> 00:16:35,132 - La la la la la. - Anyway, the important thing 459 00:16:35,150 --> 00:16:38,987 is that we always ended up on the same team. 460 00:16:39,021 --> 00:16:40,521 And in the same bed. 461 00:16:41,640 --> 00:16:43,825 God, I miss that man. 462 00:16:43,859 --> 00:16:45,610 How can you be so wise and so inappropriate 463 00:16:45,644 --> 00:16:47,311 at the same time? 464 00:16:47,329 --> 00:16:49,647 I'm a parent. 465 00:16:51,000 --> 00:16:52,367 I can't figure out how to phrase this mission statement. 466 00:16:52,418 --> 00:16:53,668 Let me get a shot at it. 467 00:16:53,702 --> 00:16:54,819 I'm actually pretty good at this stuff. 468 00:16:57,039 --> 00:16:58,256 See? 469 00:16:58,290 --> 00:17:00,258 You just googled, "Amanda Bynes side boob." 470 00:17:00,292 --> 00:17:01,626 What's wrong with you? 471 00:17:01,660 --> 00:17:03,511 What's wrong with you? Why is your safesearch on? 472 00:17:03,545 --> 00:17:06,381 That is amateur hour, Tom. 473 00:17:06,432 --> 00:17:09,100 Listen, we've been at this for an entire evening. 474 00:17:09,134 --> 00:17:10,885 I say, why don't we cut our losses? 475 00:17:10,936 --> 00:17:13,438 If it was such a good idea, we would be millionaires by now. 476 00:17:13,472 --> 00:17:14,522 Hello. 477 00:17:14,556 --> 00:17:16,307 Look, man, I believe in this idea. 478 00:17:16,341 --> 00:17:18,860 Do you? 479 00:17:18,894 --> 00:17:21,012 You know I love you, but... 480 00:17:21,030 --> 00:17:22,897 I don't think you're as serious about this business as I am. 481 00:17:22,948 --> 00:17:26,517 Oh, yeah, no, I'm definitely not. 482 00:17:39,131 --> 00:17:40,915 Hey, I got your text. What are you doing? 483 00:17:40,966 --> 00:17:42,884 I grabbed all of the brownies from the dessert table 484 00:17:42,918 --> 00:17:44,135 and four bottles of wine. 485 00:17:44,169 --> 00:17:45,386 Get in the car. We're going to Australia. 486 00:17:45,421 --> 00:17:47,255 - Leslie-- - I am so sorry for everything. 487 00:17:47,306 --> 00:17:49,641 I love you, and I want to be on your team. 488 00:17:49,675 --> 00:17:51,259 I am on your team, but I think that 489 00:17:51,310 --> 00:17:52,894 our team should be far away from here. 490 00:17:52,928 --> 00:17:55,063 Normally, I would get in the cab with you, 491 00:17:55,097 --> 00:17:58,215 but I am so sick of them ruining everything, 492 00:17:58,233 --> 00:18:00,101 and I really liked that unity quilt. 493 00:18:00,152 --> 00:18:02,854 - It was a good quilt. - It was an awesome quilt. 494 00:18:02,888 --> 00:18:05,156 Look, my parents are insane, 495 00:18:05,190 --> 00:18:07,492 but they need to be at our wedding. 496 00:18:07,526 --> 00:18:08,826 You know what? 497 00:18:08,861 --> 00:18:10,495 It's time for this team 498 00:18:10,529 --> 00:18:12,196 - to come up with a new plan. - I agree. 499 00:18:12,230 --> 00:18:14,332 Phase one of our new plan, you get in the backseat 500 00:18:14,366 --> 00:18:16,617 of this cab, and we hardcore make out for 15 minutes. 501 00:18:16,669 --> 00:18:18,002 I would love to do that. 502 00:18:18,037 --> 00:18:19,837 I'm just not sure if the driver would be okay with it. 503 00:18:19,872 --> 00:18:22,373 For another 100 bucks, you can do whatever you want. 504 00:18:22,907 --> 00:18:24,375 Let's do this. 505 00:18:26,679 --> 00:18:28,129 Swan song! 506 00:18:28,180 --> 00:18:29,547 What up, my man? 507 00:18:29,581 --> 00:18:32,100 - Ow, are you kidding me? - Jean-Ralphio. 508 00:18:32,134 --> 00:18:34,385 I thought you and Tom were working on your presentation. 509 00:18:34,419 --> 00:18:37,355 No, I decided it was best if I took my talents elsewhere. 510 00:18:37,389 --> 00:18:39,557 - Do you know what I mean? - You abandoned your friend? 511 00:18:39,591 --> 00:18:41,559 God, no. He fired me, straight up. 512 00:18:41,593 --> 00:18:43,361 Talked about how I wasn't serious enough 513 00:18:43,395 --> 00:18:44,428 about the project, 514 00:18:44,446 --> 00:18:46,030 how he needed to grow up. 515 00:18:46,065 --> 00:18:48,483 Anyway, I have an amazing investment idea for you. 516 00:18:48,534 --> 00:18:50,451 Condoms with pictures on them. 517 00:18:50,486 --> 00:18:51,703 - Pass. - Good. Smart. 518 00:18:51,737 --> 00:18:53,037 I think you made the right decision. 519 00:18:53,072 --> 00:18:55,606 Take care. 520 00:18:55,624 --> 00:18:58,209 Oh. Chris? 521 00:18:58,243 --> 00:19:01,045 Seems like the storm has passed. Indeed it has. 522 00:19:01,080 --> 00:19:03,414 I can't believe that I spent the entire party in a room 523 00:19:03,448 --> 00:19:06,134 being happy-sad on a night that means so much 524 00:19:06,168 --> 00:19:07,418 to my two best friends. 525 00:19:07,452 --> 00:19:08,786 I mean, you're going through a lot. 526 00:19:08,804 --> 00:19:11,222 You need to purge all this stuff that's been building up. 527 00:19:11,256 --> 00:19:13,558 This lesbian nurse is right, Chris. 528 00:19:13,592 --> 00:19:15,459 You can't keep it all bottled up. 529 00:19:15,477 --> 00:19:17,645 Maybe you're right. Maybe all of my emotions 530 00:19:17,679 --> 00:19:20,098 tumbling out like this means that I can get a clean start. 531 00:19:20,132 --> 00:19:21,632 Well, for that, you're gonna have to visit 532 00:19:21,650 --> 00:19:22,633 the bathroom first. 533 00:19:22,651 --> 00:19:23,935 - Right? - No. 534 00:19:23,969 --> 00:19:25,302 - Ann Perkins! - Nope. 535 00:19:25,320 --> 00:19:28,106 You are, without a doubt, the queen of toilet humor. 536 00:19:28,140 --> 00:19:32,693 That's all I ever wanted to be. 537 00:19:32,745 --> 00:19:35,129 This was supposed to be a happy occasion. 538 00:19:35,164 --> 00:19:36,864 You were supposed to come here, 539 00:19:36,899 --> 00:19:40,084 celebrate your son's engagement, maybe bury the ax? 540 00:19:40,119 --> 00:19:41,385 And not in each other's back. 541 00:19:41,420 --> 00:19:44,822 But it did not work out that way. 542 00:19:44,840 --> 00:19:46,257 So here is the new plan. 543 00:19:46,291 --> 00:19:48,025 I don't expect you to like each other, 544 00:19:48,060 --> 00:19:50,161 but you have to come to the wedding, okay? 545 00:19:50,179 --> 00:19:51,662 We'll seat you far away from each other. 546 00:19:51,680 --> 00:19:52,847 You don't even have to socialize. 547 00:19:52,881 --> 00:19:54,715 Yeah, in fact, we insist that you don't. 548 00:19:54,767 --> 00:19:56,500 But you do have to show up 549 00:19:56,518 --> 00:19:58,002 and tell us that you had a great time. 550 00:19:58,020 --> 00:19:59,353 That's the deal. 551 00:19:59,388 --> 00:20:01,672 You can either take it, or you can take it. 552 00:20:01,690 --> 00:20:04,341 I can take it. I'm sorry. 553 00:20:04,359 --> 00:20:07,278 - I'm sorry too, Benny. - Sorry. Whatever. 554 00:20:07,312 --> 00:20:09,030 Aw, what a beautiful apology. 555 00:20:09,064 --> 00:20:10,181 - Julia... - Guys. 556 00:20:10,199 --> 00:20:11,182 Sorry. 557 00:20:11,200 --> 00:20:12,950 Ben's parents are insane, 558 00:20:12,985 --> 00:20:14,118 but he is not. He's amazing. 559 00:20:14,153 --> 00:20:16,404 And that's all that matters. 560 00:20:16,455 --> 00:20:18,706 I guess he might become insane as he ages. 561 00:20:18,740 --> 00:20:21,793 I should keep an eye out for that. 562 00:20:21,827 --> 00:20:23,544 Also, for the record, my unity quilt worked. 563 00:20:23,579 --> 00:20:26,547 So technically, I am three for three with unity quilts. 564 00:20:26,582 --> 00:20:27,715 We only have 30 bucks left. 565 00:20:27,749 --> 00:20:28,883 Let's go. Oh, okay. 566 00:20:28,917 --> 00:20:30,251 Get ready, driver. 567 00:20:30,302 --> 00:20:32,720 We're gonna make out so hard in the back of your cab. 568 00:20:37,560 --> 00:20:39,700 Are you okay, son? Did you get any sleep? 569 00:20:39,762 --> 00:20:42,447 Uh, not really. I stayed up most of the night. 570 00:20:42,799 --> 00:20:45,783 But that's not important. 571 00:20:45,785 --> 00:20:47,752 Let me tell you about Rent A Swag. 572 00:20:47,754 --> 00:20:48,919 - Now-- - No need, Tom. 573 00:20:48,921 --> 00:20:50,504 I'm in. 574 00:20:50,506 --> 00:20:53,240 I like doing business with serious people, 575 00:20:53,242 --> 00:20:56,694 and when you removed yourself from the company of that moron, 576 00:20:56,696 --> 00:20:59,196 you showed me you're a serious person. 577 00:20:59,198 --> 00:21:01,215 - You have your start-up money. - Wow. 578 00:21:01,217 --> 00:21:03,534 I appreciate it. 579 00:21:03,536 --> 00:21:04,719 Tommy "T"! 580 00:21:04,721 --> 00:21:07,305 You just missed the craziest of crazies. 581 00:21:07,307 --> 00:21:09,223 Clubs. Girls. Dancing. 582 00:21:09,225 --> 00:21:11,726 Naked. Mom? Argument. 583 00:21:11,728 --> 00:21:14,345 Police. Fleeing the scene. Hiding in a Dumpster. 584 00:21:14,347 --> 00:21:15,546 Coming here. 585 00:21:15,548 --> 00:21:17,231 Crashing on your couch for a week 'cause 586 00:21:17,233 --> 00:21:19,684 ♪ technically, I'm homeless ♪ 587 00:21:19,686 --> 00:21:21,152 Hey, "mousse-tache." I'ma hit the couch. 588 00:21:21,154 --> 00:21:22,886 You know where I be. 589 00:21:22,887 --> 00:21:27,886 Sync & corrections by Alice www.addic7ed.com