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Support for Pawnee Community Radio
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comes from listeners like you
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00:00:05,863 --> 00:00:08,648
and from the new film
The Shadows of Seven Heads,
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the dramic tale
of an Israeli soldier
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who falls in love with conjoined
Palestinian sextuplets.
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Out soon
from Focus Features.
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Welcome to
"Thought For Your Thoughts."
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I'm your host Derry Murbles,
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sitting in for Nina Joplin,
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who is touring the country
performing a spoken-word opera
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about pear-shaped women.
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My guest today
is City Councilwoman
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Leslie Knope.
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It is a pleasure
to be back, Derry.
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Your show last week
on dolphin lactation
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00:00:40,163 --> 00:00:42,214
was just riveting radio.
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Derry, my team and I
are trying to build a park,
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and we need input on the design
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from you,
the citizens of Pawnee.
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So I guess I'm here
to send out the Bat-Signal.
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A Bat-Signal, for
listeners who might not know,
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00:00:58,181 --> 00:01:02,651
refers to the children's
character "the Bat-Man"
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a strong gentleman
who fights crime nocturnally.
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That's correct.
Well put.
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This park is going to be
a celebration of Pawnee
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by Pawnee and for Pawnee.
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So, you know,
send in your plan
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or your resume...
And quick.
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Please. Hurry.
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This is all gonna fall apart
if you don't hurry.
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Coming up after the break,
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movie reviews
with Ken Tucker
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who is filling in
for David Bianculli
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who's in New York
filling in for Ken Tucker.
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Leslie, would you like
to introduce the next segment?
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Okay.
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"Now it's time for
'Jazz Plus Jazz Equals Jazz, '
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"today we have a recording
of Benny Goodman
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played over a separate
recording of Miles Davis."
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Research shows that our
listeners love jazz.
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Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
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All right,
so this is a letter
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from what looks like
a federal penitentiary.
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"Here's a model
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"of what I thought the park
could look like.
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Also, I'm innocent.
Please find me a lawyer."
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I'm getting kind of worried.
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I mean, we have not received
one usable idea so far.
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Hang on.
Look at this guy.
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"30 years of experience
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"with a degree in architecture
from the Royal Danish Academy
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of Fine Arts in Copenhagen."
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Wow! Beautiful fountain.
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Perfectly manicured shrubbery.
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This is like
Parks Department porn.
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This guy is great.
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I don't care if he's some
junkie war criminal pimp.
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I am not gonna
change my mind.
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His name's Wreston St. James.
He's from Eagleton.
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Oh, I've changed my mind.
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I'm not being melodramatic
when I say
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that people from Eagleton
are snobby and evil,
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and they look down on Pawnee,
and they would most likely
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00:03:05,842 --> 00:03:07,209
exterminate everyone
who isn't from Eagleton
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if they weren't so busy
being obsessed with themselves.
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God, that was close.
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Sometimes when I rant
about Eagleton,
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I forget to breathe,
and I pass out.
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No. We cannot have
someone from Eagleton
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design a park for Pawnee.
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We have had a blood feud
that has lasted for 200 years.
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Well, we don't have
a lot of time,
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00:03:24,060 --> 00:03:25,928
and he is the first
decent candidate.
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So let's at least
go meet the guy.
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Yeah, that's a good idea.
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Then we can reject him
face-to-face.
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I like your plan.
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Friends, former lovers,
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acquaintances, Jerry,
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I introduce you
to the future home of...
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Rent-A-Swag!
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Yikes.
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Much like women in
'90s stand-up comedy routines,
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Tommy be shopping.
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I started a business where I
rent my fancy clothes to teens
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so their parents don't have to
buy them nice things
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they'll just grow out of.
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So if you see
a 14-year-old kid
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wearing a Louis Vuitton cravat,
you know who to thank.
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00:03:58,528 --> 00:03:59,795
Me.
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00:03:59,830 --> 00:04:02,431
And Louis Vuitton for making
some dope-ass cravats.
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00:04:02,466 --> 00:04:04,867
Son, I love wildlife,
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but is a store
the best place for it?
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- Help.
- The place needs some work,
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00:04:09,906 --> 00:04:11,774
but this is a great location.
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00:04:11,808 --> 00:04:14,410
Lots of foot traffic,
no metered parking.
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00:04:14,444 --> 00:04:16,412
And it's well within
my fiscal range.
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00:04:16,446 --> 00:04:18,514
Good use of the word fiscal,
Tommy-- very upscale.
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00:04:18,548 --> 00:04:21,183
Very impressive.
Watching you gives me faith
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00:04:21,218 --> 00:04:23,219
that anyone can reinvent
themselves.
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00:04:23,253 --> 00:04:24,803
Tommy Timberlake is dead.
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Long live Thomas M. Haverford,
responsible tycoon.
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00:04:28,475 --> 00:04:31,560
Help.
I can't move.
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He designed this place?
What a dump.
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00:04:36,182 --> 00:04:37,599
Ben!
Leslie. Hi!
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00:04:37,617 --> 00:04:39,235
- Hi.
- Wreston St. James.
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00:04:39,269 --> 00:04:41,770
- Thank you so much for coming.
- No, thank you.
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Well, what do you think
of our newest park?
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Eh. In a word, underwhelming.
And a little inconvenient.
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There's no trash cans anywhere.
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What am I supposed to do
with my garbage,
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00:04:49,680 --> 00:04:51,130
- just throw it on the ground?
- Oh, hey.
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Thank you for the trash!
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00:04:53,333 --> 00:04:55,134
Mr. St. James,
I have to say,
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00:04:55,168 --> 00:04:57,086
- this park is incredible.
- Thank you.
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Its official name
is "Five Mile Grounds",
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00:05:00,223 --> 00:05:03,142
but we like to call it
"Wide smiles abound."
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00:05:03,176 --> 00:05:05,311
Because of all the smiles
that occur?
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00:05:05,345 --> 00:05:07,462
It's so boring.
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00:05:07,480 --> 00:05:08,797
Come on, I'll take you guys
on a little tour.
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00:05:08,815 --> 00:05:11,150
Great.
He seems super-cool.
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00:05:11,184 --> 00:05:13,986
He seems cool.
Just you wait.
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Well, they always
wine and dine you first,
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but the fact
of the matter is
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Eagletonians are,
without exception,
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snobby,
condescending jerks.
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This is the Pawnee side
of our border with Eagleton...
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00:05:25,115 --> 00:05:28,000
And this is
the Eagleton side.
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00:05:30,837 --> 00:05:32,672
Ah.
Uhh.
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00:05:32,706 --> 00:05:33,989
Hey, babe, it's me.
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Will you come down here, please,
and keep me company?
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I'm so bored.
I need you.
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If I come down there,
can I at least break something?
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00:05:40,097 --> 00:05:41,764
Of course, baby.
Anything. You know that.
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00:05:41,799 --> 00:05:43,299
Chris gave me
this great job
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00:05:43,333 --> 00:05:44,767
as a weekend security guard
at City Hall.
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00:05:44,802 --> 00:05:47,520
Only one problem--
it's a terrible job.
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00:05:47,554 --> 00:05:49,439
I did everything
I was supposed to do,
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00:05:49,473 --> 00:05:50,957
and I walked around
the building four times.
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00:05:50,991 --> 00:05:52,442
Only 20 minutes
has gone by.
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00:05:52,476 --> 00:05:54,676
Ugh! Thought maybe
ten minutes had gone by
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00:05:54,694 --> 00:05:56,145
since I started talking.
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00:05:56,179 --> 00:05:57,697
It's only been 15 seconds.
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00:05:57,731 --> 00:06:01,033
Ohh...
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00:06:01,068 --> 00:06:02,785
Oh, babe,
thank God you're here.
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00:06:02,820 --> 00:06:05,204
I got so bored, I started
thinking about existence--
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00:06:05,239 --> 00:06:07,657
"Do I matter?
Do any of us?
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00:06:07,691 --> 00:06:10,710
Is there a master plan
in the works, a grand design?"
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00:06:10,744 --> 00:06:13,379
- Just dumb stuff like that.
- Ugh! Who cares?
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00:06:13,413 --> 00:06:15,131
I thought being
a security guard
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00:06:15,165 --> 00:06:16,532
would be exciting.
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00:06:16,850 --> 00:06:18,134
Nope.
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00:06:19,168 --> 00:06:20,202
Wait a minute.
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00:06:20,720 --> 00:06:24,006
Isn't this how all great
Bert Macklin cases start?
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00:06:27,250 --> 00:06:28,377
It's quiet.
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00:06:29,980 --> 00:06:32,381
A little too quiet.
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As you can see, we like to
keep things quite immaculate.
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I remember when Pawnee
had that massive sewage overflow
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00:06:38,388 --> 00:06:40,022
in Circle Park--
whatever happened with that?
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00:06:40,056 --> 00:06:43,075
- We totally fixed it.
- Well, except for the smell.
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00:06:43,110 --> 00:06:46,362
The scientists think it's going
to linger for another 40 years.
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00:06:46,396 --> 00:06:48,581
Can we just cut
to the chase here?
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00:06:48,615 --> 00:06:51,200
Why would a fancy
Eagleton architect like you
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want to design
a tiny Pawnee park?
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Well, I heard your plea
on the radio,
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00:06:55,873 --> 00:06:57,340
and you were so passionate
about the project.
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00:06:57,374 --> 00:06:59,408
It doesn't matter if
it's a giant park like this
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00:06:59,426 --> 00:07:01,010
or a little tiny
pocket park.
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00:07:01,044 --> 00:07:02,378
It's about the people.
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00:07:02,412 --> 00:07:04,263
We're here to serve them.
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00:07:04,298 --> 00:07:05,882
Hey, Mr. St. James!
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00:07:05,916 --> 00:07:07,683
Oh, our balloon artisan
is out of balloons.
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00:07:07,718 --> 00:07:09,552
Excuse me.
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00:07:09,586 --> 00:07:11,521
I have chills.
Look at my arm.
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00:07:11,555 --> 00:07:13,356
Why are you so charmed
by him?
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00:07:13,390 --> 00:07:15,591
You're like a Southern belle
when Rhett Butler comes around.
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00:07:15,609 --> 00:07:17,643
Yes. Rhett Butler.
That's who he reminds me of.
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00:07:17,694 --> 00:07:18,928
Or Bono!
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00:07:18,946 --> 00:07:20,196
What?
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00:07:20,230 --> 00:07:21,948
No one from Eagleton
has ever wanted to help
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00:07:21,982 --> 00:07:24,567
anyone from Pawnee
for any reason.
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00:07:24,601 --> 00:07:26,769
In 1988,
we were hit by a tornado.
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00:07:26,787 --> 00:07:28,321
We asked Eagleton for help,
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00:07:28,372 --> 00:07:30,706
and they claimed
they weren't home.
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00:07:30,741 --> 00:07:34,610
An entire town
claimed they weren't home.
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00:07:34,628 --> 00:07:36,078
I don't trust that guy
for a second.
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00:07:36,112 --> 00:07:37,713
Leslie, look what Wreston
commissioned
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00:07:37,748 --> 00:07:39,281
from the balloon artisan.
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00:07:39,299 --> 00:07:40,783
It's us.
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00:07:46,289 --> 00:07:47,691
Great work, team.
191
00:07:47,939 --> 00:07:50,691
Donna, you and your work
are ravishing, as usual.
192
00:07:50,725 --> 00:07:53,260
Ann, great organizational
skills.
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00:07:53,278 --> 00:07:55,262
Wow. Genuine praise.
194
00:07:55,280 --> 00:07:58,031
It's a tip I picked up from
Lee Iacocca's autobiography.
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00:07:58,066 --> 00:07:59,900
A small connection between
you and your workers
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00:07:59,934 --> 00:08:00,934
helps build loyalty.
197
00:08:00,952 --> 00:08:03,453
Jerry!
How's the old ticker?
198
00:08:03,488 --> 00:08:05,539
Oh. Well, uh,
the rehab is grueling--
199
00:08:05,573 --> 00:08:07,291
Great!
Glad to hear it.
200
00:08:07,325 --> 00:08:09,326
Yo, Roomba, drop a beat!
201
00:08:09,377 --> 00:08:11,111
♪ Hi ho, hi ho
202
00:08:11,129 --> 00:08:13,280
Rent-A-Swag
is gonna be the opposite
203
00:08:13,298 --> 00:08:14,614
of Entertainment720.
204
00:08:14,632 --> 00:08:16,550
This is my last chance.
205
00:08:16,584 --> 00:08:18,468
If this goes down in flames,
I will have nothing
206
00:08:18,503 --> 00:08:19,786
except my looks.
207
00:08:19,804 --> 00:08:22,806
I could always pimp myself out
to hot older ladies.
208
00:08:22,840 --> 00:08:24,291
I need to remember that.
209
00:08:24,625 --> 00:08:26,159
May, 1817.
210
00:08:26,227 --> 00:08:28,562
A scrappy group
of frontiersmen and women
211
00:08:28,596 --> 00:08:30,547
arrive at a hardscrabble
chunk of land
212
00:08:30,565 --> 00:08:33,067
and call it Pawnee,
Indiana.
213
00:08:33,101 --> 00:08:34,568
We owe them
a debt of gratitude.
214
00:08:34,602 --> 00:08:37,604
Mm. June, 1817,
the richest among them
215
00:08:37,839 --> 00:08:39,239
take all of their money
from the bank
216
00:08:39,274 --> 00:08:41,108
and then flee up the hill
like cowards
217
00:08:41,159 --> 00:08:42,660
to form Eagleton.
218
00:08:42,694 --> 00:08:47,081
Recognize any of your ancestors
among the meanies?
219
00:08:47,115 --> 00:08:49,283
Actually, like most people
from the area,
220
00:08:49,334 --> 00:08:51,001
I have ancestors
on both sides.
221
00:08:51,036 --> 00:08:53,921
That's why I think this rivalry
is just a little silly
222
00:08:53,955 --> 00:08:56,290
- and self-defeating.
- Yeah, you may not know this,
223
00:08:56,341 --> 00:08:58,592
but Leslie was actually
born in Eagleton.
224
00:08:58,626 --> 00:09:01,378
Do not blame me
for the sins of my mother.
225
00:09:01,412 --> 00:09:04,348
Look, Ms. Knope,
I'm really trying here,
226
00:09:04,382 --> 00:09:06,717
but I just don't know
if our working together
227
00:09:06,751 --> 00:09:08,585
is such a great idea.
228
00:09:08,603 --> 00:09:10,354
Oh... running away so soon.
Typical.
229
00:09:10,388 --> 00:09:12,523
You know, say what you want
about Pawneeans,
230
00:09:12,557 --> 00:09:13,924
but we never give up.
231
00:09:13,942 --> 00:09:16,944
We have a mural called
"The Many Surrenders of Pawnee."
232
00:09:16,978 --> 00:09:18,696
Oh, look who's paying
attention to me now!
233
00:09:18,730 --> 00:09:21,065
Okay. Can I speak to you
privately for a minute?
234
00:09:22,817 --> 00:09:24,651
The name is special agent
Bert Macklin.
235
00:09:24,703 --> 00:09:26,487
Tell me who you are,
who you work for,
236
00:09:26,538 --> 00:09:27,988
and don't bother trying
to lie to me,
237
00:09:28,039 --> 00:09:29,206
because I'm amazing.
238
00:09:29,240 --> 00:09:30,874
My name is Judy Hitler,
239
00:09:30,909 --> 00:09:33,243
and I am the spoiled
only daughter of Adolf.
240
00:09:33,777 --> 00:09:35,162
And I'm going to tell my Daddy
241
00:09:35,213 --> 00:09:37,414
you were mean to me,
Bert Macklin.
242
00:09:37,448 --> 00:09:39,116
He's not going to
like it very much.
243
00:09:39,134 --> 00:09:41,719
- So untie me!
- Nice try, Miss Hitler,
244
00:09:41,753 --> 00:09:43,670
but you have something
that I want.
245
00:09:43,722 --> 00:09:45,973
Where's the necklace with
all of Germany's war secrets?
246
00:09:46,007 --> 00:09:47,891
I don't know what
you are talking about.
247
00:09:47,926 --> 00:09:49,810
- I think you do!
- I don't!
248
00:09:51,980 --> 00:09:54,181
Now, you give me
that war-ending necklace,
249
00:09:54,232 --> 00:09:55,899
or I will resort to torture.
250
00:09:55,934 --> 00:09:59,153
Fine. I will show you
where it is, damn it.
251
00:09:59,887 --> 00:10:01,238
You're too good, Macklin.
252
00:10:01,772 --> 00:10:02,823
Don't you do it, Hitler.
253
00:10:02,857 --> 00:10:04,992
Don't you dare
fall in love with me.
254
00:10:07,211 --> 00:10:09,363
Oh, Hitler, you sexy bastard.
No!
255
00:10:09,414 --> 00:10:12,666
- Yes!
- Mm...Mm!
256
00:10:12,700 --> 00:10:16,153
Aah!
257
00:10:16,171 --> 00:10:19,089
I am just filled
to the brim with questions.
258
00:10:19,124 --> 00:10:20,457
Why are you using
this wood?
259
00:10:20,491 --> 00:10:22,926
Is it more pliable?
What are these metal latches?
260
00:10:22,961 --> 00:10:25,212
Are they copper or brass?
Is one better?
261
00:10:25,263 --> 00:10:27,097
And if so, why?
262
00:10:27,132 --> 00:10:29,883
If I tell you, then you won't
have learned anything.
263
00:10:31,302 --> 00:10:33,336
Another in a long line
of lessons
264
00:10:33,354 --> 00:10:35,606
from the great Ron Swanson.
265
00:10:35,640 --> 00:10:37,307
My therapist,
Dr. Richard Nygard,
266
00:10:37,341 --> 00:10:41,311
suggested that I try some
non-exercise-based hobbies.
267
00:10:41,345 --> 00:10:43,480
So I've been studying
woodworking with Ron.
268
00:10:44,714 --> 00:10:46,166
I made this.
269
00:10:46,700 --> 00:10:49,519
Before I started,
it was bigger.
270
00:10:49,537 --> 00:10:52,873
Here. I have designed
something very important.
271
00:10:52,907 --> 00:10:54,825
Why don't you start work
on that right away?
272
00:10:54,859 --> 00:10:56,160
Yes, sir!
273
00:10:56,194 --> 00:11:00,363
It's a flight of stairs
that leads to nowhere.
274
00:11:00,381 --> 00:11:01,582
Were you listening to him
275
00:11:01,633 --> 00:11:03,550
when he was talking about
serving the public
276
00:11:03,585 --> 00:11:05,535
and making our communities
better?
277
00:11:05,553 --> 00:11:07,421
You know who
he sounds like, right?
278
00:11:07,472 --> 00:11:08,589
Yes. Idi Amin.
279
00:11:08,640 --> 00:11:10,641
- Or Lord Voldemort.
- No. You.
280
00:11:10,675 --> 00:11:12,375
Now, you've been
very rude to him,
281
00:11:12,393 --> 00:11:14,511
and you need to apologize.
282
00:11:14,545 --> 00:11:16,430
Ha ha ha.
You are a laugh riot, Ben.
283
00:11:16,481 --> 00:11:18,849
I am never going to apologize
to someone from Eagleton.
284
00:11:18,883 --> 00:11:20,350
All right.
So you can kiss your park
285
00:11:20,384 --> 00:11:21,985
and four years of work
good-bye.
286
00:11:22,020 --> 00:11:23,020
Up to you.
287
00:11:24,054 --> 00:11:25,355
Come on. You can do it.
288
00:11:25,389 --> 00:11:26,857
- I don't want to.
- You can--
289
00:11:27,191 --> 00:11:28,827
You can do it.
290
00:11:29,861 --> 00:11:31,361
Mr. St. James,
291
00:11:31,395 --> 00:11:33,413
this has been a strange day.
292
00:11:33,448 --> 00:11:34,731
But we wouldn't
want to leave you
293
00:11:34,749 --> 00:11:36,033
with the wrong impression
of Pawnee.
294
00:11:36,567 --> 00:11:38,702
Have you guys seen Hitler?
295
00:11:41,756 --> 00:11:43,907
Anyway, we would love
296
00:11:43,925 --> 00:11:46,176
to have you design the park,
297
00:11:46,211 --> 00:11:47,761
and in the spirit
of reconciliation,
298
00:11:47,795 --> 00:11:50,047
Leslie would like to
apologize.
299
00:11:50,081 --> 00:11:52,048
I may have allowed
my prejudices,
300
00:11:52,082 --> 00:11:55,919
my totally legitimate
prejudices against Eagleton
301
00:11:55,937 --> 00:11:58,522
affect my feelings towards your
involvement in this project,
302
00:11:58,556 --> 00:11:59,773
and so therefore,
303
00:11:59,807 --> 00:12:01,693
I would like to say that I'm--
304
00:12:02,727 --> 00:12:04,778
I'm...
305
00:12:05,612 --> 00:12:07,197
I'm Leslie Knope.
306
00:12:08,232 --> 00:12:09,182
No.
307
00:12:09,216 --> 00:12:10,567
That's not what
I want to say. Okay.
308
00:12:11,602 --> 00:12:13,436
I'm...
309
00:12:13,454 --> 00:12:15,739
Sss...
310
00:12:15,773 --> 00:12:17,908
My mouth is kinda dry.
311
00:12:18,442 --> 00:12:20,277
My mouth is dry.
This is Canada Dry.
312
00:12:20,295 --> 00:12:22,713
Drink Canada Dry
if your mouth is dry.
313
00:12:22,747 --> 00:12:25,382
That's nothing.
What I want to say is
314
00:12:25,416 --> 00:12:27,167
I'm s...
315
00:12:27,218 --> 00:12:28,752
I'm sor...
316
00:12:28,786 --> 00:12:30,120
I'm sor--
317
00:12:30,138 --> 00:12:32,122
He's a human being.
You're a human being.
318
00:12:32,140 --> 00:12:33,790
You can just--
just say--
319
00:12:33,808 --> 00:12:35,458
I'm sor--
320
00:12:35,476 --> 00:12:36,927
- Oh, my God.
- I'm sorry.
321
00:12:36,961 --> 00:12:38,228
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
322
00:12:38,263 --> 00:12:40,264
I'm sorry that I--
I'm sorry, very sorry,
323
00:12:40,898 --> 00:12:41,982
that I was rude.
324
00:12:43,601 --> 00:12:45,102
- It's too soon.
- You know what,
325
00:12:45,136 --> 00:12:47,437
as a gesture of good will,
I'd like to waive my fee.
326
00:12:47,471 --> 00:12:49,156
I'll design the park
pro bono.
327
00:12:49,990 --> 00:12:50,857
Thank you.
328
00:12:50,909 --> 00:12:52,642
That's very nice of you.
I've been working up
329
00:12:52,660 --> 00:12:55,245
a little model of the design.
Why don't I bring it over,
330
00:12:55,279 --> 00:12:56,613
and we can all
go through it together.
331
00:12:56,647 --> 00:12:58,582
Great. And then you can
come to our wedding.
332
00:12:58,616 --> 00:12:59,983
- Huh?
- What?
333
00:13:00,001 --> 00:13:01,318
It's in May, and we haven't
planned it yet,
334
00:13:01,336 --> 00:13:02,787
but save the date.
335
00:13:04,923 --> 00:13:06,490
I was never here.
336
00:13:08,008 --> 00:13:10,327
- Ah!
- Aah!
337
00:13:12,346 --> 00:13:13,297
Well done, team.
338
00:13:14,231 --> 00:13:15,165
What do you think
of the place?
339
00:13:15,183 --> 00:13:17,467
Do you really like
this yellow paint?
340
00:13:17,501 --> 00:13:18,602
I mean,
I know it was on sale,
341
00:13:18,636 --> 00:13:20,503
but it looks a lot
like dried phlegm.
342
00:13:20,521 --> 00:13:22,272
For real, Tom.
This place is sad.
343
00:13:22,307 --> 00:13:25,442
I think one of the mannequins
tried to commit suicide.
344
00:13:25,476 --> 00:13:26,860
I think what's important
is we all had a goal,
345
00:13:26,894 --> 00:13:28,312
and we achieved it.
346
00:13:28,346 --> 00:13:31,231
- So you like the place?
- Oh, no, it's quite terrible.
347
00:13:31,282 --> 00:13:32,783
This is the best
I can do for now.
348
00:13:32,817 --> 00:13:35,118
And I'm $46 under budget.
349
00:13:35,153 --> 00:13:36,737
Now I have a small treat
for you guys
350
00:13:36,788 --> 00:13:38,071
for all your hard work.
351
00:13:38,122 --> 00:13:40,490
Pizza party!
352
00:13:40,524 --> 00:13:42,542
One small pizza
for all of us.
353
00:13:42,577 --> 00:13:43,961
With no toppings.
354
00:13:43,995 --> 00:13:45,412
Cheese is a topping, Jerry.
355
00:13:45,963 --> 00:13:47,864
And why are these lights
blaring, by the way?
356
00:13:47,882 --> 00:13:50,467
Does someone here own stock
in the electric company?
357
00:13:53,136 --> 00:13:55,339
If there were more food
and fewer people,
358
00:13:55,373 --> 00:13:57,474
this would be a perfect party.
359
00:13:57,508 --> 00:13:59,142
You can't run, Hitler.
360
00:13:59,177 --> 00:14:01,094
82nd airborne
is everywhere!
361
00:14:01,945 --> 00:14:02,846
History channel.
362
00:14:03,380 --> 00:14:04,581
Ho ho ho!
363
00:14:04,715 --> 00:14:05,548
What is this?
364
00:14:05,566 --> 00:14:08,652
A child spy,
sent to steal the necklace?
365
00:14:08,686 --> 00:14:11,021
Bert Macklin, FBI!
Freeze!
366
00:14:11,055 --> 00:14:12,856
I didn't do anything!
367
00:14:12,890 --> 00:14:14,775
- Yeah, bad call, Bert.
- Oh.
368
00:14:14,826 --> 00:14:16,326
Oh, hey, I'm just kidding,
buddy.
369
00:14:16,361 --> 00:14:18,862
I'm just playing around.
My name's really Andy Dwyer.
370
00:14:18,896 --> 00:14:19,696
I'm a security guard.
371
00:14:19,730 --> 00:14:21,615
- What's your name?
- Joey.
372
00:14:21,666 --> 00:14:24,401
I was with my mom,
and I got lost.
373
00:14:24,419 --> 00:14:25,786
Oh. Well, gosh,
don't worry about that.
374
00:14:25,837 --> 00:14:28,038
I've gotten lost here
about 500 times,
375
00:14:28,072 --> 00:14:29,456
and I work here.
376
00:14:29,507 --> 00:14:31,425
What do you say we go
find your mom, huh?
377
00:14:34,361 --> 00:14:35,962
She's not in there. I'll bet.
378
00:14:36,014 --> 00:14:37,798
Let's try this way.
379
00:14:37,849 --> 00:14:39,049
Hello?
380
00:14:39,083 --> 00:14:41,084
Ms. Knope, Mr. Wyatt?
381
00:14:41,102 --> 00:14:42,719
We're from
Wreston St. James' firm.
382
00:14:42,753 --> 00:14:44,137
Oh, hey, come on in.
383
00:14:44,188 --> 00:14:45,522
Where's Wreston?
384
00:14:45,556 --> 00:14:47,224
He's on his way.
He wanted us to get started.
385
00:14:47,258 --> 00:14:50,560
Aw! Oh, well.
Okay, I guess go ahead.
386
00:14:50,594 --> 00:14:53,596
We present
the Crown Jewel of Pawnee
387
00:14:54,314 --> 00:14:58,068
containing the sights, sounds,
and most importantly,
388
00:14:58,102 --> 00:15:00,203
smells that define your city.
389
00:15:00,238 --> 00:15:01,488
There are several
drool buckets
390
00:15:01,539 --> 00:15:03,323
for your more...
slack-jawed citizens.
391
00:15:03,374 --> 00:15:05,876
We also have food troughs
full of cheeseburgers
392
00:15:05,910 --> 00:15:07,744
and public showers
393
00:15:07,778 --> 00:15:10,914
with instructions for those
who've never showered before.
394
00:15:10,948 --> 00:15:12,949
You have five seconds
to get out of here...
395
00:15:13,467 --> 00:15:15,618
Or I will rip your throats out.
396
00:15:15,636 --> 00:15:17,504
Out.
Now.
397
00:15:17,555 --> 00:15:21,458
Oh, hey, my backyard
is bigger than your park.
398
00:15:21,476 --> 00:15:23,626
Leslie, stay back, stay back.
399
00:15:28,601 --> 00:15:31,788
I told you that Eagletonians
are awful, terrible people.
400
00:15:31,789 --> 00:15:34,540
They call their boogers
Pawnee caviar.
401
00:15:34,591 --> 00:15:35,792
I'm on your side,
402
00:15:35,826 --> 00:15:37,693
and I'm furious too.
403
00:15:37,711 --> 00:15:39,846
But this just doesn't
make sense to me.
404
00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:41,363
I'm gonna talk to Wreston,
405
00:15:41,381 --> 00:15:42,949
and I'm gonna get
to the bottom of this.
406
00:15:42,983 --> 00:15:44,250
Any excuse
to talk to Wreston.
407
00:15:44,301 --> 00:15:46,302
Well, I am gonna think
about a revenge plan.
408
00:15:46,336 --> 00:15:47,470
I know what we're gonna do.
409
00:15:47,504 --> 00:15:48,588
We're gonna find out
where he lives.
410
00:15:48,639 --> 00:15:49,972
We're gonna drive
to his house.
411
00:15:50,007 --> 00:15:51,540
We're gonna set it on fire
and watch it burn.
412
00:15:51,558 --> 00:15:52,875
Leslie, we can't do that.
413
00:15:52,893 --> 00:15:56,229
You're right.
We can't.
414
00:15:57,647 --> 00:15:59,798
All right, so...
415
00:15:59,816 --> 00:16:01,633
Does this look familiar?
416
00:16:01,651 --> 00:16:04,136
- No, not at all.
- I was talking to Joey.
417
00:16:04,154 --> 00:16:05,488
- Joey!
- Mommy!
418
00:16:05,522 --> 00:16:06,605
There you are.
419
00:16:06,639 --> 00:16:09,025
Oh, God, I was so worried.
420
00:16:09,076 --> 00:16:10,576
Thank you so much.
421
00:16:10,610 --> 00:16:12,194
You'll never know how much
I appreciate it.
422
00:16:12,245 --> 00:16:14,980
Well, just doing
my job, ma'am.
423
00:16:14,998 --> 00:16:16,532
Thank you for saving me, Andy.
424
00:16:16,583 --> 00:16:18,667
Thank you, too, miss Hitler.
425
00:16:18,702 --> 00:16:20,419
- What?
- Don't worry about it.
426
00:16:20,854 --> 00:16:23,372
Wow. You made those losers
very happy.
427
00:16:23,423 --> 00:16:24,990
Oh, no, I didn't.
428
00:16:25,008 --> 00:16:26,658
- Bert Macklin did.
- No...
429
00:16:26,676 --> 00:16:28,094
- FBI.
- Actually,
430
00:16:28,128 --> 00:16:30,930
Bert Macklin kinda made
that little boy cry.
431
00:16:30,964 --> 00:16:34,166
Well, he's a rogue agent who
refuses to play by the rules.
432
00:16:34,184 --> 00:16:36,602
Seriously, I think Andy Dwyer
makes a better real cop
433
00:16:36,636 --> 00:16:38,804
than Bert Macklin.
Maybe it's time for Bert Macklin
434
00:16:38,838 --> 00:16:40,558
to hang up his shades.
435
00:16:43,443 --> 00:16:45,194
Can I get you something
to drink?
436
00:16:45,229 --> 00:16:47,313
Iced tea, please.
And can I ask you,
437
00:16:47,364 --> 00:16:49,398
how are there palm trees
here?
438
00:16:49,432 --> 00:16:51,033
Well, Eagleton lies
on top of a hot spring
439
00:16:51,068 --> 00:16:53,319
which creates
a micro-climate zone.
440
00:16:53,370 --> 00:16:55,872
We are...
truly blessed.
441
00:16:58,075 --> 00:16:59,441
God, I'm so sorry
I'm late.
442
00:16:59,459 --> 00:17:01,077
What the hell happened,
man?
443
00:17:01,111 --> 00:17:03,612
I had nothing to do
with that stupid prank.
444
00:17:03,630 --> 00:17:05,047
In fact,
that's why I'm late.
445
00:17:05,082 --> 00:17:06,632
I was firing the two people
who were responsible,
446
00:17:06,667 --> 00:17:08,251
and I was escorting them
out of the building.
447
00:17:08,285 --> 00:17:09,752
Well...Good!
448
00:17:09,786 --> 00:17:11,504
Full disclosure: Certain people in the firm
449
00:17:11,555 --> 00:17:14,423
wanted to promote them,
but I insisted they be fired.
450
00:17:14,457 --> 00:17:16,458
If you swear to me
that you're serious,
451
00:17:16,476 --> 00:17:17,927
maybe we can salvage this.
452
00:17:17,961 --> 00:17:21,463
I would really love to.
But what about Leslie?
453
00:17:21,481 --> 00:17:23,132
I just doubt
that she can ever get over
454
00:17:23,150 --> 00:17:24,517
the bad blood
between our towns.
455
00:17:24,568 --> 00:17:25,768
I think you're wrong.
456
00:17:25,802 --> 00:17:27,737
Leslie
is a very forgiving person.
457
00:17:27,771 --> 00:17:29,305
Revenge!
Ha ha hal
458
00:17:29,323 --> 00:17:32,859
This is for Pawnee,
you butt-faced pompous jerk!
459
00:17:32,910 --> 00:17:34,643
Whoo!
460
00:17:34,661 --> 00:17:35,828
I love you, Ben.
461
00:17:35,863 --> 00:17:37,246
Pawnee forever!
462
00:17:37,281 --> 00:17:40,116
You want a stupid tie?
I'll give you a stupid tie.
463
00:17:40,150 --> 00:17:42,869
Ha ha!
Wreston, suck it.
464
00:17:42,920 --> 00:17:44,620
- Now we're even.
- Leslie.
465
00:17:44,654 --> 00:17:46,339
- Huh?
- He didn't do it,
466
00:17:46,373 --> 00:17:48,174
and he fired the people
who did.
467
00:17:54,932 --> 00:17:57,166
Attention, please.
468
00:17:57,184 --> 00:17:58,718
I've been going over
the books,
469
00:17:58,769 --> 00:18:01,270
and I'm missing $9.
470
00:18:01,305 --> 00:18:03,505
Now, I'm not angry
at whoever took it.
471
00:18:03,523 --> 00:18:04,724
Just come forward.
472
00:18:04,775 --> 00:18:06,442
You'll be served
with a lawsuit,
473
00:18:06,476 --> 00:18:08,677
and we will move on
with our lives.
474
00:18:08,695 --> 00:18:11,680
Hey, buddy, let's go get
some breakfast, okay?
475
00:18:11,698 --> 00:18:13,616
Fine. It was your idea,
so you're paying.
476
00:18:13,650 --> 00:18:15,517
You're driving.
I'm not chipping in for gas.
477
00:18:15,535 --> 00:18:16,570
Okay. All right.
478
00:18:18,121 --> 00:18:19,655
I'll have
the pancake breakfast.
479
00:18:19,689 --> 00:18:21,874
Oh, let me also get
12 eggs, uncooked,
480
00:18:21,908 --> 00:18:23,575
and some toast.
481
00:18:23,626 --> 00:18:26,028
20 slices, untoasted,
in a row in a bag.
482
00:18:26,046 --> 00:18:28,164
You want a carton of eggs
and a loaf of bread.
483
00:18:28,198 --> 00:18:30,199
Yeah, just the pancake
breakfast is fine.
484
00:18:30,617 --> 00:18:32,835
Don't offer to pay
if you're gonna be cheap.
485
00:18:32,869 --> 00:18:35,087
Listen, man, I know you don't
want to repeat the mistakes
486
00:18:35,138 --> 00:18:36,756
of Entertainment 720,
and that's great,
487
00:18:36,807 --> 00:18:38,808
but you're gonna need
a little bit of the old Tom
488
00:18:38,842 --> 00:18:40,092
to make this business work.
489
00:18:40,143 --> 00:18:42,178
No. That Tom ruined
everything.
490
00:18:42,212 --> 00:18:43,512
Yes, he did,
491
00:18:43,546 --> 00:18:46,399
and that Tom made you
a horrible boyfriend
492
00:18:46,433 --> 00:18:49,218
and a terrible employee
and drove you to bankruptcy.
493
00:18:49,236 --> 00:18:50,987
Are we nearing the point?
494
00:18:51,021 --> 00:18:52,655
But your swagger
and your showmanship
495
00:18:52,689 --> 00:18:54,323
and your confidence
is part of you,
496
00:18:54,358 --> 00:18:56,025
and in small doses,
it can help.
497
00:18:56,059 --> 00:18:58,194
You can't have Rent-A-Swag
without the swag.
498
00:18:58,228 --> 00:19:01,497
I barely have enough cash
to get everything set up.
499
00:19:01,531 --> 00:19:02,949
I know.
Take this.
500
00:19:03,000 --> 00:19:06,235
We all chipped in.
Use it to spruce up the store.
501
00:19:06,253 --> 00:19:07,620
And in return you can give us
502
00:19:07,671 --> 00:19:09,338
like one share of stock
in the company.
503
00:19:09,873 --> 00:19:12,074
Like a mini public offering.
504
00:19:12,342 --> 00:19:14,243
"Smort", Ann.
Smort.
505
00:19:14,261 --> 00:19:15,511
This is a cause
for celebration.
506
00:19:15,785 --> 00:19:18,764
Waiter! Eight strips
of bacon, uncooked,
507
00:19:18,765 --> 00:19:20,600
in a sealed package.
508
00:19:21,851 --> 00:19:23,970
I call it
the Pawnee Commons,
509
00:19:24,021 --> 00:19:25,972
a celebration of Pawnee's
history and people.
510
00:19:26,023 --> 00:19:28,607
A Wamapoke-themed
playground...
511
00:19:28,642 --> 00:19:31,043
Food trucks
from local restaurants,
512
00:19:31,078 --> 00:19:32,712
Li'l Sebastian fountain.
513
00:19:32,746 --> 00:19:34,780
- I mean, it's perfect.
- Thank you.
514
00:19:34,815 --> 00:19:36,248
I can't see myself
fighting you
515
00:19:36,283 --> 00:19:38,567
on more than
60% of these ideas.
516
00:19:38,601 --> 00:19:40,820
I'd expect no less.
I'm just glad you like it.
517
00:19:40,871 --> 00:19:41,871
I've never met two people
518
00:19:41,905 --> 00:19:44,040
more passionate
about their hometown.
519
00:19:44,074 --> 00:19:45,825
Oh, I'm actually from
Minnesota.
520
00:19:45,876 --> 00:19:47,493
Why do you know so much
about Pawnee?
521
00:19:47,544 --> 00:19:50,446
Well, I'm in love
with a woman from here.
522
00:19:50,464 --> 00:19:53,749
A strange, passionate,
goof ball of a woman.
523
00:19:54,883 --> 00:19:56,419
Me. He's in love with me.
524
00:20:00,256 --> 00:20:01,957
I'm sorry to see you go,
Macklin.
525
00:20:01,975 --> 00:20:04,477
You didn't always
play by the rules,
526
00:20:04,511 --> 00:20:06,729
but damn it,
you were a hell of an agent.
527
00:20:06,763 --> 00:20:09,265
Today I say good-bye to
the only life I've ever known.
528
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:11,767
Well, some of the boys
chipped in
529
00:20:11,801 --> 00:20:13,337
and we got you...
530
00:20:13,901 --> 00:20:15,137
This.
531
00:20:15,655 --> 00:20:18,691
It isn't much, but it's
something to remember us by.
532
00:20:20,827 --> 00:20:24,613
40 years undercover.
I never even met my family.
533
00:20:24,647 --> 00:20:26,532
- What?
- And this is all I have
534
00:20:26,583 --> 00:20:28,784
to show for it?
535
00:20:29,318 --> 00:20:30,453
Totally worth it.
536
00:20:31,487 --> 00:20:33,372
It's been a pleasure
serving with you, son.
537
00:20:33,423 --> 00:20:35,291
If you ever need me,
you know where to find me--
538
00:20:35,325 --> 00:20:37,927
In bed next to you,
probably having sex with you.
539
00:20:44,051 --> 00:20:46,335
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
540
00:20:46,336 --> 00:20:48,288
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
541
00:20:48,289 --> 00:20:52,758
Welcome to the new
new Rent-A-Swag
542
00:20:52,960 --> 00:20:54,876
now with 30% more swag.
543
00:20:54,878 --> 00:20:56,712
I used the money
you guys gave me
544
00:20:56,714 --> 00:20:58,213
to add a little flair,
545
00:20:58,215 --> 00:20:59,948
and I took everything
I own in my house
546
00:20:59,950 --> 00:21:01,383
and brought it here,
except for my bed.
547
00:21:01,385 --> 00:21:02,551
I basically live here now.
548
00:21:02,553 --> 00:21:03,952
I hate all of this,
549
00:21:03,954 --> 00:21:06,222
which probably means
it's good for your business.
550
00:21:06,224 --> 00:21:10,292
Ron, my woodworking project--
it's for displaying shoes!
551
00:21:10,294 --> 00:21:12,928
Yes. That was always
the plan.
552
00:21:12,930 --> 00:21:14,097
All right,
Rent-A-Swag team,
553
00:21:14,099 --> 00:21:17,066
I have one more little
surprise for you--pizza party!
554
00:21:17,068 --> 00:21:18,484
- Part Two.
- Oh, wow!
555
00:21:18,486 --> 00:21:21,320
Two pizzas.
And toppings!
556
00:21:21,322 --> 00:21:24,037
Only on half.
I'm not Zuckerberg.
557
00:21:24,038 --> 00:21:25,037
Eat up, chumps.