1
00:00:02,360 --> 00:00:04,554
Well it's a pleasure
to be here, ladies.
2
00:00:04,608 --> 00:00:06,175
I didn't think
anybody really cared
3
00:00:06,177 --> 00:00:08,211
about my time
on the city council.
4
00:00:08,213 --> 00:00:10,880
Oh, we do. I mean,
you are such an inspiration.
5
00:00:10,882 --> 00:00:12,915
Still going strong
at 82.
6
00:00:15,252 --> 00:00:17,019
How old is that handkerchief?
7
00:00:17,021 --> 00:00:18,771
Well, it's not a handkerchief.
It's a receipt.
8
00:00:20,258 --> 00:00:23,559
Paula Horke was Pawnee's
first female city councilor
9
00:00:23,561 --> 00:00:26,145
40 years ago, and she was
a huge inspiration to me.
10
00:00:26,147 --> 00:00:28,197
Women have come a long way
in Pawnee,
11
00:00:28,199 --> 00:00:30,149
but we still have
quite a ways to go.
12
00:00:30,151 --> 00:00:32,568
I mean, technically,
I'm not allowed to reserve
13
00:00:32,570 --> 00:00:36,072
this conference room without my
husband or father's signature.
14
00:00:36,074 --> 00:00:39,208
Government was a real
boys' club back in the '70s.
15
00:00:39,210 --> 00:00:40,793
They smoked their cigars,
16
00:00:40,795 --> 00:00:42,111
they snapped my bra,
17
00:00:42,113 --> 00:00:43,963
wore mirrors on their shoes
18
00:00:43,965 --> 00:00:44,997
to look up my skirt.
19
00:00:44,999 --> 00:00:46,499
Well, I am happy
to report
20
00:00:46,501 --> 00:00:48,918
that it is now a pervert-free
people's club.
21
00:00:48,920 --> 00:00:50,920
Well,
except for Councilman Dexhart,
22
00:00:50,922 --> 00:00:52,505
who's a self-described pervert.
23
00:00:52,507 --> 00:00:54,974
Yeah, and didn't Milton
try to kiss you?
24
00:00:54,976 --> 00:00:56,676
Well, yeah,
things aren't perfect.
25
00:00:56,678 --> 00:00:59,846
All the other councilmen
used to keep a calendar
26
00:00:59,848 --> 00:01:01,113
of my menstrual cycle.
27
00:01:01,115 --> 00:01:02,631
Are you kidding me?
28
00:01:02,633 --> 00:01:05,351
That is horrible.
They don't do that to me.
29
00:01:05,353 --> 00:01:06,736
Do they do that to me?
30
00:01:06,738 --> 00:01:08,938
I once tried
to start a commission
31
00:01:08,940 --> 00:01:11,607
to try to get more jobs
for women in city government,
32
00:01:11,609 --> 00:01:13,075
and they dismissed me,
33
00:01:13,077 --> 00:01:15,444
saying that it was because it
was just my time of the month.
34
00:01:15,446 --> 00:01:17,947
Admittedly,
they were right.
35
00:01:17,949 --> 00:01:19,582
Because of the calendar.
36
00:01:19,584 --> 00:01:21,284
Manpigs.
All of them.
37
00:01:21,286 --> 00:01:23,369
You know what, I'm gonna get
that commission going,
38
00:01:23,371 --> 00:01:25,838
because this inequality
has gone on long enough.
39
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,823
You know what, I think
men are better than women.
40
00:01:27,825 --> 00:01:29,208
She's kidding.
41
00:01:29,210 --> 00:01:31,377
No, I'm not.
They provide for us,
42
00:01:31,379 --> 00:01:33,980
and we must obey them
because they are our masters.
43
00:01:33,982 --> 00:01:35,481
April, stop it.
44
00:01:35,483 --> 00:01:39,268
Leslie, you'll never land a
beau with that domineering tone.
45
00:01:39,270 --> 00:01:40,820
We must always walk
behind the men.
46
00:01:41,322 --> 00:01:42,137
Sheugh.
47
00:01:45,860 --> 00:01:50,616
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com
48
00:02:02,325 --> 00:02:04,877
Moustache!
Dumb-dumb!
49
00:02:04,879 --> 00:02:06,295
Moustache!
Dumb-dumb!
50
00:02:06,297 --> 00:02:07,496
- Hello.
- I just came
51
00:02:07,498 --> 00:02:09,849
to drop off some
of the employee--
52
00:02:09,851 --> 00:02:11,601
What is happening?
53
00:02:11,603 --> 00:02:13,319
The girls are on break,
54
00:02:13,321 --> 00:02:15,004
and their sitter
had to go out of town
55
00:02:15,006 --> 00:02:16,939
for the day,
so I'm watching them
56
00:02:16,941 --> 00:02:17,940
while Diane works.
57
00:02:17,942 --> 00:02:19,892
I borrowed some markers
from Leslie
58
00:02:19,894 --> 00:02:21,811
and some stickers
from Leslie
59
00:02:21,813 --> 00:02:26,148
and a Lite-Brite
which I got from Andy.
60
00:02:26,150 --> 00:02:27,483
Girls, this is Ann.
61
00:02:27,485 --> 00:02:30,903
Talk to Ann.
She's terrific.
62
00:02:30,905 --> 00:02:32,989
Hey, dudettes.
63
00:02:32,991 --> 00:02:35,992
You stoked about the weekend?
No.
64
00:02:35,994 --> 00:02:39,528
Oh, look at this pwetty,
pwetty wittle beads.
65
00:02:39,530 --> 00:02:41,163
They're not infants.
66
00:02:41,165 --> 00:02:43,532
I don't know.
I'm weird with kids.
67
00:02:43,534 --> 00:02:47,720
So you guys like Coldplay?
68
00:02:47,722 --> 00:02:48,871
You're weird.
69
00:02:48,873 --> 00:02:50,706
You're...
70
00:02:52,342 --> 00:02:54,760
Well, hey, girls.
71
00:02:54,762 --> 00:02:55,761
No.
72
00:02:55,763 --> 00:02:57,847
Okay.
Thanks.
73
00:02:57,849 --> 00:03:01,851
An equal gender
employment commission.
74
00:03:01,853 --> 00:03:04,570
Leslie, I don't think
this is a good idea.
75
00:03:04,572 --> 00:03:06,489
I think it's a fantastic idea.
76
00:03:06,491 --> 00:03:07,723
Oh.
77
00:03:07,725 --> 00:03:09,224
I didn't know where you
were going with that.
78
00:03:09,226 --> 00:03:11,727
The lack of women
in this government is criminal.
79
00:03:11,729 --> 00:03:13,395
I'm gonna
ask each department
80
00:03:13,397 --> 00:03:15,831
to send two people
to a meeting today.
81
00:03:15,833 --> 00:03:17,366
- Yeah!
- And!
82
00:03:17,368 --> 00:03:20,002
And--and I can ask
Shauna Malwae-Tweep
83
00:03:20,004 --> 00:03:21,454
to write an article
about it
84
00:03:21,456 --> 00:03:22,455
for the Pawnee Journal.
85
00:03:22,457 --> 00:03:24,239
She's my special friend.
86
00:03:24,241 --> 00:03:25,624
That's what you're
calling her now.
87
00:03:25,626 --> 00:03:27,426
I don't know
what to call her.
88
00:03:27,428 --> 00:03:30,046
I don't entirely understand
the behavior of young people.
89
00:03:30,048 --> 00:03:33,466
Recently, we engaged in
something called a "group hang."
90
00:03:33,468 --> 00:03:35,801
It was like a date, but there
were seven other people there.
91
00:03:35,803 --> 00:03:37,720
It was very confusing.
92
00:03:37,722 --> 00:03:40,056
I'm not really sure
what our label is.
93
00:03:40,058 --> 00:03:42,391
Labels can be bad,
but they can also be good.
94
00:03:42,393 --> 00:03:44,894
"Warning: Toxic bleach"
is a good label.
95
00:03:44,896 --> 00:03:48,781
Shauna Malwae-Tweep
has amazing dimples.
96
00:03:48,783 --> 00:03:51,033
- So the commission?
- Yes, right, the commission.
97
00:03:51,035 --> 00:03:53,004
- I'm gonna get that going right now.
- Great.
98
00:03:54,706 --> 00:03:56,789
Okay, I know this text
you sent me was a lie
99
00:03:56,791 --> 00:03:59,709
and Michael Stipe
is not actually here, correct?
100
00:03:59,711 --> 00:04:01,377
Correct.
That was a lie.
101
00:04:01,379 --> 00:04:02,495
Yeah, no,
I knew it was.
102
00:04:02,497 --> 00:04:04,797
I just couldn't
live with myself
103
00:04:04,799 --> 00:04:05,831
if it had been true.
104
00:04:05,833 --> 00:04:07,166
And that's
why I sent it.
105
00:04:07,168 --> 00:04:08,417
Where's free Skittles?
106
00:04:08,419 --> 00:04:09,502
Here you go, buddy.
107
00:04:09,504 --> 00:04:10,836
Aw!
108
00:04:10,838 --> 00:04:11,887
He gets his thing?
109
00:04:19,180 --> 00:04:20,462
Listen, I need you two
110
00:04:20,464 --> 00:04:23,516
to teach me everything
you know about basketball.
111
00:04:23,518 --> 00:04:25,418
Rent-A-Swag
is doing really well.
112
00:04:25,420 --> 00:04:28,771
I'm on track to turn a profit
in my third month.
113
00:04:28,773 --> 00:04:30,856
One problem: All the kids
that shop in the store
114
00:04:30,858 --> 00:04:32,641
are basketball crazy.
115
00:04:32,643 --> 00:04:33,692
It's all they talk about.
116
00:04:33,694 --> 00:04:35,194
I need to be able
to schmooze them,
117
00:04:35,196 --> 00:04:37,146
and I can't keep referring
to basketball players
118
00:04:37,148 --> 00:04:39,698
as "Khloe Kardashian's husband
and his friends."
119
00:04:39,700 --> 00:04:41,700
You're just the men
to help me out.
120
00:04:41,702 --> 00:04:44,120
One jock,
one geek who loves stats.
121
00:04:44,122 --> 00:04:45,337
I'll give you a few minutes
122
00:04:45,339 --> 00:04:46,956
to cancel the rest
of your plans for the day.
123
00:04:46,958 --> 00:04:49,291
No need. My only plan
was to buy Skittles.
124
00:04:50,544 --> 00:04:51,927
Wow, Chris.
125
00:04:51,929 --> 00:04:56,465
Your gender equality commission
is a real sausage fest.
126
00:04:56,467 --> 00:04:57,833
Oh, my God.
You're kidding me.
127
00:04:57,835 --> 00:05:00,169
I just assumed
that some of the departments
128
00:05:00,171 --> 00:05:01,520
would send women.
129
00:05:01,522 --> 00:05:03,889
Oh, my God.
130
00:05:03,891 --> 00:05:04,974
I am part
of the problem.
131
00:05:04,976 --> 00:05:06,642
Excuse me, everyone.
132
00:05:06,644 --> 00:05:08,477
Did anyone notice
that there are no women
133
00:05:08,479 --> 00:05:10,196
on the Gender Equality Commission?
134
00:05:10,198 --> 00:05:12,615
Oh, there's a lady
right next to you.
135
00:05:12,617 --> 00:05:14,116
Oh, wait, no.
136
00:05:14,118 --> 00:05:15,985
It's just a very beautiful man.
137
00:05:15,987 --> 00:05:17,186
Yes, okay,
we are gonna need
138
00:05:16,785 --> 00:05:18,485
Let's feed the beast!
139
00:05:17,188 --> 00:05:19,121
to rebalance this commission.
140
00:05:19,123 --> 00:05:21,323
Listen, you did a great job
setting it up
141
00:05:21,325 --> 00:05:22,992
and getting the snacks ready,
142
00:05:22,994 --> 00:05:24,526
but we'll take it
from here.
143
00:05:24,528 --> 00:05:26,579
Well, Councilman Milton,
I did put the snacks together,
144
00:05:26,581 --> 00:05:27,997
and they are delicious,
I must say,
145
00:05:27,999 --> 00:05:29,031
but that is not the point.
146
00:05:29,033 --> 00:05:31,884
Round of applause
for the girl.
147
00:05:31,886 --> 00:05:33,836
She has to leave
to get more snacks.
148
00:05:33,838 --> 00:05:35,337
No, I don't!
This is my commission!
149
00:05:35,339 --> 00:05:38,091
Ouch.
Why so ornery?
150
00:05:39,093 --> 00:05:41,378
It's not the 7th yet.
151
00:05:44,380 --> 00:05:46,015
Hm.
152
00:05:46,017 --> 00:05:47,683
Your shoes
are red now.
153
00:05:47,685 --> 00:05:49,568
- Yay.
- Hooray.
154
00:05:49,570 --> 00:05:51,520
Hey!
155
00:05:51,522 --> 00:05:53,189
Mommy!
156
00:05:53,191 --> 00:05:54,323
You survived, huh?
157
00:05:54,325 --> 00:05:55,827
Indeed, I did.
158
00:05:58,029 --> 00:05:59,445
How were they?
Really?
159
00:05:59,647 --> 00:06:01,330
Couldn't have
been better.
160
00:06:01,332 --> 00:06:03,532
We had a wonderful time.
Well, that's good.
161
00:06:03,534 --> 00:06:06,619
'Cause my sitter's
still out of town,
162
00:06:06,621 --> 00:06:09,088
so I really hate
to ask you this,
163
00:06:09,090 --> 00:06:12,324
but is there any way you
could take them again tomorrow?
164
00:06:12,326 --> 00:06:13,959
Of course.
I'd be delighted.
165
00:06:13,961 --> 00:06:15,794
You're a lifesaver.
Thank you.
166
00:06:15,796 --> 00:06:17,463
Girls, you wanna
spend another day with Ron?
167
00:06:17,465 --> 00:06:18,714
Yeah!
168
00:06:26,606 --> 00:06:30,359
I believe one problem
with hiring women
169
00:06:30,361 --> 00:06:32,978
is that they're frail
and breakable.
170
00:06:32,980 --> 00:06:36,115
Is it possible you're thinking
about light bulbs?
171
00:06:36,117 --> 00:06:37,233
- Or your hip?
- Mm.
172
00:06:37,235 --> 00:06:39,869
If I were 300 years older, Councilman.
173
00:06:39,871 --> 00:06:42,955
Incoherent ramblings aside,
I've done some research,
174
00:06:42,957 --> 00:06:46,458
and the female employment rate
in government is abysmal.
175
00:06:46,460 --> 00:06:48,727
The number one offender:
Sanitation.
176
00:06:48,729 --> 00:06:50,379
All right!
177
00:06:50,381 --> 00:06:52,614
No, no, no,
stop celebrating.
178
00:06:52,616 --> 00:06:54,950
Why are there no female garbage
collectors, Steve?
179
00:06:54,952 --> 00:06:57,086
I don't know.
We hire women for other things.
180
00:06:57,088 --> 00:06:59,121
You have one woman,
and she's a secretary.
181
00:06:59,123 --> 00:07:01,456
And she's the best secretary we got,
182
00:07:01,458 --> 00:07:02,591
except for Dan.
183
00:07:02,593 --> 00:07:03,976
- Dan's awesome.
- Dan.
184
00:07:03,978 --> 00:07:05,644
Garbage collectors
make good wages,
185
00:07:05,646 --> 00:07:07,096
they have good benefits,
186
00:07:07,098 --> 00:07:10,299
and they are the smelly glue
that keeps this city together.
187
00:07:10,301 --> 00:07:11,300
You need
to hire more women.
188
00:07:11,302 --> 00:07:12,985
Not that many women apply,
189
00:07:12,987 --> 00:07:16,355
plus it's a very physically
demanding job.
190
00:07:16,357 --> 00:07:19,108
Your average woman
can't handle it.
191
00:07:19,110 --> 00:07:20,810
Oh, no?
192
00:07:21,812 --> 00:07:23,312
Okay,
so I took extensive notes
193
00:07:23,314 --> 00:07:24,830
on ways
to maximize our efficiency,
194
00:07:24,832 --> 00:07:26,865
because we can't be just
as good as the men.
195
00:07:26,867 --> 00:07:28,167
We have to be better.
196
00:07:28,169 --> 00:07:29,752
Yeah, you're totally right.
Let's rock this.
197
00:07:29,754 --> 00:07:31,370
April, I love you,
198
00:07:31,372 --> 00:07:32,838
but I don't
need your sarcasm right now.
199
00:07:32,840 --> 00:07:34,673
I'm serious.
Let's get rolling.
200
00:07:34,675 --> 00:07:36,125
I wanna get
into some garbage.
201
00:07:37,211 --> 00:07:39,545
What? I love garbage.
202
00:07:39,547 --> 00:07:41,880
You ever found a dead body
in the trash?
203
00:07:41,882 --> 00:07:43,182
Or body parts?
204
00:07:43,184 --> 00:07:44,333
Like, a torso
or a head?
205
00:07:44,335 --> 00:07:45,718
Please say head.
206
00:07:45,720 --> 00:07:48,003
Hey, Dewey.
Leslie brought binders.
207
00:07:49,340 --> 00:07:50,389
What do they say?
208
00:07:50,391 --> 00:07:52,107
"Pick up garbage.
Put in truck"?
209
00:07:52,109 --> 00:07:53,642
Actually, yeah.
210
00:07:53,644 --> 00:07:55,177
That's what's in the binder
on every page
211
00:07:55,179 --> 00:07:56,645
because I believe
in being thorough.
212
00:07:56,647 --> 00:07:58,480
- All right.
- Okay.
213
00:07:58,482 --> 00:07:59,949
Let's do it,
trash people!
214
00:07:59,951 --> 00:08:01,283
Whoo!
215
00:08:06,888 --> 00:08:08,072
Here you are.
216
00:08:08,074 --> 00:08:10,291
I had to search the directory
for quite a while.
217
00:08:10,293 --> 00:08:13,043
I thought your last name
was Hanson for some reason.
218
00:08:13,045 --> 00:08:15,598
No, it's Perkins.
Always has been.
219
00:08:17,200 --> 00:08:18,616
You seem more
like a Hanson.
220
00:08:18,918 --> 00:08:21,168
Anyway, I have
the girls again today,
221
00:08:21,170 --> 00:08:22,786
and they're asking
to play with you.
222
00:08:22,788 --> 00:08:24,455
Really?
I thought they hated me.
223
00:08:24,457 --> 00:08:25,723
No, the opposite.
224
00:08:25,725 --> 00:08:27,091
I don't know
what you did to 'em,
225
00:08:27,093 --> 00:08:29,009
but it worked
like gangbusters.
226
00:08:29,011 --> 00:08:30,177
Or they do hate me,
227
00:08:30,179 --> 00:08:32,430
and you're just desperate
and tired.
228
00:08:32,432 --> 00:08:34,131
Either way,
can you help me?
229
00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:35,883
I'm out of activities,
and they're playing
230
00:08:35,885 --> 00:08:37,318
with my land mine.
231
00:08:38,738 --> 00:08:41,238
This thing's cool.
What are these things?
232
00:08:42,858 --> 00:08:45,526
Let's play
a word association game.
233
00:08:45,528 --> 00:08:47,695
I'll say a word,
and then you say the first thing
234
00:08:47,697 --> 00:08:48,746
that pops
into your mind.
235
00:08:48,748 --> 00:08:50,981
- Okay.
- You.
236
00:08:50,983 --> 00:08:52,583
- Reporter.
- Me.
237
00:08:52,585 --> 00:08:54,535
- City manager.
- Us.
238
00:08:54,537 --> 00:08:58,155
Ooh! Magazine.
239
00:08:58,157 --> 00:09:00,040
Oh!
240
00:09:00,042 --> 00:09:01,208
According to Leslie's binder,
241
00:09:01,210 --> 00:09:03,160
she and April are making
even better time
242
00:09:03,162 --> 00:09:04,661
than the guys do
on a normal day.
243
00:09:04,663 --> 00:09:05,796
Wow, that's weird.
244
00:09:05,798 --> 00:09:07,715
You know, with us
being women and all,
245
00:09:07,717 --> 00:09:09,600
you'd think our boobs
would get in the way.
246
00:09:09,602 --> 00:09:11,268
Is that accurate
Mr. Phlegner?
247
00:09:11,270 --> 00:09:13,670
Is Councilwoman Knope ahead
of the regular schedule for this route?
248
00:09:13,672 --> 00:09:16,507
Whatever.
No comment.
249
00:09:17,009 --> 00:09:18,476
- Tough stuff.
- Are you posing?
250
00:09:18,478 --> 00:09:20,394
I don't have a photographer
with me.
251
00:09:20,396 --> 00:09:21,729
Google Earth...
252
00:09:21,731 --> 00:09:23,147
Always taking pics.
253
00:09:23,149 --> 00:09:24,231
Let's move it out!
254
00:09:24,233 --> 00:09:26,016
All right, let's start
with the basics.
255
00:09:26,018 --> 00:09:27,618
Uh, why don't you just
play some one-on-one,
256
00:09:27,620 --> 00:09:28,619
see if you can score?
257
00:09:28,621 --> 00:09:30,121
Andy, guard him.
258
00:09:31,123 --> 00:09:32,656
Eh, he's too big.
I can't see over him.
259
00:09:32,658 --> 00:09:33,791
It's not fair.
260
00:09:33,793 --> 00:09:34,992
I feel like everyone
should be the same size.
261
00:09:34,994 --> 00:09:36,660
Okay, you have
to create space.
262
00:09:36,662 --> 00:09:38,529
You gotta just
dribble around him.
263
00:09:38,531 --> 00:09:39,964
- There you go.
- Now what?
264
00:09:39,966 --> 00:09:42,032
Shoot!
Shoot the ball.
265
00:09:42,434 --> 00:09:43,717
Did I do basketball?
266
00:09:43,919 --> 00:09:45,503
Kind of.
267
00:09:45,505 --> 00:09:46,907
Try it again.
268
00:09:53,844 --> 00:09:55,181
Tommy for the dunk!
269
00:10:03,322 --> 00:10:04,989
My screen!
270
00:10:06,157 --> 00:10:08,909
But it was actually
a blood-hungry witch
271
00:10:08,911 --> 00:10:11,395
who was wearing
their mom's face like a mask!
272
00:10:14,383 --> 00:10:15,716
What is wrong
with you, woman?
273
00:10:15,718 --> 00:10:18,569
Sorry. I thought kids
liked ghost stories.
274
00:10:18,571 --> 00:10:20,621
Hey, girls! Did you wanna
look through my nurse kit?
275
00:10:20,623 --> 00:10:23,707
- Yeah!
- Ooh, check it out, bandages!
276
00:10:23,709 --> 00:10:24,842
We can wrap up the dolls,
277
00:10:24,844 --> 00:10:26,210
and pretend they just
had surgery.
278
00:10:26,212 --> 00:10:27,211
- Yeah!
- Awesome!
279
00:10:27,213 --> 00:10:28,629
Yeah, or we can
use this hammer
280
00:10:28,631 --> 00:10:29,746
and test reflexes.
281
00:10:29,748 --> 00:10:31,348
- Yeah!
- Here, Zoe, watch.
282
00:10:31,350 --> 00:10:33,250
Do me! Do me!
283
00:10:33,252 --> 00:10:35,219
Do Princess Junebug now!
284
00:10:35,221 --> 00:10:36,353
Okay.
You know what, Ron?
285
00:10:36,355 --> 00:10:37,421
I can watch them
for a little while,
286
00:10:37,423 --> 00:10:39,590
if you wanna...
287
00:10:39,592 --> 00:10:41,108
Take a break.
288
00:10:44,479 --> 00:10:46,763
This is
Stacy Knoblauch's house.
289
00:10:46,765 --> 00:10:47,815
I went to high school
with her,
290
00:10:47,817 --> 00:10:49,433
and she was super mean
to me,
291
00:10:49,435 --> 00:10:52,769
and now I know
that she dyes her hair.
292
00:10:52,771 --> 00:10:55,440
I knew that wench
wasn't naturally blonde.
293
00:10:56,442 --> 00:10:57,825
Oh, my God!
294
00:10:57,827 --> 00:11:01,212
She has to use
prescription-strength deodorant.
295
00:11:02,214 --> 00:11:04,415
This is the best day
of my life.
296
00:11:04,417 --> 00:11:06,500
Hey, ladies, someone
just called in a pickup.
297
00:11:06,502 --> 00:11:08,085
We have
to make an unscheduled stop.
298
00:11:08,087 --> 00:11:09,420
Hope you
can handle it.
299
00:11:09,422 --> 00:11:11,205
- It's not in the binders.
- A new challenge?
300
00:11:11,207 --> 00:11:12,623
Bring it on, Stevie boy.
301
00:11:12,625 --> 00:11:15,342
Whoo!
April, let's finish up!
302
00:11:15,344 --> 00:11:17,227
We have some stereotypes
to overcome.
303
00:11:17,229 --> 00:11:19,346
And some privacy
to violate!
304
00:11:19,348 --> 00:11:20,347
- Yeah!
- Whoo!
305
00:11:20,349 --> 00:11:22,132
Wait, no.
306
00:11:24,185 --> 00:11:26,403
- Oh!
- Yes!
307
00:11:26,405 --> 00:11:28,105
- Nothin' but net.
- Nice!
308
00:11:28,107 --> 00:11:30,107
You are officially a baller.
309
00:11:30,109 --> 00:11:31,642
I've been a baller
since birth, son.
310
00:11:31,644 --> 00:11:33,360
Now, I'm an athlete.
311
00:11:33,362 --> 00:11:35,829
Hey! You little chumps
wanna play some ball?
312
00:11:35,831 --> 00:11:37,665
- Sure.
- Let's do this.
313
00:11:37,667 --> 00:11:40,103
Watch out.
Tommy from half court.
314
00:11:42,705 --> 00:11:45,122
This could really only
go poorly.
315
00:11:54,516 --> 00:11:56,183
- He won't get out of my way!
- Tom--
316
00:12:00,939 --> 00:12:02,656
Oh, my God!
317
00:12:07,362 --> 00:12:08,696
- Yeah!
- Yes!
318
00:12:13,652 --> 00:12:14,735
Tom, what the hell
are you doing?
319
00:12:14,737 --> 00:12:16,203
I'm pivoting.
Ben told me to pivot.
320
00:12:16,205 --> 00:12:17,688
I told you you
can pivot,
321
00:12:17,690 --> 00:12:19,356
not that you
can only pivot.
322
00:12:19,358 --> 00:12:21,125
Stop pivoting!
323
00:12:21,127 --> 00:12:22,793
All right,
that's illegal.
324
00:12:22,795 --> 00:12:24,528
I may not know much,
but you can't just
325
00:12:24,530 --> 00:12:26,046
steal the ball
from another player.
326
00:12:26,048 --> 00:12:27,531
Hey, aren't you the guy
who owns Rent-A-Swag?
327
00:12:27,533 --> 00:12:30,634
- Yeah! Tom Haverford.
- You suck at basketball, man.
328
00:12:30,636 --> 00:12:33,036
Well, you suck
at being polite, sir.
329
00:12:33,038 --> 00:12:35,339
This has been fun, but we
have an actual game tomorrow
330
00:12:35,341 --> 00:12:37,708
against guys
who can actually play.
331
00:12:37,710 --> 00:12:39,176
Let's go.
332
00:12:39,178 --> 00:12:40,680
Andy Dwyer
for the dunk!
333
00:12:43,482 --> 00:12:45,599
Aw, that wall's so close.
334
00:12:45,601 --> 00:12:48,902
Doctors, the operation
is now complete.
335
00:12:48,904 --> 00:12:50,988
Doctor Zoe, could you
please use the reflex hammer
336
00:12:50,990 --> 00:12:52,222
to see if she's okay?
337
00:12:52,224 --> 00:12:55,526
This is the most fun
I have ever had with kids.
338
00:12:55,528 --> 00:12:56,777
They even said they
wanted to be doctors
339
00:12:56,779 --> 00:12:57,894
when they grow up.
340
00:12:57,896 --> 00:13:00,364
Hot tip for you baby-sitters
out there.
341
00:13:00,366 --> 00:13:03,083
Let your kids play
with medical tools all the time.
342
00:13:03,085 --> 00:13:04,401
- We have a problem.
- What?
343
00:13:04,403 --> 00:13:05,536
Oh, my God.
344
00:13:05,538 --> 00:13:07,571
Girls! This
is not a negotiation.
345
00:13:07,873 --> 00:13:10,007
- Unlock the door immediately.
- No!
346
00:13:10,009 --> 00:13:11,291
We're doing surgery!
347
00:13:11,293 --> 00:13:13,060
Only doctors
are allowed in here.
348
00:13:13,062 --> 00:13:14,678
Okay.
349
00:13:14,680 --> 00:13:16,246
Stand back, ladies!
350
00:13:16,248 --> 00:13:17,931
Ron, no, no, no, no!
That's dangerous!
351
00:13:17,933 --> 00:13:19,516
Somebody in here's
gotta have keys, right?
352
00:13:19,518 --> 00:13:20,684
I have keys.
Wha--
353
00:13:20,686 --> 00:13:21,769
Jerry.
354
00:13:21,771 --> 00:13:23,086
I never thought
I would say this,
355
00:13:23,088 --> 00:13:24,605
but I am so glad
you're here.
356
00:13:24,607 --> 00:13:26,807
Well, it's gotta be one
of these, right?
357
00:13:28,894 --> 00:13:31,195
- Oh, no.
- Ladies, no, no, no, no, no!
358
00:13:31,197 --> 00:13:32,929
The patient
needs a haircut.
359
00:13:32,931 --> 00:13:34,364
Her hair is infected.
360
00:13:34,366 --> 00:13:35,449
- Hurry, Jerry!
- Okay, I'm trying.
361
00:13:35,451 --> 00:13:36,767
- It's not this one.
- No.
362
00:13:36,769 --> 00:13:38,935
Okay, I'm not good
under pressure like this.
363
00:13:38,937 --> 00:13:40,704
Zoe, stop it, please!
364
00:13:40,706 --> 00:13:43,624
- No!
- Zoe, put the scissors down.
365
00:13:43,626 --> 00:13:46,577
Oh!
366
00:13:46,579 --> 00:13:47,995
No!
367
00:13:51,966 --> 00:13:53,333
Bakery called this in.
368
00:13:53,335 --> 00:13:55,419
Needs to go
on that truck right there.
369
00:13:55,421 --> 00:13:57,137
Ah, easy,
breezy, beautiful.
370
00:13:57,139 --> 00:13:59,056
That's the Covergirl slogan.
I didn't mean to say that.
371
00:13:59,058 --> 00:14:01,225
Okay, here we go!
On three!
372
00:14:01,227 --> 00:14:03,093
- Okay.
- One, two,
373
00:14:03,095 --> 00:14:05,295
three, move it.
374
00:14:07,316 --> 00:14:08,965
On four, five, six,
here we go!
375
00:14:10,297 --> 00:14:11,068
- You need a hand?
376
00:14:11,070 --> 00:14:12,236
No, no,
we don't need a hand.
377
00:14:12,238 --> 00:14:14,688
What, you think Joan of Arc
needed a hand?
378
00:14:14,690 --> 00:14:16,240
- Doing what?
- Let me tell you something.
379
00:14:16,242 --> 00:14:17,491
We are not leaving
380
00:14:17,493 --> 00:14:20,811
until this symbolic feminist
obstacle is loaded
381
00:14:20,813 --> 00:14:22,696
onto that truck
of women's advancement,
382
00:14:22,698 --> 00:14:24,698
and you can put that
on the record, Shauna.
383
00:14:24,700 --> 00:14:26,867
Well, you ladies clearly
have everything in hand.
384
00:14:26,869 --> 00:14:28,418
Dewey and I
are gonna head back to base.
385
00:14:28,420 --> 00:14:29,536
Hope we didn't throw you
off schedule.
386
00:14:29,538 --> 00:14:31,822
- Not at all.
- Have fun!
387
00:14:31,824 --> 00:14:34,958
Hey, Shauna, maybe not
put this part on the record.
388
00:14:34,960 --> 00:14:36,660
You know, leave the earlier part
on the record,
389
00:14:36,662 --> 00:14:38,629
but if we can't get this fridge
onto the truck
390
00:14:38,631 --> 00:14:39,830
then maybe not
put that on the record,
391
00:14:39,832 --> 00:14:41,431
and then just
destroy the record altogether.
392
00:14:41,433 --> 00:14:42,800
Okay, guys,
I'm gonna go ahead
393
00:14:42,802 --> 00:14:45,001
and decide what's on
and off the record on my own.
394
00:14:45,003 --> 00:14:46,837
- Cool?
- Uhhuh.
395
00:14:47,339 --> 00:14:48,806
The whole city is watching.
396
00:14:48,808 --> 00:14:51,275
If I can't move that fridge
onto that truck,
397
00:14:51,277 --> 00:14:54,561
then feminism is over
in this town.
398
00:15:00,819 --> 00:15:03,020
I don't know why I thought
sneaking up on it would work.
399
00:15:05,611 --> 00:15:07,210
This is the one.
This is-- Oh!
400
00:15:07,211 --> 00:15:09,544
Why do you
have so many keys?
401
00:15:09,546 --> 00:15:11,713
We did surgery
just like you taught us!
402
00:15:11,715 --> 00:15:12,931
Okay, you know what?
403
00:15:12,933 --> 00:15:14,800
Why don't you girls
clean up all this hair,
404
00:15:14,802 --> 00:15:16,017
and I'm gonna talk
to Ron.
405
00:15:16,019 --> 00:15:18,186
- Let's cut off our toes!
- No, let's not.
406
00:15:18,188 --> 00:15:20,539
I'm gonna take
this bag, too.
407
00:15:20,541 --> 00:15:21,807
You need
to fix this.
408
00:15:22,159 --> 00:15:23,975
It's not that bad.
Nobody got hurt.
409
00:15:23,977 --> 00:15:25,744
It's extremely bad!
410
00:15:25,746 --> 00:15:27,846
I love this woman,
and I just wanna show her
411
00:15:27,848 --> 00:15:29,815
that I'm capable
of watching her children
412
00:15:29,817 --> 00:15:32,534
without something
horrible happening.
413
00:15:32,536 --> 00:15:33,852
What?
414
00:15:33,854 --> 00:15:35,954
Did you just
say you love Diane?
415
00:15:35,956 --> 00:15:37,522
No.
I did not.
416
00:15:37,524 --> 00:15:40,041
Yes, you did!
That is so cute!
417
00:15:40,043 --> 00:15:41,326
For God's sake, Hanson,
418
00:15:41,328 --> 00:15:43,194
will you please focus
on the larger problem?
419
00:15:44,865 --> 00:15:48,032
Ron loves Mommy!
420
00:15:48,034 --> 00:15:50,335
Ron loves Mommy!
421
00:15:50,337 --> 00:15:53,054
Girls, girls, I don't know
what you think you heard,
422
00:15:53,056 --> 00:15:55,390
but please
don't tell your mother
423
00:15:55,392 --> 00:15:56,958
what you incorrectly
think you heard.
424
00:15:56,960 --> 00:15:59,060
- Ron loves--
Mommy!
425
00:15:59,062 --> 00:16:01,012
Ron loves Mommy!
426
00:16:01,014 --> 00:16:02,180
I love nothing!
427
00:16:05,385 --> 00:16:07,235
I'm gonna have to start
writing this up soon.
428
00:16:07,237 --> 00:16:08,987
Kinda sucks. I thought
maybe we'd be done in time
429
00:16:08,989 --> 00:16:10,155
- to grab a drink.
- Oh!
430
00:16:10,157 --> 00:16:11,740
Have you been
to Bistro d'Amour?
431
00:16:11,742 --> 00:16:13,575
- It's really romantic.
- Ooh.
432
00:16:13,577 --> 00:16:15,443
Yeah, it was just
gonna be you and me,
433
00:16:15,445 --> 00:16:16,995
my sister,
a few people from work,
434
00:16:16,997 --> 00:16:18,113
and my ex-boyfriend.
435
00:16:18,115 --> 00:16:20,615
That's really confusing.
436
00:16:20,617 --> 00:16:21,967
I have a request.
437
00:16:21,969 --> 00:16:23,251
Could you
please make sure
438
00:16:23,253 --> 00:16:25,921
that my involvement in this
stays off the record?
439
00:16:25,923 --> 00:16:27,956
I wouldn't want anyone thinking
that you're biased
440
00:16:27,958 --> 00:16:30,258
because we're something.
441
00:16:30,260 --> 00:16:31,710
You don't have
to worry about that.
442
00:16:31,712 --> 00:16:32,878
I'm gonna
include a disclaimer
443
00:16:32,880 --> 00:16:35,680
describing the nature
of our relationship.
444
00:16:35,682 --> 00:16:37,582
I guess I'll have to wait
for tomorrow's paper
445
00:16:37,584 --> 00:16:39,434
to find out our status.
446
00:16:39,436 --> 00:16:40,852
Why did I have
to fall for somebody
447
00:16:40,854 --> 00:16:42,220
from the old media?
448
00:16:43,389 --> 00:16:46,041
Maybe we should just
eat the refrigerator.
449
00:16:46,043 --> 00:16:47,809
We start chewing now,
we can finish
450
00:16:47,811 --> 00:16:49,144
before the sun
comes up.
451
00:16:49,146 --> 00:16:51,146
We have
to solve this problem,
452
00:16:51,148 --> 00:16:52,781
or they are going to point
to this forever
453
00:16:52,783 --> 00:16:54,399
as a reason
to not hire women.
454
00:16:54,901 --> 00:16:56,234
I should never
have taken the bait.
455
00:16:56,236 --> 00:17:00,789
It was just such tasty,
righteously-flavored bait.
456
00:17:00,791 --> 00:17:03,291
You here to move the fridge?
457
00:17:03,293 --> 00:17:04,993
- Are you a ghost?
- Yes, we are.
458
00:17:04,995 --> 00:17:07,145
Why you think
you can lift it?
459
00:17:07,147 --> 00:17:08,997
You are two little canaries.
460
00:17:08,999 --> 00:17:11,383
Those garbagemen
couldn't even lift it.
461
00:17:11,385 --> 00:17:13,668
They are
like giant bears.
462
00:17:13,670 --> 00:17:14,970
Hold on.
What do you mean?
463
00:17:14,972 --> 00:17:17,055
Bears are bigger
than canaries, yes?
464
00:17:17,057 --> 00:17:18,673
So if bears
can't lift the--
465
00:17:18,675 --> 00:17:20,792
No, I understand animal sizes.
466
00:17:20,794 --> 00:17:22,477
What do you mean
they couldn't lift it?
467
00:17:22,479 --> 00:17:24,763
They tried three days ago,
468
00:17:24,765 --> 00:17:26,398
and it does not budge.
469
00:17:26,400 --> 00:17:28,433
They say they're gonna
come back with more guys,
470
00:17:28,435 --> 00:17:30,235
but they come back
with canaries.
471
00:17:30,237 --> 00:17:32,239
Fly away,
little canaries.
472
00:17:34,741 --> 00:17:37,742
Those Sanitation goons
set us up.
473
00:17:37,744 --> 00:17:39,143
You know what?
Let's just go.
474
00:17:39,145 --> 00:17:40,245
What?
No!
475
00:17:40,247 --> 00:17:41,312
We can't let them
beat us.
476
00:17:41,314 --> 00:17:42,364
Just call it a tie.
477
00:17:42,366 --> 00:17:43,815
Nobody can lift it.
478
00:17:43,817 --> 00:17:45,784
No, Leslie,
we do not want to tie.
479
00:17:45,786 --> 00:17:47,118
We want to win.
480
00:17:47,120 --> 00:17:48,670
Those guys suck, okay?
481
00:17:48,672 --> 00:17:49,921
We have
to prove them wrong.
482
00:17:49,923 --> 00:17:52,007
Look, all we have to do
is get some PCP.
483
00:17:52,009 --> 00:17:53,959
You can move anything
on angel dust.
484
00:17:53,961 --> 00:17:55,961
My cousin Hesen, he beat off
five cops on that stuff.
485
00:17:55,963 --> 00:17:57,295
Okay, hold on.
Sir!
486
00:17:57,297 --> 00:17:59,214
Does this refrigerator
still work?
487
00:17:59,216 --> 00:18:01,666
Works okay.
We got a new one.
488
00:18:01,668 --> 00:18:03,351
We don't need it.
489
00:18:05,004 --> 00:18:06,221
So what if those kids
490
00:18:06,223 --> 00:18:07,472
think you're the lamest guy
in the world?
491
00:18:07,474 --> 00:18:10,108
That's not who you want shopping
at Rent-A-Swag anyways, Tom.
492
00:18:10,110 --> 00:18:12,143
That's exactly who I want
shopping at Rent-A-Swag.
493
00:18:12,145 --> 00:18:14,178
Oh, well, then,
that sucks.
494
00:18:14,180 --> 00:18:16,699
Look, I wanna
show you something.
495
00:18:20,403 --> 00:18:22,237
Okay, this is Kevin Durant
and Russell Westbrook
496
00:18:22,239 --> 00:18:23,705
after a bad loss.
497
00:18:23,707 --> 00:18:25,123
Even the greats
get beat,
498
00:18:25,125 --> 00:18:26,908
but they get back
out there the next day,
499
00:18:26,910 --> 00:18:28,576
and they fight.
500
00:18:28,578 --> 00:18:30,578
So let's hit the gym again
tomorrow.
501
00:18:30,580 --> 00:18:33,197
Guys, I think I just
dribbled up an idea.
502
00:18:33,199 --> 00:18:35,133
No, double dribbled it.
503
00:18:35,135 --> 00:18:38,037
Yeah, you have learned nothing
about basketball.
504
00:18:39,039 --> 00:18:40,538
You're a good friend, Ben.
505
00:18:40,540 --> 00:18:41,589
Oh, thanks.
506
00:18:42,091 --> 00:18:43,258
Can I borrow $1,500?
507
00:18:43,260 --> 00:18:46,344
You're not allowed
to ask what it's for.
508
00:18:46,346 --> 00:18:47,679
Fireworks.
509
00:18:47,681 --> 00:18:50,015
First of all,
everyone is fine.
510
00:18:50,017 --> 00:18:53,184
No one got hurt,
but there was an incident.
511
00:18:53,186 --> 00:18:55,388
Oh, my God.
What happened?
512
00:18:57,390 --> 00:18:59,724
Diane, this is all my fault.
513
00:18:59,726 --> 00:19:01,559
I let them go
into my nurse's bag.
514
00:19:04,865 --> 00:19:06,831
Well, who has been
having fun with scissors?
515
00:19:06,833 --> 00:19:07,832
Us!
516
00:19:07,834 --> 00:19:09,668
Ann taught us
how to be doctors!
517
00:19:09,670 --> 00:19:11,736
- Yay!
- You're not mad?
518
00:19:11,738 --> 00:19:13,404
No, it's fine.
They're kids.
519
00:19:13,406 --> 00:19:15,206
Once, Zoe put Ivy
in the dryer, so...
520
00:19:15,208 --> 00:19:17,042
I'm still incredibly sorry.
521
00:19:17,044 --> 00:19:18,543
I feel like
I let you down.
522
00:19:18,545 --> 00:19:22,213
It is so sweet to me
how much you care.
523
00:19:22,215 --> 00:19:24,432
This is why I love you.
524
00:19:24,434 --> 00:19:25,583
Oh.
525
00:19:25,585 --> 00:19:28,920
Well, I love you, too.
526
00:19:30,090 --> 00:19:31,523
That's my cue.
527
00:19:31,525 --> 00:19:32,924
All right, girls,
good hang.
528
00:19:32,926 --> 00:19:34,392
- Bye, Ann!
- Thanks, Ann.
529
00:19:34,394 --> 00:19:35,426
Oh.
530
00:19:36,128 --> 00:19:37,145
Hey, Leslie!
531
00:19:37,147 --> 00:19:39,147
Shauna just
sent me the disclaimer
532
00:19:39,149 --> 00:19:41,265
that she's gonna use
before she prints the article.
533
00:19:41,267 --> 00:19:42,534
"City manager Chris Traeger
534
00:19:42,536 --> 00:19:44,235
"was present
for this event,
535
00:19:44,237 --> 00:19:46,938
and has a personal relationship
with the author."
536
00:19:46,940 --> 00:19:48,289
Okay, that's
pretty good, right?
537
00:19:48,291 --> 00:19:49,374
"Personal relationship."
538
00:19:49,376 --> 00:19:51,493
It's not romantic.
539
00:19:51,495 --> 00:19:53,444
But it is descriptive.
No, it's not even descriptive.
540
00:19:53,446 --> 00:19:54,796
I know you're not used
to this,
541
00:19:54,798 --> 00:19:57,415
but maybe you should just try
to keep it chill
542
00:19:57,417 --> 00:19:58,750
and see what happens.
543
00:19:58,752 --> 00:20:00,168
Great advice.
544
00:20:00,170 --> 00:20:01,469
Impossible to follow,
545
00:20:01,471 --> 00:20:03,287
but great advice.
546
00:20:03,289 --> 00:20:05,123
So do you think
the soup kitchen
547
00:20:05,125 --> 00:20:06,224
could use that fridge?
548
00:20:06,226 --> 00:20:08,292
I mean, April and I
were gonna haul it
549
00:20:08,294 --> 00:20:10,795
onto the truck effortlessly,
but if you need it...
550
00:20:10,797 --> 00:20:12,514
Absolutely.
This is a godsend.
551
00:20:12,516 --> 00:20:14,265
Thank you
for thinking of us.
552
00:20:14,267 --> 00:20:15,400
Grab a side, ladies.
553
00:20:15,402 --> 00:20:17,685
I think all of us
can get it on the truck.
554
00:20:17,687 --> 00:20:19,821
Not only did we
complete the garbage route
555
00:20:19,823 --> 00:20:21,740
and move an unmovable fridge,
556
00:20:21,742 --> 00:20:23,108
but the Sanitation department
557
00:20:23,110 --> 00:20:26,144
hired three new
female trash-haulers.
558
00:20:26,146 --> 00:20:27,912
And, best of all,
559
00:20:27,914 --> 00:20:29,164
April gave me this present
560
00:20:29,166 --> 00:20:31,501
to commemorate
our feminist victory.
561
00:20:34,620 --> 00:20:36,255
And it's trash.
562
00:20:36,757 --> 00:20:38,423
It's filled
with trash.
563
00:20:38,425 --> 00:20:40,125
Maybe there's something
on the bottom here.
564
00:20:40,127 --> 00:20:41,760
Let me see--
No, just trash.
565
00:20:42,639 --> 00:20:45,857
This is Brandon Turnbill
for Kids' 46 News.
566
00:20:46,141 --> 00:20:49,527
I'm here with the star
of today's win, Josh Diamond.
567
00:20:49,545 --> 00:20:51,329
What was the key
to the victory, Josh?
568
00:20:51,363 --> 00:20:52,797
Well, uh, everything just
came together for us,
569
00:20:52,831 --> 00:20:54,081
and we came out
on top,
570
00:20:54,133 --> 00:20:55,633
and we're gonna try
to keep it going next week
571
00:20:55,667 --> 00:20:56,984
against Snerling.
572
00:20:57,035 --> 00:20:58,435
Thanks, tiny reporter.
573
00:20:58,454 --> 00:21:00,455
It was a huge win
for Josh and the boys,
574
00:21:00,489 --> 00:21:01,789
and after a huge win,
575
00:21:01,824 --> 00:21:05,660
be sure to visit Rent-A-Swag
on Durham Avenue
576
00:21:05,711 --> 00:21:08,528
for all your post-game press
conference fashion rental needs.
577
00:21:08,711 --> 00:21:09,828
We've got everything:
578
00:21:10,011 --> 00:21:11,728
Dope suits,
pocket squares,
579
00:21:11,911 --> 00:21:13,928
Gingham shirts,
glasses with no lenses,
580
00:21:14,411 --> 00:21:16,028
Tiny cardigans,
Fedoras...
581
00:21:16,511 --> 00:21:17,600
Look at this watch!
582
00:21:17,601 --> 00:21:19,135
Whatever swag you need,
583
00:21:19,153 --> 00:21:21,270
You can rent
at Rent-A-Swag.
584
00:21:21,304 --> 00:21:22,639
Now, that's basketball.
585
00:21:22,640 --> 00:21:25,639
Sync & corrections by Alice
www.addic7ed.com