Wait, I forgot.
Who the hell is pregnant?
What?
I found a pregnancy
test at your cabin.
And I checked
with all the girls
that were there.
It wasn't any of them.
Hello, darling.
What a surprise.
Hey. Can we talk?
Maybe in private?
You and me?
I believe she's
referring to me, son.
Please excuse us.
So, I, uh, am pregnant.
I see.
I don't understand how.
We were so careful.
I warned you about this.
Standard birth
control methods
aren't usually effective
against a Swanson.
I've got about
a million thoughts
running around
in my head,
but I really just
want to know
what you're thinking.
Okay, here's what
I'm thinking.
I was going to wait
until our anniversary,
and take you
somewhere romantic,
perhaps in a canoe.
Most likely in a canoe.
I actually built a canoe
for that purpose.
But given the news,
and given
my significant
feelings for you,
now seems as
good a time as any.
Ron Swanson.
Diane Lewis.
Will you marry me?
Yes.
On one condition.
Anything, my love.
Ask me for
anything in the world,
and I'll give it to you.
Except a
destination wedding.
Just the opposite.
We've both been
married before.
I don't want
anything big
or elaborate.
In fact, the smaller,
the better.
I assume you can
deal with that.
Are you kidding?
As far as I'm concerned,
we could go up to
the fourth floor right now.
Well, hello there.
Hey, Leslie.
What's with the get-up?
We're coming back
from cleaning up
the Pawnee River.
There's nothing
I love more than
squeegeeing slime off
a highway underpass.
Where are
you guys going?
The fourth floor.
Getting married.
Okee dokee.
Well, catch you later.
What? Why?
What the...
Are you dead? You look
like you're in rictus.
I just, I'm having
so many thoughts
and feelings that
I'm paralyzed right now.
Would you ladies
like to come?
Can I be the best man?
Why not? Let's go.
Ron is getting married,
and I love him,
and I care about him,
and this is
the greatest day ever,
and I do not have time
to talk about this.
Wait!
If you would just
slow down a little,
then I could
arrange balloons
or a flower cake
or a bouncy castle
or some...
Ah. Ethel Beavers.
We would like
a marriage license.
Please and thank you.
What's the date
of the wedding?
Today.
It's a bit unusual,
but we've both...
Don't care.
Leslie Knope,
would you please be
my matron of honor?
Diane, you have no idea
what that means to me.
She gets it.
Let's go.
Wait.
This is like
a waking nightmare
of happiness.
Um, I need to
get some flowers.
Uh, why don't you
hold this colorful bouquet
of highlighters?
Rice,
I need to find some rice.
I need to throw some rice.
Why is there no rice
in this municipal
government building?
I found a justice guy.
These are
the marrying people.
This is Carl.
Hello, Carl.
My fiancée and I would
like to get married
right now, right here.
Haven't I done a quickie
wedding for you before?
It's certainly possible,
but this one's going
to stick.
I need your full names
for the license.
Ronald Ulysses Swanson.
Diane Tammy Lewis.
Tammy?
Your middle name is...
Just kidding.
It's Elizabeth.
Let's go, Carl.
Hey, hey. Let's pump
the brakes, Carl, okay?
Belay that order, Carl.
Shortest possible ceremony.
I'm tired of not being
married to this woman.
Do you, Ron Swanson...
Ooh, it's gonna start!
...take Diane to be your wife?
Ooh, it's happening.
I certainly do.
Oh, my God.
And do you, Diane...
Yes, I do.
She said yes.
Okay.
Wait!
By the power
vested in me...
Before you, Carl,
just one second.
I would just like to
give a short speech.
If I may.
You have 10 seconds.
At first glance,
it may seem as though
Ron Swanson and I
have nothing in common.
But Webster's Dictionary
defines "friend"...
Time.
Thank you, Leslie.
I could tell where you
were going with that,
and it was going
to be beautiful.
I now pronounce
you man and wife.
Oh.
Hurray!
Yay!
Great job, everyone.
The reception will be
held in each of our
individual houses, alone.
Pretend this is rice.
That was beautiful.
The people who want
to boot me from office
have been viciously
attacking me for weeks.
Recall Knope!
Legalize weed!
Last week, I was an answer
in the Pawnee Journal's
crossword puzzle.
The clue? “Who’s the worst?"
But you know what?
We're fighting back.
I've broken
my defense initiative
into 40 phases.
We are currently
in Phase 26.
"No Problem Too Small."
Anyone can come to me
anytime with any problem,
no matter
how petty or small,
and I will
fix it personally.
And let me tell you,
some of these complaints
are pretty damn petty
and small.
Okay, Gretel.
How can
I help you today?
There are
slugs everywhere
on the sidewalk
in front of my house.
I want them gone.
But not killed.
I love animals.
But get rid of them.
They're gross.
But make sure
they're happy.
But not too happy.
Well, we're on it.
Because no problem
too small.
So, what, now?
Well, I have about
30 more people
who want to come
into my office,
and complain
to my face.
Leslie Knope.
Ann Perkins.
Oh.
How's the recall
fight going?
This person-to-person
campaigning is kind
of wearing me down.
Well, as a wise woman
once said to me,
"Ann, you cunning,
pliable, chestnut-haired
sunfish,
"phase 26 is
the key to my plan."
Good memory, sunfish.
Let's press on.
I have to come up
with some solution for
this slug problem.
Someone has
a slug infestation?
Boy, oh boy,
we live interesting lives,
filled with
unexpected challenges.
Life is precious and
every day is a miracle.
Okay.
What a freak.
Things with me and Chris
are going really well.
We spend every day together,
and we're having so much fun.
And check this out.
Oh, no, there's no ring.
We just had manicures
together recently.
Sorry,
that was misleading.
Ah. Mr. Haverford.
Back again, I see?
What the hell, man?
This looks exactly
like my store.
I know. My client
is a very
determined businessman.
When he rips someone off,
he goes all the way.
You see, you are Hydrox,
Mr. Haverford.
We are Oreo.
Your mysterious
unnamed client seems like
a pretty intense guy.
I am impressed by
how quickly he was able
to move such a large
amount of merchandise.
Mmm.
Must be one heck
of a transporter.
My client is
not Jason Statham.
If that's what
you're thinking.
Some mysterious
big shot investor
has opened up a store
directly across the street
from Rent A Swag,
to try to put me
out of business.
I'm not worried, though.
I've poured my heart
and soul into my store.
I'm sure this guy is
just looking for a place
to store all his NBA
Championship trophies.
It's not LeBron James.
Damn.
I hate to say this,
gang, but I don't think
"No Problem Too Small"
is working.
I mean, there's been
no press coverage,
no change in my poll numbers.
I agree.
We need something massive
and attention-getting.
Something that
will grab people
by their ears,
yell at them
through a bullhorn,
and hit them like
a bolt of lightning.
I've got it.
What is it?
Oh, no, I just.
I got a fly.
I have something.
Remember Phase 13?
"Think Outside of the Box"?
Of course.
It was an amazing phase.
Easily a top-five phase.
Well, I thought
outside of the box
and I nominated you
for this big award.
It's called
the International Coalition
of Women in Government.
And you won.
There's, like, five winners,
and you get a big trophy
or something.
Oh, my God,
this is real.
I just assumed
you were lying.
Thank you,
but yeah, it's real.
Ann Richards
won it once.
And Janet Napolitano,
I think.
Janet Napoli-freakin-tano?
Oh, my God.
This is amazing
and perfect.
This is exactly
the kind of big,
splashy thing
that's going to get
the voters' attention.
When is the ceremony?
Next month.
In London.
London?
We're going to London?
We're going to London,
you guys!
Ooh-whee!
I can't believe
we're at Hogwarts.
No, that's
Buckingham Palace.
Hogwarts is fictional.
Do you know that?
It's important to me
that you know that.
Okay, guys. We are going
to be sightseeing today.
Andy and Ben are gonna go
to their meeting,
and then, we're going
to go back to
the hotel for lunch.
And I will spend the day
getting to know
London's history.
History began on
July 4th, 1776.
Everything before
that was a mistake.
Diane suggested we tag along
to London for a honeymoon.
I agreed because
my love for her trumps
my hatred for Europe.
Then, she hit a phase
of morning sickness
that knocked her for a loop,
and decided to stay home.
But she insisted I go
and take pictures for her.
All of this could
have been avoided
if we'd followed my plan
for a honeymoon.
A steak dinner,
a glass
of Lagavulin whiskey,
then vigorous
lovemaking for two hours,
and we're both
asleep by 8:30.
Hey, Leslie, we're going
to head to the meeting.
Are you okay?
Yeah. I know it's weird,
but I kind of feel bad
about leaving Pawnee.
It's like leaving
my kid at home
without a babysitter.
Leslie, you're in London.
You're 4,000 miles
away from home.
Try to enjoy this. Okay?
You're right, as usual.
Good luck.
Ooh. Hey, boss man.
I want to go home early.
Ooh, hold on,
actually, hang on.
Yeah, no. I want to quit
and never come here again.
Okay, bye.
I can't believe
I used to date you.
Tommy Pickles,
you see there's a better
version of your store
across the street?
And those guys
are giving out free pizza
with pepperonis.
I know, man.
That's my competition.
They're trying to
put me out of business,
and it's working.
Three weeks ago,
this place was hopping.
My clothes were
flying off the rack.
I was spreading
swag around town like
a killer swag virus.
Now, look at this place.
It's dead.
What am I going to do?
It's like
I always say, okay?
When life gives you lemons,
you sell some of
your grandma's jewelry
and you go clubbing.
That's not a good
piece of advice.
So? I'm going to throw up.
I ate too much cheese.
I'll talk to you.
I need some better friends.
So, the only thing you did
was stop drinking beer?
Yeah, I lost 50 pounds
in one month.
How much beer
were you drinking?
I know, right?
Probably too much.
Andy and I are meeting
with an English
charity foundation,
to expand our
after-school music program,
and British people love me.
There was this British
kid in my high school
who always called me Big Ben,
and he would
punch me really hard
on the arm and go...
Bong. Bong. Bong.
Oh, he might
have hated me.
Real quick.
Should I do
a British accent?
Um...
I'm going to say no.
You sure?
Yeah.
I can do one.
It's not very good,
but I think I can pull it off.
I just feel like he's gonna
get upset when he finds out
that we're American.
No, he knows
we're American.
Ugh, great.
All right, well.
I guess we'll take
the meeting anyway.
After all, we did come
all the way down under.
No.
Lord Covington.
I'm Ben Wyatt.
This is Andy Dwyer,
and it is an honor
to meet you, sir.
Well, it's nice
to meet you, too.
However, the proper mode
of address would be,
"Your Royal Excellency,
Lord Edgar Darby Covington,
"Fourteenth Earl of
Cornwall upon Thames,
"Twenty-ninth Baron
of Hartfordshire."
No, no, no, I'm kidding.
I'm kidding.
Please call me Eddie.
Oh. Thank God.
I knew that other name
must have been
a stupid joke.
Andy.
No, no, no.
No, he's absolutely right.
It's an absurd name.
Well, I'm excited
to hear about
your musical charity idea.
Shall we?
Yeah.
The Notting Hill
bus tour starts at 2:00,
the Love Actually
bus tour starts at 2:30,
and, oh, the Bridget Jones
bus tour starts at 2:30 also.
What do we do?
Ron, your pick.
Look. A clock.
We don't have
that in America.
You call that a tower?
Try the Sears Tower, friend.
"London at Night."
That is very funny.
Can I help you, sir?
Yes.
I will take this.
Uh, we don't accept
American currency, sir.
Of course you do.
That's the most wonderful
piece of paper in the world.
Accept it.
Very sorry, sir.
Fine.
Enjoy the fact that
your royal overlords
are a frail old woman
and a tiny baby.
You really think
this will work, Donna?
Why wouldn't it?
We just pull
the business license,
it's public information,
and then, at least
you'll have an address.
Oh. Here.
Hmm. Some kind of shady
fake shell corporation
called Open For Business LLC.
Thanks, Donna.
Hey, if it's Akon
and y'all become
best friends,
I want a ride on his plane.
Done and done.
Nice.
Ten-twenty Maple Street.
Ann and Chris?
What are they doing here?
Sir, you can't
go in there.
Ah-ha!
I caught you.
Hey, it's Tom.
What the hell
are you doing?
What am I doing?
What are you doing here?
Dr. Saperstein is
giving me a sonogram,
in his doctor's office
for women,
because I'm pregnant.
Oh, my God.
You're Jean-Ralphio's dad.
Mmm-hmm.
You're the one
that's trying to
put me out of business.
Well, look at that,
Mr. Haverford.
You tracked me down.
Looks like your
detective skills
are a lot better
than your tween
high-end
fashion rental skills.
Ann? Chris?
Can we have
the room, please?
No, you certainly cannot.
Dr. Saperstein,
why are you doing this?
What did I ever do to you?
You know exactly
why I'm doing this.
You destroyed my family.
First, you screwed my son
out of your business.
And then, you stole
my daughter's virginity.
Wait, you're serious?
Deadly serious.
According to my daughter,
you broke her heart.
Then, you smashed up
her BMW.
I had to buy her a new one
so she could drive to
divinity school.
Let me tell
you something, mister.
You attack a Saperstein,
you face my wrath.
Be so sure about this,
Tiny Tom,
that I will crush you
like the bug you are.
And there it is,
the heartbeat.
Everything sounds perfect.
Oh. This is the moment
we were dreaming of.
You and me
and our baby.
And Tom and his weird
feud with our doctor.
So, this after-school
music program
has been really
successful in Pawnee,
and we've expanded
it to eight other towns
in Indiana.
But we feel,
with your help,
we can be...
Whoa! Are those...
I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
Are those remote
control helicopters?
Yeah.
What?
I got them as a gift.
I bought them for
one of my nephews.
Then, I decided
to keep them.
Yeah.
Would you like
to play with them?
Oh, would I?
I call the blue one.
I call... Aw.
Okay, you get
the blue one.
Andy, we are guests
of Lord Covington.
Maybe you should let him...
Play with
the blue helicopter.
What are you
talking about, dude?
I called it.
He called it.
That's the rule.
Anyway,
the orange one's better.
What?
Come on.
Ah!
Hey, get off.
Dude, awesome.
I think I broke mine.
Oh, bummer.
So, like, you,
your family owns
all this stuff?
Well, no,
not everything.
Uh, we own
that building,
that one,
that house,
that round thing,
that one,
we don't own that.
Oh, no, actually,
we do own that.
What else does
your family own?
Well, um,
have you heard of Scotland?
As I was saying, uh,
we've really made
this music program
work in Indiana,
and we think,
with your help,
we could turn this
into a wide-reaching
international program.
Oh, you know what I want?
Ice cream.
Do you guys have that here?
Ice cream?
Oh, it's so good.
You have to get it.
It's, like, scoops
and it comes on a cone.
Do you have that here?
We have it.
Of course we have it.
You have it?
Where do you think
you are, the moon?
That would be awesome
if we were.
Yeah.
Can we get some?
Could we have some?
Could we?
Sure.
Yeah.
Let's go.
What do
I do with this?
Just throw it there.
Roger will pick it up.
Oh.
So, I long for a day
when women
in government
will simply be seen
as people in government,
but until then,
I will work to make Pawnee,
my wonderful hometown,
as good as it can be.
What do you think?
I think you should
lose the first line
and the last line,
and all of the other lines,
and instead,
just walk up to the mic
and meow really loudly
for eight minutes.
Okay.
This trip is amazing,
but I miss Pawnee,
you know?
I want to know
what's happening there.
One little news
blast wouldn't hurt.
Welcome to
The Final Word with Perd.
Ms. Pinewood, there is
a thing you are doing,
and that thing is,
you are leading
a recall vote against
Councilwoman Knope.
And you say you have
new, shocking
allegations about her.
What? What, now?
Perd, I take no pleasure
in reporting this,
but it must come to light.
We are here trying
to make Pawnee better,
and where is Leslie Knope?
She's gallivanting
around Europe,
like some kind of European.
How did they
get that picture?
Facebook.
But I just put...
Facebook.
Isn't it a... Mmm.
Facebook.
Apparently,
she can't be bothered
to stay here in Pawnee,
not when there's Europe
to gallivant around in.
Well, we conducted a Perd Poll
and asked this question.
Do you think Leslie Knope
should be in England?
Do you not think that,
or do you not think that?
48% said she should
not be in Europe.
17% say it's okay,
and 35 % said
they were confused
by the way
the question was posed.
Oh, my God.
You're leaving tonight?
I can't believe
there's even a flight.
Well, not to Indiana.
But there's a 9:00
redeye to Lisbon.
And then,
I can catch the 4:30 AM
back to Edinburgh,
connect through Houston,
head on up to Cincinnati
and then, rent a car,
drive around 90,
and I'll be home
two hours earlier
than if I flew
home as planned.
Easy breezy.
Leslie, I can't believe
I'm saying this,
but I do not think
you should leave
Europe right now.
You flew all this way.
Have some perspective.
You have some perspective.
I'm sorry.
Maybe you're right.
Maybe I'm stressed.
Okay, I need to calm down.
Let's go walk past
Colin Firth's house again.
Who is that?
Hold up.
My dad said that?
Yeah, Jean-Ralphio.
He told me that
I had screwed you
out of my business.
What?
So he was going
to screw me back.
Any idea why
he'd believe
such a thing?
That is so weird.
That is so...
Oh, you know what?
Honestly, now that
I'm thinking about it,
this may be it.
I actually told him that
Rent A Swag was my idea,
and that you had
stole it from me.
Why would you say that?
Because my dad
is always riding me
for never having a job,
and I just didn't want to show
that I blew it again.
Ooh, and I don't know
if this is relevant,
but I told him that
you made me sign up
for a bunch of credit cards,
and then maxed them out
by buying illegal white
jaguar fur coats.
That's probably not relevant.
It's probably
not relevant, though.
I guess.
No, definitely.
All this lying
about me stops now.
Mmm.
This is my life.
Please, one of you has
to tell him the truth.
Not it!
Ooh, you got me!
Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Uh-oh. Uh-oh.
Okay, fine.
You know what?
I'm going to do
the unthinkable.
I'm going to have a short,
honest conversation
with my father.
Thank you.
Oh, that's a big
cheering section.
Okay. That's Khongordzol
from Mongolia.
She grew up in a hut
that was entirely
made of ice and mud.
Then, she became their mayor,
then their police chief,
and their best
wolverine wrangler.
I love her.
Oh, hi. You must
be Leslie Knope.
Oh.
I'm Ulee Danssen.
I'm one of the honorees.
Wow. Look at your face.
What?
It's just so symmetrical.
Oh, thanks.
You know,
we all have that
in Denmark.
Oh, you're from Denmark.
Of course.
Well, what part of
Denmark are you from?
I'm from Silkeborg.
You know, it's not one
of the most perfect
places in the world.
But I love it,
and it loves me.
And look what
they've done for me.
They made
a statue of you.
Yes.
Wow. Is that goat cheese?
Good cheese eye, Leslie.
It is made out
of goat cheese.
We have a lot of it.
And after tonight's event,
they're going
to consume me
with crackers.
They just love me.
What about your town?
Well, Pawnee, Indiana,
is a wonderful town,
and I love it.
But they hate me,
and they're trying
to kick me out of office.
One time, they made
a piñata of my face.
And then, everybody
in the town came
and took turns
hitting it with a stick.
And they filled
it with broccoli just to
add insult to injury.
But politics...
You know
what I mean, right?
I don't. No.
So, you're from Mongolia?
Will you take me with you
when you go back there?
I love you.
Hmm.
Did you understand that?
Did you bring
any wolverines?
Say it again.
Aluminium.
Okay. Okay. You say it.
You say it. You say it.
It's allumilum.
Allumilum?
Okay. Uh, Eddie?
Allumilum.
Uh, if you'd like me
to talk more about
the program,
I'd be happy to, but,
Mmm-hmm?
my wife is receiving an award
in just a few minutes.
And I really need
to get over there.
Yes, of course.
The thing is,
I don't know
what I'm doing.
Me, neither.
I'm sorry?
My family has
a huge amount of money.
We live in a castle.
It has 1,000 acres of land.
Our hedge maze is so vast,
once, I got lost in there
for two days.
What? That's awesome.
It was awesome.
There was a statue
of a lion inside,
and I found a yo-yo.
Well, do you,
do you have it here?
Guys.
But the point is,
I started this foundation
in order to do something
good with our money.
I've heard hundreds
of charity pitches,
and I honestly
don't know whether
they're good or bad.
If I may.
Ours is great.
Brilliant. I'm in.
What? Are you serious?
Yeah. I like you.
I like music.
On one condition.
I want you to
stay here in London
with me for no more
than three months,
to help me get
it up and running,
and tell me what to do.
Oh, well, that,
that actually
may be tough.
I mean, my wife
is in the middle
of this recall fight.
And I really need to...
Oh, no, no, no.
No. No.
I meant Andy.
I want Andy to stay.
Is that a goose that
just flew by the window?
Oh, it's a plastic bag.
Did you see that?
Wait, did I interrupt?
What are you
guys talking about?
Let's see if it was a goose.
I think it could have been,
honest to God.
Silkeborg is wonderful.
And I am very
supported and loved.
Once, on my birthday,
the town trained
a reindeer to do
a dance for me.
It was beautiful
and the reindeer
was delicious.
Hey.
How was your meeting?
Good. I'll fill
you in later.
You ready
for your speech?
Uh, yeah. Yeah.
Thank you, Ulee.
It is so inspiring
to hear stories
of powerful women
who are held
in high esteem
by their hometowns.
Now, from the hometown
of Pawnee, Indiana,
in the United States...
Leslie Knope.
Uh, first, let me say
it is a true honor
to be here
among these
amazing women.
You all inspire me
with your accomplishments
and the things you have done
for your hometowns.
And the things
your hometowns
have done for you.
I mean,
they're just truly...
You know,
I've been a public servant
for a long time.
And you know how
I spend my days?
Cleaning slime out of rivers
and removing slugs
from people's front yards.
And I love my town,
but you know
how they repay me?
By hating me.
They hate me.
They want to recall me.
I wish I could, uh,
move to Silkeborg
and dance with a reindeer.
You're always welcome
in Silkeborg.
Olga, let's start
a statue of Leslie.
See? They like me
in Silkeborg more than
my own hometown,
and I've never
even been there.
I love Pawnee,
but sometimes, it sucks.
The people can
be very mean
and ungrateful,
and they cling to
their fried dough
and their big sodas.
And then, they get
mad at me when
their pants don't fit.
You know,
I'm sick of it.
Pawnee is filled with
a bunch of peepee-heads.
Thank you very much
for this amazing award.
I'm sorry
I said peepee-heads.
That's my boss.
That speech was
a little rough,
don't you think?
Whatever. It's how I feel.
Stupid, ungrateful town.
Plus, you said it yourself,
we're 4,000 miles away.
Hello?
Leslie, it's Jerry.
Jerry who?
Gergich.
Oh. Jerry. Jerry. Jerry,
why are you calling me?
I don't want to waste
my international minutes.
Leslie, your speech
was webcast.
Here, in Pawnee.
Everyone saw it.
What do you mean,
everyone?
I had organized
a big viewing party.
You know, to support you.
And, well, now,
that Kathryn Pinewood lady.
She's already pounced.
She's calling it
the "Peepee-Head Speech."
Bloody hell, Jerry.
So, how's London...
I just never thought
that I would get
to make this announcement.
It's a very special day.
Okay.
Hey, Donna.
So...
You're pregnant.
Oh, man.
Tom told you.
Nope.
You're drinking decaf coffee,
which you usually
only do in the afternoon.
You're wearing
an empire-waist dress
and loose shoes
'cause your feet
are already swelling.
I'd put you at nine,
maybe ten weeks?
My goodness,
you're observant.
Yes, I am.
Hmm.
When did you make
the switch
to boxer briefs?
Yesterday.
Okay, please
stop looking at him.
Why are we here?
Just thought you
needed some fresh air.
Even if that air is
filled with the foul stench
of European socialism.
You know, I know
I am supposed to feel bad
about what I said.
But I do not.
Pawnee has really been
pissing me off lately.
Leslie, for God's sake.
You're the adult here.
When your kid screams,
"I hate you,"
you don't sink to
his level and yell,
"I hate you" back.
You have to be
the grown-up.
You're right. I know.
I have to be the grown-up.
But it's so hard.
Ron. God.
And nobody
ever thanks you.
You choose
a thankless job,
you can't be upset
when nobody thanks you.
And by the way,
April thanked you.
She nominated you
for this award.
Well, April does that
all the time.
She nominated Ann
for Motocross Driver
of the Year Award,
just so she could
get a rejection letter.
April respects you.
And so do many others.
Don't start chasing
applause and acclaim.
That way lies madness.
Oh. I almost forgot.
I finally got you
a proper wedding gift.
Part one of many.
A train ticket?
You think I want
to extend my stay
on this godforsaken
continent?
Yes, you do.
If you follow that
itinerary to the letter,
I promise you,
you will not
be disappointed.
Well, I would offer
to buy you a drink,
but where the hell
would that even happen?
This is London, Ron.
There's a pub over there,
there's a pub over there,
there's a pub between
those two butcher shops.
Let's go to that one.
But we'll be stopping
in those two
butcher shops first.
Hey, Jerry.
I didn't know you
were working today.
Yeah. Ron asked me
to come in while he's away.
Of course, I had to cancel
my cardiologist appointment...
That's great.
Now, here's a piece
of information
that is interesting.
Ann is pregnant,
and it's my baby.
Oh, my God,
that's wonderful news.
Oh, there's so much
in front of you.
I mean soon, you're
going to start showing.
And then, your clothes
will feel tight.
And then, oh,
people are going
to start rubbing
your tummy all the time.
That sounds terrible.
Well, Gayle,
she got really queasy.
And I gained a lot
of sympathy weight.
Yeah. You know,
actually, before my kids,
I looked a lot
like you, Chris.
I am very sad.
Please stop talking.
Well, and, of course,
pretty soon, Ann,
your milk is going
to come in.
Oh.
That is exciting.
Mmm.
Yep, and it happens
sooner than you'd think.
The babies can sense it.
You would be shocked.
Because they
are rooting around
for that nipple.
Give it to me.
I want milk.
Life is a miracle.
Mmm. Mmm-mmm.
So,
it's kind of awesome
that the Lord Fancyface guy
wants you to stay.
Yeah, I guess.
I mean, I can't do it,
obviously.
Why?
I don't know what
I would be doing.
Besides,
this is England.
Everything is so weird.
It's all different.
Yeah. Like how they drive
on the other side
of the road?
Do they?
I'll be damned.
Yeah, like that.
That's what I'm...
Exactly what
I'm talking about.
Or, like, the Piccadilly
Circus we went to?
Not even a circus.
There's no elephants.
There is no cotton candies.
No clowns.
One bearded lady.
She got all rude
when I marveled at her.
Do you like
the Lord Fancyface guy?
Oh, he's awesome.
He's everything you
would want in a boss.
I mean...
Remote control helicopters,
talks funny.
Total package.
I think you should do it.
When are you
going to have another
opportunity like this?
Yeah, but...
Plus, we can deal
with the distance, okay?
Remember, I was in
Washington last year?
He said he wanted me
to head up the company.
I have no idea how
to run a non-profit.
Hey.
You shined shoes
for over two years
and never made a profit.
Come on.
You can hack this.
I believe in you.
But to replace you,
I am going to have to build
a scarecrow replica of you
and take it to the movies.
Seems like
the only logical solution.
My point is, Ethel, that...
Ann is pregnant.
And I'm the baby daddy.
How wonderful for you.
But, you don't seem
very excited for us.
I barely know you.
And I don't have
to talk to you unless
it's about work.
Man, I thought this
would be more satisfying.
I agree.
Wait a minute.
What time is it?
Has she landed yet?
Oh, I am so happy
for you guys.
Oh, this is the greatest day
in the history of days.
This day,
a thousand years
from now,
will be celebrated
as the beginning
of a new and
better human race.
I am so happy for you,
I'm never letting you go.
I am not going
to let you go.
Oh, oh, oh. Eventually,
she's going to have
to go back to work.
Are you sure you
should be working?
I mean, you should
be resting
and getting fluids,
and cold compresses,
and greasy foods.
That's for a hangover.
Right. Yeah. Of course.
I'm so goofed-up right now.
I am so jet-lagged.
I took a sleeping pill
on the plane,
and then
I changed my mind.
So, I took this thing
called "ZapVigil,"
which apparently is
what Israeli fighter pilots
use to stay awake, so...
Right now it looks like
I'm talking to a giant crab.
Stay away from me, crab.
I'm just kidding.
I know it's Ann.
We are so glad
you're back.
We talked to,
like, 50 people,
and frankly,
not one of them
gave us the reaction that
we were hoping for.
And your reaction,
from someone
we love so much,
I mean, it just
makes up for
all the other ones.
Oh.
Anyway, welcome home.
Don't pinch me.
Thank you all for coming.
And let me just say
how truly,
deeply trill it is
to be standing in this
dope-ass conference room
and addressing
a group of people in
a business meeting.
It's really a dream come true.
Uh, right now I want
to turn the floor over
to Jean-Ralphio,
who has something to say.
Tom. Lawyer guy. Daddy.
Tom did not screw me
out of the company.
He gave me every
opportunity to jump in
at the ground floor,
and I said no.
Not because I thought
it was a bad idea,
but because,
and this is very important,
I really didn't care
about what was happening.
So, why exactly did
you lie when I asked you
what had happened?
Daddy. Daddy. Come on.
I lie to you all the time.
All those math camps
I said I went to?
I don't even know
what a math camp is.
So, all those postcards
that you sent me,
all those trophies
that you'd won...
Trophies I bought
I also have
something to say.
I have done nothing wrong.
Ever, in my life.
I know this.
And I love you.
I love you, too, Daddy.
Money, please.
My money.
Dr. Saperstein.
Your son
is my best friend.
Yeah.
He's like a brother to me.
But he's a disaster.
And your daughter
seriously needs to be
locked up in some
sort of insane asylum.
Mmm.
On an island.
Ooh.
In space.
Calling home.
These two have been huge
disappointments to me.
Come on. You love us.
Tell me you love us,
and then, admit
this guy looks like Beaker
from the Muppets.
Dad.
But seriously,
what are we doing here?
What are
we doing here, Dad?
Why are we here?
So.
Now, you know the truth.
Will you back off?
No, I will not stop.
Yes, this all started
as vengeance
for my children.
But the company
is making money now.
Why would I back off
just because these
nincompoops lie
to me all the time?
Mmm-hmm.
Nope. I'm not going
to back off.
I'm going to continue,
and I'm going to crush you.
All right. You two.
Are you in for
dinner tomorrow night?
Yes!
Yes, Daddy.
Blow me a kiss.
Muah.
Caught it.
I love you, Daddy!
I love you, too.
Hey, are you gonna be okay
with Andy gone?
Yeah, it will be fine.
Are you gonna be okay
with Ben still here?
April.
What? I don't trust him.
I never have.
He's after your money.
Hey, Gretel. Hello.
It's me, City Councilwoman
Leslie Knope.
And me, Odie the dog,
Garfield's enemy.
Now, we have
some great news.
We were in London,
and we met a wonderful
woman from Mongolia.
Yeah. Her name
was Khongordzol,
and I love her more than
anything in the world.
Khongordzol and Odie,
here, were emailing.
And she recommended
a very humane way
to get rid of slugs.
You sprinkle
coffee grounds on
the affected area,
and it drives
the slugs away.
Isn't that great?
I didn't want
all the slugs gone.
I wanted most of them gone.
So sorry. Well,
we'll put one slug back.
Either way,
your problem is solved.
Oh, my God.
That lady is the worst.
She didn't even say
thank you.
That's not why we do this,
April. We do it
because it's good
and it helps people.
Not to get the applause.
Yeah, but doesn't
that bum you out?
Well, sure, it would be
nice if just one person
appreciated my work.
At all.
But that's the job.
Wiping slime
and shoveling slugs.
All right.
On to the next complaint.
Where the hell are
you sending me, Knope?
Morning, cutie.
Morning, Jessica.
Whoa!
These were a gift
from your British friend,
Lord Edgar Covington.
He was very impressed
with you two.
He sounded rich
on the phone.
I think he was calling me
from a helicopter.
Could be.
He owns two.
Oh.
So, Andy is going
to stay there
for three months.
I hope he's okay.
He sent me an email
this morning.
I guess he got
on the wrong train
on the way to work
and got lost.
Yeah, this isn't right.
None of this looks familiar.
Eddie?
Uh-oh.
SpaghettiOs...
Oh, don't worry.
I'm sure he'll adjust.
No. I named that dog
"SpaghettiOs,"
and he just pooped
in your briefcase.
Okay.
Come on, Sugarbutt.
Oh. Which one's Sugarbutt?
That's you. Come on.
We've got a board meeting.
Sugarbutt.
Wildly inappropriate.
You think there's any chance
your dad will give up?
I doubt it. He never
gives up on anything.
Except for my mom.
When she turned 30,
he was like, "Get out."
Maybe I should
just throw in the towel.
Your dad will destroy me.
I'll be left with nothing.
I thought I was
a better-looking version
of Zuckerberg.
It turns out
I'm the better-looking
version of
the Winklevoss twins.
First of all,
unbelievable analogy.
Second of all,
what are you
talking about, man?
You're Tommy Haverford.
You're an idea man.
When Babyface was your age,
he hadn't even signed
Toni Braxton yet.
Let alone Usher.
You're right. I mean,
I'm basically Babyface.
You're basically Babyface.
Okay. I'm going
to keep going
and I'm going
to beat your dad.
That's what
I'm talking about.
And for me,
it's a win-win either way.
Either my best friend
emerges triumphant,
or my dad beats you
and I get all that money
when he dies.
I'm actually getting dinner
with my dad right now.
You want to come?
No.
I mean, this is
all pretty overwhelming,
you know?
You know what I just read?
That right now,
our baby is the size
of a green olive.
Isn't that wild?
It is.
A green olive.
A little high in sodium.
I would have
preferred a chick pea
or a cherry tomato.
Our baby's not a salad.
Yes. Right.
It's just weird.
You know? I mean,
for so long,
this little green olive
was just our thing.
And now,
it's everyone's thing.
Every time
Jerry looks at me,
he's thinking about
the milk in my boobs.
It's still just our thing.
It will always be
just our thing.
That's why it's so wonderful,
and why we'll love it so much.
You know, Olive is kind
of a cute name.
If it's a girl.
I prefer Chick Pea.
Because it's lower
in sodium?
Yes, exactly.
Okay.
Hey.
Are you leaving?
I just have to
get a jump start
on my next phase.
Let's see.
It is "48-Hour
Roadkill Scrape-a-thon."
Oh, brother.
Okay, well, before you go,
I have something for you.
I feel like you're getting
sad about how stupid
and lame people are.
And that is my job,
not yours.
So, I'm going to read
this letter to you out loud.
But if you
hug me afterwards,
I swear to God,
I'll scream
and pull my hair out
and maybe punch
you in the face.
Okay?
Okay.
Please sit.
"Dear Award
Committee Members."
Leslie. I didn't
even start.
Okay, I'm sorry.
Go ahead.
"Dear Award
Committee Members.
"Where I live,
there are a lot
of apathetic people.
"People who don't care
at all about what they do,
or how they do it.
"They let the world
wash over them,
"and barely notice
anyone else is even there.
"Leslie Knope is not
one of these people.
"She cares about
everything and everyone
in our town.
"I don't know
how she does it.
"People come to her
with the pettiest,
"stupidest problems.
And she cares, like,
"really, actually cares
what happens to them.
"And if you're lucky
enough to be her friend,
"your life gets
better every day.
"She spends every
waking moment
"thinking of new ways
to make her friends happy.
"There is something wonderful
about seeing someone
who has found
"her true purpose on Earth.
"For some people,
I guess
that's being an astronaut
"or a hot dog
eating champion.
"For Leslie,
her true purpose
on Earth,
"her true meaning
is making
people's lives better.
"That's what I love about her
and that's why
she deserves this award.
"Sincerely, Satan."
You're getting
hugged right now.
No. I told you not to.
I'm giving you a hug.
No. Stay away. No.
All my life,
I have avoided Europe
and its multitudes
of terribleness.
But it turns out,
much to my surprise,
there is actually
one place in Europe
that is worth seeing.
These tiny islands off
the coast of Scotland,
where God's chosen
elixirs are distilled,
barreled, and prepared
for consumption.
This is worth the trip.
"Dear Ron. You have
now reached the cliff sides
overlooking the islands.
"As you sit here
and gaze upon the waters,
"please read out loud the poem
by the great Scotsman,
Robert Burns.
"Love, Leslie."
"O were my love
yon lilac fair
"With purple blossoms
to the spring
"And I a bird
to shelter there
"When wearied
on my little wing
"How I would mourn
when it was torn
"By autumn wild
and winter rude
"But I would sing
on wanton wing
"When youthful May
its bloom renewed"
I don't know what she thought
I'd get out of that.
Nice to be home.
It is. But, I mean,
I love Pawnee.
I will always love Pawnee.
But London is amazing.
And Silkeborg
sounds amazing.
And Mongolia
sounds amazing.
Their mayor is a professional
wolverine wrangler.
Fine, Mongolia
sounds terrifying.
But the world is
a very big place,
and I've seen
very little of it.
Maybe we should travel more,
expand our horizons.
You know, I've had
the same kinds of thoughts.
We should keep
that in mind.
See where it leads us.
Yeah.
There's one more thing
I want to try.
Hmm.
I got you something
in London.
A traditional barrister's wig.
Oh.
Wear it for me.
Yeah?
Mmm-hmm.
All right.
What's up?
No. Not sexy.
Failed experiment.
Take it off.
Okay, just... Okay.
Just take it off. No.