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Okay, here's

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the text for your speech.

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I added a few more jokes

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slamming Eagleton at the end.

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Mmm. That's the sexiest thing

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you've ever said to me.

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So glad

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you're on my team.

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Are you sure you

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want to attack them

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at this press conference?

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It's a friendly wager

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on a high school

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basketball game.

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I'm losing

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the recall election, Ben.

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Slamming Eagleton is

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the easiest way to

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score some points.

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Look. Am I proud of it?

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Yes, because Eagleton sucks.

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But is it the classiest move?

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Yes, because Eagleton sucks.

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Would I do it again?

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00:00:28,070 --> 00:00:30,470
Yes, because Eagleton sucks.

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This year, we get to host

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the Pawnee-Eagleton

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Tip-Off Classic.

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That awful human

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00:00:34,510 --> 00:00:37,510
being is Ingrid De Forest.

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She's a city

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councilor from Eagleton.

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She thinks she's

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so great because

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she won the Miss

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Indiana beauty pageant.

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Last year,

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00:00:43,690 --> 00:00:46,180
while she was in office.

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00:00:46,320 --> 00:00:47,790
And pregnant.

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As always,

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00:00:47,890 --> 00:00:49,450
we would like to make

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a friendly

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00:00:49,530 --> 00:00:51,050
wager with Eagleton.

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If you beat us this year,

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we will give you

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a basket of apples

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from our Pawnee orchard.

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Ew, pesticide.

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Yuck!

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00:00:58,270 --> 00:01:00,000
Oh, no, these are

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pesticide-free.

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I ate one of these for

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breakfast this morning,

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00:01:01,610 --> 00:01:03,230
and I found

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a worm in it.

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00:01:03,310 --> 00:01:04,470
So...

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00:01:04,540 --> 00:01:06,530
I bet somebody feels

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pretty stupid right now.

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00:01:06,610 --> 00:01:09,780
Well, Leslie, I think

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we had similar ideas.

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If you win,

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Eagleton will give you

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this basket of oranges.

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Of course,

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it's silly to compare

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apples and oranges,

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but what the heck.

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These are made of

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Swarovski Crystal

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and they're worth

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$700,000.

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Leslie, you're down

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15 points

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in the latest poll

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for the recall election.

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What can you do to

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make up the deficit?

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I'll tell you what I'd do

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if I was an Eagletonian.

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I'd pop a Xanax and ask my

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butler to help me out.

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I mean, I'm not saying that

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Eagletonians are out of touch,

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but when you

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tell them it's time

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to change their oil,

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they ask "Extra

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virgin or white truffle?"

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Thanks, guys.

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I'll see you at the game.

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Unless, of course,

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you're an Eagletonian.

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And then,

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you'll be too busy polishing

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your monocle at

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the caviar store.

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Knope out.

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Who or what is

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Pennysaver?

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00:02:19,850 --> 00:02:21,880
It's a free circular

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with a bunch of coupons in it.

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This was sent to Ron Swanson

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at Diane's address...

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...where I've lived

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for less than a month.

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How is that possible?

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This is an extreme

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invasion of privacy.

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The right to privacy

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is very important to me.

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My family has had

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a single P.O. box

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for several generations.

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We only ever subscribed

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to two magazines.

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Reader's Digest

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and Ebony.

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Ebony was due to

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a clerical error,

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but it ended up being an

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interesting year of reading.

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I don't know how this was

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delivered to me,

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but it cannot happen again.

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How can I stop it?

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Mmm. Donna is great

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with this sort of thing.

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She got me off the

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Williams-Sonoma mailing list.

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But then, I just

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signed back up again.

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I'm hooked on

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their oven mitts.

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I need my mitts

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on those mitts.

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Let me know

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the second Donna returns.

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According to her

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Twitter feed,

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she got coffee

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five minutes ago.

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Wait, now she's

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Ustreaming her walk back.

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She should be here

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in three, two, one.

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Hey, hey!

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#QuestForCoffee,

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blowing up my timeline.

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Did you get my

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Snapchat about it?

151
00:03:20,210 --> 00:03:21,940
No.

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What?

153
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There it is.

154
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:28,840
Hey, you wanted

155
00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:28,840
to see me?

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00:03:27,320 --> 00:03:28,840
I did. Think fast!

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Oh, my God.

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Hey, Dr. Buttons.

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I mean,

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my old calculator.

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00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:36,630
It doesn't have a name.

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00:03:34,730 --> 00:03:36,630
Why did you throw this at me?

163
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I just got off the phone

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with our old boss

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from Indianapolis.

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And apparently, there may be

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some sort of a budget

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problem in Eagleton.

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He asked if maybe you and I

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wouldn't have a look.

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You in?

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00:03:48,210 --> 00:03:51,800
Butch Count-sidy

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and the Sum-dance Kid,

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together again?

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00:03:55,480 --> 00:03:56,710
Hmm.

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Auditing Bros.

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00:03:58,180 --> 00:04:00,980
Yeah. And Auditing Sista.

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Let's do this.

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Oh, you're coming.

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If there's

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a problem with Eagleton,

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I want to be there.

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That's like

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a dream come true.

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Besides, I have a new

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routine I'm working on.

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Kind of like a Jeff

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Foxworthy type thing,

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but about Eagleton.

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If you make your omelet

191
00:04:11,630 --> 00:04:14,760
out of Fabergé eggs,

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you just might be

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an Eagletonian.

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Might be

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an Eagletonian.

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Yippee! Road trip.

197
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,800
Who's excited to go

198
00:04:20,440 --> 00:04:21,800
to Bloomington?

199
00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,640
Is that where

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00:04:21,870 --> 00:04:23,640
you're going to sit?

201
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:25,540
I'm driving.

202
00:04:23,710 --> 00:04:25,540
Where else would I sit?

203
00:04:25,610 --> 00:04:26,740
Trunk.

204
00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:28,610
I helped April

205
00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:28,610
get into vet school

206
00:04:26,810 --> 00:04:28,610
in Bloomington.

207
00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,050
And today is

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00:04:28,680 --> 00:04:30,050
her orientation,

209
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:31,510
so we're taking

210
00:04:30,110 --> 00:04:31,510
a little road trip.

211
00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:34,510
While I'm there,

212
00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:34,510
I'm also going to pick up

213
00:04:31,950 --> 00:04:34,510
an organic baby blanket.

214
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,950
I would get one in Pawnee,

215
00:04:34,650 --> 00:04:36,950
but, fun fact,

216
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:40,460
our only baby

217
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:40,460
store is attached to

218
00:04:37,020 --> 00:04:40,460
a chemical refinery.

219
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,390
I made a special

220
00:04:40,520 --> 00:04:43,390
road trip mix CD for us.

221
00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:44,620
I hope you like

222
00:04:43,460 --> 00:04:44,620
Tori Amos.

223
00:04:44,700 --> 00:04:45,790
Oh, cool.

224
00:04:49,730 --> 00:04:52,760
It really is

225
00:04:49,730 --> 00:04:52,760
a pleasure to see you

226
00:04:49,730 --> 00:04:52,760
in this context, Ingrid.

227
00:04:53,040 --> 00:04:55,010
Say cheese.

228
00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:56,870
Damn it, you look beautiful.

229
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:58,310
Could you give us

230
00:04:56,940 --> 00:04:58,310
a little more information

231
00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,170
surrounding the deficits

232
00:04:58,380 --> 00:05:00,170
that you're running this year?

233
00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:01,710
Ooh, gosh.

234
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:05,270
We don't really like

235
00:05:01,780 --> 00:05:05,270
to talk about money.

236
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,180
We find it

237
00:05:05,480 --> 00:05:07,180
a little gauche.

238
00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:08,880
This is

239
00:05:07,250 --> 00:05:08,880
a budget meeting.

240
00:05:08,950 --> 00:05:10,580
Well, most of our files

241
00:05:08,950 --> 00:05:10,580
are in these boxes,

242
00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:12,520
if you really want

243
00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:12,520
to take a look at

244
00:05:10,650 --> 00:05:12,520
how much money...

245
00:05:12,590 --> 00:05:13,580
...that we've spent.

246
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,460
Why don't we

247
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,460
just dig in and see

248
00:05:13,660 --> 00:05:15,460
what we're up against?

249
00:05:15,530 --> 00:05:17,720
Yes. And thank you.

250
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,630
We really appreciate

251
00:05:17,800 --> 00:05:19,630
your help.

252
00:05:20,060 --> 00:05:22,000
Are you tipping me?

253
00:05:22,070 --> 00:05:24,260
Is that a hundred... Euros?

254
00:05:25,270 --> 00:05:27,640
People ought to have

255
00:05:25,270 --> 00:05:27,640
the right to be left alone.

256
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:30,070
I want to get

257
00:05:28,010 --> 00:05:30,070
completely off the grid.

258
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:32,980
That's crazy talk.

259
00:05:30,140 --> 00:05:32,980
I live for the grid.

260
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,880
It's where I meet

261
00:05:33,040 --> 00:05:34,880
40% of my jump-offs.

262
00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:36,210
And if you're

263
00:05:34,950 --> 00:05:36,210
off the grid,

264
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,810
how are you gonna post

265
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,810
photos of the dope food

266
00:05:36,280 --> 00:05:38,810
at restaurants you're at,

267
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,220
and all the cool

268
00:05:38,880 --> 00:05:40,220
places you're stunting in?

269
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:44,090
Food is for eating.

270
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:44,090
Places are for being.

271
00:05:40,280 --> 00:05:44,090
End of discussion.

272
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,750
Don't leave the grid, Ron.

273
00:05:44,160 --> 00:05:45,750
The grid is the best.

274
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:48,450
If anything, you need

275
00:05:45,820 --> 00:05:48,450
to get more on the grid.

276
00:05:48,660 --> 00:05:51,090
Grid. Grid. Grid.

277
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,720
If you help me

278
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:52,720
get off the grid,

279
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,230
I will let both of

280
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:54,230
you go home early.

281
00:05:55,070 --> 00:05:56,900
No grid. No grid.

282
00:05:56,970 --> 00:05:58,460
No grid. No grid.

283
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,760
All right.

284
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,760
So, you have everything

285
00:05:59,240 --> 00:06:01,760
you need for orientation?

286
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,970
Yeah. An empty

287
00:06:01,840 --> 00:06:03,970
Sprite can,

288
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,910
an old man's fingernail

289
00:06:04,040 --> 00:06:05,910
in my pocket,

290
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:09,240
and a picture of Patrick Ewing

291
00:06:05,980 --> 00:06:09,240
on a roller coaster.

292
00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:10,910
I'm all set.

293
00:06:09,310 --> 00:06:10,910
Great.

294
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:14,380
Hi. My friend here is

295
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:14,380
enrolling in the vet school

296
00:06:11,180 --> 00:06:14,380
next month,

297
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,010
and she would like

298
00:06:14,450 --> 00:06:16,010
to be shown around.

299
00:06:16,090 --> 00:06:17,920
Totally. Happy to.

300
00:06:16,090 --> 00:06:17,920
I'm Laura.

301
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:20,120
I'm April Ludgate

302
00:06:17,990 --> 00:06:20,120
Kevorkian.

303
00:06:20,260 --> 00:06:21,690
So, you go with Laura,

304
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,920
who seems really nice

305
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,920
and does not deserve

306
00:06:21,760 --> 00:06:23,920
to be tortured,

307
00:06:23,990 --> 00:06:25,520
and I will come

308
00:06:23,990 --> 00:06:25,520
meet up with you

309
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,290
after I finish

310
00:06:25,600 --> 00:06:27,290
at the baby store.

311
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,960
You sure you want to

312
00:06:27,360 --> 00:06:28,960
leave me here with her?

313
00:06:29,030 --> 00:06:30,230
What if I'm a murderer?

314
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,240
What?

315
00:06:30,300 --> 00:06:32,240
Funny.

316
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,870
This is worse than I

317
00:06:32,900 --> 00:06:34,870
could have imagined.

318
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:37,540
Their debt-to-equity

319
00:06:35,140 --> 00:06:37,540
ratio is ridonkulous.

320
00:06:37,610 --> 00:06:39,170
What a hilarious word.

321
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,470
It reminds me of

322
00:06:39,240 --> 00:06:41,470
a ridiculous donkey.

323
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,040
He's the best.

324
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,040
What does this mean

325
00:06:41,550 --> 00:06:43,040
for them?

326
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,940
They were in financial trouble

327
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,940
a few years ago

328
00:06:43,480 --> 00:06:46,940
like Pawnee was.

329
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,350
But their government

330
00:06:47,020 --> 00:06:49,350
just kept borrowing money.

331
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:53,680
Eagleton is on the brink of

332
00:06:50,020 --> 00:06:53,680
an epic financial disaster.

333
00:06:53,890 --> 00:06:55,220
Ah.

334
00:06:57,030 --> 00:06:58,790
Now, that is the sexiest thing

335
00:06:57,030 --> 00:06:58,790
you've ever said to me.

336
00:06:58,900 --> 00:06:59,990
Really? That?

337
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:02,190
This is going to hand

338
00:07:00,060 --> 00:07:02,190
me the recall election.

339
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:03,890
I saved Pawnee

340
00:07:02,330 --> 00:07:03,890
from bankruptcy.

341
00:07:03,970 --> 00:07:05,730
Now, I get to remind

342
00:07:03,970 --> 00:07:05,730
people of that fact

343
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,430
as we watch our

344
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,430
worst enemy collapse

345
00:07:05,800 --> 00:07:09,430
into bankruptcy.

346
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,900
Plus, guess what I get to do

347
00:07:09,810 --> 00:07:11,900
after the game now?

348
00:07:11,980 --> 00:07:13,000
You pretend you're Ingrid.

349
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,810
Let's pretend this box

350
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,810
is the basket of apples

351
00:07:13,080 --> 00:07:15,810
I bet them on the game.

352
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,040
I see where

353
00:07:15,880 --> 00:07:17,040
you're going with this.

354
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:19,020
No, you don't.

355
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:19,020
Yeah, you're going to

356
00:07:17,110 --> 00:07:19,020
ask me if I like apples.

357
00:07:19,080 --> 00:07:20,070
Do you like apples?

358
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:21,410
We just watched this

359
00:07:20,150 --> 00:07:21,410
movie two nights ago.

360
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:22,650
Do you like apples?

361
00:07:21,490 --> 00:07:22,650
I don't want to do this.

362
00:07:22,720 --> 00:07:24,660
How 'bout them apples?

363
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,390
Paul, if you ever see

364
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,390
another one of these

365
00:07:27,520 --> 00:07:30,390
with my name on it,

366
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:32,590
I want you to

367
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:32,590
drive into the woods

368
00:07:30,460 --> 00:07:32,590
and bury it.

369
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,430
I don't decide

370
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,430
who gets mail, sir.

371
00:07:32,660 --> 00:07:35,430
I just deliver it.

372
00:07:35,500 --> 00:07:37,020
Passing the buck.

373
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,090
The last refuge

374
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,090
of the cowardly

375
00:07:37,100 --> 00:07:40,090
and black-hearted.

376
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,170
That seems harsh.

377
00:07:40,200 --> 00:07:42,170
Get out.

378
00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:46,410
We got rid of your cell phone.

379
00:07:42,510 --> 00:07:46,410
This is your last credit card.

380
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,910
Are you sure you want me

381
00:07:46,480 --> 00:07:48,910
to cut up this card?

382
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,410
It gets you into

383
00:07:48,980 --> 00:07:50,410
the parking garage.

384
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,470
I'll be taking the bus now,

385
00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,470
and I'll be paying in cash.

386
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:57,550
What other traces of

387
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:57,550
me exist in the world?

388
00:07:53,880 --> 00:07:57,550
Think, people.

389
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,580
Isn't there a photo of you

390
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,580
up at JJ's Diner from

391
00:07:57,960 --> 00:08:00,580
that time when you...

392
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:02,320
Ow!

393
00:08:00,660 --> 00:08:02,320
Come on, Tom!

394
00:08:02,960 --> 00:08:04,900
This place is unbelievable.

395
00:08:04,960 --> 00:08:06,330
It has everything I need.

396
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,030
Video monitors,

397
00:08:06,400 --> 00:08:09,030
lead-free pacifiers.

398
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,400
These are the first

399
00:08:09,600 --> 00:08:11,400
bibs I've ever seen

400
00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:13,460
without Dale

401
00:08:11,470 --> 00:08:13,460
Earnhardt Jr.'s face on them.

402
00:08:13,540 --> 00:08:14,730
Really?

403
00:08:15,970 --> 00:08:17,940
April? Excuse me. Sorry.

404
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,700
April, why aren't

405
00:08:18,540 --> 00:08:20,700
you at orientation?

406
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:23,650
Um, I was at orientation.

407
00:08:20,780 --> 00:08:23,650
But it was lame, so I left.

408
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:25,770
And then, I kept walking.

409
00:08:23,710 --> 00:08:25,770
And now, here I am.

410
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:28,150
We are going back

411
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:28,150
there right now,

412
00:08:25,850 --> 00:08:28,150
young lady.

413
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:29,620
Mmm-mmm.

414
00:08:28,220 --> 00:08:29,620
Come on.

415
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:31,620
God. Get off me,

416
00:08:29,890 --> 00:08:31,620
stranger.

417
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,190
I'm so sorry we're late.

418
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,190
We came from our

419
00:08:31,920 --> 00:08:35,190
bankruptcy brunch.

420
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:37,630
And Michael Bublé played,

421
00:08:35,260 --> 00:08:37,630
but he ran a little long.

422
00:08:37,700 --> 00:08:39,160
I love Michael Bublé.

423
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:40,960
Was a bankruptcy

424
00:08:39,230 --> 00:08:40,960
brunch the best idea?

425
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:43,800
Sure, let's not have brunch.

426
00:08:41,030 --> 00:08:43,800
Like animals.

427
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,900
Well, um, some of these

428
00:08:44,200 --> 00:08:47,900
expenditures are questionable.

429
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,900
Mmm.

430
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,900
You filled the public pools

431
00:08:48,310 --> 00:08:50,900
with bottled water?

432
00:08:51,110 --> 00:08:52,440
Total body hydration.

433
00:08:52,510 --> 00:08:53,700
What is this here,

434
00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:56,040
this massive expenditure

435
00:08:53,780 --> 00:08:56,040
from Public Works?

436
00:08:56,710 --> 00:08:58,550
Ah, yes. Well, yes.

437
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,310
We purchased HBO

438
00:08:58,620 --> 00:09:00,310
for the whole town.

439
00:09:01,520 --> 00:09:02,540
I'm sorry.

440
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:04,680
You spent government money

441
00:09:02,620 --> 00:09:04,680
on a TV subscription?

442
00:09:05,190 --> 00:09:06,660
It's not TV.

443
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:09,090
All right. Uh,

444
00:09:07,290 --> 00:09:09,090
Leslie has put together

445
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,030
a presentation for

446
00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:11,030
a financial recovery.

447
00:09:11,100 --> 00:09:12,090
Great.

448
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,290
I think you may find

449
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:13,290
it very informative.

450
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,990
Let's get started

451
00:09:13,360 --> 00:09:14,990
with our first slide.

452
00:09:15,900 --> 00:09:18,100
"Well, well, well..."

453
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:25,880
JJ, a few months ago,

454
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:25,880
I came in here

455
00:09:21,510 --> 00:09:25,880
and began eating eggs.

456
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,870
They were delicious,

457
00:09:26,140 --> 00:09:27,870
so I ordered more.

458
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,710
Before long,

459
00:09:27,950 --> 00:09:29,710
I believe I had eaten...

460
00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,720
Fifty-one eggs

461
00:09:29,780 --> 00:09:31,720
in 20 minutes.

462
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,180
Couldn't cook

463
00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:33,180
them fast enough.

464
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:34,650
The last 10 were

465
00:09:33,250 --> 00:09:34,650
still in the shell.

466
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,690
It was a JJ's Diner record,

467
00:09:34,720 --> 00:09:37,690
and you took his picture.

468
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:40,660
Now, we need that picture

469
00:09:37,820 --> 00:09:40,660
for privacy reasons.

470
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,160
Okay. But I don't know how

471
00:09:40,720 --> 00:09:44,160
anybody would know it's you.

472
00:09:44,760 --> 00:09:46,630
We followed your instructions.

473
00:09:48,130 --> 00:09:50,260
That's too much information.

474
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,130
Let's go.

475
00:09:51,340 --> 00:09:53,130
Where are we going now?

476
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,260
I've eaten a lot of food

477
00:09:53,200 --> 00:09:56,260
in a lot of restaurants.

478
00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:59,840
Why is everyone

479
00:09:57,210 --> 00:09:59,840
else so bad at eating?

480
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,910
I only agreed

481
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,910
to come back here

482
00:10:00,780 --> 00:10:02,910
because of our deal.

483
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:04,970
Do you promise

484
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:04,970
to play along?

485
00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:04,970
Yes.

486
00:10:05,050 --> 00:10:06,240
Do you?

487
00:10:05,050 --> 00:10:06,240
Yes.

488
00:10:06,350 --> 00:10:07,580
Hi, you're back.

489
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:10,350
Hello again.

490
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:10,350
As you remember,

491
00:10:07,650 --> 00:10:10,350
I'm April,

492
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:13,480
and this is Ann,

493
00:10:10,420 --> 00:10:13,480
my 65-year-old grandmother.

494
00:10:13,590 --> 00:10:15,060
Yes, that's who I am.

495
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:16,920
Anyway, we'd love

496
00:10:15,130 --> 00:10:16,920
to hear about Bloomington.

497
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:19,690
It seems like a real

498
00:10:16,990 --> 00:10:19,690
hip kind of college town.

499
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,700
Mee-Maw. God. No one uses

500
00:10:19,760 --> 00:10:22,700
the word "hip" anymore.

501
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,320
Sometimes,

502
00:10:22,830 --> 00:10:24,320
I wish you went down

503
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,460
on the Titanic with all

504
00:10:24,400 --> 00:10:26,460
your sorority sisters.

505
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,670
I would be happy

506
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,670
to show you guys

507
00:10:26,540 --> 00:10:28,670
around the campus.

508
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,730
Is there

509
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,730
anything in particular

510
00:10:28,740 --> 00:10:30,730
that you want to see?

511
00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:33,040
How are your

512
00:10:30,810 --> 00:10:33,040
local graveyards?

513
00:10:33,110 --> 00:10:35,200
I have some planning to do.

514
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:38,240
"You blew it.

515
00:10:36,150 --> 00:10:38,240
Super hard.

516
00:10:38,880 --> 00:10:40,440
"Complete buffoonery.

517
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,120
"It's hilarious,"

518
00:10:40,720 --> 00:10:43,120
and "You deserve it."

519
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,410
You think you might

520
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,410
want to take it easy

521
00:10:43,320 --> 00:10:45,410
on them a little bit?

522
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:48,650
Oh, like they took it

523
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:48,650
easy on us when they

524
00:10:45,490 --> 00:10:48,650
stole all our money

525
00:10:48,730 --> 00:10:49,820
and seceded from our town?

526
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:52,190
That was 200 years ago.

527
00:10:49,890 --> 00:10:52,190
Cool it.

528
00:10:52,300 --> 00:10:53,860
Fine. I'll skip ahead.

529
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,530
Do you have a plan

530
00:10:54,360 --> 00:10:56,530
that will help us or not?

531
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,070
We have borrowed

532
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,070
absolutely everything

533
00:10:56,600 --> 00:10:59,070
we can from the state.

534
00:10:59,140 --> 00:11:00,400
And really...

535
00:11:00,670 --> 00:11:01,800
Pawnee is our only hope.

536
00:11:01,870 --> 00:11:03,000
We do have a plan.

537
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:07,670
We are willing to

538
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:07,670
provide a bridge loan

539
00:11:03,070 --> 00:11:07,670
for $50,000.

540
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,180
25% interest,

541
00:11:07,780 --> 00:11:10,180
compounded monthly.

542
00:11:10,510 --> 00:11:12,010
And you need to release

543
00:11:10,510 --> 00:11:12,010
a statement that says

544
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,910
that Pawnee rules

545
00:11:12,080 --> 00:11:13,910
and Eagleton drools.

546
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,850
Well, now, you're

547
00:11:13,980 --> 00:11:15,850
just being nasty.

548
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,750
I understand

549
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,750
that our towns have

550
00:11:15,920 --> 00:11:18,750
a complicated history, but...

551
00:11:19,860 --> 00:11:21,450
We have a saying in Eagleton.

552
00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:24,860
"You don't kick

553
00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:24,860
a dressage horse

554
00:11:21,990 --> 00:11:24,860
after a failed pas de deux."

555
00:11:25,530 --> 00:11:26,520
Whatever, blondie.

556
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,330
Your butler made your bed,

557
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,330
and now you've got to

558
00:11:26,600 --> 00:11:28,330
lie in it.

559
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:29,830
And if you walk out

560
00:11:28,400 --> 00:11:29,830
that door,

561
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,230
none of us here,

562
00:11:29,900 --> 00:11:32,230
and I repeat, none of us

563
00:11:32,300 --> 00:11:34,290
will ever help you again.

564
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,970
Oh, my God.

565
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,970
They have Michael

566
00:11:34,510 --> 00:11:36,970
Bublé on retainer.

567
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,570
Okay, all public

568
00:11:38,080 --> 00:11:40,570
photos of me recovered,

569
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,240
name plate removed

570
00:11:40,640 --> 00:11:43,240
from my office door,

571
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:47,410
pediatrician files

572
00:11:43,310 --> 00:11:47,410
confiscated and destroyed.

573
00:11:47,820 --> 00:11:48,810
Anything I'm missing?

574
00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:51,220
Great news, Ron.

575
00:11:48,890 --> 00:11:51,220
Jean-Ralphio loves your shirt.

576
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:52,880
What the hell are

577
00:11:51,660 --> 00:11:52,880
you talking about?

578
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,520
Oh, I've been taking

579
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,520
pictures of you all day

580
00:11:52,960 --> 00:11:55,520
for my new Facebook album.

581
00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:58,060
"Ron Swan:

582
00:11:55,830 --> 00:11:58,060
Getting off the Grid."

583
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,900
Tom.

584
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,900
Do you maybe see a problem

585
00:11:59,000 --> 00:12:02,900
with what you've done?

586
00:12:06,200 --> 00:12:08,100
I do now. Yes. Sorry.

587
00:12:09,270 --> 00:12:10,500
Erase.

588
00:12:11,540 --> 00:12:14,010
Erase. Erase.

589
00:12:14,080 --> 00:12:16,340
Erase all pictures of Ron!

590
00:12:16,410 --> 00:12:18,470
Erase all pictures of Ron!

591
00:12:19,680 --> 00:12:22,310
Erase all pictures of Ron!

592
00:12:22,390 --> 00:12:23,850
What the hell is happening?

593
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,720
I think you

594
00:12:23,920 --> 00:12:25,720
accidentally opened up Vine.

595
00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:27,760
You just vined your

596
00:12:25,790 --> 00:12:27,760
first selfie, Ron.

597
00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:29,790
And I'm vining you

598
00:12:27,820 --> 00:12:29,790
vining your selfie.

599
00:12:29,860 --> 00:12:31,850
The world is a nightmare.

600
00:12:32,660 --> 00:12:34,330
Erase all pictures of Ron!

601
00:12:35,570 --> 00:12:36,800
Wait, wait, wait.

602
00:12:36,930 --> 00:12:38,160
Erase all pictures of Ron!

603
00:12:38,840 --> 00:12:41,100
Erase all pictures of Ron!

604
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:44,180
The B-Line is

605
00:12:42,210 --> 00:12:44,180
a cool outdoor trail

606
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,570
that cuts right

607
00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:45,570
through downtown.

608
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:48,680
She said the B-Line

609
00:12:45,810 --> 00:12:48,680
is cool, Mee-Maw.

610
00:12:48,750 --> 00:12:49,840
"Cool" means good.

611
00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:52,340
Thank you, Laura,

612
00:12:50,210 --> 00:12:52,340
for showing us around.

613
00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:54,750
Sure. See you in

614
00:12:52,420 --> 00:12:54,750
a couple weeks, April.

615
00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,990
See? This place is great.

616
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,720
Aren't you glad we came back

617
00:12:58,060 --> 00:12:59,720
and talked to her?

618
00:12:59,790 --> 00:13:02,420
No. It was pointless.

619
00:12:59,790 --> 00:13:02,420
I'm not going to school here.

620
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,550
April,

621
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,550
don't flake out on this.

622
00:13:02,490 --> 00:13:05,550
You're going to love it here.

623
00:13:05,630 --> 00:13:06,860
Bloomington is great.

624
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:10,300
It's got culture and music

625
00:13:06,930 --> 00:13:10,300
and tons of youngsters.

626
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:13,100
"Youngsters"?

627
00:13:10,370 --> 00:13:13,100
Am I 65 years old?

628
00:13:13,300 --> 00:13:14,970
Yeah, I'm not going here.

629
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,530
I don't want to.

630
00:13:15,040 --> 00:13:16,530
Let's leave.

631
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,880
Think fast!

632
00:13:20,080 --> 00:13:21,880
Oh.

633
00:13:21,950 --> 00:13:24,540
Why do people keep assuming

634
00:13:21,950 --> 00:13:24,540
I'm ready to catch things?

635
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,020
"Eagleton, no money,

636
00:13:26,120 --> 00:13:28,020
mo' problems."

637
00:13:28,090 --> 00:13:29,350
Fantastic, right?

638
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:31,410
I made enough of

639
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:31,410
them for everybody

640
00:13:29,420 --> 00:13:31,410
to wear at the game.

641
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:33,080
I do like a good

642
00:13:31,490 --> 00:13:33,080
internal rhyme.

643
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,350
Ben, you ready for dinner?

644
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,350
We can go over

645
00:13:33,160 --> 00:13:35,350
the poll numbers.

646
00:13:35,890 --> 00:13:38,560
Oh. You know, I've got

647
00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:40,460
a few phone calls to make.

648
00:13:38,630 --> 00:13:40,460
Can you give me an hour?

649
00:13:40,760 --> 00:13:42,560
I can meet you there.

650
00:13:42,800 --> 00:13:45,560
Oh, my God.

651
00:13:45,640 --> 00:13:46,630
What is she doing here?

652
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,070
I'm sorry, Leslie,

653
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,070
but you didn't really

654
00:13:46,700 --> 00:13:49,070
help them very much.

655
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:51,840
So, we volunteered

656
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:51,840
to give them a little

657
00:13:49,140 --> 00:13:51,840
financial advice.

658
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:54,100
You didn't

659
00:13:51,910 --> 00:13:54,100
actually help us at all.

660
00:13:54,180 --> 00:13:55,300
Just one second.

661
00:13:55,380 --> 00:13:56,370
Yeah.

662
00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:58,680
I'm just going to

663
00:13:56,850 --> 00:13:58,680
help them out, okay?

664
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,410
Mmm.

665
00:13:58,750 --> 00:14:00,410
Just for an hour.

666
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:01,980
He's just being

667
00:14:00,580 --> 00:14:01,980
a good neighbor.

668
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,420
We're in a lot of trouble,

669
00:14:02,050 --> 00:14:03,420
Leslie.

670
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:04,920
I don't need any

671
00:14:03,490 --> 00:14:04,920
lip from you, okay?

672
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:06,820
You're in trouble because

673
00:14:04,990 --> 00:14:06,820
of your own stupidity.

674
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,620
I have a PhD

675
00:14:07,020 --> 00:14:09,620
from the Sorbonne.

676
00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:11,530
For what?

677
00:14:09,690 --> 00:14:11,530
Wearing Chanel suits?

678
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,500
There was

679
00:14:11,600 --> 00:14:13,500
a fashion component, yes.

680
00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:15,700
I'm not mad that

681
00:14:14,330 --> 00:14:15,700
you're doing this.

682
00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:17,500
Yes, I am mad that

683
00:14:15,770 --> 00:14:17,500
you're doing this.

684
00:14:17,570 --> 00:14:18,560
But even worse, I'm mad

685
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,040
that you just

686
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,040
lied to me about it.

687
00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:20,040
Okay, I'm sorry.

688
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,660
We all swore that

689
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,660
we weren't going to

690
00:14:20,100 --> 00:14:22,660
ever help her again, ever.

691
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,070
I never said that.

692
00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,070
You did.

693
00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:26,300
I speak for all of

694
00:14:24,140 --> 00:14:26,300
us in all matters.

695
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:28,600
That is what you

696
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:28,600
tacitly agreed to

697
00:14:26,580 --> 00:14:28,600
when you married me.

698
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,050
What?

699
00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:30,050
Yeah. Let's go.

700
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,050
You've changed your mind.

701
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,050
You're not going

702
00:14:30,110 --> 00:14:32,050
to help her anymore.

703
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,410
Leslie, I just want to borrow

704
00:14:32,120 --> 00:14:34,410
your husband for the evening.

705
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,850
Can we please talk about

706
00:14:39,620 --> 00:14:41,850
what happened back there?

707
00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:43,760
What, Ann?

708
00:14:41,930 --> 00:14:43,760
I just stole your phone

709
00:14:43,830 --> 00:14:46,230
and texted every guy in it

710
00:14:43,830 --> 00:14:46,230
that the baby was theirs.

711
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,730
It's not

712
00:14:46,300 --> 00:14:47,730
that big of a deal.

713
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,200
Listen. I know you

714
00:14:47,800 --> 00:14:49,200
don't believe this,

715
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,890
but I care

716
00:14:49,270 --> 00:14:50,890
about your future.

717
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:52,970
And I'm just

718
00:14:51,540 --> 00:14:52,970
a little disappointed

719
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,230
that you're just not

720
00:14:53,040 --> 00:14:55,230
following through with this.

721
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,470
Yeah, it's not

722
00:14:55,310 --> 00:14:57,470
about following through.

723
00:14:57,540 --> 00:15:00,070
Okay? I was on the fence

724
00:14:57,540 --> 00:15:00,070
about whether I wanted

725
00:14:57,540 --> 00:15:00,070
to do it.

726
00:15:00,140 --> 00:15:02,810
And as soon as

727
00:15:00,140 --> 00:15:02,810
I got there,

728
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,510
I just had a gut feeling

729
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,510
that it wasn't right for me.

730
00:15:02,880 --> 00:15:05,510
That's all.

731
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:08,250
So, just like that. Boom.

732
00:15:05,580 --> 00:15:08,250
Huge life decision made?

733
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,480
That's how I make

734
00:15:08,320 --> 00:15:10,480
all my life decisions.

735
00:15:10,550 --> 00:15:12,680
My gut is always right.

736
00:15:10,550 --> 00:15:12,680
Okay?

737
00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:14,290
It was right

738
00:15:12,860 --> 00:15:14,290
about marrying Andy,

739
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,620
and it was right

740
00:15:14,360 --> 00:15:15,620
when it told me

741
00:15:15,690 --> 00:15:18,130
that you would be

742
00:15:15,690 --> 00:15:18,130
the worst person

743
00:15:15,690 --> 00:15:18,130
I would ever meet in my life.

744
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,220
And I've met

745
00:15:18,560 --> 00:15:20,220
Guy Fieri, Ann.

746
00:15:20,930 --> 00:15:22,870
So gross.

747
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:25,000
How do you get your

748
00:15:23,330 --> 00:15:25,000
gut to talk to you?

749
00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:26,760
You don't get your

750
00:15:25,070 --> 00:15:26,760
gut to talk to you.

751
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,810
You just listen

752
00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:28,810
when it says something.

753
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,600
Well, right now,

754
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,600
my gut is saying

755
00:15:29,470 --> 00:15:32,600
that we are going to

756
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,010
listen to Mariah Carey

757
00:15:32,680 --> 00:15:35,010
the whole way home.

758
00:15:36,810 --> 00:15:37,800
Good.

759
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:53,390
Oh. Wow, I'm really

760
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:53,390
surprised you're sitting

761
00:15:50,190 --> 00:15:53,390
on this side of the bleachers,

762
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:56,060
and not on the Eagleton side

763
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:56,060
with your new girlfriend,

764
00:15:53,460 --> 00:15:56,060
Ingrid.

765
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,190
Leslie, I'm just trying

766
00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,190
to help them.

767
00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:00,900
Why? They wouldn't help us

768
00:15:58,270 --> 00:16:00,900
if the tables were turned.

769
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:04,010
I mean,

770
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:04,010
they're 50 points ahead

771
00:16:01,140 --> 00:16:04,010
and they're still dunking.

772
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:07,800
I mean, look at this guy.

773
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:07,800
There's no way he

774
00:16:04,310 --> 00:16:07,800
is in high school.

775
00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:11,870
And I'm better at

776
00:16:09,850 --> 00:16:11,870
French horn, too, Eric.

777
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:17,080
People are going to

778
00:16:15,090 --> 00:16:17,080
lose their jobs, Leslie.

779
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:19,490
And the recovery

780
00:16:17,150 --> 00:16:19,490
will take years.

781
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,790
Deep down, I think

782
00:16:19,560 --> 00:16:22,790
you feel bad for them.

783
00:16:22,860 --> 00:16:25,090
Okay. I do, a little. Yes.

784
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,500
And I'm sorry that I

785
00:16:25,600 --> 00:16:28,500
blew up at you yesterday.

786
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,730
With all the recall stuff

787
00:16:28,570 --> 00:16:30,730
happening,

788
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,570
I just really need to feel

789
00:16:30,800 --> 00:16:32,570
like you're on my team.

790
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:36,700
And seeing you with them

791
00:16:33,140 --> 00:16:36,700
made me feel like you weren't.

792
00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,370
I'm always going

793
00:16:37,510 --> 00:16:39,370
to be on your team.

794
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,240
You never have to

795
00:16:39,440 --> 00:16:41,240
worry about that.

796
00:16:41,880 --> 00:16:42,870
Defense!

797
00:16:43,980 --> 00:16:45,680
Oh.

798
00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:49,440
Eagleton player number seven

799
00:16:46,450 --> 00:16:49,440
injured on the play.

800
00:16:49,790 --> 00:16:51,450
Official timeout.

801
00:16:51,560 --> 00:16:53,020
Oh, God.

802
00:16:53,090 --> 00:16:54,420
I'm going to say something.

803
00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:56,690
And if I throw up on

804
00:16:54,490 --> 00:16:56,690
you after I say it,

805
00:16:57,060 --> 00:16:58,550
just know you've been warned.

806
00:16:58,630 --> 00:16:59,960
I know how we

807
00:16:58,630 --> 00:16:59,960
can help Eagleton.

808
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,030
I don't see what

809
00:17:02,400 --> 00:17:04,030
the problem is.

810
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,160
I will give you

811
00:17:04,100 --> 00:17:06,160
a certain amount of gold

812
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,230
in exchange for

813
00:17:06,240 --> 00:17:08,230
a recreational vehicle.

814
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,740
I still need an address

815
00:17:08,310 --> 00:17:10,740
for insurance purposes.

816
00:17:10,910 --> 00:17:12,640
This will be my new home.

817
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:15,300
The address is

818
00:17:12,710 --> 00:17:15,300
wherever it is parked.

819
00:17:17,110 --> 00:17:18,600
Where have you been?

820
00:17:18,680 --> 00:17:19,710
I had a flat tire,

821
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:21,680
and I've been trying

822
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:21,680
to get in touch

823
00:17:19,780 --> 00:17:21,680
with you for hours.

824
00:17:22,090 --> 00:17:23,450
Sorry, darling.

825
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,750
I've been busy destroying

826
00:17:23,520 --> 00:17:26,750
most of my personal effects

827
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:28,820
and threatening

828
00:17:26,820 --> 00:17:28,820
a postal worker.

829
00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,720
Ron, I know you

830
00:17:28,890 --> 00:17:30,720
value your privacy,

831
00:17:30,790 --> 00:17:32,660
but you are a husband

832
00:17:30,790 --> 00:17:32,660
and a father now.

833
00:17:32,730 --> 00:17:36,290
You can't just roam

834
00:17:32,730 --> 00:17:36,290
the streets in an RV

835
00:17:32,730 --> 00:17:36,290
and be impossible to find.

836
00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:38,430
I'm on a mission

837
00:17:36,370 --> 00:17:38,430
to get off the grid.

838
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,370
Well, you don't have to be

839
00:17:38,500 --> 00:17:40,370
entirely on the grid.

840
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,670
But you have to

841
00:17:40,440 --> 00:17:42,670
be on our grid.

842
00:17:42,740 --> 00:17:45,040
I suppose you

843
00:17:42,740 --> 00:17:45,040
wouldn't consider moving.

844
00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:48,400
I've heard the school

845
00:17:46,380 --> 00:17:48,400
system in the tunnels

846
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,880
beneath Yucca Mountain

847
00:17:48,480 --> 00:17:50,880
is adequate.

848
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:52,880
I love you, but your solution

849
00:17:50,950 --> 00:17:52,880
to every problem is

850
00:17:52,950 --> 00:17:54,180
to live inside a mountain.

851
00:17:54,780 --> 00:17:56,450
I love you, too.

852
00:17:57,890 --> 00:17:59,550
Okay.

853
00:17:57,890 --> 00:17:59,550
One more time.

854
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,060
Are you

855
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,060
absolutely sure you want

856
00:17:59,620 --> 00:18:02,060
to go through with this?

857
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,360
A lot of people are

858
00:18:02,130 --> 00:18:04,360
going to get angry.

859
00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:06,420
And you might lose

860
00:18:04,430 --> 00:18:06,420
the recall election.

861
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,130
Or if I pull it off,

862
00:18:06,500 --> 00:18:09,130
I just might win.

863
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:12,800
Plus, a very smart

864
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:12,800
member of my team

865
00:18:09,530 --> 00:18:12,800
pointed out

866
00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:13,860
it's the right thing

867
00:18:12,870 --> 00:18:13,860
to do.

868
00:18:14,100 --> 00:18:15,130
Good morning.

869
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:17,110
After an all-night

870
00:18:15,210 --> 00:18:17,110
strategy session,

871
00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:18,970
the towns of

872
00:18:17,170 --> 00:18:18,970
Pawnee and Eagleton

873
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,910
have come up with

874
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,910
a potential solution

875
00:18:19,040 --> 00:18:22,910
to Eagleton's budget crisis.

876
00:18:23,410 --> 00:18:25,970
The town of Eagleton

877
00:18:23,410 --> 00:18:25,970
will be dissolved

878
00:18:26,050 --> 00:18:27,710
and re-absorbed into Pawnee.

879
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:32,090
Pawnee will provide

880
00:18:29,620 --> 00:18:32,090
some government services

881
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,280
as well as taking on

882
00:18:32,160 --> 00:18:35,280
some of Eagleton's debts.

883
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:39,830
I understand.

884
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:39,830
Look, I hate Eagletonians

885
00:18:36,590 --> 00:18:39,830
as much as you do.

886
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,560
I hate their stupid,

887
00:18:39,900 --> 00:18:41,560
beautiful faces

888
00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:43,660
and their stupid,

889
00:18:41,630 --> 00:18:43,660
shiny hair.

890
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:44,960
We've looked

891
00:18:43,730 --> 00:18:44,960
at every alternative.

892
00:18:45,040 --> 00:18:46,230
This is the only scenario

893
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,140
that prevents Eagleton's

894
00:18:46,300 --> 00:18:48,140
financial crisis

895
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,000
from spiraling

896
00:18:48,200 --> 00:18:50,000
throughout the entire region.

897
00:18:50,070 --> 00:18:51,700
Eagleton is terrible.

898
00:18:51,780 --> 00:18:53,180
Why should I bail them out

899
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,340
with the hard-earned money

900
00:18:53,240 --> 00:18:55,340
from my unemployment check?

901
00:18:55,410 --> 00:18:56,540
Yeah!

902
00:18:56,610 --> 00:18:57,980
Because they are

903
00:18:56,610 --> 00:18:57,980
our neighbor,

904
00:18:58,050 --> 00:18:59,180
and they've sprained

905
00:18:58,050 --> 00:18:59,180
their ankle.

906
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:02,340
And when your

907
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:02,340
neighbor sprains his ankle,

908
00:18:59,250 --> 00:19:02,340
you help him off the court.

909
00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:04,780
I understand you have

910
00:19:02,650 --> 00:19:04,780
concerns and questions,

911
00:19:04,850 --> 00:19:06,850
and we are here

912
00:19:04,850 --> 00:19:06,850
to listen to them.

913
00:19:06,920 --> 00:19:08,980
But.

914
00:19:09,060 --> 00:19:10,120
One at a time, please.

915
00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:12,150
I hate the

916
00:19:10,590 --> 00:19:12,150
one-at-a-time system!

917
00:19:12,230 --> 00:19:13,220
Why should we bail them out?

918
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:15,160
No one bailed me out

919
00:19:13,300 --> 00:19:15,160
when I got arrested for arson.

920
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,390
You can't just

921
00:19:15,230 --> 00:19:17,390
merge two towns.

922
00:19:17,470 --> 00:19:18,990
It's against

923
00:19:17,470 --> 00:19:18,990
the rules of nature.

924
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,300
What's next,

925
00:19:19,070 --> 00:19:21,300
merging a man with his dog?

926
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,570
I live in Eagleton.

927
00:19:21,370 --> 00:19:23,570
And frankly,

928
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,730
I don't like the idea

929
00:19:23,640 --> 00:19:25,730
of living in Pawnee.

930
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,440
They're a little...

931
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,440
What's the word?

932
00:19:26,080 --> 00:19:29,440
Have no money.

933
00:19:29,850 --> 00:19:31,410
Oh.

934
00:19:31,480 --> 00:19:33,380
Bertram, that's enough.

935
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:37,180
First of all,

936
00:19:34,580 --> 00:19:37,180
Eagleton has no money.

937
00:19:37,320 --> 00:19:38,720
Second of all,

938
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:41,090
they are gracious enough

939
00:19:38,790 --> 00:19:41,090
to throw us a lifeline,

940
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,460
and we should be

941
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,460
eternally grateful

942
00:19:41,160 --> 00:19:43,460
for their generosity.

943
00:19:44,390 --> 00:19:46,390
They're a town of angels.

944
00:19:46,760 --> 00:19:48,790
Greasy, denim-clad angels.

945
00:19:49,670 --> 00:19:50,760
Angels, nonetheless.

946
00:19:50,830 --> 00:19:51,860
Yeah, we'll take it.

947
00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:57,570
I mean, did you

948
00:19:55,170 --> 00:19:57,570
steal this from a museum,

949
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,940
or maybe find

950
00:19:57,640 --> 00:19:58,940
it frozen in ice?

951
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:01,710
It looks like

952
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:01,710
the original phone

953
00:19:59,010 --> 00:20:01,710
from the movie Wall Street.

954
00:20:01,810 --> 00:20:04,040
I think it's just

955
00:20:01,810 --> 00:20:04,040
the original phone, period.

956
00:20:04,680 --> 00:20:07,170
Ew, gross, it has buttons.

957
00:20:08,050 --> 00:20:10,180
Okay, girls,

958
00:20:08,050 --> 00:20:10,180
this is a magic phone.

959
00:20:10,550 --> 00:20:12,150
Okay? Only you and I

960
00:20:10,550 --> 00:20:12,150
have got the number.

961
00:20:12,220 --> 00:20:14,590
So, if you ever need

962
00:20:12,220 --> 00:20:14,590
Ron for any reason,

963
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,250
you just call and

964
00:20:14,660 --> 00:20:16,250
he'll be there in a flash.

965
00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:18,590
Yes, I will.

966
00:20:16,330 --> 00:20:18,590
I'll keep it right here.

967
00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:20,220
Snaps right in.

968
00:20:18,660 --> 00:20:20,220
Snug and secure.

969
00:20:20,430 --> 00:20:22,190
A cell phone belt clip?

970
00:20:22,270 --> 00:20:23,960
No, Ron. Oh, my God.

971
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:26,400
Yeah,

972
00:20:24,100 --> 00:20:26,400
I can't be seen with you.

973
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:29,100
Traveling Ann Perkins,

974
00:20:26,700 --> 00:20:29,100
how was Bloomington?

975
00:20:29,310 --> 00:20:31,300
It was amazing.

976
00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:32,930
They had all the

977
00:20:31,370 --> 00:20:32,930
baby supplies we need.

978
00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:34,710
And then all this

979
00:20:33,010 --> 00:20:34,710
other cool stuff...

980
00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:36,940
They had

981
00:20:34,810 --> 00:20:36,940
a bike-sharing program,

982
00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:39,070
and a vegan

983
00:20:37,010 --> 00:20:39,070
Afghan restaurant, and...

984
00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:43,110
Oh, my God, I'm having one.

985
00:20:40,420 --> 00:20:43,110
I'm having one right now.

986
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:44,310
A contraction?

987
00:20:43,220 --> 00:20:44,310
No.

988
00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:46,080
Dude, I'm, like,

989
00:20:44,390 --> 00:20:46,080
three months pregnant.

990
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,150
I know.

991
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,150
I'm just so excited.

992
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,950
The thing I'm

993
00:20:48,320 --> 00:20:50,950
having is a gut feeling.

994
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,520
What would you think

995
00:20:52,000 --> 00:20:53,520
about raising our child

996
00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:55,260
somewhere other than Pawnee?

997
00:20:58,370 --> 00:20:59,600
Thank you, Leslie,

998
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:02,200
from all of us

999
00:20:59,670 --> 00:21:02,200
in Eagleton.

1000
00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:04,870
Our citizens owe you

1001
00:21:02,270 --> 00:21:04,870
a debt of gratitude.

1002
00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:06,140
I think,

1003
00:21:04,940 --> 00:21:06,140
at the end of the day,

1004
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:08,470
everybody realized this is

1005
00:21:06,210 --> 00:21:08,470
something we have to do.

1006
00:21:08,550 --> 00:21:10,040
On the bright side,

1007
00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,580
we did win

1008
00:21:10,110 --> 00:21:11,580
the basketball game.

1009
00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:13,480
I think you owe

1010
00:21:11,650 --> 00:21:13,480
us some apples.

1011
00:21:13,550 --> 00:21:14,570
You better pay up.

1012
00:21:14,650 --> 00:21:15,740
Oh, you don't want them.

1013
00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:17,580
All of Pawnee's apples

1014
00:21:15,820 --> 00:21:17,580
have been recalled.

1015
00:21:17,650 --> 00:21:18,640
G. coli.

1016
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:19,710
You mean E. coli?

1017
00:21:19,790 --> 00:21:20,980
I wish.

1018
00:21:21,060 --> 00:21:22,080
Way easier to treat.

1019
00:21:23,460 --> 00:21:25,120
Welcome to Pawnee!