Hey, I've gained a lot
of ground in the polls.
That's good news.
Yeah. I have you down
only four points.
But they're running a ton
of new negative ads.
Maybe you should
fight back.
Ben, your heart's
in the right place.
Your heart and your butt.
I will not go negative.
Crap on a turd!
Care for a "Recall Knope"
gift bag?
The Committee
to Recall Leslie Knope
is relentless.
Look what they're handing
out at elementary schools.
I'm Leslie Knope.
Tell your parents to
recall me.
We all know that I
cannot spend as much
money on ads as my opponent.
But I printed out
10,000 "Don't" stickers.
And 10,000
question mark stickers.
That way,
if you see a sign
that says
"Recall Knope,"
all you need to do is add
the question mark
and the "Don't,"
and suddenly, it reads
"Recall Knope? Don't!"
Why don't you just
put the "Don't" in
front of "Recall Knope"?
Yep. That's a much
better idea.
Can I have these
question mark stickers?
Why?
I want to put
them on stop signs.
April, no!
Hi. Um, I need
to talk to
somebody about
reserving a park.
Oh, we have a new policy.
Parks can only be
reserved for witch covens
or Slip 'N Slide competitions.
Which one are you?
Uh, Slip 'N Slide
competition.
Seriously?
No. How would you even compete
in something like that?
Doesn't matter.
Um, I called earlier about
the free vaccinations thing?
We're hoping to set up
a mobile hospital
in one of your parks.
Sorry, is there
something wrong with him?
Tom. This witch
wants to reserve a park
for her satanic ritual.
Can you help her?
Right. Smashing.
Uh, yes, I'm Thomas Haverford.
I sort of run
the whole department.
Um, what was the name, then?
Uh, Nadia Statsky.
I'm from Doctors
Without Borders.
Brilliant.
The old D's without B's.
Uh, we can
definitely help.
Yeah, Tom's your guy.
He actually used to
run the Parks Department
in his home country of Russia.
This one is mental.
She's joking, obviously.
How could I be from Russia?
Not with this spot-on
British accent.
We can definitely
get you sorted.
Right this way.
Okay.
Whoa! I am pretty sure
you shouldn't have
a weapon at work.
Literally everything
is a weapon, son.
That folder, in my hands,
is far deadlier
than this bow in yours.
Oh, that's probably true.
So, Leslie and I
just finished putting
together our will,
and she wants
you to be the witness.
You mind signing it?
That's your will?
You need that many pages
to say, "Give my stuff
to my wife"?
It's a complicated
legal document.
Doesn't have to be.
I've had the same will
since I was eight years old.
"Upon my death,
all of my belongings
"shall transfer to
the man or animal
who has killed me."
What are these weird symbols?
The man who
kills me will know.
Okay. You should
really have a will
that's more than
one sentence long.
You have a wife and kids now.
I could introduce
you to our lawyer.
The three most useless
jobs in the world are,
in order,
lawyer, congressman
and doctor. Pass.
Ron, that document is nothing.
It's not even notarized.
You know, if you die
and you don't
have a real will,
most of what you own
will go to the government.
Where is this
lawyer you speak of?
I am pleased to
formally submit Bill 68-J,
which funds a new bike
path in Ramsett Park.
Motion to table this bill.
Second.
I also submit Bill 68-R.
Motion to table.
Second.
You guys want to
delay all my bills?
Fine. I'm just going
to keep my head down
and continue to
get work done.
Oh, well, motion to
end the session early
so nothing can get done.
Second.
Ah, you guys are the worst.
Sorry, Knope.
We're just looking
for any possible way
to get you recalled
because we don't like you.
It's nothing personal.
It absolutely is personal.
That is the definition
of "personal."
The definition of "personal."
Ooh!
Excuse me.
We have an issue.
A tweet has been tweeted
from the Parks
and Rec Twitter,
and I'm afraid it is
quite sexually graphic.
It's probably
just some bored teenager
who hacked the account.
Whoever it is,
it is quite serious.
Take a look at this.
I don't want you
to get recalled,
Knope, but damn,
these people know
how to pick a neck massager.
And before you get on my
case about the stickers,
I already did them.
Donna, there is
trouble a-brewing.
We think that you
may have accidentally
tweeted from
the Parks and Rec account
rather than your
own personal account.
Oh-oh. What did it say?
"See you tonight.
Hope you like
"tongue baths,
you big, nasty fireman."
Then, there's
a picture of a pair of lips,
and then a picture
of an eggplant.
I am both confused
and, if we're being
totally honest,
a little aroused.
Ew!
Not to give you
too much of a peek
into my personal life,
but this could
have been way worse.
What's important is
we deleted the tweet,
and nobody is going
to know it's you.
But Donna,
you know, be more
careful in the future.
This could have
really blown up
in my face.
I'm here live at
a press conference,
where Councilman Jeremy
Jamm will discuss
a government
scandal we are calling
"Twitter Watergate"
until we can find
a snappier name for it.
Tongue baths?
Eggplants? Firemen?
Those men are heroes
who deserve respect. 9/11.
This is how Leslie Knope
runs her Parks Department?
We are going to hold
hearing after hearing
until we are satisfied.
This will be blown
way out of proportion.
You have my word on it.
Ooh. This is bad.
I'm going to get fired.
No one is getting
fired. Okay?
Jamm is trying to use this
to hurt me in the recall.
He's trying to take me down,
and he's willing
to attack my friends
in the process?
No. No way.
Not on my watch.
Not on her watch.
He is not going
to sully your name.
No sullying allowed.
Don't worry about it,
Donna. We're going to
nip this in the bud.
Guard your buds.
Because they're
about to get nipped.
Okay.
So, why does
Doctors Without Borders
want to come to Pawnee?
Pawnee is like a petri
dish of weird diseases.
Did you know you have
a higher rate of the
West Nile virus than
the actual Western Nile?
Sorry, West Nile.
Looks like Pawnee
wins again.
What else have you beaten
the Western Nile in?
Cricket.
Ah. Just fill out
these forms
and we will be all
set like two
biscuits inside a tin.
So, you've gone insane.
That's fun.
I just panicked.
She's so out of my league,
my brain just
made me talk that way
so I'd seem cooler.
What should I do?
Nothing. This is amazing.
April!
Fine. If you want
to have a chance
with her, obviously,
you have to stop.
It's either that or
you talk like that
for the rest of your life.
You think she'd marry me?
All right, just let
me do the talking here.
Okay? I mean,
he's a lawyer,
I'm an accountant.
We speak the same language.
I mean, obviously,
accountants are
a little more bad boy.
But there's a respect there.
When will this be over?
Hey, Trevor.
I've been talking to Ron
about estate planning,
and he is here to do
some good will hunting.
Because he has to
draw up a new will, so...
Yes, I understand,
Mr. Wyatt. Thank you.
As I've said before,
I just don't like puns.
Oh. Well, my accountant
friends seem to enjoy them.
Mr. Swanson, let's begin
by filling out
this form listing your
assets and liabilities.
Nice try.
I'm not telling
you how much
money I have,
where it's hidden,
or which precious
metals and/or gemstones
it may or may not
take the form of.
If you don't give me
the information I need,
there's nothing I can do.
Come on, Trevor.
Where there's a will,
there's a way.
I'm going to say this
one last time, Wyatt.
Check the accountant
crap at the door.
Yes, sir, I will.
Unintentional.
All right, let's begin.
These hearings have two goals.
One, to find out
exactly how this offensive
tweet came to be sent.
And two,
to turn this whole thing
into a media circus.
Ms. Knope,
do you have a statement?
Well, it's actually
quite simple.
A Parks and Rec employee
forgot to log out
of the Parks and Rec
Twitter account,
and they posted a personal,
private message by accident.
And that person is
very sorry and it
won't happen again.
Stop stonewalling and tell
us what happened here.
I just told you what happened.
It was an unfortunate mistake.
All right. Sadly,
due to your intracksidence...
Not a word.
We may never find
out what happened.
When this sick, depraved
tweet first came to light,
you said,
"The account was
probably hacked
by some bored teenager."
Now, you're saying
it's an unfortunate mistake.
Why do you keep
flip-flopping?
Well, because I
learned new information.
When I was four,
I thought that chocolate
milk came from brown cows.
And then, I "flip-flopped"
when I found out that there
was something
called chocolate syrup.
I don't think I'm
out of line when I say
that this scandal makes
Benghazi look
like Whitewater.
That's utterly meaningless.
I think we need to hear
from the unnamed employee
behind the tweet.
Perhaps he or she...
Or them. Could be
a bunch of hot ladies.
Yes. Perhaps "them"
can finally give us
the answers we need.
What, what, what?
There she is.
Nadia, I didn't
know what you wanted,
so I got you
a cappuccino, a latte,
four bags of coffee beans
and a mini espresso machine.
What happened
to your accent?
Oh, yeah, it's gone.
Huh. You know,
I had a cold recently.
And I think that may
have affected my voice,
like, in certain
British ways.
Well, that's all
there is to that story.
So, no need for
any more questions.
You have a cold?
Can I feel your glands?
Sure.
Wow. You are wearing
a lot of moisturizer
on your throat.
Best way to
prevent crow's neck.
Is this glitter?
So, those are the forms.
You filled them out.
Great. April's going
to file these.
Hey. When is the thing
you're doing in the park?
I'd love to come by.
Maybe help
administer vaccines?
Oh. Are you a doctor somehow?
No.
No follow-up to that?
Okay, great.
Well, I'm not actually
going to be attending
the event.
So, if you could
just give me the permit
so that I can go home
to Indianapolis and
never come back here.
I am in love with Nadia
whatever-her-last-name-is.
And I'm going to keep
her here using the most
powerful weapon I have.
Bureaucratic incompetence.
Oh, no.
You filled
out form 3208.
You were supposed to
fill out form 3248.
Oh, God. This is to lease
a hangar at the airport.
I know. It's so crazy,
it almost sounds made up.
Bureaucracy, right?
What are you going to do?
Huh? Weird. Someone
left out a blender,
fresh fruits and rum?
I guess we've got to,
like, make daiquiris now.
I like to listen to music
while I work, you know?
You feel that song?
What is this place?
Ms. Meagle,
let me first say that
I am a big fan
of your writing.
Thank you.
It's good stuff.
Really good stuff.
Okay. Does anyone else here
see a double standard?
Councilman Dexhart
is currently
being sued by
two different women
for sexual harassment.
One of whom was the judge
in the first woman's trial.
She was talking dirty to me.
She was reading the
e-mails that you sent
to the first woman.
Look, I obviously never
meant to embarrass
the Parks Department.
My personal account
is set to private.
Yeah. I don't even know
what she writes on there.
Well, you may not
know what she's
writing, but we do.
In a shocking twist to
an already juicy story,
we have obtained access
to Ms. Meagle's
account via a third party.
Same hairdresser.
Damn it, Typhoon.
Why did you do this?
Maybe if you had
bothered to come to
my Great Gatsby brunch,
you'd know.
I don't even need
an exact number.
Just ballpark it.
That's all I
need to get started.
Or I'm sure the state
government would love
to use your money to
hire more bureaucrats.
Maybe build a library.
Fine!
A ballpark figure.
Thank you. God.
Holy.
Is this a joke?
Another word for
jokes is "lies."
I do not lie.
Therefore, I do not joke.
Mr. Swanson,
an estate of this size
means that your
children would never
have to work
a day in their lives.
This is going to
take some time.
Trusts need to be drawn,
tax shelters...
That's enough.
I don't need some
drawn-out legal expedition
to tell me what I
knew when I was eight.
Here is my original will.
Do whatever lawyer
nonsense you have to,
to make it official
and I will sign it.
Good day.
Wait.
What are all
these symbols?
I was right not to
be threatened by you.
Okay. I would like to
enter into the record
a selection of
Ms. Meagle's tweets.
Uh-oh. Can I request
a brief recess?
It's okay, Donna.
I'm not going to
let them fire you.
Yeah, it's not me
I'm worried about.
Ms. Beavers, if you please.
Yesterday, 9:02 a.m.
"Annoying-ass Leslie
has given me another
annoying-ass task.
"Number sign stickers,
number sign BitchBoss."
"September 25th.
Twitter poll.
"On a scale of 98 to 100,
how annoying is Leslie Knope?
"Because you know it
ain't less than 98.
"All my number
sign True Blood fans
know what's up."
Page after page
of personal attacks
on Leslie Knope.
Not only do you
have no control
over your department,
you don't even have
the respect of your
employees.
That's what you
really think of me?
You think I'm annoying?
Leslie, sometimes
you're kind of annoying.
I mean, I thought
that was your thing.
My thing? My thing
is not being annoying.
My things are making
friendship bracelets
and dancing like
nobody's watching.
Thinking up really
cool nicknames
for my friends.
You, of all people,
should know that,
El Diablo.
Look. The only
reason I'm even
on Twitter
is to blow off
steam about work
and tweet nasty stuff
to dudes with washboard abs.
You really think
I hate you,
after all we've been
through the last 10 years?
I honestly don't
know anymore.
Okay, I think we've done
a lot of good here today.
Leslie, I'm sorry,
but I could not
postpone these
pointless hearings
that Jamm is having.
He is just determined.
Well, thank you for trying.
I have a question for you.
Do you think I'm annoying?
No.
Are you lying?
No.
Are you trying to
protect my feelings?
No.
Do you think I'm
being annoying right now?
Yes.
So, you do think
I'm annoying.
I think that you ask
a lot of the people
that you work with.
And I think the people
do what you ask
because they love you.
But I also think that
driving people as hard
as you do can
ruffle some feathers.
I think a lot of things.
I like thinking.
And racquetball.
Now who's annoying?
I spent the last hour
reading some of
Donna's old tweets.
And turns out there
are some more things
that she's said about you.
"Message to the recall
haters. You can't keep
Leslie Knope down.
"She's too real for this ish.
Hashtag BossBitch."
"Leslie Knope is
stepping up at these
"hearings and
taking a bullet for me.
"Hashtag Sister
From Another Mister,
hashtag BossBitch."
It appears, whereas
"BitchBoss" is clearly
an indication of
her frustration,
"BossBitch" is
a term of endearment.
Isn't language fun?
It's like racquetball
for your mouth.
Did you change
your outfit?
I've changed five times,
and she hasn't noticed yet.
I can only stall
for so long.
What should I do?
Um, I just finished
filling this one out.
I didn't know what to put for
"Name of Commercial
Airline" because
I do not operate
a commercial airline.
So, I just made one up.
What did you name
your imaginary airline?
"Jet Blue Ivy."
I figure Jay-Z
and Beyoncé's
kid will own her
own airline eventually.
She's the one.
So, can I have
my permit now? Finally?
Uh...
No. There was a mistake,
and we gave the park
to someone else.
What?
Maybe I can drive you around
and we'll pick
another one?
Maybe I'll bring
a picnic lunch.
Do you like tamales?
You said that that
park was ours.
You said it a long time
ago in a British accent.
I probably shouldn't
say this as a doctor.
It's probably not cool.
But I really hope you
all get West Nile virus.
Nice meeting you, April.
Kind of. You're weird, too.
Thank you.
We need to talk.
That has never been true.
I think I know
what's happening.
Thinking about
how to divide up
your possessions
for when you die...
It's tough confronting
your own mortality.
And I think it's got
you spinning a little bit.
Am I right?
Wow. I had not
considered that.
Yes, I think that maybe
you are onto something.
Yeah. Just know that
it's perfectly healthy
to be thinking about...
Oh, you're joking.
Yes, son, I am.
First joke ever.
Don't care for it.
Death does not scare me.
What I am worried about
is spoiling my children.
I don't want them
to be the kind of
people who never work,
live off their trust funds,
who buy their
wooden furniture.
I will leave my
children $50 a piece
for the cab home
from my funeral
and a steak dinner.
End of discussion.
Okay. I mean, look.
It doesn't matter
how much money
you leave your kids.
What matters is that
you teach them
the right values.
But if something
horrible happens and
you want your kids
to be left alone with
no safety net just
so they can learn some
kind of weird lesson,
then by all means,
leave your fortune
to the wild boar who
gores you to death.
I'd never lose to a boar.
I'm sorry if I can
be a little annoying
at times.
But one person's "annoying"
is another person's
"inspiring and heroic."
So, you know,
who are we to judge?
And I'm sorry for
writing those things.
Some of those things.
I can't promise that
I won't be inspiring
and heroic in the future.
And I can't
promise that I won't
complain about it.
Deal.
I got you an
apology present.
Oh.
It is all of your favorite
lipsticks and nail polishes.
And I got the same ones, too.
I printed out
a schedule so we can wear
them at the same time.
Now, I would like
you to open each one
in front of me and tell me
how you feel about
them individually.
Let me take a picture.
Are you tweeting this?
Mmm-hmm.
What's the hashtag
going to be?
"BossBitch" or "BitchBoss"?
Yeah, it's "PsychoBoss."
Mmm. I don't hate that.
Benjamin. After thinking
about what you said,
I've decided to leave
each of my children
5% of my fortune.
Wow, five whole percent.
So, I guess you are
going to teach them
a lesson. Oh, my God.
That's 5%?
That is a lot of money.
Wait, is this a joke?
It is not a joke. Not that
an accountant would
know the difference.
Also, if something
should happen
to Diane and me,
we decided that
the kids should go to
the most important
people in our lives.
Ron, I'm incredibly
flattered.
Ralph Piatkowski
and his wife, Helen.
He's the maître d' at
Mulligan's Steakhouse,
and he knows me
better than anyone.
However, if they
are not able to do it,
which seems likely,
as they're in their 90s,
you and Leslie are
choice number two.
I'm honored.
Everyone, take your seats,
so this witch hunt may
proceed as scheduled.
Speaking of,
where are the witches?
They're right here.
Well, we're not witches.
That's sexist
and offensive.
But we're right here.
And we are not going
to sit in this room
and let you drag our names
through the mud just
to score some cheap
political points.
How dare you demean
the value of the political
points I'm scoring?
We have had enough.
I'm going back to
work so I can do
some good for this town.
And my friend,
Donna, is coming with me.
Hmm. I prefer El Diablo.
Uh, this is not over,
Ms. Knope.
Donna, quit punishing me.
I miss you.
Uh-huh. Bridge burned,
Typhoon. Or should
I say "Norman"?
Uh-huh.
Okay. I'm just going to man
up and tell her how I feel
and hope she feels
the same way about me.
And that's that.
If she doesn't,
no big deal.
It's done.
I'm an adult.
Let's do it.
Great.
Nope. I can't do it.
New plan. Tell her all
the screw-ups were your fault.
I'll tell her I
had to cover for you
because you are so dumb.
Nadia! Good to see you!
We're very
sorry for everything
you went through today.
I have reserved
the park for your event.
Now, April has
something she'd
like to admit.
Tom wants me to tell
you that all the
screw-ups were my fault.
But really, he kept
messing up so that you
would stay in Pawnee
as long as possible
because he is super into you.
Oh. Okay.
Several questions.
Is any part of him British?
No.
So, that was just weird,
panicky, dude behavior?
Yeah.
Okay. I'm just trying
to figure out if acting
that insane is, like,
romantic or totally scary.
I'll go with romantic.
He is kind of cute.
What's his deal?
He's sweet. He's cool.
And you're, like,
way out of his league,
so there's literally no
risk for you at all here.
Okay. Well, I'm going
to Rwanda in, like,
two weeks for my job,
so what the hell.
Cool.
So, you want to
go out with me?
Yes, please.
Okay. Bye.
Okay. You owe me,
like 1,000 favors.
See you.