1 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,940 We're gonna have some 2 00:00:02,170 --> 00:00:03,940 fun today, Pawnee! 3 00:00:05,340 --> 00:00:07,810 Who is ready to Play 60? 4 00:00:08,550 --> 00:00:10,340 Everybody, on the field! 5 00:00:12,080 --> 00:00:13,380 The NFL has a campaign 6 00:00:13,450 --> 00:00:16,180 to try to get kids active 7 00:00:13,450 --> 00:00:16,180 for 60 minutes per day. 8 00:00:16,290 --> 00:00:19,690 And so, we've bused in 9 00:00:16,290 --> 00:00:19,690 100lucky little buggers 10 00:00:16,290 --> 00:00:19,690 from Pawnee. 11 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,160 And they are gonna 12 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,160 get a chance to play 13 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:22,160 with the Colts. 14 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:25,320 I told you to run 15 00:00:22,230 --> 00:00:25,320 a button hook! 16 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,760 I did, Leslie. 17 00:00:25,400 --> 00:00:27,760 Okay. I guess you would know! 18 00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:29,820 Pleasure to see you 19 00:00:28,330 --> 00:00:29,820 again, Mr. Luck. 20 00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:32,600 We met briefly last year 21 00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:32,600 at our friend's 22 00:00:29,900 --> 00:00:32,600 bachelor party. 23 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,330 Oh, yeah. Right. 24 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:34,330 How are you? 25 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,130 I normally don't answer 26 00:00:34,440 --> 00:00:36,130 that question. 27 00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,680 But since I respect 28 00:00:36,210 --> 00:00:38,680 your talent, I will tell you. 29 00:00:39,240 --> 00:00:40,270 I am fine. 30 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,210 Hi, I'm April. 31 00:00:40,340 --> 00:00:42,210 I stole your wallet. 32 00:00:45,950 --> 00:00:47,650 You guys are weird. 33 00:00:45,950 --> 00:00:47,650 Thank you. 34 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,250 What's up, girl? 35 00:00:49,520 --> 00:00:51,250 Keep walking, 98. 36 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:55,320 You don't wanna talk 37 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:55,320 to that guy? 38 00:00:52,660 --> 00:00:55,320 He plays in the NFL. 39 00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:59,290 He's a linebacker. 40 00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:59,290 Skill positions 41 00:00:55,530 --> 00:00:59,290 only for Donna Meagle. 42 00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:04,200 I got my Colts beanie, 43 00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:04,200 my Colts scarf, 44 00:01:00,830 --> 00:01:04,200 I got the Colts grill going 45 00:01:04,270 --> 00:01:06,740 and the crowning glory, 46 00:01:04,270 --> 00:01:06,740 Colts "slippies." 47 00:01:06,870 --> 00:01:07,860 How're you 48 00:01:06,870 --> 00:01:07,860 gonna run in those? 49 00:01:10,010 --> 00:01:11,340 Run? Tommy doesn't run. 50 00:01:11,410 --> 00:01:12,640 That's your guys' job. 51 00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:15,240 Now, uh, let's go fetch 52 00:01:12,710 --> 00:01:15,240 this football throw, fellows. 53 00:01:18,280 --> 00:01:19,480 I love sports. 54 00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:42,600 Check it out, Tom. 55 00:01:40,340 --> 00:01:42,600 The Eagleton Reservoir. 56 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,010 Isn't it stunning? 57 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:45,010 It's just a big, dumb pond. 58 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,440 This morning, I saw 59 00:01:45,080 --> 00:01:46,440 a YouTube clip 60 00:01:46,510 --> 00:01:48,140 of a little puppy, 61 00:01:46,510 --> 00:01:48,140 riding a motorcycle. 62 00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:49,810 So, my bar for stunning 63 00:01:48,380 --> 00:01:49,810 is pretty high. 64 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,850 What if I told you that 65 00:01:49,880 --> 00:01:52,850 this water has fluoride in it? 66 00:01:52,950 --> 00:01:54,890 Then, I would tell you 67 00:01:52,950 --> 00:01:54,890 the puppy had 68 00:01:52,950 --> 00:01:54,890 a little sidecar 69 00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:56,280 with a piggy in it, 70 00:01:54,950 --> 00:01:56,280 named Hampton. 71 00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,960 First of all, 72 00:01:56,490 --> 00:01:58,960 send me a link to that video. 73 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,120 But more importantly, 74 00:01:59,020 --> 00:02:01,120 now that we have access 75 00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:03,820 to the Eagleton Reservoir 76 00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:03,820 and the water treatment 77 00:02:01,190 --> 00:02:03,820 supply, 78 00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:05,790 Pawnee is going to have 79 00:02:04,030 --> 00:02:05,790 fluoride in its water 80 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:06,990 for the first time 81 00:02:05,860 --> 00:02:06,990 in our history. 82 00:02:07,400 --> 00:02:10,130 Our oral history. Nailed it! 83 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,730 Of course, I'm upset 84 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,730 that I lost 85 00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,730 the recall election. 86 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,330 But I'm just gonna spend 87 00:02:12,800 --> 00:02:15,330 the remainder of my term 88 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,140 cramming in as many 89 00:02:15,440 --> 00:02:18,140 good projects as I can. 90 00:02:18,410 --> 00:02:20,310 Lame duck? Try flame duck. 91 00:02:20,510 --> 00:02:22,100 'Cause this duck is on fire. 92 00:02:23,550 --> 00:02:26,280 It's hard doing stupid 93 00:02:23,550 --> 00:02:26,280 government stuff now that 94 00:02:23,550 --> 00:02:26,280 Rent A Swag has closed. 95 00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:28,440 I'm a businessman. 96 00:02:26,420 --> 00:02:28,440 That's what I was born to do. 97 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,120 Well, look, you've just got 98 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,120 to make the most of the job 99 00:02:28,520 --> 00:02:32,120 that you have. 100 00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:33,660 Like, take that 101 00:02:32,190 --> 00:02:33,660 trash collector. 102 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,320 It's not the most 103 00:02:33,720 --> 00:02:35,320 glamorous job in the world, 104 00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:37,390 but he's doing it 105 00:02:35,390 --> 00:02:37,390 with a smile on his face. 106 00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,490 Oh, my God. 107 00:02:38,460 --> 00:02:40,490 He's not wearing any pants. 108 00:02:40,560 --> 00:02:41,660 What's wrong with him? 109 00:02:41,730 --> 00:02:43,560 Let's get out of here. 110 00:02:41,730 --> 00:02:43,560 He's smiling at us. 111 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:44,930 Let's go. Run! 112 00:02:43,630 --> 00:02:44,930 Ugh! 113 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:49,610 Hey. What's up, guys? 114 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:49,610 Look what Ron made. 115 00:02:46,740 --> 00:02:49,610 It's amazing. 116 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:53,400 Several months ago, 117 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:53,400 I was on a walk 118 00:02:49,840 --> 00:02:53,400 and found my crib-tree. 119 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,010 I approached the tree, 120 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:56,010 murdered it, 121 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,670 left it to cure 122 00:02:56,110 --> 00:02:57,670 in my woodshop, 123 00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:01,080 and have begun 124 00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:01,080 working it into a crib, 125 00:02:57,750 --> 00:03:01,080 for my upcoming child. 126 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,120 Ron Swanson, 127 00:03:01,390 --> 00:03:04,120 you cannot use this crib. 128 00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:06,450 You're ignoring every 129 00:03:04,290 --> 00:03:06,450 known crib safety standard. 130 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,290 It's all covered 131 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,290 in the parenting book 132 00:03:06,520 --> 00:03:08,290 I'm reading. 133 00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:10,360 Are You Going 134 00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:10,360 to Crawl My Way? 135 00:03:08,490 --> 00:03:10,360 by Lenny Kravitz. 136 00:03:10,430 --> 00:03:11,920 My crib will be safe 137 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,120 because I'm building it 138 00:03:12,000 --> 00:03:14,120 with my own two hands. 139 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:15,560 I bought my crib 140 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:15,560 in Bloomington, 141 00:03:15,630 --> 00:03:16,760 and I am confident 142 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,890 that it is, literally, 143 00:03:16,830 --> 00:03:18,890 the safest crib 144 00:03:18,970 --> 00:03:20,340 in the explored universe. 145 00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:22,100 Let me take you there, 146 00:03:20,940 --> 00:03:22,100 and you can talk 147 00:03:22,170 --> 00:03:23,200 to the salesperson. 148 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,970 Counter offer. 149 00:03:23,270 --> 00:03:24,970 You take me nowhere 150 00:03:25,040 --> 00:03:26,440 and I talk to no one. 151 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,380 Counter, counter offer. 152 00:03:26,510 --> 00:03:28,380 You come with me 153 00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:31,180 or I make you attend 154 00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:31,180 a four-hour fax cover-sheet 155 00:03:28,510 --> 00:03:31,180 protocol meeting. 156 00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,680 Either way, 157 00:03:31,250 --> 00:03:32,680 it's a win for me. 158 00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,350 Next, on the docket, 159 00:03:34,250 --> 00:03:36,350 is a vote 160 00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:39,360 to approve the 161 00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:39,360 Pawnee-Eagleton 162 00:03:36,420 --> 00:03:39,360 reservoir merger. 163 00:03:39,460 --> 00:03:40,580 Whoa-whoa-whoa! 164 00:03:40,790 --> 00:03:43,760 We're just goosing our 165 00:03:40,790 --> 00:03:43,760 water supply with fluoride? 166 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:47,060 I mean, come on. 167 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:47,060 Are we really going to force 168 00:03:44,230 --> 00:03:47,060 every Pawnee resident 169 00:03:47,130 --> 00:03:49,790 to ingest a chemical 170 00:03:47,130 --> 00:03:49,790 we know nothing about? 171 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,560 Fluoride is used 172 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,560 by the communists 173 00:03:49,930 --> 00:03:53,560 to control our minds. 174 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,330 No, it's not. 175 00:03:53,640 --> 00:03:56,330 Fluoride can control minds? 176 00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,930 Like, you can use it 177 00:03:56,410 --> 00:03:58,930 to make ladies do stuff? 178 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:02,080 How am I the one 179 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:02,080 that is getting booted off 180 00:03:59,140 --> 00:04:02,080 of this city council? 181 00:04:02,350 --> 00:04:05,410 Okay. Fluoride is safe. 182 00:04:02,350 --> 00:04:05,410 It is good for you 183 00:04:05,550 --> 00:04:08,610 and almost every town 184 00:04:05,550 --> 00:04:08,610 in America uses it. 185 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,980 Ah. All right. 186 00:04:08,790 --> 00:04:10,980 You got me. 187 00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:12,850 I don't want fluoride 188 00:04:11,290 --> 00:04:12,850 in the water 189 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,050 because I'm a dentist 190 00:04:12,920 --> 00:04:15,050 and I like cavities. 191 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,690 Yeah, that is not 192 00:04:15,130 --> 00:04:16,690 a valid reason. 193 00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:20,920 Pawnee's cavity problem 194 00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:20,920 is why a small-town dentist, 195 00:04:16,860 --> 00:04:20,920 like me, 196 00:04:21,170 --> 00:04:22,830 can afford such a boss ride. 197 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:26,540 Got an Asian girl 198 00:04:24,100 --> 00:04:26,540 to sit in it once. 199 00:04:26,970 --> 00:04:28,670 Why did we come out here? 200 00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:32,370 Come on, Jamm. 201 00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:32,370 Fluoride in the water, 202 00:04:29,170 --> 00:04:32,370 it's a no-brainer. 203 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,940 Can't you just let me 204 00:04:32,480 --> 00:04:33,940 have this one? 205 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,050 No can do, "Knopey." 206 00:04:34,080 --> 00:04:36,050 As a matter of fact, 207 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,980 I would like 208 00:04:36,110 --> 00:04:37,980 to propose my own bill. 209 00:04:38,120 --> 00:04:39,910 The Pawnee Clean Water Bill, 210 00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:44,010 which prohibits adding 211 00:04:40,050 --> 00:04:44,010 anything to our water supply. 212 00:04:44,490 --> 00:04:45,580 Forever. 213 00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:49,620 Jamm's not going to be 214 00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:49,620 able to kill this 215 00:04:46,290 --> 00:04:49,620 reservoir merger, is he? 216 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,220 On my side, I have facts, 217 00:04:49,690 --> 00:04:52,220 science and reason. 218 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,820 All he has is 219 00:04:52,300 --> 00:04:53,820 fear-mongering. 220 00:04:53,900 --> 00:04:55,760 My God. He's gonna win. 221 00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:58,000 Yeah, people get jittery 222 00:04:55,830 --> 00:04:58,000 about stuff like this. 223 00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,130 Remember last year 224 00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,130 when no one 225 00:04:58,140 --> 00:05:00,130 would get flu shots 226 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,610 because there was a rumor 227 00:05:00,200 --> 00:05:02,610 they turned you European? 228 00:05:02,810 --> 00:05:04,170 Well, I'll figure 229 00:05:02,810 --> 00:05:04,170 something out. 230 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,370 Oh. Jessica's here. 231 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,370 Got to go. 232 00:05:04,240 --> 00:05:06,370 Okay, bye. 233 00:05:06,480 --> 00:05:07,570 Hey, sugarbutt. 234 00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:11,140 Some lardos in Muncie 235 00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:11,140 ate tainted 236 00:05:07,650 --> 00:05:11,140 Sweetums Toffee Sticks 237 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:14,010 and diarrhea'd so much, 238 00:05:11,220 --> 00:05:14,010 they ended up in the hospital. 239 00:05:14,250 --> 00:05:15,240 Oh! 240 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,190 Can we give their school, 241 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,190 like, a new see-saw 242 00:05:15,320 --> 00:05:18,190 or something? 243 00:05:18,420 --> 00:05:19,720 Yeah. Thanks. 244 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,160 The new site looks good. 245 00:05:21,730 --> 00:05:24,160 Nice work. 246 00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:25,960 Oh, my God, 247 00:05:24,230 --> 00:05:25,960 these dogs are so cute. 248 00:05:26,030 --> 00:05:27,760 I want to throw up 249 00:05:26,030 --> 00:05:27,760 and kill myself. 250 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,700 Animal Control had to take in 251 00:05:27,870 --> 00:05:30,700 all the pets from Eagleton 252 00:05:30,770 --> 00:05:33,400 and Crazy Craig used to run 253 00:05:30,770 --> 00:05:33,400 all their shelters, 254 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,440 so he helped me make 255 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,440 an adoption website 256 00:05:33,600 --> 00:05:36,440 for all their dogs. 257 00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:39,130 If you can look 258 00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:39,130 at that site and not 259 00:05:36,610 --> 00:05:39,130 want to take home 50 dogs, 260 00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:41,580 you're, basically, 261 00:05:39,210 --> 00:05:41,580 a war criminal. 262 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,240 See the way that dog 263 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,240 is rolling around 264 00:05:43,150 --> 00:05:45,240 in a puddle? 265 00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:47,610 That's something Andy does 266 00:05:45,350 --> 00:05:47,610 when he gets hot. 267 00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:49,950 Wait, you're right. 268 00:05:48,050 --> 00:05:49,950 That is so Andy. 269 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,350 Oh, my God. 270 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,350 That dog is totally Tom. 271 00:05:50,120 --> 00:05:52,350 Tom. 272 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,890 I don't know why. 273 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,890 It doesn't look like him, 274 00:05:52,560 --> 00:05:54,890 but it just is. 275 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,050 It's like, that dog 276 00:05:54,960 --> 00:05:57,050 is the essence of Tom. 277 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,860 Okay. Important meeting 278 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,860 in the conference room 279 00:05:57,190 --> 00:05:59,860 right now. 280 00:05:59,930 --> 00:06:01,960 We are going to all pick 281 00:05:59,930 --> 00:06:01,960 our spirit dogs. 282 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:04,190 Oh. I've got to pick up 283 00:06:02,030 --> 00:06:04,190 Gayle at the airport. 284 00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:06,360 Larry, I swear to God, 285 00:06:04,270 --> 00:06:06,360 if you leave right now 286 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,800 we will make your spirit dog 287 00:06:06,440 --> 00:06:08,800 a Miniature Schnauzer. 288 00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:11,900 Is that bad? 289 00:06:09,170 --> 00:06:11,900 Yes. Get in there! 290 00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:16,670 Ann found this place. 291 00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:16,670 It's where we bought 292 00:06:13,510 --> 00:06:16,670 our Sounds of Nature machine. 293 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:20,110 You bought a machine 294 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:20,110 that replicates 295 00:06:16,980 --> 00:06:20,110 an open window. 296 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,740 Frasier. Chris Traeger. 297 00:06:20,680 --> 00:06:22,740 Do you remember me? 298 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:25,620 I came in here looking 299 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:25,620 for the Vanna White book 300 00:06:22,820 --> 00:06:25,620 on child care, 301 00:06:25,690 --> 00:06:28,420 I'd Like to Solve 302 00:06:25,690 --> 00:06:28,420 the Puzzle of Parenting. 303 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,990 Could you show my friend 304 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,990 Ron that amazing crib 305 00:06:28,660 --> 00:06:30,990 that you sold me? 306 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:33,460 The Baby Love Little 307 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:33,460 Sweetheart Safe 308 00:06:31,060 --> 00:06:33,460 Forever and Ever model? 309 00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:36,000 Oh. Yeah. 310 00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:36,000 That thing is a death trap. 311 00:06:33,530 --> 00:06:36,000 I'm sorry? 312 00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:37,970 Just found out this morning, 313 00:06:36,070 --> 00:06:37,970 it's being recalled. 314 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,800 They found Maxicylofentabol 315 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:39,800 in the glue. 316 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:41,070 Is that good? It sounds bad. 317 00:06:41,270 --> 00:06:42,970 It burned off my fingernails. 318 00:06:44,170 --> 00:06:45,510 I'll be in the car. 319 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,010 Councilwoman Leslie Knope 320 00:06:47,140 --> 00:06:50,010 wants to put fluoride, 321 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,770 which is a chemical, 322 00:06:50,280 --> 00:06:52,770 into your drinking water. 323 00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:54,810 You know what else 324 00:06:53,050 --> 00:06:54,810 is a chemical? Strychnine. 325 00:06:55,290 --> 00:06:56,520 And cyanide. 326 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,450 What? 327 00:06:56,590 --> 00:06:58,450 And dirt. And rust. 328 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,120 And even broken glass. 329 00:06:58,760 --> 00:07:01,120 Exactly. 330 00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,630 You definitely understand 331 00:07:01,190 --> 00:07:03,630 what chemicals are, Perd. 332 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,160 I would suggest, if you want 333 00:07:03,690 --> 00:07:06,160 to contact the psychopath 334 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:11,430 that wants to turn your kids 335 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:11,430 into bad-at-math 336 00:07:06,260 --> 00:07:11,430 communist fluoride zombies, 337 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,400 well, just call the number 338 00:07:11,500 --> 00:07:13,400 at the bottom of your screen. 339 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,440 Leslie Knope. 340 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,440 No. Stop right there. 341 00:07:15,810 --> 00:07:18,440 You know what? 342 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:20,570 Fluoride protects your teeth 343 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:20,570 and it's perfectly 344 00:07:18,540 --> 00:07:20,570 healthy for you. 345 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:23,810 Well, if Jamm says that, 346 00:07:21,250 --> 00:07:23,810 then he is a lying idiot. 347 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,110 And if you believe it, 348 00:07:23,880 --> 00:07:26,110 then so are you. 349 00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:28,080 Whoa! You just talked 350 00:07:26,420 --> 00:07:28,080 to that person 351 00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,480 like I talk to you. 352 00:07:28,150 --> 00:07:29,480 You can't do that. 353 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,920 Why not? 354 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,920 What are they gonna do, 355 00:07:29,590 --> 00:07:32,920 kick me out of office? 356 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,660 Why did it take me 357 00:07:33,420 --> 00:07:35,660 so long to realize this? 358 00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:37,930 There are no consequences 359 00:07:35,990 --> 00:07:37,930 to my actions anymore. 360 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,000 No matter what I do, 361 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,000 literally nothing bad 362 00:07:38,100 --> 00:07:41,000 can happen to me. 363 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:43,330 I'm like a white, male, 364 00:07:41,070 --> 00:07:43,330 US senator. 365 00:07:45,470 --> 00:07:47,870 Fluoride is going 366 00:07:45,470 --> 00:07:47,870 into the water, moron. 367 00:07:48,070 --> 00:07:49,730 Oh. Hey, Mom. Sorry. 368 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,710 Because all it does 369 00:07:51,240 --> 00:07:53,710 is prevent cavities! 370 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,740 God! I expected 371 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,740 more from you. 372 00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:02,110 All right, 373 00:07:59,950 --> 00:08:02,110 I'm a loose cannon. 374 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,650 We need to fight 375 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,650 fire with fire. 376 00:08:02,220 --> 00:08:04,650 I call a town hall meeting, 377 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,590 I gather everyone together, 378 00:08:04,720 --> 00:08:07,590 I distribute the binders. 379 00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:11,490 But now, the binders 380 00:08:07,890 --> 00:08:11,490 are bright yellow! 381 00:08:11,560 --> 00:08:13,460 Boom! 382 00:08:15,130 --> 00:08:16,190 Too extreme? 383 00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:19,200 Too nothing. Look, Jamm's 384 00:08:16,270 --> 00:08:19,200 already ruined fluoride. 385 00:08:19,270 --> 00:08:21,670 Everyone's scared of it. 386 00:08:19,270 --> 00:08:21,670 What if we called it 387 00:08:19,270 --> 00:08:21,670 something else? 388 00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:24,000 What do you mean? 389 00:08:21,870 --> 00:08:24,000 I mean, we rebrand. 390 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,710 No one cared 391 00:08:24,240 --> 00:08:25,710 about Calvin Broadus, 392 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,570 until he started 393 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,570 calling himself 394 00:08:25,840 --> 00:08:28,570 Snoop Doggy Dogg. 395 00:08:28,850 --> 00:08:31,150 Then, when people 396 00:08:28,850 --> 00:08:31,150 got tired of that, 397 00:08:28,850 --> 00:08:31,150 he went by Snoop Dogg. 398 00:08:31,280 --> 00:08:32,680 And now, he's Snoop Lion. 399 00:08:33,350 --> 00:08:36,250 What's he going 400 00:08:33,350 --> 00:08:36,250 to be in 10 years? 401 00:08:33,350 --> 00:08:36,250 Snoop Laser Snake? Who knows? 402 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:38,720 What are you saying, 403 00:08:36,420 --> 00:08:38,720 we need to sex up fluoride? 404 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:41,020 I don't know, Tom. 405 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:41,020 It's a pretty 406 00:08:38,790 --> 00:08:41,020 sexy topic already. 407 00:08:41,130 --> 00:08:43,590 Leslie, you got to give 408 00:08:41,130 --> 00:08:43,590 people something 409 00:08:41,130 --> 00:08:43,590 to get excited about. 410 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,320 You told me to make 411 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,320 the most of my job. 412 00:08:43,760 --> 00:08:46,320 I'm good at this stuff. 413 00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,530 Now, are you 414 00:08:46,630 --> 00:08:48,530 a loose cannon or not? 415 00:08:49,700 --> 00:08:50,690 Yeah. 416 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:53,730 I'm as loose as a goose. 417 00:08:50,930 --> 00:08:53,730 Do your thing, Tom. 418 00:08:53,970 --> 00:08:55,000 Aw. 419 00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:58,270 Now, remember. 420 00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:58,270 It's about finding a dog 421 00:08:55,070 --> 00:08:58,270 that captures your spirit. 422 00:08:58,510 --> 00:09:01,140 See? This is Craig. 423 00:09:01,550 --> 00:09:03,280 Oh, no, that is insane. 424 00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,940 I will burn this place 425 00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,940 to the ground, 426 00:09:03,350 --> 00:09:05,940 if you pick that one! 427 00:09:07,480 --> 00:09:08,710 Okay, good choice. 428 00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:10,950 You guys. Leslie. 429 00:09:08,850 --> 00:09:10,950 Yes. 430 00:09:11,020 --> 00:09:13,250 And Ron Swanson. 431 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,690 Yeah! 432 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,690 Oh, my God. 433 00:09:13,560 --> 00:09:15,690 This is Larry. 434 00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:19,050 That's great. You nailed it. 435 00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:19,050 Bingo. Donna. 436 00:09:16,530 --> 00:09:19,050 Nailed it. 437 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,660 You're a poodle because 438 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,660 you're pretty, and you like 439 00:09:19,400 --> 00:09:22,660 make-up and stuff. 440 00:09:23,900 --> 00:09:25,230 Game over. 441 00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:32,270 Ron, I want to do 442 00:09:29,270 --> 00:09:32,270 things the Swanson way. 443 00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:37,240 Wonderful. First rule, 444 00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:37,240 no conversation lasts 445 00:09:32,540 --> 00:09:37,240 longer than 100 total words. 446 00:09:37,650 --> 00:09:40,550 You have used nine. 447 00:09:37,650 --> 00:09:40,550 I have used 20. Continue. 448 00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:43,520 Fun. I'd like you 449 00:09:40,620 --> 00:09:43,520 to teach me to build a crib. 450 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,850 Why do you need 451 00:09:43,720 --> 00:09:45,850 to build your own crib? 452 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,890 Because I no longer 453 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,890 trust anything other 454 00:09:46,120 --> 00:09:48,890 than my own two hands. 455 00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:51,420 It is debilitating, 456 00:09:49,260 --> 00:09:51,420 but exciting. 457 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,190 Okay. We'll go to my 458 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,190 woodshop at lunch. 459 00:09:51,500 --> 00:09:54,190 Wonderful. 460 00:09:54,430 --> 00:09:56,960 Look at us. 461 00:09:54,430 --> 00:09:56,960 Both standing on 462 00:09:54,430 --> 00:09:56,960 the cusp of fatherhood. 463 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,190 I know we haven't spent 464 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,190 a lot of time together, 465 00:09:57,130 --> 00:09:59,190 but I hope... 466 00:09:59,270 --> 00:10:00,400 One hundred. 467 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,100 All right. So, in conclusion, 468 00:10:03,040 --> 00:10:06,100 fluoride chemical, 469 00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:10,710 tiny genitals, misinformation, 470 00:10:06,180 --> 00:10:10,710 panic death, Jenny McCarthy. 471 00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:16,880 Well, I don't know, 472 00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:16,880 Councilman. 473 00:10:13,420 --> 00:10:16,880 That was a little dry. 474 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,990 What do you say 475 00:10:17,020 --> 00:10:18,990 we have some fun? Huh? 476 00:10:19,190 --> 00:10:20,250 Check this. 477 00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:24,550 Plain water? 478 00:10:21,460 --> 00:10:24,550 Yuck. I'm bored. 479 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:25,750 Then, try this. 480 00:10:29,430 --> 00:10:31,270 What? What just happened? 481 00:10:31,600 --> 00:10:33,070 That water contains TDazzle, 482 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,800 which makes your teeth 483 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,800 stronger, and starts a party 484 00:10:34,040 --> 00:10:36,800 in your mouth. 485 00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:54,120 What? Fluoride's boring, 486 00:10:50,220 --> 00:10:54,120 guys! Boo! 487 00:10:54,260 --> 00:10:55,560 Welcome to T-Dazzle. 488 00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:59,730 It's not a chemical, 489 00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:59,730 it's an aquatic-based, 490 00:10:55,790 --> 00:10:59,730 social media oral experience. 491 00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:02,260 Everyone who tweets 492 00:10:59,930 --> 00:11:02,260 a T-Dazzle in the next hour 493 00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:04,890 will be entered 494 00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:04,890 to win an exciting 495 00:11:02,330 --> 00:11:04,890 plain blue t-shirt. 496 00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:08,130 I say T. You say Dazzle. T! 497 00:11:05,340 --> 00:11:08,130 Dazzle! 498 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,270 T! 499 00:11:08,210 --> 00:11:10,270 Dazzle! 500 00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,170 Thank you for 501 00:11:10,540 --> 00:11:12,170 the woodworking lesson, Ron. 502 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,410 This whole crib recall thing 503 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,410 has got me, literally, 504 00:11:12,240 --> 00:11:15,410 rethinking everything 505 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:16,980 I thought I knew 506 00:11:15,550 --> 00:11:16,980 about parenting. 507 00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:20,250 What sleep method 508 00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:20,250 will you be using? 509 00:11:17,050 --> 00:11:20,250 Ferber? Sears? 510 00:11:20,780 --> 00:11:22,250 Swanson method, 511 00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,350 where you close 512 00:11:22,420 --> 00:11:24,350 your eyes and fall asleep. 513 00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:27,320 I really wish 514 00:11:24,590 --> 00:11:27,320 Ron would engage. 515 00:11:27,590 --> 00:11:30,960 But he exudes 516 00:11:27,590 --> 00:11:30,960 so much wisdom that 517 00:11:27,590 --> 00:11:30,960 I can learn parenting tips 518 00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:32,490 simply by being 519 00:11:31,260 --> 00:11:32,490 in his presence. 520 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,690 Someone like Ron 521 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,690 is teaching even 522 00:11:32,560 --> 00:11:35,690 when they're not teaching. 523 00:11:36,230 --> 00:11:37,260 Does that make sense? 524 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,300 My anxiety has kept me up 525 00:11:37,330 --> 00:11:40,300 for over 50 hours. 526 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:45,430 Our polling shows that 72% 527 00:11:41,910 --> 00:11:45,430 of citizens are in favor 528 00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,100 of adding T-Dazzle 529 00:11:45,540 --> 00:11:47,100 to their water, 530 00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:51,270 effectively killing 531 00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:51,270 Councilman Jamm's 532 00:11:47,180 --> 00:11:51,270 so-called Clean Water Bill. 533 00:11:51,380 --> 00:11:52,820 Eat it, Jamm. I won. 534 00:11:53,120 --> 00:11:54,310 Apology accepted. 535 00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:57,220 You know, I've actually 536 00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:57,220 come around to your way 537 00:11:54,420 --> 00:11:57,220 of thinking on this. 538 00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:59,950 My only thought is, 539 00:11:57,290 --> 00:11:59,950 why stop here? 540 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:03,690 Ladies and gentlemen, 541 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:03,690 Sweetums president, 542 00:12:00,090 --> 00:12:03,690 Jessica Wicks. 543 00:12:05,360 --> 00:12:06,420 Whoo! 544 00:12:07,830 --> 00:12:10,600 Look, we all love T-Dazzle. 545 00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:14,100 But we can do more 546 00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:14,100 to improve our 547 00:12:10,770 --> 00:12:14,100 drinking supply. 548 00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:16,670 Sweetums is excited 549 00:12:14,470 --> 00:12:16,670 to propose 550 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:19,840 an alternative to boring 551 00:12:16,740 --> 00:12:19,840 municipal water. 552 00:12:19,940 --> 00:12:23,210 We call it, Drink-Ems! Whoo! 553 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,880 Sweetums is prepared 554 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,880 to take over the management 555 00:12:23,280 --> 00:12:26,880 of Pawnee's water. 556 00:12:26,950 --> 00:12:29,720 This is going to save 557 00:12:26,950 --> 00:12:29,720 this town beaucoup bucks. 558 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,050 Take a sip of this 559 00:12:29,920 --> 00:12:32,050 delicious water 560 00:12:32,190 --> 00:12:34,950 and imagine it coming out 561 00:12:32,190 --> 00:12:34,950 of your faucets at home. 562 00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:37,190 This water is filled 563 00:12:35,230 --> 00:12:37,190 with sugar. 564 00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:39,130 There's absolutely no way 565 00:12:37,260 --> 00:12:39,130 we are doing this. 566 00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:41,860 Too late. We're going 567 00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:41,860 to fill the whole reservoir 568 00:12:39,330 --> 00:12:41,860 with this stuff. 569 00:12:42,070 --> 00:12:43,360 Checkmate. 570 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,800 Did you bring those 571 00:12:43,530 --> 00:12:45,800 with you just to do that? 572 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,370 Maybe. 573 00:12:46,040 --> 00:12:47,370 Damn. 574 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,100 This is a baller move. 575 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,100 What are we gonna 576 00:12:47,500 --> 00:12:50,100 do now, Leslie? 577 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,410 Hey. Okay. Are you still mad 578 00:12:52,640 --> 00:12:55,410 at me about the poodle thing? 579 00:12:55,550 --> 00:12:57,610 It's just a dumb game. 580 00:12:55,550 --> 00:12:57,610 I can pick another dog. 581 00:12:57,680 --> 00:12:59,550 I'm not mad about the choice. 582 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,340 I'm mad about the reasons. 583 00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:04,210 Pretty? Make-up? 584 00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:04,210 Is that all you 585 00:13:01,620 --> 00:13:04,210 know about me? 586 00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:06,260 Mmm. We don't hang 587 00:13:04,290 --> 00:13:06,260 out that much. 588 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,250 It's not like 589 00:13:06,560 --> 00:13:08,250 you know a ton about me. 590 00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:10,620 You're beautiful, 591 00:13:08,530 --> 00:13:10,620 yet cold and aloof. 592 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,990 You pride yourself 593 00:13:10,790 --> 00:13:12,990 on being a loner. 594 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,220 You do not obey, 595 00:13:13,100 --> 00:13:15,220 you choose to cooperate. 596 00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:18,170 And when you stop 597 00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:18,170 baring your fangs 598 00:13:15,300 --> 00:13:18,170 to pick a mate, it's for life. 599 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,170 And you are fiercely 600 00:13:18,240 --> 00:13:20,170 loyal to your pack, 601 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,140 which makes you, a rare, 602 00:13:20,240 --> 00:13:23,140 black, Siberian Husky. 603 00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:26,680 That was so spot-on, 604 00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:26,680 it was scary. 605 00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:29,370 I need to go lie down 606 00:13:26,780 --> 00:13:29,370 for 45 minutes. 607 00:13:29,580 --> 00:13:31,210 No. An hour. 608 00:13:32,650 --> 00:13:33,910 A full hour. 609 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,880 Good morning. 610 00:13:34,690 --> 00:13:36,880 This won't take long. 611 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,590 Simply put, 612 00:13:37,250 --> 00:13:39,590 it would be madness 613 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,850 to let Sweetums take over 614 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,850 our water supply 615 00:13:39,760 --> 00:13:42,850 and pump it full of sugar. 616 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,890 What's next? 617 00:13:43,160 --> 00:13:45,890 Cookie dough toothpaste? 618 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,790 Bad example. 619 00:13:47,260 --> 00:13:48,790 That would be amazing. 620 00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:52,030 My point is, 621 00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:52,030 Sweetums is an evil, 622 00:13:48,930 --> 00:13:52,030 profit-hungry corporation 623 00:13:52,140 --> 00:13:53,500 that is ruining our health. 624 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,740 Ever since Sweetums 625 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,740 opened its doors, 626 00:13:53,840 --> 00:13:57,740 obesity is up 100%. 627 00:13:57,910 --> 00:13:58,900 It's unacceptable. 628 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,640 Down with that poison-peddling 629 00:13:59,080 --> 00:14:02,640 corporate monster. 630 00:14:02,810 --> 00:14:04,080 Down with Sweetums! 631 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,680 Hey. 632 00:14:07,920 --> 00:14:09,680 Hey. Heard about your speech. 633 00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,420 Sounded great. 634 00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,420 I wish you could 635 00:14:09,750 --> 00:14:11,420 have seen it. 636 00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:14,550 It felt so good. 637 00:14:11,490 --> 00:14:14,550 I love loose cannoning. 638 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,990 You know, I love the power 639 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:16,990 of no consequences. 640 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:19,660 Well, unfortunately, 641 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:19,660 there has been 642 00:14:17,230 --> 00:14:19,660 one consequence. 643 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,330 I just got fired 644 00:14:20,200 --> 00:14:22,330 from Sweetums. 645 00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:27,170 Because you were 646 00:14:24,300 --> 00:14:27,170 embezzling. I hope. 647 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:33,640 Hey, Jessica. 648 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:33,640 Did you do something 649 00:14:29,870 --> 00:14:33,640 to your hair? 650 00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:36,410 Because sister, 651 00:14:33,710 --> 00:14:36,410 you look good enough to eat. 652 00:14:36,510 --> 00:14:37,670 Nom-nom-nom. 653 00:14:37,810 --> 00:14:39,080 What do you want, Leslie? 654 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,810 You can't punish Ben 655 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,810 for something I did. 656 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:41,810 It's not fair. 657 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,510 I love him, and I will do 658 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,510 anything to help him 659 00:14:41,920 --> 00:14:45,510 get his job back. 660 00:14:46,120 --> 00:14:47,110 What do you want? 661 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:51,130 I want you to formally 662 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:51,130 apologize for what 663 00:14:47,190 --> 00:14:51,130 you said about Sweetums. 664 00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:55,930 I want you to say 665 00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:55,930 that we're a moral, 666 00:14:51,330 --> 00:14:55,930 upstanding corporation 667 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,090 that you're proud 668 00:14:56,000 --> 00:14:58,090 to have in Pawnee. 669 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,170 And when you make 670 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:00,170 your apology, 671 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,200 I want you to wear 672 00:15:00,440 --> 00:15:03,200 a lime-green pantsuit. 673 00:15:03,340 --> 00:15:06,500 Because it will look 674 00:15:03,340 --> 00:15:06,500 horrible on you. 675 00:15:03,340 --> 00:15:06,500 You are such an autumn. 676 00:15:08,350 --> 00:15:09,870 Did you need me for something? 677 00:15:08,350 --> 00:15:09,870 Yes. 678 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,610 I want to figure out 679 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,610 your spirit dog 680 00:15:09,950 --> 00:15:12,610 and I'm going to do that 681 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,670 by learning everything 682 00:15:12,680 --> 00:15:14,670 there is to know about you. 683 00:15:14,890 --> 00:15:16,880 All right. Game on. 684 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,920 Okay. 685 00:15:17,450 --> 00:15:18,920 What's your favorite color? 686 00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:20,890 For cars, it's gold. 687 00:15:19,020 --> 00:15:20,890 For shoes, it's red. 688 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,220 Unless it's the weekend, 689 00:15:20,960 --> 00:15:23,220 then reverse them. 690 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,350 Favorite music. 691 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,350 1970s funk and 1770s opera 692 00:15:23,360 --> 00:15:27,350 and Sugar Ray. 693 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:30,060 Post Mark McGrath, 694 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:30,060 after he left for 695 00:15:27,730 --> 00:15:30,060 Entertainment Tonight. 696 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:31,730 Favorite book. 697 00:15:30,300 --> 00:15:31,730 Downton Abbey. 698 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,170 That's not a... 699 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:34,170 Downton Abbey. 700 00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:37,860 Okay. Um... Describe 701 00:15:34,870 --> 00:15:37,860 your perfect Sunday. 702 00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,040 Church, do the 703 00:15:38,070 --> 00:15:40,040 Harper's Magazine acrostic, 704 00:15:40,110 --> 00:15:41,510 play my oboe in the Jacuzzi, 705 00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:43,310 while the sun 706 00:15:41,580 --> 00:15:43,310 sets over Puget Sound. 707 00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:45,910 Favorite movies? 708 00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:45,910 In order. 709 00:15:43,580 --> 00:15:45,910 Natural Born Killers, 710 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:49,280 Remains of the Day 711 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:49,280 and Bill and Ted's 712 00:15:45,980 --> 00:15:49,280 Bogus Journey. 713 00:15:50,590 --> 00:15:53,020 Excellent. Thank you 714 00:15:50,590 --> 00:15:53,020 very much for your time. 715 00:15:53,090 --> 00:15:54,960 I will have 716 00:15:53,090 --> 00:15:54,960 your answer shortly. 717 00:15:57,490 --> 00:15:58,790 No idea. 718 00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:04,400 If a joint is properly 719 00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:04,400 fashioned, all you need 720 00:15:59,030 --> 00:16:04,400 to do is guide it into place. 721 00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:07,770 All you need to do 722 00:16:04,470 --> 00:16:07,770 is guide it into place. 723 00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:09,870 What I get from that is, 724 00:16:07,970 --> 00:16:09,870 when parenting, 725 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:13,270 sometimes, a subtle hand 726 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:13,270 is more effective 727 00:16:10,070 --> 00:16:13,270 than a strong one. 728 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:17,180 This is already so much more 729 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:17,180 helpful than the last book 730 00:16:14,310 --> 00:16:17,180 on parenting I read, 731 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,820 Rad Dads, by Apolo Anton Ohno 732 00:16:17,480 --> 00:16:20,820 and Shaun White. 733 00:16:21,690 --> 00:16:22,810 Nah... 734 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,950 Ron, why did you throw 735 00:16:24,120 --> 00:16:25,950 that wood away? 736 00:16:26,020 --> 00:16:27,890 It's unstable. It's no good. 737 00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:30,490 I just don't understand 738 00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:30,490 the "throwing away the wood" 739 00:16:28,090 --> 00:16:30,490 metaphor. 740 00:16:30,990 --> 00:16:31,980 What's the lesson? 741 00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:34,720 I know! 742 00:16:32,100 --> 00:16:34,720 It's potty-training. 743 00:16:35,230 --> 00:16:37,570 That trash can is the toilet 744 00:16:35,230 --> 00:16:37,570 and the wood was the feces. 745 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,970 Chris, I'm not 746 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,970 teaching you anything. 747 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:40,970 We're just building a crib. 748 00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:43,660 No, I know you're not 749 00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:43,660 consciously teaching me 750 00:16:41,140 --> 00:16:43,660 anything. 751 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,140 I'm just trying 752 00:16:43,910 --> 00:16:45,140 to siphon off 753 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:48,300 some of your calm, 754 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:48,300 centered wisdom 755 00:16:45,210 --> 00:16:48,300 through metaphors. 756 00:16:48,380 --> 00:16:50,710 Metaphors? I hate metaphors. 757 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,870 That's why 758 00:16:50,880 --> 00:16:52,870 my favorite book is Moby Dick. 759 00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:56,250 No frou-frou symbolism. 760 00:16:53,420 --> 00:16:56,250 Just a good, simple tale 761 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,020 about a man, 762 00:16:56,320 --> 00:16:58,020 who hates an animal. 763 00:16:58,190 --> 00:17:00,520 That's enough for today, 764 00:16:58,190 --> 00:17:00,520 I think. 765 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,120 An organized child is a... 766 00:17:03,360 --> 00:17:05,120 No. 767 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,760 Okay, 768 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,760 I've been working 769 00:17:07,700 --> 00:17:09,760 on this for three hours, 770 00:17:09,830 --> 00:17:11,700 and I know your spirit dog. 771 00:17:11,870 --> 00:17:15,070 You are a Nova Scotia Toller. 772 00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:18,180 Because you're outgoing 773 00:17:15,210 --> 00:17:18,180 and adventurous 774 00:17:18,280 --> 00:17:20,680 and you love Canada? 775 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,580 No, that's not right. 776 00:17:21,910 --> 00:17:24,580 No, it isn't. 777 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:27,050 But I appreciate the effort. 778 00:17:24,650 --> 00:17:27,050 We're good. 779 00:17:27,120 --> 00:17:28,180 Do not beat yourself up. 780 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,410 You'll probably never guess 781 00:17:28,250 --> 00:17:30,410 what kind of dog I am. 782 00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:32,980 You're right. 783 00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:32,980 I'll never guess 784 00:17:31,290 --> 00:17:32,980 what kind of dog you are. 785 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,020 Because you're not a dog. 786 00:17:33,320 --> 00:17:35,020 You're a cat. 787 00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:40,190 You're temperamental, 788 00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:40,190 you're unpredictable, 789 00:17:35,530 --> 00:17:40,190 complex and hard to read. 790 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,130 You make people work 791 00:17:40,260 --> 00:17:43,130 before you let them in. 792 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,570 But if they put the time in 793 00:17:43,230 --> 00:17:45,570 and prove that they care, 794 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,430 then you open 795 00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,430 yourself up to them. 796 00:17:48,610 --> 00:17:49,600 Right? 797 00:17:51,880 --> 00:17:54,340 No. No, no, no, no. 798 00:17:55,210 --> 00:17:57,150 Hmm. 799 00:17:57,980 --> 00:18:02,080 So, let's all raise a glass 800 00:17:57,980 --> 00:18:02,080 full of delicious, 801 00:17:57,980 --> 00:18:02,080 sugary drinking water, 802 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:04,780 to Sweetums, 803 00:18:02,490 --> 00:18:04,780 a Pawnee institution. 804 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,590 Leslie, don't do this. 805 00:18:05,120 --> 00:18:07,590 I have to, Ben. 806 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,960 We can't both be 807 00:18:08,120 --> 00:18:09,960 out of a job. 808 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,320 What do we do? 809 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,320 Sleep all day, take 810 00:18:10,130 --> 00:18:13,320 cooking classes together, 811 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,590 sit on a couch 812 00:18:13,460 --> 00:18:15,590 and watch movies? 813 00:18:16,070 --> 00:18:18,500 God, that sounds horrible. 814 00:18:16,070 --> 00:18:18,500 There's more at stake here. 815 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,440 You apologize, it will be 816 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,440 an endorsement 817 00:18:18,600 --> 00:18:21,440 for the Drink-Ems plan. 818 00:18:21,570 --> 00:18:22,600 I know that, but... 819 00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:25,140 And everything you said 820 00:18:22,670 --> 00:18:25,140 about Sweetums was right on. 821 00:18:25,210 --> 00:18:27,680 I mean, 90% 822 00:18:25,210 --> 00:18:27,680 of the charity work I did 823 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,940 was to compensate 824 00:18:27,740 --> 00:18:29,940 for messes they caused. 825 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,180 And I don't want 826 00:18:30,210 --> 00:18:32,180 to work for them anymore. 827 00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:33,910 Are you sure? 828 00:18:32,750 --> 00:18:33,910 Yeah. 829 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,380 Just go up there 830 00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,380 and stick to your guns. 831 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,850 Well, it's not gonna 832 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,850 make a difference. 833 00:18:36,450 --> 00:18:38,850 I can't beat them. 834 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,390 All I have on my side 835 00:18:38,920 --> 00:18:41,390 is facts and science, 836 00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:43,430 and people hate 837 00:18:41,460 --> 00:18:43,430 facts and science. 838 00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:46,390 Wait. I have an idea. 839 00:18:43,860 --> 00:18:46,390 Go get Tom. 840 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:47,730 What? 841 00:18:46,460 --> 00:18:47,730 Run. Get Tom! 842 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:53,500 Yesterday, I said some 843 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:53,500 pretty harsh things 844 00:18:50,170 --> 00:18:53,500 about Sweetums 845 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,700 and their great new product. 846 00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:58,880 But when I looked 847 00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:58,880 at the research, I found 848 00:18:55,910 --> 00:18:58,880 some pretty compelling facts 849 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,780 about Drink-Ems that 850 00:18:58,940 --> 00:19:01,780 made me change my tune. 851 00:19:02,110 --> 00:19:05,240 Each Drink-Ems is packed 852 00:19:02,110 --> 00:19:05,240 with 35% of your daily 853 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,780 monopotassium 854 00:19:05,320 --> 00:19:07,780 phosphate requirement. 855 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:12,180 MPP is an emulsifier, 856 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:12,180 as well as a plus-seven 857 00:19:07,920 --> 00:19:12,180 pH buffer. 858 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,810 Now, I know what 859 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,810 you're thinking. 860 00:19:12,320 --> 00:19:14,810 What about its molar mass? 861 00:19:15,330 --> 00:19:18,090 How does 136.086 grab you? 862 00:19:18,190 --> 00:19:20,190 What the... 863 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:24,400 I don't know about y'all, 864 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:24,400 but Drink-Ems seems 865 00:19:21,500 --> 00:19:24,400 pretty boring to me. 866 00:19:24,470 --> 00:19:26,770 Not like H2FLOW. 867 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,840 Excuse me. 868 00:19:26,900 --> 00:19:28,840 I have several binders 869 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:31,340 with very important data 870 00:19:28,910 --> 00:19:31,340 that I need to get through. 871 00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,210 Well, Miss, I think 872 00:19:31,410 --> 00:19:33,210 we'd all appreciate it 873 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,040 if you just swallowed 874 00:19:33,280 --> 00:19:35,040 a teaspoon of hush. 875 00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:37,700 Think of H2FLOW 876 00:19:35,210 --> 00:19:37,700 as an app for your teeth. 877 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,640 The more flow you take in, 878 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,640 the more sparkle points 879 00:19:38,010 --> 00:19:40,640 you get. 880 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,850 Get enough sparkle points, 881 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,850 and you're on your way 882 00:19:40,720 --> 00:19:43,850 to your first Aqua Badge. 883 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,680 Collect enough Aqua Badges, 884 00:19:43,950 --> 00:19:46,680 and we'll welcome you 885 00:19:46,890 --> 00:19:48,690 to the H2FLOW Platinum Club. 886 00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:52,760 I'm great at business, 887 00:19:50,330 --> 00:19:52,760 and I'm great at Parks stuff. 888 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,690 I'm like Picasso 889 00:19:53,000 --> 00:19:54,690 meets Michael Jordan. 890 00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:58,530 I can paint. 891 00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:58,530 But, uh, I can also be 892 00:19:54,830 --> 00:19:58,530 a world-class gambler. 893 00:19:59,570 --> 00:20:00,900 Ron, what's this? 894 00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:04,310 The crib I built. 895 00:20:01,340 --> 00:20:04,310 I'm giving it to you and Ann. 896 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,970 It's perfectly safe. 897 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,970 I tested it by 898 00:20:04,470 --> 00:20:07,970 hitting it with my truck. 899 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,650 Well, Ron, I can't accept. 900 00:20:08,280 --> 00:20:10,650 This is for your baby. 901 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,880 There is more than one 902 00:20:10,710 --> 00:20:12,880 crib-tree in a forest. 903 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:16,940 That's not a lesson, 904 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:16,940 by the way. Just a comment 905 00:20:12,950 --> 00:20:16,940 on lumber availability. 906 00:20:17,790 --> 00:20:19,380 It's beautiful. Thank you. 907 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,290 Nobody has all 908 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,290 the right answers 909 00:20:19,560 --> 00:20:23,290 in parenting, including me. 910 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:26,660 And that toxic crib 911 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:26,660 you bought won't be 912 00:20:23,490 --> 00:20:26,660 the last mistake you make. 913 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,200 But a man who is this 914 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,200 worried, about making 915 00:20:26,760 --> 00:20:30,200 all the right choices, 916 00:20:30,630 --> 00:20:31,970 cares very much. 917 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,870 That's all that matters. 918 00:20:32,400 --> 00:20:34,870 You'll be a great father. 919 00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:38,840 Thank you, Ron. 920 00:20:35,910 --> 00:20:38,840 For the crib and the advice. 921 00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,910 It's much better 922 00:20:38,980 --> 00:20:40,910 than any metaphor. 923 00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:44,640 Does the white whale 924 00:20:42,110 --> 00:20:44,640 actually symbolize 925 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:48,550 the unknowability 926 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:48,550 and meaninglessness 927 00:20:44,710 --> 00:20:48,550 of human existence? 928 00:20:49,350 --> 00:20:52,550 No. It's just a... 929 00:20:49,350 --> 00:20:52,550 fish. 930 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,420 Hey. Good news. 931 00:20:54,020 --> 00:20:56,420 Drink-Ems is dead. 932 00:20:56,490 --> 00:20:58,360 As of tomorrow, 933 00:20:56,490 --> 00:20:58,360 every Pawnee resident 934 00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:00,920 will have H2FLOW 935 00:20:58,430 --> 00:21:00,920 in their drinking water. 936 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,130 That's great news. 937 00:21:01,000 --> 00:21:04,130 H2FLOW is fluoride, right? 938 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:08,740 They think so. 939 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:08,740 I'll double-check with Tom, 940 00:21:04,830 --> 00:21:08,740 but I'm, like, 95% sure. 941 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:12,870 Well, look at us. 942 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:12,870 Two people, who are 943 00:21:09,010 --> 00:21:12,870 about to have zero jobs. 944 00:21:13,340 --> 00:21:14,330 Weird, huh? 945 00:21:14,410 --> 00:21:17,280 You and I, we always 946 00:21:14,410 --> 00:21:17,280 land on our feet, right? 947 00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:18,710 Uh-oh. 948 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:21,150 Guess who won 949 00:21:18,820 --> 00:21:21,150 that plain blue t-shirt. 950 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,750 No way! 951 00:21:21,480 --> 00:21:23,750 Look how blue it is! 952 00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:26,810 Wow! Things are already 953 00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:26,810 looking up. 954 00:21:23,820 --> 00:21:26,810 Yeah.