Are you ready?
Yes.
No. Babe.
Are you ready?
Yes?
I got fired from running
the Sweetums Foundation.
Thanks to me.
Sorry, again.
Hey, blessing
in disguise.
I took a job at
this accounting firm.
They tried to
hire me three times.
I finally gave in.
But I've had a week
off in between jobs,
and I've been cooking up
something pretty big.
The last time he
was in between jobs,
he got deep
into claymation.
So this should be
different. Hopefully.
Presenting
The Cones of Dunshire,
a brand new
gaming experience.
Eight to twelve players.
Two wizards, a maverick...
The arbiter,
two warriors, a corporal,
and a ledgerman.
Now, the ledgerman
just keeps score.
And he wears this hat.
Oh, boy.
Now, the object is
to accumulate cones.
Four cones wins.
But in order to get
a cone, you have to
build a civilization.
The other amazing thing
is the challenge play.
Actually, let me
tell you more about
the trivia cards,
because you're going
to need to know about
roadblocks first.
No, never mind.
The thing about
the challenge play
is that it's
basically the game
in reverse.
Then, you roll three
dice to see how many
dice you roll with.
Sixteen. Perfect.
Lots of choices.
Okay. Each turn
goes roll, bye,
action.
I mean, obviously,
this will be much taller
in the real game.
But the corporal can veto.
This should be green, too.
How did this happen?
Are the cones a metaphor?
Well, yes and no.
What is this
called again?
The Cones of Dunshire.
Oh, my God.
The maverick should
be able to trade lumber
for agriculture credits.
How have I not
thought of this before?
This is nothing, right?
When do you go
back to work again?
Tomorrow.
It's fine.
I'll just throw this
in the garbage.
As soon as Knope is gone,
these are going up
all over chambers.
Jamm for three!
Ha-ha! What, are you
trying to build a house
with those bricks?
The girl is attacking me.
Any new business
before we adjourn?
Yes. I have one.
The Pawnee Commons.
The money for
the Pawnee Commons,
AKA the greatest
future park in the world.
AKA my personal
dream project...
AKA...
Is currently in
a discretionary fund.
I'd like to move
it to a lock box
to ensure that it is
used for that project.
The thing is, Leslie,
this kind of decision is...
It's not really
up to you anymore.
Because the voters,
to use a technical
political term,
gave you the stanky boot.
But we'll keep your
money safe, baby girl.
What, you think
I'm going to use it
to put a new limestone
shower in my office?
Yeah. Now, I do.
I propose that we table
this discussion until,
let's say, the second
Knope is gone.
Later, bunheads. Glass!
Video Ron Demand.
What you carrying,
my dude?
The time has come
to sell my cabin.
But I haven't had much
luck finding a buyer.
"For sale. Small house.
Location, forest."
It's a little wordy,
don't you think?
"Current owner
will not clean up
"shotgun shells or
animal carcasses."
What the hell is
wrong with you, Swanson?
Fine, I'll clean up
the shotgun shells,
but the carcasses remain
to fertilize my berry patch.
If you really want to unload
that little horror cabin,
you're going to
need a professional
to stage it properly.
Lucky for you,
I recently got my
real estate license.
Spladow!
Check it.
"Regal Meagle Realty.
"Find your castle."
Fine. I suppose
I could use some help.
Yo, Donna. Let me get
a little skin in the game?
Maybe split that
commission?
All right.
Show me what you got,
I'll split that commish.
♪ Split that commish ♪
The question I
always ask myself is,
what kind of
mogul should I be?
Fashion mogul,
energy drink mogul.
I even thought
about downhill skiing.
A mogul mogul.
But real estate mogul.
That's a hot
mogul right now.
Ben Wyatt,
reporting for duty.
How are you doing, Barney?
Good to see you again.
I just can't believe
it's finally happening.
Ted! He's here!
He really came!
Hello, Ben. I'm Frank.
I took the job
when you passed
it up last time.
Heard a lot about you.
All good things, I hope.
A little too good.
Let's see if you
live up to the hype.
I'm not joking.
Oh.
Frank seems cool.
Tell everybody in
Michigan I said, hi,
and tell your mom that
I love the banana cake
she posted on Pinterest.
The father of your
child is here.
I have to go.
I'll talk to you soon.
I love you.
Is that Ann?
I hope you were
speaking to her
in a calming voice
'cause babies can
hear everything.
Baby, if you can
still hear me, I love you.
The phone
is hung up.
Oh, sorry.
You got my message
about Jamm
being a dink-head?
Yes. But as city manager,
I can't play sides.
And I think all of our
heads can be a little
dinky at times.
Fine, but his
is the dinkiest.
Mmm.
And I would know
'cause I'm keeping score.
Ever since I
started City Council,
I have gone head-to-head
with Jamm 112 times.
He has won 56 times,
I have won 56 times.
I will not lose
our last battle.
Will you help me?
No.
Oh. The way you
stood up like that,
I thought it was going
to go a different way.
No, I can't
help directly.
But I am on your side,
and I will assist you
in any way that I can.
Maybe I can mediate.
Like Dr. Phil.
Only qualified.
So, what's the story, Ron?
Diane making you
sell this place?
Not at all.
Recently,
I purchased
a new cabin
big enough for
the whole family.
I just can't justify
owning four cabins.
Two cabins.
The new cabin I bought
has a great tire
swing for the girls,
access to a lake for
all the kids to play in.
Plus, it doesn't
have these razor sharp
perimeter defense planks
sticking out of the ground.
I usually get a five
percent commission,
but I'll do it for three.
Friends and family discount.
Make it five.
I don't want you getting any
ideas about us being friends.
Respect.
Donna, baby,
for the fireplace,
I'm thinking fake antlers.
But what kind of scarves
do we want to hang
off the fake antlers?
Oh, duh!
Crocheted.
Mos def.
That will look legit
next to those antique
"Visit France" posters.
Ron, you want
to stay outside
and do nothing
while they make
your cabin look
like garbage?
I'd like that very much.
We can watch
the shadows get longer.
Okay.
Wow! You guys
sure take
the start-up paperwork
seriously around here.
Sorry to start
you out like this.
And on a Friday,
no less.
But it's our
toughest case.
Three competing
family trusts,
a contested will.
It's a real puzzler.
So, let's see
what you got.
"Genius."
If I'm murdered tonight,
start the investigation
with those two guys.
What the hell
are you nerds
doing here?
We're not done talking
about the lock box.
This isn't over.
And I'm here to mediate.
You can't just show up
at my door like this.
Look, I know we've
had our differences,
but this is very
important to me.
And I'm not leaving
until we hash this out.
I respect the
moxie, Knope.
You can come
in for a minute.
Shoes off.
This is a house
of respect.
I don't need to do that.
My feet are very clean.
No shoes, you lose.
"No shoes, you lose"?
That means we
should have shoes,
then. Right?
No shoes...
Mmm-hmm.
Yeah, so this is
my weekend dojo.
Sorry the place
is a bit of a mess.
My wife's in Oklahoma
for eight months.
Maybe forever.
We'll see if
she forgives me.
Who's that?
Michelle Wie?
It's not sexual.
I'm just a really
big fan of her game.
Really?
Yeah.
'Cause in that picture,
she's wearing a bikini.
Yeah, thanks.
Photoshopped it myself.
Fantastic.
This is about the time
I hit the hay. So...
Why don't we
all hit the hay?
We'll stay here,
get a good night's sleep,
and we can start
negotiations tomorrow.
We stopped at
the outlet mall
on the way here.
Got ourselves a sleeping bag,
a giant tin of caramel corn,
and an irregular
skirt from DKNY.
The hem is crooked,
but it was eight bucks.
The point is,
I am not leaving
until I get that lock box.
Playing hardball,
huh?
Hey, no sweat
off my sack.
You can take
the couch
if you can get my
exercise equipment
out of the way.
I think I can
handle it.
How sweet
is this table,
by the way, huh?
Got it from
an actual Benihana.
Cost me four grand,
worth every penny.
Hai!
Can I interest anyone
in an authentic
a-Japanese a-break-a-fast?
Scrambled eggs
eaten with chopsticks?
Okay.
Hai!
Maybe we should negotiate
while we're eating.
What's the rush?
Plenty of time
for that later.
You know what
might put you in
the mood to talk?
Is a couple of brewskis
and a calendar featuring
some of your favorite
female wrestlers.
Oh, yeah.
Knope, you know the way
to a man's heart.
Yeah, okay, let's talk.
You got it.
These people
won't leave.
One guy even looked
in the bathroom.
Yeah, that means
they like the place.
If you just leave them
alone, I think we might
get some offers.
This evergreen scented
candle should help put
people in the mood to buy.
You could just open the door
and let the actual
smell of the pines in.
Trees are sticky.
And they've
got bugs in them.
This place
is so random.
I don't know.
It's kind of in
the middle of nowhere.
I know. That's the
hilarious part.
It's a joke how long
it takes to get here.
It's like a meta-cabin.
Oh, yeah,
it's meta.
That's what I said.
Yeah.
I heard that
Dave Eggers
wrote a short story
about this tape cassette
that he found under
that tree over there.
My God.
What are you doing?
Trying to get these
annoying dumdums
to pay more money
for your cabin.
Carry on.
My God, I heard that
Neko Case and Ben Gibbard
made out here once.
What?
Saturday at
the firm with Ben.
Okay.
We dissolve the loan-out
and file bankruptcy.
That way, only our
clients have claim
to the assets.
Great idea.
That we had a month ago.
The problem is,
the trust still has
claim to the property.
Then we dissolve
the trust.
Clients A, B, and F,
they would have to agree.
But if they went for it,
we could arbitrate.
He's right. We never
thought of that.
Oh! Oh!
Ben. Ben.
Say it again.
But this time, I'm
going to turn the light on
like you just had an idea.
Sure, sure.
Yeah, I'm with you.
Umm, okay.
Ah...
What if we
dissolve the trust?
Yes! You just
cracked a case!
I'm just doing my job.
Okay, here's an idea.
Maybe we name
part of the park
the Jamm Zone.
Yeah, Jamm could
dig on that.
How about if,
in the Jamm Zone,
there's no married
chicks allowed?
Caution, Jeremy.
I think there are people
that will find the
no-married-chicks zone
both morally repugnant
and hard to enforce.
All right.
Listen, let us celebrate
this progress by sharing
these authentic edamame
or Tokyo beans?
Now, I want you
to be very careful
about eating these.
You eat the shells
and you throw
the seeds out.
Wow! You have really
immersed yourself
in Asian culture.
Now, I think maybe
we should revisit
the holding bond idea.
Lezzie, come on.
I'm getting bored.
I mean, we've been
at this for hours.
Can we please
take a break?
Perhaps he has a point.
And we've made some progress.
Maybe we go home
and take the rest
of it up on Monday.
No, I cannot wait
until Monday. I need
to close this deal now.
So, I have an idea.
Let's have a change of
venue and keep negotiating
while we have fun.
If I remember correctly,
you enjoy the ancient
art of karaoke.
Yes?
I do, and kudos on
that pronunciation.
I remember
your favorite duet.
Maybe it's time
to take this party
to Rydell High.
Whoa!
I cannot wait to
hear your Travolta.
No, no, no. I'm Sandra Dee.
That's more in my register.
You're Zuko.
♪ He got friendly
Holding my hand
♪ She got friendly
Down in the sand
♪ He was sweet
Just turned eighteen
♪ She was good
You know what I mean
Uh!
♪ Summer heat
Boy and girl meet
♪ But the summer nights ♪
I would like to buy
five DVDs of this.
No, 20. No. No, 60.
No, that's insane. 20.
Good news. We have
multiple bidders.
That guy's getting
his financials together.
Plans on tearing
the whole place down,
just wants it
for the land.
Why would he tear down
a perfectly good cabin?
I think he's a developer,
wants to put in
a luxury glamp ground.
"Glamping" is
glamour camping.
Heated tents,
catered meals, WiFi.
You're describing
a hotel.
And I think we
still have traction
with those two.
Hey, man.
I love the mustache.
So funny.
You ever think
about twisting it
up at the ends?
Use a little beeswax?
The open house
is now closed.
We are not accepting
bids at this time.
The sun sets
in 95 minutes.
Good day.
That's part of
the charm of
this whole place.
The cantankerous
old coot who owns it.
It's authentic!
I've got to say,
that was pretty
fun up there.
We have fun when we
collaborate, right?
Working together?
Lock box? Right?
In, uh, some weird,
perverted, sexual way,
I'm going to miss
you when you're gone.
Oh.
You are my nemesis.
You're the Superman
to my Lex Luthor.
You want to be
Lex Luthor?
Uh, yeah.
Lex Luthor is rich.
Okay. I can't
argue with that.
So, I did Zuko for you.
Now you give me the lock box.
Leslie put a
beautiful cross into
the box, Jeremy.
Time for you
to head it in.
All right, Knope.
What can I say?
You wore me down.
I'll give you my word,
and I will put it in writing,
so I can't back out.
We won't touch
the money for one year.
And if the economy holds up,
you can start
construction then.
Leslie,
you have your lock box.
And you scored
a triple dragon
on your song.
No. I cannot
wait a year.
I want to get started now.
I want construction
started on Monday.
You have his word.
And this is riddled
with spelling errors,
but it is binding.
It's not good enough.
Jamm, I sang
your stupid song.
I ate your stupid,
fake Asian food.
And by the way,
you should know
you don't make sushi
rolls out of tuna salad.
Maybe you don't.
I did practically
everything you wanted
and you won't just
give this to me today?
Screw you.
You're giving
a card to me?
You left me no choice.
Oh, my God!
Please, could
you excuse us?
Oh, my God.
Leslie, you
should be happy.
You beat Jamm in
the final battle.
Unless there's something
more going on here.
Ann. This is about Ann.
Ann Perkins?
I love Ann Perkins.
Pawnee Commons is why
I met Ann five years ago.
And I know you guys
are talking about moving.
But I guess I thought
if maybe Ann came back
from Michigan tomorrow
and I was able to
look into her smoky,
ethnically ambiguous eyes
and tell her that we
were breaking ground on
a new park, she might...
She might want to stay.
Leslie, I'm sorry.
Ann didn't just
go to Ann Arbor
to visit family.
She went to sign
the lease on our new home.
Ann Arbor?
Sounds disgusting.
She already
has family there.
And I have a new job
lined up at the
University of Michigan.
Go Blue.
It's a good town.
And it's a great place
to raise a family.
What is great about it?
There's no JJ's Diner there.
There's no
"Welcome to Pawnee" sign.
I mean, the stupid state
is split up into two pieces.
It's ridiculous.
Unexpected play here,
Superman.
Not exactly sure
what you're going for,
but I dig your gambit.
There is no
gambit here, Jamm.
And who sides with
Lex Luthor, by the way?
You probably watch
Million Dollar Baby
and root for the stool.
I haven't seen it.
Not a big
Morgan Freeman guy.
I find his voice
very grating.
I am leaving now.
I am not moving.
I'm just going home.
Are you guys
coming back
to my place?
Or are you guys
going back to...
Are we wrapping
up the weekend?
No?
♪ Need a cup
to perk me up
♪ Coffee in
the morning ♪
Surprise!
Oh, my God!
I hope you
don't mind.
We decided
to throw you
a pizza party
to say congrats for
cracking the case.
Oh, my God,
you guys.
Let's see what
we've got here.
Wait a second.
That's not pizza.
Those are calzones!
I love calzones!
We know!
I think it's safe to say
I made the right choice.
What's up, guys?
Hey!
BFF slideshow?
You know that even
after we leave Pawnee,
Ann will always be
your best friend.
And it's not
that long a trip.
It would be even faster
if the governor
would return my calls
about my
Pawnee-to-Ann Arbor
bullet train idea.
You know, I went
to Jamm's with you
because I also
want to leave the
right kind of legacy.
And that includes
Pawnee Commons.
I think I burned
that bridge with Jamm.
We're not going to
get that lock box.
And I am not singing
Beauty School Dropout.
It's sexist and I
don't do slow jams.
I have an idea.
Um...
And I'd like you
to consider it
a goodbye gift.
From me to you.
No, thank you.
I will let him know.
That was that
couple you liked
at the open house.
I despised them.
They just came back
with a new offer and
jacked that shizz up.
Way over asking price.
Ron, who cares
who they are?
That's a massive bid.
I'm going to be a mogul.
I bought that cabin 18
years ago for $2,200.
I do not care about the money.
I can't even
understand what you're
saying right now.
That cabin served
an important
purpose for me,
as a quiet refuge
from the nonsense
of modern life.
I'd like the next owners
to understand and
share that purpose.
Find me someone like that,
and I'll happily sell.
I'll buy it.
You can't afford
that house.
Can you afford
that house?
What would
you use it for?
I'd go up there and
take Andy and Champion
and just get away
from everyone else
and look at spiders.
And it's where I'd bury
the bodies of
that annoying couple
after I murder them.
Here's my offer.
I will give you
everything in my purse.
Eight dollars,
a bunch of
loose cough drops,
and Larry's asthma inhaler.
Thank God.
I've been looking for that.
Larry, this is part
of a real estate
transaction now.
You have no legal
claim to it.
Sorry, I had no idea.
This is the best
offer I've heard yet.
Ahh...
You tripping right now.
Sold.
Don't even trip.
Your commission.
Thanks a lot.
Your share, mogul.
I'm about to
play golf with a guy
who was almost
on The Apprentice.
So, this better be good.
You give Leslie
her lock box,
and you get me in
your hip pocket.
Starting in my next
term as city manager,
I will give you
one huge I Owe You,
no questions asked.
Hmm.
Jamm likes
the sound of that.
Let's make it
five I Owe You's
and you got a deal.
You drive
a hard bargain.
But you leave me
no choice. Fine.
Five huge I Owe You's.
Deal, guys. You must
really want that park.
I do, yes.
And to tell you the truth,
I'm doing it all
for my best friend.
That's all I
wanted to hear.
Leslie, you're my
best friend, too.
Vote passed.
Three, two.
Jamm is going to be
so pissed when he finds
out that you're leaving
and your I Owe
You's are worthless.
Are you sure
you're okay with
what you did?
It's not the most
ethical thing that
I've ever done.
But on the flip side,
Jamm is a big, mean dope.
Mmm-hmm.
And I hope that this
eases some of the pain
of us moving
away a little bit.
I'm currently in
deep denial that
that's happening.
Speaking of which.
How's the new gig coming?
I got a raise
and my fridge is
full of calzones,
so, not complaining.
The reason I ask is,
this town's gonna
need a new city manager.
And I've talked
to some people,
and you have the votes
if you want the job.
Seriously?
Is this for
real-skis?
This is one hundred percent,
certified for real-skis.
What do you say?
I mean, I...
Wow! I would be
insane to say no.
Oh, no.
Wyatt, you're late.
I'm just kidding.
You can do
whatever you want.
Actually, Barney,
I'm afraid I have
some bad news.
Today's my last day.
I got an opportunity
I couldn't say no to,
and I have to quit.
Again.
No need to explain.
I knew it was too
good to be true.
I do have a little
going-away gift.
I left it in
the break room.
If anyone could appreciate it,
it's you guys.
"You can play with one warrior
"but it's just not
nearly as good.
"Enjoy, Ben Wyatt."
Let's play!
I call ledgerman!