I've got to say, this report
is quite impressive,
Ms. Knope.
Well, thank you very much,
Mr. City Manager.
And I have to say
that the way that
you're rocking those slacks
is quite impressive, as well.
Well, thank you.
Can we hurry this up, please?
What? There's nothing wrong
with acknowledging
the fantastic work
of one of your employees.
Especially if she's adorable.
I am back in
the Parks Department
and Ben is city manager.
But we're married,
so it's kosher.
And awesome.
We live together...
And work together.
And we are so in sync...
In sync, that
we finish each other's...
Sentences.
We rehearsed that at home.
Naked in bed.
What?
Please stamp the form.
I just want to
admire it one more time.
Again, fantastic work.
In fact, such good work,
I think I'm in love with you.
Oh, my God.
That's great news.
Because I'm in love
with you, too.
What?
Stamp the form.
Okay, let's not
let Ron feel left out.
We love you, too, Ron.
Stamp the damn form!
Group hug.
I'm down for a group hug.
Little G.H.?
Bring it in.
Come on.
Wow.
I think our love
made him angry.
I think he broke my wrist.
I'm not kidding.
Really?
Good morning,
Ann Perkins.
How are you feeling today?
Perfect.
Except that I'm a whale,
and that my feet already kill.
Whales don't have feet.
I am a crazy shape.
This morning,
when I got out of bed,
I just tipped forward
like a poorly
made bowling pin.
And did I mention that
my feet kill me all the time?
Oh, let me rub them.
Oh, wait. No.
I read something
on raddadsolutions.net
that there's a pressure point
in the foot that
can induce labor.
Oh, it doesn't matter.
I don't care.
I'm going to go choke
down those horse pills
I have to take every day.
Oh, no, no. I'll cut
them in half for you.
And I will pour you a glass
of flaxseed milk
to wash it down.
Everything is amazing.
Today is perfect.
And I love you.
Chris is so wonderful
and thoughtful and positive.
He's driving me
up the wall.
Smoothie's ready!
Opening this farmers market
was one of
my greatest achievements
as city councilor.
It's good for the economy,
it's good for families,
and it's good for promoting
a healthy lifestyle.
Which Pawnee
desperately needs.
Look at this tiny tree.
Can you eat this?
Aw, this one's dead.
Hey, Connie Cabbage.
What's good today?
Green cabbage is
always a safe bet.
Red cabbage is good.
I mean, you can't go wrong.
That's the fun thing
about cabbage.
One of the fun things.
Oh.
Time to crank this
market up a notch, y'all!
"Chardbodies."
"Get a chard on"?
Let's get "recharded" in here!
What the hell is going on?
Oh, yeah.
That's the new chard stand.
I suppose that's one
way to sell vegetables.
We got Swiss chard!
We got white chard!
We got chard poppers!
And for all you
freaking vegans out there.
We got chard shots! Yeah!
Mmm, chard is so bitter.
Ben, do something.
What do you want me to do?
Well, you're
the city manager.
Kick them out. They're
violating every single
one of the farmers
market's rules
of conduct.
By rules of conduct,
do you mean
that wooden sign
you made that says,
"Peas be kind to others"?
Yes. And, "In case of fire,
romaine calm!"
Um, and,
"You won't bay leaf how nice
olive our vendors are."
I don't like vegetables,
but I am very good
at vegetable puns.
Okay. I admit this
is a little iffy...
A little iffy?
I can't do anything
until I check the rules
for city vendors.
Cabbage.
Come and get it.
Connie, no.
Put those away.
April's sitting on my lap
I shouldn't tell her that
I've got to take a crap
Oh, no
Don't.
I should just go
Oh, my God!
You play guitar?
No, that's
a super small piano.
Okay, I'm going to need
the sarcasm to take
a long walk right now.
My terrible nephew,
Sebastian,
is having his sixth birthday
party this weekend,
and the clown they
hired has shingles.
Do you think your band
could play for an hour?
How much?
Seventy five.
$75,000?
How about $300?
$300,000?
$150.
They'll do it.
Ah, thank you.
That is such a relief.
I love my nephew very much,
but he's a horrible
little tyrant,
so don't ruin
this day for him!
150 bucks?
Split that four ways,
boom, $600.
I'll say it again.
The men's room
needs a separate
dispenser for face wash.
I can't wash my face
with hand soap.
Look at these pores.
They're gaping.
Hey, guys.
Time out.
Let's take a brief recess.
Can we help you, Ann?
I was looking for Leslie.
But now I'm curious
why you guys
are sitting around
doing nothing and
getting drunk at work.
It's the Whine and
Cheese Club, gorgeous.
It's a monthly
gathering where we all
get together and vent
about what annoys us at work.
Over fine wines and cheeses,
of course.
Larry! Salami!
The Human Resources
Department requires
that I be available
once a month to discuss
workplace disputes
with my employees.
The rules do not
specify whether
or not I am
allowed to listen
to Willie Nelson
on my headphones.
Kyle parked his
car in my spot again.
Now, that is
the fourth time this month.
Hello, walls
Hello...
How'd things go for you today?
I just want to choke
him until he passes out.
Time!
This looks like fun.
I want to try.
Hmm, there's rules to this,
sweet pea.
It's Donna's turn next.
I'll cede my time to Ann.
I have a feeling this
is going to be good.
Okay. Well, I'm not
going to talk for long,
because I have to pee. Again.
'Cause I have to
pee every six minutes,
because I have
a beach ball
in my stomach
that's punching
on my bladder.
That sucks.
I know.
I'm never not hungry.
Well, have some cheese.
I can't have cheese, Larry!
And I can't have wine either.
I can't have anything good.
You know what I can have,
is liquefied flaxseed.
But I don't want that.
You know what I want?
Pork rinds.
I want jelly beans.
And I want a huge trash bag
filled with mashed potatoes.
I want to be Pac-Man,
and instead of dots,
I want them to
be cinnamon buns.
I want to be
a giant head
and a mouth,
and I just want to
eat rows and rows
of junk food pellets!
And where's
my trash bag
of potatoes?
Time.
Yikes.
Okay,
Harrison Ford
movie night.
Before we do that,
I was thinking more
about that chard guy.
I mean, it would be
very easy for you to
revoke their license.
Okay, Leslie,
this is city business.
I'm not an emperor.
I can't just kick
them out for no reason.
The reason is,
it's vegetable porn.
Porn on the cob.
I'm sorry, I'm just
very good at that.
Look, I am not a prude.
But, the point is people
shouldn't be half-naked,
you know, in public,
in the middle of the day,
in front of children.
There's your reason.
Kick them out!
Look, now that
we're working
together again,
maybe it would be good
to keep our home life
and our work life separate.
Like, we only talk about
work stuff when
we're at City Hall.
Like a firewall system.
Yeah.
Yeah, okay,
that's smart.
Home is home,
and work is work.
We can always talk
about this tomorrow
at the office.
Good. I'm glad you agree.
All right,
Crystal Skull it is.
No, it's ridiculous
to think that you could
survive a nuclear blast
by jumping into
a refrigerator.
But still, it's like...
Yeah, yeah.
Titanium...
Okay. So,
I found the legal precedent
to shut down those
vegetable smut peddlers.
What is happening?
Firewall, man. We pulled
into the parking lot,
and this is technically
City Hall property.
So, now, we're at work.
Let's do this.
The farmers market
is a community
meeting place.
And that
pansexual stripper show
basically negates
the whole purpose.
So, if you're looking
for a reason to kick
them out, here's 158.
The new Farmers
Market Rule Book.
Okay. When did
you make this?
I stayed up all night.
I also made these,
Leslie's Toffee Surprise.
The surprise is
there's toffee
in the inside.
You can eat those
once you revoke
the chard vendor's license.
Good day, colleague.
Okay.
Ann Perkins,
how are you feeling?
You don't want to know.
It's all I want to know.
All right, man.
You asked for it.
I have shooting pains
that go all the way up
from my butt to my neck.
My stomach has so
many stretch marks on it
that it looks like
an old-fashioned globe.
My boobs are
getting really sore.
Also, I just read
Brooke Shields' book
on postpartum depression.
Now, I have
pre-postpartum
depression anxiety.
Well, never fear.
I will get you Tylenol
for your pain
and shea butter
for your belly.
And your voluptuous
figure only means
your body is working exactly
as nature intended it.
Here. It's all good.
Is that better?
Yeah, thanks.
I've been reading up
on nipples. The reason
that you're feeling
nipple sensitivity is
because your milk ducts
in your nipples
are opening up.
Which is why I bought
you this nipple kit.
It's from Kernston's,
the nipple people.
It has nipple cream,
nipple pads, and also,
a special nipple
pimple ointment
in case you develop
any pimples on
your nipples.
Oh, my God, you have to stop
using the word "nipple!"
Okay. Anyway, hopefully,
that will help you
with any sensitivity
that may arise
around your...
Boob hats.
Larry, get in there.
Come on.
I don't even know
what we're doing.
What is the meaning
of this, nurse?
Emergency Whine
and Cheese Club.
Put your headphones on, Ron.
I have a lot of complaints.
Sit down! I need to vent.
And do not,
under any circumstances,
respond to anything I say.
All right.
Let's talk about vomit, kids.
I do it all day long.
It's super fun
It feels super good
I want to do it all the time
Sex is cool
Okay. Sex is Cool.
Got that. I say we finish
on Drunk Off Our Asses.
And I think we
should do Sex in Space.
It's 20 minutes long.
But it's really good.
Babe? I don't think
you should play
any of those songs
for a group
of 6-year-olds.
Whoa, wait. 6-year-olds?
Did you book us
a gig at a kid's party?
You said we were
playing in a festival.
You said Dave Grohl
might be there.
Dave Grohl might be there.
I don't know.
He might be anywhere.
That guy's awesome
and he's unpredictable.
No. No, I'm not playing
for a bunch of screaming kids.
Mouse Rat is a rock band.
We're not The Wiggles.
Come on!
I'm sick of all the drama
with this band.
I quit. I'm going back
to rabbinical school.
Umbilical school?
Rivers, come back.
Rivers, don't do this. Hey!
Shaq might be there!
Hey. Did you get a chance
to sign off on that
booklet I gave you?
Well, I read it.
But it seems like
your farmers market rules
may be specifically
targeting Chardbodies.
What? How?
"No visible cleavage.
No strobe lights.
"No chard-related innuendo."
Those apply to all vendors.
Either way,
it's too late. The train
has left the station.
Okay. What train,
from which station?
You're revoking my license?
Oh, boy.
Yes, Nolan, under the auspices
of the office of city manager,
et cetera, et cetera,
it's not important,
you are in violation
of many rules
and, therefore,
you cannot
sell your goods
anymore at
the Pawnee Farmers Market.
Ben, back me up on
this without hesitation.
Nolan, can I have a second
to speak with my wife...
With Ms. Knope,
for a second?
Look, chard is disgusting.
You try selling it
without sexy dancers.
It's impossible.
It's like, "Hey,
you like lettuce?
Try this. It's worse.
"It tastes like kale
took a dump on spinach."
I like to think of
it as celery with BO.
But if it's so gross,
you should just
sell something else.
I inherited this
farm from my dad.
It's all I have.
Plus, the other
vendors want me there.
I'm good for business.
We're not revoking
your license for now.
I am sorry you had to come in.
Judas!
I don't appreciate
being ambushed, Leslie.
Let's just go home.
No.
I know what
you're trying to do.
If we go home,
the firewall is up
and then you
don't have to deal
with me anymore.
Instead, fellow employee,
I will meet you
in the basement
conference room
at 6:00 p.m.
and we will solve
this chard issue
once and for all.
Don't forget
your approval pen.
What? There's no such thing.
Yes, there is.
I made it for
you last night.
Ugh! And Lamaze class?
Wait till I tell you
about that Ponzi scheme.
Oh, hey, Donna.
What the hell?
You know I can't
be around smoke.
Or fatty tuna. Ron!
At first, this was funny,
but it's gotten out of hand.
This was our chance
to vent about work,
and you've taken it over.
Yeah. It's Sushi
and Cigar Club now.
Wow, okay,
I see how it is.
I feel bad.
I don't. This is a Cuban.
This is yellowtail.
I feel amazing.
Whoa!
Monster in the window!
You know what
my biggest complaint is?
I have a million things
I need to complain about,
and I can't take them home
because Chris is
the most considerate
person in the world.
And he just
wants to help me.
And then, I feel
bad about that.
And then,
I get annoyed
that he wants
to help me and I feel
even worse about that.
I thought you guys
would be cool with me
complaining since
all you do is
sit here and complain
without judgment or guilt.
But you know what?
I guess I was wrong.
And you know what?
I would yell some more,
but I think I just peed
my pants a little bit.
What's happening now?
Is the nurse upset?
I don't care.
Okay, 6:00.
Let's do this. Larry?
Hey, Leslie.
Ben couldn't make it,
so he asked me
to read you this,
"Dear Honey."
Aw, how sweet.
Read.
"Sorry,
but I think we just
"need to take a break
from this work issue.
"Please don't grind
your teeth too hard
"when you hear this.
I will see you in the car.
"I love you." Oh,
that is so sweet that you
still write love letters.
Ahhh!
What the hell are
you doing out here?
Sorry, babe.
I am off City Hall
property.
You have to stop.
Firewall.
Wrong!
All roads and bridges
fall under the purview
of the Pawnee
Department
of Transportation,
which is located
on the fourth
floor of City Hall.
Firewall down.
Stay frosty, Wyatt.
We're just getting started.
Okay, well,
that's interesting.
You know why?
Why?
Because...
Mother...
Ha-ha!
Bank! Private property.
Firewall restored.
Ha-ha-ha! The concrete
that you're standing on
was poured by a municipal
construction crew.
Private fountain.
Private property.
I'm safe.
Guess where
the water comes from.
The Pawnee Reservoir.
You can't escape
City Hall, fool.
Let's dance.
Hey, friends.
I'm just about to
go on my night jog.
Would you like to join me?
Mmm, hard pass.
We're here because
you need to
tend to your woman.
She's complaining
about everything,
ruining Whine and Cheese Club.
I literally have
1,000 questions.
Why is Ron wearing
headphones?
What is Whine and Cheese Club?
And what is Ann
complaining about?
You, mostly.
How you never let her vent
because you're
always too busy trying
to solve everything for her.
She's upset that
I'm trying to help her?
You've fallen into
a classic trap,
Christopher.
Trying to fix
a woman's problems
instead of just listening
to what they are.
Why are you yelling?
Tom put all my records
into this rectangle.
Hey, man.
If Ann needs Tylenol,
she can get it herself.
What she needs from you
is to just look
her in the eyes,
nod your head,
and say those
two magic words.
That. Sucks.
That sucks?
I've spent
my entire life reading
instructional books
about relationships,
in order to trick
women into liking me.
When Ann tells you
what's bothering her,
don't try to fix it.
Just say,
"Damn, that sucks."
The songs just play
one right after the other.
This is an excellent
rectangle.
Okay. This is insane.
It is forty degrees
and we are standing
in freezing water.
No, this is our motivation.
We are not
leaving this fountain
until we've figured
this out once and for all.
Fine. Why are you not
supporting me on this?
I thought you
agreed with me.
I do, as a person.
But as city manager,
I'm not 100% sure
you have a case.
You're not
listening
to my side.
I mean,
sometimes when we disagree,
you're so passionate
I feel like
I'm arguing
with the sun.
What? That is totally crazy!
I am super chill all the time.
Look, let's just admit it.
We're in a weird position.
We're married,
our professional status
has flipped, like, five times.
I mean, now,
I'm your boss.
This is "uncharded"
territory for us.
Oh! That's nice.
Thanks.
I learned from the best.
The point is,
forget firewalls.
Let's just be respectful
and communicate,
and we'll find
the right balance.
You're right.
I'm sorry. I should have
considered your side.
I love you,
and you're also
a very smart person.
Let's get out
of this fountain.
I can't because
my legs are numb.
Yeah, I can't move.
Are we going to die here?
Yeah.
No, don't do that.
I don't like this game.
I don't know
what the rules are.
Okay, babe,
here's what I did.
Tell me if this
is appropriate
for a kids' song.
I changed the lyrics
in Sex Hair to...
You've got sex bears
You got them from me, kids
It's sex bears
Big old sex bears
Andy, the word "hair" was
not the problem with Sex Hair.
The word "sex".
Crap! What the hell
am I supposed to sing?
It's time, Andrew.
These kids are tearing
my house apart,
and I need you to calm them
with the power of song.
Oh, gosh, here's the thing.
I can't do it.
I've got laryngitis.
You will not bail
on me, Andrew Dwyer.
You will perform.
My nephew is something
of an outcast at his school,
and I got Erica
Swarvane to come,
which is a huge get.
She rules the first grade.
And this party will
determine his social status
for the next 100 years!
So, you better get out there
or I am going to lose it!
Have you not lost it?
You don't even know!
Babe, I'm freaking out.
Listen to me.
You make up songs
all the time,
off the top of your head.
You do!
You can do this.
And afterwards,
we can have cake.
I already had cake.
Andy!
Okay, focus up,
you little monsters!
Not you, Erica.
You're an angel,
and we're
thrilled you're here.
Now. Is everyone ready
to hear the best music
you've ever heard
in your miserable
little lives?
No!
Okay. Then, ladies and
gentlemen, please welcome...
What even do
you call yourself?
Oh, too late!
Please welcome Johnny Karate
and His Magical Guitar Stick!
Hey.
It feels super good
It's super fun
I want to do it
all the time
Pick your nose
Because boogers are gross
Clean out your snout
You can pick your nose
with your smelly toes
Ew!
He's doing it!
You're picking your
nose and you put it
on your friend!
I started that. Great!
Everybody pees the bed
It's just something that we do
I, for instance,
peed the bed
until I was thirty two
Ew.
Don't play with matches
They're really not safe
Your parents keep
them in a drawer
with twist ties and batteries
My name is Bert Macklin.
I investigate
stinky feet for the FBI.
Stinky feet patrol
This is so fun.
I cannot believe this
only cost me 150 bucks.
Oh, hey! How was your day?
It was okay.
Now my legs really hurt.
It's like I have
a tension headache,
but in my calves.
A new surprise
every day.
That sucks.
I know.
And I'm so gassy.
There's just been, like,
a long, slow fart stream
coming out of me
since we started talking.
This morning.
That really sucks.
Yeah, it does. Thanks.
I'm sorry that
I was trying to fix
all your problems.
Oh, God, don't apologize.
I'm sorry I was such a freak.
You're the nicest,
most thoughtful
baby-daddy
a girl could ask for.
That was incredible.
You are overflowing with
talent and I admire you.
Excuse me. Mr. Karate?
Mr. Karate?
My son wants you to sing
at his birthday
party next weekend.
Are you available?
He is. But, it's actually
$250 for short notice.
You can call this number
and ask for April Karate.
Thanks, I will.
Babe?
My God.
That was amazing.
I kind of think
you could make
a career out of this.
But, I mean,
I don't know...
What does that make me?
A kids' performer?
I'm supposed to
be a rock star.
You just had fun in
there and made $150.
Who cares about what
you are supposed to be?
Yeah.
Plus, you have never
been sexier to me
than when you were singing
to those kids just now.
Really?
That's weird.
Nolan, I'm very
sorry that I overreacted
and overstepped my bounds.
I understand.
When I got into
the chard game,
I knew I'd ruffle
some feathers.
Sure. I'm just glad
that we could all
come to an agreement.
All right, everybody.
It is now 5:00 p.m.
Which means the farmers market
is closed.
And Farmers Market After Dark
is open for business!
Well, if this is
the way people
want to buy their produce,
so be it.
This town is
full of lunatics.
Ugh!
My God!
That was a terrible idea!
God, it's like
a tree barfed
in my mouth!
Ugh.