1
00:00:02,631 --> 00:00:04,499
Okay, I don't want
to over-hype this,
2
00:00:04,533 --> 00:00:06,201
but presenting...
Dun-da-da-dah!
3
00:00:06,235 --> 00:00:08,426
the new city of Pawnee website!
4
00:00:08,546 --> 00:00:09,946
Totally revamped!
5
00:00:09,981 --> 00:00:11,348
You can pay parking tickets,
6
00:00:11,382 --> 00:00:14,551
you can apply for a business
license and the best part
7
00:00:14,585 --> 00:00:16,505
is we're going to put up
an online poll so people
8
00:00:16,520 --> 00:00:18,188
can pick the new town slogan!
9
00:00:18,222 --> 00:00:19,589
Hey, look a panda!
10
00:00:19,623 --> 00:00:21,858
Yeah, that's just some mascot
thing
11
00:00:21,892 --> 00:00:23,526
that the designer put up
on the front page.
12
00:00:23,561 --> 00:00:24,828
But more importantly,
13
00:00:24,862 --> 00:00:27,797
you can now apply for a utility
tax refund...online!
14
00:00:27,832 --> 00:00:29,599
Wait, the panda's name
is Peebo.
15
00:00:29,634 --> 00:00:30,667
Peebo.
16
00:00:30,701 --> 00:00:32,102
Look, you can even play
ping-pong.
17
00:00:32,136 --> 00:00:33,603
- What?
- I want to play!
18
00:00:33,638 --> 00:00:36,006
No, me first! Me first!
That's it. I'm calling it.
19
00:00:36,040 --> 00:00:37,941
Guys, Ben worked
really hard on this, okay?
20
00:00:37,975 --> 00:00:39,509
Let's look at the online polls.
21
00:00:39,544 --> 00:00:41,278
It's gonna be a cool way
to choose our new town's slogan.
22
00:00:41,312 --> 00:00:43,246
Oh! The panda holds a paddle
with his tail.
23
00:00:43,281 --> 00:00:44,314
I want to play!
24
00:00:44,348 --> 00:00:45,615
Congratulations, Ben.
25
00:00:45,650 --> 00:00:48,518
This is truly a fine panda game
you made. Well done.
26
00:00:48,552 --> 00:00:49,619
What else does he do?
27
00:00:49,654 --> 00:00:51,588
I think if you click on
the bamboo,
28
00:00:51,622 --> 00:00:52,722
it puts on a top hat.
29
00:00:53,791 --> 00:00:55,125
What?
30
00:00:55,159 --> 00:00:56,860
I love you, Ben!
31
00:00:59,897 --> 00:01:05,902
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
32
00:01:18,983 --> 00:01:20,250
What's wrong with you?
33
00:01:20,284 --> 00:01:22,552
You look like Meryl Streep
at the end of Ironweed.
34
00:01:22,587 --> 00:01:23,987
You wish.
35
00:01:24,021 --> 00:01:25,989
Well, I've been driving
all over Indiana
36
00:01:26,023 --> 00:01:27,958
looking for bands to play
the unity concert.
37
00:01:27,992 --> 00:01:29,326
I got nothing to show for,
38
00:01:29,360 --> 00:01:31,461
except for four car accidents.
39
00:01:31,495 --> 00:01:34,864
All these strangers'
insurance information.
40
00:01:34,899 --> 00:01:36,733
Ooh, I get it,
you have car insurance.
41
00:01:36,767 --> 00:01:38,368
Why don't you brag about it?
42
00:01:38,402 --> 00:01:39,903
Hey, you are from Eagleton,
right?
43
00:01:39,937 --> 00:01:42,072
Are there any places out there
I should check out?
44
00:01:42,106 --> 00:01:44,174
I used to go see live shows
at Patterson's.
45
00:01:44,208 --> 00:01:46,343
But I'm boycotting until
the owner apologizes
46
00:01:46,377 --> 00:01:48,211
for what she said to me
at the dog park.
47
00:01:48,245 --> 00:01:50,313
Cool. Anything else?
48
00:01:50,348 --> 00:01:52,249
I hear Cozy's Bar is pretty
packed on Thursdays.
49
00:01:52,283 --> 00:01:54,551
But I've never been because
it's mostly middle-aged women
50
00:01:54,585 --> 00:01:56,219
and I'm allergic
to turkey neck.
51
00:01:56,254 --> 00:01:57,454
Really?
That's the best part.
52
00:01:57,488 --> 00:02:00,357
We should split
a turkey sometime.
53
00:02:00,391 --> 00:02:01,725
Oh, Mr. Larson.
54
00:02:01,759 --> 00:02:02,993
Thank you so much
for meeting me here.
55
00:02:03,027 --> 00:02:04,527
Happy to.
I was in the area.
56
00:02:04,562 --> 00:02:06,997
The chance for me to return
your binder full of questions
57
00:02:07,031 --> 00:02:08,398
about the job.
58
00:02:08,432 --> 00:02:09,672
I think I answered all of them.
59
00:02:09,700 --> 00:02:11,468
Thank you.
I cannot wait to check this out.
60
00:02:11,502 --> 00:02:13,703
Now, the reason why I asked you
to meet me here--
61
00:02:13,738 --> 00:02:15,138
More questions about the job.
62
00:02:15,172 --> 00:02:16,706
Oh, yeah.
63
00:02:16,741 --> 00:02:19,242
Martha? I'm gonna need
two hours worth of waffles.
64
00:02:19,277 --> 00:02:21,978
Grant Larson has offered me
a chance to oversee
65
00:02:22,013 --> 00:02:24,414
a branch office
of the national park service.
66
00:02:24,448 --> 00:02:27,150
This is like the parks
equivalent of Bruce Springsteen
67
00:02:27,184 --> 00:02:28,919
pulling Courtney Cox onstage.
68
00:02:28,953 --> 00:02:31,187
I mean, one minute you're just
a regular girl in the crowd,
69
00:02:31,222 --> 00:02:33,256
and the next minute you're
dancing 10 feet away
70
00:02:33,291 --> 00:02:35,959
from freakin' Max Weinberg!
71
00:02:35,993 --> 00:02:38,728
Okay, my fortieth and eighteenth
from last question
72
00:02:38,763 --> 00:02:41,831
is about the Heartland Exotic
Plant Management Project.
73
00:02:41,866 --> 00:02:45,101
Now, were would I be actually
doing the physical planting?
74
00:02:45,136 --> 00:02:46,937
Because it is always been
a dream of mine
75
00:02:46,971 --> 00:02:49,773
to plant spotted jewelweed
along the red river bank
76
00:02:49,807 --> 00:02:52,242
in Arkansas, but I'm sure
you hear that a lot.
77
00:02:52,276 --> 00:02:54,811
Well, you wouldn't actually be
planting things.
78
00:02:54,845 --> 00:02:57,080
I mean, you're overseeing
200 people.
79
00:02:57,114 --> 00:02:59,749
The everyday minutia
you would delegate to staff.
80
00:02:59,784 --> 00:03:03,019
Leslie, your job is more
creative, big picture stuff.
81
00:03:03,054 --> 00:03:05,088
No more boring people working
for you.
82
00:03:05,122 --> 00:03:08,124
Good!
I hate paperwork.
83
00:03:08,159 --> 00:03:10,460
I hardly ever do it in my bed
on a Saturday night
84
00:03:10,494 --> 00:03:13,296
while listening
to old spice girls CDs.
85
00:03:13,331 --> 00:03:15,198
Regal Meagle.
My favorite realtor.
86
00:03:15,233 --> 00:03:16,933
You got some hot properties
to show me?
87
00:03:16,968 --> 00:03:18,234
You know it.
88
00:03:18,269 --> 00:03:19,936
Remember my list of
must-haves: Open kitchen,
89
00:03:19,971 --> 00:03:22,005
fireplace, exposed brick,
and you know
90
00:03:22,039 --> 00:03:23,673
I wouldn't kick a skylight
out of bed.
91
00:03:23,708 --> 00:03:26,076
I'm opening Pawnee's first
authentic Sinatra style
92
00:03:26,110 --> 00:03:27,143
Italian restaurant--
93
00:03:27,178 --> 00:03:28,778
"Tom's Bistro."
94
00:03:28,813 --> 00:03:31,982
I'm kind of like a skinny,
handsome, Indian Mario Batali--
95
00:03:32,016 --> 00:03:33,383
who doesn't know how to cook.
96
00:03:33,417 --> 00:03:35,986
Before we go, I got you guys
a little something
97
00:03:36,020 --> 00:03:37,320
for helping me out.
98
00:03:37,355 --> 00:03:39,923
Oh! Love it!
99
00:03:39,957 --> 00:03:42,726
A Larry voodoo doll?
100
00:03:42,760 --> 00:03:44,961
Tom, that's so sweet.
Thanks.
101
00:03:44,996 --> 00:03:48,131
Ow! Oh, my gosh!
102
00:03:48,165 --> 00:03:49,332
I didn't even do anything.
103
00:03:49,367 --> 00:03:51,334
The voodoo doll is reading
my thoughts.
104
00:03:51,369 --> 00:03:53,603
So it seems like it went
really well, right?
105
00:03:53,638 --> 00:03:55,105
Yeah. Yeah, totally.
106
00:03:55,139 --> 00:03:57,107
Grant is great,
the job is great.
107
00:03:57,141 --> 00:03:59,075
- The waffles were great.
- Great.
108
00:03:59,110 --> 00:04:00,510
So we're just about ready
to go live
109
00:04:00,511 --> 00:04:01,811
with the slogan poll.
You want to see?
110
00:04:01,846 --> 00:04:03,647
Now that Eagleton and Pawnee
have merged,
111
00:04:03,681 --> 00:04:06,316
it is time to pick
a new town slogan.
112
00:04:06,350 --> 00:04:09,653
And a slogan can make a big
difference with tourism
113
00:04:09,687 --> 00:04:10,787
in a town's identity.
114
00:04:10,822 --> 00:04:12,222
There is New York,
115
00:04:12,256 --> 00:04:13,857
the city that never sleeps.
116
00:04:13,891 --> 00:04:16,793
And then there is Glenwater,
Florida,
117
00:04:16,827 --> 00:04:20,130
home of America's most violent
Walmart parking lot.
118
00:04:20,164 --> 00:04:21,998
Okay, so people can vote now.
119
00:04:22,033 --> 00:04:24,534
Yeah, see, that's the super
cool thing about this website
120
00:04:24,568 --> 00:04:27,404
is it does all the work for us
so we can just sit back
121
00:04:27,438 --> 00:04:29,339
and take it easy.
122
00:04:29,373 --> 00:04:31,875
No. No, we're not gonna
do that.
123
00:04:31,909 --> 00:04:34,144
We're gonna sit forward
and take it hard.
124
00:04:34,178 --> 00:04:35,879
- Um, what?
- There's a lot of nitty-gritty
125
00:04:35,913 --> 00:04:36,980
left to do, Ben.
126
00:04:37,014 --> 00:04:38,281
We need to roll up our sleeves,
127
00:04:38,316 --> 00:04:39,449
we need to go door to door,
128
00:04:39,483 --> 00:04:41,051
we need to hand out fliers,
and canvass.
129
00:04:41,085 --> 00:04:42,385
You know what we should do?
130
00:04:42,420 --> 00:04:44,521
We should have a press junket,
to publicize the poll.
131
00:04:44,555 --> 00:04:45,835
Okay, I hope you had lunch
plans,
132
00:04:45,856 --> 00:04:47,177
'cause now you get
to cancel them.
133
00:04:47,191 --> 00:04:49,226
Well, I-I did.
134
00:04:49,260 --> 00:04:52,629
So this was one of Eagleton's
top sushi restaurants.
135
00:04:52,663 --> 00:04:54,831
But you can't out-run
the whale meat police forever.
136
00:04:54,865 --> 00:04:56,366
This is great.
I love it!
137
00:04:56,400 --> 00:04:57,901
Look at it,
I can picture it now.
138
00:04:57,935 --> 00:04:59,536
That's where the politicians
will sit,
139
00:04:59,570 --> 00:05:02,005
this is where the connected
guys will bring their goomahs.
140
00:05:02,039 --> 00:05:03,239
This place is perfect.
141
00:05:03,274 --> 00:05:04,908
- How much?
- 9,000 a month.
142
00:05:04,942 --> 00:05:06,376
What? That's way more
that I can afford.
143
00:05:06,410 --> 00:05:07,744
Whatever.
It's not that great.
144
00:05:07,778 --> 00:05:09,179
Plus, it's really far away
from work
145
00:05:09,213 --> 00:05:10,747
and that'd be annoying.
146
00:05:10,781 --> 00:05:12,515
It's not a big deal.
147
00:05:12,550 --> 00:05:14,217
I mean, when it first launches
I'll go back and forth,
148
00:05:14,252 --> 00:05:17,320
but hopefully it takes off and
it'll become a full-time job.
149
00:05:17,355 --> 00:05:19,889
Come on, I'll show some places
in your price range.
150
00:05:22,360 --> 00:05:25,228
This press junket
is a brilliant idea, isn't it?
151
00:05:25,263 --> 00:05:28,331
Mr. Strange Cameraman
Who I Never Met.
152
00:05:28,366 --> 00:05:30,467
Leslie, I told you,
I'm not gonna participate
153
00:05:30,501 --> 00:05:33,570
in your weird Julia Roberts,
cameraman husband fantasy.
154
00:05:33,604 --> 00:05:34,905
Quiet, cameraman, Perd's here.
155
00:05:34,939 --> 00:05:38,308
Leslie, your poll is designed
to choose a new slogan.
156
00:05:38,342 --> 00:05:41,845
And a slogan is a series of
words that have a meaning.
157
00:05:41,879 --> 00:05:44,114
So true, Perd.
158
00:05:44,148 --> 00:05:45,348
All of the choices
159
00:05:45,383 --> 00:05:47,717
for the town slogan
are wonderful,
160
00:05:47,752 --> 00:05:49,953
but if I had to choose
my favorite
161
00:05:49,987 --> 00:05:53,557
it would probably be
"Storied past, bright future."
162
00:05:53,591 --> 00:05:57,560
Well, the story of my interest
level is: It's medium.
163
00:05:57,595 --> 00:05:59,362
Joan, this poll is a chance
to give
164
00:05:59,397 --> 00:06:01,798
our newly-merged city
a new identity--
165
00:06:01,832 --> 00:06:04,868
to really rebrand this town.
166
00:06:04,902 --> 00:06:07,470
Yes, great question.
I have been thinking
167
00:06:07,505 --> 00:06:08,805
of rebranding myself.
168
00:06:08,839 --> 00:06:12,209
What do you think about
Juan Callamezzo?
169
00:06:12,243 --> 00:06:13,944
Isn't "Juan" a man's name?
170
00:06:13,978 --> 00:06:15,545
No, it means "flower."
171
00:06:15,580 --> 00:06:17,047
I think it means "John."
172
00:06:17,081 --> 00:06:20,083
Crazy Ira and the Douche
173
00:06:20,117 --> 00:06:23,253
from 93.7 FM, the Groove.
174
00:06:23,287 --> 00:06:26,122
Leslie, do you believe
that this new slogan
175
00:06:26,157 --> 00:06:27,891
will integrate Pawnee
and Eagleton
176
00:06:27,925 --> 00:06:29,993
into one cohesive city?
177
00:06:30,027 --> 00:06:33,663
Wow, that's a very thoughtful
question, Crazy Ira.
178
00:06:33,698 --> 00:06:34,965
Yes, yes, I do.
179
00:06:34,999 --> 00:06:36,433
Follow-up question, Leslie,
180
00:06:36,467 --> 00:06:39,336
show us your boobs!
181
00:06:40,638 --> 00:06:42,405
Will this fit
on a bumper sticker?
182
00:06:44,442 --> 00:06:45,609
Gosh, this place is packed.
183
00:06:45,643 --> 00:06:47,310
You folks must really like
this guy.
184
00:06:47,345 --> 00:06:49,613
Honey, he is sex on a stick.
185
00:06:49,647 --> 00:06:51,114
Ladies and gentlemen,
186
00:06:51,148 --> 00:06:55,352
put your jazzy hands together
for my man, Mr. Duke Silver!
187
00:06:58,489 --> 00:07:01,825
A smooth and silky evening
to you all.
188
00:07:01,859 --> 00:07:04,494
On nights like this,
when the cold winds blow,
189
00:07:04,528 --> 00:07:08,098
and the air is awash
in the swirling eddies
190
00:07:08,132 --> 00:07:09,599
of our dreams,
191
00:07:09,634 --> 00:07:12,602
come with me
and find safe haven...
192
00:07:12,637 --> 00:07:16,339
in a warm bathtub
full of my jazz.
193
00:07:16,374 --> 00:07:18,708
Uh!
194
00:07:21,812 --> 00:07:24,748
Well, the good news is
your poll was a big hit.
195
00:07:24,782 --> 00:07:25,982
Thousands of people voted.
196
00:07:26,017 --> 00:07:27,317
That's great.
What's leading?
197
00:07:27,351 --> 00:07:30,020
- "Storied past, bright future"?
- No.
198
00:07:30,054 --> 00:07:31,388
The current leader is
199
00:07:31,422 --> 00:07:34,691
"Pawnee,
welcome to Douche nation."
200
00:07:34,725 --> 00:07:36,626
- What?
- Crazy Ira and the Douche
201
00:07:36,661 --> 00:07:38,562
got their bonehead radio fans
202
00:07:38,596 --> 00:07:40,697
to flood the poll
with write-in votes.
203
00:07:40,731 --> 00:07:42,465
Why did we include
a write-in option?
204
00:07:42,500 --> 00:07:44,401
Because every election
has a write-in option.
205
00:07:44,435 --> 00:07:46,236
That's how democracy works.
206
00:07:46,270 --> 00:07:48,471
I'm not a dictator.
If I we're a dictator,
207
00:07:48,506 --> 00:07:51,608
I would throw the Douche
in prison without a trial.
208
00:07:51,642 --> 00:07:53,677
I would be
a very strong dictator,
209
00:07:53,711 --> 00:07:56,980
and you would be my bodyguard,
and you would lead my army.
210
00:07:57,014 --> 00:07:59,749
Okay, I know we should
figure out how to fix this.
211
00:07:59,784 --> 00:08:01,685
But I'm starting
to get kind of turned on
212
00:08:01,719 --> 00:08:03,486
imagining you as a dictator,
is that bad?
213
00:08:03,521 --> 00:08:04,921
No, it's okay.
214
00:08:07,597 --> 00:08:08,997
You know,
we could just figure out
215
00:08:09,021 --> 00:08:10,976
a different strategy
for picking a slogan.
216
00:08:11,096 --> 00:08:12,663
You don't have to go
on their show.
217
00:08:12,698 --> 00:08:14,298
No, I want to do this.
I enjoy the challenge.
218
00:08:14,333 --> 00:08:15,933
So, how do I look?
219
00:08:15,968 --> 00:08:19,016
I need these guys to think
that I'm, like, super chill.
220
00:08:19,136 --> 00:08:19,896
Is this gonna work?
221
00:08:19,927 --> 00:08:21,272
Oh, what up, Lez?
222
00:08:21,392 --> 00:08:24,540
Backwards hat--shows a real
lack of respect for authority.
223
00:08:24,575 --> 00:08:25,908
I like that.
224
00:08:25,943 --> 00:08:27,310
What's up, little mayor?
225
00:08:27,344 --> 00:08:29,111
Are you gonna freak out again?
226
00:08:29,146 --> 00:08:31,113
So, Leslie, what's the deal?
227
00:08:31,148 --> 00:08:33,282
Are you just here
to yell at us again?
228
00:08:33,317 --> 00:08:37,019
Yeah, we are in store for
another Leslie Knope nag sesh?
229
00:08:37,054 --> 00:08:39,956
Crazy Ira, do the dishes!
230
00:08:39,990 --> 00:08:41,661
Classic! No way!
231
00:08:41,788 --> 00:08:43,222
I'm not here to nag, guys.
232
00:08:43,256 --> 00:08:45,097
I'm just psyched
to be in the studio, you know?
233
00:08:45,125 --> 00:08:48,093
I'm just...chillin'
in the studes with my dudes.
234
00:08:48,128 --> 00:08:49,995
If you're really not really
here to nag us,
235
00:08:50,030 --> 00:08:53,332
then maybe you'll help us
with our next segment...
236
00:08:53,366 --> 00:08:57,503
"Rating celebrities' boobs!"
237
00:08:57,537 --> 00:08:59,171
Perfect.
238
00:08:59,206 --> 00:09:02,641
On a scale, from 1 to
ga-ga-ga-going!
239
00:09:02,676 --> 00:09:06,445
How would you rate
Emma Watson's boobs?
240
00:09:06,479 --> 00:09:09,048
First of all, I would rate
her acting as an "A."
241
00:09:09,082 --> 00:09:11,317
You have three seconds to
answer or we're gonna withdraw
242
00:09:11,351 --> 00:09:14,253
- a donation from charity.
- From charity? Oh.
243
00:09:15,422 --> 00:09:16,455
A minus.
244
00:09:16,489 --> 00:09:19,692
More like double D minus.
245
00:09:20,727 --> 00:09:23,429
Me so horny!
246
00:09:23,463 --> 00:09:25,564
I knew it. I knew it.
247
00:09:30,637 --> 00:09:32,538
- Can I help you?
- Maybe.
248
00:09:32,572 --> 00:09:34,640
I was out at the jazz club
last night--
249
00:09:34,674 --> 00:09:37,042
scouting bands
for the unity concert.
250
00:09:37,077 --> 00:09:39,144
And I saw something
very interesting.
251
00:09:44,517 --> 00:09:46,285
- I am Duke Silver.
- I have a twin brother.
252
00:09:46,319 --> 00:09:47,887
What?
253
00:09:47,921 --> 00:09:51,323
- I have a twin brother.
- You are Duke Silver?
254
00:09:51,358 --> 00:09:52,324
Yes, I am Duke Silver.
255
00:09:55,795 --> 00:09:58,664
The only other people
who know are Tom and April.
256
00:09:58,698 --> 00:10:00,332
So, please, keep it to yourself.
257
00:10:00,367 --> 00:10:02,268
Are you kidding me?
You are really good!
258
00:10:02,302 --> 00:10:04,570
You are, like,
the saxophone player
259
00:10:04,604 --> 00:10:06,305
for the California-raisins-good.
260
00:10:06,339 --> 00:10:07,673
No joke.
You know what?
261
00:10:07,707 --> 00:10:10,442
I'm booking you...
for the unity concert.
262
00:10:10,477 --> 00:10:11,677
Absolutely not.
263
00:10:11,711 --> 00:10:13,579
My musical career is private.
264
00:10:13,613 --> 00:10:15,281
If my secret got out,
265
00:10:15,315 --> 00:10:17,750
this office would be waist-deep
in women's undergarments.
266
00:10:17,784 --> 00:10:19,952
No, I'm in charge of booking
the bands for the concert,
267
00:10:19,986 --> 00:10:21,986
and I say, you're in.
You're gonna play right after
268
00:10:21,988 --> 00:10:23,989
Bobby knight ranger.
It's a night ranger cover band
269
00:10:24,024 --> 00:10:25,424
where they only
wear read sweaters.
270
00:10:25,458 --> 00:10:27,293
It's gonna be epic!
271
00:10:27,327 --> 00:10:29,195
Final round, Leslie,
272
00:10:29,229 --> 00:10:31,363
boobs or ass?
273
00:10:31,398 --> 00:10:35,134
Hard to believe this is a fan
game for your radio listeners.
274
00:10:35,168 --> 00:10:37,503
Ah...I'm gonna say butt.
275
00:10:37,537 --> 00:10:38,504
Ding, ding, ding!
276
00:10:38,538 --> 00:10:40,139
- Yes!
- You are correct.
277
00:10:40,173 --> 00:10:43,008
This is my mom's dumper!
278
00:10:44,044 --> 00:10:45,311
Oh, mommy!
279
00:10:45,345 --> 00:10:46,779
I don't know how
you got yours hand on that.
280
00:10:46,813 --> 00:10:48,214
I took it.
281
00:10:48,248 --> 00:10:51,150
Good. Well, it is been so fun
bro-ing out with my dogs.
282
00:10:51,184 --> 00:10:54,987
I never knew that objectifying
women could be so much fun.
283
00:10:55,021 --> 00:10:56,301
We're running out of time here
284
00:10:56,323 --> 00:10:58,224
so just a quick reminder
to write-in
285
00:10:58,258 --> 00:11:01,026
"Welcome to Douche nation!"
286
00:11:01,061 --> 00:11:04,396
As the official town slogan
for pawneecity.gov.
287
00:11:04,431 --> 00:11:07,333
Or you know what would also be
kind of dope
288
00:11:07,367 --> 00:11:09,535
for the people of Douche nation
to do?
289
00:11:09,569 --> 00:11:11,237
It's vote for another slogan.
290
00:11:11,271 --> 00:11:15,140
Like, you know,
"Storied past, bright future"?
291
00:11:15,175 --> 00:11:18,477
But...I don't care.
I don't give a fart, bros.
292
00:11:18,512 --> 00:11:20,846
You know, just do your thing,
chicken wing.
293
00:11:22,115 --> 00:11:23,349
Hey, Crazy Ira,
have you seen my stick?
294
00:11:23,383 --> 00:11:24,823
- Where's your stick?
- I don't know.
295
00:11:24,851 --> 00:11:26,752
Lesbo Baggins,
you know where my stick is?
296
00:11:26,786 --> 00:11:28,988
- You--
- Oh! Found my stick.
297
00:11:29,022 --> 00:11:30,923
Oh, where did you find it?
298
00:11:30,957 --> 00:11:34,860
Up Leslie Knope's butt!
299
00:11:34,895 --> 00:11:37,229
- Yo, where my stick up?
- It's up her butt, papi.
300
00:11:39,099 --> 00:11:42,268
Jewish Greg, whatever we're
paying you, it's not enough.
301
00:11:44,604 --> 00:11:46,205
Damn it,
I almost pulled that off.
302
00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,606
No, you really didn't.
303
00:11:47,641 --> 00:11:50,609
Just delete the poll.
Let the slogan thing go.
304
00:11:50,644 --> 00:11:52,945
Or, maybe we sneak back
in there--
305
00:11:52,979 --> 00:11:55,247
you distract those guys
for, like, 30, 90 minutes,
306
00:11:55,282 --> 00:11:57,202
I get on live radio,
I give an impassioned speech
307
00:11:57,217 --> 00:11:58,851
about what slogan
I want to endorse
308
00:11:58,885 --> 00:12:00,925
and I play a few songs,
which I always wanted to do,
309
00:12:00,954 --> 00:12:02,588
and then we just see
what happens.
310
00:12:02,622 --> 00:12:04,223
No.
311
00:12:04,257 --> 00:12:05,558
I should just let this go.
Okay.
312
00:12:11,431 --> 00:12:13,199
Dude, what are you doing?
313
00:12:13,233 --> 00:12:15,701
That looks like a perfectly good
saxophone case.
314
00:12:15,735 --> 00:12:18,671
Wait a minute.
What's inside that case?
315
00:12:18,705 --> 00:12:20,906
I am ending
my secret musical career.
316
00:12:20,941 --> 00:12:23,709
- I have to kill Duke Silver.
- No, come on, man.
317
00:12:23,743 --> 00:12:24,743
You're really good.
318
00:12:24,778 --> 00:12:26,745
- You can't quit.
- Sorry, Andrew.
319
00:12:26,780 --> 00:12:27,980
I would rather never play again
320
00:12:28,014 --> 00:12:30,182
than have everyone know
my secret.
321
00:12:31,184 --> 00:12:33,252
Good-bye, Duke Silver.
322
00:12:33,286 --> 00:12:36,555
May you rest...in jazz.
323
00:12:39,926 --> 00:12:43,395
So, Tom told you are sort
of like a computer expert.
324
00:12:43,430 --> 00:12:44,930
Uh...yeah.
325
00:12:44,965 --> 00:12:46,599
You can say that.
326
00:12:46,633 --> 00:12:48,667
These jerks are trying
to hijack my online poll,
327
00:12:48,702 --> 00:12:51,270
and so far the leading town
slogan is,
328
00:12:51,304 --> 00:12:53,572
"Home of the stick
up Leslie Knope's butt."
329
00:12:53,607 --> 00:12:55,207
Yeah, yeah.
I voted for that one.
330
00:12:55,242 --> 00:12:58,010
Great. I'm wondering,
is there a way I can communicate
331
00:12:58,044 --> 00:13:00,179
- with everybody who voted?
- Yeah, I can do that.
332
00:13:00,213 --> 00:13:01,480
Should take about two minutes.
333
00:13:01,515 --> 00:13:03,515
Just PayPal me some bitcoins
when you get a chance.
334
00:13:03,517 --> 00:13:06,085
What?
335
00:13:06,119 --> 00:13:07,519
So, this is way
under your budget.
336
00:13:07,521 --> 00:13:10,656
Used to be a donut shop.
Well, a tire shop
337
00:13:10,690 --> 00:13:12,291
- that sold donuts.
- Pretty rough.
338
00:13:12,325 --> 00:13:13,626
I mean, I guess I could fix
the roof
339
00:13:13,660 --> 00:13:15,294
and tear up the counters.
340
00:13:15,328 --> 00:13:16,562
Do something about the smell.
341
00:13:16,596 --> 00:13:17,997
This place is creepy.
342
00:13:18,031 --> 00:13:21,133
I mean, I love it, because
it reminds me of the cafeteria
343
00:13:21,168 --> 00:13:22,968
in a haunted nursing home,
but...
344
00:13:23,003 --> 00:13:24,470
that's just me.
345
00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:26,005
This is the last listing I have
346
00:13:26,039 --> 00:13:27,673
that isn't an active crime
scene.
347
00:13:27,707 --> 00:13:28,808
Hey, man, what happened?
348
00:13:28,842 --> 00:13:30,776
I thought Jurassic Fork
was super popular.
349
00:13:30,811 --> 00:13:32,111
We stretched ourselves too thin
350
00:13:32,145 --> 00:13:34,013
by expanding to
a second location.
351
00:13:34,047 --> 00:13:36,048
You opened another
dinosaur-themed restaurant?
352
00:13:36,082 --> 00:13:38,217
No, another Steven
Spielberg-themed restaurant.
353
00:13:38,251 --> 00:13:40,619
The German place downtown--
Schindler's Lunch.
354
00:13:40,654 --> 00:13:42,888
I think you may have
misunderstood what people liked
355
00:13:42,923 --> 00:13:44,223
about Jurassic Fork.
356
00:13:44,257 --> 00:13:45,958
I actually think the space
is pretty cool.
357
00:13:45,992 --> 00:13:47,860
Obviously, we'd had to move
this T-Rex, but--
358
00:13:47,894 --> 00:13:49,962
No can do.
That's a load-bearing T-Rex.
359
00:13:49,996 --> 00:13:52,464
This is really the last place
you have available?
360
00:13:52,499 --> 00:13:56,035
Dang. Maybe Tom's Bistro
wasn't meant to be.
361
00:13:57,571 --> 00:14:00,239
- You wanted to see me?
- Yeah, real quick.
362
00:14:00,273 --> 00:14:02,074
Remember when you said
you would close up shop
363
00:14:02,108 --> 00:14:04,110
- on the slogan thing?
- Yes.
364
00:14:04,144 --> 00:14:05,578
You did do that, right?
365
00:14:05,612 --> 00:14:08,114
You didn't somehow get the email
addresses for every person
366
00:14:08,148 --> 00:14:09,915
who voted for the
"Stick up the butt" slogan
367
00:14:09,950 --> 00:14:13,519
and then write each of them
a personalized heartfelt email
368
00:14:13,553 --> 00:14:14,874
telling them
to do the right thing
369
00:14:14,888 --> 00:14:16,155
and vote for a real slogan?
370
00:14:16,189 --> 00:14:19,425
Are you crazy?
What a crazy talk you just did
371
00:14:19,459 --> 00:14:20,960
with your funny words.
372
00:14:20,994 --> 00:14:23,262
Well, someone wrote
those emails.
373
00:14:23,296 --> 00:14:26,766
And we got about 300 complaints
and as a cherry on top
374
00:14:26,800 --> 00:14:29,735
some hackers got really mad
about the invasion of privacy
375
00:14:29,769 --> 00:14:32,171
and attacked the website.
376
00:14:33,740 --> 00:14:35,708
Look what they did to Peebo.
377
00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:38,444
He's wearing a hat
made of penises.
378
00:14:38,478 --> 00:14:40,079
Oh, boy.
379
00:14:41,439 --> 00:14:43,190
Well, I.T. is fixing
the website,
380
00:14:43,217 --> 00:14:44,818
but it will be down
for about three days.
381
00:14:44,843 --> 00:14:46,643
Well, no worries, I will handle
382
00:14:46,678 --> 00:14:48,999
all of the overflow work
personally.
383
00:14:49,119 --> 00:14:51,302
Parking tickets,
code violations--
384
00:14:51,336 --> 00:14:52,937
- send them all to me.
- What's going on?
385
00:14:52,938 --> 00:14:54,738
I don't know.
I spoke to grant
386
00:14:54,773 --> 00:14:56,907
about the national parks job,
and he mentioned
387
00:14:56,942 --> 00:14:59,610
that's mostly big picture
planning and delegating,
388
00:14:59,644 --> 00:15:01,745
and not very much
nitty-gritty,
389
00:15:01,780 --> 00:15:03,847
hands-on stuff
that I love to do.
390
00:15:03,882 --> 00:15:06,183
I would miss that, very much.
391
00:15:06,218 --> 00:15:09,386
I mean, have I really pulled
my last bloated raccoon carcass
392
00:15:09,421 --> 00:15:10,588
from a public fountain?
393
00:15:10,622 --> 00:15:11,989
But that's the whole point
394
00:15:12,023 --> 00:15:14,525
of moving up the ladder,
you get to think bigger,
395
00:15:14,559 --> 00:15:16,327
swim in a bigger pond.
396
00:15:16,361 --> 00:15:18,529
You're having a public forum
on the slogan, right?
397
00:15:18,563 --> 00:15:20,097
Use it as a test.
398
00:15:20,131 --> 00:15:22,700
Hand the reins to someone else,
let them handle things
399
00:15:22,734 --> 00:15:24,468
while you manage
from a distance.
400
00:15:24,502 --> 00:15:25,803
Yeah. That's a good idea.
401
00:15:25,837 --> 00:15:29,540
I guess I should practice...
delegating.
402
00:15:29,574 --> 00:15:31,008
Ugh! Okay.
403
00:15:31,042 --> 00:15:34,778
The public forum
will be run by...
404
00:15:34,813 --> 00:15:37,081
Oh, no, I would not
have started the sentence
405
00:15:37,115 --> 00:15:39,049
if I knew Larry
was the only one here.
406
00:15:39,084 --> 00:15:41,819
Babe, if you can step back
and let Larry take control,
407
00:15:41,853 --> 00:15:43,687
you can survive anything.
408
00:15:43,722 --> 00:15:46,023
All right.
Larry, can you get in here?
409
00:15:46,057 --> 00:15:47,825
I would love to.
Gosh darn it.
410
00:15:47,859 --> 00:15:51,362
I-I somehow ran my belt through
a slat in this chair
411
00:15:51,396 --> 00:15:54,565
so I'm kind of--I'm kind
of stuck to it now.
412
00:15:56,835 --> 00:15:58,168
Great.
413
00:16:01,506 --> 00:16:03,747
You really shouldn't have dug
that out of the dumpster.
414
00:16:03,775 --> 00:16:06,176
I had to. Also I had a banana
on the way over here.
415
00:16:06,211 --> 00:16:07,678
Sorry.
416
00:16:07,712 --> 00:16:10,347
I get why you don't want any
more to know about Duke Silver,
417
00:16:10,382 --> 00:16:12,082
and you don't have to worry.
418
00:16:12,117 --> 00:16:13,951
You secret is safe with me.
419
00:16:13,985 --> 00:16:15,619
To even it out,
420
00:16:15,654 --> 00:16:17,788
I'm gonna tell you
all of my secrets.
421
00:16:17,822 --> 00:16:20,324
Oh, no, that's not necessary.
422
00:16:20,358 --> 00:16:22,526
I once forgot to brush
my teeth for five weeks.
423
00:16:22,561 --> 00:16:23,961
I didn't actually sell
my last car.
424
00:16:23,996 --> 00:16:25,236
I just forgot
where I parked it.
425
00:16:25,263 --> 00:16:26,697
I don't know who Al Gore is.
426
00:16:26,731 --> 00:16:28,232
And at this point
I'm too afraid to ask.
427
00:16:28,266 --> 00:16:29,667
When they say 2% milk,
428
00:16:29,701 --> 00:16:32,369
I don't know what
the other 98% is.
429
00:16:32,404 --> 00:16:33,871
When I was a baby,
my head was so big
430
00:16:33,905 --> 00:16:35,673
scientists did experiments
on me.
431
00:16:35,707 --> 00:16:36,841
I once threw beer at a swan,
432
00:16:36,875 --> 00:16:39,243
and then it attacked
my niece Rebecca.
433
00:16:39,277 --> 00:16:40,644
That'll do, Andrew.
434
00:16:40,679 --> 00:16:43,047
You don't have to play
the unity concert.
435
00:16:43,081 --> 00:16:46,150
But don't quit music.
Please.
436
00:16:52,157 --> 00:16:54,024
- Tommy.
- Hey.
437
00:16:54,059 --> 00:16:56,527
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
438
00:16:56,561 --> 00:16:58,162
I just got excited about
the restaurant
439
00:16:58,196 --> 00:16:59,697
but I should probably call
my investor
440
00:16:59,731 --> 00:17:01,665
and tell him we have a problem.
441
00:17:01,700 --> 00:17:03,867
Well, I got you something
to cheer you up.
442
00:17:03,902 --> 00:17:05,002
Watch cologne.
443
00:17:05,036 --> 00:17:06,270
Cologne for watches.
444
00:17:06,304 --> 00:17:07,271
Thanks.
445
00:17:07,305 --> 00:17:09,640
Things used to make me
so happy.
446
00:17:09,674 --> 00:17:12,743
But I've grown a lot
in the last year.
447
00:17:12,777 --> 00:17:14,545
Now I just want one big thing,
448
00:17:14,579 --> 00:17:16,413
my own restaurant,
named after me,
449
00:17:16,448 --> 00:17:18,949
that makes me so much money
I can buy anything I want.
450
00:17:19,545 --> 00:17:23,681
I should go.
451
00:17:23,715 --> 00:17:25,616
I didn't want Tom to leave,
452
00:17:25,651 --> 00:17:28,152
so I said all these bad things
about the restaurant,
453
00:17:28,187 --> 00:17:29,754
so he wouldn't like them.
454
00:17:29,788 --> 00:17:31,622
Damn, we should have
coordinated.
455
00:17:31,657 --> 00:17:33,617
I don't want to lose that
weird little elf either.
456
00:17:33,625 --> 00:17:35,505
That's why I showed him
all those crappy places.
457
00:17:35,527 --> 00:17:37,328
Oh, I thought you were
just bad at your job.
458
00:17:37,362 --> 00:17:40,264
Sorry.
What should we do?
459
00:17:40,299 --> 00:17:42,133
Let me call some people.
460
00:17:43,135 --> 00:17:45,470
Hello, everyone, and welcome
461
00:17:45,504 --> 00:17:48,172
to a public forum to choose
our new town slogan.
462
00:17:48,207 --> 00:17:51,409
I'm gonna hand things over
to Larry Gengurch,
463
00:17:51,443 --> 00:17:55,279
who is 100% in charge.
464
00:17:55,314 --> 00:17:56,848
Well, let's
just get started, huh?
465
00:17:56,882 --> 00:17:57,882
I want to talk about--
466
00:17:57,916 --> 00:18:00,485
Oh, it's the--
geez Louise--
467
00:18:00,519 --> 00:18:02,053
This keeps happening.
I don't know why.
468
00:18:02,087 --> 00:18:03,688
I think the slogan should be
469
00:18:03,722 --> 00:18:05,823
"Pawnee, home of crackers,
470
00:18:05,858 --> 00:18:08,826
the orangest goldfish
in Indiana."
471
00:18:08,861 --> 00:18:09,827
- Okey-dokey.
- No.
472
00:18:09,947 --> 00:18:10,868
Let me write it down.
473
00:18:10,878 --> 00:18:12,964
- Who even needs a slogan?
- Well, now,
474
00:18:12,998 --> 00:18:14,158
that is an interesting point.
475
00:18:14,242 --> 00:18:16,234
No, that's my slogan idea.
476
00:18:16,268 --> 00:18:17,502
"Who even needs a slogan?"
477
00:18:17,536 --> 00:18:20,338
And then a big picture of me
flipping everybody off.
478
00:18:20,372 --> 00:18:23,841
Let's keep our eye
on the ball here, Douche nation,
479
00:18:23,876 --> 00:18:27,712
"Home of the stick up Leslie
Knope's butt."
480
00:18:27,746 --> 00:18:29,013
Butt stick!
481
00:18:29,047 --> 00:18:30,281
Butt stick! Butt stick!
482
00:18:30,315 --> 00:18:31,549
Let's vote on it right now!
483
00:18:31,583 --> 00:18:33,951
Butt stick!
Butt stick!
484
00:18:35,127 --> 00:18:37,094
Okay. Who's next?
Yes, ma'am.
485
00:18:37,129 --> 00:18:40,430
This slogan is gonna go on
every sign in town.
486
00:18:40,550 --> 00:18:42,584
I think it should be
something real
487
00:18:42,619 --> 00:18:44,620
that we can all be proud of.
488
00:18:44,654 --> 00:18:46,321
I've lived in Pawnee
my whole life
489
00:18:46,356 --> 00:18:50,025
and it could be a strange place,
but overall it's a warm,
490
00:18:50,060 --> 00:18:51,430
and wonderful town.
491
00:18:51,550 --> 00:18:54,697
My idea for a slogan is,
"When you're here,
492
00:18:54,731 --> 00:18:56,231
then you're home."
493
00:18:56,266 --> 00:18:57,333
Well, that's lovely.
494
00:18:57,367 --> 00:18:58,567
I actually had it printed up
495
00:18:58,601 --> 00:19:00,002
so we can see what
it would look like.
496
00:19:00,036 --> 00:19:01,370
Oh, you--
497
00:19:01,404 --> 00:19:03,272
Hm--there's--that's--that's
spelled wrong.
498
00:19:03,306 --> 00:19:05,207
That should be "then",
t-h-e-n.
499
00:19:05,241 --> 00:19:07,176
Stay strong.
Let them work it out.
500
00:19:07,210 --> 00:19:08,544
And trust Larry.
501
00:19:08,578 --> 00:19:09,978
Trust Larry?
502
00:19:10,013 --> 00:19:11,213
Are you listening to yourself?
503
00:19:11,247 --> 00:19:12,715
I like that slogan a lot.
504
00:19:12,749 --> 00:19:16,151
But you made
a little mistake there.
505
00:19:17,520 --> 00:19:20,556
- You see?
- Back off.
506
00:19:20,590 --> 00:19:22,391
"You're" is spelled wrong.
507
00:19:22,425 --> 00:19:24,860
It should be "y-o-u-r."
508
00:19:24,894 --> 00:19:26,895
Oops, I didn't catch it.
Thank you.
509
00:19:26,930 --> 00:19:28,330
No, no, no,
she made a possessive.
510
00:19:28,331 --> 00:19:29,898
- She's getting further away.
- It's okay.
511
00:19:29,933 --> 00:19:31,367
Okay, let's vote.
512
00:19:31,401 --> 00:19:32,901
All those in favor.
513
00:19:34,204 --> 00:19:35,471
Approved!
514
00:19:39,809 --> 00:19:41,677
Man, the places that came
on the market today
515
00:19:41,711 --> 00:19:44,213
are way nicer than the listings
we saw yesterday.
516
00:19:44,247 --> 00:19:47,082
I know, crazy, right?
Real estate.
517
00:19:47,117 --> 00:19:48,584
This property
is under your budget,
518
00:19:48,618 --> 00:19:50,753
and it's got everything
on this wish list you gave me.
519
00:19:50,787 --> 00:19:52,254
Except the two helipads.
520
00:19:52,288 --> 00:19:53,522
Does it have one helipad?
521
00:19:53,556 --> 00:19:54,923
I don't know.
522
00:19:54,958 --> 00:19:57,693
I like it, but...seems
a little small.
523
00:19:57,727 --> 00:19:59,762
No, I think it just seems
small because
524
00:19:59,796 --> 00:20:01,263
of all the heavy furniture.
525
00:20:01,297 --> 00:20:02,965
But that part is really great.
526
00:20:02,999 --> 00:20:05,234
The lighting is really cool.
527
00:20:05,268 --> 00:20:07,636
I think this is the one.
528
00:20:07,671 --> 00:20:09,638
You know, I think you're right.
529
00:20:09,673 --> 00:20:10,706
I'll do it.
530
00:20:10,740 --> 00:20:12,107
Thanks, April.
And, hey, bonus,
531
00:20:12,142 --> 00:20:14,076
it's pretty close to city hall.
532
00:20:14,110 --> 00:20:15,377
You guys are gonna be regulars.
533
00:20:15,412 --> 00:20:17,246
I'll keep a table open for you.
534
00:20:17,280 --> 00:20:19,715
And special thanks
to Leslie Knope
535
00:20:19,749 --> 00:20:22,885
for once again bringing about
positive change to this town.
536
00:20:22,919 --> 00:20:26,155
Pawnee, I present to you,
your new slogan.
537
00:20:27,691 --> 00:20:29,158
You fixed the mistakes.
538
00:20:29,192 --> 00:20:31,260
I held it together
for the entire meeting.
539
00:20:31,294 --> 00:20:32,294
Let me have this one.
540
00:20:32,328 --> 00:20:34,563
I'm done micromanaging.
I promise.
541
00:20:34,597 --> 00:20:37,633
Then I'm sure you are okay
with the fact
542
00:20:37,667 --> 00:20:39,168
that they installed the sign
543
00:20:39,202 --> 00:20:41,437
the wrong way
and it's welcoming you to Pawnee
544
00:20:41,471 --> 00:20:42,538
as you're leaving.
545
00:20:42,572 --> 00:20:43,605
What?
546
00:20:43,640 --> 00:20:45,841
No! Oh, son of a--
547
00:20:45,875 --> 00:20:47,276
Hey, you passed the test.
548
00:20:47,310 --> 00:20:48,544
Honestly,
549
00:20:48,578 --> 00:20:50,446
there's something else
I'm worried about.
550
00:20:50,480 --> 00:20:52,247
The kind of work that I've been
doing all these years,
551
00:20:52,282 --> 00:20:54,149
the nuts and bolts,
the grunt work,
552
00:20:54,184 --> 00:20:55,851
that's the stuff I know
how to do.
553
00:20:55,885 --> 00:20:57,786
What if I take
this national parks jobs
554
00:20:57,821 --> 00:20:59,988
and I just...fail?
555
00:21:00,023 --> 00:21:02,091
- Hm.
- What if I'm not good at it?
556
00:21:02,125 --> 00:21:03,125
Yeah.
557
00:21:03,159 --> 00:21:07,096
Leslie, I love you, very much.
558
00:21:07,130 --> 00:21:09,198
But this is the stupidest
thing you've ever said.
559
00:21:09,232 --> 00:21:11,433
You'd be amazing.
560
00:21:11,468 --> 00:21:13,502
And everyone's gonna be in awe
of how amazing you are,
561
00:21:13,536 --> 00:21:14,937
so just shut your month.
562
00:21:17,507 --> 00:21:18,607
Hey,
563
00:21:18,641 --> 00:21:19,775
are we leaving or entering?
564
00:21:19,809 --> 00:21:22,711
We've been driving around
in circles.
565
00:21:22,746 --> 00:21:25,014
You're--
566
00:21:25,134 --> 00:21:30,828
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com