1
00:00:16,865 --> 00:00:18,220
I mean, there were rumors
that they were gonna
2
00:00:18,348 --> 00:00:20,813
announce it next month, but they
must have gotten impatient. Okay.
3
00:00:20,933 --> 00:00:22,788
Whatever they say,
we need to come up
4
00:00:22,830 --> 00:00:27,029
with 10,000 possible responses
to 10,000 possible scenarios.
5
00:00:27,256 --> 00:00:28,489
Okay, just to remind you,
6
00:00:28,524 --> 00:00:30,258
I don't work for the National
Park Service.
7
00:00:30,292 --> 00:00:31,526
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
How are those scenarios coming?
8
00:00:31,560 --> 00:00:32,794
Okay, look.
9
00:00:32,828 --> 00:00:34,448
Before we go in there,
you need to know something.
10
00:00:34,755 --> 00:00:36,356
- He's here.
- Who's here?
11
00:00:36,390 --> 00:00:38,024
The guy whose name you forbid
me from saying
12
00:00:38,059 --> 00:00:39,292
out loud because it fills you
with rage.
13
00:00:40,594 --> 00:00:41,928
Look, I don't know
who he's working for,
14
00:00:41,962 --> 00:00:43,196
but I guess he's part of one
of the bidding groups.
15
00:00:43,230 --> 00:00:44,631
Are you gonna be able
to be civil in there?
16
00:00:44,665 --> 00:00:46,032
I'm perfectly civil.
17
00:00:46,067 --> 00:00:47,767
He's the stupid garbage-head
doo-doo face.
18
00:00:47,802 --> 00:00:48,902
Perfect.
19
00:00:48,936 --> 00:00:50,270
Thank you all for coming.
20
00:00:50,304 --> 00:00:52,972
I am Trevor Nelson, legal
council to the Newport family.
21
00:00:53,007 --> 00:00:56,977
The Newport family trust intends
to sell a 25-square mile parcel
22
00:00:57,011 --> 00:01:00,847
of pristine, undeveloped land
containing Lake Eagleton
23
00:01:00,881 --> 00:01:02,549
and the Southern Indiana
foothills.
24
00:01:02,583 --> 00:01:03,783
Why now?
25
00:01:03,818 --> 00:01:05,785
The Newports have owned this
land for 100 years.
26
00:01:05,820 --> 00:01:08,288
Thanks to the recent economic
boom in Pawnee,
27
00:01:08,322 --> 00:01:10,056
real estate prices are at an all
time high.
28
00:01:10,091 --> 00:01:12,659
And in the words of
Jessica Wicks-Newport, heir
29
00:01:12,693 --> 00:01:15,228
to the entire Newport fortune,
quote, "It's time to trade
30
00:01:15,262 --> 00:01:17,797
those dumb, old trees
for a butt load of cash."
31
00:01:17,832 --> 00:01:20,266
It is.
It truly is.
32
00:01:20,301 --> 00:01:23,103
This land is begging to be
a new national park.
33
00:01:23,137 --> 00:01:24,571
And it's in my own backyard.
34
00:01:24,605 --> 00:01:25,805
This could be my crowning
achievement.
35
00:01:25,840 --> 00:01:27,073
I could retire.
36
00:01:27,108 --> 00:01:28,308
I mean, I wouldn't.
37
00:01:28,342 --> 00:01:29,709
I'm gonna work until I'm 100
38
00:01:29,744 --> 00:01:31,578
and then cut back to four days
a week.
39
00:01:31,612 --> 00:01:34,681
Oh, God, I'm already so bored
thinking about that one day off.
40
00:01:34,715 --> 00:01:36,416
Maybe I'll go to law school
or something.
41
00:01:36,450 --> 00:01:37,817
We will select the finalists
42
00:01:37,852 --> 00:01:40,987
from a set of initial sealed
bids due at 5:00 P.M. tomorrow.
43
00:01:41,022 --> 00:01:41,988
Good luck.
44
00:01:42,023 --> 00:01:43,656
- Okay.
- Cool.
45
00:01:43,691 --> 00:01:44,624
- There he is.
- What?
46
00:01:44,658 --> 00:01:45,959
- Okay.
- He's here?
47
00:01:45,993 --> 00:01:47,293
- He is coming over.
- I don't want to talk to him.
48
00:01:47,328 --> 00:01:48,395
I should hide.
No, he should hide.
49
00:01:48,429 --> 00:01:49,696
He should run.
He should run away.
50
00:01:49,730 --> 00:01:52,732
He should hide his stupid face.
He shouldn't be--
51
00:01:55,436 --> 00:01:57,437
Hello, Ms. Knope.
52
00:01:57,471 --> 00:02:01,508
Hello, former strange person
I used to friend.
53
00:02:01,542 --> 00:02:05,945
You're looking very...
Ron-like.
54
00:02:05,980 --> 00:02:07,647
- You have your same hair.
- No, I don't.
55
00:02:07,682 --> 00:02:08,682
I have bangs now.
56
00:02:08,716 --> 00:02:09,883
I've never known what bangs are,
57
00:02:09,917 --> 00:02:11,038
and I don't intend to learn.
58
00:02:11,051 --> 00:02:12,452
Well, maybe you should!
59
00:02:12,486 --> 00:02:15,155
I left the parks department
two years ago.
60
00:02:15,189 --> 00:02:16,556
Now I work in
the private sector,
61
00:02:16,590 --> 00:02:18,858
running my own building
and development company.
62
00:02:18,893 --> 00:02:22,195
It's called Very Good Building
and Development Company.
63
00:02:22,229 --> 00:02:24,097
I wanted to convey the quality
of our work
64
00:02:24,131 --> 00:02:25,899
without seeming flashy.
65
00:02:25,933 --> 00:02:28,835
So your company is involved
with one of the bidders?
66
00:02:28,869 --> 00:02:31,471
Hell yeah, pimp!
67
00:02:31,505 --> 00:02:33,173
He's on team Gryzzl now.
68
00:02:33,207 --> 00:02:35,308
We, uh, hired his company
to help plan and build
69
00:02:35,343 --> 00:02:37,110
our new Gryzzl campus.
70
00:02:37,144 --> 00:02:39,079
Right here in town.
Oh, and that land?
71
00:02:39,113 --> 00:02:40,714
Oh, my gosh.
It's perfect.
72
00:02:40,748 --> 00:02:43,083
The trees and rocks and sky.
73
00:02:43,117 --> 00:02:46,252
Yes, the land has good sky.
74
00:02:46,287 --> 00:02:48,488
Sky!
He's so far out.
75
00:02:48,522 --> 00:02:51,257
So norm-core.
76
00:02:51,292 --> 00:02:54,561
You know that the National
Park System deserves this land.
77
00:02:54,595 --> 00:02:56,162
Why are you trying to screw me?
78
00:02:56,197 --> 00:02:58,231
This is like Morning Star all
over again.
79
00:02:58,265 --> 00:02:59,999
This is nothing like
Morning Star.
80
00:03:00,034 --> 00:03:01,935
And that was two years ago.
81
00:03:01,969 --> 00:03:03,103
Well, you don't know
who you're dealing with.
82
00:03:03,137 --> 00:03:05,572
I directly oversee 1,200 people.
83
00:03:05,606 --> 00:03:08,842
I have a staff
of creative geniuses
84
00:03:08,876 --> 00:03:12,412
that will not stop working
until we win this bid.
85
00:03:12,446 --> 00:03:13,580
Leslie?
86
00:03:13,614 --> 00:03:14,881
I-I couldn't find that file
you wanted,
87
00:03:14,915 --> 00:03:18,618
but I did find a file called
bird census, 1980.
88
00:03:18,652 --> 00:03:21,154
- And...it's empty.
- Get out of here, Ed!
89
00:03:21,188 --> 00:03:22,355
- I fired you.
- Right.
90
00:03:22,390 --> 00:03:24,861
If anyone wants to hang,
I will be at Subway.
91
00:03:28,195 --> 00:03:29,362
He's very stupid.
92
00:03:33,134 --> 00:03:43,134
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
93
00:03:50,251 --> 00:03:51,518
Babe?
94
00:03:51,552 --> 00:03:52,786
Just dropped off Leslie's
triplets with her mom.
95
00:03:52,820 --> 00:03:54,154
All three of 'em.
Nailed it.
96
00:03:54,188 --> 00:03:55,722
Look what she gave us.
Slow cooker.
97
00:03:55,756 --> 00:03:57,090
- Great.
- Yeah.
98
00:03:57,124 --> 00:03:59,484
Um, so hurry up and get ready.
The gala starts in an hour.
99
00:03:59,493 --> 00:04:01,661
And don't forget, tomorrow we
have to go to that guy's office
100
00:04:01,696 --> 00:04:02,996
to sign the renter's insurance
forms.
101
00:04:03,030 --> 00:04:04,597
Get ready.
Go.
102
00:04:04,632 --> 00:04:06,232
Everything is going great.
103
00:04:06,267 --> 00:04:08,702
April's kicking ass at her
National Parks job.
104
00:04:08,736 --> 00:04:12,906
Uh, I work there part time.
And I have my own TV show.
105
00:04:12,940 --> 00:04:15,408
Welcome back to the
Johnny Karate Super Awesome
106
00:04:15,443 --> 00:04:16,843
Musical Explosion Hour.
107
00:04:19,313 --> 00:04:21,548
Morning, Johnny.
I have something for ya.
108
00:04:21,582 --> 00:04:23,917
It's Mailman Barry.
Morning, Barry.
109
00:04:23,951 --> 00:04:26,052
- I have something for you.
- Andy, no.
110
00:04:26,087 --> 00:04:28,655
- Ninjas attack!
- No.
111
00:04:28,689 --> 00:04:30,890
Oh!
That's my crotch.
112
00:04:30,925 --> 00:04:32,926
Okay, guys.
Three more kicks a piece.
113
00:04:34,261 --> 00:04:35,929
Uh, Jessica?
Hi.
114
00:04:35,963 --> 00:04:37,443
I'm glad I caught you
before you left.
115
00:04:37,465 --> 00:04:39,566
Just between you and me,
what do you think your land
116
00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,101
might sell for tomorrow?
117
00:04:41,135 --> 00:04:45,505
Trevor says it'll probably be
around $90 million.
118
00:04:45,539 --> 00:04:47,307
Ah ha!
Woo!
119
00:04:47,341 --> 00:04:49,342
- Oh.
- Oh--oh, wow.
120
00:04:49,377 --> 00:04:52,879
I know.
I am just--I am so happy for me.
121
00:04:52,913 --> 00:04:55,148
Would you ever consider giving
the federal government
122
00:04:55,182 --> 00:04:56,149
a discount?
123
00:04:56,183 --> 00:04:59,052
For a very good cause?
A national park.
124
00:04:59,086 --> 00:05:00,887
Oh, Leslie.
I have always liked you.
125
00:05:00,921 --> 00:05:02,201
Yeah, no, you haven't, though.
126
00:05:02,223 --> 00:05:06,726
But I also like money.
And money pays for my lifestyle.
127
00:05:06,761 --> 00:05:09,229
Leslie doesn't pay for my
lifestyle, money does.
128
00:05:09,263 --> 00:05:12,132
So between money and Leslie...
129
00:05:12,166 --> 00:05:13,967
Uhh.
130
00:05:14,001 --> 00:05:17,504
- You see the bind that I'm in?
- Yeah, it's a tough one.
131
00:05:17,538 --> 00:05:18,571
Well, thank you, Jessica.
132
00:05:18,606 --> 00:05:20,040
You did and said exactly
what I thought
133
00:05:20,074 --> 00:05:21,508
you were gonna do and say.
134
00:05:21,542 --> 00:05:25,345
- And that's oddly comforting.
- Thank you, sweetie.
135
00:05:25,379 --> 00:05:31,017
Who is Tom Haverford?
He's a mentor, a lover, a hero.
136
00:05:31,052 --> 00:05:33,853
But who is my hero?
Simple.
137
00:05:33,888 --> 00:05:35,989
It's me.
Five years from now.
138
00:05:36,023 --> 00:05:37,123
Okay, I really only need
139
00:05:37,158 --> 00:05:38,992
a correct spelling
of your last name.
140
00:05:39,026 --> 00:05:41,528
You are looking at one of
Indiana Business monthly's
141
00:05:41,562 --> 00:05:43,196
35 under 35.
142
00:05:43,230 --> 00:05:44,898
I own Pawnee's
hottest restaurant,
143
00:05:44,932 --> 00:05:48,435
two fast-casual eateries,
and the Tommy Chopper.
144
00:05:48,469 --> 00:05:49,969
We serve chopped salads
out of a decommissioned
145
00:05:50,004 --> 00:05:51,805
military helicopter.
146
00:05:51,839 --> 00:05:53,540
I'm a mogul now.
147
00:05:53,574 --> 00:05:54,607
Hey, Tom?
148
00:05:54,642 --> 00:05:56,576
Ben Wyatt, city manager
of Pawnee.
149
00:05:56,610 --> 00:05:58,011
Chamber of Commerce asked me
to introduce him
150
00:05:58,045 --> 00:06:00,180
at a very fancy black tie gala
tonight.
151
00:06:00,214 --> 00:06:01,581
One of the many area big wigs
152
00:06:01,615 --> 00:06:03,950
who comes to me for life advice,
fashion tips.
153
00:06:03,985 --> 00:06:05,752
Uh, you get it.
Write this all down.
154
00:06:05,786 --> 00:06:07,020
So for the introduction,
155
00:06:07,054 --> 00:06:08,688
I'd love it if you could just
keep it brief.
156
00:06:08,723 --> 00:06:10,190
Like, stick to my fiscal
accomplishments.
157
00:06:11,559 --> 00:06:13,827
Oh, wanna wake me up when you're
done boring us to death?
158
00:06:13,861 --> 00:06:15,161
Am I right, Janet?
159
00:06:16,597 --> 00:06:18,665
Write down that I'm funny.
160
00:06:18,699 --> 00:06:20,500
Benji?
Relax, come on.
161
00:06:20,534 --> 00:06:22,469
When's Tommy ever let you down?
162
00:06:22,503 --> 00:06:24,004
Constantly.
163
00:06:24,038 --> 00:06:26,973
I'm being honored at a gala
tonight because I'm in charge
164
00:06:27,007 --> 00:06:29,743
of the Pawnee bicentennial
celebration.
165
00:06:29,777 --> 00:06:31,778
It's my biggest project since
ice town.
166
00:06:31,812 --> 00:06:34,047
So it really means a lot
that I'm being recognized
167
00:06:34,081 --> 00:06:36,783
as a city leader,
instead of being yelled at
168
00:06:36,817 --> 00:06:39,919
and pelted with things.
169
00:06:39,954 --> 00:06:41,721
Wait, you don't think
this is all an elaborate setup
170
00:06:41,756 --> 00:06:44,791
to pelt me with things, do you?
171
00:06:44,825 --> 00:06:47,260
It takes like eight hours
to cook something in this thing.
172
00:06:47,294 --> 00:06:49,429
I guess I could pick up
a brisket tomorrow
173
00:06:49,463 --> 00:06:51,064
and start it for dinner
Thursday.
174
00:06:51,098 --> 00:06:52,132
Oh, Thursday's no good.
175
00:06:52,166 --> 00:06:54,367
I have production meetings
all day.
176
00:06:54,402 --> 00:06:56,603
Then we've got dinner
with Joe and Donna on Friday.
177
00:06:56,637 --> 00:06:58,338
Hey, you know, Sunday.
178
00:06:58,372 --> 00:06:59,406
We can go
to the farmer's market,
179
00:06:59,440 --> 00:07:00,974
put the brisket
in the slow cooker,
180
00:07:01,008 --> 00:07:02,475
get a movie on pay per view.
181
00:07:02,510 --> 00:07:04,811
The new Jason Bourne movie's
supposed to be pretty funny.
182
00:07:06,447 --> 00:07:09,482
Andy?
We're planning our whole week.
183
00:07:09,517 --> 00:07:10,550
Like old people.
184
00:07:10,584 --> 00:07:12,085
We used to be spontaneous
and weird.
185
00:07:12,119 --> 00:07:13,520
We used to eat cereal
out of frisbees
186
00:07:13,554 --> 00:07:14,954
because we didn't have
any bowls.
187
00:07:14,989 --> 00:07:16,856
You once broke a rib trying
to wrestle one of those
188
00:07:16,891 --> 00:07:18,224
inflatable floppy guys
at a car dealership.
189
00:07:18,259 --> 00:07:19,492
I won.
190
00:07:19,527 --> 00:07:20,627
Now you sprained your shoulder
trying to clean out
191
00:07:20,661 --> 00:07:22,162
the stupid gutter.
192
00:07:22,196 --> 00:07:24,764
You even have a job.
We have a bank account!
193
00:07:24,799 --> 00:07:26,266
That's it.
194
00:07:26,300 --> 00:07:28,535
We've held out as long as we
could, but it finally happened.
195
00:07:28,569 --> 00:07:30,036
We're boring.
196
00:07:30,071 --> 00:07:31,905
We're boring people who will
bore each other by being boring.
197
00:07:31,939 --> 00:07:33,606
No!
We are still fun.
198
00:07:33,641 --> 00:07:34,841
I'm gonna prove it to you.
199
00:07:34,875 --> 00:07:37,110
Tonight at the gala,
we are gonna do something
200
00:07:37,144 --> 00:07:39,145
spontaneous and weird.
201
00:07:39,180 --> 00:07:43,116
Okay.
202
00:07:43,150 --> 00:07:45,418
Stop taunting me.
203
00:07:45,453 --> 00:07:46,733
Get on the phone to Washington.
204
00:07:46,754 --> 00:07:48,521
Call in every favor
that we have.
205
00:07:48,556 --> 00:07:50,223
Dave, put Missouri on the back
burner.
206
00:07:50,257 --> 00:07:51,558
This is top priority.
207
00:07:51,592 --> 00:07:54,294
You all have 36 hours
to find me $90 million.
208
00:07:54,328 --> 00:07:55,328
Go!
209
00:07:55,363 --> 00:07:57,230
Whoa, $90 million?
210
00:07:57,265 --> 00:07:58,665
Well, I only have $2 million
211
00:07:58,699 --> 00:08:00,900
in the discretionary fund
and I've already used some of it
212
00:08:00,935 --> 00:08:02,836
to make Thomas Jefferson sexier
213
00:08:02,870 --> 00:08:05,138
in those Mount Rushmore
promotions.
214
00:08:05,172 --> 00:08:06,906
Which, by the way, attendance
has been up.
215
00:08:06,941 --> 00:08:08,341
That's not a coincidence.
216
00:08:08,376 --> 00:08:10,610
Pawnee's rich and famous
will all be here tonight.
217
00:08:10,644 --> 00:08:12,946
- Maybe you start there.
- That is a very smart idea.
218
00:08:12,980 --> 00:08:15,815
And that tuxedo makes you look
like a sexy orchestra conductor.
219
00:08:15,850 --> 00:08:17,250
- Here, wave this pen around.
- Focus.
220
00:08:17,284 --> 00:08:19,419
Fine.
Let's go get that park.
221
00:08:19,453 --> 00:08:22,122
That park is my dream.
I'm not gonna let it slip away.
222
00:08:22,156 --> 00:08:24,591
Who cares if Gryzzl and Ron
have more money?
223
00:08:24,625 --> 00:08:27,093
I have the most valuable
currency in America.
224
00:08:27,128 --> 00:08:30,771
A blind, stubborn belief that
what I am doing is 100% right.
225
00:08:35,188 --> 00:08:37,389
Ken Hotate.
Great bow tie, is that new?
226
00:08:37,423 --> 00:08:39,825
Why, yes it is.
My son sells them on Etsy.
227
00:08:39,859 --> 00:08:41,727
He is a huge disappointment.
228
00:08:41,761 --> 00:08:42,995
Oh, well.
229
00:08:43,029 --> 00:08:44,763
Now that we're chatting,
the National Park Service
230
00:08:44,797 --> 00:08:47,533
is looking to buy
the Newport land.
231
00:08:47,567 --> 00:08:49,334
But we're a little short
on funds.
232
00:08:49,369 --> 00:08:52,137
- How short?
- $88 million.
233
00:08:52,171 --> 00:08:55,107
What do you say you put some of
that casino money to good use?
234
00:08:55,141 --> 00:08:56,742
You know, we have been
considering opening
235
00:08:56,776 --> 00:08:57,743
a second resort.
236
00:08:57,777 --> 00:08:59,177
No, it would be a donation.
237
00:08:59,212 --> 00:09:00,573
The government would keep
the land.
238
00:09:00,580 --> 00:09:02,748
So you would like the Wamapoke
people to pay
239
00:09:02,782 --> 00:09:06,084
the federal government millions
of dollars to buy land
240
00:09:06,119 --> 00:09:08,921
that was stolen from us
by the federal government?
241
00:09:08,955 --> 00:09:10,789
And we don't even get to keep
the land?
242
00:09:10,823 --> 00:09:13,358
Well, when you put it like
that, I see the irony.
243
00:09:13,393 --> 00:09:15,327
So are you in?
No?
244
00:09:15,361 --> 00:09:17,362
What if I buy some of your
disappointing son's bolo ties?
245
00:09:17,397 --> 00:09:18,330
Damn it.
246
00:09:18,364 --> 00:09:19,331
Hey, check it out.
247
00:09:19,365 --> 00:09:20,399
I'm so crazy and spontaneous,
248
00:09:20,433 --> 00:09:21,633
I don't even need this sling
anymore.
249
00:09:21,668 --> 00:09:23,068
- Yes.
- Pa-dow.
250
00:09:23,102 --> 00:09:25,604
Oh!
Oh, did you hear that pop?
251
00:09:25,638 --> 00:09:26,905
Could you hear that?
252
00:09:26,940 --> 00:09:29,541
- You wanna do shots?
- Yeah, I'd love to do a shot.
253
00:09:29,576 --> 00:09:31,476
'Cause wine makes me sleepy now.
254
00:09:31,511 --> 00:09:33,312
This is gonna be fun.
What do you want to do first?
255
00:09:33,346 --> 00:09:34,479
Ooh.
256
00:09:34,514 --> 00:09:37,449
I dare you to eat this entire
jug of olives.
257
00:09:37,483 --> 00:09:39,618
Done!
258
00:09:39,652 --> 00:09:41,119
- What are you doing?
- I'mma take a Zantac.
259
00:09:41,154 --> 00:09:42,521
All that salt will give me
heartburn.
260
00:09:42,555 --> 00:09:43,755
Oh, God.
You ruined it.
261
00:09:43,790 --> 00:09:45,624
We--we have to figure something
else out.
262
00:09:45,658 --> 00:09:46,992
Should I still take the Zantac?
263
00:09:47,026 --> 00:09:49,995
Yeah, you always feel better
when you do.
264
00:09:50,029 --> 00:09:51,830
Oh, my God, I hate us!
265
00:09:51,865 --> 00:09:53,165
Let's go.
266
00:09:53,199 --> 00:09:56,134
Now, I know all of you are off
doing your own things
267
00:09:56,169 --> 00:09:58,403
and we don't see each other
as much as we used to,
268
00:09:58,438 --> 00:10:00,672
but I need my old team back
for one last mission.
269
00:10:00,707 --> 00:10:04,042
So hands in.
Defeat Ron on three.
270
00:10:04,077 --> 00:10:05,811
- One, two, three!
- Ooh.
271
00:10:05,845 --> 00:10:08,580
Actually, Ron promised me
I could build a restaurant
272
00:10:08,615 --> 00:10:12,684
on the new Gryzzl campus so I'm
kind of totally on Ron's side.
273
00:10:12,719 --> 00:10:13,819
Okay.
Tom's dead to me.
274
00:10:13,853 --> 00:10:15,654
Donna?
Waiting for your hand.
275
00:10:15,688 --> 00:10:19,591
Yeah, Ron hired Regal Meagle
realty to broker the deal.
276
00:10:19,626 --> 00:10:21,893
And I'm gonna need the money
for my wedding.
277
00:10:23,296 --> 00:10:25,130
Shia LaBeouf-designed wedding
dresses do not come cheap.
278
00:10:25,164 --> 00:10:26,465
Oh, my God, you're getting
married?
279
00:10:26,499 --> 00:10:29,067
That's amazing.
And you didn't tell me earlier?
280
00:10:29,102 --> 00:10:30,202
How could you?
281
00:10:30,236 --> 00:10:31,570
Joe popped the question
a few days ago.
282
00:10:31,604 --> 00:10:32,938
I didn't post anything
on Gryzzlfeed
283
00:10:32,972 --> 00:10:34,640
'cause I wanted to tell you
in person.
284
00:10:34,674 --> 00:10:38,043
This is very beautiful.
And I'm furious at you.
285
00:10:38,077 --> 00:10:39,244
How are you?
How are the kids?
286
00:10:39,279 --> 00:10:40,679
Oh, they're great.
You know.
287
00:10:40,713 --> 00:10:42,214
They're trying to destroy us.
There's three of them.
288
00:10:42,248 --> 00:10:43,482
It's insane.
But they're great.
289
00:10:43,516 --> 00:10:46,051
We gotta run, Les.
Sorry for totally crushing it.
290
00:10:46,085 --> 00:10:49,087
And you in the process.
Later.
291
00:10:49,122 --> 00:10:53,091
Well, never fear,
because Terry is here.
292
00:10:53,126 --> 00:10:54,660
Yes, I go by Terry now.
293
00:10:54,694 --> 00:10:56,195
Because there was a guy
at National Parks,
294
00:10:56,229 --> 00:10:57,629
he was already named Larry.
295
00:10:57,664 --> 00:10:59,898
So they suggested I go by Terry.
296
00:10:59,933 --> 00:11:03,669
And then I said my real name is
Gary and they said, who cares.
297
00:11:03,703 --> 00:11:06,238
So.
It's just a fun group.
298
00:11:06,272 --> 00:11:07,406
Good evening,
299
00:11:07,440 --> 00:11:10,642
and welcome to the Pawnee
Bicentennial Gala.
300
00:11:14,514 --> 00:11:17,783
Not long ago, this town
was barely on the map.
301
00:11:17,817 --> 00:11:19,251
Unless you were talking about
a map of the cities
302
00:11:19,285 --> 00:11:22,588
with the most obese pets.
303
00:11:22,622 --> 00:11:26,325
But then, one great man
came along
304
00:11:26,359 --> 00:11:28,994
and he lifted all of us up.
305
00:11:33,800 --> 00:11:36,435
And that man was me.
Tom Haverford.
306
00:11:36,469 --> 00:11:39,371
Owner and proprietor
of the effortlessly chic,
307
00:11:39,405 --> 00:11:42,975
celebrity-packed Italian
restaurant, Tom's Bistro.
308
00:11:43,009 --> 00:11:44,576
And several other
establishments.
309
00:11:44,611 --> 00:11:45,878
Ron?
How could you?
310
00:11:45,912 --> 00:11:47,646
I simply took a skewer
for one shrimp
311
00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:49,081
and added many shrimp to it.
312
00:11:49,115 --> 00:11:50,582
They're long enough
for five or six.
313
00:11:50,617 --> 00:11:53,151
First you try to steal my park
and now you steal my team?
314
00:11:53,186 --> 00:11:54,686
I didn't steal them.
315
00:11:54,721 --> 00:11:57,523
They're independent people who
have moved onto better things,
316
00:11:57,557 --> 00:11:59,291
just like you did.
317
00:11:59,325 --> 00:12:02,528
Bacon-wrapped shrimp.
I fit seven on this one.
318
00:12:02,562 --> 00:12:03,862
It's a masterpiece.
319
00:12:03,897 --> 00:12:05,364
Why don't you shove them all
in your dumb mouth
320
00:12:05,398 --> 00:12:07,099
and then when I turn around,
you can stab me in the back
321
00:12:07,133 --> 00:12:08,567
with the skewer?
322
00:12:08,601 --> 00:12:10,168
People come up to me
and they say things like,
323
00:12:10,203 --> 00:12:13,005
Tom, given all that you've
accomplished,
324
00:12:13,039 --> 00:12:15,173
is it hard to stay humble?
325
00:12:15,208 --> 00:12:18,744
And I say...not for me.
326
00:12:18,778 --> 00:12:21,446
I'm pretty amazing
at being humble.
327
00:12:21,481 --> 00:12:24,149
But, enough about me.
328
00:12:24,183 --> 00:12:25,884
Ladies and gentlemen,
please welcome
329
00:12:25,919 --> 00:12:29,588
Pawnee's man of the year 2017,
Mr. Ben Wyatt.
330
00:12:32,492 --> 00:12:34,626
Thank you.
Thanks.
331
00:12:34,661 --> 00:12:39,698
And thank you to Tom for that
moving tribute to you.
332
00:12:39,732 --> 00:12:42,601
And thank you to the boys and
girls club for the incredibly
333
00:12:42,635 --> 00:12:45,304
lifelike paper-mache statue.
334
00:12:45,338 --> 00:12:46,772
You know, when I first moved
here--
335
00:12:48,374 --> 00:12:51,610
Oh, uh.
I guess it's time for cake?
336
00:12:51,644 --> 00:12:53,078
Okay.
Great.
337
00:12:53,112 --> 00:12:55,180
Perfect.
Timing.
338
00:12:55,214 --> 00:12:56,615
Oh, how about this?
339
00:12:56,649 --> 00:12:58,116
We shut off the lights,
340
00:12:58,151 --> 00:13:00,986
turn 'em back on, everybody's
fancy jewelry is missing.
341
00:13:01,020 --> 00:13:04,890
Meanwhile, you and I are already
on a boat to the airport.
342
00:13:04,924 --> 00:13:06,458
Let's put stink bombs
in all the vents.
343
00:13:06,492 --> 00:13:08,026
- Yes.
- Wait, no.
344
00:13:08,061 --> 00:13:08,994
I forgot.
345
00:13:09,028 --> 00:13:10,095
I got rid of all the stink bombs
346
00:13:10,129 --> 00:13:12,564
before you babysat
Leslie's kids.
347
00:13:12,599 --> 00:13:14,633
Being responsible adults
sucks butts.
348
00:13:14,667 --> 00:13:16,368
Butts, that's it.
I'll streak across the stage.
349
00:13:16,402 --> 00:13:17,636
Yes, I love it.
350
00:13:17,670 --> 00:13:19,905
I'm gonna get naked.
I'm gonna get up there.
351
00:13:19,939 --> 00:13:21,607
Everyone is gonna see my weiner.
352
00:13:21,641 --> 00:13:23,175
I mean, you've seen it.
You know how dumb it looks.
353
00:13:23,209 --> 00:13:24,710
- Uh-huh.
- Perfect plan.
354
00:13:25,845 --> 00:13:26,912
Why are you even here?
355
00:13:26,946 --> 00:13:28,447
What have you ever done
for this city?
356
00:13:28,481 --> 00:13:31,950
My company has stimulated
Pawnee's economy.
357
00:13:31,985 --> 00:13:35,520
You're just still upset about
Morning Star.
358
00:13:35,555 --> 00:13:37,489
I told you to never say
that word to me.
359
00:13:37,524 --> 00:13:39,324
No one should ever say that word
out loud.
360
00:13:39,359 --> 00:13:41,026
It's like Voldemort.
Or Ron.
361
00:13:41,060 --> 00:13:43,228
You know what?
You don't deserve that candle.
362
00:13:43,263 --> 00:13:44,229
- Gimme that candle!
- Let go.
363
00:13:44,264 --> 00:13:45,230
- Let go.
- This candle's mine.
364
00:13:45,265 --> 00:13:46,331
No, give me this candle.
365
00:13:46,366 --> 00:13:47,332
You steal my team,
I steal your candle.
366
00:13:47,367 --> 00:13:48,367
- I stole nothing.
- Guys?
367
00:13:48,368 --> 00:13:49,334
- Neh.
- Guys?
368
00:13:49,369 --> 00:13:50,335
- I want it!
- Leslie.
369
00:13:50,370 --> 00:13:51,937
Stop!
370
00:13:56,109 --> 00:13:57,976
It's okay.
Everything's fine.
371
00:13:58,011 --> 00:13:59,578
Just wheel out the backup cake.
372
00:13:59,612 --> 00:14:01,613
There is no backup cake.
373
00:14:01,648 --> 00:14:04,049
Who doesn't bake a backup cake?
374
00:14:04,083 --> 00:14:05,918
Okay, well that seals it.
375
00:14:05,952 --> 00:14:09,221
Even Leslie is crazier
than we are.
376
00:14:09,255 --> 00:14:11,160
They're still gonna serve
that cake, right?
377
00:14:13,538 --> 00:14:17,118
And then I said, uh, you might
want to check with the penguin.
378
00:14:19,363 --> 00:14:20,296
I get it.
379
00:14:20,331 --> 00:14:22,832
You Gryzzl guys are a real hoot.
380
00:14:22,867 --> 00:14:25,959
- And you have so much money.
- Thanks, Jessie.
381
00:14:26,079 --> 00:14:29,047
And, hey, enjoy that new
prototype Gryzzl tablet, huh?
382
00:14:29,082 --> 00:14:30,382
I will.
I just love it.
383
00:14:30,416 --> 00:14:32,985
Thank you, Jessica.
I love you too.
384
00:14:33,019 --> 00:14:35,320
I love your skin.
Give me your skin.
385
00:14:35,355 --> 00:14:36,655
Oh.
386
00:14:36,689 --> 00:14:38,156
There's still a couple bugs
with the A.I. software.
387
00:14:38,191 --> 00:14:41,493
But, uh, maybe just turn it off
before you go to sleep.
388
00:14:41,527 --> 00:14:42,628
All right, Donna.
Let's hit it.
389
00:14:42,662 --> 00:14:44,162
- About to get some peddies.
- Okay.
390
00:14:44,197 --> 00:14:45,898
Peddies on peddies on peddies.
391
00:14:45,932 --> 00:14:47,899
Okay.
You're next.
392
00:14:50,670 --> 00:14:52,004
Hello, Ron.
393
00:14:52,038 --> 00:14:53,605
I just want you to know
that I am not sorry
394
00:14:53,640 --> 00:14:55,274
that I pushed you into
a giant cake.
395
00:14:55,308 --> 00:14:59,077
Well, I am sorry.
That I attended a public event.
396
00:14:59,112 --> 00:15:00,846
Yo, Ron?
Come on, bud.
397
00:15:00,880 --> 00:15:02,014
We're gonna go play some
video games
398
00:15:02,048 --> 00:15:04,683
and we want you
to watch quietly.
399
00:15:13,660 --> 00:15:15,694
After we drop off the renter's
insurance forms,
400
00:15:15,728 --> 00:15:17,229
we need to stop by
the grocery store.
401
00:15:17,263 --> 00:15:18,931
And then we need to sign
a suicide pact,
402
00:15:18,965 --> 00:15:20,232
because our lives
are meaningless.
403
00:15:20,266 --> 00:15:22,501
Babe, we are not boring people.
404
00:15:22,535 --> 00:15:24,770
Would boring people get
renter's insurance,
405
00:15:24,804 --> 00:15:26,538
even though it's not
legally required?
406
00:15:26,573 --> 00:15:27,673
Where are we?
407
00:15:27,707 --> 00:15:30,075
I have never once been to this
part of Pawnee.
408
00:15:30,109 --> 00:15:32,444
It's the creepy warehouse
district.
409
00:15:32,479 --> 00:15:35,747
It's mostly just raccoons
and old car batteries.
410
00:15:35,782 --> 00:15:37,816
Whoa, hang on.
Pull over.
411
00:15:37,851 --> 00:15:38,917
Look at that.
412
00:15:43,890 --> 00:15:47,159
- This place is amazing.
- Let's go in.
413
00:15:49,028 --> 00:15:51,196
What up, playa?
414
00:15:51,231 --> 00:15:53,732
Just wanted to apologize
for my intro running long.
415
00:15:53,766 --> 00:15:54,967
But, uh, you know.
416
00:15:55,001 --> 00:15:56,535
When it comes to inspirational
Will Smith quotes,
417
00:15:56,569 --> 00:15:57,803
how are you gonna stop at ten?
418
00:15:57,837 --> 00:15:59,171
You know, when the Chamber
of Commerce asked you
419
00:15:59,205 --> 00:16:01,607
to introduce me, I was a little
worried you would spend
420
00:16:01,641 --> 00:16:04,243
the entire time talking about
yourself,
421
00:16:04,277 --> 00:16:07,079
which is exactly what you did.
422
00:16:07,113 --> 00:16:08,947
I'm sorry.
423
00:16:08,982 --> 00:16:11,750
Truth is, they didn't ask me
to introduce you.
424
00:16:11,784 --> 00:16:12,985
I asked them if I could do it.
425
00:16:13,019 --> 00:16:16,488
I was gonna talk about how I owe
you so much.
426
00:16:16,523 --> 00:16:19,458
How you stood by me through all
my failures and I stood by you
427
00:16:19,492 --> 00:16:20,926
through all your terrible
outfits.
428
00:16:20,960 --> 00:16:23,829
But when I got up there,
I got pretty emotional.
429
00:16:23,863 --> 00:16:28,600
To make it up to you, I'd like
to read you the speech now.
430
00:16:28,635 --> 00:16:30,769
I've known a lot of ballers
in my day.
431
00:16:30,803 --> 00:16:34,339
But no man balls harder than
the man I'm about to bring up.
432
00:16:34,374 --> 00:16:37,676
He's kind, he's intelligent.
433
00:16:37,710 --> 00:16:41,113
He's a person I'm deeply proud
to call my friend.
434
00:16:41,147 --> 00:16:44,883
Pretty good speech.
I mean, it was, um...
435
00:16:44,918 --> 00:16:47,853
a little sappy, maybe.
436
00:16:48,855 --> 00:16:51,790
I think I liked it.
437
00:16:58,164 --> 00:16:59,998
Jessica, Mr. Nelson.
438
00:17:00,033 --> 00:17:02,167
You are going to hear
a lot of bids today.
439
00:17:02,202 --> 00:17:06,839
But this is the only one
that matters.
440
00:17:06,873 --> 00:17:09,074
Is this a circle?
441
00:17:09,108 --> 00:17:11,677
Or, is it an "O"?
442
00:17:12,879 --> 00:17:14,980
Is Oprah involved in your bid?
443
00:17:15,014 --> 00:17:16,682
It's a zero.
444
00:17:16,716 --> 00:17:18,750
I bid zero dollars.
445
00:17:18,785 --> 00:17:21,386
I have to say, that's one of
the lower one's we've seen.
446
00:17:21,421 --> 00:17:24,223
Pawnee is celebrating its
200th anniversary,
447
00:17:24,257 --> 00:17:26,792
and the Newport family has been
here since day one.
448
00:17:26,826 --> 00:17:29,928
Through feast and famine,
transformation, upheaval,
449
00:17:29,963 --> 00:17:31,597
celebration.
450
00:17:31,631 --> 00:17:34,299
The Newport family is part of
the fabric of this town,
451
00:17:34,334 --> 00:17:35,934
and not always in a good way.
452
00:17:35,969 --> 00:17:38,103
Like when your hot fudge
pipeline exploded.
453
00:17:38,138 --> 00:17:40,105
Oh, boo hoo.
It all ran off into the lake.
454
00:17:40,140 --> 00:17:41,240
Well, yes.
455
00:17:41,274 --> 00:17:43,442
Admittedly, it did make the fish
taste delicious,
456
00:17:43,476 --> 00:17:44,843
but it was a P.R. nightmare.
457
00:17:44,878 --> 00:17:46,545
My question is this.
458
00:17:46,579 --> 00:17:49,982
What do you want the Newport
name to mean in the future?
459
00:17:50,016 --> 00:17:52,751
If you donate this land
and you let me turn it
460
00:17:52,785 --> 00:17:55,153
into a national park--
461
00:17:55,188 --> 00:17:58,257
the Newport National Park--
462
00:17:58,291 --> 00:18:01,527
your name will stand
for something good.
463
00:18:01,561 --> 00:18:03,795
For generations to come.
464
00:18:03,830 --> 00:18:08,667
- How much was her bid again?
- It was, uh...zero dollars.
465
00:18:08,701 --> 00:18:10,636
Oh.
That's the part I don't like.
466
00:18:10,670 --> 00:18:13,705
Just keep me in the running.
467
00:18:13,740 --> 00:18:16,708
Give me a chance to prove
to you how great this could be.
468
00:18:19,245 --> 00:18:23,382
Says here there are 12
closets, three bomb shelters,
469
00:18:23,416 --> 00:18:26,418
five dumb waiters,
two and three eights baths.
470
00:18:26,452 --> 00:18:27,719
No kitchens.
471
00:18:27,754 --> 00:18:29,221
It's a fairly standard layout.
472
00:18:29,255 --> 00:18:31,223
Cool, is that a staircase
to nowhere?
473
00:18:31,257 --> 00:18:33,125
Yes, it is.
Good eye.
474
00:18:33,159 --> 00:18:34,660
What was this place?
475
00:18:34,694 --> 00:18:37,162
Remember the Pawnee doll head
factory?
476
00:18:37,197 --> 00:18:38,997
- This was a doll head factory?
- No.
477
00:18:39,032 --> 00:18:41,800
This was a holding cell
for people who went insane
478
00:18:41,835 --> 00:18:44,803
on the assembly line.
479
00:18:44,837 --> 00:18:46,638
What's behind this door?
480
00:18:48,107 --> 00:18:49,174
Fire poll.
481
00:18:49,209 --> 00:18:51,243
So this place has had
zero offers?
482
00:18:51,277 --> 00:18:53,779
People seem to be scared off
483
00:18:53,813 --> 00:18:57,516
on account of it being
haunted...
484
00:18:57,550 --> 00:18:59,118
and disgusting.
485
00:18:59,152 --> 00:19:02,955
After 47 years living here,
I decided to move
486
00:19:02,989 --> 00:19:06,225
to Orlando to be closer
to Disney World.
487
00:19:07,227 --> 00:19:09,561
We are responsible adults.
488
00:19:09,596 --> 00:19:11,036
- You know what that means.
- I know.
489
00:19:11,064 --> 00:19:14,466
We have money and we are going
to buy the shit
490
00:19:14,500 --> 00:19:15,667
out of this house.
491
00:19:15,702 --> 00:19:17,069
- Seriously?
- Yes.
492
00:19:17,103 --> 00:19:20,706
Who needs rental insurance?
We're gonna live here.
493
00:19:28,737 --> 00:19:30,641
We now go live to the press
conference.
494
00:19:30,761 --> 00:19:31,995
Good evening.
495
00:19:32,029 --> 00:19:33,430
I'm attorney Trevor Nelson
with the law firm
496
00:19:33,464 --> 00:19:34,964
Fwar, Dips, Winshares,
Gritt, Babip,
497
00:19:34,999 --> 00:19:36,299
Pecota, Vorp, and Eckstein.
498
00:19:36,333 --> 00:19:38,435
Legal counsel to the Newport
family.
499
00:19:38,755 --> 00:19:40,622
Here to announce that the
Newport family trust
500
00:19:40,657 --> 00:19:43,225
has narrowed the search
to two final candidates.
501
00:19:43,259 --> 00:19:46,562
The Gryzzl Corporation
and the National Park Service.
502
00:19:46,596 --> 00:19:49,064
Okay.
I'm in the game.
503
00:19:49,099 --> 00:19:52,267
All I have to do is convince
them that it's better taking
504
00:19:52,302 --> 00:19:54,770
no money than taking
$90 million.
505
00:19:54,804 --> 00:19:57,373
Well, you did convince three
unsuspecting toddlers
506
00:19:57,407 --> 00:19:59,909
that peas turn into cupcakes
in their tummies.
507
00:19:59,943 --> 00:20:04,046
I started my career in Pawnee
by turning a pit
508
00:20:04,080 --> 00:20:05,881
into a cool, little park.
509
00:20:05,915 --> 00:20:09,918
And now, I have the chance
to give this town a massive,
510
00:20:09,953 --> 00:20:12,454
beautiful gift
that they can use forever.
511
00:20:12,489 --> 00:20:15,391
In the words of Jason Bourne,
"This is where it started
512
00:20:15,425 --> 00:20:17,760
for me, this is where it ends."
513
00:20:17,794 --> 00:20:19,862
Yeah, you know,
I still think Kevin James
514
00:20:19,896 --> 00:20:21,830
was a weird choice
for the reboot.
515
00:20:21,865 --> 00:20:25,167
Oh, I don't.
I think he nailed it.
516
00:20:25,201 --> 00:20:27,569
So I'm thinking in addition
to the Tom's Bistros,
517
00:20:27,604 --> 00:20:30,973
we have a hyper exclusive lounge
area called Tommy's Lounge.
518
00:20:31,007 --> 00:20:33,275
Attention!
This is war.
519
00:20:33,309 --> 00:20:37,079
You guys are going down.
And that's all I wanted to say.
520
00:20:37,113 --> 00:20:38,881
Except Donna, Tom.
Hey.
521
00:20:38,915 --> 00:20:41,150
I'm--I'm sorry I haven't kept in
better touch with you recently.
522
00:20:41,184 --> 00:20:44,104
But I've just, you know, I'm a
little preoccupied with my kids and my job.
523
00:20:45,326 --> 00:20:47,419
And also, prepare for war.
524
00:20:47,598 --> 00:20:50,800
Because you chose the wrong side
and we are gonna smoke you.
525
00:20:50,835 --> 00:20:52,335
And also, I made cookies.
526
00:20:52,370 --> 00:20:54,538
But Ron is not allowed
to eat them.
527
00:20:54,572 --> 00:20:57,807
And they say prepare for war
on them.
528
00:20:57,842 --> 00:21:01,044
But the "O" in the word for
is a heart.
529
00:21:01,078 --> 00:21:03,079
And...
530
00:21:03,114 --> 00:21:05,515
I ate a lot of them on the way
over here,
531
00:21:05,550 --> 00:21:07,417
because we're at war.
532
00:21:07,451 --> 00:21:09,019
- Hey, Tom.
- Hey, man.
533
00:21:09,053 --> 00:21:10,733
- Buddy, good to see you.
- How's it going?
534
00:21:10,755 --> 00:21:12,455
- It's pretty good.
- Hey, Andy!
535
00:21:12,490 --> 00:21:14,124
Let's go.
536
00:21:14,158 --> 00:21:15,926
War.
537
00:21:16,512 --> 00:21:20,654
Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com