1
00:00:03,514 --> 00:00:04,765
[SIGHS]
2
00:00:06,016 --> 00:00:07,768
Knopey, my girl, wuddup?
3
00:00:08,310 --> 00:00:09,311
I just farted.
4
00:00:09,394 --> 00:00:12,689
Oh, Jeremy. I truly thought that I would
never have to interact with you again.
5
00:00:12,940 --> 00:00:13,941
I missed you, too.
6
00:00:14,107 --> 00:00:16,276
The city council is voting
on whether to rezone
7
00:00:16,360 --> 00:00:18,529
the Newport land
for commercial use.
8
00:00:18,612 --> 00:00:23,033
If I win, stupid Gryzzl and stupid
Ron can't build anything there,
9
00:00:23,116 --> 00:00:24,236
and then I'm sitting pretty.
10
00:00:24,326 --> 00:00:29,039
Sadly, the deciding vote is
from my old city council mate,
11
00:00:29,122 --> 00:00:33,335
and human equivalent of gas
station sushi, Jeremy Jamm.
12
00:00:34,127 --> 00:00:35,480
Is there something
different about you?
13
00:00:35,504 --> 00:00:42,302
What you are noticing is the swagger
of a man who is in a pretty steamy relash.
14
00:00:42,594 --> 00:00:45,347
This bull has been tamed.
15
00:00:45,430 --> 00:00:48,225
Well, congratulations. And
I insist you do not elaborate.
16
00:00:48,517 --> 00:00:52,229
So, I am here to talk to you about why
you should vote "No" in the zoning issue.
17
00:00:52,312 --> 00:00:54,064
Whoa! Hold up,
little chica.
18
00:00:54,147 --> 00:00:55,274
Before we go any further,
19
00:00:55,357 --> 00:00:57,943
I need to ask my girlfriend
how she wants me to vote.
20
00:00:58,110 --> 00:00:59,820
Why?
Who's your girlfriend?
21
00:01:00,779 --> 00:01:02,197
Hello, Leslie.
22
00:01:03,574 --> 00:01:04,575
Tammy.
23
00:01:25,137 --> 00:01:27,848
Wow. Jamm and
Tammy! "Jammy."
24
00:01:28,307 --> 00:01:29,933
Jammy.
[BOTH CHUCKLE]
25
00:01:30,017 --> 00:01:31,018
You guys are so cute.
26
00:01:31,143 --> 00:01:34,521
When did you... Why would
either one of you, you know...
27
00:01:34,980 --> 00:01:36,315
Why? Dear God, why?
28
00:01:36,773 --> 00:01:38,191
Hit it off at karaoke.
29
00:01:38,775 --> 00:01:41,236
She saw me nail
Gangsta's Paradise,
30
00:01:41,403 --> 00:01:43,614
I saw her bite the
door guy. [CHUCKLES]
31
00:01:43,697 --> 00:01:46,158
She then let me buy her
a bunch of purses.
32
00:01:46,241 --> 00:01:48,243
And the rest is history.
A bunch.
33
00:01:48,327 --> 00:01:51,496
Bottom line, I'll vote
however Tammy wants me to.
34
00:01:51,580 --> 00:01:54,750
I'm basically her puppet.
No big deal. [CHUCKLES]
35
00:01:54,833 --> 00:01:57,836
I moved here solely
to destroy Ron Swanson.
36
00:01:58,003 --> 00:02:00,255
That's the only reason
I'm still here actually.
37
00:02:00,339 --> 00:02:01,965
Wait a second.
This is great news.
38
00:02:02,090 --> 00:02:04,343
Because Ron is
my opponent in this.
39
00:02:04,593 --> 00:02:06,595
And you live to torture Ron.
40
00:02:06,762 --> 00:02:09,181
Vote for me so that
you can screw Ron over.
41
00:02:09,389 --> 00:02:11,266
Maybe you're not a
blonde bimbo after all.
42
00:02:11,475 --> 00:02:13,268
Thank you. Well.
Let me mull it over.
43
00:02:13,393 --> 00:02:16,021
LESLIE: Sure, I'm aligning
myself with terrible people,
44
00:02:16,104 --> 00:02:20,484
but think of all the wonderful people
who will benefit from a national park.
45
00:02:20,609 --> 00:02:21,610
It's worth it.
46
00:02:21,735 --> 00:02:23,111
And you can trust my opinion
47
00:02:23,195 --> 00:02:25,364
because I have a lot
to gain by being right,
48
00:02:25,447 --> 00:02:27,699
and I have severe tunnel
vision about achieving my goals.
49
00:02:27,908 --> 00:02:32,245
Whoa! "Executive Director, Regional Affairs."
April, congrats on the new job title.
50
00:02:32,329 --> 00:02:37,209
Yeah, thanks.
It's a huge step up from
51
00:02:37,292 --> 00:02:39,378
"Regional Affairs Director."
52
00:02:39,461 --> 00:02:41,713
So, for the Pawnee bicentennial,
53
00:02:41,797 --> 00:02:45,133
we're doing a walk of fame
of notable Pawnee citizens,
54
00:02:45,217 --> 00:02:47,719
and today is Joan Callamezzo.
55
00:02:47,803 --> 00:02:49,723
I just wanted to invite you
to the ceremony today
56
00:02:49,763 --> 00:02:53,183
because I know you love her,
inexplicably.
57
00:02:53,266 --> 00:02:55,352
Great pick. She's insane.
58
00:02:55,435 --> 00:02:57,562
Joan has always been
kind of a train wreck,
59
00:02:57,646 --> 00:03:00,732
but the last three years,
she's gone off the deep end.
60
00:03:00,982 --> 00:03:03,235
She did a string
of shows from rehab.
61
00:03:03,360 --> 00:03:04,778
Victoria Herzog,
62
00:03:04,903 --> 00:03:07,614
you were a successful attorney
from Wilmington, Delaware.
63
00:03:07,864 --> 00:03:09,032
Then you hit rock bottom.
64
00:03:09,199 --> 00:03:10,826
This is supposed
to be anonymous.
65
00:03:10,909 --> 00:03:13,704
She once gave every member
in her audience a car.
66
00:03:13,787 --> 00:03:16,123
One car, that they
all had to fight for.
67
00:03:16,289 --> 00:03:19,626
Oh, and last year, she did a show
where she called all of her ex-boyfriends
68
00:03:19,710 --> 00:03:21,070
while sitting on
a washing machine.
69
00:03:21,294 --> 00:03:24,214
Well, Erik, if you didn't
give it to me, then who did?
70
00:03:24,464 --> 00:03:28,385
I love her so much.
I hope she's my real mom.
71
00:03:29,428 --> 00:03:31,388
"Entrepreneur bachelor,
Tom Haverford,"
72
00:03:31,471 --> 00:03:34,307
"is making quite a splash
in the culinary world,"
73
00:03:34,391 --> 00:03:38,270
"and we expect even bigger
things from him in 2018."
74
00:03:38,603 --> 00:03:41,189
Tom. What does
culinary mean?
75
00:03:41,314 --> 00:03:43,108
It means it's a cause
for celebration.
76
00:03:43,191 --> 00:03:45,152
Round of drinks for
everyone, on the house!
77
00:03:45,235 --> 00:03:48,864
Yeah! Let me also get a chicken
parm and a lasagne on the side.
78
00:03:48,947 --> 00:03:51,241
And a spaghetti to go.
On the house!
79
00:03:51,700 --> 00:03:52,826
WOMAN: Yes.
80
00:03:54,786 --> 00:03:56,514
TOM: That's the fourth
engagement this month.
81
00:03:56,538 --> 00:03:58,540
I'm tired of being an
"Entrepreneur/bachelor."
82
00:03:59,291 --> 00:04:00,709
I need to find someone.
83
00:04:01,418 --> 00:04:04,463
Are you bummed, Tom?
Hey, I got a quick fix for that.
84
00:04:04,546 --> 00:04:07,424
Let's get hammered.
Everything here is free.
85
00:04:09,384 --> 00:04:10,427
Ron.
86
00:04:10,927 --> 00:04:11,928
Miss Knope.
87
00:04:12,012 --> 00:04:14,765
How's that zero-dollar bid
coming along?
88
00:04:15,015 --> 00:04:17,267
You know, in my
experience with capitalism,
89
00:04:17,350 --> 00:04:20,979
people would normally expect money
in exchange for their goods and land.
90
00:04:21,313 --> 00:04:24,274
In my experience with
butt faces, you are one.
91
00:04:24,357 --> 00:04:25,358
[GAVEL BANGING]
92
00:04:25,442 --> 00:04:28,111
We will now hear arguments
about the Newport property.
93
00:04:28,445 --> 00:04:31,698
First, on behalf of Gryzzl,
Mr. Ron Swanson.
94
00:04:31,782 --> 00:04:32,842
[MUSIC PLAYING
OVER HEADPHONES]
95
00:04:32,866 --> 00:04:35,285
Thank you, Councilman.
When you vote tomorrow,
96
00:04:35,577 --> 00:04:39,706
we believe you should vote to
rezone the land for commercial use.
97
00:04:40,290 --> 00:04:41,374
Well, I'm convinced.
98
00:04:41,583 --> 00:04:44,127
Tomorrow, I'm voting
for Gryzzl. What?
99
00:04:44,211 --> 00:04:45,921
I didn't even get
a chance to say my plan.
100
00:04:46,129 --> 00:04:47,130
Your plan?
101
00:04:47,881 --> 00:04:49,299
You know who else had a plan?
102
00:04:49,382 --> 00:04:50,383
Please don't say Hitler.
103
00:04:50,550 --> 00:04:52,010
Adolf Hitler!
104
00:04:52,385 --> 00:04:53,804
[SIGHS]
I'm with Swanson.
105
00:04:54,679 --> 00:04:56,515
It's a stache thing.
Stache bros.
106
00:04:57,140 --> 00:04:59,267
You wouldn't understand.
We're done here.
107
00:05:00,769 --> 00:05:01,937
Well, that was easy.
108
00:05:03,271 --> 00:05:04,523
What the hell just happened?
109
00:05:05,065 --> 00:05:08,235
BEN: Joan, on behalf of the
entire city, congratulations.
110
00:05:08,318 --> 00:05:10,403
I do want to apologize
for not being able to
111
00:05:10,487 --> 00:05:12,531
accommodate some
of your requests.
112
00:05:12,614 --> 00:05:15,867
For example, we couldn't get
a bottle of Chateau Marmont
113
00:05:15,951 --> 00:05:19,329
because it's a hotel
in Los Angeles, not a wine.
114
00:05:19,830 --> 00:05:21,748
Well, did you at least
get Buddy Holly to sing?
115
00:05:21,873 --> 00:05:26,253
No, because he's been
famously dead for 60 years.
116
00:05:26,378 --> 00:05:29,130
What? Hi, Joan.
Hi, my name is April.
117
00:05:29,214 --> 00:05:31,454
And I'm your biggest fan and
I pretty much hate everyone.
118
00:05:31,508 --> 00:05:33,134
Will you sign your
ninth memoir for me?
119
00:05:33,218 --> 00:05:36,847
Well, it would be my pleasure.
You said your name was Glenn?
120
00:05:37,347 --> 00:05:39,766
Yes, I did.
That's pretty.
121
00:05:39,933 --> 00:05:44,187
"Genius A'flame Joan
Callamezzo: A Portrait In Words
122
00:05:44,271 --> 00:05:47,858
"Game Of Joans"
by Joan Callamezzo.
123
00:05:47,941 --> 00:05:49,985
"I threw the hot soup
right in her face."
124
00:05:50,068 --> 00:05:52,571
"It turned out she was
not my waitress."
125
00:05:52,654 --> 00:05:54,322
"But I think
my point was made."
126
00:05:54,406 --> 00:05:57,784
"And that's when I knew Karl
Malone was not the father."
127
00:05:57,868 --> 00:06:01,746
"I estimate that 40% of all pop
songs were written about me."
128
00:06:01,830 --> 00:06:05,125
"I broke up the
Backstreet Boys both times."
129
00:06:05,208 --> 00:06:08,086
"And I would do it again
in a heartbeat."
130
00:06:08,169 --> 00:06:10,255
"My uterus is eight inches
flaccid"
131
00:06:10,338 --> 00:06:15,135
"I once fell asleep while falling out the
window of Mr. Belvedere's apartment."
132
00:06:15,218 --> 00:06:17,971
"I have Randy Quaid's
email address."
133
00:06:18,054 --> 00:06:19,598
That's how it ends.
134
00:06:19,723 --> 00:06:20,724
[PEOPLE APPLAUDING]
135
00:06:20,807 --> 00:06:23,435
Thank you, Commissioner
Gordon, people of Gotham.
136
00:06:23,643 --> 00:06:25,270
Okay. She thinks
she's in Batman.
137
00:06:25,478 --> 00:06:27,689
People often ask me,
"Joan, how do you do it?"
138
00:06:28,648 --> 00:06:29,649
It's simple.
139
00:06:30,483 --> 00:06:32,027
I love being on TV.
140
00:06:32,319 --> 00:06:35,363
I've known what I've wanted
to do since I was 10 years old.
141
00:06:35,739 --> 00:06:38,617
That is the key
to living a good life.
142
00:06:38,783 --> 00:06:42,621
If you don't absolutely love
what you do with a true passion,
143
00:06:42,787 --> 00:06:44,623
then what's the point
in doing it at all?
144
00:06:45,290 --> 00:06:46,291
On a separate note,
145
00:06:46,374 --> 00:06:48,460
I think that America
should have a purge night.
146
00:06:48,543 --> 00:06:49,669
Let me explain why.
147
00:06:50,962 --> 00:06:52,839
Do I even like my job?
148
00:06:54,424 --> 00:06:57,135
I must be the first person ever
149
00:06:57,218 --> 00:07:01,765
to have money, power, and
notoriety, but still feel empty.
150
00:07:01,848 --> 00:07:03,224
[SCOFFS]
151
00:07:03,308 --> 00:07:04,976
I need someone
to share my life with.
152
00:07:05,352 --> 00:07:09,397
What if your future wife is
somebody that you already know?
153
00:07:09,814 --> 00:07:11,024
Let's open your Gryzzl page.
154
00:07:12,484 --> 00:07:15,528
What about her? She's cute.
Date her. That's my cousin.
155
00:07:16,571 --> 00:07:18,823
How about her? That's my
dad! What's wrong with you?
156
00:07:18,907 --> 00:07:21,177
I'm drunk, okay? Why are you
only friends with your family?
157
00:07:21,201 --> 00:07:22,202
[BEEPS]
158
00:07:22,285 --> 00:07:25,330
Oh, look, you got a message from
somebody named Lucy in Chicago.
159
00:07:25,413 --> 00:07:27,082
She looks familiar.
Yeah, we used to date.
160
00:07:27,165 --> 00:07:28,959
I was super into her.
No, that's not it.
161
00:07:29,209 --> 00:07:30,377
Was she in Destiny's Child?
162
00:07:31,836 --> 00:07:34,798
"Hey Tom, saw the
article, you boss!"
163
00:07:34,881 --> 00:07:37,342
"Let's catch up soon.
Miss you."
164
00:07:37,634 --> 00:07:38,635
[CHUCKLES]
165
00:07:38,718 --> 00:07:40,220
Do you realize what's happening?
166
00:07:40,387 --> 00:07:42,907
We've been sitting here searching
for your soul mate this whole time
167
00:07:42,931 --> 00:07:44,975
and then Lucy just
Gryzzl-texts you out of nowhere?
168
00:07:45,058 --> 00:07:49,062
It's a sign! And we have to
catch it. We are going to Chicago.
169
00:07:49,396 --> 00:07:50,397
Andy?
170
00:07:50,730 --> 00:07:52,691
Think about what
you're saying right now.
171
00:07:52,899 --> 00:07:55,068
'Cause it's the smartest
idea anyone's ever had!
172
00:07:55,485 --> 00:07:56,778
Let's go!
Yeah!
173
00:07:57,612 --> 00:07:59,447
Ron! What did you do?
174
00:07:59,614 --> 00:08:03,535
I delivered a flawless presentation
and secured tomorrow's vote.
175
00:08:03,618 --> 00:08:07,706
No, you got all sneaky and snuck around
and snooked that vote away from me.
176
00:08:07,789 --> 00:08:11,209
And I know this because earlier
I sneaked and snooked around
177
00:08:11,292 --> 00:08:12,961
and Jammy was
supposed to vote for me!
178
00:08:13,253 --> 00:08:15,505
The snooker has become
the snorked!
179
00:08:15,755 --> 00:08:16,923
What are you talking...
180
00:08:17,090 --> 00:08:18,091
[SNIFFS]
181
00:08:19,509 --> 00:08:20,677
She's near.
182
00:08:21,094 --> 00:08:23,388
Hey, Ron.
Tammy.
183
00:08:23,847 --> 00:08:25,223
So, you two are together now.
184
00:08:25,306 --> 00:08:27,350
My condolences to both of you.
185
00:08:27,851 --> 00:08:29,328
You guys were supposed
to vote for me.
186
00:08:29,352 --> 00:08:31,771
Leslie, I would never
do anything to help you.
187
00:08:32,022 --> 00:08:33,773
You've always been
against me and Ron.
188
00:08:33,857 --> 00:08:35,960
You're a big part of the reason
that he and I aren't together,
189
00:08:35,984 --> 00:08:37,944
and I had to settle
for this placeholder.
190
00:08:38,236 --> 00:08:39,946
I love you so much.
[SIGHS]
191
00:08:40,030 --> 00:08:43,199
So you thought if you voted for
Ron you could actually win him back?
192
00:08:43,575 --> 00:08:45,952
Yeah. That's right.
Did it work, baby?
193
00:08:46,036 --> 00:08:48,204
Are you horny with gratitude?
194
00:08:49,205 --> 00:08:51,207
[LAUGHING]
195
00:08:51,291 --> 00:08:54,377
You two more than deserve
each other. Good luck.
196
00:08:54,753 --> 00:08:55,795
[WHISTLES]
197
00:08:55,879 --> 00:08:57,505
LESLIE:
The vote is tomorrow.
198
00:08:57,589 --> 00:09:00,967
If I don't get Jamm out from
Tammy's clutches, I'm doomed.
199
00:09:01,092 --> 00:09:03,178
It's like rescuing
a bunny from a lion.
200
00:09:03,386 --> 00:09:07,474
But that lion is a demonic
sociopath with really nice cleavage.
201
00:09:09,476 --> 00:09:11,561
Hey, buddy. What's the happs?
202
00:09:11,644 --> 00:09:14,355
Hey, Knopey. I'm just doing
a little wood work in here.
203
00:09:14,439 --> 00:09:17,067
Tammy got me into it.
I've gotten real good.
204
00:09:17,233 --> 00:09:19,527
Ow! [BLEEP]
205
00:09:19,611 --> 00:09:22,363
You know, funny coincidence,
Ron is also a woodworker.
206
00:09:23,406 --> 00:09:25,116
Small world.
207
00:09:25,200 --> 00:09:27,494
Hey, no hard feels
about yesterday, right?
208
00:09:27,577 --> 00:09:30,330
Hard feels?
What are you, crazins?
209
00:09:30,413 --> 00:09:34,250
It was so great to catch up. I was
thinking maybe we grab lunch, bestie?
210
00:09:35,251 --> 00:09:38,588
Lunch? Yeah, I'm not having
lunch with you, Knope.
211
00:09:38,671 --> 00:09:40,048
Now, get out of here!
212
00:09:40,131 --> 00:09:41,341
Okay.
213
00:09:41,424 --> 00:09:44,594
[WHISPERING] We got to be real
careful. I think Tammy bugged my office.
214
00:09:44,719 --> 00:09:47,013
Just loudly say
that you're leaving.
215
00:09:47,597 --> 00:09:51,684
Well, that's disappointing!
I guess I'll leave now!
216
00:09:51,768 --> 00:09:54,896
[WHISPERING] Sell it.
Through the door I go!
217
00:09:55,980 --> 00:09:59,526
Creek. Slam. Klip, klop.
Klip, klop. Klip, klop.
218
00:09:59,609 --> 00:10:01,444
Yeah, that's right,
you get out of here!
219
00:10:01,528 --> 00:10:02,654
Okay, I'm far away.
220
00:10:02,779 --> 00:10:05,406
Yeah, I can see you're
out of my office now.
221
00:10:05,490 --> 00:10:07,283
Oh, my God,
what are we doing? Let's go.
222
00:10:08,827 --> 00:10:09,987
DRIVER:
All right, we're here.
223
00:10:10,870 --> 00:10:13,331
Sir, where the hell
are we? Chicago.
224
00:10:13,748 --> 00:10:15,542
That'll be $830.
225
00:10:15,625 --> 00:10:18,586
Oh, no! This is so dumb!
Oh, awesome.
226
00:10:18,670 --> 00:10:20,380
Turn the car around.
We're going back home.
227
00:10:20,463 --> 00:10:23,049
No way. Pay me.
And get the hell outta my cab.
228
00:10:23,133 --> 00:10:24,217
Pay the man.
229
00:10:25,301 --> 00:10:27,804
[YELLING]
Chicago!
230
00:10:28,054 --> 00:10:29,430
The big apple.
231
00:10:29,931 --> 00:10:31,808
Well, that's where Lucy works.
232
00:10:31,933 --> 00:10:33,577
Yeah? We must've given
the cabbie the address.
233
00:10:33,601 --> 00:10:35,603
Why do I make such
dumb decisions when I'm drunk?
234
00:10:35,687 --> 00:10:37,581
At least this time I didn't
adopt a pot-bellied pig.
235
00:10:37,605 --> 00:10:40,400
Hampton. I loved him.
I miss him too.
236
00:10:40,483 --> 00:10:41,985
All right, let's go home.
237
00:10:42,068 --> 00:10:45,071
What? No. We came all this
way. Tom, we should at least say hi.
238
00:10:45,155 --> 00:10:47,365
No. You can't not talk
to someone for five years
239
00:10:47,448 --> 00:10:50,118
and then show up unannounced
where they work in a different city.
240
00:10:50,201 --> 00:10:52,245
That's what murderers do
before they murder someone.
241
00:10:52,328 --> 00:10:53,329
LUCY: Tom?
242
00:10:53,496 --> 00:10:55,224
I thought that was you.
What are you doing here?
243
00:10:55,248 --> 00:10:56,666
Oh, uh...
244
00:10:56,749 --> 00:10:58,149
You're not gonna
murder me, are you?
245
00:10:58,835 --> 00:11:02,213
No. I'm here doin' stuff.
246
00:11:02,338 --> 00:11:03,339
Um...
247
00:11:03,882 --> 00:11:06,384
Lucy. Hey. Andy
Dwyer, remember me?
248
00:11:06,467 --> 00:11:09,512
Yeah. He's here helping
me find a place to live.
249
00:11:09,596 --> 00:11:11,181
I just got a job here.
250
00:11:11,264 --> 00:11:13,516
And then when you hit him
up on Gryzzl, he was like,
251
00:11:13,600 --> 00:11:16,436
"Let's go say hi to Lucy since
we're already here in Chicago."
252
00:11:17,187 --> 00:11:18,354
Yeah. That's the deal.
253
00:11:18,688 --> 00:11:19,856
Cool, what job is it?
254
00:11:19,981 --> 00:11:21,524
Head coach of the Chicago Bulls.
255
00:11:21,983 --> 00:11:23,943
No, he's working
at a non-profit.
256
00:11:24,110 --> 00:11:25,486
No. What? Am I?
257
00:11:26,070 --> 00:11:27,071
Oh, that sucks.
258
00:11:27,197 --> 00:11:29,449
Well, listen, I got some
stuff I gotta do in the office,
259
00:11:29,532 --> 00:11:30,658
but I wanna hang out.
260
00:11:30,742 --> 00:11:32,182
Do you wanna meet
me here in an hour?
261
00:11:32,327 --> 00:11:33,786
Yeah, that sounds great.
262
00:11:33,870 --> 00:11:36,039
We'll go a little
Chicago deep dish pizza.
263
00:11:36,122 --> 00:11:37,624
And go watch the
Bears. And... No.
264
00:11:37,707 --> 00:11:39,167
I'm sorry I started doing that.
265
00:11:39,626 --> 00:11:41,711
[APRIL MURMURING NERVOUSLY]
266
00:11:42,879 --> 00:11:44,464
Hey, April. How's
it going? Fine.
267
00:11:44,881 --> 00:11:48,635
Except hearing Joan talk about her
passion and doing what you really love
268
00:11:48,718 --> 00:11:50,053
totally freaked me out.
269
00:11:50,136 --> 00:11:53,139
Eight years ago, I accepted a random
internship at the parks department,
270
00:11:53,223 --> 00:11:55,183
and then Leslie told me
to do a bunch of stuff,
271
00:11:55,266 --> 00:11:57,810
and now I'm executive
director of regional whatever,
272
00:11:57,894 --> 00:11:58,954
and I don't even know
what it means.
273
00:11:58,978 --> 00:12:01,356
And I never even asked
myself if I even really like it.
274
00:12:01,731 --> 00:12:03,608
I mean, it's like,
what is my purpose in life?
275
00:12:03,691 --> 00:12:04,901
What do I even care about?
276
00:12:06,402 --> 00:12:07,570
My insides are dying.
277
00:12:08,363 --> 00:12:10,281
So, not fine.
278
00:12:10,365 --> 00:12:12,075
I don't know what to do.
I have to quit.
279
00:12:12,158 --> 00:12:15,578
And go to Nepal and lick a
toad and go on a vision quest.
280
00:12:15,662 --> 00:12:18,998
Okay, hold on. Let's just
take a deep breath, okay?
281
00:12:19,582 --> 00:12:20,875
What else would you wanna do?
282
00:12:20,959 --> 00:12:22,835
Like, what are you
passionate about?
283
00:12:22,919 --> 00:12:24,754
I don't know.
284
00:12:24,837 --> 00:12:27,507
Sleeping. Barking at mailmen.
285
00:12:27,590 --> 00:12:30,635
Catching Frisbees in my mouth.
Drinking from the toilet.
286
00:12:30,760 --> 00:12:32,887
Great. Come here. Have a seat.
287
00:12:32,971 --> 00:12:35,056
I am going to help you.
288
00:12:35,139 --> 00:12:38,434
There is this online vocational
test I sometimes take for fun
289
00:12:38,518 --> 00:12:40,979
to see if I can ever
get "astronaut."
290
00:12:41,062 --> 00:12:43,564
Ugh! That is the nerdiest
thing I've ever heard.
291
00:12:43,648 --> 00:12:45,208
Why don't you take it?
See what you get.
292
00:12:45,358 --> 00:12:46,901
Can't hurt, right?
293
00:12:53,574 --> 00:12:55,219
Are you checking to see
if I get "astronaut"?
294
00:12:55,243 --> 00:12:56,577
Yes. It would kill me.
295
00:12:57,578 --> 00:12:59,998
So this is where you wanna
eat lunch? In a steakhouse?
296
00:13:00,415 --> 00:13:02,125
Don't you have
irritable bowel syndrome?
297
00:13:02,292 --> 00:13:03,543
God, I hate that I know that.
298
00:13:03,626 --> 00:13:05,837
Yeah, it's murder
on the old plumbing.
299
00:13:06,379 --> 00:13:08,506
But Tammy only wants me
to eat steak and whiskey.
300
00:13:09,007 --> 00:13:11,634
She has my stool analyzed
just to keep me honest.
301
00:13:12,093 --> 00:13:13,428
Well, that's love for you.
302
00:13:17,765 --> 00:13:18,766
[GRUNTING]
303
00:13:19,600 --> 00:13:21,102
Smooth.
304
00:13:21,185 --> 00:13:23,271
I don't think this
relationship is that healthy.
305
00:13:23,521 --> 00:13:26,441
I mean it seems like Tammy
is trying to turn you into Ron.
306
00:13:27,025 --> 00:13:29,277
And you're Jeremy Jamm!
I mean, come on.
307
00:13:29,360 --> 00:13:31,696
You love Porsches
and spiked iced tea.
308
00:13:31,779 --> 00:13:33,448
And you have a
Hooters platinum card.
309
00:13:33,656 --> 00:13:36,034
Yeah. Tammy doesn't really
let me do that stuff anymore.
310
00:13:36,159 --> 00:13:39,329
But, you know, it's good,
you know? I'm better now.
311
00:13:39,537 --> 00:13:43,291
I mean, sure, I'm depressed,
and I'm constantly sick,
312
00:13:43,374 --> 00:13:46,377
and nothing really brings
me joy. But it just feels right.
313
00:13:47,086 --> 00:13:48,713
[SOBBING]
314
00:13:49,088 --> 00:13:51,549
Oh, God!
Oh, boy.
315
00:13:51,716 --> 00:13:55,261
Help me, Knope. I used
to be so great. Remember?
316
00:13:55,345 --> 00:13:57,347
Everybody thought so.
Well...
317
00:13:57,430 --> 00:13:58,890
[SOBBING]
Oh, God! Oh, God!
318
00:13:58,973 --> 00:14:00,725
Wow. This is worse
than I thought.
319
00:14:00,808 --> 00:14:01,893
[SIGHS]
320
00:14:01,976 --> 00:14:04,812
You're broken.
She has broken you.
321
00:14:04,896 --> 00:14:06,397
You need to get away from her.
322
00:14:06,481 --> 00:14:08,983
No, it's hopeless. I can't.
323
00:14:09,275 --> 00:14:10,651
I'm powerless against her.
324
00:14:10,735 --> 00:14:13,112
We're just gonna get
married, have a bunch of kids.
325
00:14:13,196 --> 00:14:14,280
It's gonna be great.
No.
326
00:14:14,364 --> 00:14:17,700
She's got her eggs frozen down
in a bunker in El Salvador. Yeah.
327
00:14:17,784 --> 00:14:19,243
You're gonna make more of you?
328
00:14:19,494 --> 00:14:22,038
Oh, God! Whoa! Hey, look
at that. More hair came out.
329
00:14:22,121 --> 00:14:27,710
[LAUGHING]
330
00:14:27,835 --> 00:14:31,172
Okay, the job you're
best suited to is...
331
00:14:31,881 --> 00:14:33,591
"No matches"?
332
00:14:33,841 --> 00:14:36,010
Good Lord,
you stumped the computer.
333
00:14:36,177 --> 00:14:39,430
I'm just gonna go live under a bridge
and ask people riddles before they cross.
334
00:14:39,514 --> 00:14:42,016
Okay, hold on. Do you remember
what Joan said at the ceremony?
335
00:14:42,183 --> 00:14:44,936
That it doesn't count as
stripping if no one pays you?
336
00:14:45,103 --> 00:14:46,604
Yes, she did say that.
But no.
337
00:14:47,105 --> 00:14:49,774
She knew she wanted to
be on TV when she was 10.
338
00:14:50,149 --> 00:14:52,777
So, what did you wanna be
when you were 10?
339
00:14:55,405 --> 00:15:00,284
It says here the future of caskets
may just be biodegradable plastic.
340
00:15:00,368 --> 00:15:01,369
Oh, you don't say.
341
00:15:01,452 --> 00:15:04,330
Hey. Are you chilly? I'm
a little chilly, I think. No.
342
00:15:04,414 --> 00:15:06,958
Hey, guys.
Welcome. I'm Dan.
343
00:15:07,125 --> 00:15:10,044
Hi. I'm Ben, this is April.
And I'm scared of death.
344
00:15:11,087 --> 00:15:13,798
I'm just really interested
in learning what you do.
345
00:15:14,048 --> 00:15:16,968
You're gonna love it here.
People are dying to get in.
346
00:15:17,051 --> 00:15:18,052
[LAUGHING]
347
00:15:18,469 --> 00:15:21,055
Come on, come on. We'll
start down at the cadaver chute!
348
00:15:22,306 --> 00:15:24,475
The cadaver chute.
Come on!
349
00:15:26,519 --> 00:15:28,497
LUCY: Yeah, I think you're
really gonna like it here.
350
00:15:28,521 --> 00:15:30,416
And obviously, everyone's
in a really great mood now
351
00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,959
because of the Cubs
winning the series.
352
00:15:31,983 --> 00:15:33,043
ANDY: Yeah.
It seems really nice.
353
00:15:33,067 --> 00:15:35,278
I mean, I am gonna
miss Pawnee, though.
354
00:15:35,361 --> 00:15:37,155
My wife's there
for cryin' out loud.
355
00:15:37,238 --> 00:15:39,716
Yeah, tell me about Pawnee. It
sounds like it's really changed.
356
00:15:39,740 --> 00:15:41,701
Oh, yeah. There's a ton
of new businesses.
357
00:15:41,784 --> 00:15:43,286
Gryzzl came in,
they gave everyone
358
00:15:43,369 --> 00:15:45,538
free tablets
and Wi-Fi and phones.
359
00:15:45,872 --> 00:15:48,207
You can watch Hitch
2 anytime, anywhere!
360
00:15:48,374 --> 00:15:50,001
Finally! That's the dream.
361
00:15:50,084 --> 00:15:51,878
Part of me wants
to go back, you know.
362
00:15:52,253 --> 00:15:53,713
I always kinda liked it there.
363
00:15:53,838 --> 00:15:56,591
Man, you got me really
missing Pawnee now.
364
00:15:56,883 --> 00:15:59,302
I don't know what to do. Am
I making the right decision?
365
00:15:59,552 --> 00:16:00,553
[GROANING]
366
00:16:02,096 --> 00:16:03,181
Hey.
367
00:16:03,556 --> 00:16:05,808
Why are you here? I'm
calling a temporary truce.
368
00:16:05,892 --> 00:16:07,612
You need to help me
break up Jamm and Tammy.
369
00:16:08,436 --> 00:16:11,147
Forget it. You just want
Jamm to switch his vote.
370
00:16:11,355 --> 00:16:13,816
What is this, revenge
for Morningstar?
371
00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:14,901
No, it is not about that.
372
00:16:15,234 --> 00:16:16,235
It's not about the vote.
373
00:16:16,486 --> 00:16:19,381
There is a guy in real trouble and you
might be the only one who can help him.
374
00:16:19,405 --> 00:16:20,990
This is about
saving someone's soul.
375
00:16:21,115 --> 00:16:23,951
He is a monster.
Monsters do not have souls.
376
00:16:24,076 --> 00:16:26,120
Uh, have you ever seen
Monsters, Inc.?
377
00:16:26,662 --> 00:16:27,830
No.
Damn it, Ron!
378
00:16:27,914 --> 00:16:30,041
Engage in the culture
once in a while!
379
00:16:30,124 --> 00:16:31,417
Jamm! Get in here!
380
00:16:35,505 --> 00:16:37,882
Good God, man,
what happened to you?
381
00:16:38,174 --> 00:16:39,425
Tammy happened to him!
382
00:16:39,717 --> 00:16:41,302
Remind you of anyone, Ron?
383
00:16:41,636 --> 00:16:46,182
Do you recognize the puffy
face? The hunched-over misery?
384
00:16:46,265 --> 00:16:49,268
The dead, yes somehow,
still crazy eyes?
385
00:16:49,352 --> 00:16:52,939
We need to put our issues aside
and defend this miserable person!
386
00:16:54,524 --> 00:16:56,734
Jeremy.
This is a gold bar.
387
00:16:56,817 --> 00:16:57,897
You keep that in your desk?
388
00:16:58,027 --> 00:16:59,820
I will give you this gold bar
389
00:16:59,904 --> 00:17:03,074
if you say one unflattering
thing about Tammy.
390
00:17:03,699 --> 00:17:04,784
If I do,
391
00:17:06,202 --> 00:17:07,870
does Tammy get to keep the gold?
392
00:17:07,954 --> 00:17:08,955
Oh, my God!
393
00:17:09,205 --> 00:17:12,708
RON: When it comes to Tammy, the code
is the same as that of the battlefield.
394
00:17:13,167 --> 00:17:14,835
First, you leave no man behind.
395
00:17:14,961 --> 00:17:18,339
Second, you must protect
yourself against chemical warfare.
396
00:17:19,340 --> 00:17:22,134
Tammy does not abide
by the Geneva Convention.
397
00:17:24,595 --> 00:17:26,514
I made this Tammy
deprogramming kit
398
00:17:26,597 --> 00:17:29,267
in case I ever fell
victim to her again.
399
00:17:29,350 --> 00:17:32,395
First, this is a chastity
belt that I made by hand.
400
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:36,274
It might be a couple sizes too
big for you, but you can just pad it.
401
00:17:36,524 --> 00:17:38,568
The first step is
to cut out all sex.
402
00:17:39,443 --> 00:17:40,528
That won't be necessary.
403
00:17:40,611 --> 00:17:41,988
We haven't done the deed yet.
404
00:17:42,071 --> 00:17:44,782
She lets me rub up
against her leg sometimes.
405
00:17:44,865 --> 00:17:46,505
RON: Well, all the more
reason to wear it.
406
00:17:46,534 --> 00:17:50,538
She knows she has that card left to
play, and you best believe she will.
407
00:17:50,788 --> 00:17:52,766
LESLIE: We're also gonna
try a Pavlovian technique.
408
00:17:52,790 --> 00:17:55,918
Ron is holding
Tammy's perfume, Girth.
409
00:17:57,628 --> 00:17:58,629
Oh.
410
00:17:58,713 --> 00:17:59,714
It smells good.
[GRUNTS]
411
00:18:00,506 --> 00:18:01,591
Again.
412
00:18:02,008 --> 00:18:04,552
Tammy. How many times
are we gonna do this?
413
00:18:04,635 --> 00:18:06,012
Until the bottle
is empty. Again.
414
00:18:06,178 --> 00:18:08,598
[SOBS] Tammy...
415
00:18:08,681 --> 00:18:10,099
Tammy can't save you now!
416
00:18:10,182 --> 00:18:11,767
Where is she? I want her!
417
00:18:11,851 --> 00:18:12,852
Again.
418
00:18:12,977 --> 00:18:14,103
Twice.
419
00:18:14,353 --> 00:18:16,480
Tam... No! [GRUNTS]
420
00:18:17,148 --> 00:18:19,984
It's going well so far
but it's too early to tell.
421
00:18:23,654 --> 00:18:25,156
He was pretty far gone.
422
00:18:27,116 --> 00:18:28,784
Hopefully, we get
a body in today
423
00:18:28,868 --> 00:18:31,329
so I can show you guys
the really fun part.
424
00:18:31,829 --> 00:18:34,040
Draining! Oh, God!
I hate this so much.
425
00:18:34,206 --> 00:18:35,583
Cool. Can I touch
a dead body?
426
00:18:35,666 --> 00:18:37,585
Whoa! Slow down,
eager beaver!
427
00:18:37,668 --> 00:18:39,503
That doesn't happen
for at least a year.
428
00:18:39,879 --> 00:18:42,423
Why? How did you become a
mortician? Can't I just sign up?
429
00:18:42,506 --> 00:18:43,633
[CHUCKLING]
Oh, gosh, no!
430
00:18:43,966 --> 00:18:46,636
You need two years of school
and a year-long apprenticeship.
431
00:18:46,927 --> 00:18:49,889
The first few years are
mostly paperwork and filing.
432
00:18:49,972 --> 00:18:50,973
[GROANING]
433
00:18:51,057 --> 00:18:52,850
Why is every job just paperwork?
434
00:18:53,142 --> 00:18:55,936
Hey, it's a living.
[CHUCKLES]
435
00:18:56,312 --> 00:18:57,396
Get it?
436
00:18:57,480 --> 00:19:01,192
[CHUCKLES] Right. 'Cause we're
surrounded by death. This is fun.
437
00:19:01,275 --> 00:19:03,778
Yeah. I think
we're gonna go, Dan.
438
00:19:03,861 --> 00:19:06,072
The reality of your life
is incredibly depressing.
439
00:19:06,238 --> 00:19:10,326
I'm just gonna stay at my current job until
I get old and die and then end up here,
440
00:19:10,409 --> 00:19:11,952
being embalmed by some weirdo
441
00:19:12,036 --> 00:19:14,997
who had to go to school for three
years just to cut my guts open.
442
00:19:15,331 --> 00:19:16,707
Let's go.
Oh, thank God!
443
00:19:17,208 --> 00:19:19,126
Okay, have a good one.
444
00:19:20,753 --> 00:19:22,755
I gotta say, hanging out
with Lucy's been so fun.
445
00:19:22,838 --> 00:19:25,800
She's the best. And I love
that she's buying us stuff!
446
00:19:25,883 --> 00:19:27,551
Dude, make your move.
Ask her out.
447
00:19:27,635 --> 00:19:30,012
I dunno, she lives here.
How would it even work?
448
00:19:30,221 --> 00:19:32,765
Life is about taking risks.
Look at me, Tom.
449
00:19:32,848 --> 00:19:34,266
I'm moving to Chicago!
450
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:37,144
It's just us right now. Do you
really think you're moving here?
451
00:19:37,228 --> 00:19:39,271
One XXL, one kid's XL.
452
00:19:39,397 --> 00:19:41,065
Hey! You remembered
my size! Yeah.
453
00:19:41,148 --> 00:19:42,483
Thank you.
You're welcome.
454
00:19:42,775 --> 00:19:44,235
Hey, Lucy, can I
ask you something?
455
00:19:44,527 --> 00:19:48,155
Of course, what's up? I was
wondering would you wanna maybe...
456
00:19:50,199 --> 00:19:51,575
Come work for me in Pawnee?
457
00:19:51,909 --> 00:19:56,288
I got the company and it's growing
so fast, I can't do it all myself.
458
00:19:56,372 --> 00:19:58,541
And I need a manager, and
you're a perfect candidate.
459
00:19:58,749 --> 00:20:00,000
Wow, really?
460
00:20:01,043 --> 00:20:02,920
That does sound kinda awesome.
461
00:20:03,671 --> 00:20:05,631
And it'd be super fun
to work with you.
462
00:20:05,840 --> 00:20:08,320
I mean, I'd have to talk to
my boyfriend about it first, but...
463
00:20:08,551 --> 00:20:10,136
Yeah, of course!
464
00:20:10,469 --> 00:20:11,470
This is all perfect,
465
00:20:11,554 --> 00:20:14,473
and everything's worked out
just as I'd hoped. [CHUCKLES]
466
00:20:14,557 --> 00:20:16,600
Hey, this is why they
call it Beantown, huh?
467
00:20:18,144 --> 00:20:19,770
Okay. We're gonna
do some scenes
468
00:20:19,854 --> 00:20:22,189
and demonstrate ways
that you can resist Tammy.
469
00:20:22,273 --> 00:20:24,191
I will play Tammy,
Ron will play you.
470
00:20:24,567 --> 00:20:26,277
[IMITATING TAMMY]
"Hey there, horsey."
471
00:20:26,527 --> 00:20:29,655
"Time to mount up and
ride on into Bonertown."
472
00:20:29,822 --> 00:20:34,034
"What do you say we get stanky
in that pet store bathroom, Jamm?"
473
00:20:34,118 --> 00:20:35,202
Hmm? Huh?
474
00:20:35,286 --> 00:20:38,038
[SOFTLY] Do it. "There
will be no sex today, Tammy."
475
00:20:38,122 --> 00:20:39,123
Oh!
476
00:20:39,206 --> 00:20:43,002
"Instead, why don't you go into the pet
store and feed yourself to the snakes?"
477
00:20:43,210 --> 00:20:45,254
"To hell with you
woman, goodbye."
478
00:20:45,755 --> 00:20:47,548
"Hey, ya big hunk
of wiener meat."
479
00:20:47,965 --> 00:20:52,344
"I've got forty hand towels, some
energy bars, and a Chinese finger trap."
480
00:20:52,428 --> 00:20:54,305
"Let's get gross."
481
00:20:54,388 --> 00:20:58,559
"This gambit has failed. To
hell with you woman, goodbye."
482
00:20:58,809 --> 00:21:01,937
What are you wearing? It's a
crotch blinder of my own design.
483
00:21:02,021 --> 00:21:05,316
In this scenario, she will
be coming at you pants-less.
484
00:21:05,524 --> 00:21:09,361
Okay, the doors are
locked, windows secured,
485
00:21:09,445 --> 00:21:11,739
there is no way
Tammy's getting in here.
486
00:21:11,822 --> 00:21:15,576
"Jamm! Strip down,
you sex maggot!"
487
00:21:15,659 --> 00:21:16,786
RON: And hold!
488
00:21:17,286 --> 00:21:18,788
What was your mistake?
489
00:21:18,954 --> 00:21:20,831
You didn't check the armoire.
490
00:21:21,373 --> 00:21:25,461
Tammy once camped out in my
attic for six days awaiting my arrival.
491
00:21:25,711 --> 00:21:29,548
She survived on rats and
rainwater. Let's run it again!
492
00:21:30,424 --> 00:21:32,152
Well, no offense, but you
kind of pooched it today.
493
00:21:32,176 --> 00:21:33,803
No, I didn't.
494
00:21:33,886 --> 00:21:36,156
She has a boyfriend, she wouldn't
have gone out with me anyway.
495
00:21:36,180 --> 00:21:38,867
I came here to find a love partner,
and instead I found a business partner.
496
00:21:38,891 --> 00:21:42,228
You know who else started off
as business partners?
497
00:21:42,436 --> 00:21:43,896
Ben and Jerry.
498
00:21:43,979 --> 00:21:45,898
They now have
over 1,000 flavors.
499
00:21:45,981 --> 00:21:49,276
The greatest of which, might
I add, is Chunky Monkey.
500
00:21:49,360 --> 00:21:51,195
So to answer your question, yes.
501
00:21:51,278 --> 00:21:53,078
Yes, we should go get
Ben & Jerry's right now.
502
00:21:53,155 --> 00:21:55,533
No, we're gonna miss
our flight. Taxi!
503
00:21:55,616 --> 00:21:56,784
Don't you see the connection?
504
00:21:56,867 --> 00:21:59,870
Lucy's great, we're gonna work together,
she has a boyfriend, end of story.
505
00:21:59,954 --> 00:22:00,996
It's not end of story.
506
00:22:01,080 --> 00:22:02,849
I watched you guys today
and there is a spark.
507
00:22:02,873 --> 00:22:07,044
A real magic like when walnuts
meet chocolate inside of ice-cream.
508
00:22:07,127 --> 00:22:09,755
Tom, let's go!
No, get in the cab.
509
00:22:10,756 --> 00:22:12,466
Ben & Jerry's.
510
00:22:12,550 --> 00:22:14,718
Airport, please.
511
00:22:14,802 --> 00:22:18,013
Go without me! I'll meet
you there! Ben & Jerry's!
512
00:22:19,098 --> 00:22:20,975
Okay, be strong, be direct.
513
00:22:21,058 --> 00:22:23,644
Be quick and merciless.
Leave no room for debate.
514
00:22:23,727 --> 00:22:26,397
Don't forget, you're Jeremy
Jamm, you drive a yellow sports car,
515
00:22:26,480 --> 00:22:28,315
you have a golf club cover
shaped like a boob.
516
00:22:28,399 --> 00:22:30,109
You say "marg" instead
of "margarita."
517
00:22:30,317 --> 00:22:31,318
Yeah, I invented that.
518
00:22:31,402 --> 00:22:32,736
Sure you did, buddy.
519
00:22:33,821 --> 00:22:34,822
Let's go.
520
00:22:38,075 --> 00:22:39,076
TAMMY:
Hey, Jerebear.
521
00:22:39,201 --> 00:22:40,881
What are you doing
with these two jabronis?
522
00:22:40,995 --> 00:22:45,249
Tammy, I've given this a lot of
thought. We should break up.
523
00:22:46,208 --> 00:22:49,003
[LAUGHING]
524
00:22:49,086 --> 00:22:50,286
What's the matter, little boy?
525
00:22:50,588 --> 00:22:52,006
Did the bad people get to you?
526
00:22:52,214 --> 00:22:54,383
They just made me realize
how unhealthy this is.
527
00:22:54,967 --> 00:22:57,761
Literally. All the steak and
whiskey, I have to wear a diaper.
528
00:22:57,928 --> 00:22:59,906
[IN CHILDISH TONE] That's
'cause you're my widdle baby!
529
00:22:59,930 --> 00:23:01,307
We drilled you on this, Jamm!
530
00:23:01,682 --> 00:23:02,933
Baby talk, what do you do?
531
00:23:03,642 --> 00:23:05,394
I'm not a baby!
I'm a big boy!
532
00:23:06,145 --> 00:23:07,938
Yeah, okay. Well,
that wasn't terrible.
533
00:23:08,439 --> 00:23:10,799
Don't listen to Leslie, she's
just trying to manipulate you.
534
00:23:10,858 --> 00:23:13,110
All she cares about is
herself and I can prove it.
535
00:23:13,527 --> 00:23:14,862
How's this, Leslie?
536
00:23:15,446 --> 00:23:18,616
You leave us alone, and
we swing the vote to you.
537
00:23:18,866 --> 00:23:20,075
Help you get your park.
538
00:23:22,620 --> 00:23:25,039
No. Nice try.
Stay strong, Jeremy.
539
00:23:25,122 --> 00:23:26,123
[SIGHS]
540
00:23:26,206 --> 00:23:27,917
It's over, Tammy.
Tell you what.
541
00:23:28,334 --> 00:23:29,627
It's been long enough.
542
00:23:29,960 --> 00:23:34,840
What do you say we consummate
our relationship tonight?
543
00:23:34,924 --> 00:23:36,884
[BREATHING HEAVILY]
Huh?
544
00:23:36,967 --> 00:23:38,302
Let's do it.
545
00:23:38,469 --> 00:23:40,095
[RON LAUGHING]
546
00:23:40,179 --> 00:23:42,848
And the last card is played.
547
00:23:42,973 --> 00:23:45,351
What are you doing?
[SHUSHING] This is a library!
548
00:23:45,476 --> 00:23:46,745
Do you see what's
happening here?
549
00:23:46,769 --> 00:23:48,479
Ron. I need that
crotch blinder!
550
00:23:48,771 --> 00:23:50,648
No, you don't.
Just end it.
551
00:23:51,690 --> 00:23:52,691
[EXHALES]
552
00:23:52,775 --> 00:23:53,859
Look at my boobs.
No.
553
00:23:53,943 --> 00:23:54,985
Look downstairs.
No.
554
00:23:55,069 --> 00:23:57,154
There's a prize inside
for you. It's over, Tammy.
555
00:23:57,821 --> 00:23:58,864
What?
556
00:23:58,948 --> 00:24:00,908
To hell with you, woman.
Goodbye.
557
00:24:01,659 --> 00:24:02,993
How dare you?
558
00:24:03,327 --> 00:24:04,995
Are you kidding me?
559
00:24:05,162 --> 00:24:07,081
You'll be back.
They all come back!
560
00:24:07,164 --> 00:24:08,749
They call come back!
Well done, Jeremy.
561
00:24:09,500 --> 00:24:12,127
Turns out the crotch blinder
was inside you all along.
562
00:24:12,211 --> 00:24:15,714
Come on, everybody! Who
wants to get it on? I'm naked.
563
00:24:17,591 --> 00:24:19,176
Donna, what do I do?
564
00:24:19,468 --> 00:24:22,596
If working around corpses isn't
even right for me, then nothing is.
565
00:24:23,514 --> 00:24:25,140
I feel totally lost.
566
00:24:26,141 --> 00:24:28,268
Saturn's Return.
What?
567
00:24:28,394 --> 00:24:31,313
Saturn's orbit around the sun
takes roughly 29 years,
568
00:24:31,647 --> 00:24:33,750
and when it gets back to where
it was when you were born,
569
00:24:33,774 --> 00:24:36,110
lots of turmoil, self-discovery.
570
00:24:36,193 --> 00:24:39,279
When I was your age, I got banned
from every riverboat in Germany.
571
00:24:39,571 --> 00:24:41,615
Donna. April.
What're you up to?
572
00:24:41,782 --> 00:24:43,909
Oh, you know.
Just regionally directing
573
00:24:43,993 --> 00:24:46,120
the Midwest whatever
of who cares.
574
00:24:46,328 --> 00:24:47,871
It's amazing. Wanna watch?
575
00:24:47,955 --> 00:24:51,458
I fill out these forms like
this and then I put it here.
576
00:24:51,750 --> 00:24:53,961
Then I take it
and I bring it over here.
577
00:24:54,086 --> 00:24:55,726
Can you believe that
they pay me for this?
578
00:24:55,754 --> 00:24:58,632
Because, don't say anything,
but I would do this for free.
579
00:24:59,550 --> 00:25:00,551
[GASPS]
580
00:25:00,634 --> 00:25:01,677
Jeez!
581
00:25:01,760 --> 00:25:04,680
[LAUGHS]
I do miss you, Terry.
582
00:25:05,055 --> 00:25:06,557
Let me get you some napkins.
583
00:25:06,765 --> 00:25:09,601
April. You looked at
one horrifying job.
584
00:25:10,436 --> 00:25:13,480
I've got a few more ideas. We'll
find you something you like. Okay?
585
00:25:13,814 --> 00:25:16,817
Okay, but you can't
tell Leslie I might leave.
586
00:25:16,900 --> 00:25:18,485
She'll have a heart attack.
Promise?
587
00:25:18,736 --> 00:25:21,488
I promise. Why are you so
into helping me right now?
588
00:25:21,572 --> 00:25:23,824
Because I'm finally
doing what I love,
589
00:25:23,907 --> 00:25:26,243
and I know how hard it is
to get to that place.
590
00:25:26,410 --> 00:25:30,789
And I want you to be happy,
because you're my friend.
591
00:25:31,248 --> 00:25:34,084
No, I'm not.
I've never cared for you.
592
00:25:37,379 --> 00:25:38,547
Wait, wait.
593
00:25:41,091 --> 00:25:42,843
You're behaving very strangely.
594
00:25:44,762 --> 00:25:45,804
Saturn's Return.
595
00:25:46,805 --> 00:25:48,015
Hey, Brokemons.
596
00:25:48,515 --> 00:25:51,977
I just wanted to let you know that I
will be abstaining from the vote today.
597
00:25:52,061 --> 00:25:53,812
You are my two
all-time best friends.
598
00:25:53,937 --> 00:25:55,522
And you brought me
back from the brink.
599
00:25:55,606 --> 00:25:57,691
So, I can't choose sides.
600
00:25:58,108 --> 00:25:59,508
Although, if I had
to pick one side,
601
00:25:59,568 --> 00:26:02,488
it would be Lucy Liu's backside.
602
00:26:03,280 --> 00:26:04,281
[CHUCKLES]
603
00:26:05,741 --> 00:26:08,035
Without Jamm,
the vote's two-two.
604
00:26:08,368 --> 00:26:09,536
This was all for nothing.
605
00:26:10,370 --> 00:26:11,598
I thought it was very big of you
606
00:26:11,622 --> 00:26:14,541
to not bend when Tammy
promised you the vote.
607
00:26:15,375 --> 00:26:17,656
Well, I thought it was very
big of you to help him at all.
608
00:26:18,378 --> 00:26:19,458
You didn't have to do that.
609
00:26:22,174 --> 00:26:24,194
Okay. Back to work, to
figure out how to destroy you.
610
00:26:24,218 --> 00:26:25,219
Same. Goodbye.
611
00:26:27,429 --> 00:26:29,807
Dude, thank you so much
for this. I really owe you one.
612
00:26:29,890 --> 00:26:33,352
No, you don't. You're smart and qualified
and we're totally lucky to have you.
613
00:26:33,560 --> 00:26:34,812
Okay, let's do this.
614
00:26:34,978 --> 00:26:37,147
I still don't know what
"claiming allowances" means.
615
00:26:37,231 --> 00:26:39,650
I always just put six.
So far, so good.
616
00:26:39,775 --> 00:26:41,610
Dude, you are totally
going to jail.
617
00:26:41,735 --> 00:26:42,903
[BOTH CHUCKLING]
618
00:26:43,612 --> 00:26:46,073
See? What did I tell you?
619
00:26:46,156 --> 00:26:48,408
Ice-cream is the best.
620
00:26:49,284 --> 00:26:51,995
I might have been right
about Tom and Lucy, too.
621
00:26:55,207 --> 00:26:56,750
[LAUGHING] Ice-cream.