1
00:00:15,678 --> 00:00:17,579
In front of you are
six different wedding cakes
2
00:00:17,614 --> 00:00:19,148
from the top restaurants
in Pawnee.
3
00:00:19,442 --> 00:00:21,743
Sample each one,
and rank your two top favorites
4
00:00:21,778 --> 00:00:22,811
in the ballots provided.
5
00:00:22,845 --> 00:00:24,780
Oh, boy.
They're all so good.
6
00:00:24,814 --> 00:00:25,747
I can't pick just two.
7
00:00:25,782 --> 00:00:27,082
Well, then you leave, Terry.
8
00:00:27,116 --> 00:00:28,750
And pay for the cake
you already ate.
9
00:00:28,785 --> 00:00:30,185
I like the vanilla one
with the lemon cream.
10
00:00:30,219 --> 00:00:31,820
That was a joke cake I got
11
00:00:31,854 --> 00:00:34,923
from the grocery store
to weed out low-quality palates.
12
00:00:34,958 --> 00:00:38,126
Maybe it's because
he's my fiance, and I love him,
13
00:00:38,161 --> 00:00:41,163
but I kind of like
the grocery store one, too.
14
00:00:41,197 --> 00:00:43,331
There's actually one more cake
you haven't tried yet.
15
00:00:43,366 --> 00:00:45,867
Donna has chosen me to be the
butler of honor at her wedding.
16
00:00:45,902 --> 00:00:48,270
Now granted, butler of honor is
a term I made up,
17
00:00:48,304 --> 00:00:49,738
but it's not
a job I take lightly.
18
00:00:49,772 --> 00:00:52,541
That's why I'm about to
give her a surprise bigger
19
00:00:52,575 --> 00:00:55,310
than when LeBron went back
to Miami.
20
00:00:55,345 --> 00:00:57,245
Oh, my God.
DJ Bluntz?
21
00:00:57,280 --> 00:00:58,747
What is happening right now?
22
00:00:58,781 --> 00:01:00,148
I think you know
what's happening.
23
00:01:00,183 --> 00:01:03,619
But--but for real, though.
What--what's happening?
24
00:01:05,355 --> 00:01:07,155
Treat yo' self.
25
00:01:07,190 --> 00:01:09,558
♪ Treat yo' self 2017 ♪
26
00:01:09,592 --> 00:01:10,959
Oh, my God, is this for real?
27
00:01:10,994 --> 00:01:12,127
Oh, it's for real.
Okay.
28
00:01:12,161 --> 00:01:13,462
And it's the biggest one yet.
29
00:01:13,496 --> 00:01:14,496
I-I still don't know
what's happening.
30
00:01:14,530 --> 00:01:15,497
So what's happening?
31
00:01:15,531 --> 00:01:16,498
Treat yo' self.
32
00:01:16,532 --> 00:01:17,900
Not an answer to my question.
33
00:01:17,934 --> 00:01:19,167
Oh, my God, read the cake.
34
00:01:19,202 --> 00:01:21,136
Still unclear.
Terry, w-what's happening?
35
00:01:21,170 --> 00:01:22,571
Treat yo' self!
36
00:01:22,605 --> 00:01:24,006
♪ It's the best
day of the year ♪
37
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Sync & corrections by honeybunny
www.addic7ed.com
38
00:01:44,260 --> 00:01:47,195
Roscoe, people in this town are
very angry
39
00:01:47,230 --> 00:01:49,731
about Gryzzl's
data-mining program.
40
00:01:49,766 --> 00:01:51,967
In your opinion,
have you done anything wrong?
41
00:01:52,001 --> 00:01:54,236
We did not believe that
we did anything
42
00:01:54,270 --> 00:01:56,705
to invade people's privacy,
Trodd.
43
00:01:56,739 --> 00:01:59,708
But then, we checked
thousands of emails and texts
44
00:01:59,742 --> 00:02:01,677
between our customers
and their loved ones,
45
00:02:01,711 --> 00:02:03,612
and it seemed like
people thought we were wrong.
46
00:02:03,646 --> 00:02:05,580
Gryzzl's currently trying to buy
47
00:02:05,615 --> 00:02:07,683
an enormous parcel of land
48
00:02:07,717 --> 00:02:11,653
to build a permanent
headquarters in Pawnee.
49
00:02:11,688 --> 00:02:13,955
How will you win back our trust?
50
00:02:13,990 --> 00:02:16,491
We're going to be
throwing a free concert
51
00:02:16,526 --> 00:02:18,460
with U2 and Beyonce.
52
00:02:18,494 --> 00:02:20,195
Tickets are already
on your phones.
53
00:02:20,229 --> 00:02:23,298
Seating is going to be organized
by income and sexual history.
54
00:02:23,333 --> 00:02:25,033
And that, I swear,
55
00:02:25,068 --> 00:02:28,036
is the last time that we will be
peeking inside your computers.
56
00:02:28,071 --> 00:02:30,806
Wow.
Gryzzl is scrambling.
57
00:02:30,840 --> 00:02:32,441
And for the first time
in this land battle,
58
00:02:32,475 --> 00:02:34,476
they are vulnerable,
and we are gonna capitalize
59
00:02:34,510 --> 00:02:35,944
on it with something
big and exciting.
60
00:02:35,979 --> 00:02:37,579
I've got something
big and exciting.
61
00:02:37,614 --> 00:02:41,016
All we need is a blimp
and a decoy blimp.
62
00:02:41,050 --> 00:02:42,784
Okay, for what I hope is
the last time,
63
00:02:42,819 --> 00:02:45,120
but will assume is
not the last time,
64
00:02:45,154 --> 00:02:46,621
our strategy does not
involve blimps.
65
00:02:46,656 --> 00:02:48,357
We already have an idea.
April?
66
00:02:48,391 --> 00:02:51,827
Okay, our new proposal will
ask them to split the land.
67
00:02:51,861 --> 00:02:53,528
Gryzzl will take
half for their campus,
68
00:02:53,563 --> 00:02:55,330
and then donate the rest to
National Parks.
69
00:02:55,365 --> 00:02:56,765
It's not ideal,
70
00:02:56,799 --> 00:02:59,167
but they may go for it because
of how bad they screwed up.
71
00:02:59,202 --> 00:03:00,269
I am not a spy,
72
00:03:00,303 --> 00:03:02,771
and I would never reveal
classified information.
73
00:03:02,805 --> 00:03:04,239
Do you have to say that
every time?
74
00:03:04,274 --> 00:03:05,941
Yes.
75
00:03:05,975 --> 00:03:09,878
But I know Gryzzl is dead-set on
owning the entire parcel.
76
00:03:09,912 --> 00:03:11,847
I'm not sure
this plan will work.
77
00:03:11,881 --> 00:03:13,115
Well, if it doesn't,
something will.
78
00:03:13,149 --> 00:03:15,651
Because when you and I team up,
great things happen.
79
00:03:15,685 --> 00:03:17,219
Ron and I had
a little falling out,
80
00:03:17,253 --> 00:03:19,087
but we are back, baby.
81
00:03:19,122 --> 00:03:21,089
And just like
Joey Fatone and Lance Bass,
82
00:03:21,124 --> 00:03:23,458
we are totally in sync.
83
00:03:23,493 --> 00:03:24,459
Come on.
84
00:03:24,494 --> 00:03:25,527
Okay.
85
00:03:25,562 --> 00:03:26,595
Just give me a...
86
00:03:26,629 --> 00:03:28,096
Oh.
We're in sync emotionally.
87
00:03:28,131 --> 00:03:30,432
Stop patting my head.
88
00:03:32,669 --> 00:03:33,869
Huh.
89
00:03:33,903 --> 00:03:36,872
Looks like Newport Trust is
making an announcement.
90
00:03:36,906 --> 00:03:40,208
Last week,
the Newport Trust told Gryzzl,
91
00:03:40,243 --> 00:03:42,277
in no uncertain terms,
92
00:03:42,312 --> 00:03:44,613
that we would not do business
with a company
93
00:03:44,647 --> 00:03:46,782
that invades our privacy.
94
00:03:46,816 --> 00:03:52,154
Then, Gryzzl upped their offer
to $125 million,
95
00:03:52,188 --> 00:03:55,524
and I swear to God, y'all,
I nearly fainted.
96
00:03:55,558 --> 00:03:59,294
So we are officially
jumping the gun
97
00:03:59,329 --> 00:04:02,597
and selling to Gryzzl
for $125 million.
98
00:04:02,632 --> 00:04:03,632
What?
99
00:04:03,666 --> 00:04:04,833
Let me repeat that,
100
00:04:04,867 --> 00:04:07,035
because it makes me very horny.
101
00:04:07,070 --> 00:04:09,438
- $125 million!
- Come on, Knope.
102
00:04:09,472 --> 00:04:13,075
How about we go drown
our sorrows in some waffles?
103
00:04:13,109 --> 00:04:15,143
♪ Treat yo' self ♪
Hey, boss.
104
00:04:15,178 --> 00:04:16,778
Before you go,
can you sign some checks?
105
00:04:16,813 --> 00:04:18,513
Do mine first.
In case something happens to you
106
00:04:18,548 --> 00:04:20,082
I want to make sure I get paid.
107
00:04:20,116 --> 00:04:21,283
Looking out for number one.
108
00:04:21,317 --> 00:04:22,551
Always smart.
109
00:04:22,585 --> 00:04:26,021
So, how is post-breakup life?
110
00:04:26,055 --> 00:04:27,956
Well, breakups are
famously super fun
111
00:04:27,991 --> 00:04:30,792
and make everyone feel awesome,
so it's no different.
112
00:04:30,827 --> 00:04:32,094
You should come to my wedding.
113
00:04:32,128 --> 00:04:33,895
It's gonna be hella fun.
114
00:04:33,930 --> 00:04:36,498
Yeah, you should come with me.
115
00:04:36,532 --> 00:04:39,234
As like a...plus-one
type thing.
116
00:04:39,268 --> 00:04:40,969
Maybe we just go as, uh...
117
00:04:41,004 --> 00:04:42,371
as work friends.
118
00:04:42,405 --> 00:04:46,041
Maybe it's just even, you know,
boss, employee type thing.
119
00:04:46,075 --> 00:04:47,609
You know what?
That's what you should do.
120
00:04:47,644 --> 00:04:51,513
You should come to the wedding
and--and--and do paperwork.
121
00:04:51,547 --> 00:04:54,049
Stop, you're making this
sound almost too fun.
122
00:04:54,083 --> 00:04:56,752
Whatever.
Just text me when you decide.
123
00:04:56,786 --> 00:05:00,455
I literally couldn't care less,
so...
124
00:05:00,490 --> 00:05:01,456
Yeah.
125
00:05:01,491 --> 00:05:03,558
Let's hit it, Donna.
126
00:05:03,593 --> 00:05:06,862
Um, can we talk about that
disastrous interaction
127
00:05:06,896 --> 00:05:08,163
you just had with Lucy?
128
00:05:08,197 --> 00:05:09,598
Nope.
All we're talking about
129
00:05:09,632 --> 00:05:11,266
is treating yo' self.
130
00:05:11,301 --> 00:05:12,834
Today is about one thing:
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00:05:12,869 --> 00:05:13,802
Things.
132
00:05:13,836 --> 00:05:14,803
Things, Donna.
133
00:05:14,837 --> 00:05:16,204
Our favorite.
134
00:05:16,239 --> 00:05:18,073
Well, where is Bluntz taking us?
135
00:05:18,107 --> 00:05:19,574
This is not the way to the mall.
136
00:05:19,609 --> 00:05:22,544
That's 'cause
we're not going to the mall.
137
00:05:22,579 --> 00:05:25,414
We're finally gonna do something
we've always talked about.
138
00:05:25,448 --> 00:05:26,682
No way.
139
00:05:26,716 --> 00:05:27,883
Treat yo' self.
140
00:05:27,917 --> 00:05:29,117
♪ In Beverly Hills! ♪
141
00:05:29,152 --> 00:05:31,887
Aah!
142
00:05:31,921 --> 00:05:35,324
All I wanted was
25 square miles of land
143
00:05:35,358 --> 00:05:36,958
valued at $100 million
144
00:05:36,993 --> 00:05:38,293
given to me for free.
145
00:05:38,328 --> 00:05:39,695
Is that too much to ask?
146
00:05:39,729 --> 00:05:40,729
I'll say it again:
147
00:05:40,763 --> 00:05:42,464
voodoo is still an option.
148
00:05:42,498 --> 00:05:43,498
No.
149
00:05:43,533 --> 00:05:44,766
It's over.
They won.
150
00:05:44,801 --> 00:05:46,034
Everything is changing.
151
00:05:46,069 --> 00:05:48,570
This town is going to be
unrecognizable in ten years.
152
00:05:48,604 --> 00:05:50,472
Even JJ's Diner is disappearing.
153
00:05:50,506 --> 00:05:51,773
What can I get you guys?
154
00:05:51,808 --> 00:05:54,042
However many waffles it takes to
keep you in business.
155
00:05:54,077 --> 00:05:55,644
I'm happy with
some of the changes
156
00:05:55,678 --> 00:05:56,979
that Pawnee has gone through.
157
00:05:57,013 --> 00:05:58,780
I mean,
the standard of living is up.
158
00:05:58,815 --> 00:06:03,118
We have pressed juice bars and
yoga studios and a pet hotel.
159
00:06:03,152 --> 00:06:05,854
But I think the town is
losing some of its charm.
160
00:06:05,888 --> 00:06:08,090
And there's too much kale now.
161
00:06:08,124 --> 00:06:12,394
One place asked me if
I wanted kale in my milkshake.
162
00:06:12,428 --> 00:06:14,830
My milkshake, you guys.
163
00:06:14,864 --> 00:06:17,399
Even though I'm a firm believer
in the free market,
164
00:06:17,433 --> 00:06:19,268
and your failure
as a businessman
165
00:06:19,302 --> 00:06:20,602
is ultimately to blame,
166
00:06:20,637 --> 00:06:22,904
it's still a travesty
your diner is closing.
167
00:06:22,939 --> 00:06:24,239
Well, I agree with you.
168
00:06:24,273 --> 00:06:25,641
But the guy who
bought the property
169
00:06:25,675 --> 00:06:28,410
didn't even give me a chance
to re-up the lease.
170
00:06:28,444 --> 00:06:31,013
You can't win 'em all.
171
00:06:31,047 --> 00:06:32,047
No.
172
00:06:32,081 --> 00:06:33,448
Enough is enough.
173
00:06:33,483 --> 00:06:34,716
They may have taken that land,
174
00:06:34,751 --> 00:06:38,654
but I will be damned
if they take my waffles.
175
00:06:38,688 --> 00:06:41,123
JJ...
Is something wrong?
176
00:06:41,157 --> 00:06:42,758
No, nothing is ever wrong here.
177
00:06:42,792 --> 00:06:45,560
That's why we are gonna
fight hard to save your diner.
178
00:06:45,595 --> 00:06:46,695
Now you said your new landlord
179
00:06:46,729 --> 00:06:48,630
didn't give you
a chance to counter.
180
00:06:48,665 --> 00:06:49,831
Who is it?
181
00:06:49,866 --> 00:06:53,201
It was a company with
a weird-sounding name.
182
00:06:53,236 --> 00:06:54,269
Hang on.
183
00:06:54,304 --> 00:06:56,238
Was it Putin?
184
00:06:56,272 --> 00:06:57,939
Voldermort Putin?
185
00:06:57,974 --> 00:06:59,274
Of Russia?
186
00:06:59,309 --> 00:07:00,842
I'd love to
take that bastard down.
187
00:07:00,877 --> 00:07:01,843
Here it is.
188
00:07:01,878 --> 00:07:04,413
Thigh Gap, LLC.
189
00:07:04,447 --> 00:07:06,315
Owner Dennis Feinstein.
190
00:07:06,349 --> 00:07:08,217
The cologne guy?
191
00:07:08,251 --> 00:07:10,252
Oh, it figures.
That guy is the worst.
192
00:07:10,286 --> 00:07:11,653
Okay.
193
00:07:11,688 --> 00:07:15,123
We are gonna take him down with
an old-fashioned public rally.
194
00:07:15,158 --> 00:07:16,358
April, I need you to
get the word out,
195
00:07:16,392 --> 00:07:18,260
with whatever
method of communication
196
00:07:18,294 --> 00:07:19,695
young people are
using these days.
197
00:07:19,729 --> 00:07:21,463
Oh, yeah,
tiny rolled-up scrolls
198
00:07:21,497 --> 00:07:22,998
delivered by trained foxes.
199
00:07:23,032 --> 00:07:24,499
I'm on it.
Andy?
200
00:07:24,534 --> 00:07:25,634
You thinking what I'm thinking?
201
00:07:25,668 --> 00:07:26,668
Oh, hell yeah.
Blimp time.
202
00:07:26,669 --> 00:07:27,736
No.
203
00:07:27,770 --> 00:07:30,505
I think this is a job for
Jonathan Karate.
204
00:07:30,540 --> 00:07:31,807
Awesome.
Even better.
205
00:07:31,841 --> 00:07:33,842
Ron?
What do you say?
206
00:07:33,876 --> 00:07:35,544
Dynamic duo get together
one more time
207
00:07:35,578 --> 00:07:36,878
to try to save JJ's Diner?
208
00:07:36,913 --> 00:07:39,748
I can't think of anything
more noble to go to war over
209
00:07:39,782 --> 00:07:41,016
than bacon and eggs.
210
00:07:41,050 --> 00:07:42,584
Here here.
211
00:07:42,619 --> 00:07:45,821
Oh, well...
212
00:07:45,855 --> 00:07:47,356
We'll keep practicing.
213
00:07:51,097 --> 00:07:52,064
All right, everybody, listen up.
214
00:07:53,066 --> 00:07:54,533
We're here today
215
00:07:54,568 --> 00:07:57,603
because JJ's Diner has been
a part of Pawnee for 41 years.
216
00:07:57,637 --> 00:08:01,006
And this man right here built
that diner from the ground up
217
00:08:01,041 --> 00:08:02,041
with his own two hands.
218
00:08:02,075 --> 00:08:03,342
That's not true.
219
00:08:03,376 --> 00:08:04,977
It's called
constructing a narrative, JJ.
220
00:08:04,978 --> 00:08:07,179
You stick to the breakfast.
I'll deal with the politics.
221
00:08:07,214 --> 00:08:09,114
So, now, let's hear from a man
222
00:08:09,149 --> 00:08:12,117
who knows the value of
things staying the same.
223
00:08:12,152 --> 00:08:13,119
Ron Swanson.
224
00:08:16,423 --> 00:08:17,923
I do not like rallies.
225
00:08:17,958 --> 00:08:20,226
And based on what I see
from this vantage point,
226
00:08:20,260 --> 00:08:22,461
I do not like most of you.
227
00:08:22,495 --> 00:08:24,897
What I do like is
breakfast food.
228
00:08:24,931 --> 00:08:27,299
JJ's has
very good breakfast food,
229
00:08:27,334 --> 00:08:30,002
so it should remain open.
230
00:08:30,036 --> 00:08:31,670
Please do not approach me
on the street
231
00:08:31,705 --> 00:08:34,240
after this event
and attempt to talk to me.
232
00:08:34,274 --> 00:08:37,576
Our similarities begin and end
with this single issue.
233
00:08:37,611 --> 00:08:39,311
Ron Swanson.
234
00:08:42,849 --> 00:08:43,883
Can I help you?
235
00:08:43,917 --> 00:08:45,751
Yes, we are here to see
Dennis Feinstein.
236
00:08:45,785 --> 00:08:47,553
The appointment should be
under Karate.
237
00:08:47,587 --> 00:08:49,054
Jonathan Karate.
238
00:08:49,089 --> 00:08:52,558
Um, I don't see
a Jonathan Karate anywhere.
239
00:08:52,592 --> 00:08:53,893
Exactly.
240
00:08:55,762 --> 00:08:58,063
Occasionally on my show,
we deal with real issues
241
00:08:58,098 --> 00:08:59,832
like bullying, peer pressure,
242
00:08:59,866 --> 00:09:02,001
or holding in farts.
243
00:09:02,035 --> 00:09:05,237
In those very special episodes,
I become...
244
00:09:05,272 --> 00:09:06,939
Jonathan Karate,
245
00:09:06,973 --> 00:09:08,974
the very serious older brother
of Johnny Karate.
246
00:09:09,009 --> 00:09:12,111
Jonathan Karate
tells it like it is.
247
00:09:12,145 --> 00:09:14,346
He makes people do
the right thing.
248
00:09:14,381 --> 00:09:17,183
Oh, baby, that feels amazing.
249
00:09:17,217 --> 00:09:18,751
But I'm sorry.
I'm gonna have to go.
250
00:09:18,785 --> 00:09:21,487
I have to meet Rick and TC
at the King Kamehameha Club.
251
00:09:21,521 --> 00:09:22,555
Higgins is missing.
252
00:09:22,589 --> 00:09:23,956
Dennis Feinstein.
253
00:09:23,990 --> 00:09:25,357
What?
Who's that?
254
00:09:25,392 --> 00:09:27,393
My name is Jonathan Karate.
255
00:09:27,427 --> 00:09:28,561
We need to talk.
256
00:09:28,595 --> 00:09:29,762
Well, make it quick.
257
00:09:29,796 --> 00:09:32,064
I gotta go pull the plug
on my dad in ten minutes.
258
00:09:32,098 --> 00:09:34,700
I heard you were buying JJ's
Diner and kicking everybody out.
259
00:09:34,734 --> 00:09:36,068
That's true.
260
00:09:36,102 --> 00:09:38,304
Real estate prices in this
turd town are through the roof.
261
00:09:38,338 --> 00:09:40,639
I'm gonna turn that place into
an elbow art salon
262
00:09:40,674 --> 00:09:41,941
and make a killing.
263
00:09:41,975 --> 00:09:44,677
Plus, who's gonna miss
some dumpy diner?
264
00:09:45,812 --> 00:09:47,213
Why don't you ask
the people gathering
265
00:09:47,247 --> 00:09:49,348
outside of your building
right now?
266
00:09:49,382 --> 00:09:50,316
Hmm?
267
00:09:50,350 --> 00:09:51,417
What do we want?
268
00:09:51,451 --> 00:09:52,384
Breakfast!
269
00:09:52,419 --> 00:09:53,385
When do we want it?
270
00:09:54,387 --> 00:09:55,521
I had no idea
this place was so loved.
271
00:09:55,555 --> 00:09:57,523
This could be bad for business.
272
00:09:57,557 --> 00:09:58,991
Then come with me.
273
00:09:59,025 --> 00:10:02,127
Tell the people
that JJ's can stay.
274
00:10:02,162 --> 00:10:03,929
Okay.
275
00:10:03,964 --> 00:10:05,798
Plus, you should get
these kids out of here.
276
00:10:05,832 --> 00:10:07,233
Not to brag,
277
00:10:07,267 --> 00:10:09,468
but my cologne's have been known
to stunt human growth, so...
278
00:10:09,503 --> 00:10:13,405
Ninjas, scatter.
279
00:10:13,440 --> 00:10:14,874
You got 'em well trained.
280
00:10:19,946 --> 00:10:22,781
♪ Treat yo' self
in Beverly Hills ♪
281
00:10:24,417 --> 00:10:28,387
♪ Hey Hey Hey ♪
282
00:10:28,422 --> 00:10:32,591
♪ What you got to say? ♪
283
00:10:32,626 --> 00:10:34,560
Ladies and gentlemen, off to
our right you can see the house
284
00:10:34,594 --> 00:10:37,463
that belongs to Bruce Willis
and Christina Aguilera.
285
00:10:37,497 --> 00:10:41,767
And to our left is Usher's
Los Angeles residence.
286
00:10:41,802 --> 00:10:43,802
Usher's house!
287
00:10:45,939 --> 00:10:47,473
Usher's star!
288
00:10:50,110 --> 00:10:53,812
♪ Hollywood ♪
289
00:10:54,335 --> 00:10:57,203
So for the basic
elbow bedazzling, it's 140.
290
00:10:57,238 --> 00:10:59,039
Custom art starts at 250.
291
00:10:59,073 --> 00:11:02,208
I would like
three big-ass diamonds
292
00:11:02,243 --> 00:11:05,478
surrounded by their own set of
tiny-ass diamonds.
293
00:11:05,513 --> 00:11:07,347
That would fall under
our supreme collection.
294
00:11:07,381 --> 00:11:08,348
600.
295
00:11:08,382 --> 00:11:09,616
Thomas, what do you suggest?
296
00:11:09,650 --> 00:11:12,118
Uh...
treat yo' self.
297
00:11:12,153 --> 00:11:13,687
Trish, the gentleman is right.
298
00:11:13,721 --> 00:11:15,422
I'm gonna go ahead
and treat myself.
299
00:11:15,456 --> 00:11:17,557
Lasik for fingernails?
I came up with that.
300
00:11:17,591 --> 00:11:19,559
You want it?
It's 275.
301
00:11:19,593 --> 00:11:21,628
Yeah.
302
00:11:21,662 --> 00:11:23,163
Laser my nails off, please.
303
00:11:23,197 --> 00:11:25,932
We can't bulldoze
our entire history.
304
00:11:25,966 --> 00:11:29,002
We need to preserve the things
that make Pawnee great.
305
00:11:29,036 --> 00:11:30,837
Like JJ's Diner.
306
00:11:32,473 --> 00:11:34,708
Whoa, whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.
307
00:11:34,742 --> 00:11:35,675
Stop the clock.
308
00:11:35,710 --> 00:11:36,910
Oh, speak of the devil.
309
00:11:36,944 --> 00:11:38,812
Ladies and gentlemen,
the devil, Dennis Feinstein.
310
00:11:38,846 --> 00:11:40,647
Whoa, hey, now.
311
00:11:40,681 --> 00:11:41,881
Hang on.
312
00:11:41,916 --> 00:11:43,984
Now, Leslie, I think
everybody's gonna want to hear
313
00:11:44,018 --> 00:11:45,885
what I have to say.
314
00:11:45,920 --> 00:11:47,754
Thank you.
315
00:11:47,788 --> 00:11:49,456
People of Pawnee,
316
00:11:49,490 --> 00:11:51,992
I just came down here
to tell you
317
00:11:52,026 --> 00:11:54,327
how much I appreciate
your passion.
318
00:11:54,362 --> 00:11:56,830
You've been heard,
loud and clear.
319
00:11:56,864 --> 00:11:58,565
You convinced me.
320
00:11:58,599 --> 00:12:00,433
JJ's can stay.
321
00:12:00,468 --> 00:12:01,434
Yeah!
322
00:12:03,671 --> 00:12:06,272
I just have
one more thing to say, Pawnee.
323
00:12:06,307 --> 00:12:07,707
Psych!
324
00:12:07,742 --> 00:12:10,182
Do you think I care about how
much you love this stupid diner?
325
00:12:10,211 --> 00:12:11,644
I bought it for a song,
326
00:12:11,679 --> 00:12:13,280
and I'm gonna sell it
for a mint,
327
00:12:13,314 --> 00:12:14,948
and you can all just sit there,
328
00:12:14,982 --> 00:12:16,683
pulling on your puds.
329
00:12:18,552 --> 00:12:20,153
Oh, yeah.
Give me your boos.
330
00:12:20,187 --> 00:12:22,856
I am nourished by your hatred!
331
00:12:22,890 --> 00:12:24,090
I should also let you know
332
00:12:24,125 --> 00:12:26,126
you're all trespassing
on private property.
333
00:12:26,160 --> 00:12:27,294
Release the hounds!
334
00:12:27,328 --> 00:12:28,628
What hounds?
335
00:12:28,663 --> 00:12:30,397
"The Hounds" as in
FDA-rejected cologne
336
00:12:30,431 --> 00:12:31,498
I've been working on
337
00:12:31,532 --> 00:12:33,533
that makes everything
smell like wet dog.
338
00:12:33,567 --> 00:12:35,235
Make it rain!
339
00:12:43,578 --> 00:12:44,578
Ooh.
340
00:12:44,612 --> 00:12:46,859
I gotta go kill my dad.
Let's go.
341
00:12:47,864 --> 00:12:50,595
I'm sorry, JJ,
that I gave you false hope.
342
00:12:50,630 --> 00:12:53,365
This is a lost cause,
just like my stupid park.
343
00:12:53,399 --> 00:12:56,034
Screw that.
There's gotta be another way.
344
00:12:56,068 --> 00:12:59,004
What if we steal the keys
to Feinstein's building,
345
00:12:59,038 --> 00:13:01,773
break in, and TP his office?
346
00:13:01,808 --> 00:13:02,741
Film the whole thing.
347
00:13:02,775 --> 00:13:04,376
We'd definitely
get on a prank show.
348
00:13:04,410 --> 00:13:06,011
Okay, I love your energy, Andy,
349
00:13:06,045 --> 00:13:08,680
but it's not gonna help us
keep JJ's where it is.
350
00:13:08,714 --> 00:13:10,415
Does it have to
stay where it is?
351
00:13:10,449 --> 00:13:12,451
There's like, a ton of buildings
near where Andy and I live,
352
00:13:12,485 --> 00:13:13,585
and they're all super cheap
353
00:13:13,619 --> 00:13:15,520
because they're empty
and disgusting.
354
00:13:15,555 --> 00:13:16,721
Great.
I'm in.
355
00:13:16,756 --> 00:13:18,824
Anything to get away from
this cologne smell.
356
00:13:18,858 --> 00:13:19,858
Ooh, water makes it worse.
357
00:13:19,892 --> 00:13:20,926
Water makes it worse.
358
00:13:22,095 --> 00:13:24,129
♪ California
knows how to party ♪
359
00:13:24,163 --> 00:13:26,097
This is the hottest restaurant
in L.A.
360
00:13:26,132 --> 00:13:27,999
All the sushi is made from fish
361
00:13:28,034 --> 00:13:29,835
previously owned by celebrities.
362
00:13:29,869 --> 00:13:31,002
Okay.
363
00:13:31,037 --> 00:13:33,238
This is Charlize Theron's
yellowtail.
364
00:13:33,272 --> 00:13:35,173
Here we have
Paul Reiser's salmon.
365
00:13:35,207 --> 00:13:37,943
And Peter Bogdanovich's
saltwater eel.
366
00:13:37,977 --> 00:13:39,411
Enjoy.
367
00:13:39,445 --> 00:13:43,915
Mmm, Bogdano-delish.
368
00:13:43,950 --> 00:13:45,550
Man, you got it bad.
369
00:13:45,585 --> 00:13:47,152
I know you're checking your
phone every five minutes
370
00:13:47,186 --> 00:13:48,653
to see if Lucy will
come with you to my wedding.
371
00:13:48,688 --> 00:13:49,621
I'm sorry.
372
00:13:49,655 --> 00:13:51,122
Hey, I understand.
373
00:13:51,157 --> 00:13:52,390
Which is why
I got you something.
374
00:13:52,425 --> 00:13:54,426
Hey, you're not supposed to
get me anything.
375
00:13:54,460 --> 00:13:55,627
This is your special day.
376
00:13:55,661 --> 00:13:57,562
I didn't buy you anything.
377
00:13:57,597 --> 00:13:59,397
What I have for you is
a piece of advice.
378
00:13:59,432 --> 00:14:00,899
Aw, damn.
I was secretly hoping
379
00:14:00,933 --> 00:14:02,434
you got me the shoes
Jaden Smith wears
380
00:14:02,468 --> 00:14:03,902
in Hitch 2: Son of a Hitch.
381
00:14:03,936 --> 00:14:05,203
My advice to you is,
382
00:14:05,238 --> 00:14:06,204
if you want to be Lucy,
383
00:14:06,239 --> 00:14:07,772
you have to be
up front with her about it.
384
00:14:07,807 --> 00:14:09,474
Be a man and ask her out.
385
00:14:09,509 --> 00:14:10,842
She works for me.
386
00:14:10,877 --> 00:14:13,578
She uprooted her whole life to
move to Pawnee for this job.
387
00:14:13,613 --> 00:14:14,713
I don't want to make it weird.
388
00:14:14,747 --> 00:14:16,047
And what if she says no?
389
00:14:16,082 --> 00:14:17,649
What if I'm the only one
that caught feelings?
390
00:14:17,683 --> 00:14:19,017
You won't know until you ask.
391
00:14:19,051 --> 00:14:22,754
Basically, Tommy, when it comes
to matters of the heart, I say:
392
00:14:22,788 --> 00:14:24,356
Treat yo' self.
393
00:14:24,390 --> 00:14:26,825
Thanks, Donna.
That's a great gift.
394
00:14:26,859 --> 00:14:28,360
I almost forgot.
395
00:14:28,394 --> 00:14:30,462
I did get you them shoes
from Hitch 2!
396
00:14:30,496 --> 00:14:32,497
Oh, snap.
That's an even better gift.
397
00:14:32,531 --> 00:14:33,732
That's not all.
398
00:14:33,766 --> 00:14:36,401
Look behind you,
but don't be obvious.
399
00:14:36,435 --> 00:14:39,804
Can I get the "me"
soft-shell crab?
400
00:14:39,839 --> 00:14:41,006
Josh Groban!
401
00:14:41,040 --> 00:14:42,674
He's eating his own sushi!
402
00:14:42,708 --> 00:14:44,743
That's the most baller thing
I've ever seen.
403
00:14:46,612 --> 00:14:48,980
Welcome to Beachview Terrace,
404
00:14:49,015 --> 00:14:52,284
the sad, unsalvageable,
broken-down armpit of Pawnee.
405
00:14:52,318 --> 00:14:54,786
Yeah, we tried to clean up
this neighborhood so many times.
406
00:14:54,821 --> 00:14:56,054
Nothing's worked.
407
00:14:56,088 --> 00:14:58,089
We sent a street cleaner
through here a few months ago.
408
00:14:58,124 --> 00:14:59,958
Raccoons ate the wheels
right off it.
409
00:14:59,992 --> 00:15:01,860
Councilman Dexhart represents
this district,
410
00:15:01,894 --> 00:15:03,528
and ten years ago
when he was elected,
411
00:15:03,563 --> 00:15:04,729
he promised to clean it up.
412
00:15:04,764 --> 00:15:07,165
Instead, he just gave it
a fancy new name:
413
00:15:07,200 --> 00:15:08,600
Beachview Terrace.
414
00:15:08,634 --> 00:15:10,802
A more accurate name
for this place?
415
00:15:10,837 --> 00:15:14,239
Medical Waste Butt-Sweat Grove.
416
00:15:14,273 --> 00:15:16,875
Hi, sorry I'm late.
417
00:15:16,909 --> 00:15:18,677
We've had this listing
for seven years,
418
00:15:18,711 --> 00:15:20,912
and no one's ever
asked to see it.
419
00:15:20,947 --> 00:15:22,747
I thought this was a prank call.
420
00:15:22,782 --> 00:15:24,649
This place has everything.
421
00:15:24,684 --> 00:15:27,385
Vermin, bullet holes,
a hornets nest.
422
00:15:27,420 --> 00:15:30,722
Look, I appreciate everything
that you guys have done for me,
423
00:15:30,756 --> 00:15:33,425
but even if I put in
the time and the money
424
00:15:33,459 --> 00:15:34,960
to refurbish this trash heap,
425
00:15:34,994 --> 00:15:36,661
it's not gonna
change the fact that
426
00:15:36,696 --> 00:15:39,664
no respectable people live in
this part of town anymore.
427
00:15:39,699 --> 00:15:40,832
Damn straight.
428
00:15:40,866 --> 00:15:43,401
Everything would have to
magically change.
429
00:15:43,436 --> 00:15:45,871
The whole neighborhood would
have to suddenly become safe
430
00:15:45,905 --> 00:15:49,941
and clean and have businesses
and people who dine out.
431
00:15:49,976 --> 00:15:51,610
No, then we'd
have to move again.
432
00:15:51,644 --> 00:15:52,577
Are you thinking...
433
00:15:52,612 --> 00:15:53,578
It's possible.
434
00:15:53,613 --> 00:15:55,413
How would we...
435
00:15:55,448 --> 00:15:57,082
PR.
Which you could then--
436
00:15:57,116 --> 00:15:58,950
Yes, right.
Okay, good.
437
00:15:58,985 --> 00:16:02,254
Guys, we have about five days to
do three months worth of work.
438
00:16:02,288 --> 00:16:03,755
But if we pull it off,
439
00:16:03,790 --> 00:16:05,290
we can rescue JJ's Diner,
440
00:16:05,324 --> 00:16:06,658
we can establish
a new National Park,
441
00:16:06,692 --> 00:16:08,660
and we can save Pawnee forever.
Who's in?
442
00:16:08,694 --> 00:16:09,928
I am.
443
00:16:09,962 --> 00:16:10,962
Oh, my God.
444
00:16:10,997 --> 00:16:11,963
Where'd you come from?
445
00:16:11,998 --> 00:16:14,132
The floor hole.
446
00:16:17,389 --> 00:16:18,456
Hey, how was your trip?
447
00:16:18,490 --> 00:16:19,957
Great, obviously.
448
00:16:19,992 --> 00:16:21,125
Bedazzled that elbow.
449
00:16:21,160 --> 00:16:22,293
How's everything here?
450
00:16:22,327 --> 00:16:23,895
Uneventful.
451
00:16:23,929 --> 00:16:25,730
So, I was thinking about
452
00:16:25,764 --> 00:16:27,498
the idea of
going to Donna's wedding.
453
00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:29,801
Wait.
Before you say anything,
454
00:16:29,835 --> 00:16:31,536
I don't think you should
go to Donna's wedding
455
00:16:31,570 --> 00:16:32,737
to supervise catering.
Oh.
456
00:16:32,771 --> 00:16:35,440
I want you to come with me
as my date.
457
00:16:35,474 --> 00:16:37,442
Oh.
The thing is, you work for me,
458
00:16:37,476 --> 00:16:40,044
so it's probably kind of
uncool for me to even ask.
459
00:16:40,079 --> 00:16:42,447
Which is why
I signed these documents
460
00:16:42,481 --> 00:16:45,116
transferring day-to-day
operations of Tom's Bistro
461
00:16:45,150 --> 00:16:46,150
over to Craig.
462
00:16:46,185 --> 00:16:47,285
He'll be your boss now.
Not me.
463
00:16:47,319 --> 00:16:48,853
It's about time.
464
00:16:48,887 --> 00:16:51,689
We're losing the cranberry
salad, effective immediately.
465
00:16:51,723 --> 00:16:53,224
You don't have to do this.
466
00:16:53,258 --> 00:16:54,192
Yeah, I do.
467
00:16:54,226 --> 00:16:55,259
You're great at your job,
468
00:16:55,294 --> 00:16:56,327
and I want you
working here forever,
469
00:16:56,362 --> 00:16:57,628
and if you don't have
feelings for me,
470
00:16:57,663 --> 00:17:01,499
I need you to know that
everything is gonna be fine.
471
00:17:01,533 --> 00:17:02,967
In fact, forget it.
472
00:17:03,001 --> 00:17:03,968
I wasn't even serious.
473
00:17:04,002 --> 00:17:04,969
You've been hoaxed.
474
00:17:05,004 --> 00:17:05,937
You've been Tommy'ed.
475
00:17:05,971 --> 00:17:06,904
Just, hold on.
476
00:17:06,939 --> 00:17:08,272
I was gonna say that
477
00:17:08,307 --> 00:17:10,174
I wouldn't want to go with you
as friends.
478
00:17:10,209 --> 00:17:13,111
I want to go with you
as your date.
479
00:17:13,145 --> 00:17:14,078
Oh.
480
00:17:14,113 --> 00:17:15,613
Cool.
481
00:17:15,647 --> 00:17:16,814
Craig, never mind.
482
00:17:16,849 --> 00:17:18,216
We can rip these papers up.
483
00:17:18,250 --> 00:17:20,385
Well, I wish my reign had
lasted longer,
484
00:17:20,419 --> 00:17:21,753
but I'm happy with
the decisions I made
485
00:17:21,787 --> 00:17:23,021
and the people I fired.
486
00:17:23,055 --> 00:17:25,023
Oh, God.
I better get back there.
487
00:17:26,291 --> 00:17:27,759
You guys, I don't know what
this is about,
488
00:17:27,793 --> 00:17:30,661
but it's 4:13,
so you got seven minutes.
489
00:17:30,696 --> 00:17:33,698
Well, we just wanted to
introduce you to the new home
490
00:17:33,732 --> 00:17:36,134
of the Gryzzl campus.
491
00:17:36,168 --> 00:17:37,468
Are you tripping?
492
00:17:37,503 --> 00:17:40,805
We just spent $125 million
493
00:17:40,839 --> 00:17:43,341
to build our new campus in the
Southern Indiana Foothills.
494
00:17:43,375 --> 00:17:46,010
And you'll be spending another
100 million, at least,
495
00:17:46,044 --> 00:17:49,447
to construct the building,
roads, plumbing, electrical.
496
00:17:49,481 --> 00:17:51,916
Whereas here
at Beachview Terrace,
497
00:17:51,950 --> 00:17:54,685
you can take over
five entire square blocks
498
00:17:54,720 --> 00:17:56,788
of historic Pawnee.
499
00:17:56,822 --> 00:17:58,222
Here's a complete proposal
500
00:17:58,257 --> 00:18:00,825
for Gryzzl's new regional
corporate headquarters.
501
00:18:00,859 --> 00:18:02,360
Is this paper?
502
00:18:02,394 --> 00:18:04,262
Oh, super throwback.
503
00:18:04,296 --> 00:18:06,264
My company inspected
all the buildings.
504
00:18:06,298 --> 00:18:07,632
They are disgusting,
I grant you,
505
00:18:07,666 --> 00:18:09,167
but the guts are solid.
506
00:18:09,201 --> 00:18:10,735
We've laid out
construction costs,
507
00:18:10,769 --> 00:18:12,403
retail space options.
508
00:18:12,438 --> 00:18:14,672
You could build a much bigger
campus in this neighborhood,
509
00:18:14,707 --> 00:18:16,107
and basically break even.
510
00:18:16,141 --> 00:18:19,510
Plus, the best part, all the
buildings come pre-graffitied.
511
00:18:19,545 --> 00:18:22,380
That's true.
We wouldn't have to hire Banksy.
512
00:18:22,414 --> 00:18:26,551
Okay, but we spent hella skrilla
on this trill forest,
513
00:18:26,585 --> 00:18:28,653
so, what are we supposed to do
with that?
514
00:18:28,687 --> 00:18:30,588
Here's a far-out idea
515
00:18:30,623 --> 00:18:33,925
that just came to
the top of my branium:
516
00:18:33,959 --> 00:18:37,795
why don't you donate that land
to the National Parks Service?
517
00:18:37,830 --> 00:18:39,530
That would be pretty dope.
518
00:18:39,565 --> 00:18:41,366
And you could get some
baller tax breaks
519
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,569
that could help you with that
mad stank construction cost--
520
00:18:44,603 --> 00:18:45,803
I don't know, I'm sorry.
I can't...
521
00:18:45,838 --> 00:18:47,071
I can't say those words.
You don't have to.
522
00:18:47,106 --> 00:18:49,474
Okay, but why couldn't we just
build the campus here,
523
00:18:49,508 --> 00:18:51,476
and then keep the land
or sell it?
524
00:18:51,510 --> 00:18:54,779
You could, but donating it
will give you some good PR,
525
00:18:54,813 --> 00:18:56,281
which you desperately need.
526
00:18:56,315 --> 00:18:58,916
I mean, look, we are glad
that you picked Pawnee,
527
00:18:58,951 --> 00:19:01,919
but if you're gonna
set up shop here,
528
00:19:01,954 --> 00:19:04,088
you need to make
a covenant with the city.
529
00:19:04,123 --> 00:19:06,124
Show people that
you're invested in this town.
530
00:19:06,158 --> 00:19:10,395
Start by cleaning up
one part of Pawnee
531
00:19:10,429 --> 00:19:12,697
and preserving the other.
532
00:19:12,731 --> 00:19:14,399
Okay, well, I gotta
talk to my board,
533
00:19:14,433 --> 00:19:16,501
as well as
our chief legal counsel,
534
00:19:16,535 --> 00:19:18,102
and our senior advisory team.
535
00:19:18,137 --> 00:19:19,437
And--and truthfully,
536
00:19:19,471 --> 00:19:21,939
they're all shrooming super hard
at Coachella right now.
537
00:19:21,974 --> 00:19:23,407
But as soon as they get back,
I'll get into it.
538
00:19:25,144 --> 00:19:28,379
We gotta go.
I'm sorry, we got a meeting.
539
00:19:28,414 --> 00:19:29,914
Uh, I'll catch you guys later.
540
00:19:29,949 --> 00:19:31,349
I've got a meeting as well.
541
00:19:31,383 --> 00:19:32,717
See you back at the house.
542
00:19:32,751 --> 00:19:35,186
Andy has a meeting?
543
00:19:35,220 --> 00:19:36,487
Upload it to my GryzzlGlass.
544
00:19:36,522 --> 00:19:37,622
Left eye.
545
00:19:37,656 --> 00:19:38,723
I'm watching porn
with my right eye.
546
00:19:38,757 --> 00:19:41,959
Whoa.
547
00:19:41,994 --> 00:19:44,395
Who...did...this?
548
00:19:46,265 --> 00:19:47,465
We did.
549
00:19:47,499 --> 00:19:51,202
One way or another, Jonathan
Karate always gets his man.
550
00:19:51,236 --> 00:19:52,837
And like that,
551
00:19:52,871 --> 00:19:54,338
they were gone.
552
00:19:55,808 --> 00:19:58,309
Go!
553
00:19:58,344 --> 00:19:59,844
Wait, where's--
hey, guys, where's Gavin?
554
00:19:59,878 --> 00:20:00,912
Gav--wait, stop.
555
00:20:00,946 --> 00:20:01,913
There were supposed to be
six ninjas.
556
00:20:01,947 --> 00:20:03,181
Where's Gavin?
Gavin?
557
00:20:03,215 --> 00:20:04,816
Who was Gavin's buddy?
Caleb?
558
00:20:04,850 --> 00:20:06,651
Come on, dude, why do we even
have a buddy system?
559
00:20:06,685 --> 00:20:07,785
Is he in the bathroom?
560
00:20:07,820 --> 00:20:08,753
You need to tell me if
Gavin is pooping.
561
00:20:09,788 --> 00:20:10,755
No, do not laugh, okay?
562
00:20:10,789 --> 00:20:11,989
You're not even Caleb.
563
00:20:12,024 --> 00:20:13,257
You're Gavin.
You're Caleb.
564
00:20:13,292 --> 00:20:14,532
If you're Caleb, where's Hunter?
565
00:20:14,560 --> 00:20:16,160
Hunter?
Hunter?
566
00:20:16,195 --> 00:20:17,528
Okay, who was Hunter's buddy?
567
00:20:17,563 --> 00:20:19,364
Hmm?
568
00:20:19,398 --> 00:20:21,232
Oh, I was.
569
00:20:21,266 --> 00:20:22,900
Oh, crap.
570
00:20:22,935 --> 00:20:24,168
Oh, Dennis, what a mess.
571
00:20:24,203 --> 00:20:27,238
You have 30 seconds to
get out of this facility.
572
00:20:27,273 --> 00:20:28,354
I don't know, Ron.
573
00:20:28,374 --> 00:20:29,540
I mean, it's been a week.
574
00:20:29,575 --> 00:20:31,609
It might not work.
575
00:20:31,643 --> 00:20:32,610
It'll work.
576
00:20:32,644 --> 00:20:33,945
What if it doesn't?
577
00:20:33,979 --> 00:20:35,280
What if we did all that research
578
00:20:35,314 --> 00:20:37,382
and handed Gryzzl
a fully-formed plan
579
00:20:37,416 --> 00:20:38,983
to revitalize
an entire neighborhood
580
00:20:39,017 --> 00:20:41,119
and build a new National Park,
581
00:20:41,153 --> 00:20:42,553
and their board still says no?
582
00:20:42,588 --> 00:20:44,589
Then you'll be secure
in the knowledge
583
00:20:44,623 --> 00:20:47,191
that you gave it your best shot.
584
00:20:47,226 --> 00:20:49,360
But I do really think
they will go for it.
585
00:20:49,395 --> 00:20:50,995
What makes you so confident?
586
00:20:51,030 --> 00:20:54,532
A wise woman once told me that
whenever you and I team up,
587
00:20:54,566 --> 00:20:56,200
good things happen.
588
00:20:56,235 --> 00:20:58,202
Also,
they called three hours ago,
589
00:20:58,237 --> 00:20:59,704
they approved the plan,
590
00:20:59,738 --> 00:21:02,273
and asked me to begin drawings
for the renovation.
591
00:21:03,976 --> 00:21:05,469
You jerk.
592
00:21:05,770 --> 00:21:09,986
You sat on that news and let me
stew here for three hours?
593
00:21:10,106 --> 00:21:11,745
- Yep.
- You jerk!
594
00:21:11,865 --> 00:21:13,329
We did it!
You jerk!
595
00:21:13,449 --> 00:21:14,751
- We did it!
- Yep.
596
00:21:14,871 --> 00:21:15,996
Congratulations!
597
00:21:18,354 --> 00:21:20,981
- I do not aprove of this.
- Don't care.