1 00:00:03,646 --> 00:00:05,846 Okay, so the central question that these senators 2 00:00:05,848 --> 00:00:07,047 Are going to be asking is, 3 00:00:07,049 --> 00:00:09,249 "why should we invest in the national parks service?" 4 00:00:09,251 --> 00:00:11,185 - April - well, it is simple, leslie. 5 00:00:11,187 --> 00:00:12,820 In today's fast-paced society, 6 00:00:12,822 --> 00:00:14,688 National parks are still the best place 7 00:00:14,690 --> 00:00:17,024 For full moon werewolf transformations. 8 00:00:17,026 --> 00:00:18,092 I know you're kidding. 9 00:00:18,094 --> 00:00:19,627 But I also know that you're prepared 10 00:00:19,629 --> 00:00:21,161 And we are going to do great. 11 00:00:21,163 --> 00:00:22,763 How psyched are you about this trip? 12 00:00:22,765 --> 00:00:25,332 April, are you super psyched? 13 00:00:25,334 --> 00:00:27,968 Yeah. Also you have lipstick on your teeth. 14 00:00:27,970 --> 00:00:29,737 I do? Mm, okay. Good looking out. 15 00:00:29,739 --> 00:00:30,938 We're a great team. 16 00:00:30,940 --> 00:00:32,673 Well, I never thought I'd say this, 17 00:00:32,675 --> 00:00:35,309 But I think I know what's going on in your head. 18 00:00:35,311 --> 00:00:38,345 Oh, well then, welcome to the terror dome. 19 00:00:38,347 --> 00:00:41,348 Okay, you need to tell leslie that you want to leave your job. 20 00:00:41,350 --> 00:00:44,351 No. She freaks out when anything changes. 21 00:00:44,353 --> 00:00:46,420 One time andy told her that I was getting rid of my bangs 22 00:00:46,422 --> 00:00:47,921 And she called 9-1-1. 23 00:00:47,923 --> 00:00:49,790 Okay, well, I can't keep your secret much longer. 24 00:00:49,792 --> 00:00:51,825 Anytime your name comes up, I panic 25 00:00:51,827 --> 00:00:54,094 And change the subject to the twin peaks reboot 26 00:00:54,096 --> 00:00:55,295 'til she gets bored. 27 00:00:55,297 --> 00:00:56,797 So you talk for one second? 28 00:00:56,799 --> 00:00:58,666 You're gonna spend the next couple days with her. 29 00:00:58,668 --> 00:01:00,768 If you talk to her directly and honestly, 30 00:01:00,770 --> 00:01:03,037 She can be surprisingly open-minded. 31 00:01:03,039 --> 00:01:04,271 Oh, really? Oh, okay. 32 00:01:04,273 --> 00:01:06,340 Hey, leslie, um, I was thinking about changing 33 00:01:06,342 --> 00:01:07,941 The font on the itineraries. 34 00:01:07,943 --> 00:01:08,976 What do you think? 35 00:01:08,978 --> 00:01:10,277 What? Why? 36 00:01:10,279 --> 00:01:12,413 On what grounds? Those--those fonts are perfect. 37 00:01:12,415 --> 00:01:15,015 It's readable and compact, it's all on one page. 38 00:01:15,017 --> 00:01:16,917 That's insane. [laughs] don't mess with that. 39 00:01:16,919 --> 00:01:18,952 I mean, I appreciate your initiative, 40 00:01:18,954 --> 00:01:22,790 But itineraries are not the right place to mess around. 41 00:01:22,792 --> 00:01:26,827 Yeah. April, I told you, that was an absurd idea. 42 00:01:26,829 --> 00:01:29,830 [triumphant music] 43 00:01:29,832 --> 00:01:37,838 ♪ ♪ 44 00:01:47,415 --> 00:01:49,149 I don't care what ben says. 45 00:01:49,151 --> 00:01:51,018 I'm not going to tell leslie I'm leaving my job 46 00:01:51,020 --> 00:01:53,754 On this trip. She'll drown me in the potomac... 47 00:01:53,756 --> 00:01:55,789 While she recites facts about the potomac. 48 00:01:55,791 --> 00:01:58,192 Well don't fret, cookie. We've made progress, haven't we? 49 00:01:58,194 --> 00:02:00,360 We got a whole list of all the things you need 50 00:02:00,362 --> 00:02:01,929 Out of a new job. 51 00:02:01,931 --> 00:02:04,832 Apple juice, barbeque sauce, 52 00:02:04,834 --> 00:02:06,233 Count chocula-- wait. 53 00:02:06,235 --> 00:02:08,168 Oh, sorry, that's the list of cool new nicknames 54 00:02:08,170 --> 00:02:09,203 I want people to call me. 55 00:02:09,205 --> 00:02:11,071 - Here's your list. - [groans] 56 00:02:11,073 --> 00:02:12,172 How can I tell her I'm leaving 57 00:02:12,174 --> 00:02:14,174 When I don't even know what job I want? 58 00:02:14,176 --> 00:02:16,977 Babe, I wish you were coming with me. 59 00:02:16,979 --> 00:02:18,445 I just decided what I am going to do 60 00:02:18,447 --> 00:02:19,947 While April is out of town. 61 00:02:19,949 --> 00:02:22,850 I'm going to round up the team and find her a new job. 62 00:02:22,852 --> 00:02:24,418 Yeah, ben wyatt please? 63 00:02:24,420 --> 00:02:28,789 Tell him it's count chocula. 64 00:02:28,791 --> 00:02:31,358 Uh, no it's andrew dwyer. I'm sorry. 65 00:02:31,360 --> 00:02:33,026 So April wants to leave? 66 00:02:33,028 --> 00:02:36,764 [laughs] I always knew she would tire of government. 67 00:02:36,766 --> 00:02:37,898 Took long enough. 68 00:02:37,900 --> 00:02:38,932 Well, both me and ben 69 00:02:38,934 --> 00:02:40,334 Are trying to help April find a new job, 70 00:02:40,336 --> 00:02:42,002 And we thought maybe she could work for you. 71 00:02:42,004 --> 00:02:45,038 I feel like it would be a perfect fit. 72 00:02:45,040 --> 00:02:47,775 Although, I don't know exactly what you guys do here. 73 00:02:47,777 --> 00:02:50,544 I'm guessing... 74 00:02:50,546 --> 00:02:51,912 It's a business? 75 00:02:51,914 --> 00:02:54,314 Assassins? Hit men? 76 00:02:54,316 --> 00:02:56,383 Doctors. You guys are doctors. 77 00:02:56,385 --> 00:02:58,252 We build things. 78 00:02:58,254 --> 00:03:00,287 Come on, let me show you around. 79 00:03:00,289 --> 00:03:05,025 This is a door. These, of course, are walls. 80 00:03:05,027 --> 00:03:07,060 What else? What else? Ah! 81 00:03:07,062 --> 00:03:09,163 Meet our vice president, don swanson. 82 00:03:09,165 --> 00:03:10,464 Don, this is andrew and benjamin. 83 00:03:10,466 --> 00:03:11,965 Pleasure to meet you. 84 00:03:11,967 --> 00:03:14,802 Is this your brother? 85 00:03:14,804 --> 00:03:17,171 You have a brother. 86 00:03:17,173 --> 00:03:19,306 No. 87 00:03:19,308 --> 00:03:22,876 Fine. Yes. I suppose the cat's out of the bag. 88 00:03:22,878 --> 00:03:25,813 I have a brother. One brother. 89 00:03:25,815 --> 00:03:27,447 All those years together at the parks department 90 00:03:27,449 --> 00:03:29,183 And you never told us you had a brother. 91 00:03:29,185 --> 00:03:30,317 You worked at the parks department? 92 00:03:30,319 --> 00:03:32,085 Tour's over! 93 00:03:32,087 --> 00:03:36,156 Okay. Carry-on bag's packed. Trashy magazines purchased. 94 00:03:36,158 --> 00:03:39,426 Boarding passes in hand, and we have 26 minutes 95 00:03:39,428 --> 00:03:41,261 For unstructured chat time. 96 00:03:41,263 --> 00:03:42,329 What do you want to talk about? 97 00:03:42,331 --> 00:03:44,932 I don't know. Nothing. 98 00:03:44,934 --> 00:03:47,034 I thought maybe we could talk about your future. 99 00:03:47,036 --> 00:03:49,870 Wanna talk about your future? 100 00:03:49,872 --> 00:03:52,306 Yeah. I've actually been thinking about that 101 00:03:52,308 --> 00:03:54,007 - A lot lately. - Yeah, I figured. 102 00:03:54,009 --> 00:03:56,410 It's hard, at your age, to figure out your path. 103 00:03:56,412 --> 00:03:57,845 - I know. - Yeah. 104 00:03:57,847 --> 00:03:59,413 I was gonna surprise you with this in washington, 105 00:03:59,415 --> 00:04:00,447 But, you know, what the heck? 106 00:04:00,449 --> 00:04:02,182 It's unstructured chat time. 107 00:04:02,184 --> 00:04:05,052 So... Ta-da! 108 00:04:05,054 --> 00:04:07,888 This is your clear, definitive path 109 00:04:07,890 --> 00:04:09,056 Through the federal government. 110 00:04:09,058 --> 00:04:11,892 It starts here today with this flight 111 00:04:11,894 --> 00:04:13,894 And it goes all the way to 2022. 112 00:04:13,896 --> 00:04:15,095 Cool, right? 113 00:04:15,097 --> 00:04:17,130 Wow. This is intense. 114 00:04:17,132 --> 00:04:18,932 I had to make some guesses about 115 00:04:18,934 --> 00:04:20,534 Your ultimate government objectives 116 00:04:20,536 --> 00:04:22,502 And your fashion choices, etcetera, 117 00:04:22,504 --> 00:04:24,371 But the point is with this 118 00:04:24,373 --> 00:04:25,973 You don't have to worry. 119 00:04:25,975 --> 00:04:28,609 I know! I feel so relaxed. 120 00:04:28,611 --> 00:04:30,010 Yeah! I know! 121 00:04:30,012 --> 00:04:32,512 What's up with these shirts? 122 00:04:32,514 --> 00:04:33,947 Gov buds for life? 123 00:04:33,949 --> 00:04:36,049 Just a little fun I was having, you know? 124 00:04:36,051 --> 00:04:38,919 I didn't really make the shirts. 125 00:04:38,921 --> 00:04:40,087 But did you though? 126 00:04:40,089 --> 00:04:42,556 Yes, I did! 127 00:04:42,558 --> 00:04:44,958 Ha-ha! Ta-da! 128 00:04:46,127 --> 00:04:49,196 Oh, and also, I have a middle seat. 129 00:04:49,198 --> 00:04:52,633 April! Group one is boarding! 130 00:04:55,070 --> 00:04:57,671 Break it down. What will she be doing at this job? 131 00:04:57,673 --> 00:04:59,473 Well, she'd have about six people reporting to her. 132 00:04:59,475 --> 00:05:01,608 And if she started soon, she could project manage 133 00:05:01,610 --> 00:05:03,410 Our new warehouse in snerling. 134 00:05:03,412 --> 00:05:05,545 Get to be my own boss. So far, so good. 135 00:05:05,547 --> 00:05:09,616 She also wants passionate interest in subject matter. 136 00:05:09,618 --> 00:05:12,352 So, what kind of building is it? 137 00:05:12,354 --> 00:05:14,054 It's a large scale storage unit 138 00:05:14,056 --> 00:05:15,656 For surplus vinyl sheeting. 139 00:05:15,658 --> 00:05:19,192 Okay. So that's, uh, boring. 140 00:05:19,194 --> 00:05:21,194 Would she have an opportunity to practice 141 00:05:21,196 --> 00:05:23,196 Any creative problem solving? 142 00:05:23,198 --> 00:05:27,167 Creativity is for people with glasses who like to lie. 143 00:05:27,169 --> 00:05:30,203 Although, I suppose she could use creative ways 144 00:05:30,205 --> 00:05:32,673 To organize and stack the vinyl sheeting. 145 00:05:32,675 --> 00:05:34,241 No, that's insane. 146 00:05:34,243 --> 00:05:37,010 We use the towsend method. It's tried and true. 147 00:05:37,012 --> 00:05:38,578 I think this might be a dead end. 148 00:05:38,580 --> 00:05:40,280 I think you might be right. 149 00:05:40,282 --> 00:05:42,115 But getting a good person out of government 150 00:05:42,117 --> 00:05:43,717 Is a worthwhile endeavor. 151 00:05:43,719 --> 00:05:46,320 I will help, but first I'm gonna need some grub. 152 00:05:46,322 --> 00:05:48,622 Ooh, yeah! Let's grab some lunch and some ice cream! 153 00:05:48,624 --> 00:05:50,424 Then maybe some after ice cream tacos? 154 00:05:50,426 --> 00:05:52,392 We'll just brainstorm and maybe grab some snacks. 155 00:05:52,394 --> 00:05:53,694 Vaughn, lon. 156 00:05:53,696 --> 00:05:54,995 Both: Ron. 157 00:05:58,166 --> 00:06:00,200 Okay, I think we're all set. 158 00:06:00,202 --> 00:06:01,568 Even though I'm taking the lead on these meetings, 159 00:06:01,570 --> 00:06:03,136 - Don't be afraid to jump in. - Copy that. 160 00:06:03,138 --> 00:06:05,505 April, when randy brings up the river project, 161 00:06:05,507 --> 00:06:07,741 - That is your cue to-- - distract the guards 162 00:06:07,743 --> 00:06:11,078 So the hamburglar can make his escape. 163 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:13,280 We're meeting with a lot of senators today. 164 00:06:13,282 --> 00:06:14,481 - Is she going to be okay? - Yeah. 165 00:06:14,483 --> 00:06:17,217 It's just April. Trust me. 166 00:06:17,219 --> 00:06:19,987 And we hope you agree that this is the best plan 167 00:06:19,989 --> 00:06:21,154 To preserve national parks' funding 168 00:06:21,156 --> 00:06:22,723 Into the next decade. 169 00:06:22,725 --> 00:06:24,224 Well, so leslie, what do you think? 170 00:06:24,226 --> 00:06:25,726 Is--is this the right move? 171 00:06:25,728 --> 00:06:27,761 Well, I think it's the only move, senator boxer. 172 00:06:27,763 --> 00:06:31,064 I don't think this chance is gonna come around again. 173 00:06:31,066 --> 00:06:33,500 Well, you know, if it's good with leslie, 174 00:06:33,502 --> 00:06:35,235 It's good with me. 175 00:06:35,237 --> 00:06:37,037 Well, I have another great idea. 176 00:06:37,039 --> 00:06:39,206 How about you and me, April, randy, 177 00:06:39,208 --> 00:06:41,241 Historical lamp posts of d.C.? 178 00:06:41,243 --> 00:06:43,543 Walking tour starts in 15 minutes. 179 00:06:43,545 --> 00:06:45,078 Sounds great, but, uh, 180 00:06:45,080 --> 00:06:48,181 I do have an appointment with the president. 181 00:06:48,183 --> 00:06:49,349 Can we come? 182 00:06:50,485 --> 00:06:51,651 What kind of a business is this? 183 00:06:51,653 --> 00:06:54,688 Is it like hit men or astronauts? 184 00:06:54,690 --> 00:06:56,790 It's an accounting firm. 185 00:06:56,792 --> 00:06:59,159 But they recently opened up a consulting wing. 186 00:06:59,161 --> 00:07:00,694 And consulting is perfect for April. 187 00:07:00,696 --> 00:07:02,763 You think this barney fellow will listen 188 00:07:02,765 --> 00:07:04,231 To what we have to say? 189 00:07:04,233 --> 00:07:06,133 Ben! Ben is here! 190 00:07:06,135 --> 00:07:07,567 Hi, ben! 191 00:07:07,569 --> 00:07:09,503 Ted! Ben is here! 192 00:07:09,505 --> 00:07:13,440 Hey, it is actuarially very good to see you guys. 193 00:07:13,442 --> 00:07:15,709 Aah! Ha ha! 194 00:07:15,711 --> 00:07:17,110 Ben! 195 00:07:17,112 --> 00:07:20,147 - They like me here. - You gotta hear this! 196 00:07:21,582 --> 00:07:23,083 So we think we can keep costs down 197 00:07:23,085 --> 00:07:24,551 And still meet deadlines. 198 00:07:24,553 --> 00:07:26,153 You know, I have to say I'm really impressed 199 00:07:26,155 --> 00:07:28,221 With what you guys are doing over at interior. 200 00:07:28,223 --> 00:07:29,356 Thank you, senator gillibrand, 201 00:07:29,358 --> 00:07:30,524 We really appreciate your support. 202 00:07:30,526 --> 00:07:32,359 Would you mind signing a copy of your book? 203 00:07:32,361 --> 00:07:33,660 Oh, of course, of course. 204 00:07:33,662 --> 00:07:36,129 All you have to do is sign. 205 00:07:36,131 --> 00:07:38,799 "to leslie, my inspiration, my muse, 206 00:07:38,801 --> 00:07:41,268 My partner in crime. I owe it all to you." 207 00:07:41,270 --> 00:07:43,537 And there's room for a p.S. If you feel 208 00:07:43,539 --> 00:07:45,272 There's more you left out. 209 00:07:45,274 --> 00:07:47,674 Well, I think I've said all I wanna say right here. 210 00:07:47,676 --> 00:07:49,509 - Okay. - Okay. 211 00:07:49,511 --> 00:07:51,611 Yeah, well, I can't do that right now. 212 00:07:51,613 --> 00:07:54,247 Oh, boy. I'll call you back. 213 00:07:54,249 --> 00:07:56,383 Hello, senator. Do you have a minute to chat? 214 00:07:56,385 --> 00:07:57,818 Oh, I can't right now. I've got a meeting. 215 00:07:57,820 --> 00:07:59,686 Well, actually, I checked with your staff 216 00:07:59,688 --> 00:08:02,322 And they said that you have a free half hour. 217 00:08:02,324 --> 00:08:03,757 Did anyone ever tell you 218 00:08:03,759 --> 00:08:06,293 That your tenacity can be intimidating? 219 00:08:06,295 --> 00:08:08,495 Yes. Every month of my life since fourth grade. 220 00:08:08,497 --> 00:08:10,497 Now, let's talk about national parks. 221 00:08:10,499 --> 00:08:12,833 Well, I just have to say I'm very surprised 222 00:08:12,835 --> 00:08:15,635 That the two of you are seeing eye to eye on this one. 223 00:08:15,637 --> 00:08:17,437 Well, senator buckner and I are both concerned 224 00:08:17,439 --> 00:08:19,506 About our nation's resources. 225 00:08:19,508 --> 00:08:21,842 And that absolutely includes our national parks. 226 00:08:21,844 --> 00:08:24,111 But that's not all we have in common. 227 00:08:24,113 --> 00:08:27,514 In fact, our real passion is... 228 00:08:27,516 --> 00:08:30,484 Both: Polynesian folk music. 229 00:08:30,486 --> 00:08:32,119 W--what? 230 00:08:32,121 --> 00:08:33,386 Polynesian folk music. 231 00:08:33,388 --> 00:08:35,288 Our band is playing in georgetown tonight 232 00:08:35,290 --> 00:08:36,590 If you'd like to come. 233 00:08:36,592 --> 00:08:38,792 We're called "across the isle." 234 00:08:38,794 --> 00:08:40,794 Did you get that? Aisle? Isle? 235 00:08:40,796 --> 00:08:43,230 Like an island and then across the aisle, 236 00:08:43,232 --> 00:08:44,397 The political aisle. 237 00:08:44,399 --> 00:08:46,399 It's like a pun. It's a play on words. 238 00:08:46,401 --> 00:08:47,601 - I do get it. - Are you sure? 239 00:08:47,603 --> 00:08:48,835 We are definitely coming to this. 240 00:08:48,837 --> 00:08:51,371 It's $8.00 if you buy your tickets now. 241 00:08:51,373 --> 00:08:52,639 It's $10.00 at the door. 242 00:08:52,641 --> 00:08:55,509 Fiscal conservative. Love this guy. 243 00:08:55,511 --> 00:08:56,510 - Love this guy. - Yeah. 244 00:08:56,512 --> 00:08:58,712 April ludgate dwyer. 245 00:08:58,714 --> 00:09:00,247 She worked on the gryzzl deal 246 00:09:00,249 --> 00:09:01,882 That you guys did the finances for. 247 00:09:01,884 --> 00:09:04,784 Now, I know that you're opening up a consulting wing, 248 00:09:04,786 --> 00:09:07,521 And we just think that April would be a great hire. 249 00:09:07,523 --> 00:09:09,723 Yeah, and here's the thing, barney. 250 00:09:09,725 --> 00:09:11,925 We're obviously very familiar with what consulting is 251 00:09:11,927 --> 00:09:15,595 Because I don't think that they know. 252 00:09:15,597 --> 00:09:18,798 Well, it's really about finding creative solutions 253 00:09:18,800 --> 00:09:21,168 To difficult problems. 254 00:09:21,170 --> 00:09:24,504 Now, a lot of times there's firings, so... 255 00:09:24,506 --> 00:09:27,307 Consultants aren't exactly well liked. 256 00:09:27,309 --> 00:09:29,576 Holy crap. This is the job for her, I can feel it. 257 00:09:29,578 --> 00:09:31,311 She'll take it! Now let's talk perks. 258 00:09:31,313 --> 00:09:32,712 Does she get the summers off? Is it like school? 259 00:09:32,714 --> 00:09:34,314 - Son, easy. - Well, 260 00:09:34,316 --> 00:09:35,849 What did she major in? 261 00:09:35,851 --> 00:09:37,951 Economics? Accounting? 262 00:09:37,953 --> 00:09:39,753 She designed her own major. 263 00:09:39,755 --> 00:09:42,522 - "Halloween studies." - trust me, barney. 264 00:09:42,524 --> 00:09:45,358 She's brilliant and a very fast learner. 265 00:09:45,360 --> 00:09:48,428 Does that, uh, compound your interests? 266 00:09:48,430 --> 00:09:49,963 - [laughs] - huh? 267 00:09:49,965 --> 00:09:51,598 - Ha ha! 268 00:09:51,600 --> 00:09:53,967 So what do you say? Huh, barney? 269 00:09:53,969 --> 00:09:56,803 - Oh, ben, that was amazing. - Thank you. 270 00:09:56,805 --> 00:09:58,939 But it's too late for her to apply. 271 00:09:58,941 --> 00:10:01,942 I'm sorry but we're not really taking any more applicants. 272 00:10:01,944 --> 00:10:06,546 Though I could make an exception for someone else. 273 00:10:06,548 --> 00:10:08,515 Not interested. 274 00:10:08,517 --> 00:10:10,717 (leslie) okay, so five yeses and four nos. 275 00:10:10,719 --> 00:10:12,452 Not a bad start. 276 00:10:12,454 --> 00:10:16,423 In a few weeks, but mike norbert is retiring. 277 00:10:16,425 --> 00:10:19,659 Oh, really? 'ol norbs is stepping down. 278 00:10:19,661 --> 00:10:21,761 Couldn't handle the pressure, huh? What a wuss. 279 00:10:21,763 --> 00:10:23,230 His marriage is falling apart. 280 00:10:23,232 --> 00:10:24,698 Oh--oh, okay. 281 00:10:24,700 --> 00:10:25,932 She had an affair with his best friend. 282 00:10:25,934 --> 00:10:27,567 Ooh, okay, I feel bad about what I said before. 283 00:10:27,569 --> 00:10:28,602 Yeah, I get it, I get it. 284 00:10:28,604 --> 00:10:30,403 So, anyway, the good news for you is 285 00:10:30,405 --> 00:10:31,605 We'd like to promote you to deputy director 286 00:10:31,607 --> 00:10:34,808 Of operations and interior. 287 00:10:34,810 --> 00:10:36,276 Wow. 288 00:10:36,278 --> 00:10:37,944 You'd have to move to d.C. And you have to complete 289 00:10:37,946 --> 00:10:40,513 The senior executive service candidate development program. 290 00:10:40,515 --> 00:10:41,815 I have to enroll in s.E.S.C.D.P.? 291 00:10:41,817 --> 00:10:44,551 44 weeks of intensive courses and note taking? 292 00:10:44,553 --> 00:10:46,987 Um, it's a dream come true. 293 00:10:46,989 --> 00:10:49,022 And I have to warn you, there'll be a confirmation hearing. 294 00:10:49,024 --> 00:10:51,424 A confirmation hearing? A freaking confirmation hearing? 295 00:10:51,426 --> 00:10:52,926 Excuse me a second. 296 00:10:52,928 --> 00:10:54,394 What's that? Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. 297 00:10:54,396 --> 00:10:56,529 Um, to the best of my recollection, 298 00:10:56,531 --> 00:10:58,531 Yes, I accept the job. 299 00:10:58,533 --> 00:10:59,833 Oh, excuse me, ma'am? 300 00:10:59,835 --> 00:11:01,401 Do you mind if I borrow your hat? 301 00:11:01,403 --> 00:11:03,036 I just want to throw it up in the air victoriously. 302 00:11:03,038 --> 00:11:04,738 - No. - Ma'am! 303 00:11:06,841 --> 00:11:08,642 I think that job's perfect for April. 304 00:11:08,644 --> 00:11:10,677 We just have to convince barney to give her a shot. 305 00:11:10,679 --> 00:11:12,779 I mean, first problem, she's not as qualified 306 00:11:12,781 --> 00:11:14,014 As the other applicants. 307 00:11:14,016 --> 00:11:16,316 Simple solution. I break into her college 308 00:11:16,318 --> 00:11:18,818 And I change her degree to accounting. Easy. 309 00:11:18,820 --> 00:11:21,721 On my way out, look up at the blackboard, what is that? 310 00:11:21,723 --> 00:11:23,556 Impossible math equation? 311 00:11:23,558 --> 00:11:24,691 I solve it. 312 00:11:24,693 --> 00:11:26,960 X equals y, obviously. 313 00:11:26,962 --> 00:11:28,662 Professor comes up to me and says, 314 00:11:28,664 --> 00:11:32,399 "I've been working on that for 50 years. 315 00:11:32,401 --> 00:11:36,536 Why don't you accept this math trophy?" 316 00:11:36,538 --> 00:11:38,705 By the time he turns around, I'm gone. 317 00:11:38,707 --> 00:11:40,940 We need to highlight April's strengths. 318 00:11:40,942 --> 00:11:42,642 I thought we could update her resume. 319 00:11:42,644 --> 00:11:44,944 This is the one she applied to parks with. 320 00:11:44,946 --> 00:11:48,415 It's just a signed photograph of a puppet named alf. 321 00:11:48,417 --> 00:11:50,650 Okay, so, we make her an actual resume 322 00:11:50,652 --> 00:11:52,052 Then put on a big presentation. 323 00:11:52,054 --> 00:11:54,754 Show barney that she's more than qualified. 324 00:11:54,756 --> 00:11:56,022 Gonna need all hands on deck. 325 00:11:56,024 --> 00:11:58,425 That's craig, donna, and most importantly-- 326 00:11:58,427 --> 00:12:00,093 - Please no. - Come on, don't do it. 327 00:12:00,095 --> 00:12:02,095 Oh, you wanna photocopy? 328 00:12:02,097 --> 00:12:04,664 You guys want to do all the mindless work? 329 00:12:04,666 --> 00:12:06,966 Yeah, I didn't think so. 330 00:12:06,968 --> 00:12:08,702 [beep] 331 00:12:08,704 --> 00:12:10,970 Get me garry gergich. 332 00:12:10,972 --> 00:12:13,940 [sighs] look around, April. 333 00:12:13,942 --> 00:12:15,809 What do you see? 334 00:12:15,811 --> 00:12:17,677 Fountains. 335 00:12:17,679 --> 00:12:19,446 Water. 336 00:12:19,448 --> 00:12:21,014 Sky. 337 00:12:21,016 --> 00:12:23,683 You...Looking at me like a crazy person. 338 00:12:23,685 --> 00:12:26,953 I see a new home. I am gonna take that job. 339 00:12:26,955 --> 00:12:30,390 Ben's gonna run for congress, he will win eventually, 340 00:12:30,392 --> 00:12:31,691 And then we're gonna split our time 341 00:12:31,693 --> 00:12:32,992 Between washington and pawnee. 342 00:12:32,994 --> 00:12:35,395 That's great. It looks like everything is 343 00:12:35,397 --> 00:12:36,429 Falling into place for you. 344 00:12:36,431 --> 00:12:37,697 For us, April! 345 00:12:37,699 --> 00:12:39,032 - For us! - Oh, god. 346 00:12:39,034 --> 00:12:40,133 Whoa! What is that? 347 00:12:40,135 --> 00:12:41,968 Over there, a lamp post? 348 00:12:41,970 --> 00:12:43,436 Is that historic, do you think? 349 00:12:43,438 --> 00:12:44,871 No. They put that in in the 70s. 350 00:12:44,873 --> 00:12:46,873 Look, I am so ahead of my five-year plan. 351 00:12:46,875 --> 00:12:49,976 Which means that you're gonna need a new five-year plan, 352 00:12:49,978 --> 00:12:51,411 And here it is. 353 00:12:51,413 --> 00:12:53,947 Ow, it's hot! How did you make this so fast? 354 00:12:53,949 --> 00:12:56,683 I keep a local binder maker on retainer in d.C. 355 00:12:56,685 --> 00:12:59,819 We are about to embark on such an amazing journey. 356 00:12:59,821 --> 00:13:03,423 This is gonna be our city. And this is gonna be our bench. 357 00:13:03,425 --> 00:13:06,626 April, we have a bench in d.C.! 358 00:13:06,628 --> 00:13:09,429 I'm sorry, leslie, I can't do this anymore. 359 00:13:09,431 --> 00:13:11,097 I don't want to work in government. 360 00:13:11,099 --> 00:13:12,432 I quit. 361 00:13:14,935 --> 00:13:16,970 What are you talking about? 362 00:13:16,972 --> 00:13:18,705 You quit? Why? 363 00:13:18,707 --> 00:13:22,108 Because, honestly, I don't even know if I like 364 00:13:22,110 --> 00:13:23,910 Working in national parks. 365 00:13:23,912 --> 00:13:25,111 Or government. 366 00:13:25,113 --> 00:13:27,714 I just fell backwards into your world 367 00:13:27,716 --> 00:13:30,850 And years have gone by, and now I'm here 368 00:13:30,852 --> 00:13:32,419 And--andy and ben have been helping me 369 00:13:32,421 --> 00:13:33,753 Look into different jobs to figure out 370 00:13:33,755 --> 00:13:35,422 What I really want to do. 371 00:13:35,424 --> 00:13:36,923 Ben who? Ben wyatt? 372 00:13:36,925 --> 00:13:38,992 He's been helping you behind my back? 373 00:13:38,994 --> 00:13:41,094 Wow, okay, you know what, we had a good run, 374 00:13:41,096 --> 00:13:42,562 - But he's dead to me now. - It's just-- 375 00:13:42,564 --> 00:13:44,631 I've been on this weird path my entire adult life, 376 00:13:44,633 --> 00:13:46,766 And I need to figure out what I really want. 377 00:13:46,768 --> 00:13:48,435 I cannot believe you're quitting. 378 00:13:48,437 --> 00:13:50,537 And I cannot believe this is the first time I'm hearing it. 379 00:13:50,539 --> 00:13:52,839 And on our bench... 380 00:13:52,841 --> 00:13:54,174 Of all places. 381 00:14:02,083 --> 00:14:04,184 You know, it's just so frustrating. 382 00:14:04,186 --> 00:14:05,618 I mean, I love her, but, you know, 383 00:14:05,620 --> 00:14:07,887 And she's just gonna quit on me? 384 00:14:07,889 --> 00:14:09,956 It's like, what's the point, you know? 385 00:14:09,958 --> 00:14:12,058 Wow, leslie. I haven't seen you this upset 386 00:14:12,060 --> 00:14:14,494 Since you almost forgot ann's half-birthday. 387 00:14:14,496 --> 00:14:16,029 - Yeah. - Tell me. 388 00:14:16,031 --> 00:14:17,030 How many times have we had lunch? 389 00:14:17,032 --> 00:14:19,799 Five. Well, eight, if you count 390 00:14:19,801 --> 00:14:21,701 All those times I showed up unannounced at your office 391 00:14:21,703 --> 00:14:22,836 With mini-muffins. 392 00:14:22,838 --> 00:14:24,771 And why have we had lunch so many times? 393 00:14:24,773 --> 00:14:27,841 Well, because, when I knew I would be coming to washington 394 00:14:27,843 --> 00:14:31,144 To work, I wore you down until you agreed to become my friend. 395 00:14:31,146 --> 00:14:32,879 I'm so glad that you did. 396 00:14:32,881 --> 00:14:35,615 And you are wonderful friend, but, sometimes 397 00:14:35,617 --> 00:14:37,717 You're so focused and driven 398 00:14:37,719 --> 00:14:39,052 That you forget about people's feelings. 399 00:14:39,054 --> 00:14:42,989 Ah, pfft! Name one time I've done that. 400 00:14:42,991 --> 00:14:44,691 Well, you were so wrapped up in your story 401 00:14:44,693 --> 00:14:47,560 That you actually ate my waffle. 402 00:14:47,562 --> 00:14:49,629 Sometimes, all you can do 403 00:14:49,631 --> 00:14:51,698 Is give people a little bit of advice 404 00:14:51,700 --> 00:14:54,067 And a push, but you have to realize 405 00:14:54,069 --> 00:14:56,669 April has to be able to make up her own mind. 406 00:14:56,671 --> 00:14:58,872 Ah, you're right... 407 00:14:58,874 --> 00:15:00,807 Once again, madeleine albright. 408 00:15:00,809 --> 00:15:02,709 Can I have my pin back now? 409 00:15:02,711 --> 00:15:04,177 Oh! Oh, yeah, sorry. 410 00:15:04,179 --> 00:15:05,745 Thank you for letting me wear it. 411 00:15:05,747 --> 00:15:07,013 Just makes me feel very powerful. 412 00:15:07,015 --> 00:15:08,515 Me too. 413 00:15:08,517 --> 00:15:09,949 [both laughing] 414 00:15:09,951 --> 00:15:13,586 Resume's done. I used bullet points instead of numbers 415 00:15:13,588 --> 00:15:15,555 Because I find it conveys strength and confidence. 416 00:15:15,557 --> 00:15:18,024 A binder of her accomplishments. 417 00:15:18,026 --> 00:15:20,059 Photos of her getting the job done. 418 00:15:20,061 --> 00:15:22,028 And $500 cash, in case you want to go 419 00:15:22,030 --> 00:15:23,263 The straight-up bribe route. 420 00:15:23,265 --> 00:15:24,697 Donna... 421 00:15:24,699 --> 00:15:26,266 You put me on the team, I find a way to win. 422 00:15:26,268 --> 00:15:27,600 Okay, copies are made. 423 00:15:27,602 --> 00:15:30,103 Um, everything has been collated and stapled. 424 00:15:30,105 --> 00:15:31,838 And all the research has been double-checked. 425 00:15:31,840 --> 00:15:33,573 [laughs] I went through quite a few staples. 426 00:15:33,575 --> 00:15:36,175 I added a personal testimony vouching for April's brilliance. 427 00:15:36,177 --> 00:15:37,577 And this guy better appreciate it because 428 00:15:37,579 --> 00:15:40,113 I do not compare people to mary j. Blige lightly. 429 00:15:40,115 --> 00:15:41,781 Uh, no one should. 430 00:15:41,783 --> 00:15:43,983 - I do not. - Respect. 431 00:15:43,985 --> 00:15:45,852 - I'm free. - I have plans. 432 00:15:45,854 --> 00:15:47,253 Well, great job, guys. 433 00:15:47,255 --> 00:15:49,656 With all this, barney will at least have to give her a shot. 434 00:15:49,658 --> 00:15:52,125 Sure, they did a good job, but this isn't enough. 435 00:15:52,127 --> 00:15:54,727 And I've been thinking about it all day 436 00:15:54,729 --> 00:15:56,229 And I have a plan 437 00:15:56,231 --> 00:15:57,830 To go the extra mile 438 00:15:57,832 --> 00:16:00,633 And make April seem like the ideal candidate. 439 00:16:00,635 --> 00:16:02,335 [car lock beep] 440 00:16:06,273 --> 00:16:08,775 - Give me the job! - [screams] 441 00:16:08,777 --> 00:16:12,145 My name's April ludgate and my talent is explosive! 442 00:16:12,147 --> 00:16:13,880 [fireworks going off] [screams] 443 00:16:13,882 --> 00:16:16,749 Go u-s-a! U-s-a! 444 00:16:16,751 --> 00:16:19,218 U-s-a! U-s-a! 445 00:16:19,220 --> 00:16:21,988 U-s-a! When should I tell April to show up? 446 00:16:21,990 --> 00:16:23,222 My car... 447 00:16:23,224 --> 00:16:25,191 [fireworks still going off] 448 00:16:28,896 --> 00:16:30,296 Hey. 449 00:16:30,298 --> 00:16:31,998 Thank you for coming. 450 00:16:32,000 --> 00:16:33,766 Yeah, well, I had to miss 451 00:16:33,768 --> 00:16:36,135 The memorable rain gutters of washington walking tour, 452 00:16:36,137 --> 00:16:37,637 So, this better be good. 453 00:16:37,639 --> 00:16:40,740 I'm sorry I blew up at you yesterday. 454 00:16:40,742 --> 00:16:43,276 I really want all of my friends to be happy together, 455 00:16:43,278 --> 00:16:47,647 But, more importantly, I just want them to be happy. 456 00:16:47,649 --> 00:16:51,184 If you feel like you need to move on, I totally get it. 457 00:16:51,186 --> 00:16:54,120 [long exhale] okay. 458 00:16:54,122 --> 00:16:55,855 - Turn around. - What? Why? 459 00:16:55,857 --> 00:16:57,757 Because I'm about to say something serious 460 00:16:57,759 --> 00:16:59,325 And I can't do it if I have to look you in the eye. 461 00:16:59,327 --> 00:17:00,927 - Please. - Okay. 462 00:17:02,963 --> 00:17:04,998 Now take your shoes off and wear them like mittens. 463 00:17:05,000 --> 00:17:08,267 - April... - Okay, sorry. 464 00:17:08,269 --> 00:17:15,241 When I started working for you, I was aimless 465 00:17:15,243 --> 00:17:18,911 And just thought everything was stupid and lame, 466 00:17:18,913 --> 00:17:21,748 And you turned me into someone 467 00:17:21,750 --> 00:17:25,018 With goals and ambition, 468 00:17:25,020 --> 00:17:28,021 Which is really the only reason why I'm even thinking about 469 00:17:28,023 --> 00:17:30,089 What I really want. 470 00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:37,096 I just... Wanna say thank you. 471 00:17:37,098 --> 00:17:40,133 And I love you very much. 472 00:17:40,135 --> 00:17:44,270 Which is why I have decided not to turn you into a sea urchin, 473 00:17:44,272 --> 00:17:47,340 Which I could do, because I am an actual witch 474 00:17:47,342 --> 00:17:50,376 - With powers and I'm evil - I know. 475 00:17:50,378 --> 00:17:52,378 - And I hate everything. - I know you do. 476 00:17:52,380 --> 00:17:55,415 I know. Thank you, April. 477 00:17:55,417 --> 00:17:59,886 So you don't have any idea what you want to do? 478 00:17:59,888 --> 00:18:02,855 Well, here's the good news: I am on the case. 479 00:18:02,857 --> 00:18:06,025 I know some people who might be able to help us. Come on. 480 00:18:06,027 --> 00:18:08,895 April, this is alyssa from the american service foundation. 481 00:18:08,897 --> 00:18:10,329 They take young people like you 482 00:18:10,331 --> 00:18:12,198 Who are trying to explore a new path 483 00:18:12,200 --> 00:18:14,300 And match them with one of the thousands of jobs 484 00:18:14,302 --> 00:18:16,302 Across america that help communities. 485 00:18:16,304 --> 00:18:18,204 Alyssa, this is April ludgate, 486 00:18:18,206 --> 00:18:21,040 The single greatest human being ever, 487 00:18:21,042 --> 00:18:23,376 And you need to find her a job that she will love and cherish 488 00:18:23,378 --> 00:18:24,444 And make her life feel complete. 489 00:18:24,446 --> 00:18:25,745 Okay. I'm sorry. 490 00:18:25,747 --> 00:18:27,046 I found this crazy woman on the street 491 00:18:27,048 --> 00:18:28,481 And she won't leave me alone. 492 00:18:28,483 --> 00:18:31,784 Oh, I'm very familiar with leslie's...Enthusiasm. 493 00:18:31,786 --> 00:18:33,286 They contacted us last year because 494 00:18:33,288 --> 00:18:35,321 They wanted to place some people in national parks. 495 00:18:35,323 --> 00:18:37,724 Two days later, we had set up the entire program, 496 00:18:37,726 --> 00:18:40,259 And she sent me a throw pillow with my face stitched onto it. 497 00:18:40,261 --> 00:18:42,428 Not my best work. Plus, you changed your hair. 498 00:18:42,430 --> 00:18:43,830 I'm gonna send you another one. 499 00:18:43,832 --> 00:18:46,432 Okay, go solve all of your career problems. 500 00:18:46,434 --> 00:18:47,800 I'll wait right here. 501 00:18:47,802 --> 00:18:48,968 Sorry. 502 00:18:48,970 --> 00:18:50,870 - That-a girl! - Ugh, mom! 503 00:18:52,173 --> 00:18:54,507 I don't know, madeleine. 504 00:18:54,509 --> 00:18:56,943 Talk to me, okay? 505 00:18:56,945 --> 00:18:58,044 Your voice makes me calm. 506 00:18:58,046 --> 00:18:59,846 Tell me another yeltsin story. 507 00:18:59,848 --> 00:19:00,913 Okay, she's here. I have to go. Bye. 508 00:19:00,915 --> 00:19:03,082 Say hi to your daughters. Hey. Hi. 509 00:19:03,084 --> 00:19:04,317 How did it go? 510 00:19:04,319 --> 00:19:08,087 I'm great. I know exactly what I want to do. 511 00:19:08,089 --> 00:19:10,890 Yes! Is it teach for america? 512 00:19:10,892 --> 00:19:12,291 No! Habitat for humanity? 513 00:19:12,293 --> 00:19:14,293 No! It's working with animals. 514 00:19:14,295 --> 00:19:18,030 No. I want to work here. At the foundation. 515 00:19:18,032 --> 00:19:19,899 I want to be like alyssa. 516 00:19:19,901 --> 00:19:21,167 I wanna tell people what to do 517 00:19:21,169 --> 00:19:23,336 And then send them far away from me. 518 00:19:23,338 --> 00:19:24,370 It's perfect. 519 00:19:24,372 --> 00:19:25,938 And it hits everything on my list. 520 00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:28,107 Creative problem solving, working one-on-one-- 521 00:19:28,109 --> 00:19:31,210 I am 100,000% in support of this idea. 522 00:19:31,212 --> 00:19:33,045 This is an amazing idea. I love this idea! 523 00:19:33,047 --> 00:19:34,213 And I love you! 524 00:19:34,215 --> 00:19:35,348 So are they hiring? 525 00:19:35,350 --> 00:19:37,049 What did alyssa say when you told her? 526 00:19:37,051 --> 00:19:38,417 Um, nothing. I didn't tell her yet. 527 00:19:38,419 --> 00:19:41,954 I wanted to see if you thought it was a good idea first. 528 00:19:41,956 --> 00:19:42,989 What? 529 00:19:42,991 --> 00:19:44,490 Bad idea? 530 00:19:44,492 --> 00:19:46,159 You wanted to run something by me? 531 00:19:46,161 --> 00:19:47,160 Oh, my god. 532 00:19:47,162 --> 00:19:50,429 Yes. So, will you help me? 533 00:19:50,431 --> 00:19:53,032 April, you don't need me. 534 00:19:53,034 --> 00:19:54,367 You can get any job you want. 535 00:19:54,369 --> 00:19:56,068 All by yourself. 536 00:19:56,070 --> 00:19:58,404 Well, obviously I'm going to vet your resume 537 00:19:58,406 --> 00:19:59,906 And we'll hold some mock interviews 538 00:19:59,908 --> 00:20:01,541 And I'll choose your outfit and everything but-- 539 00:20:01,543 --> 00:20:05,178 You can get this sucker on your own. 540 00:20:05,180 --> 00:20:08,447 So, long story short, we might have found you the perfect job 541 00:20:08,449 --> 00:20:10,383 But also I might have blown it. 542 00:20:10,385 --> 00:20:13,052 Ben and ron are there now to try to fix it. 543 00:20:13,054 --> 00:20:15,588 And if they don't, I feel like it's kind of on them. 544 00:20:15,590 --> 00:20:17,390 Everyone is being so nice to me lately. 545 00:20:17,392 --> 00:20:20,159 It's weird. I feel like I need to take a shower in pig's blood 546 00:20:20,161 --> 00:20:21,460 To wash all the niceness off me. 547 00:20:21,462 --> 00:20:22,595 It's because we love you. 548 00:20:22,597 --> 00:20:23,963 We want you to be happy. 549 00:20:23,965 --> 00:20:25,865 This consulting job could be the answer. 550 00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:28,267 Yeah, so about that... 551 00:20:30,370 --> 00:20:33,539 Please don't hold anything andy did against April. 552 00:20:33,541 --> 00:20:35,541 She is an exceptional human being 553 00:20:35,543 --> 00:20:37,343 Who married a well-meaning goofball. 554 00:20:37,345 --> 00:20:38,911 Yeah, and I think that presentation 555 00:20:38,913 --> 00:20:40,613 We put together says it all. 556 00:20:40,615 --> 00:20:42,582 All we're asking is that you meet with her 557 00:20:42,584 --> 00:20:45,484 And seriously consider her for the job. 558 00:20:45,486 --> 00:20:48,588 And if she disappoints you, you can hold me... 559 00:20:48,590 --> 00:20:51,257 - Accountable. - [laughs] 560 00:20:51,259 --> 00:20:53,359 - Right? - You know what? 561 00:20:53,361 --> 00:20:55,595 If her friends are trying this hard, 562 00:20:55,597 --> 00:20:57,630 There must be something amazing about her. 563 00:20:57,632 --> 00:20:58,998 Tell her I'll meet with her tomorrow-- 564 00:20:59,000 --> 00:21:00,900 Uh, hold on. April? 565 00:21:00,902 --> 00:21:02,869 Hey, we were just talking about you. 566 00:21:02,871 --> 00:21:06,505 We got some good news. 567 00:21:06,507 --> 00:21:08,374 Oh, boy. 568 00:21:08,376 --> 00:21:09,942 Okay. 569 00:21:12,045 --> 00:21:15,147 She doesn't want the job. 570 00:21:15,149 --> 00:21:17,450 I see. 571 00:21:20,921 --> 00:21:23,656 Well, this is uncomfortable. 572 00:21:25,893 --> 00:21:26,659 .